May 15, 2025 • 67 mins
We are finally ready to open up about Our Biggest Setback Yet: Why We Had to Walk Away from Graeson Bee.
In this raw and emotional episode of More Than Reality, Adam and Danielle Busby open up about the hardest decision they’ve ever faced: closing the doors to their beloved Graeson Bee storefront. For the first time, they share the full behind-the-scenes story of the building issues, legal struggles, and heartbreak that led to this life-altering change. But this setback is also the beginning of a new season of trusting God, embracing change, and stepping into what’s next.
Join us as we talk about faith in uncertainty, navigating marriage and business in hard times, and what we’re excited for moving forward. Whether you’re a parent, entrepreneur, or longtime fan, this episode will speak to you.
👉 Stay connected and sign up for Danielle’s upcoming women’s event: https://www.daniellebusby.com/
👉 Shop Graeson Bee online: https://graesonbee.com/
🎧 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with someone who needs this encouragement!
Welcome to "More Than Reality" with Adam and Danielle Busby, the proud parents of 6 beautiful daughters—5 of whom made history as the first set of all-female quintuplets born in the United States. After 10 incredible seasons of our hit TV show OutDaughtered on TLC, we’re taking you behind the scenes of our extraordinary life like never before. Join us as we navigate the joys and challenges of raising a family of 8, share unfiltered stories from our journey, and explore everything from parenting tips to personal growth. It’s life, love, laughter, and a whole lot of chaos—because our reality is so much more than what you’ve seen on screen.Tune in each week for a candid look into our world, where the real adventure begins when the cameras stop rolling.
In this raw and emotional episode of More Than Reality, Adam and Danielle Busby open up about the hardest decision they’ve ever faced: closing the doors to their beloved Graeson Bee storefront. For the first time, they share the full behind-the-scenes story of the building issues, legal struggles, and heartbreak that led to this life-altering change. But this setback is also the beginning of a new season of trusting God, embracing change, and stepping into what’s next.
Join us as we talk about faith in uncertainty, navigating marriage and business in hard times, and what we’re excited for moving forward. Whether you’re a parent, entrepreneur, or longtime fan, this episode will speak to you.
👉 Stay connected and sign up for Danielle’s upcoming women’s event: https://www.daniellebusby.com/
👉 Shop Graeson Bee online: https://graesonbee.com/
🎧 Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share with someone who needs this encouragement!
Welcome to "More Than Reality" with Adam and Danielle Busby, the proud parents of 6 beautiful daughters—5 of whom made history as the first set of all-female quintuplets born in the United States. After 10 incredible seasons of our hit TV show OutDaughtered on TLC, we’re taking you behind the scenes of our extraordinary life like never before. Join us as we navigate the joys and challenges of raising a family of 8, share unfiltered stories from our journey, and explore everything from parenting tips to personal growth. It’s life, love, laughter, and a whole lot of chaos—because our reality is so much more than what you’ve seen on screen.Tune in each week for a candid look into our world, where the real adventure begins when the cameras stop rolling.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, it kind of shared a little bit about
relationship or like what life was with my mom. There
was a lot of unspoken pain that I did not
realize that I was holding on to. I've never spoken
about this ever ever, but because this has been weighing
(00:20):
on me for like less couple of things last couple
of weeks, I feel like it's okay to really like
open up about this and be real. I hate to
use the word abuse because it's so it's a hard,
hard word.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into
all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there
is so much more than the reality that you see
on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam
and Danielle Busby.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Hey, y'all, my gosh, that's kind of a joke. Do
you hear that?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Like little what do you call that intro jingle? It's
a jingle here, And I'm just like, yes, we're gonna
have therapy.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
That's how I feel when I hear I'm like, it's
gonna feel today. Yeah, this is episode thirty two. Is
it really imperative that we say that? Remember More than
Reality podcast?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Okay, just asking because some like on podcast platforms and stuff.
Some may someone may just like get fed and podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
This is the.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
First one they're listening to.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
They'll be like, oh, thirty, there's thirty two more amazing episodes.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I'm going to go back and binge. Okay, okay, all
the bus bees I like it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
You got it. You gotta mention. Hey, we're doing connect
card this week because we did it last week and
I'm just we're doing it.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
This was This was week one of a Adams also
known as Parenting.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Worl wind IndyCar Month. And I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
For me, it's a it's a blast, but yes, I
know it's so difficult.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
So all the ladies who are listening out there, basically, ladies,
you know, you don't have.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
To be single, you just have Actually if you're not single,
it's actually more more valuable because if you're a mom,
you'll relate to this. That The husband's traveling a lot,
which I'm excited for him.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
He loves it.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
He needs god time. It's work, it's play, it's all
the things that I love to do when I go
out with my girl times. But it's like what once
a year something like this. He packs it all in
one month. And it's a lot of fun. But but
I'm becoming this I like this month, I'm more like
the solo parenting. But half the time I'm taking.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Oh, it's basically whenever I'm here by myself too.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Though.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
That's because when you take, because you don't us every
just stay out of the house.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Girl, let's stay out of the house. You're like out
of school. We go to a park, I don't care
if it's raining, and we're gonna eat at a restaurant
and they're gonna come and take a bath and go
to bed. Ye house days clean that way.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
It does stay it does, it does stay clean.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
But this uh, this month, it's a little bit different
than previous years. Danielle is actually gonna come with me
for half the time. What yeah, I was gone this week,
but then next week you and other kids are coming
on for this weekend. Yeah, and then I'll go back
for a week. I'm already exhausted. And then you come
back with me for the Indy five hundred, so you
(03:37):
get to experience, like what an experience. It's the freaking
Indy five hundred. And then like going to justin Timberlank.
I mean, you gotta think about discuss this is it's
the single largest sporting event in the world. I mean
there's like four hundred thousand people in this one place.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Can we get Man and Rob to come that weekend
forgot recording, but they're just a couple of hours away.
Let's do it. Let's see.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It's the biggest sporting event in the world.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Yeah, I mean there's nothing like it. I mean all
the people basically like the patriotism they have, especially like
the pre race, like whenever all the cars are down
on the grid. I mean they have it tuned to
like an art and it just gives you chills just
because like all like the patriotic stuff that goes on
(04:33):
and the national anthem it's usually sung by somebody really famous.
And then we're gonna do it this year, I don't
know yet. We honestly, we usually don't know until like
the week before.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
If it's someone named Timberlake or bieber.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Probably like but.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
And then they got the flyover and stuff and it
just gets you, just gets you. Anderent so we get
there at especially on the day which you're gonna love
this on Indie five one hundred race.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
I will not be getting up at five am to.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
To well not you have to. So we get to
the track pre dawn and we get to the.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
There's no way Corley is getting there in that early.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Too, and then maybe you and Coraley can run together,
but we will. I will be there for dawn. I'm
not going because it's the coolest thing because there's all
these people that like they stay there and RVs and
stuff around the campgrounds around the track, and at six
am they start shooting off cannons and fireworks to wake
everybody up, and then it just comes over the loudspace,
(05:37):
wake up.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
It's race day for like the people staying.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Like ink, it's like their wake up call. It's cool.
That's a long that's an experience.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I mean usually if it's like four point thirty five,
I'll wake up to Pete and then I'm like, yes,
I can have time to go back to bed. But
if it's closer to six race day, dude, you work
what time.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I actually just had a conversation with me a cute
shirt though Jeremy Voula. I invited him in Ginger to come.
He's very interested. He was looking at flights, So hopefully
that'll work. I don't know yet, but they would be flying.
It would be flying. They're taking the flight that he found.
They'd be taking a flight out at eleven pm in
(06:23):
LA and it gets to Indianapolis at three am.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
So they're just going to the track. It just comes
straight to the track. We'll meet you there. I'll come
pick you up in a golf cart. It's so nice.
I mean, what else are they going to do? So
hold up, hold up, you're gonna go pick up someone
who's flying in. But you won't. You can't.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
No, you just four hundred thousand people converging on one spot.
You can't leave.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It seems like a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
You can't leave and come back in. It's just it's
too hard.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
To get in.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Can you like drone me over?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
There are helicopters? Okay, when you talked, I'll take it.
The last three years we were like, next year we're
taking the helicopter. Helicopter, We're running a helicopter run in,
but I doubt it. It's pretty pricey. Well, I know,
we'll see. Hey remember remember last year helicopter. But there
(07:31):
is a lot of people that helicopter.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
In the cool people.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Kyle Larson is doing the double header, so he's doing
the IndyCar Race and the NASCAR race on the same day.
Last year, the weather was crappy and the race kept
getting pushed back and there was like red flag where
all the cars had to stop because they can't run
this track. The cars are running so fast that you
can't run. It's not like a street course where you
(07:56):
can run like treaded tires and like rain tires because
this it's a oval. So the cars are pretty much
running wide open as fast as they can around this thing.
They barely let off the gas the whole time, like
way faster than F one and any f one people
out there, it's faster, and so they're they're traveling like
(08:16):
two hundred and thirty ish miles an hour. Whoa, So
you just can't you can't, you can't. You can't drive
in the rain, you wouldn't be able to see. So
but last year he almost missed NASCAR race because the
Indie race ended so late, and so he flew on
a helicopter out just to make it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
But it's cool, craz cool cool. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Last weekend we were in Barber Motorsports Park and our
driver Scott MacLachlan, took third place. The last two years,
the last two years he's won that race, and so
high expectations. I mean, obviously it's pretty hard to win
three races in a row. He was on the podium.
It was super fun experience. We had a blast. Whether
(09:03):
it was a little iffy qualifying day, rainy like all
day and it was hard.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
They had to they had to qualify on I don't
understand all these actually, actually I'm so confused because like,
if you get to the Indie five.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
Hundred and you win, you don't win the whole So
it's like a lot of the drivers, a lot of
the drivers, it's like it's twofold, Like there's there's the
there's the season championship, which is all the races combined.
They add up your points and you win the championship.
But the Indy five hundred is its own animal, and
it pretty much carries every bit as much weight as
(09:39):
like winning the championship, So it's a big deal to
win the Indy five hundred.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Is that a Levi shirt you're wearing? No, because I'm
out listening because I was like, we both have your
shirt on, and this is my shirt. This is this
one has pearl snaps on it. I was like, oh,
we have the same shirt on believe you have my
leave rush. It's now mine though, because I wear it
all the time.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
And I'm like, oh, I wanted to wear that whatever
you have, like, but it's in the dirty clothes. It's
like girls that wear their boyfriend or husband's hoodie all
the time. Daniel takes my blue jean shirt. Yeah, it's
like her jacket. You have too many jacket. All right,
let's do some connect cards and then we'll get started
into a fun conversation.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So I always think Adam like pre looks at these cards.
So I have no idea what these questions because I
just took some new ones out of the box. I
discarded what was left and I and I picked out
some new ones. So, okay, pick one, not the top one.
I don't know what it is, I promise, spicy.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Come on, is there a side of you that you
think I haven't experienced yet?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Are you asking me? Is there a side of me
you haven't experienced yet? I mean it's twenty years, like what,
I don't think so pretty much seen it all? Like, yeah,
I mean I don't that's kind of a boring question
for people who've been together for a long time. I
(11:13):
feel like you've seen it all. I don't think there's
a different side of me that you don't know that
would be weird. I would hope, Yeah, I hope there
wouldn't be like some other Danielle that I haven't experienced yet.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, after half of our life together, is.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
There a living? Are you living a double life?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Not that I know of? Do you want me to
have something? Experience that something that?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Whatever? The question was, why should you take somewhere right now? Yeah?
That was that? Like that question was kind of meant
I'll do this one for you. What do you value
most in friendship? I want to do a friendship podcast too,
like a topic what do you value you most in friendships?
What do you value most about our friendship? So it's
(12:05):
a two fer what do you value most in friendship?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Value most in friendship is just somebody that's just real
that you can I don't know, you just can be
real with like somebody. I feel like that the sign
of a true friend is like somebody that doesn't care
about either coming into your house when it's messy or
I mean, because like we have friends that are like
(12:29):
all walks of life I mean some friends that are
like insanely wealthy, and then you know others that are
more like us and and so. But but all of
like our you know, close friends, there's just people that
you can just act and be normal with and and
just be open and real and honest and just not
(12:50):
have to worry about like, oh, what are they going
to think if I bring this up or whatever. Yeah,
and you know that's just truly the sign of a
good good friend. Somebody somebody that like reaches out to
me because I'm not that great about that, is just
like reaching out and I'll just get like sidetracked with
(13:13):
like life and work and everything going on. And then
you know, I have really awesome friends that just like
will just randomly text me and stuff like that. And
so that's great.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
What do you value most about our friendship?
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I think, uh, just that we share so much like
interest like stuff that we enjoy together. You know, it's
not hard to you know, to go and have a
good time. Like we're both like ultra competitive, we're both
we both like love to go outdoors and like we
love nature and stuff and so and we we just
(13:49):
share so many of those common interests that you know,
it just makes things fun and easy and relaxed.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And yeah, I mean I think that's what I mean.
Even even back whenever we were dating.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I mean whenever we first started dating, Daniel was like
the guy's girl and she just like enjoyed other than
like all the car stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But yeah, which is ironic that we're back in the
car stuff, but it's a different car stuff.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Yeah, I mean even just like Daniel like was so
like easy, easily adaptable to just like hanging out doing
guys stuff, or like we would just like hang out
and like watch movies or hang out and just say
or play video games.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Like was that because I never came.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Across body who could chug a beer?
Speaker 1 (14:31):
What do you call that? Shot What do you call that? Shotgun?
Shotgun and beer? I not always win, you're like that sex.
I can't even do that. I don't even know if
I've ever tried to shotgun a beer. Speaking of that,
that was at the eighth grade dance. Afterthing it they
(14:54):
not beers right, excuse like.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Oh my god, that birds.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I was out of town. What happened? No, no, after
the eighth grade dance and we were all at the
neighbors down the street, they're.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Like all the cans of sprite are getting shruck.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
It's like that burns, like I can feel that burning
inside all that cart I can just feel the burncumination.
I'm like, yeah, you're about to burp real loud, but
don't do beer.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
That's why I've never even like been interested in shotgunning anything.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Dude.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
That's I'm kind of gassy. I mean, like up out
of my mouth gassy.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Wow, I did, like I have acid reflux and like
so like I just it made me burn. I feel
like a lot.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
You're you're really giving your old age. Like I'm real gassy,
I can't shrug gun to beer. Gassy and lactose intolerant snore. Yeah,
it's on Townhill from here. I'm a lot of fun
(16:10):
and you like realness with friendships and being real. And
I need to ask Corley if we can have the helicopter.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's gonna happen, Danielle, So you're gonna have to wake up, okay,
Uh so let's see, Like, yeah, so Adam travel is
traveling a lot this week. There's days it's really weird,
Like it's really weird, like I know, like something that
fulfills me or like replenishes me is when I am.
(16:40):
I just had this conversation too, like girl time, guide time,
how valuable and important it is to remember that we
two are friends and like a woman and like a friend,
like the girlfriends, and you were a man and you
have man friends, so the man friends, and that it
is important to still hold onto those friendships and to
(17:00):
make time for those friendships because doing life together with
couples is amazing and great, but it's different when you
do guys together and girls together. And so really lately
I've been getting a lot of brain fog and like
what was I talking about? I have no idea, So
that's exactly what just happened. Now, what was I talking about?
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Importance of like friendships and girl girlfriends and guy friends. Yeah,
and getting away and having that time because it's different.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Glad you're here and listening.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
So this month, obviously, I know, like the month of May,
like Adam's gone a lot, and there's part of me
that's like it's a lot.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It's a lot because it's consistent.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It's a lot for me too.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
I mean, like I was just talking to Blake about
that earlier whenever I picked her up from school. And
I was like, man, because I'm home for like three
or four days having to pack in like so much
stuff each day of like stuff that I got to
get done, appointments, meetings, functions, like work functions and stuff
(18:07):
like that, and I got to pack them all in
for the week in like three days, and then it's
just like well, on a plane off again.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So it's just it's a lot. It is a lot
on the other side too, But that's what I was saying,
is that, like I know that I know that Adam
enjoys doing this and this month, though it's a little
bit different than our regular monthly schedule, it's a lot
of fun. He has a lot of joy doing it,
(18:35):
and it's a lot of guye time, which he kind
of almost all that kind of like flows in a
one month versus me. I'm like, I need something every quarter,
like I'll take it four times a year, and you
take it four times in one month. But it's good,
I mean, like it's it makes a different dynamic at home,
(18:57):
which is a little bit weird but also enjoyable for
like a little bit of a change, but then it's
not reality, and then you don't want it to stay
like that because then you're like, wow, this sucks doing
this alone or like all those all those things. But
more than anything, I think it's important to allow your
(19:19):
spouse to find joy and to still maintain joys that
he has without you being in every single thing.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So like, if it there's something that he does with guys, Like.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
If there's something that your husband enjoys doing, I think
it's important that they have time at least monthly to
do that, just like I would. I mean, it's we
don't always get what we want. Did you know that? Guys?
Did you get what you want? Did you know that
you don't always give what you want?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
No matter what how old you are, you don't always give.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What you want. But you know it. I would love
to have girlfriend dinner time or ladies or tea.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Huh you did while I was gone when like Corley
was over here almost every night.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That's not the same thing that was.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
We're getting our kids together because our solo parenting, so
we're like our kids will entertain each other and you
we sit down for five seconds and then something and
then something you can't really carry on a conversation and
like really make it end. But anyways, so it is
a weird like long month of like Adam traveling and stuff.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
But it's good, Like I know it's this isn't normal,
like we do this.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
It's like once a year. And he owes me a
lot of date nights and a lot of like spa times,
and a lot like all the things vacation. I know
he's planning in like amazing Mother's Day and like amazing anniversary.
He's already thinking about my birthday in December. Were you
(21:03):
not listening? Spaced out? So go figure. Anyways, we're gonna
talk about forgiveness. We're talking about forgiveness this episode. I'm
gonna forgive Adam for ignoring me just in the less
forty seconds of me telling him about all the things
he's gonna plan for me because he loves me so much.
(21:25):
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Don't forget cozyeerf dot com and use code more than
for forty percent off Happy Mother's Day. All right, let's
get back to the episode. Every week, Really, we don't
really have like this like full on agenda kind of
really like to like feed the room and like like
really so you say, feel fill the room, fill the room,
(25:02):
or just like what's been happening recently, like what's been
weighing on your heart? And like what are we going
to talk about in the beginning of episodes? And I
think structure will get better, but right now we're still
in like this season one and just kind of like
going with the flow, I guess. And I don't know.
I feel like since Women's Retreat two weekends ago or
(25:25):
whatnot two weeks ago, I don't know, the word forgiveness
has just kind of been something I've been thinking about
and how much I feel like people need to learn
how to forgive. So I thought, let's talk about that.
Let's talk about forgiveness and not just like I'm sorry,
like a true, peaceful forgiveness with you and the Lord,
(25:48):
Like how different that is, what that means, and what
it can do for you to like truly allow yourself
to forgive.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
So, yeah, we're going to talk abot with that.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Forgiveness doesn't always mean that you're like inviting that person
back in your life.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's yeah, it's I'm not gonna I'm not gonna harbor
this in my heart anything.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Let it take over my heart, yeah, my mind.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Yeah, because that leads to like hardness and just resentment
and bitterness and stuff, and to like just give that
up and say, Okay, I'm not gonna hold onto this
and I'm not gonna dwell on this. It's in the past,
but it may not be I'm inviting that person back
into my life.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, And that's something that I'm hoping you can get
out of this episode, is that you know, on the
level of forgiveness, So Adam hurts my feelings or my
friend hurts my feelings and they say I'm sorry, and
it's like, Okay, thank you for acknowledging that I forgive
you move on right. And then there's another level of
(26:56):
forgiveness where it's like I can't accept your story that
many times, like you keep doing the same thing. You're sorry,
doesn't mean anything, change your actions. And that's where you
can see full forgiveness. Okay, And then we have how
do we forgive? How do we forgive something that is
truly overtaking our heart? Understanding what that forgiveness is. And
(27:17):
Matthew six fourteen fifteen says that if we forgive others,
our heavenly Father will forgive us. That's a big deal.
God is showing us forgiveness is not optional. It's transformational, guys.
And that's the purpose of this episode we're talking about
is I'm going to share a story about like something
I walk through with like true truell what is that?
(27:40):
I don't know, trutell, but I kind of like it.
Add that to the book.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Wait, I'm gonna write that word down. I'm gonna give
it a definition.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
True Danielle isms, guys. Danielle daniel makes up words. Du
Danielle will use words that don't necessarily fit.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
And I'm gonna that's gonna be the name of the
Danielle speaks Trudel. I feel like there's like something too there. Okay,
Danielle likes to use the word rem instead of realm
quite often feed instead of phil, and it's just become
(28:19):
her vocabulary. Yeah, it's the braces. It's not them braces.
So I will share a story about walking through and
understanding what true forgiveness is. And I want to talk
about this because when I went to the women's retreat,
it was kind of something that we talked about on
(28:40):
the level of like scars and representation of like scars
and house scars, Like we try to hide our scars,
but honestly, what scars show you is like your life
and like what you've gone through, and like if you
can fully open this wound of hurt, whatever's hurt you,
and really clean out this like nasty, yucky infection in
(29:04):
the wound and really heal properly from that, you will
have peace and then that scar will be beautiful and
you will want to share what this scar has done
for your life. And so that is what I'm hoping
we can talk about here. And I mean I didn't
really like ask Adam before this, like do you have
(29:26):
any story and like relative conversation of like where you've
truly walked through forgiveness. Like I don't know, I'm gonna
put that on a connect card and say, like what's
what's what's something you've or someone you've had to forgive?
But I really will say that I probably would not
have understood what forgiveness was until I really experienced this
(29:52):
type of forgiveness and understanding of like what real forgiveness
is and how it can really transform your heart. Because
when you are hurting from unforgiveness, it doesn't it doesn't
just affect maybe a relationship. So if you're in some
state of unforgiveness, it's probably with someone and that's going
(30:14):
to disrupt or bring a level of change within the relationship,
whether it be someone as close as your spouse, someone
as a best friend, a family member. Like I could
go on, but like if you're holding some form of resentment, resentment,
your heart is hardened to them, like you don't see
(30:36):
a change, like you're just going to that pain of
that unforgiveness can really take you down.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
It also it festers in relationships, yes, and even just
like your mindset in a day, like you may say, ah,
like forgive and forget and like move on, and it
looks like it's healed from on the surface, just like
you know, like just dressing a wound. On the surface,
(31:07):
it looks like it's healed, but like underneath, you know,
may there's still may be infection there and hurt there
and stuff that you just haven't been able to deal with.
And it starts to surface area.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
You might not even be aware that it was infected
because you're like, oh, it looks good, you know. But
when we're talking about for goodness, is this is not
saying that what someone did to you or whatever that
scenario was, that it was okay, okay. So that's not
what I'm saying. It's not pretending that it didn't hurt.
And it's definitely not forgetting, because we'll never forget, right,
(31:45):
but we can forgive. We can forgive, And so I'll
share just one of the hardest This was kind of
like this first instance, like a real forgiveness journey that
I went on with I know I've talked to a
little bit about in our you know, this is episode
thirty two, so in earlier episodes, you know, kind of
(32:06):
shared a little bit about you know, relationship or like
what life was with my mom. There was a lot
of unspoken pain that I did not realize that I
was holding onto or that it was part of what
I was dealing with. I wasn't aware of it until
(32:27):
there was a separation between our friends or relationship and
we needed some boundaries and separation for healing purposes. In
a sense. There were a lot of things over I mean,
I'm forty one now, which is wow, I'm forty one.
I didn't mind being forty, but forty one's like, you're
(32:48):
like really forty, You're like really in your forties, You're forty.
I'm not just forty cool, I'm forty. I'm like in
my forties now. So this was a lot of my years,
a lot of my life. So little backstory for my
relationship with my mom for probably the last like four
(33:09):
years it has it been four years. Four years, yeah,
we'll just have four years. Has been really not in existence,
and through that time, especially early on, this is where
I chose, you know, this boundary of hey, we need
(33:31):
we need some separation. There's a lot of things that
are just a constant, repetitive dysfunction and we need to
change something, and this is it. So there's we just
need a break from each other. We need to stop
and we need to separate. And yes, that's hard, that's weird.
(33:51):
Struggled with that, and I would say over about a year,
I really was going I was going through therapy, and
I was doing therapy with my sisters and like family
stuff and like walking through things, and I started to
realize that there's a lot of things that I didn't
realize were hurtful because it wasn't because it was just life.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
It's not just like between Danielle and We're not going
to get too deep into like talking about your sisters
and stuff, but it's like you and your two sisters
as a whole decided we need to make a change
on that break. It wasn't just like this is like
a Danielle and her mom thing either.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, but where I am now, I can look back
and say growing up and like all the you know,
relationships with my mom, like it never I didn't really
realize how dysfunctional things were until I've overcame forgiveness. Honestly, now,
(34:53):
I think as an adult, there's things that I could
look back on to be like that was like as
a mom, you know, And I honestly will say like,
I'm going to give her all the things that she
tried her best and the struggles real and she still
might struggle. I struggle to as myself. But at the time,
(35:15):
growing up in these situations, I didn't understand that those
were not normal because that's what I was exposed to
and that was my normal. Right as an adult, you
get married, you have a family, you're a mom, like,
you understand this relationship mom daughter, I have daughters, I'm
a daughter, and wow, like that was just not a
(35:35):
healthy relationship. That was not healthy. And so when that
separation came for health and healing purposes, I walk through
understanding that I needed to forgive her. And I've never
spoken about this ever ever, but because this has been
(35:56):
weighing on me for like less couple of things, less
couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really like
open up about this and be real reality more than
and just kind of say like it was like life
was hard, Like life was not I felt love, but
life with my mother was not motherly and was not
(36:20):
nurturing and or I don't know, as a mom, it's
just not what I would think I would ever put
my kids in situations so I'll say that there are
situations that I won't discuss here but are now that
were just not something I would ever allow my kids
(36:40):
to be involved in or around. Okay, so over the years,
there was a lot of manipulation and or just because
I'm your mom, you must do X, Y Z. And
so I would call that a form of hate. To
use the word abuse because it's so it's it's a hard,
hard word word. But take this word and say how
(37:04):
it was used. It was not physically abuse, it was
not like but words hurt, and words can be verbally abusive.
And I have had multiple conversations in multiple scenarios growing
up and not being verbally spoken to in a proper manner.
And so I would say that those have impacted me
(37:24):
and impacted me to be more than one who that
I needed to be more defiant and more stronger. I
need it to be stronger. I needed to be stronger.
And that's kind of where a lot of my personality
came from. But I've had to walk this journey, and
(37:45):
when I separated, I didn't realize I thought I had
overcome all that. And I remember, like when I became
a mom, like telling them I'm like, man, I'm sorry,
Like there's a lot of things I didn't realize that
you feel as a mother, and like I assumed she
felt that those things for me, and I will still
assume that because I am her daughter, but I don't
(38:05):
know if they're real. Yeah, you know, because I don't
know if I've ever felt how I feel as a
mom to my daughters, if I've ever felt that way
with my mom. And I know that might be hard
for some people to hear and they won't understand that,
and even for family members to hear that light. But
that is that is that's truth, Like that's truth. But
(38:27):
things are said verbally, things are hurtful. Things were never
addressed and we just didn't deal with it and it
was just buried and it was buried and there was
never any like explanation for a topic or conversation to
like really walk through it or like apologize or.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Any of that, any of those things that I do
as a mom.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
And I'm not saying I'm better, because I struggle every
day and feel like I fail as a mom. So
I'm just giving my perspective on like my relationship and
ship with my mom, and then how I can compare
it to how I am as a mom, But a
lot of those things are because I wasn't perceived or
I didn't have that as within my growing up.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
But a lot of the pain was.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Buried but didn't mean it disappeared even if I didn't
like realize it. A lot of my life growing up
it was a present mom or it was not a
present mom. A present mom or not a present mom.
And so that was that's that's dysfunctional. It's dysfunctional. But
I didn't know that growing up. I didn't know that
(39:35):
growing up. And so when we had this separation of
a break in life and just a needing to focus
on like healing in my marriage and my immediate my
children and what we were going through in life, and
then that was COVID and just like so much, so
(39:56):
much change and like reckoning of the world in my
own life.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
And so I just remember.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Realizing day by day and like therapy session after therapy
session was just like, Wow, that was not okay, and
that was that was not okay. That scenario is not okay.
And like some of those things like I never forgot,
but I never knew that they were not okay. Yeah,
does that make sense and to tell myself like those
(40:28):
were not okay, and to know that like above all,
like God was ever present and still is ever present
as I look back on all that to now, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
Yeah, I think that's why, Like I mean a lot
of people just over the years and like seeing clips
and stuff and seeing you know, television, because we were
both brought up very differently, like start contrast, and there
was a lot of stuff that people don't see, like
behind the scenes and behind the cam and stuff. But
(41:00):
they see, you know, those wounds and stuff like bubble up,
but they.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Don't understand it because that side's not shown.
Speaker 4 (41:08):
And yeah, because the relationship on TV, you know that
she was just portrayed, which because she is she's got
this fun yeah, like she just says off the wall stuff.
She's funny. But you don't see the stuff. You don't
see the hard stuff behind the scenes and stuff and
so but but us personally, you can't forget that, like
(41:29):
we always carry that and so you know, it may
just it may look like even just for me, like
shortness or backhanded comments and stuff like that on and
they would make those on camera, but they don't. But
people would never see the other side of things. And
(41:51):
that's what that's you know, made things, that's what made
things hard for TV and stuff because you know, for me,
you know, I see it felt like I know, I
know what like a like parenting and what a healthy
you know, relationship looks like and stuff. And then you know,
as a husband, you want to defend and you want
(42:15):
to protect your wife. You know it don't it doesn't
always come out the right way or in the right
manner because you're just you're defensive and you're you just
want to protect.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
And which if you follow Adam on Instagram, what in
a lot of comments he makes back towards people, yeah,
because it's like he just feels like he has to defend. Yeah,
I do.
Speaker 4 (42:38):
I do feel like I mean, like what in Touch
Weekly used to have a weekly segment called Adam Busby's
cloud Back because put people in their place. But and
I don't know, and that that was always hard for
me because like I would see both sides of it, yeah,
but we could never really talk about like the other
(43:00):
side of it, and like I carried hert with that because.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
It's like the struggle, like so take a side note
out of this what I'm sharing. But aside it is
if we talk about the perspective of how I was
viewed on TV versus how my mom was viewed on TV.
I hate it killed me because I am, you know,
this mom that I feel like I had. I could
(43:28):
do this life and we were capable, and we had
God as our strength and we could do this. But
I was never perceived as a mom who could do it,
and yet I had a mom.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Because they wanted to portray things, especially like a family
that grew from from one child to six overnight, they
want to make it look like a struggle.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
And life is still a struggle. It still is. It
still is. So that was not a lie in that way.
It's not like it wasn't true, but the narrative around
certain characters quote unquote and who I need, who I
should have been for TV was not who I was.
That was hard, yeah, but I held on to who
I was most of the time until I started to
(44:16):
just get over it. But so when you look at
someone who's just like a you know, I'm a main character.
It's our show, it's our family, this is it, and
then my mom is like a third party character that
it was like, give her all the things that we
need to make her be this person, but yet I
(44:37):
can't be who I am truly being and you want
me to be. Like that was what started to get
at me when I started to really get overwhelmed, was
in that like attacked of like you know, gosh, what
was it? Like you're four into it, of like, wow,
this is okay, So I shouldn't be this together, like
(45:00):
letting the enemy just really take over my emotions and
my mannerisms and my thoughts, but also walking through things
that were painful and hurtful even within those days of
like trying to film with a family member that you
haven't talked to you in three months and she needs
to be in this episode. You're like, this is awkward,
(45:21):
but we're doing a pickup and she was in it
three months ago.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Or she would just lashed out and was extremely rude
to everyone on set in her home, but yet we
had to film the scene. Yeah, and then you'd just
kind of been through this like a moment where you
just wanted to her to be removed from the house
because she shouldn't be disrespecting people like that in our home.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
But yet oh, we have to.
Speaker 4 (45:52):
I got to film the scene. We got to finish
this episode, finish dinner. Let's put on a face. And
so that's whenever you end up seeing like this snide
or backhanded comments, because it's just hard, it's tough, like
it just bubbles out.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
But I will say that, you know a lot of
that pain from the years of just feeling like, in
a sense, wasn't good enough because I never I never
had this, or my mom never did this for me,
or whatever it could have been. Those things were buried
deep in that I did not know were affecting me.
(46:26):
And when those pains are buried deep down, they don't disappear.
They continue to grow, They continue to grow, and like
those wounds just started to get bigger and bigger and bigger.
And how I responded was carrying on stress and it
affected how I was with Adam. It affected how I
(46:48):
was as a mom, and how I was as a
sister to my sisters, and you know, being on pins
and needles around like if there was her coming around
and being like, I don't want to like set her off,
So I'm gonna dismiss all the things to like be
under this childlike demeanor versus my priority goes to Adam,
(47:09):
you know, and like that distinctiveness between who comes first
was a struggle at times, being like I have to
defend her and be on her side, but I can't
do this with my husband. But that's where God wants
me to be, Like your first call to be with
you know, God, and your spouse and your family, and yes,
your mom is in there, but it's not. Once I
(47:31):
married Adam, he became the next under God. And so
like those things like were hard, It was hard, and
I think when I finally opened up, I've never, like
you know, I've never fully have had like a full forgiveness.
I forgive you, like conversation with my mom, because I
(47:52):
don't think that it's I don't need that. I don't
need that, because what God showed me was that like
you come to me and you have exposed your wound
and you're repenting of true forgiveness of God, Like, don't
let this overtake my relationships, my my the pain, the
(48:15):
stresses causing me to stray and like not see clearly
like and truly saying like I just want to I
want to be able to forgive her. And it's like
a forgiveness that like it's like that type of peace
I've talked about in the past, like our previous episodes,
Like there was a sense of peace that just literally
if I were to say, was you know, this sickening
(48:38):
wound in my gut was just literally ripped out and
sealed with no scar. I guess there's this tiny scar
there because it's a part of my journey in my life.
But walking through forgiveness with Christ and like understanding that
like He has forgiven me because I falter every day
and he still sees me as his child and forgiveness
(49:01):
and I was like, you know, I prayed, I prayed,
I had people pray over me, and I've truly forgiven her.
And I can truly say that like that was that
was the past. It is a part of my experience
of life and things God has taught me and brought
me and healing through. Our relationship is not repaired in
(49:23):
a way, but I do know that like God wants reconciliation,
So I do know that there will be a day
to come where that is there. It might not be
it might be tomorrow, it might be in heaven, but
I do know that, like I have walked through full
forgiveness in my heart for unsafe and hurtful words and
scenarios and situations of manipulating like all the things, all
(49:48):
the things, and it's been just like this peace of.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
My heart that has just like healed, healed.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
And so for someone who is, you know, so walking
through a scenario of extreme pain or hurt and struggling
with forgiveness, what I've learned through this is that you
don't necessarily have to go to that specific person. You
go to God first and you say, heal my heart
(50:17):
and help me forgive this person. I want to forgive
them because that's what you call me to do, and
that's what you want me to do, but help me
in my heart to truly forgive her or him and
to see on beyond that. Let the past be the
past in a kunamatata, I don't know. I always see
(50:42):
that behind you. It doesn't matter, it isn't the best,
but you won't forget. But now what I can say
as someone who has like walk through forgiveness with that
with Christ, is that dude, like I can, I can
talk about it and it be a journey of forgiveness
for me. That is the story of how I have
(51:03):
understood forgiveness, like true, honest heart forgiving forgiveness.
Speaker 4 (51:10):
Because we can't really do anything about the other side.
I mean, like there's there's been attempts made on multiple occasions,
and you just see that she just wasn't ready, like
she wouldn't you know, if if she truly came with
humility and accepting the things and owning up to the
(51:32):
things that she's done, you know, there may have been
a way of reconciliation personally and stuff. But you know,
you make an attempt and you just realize, you know,
it's just defensiveness and not owning up to the things
because it's like it's like she's lied to herself so
(51:53):
many times and have believed the lies that she tells
herself that she's not wrong, she's she believes she says,
you know, the things that the things that she says
she believes and they're not accurate, and she but she
believes those lies and showed she just is entrenched in
(52:14):
the lies that she tells herself. And you just realize,
like there's no moving forward whenever one side stays entrenched,
you know, and and so hopefully like one day like
she'll you know, yeah, I like that and like come
in humility and want to truly reconcile, but it comes
(52:36):
out of cost. It comes to being humble and realizing,
you know, Okay, yeah, I do own up to these
things that I was wrong in and and come in humility, but.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
You can't be responsible for that. And I mean, forgiven
my mom was like not easy and even just saying
the word forgive y'all partly like what do you have
to forgive her? But like it's just not necessarily for
me to like go into like those kind of things
and whatnot. But just letting God come into that space
(53:11):
of like healing. That's where I stopped expecting my mom
to fix the hurt that she's caused me, and I
just went to Jesus with it, you know. And and
it's like freedom, Like it's freedom. I don't I don't
have like the same mindset because now my heart has
(53:33):
been changed over so my head's like, wow, I see
this so differently. Now, I see this so differently now,
So I don't live in bitterness. I just I feel
like I have a sense of freedom over the weight
of that. And when the day comes for whatever day
that might be, like I'm I'm all in for whatnot.
(53:56):
I mean, I still think that there's a journey of
things that need to happen and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
But as of today, I know that I've forgiven and.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
I can truly say that, and I want to be
able to make sure that people know that, Like, forgiveness
doesn't have to be the person to person it just
those hurts can never be. There's a lot of things
that human cannot understand or not repair, but Christ can't
because he he forgives us on the daily. He died
(54:30):
for us and for our sins when we didn't deserve it.
And look at it, look at us, look at you,
look at I mean, we all fall short and we
always will because we're human and we live in a sinful,
temptational world.
Speaker 4 (54:43):
But yeah, so, I mean there's like five points that
you have right here.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
It's just you know, a few steps that help.
Speaker 4 (54:53):
Is just like naming the pain, be honest with what hurt,
and then give it to God daily. I mean, that's
that's all you can do, is just give it to
God daily. You know, whenever you're in the middle of hurt,
whenever you're still struggling with it, whenever it still festers
out whenever you know things in your day remind you
(55:15):
of that and put you in this like negative downward space.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Yeah, and trying to see.
Speaker 4 (55:20):
Because it's a process and you got you've got to
work on it daily.
Speaker 1 (55:26):
And one of the hardest things for us to see
as human is that other person, whoever it might be,
not in the view of our own human vision, but
in the view of God. So God loves his child
that person just no different than he loves me. Yes,
(55:46):
there's pain between these two relationships, but I can now
see differently because I have forgiven and I want to
pray for her, and I pray differently for her because
I want nothing but the best for her. That's the
third step.
Speaker 4 (56:01):
It was just just constantly pray that for that person,
not because they deserve it, but because your heart does.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
And then and then boundaries are boundaries are needed. Boundaries
are needed. You know, forgiveness doesn't mean that like, oh,
you know, in this scenario, forgiven like let's let her
come over to reaction like it's not it doesn't work
like that. Boundaries are still needed for for for the
next steps of relationship repair and reconciliation.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
And then just to speak it out loud, just because forgiveness, Uh,
like I choose to forgive it, it carries power. So yeah,
just to hear yourself say it as well. I mean,
I mean even just like whenever you know, I'm struggling
(56:56):
with something and sometimes you just need to get things
out and here yourself say it. It's completely different than
it just being in your head.
Speaker 3 (57:05):
Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
And I think starting the the route to forgiveness, you
don't have to say right now like I forgive you.
Speaker 3 (57:18):
It's like it's a journey. It is a journey.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
Like when I was walking through like you know, repairing
and like healing, I didn't know I was going to
end up going into fully forgiving. It didn't start out
with like God, I want to forgive her, like help
me forgive. It turned into me realizing that, like there
is something deeper in there and I just need to
(57:42):
forgive no matter where that pain lied, like I need
it to forgive her within within it, and it is
a peace and a forgiveness that like only God can
transcend and like heal. You know. So we're gonna try
to like wrap up this podcast if you're you know,
listening right now, and maybe you know this resonates with you.
(58:05):
I just I want to say that, like, don't hold
on to the anger or the fear, or the resentment,
the bitterness of what could come next. So lean in
and pray. You if you start regularly praying for that
(58:29):
other person and going to God with reveal to me
what I need to do in this relationship, how can
I what are the burdens on my heart, what's overtaking
my heart with this relationship? Go to Him and humility
and then pray for the pray for goodness for that person.
I feel like you will. You will get to a
(58:51):
point where you realize, like I need to forgive and
God can do that for you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (58:56):
And forgiveness is freedom. I mean it's not us. Forgiveness
is not a sign of weakness, honestly, Like forgiveness is
a sign of strength, being able to be able to
do that and own it and not let resentment and
bitterness define you and own you, being able to forgive
(59:20):
and let that go as a sign of strength. And
so yeah, say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Yeah, Yeah, And I mean, don't you know, like go
to God and just say, like you know, I want
to I want to forgive them just as He's forgiven you.
Speaker 3 (59:41):
Heal my heart, heal my heart, and give me peace
with the situation and release the pain that it's put
on you, because it can if you if you live
with unforgiveness, it doesn't just affect your like emotional and
mental like even spiritual world like, it can start to
(01:00:02):
affect you physically physically.
Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
It can affect you. And so.
Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
I would say trust in this and.
Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Seek scripture, seek a community of people who can pray
for you, open up, speak about it, say it out loud,
and go to God because there's true peace and forgiveness.
So if this episode spoke to you, reached, reached, you
touched your heart, please share it with someone or someone
(01:00:34):
that you know might could you know, have some insight
from it. It's while we're here. It's what we're trying
to do is share real life scenarios, real stories that
we've walked through more than reality and trying to just
speak speak healing, speak truth, speak love in a way that.
Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
We can more relatable and more personal.
Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
So and we want this, you know, this podcast to
be like a community of people that you know can
share and can lean on each other. So like, if
you you know, if you're going through something, or if
you have gone through something and have a powerful story
or a meaningful story about forgiveness, you know, leave it
in the comments. I mean, I know, like a lot
of people share uh, some pretty powerful stuff, like on
(01:01:21):
our YouTube channel in the comments there, even.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
On like Instagram. I get like people people sharing their
stories on comments within a post or something to me
is so valuable, so valuable. Please just going. It keeps
us going. But also it keeps it keeps other readers going, Wow,
it's not just what I just posted or you just posted.
(01:01:45):
It's like, look at this other testimony from someone in
the comment, look at this comment, look at like that's
it's powerful. Its powerful.
Speaker 4 (01:01:53):
So thank you guys for commenting uh and just leaving
your words of encouragement and your own stories. And so
thank you guys for listening to episode thirty two of
More Than Reality podcast. We'll see you in the next one.
Thanks guys, Love you guys
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
Much.
You know, it kind of shared a little bit about
relationship or like what life was with my mom. There
was a lot of unspoken pain that I did not
realize that I was holding on to. I've never spoken
about this ever ever, but because this has been weighing
(00:20):
on me for like less couple of things last couple
of weeks, I feel like it's okay to really like
open up about this and be real. I hate to
use the word abuse because it's so it's a hard,
hard word.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into
all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there
is so much more than the reality that you see
on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam
and Danielle Busby.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Hey, y'all, my gosh, that's kind of a joke. Do
you hear that?
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Like little what do you call that intro jingle? It's
a jingle here, And I'm just like, yes, we're gonna
have therapy.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
That's how I feel when I hear I'm like, it's
gonna feel today. Yeah, this is episode thirty two. Is
it really imperative that we say that? Remember More than
Reality podcast?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Okay, just asking because some like on podcast platforms and stuff.
Some may someone may just like get fed and podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
This is the.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
First one they're listening to.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
They'll be like, oh, thirty, there's thirty two more amazing episodes.
Speaker 4 (01:41):
I'm going to go back and binge. Okay, okay, all
the bus bees I like it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
You got it. You gotta mention. Hey, we're doing connect
card this week because we did it last week and
I'm just we're doing it.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
This was This was week one of a Adams also
known as Parenting.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Worl wind IndyCar Month. And I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
For me, it's a it's a blast, but yes, I
know it's so difficult.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
So all the ladies who are listening out there, basically, ladies,
you know, you don't have.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
To be single, you just have Actually if you're not single,
it's actually more more valuable because if you're a mom,
you'll relate to this. That The husband's traveling a lot,
which I'm excited for him.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
He loves it.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
He needs god time. It's work, it's play, it's all
the things that I love to do when I go
out with my girl times. But it's like what once
a year something like this. He packs it all in
one month. And it's a lot of fun. But but
I'm becoming this I like this month, I'm more like
the solo parenting. But half the time I'm taking.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
Oh, it's basically whenever I'm here by myself too.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Though.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
That's because when you take, because you don't us every
just stay out of the house.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Girl, let's stay out of the house. You're like out
of school. We go to a park, I don't care
if it's raining, and we're gonna eat at a restaurant
and they're gonna come and take a bath and go
to bed. Ye house days clean that way.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
It does stay it does, it does stay clean.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
But this uh, this month, it's a little bit different
than previous years. Danielle is actually gonna come with me
for half the time. What yeah, I was gone this week,
but then next week you and other kids are coming
on for this weekend. Yeah, and then I'll go back
for a week. I'm already exhausted. And then you come
back with me for the Indy five hundred, so you
(03:37):
get to experience, like what an experience. It's the freaking
Indy five hundred. And then like going to justin Timberlank.
I mean, you gotta think about discuss this is it's
the single largest sporting event in the world. I mean
there's like four hundred thousand people in this one place.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Can we get Man and Rob to come that weekend
forgot recording, but they're just a couple of hours away.
Let's do it. Let's see.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
It's the biggest sporting event in the world.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
Yeah, I mean there's nothing like it. I mean all
the people basically like the patriotism they have, especially like
the pre race, like whenever all the cars are down
on the grid. I mean they have it tuned to
like an art and it just gives you chills just
because like all like the patriotic stuff that goes on
(04:33):
and the national anthem it's usually sung by somebody really famous.
And then we're gonna do it this year, I don't
know yet. We honestly, we usually don't know until like
the week before.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
If it's someone named Timberlake or bieber.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Probably like but.
Speaker 4 (04:47):
And then they got the flyover and stuff and it
just gets you, just gets you. Anderent so we get
there at especially on the day which you're gonna love
this on Indie five one hundred race.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
I will not be getting up at five am to.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
To well not you have to. So we get to
the track pre dawn and we get to the.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
There's no way Corley is getting there in that early.
Speaker 4 (05:15):
Too, and then maybe you and Coraley can run together,
but we will. I will be there for dawn. I'm
not going because it's the coolest thing because there's all
these people that like they stay there and RVs and
stuff around the campgrounds around the track, and at six
am they start shooting off cannons and fireworks to wake
everybody up, and then it just comes over the loudspace,
(05:37):
wake up.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
It's race day for like the people staying.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Like ink, it's like their wake up call. It's cool.
That's a long that's an experience.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
I mean usually if it's like four point thirty five,
I'll wake up to Pete and then I'm like, yes,
I can have time to go back to bed. But
if it's closer to six race day, dude, you work
what time.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I actually just had a conversation with me a cute
shirt though Jeremy Voula. I invited him in Ginger to come.
He's very interested. He was looking at flights, So hopefully
that'll work. I don't know yet, but they would be flying.
It would be flying. They're taking the flight that he found.
They'd be taking a flight out at eleven pm in
(06:23):
LA and it gets to Indianapolis at three am.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
So they're just going to the track. It just comes
straight to the track. We'll meet you there. I'll come
pick you up in a golf cart. It's so nice.
I mean, what else are they going to do? So
hold up, hold up, you're gonna go pick up someone
who's flying in. But you won't. You can't.
Speaker 4 (06:50):
No, you just four hundred thousand people converging on one spot.
You can't leave.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
It seems like a lot of people.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
You can't leave and come back in. It's just it's
too hard.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
To get in.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Can you like drone me over?
Speaker 4 (07:04):
There are helicopters? Okay, when you talked, I'll take it.
The last three years we were like, next year we're
taking the helicopter. Helicopter, We're running a helicopter run in,
but I doubt it. It's pretty pricey. Well, I know,
we'll see. Hey remember remember last year helicopter. But there
(07:31):
is a lot of people that helicopter.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
In the cool people.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Kyle Larson is doing the double header, so he's doing
the IndyCar Race and the NASCAR race on the same day.
Last year, the weather was crappy and the race kept
getting pushed back and there was like red flag where
all the cars had to stop because they can't run
this track. The cars are running so fast that you
can't run. It's not like a street course where you
(07:56):
can run like treaded tires and like rain tires because
this it's a oval. So the cars are pretty much
running wide open as fast as they can around this thing.
They barely let off the gas the whole time, like
way faster than F one and any f one people
out there, it's faster, and so they're they're traveling like
(08:16):
two hundred and thirty ish miles an hour. Whoa, So
you just can't you can't, you can't. You can't drive
in the rain, you wouldn't be able to see. So
but last year he almost missed NASCAR race because the
Indie race ended so late, and so he flew on
a helicopter out just to make it.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
But it's cool, craz cool cool. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Last weekend we were in Barber Motorsports Park and our
driver Scott MacLachlan, took third place. The last two years,
the last two years he's won that race, and so
high expectations. I mean, obviously it's pretty hard to win
three races in a row. He was on the podium.
It was super fun experience. We had a blast. Whether
(09:03):
it was a little iffy qualifying day, rainy like all
day and it was hard.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
They had to they had to qualify on I don't
understand all these actually, actually I'm so confused because like,
if you get to the Indie five.
Speaker 4 (09:17):
Hundred and you win, you don't win the whole So
it's like a lot of the drivers, a lot of
the drivers, it's like it's twofold, Like there's there's the
there's the season championship, which is all the races combined.
They add up your points and you win the championship.
But the Indy five hundred is its own animal, and
it pretty much carries every bit as much weight as
(09:39):
like winning the championship, So it's a big deal to
win the Indy five hundred.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Is that a Levi shirt you're wearing? No, because I'm
out listening because I was like, we both have your
shirt on, and this is my shirt. This is this
one has pearl snaps on it. I was like, oh,
we have the same shirt on believe you have my
leave rush. It's now mine though, because I wear it
all the time.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
And I'm like, oh, I wanted to wear that whatever
you have, like, but it's in the dirty clothes. It's
like girls that wear their boyfriend or husband's hoodie all
the time. Daniel takes my blue jean shirt. Yeah, it's
like her jacket. You have too many jacket. All right,
let's do some connect cards and then we'll get started
into a fun conversation.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
So I always think Adam like pre looks at these cards.
So I have no idea what these questions because I
just took some new ones out of the box. I
discarded what was left and I and I picked out
some new ones. So, okay, pick one, not the top one.
I don't know what it is, I promise, spicy.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
Come on, is there a side of you that you
think I haven't experienced yet?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Are you asking me? Is there a side of me
you haven't experienced yet? I mean it's twenty years, like what,
I don't think so pretty much seen it all? Like, yeah,
I mean I don't that's kind of a boring question
for people who've been together for a long time. I
(11:13):
feel like you've seen it all. I don't think there's
a different side of me that you don't know that
would be weird. I would hope, Yeah, I hope there
wouldn't be like some other Danielle that I haven't experienced yet.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, after half of our life together, is.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
There a living? Are you living a double life?
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Not that I know of? Do you want me to
have something? Experience that something that?
Speaker 3 (11:43):
What was it?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Whatever? The question was, why should you take somewhere right now? Yeah?
That was that? Like that question was kind of meant
I'll do this one for you. What do you value
most in friendship? I want to do a friendship podcast too,
like a topic what do you value you most in friendships?
What do you value most about our friendship? So it's
(12:05):
a two fer what do you value most in friendship?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Value most in friendship is just somebody that's just real
that you can I don't know, you just can be
real with like somebody. I feel like that the sign
of a true friend is like somebody that doesn't care
about either coming into your house when it's messy or
I mean, because like we have friends that are like
(12:29):
all walks of life I mean some friends that are
like insanely wealthy, and then you know others that are
more like us and and so. But but all of
like our you know, close friends, there's just people that
you can just act and be normal with and and
just be open and real and honest and just not
(12:50):
have to worry about like, oh, what are they going
to think if I bring this up or whatever. Yeah,
and you know that's just truly the sign of a
good good friend. Somebody somebody that like reaches out to
me because I'm not that great about that, is just
like reaching out and I'll just get like sidetracked with
(13:13):
like life and work and everything going on. And then
you know, I have really awesome friends that just like
will just randomly text me and stuff like that. And
so that's great.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
What do you value most about our friendship?
Speaker 4 (13:28):
I think, uh, just that we share so much like
interest like stuff that we enjoy together. You know, it's
not hard to you know, to go and have a
good time. Like we're both like ultra competitive, we're both
we both like love to go outdoors and like we
love nature and stuff and so and we we just
(13:49):
share so many of those common interests that you know,
it just makes things fun and easy and relaxed.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And yeah, I mean I think that's what I mean.
Even even back whenever we were dating.
Speaker 4 (14:02):
I mean whenever we first started dating, Daniel was like
the guy's girl and she just like enjoyed other than
like all the car stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
But yeah, which is ironic that we're back in the
car stuff, but it's a different car stuff.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
Yeah, I mean even just like Daniel like was so
like easy, easily adaptable to just like hanging out doing
guys stuff, or like we would just like hang out
and like watch movies or hang out and just say
or play video games.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Like was that because I never came.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Across body who could chug a beer?
Speaker 1 (14:31):
What do you call that? Shot What do you call that? Shotgun?
Shotgun and beer? I not always win, you're like that sex.
I can't even do that. I don't even know if
I've ever tried to shotgun a beer. Speaking of that,
that was at the eighth grade dance. Afterthing it they
(14:54):
not beers right, excuse like.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Oh my god, that birds.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I was out of town. What happened? No, no, after
the eighth grade dance and we were all at the
neighbors down the street, they're.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Like all the cans of sprite are getting shruck.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
It's like that burns, like I can feel that burning
inside all that cart I can just feel the burncumination.
I'm like, yeah, you're about to burp real loud, but
don't do beer.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
That's why I've never even like been interested in shotgunning anything.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Dude.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
That's I'm kind of gassy. I mean, like up out
of my mouth gassy.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Wow, I did, like I have acid reflux and like
so like I just it made me burn. I feel
like a lot.
Speaker 5 (15:47):
You're you're really giving your old age. Like I'm real gassy,
I can't shrug gun to beer. Gassy and lactose intolerant snore. Yeah,
it's on Townhill from here. I'm a lot of fun
(16:10):
and you like realness with friendships and being real. And
I need to ask Corley if we can have the helicopter.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That's gonna happen, Danielle, So you're gonna have to wake up, okay,
Uh so let's see, Like, yeah, so Adam travel is
traveling a lot this week. There's days it's really weird,
Like it's really weird, like I know, like something that
fulfills me or like replenishes me is when I am.
(16:40):
I just had this conversation too, like girl time, guide time,
how valuable and important it is to remember that we
two are friends and like a woman and like a friend,
like the girlfriends, and you were a man and you
have man friends, so the man friends, and that it
is important to still hold onto those friendships and to
(17:00):
make time for those friendships because doing life together with
couples is amazing and great, but it's different when you
do guys together and girls together. And so really lately
I've been getting a lot of brain fog and like
what was I talking about? I have no idea, So
that's exactly what just happened. Now, what was I talking about?
Speaker 4 (17:22):
Importance of like friendships and girl girlfriends and guy friends. Yeah,
and getting away and having that time because it's different.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Glad you're here and listening.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
So this month, obviously, I know, like the month of May,
like Adam's gone a lot, and there's part of me
that's like it's a lot.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
It's a lot because it's consistent.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It's a lot for me too.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
I mean, like I was just talking to Blake about
that earlier whenever I picked her up from school. And
I was like, man, because I'm home for like three
or four days having to pack in like so much
stuff each day of like stuff that I got to
get done, appointments, meetings, functions, like work functions and stuff
(18:07):
like that, and I got to pack them all in
for the week in like three days, and then it's
just like well, on a plane off again.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
So it's just it's a lot. It is a lot
on the other side too, But that's what I was saying,
is that, like I know that I know that Adam
enjoys doing this and this month, though it's a little
bit different than our regular monthly schedule, it's a lot
of fun. He has a lot of joy doing it,
(18:35):
and it's a lot of guye time, which he kind
of almost all that kind of like flows in a
one month versus me. I'm like, I need something every quarter,
like I'll take it four times a year, and you
take it four times in one month. But it's good,
I mean, like it's it makes a different dynamic at home,
(18:57):
which is a little bit weird but also enjoyable for
like a little bit of a change, but then it's
not reality, and then you don't want it to stay
like that because then you're like, wow, this sucks doing
this alone or like all those all those things. But
more than anything, I think it's important to allow your
(19:19):
spouse to find joy and to still maintain joys that
he has without you being in every single thing.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
So like, if it there's something that he does with guys, Like.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
If there's something that your husband enjoys doing, I think
it's important that they have time at least monthly to
do that, just like I would. I mean, it's we
don't always get what we want. Did you know that? Guys?
Did you get what you want? Did you know that
you don't always give what you want?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
No matter what how old you are, you don't always give.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
What you want. But you know it. I would love
to have girlfriend dinner time or ladies or tea.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
Huh you did while I was gone when like Corley
was over here almost every night.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That's not the same thing that was.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
We're getting our kids together because our solo parenting, so
we're like our kids will entertain each other and you
we sit down for five seconds and then something and
then something you can't really carry on a conversation and
like really make it end. But anyways, so it is
a weird like long month of like Adam traveling and stuff.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
But it's good, Like I know it's this isn't normal,
like we do this.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
It's like once a year. And he owes me a
lot of date nights and a lot of like spa times,
and a lot like all the things vacation. I know
he's planning in like amazing Mother's Day and like amazing anniversary.
He's already thinking about my birthday in December. Were you
(21:03):
not listening? Spaced out? So go figure. Anyways, we're gonna
talk about forgiveness. We're talking about forgiveness this episode. I'm
gonna forgive Adam for ignoring me just in the less
forty seconds of me telling him about all the things
he's gonna plan for me because he loves me so much.
(21:25):
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Speaker 3 (21:36):
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Speaker 4 (24:08):
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Speaker 4 (24:36):
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Speaker 1 (24:39):
Don't forget cozyeerf dot com and use code more than
for forty percent off Happy Mother's Day. All right, let's
get back to the episode. Every week, Really, we don't
really have like this like full on agenda kind of
really like to like feed the room and like like
really so you say, feel fill the room, fill the room,
(25:02):
or just like what's been happening recently, like what's been
weighing on your heart? And like what are we going
to talk about in the beginning of episodes? And I
think structure will get better, but right now we're still
in like this season one and just kind of like
going with the flow, I guess. And I don't know.
I feel like since Women's Retreat two weekends ago or
(25:25):
whatnot two weeks ago, I don't know, the word forgiveness
has just kind of been something I've been thinking about
and how much I feel like people need to learn
how to forgive. So I thought, let's talk about that.
Let's talk about forgiveness and not just like I'm sorry,
like a true, peaceful forgiveness with you and the Lord,
(25:48):
Like how different that is, what that means, and what
it can do for you to like truly allow yourself
to forgive.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
So, yeah, we're going to talk abot with that.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Forgiveness doesn't always mean that you're like inviting that person
back in your life.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's yeah, it's I'm not gonna I'm not gonna harbor
this in my heart anything.
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Let it take over my heart, yeah, my mind.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Yeah, because that leads to like hardness and just resentment
and bitterness and stuff, and to like just give that
up and say, Okay, I'm not gonna hold onto this
and I'm not gonna dwell on this. It's in the past,
but it may not be I'm inviting that person back
into my life.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yeah, And that's something that I'm hoping you can get
out of this episode, is that you know, on the
level of forgiveness, So Adam hurts my feelings or my
friend hurts my feelings and they say I'm sorry, and
it's like, Okay, thank you for acknowledging that I forgive
you move on right. And then there's another level of
(26:56):
forgiveness where it's like I can't accept your story that
many times, like you keep doing the same thing. You're sorry,
doesn't mean anything, change your actions. And that's where you
can see full forgiveness. Okay, And then we have how
do we forgive? How do we forgive something that is
truly overtaking our heart? Understanding what that forgiveness is. And
(27:17):
Matthew six fourteen fifteen says that if we forgive others,
our heavenly Father will forgive us. That's a big deal.
God is showing us forgiveness is not optional. It's transformational, guys.
And that's the purpose of this episode we're talking about
is I'm going to share a story about like something
I walk through with like true truell what is that?
(27:40):
I don't know, trutell, but I kind of like it.
Add that to the book.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Wait, I'm gonna write that word down. I'm gonna give
it a definition.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
True Danielle isms, guys. Danielle daniel makes up words. Du
Danielle will use words that don't necessarily fit.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
And I'm gonna that's gonna be the name of the
Danielle speaks Trudel. I feel like there's like something too there. Okay,
Danielle likes to use the word rem instead of realm
quite often feed instead of phil, and it's just become
(28:19):
her vocabulary. Yeah, it's the braces. It's not them braces.
So I will share a story about walking through and
understanding what true forgiveness is. And I want to talk
about this because when I went to the women's retreat,
it was kind of something that we talked about on
(28:40):
the level of like scars and representation of like scars
and house scars, Like we try to hide our scars,
but honestly, what scars show you is like your life
and like what you've gone through, and like if you
can fully open this wound of hurt, whatever's hurt you,
and really clean out this like nasty, yucky infection in
(29:04):
the wound and really heal properly from that, you will
have peace and then that scar will be beautiful and
you will want to share what this scar has done
for your life. And so that is what I'm hoping
we can talk about here. And I mean I didn't
really like ask Adam before this, like do you have
(29:26):
any story and like relative conversation of like where you've
truly walked through forgiveness. Like I don't know, I'm gonna
put that on a connect card and say, like what's
what's what's something you've or someone you've had to forgive?
But I really will say that I probably would not
have understood what forgiveness was until I really experienced this
(29:52):
type of forgiveness and understanding of like what real forgiveness
is and how it can really transform your heart. Because
when you are hurting from unforgiveness, it doesn't it doesn't
just affect maybe a relationship. So if you're in some
state of unforgiveness, it's probably with someone and that's going
(30:14):
to disrupt or bring a level of change within the relationship,
whether it be someone as close as your spouse, someone
as a best friend, a family member. Like I could
go on, but like if you're holding some form of resentment, resentment,
your heart is hardened to them, like you don't see
(30:36):
a change, like you're just going to that pain of
that unforgiveness can really take you down.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
It also it festers in relationships, yes, and even just
like your mindset in a day, like you may say, ah,
like forgive and forget and like move on, and it
looks like it's healed from on the surface, just like
you know, like just dressing a wound. On the surface,
(31:07):
it looks like it's healed, but like underneath, you know,
may there's still may be infection there and hurt there
and stuff that you just haven't been able to deal with.
And it starts to surface area.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
You might not even be aware that it was infected
because you're like, oh, it looks good, you know. But
when we're talking about for goodness, is this is not
saying that what someone did to you or whatever that
scenario was, that it was okay, okay. So that's not
what I'm saying. It's not pretending that it didn't hurt.
And it's definitely not forgetting, because we'll never forget, right,
(31:45):
but we can forgive. We can forgive, And so I'll
share just one of the hardest This was kind of
like this first instance, like a real forgiveness journey that
I went on with I know I've talked to a
little bit about in our you know, this is episode
thirty two, so in earlier episodes, you know, kind of
(32:06):
shared a little bit about you know, relationship or like
what life was with my mom. There was a lot
of unspoken pain that I did not realize that I
was holding onto or that it was part of what
I was dealing with. I wasn't aware of it until
(32:27):
there was a separation between our friends or relationship and
we needed some boundaries and separation for healing purposes. In
a sense. There were a lot of things over I mean,
I'm forty one now, which is wow, I'm forty one.
I didn't mind being forty, but forty one's like, you're
(32:48):
like really forty, You're like really in your forties, You're forty.
I'm not just forty cool, I'm forty. I'm like in
my forties now. So this was a lot of my years,
a lot of my life. So little backstory for my
relationship with my mom for probably the last like four
(33:09):
years it has it been four years. Four years, yeah,
we'll just have four years. Has been really not in existence,
and through that time, especially early on, this is where
I chose, you know, this boundary of hey, we need
(33:31):
we need some separation. There's a lot of things that
are just a constant, repetitive dysfunction and we need to
change something, and this is it. So there's we just
need a break from each other. We need to stop
and we need to separate. And yes, that's hard, that's weird.
(33:51):
Struggled with that, and I would say over about a year,
I really was going I was going through therapy, and
I was doing therapy with my sisters and like family
stuff and like walking through things, and I started to
realize that there's a lot of things that I didn't
realize were hurtful because it wasn't because it was just life.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
It's not just like between Danielle and We're not going
to get too deep into like talking about your sisters
and stuff, but it's like you and your two sisters
as a whole decided we need to make a change
on that break. It wasn't just like this is like
a Danielle and her mom thing either.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, but where I am now, I can look back
and say growing up and like all the you know,
relationships with my mom, like it never I didn't really
realize how dysfunctional things were until I've overcame forgiveness. Honestly, now,
(34:53):
I think as an adult, there's things that I could
look back on to be like that was like as
a mom, you know, And I honestly will say like,
I'm going to give her all the things that she
tried her best and the struggles real and she still
might struggle. I struggle to as myself. But at the time,
(35:15):
growing up in these situations, I didn't understand that those
were not normal because that's what I was exposed to
and that was my normal. Right as an adult, you
get married, you have a family, you're a mom, like,
you understand this relationship mom daughter, I have daughters, I'm
a daughter, and wow, like that was just not a
(35:35):
healthy relationship. That was not healthy. And so when that
separation came for health and healing purposes, I walk through
understanding that I needed to forgive her. And I've never
spoken about this ever ever, but because this has been
(35:56):
weighing on me for like less couple of things, less
couple weeks, I feel like it's okay to really like
open up about this and be real reality more than
and just kind of say like it was like life
was hard, Like life was not I felt love, but
life with my mother was not motherly and was not
(36:20):
nurturing and or I don't know, as a mom, it's
just not what I would think I would ever put
my kids in situations so I'll say that there are
situations that I won't discuss here but are now that
were just not something I would ever allow my kids
(36:40):
to be involved in or around. Okay, so over the years,
there was a lot of manipulation and or just because
I'm your mom, you must do X, Y Z. And
so I would call that a form of hate. To
use the word abuse because it's so it's it's a hard,
hard word word. But take this word and say how
(37:04):
it was used. It was not physically abuse, it was
not like but words hurt, and words can be verbally abusive.
And I have had multiple conversations in multiple scenarios growing
up and not being verbally spoken to in a proper manner.
And so I would say that those have impacted me
(37:24):
and impacted me to be more than one who that
I needed to be more defiant and more stronger. I
need it to be stronger. I needed to be stronger.
And that's kind of where a lot of my personality
came from. But I've had to walk this journey, and
(37:45):
when I separated, I didn't realize I thought I had
overcome all that. And I remember, like when I became
a mom, like telling them I'm like, man, I'm sorry,
Like there's a lot of things I didn't realize that
you feel as a mother, and like I assumed she
felt that those things for me, and I will still
assume that because I am her daughter, but I don't
(38:05):
know if they're real. Yeah, you know, because I don't
know if I've ever felt how I feel as a
mom to my daughters, if I've ever felt that way
with my mom. And I know that might be hard
for some people to hear and they won't understand that,
and even for family members to hear that light. But
that is that is that's truth, Like that's truth. But
(38:27):
things are said verbally, things are hurtful. Things were never
addressed and we just didn't deal with it and it
was just buried and it was buried and there was
never any like explanation for a topic or conversation to
like really walk through it or like apologize or.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
Any of that, any of those things that I do
as a mom.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
And I'm not saying I'm better, because I struggle every
day and feel like I fail as a mom. So
I'm just giving my perspective on like my relationship and
ship with my mom, and then how I can compare
it to how I am as a mom, But a
lot of those things are because I wasn't perceived or
I didn't have that as within my growing up.
Speaker 3 (39:11):
But a lot of the pain was.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Buried but didn't mean it disappeared even if I didn't
like realize it. A lot of my life growing up
it was a present mom or it was not a
present mom. A present mom or not a present mom.
And so that was that's that's dysfunctional. It's dysfunctional. But
I didn't know that growing up. I didn't know that
(39:35):
growing up. And so when we had this separation of
a break in life and just a needing to focus
on like healing in my marriage and my immediate my
children and what we were going through in life, and
then that was COVID and just like so much, so
(39:56):
much change and like reckoning of the world in my
own life.
Speaker 3 (40:02):
And so I just remember.
Speaker 1 (40:06):
Realizing day by day and like therapy session after therapy
session was just like, Wow, that was not okay, and
that was that was not okay. That scenario is not okay.
And like some of those things like I never forgot,
but I never knew that they were not okay. Yeah,
does that make sense and to tell myself like those
(40:28):
were not okay, and to know that like above all,
like God was ever present and still is ever present
as I look back on all that to now, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:40):
Yeah, I think that's why, Like I mean a lot
of people just over the years and like seeing clips
and stuff and seeing you know, television, because we were
both brought up very differently, like start contrast, and there
was a lot of stuff that people don't see, like
behind the scenes and behind the cam and stuff. But
(41:00):
they see, you know, those wounds and stuff like bubble up,
but they.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
Don't understand it because that side's not shown.
Speaker 4 (41:08):
And yeah, because the relationship on TV, you know that
she was just portrayed, which because she is she's got
this fun yeah, like she just says off the wall stuff.
She's funny. But you don't see the stuff. You don't
see the hard stuff behind the scenes and stuff and
so but but us personally, you can't forget that, like
(41:29):
we always carry that and so you know, it may
just it may look like even just for me, like
shortness or backhanded comments and stuff like that on and
they would make those on camera, but they don't. But
people would never see the other side of things. And
(41:51):
that's what that's you know, made things, that's what made
things hard for TV and stuff because you know, for me,
you know, I see it felt like I know, I
know what like a like parenting and what a healthy
you know, relationship looks like and stuff. And then you know,
as a husband, you want to defend and you want
(42:15):
to protect your wife. You know it don't it doesn't
always come out the right way or in the right
manner because you're just you're defensive and you're you just
want to protect.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
And which if you follow Adam on Instagram, what in
a lot of comments he makes back towards people, yeah,
because it's like he just feels like he has to defend. Yeah,
I do.
Speaker 4 (42:38):
I do feel like I mean, like what in Touch
Weekly used to have a weekly segment called Adam Busby's
cloud Back because put people in their place. But and
I don't know, and that that was always hard for
me because like I would see both sides of it, yeah,
but we could never really talk about like the other
(43:00):
side of it, and like I carried hert with that because.
Speaker 1 (43:06):
It's like the struggle, like so take a side note
out of this what I'm sharing. But aside it is
if we talk about the perspective of how I was
viewed on TV versus how my mom was viewed on TV.
I hate it killed me because I am, you know,
this mom that I feel like I had. I could
(43:28):
do this life and we were capable, and we had
God as our strength and we could do this. But
I was never perceived as a mom who could do it,
and yet I had a mom.
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Because they wanted to portray things, especially like a family
that grew from from one child to six overnight, they
want to make it look like a struggle.
Speaker 1 (43:54):
And life is still a struggle. It still is. It
still is. So that was not a lie in that way.
It's not like it wasn't true, but the narrative around
certain characters quote unquote and who I need, who I
should have been for TV was not who I was.
That was hard, yeah, but I held on to who
I was most of the time until I started to
(44:16):
just get over it. But so when you look at
someone who's just like a you know, I'm a main character.
It's our show, it's our family, this is it, and
then my mom is like a third party character that
it was like, give her all the things that we
need to make her be this person, but yet I
(44:37):
can't be who I am truly being and you want
me to be. Like that was what started to get
at me when I started to really get overwhelmed, was
in that like attacked of like you know, gosh, what
was it? Like you're four into it, of like, wow,
this is okay, So I shouldn't be this together, like
(45:00):
letting the enemy just really take over my emotions and
my mannerisms and my thoughts, but also walking through things
that were painful and hurtful even within those days of
like trying to film with a family member that you
haven't talked to you in three months and she needs
to be in this episode. You're like, this is awkward,
(45:21):
but we're doing a pickup and she was in it
three months ago.
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Or she would just lashed out and was extremely rude
to everyone on set in her home, but yet we
had to film the scene. Yeah, and then you'd just
kind of been through this like a moment where you
just wanted to her to be removed from the house
because she shouldn't be disrespecting people like that in our home.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
But yet oh, we have to.
Speaker 4 (45:52):
I got to film the scene. We got to finish
this episode, finish dinner. Let's put on a face. And
so that's whenever you end up seeing like this snide
or backhanded comments, because it's just hard, it's tough, like
it just bubbles out.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
But I will say that, you know a lot of
that pain from the years of just feeling like, in
a sense, wasn't good enough because I never I never
had this, or my mom never did this for me,
or whatever it could have been. Those things were buried
deep in that I did not know were affecting me.
(46:26):
And when those pains are buried deep down, they don't disappear.
They continue to grow, They continue to grow, and like
those wounds just started to get bigger and bigger and bigger.
And how I responded was carrying on stress and it
affected how I was with Adam. It affected how I
(46:48):
was as a mom, and how I was as a
sister to my sisters, and you know, being on pins
and needles around like if there was her coming around
and being like, I don't want to like set her off,
So I'm gonna dismiss all the things to like be
under this childlike demeanor versus my priority goes to Adam,
(47:09):
you know, and like that distinctiveness between who comes first
was a struggle at times, being like I have to
defend her and be on her side, but I can't
do this with my husband. But that's where God wants
me to be, Like your first call to be with
you know, God, and your spouse and your family, and yes,
your mom is in there, but it's not. Once I
(47:31):
married Adam, he became the next under God. And so
like those things like were hard, It was hard, and
I think when I finally opened up, I've never, like
you know, I've never fully have had like a full forgiveness.
I forgive you, like conversation with my mom, because I
(47:52):
don't think that it's I don't need that. I don't
need that, because what God showed me was that like
you come to me and you have exposed your wound
and you're repenting of true forgiveness of God, Like, don't
let this overtake my relationships, my my the pain, the
(48:15):
stresses causing me to stray and like not see clearly
like and truly saying like I just want to I
want to be able to forgive her. And it's like
a forgiveness that like it's like that type of peace
I've talked about in the past, like our previous episodes,
Like there was a sense of peace that just literally
if I were to say, was you know, this sickening
(48:38):
wound in my gut was just literally ripped out and
sealed with no scar. I guess there's this tiny scar
there because it's a part of my journey in my life.
But walking through forgiveness with Christ and like understanding that
like He has forgiven me because I falter every day
and he still sees me as his child and forgiveness
(49:01):
and I was like, you know, I prayed, I prayed,
I had people pray over me, and I've truly forgiven her.
And I can truly say that like that was that
was the past. It is a part of my experience
of life and things God has taught me and brought
me and healing through. Our relationship is not repaired in
(49:23):
a way, but I do know that like God wants reconciliation,
So I do know that there will be a day
to come where that is there. It might not be
it might be tomorrow, it might be in heaven, but
I do know that, like I have walked through full
forgiveness in my heart for unsafe and hurtful words and
scenarios and situations of manipulating like all the things, all
(49:48):
the things, and it's been just like this peace of.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
My heart that has just like healed, healed.
Speaker 1 (49:55):
And so for someone who is, you know, so walking
through a scenario of extreme pain or hurt and struggling
with forgiveness, what I've learned through this is that you
don't necessarily have to go to that specific person. You
go to God first and you say, heal my heart
(50:17):
and help me forgive this person. I want to forgive
them because that's what you call me to do, and
that's what you want me to do, but help me
in my heart to truly forgive her or him and
to see on beyond that. Let the past be the
past in a kunamatata, I don't know. I always see
(50:42):
that behind you. It doesn't matter, it isn't the best,
but you won't forget. But now what I can say
as someone who has like walk through forgiveness with that
with Christ, is that dude, like I can, I can
talk about it and it be a journey of forgiveness
for me. That is the story of how I have
(51:03):
understood forgiveness, like true, honest heart forgiving forgiveness.
Speaker 4 (51:10):
Because we can't really do anything about the other side.
I mean, like there's there's been attempts made on multiple occasions,
and you just see that she just wasn't ready, like
she wouldn't you know, if if she truly came with
humility and accepting the things and owning up to the
(51:32):
things that she's done, you know, there may have been
a way of reconciliation personally and stuff. But you know,
you make an attempt and you just realize, you know,
it's just defensiveness and not owning up to the things
because it's like it's like she's lied to herself so
(51:53):
many times and have believed the lies that she tells
herself that she's not wrong, she's she believes she says,
you know, the things that the things that she says
she believes and they're not accurate, and she but she
believes those lies and showed she just is entrenched in
(52:14):
the lies that she tells herself. And you just realize,
like there's no moving forward whenever one side stays entrenched,
you know, and and so hopefully like one day like
she'll you know, yeah, I like that and like come
in humility and want to truly reconcile, but it comes
(52:36):
out of cost. It comes to being humble and realizing,
you know, Okay, yeah, I do own up to these
things that I was wrong in and and come in humility, but.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
You can't be responsible for that. And I mean, forgiven
my mom was like not easy and even just saying
the word forgive y'all partly like what do you have
to forgive her? But like it's just not necessarily for
me to like go into like those kind of things
and whatnot. But just letting God come into that space
(53:11):
of like healing. That's where I stopped expecting my mom
to fix the hurt that she's caused me, and I
just went to Jesus with it, you know. And and
it's like freedom, Like it's freedom. I don't I don't
have like the same mindset because now my heart has
(53:33):
been changed over so my head's like, wow, I see
this so differently. Now, I see this so differently now,
So I don't live in bitterness. I just I feel
like I have a sense of freedom over the weight
of that. And when the day comes for whatever day
that might be, like I'm I'm all in for whatnot.
(53:56):
I mean, I still think that there's a journey of
things that need to happen and whatnot.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
But as of today, I know that I've forgiven and.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
I can truly say that, and I want to be
able to make sure that people know that, Like, forgiveness
doesn't have to be the person to person it just
those hurts can never be. There's a lot of things
that human cannot understand or not repair, but Christ can't
because he he forgives us on the daily. He died
(54:30):
for us and for our sins when we didn't deserve it.
And look at it, look at us, look at you,
look at I mean, we all fall short and we
always will because we're human and we live in a sinful,
temptational world.
Speaker 4 (54:43):
But yeah, so, I mean there's like five points that
you have right here.
Speaker 1 (54:49):
It's just you know, a few steps that help.
Speaker 4 (54:53):
Is just like naming the pain, be honest with what hurt,
and then give it to God daily. I mean, that's
that's all you can do, is just give it to
God daily. You know, whenever you're in the middle of hurt,
whenever you're still struggling with it, whenever it still festers
out whenever you know things in your day remind you
(55:15):
of that and put you in this like negative downward space.
Speaker 3 (55:19):
Yeah, and trying to see.
Speaker 4 (55:20):
Because it's a process and you got you've got to
work on it daily.
Speaker 1 (55:26):
And one of the hardest things for us to see
as human is that other person, whoever it might be,
not in the view of our own human vision, but
in the view of God. So God loves his child
that person just no different than he loves me. Yes,
(55:46):
there's pain between these two relationships, but I can now
see differently because I have forgiven and I want to
pray for her, and I pray differently for her because
I want nothing but the best for her. That's the
third step.
Speaker 4 (56:01):
It was just just constantly pray that for that person,
not because they deserve it, but because your heart does.
Speaker 1 (56:10):
And then and then boundaries are boundaries are needed. Boundaries
are needed. You know, forgiveness doesn't mean that like, oh,
you know, in this scenario, forgiven like let's let her
come over to reaction like it's not it doesn't work
like that. Boundaries are still needed for for for the
next steps of relationship repair and reconciliation.
Speaker 4 (56:35):
And then just to speak it out loud, just because forgiveness, Uh,
like I choose to forgive it, it carries power. So yeah,
just to hear yourself say it as well. I mean,
I mean even just like whenever you know, I'm struggling
(56:56):
with something and sometimes you just need to get things
out and here yourself say it. It's completely different than
it just being in your head.
Speaker 3 (57:05):
Yeah, And I think.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
And I think starting the the route to forgiveness, you
don't have to say right now like I forgive you.
Speaker 3 (57:18):
It's like it's a journey. It is a journey.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
Like when I was walking through like you know, repairing
and like healing, I didn't know I was going to
end up going into fully forgiving. It didn't start out
with like God, I want to forgive her, like help
me forgive. It turned into me realizing that, like there
is something deeper in there and I just need to
(57:42):
forgive no matter where that pain lied, like I need
it to forgive her within within it, and it is
a peace and a forgiveness that like only God can
transcend and like heal. You know. So we're gonna try
to like wrap up this podcast if you're you know,
listening right now, and maybe you know this resonates with you.
(58:05):
I just I want to say that, like, don't hold
on to the anger or the fear, or the resentment,
the bitterness of what could come next. So lean in
and pray. You if you start regularly praying for that
(58:29):
other person and going to God with reveal to me
what I need to do in this relationship, how can
I what are the burdens on my heart, what's overtaking
my heart with this relationship? Go to Him and humility
and then pray for the pray for goodness for that person.
I feel like you will. You will get to a
(58:51):
point where you realize, like I need to forgive and
God can do that for you. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (58:56):
And forgiveness is freedom. I mean it's not us. Forgiveness
is not a sign of weakness, honestly, Like forgiveness is
a sign of strength, being able to be able to
do that and own it and not let resentment and
bitterness define you and own you, being able to forgive
(59:20):
and let that go as a sign of strength. And
so yeah, say it out loud.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Yeah, Yeah, And I mean, don't you know, like go
to God and just say, like you know, I want
to I want to forgive them just as He's forgiven you.
Speaker 3 (59:41):
Heal my heart, heal my heart, and give me peace
with the situation and release the pain that it's put
on you, because it can if you if you live
with unforgiveness, it doesn't just affect your like emotional and
mental like even spiritual world like, it can start to
(01:00:02):
affect you physically physically.
Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
It can affect you. And so.
Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
I would say trust in this and.
Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Seek scripture, seek a community of people who can pray
for you, open up, speak about it, say it out loud,
and go to God because there's true peace and forgiveness.
So if this episode spoke to you, reached, reached, you
touched your heart, please share it with someone or someone
(01:00:34):
that you know might could you know, have some insight
from it. It's while we're here. It's what we're trying
to do is share real life scenarios, real stories that
we've walked through more than reality and trying to just
speak speak healing, speak truth, speak love in a way that.
Speaker 3 (01:00:55):
We can more relatable and more personal.
Speaker 4 (01:00:58):
So and we want this, you know, this podcast to
be like a community of people that you know can
share and can lean on each other. So like, if
you you know, if you're going through something, or if
you have gone through something and have a powerful story
or a meaningful story about forgiveness, you know, leave it
in the comments. I mean, I know, like a lot
of people share uh, some pretty powerful stuff, like on
(01:01:21):
our YouTube channel in the comments there, even.
Speaker 1 (01:01:25):
On like Instagram. I get like people people sharing their
stories on comments within a post or something to me
is so valuable, so valuable. Please just going. It keeps
us going. But also it keeps it keeps other readers going, Wow,
it's not just what I just posted or you just posted.
(01:01:45):
It's like, look at this other testimony from someone in
the comment, look at this comment, look at like that's
it's powerful. Its powerful.
Speaker 4 (01:01:53):
So thank you guys for commenting uh and just leaving
your words of encouragement and your own stories. And so
thank you guys for listening to episode thirty two of
More Than Reality podcast. We'll see you in the next one.
Thanks guys, Love you guys
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
Much.
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