December 24, 2024 • 13 mins
Mole reads The Classic Montgomery Ward story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer....badly
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This reading brought to you by Prince not a Coffee.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Head on over to princen a Coffee dot com using
a link in the description, use promo code Moe win
for a nifty little discount. Don't swear when you're drinking.
Merry Christmas. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
By Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward Company.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the hills
the reindeer were playing, enjoying the spills of skating and
coasting and climbing the willows in hopscotch and meat frog
protected by pillows, while every so often they'd stop to
call names at one little deer not allowed in their games.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Ha ha. Look at Rudolf. His nose is a sight.
He's red as a beat, twice as big toys as bright. Well,
Rudolph just wept. What else could he do.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
He knew that the things they were saying were true.
Where most reindeer's noses were brownish and tiny, poor Rudolph's
was red, very large, and quite shiny. In daylight, it dazzled.
The picture shows that at nighttime it glowed like the
eyes of a cat, and putting dirt on it just
made it look muddy. Oh boy, was he mad when
(01:33):
they nicknamed him ruddy. Although he was lonesome, he always
was good, obeying his parents, as good reindeer should. That's
why on his day Rudolf almost felt playful. He hoped
that from Santa soon driving his sleigh hall of presents
and candy and dollies and toys for good little animals
(01:54):
and good girls and boys, he'd get just as much.
And this is what pleased him. As the happier, handsomer
reindeer who teased it so as night and a fog
hid the world like a hood. He went to bed
hopeful he knew he'd been good. While way way up north,
(02:14):
on this same foggy night, Old Santa was packing his
slave for its flight. This fog, he complained, will be
hard to get through. He shook his round head, and
his Tommy shoots too. Without any stars or a moon
as our compass, this extra dark night is quite likely
to swamp us. To keep from collision, we'll have to
(02:35):
fly slow to keep our directions. We'll have to fly low.
We'll steer by the street lamps and houses tonight in
order to finish before it gets late. Just think how
the boys and girls' faith would be shaken if we
didn't reach them before they awaken. Come Dasher, come Dancer,
(02:56):
Come Prancer and Vixen, Come, come Cupid, Come don.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And blitz it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Be quick with your suppers. Get hitched in a hurry,
you too fine. Fog of delay and to worry. And
Santa was right, as he usually is. The fog was
as thick as SODA's white fizz. Just not getting lost
needed all Santa's skill with street lights and numbers more difficult. Still,
(03:27):
he tangled his tree tops. Sorry, he tangled in treetops
again and again, and barely mishitting a tri monitored plane, Try.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Monitored, try motor. The hell is rolling me today?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
People?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
It's Christmas Eve, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
He still made good speed, with much twisting and turning,
as long as the street lamps and house lights were burning.
At each house first noting the people who live there,
he'd quickly select the right presence to give them. By midnight, however,
the last light had fled for even big people had
(04:07):
then gone to bed because it might wake them. A
match was denied him. Oh my, how he wished for
just one star to guide him. Through dark streets and houses.
Old Santa fared poorly. He now picked the presence more slowly,
less surely. He really was worrying, for what would he
(04:28):
do if folks started waking? Before he was thrilled, the
air was still foggy, the night darkened. Deer when Santa
arrived at the home of the deer, alleged that he tripped.
Damn it, you guys, listen, all right, I'm reading this
(04:50):
life all right, quite frank, all right, so you're gonna.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Have to bear with me here.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Ah oh shit alleged that he tripped on while seeking
the chimney, gave Santa a spill and painfully skinned me.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Jesus, that was a stretch.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
The room he came down in was blacker than ache.
He went for a chair and then found it.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
A sick I heard a bit.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
The first reindeer bedroom was so very black. He tripped
on the rug and fell flat on his back. Man,
he has insurance for his crab so dark? Then he
had to move close to the bed and squent very
hard at the sleeping gear's head.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Why is he in a bed?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Before he could choose the right kind of toy, a
doll for a girl, or a train for a boy.
But all this took time and filled Santo with glue.
While slowly he groped toward the next reindeer's room. The
door he just opened went, to his surprise, a dim
but quite definite light met his eyes. The lamp wasn't burning.
(06:05):
The glow came instead from something that lay at the
head of the bed. And there lay but wait, now,
what would you suppose the glowing You've guessed it was
Rudolph's red nose. So this room was easy. This one
little light let Santa pit quickly the gifts that were right.
(06:29):
How happy he was till he went out the door.
The rest of the house, as him, was as black
as before, so black that it made every step of
dark mystery. And then came the greatest idea in all history.
I'm gonna use this little sun victon. He went back
to Rudolph and started to shake him, of course very gently,
(06:52):
in order to wake and Rudolph could scarcely believe his
own eyes. You just can't imagine his joy and surprise
at seeing who stood there so real and so near.
While telling the tale we've already told here, Poor Santa's
sad tale of distress and delay, the fog and the darkness,
and losing the way, the horrible fear that some children
(07:14):
might waken before his complete Christmas trip had been taken.
And you, he told Rudolph, may yet save the day.
Your wonderful forehead, may yet pave the way. It's horrible
for a wonderful triumph, it actually might, Old Santa, you
notice was extra flight to Rudolph regarding his wonderful forehead.
(07:41):
To call it a big shiny nose would sound horrid.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
God, that was such a stretch. They're stretching for rhymes
in this man.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I'm telling you, I need you, said Santa, to help
me tonight, to lead all my dear on the rest
of our flight. And Rudolph broke out into such a
big grin it almost connected his ears and his chin.
A note for his folks, he dashed off in a hurry.
I've gone to help Santa, he wrote. Do not worry,
(08:12):
said Santa, my sleigh, I'll bring down to the lawn.
You'd stick in the chimney and flash. He was gone.
So Rudolph pranced out through the door, very gay, and
took his proud place at the head of the sleigh.
The rest of the night, well, what would you guess?
(08:34):
Did Santa's idea was a brain success? What that.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Let me start that? The rest of the night, well,
what would you guess? Old Santa's idea was a braid success?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Nailed it and brilliant was almost no word for the
way that Rudolph directed the deer in the sleigh in
spite of the fog. They flew quickly in low and
made such use of the wonderful glow from Rudolph's or
forehead at each intersection that not even once did they
(09:10):
lose their direction. While as for the houses and streets
with a sign on them, they're merely flew close so
that Rudolph could shine on them to tell who lived
where and just what to give whom they'd fly to
each window and peek in the room.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Stalker shit.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Old Santa knew always which children were good and minded
their parents and ate as they should. So Santa selected
the gift that was right, while Rudolph's or forehead gave
just enough light. It all went so fast that before
it was day, the very last present was given away,
the very last stocking was filled to the top, just
(09:59):
as the sun was preparing to pop.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
It was in red manas it was hard to read.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
This sun woke the reindeer in Rudolph's hometown. They found
the short message that he'd written down, then gathered outside
to await his return. And were they excited astonished to
learn that Rudolph, the ugliest deer of them all, Rudolf
the red nose, bashful and small, the funny faced fellow
(10:28):
they always called names and practically never allowed in their games.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
These guys were assholes, was now to be envied by
all far and near. For no greater honor can come
to a deer.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Then riding with Santa and guiding his sleigh the number
one job on the number one day.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It sounds like bullshit to me.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
The sleigh and his reindeer soon came into view, and
Rudolph still led them as downward they flew. Oh boy
was he proud as they came to a landing right where.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
His handsomer playmates were standing.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Jesus Christy, it's really nailing Homelet they think, just because
he has a red nose.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Is fucking hungry.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
These bad deer, who used to do nothing but tease him,
would now have done anything only to please him.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah, bet they would.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
They felt even sorrier they had been. They felt even
sorrier they had been bad. When Santa said, Rudolph, I
never have had a deer quite so brave or so
brilliant as you at fighting black fog and at guiding
me through. But you, last night's journey was actually bosta
(11:46):
Wait by you, last night's journey was actually bossed. Okay, bossed?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
All right.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Without you, I'm certain we'd all have been lost. I
hope you continue to keep us from grief on future
dark trips as commander in chief. But Rudolph just blushed
from his head to his toes until his whole fur
was as red as his nose. The crowd first applauded,
(12:16):
then started to screech for ready for our Rudolph, and
we want a speech. But Rudolf was bashful despite.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Being a hero. I'm tired his sleep on the trip.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Okay, wait a minute, listen, it says, but Rudolf was
bashful despite being a hero and tired. His sleep on
the trip totaled zero, So that's why his speech was
just brief and not bright. Merry Christmas to all, It's
all a good night, and that's why whenever it's foggy
(12:53):
and gray, it's Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Who guide Santa's sligh.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Listening this Christmas, but don't make a peep, because that
late at night children should be asleep. The very first
round that you'll hear on the roof, provided there's fog,
will be the Rudolph Small hoof. And soon after that,
if you're still as a mouse, they're not really still,
(13:22):
But anyway, you may hear a swish as he flies
around the house and gives enough light to give Santa
view of you in your room.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And when they're all through, you may hear them call.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
As they drive out of sight, Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night. That was Rudolph the
Red Nose Reindeer, and.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
The story was retarded. Have a Merry Christmas.
This reading brought to you by Prince not a Coffee.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Head on over to princen a Coffee dot com using
a link in the description, use promo code Moe win
for a nifty little discount. Don't swear when you're drinking.
Merry Christmas. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
By Robert L. May for the Montgomery Ward Company.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the hills
the reindeer were playing, enjoying the spills of skating and
coasting and climbing the willows in hopscotch and meat frog
protected by pillows, while every so often they'd stop to
call names at one little deer not allowed in their games.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Ha ha. Look at Rudolf. His nose is a sight.
He's red as a beat, twice as big toys as bright. Well,
Rudolph just wept. What else could he do.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
He knew that the things they were saying were true.
Where most reindeer's noses were brownish and tiny, poor Rudolph's
was red, very large, and quite shiny. In daylight, it dazzled.
The picture shows that at nighttime it glowed like the
eyes of a cat, and putting dirt on it just
made it look muddy. Oh boy, was he mad when
(01:33):
they nicknamed him ruddy. Although he was lonesome, he always
was good, obeying his parents, as good reindeer should. That's
why on his day Rudolf almost felt playful. He hoped
that from Santa soon driving his sleigh hall of presents
and candy and dollies and toys for good little animals
(01:54):
and good girls and boys, he'd get just as much.
And this is what pleased him. As the happier, handsomer
reindeer who teased it so as night and a fog
hid the world like a hood. He went to bed
hopeful he knew he'd been good. While way way up north,
(02:14):
on this same foggy night, Old Santa was packing his
slave for its flight. This fog, he complained, will be
hard to get through. He shook his round head, and
his Tommy shoots too. Without any stars or a moon
as our compass, this extra dark night is quite likely
to swamp us. To keep from collision, we'll have to
(02:35):
fly slow to keep our directions. We'll have to fly low.
We'll steer by the street lamps and houses tonight in
order to finish before it gets late. Just think how
the boys and girls' faith would be shaken if we
didn't reach them before they awaken. Come Dasher, come Dancer,
(02:56):
Come Prancer and Vixen, Come, come Cupid, Come don.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And blitz it.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Be quick with your suppers. Get hitched in a hurry,
you too fine. Fog of delay and to worry. And
Santa was right, as he usually is. The fog was
as thick as SODA's white fizz. Just not getting lost
needed all Santa's skill with street lights and numbers more difficult. Still,
(03:27):
he tangled his tree tops. Sorry, he tangled in treetops
again and again, and barely mishitting a tri monitored plane, Try.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Monitored, try motor. The hell is rolling me today?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
People?
Speaker 1 (03:42):
It's Christmas Eve, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
He still made good speed, with much twisting and turning,
as long as the street lamps and house lights were burning.
At each house first noting the people who live there,
he'd quickly select the right presence to give them. By midnight, however,
the last light had fled for even big people had
(04:07):
then gone to bed because it might wake them. A
match was denied him. Oh my, how he wished for
just one star to guide him. Through dark streets and houses.
Old Santa fared poorly. He now picked the presence more slowly,
less surely. He really was worrying, for what would he
(04:28):
do if folks started waking? Before he was thrilled, the
air was still foggy, the night darkened. Deer when Santa
arrived at the home of the deer, alleged that he tripped.
Damn it, you guys, listen, all right, I'm reading this
(04:50):
life all right, quite frank, all right, so you're gonna.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Have to bear with me here.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Ah oh shit alleged that he tripped on while seeking
the chimney, gave Santa a spill and painfully skinned me.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Jesus, that was a stretch.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
The room he came down in was blacker than ache.
He went for a chair and then found it.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
A sick I heard a bit.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
The first reindeer bedroom was so very black. He tripped
on the rug and fell flat on his back. Man,
he has insurance for his crab so dark? Then he
had to move close to the bed and squent very
hard at the sleeping gear's head.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Why is he in a bed?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Before he could choose the right kind of toy, a
doll for a girl, or a train for a boy.
But all this took time and filled Santo with glue.
While slowly he groped toward the next reindeer's room. The
door he just opened went, to his surprise, a dim
but quite definite light met his eyes. The lamp wasn't burning.
(06:05):
The glow came instead from something that lay at the
head of the bed. And there lay but wait, now,
what would you suppose the glowing You've guessed it was
Rudolph's red nose. So this room was easy. This one
little light let Santa pit quickly the gifts that were right.
(06:29):
How happy he was till he went out the door.
The rest of the house, as him, was as black
as before, so black that it made every step of
dark mystery. And then came the greatest idea in all history.
I'm gonna use this little sun victon. He went back
to Rudolph and started to shake him, of course very gently,
(06:52):
in order to wake and Rudolph could scarcely believe his
own eyes. You just can't imagine his joy and surprise
at seeing who stood there so real and so near.
While telling the tale we've already told here, Poor Santa's
sad tale of distress and delay, the fog and the darkness,
and losing the way, the horrible fear that some children
(07:14):
might waken before his complete Christmas trip had been taken.
And you, he told Rudolph, may yet save the day.
Your wonderful forehead, may yet pave the way. It's horrible
for a wonderful triumph, it actually might, Old Santa, you
notice was extra flight to Rudolph regarding his wonderful forehead.
(07:41):
To call it a big shiny nose would sound horrid.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
God, that was such a stretch. They're stretching for rhymes
in this man.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I'm telling you, I need you, said Santa, to help
me tonight, to lead all my dear on the rest
of our flight. And Rudolph broke out into such a
big grin it almost connected his ears and his chin.
A note for his folks, he dashed off in a hurry.
I've gone to help Santa, he wrote. Do not worry,
(08:12):
said Santa, my sleigh, I'll bring down to the lawn.
You'd stick in the chimney and flash. He was gone.
So Rudolph pranced out through the door, very gay, and
took his proud place at the head of the sleigh.
The rest of the night, well, what would you guess?
(08:34):
Did Santa's idea was a brain success? What that.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Let me start that? The rest of the night, well,
what would you guess? Old Santa's idea was a braid success?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Nailed it and brilliant was almost no word for the
way that Rudolph directed the deer in the sleigh in
spite of the fog. They flew quickly in low and
made such use of the wonderful glow from Rudolph's or
forehead at each intersection that not even once did they
(09:10):
lose their direction. While as for the houses and streets
with a sign on them, they're merely flew close so
that Rudolph could shine on them to tell who lived
where and just what to give whom they'd fly to
each window and peek in the room.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
Stalker shit.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Old Santa knew always which children were good and minded
their parents and ate as they should. So Santa selected
the gift that was right, while Rudolph's or forehead gave
just enough light. It all went so fast that before
it was day, the very last present was given away,
the very last stocking was filled to the top, just
(09:59):
as the sun was preparing to pop.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
It was in red manas it was hard to read.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
This sun woke the reindeer in Rudolph's hometown. They found
the short message that he'd written down, then gathered outside
to await his return. And were they excited astonished to
learn that Rudolph, the ugliest deer of them all, Rudolf
the red nose, bashful and small, the funny faced fellow
(10:28):
they always called names and practically never allowed in their games.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
These guys were assholes, was now to be envied by
all far and near. For no greater honor can come
to a deer.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Then riding with Santa and guiding his sleigh the number
one job on the number one day.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It sounds like bullshit to me.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
The sleigh and his reindeer soon came into view, and
Rudolph still led them as downward they flew. Oh boy
was he proud as they came to a landing right where.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
His handsomer playmates were standing.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Jesus Christy, it's really nailing Homelet they think, just because
he has a red nose.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Is fucking hungry.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
These bad deer, who used to do nothing but tease him,
would now have done anything only to please him.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah, bet they would.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
They felt even sorrier they had been. They felt even
sorrier they had been bad. When Santa said, Rudolph, I
never have had a deer quite so brave or so
brilliant as you at fighting black fog and at guiding
me through. But you, last night's journey was actually bosta
(11:46):
Wait by you, last night's journey was actually bossed. Okay, bossed?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
All right.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Without you, I'm certain we'd all have been lost. I
hope you continue to keep us from grief on future
dark trips as commander in chief. But Rudolph just blushed
from his head to his toes until his whole fur
was as red as his nose. The crowd first applauded,
(12:16):
then started to screech for ready for our Rudolph, and
we want a speech. But Rudolf was bashful despite.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Being a hero. I'm tired his sleep on the trip.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Okay, wait a minute, listen, it says, but Rudolf was
bashful despite being a hero and tired. His sleep on
the trip totaled zero, So that's why his speech was
just brief and not bright. Merry Christmas to all, It's
all a good night, and that's why whenever it's foggy
(12:53):
and gray, it's Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Who guide Santa's sligh.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Listening this Christmas, but don't make a peep, because that
late at night children should be asleep. The very first
round that you'll hear on the roof, provided there's fog,
will be the Rudolph Small hoof. And soon after that,
if you're still as a mouse, they're not really still,
(13:22):
But anyway, you may hear a swish as he flies
around the house and gives enough light to give Santa
view of you in your room.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And when they're all through, you may hear them call.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
As they drive out of sight, Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good night. That was Rudolph the
Red Nose Reindeer, and.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
The story was retarded. Have a Merry Christmas.
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