May 29, 2025 • 55 mins
Adult friendships aren’t what they used to be… and we’re feeling it. In this episode, we dive into the real-life struggles of finding and keeping close friends in your 30s and 40s. From awkward mom-friend moments to the guilt dads feel for taking time away, we’re breaking down why it’s so dang hard—and what we’re doing differently now. Plus, a big convo about schooling, summer chaos, and giving each other the space to grow.
Whether you’re craving connection, rethinking your kid’s school path, or just need to hear someone say “same,” this one’s for you.
Whether you’re craving connection, rethinking your kid’s school path, or just need to hear someone say “same,” this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into
all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there
is so much more than the reality that you see
on the surface.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to More Than Reality.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
With Adam and Danielle Busby.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
What's up? Hey, Hey, it's episode thirty five a More
Than Reality podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, thirty five. We're making our way in there.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
So we've had a crazy of a whirlwind of a week, man,
and it's like summer start.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Like I literally it's like three days into like summer
or something like that. Like I feel like I can't
even keep up with like what today is, yeah, now
that the kids are out of school, but it feels
like a Saturday or like a Sunday or something, you know.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I know, it's like a totally different like pace of
life now that all the kids are back home, which
means every alarm all day, which is amazing. I guess
I shouldn't have to wake up as early as I
normally do.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
But no, because then you wake me up and I'm like,
that's rude.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Because I still set my alarm at the same time
and just go to the gym. Actually, I will like
kind of sleep like an extra thirty minutes or so.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I know, which means you snooze, snooze, snooze, like when
we were in which is kind of pointless because then
I'm just like snoozing every I think the iPhone it
like resets itself like every nine minutes or something like that. No,
like in the airport when I meant and when we
had to fly home this the other day, Yeah, the
alarm was set for like four am or something, and
(01:47):
mine was like set for like four h five or
like four oh eight, and yours went off and you
didn't touch it. It just kept going and going and going.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm like, because I because I had my normal I
had my normal alarm set for like five am for
whenever I go to the gym, and I just re
I just adjusted that alarm for the day to wake
me up at four. And it's alarm that starts off
really quiet. Yeah, and usually I can like wake up
(02:19):
really quickly whenever I'm a home. But it was a
long weekend, late nights, early mornings whenever we were in
Indianapolis for the race, and we had to be up
super early to get to the airport to fly back
to Houston, and it was just that alarm that just
like starts off real quiet, and I guess you heard
(02:39):
it and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I did. I heard it, and I'm like, I heard it.
He's not going to press that button.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I heard it after like five minutes or something like that.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
But anyway, so anybody else relate, did your husband's or
spouse alarm go off and they choose to not press
the snooze button or going and they're just going to
snooze through.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I normally wake up before the alarm goes off and
just like turn it off, but not in that day.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Not that day. I was waking up this usually around
the time I wake up and I have to like pee.
I was like, looks at the clock and I'm like, no,
I then I have to get up in a few minutes.
And then your alarm shirt going off, and I was like,
but my alarm didn't go off yet, He's not going
to press the arm. Should I get up? No? I
(03:25):
was like my own battle within myself of like do
I press it? Do I get up? Do I go pee?
Do I just stay in bed because it's a couple
more minutes?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
And then so Danielle had her first Indy five hundred
experience YEP, we had my parents driving from Louisiana. They
came and stay with the girls. They brought two of
the cousins from Louisiana to stay. It's funny how it's
it's almost easier when you bring more kids in the equation.
They aren't normally here because they just entertained themselves, and
(03:53):
so it makes it even though you're adding more kids,
it makes it easier.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, it's funny because they keep them occupied and keep
them playing with you know, especially their cousins that they
don't see off that offense.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
And it's just funny because like mom and dad are
coming here to watch six watch six kids, and then
they bring two more like okay, but it is easier.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It is easier, for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I mean we always find that, like whenever, especially now
if summer's kicked off, the girls are like, can such
and such come to play?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
We're like sure, literally, we've been home, come home for
two nights and they've had a friends sleepover two nights
for one night and then the next night another night.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Whatever, guys like yolo. Summertime, they're constantly you know, it's
been one kid each night, which is which is sometimes
not the norm, Like usually it's like two, Yeah, we
were gonna head out to Splash Way and do like
a summer kickoff, but the weather just does not is
(04:51):
not in our favor and it's been like stormy, nasty,
it's gonna be like that. So we've postponed it. We're
still gonna do it because we love splash a little
kind of like kind of like a staycation, but it
is like an hour or so away, hour and a
half away.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like we've been doing that every year since the kids
were like really young. And we actually skipped Splashway last summer.
Last summer we did because we did Kalahari because Kalahari
invited us out and then, which.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Was super fun and stuff too, but that's what.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
We've never been there before and it was that in
Round Rock and so it didn't really you know, we
did the water park thing to kick off summer, but.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So this summer kickoff was really Adam and Daniell going
to any five.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So now I was trying to like we were trying
to like make up and be like, Okay, this is
going to be when we kick off the summer a
little mini staycation over at Splashway. But now it's postponed
because of the weather, so we'll go in a couple
of weeks. But kids are looking forward to that. It's
great if you're in like in the Houston area, it's
definitely a place to like check out. Especially I would say,
I mean the kids are getting older, so you know,
(05:55):
ten and fourteen, we'll still have a lot of fun.
But I really do think if like you're in the
age of like that five, five to ten, it's like prime.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
No, I mean I think it's even older because like Splashway,
it's like one of those water parks. On every single
year they add on new stuff and like lately the
like the past few years, like they've been adding like
these big slider slides and like kind of revamping the
whole part. Like the owners of Splashway are like really
(06:27):
awesome whenever it comes to like planning new rides and stuff,
and like, I mean they've made that place a destination.
I mean it's only it's about an hour and a
half outside like south southwest of Houston, a town called Sheridan.
It's like out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, because
it started out as like a campground where you can
travel out there with like your RV and stuff, and
(06:49):
they have a few like you know, they have camping sites,
RV sites, cabins, cabins, bunk houses, tiny homes.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Those new tiny homes are so adorable, a kind of
your newest edition of the last couple of years. But
they're so cute. But yeah, it has grown.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
And then the water park's awesome. But then they also
have all these things like in the evenings whenever the
water park closes, you know, just for fun stuff that
you can do with your family. And there's activities there. Yeah,
they have an outdoor like kind of like a drive
in movie theater you can rent. You can rent or
bring your own, like golf carts and stuff. They have
all these golf carts that are rent you can drive
(07:27):
around the property. You're free to like bring your own
in if you want.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
But there's just a lot of fun kid extra activities
to do once.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
The water mini golf, there, huge.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Park, there's sand volleyball. There's like the big jumpy like
blow up matt kind of like land blob land blob. Yeah,
it's a good word. You can fish, you can kayak,
you can I mean, there's just it's a great.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Little getaway they enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Especially around the Houston's around every.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Time we've been like, we have an absolute blast, and
it's just like fun family memories. It's just like super
family oriented.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
We always play bean Boozle in the cabin, Like literally,
Avera brought that up today. She's like, well, it's okay,
if it rains, we'll just play bean Boozle, and I'm like,
we always play bean Bozel. It's kind of where we
first started playing bean Boozle. Yeah, but I was like, no,
we're just gonna go. It's gonna rain most of the time,
so like, let's just postpone it a couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And it's always a funny, a funny game to play
with family.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah, if you've never played bean Boozle, you gotta do it.
I mean, it's literally this jelly bean game with it
either has like a good like it might be a
green jelly bean. It's like a good flavor or a
bad flavor like it might be like fruit, like pear
is this one? Or it might be like boogers and
(08:46):
you don't know until you try it and you have
like a little spinny.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Wheel and it tells you or popcorn. I mean it is.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Literally it's so fun and we like die laughing. As
many times as we played it, it's still funny every time.
But anyways, so let's jump into a little connect card here.
You wanna, I'm gonna ask you first, so just throw
one and give it to you. Yeah, what areas of
(09:14):
your life have you been affirmed in lately? Pretty deep question.
So these cards we just ask each other kind of
conversation starters and copic topics where I ask him a
question and he answers, and then he asked me a
question and I answer. Typically we don't answer the same question.
(09:35):
But Adam's question today is what areas of your life
have you been affirmed in lately?
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I think it'd probably center around like work, networking and
like creating relationships and just kind of building different relationships
and like networking and stuff. And you know, I've had
a few people lately like affirm and like man like,
glad you were a part of that conversation or and
(10:01):
even in like photography and stuff, it's like, man like,
it's always awesome having you here because you get like
just these great, like candid moments of certain things. Drawback
to that is I never get any photos of myself usually, but.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Hold the role you do, you just don't they're not
with your camera at times.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Yeah, so a photos and I've got a few iPhone
picks every now and then. But yeah, we've had we
had like a lot of like really cool conversations, especially
this past weekend at Indy five hundred and just like networking,
(10:43):
like we good ranchers. We sponsor on Fox, like across
the board, Fox Sports, Fox News, you know, like all
the things, and Fox like runs all the Indy Car
stuff as well. And you know, we did a we
did a Fox and Friends setment and stuff, and we
got to kind of rub shoulders and like network with
(11:05):
like a lot of the Fox executives and stuff and
brought up some cool ideas and you know and future
things that we can do, future endeavors and stuff that
we can do with them. And it was just some
cool conversations to be a part of. Really neat people
to meet that kind of pull a lot of the
strings high up at Fox and stuff. But yeah, it's
(11:25):
always fun. You know, I did that a lot with
my former career. Yeah, but now it's like and then
I went through this season of you know, working for
myself and kind of just being by myself, which you
you know, whenever you don't flex those muscles as much,
you kind of like flounder a little bit and aren't
(11:45):
really used to you know, those kind of conversations. But
the more and more you do it, you know, the
better you become with it. And so, you know, just
being very involved with like Good Rangers and stuff. I've
had like a lot of those opportunities, doing a lot
of traveling and stuff with them, and doing a lot
of special events and stuff with them, and so it's
been it's been cool to flex those muscles again and
(12:09):
you know, something that I really enjoy. But it's just
forcing yourself into situations that you don't kind of like
you have imposter syndrome a little bit. You don't feel
like you're you're really supposed to be in certain circles.
But then you get affirmed from people like, oh, thank
goodness you were in that conversation because you've.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Always been You've always been a people person. Yeah, even
back in the day when you were in outside cells,
it was like you always were amazing networker, amazing on
like growing s deepthness of the friendship or the quality
of like what you were selling to a person. It
wasn't just about a transaction. It was always about a relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, like me and my brother in law, Like in
our my former career, he's still doing that kind of stuff.
But like we would always kind of tag team and
I would be like more of the relationship guy and
build like these stronger friendships with people, and then he
would be more of the like let's stay on task,
let's stay focused, like what are we here for and stuff,
(13:14):
and he was like more like all businesses and but
we but it complimented each other very well because you know,
he would jump in and ask those tough questions and
then I would kind of be there to you know,
like play both sides of it and like be the friend,
like play that friendship part of it. And it worked
really well. But you know, whenever you don't do it
(13:36):
in a while, you know, you just have to keep
forcing yourself into those situations and flexing those muscles, and finally,
you know things start coming around. You're like, Okay, I'm
comfortable at this again, and I'm getting there. I'm not
quite back where I used to be, but I feel
like I'm getting there, and and I'm enjoying it. I
like I like it a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, for sure, I like it.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I like it a lot.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're gonna fan them out to me so you can
see all of them.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I picked it up.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I'm gonna pick the one I can read at the bottom,
just kidding.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Is there anything in your life that you don't have
peace about right now?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Oh, I said, don't be hard. What do I not
have peace about?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Dropping bombs? Well, I mean we've.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Kind of talked about this in the past couple episodes,
you know, here and there, just how we're going through
like this big change of like how we feel like
God's kind of like taken our life, dumped it upside
down and like shaking it and weeding out things that
aren't kingdom driven or minded or where we're kind of
(14:52):
needing to weed out a lot of like I want
to say, bad or negative. Just we're in a season
of change, I think, and so having peace is something
that when you're in a season of change, having peace
is what affirms those decisions. And so we have had
(15:13):
some peace through a lot of some of these change
transitional things. But I think where I don't have peace
right now is when I think about kids in school.
So I'm kind of feeling pulled and struggling on something
(15:34):
I've never really had to really second guess and think about.
But I think my eyes have been more open to
what does school look like and what does school really mean?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Well, so it's like twofold because there could be there
could be a chance that our kids may be going
to a different school altogether anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, but you know, there were I think there was
a post or something about Courtney Kardashian saying like school
is so outdated or something something like that, like why
why do we put our kids through school? It's so outdated?
It was something on the lines of that.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
A little bit of that. I think there's a lot
of stuff that's just and I resignate wasted time in school.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
For sure. I resonate with that. And I'm sure that
there was a lot of like hit towards her comments
or like her statement, but I resonate with that currently
in thinking I kind of I kind of agree with
it a little bit because you know, we school. What
is school and what is the value of school? And
what's the purpose of school and how does it affect
(16:44):
your life? And what are you doing with your kids
around that, and so to me, school has always been
this is where you go, this is what you do,
this is where you learn, this is you know, so
your parents can go to work and it's seven eight
hours a day and blah blah blah. But now that
we have our own kids and we're putting our kids
in school, you know, Blake's about Blake will be starting
(17:05):
her freshman year of high school, and the Quins are
going to be starting there last year of elementary school.
So as they're getting older, and I don't like take
away or regret anything that we've done school wise, but
I think I'm now looking at school a different lens,
as my heart has been more expanded to like what
(17:25):
does God really view us? And I'm talking about Buzzby's us,
how does he want us to view school? And how
does he want us to raise our kids. We can't
change anything that we've done, but this switch in me
has gone off and said, I feel like we should
(17:46):
be doing something different. So I don't have peace about
this situation that I feel like God's opened my eyes to.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Well, it's funny because like you go into like now,
like this circle of friends that we're in right now,
a lot of them are going the route of like
co op homeschooling, and so it's not just like you
because you're just at home and you're homeschooling at home.
(18:17):
It's like a co op.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So yeah, or some of them have done the co
op and now they go to an actual like public school,
or they've gone to public school and they've pulled them
to co op, or some of their kids do co
op and some of their kids go to public school.
So I just have never kind of like fully looked
into like what is best for that child in a
(18:42):
sense versus this is how school is perceived, and this
is how I've done school, and we've done school, and
this is what school is. So just something God's kind
of put on my heart, something I've just been praying about,
and like I don't really have like the full peace
about a change of something something to do differently. And
(19:04):
so that's really where I sit on. I don't have
peace about this is what we should be doing keeping it,
or peace about should we change something.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
So yeah, because you see, like even the people that
we know of that are like homeschooling, and like, the
more that you look into it, most of the stuff
that they're doing in school wise, they're finishing, like I mean,
they have about three hours of school a day and
they're getting in everything that they need. And you're just
(19:38):
looking at that and you're like, man, how much of
how much of our kids day is just like wasted on?
Just like but it's not on like the status quo
of like we're doing this because we've always done it
this way, And is it the best way to go
about teaching your kids? Is it the best the best
(20:01):
format for teaching kids and and stuff like that. I mean,
I mean, public schools are doing the same thing that
they've pretty much done for I mean generations. Now you know,
it's pretty much done the exact same way, and you know,
is it the best way? I mean I look at
you know, school growing up, I mean I mean yeah,
other than like the basic reading, writing, arithmetics, stuff like that.
(20:26):
And if you're not going if your intention isn't going
further and higher education to get a specific job where
you need more of like science oriented stuff or in
the medical field or or whatever. I look at what
I'm doing nowadays, like I don't I don't really need
much of that schooling or much of even much college
(20:48):
after school doing what I do now. I mean in
like photography, and I mean a lot of the stuff,
and like marketing and stuff. I mean a lot of
that stuff. It's just it's learning like alg rhythms and
like how things you know, what works and stuff and
this particular climate and like this culture and stuff right now,
and you're constantly evolving, so like stuff you would have
(21:11):
learned in school, I mean, it's hard to make it
even really apply to like, Okay, what's happening right now
and what works right now and all this stuff because
you constantly have to be changing and stuff that I
would have learned, you know, twenty plus years ago at school. Well,
it's all stuff that I didn't really need.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yeah, And I mean if you really really take it
back the world here today in America and how we
do school is we need a place parents need to work,
so kids go to school for a long periods of times.
But if you look in other countries and whatnot, like
schooling is a couple hours and then you're doing things
(21:54):
as a family or for the family or in you know,
more physical needed things as a family. And I don't know,
I mean, we could have a whole topic about this,
but how's my answer. I don't really have a piece
about do we need to change something or keep it
the same or like whatever that might look like. So
thanks for asking.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I went down this rabbit hole yesterday last night in
bed and I finished watching like that playoff game, and
I pulled up my phone. I was about to put
it on the charger, and I just happened to like
look at Instagram to check something real quick, and this
family got like kind of pushed to me and my
feed and it was it was this family that's like
(22:37):
sailing on a sailboat, a family of six. They have
some young kids or whatever, and they're sailing around the
world and they're doing all their schooling and everything on
the boat. But they're having like all these like awesome
family experiences and like learning all these different cultures and stuff,
and you know, everywhere that they stop, and but also
(22:58):
like having these super meaningful days. I mean, these kids
wake up and you know, they read their Bible and
they journal and and then they're learning all these other
things you know through homeschool, but also you know, whenever
they're hopping from country to country and making all these
stops and like learning all these days don't.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Take me on a boat to sell the world. But
I'll sell the world, just not.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
On a boat. I mean it looks great until you
watch a video of them getting caught in a horrible storm.
Oh geez, You're like, oh god, that does not look fun. No, no,
like what they do through that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But there is a lot of more freedom, and I
love that aspect of like the the freedom of like
family time, being on our pace of travel or whatever.
So something else that we've been, you know, when we
talk about change and what we're what God wants to
ext for us, we were in this phase of life change,
(23:55):
but also would love something like that, but don't know
what that would really.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Look like a few years ago when we were full
of stories today, I remember a few years ago we
were like looking at just selling everything and and converting
a bus and just traveling around them.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
That was not literal.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
That was I was literal about it living on a
big tour bus that we converted into a house and
going from National Park to National Park.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And I mean it's fun. I do a first season, but.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
It looked like a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
No matter, what I still need like a homestead, Like
I need a place to like plants go back to, yeah,
go back to but so uh yeah, So today's we're
going to roll into some topics of like friendship, adulting
and having you know, being adults and friends. I feel
like it's a common struggle amongst adults, whether you grew
(24:54):
up with like a solid group of friends or you've
had to relocate as an adult because like job placement
or whatnot, and you're just having to find who are
my friends and are they really my friends? Did a
really good study a couple of years ago, Jenny Allen
has like a good study about friendship. And there's the book.
(25:19):
It's called there's a book called Wow. It just had
like a amazing brain fog, but it's I'll be there,
but I'll be wearing sweatpants. So that's the book. Go
find it. And I feel like it doesn't not matter
if you have amazing friends, you don't have friends, you're
longing for friends are And like I think every woman
woman specifically should read that book. And they also have
(25:42):
a book something that I think at the kid one,
the teen one is about like I'll be there and
we'll be making like friendship bracelets or something like that.
But it is just so good, so good. But speaking
of that, we're going to talk about like just differences
(26:03):
of friendships and how to find like real quality friends.
I mean, we're in our forties, we're at midlife, and
both of us, I would say friendships have changed from
who we grew up with to before we were parents,
to friends with parents to being married for like you know,
(26:28):
almost twenty years and kids are getting older, and so
what does that look like with friendships? So that's what
we're going to talk about friendships.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Finding and keeping friends. So I think because now if
I set the tone of like we're in our forties,
like we're gonna kind of talk about that. There like
friendship in your forties, friendship with people who aren't married people,
friendships with people who are single are like minded, or
(27:05):
you have friends because it's just your kids parents, your
kids friends' parents. So like there's this whole bubb of
like who are your friends? Like a who really are
your friends? And I think to answer that question, I
would say, my real friends are the friends that I
(27:27):
feel like I could call anytime of the day, anytime
of the night, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
And they'd answer, and they'd answer drop whatever they were
doing well. If you're calling them in the middle of
the night, they're probably sleeping, but they would still jump.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Would they pick up the phone because it's that time
of the hour, or would they say, oh, i'll call it,
I'll pick it up in the morning, or something like that.
You know, for me as a woman, I need friendship
as a replenishment to my soul. Someone and a group
of women that I can do life with that constantly
(28:05):
want to make me better, encourage me, fill me.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
With I don't think that that's just a woman thing.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, but what I was going to say is that that's
part of what me specifically I need as my own
specific like who I am. I need to have girl
time to replenish my stresses and kind of like last week,
we got on a tangent about talking about like the
bathtub and my time and your time and blah blah
blah blah. Friendship to me is another one of my
(28:37):
avenues of what replenishes me. I need girl time to
remember that I'm a friend and I can be funny
and I just want to go get my nails done,
like things that I can't specifically do or say or
whatever with my husband. I need that time weekly with
my friends. And I say that as a woman because
(28:59):
I don't think that you feel like you need that.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
I don't feel like I need it as much. But
also when it goes back to like just feeling like
I don't know if it's just because of my specific situation,
because of what I do and primarily work from home
and stuff like that, I feel like everything that needs
to be done, there's like almost not enough time in
the day, and I'm like constantly working on something or
(29:26):
I constantly need to be working on something or whatever,
and so a lot of times friendships kind of get
put on the back burner because like, oh, I'm not
going to stop in the middle of the day and
go have lunch, because then that's going to be four
hours and then I'm not going to get that time
back because then I got to make that time up
whenever in the evening, whenever I either need to be
(29:47):
cooking dinner or whatever, and and that all just kind
of goes away. And so I mean, with me, it's
it's just harder. Like today, I mean, it feels weird
having the kids in the house because I mean, work
doesn't stop, like you just think whenever kids are at home,
like you need to kind of see what they're doing
(30:08):
and kind of tend and feel like you need to
interact or whatever with them. But then oh, work doesn't stop,
and so like it just feels weird whenever kids are
at home, families at home, and then you're like locked
in your office, but I meant you in there, that's
like my job. I mean, like I still like I
(30:28):
still have work to do, working on projects all. I'm
not really going on a tangent. I'm just going on
like this is my situation. It's it's just a little different.
But we're talking about friendship, I know, and that directly
involves friendship. That is why I don't get that time
as much.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Okay, my stomach is growing. But to the question of
you don't feel like you need it, I know that
it's one of my distressors, is girl time. Wakey Waki.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I'm just listening.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
So for you as in so what you were going
on too was talking about you don't allot yourself time
for that because in because you, as the man in
the relationship, says I have to work, I don't have
time to set apart from that during my work day
because if I do, then I'm going to have to
(31:30):
pick up work when I'm at home. But then you
don't make time for it in the evenings because then
you say, I will uh be taking time away from
the family. So it's a circle. And this is what
I'm saying, it's a circle that you have to time.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I mean, obviously this day and age, things are changed
a little bit, but even still, I mean, for the
most part, the men's the man's role is like to provide.
So like most of in most of my friends they
work most of the day, so like I don't really
have that in the middle of the day, and so
(32:07):
it's just it's more difficult. Like a lot of your friends,
they they are a little bit more lenient on being
able to like get away during the middle of the
day and like go do something or have a Bible
study or something like that. Like those those are like
women's things to do. Those are like women's organized things
to do.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Like but that's not a statement.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Men generally do not are not able to do that.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
But that's I feel like we might get a little
heated right now, but that it is a false statement,
and that's a lie because men can it's called making
time for it. You're gonna eat some lunch today, You're
gonna like like it's a quick callt Like it's all
about like men do Bible studies, men have groups together.
(32:53):
It's about allotting that time to do it once a
week or it's not as you don't have to carry
the weight of like every day I have to set
time apart. It's no, it's just it is very to me.
I tell myself, I need it once. I need time
once a week. Maybe I'm able to, you know, have
moms and pickleball in prayer time or have coffee. But
(33:16):
I'm also making time for that in adjusting.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Because if I tried to, if I tried to schedule
one of those things, I would get ninety nine percent
knows because I'm at work at that time.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yep, you're saying if you were to say that to
other men, Yeah, okay, well then if that time doesn't work,
then you'll have to be like, let's try an evening
one time or lunch like you have to. It has
to be things that are planned. That's the whole thing.
Is that like in our household, like I plan these things.
If you want me to start playing some like guide
times for you. If you want it, I will totally
(33:52):
do it. But anyway, I don't know why we're going
off on that, but I think it is very different
that you know, I consider and say like women are
better at finding women time than men are finding men
time because you're in since you're saying, because the man
has the headset of provide, so I must work. But
(34:16):
there also is a super big value of making time.
Just like you have to make time for your wife,
just like you have to make time for your kids.
Making time for a man friendship, guy time is also
important and.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
You sh be a little bit more methodical. Yeah, and
planned out for sure.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, and I don't think that men allow themselves to
make think that that's important.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yeah, we just can't have a Tuesday mid morning pickleball.
It just doesn't work. Nobody will come, that's true, and.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Do it on Saturday because you wouldn't pick Tuesday anyway.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
So I mean, I'm just kind of playing like how
husband's advocate here, because it's not as easy. It's not
as easy. You just have to That's why. To hear
that a lot of times from like wives or whatever.
It's like, yeah, my husband has a hard time like
(35:17):
finding like a close friend or something like that, because
it's not as easy for a man because there's so
many other responsibilities for a man. And yes, and I'll
say it again because I'm going to get a lot
of hate like oh, women work too, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Yeah, and I was about to say that I have
a like if you take friend Nicole, she is a teacher,
she can't have the means to look.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
At like my circle of friends, and like, I mean,
they all work during the week, work all day during
the week, and that's whenever they have to work. And
then if shees show usually nights and weekends, that's family time,
and so it's harder. And so yeah, you do. You
hear a lot of that from wives, my husband, I know.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
But I think us women and wives need to allow
that allow that once a week separation or maybe it's
twice a month like where it is. As long as
it is a pre scheduled thing, then the wife needs
to be able to say like, yes, you can have that.
And I'm not talking like we're going to the bar
hopping and all those it's not hanging out like that.
(36:25):
It's it is like quality friends. But men are gonna
go like have a drink or play golf or whatever
like on Saturday. And it's just you got to find
a balance between one your your intimate family to be
able to allow yourself to have me as a wife,
a mom who has her own schedule and can plain
(36:45):
that like I can do these things while kids are
at school and you're at work. It is I can
make time for that even though I do work, but
I also know that I need that. So a set
in a situation where I look at you know, I
look at Nicole, She's like, it works all day, teacher,
and you can't do she can't be involved with the
things that we do during the day. So we have
(37:06):
to make a priority monthly or try as best we
can to do something in the evening, which goes to
your point, takes away from family time. But as long
as you can communicate this with your spouse and be like, hey,
put this on the calendar, I'm going to have girl
time in the evenings at this on this day because
these friends can't come, Like that's okay. YEA. Women need
(37:30):
to let their husbands do the same. Yeah, just like
husbands need to let their wives do the same. If
it's going to fall in an evening, you know. So
it's not about you get to do this, you get
to do that, or you're always doing that and you're
always doing that. It's about how do we allow each
other to have that space.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
But I do get that for a lot from husbands. Yeah,
that like you'll try to plan something or you'll do something,
and it's always like last minute. Oh but like my
wife's had a hard time with the kids, blah blah blah,
and like they're they're almost like hit with guilt for leaving.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, and I think we both could relate to it.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
And that's always like a letdown because like you have
this thing planned and then like right at the last
second because the wife's having a bad day or the
kids are and now they can't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
It's just that is that is a very it's very
hard a lot. But that's where I'm saying we have
to be more firm in when we book something we
must attend like consistency. We talk about this in small group.
Consistency matters. So if you say you're gonna go and
(38:39):
have something in one evening, but you had a horrible
day that kids were bad, you need your husband home
to help whatever. We just need to suck it up
and say, I know, and I still want you to go.
Kids are going to get to bed. You you still go.
I know it's a bad day. Maybe you had a
bad day at work and you don't want to come
home to these kids being like this. Well, it's like,
(39:00):
we just need to stay consistent with our bookings. And
I know, like our days we are, we play in
our days and ninety nine percent of the day something's
going to happen and change. But we've got to do
our best to stay consistent for the family, for the family,
because you are going to be a better person if
you go and get encouraged and lifted and prayed for
(39:22):
with your men's group, yeah, or men quality time. Same
with me. So I know it's I know a lot
of people might not understand this, but if you can
make sure that you're consistent with what you planned, then
that is where fruit will be like grown. Even if
it was a hard day. Yeah, we've both had those.
(39:43):
We can speak a lot on Today sucked and I
need you here, but you got to you gotta look
at it from the other side too, And that's kind
of the point I'm getting at is.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
That maybe it's just because throw a lot of my
friends under the bus because they don't make that a
priority because I feel like they Yeah, so that's why
last minute constantly.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah, but that's where I want to speak to the wives.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
I'll look forward to that for like a week and like, oh, yeah,
this day we were like guys are getting together, and
all of a sudden it just falls apart within a
few hours before it starts.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
So that's where I speak to the wise.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Usually because the wife is like complaining about something, I
feel and let them go because like she's complaining because
the kids are unruly today or blah blah blah, and
they always and it's.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
A fair it's a fair thing. It's a fair thing.
But that's where I want to say to the wives.
Don't put that don't put that guilt on your husband,
because you too will have a day where you were
meant to go out with your friends and he will
say the same thing and you were going to have
to cancel. No, we got to give each other the
(40:54):
grace in the space just to have that time, because
we know it's hard to come by a growing people
who are growing up and friendships get harder and harder.
And when you find and we'll talk about how to find.
When you find a solid group of friends that can
encourage you, be there for you in good times and
(41:15):
bad times, you can have fun with, and your spouse
agrees with the quality of those people, then you've got
to let them have the space to grow those friendships.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
Yeah. I mean, I don't think like in our relationship,
like we have that problem. It's just a lot of
the guys, a lot of the guy No. I'm talking
about like if if there's something scheduled or whatever, like,
no matter like how the kids are that day, you'll
let me leave.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, well it's been something we've.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
It may be hard, but you know that's that should
be a priority, and you'll still like, let like hold
me to that. But then it's usually on my end.
They get a lot of guilt and they just will
buckle and just stay home. And yeah, so well, okay,
wives listen to that. But also to listen husbands listen
(42:12):
to that, because the wives do need space. There's that
stigma of I work all days as the husband, as
the dad, and you're at home with the kids and
you get to do whatever you want no. It is
hard working all day as a woman, as a mom,
it's hard being a stay at home mom. Like, no
matter what your day of work and whatever your day
(42:34):
is filled with, we all need a breath. We all
need a set of okay me and you like it
is okay no matter what your work day was, no
matter what your work day was, no matter how hard
your day was. Like lecturing, I am because I feel
like so many relationships need to know this and need to.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
For sure it they do. They need it.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Yeah, I mean this is something that like husbands definitely
need to work on. It's just allowing your spouse to
prioritize friendships if they do have something scheduled, like allowing
them that freedom to be able to get away and
not guilt them into not doing it or not following through.
And because I mean it's something that I see a
(43:21):
lot like, just like I said, I mean, we'll have
something scheduled and it always ends up falling apart within
a few hours, and I'm usually like me or one
other person is usually the only like still in and
then it's just like, well, what's the point now, because
seventy percent of this group isn't coming now, and it's
just we're like, oh, well reschedule yeah and yeah yeah,
(43:45):
so it just makes it hard, you know. For so Yeah,
I think it's just something that husbands and wife definitely
need to work on together and just like allowing each
other to have that and make it a priority for sure.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
So when we talk about friendship and we're talking about
like going and hanging out with the people, I'm talking
about a friendship that is a good friendship, not.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Just people that will speak life.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Yeah, So what is good friendship? What is a what
does a real friendship look like to you? Yeah, And
that is a real friendship is someone who is going
to call you back and point you back to Jesus.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Ask you those harder questions, stuff that make most guys
don't really want to talk about, you know, like Okay,
how are you doing, Like what's going on at home?
You know, is there anything that like you need to
just get off your chest and stuff like that, because
a lot of guys will just not talk about it.
We'll just like, oh, you know, what's up, what's going on?
(44:47):
How is your day? Oh, that's good, and then just
like kind of talk about sports or you know whatever
and just keep it very surface level, but you know,
just asking those harder questions, asking those more thought provoking
questions whenever you're there and really, you know, openly and
genuinely care about like man, like how are you doing? Yeah?
(45:10):
And it's genuine.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Yeah, And I mean, a real friendship doesn't doesn't mean
how many friends do I have? It doesn't mean a number.
It means what is the deptness of the friendship? How true?
How real? How how authentic is that person? Because deptness
(45:39):
trumps so quality over quantity, right, So having I could
have the greatest true friendship and I have a bubble
of you know, maybe like three to four maybe five
people that I would say is like those people the
solid friendship that points you back to Jesus will call
(46:02):
you out, will tell you no, well not. You know,
it's those type of friendships that are very hard to
come across. But you got to you got to allow
yourself to ask the question to someone, the hard question,
like me, but how do you really? How are you feeling?
What can I pray for?
Speaker 3 (46:19):
You are not just like affirm your frustrations, affirm you know,
you don't want someone that's just always just going to
like agree with you about everything. You know, they're going
to ask you those questions, well, why do you feel
that way or why are you upset of you know,
maybe you had an argument with your husband and they
actually want to hear about it because I mean, you
may be wrong, you know, and they're going to call
(46:42):
you out on it or or give you a different
perspective than what something you may have missed. Yeah, and
we have a lot of friends like that, you know,
as couples or whatever, where it's funny because you and
the husband may be more may have the same personality traits,
and then it may be like me and the other
wife may have those same personality trades. So it's funny
(47:05):
because like you can whenever you're speaking with that you
know that friend, you know, you're having a conversation with
the wife or I'm having a conversation with the husband,
like you can kind of give the other perspective because like, oh, well,
I'm more like the.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Spouse spouse, but I can give you a response based
around a woman's perspective, but would probably connect more with
how your husband is receiving this.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
Special and his personality. But you may understand like where
they're coming from. A little bit more and give a
little bit more insight and personnel into their personality and
what they may be feeling. I mean, if you if
you find a friend that's just constantly just affirming how
you feel constantly and just agreeing with everything, it's not
(47:57):
may not be a great friend, you know.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
Yeah. So yeah, And I mean there's there's different levels
of friendship. I think, different mixes of friendships. You know,
you're going to have maybe friends that you grew up
with and or friends that are just you're connected via
family wise, or friends that are you know, parents of
(48:21):
other of kids that your friends are kids with. And
there's a level of friendship. So there's we can be
friends with with anybody, right, but walking life with a
true friend is going to bring joy and understanding and
peace in your life unlike any other friendship. Right, So
(48:42):
how to find that friend? You're going to find that
friend and you're gonna be able to keep that friendship.
And if that friendship is solid with the foundation of
like we both love Jesus, I'm telling you, you're going
to see friendship of a different level. And you know
it's it. It takes it takes courage to really get
(49:05):
to that step in a friendship, especially as an adult.
Like if you're someone who's moved into a different city
and you don't know anybody, You're like, here, I am
trying to make friends again in my forties and that sucks,
you know, but you you're gonna have to put yourself
out there. You're gonna have to get yourself involved, put
yourself in a community. Maybe start, you know, if you've
(49:28):
got kids, start trying to connect with other you know,
parents in pta or swim team or baseball. And but
it's gonna take you being more than the parent of
your kid right to be that friend. You're gonna have to. Yeah,
you're gonna have to talk and ask about like so
(49:50):
do you go to church, do you you know, have
like real debt conversations. Be vulnerable because that's what's going
to next you more. You know, also want to kind
of throw out there that there are there can be
unhealthy friendships and so be aware of those. If people
(50:11):
make you uncomfortable, if you feel like you're getting spoken
about unhealthy or talked about behind your back, like do
not accept that. Allow boundaries to come into play to
where you are okay not being involved in those situations,
you're okay to speak up for yourself and go one
to one if you're being talked about behind your back.
(50:32):
I mean, this still happens, not just with teens or kids,
this happens as adults too, And so don't stand for
nothing less than what you would want for your own kids,
you know. So, boundaries are okay, Boundaries are okay.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
Actually, we're having just me and a group of guys.
We're talking a few weeks ago, and I think it
was actually Been that brought this up. You know, because
you're you get in you know, you have these friends
that constantly want to complain or constantly just have something
going on that's.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Just like, oh like the ones like they get around
you and you're like, oh lord, it's all we're gonna
hear about.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
And so he said, he puts something. Been was talking about,
how you put something in place where if that that
one person just keeps coming and it's just like every
time you talk to him, it's just like something negative
or something wrong's going on or blah blah blah. And
it's never like looking at the bright side of it. Never,
you know, you know, looking bit a little bit more deeper,
it's just like always in the negative, you know, he would,
(51:36):
He's like, I'm just gonna stop them right there and say, okay,
let's let's just pray about that, like stop them in
their tracks and like, let's just pray about that. Let
me pray for you for that, and then just and
then it's almost like retraining that person. Yeah, I mean
you don't want to. It's hard. It's hard to be
around somebody like that that's just constantly. I mean, yeah,
(51:56):
you're gonna have friends that go through seasons where you
know they're they're in a rough time, but even you know,
in the not a tough season, they just look to
the negative on everything. Those are just hard people to
be around. And so you just trying to find people
that are like fighting for joy and looking for you know,
the meaning behind something and looking for the positivity and
(52:19):
things and and and seeing around that not it's not
just focusing on the negative, because those people will just
bring you down.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Yeah, So boundaries are okay. Speaking up for yourself is okay.
If there is unsettling, unsettling words.
Speaker 3 (52:39):
You're make up more. Daniel talking about homeschool and she's
just conftantly making up words.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Hello to the.
Speaker 3 (52:49):
Before with the house of girls that just make up stuff.
That's why we co op.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
That's hilarious. But bound are okay, and boundaries are healthy
across the board, across the board. So anyways, I hope
that some of you can resonate and feel encouraged by
some of these things that we've said. If you're feeling lonely,
I want to tell you that right now, when you
(53:20):
stop listening to this, I want you to pray for
God to bring the right people into your life, because
this is a prayer that I've prayed, a prayer that
we've prayed for our friendships within our family and our
you know, marital friendships. And I believe that God will
put people in your life that will be meant to
be there and the time needed for such a time
(53:42):
as this, Yes, for such a time as this, And
so thanks for listening. I am glad y'all joined us today,
and I just hope that y'all have fun listening to
our rambling made up words and insight that we have.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Hopefy all guts positivity out of that, not just me
ranting about other dads. It don't make things a priority, yeah,
so keep it real, Yeah, make make your friendship a priority. Yeah,
and find those times because everybody needs it. Husbands needs it,
wives need it.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
So next week when we come on here, I'm going
to ask you what did you do for your friendships
this week? So I'm testing oll y'all, all, y'all, all y'all,
but I'm gonna make sure that you do it too.
You don't just say it, you have to do it.
So you have a week and I'm going to ask you.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Challenge you guys too.
Speaker 2 (54:37):
That's what I just said. We're gonna challenge them, just me.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
I think everybody needs to be challenged with this.
Speaker 2 (54:42):
Find find a time for the week, and you're going
to do something with a friend, whether it's coffee, lunch,
dinner and glass of wines, having a family over to
eat at your house, You're going to do something intentional
with a friend.
Speaker 3 (54:57):
So sounds good. You and you, you and you and
you and you all right, thank you guys for listening
to episode thirty five more than reality podcast.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Hee's out.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
We'll see in the next one. We love you guys
Speaker 2 (55:28):
Much.
This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into
all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there
is so much more than the reality that you see
on the surface.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Welcome to More Than Reality.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
With Adam and Danielle Busby.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
What's up? Hey, Hey, it's episode thirty five a More
Than Reality podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, thirty five. We're making our way in there.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
So we've had a crazy of a whirlwind of a week, man,
and it's like summer start.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Like I literally it's like three days into like summer
or something like that. Like I feel like I can't
even keep up with like what today is, yeah, now
that the kids are out of school, but it feels
like a Saturday or like a Sunday or something, you know.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I know, it's like a totally different like pace of
life now that all the kids are back home, which
means every alarm all day, which is amazing. I guess
I shouldn't have to wake up as early as I
normally do.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
But no, because then you wake me up and I'm like,
that's rude.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Because I still set my alarm at the same time
and just go to the gym. Actually, I will like
kind of sleep like an extra thirty minutes or so.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I know, which means you snooze, snooze, snooze, like when
we were in which is kind of pointless because then
I'm just like snoozing every I think the iPhone it
like resets itself like every nine minutes or something like that. No,
like in the airport when I meant and when we
had to fly home this the other day, Yeah, the
alarm was set for like four am or something, and
(01:47):
mine was like set for like four h five or
like four oh eight, and yours went off and you
didn't touch it. It just kept going and going and going.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I'm like, because I because I had my normal I
had my normal alarm set for like five am for
whenever I go to the gym, and I just re
I just adjusted that alarm for the day to wake
me up at four. And it's alarm that starts off
really quiet. Yeah, and usually I can like wake up
(02:19):
really quickly whenever I'm a home. But it was a
long weekend, late nights, early mornings whenever we were in
Indianapolis for the race, and we had to be up
super early to get to the airport to fly back
to Houston, and it was just that alarm that just
like starts off real quiet, and I guess you heard
(02:39):
it and I didn't.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I did. I heard it, and I'm like, I heard it.
He's not going to press that button.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
I heard it after like five minutes or something like that.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
But anyway, so anybody else relate, did your husband's or
spouse alarm go off and they choose to not press
the snooze button or going and they're just going to
snooze through.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
I normally wake up before the alarm goes off and
just like turn it off, but not in that day.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Not that day. I was waking up this usually around
the time I wake up and I have to like pee.
I was like, looks at the clock and I'm like, no,
I then I have to get up in a few minutes.
And then your alarm shirt going off, and I was like,
but my alarm didn't go off yet, He's not going
to press the arm. Should I get up? No? I
(03:25):
was like my own battle within myself of like do
I press it? Do I get up? Do I go pee?
Do I just stay in bed because it's a couple
more minutes?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
And then so Danielle had her first Indy five hundred
experience YEP, we had my parents driving from Louisiana. They
came and stay with the girls. They brought two of
the cousins from Louisiana to stay. It's funny how it's
it's almost easier when you bring more kids in the equation.
They aren't normally here because they just entertained themselves, and
(03:53):
so it makes it even though you're adding more kids,
it makes it easier.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, it's funny because they keep them occupied and keep
them playing with you know, especially their cousins that they
don't see off that offense.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
And it's just funny because like mom and dad are
coming here to watch six watch six kids, and then
they bring two more like okay, but it is easier.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
It is easier, for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
I mean we always find that, like whenever, especially now
if summer's kicked off, the girls are like, can such
and such come to play?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
We're like sure, literally, we've been home, come home for
two nights and they've had a friends sleepover two nights
for one night and then the next night another night.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Whatever, guys like yolo. Summertime, they're constantly you know, it's
been one kid each night, which is which is sometimes
not the norm, Like usually it's like two, Yeah, we
were gonna head out to Splash Way and do like
a summer kickoff, but the weather just does not is
(04:51):
not in our favor and it's been like stormy, nasty,
it's gonna be like that. So we've postponed it. We're
still gonna do it because we love splash a little
kind of like kind of like a staycation, but it
is like an hour or so away, hour and a
half away.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like we've been doing that every year since the kids
were like really young. And we actually skipped Splashway last summer.
Last summer we did because we did Kalahari because Kalahari
invited us out and then, which.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Was super fun and stuff too, but that's what.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
We've never been there before and it was that in
Round Rock and so it didn't really you know, we
did the water park thing to kick off summer, but.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So this summer kickoff was really Adam and Daniell going
to any five.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
So now I was trying to like we were trying
to like make up and be like, Okay, this is
going to be when we kick off the summer a
little mini staycation over at Splashway. But now it's postponed
because of the weather, so we'll go in a couple
of weeks. But kids are looking forward to that. It's
great if you're in like in the Houston area, it's
definitely a place to like check out. Especially I would say,
I mean the kids are getting older, so you know,
(05:55):
ten and fourteen, we'll still have a lot of fun.
But I really do think if like you're in the
age of like that five, five to ten, it's like prime.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
No, I mean I think it's even older because like Splashway,
it's like one of those water parks. On every single
year they add on new stuff and like lately the
like the past few years, like they've been adding like
these big slider slides and like kind of revamping the
whole part. Like the owners of Splashway are like really
(06:27):
awesome whenever it comes to like planning new rides and stuff,
and like, I mean they've made that place a destination.
I mean it's only it's about an hour and a
half outside like south southwest of Houston, a town called Sheridan.
It's like out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, because
it started out as like a campground where you can
travel out there with like your RV and stuff, and
(06:49):
they have a few like you know, they have camping sites,
RV sites, cabins, cabins, bunk houses, tiny homes.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Those new tiny homes are so adorable, a kind of
your newest edition of the last couple of years. But
they're so cute. But yeah, it has grown.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
And then the water park's awesome. But then they also
have all these things like in the evenings whenever the
water park closes, you know, just for fun stuff that
you can do with your family. And there's activities there. Yeah,
they have an outdoor like kind of like a drive
in movie theater you can rent. You can rent or
bring your own, like golf carts and stuff. They have
all these golf carts that are rent you can drive
(07:27):
around the property. You're free to like bring your own
in if you want.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
But there's just a lot of fun kid extra activities
to do once.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
The water mini golf, there, huge.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Park, there's sand volleyball. There's like the big jumpy like
blow up matt kind of like land blob land blob. Yeah,
it's a good word. You can fish, you can kayak,
you can I mean, there's just it's a great.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Little getaway they enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Especially around the Houston's around every.
Speaker 3 (07:55):
Time we've been like, we have an absolute blast, and
it's just like fun family memories. It's just like super
family oriented.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
We always play bean Boozle in the cabin, Like literally,
Avera brought that up today. She's like, well, it's okay,
if it rains, we'll just play bean Boozle, and I'm like,
we always play bean Bozel. It's kind of where we
first started playing bean Boozle. Yeah, but I was like, no,
we're just gonna go. It's gonna rain most of the time,
so like, let's just postpone it a couple of weeks.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
And it's always a funny, a funny game to play
with family.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Yeah, if you've never played bean Boozle, you gotta do it.
I mean, it's literally this jelly bean game with it
either has like a good like it might be a
green jelly bean. It's like a good flavor or a
bad flavor like it might be like fruit, like pear
is this one? Or it might be like boogers and
(08:46):
you don't know until you try it and you have
like a little spinny.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Wheel and it tells you or popcorn. I mean it is.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Literally it's so fun and we like die laughing. As
many times as we played it, it's still funny every time.
But anyways, so let's jump into a little connect card here.
You wanna, I'm gonna ask you first, so just throw
one and give it to you. Yeah, what areas of
(09:14):
your life have you been affirmed in lately? Pretty deep question.
So these cards we just ask each other kind of
conversation starters and copic topics where I ask him a
question and he answers, and then he asked me a
question and I answer. Typically we don't answer the same question.
(09:35):
But Adam's question today is what areas of your life
have you been affirmed in lately?
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I think it'd probably center around like work, networking and
like creating relationships and just kind of building different relationships
and like networking and stuff. And you know, I've had
a few people lately like affirm and like man like,
glad you were a part of that conversation or and
(10:01):
even in like photography and stuff, it's like, man like,
it's always awesome having you here because you get like
just these great, like candid moments of certain things. Drawback
to that is I never get any photos of myself usually, but.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Hold the role you do, you just don't they're not
with your camera at times.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
Yeah, so a photos and I've got a few iPhone
picks every now and then. But yeah, we've had we
had like a lot of like really cool conversations, especially
this past weekend at Indy five hundred and just like networking,
(10:43):
like we good ranchers. We sponsor on Fox, like across
the board, Fox Sports, Fox News, you know, like all
the things, and Fox like runs all the Indy Car
stuff as well. And you know, we did a we
did a Fox and Friends setment and stuff, and we
got to kind of rub shoulders and like network with
(11:05):
like a lot of the Fox executives and stuff and
brought up some cool ideas and you know and future
things that we can do, future endeavors and stuff that
we can do with them. And it was just some
cool conversations to be a part of. Really neat people
to meet that kind of pull a lot of the
strings high up at Fox and stuff. But yeah, it's
(11:25):
always fun. You know, I did that a lot with
my former career. Yeah, but now it's like and then
I went through this season of you know, working for
myself and kind of just being by myself, which you
you know, whenever you don't flex those muscles as much,
you kind of like flounder a little bit and aren't
(11:45):
really used to you know, those kind of conversations. But
the more and more you do it, you know, the
better you become with it. And so, you know, just
being very involved with like Good Rangers and stuff. I've
had like a lot of those opportunities, doing a lot
of traveling and stuff with them, and doing a lot
of special events and stuff with them, and so it's
been it's been cool to flex those muscles again and
(12:09):
you know, something that I really enjoy. But it's just
forcing yourself into situations that you don't kind of like
you have imposter syndrome a little bit. You don't feel
like you're you're really supposed to be in certain circles.
But then you get affirmed from people like, oh, thank
goodness you were in that conversation because you've.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Always been You've always been a people person. Yeah, even
back in the day when you were in outside cells,
it was like you always were amazing networker, amazing on
like growing s deepthness of the friendship or the quality
of like what you were selling to a person. It
wasn't just about a transaction. It was always about a relationship.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, like me and my brother in law, Like in
our my former career, he's still doing that kind of stuff.
But like we would always kind of tag team and
I would be like more of the relationship guy and
build like these stronger friendships with people, and then he
would be more of the like let's stay on task,
let's stay focused, like what are we here for and stuff,
(13:14):
and he was like more like all businesses and but
we but it complimented each other very well because you know,
he would jump in and ask those tough questions and
then I would kind of be there to you know,
like play both sides of it and like be the friend,
like play that friendship part of it. And it worked
really well. But you know, whenever you don't do it
(13:36):
in a while, you know, you just have to keep
forcing yourself into those situations and flexing those muscles, and finally,
you know things start coming around. You're like, Okay, I'm
comfortable at this again, and I'm getting there. I'm not
quite back where I used to be, but I feel
like I'm getting there, and and I'm enjoying it. I
like I like it a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yeah, for sure, I like it.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
I like it a lot.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
They're gonna fan them out to me so you can
see all of them.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I picked it up.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I'm gonna pick the one I can read at the bottom,
just kidding.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Is there anything in your life that you don't have
peace about right now?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Oh, I said, don't be hard. What do I not
have peace about?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Dropping bombs? Well, I mean we've.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Kind of talked about this in the past couple episodes,
you know, here and there, just how we're going through
like this big change of like how we feel like
God's kind of like taken our life, dumped it upside
down and like shaking it and weeding out things that
aren't kingdom driven or minded or where we're kind of
(14:52):
needing to weed out a lot of like I want
to say, bad or negative. Just we're in a season
of change, I think, and so having peace is something
that when you're in a season of change, having peace
is what affirms those decisions. And so we have had
(15:13):
some peace through a lot of some of these change
transitional things. But I think where I don't have peace
right now is when I think about kids in school.
So I'm kind of feeling pulled and struggling on something
(15:34):
I've never really had to really second guess and think about.
But I think my eyes have been more open to
what does school look like and what does school really mean?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Well, so it's like twofold because there could be there
could be a chance that our kids may be going
to a different school altogether anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, but you know, there were I think there was
a post or something about Courtney Kardashian saying like school
is so outdated or something something like that, like why
why do we put our kids through school? It's so outdated?
It was something on the lines of that.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
A little bit of that. I think there's a lot
of stuff that's just and I resignate wasted time in school.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
For sure. I resonate with that. And I'm sure that
there was a lot of like hit towards her comments
or like her statement, but I resonate with that currently
in thinking I kind of I kind of agree with
it a little bit because you know, we school. What
is school and what is the value of school? And
what's the purpose of school and how does it affect
(16:44):
your life? And what are you doing with your kids
around that, and so to me, school has always been
this is where you go, this is what you do,
this is where you learn, this is you know, so
your parents can go to work and it's seven eight
hours a day and blah blah blah. But now that
we have our own kids and we're putting our kids
in school, you know, Blake's about Blake will be starting
(17:05):
her freshman year of high school, and the Quins are
going to be starting there last year of elementary school.
So as they're getting older, and I don't like take
away or regret anything that we've done school wise, but
I think I'm now looking at school a different lens,
as my heart has been more expanded to like what
(17:25):
does God really view us? And I'm talking about Buzzby's us,
how does he want us to view school? And how
does he want us to raise our kids. We can't
change anything that we've done, but this switch in me
has gone off and said, I feel like we should
(17:46):
be doing something different. So I don't have peace about
this situation that I feel like God's opened my eyes to.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Well, it's funny because like you go into like now,
like this circle of friends that we're in right now,
a lot of them are going the route of like
co op homeschooling, and so it's not just like you
because you're just at home and you're homeschooling at home.
(18:17):
It's like a co op.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
So yeah, or some of them have done the co
op and now they go to an actual like public school,
or they've gone to public school and they've pulled them
to co op, or some of their kids do co
op and some of their kids go to public school.
So I just have never kind of like fully looked
into like what is best for that child in a
(18:42):
sense versus this is how school is perceived, and this
is how I've done school, and we've done school, and
this is what school is. So just something God's kind
of put on my heart, something I've just been praying about,
and like I don't really have like the full peace
about a change of something something to do differently. And
(19:04):
so that's really where I sit on. I don't have
peace about this is what we should be doing keeping it,
or peace about should we change something.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
So yeah, because you see, like even the people that
we know of that are like homeschooling, and like, the
more that you look into it, most of the stuff
that they're doing in school wise, they're finishing, like I mean,
they have about three hours of school a day and
they're getting in everything that they need. And you're just
(19:38):
looking at that and you're like, man, how much of
how much of our kids day is just like wasted on?
Just like but it's not on like the status quo
of like we're doing this because we've always done it
this way, And is it the best way to go
about teaching your kids? Is it the best the best
(20:01):
format for teaching kids and and stuff like that. I mean,
I mean, public schools are doing the same thing that
they've pretty much done for I mean generations. Now you know,
it's pretty much done the exact same way, and you know,
is it the best way? I mean I look at
you know, school growing up, I mean I mean yeah,
other than like the basic reading, writing, arithmetics, stuff like that.
(20:26):
And if you're not going if your intention isn't going
further and higher education to get a specific job where
you need more of like science oriented stuff or in
the medical field or or whatever. I look at what
I'm doing nowadays, like I don't I don't really need
much of that schooling or much of even much college
(20:48):
after school doing what I do now. I mean in
like photography, and I mean a lot of the stuff,
and like marketing and stuff. I mean a lot of
that stuff. It's just it's learning like alg rhythms and
like how things you know, what works and stuff and
this particular climate and like this culture and stuff right now,
and you're constantly evolving, so like stuff you would have
(21:11):
learned in school, I mean, it's hard to make it
even really apply to like, Okay, what's happening right now
and what works right now and all this stuff because
you constantly have to be changing and stuff that I
would have learned, you know, twenty plus years ago at school. Well,
it's all stuff that I didn't really need.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Yeah, And I mean if you really really take it
back the world here today in America and how we
do school is we need a place parents need to work,
so kids go to school for a long periods of times.
But if you look in other countries and whatnot, like
schooling is a couple hours and then you're doing things
(21:54):
as a family or for the family or in you know,
more physical needed things as a family. And I don't know,
I mean, we could have a whole topic about this,
but how's my answer. I don't really have a piece
about do we need to change something or keep it
the same or like whatever that might look like. So
thanks for asking.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I went down this rabbit hole yesterday last night in
bed and I finished watching like that playoff game, and
I pulled up my phone. I was about to put
it on the charger, and I just happened to like
look at Instagram to check something real quick, and this
family got like kind of pushed to me and my
feed and it was it was this family that's like
(22:37):
sailing on a sailboat, a family of six. They have
some young kids or whatever, and they're sailing around the
world and they're doing all their schooling and everything on
the boat. But they're having like all these like awesome
family experiences and like learning all these different cultures and stuff,
and you know, everywhere that they stop, and but also
(22:58):
like having these super meaningful days. I mean, these kids
wake up and you know, they read their Bible and
they journal and and then they're learning all these other
things you know through homeschool, but also you know, whenever
they're hopping from country to country and making all these
stops and like learning all these days don't.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Take me on a boat to sell the world. But
I'll sell the world, just not.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
On a boat. I mean it looks great until you
watch a video of them getting caught in a horrible storm.
Oh geez, You're like, oh god, that does not look fun. No, no,
like what they do through that.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
But there is a lot of more freedom, and I
love that aspect of like the the freedom of like
family time, being on our pace of travel or whatever.
So something else that we've been, you know, when we
talk about change and what we're what God wants to
ext for us, we were in this phase of life change,
(23:55):
but also would love something like that, but don't know
what that would really.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Look like a few years ago when we were full
of stories today, I remember a few years ago we
were like looking at just selling everything and and converting
a bus and just traveling around them.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
That was not literal.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
That was I was literal about it living on a
big tour bus that we converted into a house and
going from National Park to National Park.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
And I mean it's fun. I do a first season, but.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
It looked like a lot of fun.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
No matter, what I still need like a homestead, Like
I need a place to like plants go back to, yeah,
go back to but so uh yeah, So today's we're
going to roll into some topics of like friendship, adulting
and having you know, being adults and friends. I feel
like it's a common struggle amongst adults, whether you grew
(24:54):
up with like a solid group of friends or you've
had to relocate as an adult because like job placement
or whatnot, and you're just having to find who are
my friends and are they really my friends? Did a
really good study a couple of years ago, Jenny Allen
has like a good study about friendship. And there's the book.
(25:19):
It's called there's a book called Wow. It just had
like a amazing brain fog, but it's I'll be there,
but I'll be wearing sweatpants. So that's the book. Go
find it. And I feel like it doesn't not matter
if you have amazing friends, you don't have friends, you're
longing for friends are And like I think every woman
woman specifically should read that book. And they also have
(25:42):
a book something that I think at the kid one,
the teen one is about like I'll be there and
we'll be making like friendship bracelets or something like that.
But it is just so good, so good. But speaking
of that, we're going to talk about like just differences
(26:03):
of friendships and how to find like real quality friends.
I mean, we're in our forties, we're at midlife, and
both of us, I would say friendships have changed from
who we grew up with to before we were parents,
to friends with parents to being married for like you know,
(26:28):
almost twenty years and kids are getting older, and so
what does that look like with friendships? So that's what
we're going to talk about friendships.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Finding and keeping friends. So I think because now if
I set the tone of like we're in our forties,
like we're gonna kind of talk about that. There like
friendship in your forties, friendship with people who aren't married people,
friendships with people who are single are like minded, or
(27:05):
you have friends because it's just your kids parents, your
kids friends' parents. So like there's this whole bubb of
like who are your friends? Like a who really are
your friends? And I think to answer that question, I
would say, my real friends are the friends that I
(27:27):
feel like I could call anytime of the day, anytime
of the night, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
And they'd answer, and they'd answer drop whatever they were
doing well. If you're calling them in the middle of
the night, they're probably sleeping, but they would still jump.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Would they pick up the phone because it's that time
of the hour, or would they say, oh, i'll call it,
I'll pick it up in the morning, or something like that.
You know, for me as a woman, I need friendship
as a replenishment to my soul. Someone and a group
of women that I can do life with that constantly
(28:05):
want to make me better, encourage me, fill me.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
With I don't think that that's just a woman thing.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, but what I was going to say is that that's
part of what me specifically I need as my own
specific like who I am. I need to have girl
time to replenish my stresses and kind of like last week,
we got on a tangent about talking about like the
bathtub and my time and your time and blah blah
blah blah. Friendship to me is another one of my
(28:37):
avenues of what replenishes me. I need girl time to
remember that I'm a friend and I can be funny
and I just want to go get my nails done,
like things that I can't specifically do or say or
whatever with my husband. I need that time weekly with
my friends. And I say that as a woman because
(28:59):
I don't think that you feel like you need that.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
I don't feel like I need it as much. But
also when it goes back to like just feeling like
I don't know if it's just because of my specific situation,
because of what I do and primarily work from home
and stuff like that, I feel like everything that needs
to be done, there's like almost not enough time in
the day, and I'm like constantly working on something or
(29:26):
I constantly need to be working on something or whatever,
and so a lot of times friendships kind of get
put on the back burner because like, oh, I'm not
going to stop in the middle of the day and
go have lunch, because then that's going to be four
hours and then I'm not going to get that time
back because then I got to make that time up
whenever in the evening, whenever I either need to be
(29:47):
cooking dinner or whatever, and and that all just kind
of goes away. And so I mean, with me, it's
it's just harder. Like today, I mean, it feels weird
having the kids in the house because I mean, work
doesn't stop, like you just think whenever kids are at home,
like you need to kind of see what they're doing
(30:08):
and kind of tend and feel like you need to
interact or whatever with them. But then oh, work doesn't stop,
and so like it just feels weird whenever kids are
at home, families at home, and then you're like locked
in your office, but I meant you in there, that's
like my job. I mean, like I still like I
(30:28):
still have work to do, working on projects all. I'm
not really going on a tangent. I'm just going on
like this is my situation. It's it's just a little different.
But we're talking about friendship, I know, and that directly
involves friendship. That is why I don't get that time
as much.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Okay, my stomach is growing. But to the question of
you don't feel like you need it, I know that
it's one of my distressors, is girl time. Wakey Waki.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I'm just listening.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
So for you as in so what you were going
on too was talking about you don't allot yourself time
for that because in because you, as the man in
the relationship, says I have to work, I don't have
time to set apart from that during my work day
because if I do, then I'm going to have to
(31:30):
pick up work when I'm at home. But then you
don't make time for it in the evenings because then
you say, I will uh be taking time away from
the family. So it's a circle. And this is what
I'm saying, it's a circle that you have to time.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I mean, obviously this day and age, things are changed
a little bit, but even still, I mean, for the
most part, the men's the man's role is like to provide.
So like most of in most of my friends they
work most of the day, so like I don't really
have that in the middle of the day, and so
(32:07):
it's just it's more difficult. Like a lot of your friends,
they they are a little bit more lenient on being
able to like get away during the middle of the
day and like go do something or have a Bible
study or something like that. Like those those are like
women's things to do. Those are like women's organized things
to do.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
Like but that's not a statement.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Men generally do not are not able to do that.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
But that's I feel like we might get a little
heated right now, but that it is a false statement,
and that's a lie because men can it's called making
time for it. You're gonna eat some lunch today, You're
gonna like like it's a quick callt Like it's all
about like men do Bible studies, men have groups together.
(32:53):
It's about allotting that time to do it once a
week or it's not as you don't have to carry
the weight of like every day I have to set
time apart. It's no, it's just it is very to me.
I tell myself, I need it once. I need time
once a week. Maybe I'm able to, you know, have
moms and pickleball in prayer time or have coffee. But
(33:16):
I'm also making time for that in adjusting.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Because if I tried to, if I tried to schedule
one of those things, I would get ninety nine percent
knows because I'm at work at that time.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yep, you're saying if you were to say that to
other men, Yeah, okay, well then if that time doesn't work,
then you'll have to be like, let's try an evening
one time or lunch like you have to. It has
to be things that are planned. That's the whole thing.
Is that like in our household, like I plan these things.
If you want me to start playing some like guide
times for you. If you want it, I will totally
(33:52):
do it. But anyway, I don't know why we're going
off on that, but I think it is very different
that you know, I consider and say like women are
better at finding women time than men are finding men
time because you're in since you're saying, because the man
has the headset of provide, so I must work. But
(34:16):
there also is a super big value of making time.
Just like you have to make time for your wife,
just like you have to make time for your kids.
Making time for a man friendship, guy time is also
important and.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
You sh be a little bit more methodical. Yeah, and
planned out for sure.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Yeah, and I don't think that men allow themselves to
make think that that's important.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yeah, we just can't have a Tuesday mid morning pickleball.
It just doesn't work. Nobody will come, that's true, and.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Do it on Saturday because you wouldn't pick Tuesday anyway.
Speaker 3 (34:55):
So I mean, I'm just kind of playing like how
husband's advocate here, because it's not as easy. It's not
as easy. You just have to That's why. To hear
that a lot of times from like wives or whatever.
It's like, yeah, my husband has a hard time like
(35:17):
finding like a close friend or something like that, because
it's not as easy for a man because there's so
many other responsibilities for a man. And yes, and I'll
say it again because I'm going to get a lot
of hate like oh, women work too, blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
Yeah, and I was about to say that I have
a like if you take friend Nicole, she is a teacher,
she can't have the means to look.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
At like my circle of friends, and like, I mean,
they all work during the week, work all day during
the week, and that's whenever they have to work. And
then if shees show usually nights and weekends, that's family time,
and so it's harder. And so yeah, you do. You
hear a lot of that from wives, my husband, I know.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
But I think us women and wives need to allow
that allow that once a week separation or maybe it's
twice a month like where it is. As long as
it is a pre scheduled thing, then the wife needs
to be able to say like, yes, you can have that.
And I'm not talking like we're going to the bar
hopping and all those it's not hanging out like that.
(36:25):
It's it is like quality friends. But men are gonna
go like have a drink or play golf or whatever
like on Saturday. And it's just you got to find
a balance between one your your intimate family to be
able to allow yourself to have me as a wife,
a mom who has her own schedule and can plain
(36:45):
that like I can do these things while kids are
at school and you're at work. It is I can
make time for that even though I do work, but
I also know that I need that. So a set
in a situation where I look at you know, I
look at Nicole, She's like, it works all day, teacher,
and you can't do she can't be involved with the
things that we do during the day. So we have
(37:06):
to make a priority monthly or try as best we
can to do something in the evening, which goes to
your point, takes away from family time. But as long
as you can communicate this with your spouse and be like, hey,
put this on the calendar, I'm going to have girl
time in the evenings at this on this day because
these friends can't come, Like that's okay. YEA. Women need
(37:30):
to let their husbands do the same. Yeah, just like
husbands need to let their wives do the same. If
it's going to fall in an evening, you know. So
it's not about you get to do this, you get
to do that, or you're always doing that and you're
always doing that. It's about how do we allow each
other to have that space.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
But I do get that for a lot from husbands. Yeah,
that like you'll try to plan something or you'll do something,
and it's always like last minute. Oh but like my
wife's had a hard time with the kids, blah blah blah,
and like they're they're almost like hit with guilt for leaving.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, and I think we both could relate to it.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
And that's always like a letdown because like you have
this thing planned and then like right at the last
second because the wife's having a bad day or the
kids are and now they can't do it.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
It's just that is that is a very it's very
hard a lot. But that's where I'm saying we have
to be more firm in when we book something we
must attend like consistency. We talk about this in small group.
Consistency matters. So if you say you're gonna go and
(38:39):
have something in one evening, but you had a horrible
day that kids were bad, you need your husband home
to help whatever. We just need to suck it up
and say, I know, and I still want you to go.
Kids are going to get to bed. You you still go.
I know it's a bad day. Maybe you had a
bad day at work and you don't want to come
home to these kids being like this. Well, it's like,
(39:00):
we just need to stay consistent with our bookings. And
I know, like our days we are, we play in
our days and ninety nine percent of the day something's
going to happen and change. But we've got to do
our best to stay consistent for the family, for the family,
because you are going to be a better person if
you go and get encouraged and lifted and prayed for
(39:22):
with your men's group, yeah, or men quality time. Same
with me. So I know it's I know a lot
of people might not understand this, but if you can
make sure that you're consistent with what you planned, then
that is where fruit will be like grown. Even if
it was a hard day. Yeah, we've both had those.
(39:43):
We can speak a lot on Today sucked and I
need you here, but you got to you gotta look
at it from the other side too, And that's kind
of the point I'm getting at is.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
That maybe it's just because throw a lot of my
friends under the bus because they don't make that a
priority because I feel like they Yeah, so that's why
last minute constantly.
Speaker 2 (40:07):
Yeah, but that's where I want to speak to the wives.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
I'll look forward to that for like a week and like, oh, yeah,
this day we were like guys are getting together, and
all of a sudden it just falls apart within a
few hours before it starts.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
So that's where I speak to the wise.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Usually because the wife is like complaining about something, I
feel and let them go because like she's complaining because
the kids are unruly today or blah blah blah, and
they always and it's.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
A fair it's a fair thing. It's a fair thing.
But that's where I want to say to the wives.
Don't put that don't put that guilt on your husband,
because you too will have a day where you were
meant to go out with your friends and he will
say the same thing and you were going to have
to cancel. No, we got to give each other the
(40:54):
grace in the space just to have that time, because
we know it's hard to come by a growing people
who are growing up and friendships get harder and harder.
And when you find and we'll talk about how to find.
When you find a solid group of friends that can
encourage you, be there for you in good times and
(41:15):
bad times, you can have fun with, and your spouse
agrees with the quality of those people, then you've got
to let them have the space to grow those friendships.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
Yeah. I mean, I don't think like in our relationship,
like we have that problem. It's just a lot of
the guys, a lot of the guy No. I'm talking
about like if if there's something scheduled or whatever, like,
no matter like how the kids are that day, you'll
let me leave.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah, well it's been something we've.
Speaker 3 (41:48):
It may be hard, but you know that's that should
be a priority, and you'll still like, let like hold
me to that. But then it's usually on my end.
They get a lot of guilt and they just will
buckle and just stay home. And yeah, so well, okay,
wives listen to that. But also to listen husbands listen
(42:12):
to that, because the wives do need space. There's that
stigma of I work all days as the husband, as
the dad, and you're at home with the kids and
you get to do whatever you want no. It is
hard working all day as a woman, as a mom,
it's hard being a stay at home mom. Like, no
matter what your day of work and whatever your day
(42:34):
is filled with, we all need a breath. We all
need a set of okay me and you like it
is okay no matter what your work day was, no
matter what your work day was, no matter how hard
your day was. Like lecturing, I am because I feel
like so many relationships need to know this and need to.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
For sure it they do. They need it.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
Yeah, I mean this is something that like husbands definitely
need to work on. It's just allowing your spouse to
prioritize friendships if they do have something scheduled, like allowing
them that freedom to be able to get away and
not guilt them into not doing it or not following through.
And because I mean it's something that I see a
(43:21):
lot like, just like I said, I mean, we'll have
something scheduled and it always ends up falling apart within
a few hours, and I'm usually like me or one
other person is usually the only like still in and
then it's just like, well, what's the point now, because
seventy percent of this group isn't coming now, and it's
just we're like, oh, well reschedule yeah and yeah yeah,
(43:45):
so it just makes it hard, you know. For so Yeah,
I think it's just something that husbands and wife definitely
need to work on together and just like allowing each
other to have that and make it a priority for sure.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
So when we talk about friendship and we're talking about
like going and hanging out with the people, I'm talking
about a friendship that is a good friendship, not.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
Just people that will speak life.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Yeah, So what is good friendship? What is a what
does a real friendship look like to you? Yeah, And
that is a real friendship is someone who is going
to call you back and point you back to Jesus.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Ask you those harder questions, stuff that make most guys
don't really want to talk about, you know, like Okay,
how are you doing, Like what's going on at home?
You know, is there anything that like you need to
just get off your chest and stuff like that, because
a lot of guys will just not talk about it.
We'll just like, oh, you know, what's up, what's going on?
(44:47):
How is your day? Oh, that's good, and then just
like kind of talk about sports or you know whatever
and just keep it very surface level, but you know,
just asking those harder questions, asking those more thought provoking
questions whenever you're there and really, you know, openly and
genuinely care about like man, like how are you doing? Yeah?
(45:10):
And it's genuine.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Yeah, And I mean, a real friendship doesn't doesn't mean
how many friends do I have? It doesn't mean a number.
It means what is the deptness of the friendship? How true?
How real? How how authentic is that person? Because deptness
(45:39):
trumps so quality over quantity, right, So having I could
have the greatest true friendship and I have a bubble
of you know, maybe like three to four maybe five
people that I would say is like those people the
solid friendship that points you back to Jesus will call
(46:02):
you out, will tell you no, well not. You know,
it's those type of friendships that are very hard to
come across. But you got to you got to allow
yourself to ask the question to someone, the hard question,
like me, but how do you really? How are you feeling?
What can I pray for?
Speaker 3 (46:19):
You are not just like affirm your frustrations, affirm you know,
you don't want someone that's just always just going to
like agree with you about everything. You know, they're going
to ask you those questions, well, why do you feel
that way or why are you upset of you know,
maybe you had an argument with your husband and they
actually want to hear about it because I mean, you
may be wrong, you know, and they're going to call
(46:42):
you out on it or or give you a different
perspective than what something you may have missed. Yeah, and
we have a lot of friends like that, you know,
as couples or whatever, where it's funny because you and
the husband may be more may have the same personality traits,
and then it may be like me and the other
wife may have those same personality trades. So it's funny
(47:05):
because like you can whenever you're speaking with that you
know that friend, you know, you're having a conversation with
the wife or I'm having a conversation with the husband,
like you can kind of give the other perspective because like, oh, well,
I'm more like the.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
Spouse spouse, but I can give you a response based
around a woman's perspective, but would probably connect more with
how your husband is receiving this.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
Special and his personality. But you may understand like where
they're coming from. A little bit more and give a
little bit more insight and personnel into their personality and
what they may be feeling. I mean, if you if
you find a friend that's just constantly just affirming how
you feel constantly and just agreeing with everything, it's not
(47:57):
may not be a great friend, you know.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
Yeah. So yeah, And I mean there's there's different levels
of friendship. I think, different mixes of friendships. You know,
you're going to have maybe friends that you grew up
with and or friends that are just you're connected via
family wise, or friends that are you know, parents of
(48:21):
other of kids that your friends are kids with. And
there's a level of friendship. So there's we can be
friends with with anybody, right, but walking life with a
true friend is going to bring joy and understanding and
peace in your life unlike any other friendship. Right, So
(48:42):
how to find that friend? You're going to find that
friend and you're gonna be able to keep that friendship.
And if that friendship is solid with the foundation of
like we both love Jesus, I'm telling you, you're going
to see friendship of a different level. And you know
it's it. It takes it takes courage to really get
(49:05):
to that step in a friendship, especially as an adult.
Like if you're someone who's moved into a different city
and you don't know anybody, You're like, here, I am
trying to make friends again in my forties and that sucks,
you know, but you you're gonna have to put yourself
out there. You're gonna have to get yourself involved, put
yourself in a community. Maybe start, you know, if you've
(49:28):
got kids, start trying to connect with other you know,
parents in pta or swim team or baseball. And but
it's gonna take you being more than the parent of
your kid right to be that friend. You're gonna have to. Yeah,
you're gonna have to talk and ask about like so
(49:50):
do you go to church, do you you know, have
like real debt conversations. Be vulnerable because that's what's going
to next you more. You know, also want to kind
of throw out there that there are there can be
unhealthy friendships and so be aware of those. If people
(50:11):
make you uncomfortable, if you feel like you're getting spoken
about unhealthy or talked about behind your back, like do
not accept that. Allow boundaries to come into play to
where you are okay not being involved in those situations,
you're okay to speak up for yourself and go one
to one if you're being talked about behind your back.
(50:32):
I mean, this still happens, not just with teens or kids,
this happens as adults too, And so don't stand for
nothing less than what you would want for your own kids,
you know. So, boundaries are okay, Boundaries are okay.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
Actually, we're having just me and a group of guys.
We're talking a few weeks ago, and I think it
was actually Been that brought this up. You know, because
you're you get in you know, you have these friends
that constantly want to complain or constantly just have something
going on that's.
Speaker 2 (51:09):
Just like, oh like the ones like they get around
you and you're like, oh lord, it's all we're gonna
hear about.
Speaker 3 (51:13):
And so he said, he puts something. Been was talking about,
how you put something in place where if that that
one person just keeps coming and it's just like every
time you talk to him, it's just like something negative
or something wrong's going on or blah blah blah. And
it's never like looking at the bright side of it. Never,
you know, you know, looking bit a little bit more deeper,
it's just like always in the negative, you know, he would,
(51:36):
He's like, I'm just gonna stop them right there and say, okay,
let's let's just pray about that, like stop them in
their tracks and like, let's just pray about that. Let
me pray for you for that, and then just and
then it's almost like retraining that person. Yeah, I mean
you don't want to. It's hard. It's hard to be
around somebody like that that's just constantly. I mean, yeah,
(51:56):
you're gonna have friends that go through seasons where you
know they're they're in a rough time, but even you know,
in the not a tough season, they just look to
the negative on everything. Those are just hard people to
be around. And so you just trying to find people
that are like fighting for joy and looking for you know,
the meaning behind something and looking for the positivity and
(52:19):
things and and and seeing around that not it's not
just focusing on the negative, because those people will just
bring you down.
Speaker 2 (52:29):
Yeah, So boundaries are okay. Speaking up for yourself is okay.
If there is unsettling, unsettling words.
Speaker 3 (52:39):
You're make up more. Daniel talking about homeschool and she's
just conftantly making up words.
Speaker 2 (52:47):
Hello to the.
Speaker 3 (52:49):
Before with the house of girls that just make up stuff.
That's why we co op.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
That's hilarious. But bound are okay, and boundaries are healthy
across the board, across the board. So anyways, I hope
that some of you can resonate and feel encouraged by
some of these things that we've said. If you're feeling lonely,
I want to tell you that right now, when you
(53:20):
stop listening to this, I want you to pray for
God to bring the right people into your life, because
this is a prayer that I've prayed, a prayer that
we've prayed for our friendships within our family and our
you know, marital friendships. And I believe that God will
put people in your life that will be meant to
be there and the time needed for such a time
(53:42):
as this, Yes, for such a time as this, And
so thanks for listening. I am glad y'all joined us today,
and I just hope that y'all have fun listening to
our rambling made up words and insight that we have.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Hopefy all guts positivity out of that, not just me
ranting about other dads. It don't make things a priority, yeah,
so keep it real, Yeah, make make your friendship a priority. Yeah,
and find those times because everybody needs it. Husbands needs it,
wives need it.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
So next week when we come on here, I'm going
to ask you what did you do for your friendships
this week? So I'm testing oll y'all, all, y'all, all y'all,
but I'm gonna make sure that you do it too.
You don't just say it, you have to do it.
So you have a week and I'm going to ask you.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Challenge you guys too.
Speaker 2 (54:37):
That's what I just said. We're gonna challenge them, just me.
Speaker 3 (54:40):
I think everybody needs to be challenged with this.
Speaker 2 (54:42):
Find find a time for the week, and you're going
to do something with a friend, whether it's coffee, lunch,
dinner and glass of wines, having a family over to
eat at your house, You're going to do something intentional
with a friend.
Speaker 3 (54:57):
So sounds good. You and you, you and you and
you and you all right, thank you guys for listening
to episode thirty five more than reality podcast.
Speaker 2 (55:09):
Hee's out.
Speaker 3 (55:10):
We'll see in the next one. We love you guys
Speaker 2 (55:28):
Much.
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