They feel your pain… and might use it against you.
In this spine-tingling episode, we expose the lesser-known personality type that combines emotional awareness with manipulative intent: the dark empath.
Unlike classic empaths who are nurturing and emotionally giving, dark empaths possess cognitive empathy—but they use it to manipulate, guilt-trip, and control. Think of them as emotional shape-shifters.
We uncover:
🧠 The psychological mix of Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy
⚠️ 5 warning signs that you’re dealing with a dark empath
💬 How their kindness can feel off — because it often is
🌀 Why they leave people feeling confused, exploited, or guilty
🎭 How they weaponize empathy to control narratives and reputations
This episode will change how you think about charm, connection, and what real empathy looks like.
🎧 Listen in, trust your gut, and learn to spot the signs before you’re tangled in someone else’s emotional web.
💡 If this episode gave you chills or clarity, follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might be dealing with a dark empath without even realizing it.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mindbenders-brain-teasers-philo-psych--6019641/support.
In this spine-tingling episode, we expose the lesser-known personality type that combines emotional awareness with manipulative intent: the dark empath.
Unlike classic empaths who are nurturing and emotionally giving, dark empaths possess cognitive empathy—but they use it to manipulate, guilt-trip, and control. Think of them as emotional shape-shifters.
We uncover:
🧠 The psychological mix of Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy
⚠️ 5 warning signs that you’re dealing with a dark empath
💬 How their kindness can feel off — because it often is
🌀 Why they leave people feeling confused, exploited, or guilty
🎭 How they weaponize empathy to control narratives and reputations
This episode will change how you think about charm, connection, and what real empathy looks like.
🎧 Listen in, trust your gut, and learn to spot the signs before you’re tangled in someone else’s emotional web.
💡 If this episode gave you chills or clarity, follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might be dealing with a dark empath without even realizing it.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mindbenders-brain-teasers-philo-psych--6019641/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever get that feeling like someone just gets you, you know,
like they just know exactly what to say, and you
feel like really seen and understood, maybe even a little special.
But then there's this little voice way in the back
of your mind that whispers, is this too good to
(00:20):
be true?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, what if all that amazing insight and that seeming
empathy it was all like meticulously crafted for something something else.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Well, that's that's really interesting you say that. You know
what's fascinating is this kind of growing awareness. We have
now a certain personality profile. Okay, and they call it.
They call it the dark EmPATH.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Ooh, a dark EmPATH.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
It sounds it almost sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it
It does it?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Does?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
You have someone who can deeply understand your emotions. It's
almost like they can read your mind. But at the
same time they have all these traits that we associate
with something called the dark triad.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Okay, the dark triad.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
So this can be as it is a little ominous sounding.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's a little ominous sounding. So for those of us,
you know, not steeped in in psychology, what exactly are
we talking about here when we talk about this this
dark triad.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
So basically you can think of the dark triad as
like this constellation of three different personality traits that are
kind of distinct, but they often overlap. So you've got Machiavellianism,
which is basically you know, manipulative or focused on self interest.
Then you've got narcissism, and so this is characterized by
(01:39):
grandiosity and this lack of empathy in the traditional sense.
And then there's psychopathy, and this one often involves you know, impulsivity,
antisocial behavior.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Got it, Okay, But the thing is what makes a
dark EmPATH so fascinating and honestly potentially comes is that
they score high in empathy.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But I thought you said there was a lack of empathy.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
You know, there is, but specifically what we call cognitive empathy.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Cognitive empathy, okay, yeah, so they can like intellectually know, yeah,
what you're feeling.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
It's not like they're oblivious, right, right exactly, It's not
it's not that they don't know it's but is it
different from actually feeling it right? Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Because to me, empathy is that like gut level connection exactly,
you know that that emotional.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Resonance, right, And that's that's a really that's a really
important distinction to make. You're talking about the difference between
cognitive and effective empathy. Okay, So effective empathy is like
when you actually mirror those emotions you feel with someone.
(02:48):
You're experiencing their joy or their pain as if it
were your own.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
But cognitive empathy, on the other hand, it's more about understanding,
like intellectually their mental and emotional state, got it, Like
it's about putting yourself in their shoes, but just in
your head, you know, to grasp their perspective, but not
to feel it with them.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
And so dark empaths they really operate with this cognitive empathy,
got it. So they can understand your vulnerabilities, your desires,
your fears, almost as if they have like your instruction manual.
And research such as this study by him and colleagues
suggests this is more common than we think. Really, their
findings indicated that around nineteen percent of their participants exhibited
(03:32):
this dark EmPATH profile.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Wow, so like almost one in five. Yeah, that's kind
of a sobering thought.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Yeah, it is really makes.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
You kind of reconsider those intense, you know, understanding connections
you might have had. Yeah, So if we're encountering this
this regularly, what are what are some signs like, how
do we how do we start to recognize if someone's
empathy maybe has as a as a dark side.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Well, that's a that's a really important question, and to
answer that, we can look at some specific behavioral patterns. Okay,
one of the first things that you might notice is
just their kindness.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Their kindness.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yeah, kindness is a red flag, it can be.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I mean, we're usually taught to appreciate kindness.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Oh absolutely, yeah, you know, genuine kindness is so valuable.
But with dark mpaths, the thing is they're very good
at mimicking it. They know the right things to say,
the comforting words, you know, the compliments that just seem
to land just right right, because again they have this
cognitive understanding of what a kind and supportive person should do. Yeah, yeah,
(04:37):
but it often seems like there's this disconnect, this lack
of genuine warmth behind it.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I think I know what you mean. It's like that
partner who knows exactly what to do to smooth things
over after an argument. The apologies they sound perfect, right,
you know, all the gestures are there, but you just
you're left with this lingering feeling like it's all a performance,
you know, rather than this real change of heart, like
(05:05):
they're just checking off boxes on this list of how
to be.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
A good partner exactly. It's you know, it can feel
like a perfectly crafted script that they're just reading off
of the words are right, but the emotion just isn't there.
But you know, we do have to be careful not
to just jump to conclusions based on one interaction. You know,
someone could be having an off day, or maybe they
(05:28):
just show affection differently, right. Sure, The key is that
is that persistent feeling of something being off, Okay, that
subtle but consistent lack of sincerity that you just can't shake.
So their cognitive empathy lets them, you know, ace the
howl of kindness. But the why might be you know,
(05:51):
gaining your trust or you know, just appearing favorable right
for their own ends, for their own ends exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, that distinction between how and why, that's that's really good.
It's not just the actions themselves, right, but the motivation behind.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Them exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
So, what's what's another sign that we might we might
be dealing with someone who's a dark mpath?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Well building on those self serving motivations. The second sign
is manipulation. Okay, you know their cognitive empathy isn't just
for understanding, it's it's like this strategic asset that they
use in interpersonal relationships because again they have that insight
into your emotions and your thought patterns. They know exactly
(06:38):
which levers to pull, wow, to get what they want.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
So it's not just like general manipulation, it's like very
targeted exactly because they know your vulnerabilities.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Exactly, they can they can move around your boundaries with
like such precision, knowing how far they can push without
without raising any alarms. But all the while they're prioritizing
their own needs. Think about you know those disagreements or
arguments you were talking about. If if you consistently find
yourself in situations where only their needs are met despite
(07:10):
them seeming to understand your perspective, right, that that could
be a red flag.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Their awareness of your feelings, it isn't leading to compromise, right,
or mutual resolution. It's to get what they want.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's to use yeah, it's to use you.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yeah, to achieve their goals. Wow, it's almost like they're
using your emotional map to just navigate the relationship for themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, it's like they're playing a game where they already
know all your moves exactly. Is they studied your playbook?
Which is that's so disempowering, It really is, It really is.
So what's what's next? Like, what's the what's the next
piece of this puzzle?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Well, you know the research by Hayman Associates, it shed
some light on another behavior. Okay, Dark m paths show
higher life levels of what they call indirect aggression.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
And one way that this came out was guilt tripping.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Oh, guilt trips. Yeah, yeah, I think I think we've
all been on the receiving end of that at some point.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
But how does it how does it? How's it different
when it's coming from a dark mpath.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Well, it often comes down to the precision, okay, and
how calculated it is. So again, because they have that
understanding of your emotional landscape, they know exactly what will
make you feel responsible, obligated, or even inadequate, They're more
likely to use guilt, not as like this clumsy emotional outburst,
(08:35):
but as a tool, wow, to influence your behavior.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So it's very intentional.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
It is very intentional to be what they want.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I could see that. It's it's not just a general complaint.
It's like it's almost like they're crafting a narrative. They
are designed to, you know, tap into your insecurities exactly,
or your sense of duty exactly. You know, like like
if you have a family member who's constantly reminding you
mm hmm of all the sacrifices they've made for you,
knowing that that's going to make you more likely to
do what they want exactly.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You know, they're they're not just hoping that you'll feel guilty,
they're strategically deploying it. Wow, because they know it's it's
a way to control you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Well, it's it's amazing how calculated it all is.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
It really is, And it all goes back to that
cognitive empathy. They know your vulnerabilities and they're experts at exploiting.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Them to their own benefit. Wow, this is this is
painting a very clear picture. Yeah, kind of unsettling pictures.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It So, what's what's the fourth sign that we should
look out for?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
So the research also highlighted another avenue of indirect aggression,
and this one was really pronounced in dark em paths, okay,
and that is a tendency towards malicious humor.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Malicious humor, so not just like a bad sense of humor,
but like humor that's actually designed to hurt exactly exactly.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
So Sigmund Freud, you know, and in his work on humor,
he talked about different type humor, okay, and he identified
what he called tendentious humor, which basically had this aggressive
aim to it. Okay, So malicious humor in this sense,
it's it's often about jokes that that subtly demean others, right,
(10:19):
you know, put them down or target their insecurities, and
it really it's all about making the person telling the.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Joke feel superior, feel superior.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
At someone else's expense.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So it's different from from like the playful banter that
you might have with friends exactly, where you know, everybody's
in on the joke and it's lighthearted.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Yeah exactly. This is this is about making some of
the butt of the joke, and it often feels personal.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, yeah, like a little two points.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
A point, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
So I can think of you know, some people like
that whose humor always has this kind of a sting
to it. Yeah, it's always at somebody else's expense, right,
and it creates this awkward, like uncomfortable atmosphere. But it's
hard to call them out.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
It is hard to.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Call them out as they always say.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Oh, I'm just joking exactly, come on, lighting up right,
right right.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
And a dark EmPATH, you know, with their understanding of
social dynamics, they're they're good at gauging how far they
can go before it's it's too far.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Yeah, they know how to wrap that barb in a
joke exactly, exactly. Okay, So that's four. Yeah, we've got
kindness that feels fake, manipulation, guilt tripping, and this malicious humor.
What's number five?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
So the fifth sign connects to Macauvielianism from the dark triad,
and that is the tendency to spread rumors. So Machivilianism
at its heart is all about, you know, a strategic,
often cynical way of interacting with people. It's all about
(11:58):
personal gain through manipulation, deception, even exploitation.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
So how does how does this play out with dark
EmPATH Well, because they understand you know, your insecurities, your values,
your fears, what could damage your reputation or your relationships.
They can use this information to spread rumors wow, designed
to cause harm.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
So it's not just like casual gossip.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
It's like calculated, very calculated, very targeted, and they know
they know how to hurt you exactly. They know exactly
what will hurt you the most, Wow, what will so
discord among your friends wow, or damage your reputation. You know,
gossip becomes a weapon wow, to achieve their goals, whether
that's social advancement, professional gain, or maybe they just enjoy
(12:47):
seeing you you know, destabilized.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
And it comes from a very calculated understanding of you.
They're not just understanding you, they're using that to potentially
hurt you.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
That's that's a chilling thought. It really highlights the potential
dark side of empathy. Has this ability to understand.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
It really does. It's that it's that combination of you know,
being able to connect with you intellectually, but also having
those dark traits where they prioritize their own needs right,
you know, a lack of genuine concern for you, for
your well being. It's like the perfect storm for manipulation
and harmful behavior.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So just to recap, Yeah, the five signs we talked
about are kindness that feels insincere yep, manipulation yep, guilt
tripping yep, a tendency towards that malicious humor at the
expense of others, and then the spreading of rumors.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So the thing that connects all of these is that
initial understanding, that cognitive empathy that's used not for good right,
but for personal.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Gain exactly exactly definite the expense of others. It's it's
that unsettling disconnect, you know, between seeming to understand but
actually having you know, a lack of care or even
malicious intent. And that's what really defines the dark EmPATH.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
It can be so attuned to.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Your feelings, but their motivations are anything but good.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
This has been a really eye opening conversation, I have
to say, it gives you a lot to think about.
It does when we think about all of our relationships
and makes you question, you know, those people who seem
to just get us, what if the real key here
to genuine connection isn't just about feeling understood, but it's
(14:38):
about the intent behind that understand To point, it really
adds a whole other layer of complexity. It does to
how we interact and how we build trust.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
It's something we should all be thinking about.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Absolutely. It raises such an important point for all of us,
you know, how do we develop that awareness of these
subtile cues. How do we learn to really discern what's
you an empathy and what's this this darker side of it?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Right? Right?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
You know? And how do we build relationships that are
based on mutual respect, right, and care rather than this
calculated understanding that could be used against us, right, And
that's an ongoing process for all of us. Yeah, it
really is of self reflection and observation. It is, you know,
of ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Wow, that's that's a lot to think about. Well, thank
you so much for coming and sharing your expertise on
this fascinating and kind of disturbing topic.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
But it's definitely something that I think we all need
to be more aware of. So until next time
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, be careful out there, you too.
Ever get that feeling like someone just gets you, you know,
like they just know exactly what to say, and you
feel like really seen and understood, maybe even a little special.
But then there's this little voice way in the back
of your mind that whispers, is this too good to
(00:20):
be true?
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Yeah, what if all that amazing insight and that seeming
empathy it was all like meticulously crafted for something something else.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Well, that's that's really interesting you say that. You know
what's fascinating is this kind of growing awareness. We have
now a certain personality profile. Okay, and they call it.
They call it the dark EmPATH.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Ooh, a dark EmPATH.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
It sounds it almost sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it
It does it?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Does?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
You have someone who can deeply understand your emotions. It's
almost like they can read your mind. But at the
same time they have all these traits that we associate
with something called the dark triad.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Okay, the dark triad.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
So this can be as it is a little ominous sounding.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's a little ominous sounding. So for those of us,
you know, not steeped in in psychology, what exactly are
we talking about here when we talk about this this
dark triad.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
So basically you can think of the dark triad as
like this constellation of three different personality traits that are
kind of distinct, but they often overlap. So you've got Machiavellianism,
which is basically you know, manipulative or focused on self interest.
Then you've got narcissism, and so this is characterized by
(01:39):
grandiosity and this lack of empathy in the traditional sense.
And then there's psychopathy, and this one often involves you know, impulsivity,
antisocial behavior.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Got it, Okay, But the thing is what makes a
dark EmPATH so fascinating and honestly potentially comes is that
they score high in empathy.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But I thought you said there was a lack of empathy.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
You know, there is, but specifically what we call cognitive empathy.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Cognitive empathy, okay, yeah, so they can like intellectually know, yeah,
what you're feeling.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
It's not like they're oblivious, right, right exactly, It's not
it's not that they don't know it's but is it
different from actually feeling it right? Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Because to me, empathy is that like gut level connection exactly,
you know that that emotional.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Resonance, right, And that's that's a really that's a really
important distinction to make. You're talking about the difference between
cognitive and effective empathy. Okay, So effective empathy is like
when you actually mirror those emotions you feel with someone.
(02:48):
You're experiencing their joy or their pain as if it
were your own.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
But cognitive empathy, on the other hand, it's more about understanding,
like intellectually their mental and emotional state, got it, Like
it's about putting yourself in their shoes, but just in
your head, you know, to grasp their perspective, but not
to feel it with them.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Right.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
And so dark empaths they really operate with this cognitive empathy,
got it. So they can understand your vulnerabilities, your desires,
your fears, almost as if they have like your instruction manual.
And research such as this study by him and colleagues
suggests this is more common than we think. Really, their
findings indicated that around nineteen percent of their participants exhibited
(03:32):
this dark EmPATH profile.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Wow, so like almost one in five. Yeah, that's kind
of a sobering thought.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Yeah, it is really makes.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
You kind of reconsider those intense, you know, understanding connections
you might have had. Yeah, So if we're encountering this
this regularly, what are what are some signs like, how
do we how do we start to recognize if someone's
empathy maybe has as a as a dark side.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Well, that's a that's a really important question, and to
answer that, we can look at some specific behavioral patterns. Okay,
one of the first things that you might notice is
just their kindness.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Their kindness.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Yeah, kindness is a red flag, it can be.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
I mean, we're usually taught to appreciate kindness.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Oh absolutely, yeah, you know, genuine kindness is so valuable.
But with dark mpaths, the thing is they're very good
at mimicking it. They know the right things to say,
the comforting words, you know, the compliments that just seem
to land just right right, because again they have this
cognitive understanding of what a kind and supportive person should do. Yeah, yeah,
(04:37):
but it often seems like there's this disconnect, this lack
of genuine warmth behind it.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
I think I know what you mean. It's like that
partner who knows exactly what to do to smooth things
over after an argument. The apologies they sound perfect, right,
you know, all the gestures are there, but you just
you're left with this lingering feeling like it's all a performance,
you know, rather than this real change of heart, like
(05:05):
they're just checking off boxes on this list of how
to be.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
A good partner exactly. It's you know, it can feel
like a perfectly crafted script that they're just reading off
of the words are right, but the emotion just isn't there.
But you know, we do have to be careful not
to just jump to conclusions based on one interaction. You know,
someone could be having an off day, or maybe they
(05:28):
just show affection differently, right. Sure, The key is that
is that persistent feeling of something being off, Okay, that
subtle but consistent lack of sincerity that you just can't shake.
So their cognitive empathy lets them, you know, ace the
howl of kindness. But the why might be you know,
(05:51):
gaining your trust or you know, just appearing favorable right
for their own ends, for their own ends exactly.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, that distinction between how and why, that's that's really good.
It's not just the actions themselves, right, but the motivation behind.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Them exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
So, what's what's another sign that we might we might
be dealing with someone who's a dark mpath?
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Well building on those self serving motivations. The second sign
is manipulation. Okay, you know their cognitive empathy isn't just
for understanding, it's it's like this strategic asset that they
use in interpersonal relationships because again they have that insight
into your emotions and your thought patterns. They know exactly
(06:38):
which levers to pull, wow, to get what they want.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
So it's not just like general manipulation, it's like very
targeted exactly because they know your vulnerabilities.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Exactly, they can they can move around your boundaries with
like such precision, knowing how far they can push without
without raising any alarms. But all the while they're prioritizing
their own needs. Think about you know those disagreements or
arguments you were talking about. If if you consistently find
yourself in situations where only their needs are met despite
(07:10):
them seeming to understand your perspective, right, that that could
be a red flag.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
Their awareness of your feelings, it isn't leading to compromise, right,
or mutual resolution. It's to get what they want.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
It's to use yeah, it's to use you.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yeah, to achieve their goals. Wow, it's almost like they're
using your emotional map to just navigate the relationship for themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, it's like they're playing a game where they already
know all your moves exactly. Is they studied your playbook?
Which is that's so disempowering, It really is, It really is.
So what's what's next? Like, what's the what's the next
piece of this puzzle?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Well, you know the research by Hayman Associates, it shed
some light on another behavior. Okay, Dark m paths show
higher life levels of what they call indirect aggression.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
And one way that this came out was guilt tripping.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Oh, guilt trips. Yeah, yeah, I think I think we've
all been on the receiving end of that at some point.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh for sure.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
But how does it how does it? How's it different
when it's coming from a dark mpath.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Well, it often comes down to the precision, okay, and
how calculated it is. So again, because they have that
understanding of your emotional landscape, they know exactly what will
make you feel responsible, obligated, or even inadequate, They're more
likely to use guilt, not as like this clumsy emotional outburst,
(08:35):
but as a tool, wow, to influence your behavior.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
So it's very intentional.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
It is very intentional to be what they want.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I could see that. It's it's not just a general complaint.
It's like it's almost like they're crafting a narrative. They
are designed to, you know, tap into your insecurities exactly,
or your sense of duty exactly. You know, like like
if you have a family member who's constantly reminding you
mm hmm of all the sacrifices they've made for you,
knowing that that's going to make you more likely to
do what they want exactly.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You know, they're they're not just hoping that you'll feel guilty,
they're strategically deploying it. Wow, because they know it's it's
a way to control you.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
Well, it's it's amazing how calculated it all is.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
It really is, And it all goes back to that
cognitive empathy. They know your vulnerabilities and they're experts at exploiting.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Them to their own benefit. Wow, this is this is
painting a very clear picture. Yeah, kind of unsettling pictures.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It So, what's what's the fourth sign that we should
look out for?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
So the research also highlighted another avenue of indirect aggression,
and this one was really pronounced in dark em paths, okay,
and that is a tendency towards malicious humor.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Malicious humor, so not just like a bad sense of humor,
but like humor that's actually designed to hurt exactly exactly.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
So Sigmund Freud, you know, and in his work on humor,
he talked about different type humor, okay, and he identified
what he called tendentious humor, which basically had this aggressive
aim to it. Okay, So malicious humor in this sense,
it's it's often about jokes that that subtly demean others, right,
(10:19):
you know, put them down or target their insecurities, and
it really it's all about making the person telling the.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Joke feel superior, feel superior.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
At someone else's expense.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So it's different from from like the playful banter that
you might have with friends exactly, where you know, everybody's
in on the joke and it's lighthearted.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Yeah exactly. This is this is about making some of
the butt of the joke, and it often feels personal.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Yeah, yeah, like a little two points.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
A point, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
So I can think of you know, some people like
that whose humor always has this kind of a sting
to it. Yeah, it's always at somebody else's expense, right,
and it creates this awkward, like uncomfortable atmosphere. But it's
hard to call them out.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
It is hard to.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Call them out as they always say.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Oh, I'm just joking exactly, come on, lighting up right,
right right.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
And a dark EmPATH, you know, with their understanding of
social dynamics, they're they're good at gauging how far they
can go before it's it's too far.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Yeah, they know how to wrap that barb in a
joke exactly, exactly. Okay, So that's four. Yeah, we've got
kindness that feels fake, manipulation, guilt tripping, and this malicious humor.
What's number five?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
So the fifth sign connects to Macauvielianism from the dark triad,
and that is the tendency to spread rumors. So Machivilianism
at its heart is all about, you know, a strategic,
often cynical way of interacting with people. It's all about
(11:58):
personal gain through manipulation, deception, even exploitation.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
So how does how does this play out with dark
EmPATH Well, because they understand you know, your insecurities, your values,
your fears, what could damage your reputation or your relationships.
They can use this information to spread rumors wow, designed
to cause harm.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
So it's not just like casual gossip.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
It's like calculated, very calculated, very targeted, and they know
they know how to hurt you exactly. They know exactly
what will hurt you the most, Wow, what will so
discord among your friends wow, or damage your reputation. You know,
gossip becomes a weapon wow, to achieve their goals, whether
that's social advancement, professional gain, or maybe they just enjoy
(12:47):
seeing you you know, destabilized.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
And it comes from a very calculated understanding of you.
They're not just understanding you, they're using that to potentially
hurt you.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
That's that's a chilling thought. It really highlights the potential
dark side of empathy. Has this ability to understand.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
It really does. It's that it's that combination of you know,
being able to connect with you intellectually, but also having
those dark traits where they prioritize their own needs right,
you know, a lack of genuine concern for you, for
your well being. It's like the perfect storm for manipulation
and harmful behavior.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So just to recap, Yeah, the five signs we talked
about are kindness that feels insincere yep, manipulation yep, guilt
tripping yep, a tendency towards that malicious humor at the
expense of others, and then the spreading of rumors.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So the thing that connects all of these is that
initial understanding, that cognitive empathy that's used not for good right,
but for personal.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Gain exactly exactly definite the expense of others. It's it's
that unsettling disconnect, you know, between seeming to understand but
actually having you know, a lack of care or even
malicious intent. And that's what really defines the dark EmPATH.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
It can be so attuned to.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Your feelings, but their motivations are anything but good.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
This has been a really eye opening conversation, I have
to say, it gives you a lot to think about.
It does when we think about all of our relationships
and makes you question, you know, those people who seem
to just get us, what if the real key here
to genuine connection isn't just about feeling understood, but it's
(14:38):
about the intent behind that understand To point, it really
adds a whole other layer of complexity. It does to
how we interact and how we build trust.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
It's something we should all be thinking about.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Absolutely. It raises such an important point for all of us,
you know, how do we develop that awareness of these
subtile cues. How do we learn to really discern what's
you an empathy and what's this this darker side of it?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Right? Right?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
You know? And how do we build relationships that are
based on mutual respect, right, and care rather than this
calculated understanding that could be used against us, right, And
that's an ongoing process for all of us. Yeah, it
really is of self reflection and observation. It is, you know,
of ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Wow, that's that's a lot to think about. Well, thank
you so much for coming and sharing your expertise on
this fascinating and kind of disturbing topic.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
Oh you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
But it's definitely something that I think we all need
to be more aware of. So until next time
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, be careful out there, you too.
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