September 13, 2024 • 64 mins
In this deeply introspective episode, our host dives into the unexpected journey of navigating life's most challenging and chaotic moments. Using the metaphor of "throwing the hat over the wall," they explore the relentless pursuit of solutions, peace, and healing in the face of mental illness, family struggles, and personal battles. Reflecting on their own experiences, they discuss the complexities of control, forgiveness, and the constant search for hope. This episode is a raw and honest look at the power of resilience, the importance of community, and the journey towards inner tranquility, even when faced with life's darkest moments. Whether you're going through your own struggles or supporting someone in theirs, this conversation offers a relatable and heartfelt reminder that you are not alone.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
This has turned into something unexpected. I love the expression
throwing the hat over the wall and then you'll go
get it, and that seems to be what's happening here
(00:25):
with this podcast. Through the hat over the wall, because
I'm a solution oriented person and I want to come
up with something that leads to peace, tranquility, bliss, inspiration,
(00:47):
anything in the positive sense that can come out of something.
It is truly chaotic, puzzling, frustrating, angering, It's really one
of these quandaries of life that might be it's the
(01:08):
most difficult of my life. And I've had some quandaries
and difficulties and obstacles, and I keep throwing the hat
over the wall and I get it this one I
haven't gotten yet. Thank you for your answers and suggestions
(01:28):
and concerns. Getting a lot of that once in a while.
Once once in a little while someone say I've heard
all this or something like that, or kind of like
not getting what this is about. So I can restate
the purpose I can with all spontaneity and presence. That's
(01:51):
where I come from. I don't have anything rehearsed, and
you have heard and seen different feelings that I've had
in different energy spaces that I've been in all throughout
this journey, and that it is a journey, a healing,
revealing journey. That is one of the intentions is the
(02:12):
healing and the love for Lotus as well. When you
see someone in the throes of mental illness or whatever
that diagnosis is, I'm sure this podcast is for you
as well. Maybe it's because you're not alone. I know
(02:36):
one of the things that happened to me that I
was going to mention some things to give you a
little background on some things that came up today for me.
In another I don't like the word abuse, but I'll
use it anyway. I've been abused a lot in my life,
and I know when you're an adult, people look for
(02:59):
the reasons they wanted, Well, how did you make that happen.
I know when I was a kid, I did not
make anything happen. The abuse is started early. I want
to get into my mom what those abuses were, because
(03:20):
I just don't want to do that to her because
I know that she has some guilt and I love
my mom so much. I'm sure I've shared about that
and how incredible that journey has been. Healing, revealing, journey
and it's ended to love and tolerance and acceptance and
(03:43):
it's just beautiful. So that's where I come from, is
I know that that can be the results of hard
work on self, and that's where some of this it's
the rock in the hard place. What can I control them?
(04:04):
What can I? Obviously people will remind me I can't
control her? But can you can? I submit ideas, feedback
from other people where it gets through, Suddenly there's an awakening.
Would I not be being of service to the children
(04:26):
if I didn't continue to do all that I can,
including prayer, including I forgot to do it today. I
was gonna have a prayer group. Well maybe I'll ask
you to do that. If you believe in prayer. I
believe in anything. I believe in anything that's positive. That
(04:53):
brings me to the other question that people have been
raising is what's a cult? At a disagreement with someone,
no Disagreement's a healthy debate about what's a cult and
what's not. I think if I were to define what
a cult is, it's when someone gives their power over
it to someone else, a powerful a person who seeks power,
(05:14):
an ego maniac, and so forth. They have to be
an ego maniac to be a cult leader, narcissist or
whatever it is they have to be to take on
this burden actually of being responsible for people and leading
them out of marriages and so forth. That's what broke did.
You can have quite an ego for that. And so yeah,
(05:39):
people say, no, that's not a cult. It is. I'm watching.
I watch the documentaries all the time I'm watching. I
watched Sins of My Mother. You already heard my guest Adam,
who's the brother of Lori Valo, who is the subject
of that. And then this Mother Love on HBO. Oh,
(06:02):
and you watch it and you just go, my god,
this is just nuts. And then I asked that you
all reflect on do you have any nuts in your family?
Any crazies? You wonder where have they gone? Or what
can I do about it? That's where I'm stuck, is
what can you do? I mean people say just pray,
(06:24):
turn it over, and yeah, all of it, all of it,
They're all solutions. I'm here to find those, to help
you find those, to share these experiences. I come from
a background of throwing hats over walls and going to
(06:45):
get it. Having amazing transformations take place with myself. So
why would it not happen for lotus? Why her? Would
she be different? So if I've had miracles occur in
my life and witnessed other miracles, than why could it
(07:07):
not happen with her? And I don't want to allow
other people's projections and experiences of failure in their own
lives to affect my life and my search for answers solutions. Peace.
(07:27):
I listen and I hear you, and I take it in.
But I would ask that you also take in whatever
you're about to say to me or comments if you
truly examine it for yourself and how it's worked in
your life. That's the thing is that I keep reiterating,
is if you share your experience, no one can deny it.
(07:50):
Your opinion is not going to be received the way
you might want to intend it to be. So that's
like the golden rule all of these things I try
to come from. Hopefully I accomplished coming from experience. I've
made a big career in comedy by doing that. It
(08:10):
separated me to the point where I've just enjoyed. I
just had a performance and a favorite place of mine,
Bray at California, just I walk on stage and just
the people, I'm connected with them immediately. And I was
talking to someone about this the other day. It's not
about my jokes. They feel me, the honesty, transparency they know.
(08:39):
Someone said the other day, though, Bray is the place
when m Chloe was born. Your daughter was born, and
you went that night and celebrated with us, And that's
what this is the same thing. It's just different stage,
different intentions. But the intentions aren't that different, because I
really do like to uplift elevate all of us. Rising
(09:03):
tides float all boats. You might be going through something
I'm talking to you. You might be going through someone
in the throes of addiction. You might be going through
dealing with someone who's a pathological liar, sociopath, criminal. Why
(09:24):
are they doing this? Why they do this? I'm not
here to figure out why. I might become aware of
something of what their illness might be, and we contemplate that.
So she could be borderline personality disorder. She could be bipolar,
(09:50):
she could be depressed, she could be traumatized from something
from her childhood. We'll get to that. She could be schizophrenic.
I don't know alcoholic, because she doesn't really drink, but
that doesn't meet someone's not an alcoholic. By the way,
(10:13):
back to the definition of cults, someone said, well, AA
is a cult. Alcoholics anonymous twelve step programs are a cult.
And that's where I debated, and I said, I don't
think so, because literally, in the preamble and in the
suggestions they say things like there are no leaders, where
(10:33):
are but trusted servants. We do not govern, we're anonymous
in the level of press, radio, and film. There are
no dues or fees for membership. And with all that,
I don't think you can call it a cult because
there's no one recruiting, there's no one benefits, there's no
one who it's a mutual beneficient benefit benefit. I heard
(10:57):
something today and I believe it was Malcolm X heard
from Malcolm X with them, but I heard something that
I wrote down the quote, but I'll just say what
it was in general. I thought it was interesting because
this the reason I'm doing this also is is is
it's about us. This is being of service to you.
That's actually made me a better comic, as well as
(11:19):
I pray backstage to be of service to the whole.
Some people are in bad shape, and it's a relief
for them. Comic it's comic relief. Literally lafter heels. I
have an organization laughter heels. It really does work. And
this quote I think from Malcolm X was illness is
(11:44):
an I starts with an eye. When you add we,
it becomes wellness. So illness is all about ie and
wellness is about we. We come up with the solutions.
We come up with the community, we come up with
the support system, we come up with ideas, We come
(12:06):
up with unity, which I think is so important in
our world period. And maybe that's another intention of this podcast.
I love bringing people together. I usually do it through
a different method like making you laugh. And if you're
new to me, by the way, I make people laugh
(12:26):
really really at a high level of standing ovations and
ninety minute shows, and it's just it's basically almost unprecedented,
especially if this length of time since high school. Just
ask do you just trust me and just go with me?
It might chuckle now and then with this and I
know it's not a it's not the it's definitely not
the comedian. But I'm also not my job, and either
(12:50):
are you. I'm a human being having this this experience
on this plan. It working things out, sometimes slow. Sometimes
I come up with immediate answers, or the answer comes
(13:12):
to me in the form of I remember one time
I was dealing with another narcissist who deal with a
lot of these. He's taking me down and gaslighting me,
and I just went, hey, man, I'm done done. You
can buy me out. And then it was arguing over
the numbers. Said I'll take nothing. Oh, you're trying to
(13:33):
actually thought I was trying to pull the fast way.
I said, oh, you didn't hear me. I said, I'll
take nothing. I just I'm just is not worth it
to me. It's more valuable to me. My freedom is
more valuable to me. And he we finally came up
with a It was of the twenty five thousand I invested.
He was willing to give me fifteen thousand back, and
(13:53):
then I love the investment. It was in health. Actually,
it's this health and wellness something really profound and unique.
And this system that I found it's actually called Energy
Enhancement system. It's amazing. Look it up. It's helping people
with cancer and tumors and all sorts of illnesses. And
(14:18):
there was a wei we came where we and number
of people I built. I bought some franchise anyway, so
I accepted it. I just said, I said, it's okay.
I was just I wanted to let go. I did
not want this man to be so unkind to me.
I just find this to be the case with some
people in my life. It's just an unkindness and I
don't deserve it. And I'm finally at the point where
(14:41):
I won't show up for it. And the very next
day I was gifted a twenty thousand dollars gift a
trip to Mexico out of nowhere. And that's the way
it works. I was dealing with the other divorced before
and lawyer I said, don't go over five thousand dollars.
(15:02):
He rounded up to nineteen thousand dollars. Then he threatened me,
I'm suing you, blah blah blah blah blah. I said,
I don't have it, And I tell this story. I
tell stories of hope to understand how the universe works.
You might not believe in the law of the universe
or God or higher source or whatever it is, Christ Christ, Consciousness, Jesus,
(15:28):
whatever it is. You might not believe it, but I
have a lot of stories of miracles that have happened,
some quick and some tiny, some profound and large. I'm
just going to share this last one with you because
this is about hope. You might not have any hope,
you know, financially. Let's say we're talking about that right now.
(15:49):
And that's what this is. It's that limited thinking. It
keeps us limited with limited results. Same thing that's going
on with this with my ex wife. I've limited thinking
sometimes and I've limited results because of it. But I've
had powerful thinking. I've had powerful results like the thing
that happened in Maui and so forth. We're going to
(16:10):
keep heading down that road too. I'm going to keep
on having these discoveries and discoveries and go backwards a
little bit and forwards. I'm about to share some other
stuff with you. So I was in the throes of
this angst and he's sending me videos this lawyer's divorced lawyer.
I could. He was a very ugly man, like literally ugly,
(16:33):
and he lives for this. There are people that live
for conflict. He lives to take people down. As a
matter of fact, I didn't go with him at first
because I didn't want to attack my ex wife, and
I didn't want to him because he was talking about
going after no, no, no. I always come from that grace,
from that goodness and kindness that's in my heart, that
(16:56):
rules me, and some people might say it falso fools me.
And so I started fighting this guy back. I went
philly on her. Yeah, because I had all the paperwork,
I had all the emails, you know, telling him, might
Have'm not going over five thousand dollars. He ran up
the bill. So one day I got to acceptance, I
(17:22):
got to love and I got to grace, and I
the words came out of me, I'll give you ten
thousand dollars. And I told my business manager and she
and I said, actually, there was a voice inside of
me that ethereal gigantic, divine voice inside of me that said,
(17:42):
this money will be paid back. It'll come back, because
releasing is the key to things happening like that. Now
you have a freedom of flow. So I did that.
I had my business manager and of course he was
like nasty. He had a video of him reassessing a car.
He's you're next, people thrive on this. I don't have
(18:06):
a really hard time with it, and I've been there too.
I come back at people, and then I just looked
just as bad as they are. I look just as
arrogant as they are, just as domineering and controlling as
they are. My defense is no better than someone else's offense.
(18:28):
So I stopped and I said, I said, just tell
them ten thousand. She said, he accepted it, and he said,
but if it's not here in twenty four hours, he's
going to triple it then, and all this guy said, oh,
that's okay, because I felt peace just to letting go.
I felt peace. Then when he accepted, I felt really
peace and peaceful. And I normally don'tly like talking about money,
(18:49):
but I will be specific in this case. Again, this
is a true experience to maybe share some hope with you,
even hope for my journey, because some people are worried.
Please don't. I mean, I've been through a lot, and
I'm going to get to that as well some other
things I might not have mentioned. And I always thrive.
(19:11):
I always have hope, always have faith. I get back
to that no matter how bad it gets. There's still
that panic boy, that little panic boy that grew up
in some testing situations and that weekend, I think that's
(19:35):
actually on Thursday, and I think the next day I
was going to Detroit, and I wrote down the amount
of money I was to make in Detroit's a place
I have done well in the past, have been playing
Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle for many years, many many years,
and I was at a peak at one time. I
was really big in the nineties, the late nineties. I
(19:56):
won a Comedian in the or American Comedy Awards, and
I was packing places, making you know, millions of dollars.
But those those days are fading. Just happens. So I
didn't know how I would do. But I wasn't that confidence.
I wrote down the number ten thousand dollars. That was
my guarantee. It's called a guarantee I got. I was
(20:17):
guaranteed I was gonna wat and I figured, oh, well,
I'll walk out with ten thousand dollars. But then it's
versus it's you pull in this much of the door
and then it starts to kick in the percentages and
blah blah blah. That's the deal that's offered to me.
That's the contract, I swear to you. Unbelievable. I'm like, oh,
(20:38):
it's a little bit more crowded than expected. To the
dime ten thousand dollars extra, I got twenty thousand dollars
check for two days of work in Detroit. I mean,
that's just that's the miracles of hope that I wish
to offer all of you, and I wish to have
(20:59):
even in this case with Lotus. I'm not going in
any particular order, but I did want to read some screenshots,
and I also want to admit something to you about
my process and falling off the wagon, if you will so,
and I do the the amount that I write, and
(21:28):
I did this with my other ex wife. By the way,
I am so guilty of, you know, the pontification I
talk about with Broke especially, and then now the follower Lotus,
I do it. I'm way guilty of it. I talk
too much, it's too long, it's lengthy. People have actually
(21:51):
criticized it. Get to the point, this is too you know,
even my Facebook posts and things like that what I
call blogs. You know, people or want to read it. Well,
Plus we live in a quick society and everything's really quick,
and that's not really going to hit the mark. So
it's going through some text messages. I had to go
(22:12):
back a little ways, and when Lotus was offering gratitude
to me, and my admission to you is I did
not accept it with grace, dignity, integrity, I attacked. If
you really feel this way, then I'll come Da da da.
I'm in and I go off, and I assure you,
if you're about to do this, maybe learn from me.
(22:34):
I have never pressed enter. First of all, I very
rarely pause, otherwise I wouldn't press enter. I very rarely
take that sacred pause that SPIRITU is that breath. When
I do that in life, unbelievable results. But no, no,
I don't do that. I'm I'm going to get this
over over dar. I'll tell her what how wrong she is, now,
(22:56):
how hypocritical and all this, Oh my god. I just
go off and I'm right. So I believe I'm right,
and you would probably consider me right as well. Some
of these things I'm asking for. And there's some of
the concerns I'm issuing. And actually I post, I mean
not post, but I cut and paste things that people
(23:19):
are writing to me, writing to me saying that she's
ripped them off, or that she's a con artist or
that she's following a con artist, or she's in a cult.
All these people confirm it constantly. I'm worried about Lotus.
What happened to her? All these things come and then
I pass it on to her, thinking that one day
it'll be like the bottom of an alcoholic She's gonna go, oh,
(23:45):
I gotta stop. I gotta stop this pattern. But what's
happening is it probably pushes her further into the darkness,
and it is dark. I'm going to get to how
dark it's come, which I might have announced the last episode,
but it's worse now. But I did want to tell
(24:06):
you something positive. That she was on a run for
a while of sending me messages of gratitude, a lot
of messages of gratitude, and I did not accept it.
It's like the one time my dad told me I
love you one time. I didn't see it back. I
regret it to this day. Passed away last year, and
(24:29):
I said it in the meantime like way later, but
I remember in that moment he was so vulnerable. He
had never said it ever and didn't say it since,
but he did, And just like that, I'm doing the
same thing with Lotuses. She's probably trying to repair this.
Maybe she's been instructed. It doesn't matter why she's doing it.
And she usually does seem to have a motive, because
(24:51):
she'll ask me in the very next sentence for something.
She says, May I ask She's I'm getting a little
cynical there. I want to imitate, by the way, that's
my sarcastic self. May I ask? I imitate her? And broke?
She says, good morning, love. I did notice that part.
(25:11):
Good Morning, love, I appreciate who you are in the world,
spreading laughter and healing. Here's another one. Good Morning, I'm
grateful for your humor. Good morning, I'm grateful for your confidence.
These are all different days, they're spread out. It's back
in the springtime last year. Good Morning, I'm grateful for
your playfulness. Howdy, I'm grateful for your kindness. Good Morning,
I'm grateful for your uplifting energy. Good Morning. I appreciate
(25:32):
how you care for your family. These are all screenshots.
I'm just reading. And when I went back to get
the screenshots, my omission is I had to go through
all of my text messages, which I couldn't even read.
I mean, it was so much how in the world
am I supposed to get through if I'm just these long,
(25:55):
boring text messages to think that I'm making a point.
This is the one I'm saying this that I need
to hear this, and maybe you need to hear it.
Good morning. I'm grateful to your hard work. I'm grateful
to your joy. Another one, I'm grateful to your strength
for your strength. I'm grateful that your little girl's daddy.
(26:18):
I'm such a she's such a daddy. That is the
one thing. My have three sons not you know, two
are definitely not in the dad. And they went away mom.
They went down that road parent alienation. It worked. It's
another thing I implore you. I hear from women and
I never say anything bad, and then I go, I
know they are. I can hear it, I can feel it.
(26:39):
I know they are. If you're in denial of it,
just check yourself. I've been. I've seen the results of it.
My mom did it about my dad, and and Lotus
does it. And my ex wife before this, and the
kids are affected, and they're always going to gravitate towards mom.
They don't want to. They and the moms play victim.
(27:00):
And then especially if they're sons, they're going to go
that route. It's just it's just true. It's been the
experience of truth. But it's also I've seen it with others,
so many others. So I implore you to really really
get in there and do your very best. That's what
I'm really disappointed with Lotus. She did not do even
(27:21):
close to her best. She didn't even do her worst
when it came to focusing on these things that she's saying.
I'm grateful for your solution mindset, she says, thank you
for taking part in the solution. I appreciate you. I'm
grateful your dedication to the ones you love. Good morning.
I'm grateful for your friendliness. I'm grateful for your work ethic.
(27:43):
I'm grateful for your accomplishments. I sound pretty awesome. I'm
not saying it from an ego place. I'm saying check
this out, check out what the truth is. What she's
saying is the case. Just in case maybe you think
I'm not credible, or maybe you think that I was
some bad guy that she needed to leave. I'm not.
(28:05):
She's saying here, thanks for your gentleness, she says, your generosity,
another one, your kindness, another one, tenderness. It's gratefully for
your tenderness. These are all good mornings and good mornings.
They are affirmations. I'm grateful for your involvement with the kids. Yes,
I'm dedicated to the kids. Just took a nice hike
today with our dog, who's a year anniversary with us,
(28:27):
now rescuing us, and we rescued her and we took
her and she jumped in the water. I've never seen
him before. We went to a waterfall and it was
so beautiful. While actually Lotus is away with her boyfriend
in Colorado, which the kids now fear that she's gonna
kidnap them and move them to Colorado. And that's another concern.
It's not like a paranoid concern. It's a real concern,
(28:49):
of course, all of us because of her behavior. And
she'll say to them, I would never do that. But
what she's also said into a camera, I won't touch money.
She said, we're moving into a house and you can
turn it around so easily and have no remorse. It's
like a criminal. It is a criminal. She says, I'm
(29:09):
grateful for your Jois de vis. I didn't even know
she knew that word. I never heard her say that before.
I'm grateful for your cheerfulness. I'm grateful for the love
of our children. I'm grateful for your bright mind. I'm
grateful for your flexibility. I'm grateful for your care. I'm
grateful for your health. I'm grateful for your for your decisiveness,
I'm grateful for your thoughtfulness. I'm grateful for your care.
I'm grateful for your creativity. I'm grateful for your ability
(29:33):
to coordinate. I'm grateful for your humor. I'm grateful for
your love of the kids. I'm grateful for your intelligence.
I'm grateful for your brilliance. Yeah, it's all here, and
here's what I have asked her to do. This is
(29:56):
where again, I'm stuck between this rock and a hard
place of asking her for things. And when I ask,
she goes backwards. She goes into some sort of a mode,
a trauma mode, which we're going to get to. That
as well, that she can't hear if I'm making a request,
even if it's very simple, or if I'm pointing something out,
(30:19):
cannot hear it and has a complete defiance to it,
which worries me that the kids will learn this as well.
And it's starting already. We want to be an example
to the kids, and I keep saying, or what kind
of an example is any of this? The violence, the
fight back, the anger, the rage put towards me, and
(30:40):
obviously all the secrecy, the deception, the cheating, lying, stealing,
all of this is just the messaging is not good.
And it's all because she's in a cult. She's following
a woman that leads her down this path. There's an influencer.
They call them influencers for a reason. Women has influenced
(31:01):
women to leave their marriages to now go down this
other path. The path that I'd like to talk about
right now is this BDSM. I'm not here to judge
someone's sexual habits. I'm not going to do that. I'm
(31:21):
sure I've got my own little quirks and we all do,
let's admit it. I happen to think mine aren't, so
I don't think they're so severe or harmful. I could
definitely say they're not harmful. But now she's taken the
(31:44):
path that broke did first by talking about being dominated
in BDSM, it's a bondage sandomasochism. And now they have
a podcast about torture and kink with sex. I want
you to hear that the mother of my children is
(32:05):
now has a podcast about kink, torture, pain, getting pleasure
out of pain, sato masochism, posing with writing, crops, gagballs,
all that kind of stuff, chains, being whipped, being tortured,
(32:27):
being hurt. And I'm looking at this going well, first
of all, it did not happen. She never once mentioned
it in our marriage. If anything, I remember her being
pained by my size. I'm a big guy, and that
(32:52):
I remember is almost that's painful to me. So that's
what's odd to me to hear that now she wants
pain to be delivered to her. But the bottom line
is okay, fine. Why in the world this is when
Broke did this for the first time, I said, all
I thought of was was her husband. Why in the
world would women do this? As if it's not difficult
(33:16):
enough for the man to accept that you would abandon
the marriage, you would abandoned the vows, you would stop commitments,
you would do all of those things, as if it's
not bad enough, and dealing with all of these traumas
that you brought onto the children, their generational traumas of
how to treat the other partner with such disdain disrespect,
(33:37):
as if it's not bad enough, let's pile it on
and let's humiliate the children. I talked o father about
it the other day. You know, our kids are in
elementary school. He's like, what you know? Hey? I think
he said something like way to his wife. Finds us out,
(33:58):
because then the kids are and be affected. They're not
gonna once your kids hanging out with crazies. This is crazy,
no justification for it. So my son confronted her, and
she did her usual. She's a bully, just a bully.
She does not give in an inch, doesn't give in,
(34:20):
and she just keeps going. This is what happens when
people are brainwashed. There's no getting in. I'm watching all
these cult documentaries, the same with his mother documentary that
I'm watching now on HBO or Max. It's called Now.
I don't know how we're gonna get used to that.
Gott to shorten everything HBO max Max. Shorten it from
(34:45):
HBO Max to Max. What's next, peacock, go ahead, your turn,
let's see what that's gonna be called. So I watched
how these people can just believe that a person is gone.
That's what this documentary is about. They believed because she
said it that she's gone. And meanwhile she was an
(35:07):
alcoholic and just really like a manipulator and a thief.
And people dedicate themselves. That's what a cult is. And
they pay for the cult by multi level marketing. I
guess they sold dildos at one time. Broke it, I
don't know. I try not to get too far into it.
(35:32):
So I asked her, I've been sending letters. I've been
really in a great space lately of absolute big time love,
like I cheap, filling myself up like a balloon with love,
and I bring that and those are them. That's the
energy behind these text messages that I give her because
she won't talk to me. She's too afraid. When people
(35:54):
won't talk to you, they're afraid because you know the truth.
That's why I've been shut out by other people as well.
Like my sister. She knows I know the truth and
just will not show up for ten years. I've offered
time and time again therapists. I'll pay for the therapist.
Same with broke, I mean, same with lotus. I'll pay
(36:14):
for it. Whatever it is. I just believe in peace.
I believe in discussions. I believe you can work things out.
I believe in people. Probably a little naive, I'm optimistic.
My son when he was talking, he calls me opto,
but he's running too. He knows what he knows, what
(36:36):
the truth is. He knows what his mom did as
well with the accusations and so forth. But I thought
I was I had a rough day today though. Even
though I'm comfortm with this love, I'm dead of a
rough day today. It's kind of like started to pile
up on me because her responses were ignore or defy
or whatever it is. I'm gonna you just can't be
doing this. You can't. This is not good for the children.
(36:58):
The other part of me is I'm gonna take this
to court, so I will put this out to you.
Does anybody out there have a law degree? Did somebody
want to do some pro bono work with me and
help me out here? I'll take that, by the way,
because I've got a lot of evidence, a lot of evidence.
Somebody want to help out, go ahead. I mean, I'm tapped,
(37:23):
I can't really, and plus emotionally, I would like to
turn it over to someone I had a terrible lawyer.
This guy had no empathy, no compassion. I actually performed
and spoke to a group of attorneys, divorce attorneys, family
law attorneys. I did not realize this. They have a
high suicide rate, and I get it because they're taking
on that toxicity that takes place. I mean, I can't
(37:47):
even imagine how difficult that is for them. Here I've
been resenting a lot of them, but now I get it.
Now the human beings and are having this experience of
of this this fight that they're in the middle of,
and resentments and anger and rage. This is what happens.
They're not allways evolved as me. I know I'm not.
(38:10):
Sometimes most of the time I am, but a lot
of times I go backwards. All depends on the spiritual conditioning.
That's everything depends on that. Just like conditioning. As if
I wanted to be in a fight, a fistfight, a
boxing match, you have to see whatever it is mixed
martial arts. If I want to win, I got to
(38:30):
eat in shape. It's the same thing with spiritual shape,
emotional shape. If I want to have everyone win, which
is my goal, not me win, everyone wins with harmony
and the weed that I talked about earlier. Wellness. We
wellness as opposed to illness. The eye in lotus is
(38:53):
ill as an illness because it's all about eye. It's
all about the selfishness, greed. And he tells our Son.
He says, I want you to not do that podcast anymore.
She says, no, I make money doing it. And it
goes back to another line. She's making money, she told
me the other day. I finally had her admit something.
I said, I want to not pay you support. Why
(39:15):
should I be paying support? It makes no sense, especially
when you're claiming you make wealth for women. I read
the posts. It's what it says. So you're either lying
to them you're lying on me in the courts, which
is it? So she said no, she makes the same
amount of money, which was next to nothing. It was
less than a teenager would make. And I wasn't mean
(39:36):
enough or not me. I was kind enough not to
do a forensic evaluation because she would not be happy
with those results. Every time, everything is just me accepting,
me accepting, and there is that how many times you accept?
How many times you get stepped on and spin on?
And this thing that came up for me today was
how many times in my life I was abused? I
(39:59):
mean used, you know, beaten and just shunned and shamed
and kidnapped by a pet of serial pedophile. And you
know my father said I needed you like custody more Indians,
or or I need you you're useless as tits on
a bowl. These are the things that ring in me.
I'm talking about being afraid in life. I'm being literally beaten,
(40:22):
like to a pulp, bloodied. And this guy I'm standing
at a party, all of a sudden he just cocks,
you know, just just punches me in a face. I
blood everywhere, and I'm in a fistfight with him, and
another guy piles on. He starts beating me. I'm telling you,
I don't want to be abused, so I guess to
(40:43):
deal with that. I became a comedian. You know a
lot of times that does help me, help protect me.
But also the idea would be, well, you're doing good
in the world. See, you would expect good to come back.
Some people are saying, I just read a quote. It's
the opposite. If you do things for others, they end
up presenting you in the end. I know that's the case.
(41:06):
With me a lot of times, but today I was like,
I hit the wall on them. Really, she really going
to continue to do this and ignore my plea to
just stop the podcast. She says she's making money. That's
what she told our son. It's such a lie, and
why not make money doing something else. She was a translator,
she was an union electrician on movie sets. I was
(41:29):
so proud of her, all the things that she did.
She has just stopped them all and went into a cult.
There's multi level marketing. There's nothing wrong with multi level marketing,
but there are people in it that are frauds because
it's not monitored. It's not monitored. They're their own boss.
They can do and say whatever they want. Broke poses
(41:53):
with one hundred dollars bills in a bed, as if
we're supposed to believe she actually sleeps in that bed
with one hundred dollar bills. It's all about posing, posing,
posing the illusions that you're going to buy. Here they are.
They look so friendly and so happy and love wins
and all this stuff. Same with all those cults you
watch on TV. They all are.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Happy, every one of them. Bog One, the yoga guy,
the Bickram yoga. They're all happy until they're not. It's
not sustainable. But these are cults. They suck people in
(42:34):
who are vulnerable and searching, and Lotus was searching. So
let's say.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You're on a cusp of going somewhere I speak to you.
What if you're on a cusp of making a move
outside of like the norm the things are becoming normal
and boring and things like that. You've been married a while,
you have kids. Is this your identity? I get it.
If it's a you know, it's somebody who's working. I've
(43:06):
come to this where I'm going. What am I just
the supplier? It's terrible. My answer, though, is not to
go to a cult leader to go get my answers.
My answer would be nice community. I would be great
some other men to speak to, especially I have some
women to speak to, but they can't understand it as
much as a man can. That's just a fact I'm
(43:28):
learning that I used to think only women at the compassion,
only women could understand. Only women had the empathy. I'm
finding it's almost the opposite. Is a lot of women,
not all of you, have a certain idea about a man.
Even listening to this podcast, you could have an idea
on who I am, and it clouds everything. Resentment is
(43:52):
the killer for anyone. And if there's a long historical
resentment against patriarchy, I get it, but I would ask
you to step back and address it, because I am
all of the things that she says. She would never
say this though, to Broke and Rundle, who threatened me
based on what she told them, I said, why don't
(44:16):
you say these things to them? I'm offering. I make
these offers. I said, say this to my son, who
you've my oldest son, who you've hurt in my relationship
by by saying I'm abusive or whatever it is, Why
don't you say these things of who I am? Won't
do it. It's that righteous pride. And that's what happens
when people get into a cult. It's righteous pride. Watch
(44:39):
for it. Watch for you getting in it. You're about
to give your power over to somebody. They're going to
dictate how you feel, what you do. It could be
a yoga teacher, someone said today, a P ninety X
or whatever, one of those. That one of those became
a cult, and then the leader ends up sleeping with
(44:59):
the uh, you know, the woman who's attending the classes.
It's a form of cult. I remember Billy Blanks. People
would line up down the street, you know that they
had to get it in there. As I was like,
what do you tht you haven't get an in to
go work out? Oh yeah, it was like a whole deal.
It was right down the street from me. And now
that's faded into nothing. That was like it was like
(45:22):
a it's like a cult. You're paying someone, You're empowering
that person to make you feel better, to make you
to to make you believe in something where you were
starting to fade on believing in something. So my old
premise is with any of these things is why not
(45:43):
take the time, the effort, the passion and put it
in to yourself within the construct of your relationship, all
of it. Give that a shot. I know that that's
(46:04):
my goal. If I am ever in another relationship. Who
knows if I ever will be. It ain't going well.
It's not going well at all because I'm seeing these patterns.
I'm really seriously I'm hoping maybe this is another goal
of the podcast. I'm really feeling hatred out there. Hatred,
(46:26):
but it's it's clinical, it's historical. If I say something
even this, Thank God, you can't take it personal because
I'm not talking to you unless you think I'm talking
to you. But it's I cannot even believe the amount
of times the ghosting and the dissing and the disrespect,
(46:52):
just the amount of disrespect it's out there, and I
have to look at myself how I'm disrespectful as well
have to. So this is the road that she's taken.
This is the next step into the cult. She's now
(47:13):
with Broke doing a podcast about sado masochism, being hurt
in sex. Ah, she writes to me about our daughter
with sex, not realizing that this is not a good thing.
(47:38):
What if you put more into love? I would speak
to Lotus and say, what if you put more into love? Then?
What as opposed to more into a multi level marketing
meeting or whatever it is, or listening to Broke with
new ideas on parenting, on orgasms or whatever it is.
(47:59):
If you put that in to the bank, into the
emotional bank of the children you brought into the world
through prayer, prayers were answered. Nah, I'm out, she says,
thank you for being such a fun, loving, dedicated father
(48:19):
for our kids. Now I will tell you that she's
allegedly getting help, But these are messages that have gone
through for months and not a single sign. It just
looks like she's going to another another BS thing, like
(48:44):
she's gone on all these the medicine journey. Someone says
to me, they wrote to me, I bet she did
the medicine journey and lost her mind. I'm all for
healing trauma, wellness and soul searching, but some people that
have not dealt with their traumas will lose their minds.
(49:05):
This is sounding very much connected to what's going on here,
because when she came back from these medicine journeys that
she went with broke. H not good. That drug forever
alters their brain chemistry and makes couple split up after
those quote spiritual soul adventures. So sad, She says. This
is a fan of the podcast and wrote to me,
(49:27):
I encourage you to write to me as well, writen
some reviews would be great. If they're lousy reviews to
save them, don't even bother. I'm so sorry for your
children are witnessing this side of their mom. Absolutely heartbreaking.
It is, it's heartbreaking. And then someone else says when
a narcissist doesn't reply to your text messages. That's what
(49:48):
she does too. It's a game, and I increased the volume,
thinking all the next one, Well, that's what I'm guilty of.
I'll do try another one, another one, another angle, another angle. No, no,
she says, they're not actually ignoring you. They're doing it
on purpose. This puts you in a weak and fearful state,
which is exactly what the narcissist wants. Think about that.
(50:09):
This podcast is also about narcissism. It's overused, i'd say,
but let's not overuse it right now. Let's just say, yes,
it exists a lot. Maybe we're maybe we're making narcissists
out of people because of the way our society is
with social media and stuff and how we reward we
reward narcissism, we buy followers and making them a check mark.
(50:33):
This is what we're becoming. Where are our values? I
don't want to get on some soapbox about values and morals,
but really, where are they? We're so busy with all
of these concepts, concepts that are ever changing, and what
you're supposed to call people and all that kind of stuff.
(50:54):
Where's the real values that are lost. That allows someone
to go down these paths ways where they lose themselves,
they become egomaniacs. Now, she says, I'm in a program.
This is a while ago, since last week addresses core traumas.
I'm starting to see how I operated out of my
(51:15):
core trauma when we married. When we were married way
before having problems, we start having problems. I'm sorry the
way I projected that onto. You appreciate your patience. As
I go through this program, well, she said, I'll be
able to operate more out of integrity and my authentic self.
Now here's the problem. It's like she knows how to
(51:36):
use the words. The wellness scriptors know how to use
these words. That's what they do. So it gives me
the illusion and the hope. And this is months ago.
She offers to see the spiritual leader that I see
that she likes. She says it here goes back on
(51:56):
her word. People like this do not honor their word.
My my son we talked and he said, I remember
when I let them go out of state, and now
I'm allowing them to go out of the country, and
I might I might take back that and take it
(52:17):
back because if this continues, I am so. I mean,
it's ridiculous where it could go when someone lies that
much and he's talking about it. He says, well, she
said she won't do that, like move them to Colorado
where her boyfriend is. I'm like, how do you know?
(52:39):
How do you know? And I had to point out
to him she also gave her word a lot of times.
And I asked him, I go, where are the times
she you know that bother you? And he listed a
bunch of them, including this, stealing the money and bank account,
the kidnappings. He mentioned all of it there. This is
trauma that now they have that she put onto them,
(52:59):
and I wonder where the consciousness is. She says it
was a conscious uncoupling, that she wanted no lawyers, and
she did exact everything's the exact opposite, including this. She says.
By the way, I want you to let you know
that I'm getting emotional mental support and I just started
a programmed today. My intention is to take responsibility for
my life and my choices months ago. No updates, no progress,
(53:28):
it's just she's I'm overarching, she says. Her overarching answer
of a question I answers, I'm recovering from my trauma.
I'm aware of the pain that children are in. I'm
doing all I can to help them, and I look
for a peaceful relationship with you. Now those are the words.
There's no actions to back it up. An action to
(53:51):
back it up would be, hey, let's go discuss. Let's
get a neutral party, which I've supplied a million neutral parties.
She just storms out, I mean literally storms out. She says,
I have a super intense therapy session. This is actually
kind of recent schedule for Thursday morning. It's best if
the kids are not at my house, which is it
(54:12):
could be a lie. That could mean that the boyfriend's
in from Colorado or something. You know what I mean,
you don't know. That's the problem too, is I don't
understand how people that lie this much can be okay
with lying that much, all the cover ups, and she's
so good at fooling. I ask you, have you ever
(54:33):
been fooled? Have you have you ever been calned frauded?
Has that ever happened to you? What was your reaction?
And just think about that that when you were fooled,
might have been a salesperson or whatever it is. Just
(54:54):
think that that's what you married think about that. It's
the person you gave all the love and all the
things that she lists that I am gave, your brilliance,
your creativity or dedication and all that you gave. All
of that, and what comes back our lies deceit. Think
about that, and that's where I am trying to make
(55:16):
good of it. Yes, I paint red flags green. It's
one of my themes in my life, and I don't
think I can give up my optimism. Part of the
reason for doing this is optimism, but it's also to
raise awareness for not only myself but for you as well,
for others. I always think to myself when people go, oh, no,
(55:39):
it couldn't be her, Well, why not could it not
be her? Why not could it be Why could it
not be your best friend? Why could it not be Oh?
Do we have that big of egos that think that
there's no one in my life that any of these
things can happen. That's the ego talking. I've thought it.
I was thinking, Oh, that's for other people you see
on television of these documentaries. No, I'm now the documentary.
I'm the subject of it. This is just like those documentaries.
(56:04):
A tender swindler I've been swindled and you watch you go.
Oh in the world, could they be that naive? Didn't
they see it? Oh? I'm guilty. Well, she says, here,
I talk to them to see if they would be
cool staying in your house. Wednesday night, when I'm done
(56:25):
with my therapy session, she says, I'm going to therapy
and I'm in a program resolved trauma. Today was a
big session. I'm still integrating from it. It's all the
things to avoid, all the things that avoid the truth.
The truth is she's gone into debauchery, huge hate for men,
(56:52):
even though there's probably an illusion of love with this
new guy. I want to get your I will ask
for your suggestion on one thing. I might have my
own answer on this. The thing is that I keep
getting the message, and I get it from myself, and
(57:14):
I get it from my insides. My gi can't take
potent insides. Is if I say enough of these things,
or even if our kids say enough of these things,
will it prompt a shift? Most people believe No. Since
(57:38):
I've seen it, I believe yes. My mom relationship is
the best example for me that actually works, and I
know that there can be shifts that are made, so
I've made them myself. Oh, I forgot to tell you
(58:01):
maybe I maybe I did liar, cheater, thief, bully? What
else have I been? All of it? I've done all
of it. I was youngers, just crimes, hurting people. I'm
(58:26):
an miacle, so if a miracle could happen for me,
that's what keeps me going. I destroyed people's property. I
hated rich people and I destroyed their property. Then I
became rich and I destroyed my property. So and I
(58:47):
hurt people, and then I became in love with my
wife and now she heard me. I fractured family, not
talking to my mother for years, and then now this
is coming back to me. So this is why I
(59:08):
continue to write Amend's letters and write letters to myself
and to others and apologize and a kopa accountable. I
encourage anybody to do it, because it really is free.
It's me saying that I have no pride in that
and telling you those things. I can even be more
descriptive and I wouldn't have a problem doing it. But
(59:28):
I will tell you it's not like it's adding some
some amount of boasting or ego to me. If anything,
it deflates it all to admit these things, because ego
is like I want you to believe something about me,
that I'm this perfect guy. It goes about things in
a perfect way, and I don't deserve this. Maybe there's
(59:53):
a Karmack equation. I don't know the answer. Maybe it's
from my ancestors. Maybe it's somebody that I was a
soul before am a soul and these are things that
I need to work out. Probably that is the case,
and this is another way to deal with it. But
I do believe that it's a we. I do believe
(01:00:14):
in community. I am forming a community. I have already
formed a community. I wish you to be in it
as well. It's called Winning with Laughter. Winning with Laughter
dot Com and come to our events. We stream doing
live events. I want to build this community. I am
building this community. That's what I wish for. That's my purpose.
That's what I want to pass on to my children.
(01:00:35):
I want that to be the legacy. I want love
and laughter to be the legacy. This is what I
wish for all of you. I just want to have
more fun in life. Move on from this. I'm praying
that she gets help. She has to literally get rehabilitated
from the throes of this woman who has got her
(01:00:56):
soul and taken it and just destroyed her. Now she's
obviously an accomplice in all this. She's not innocent, and
she continues to do the behavior and ooh, so stubborn,
won't give an inch. Frustrating, but there's hope. There's hope.
(01:01:16):
It's worked for me. I don't know what I got
to today. I don't know if I got to everything
I promised i'd get to. I don't know. I just
know that this comes out of me naturally and with flow,
genuine energy flow. It's genuine where I'm coming from, and
it is what I teach and them what I coach,
(01:01:36):
and I live. This is all part of it. We're
all struggling out there. I implore you to deal with
your own mental illness, mental health, whatever it is, whatever
however you want to define it, deal with it. I
had to come to grips with some of mine so
I could recover from it. We're all in a recovery process,
(01:02:00):
recovering from something, from some actions that hurt people. I
shouldn't say we all me and but there are answers
out there. I have found a lot of those answers
and has led to bliss, happiness, joy, freedom. It's amazing.
(01:02:27):
And I don't demonstrate it on here because I do
have this thing that I really kind of enjoy this.
I've been a performer. Look at me, my whole career,
whole life, literally since high school, professionally put myself through college.
Doing this is making people laugh, and that's not what
(01:02:47):
the intention is here. I'm not here to perform for you.
I'm not a mirth monkey. Well I didn't come here
to pay you. Well you're not paying, So there you go.
I don't think so, but I do appreciate you helping
throw in a nice comment, pass the word around, put
some stars on there. I don't know whatever it is.
(01:03:09):
It's not my jams too. I hate promoting as well.
What someone said the other day, you don't promote invite.
So I invite you into this world of recovery, into
this world of spirit, in this world of enlightenment. I
invite you in and uh, be a part of this,
(01:03:29):
be a part of the community. And believe me, the
way I take it in the other directions when we
go to the workshops, it's not this, but it's all
part of who we are. All struggle, don't we. I'll
go through something, all right. I'm now like my long
text messages, too long. I do right now. I will
(01:03:51):
see the next time. We have a lot of guests
coming up. I'm very excited about a few. I have
one who's in two cults. I have one who is
and at least one cult himself. That's two. And I'm
going to keep having guests so they can share their experiences.
As they say in twelve steps, they experience strength and hope.
(01:04:13):
Give you some hope too, some laughs, give you some fun,
give you some inspiration, and give you some thoughts intrigue.
Just keep it going, all right, Thank you,
This has turned into something unexpected. I love the expression
throwing the hat over the wall and then you'll go
get it, and that seems to be what's happening here
(00:25):
with this podcast. Through the hat over the wall, because
I'm a solution oriented person and I want to come
up with something that leads to peace, tranquility, bliss, inspiration,
(00:47):
anything in the positive sense that can come out of something.
It is truly chaotic, puzzling, frustrating, angering, It's really one
of these quandaries of life that might be it's the
(01:08):
most difficult of my life. And I've had some quandaries
and difficulties and obstacles, and I keep throwing the hat
over the wall and I get it this one I
haven't gotten yet. Thank you for your answers and suggestions
(01:28):
and concerns. Getting a lot of that once in a while.
Once once in a little while someone say I've heard
all this or something like that, or kind of like
not getting what this is about. So I can restate
the purpose I can with all spontaneity and presence. That's
(01:51):
where I come from. I don't have anything rehearsed, and
you have heard and seen different feelings that I've had
in different energy spaces that I've been in all throughout
this journey, and that it is a journey, a healing,
revealing journey. That is one of the intentions is the
(02:12):
healing and the love for Lotus as well. When you
see someone in the throes of mental illness or whatever
that diagnosis is, I'm sure this podcast is for you
as well. Maybe it's because you're not alone. I know
(02:36):
one of the things that happened to me that I
was going to mention some things to give you a
little background on some things that came up today for me.
In another I don't like the word abuse, but I'll
use it anyway. I've been abused a lot in my life,
and I know when you're an adult, people look for
(02:59):
the reasons they wanted, Well, how did you make that happen.
I know when I was a kid, I did not
make anything happen. The abuse is started early. I want
to get into my mom what those abuses were, because
(03:20):
I just don't want to do that to her because
I know that she has some guilt and I love
my mom so much. I'm sure I've shared about that
and how incredible that journey has been. Healing, revealing, journey
and it's ended to love and tolerance and acceptance and
(03:43):
it's just beautiful. So that's where I come from, is
I know that that can be the results of hard
work on self, and that's where some of this it's
the rock in the hard place. What can I control them?
(04:04):
What can I? Obviously people will remind me I can't
control her? But can you can? I submit ideas, feedback
from other people where it gets through, Suddenly there's an awakening.
Would I not be being of service to the children
(04:26):
if I didn't continue to do all that I can,
including prayer, including I forgot to do it today. I
was gonna have a prayer group. Well maybe I'll ask
you to do that. If you believe in prayer. I
believe in anything. I believe in anything that's positive. That
(04:53):
brings me to the other question that people have been
raising is what's a cult? At a disagreement with someone,
no Disagreement's a healthy debate about what's a cult and
what's not. I think if I were to define what
a cult is, it's when someone gives their power over
it to someone else, a powerful a person who seeks power,
(05:14):
an ego maniac, and so forth. They have to be
an ego maniac to be a cult leader, narcissist or
whatever it is they have to be to take on
this burden actually of being responsible for people and leading
them out of marriages and so forth. That's what broke did.
You can have quite an ego for that. And so yeah,
(05:39):
people say, no, that's not a cult. It is. I'm watching.
I watch the documentaries all the time I'm watching. I
watched Sins of My Mother. You already heard my guest Adam,
who's the brother of Lori Valo, who is the subject
of that. And then this Mother Love on HBO. Oh,
(06:02):
and you watch it and you just go, my god,
this is just nuts. And then I asked that you
all reflect on do you have any nuts in your family?
Any crazies? You wonder where have they gone? Or what
can I do about it? That's where I'm stuck, is
what can you do? I mean people say just pray,
(06:24):
turn it over, and yeah, all of it, all of it,
They're all solutions. I'm here to find those, to help
you find those, to share these experiences. I come from
a background of throwing hats over walls and going to
(06:45):
get it. Having amazing transformations take place with myself. So
why would it not happen for lotus? Why her? Would
she be different? So if I've had miracles occur in
my life and witnessed other miracles, than why could it
(07:07):
not happen with her? And I don't want to allow
other people's projections and experiences of failure in their own
lives to affect my life and my search for answers solutions. Peace.
(07:27):
I listen and I hear you, and I take it in.
But I would ask that you also take in whatever
you're about to say to me or comments if you
truly examine it for yourself and how it's worked in
your life. That's the thing is that I keep reiterating,
is if you share your experience, no one can deny it.
(07:50):
Your opinion is not going to be received the way
you might want to intend it to be. So that's
like the golden rule all of these things I try
to come from. Hopefully I accomplished coming from experience. I've
made a big career in comedy by doing that. It
(08:10):
separated me to the point where I've just enjoyed. I
just had a performance and a favorite place of mine,
Bray at California, just I walk on stage and just
the people, I'm connected with them immediately. And I was
talking to someone about this the other day. It's not
about my jokes. They feel me, the honesty, transparency they know.
(08:39):
Someone said the other day, though, Bray is the place
when m Chloe was born. Your daughter was born, and
you went that night and celebrated with us, And that's
what this is the same thing. It's just different stage,
different intentions. But the intentions aren't that different, because I
really do like to uplift elevate all of us. Rising
(09:03):
tides float all boats. You might be going through something
I'm talking to you. You might be going through someone
in the throes of addiction. You might be going through
dealing with someone who's a pathological liar, sociopath, criminal. Why
(09:24):
are they doing this? Why they do this? I'm not
here to figure out why. I might become aware of
something of what their illness might be, and we contemplate that.
So she could be borderline personality disorder. She could be bipolar,
(09:50):
she could be depressed, she could be traumatized from something
from her childhood. We'll get to that. She could be schizophrenic.
I don't know alcoholic, because she doesn't really drink, but
that doesn't meet someone's not an alcoholic. By the way,
(10:13):
back to the definition of cults, someone said, well, AA
is a cult. Alcoholics anonymous twelve step programs are a cult.
And that's where I debated, and I said, I don't
think so, because literally, in the preamble and in the
suggestions they say things like there are no leaders, where
(10:33):
are but trusted servants. We do not govern, we're anonymous
in the level of press, radio, and film. There are
no dues or fees for membership. And with all that,
I don't think you can call it a cult because
there's no one recruiting, there's no one benefits, there's no
one who it's a mutual beneficient benefit benefit. I heard
(10:57):
something today and I believe it was Malcolm X heard
from Malcolm X with them, but I heard something that
I wrote down the quote, but I'll just say what
it was in general. I thought it was interesting because
this the reason I'm doing this also is is is
it's about us. This is being of service to you.
That's actually made me a better comic, as well as
(11:19):
I pray backstage to be of service to the whole.
Some people are in bad shape, and it's a relief
for them. Comic it's comic relief. Literally lafter heels. I
have an organization laughter heels. It really does work. And
this quote I think from Malcolm X was illness is
(11:44):
an I starts with an eye. When you add we,
it becomes wellness. So illness is all about ie and
wellness is about we. We come up with the solutions.
We come up with the community, we come up with
the support system, we come up with ideas, We come
(12:06):
up with unity, which I think is so important in
our world period. And maybe that's another intention of this podcast.
I love bringing people together. I usually do it through
a different method like making you laugh. And if you're
new to me, by the way, I make people laugh
(12:26):
really really at a high level of standing ovations and
ninety minute shows, and it's just it's basically almost unprecedented,
especially if this length of time since high school. Just
ask do you just trust me and just go with me?
It might chuckle now and then with this and I
know it's not a it's not the it's definitely not
the comedian. But I'm also not my job, and either
(12:50):
are you. I'm a human being having this this experience
on this plan. It working things out, sometimes slow. Sometimes
I come up with immediate answers, or the answer comes
(13:12):
to me in the form of I remember one time
I was dealing with another narcissist who deal with a
lot of these. He's taking me down and gaslighting me,
and I just went, hey, man, I'm done done. You
can buy me out. And then it was arguing over
the numbers. Said I'll take nothing. Oh, you're trying to
(13:33):
actually thought I was trying to pull the fast way.
I said, oh, you didn't hear me. I said, I'll
take nothing. I just I'm just is not worth it
to me. It's more valuable to me. My freedom is
more valuable to me. And he we finally came up
with a It was of the twenty five thousand I invested.
He was willing to give me fifteen thousand back, and
(13:53):
then I love the investment. It was in health. Actually,
it's this health and wellness something really profound and unique.
And this system that I found it's actually called Energy
Enhancement system. It's amazing. Look it up. It's helping people
with cancer and tumors and all sorts of illnesses. And
(14:18):
there was a wei we came where we and number
of people I built. I bought some franchise anyway, so
I accepted it. I just said, I said, it's okay.
I was just I wanted to let go. I did
not want this man to be so unkind to me.
I just find this to be the case with some
people in my life. It's just an unkindness and I
don't deserve it. And I'm finally at the point where
(14:41):
I won't show up for it. And the very next
day I was gifted a twenty thousand dollars gift a
trip to Mexico out of nowhere. And that's the way
it works. I was dealing with the other divorced before
and lawyer I said, don't go over five thousand dollars.
(15:02):
He rounded up to nineteen thousand dollars. Then he threatened me,
I'm suing you, blah blah blah blah blah. I said,
I don't have it, And I tell this story. I
tell stories of hope to understand how the universe works.
You might not believe in the law of the universe
or God or higher source or whatever it is, Christ Christ, Consciousness, Jesus,
(15:28):
whatever it is. You might not believe it, but I
have a lot of stories of miracles that have happened,
some quick and some tiny, some profound and large. I'm
just going to share this last one with you because
this is about hope. You might not have any hope,
you know, financially. Let's say we're talking about that right now.
(15:49):
And that's what this is. It's that limited thinking. It
keeps us limited with limited results. Same thing that's going
on with this with my ex wife. I've limited thinking
sometimes and I've limited results because of it. But I've
had powerful thinking. I've had powerful results like the thing
that happened in Maui and so forth. We're going to
(16:10):
keep heading down that road too. I'm going to keep
on having these discoveries and discoveries and go backwards a
little bit and forwards. I'm about to share some other
stuff with you. So I was in the throes of
this angst and he's sending me videos this lawyer's divorced lawyer.
I could. He was a very ugly man, like literally ugly,
(16:33):
and he lives for this. There are people that live
for conflict. He lives to take people down. As a
matter of fact, I didn't go with him at first
because I didn't want to attack my ex wife, and
I didn't want to him because he was talking about
going after no, no, no. I always come from that grace,
from that goodness and kindness that's in my heart, that
(16:56):
rules me, and some people might say it falso fools me.
And so I started fighting this guy back. I went
philly on her. Yeah, because I had all the paperwork,
I had all the emails, you know, telling him, might
Have'm not going over five thousand dollars. He ran up
the bill. So one day I got to acceptance, I
(17:22):
got to love and I got to grace, and I
the words came out of me, I'll give you ten
thousand dollars. And I told my business manager and she
and I said, actually, there was a voice inside of
me that ethereal gigantic, divine voice inside of me that said,
(17:42):
this money will be paid back. It'll come back, because
releasing is the key to things happening like that. Now
you have a freedom of flow. So I did that.
I had my business manager and of course he was
like nasty. He had a video of him reassessing a car.
He's you're next, people thrive on this. I don't have
(18:06):
a really hard time with it, and I've been there too.
I come back at people, and then I just looked
just as bad as they are. I look just as
arrogant as they are, just as domineering and controlling as
they are. My defense is no better than someone else's offense.
(18:28):
So I stopped and I said, I said, just tell
them ten thousand. She said, he accepted it, and he said,
but if it's not here in twenty four hours, he's
going to triple it then, and all this guy said, oh,
that's okay, because I felt peace just to letting go.
I felt peace. Then when he accepted, I felt really
peace and peaceful. And I normally don'tly like talking about money,
(18:49):
but I will be specific in this case. Again, this
is a true experience to maybe share some hope with you,
even hope for my journey, because some people are worried.
Please don't. I mean, I've been through a lot, and
I'm going to get to that as well some other
things I might not have mentioned. And I always thrive.
(19:11):
I always have hope, always have faith. I get back
to that no matter how bad it gets. There's still
that panic boy, that little panic boy that grew up
in some testing situations and that weekend, I think that's
(19:35):
actually on Thursday, and I think the next day I
was going to Detroit, and I wrote down the amount
of money I was to make in Detroit's a place
I have done well in the past, have been playing
Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle for many years, many many years,
and I was at a peak at one time. I
was really big in the nineties, the late nineties. I
(19:56):
won a Comedian in the or American Comedy Awards, and
I was packing places, making you know, millions of dollars.
But those those days are fading. Just happens. So I
didn't know how I would do. But I wasn't that confidence.
I wrote down the number ten thousand dollars. That was
my guarantee. It's called a guarantee I got. I was
(20:17):
guaranteed I was gonna wat and I figured, oh, well,
I'll walk out with ten thousand dollars. But then it's
versus it's you pull in this much of the door
and then it starts to kick in the percentages and
blah blah blah. That's the deal that's offered to me.
That's the contract, I swear to you. Unbelievable. I'm like, oh,
(20:38):
it's a little bit more crowded than expected. To the
dime ten thousand dollars extra, I got twenty thousand dollars
check for two days of work in Detroit. I mean,
that's just that's the miracles of hope that I wish
to offer all of you, and I wish to have
(20:59):
even in this case with Lotus. I'm not going in
any particular order, but I did want to read some screenshots,
and I also want to admit something to you about
my process and falling off the wagon, if you will so,
and I do the the amount that I write, and
(21:28):
I did this with my other ex wife. By the way,
I am so guilty of, you know, the pontification I
talk about with Broke especially, and then now the follower Lotus,
I do it. I'm way guilty of it. I talk
too much, it's too long, it's lengthy. People have actually
(21:51):
criticized it. Get to the point, this is too you know,
even my Facebook posts and things like that what I
call blogs. You know, people or want to read it. Well,
Plus we live in a quick society and everything's really quick,
and that's not really going to hit the mark. So
it's going through some text messages. I had to go
(22:12):
back a little ways, and when Lotus was offering gratitude
to me, and my admission to you is I did
not accept it with grace, dignity, integrity, I attacked. If
you really feel this way, then I'll come Da da da.
I'm in and I go off, and I assure you,
if you're about to do this, maybe learn from me.
(22:34):
I have never pressed enter. First of all, I very
rarely pause, otherwise I wouldn't press enter. I very rarely
take that sacred pause that SPIRITU is that breath. When
I do that in life, unbelievable results. But no, no,
I don't do that. I'm I'm going to get this
over over dar. I'll tell her what how wrong she is, now,
(22:56):
how hypocritical and all this, Oh my god. I just
go off and I'm right. So I believe I'm right,
and you would probably consider me right as well. Some
of these things I'm asking for. And there's some of
the concerns I'm issuing. And actually I post, I mean
not post, but I cut and paste things that people
(23:19):
are writing to me, writing to me saying that she's
ripped them off, or that she's a con artist or
that she's following a con artist, or she's in a cult.
All these people confirm it constantly. I'm worried about Lotus.
What happened to her? All these things come and then
I pass it on to her, thinking that one day
it'll be like the bottom of an alcoholic She's gonna go, oh,
(23:45):
I gotta stop. I gotta stop this pattern. But what's
happening is it probably pushes her further into the darkness,
and it is dark. I'm going to get to how
dark it's come, which I might have announced the last episode,
but it's worse now. But I did want to tell
(24:06):
you something positive. That she was on a run for
a while of sending me messages of gratitude, a lot
of messages of gratitude, and I did not accept it.
It's like the one time my dad told me I
love you one time. I didn't see it back. I
regret it to this day. Passed away last year, and
(24:29):
I said it in the meantime like way later, but
I remember in that moment he was so vulnerable. He
had never said it ever and didn't say it since,
but he did, And just like that, I'm doing the
same thing with Lotuses. She's probably trying to repair this.
Maybe she's been instructed. It doesn't matter why she's doing it.
And she usually does seem to have a motive, because
(24:51):
she'll ask me in the very next sentence for something.
She says, May I ask She's I'm getting a little
cynical there. I want to imitate, by the way, that's
my sarcastic self. May I ask? I imitate her? And broke?
She says, good morning, love. I did notice that part.
(25:11):
Good Morning, love, I appreciate who you are in the world,
spreading laughter and healing. Here's another one. Good Morning, I'm
grateful for your humor. Good morning, I'm grateful for your confidence.
These are all different days, they're spread out. It's back
in the springtime last year. Good Morning, I'm grateful for
your playfulness. Howdy, I'm grateful for your kindness. Good Morning,
I'm grateful for your uplifting energy. Good Morning. I appreciate
(25:32):
how you care for your family. These are all screenshots.
I'm just reading. And when I went back to get
the screenshots, my omission is I had to go through
all of my text messages, which I couldn't even read.
I mean, it was so much how in the world
am I supposed to get through if I'm just these long,
(25:55):
boring text messages to think that I'm making a point.
This is the one I'm saying this that I need
to hear this, and maybe you need to hear it.
Good morning. I'm grateful to your hard work. I'm grateful
to your joy. Another one, I'm grateful to your strength
for your strength. I'm grateful that your little girl's daddy.
(26:18):
I'm such a she's such a daddy. That is the
one thing. My have three sons not you know, two
are definitely not in the dad. And they went away mom.
They went down that road parent alienation. It worked. It's
another thing I implore you. I hear from women and
I never say anything bad, and then I go, I
know they are. I can hear it, I can feel it.
(26:39):
I know they are. If you're in denial of it,
just check yourself. I've been. I've seen the results of it.
My mom did it about my dad, and and Lotus
does it. And my ex wife before this, and the
kids are affected, and they're always going to gravitate towards mom.
They don't want to. They and the moms play victim.
(27:00):
And then especially if they're sons, they're going to go
that route. It's just it's just true. It's been the
experience of truth. But it's also I've seen it with others,
so many others. So I implore you to really really
get in there and do your very best. That's what
I'm really disappointed with Lotus. She did not do even
(27:21):
close to her best. She didn't even do her worst
when it came to focusing on these things that she's saying.
I'm grateful for your solution mindset, she says, thank you
for taking part in the solution. I appreciate you. I'm
grateful your dedication to the ones you love. Good morning.
I'm grateful for your friendliness. I'm grateful for your work ethic.
(27:43):
I'm grateful for your accomplishments. I sound pretty awesome. I'm
not saying it from an ego place. I'm saying check
this out, check out what the truth is. What she's
saying is the case. Just in case maybe you think
I'm not credible, or maybe you think that I was
some bad guy that she needed to leave. I'm not.
(28:05):
She's saying here, thanks for your gentleness, she says, your generosity,
another one, your kindness, another one, tenderness. It's gratefully for
your tenderness. These are all good mornings and good mornings.
They are affirmations. I'm grateful for your involvement with the kids. Yes,
I'm dedicated to the kids. Just took a nice hike
today with our dog, who's a year anniversary with us,
(28:27):
now rescuing us, and we rescued her and we took
her and she jumped in the water. I've never seen
him before. We went to a waterfall and it was
so beautiful. While actually Lotus is away with her boyfriend
in Colorado, which the kids now fear that she's gonna
kidnap them and move them to Colorado. And that's another concern.
It's not like a paranoid concern. It's a real concern,
(28:49):
of course, all of us because of her behavior. And
she'll say to them, I would never do that. But
what she's also said into a camera, I won't touch money.
She said, we're moving into a house and you can
turn it around so easily and have no remorse. It's
like a criminal. It is a criminal. She says, I'm
(29:09):
grateful for your Jois de vis. I didn't even know
she knew that word. I never heard her say that before.
I'm grateful for your cheerfulness. I'm grateful for the love
of our children. I'm grateful for your bright mind. I'm
grateful for your flexibility. I'm grateful for your care. I'm
grateful for your health. I'm grateful for your for your decisiveness,
I'm grateful for your thoughtfulness. I'm grateful for your care.
I'm grateful for your creativity. I'm grateful for your ability
(29:33):
to coordinate. I'm grateful for your humor. I'm grateful for
your love of the kids. I'm grateful for your intelligence.
I'm grateful for your brilliance. Yeah, it's all here, and
here's what I have asked her to do. This is
(29:56):
where again, I'm stuck between this rock and a hard
place of asking her for things. And when I ask,
she goes backwards. She goes into some sort of a mode,
a trauma mode, which we're going to get to. That
as well, that she can't hear if I'm making a request,
even if it's very simple, or if I'm pointing something out,
(30:19):
cannot hear it and has a complete defiance to it,
which worries me that the kids will learn this as well.
And it's starting already. We want to be an example
to the kids, and I keep saying, or what kind
of an example is any of this? The violence, the
fight back, the anger, the rage put towards me, and
(30:40):
obviously all the secrecy, the deception, the cheating, lying, stealing,
all of this is just the messaging is not good.
And it's all because she's in a cult. She's following
a woman that leads her down this path. There's an influencer.
They call them influencers for a reason. Women has influenced
(31:01):
women to leave their marriages to now go down this
other path. The path that I'd like to talk about
right now is this BDSM. I'm not here to judge
someone's sexual habits. I'm not going to do that. I'm
(31:21):
sure I've got my own little quirks and we all do,
let's admit it. I happen to think mine aren't, so
I don't think they're so severe or harmful. I could
definitely say they're not harmful. But now she's taken the
(31:44):
path that broke did first by talking about being dominated
in BDSM, it's a bondage sandomasochism. And now they have
a podcast about torture and kink with sex. I want
you to hear that the mother of my children is
(32:05):
now has a podcast about kink, torture, pain, getting pleasure
out of pain, sato masochism, posing with writing, crops, gagballs,
all that kind of stuff, chains, being whipped, being tortured,
(32:27):
being hurt. And I'm looking at this going well, first
of all, it did not happen. She never once mentioned
it in our marriage. If anything, I remember her being
pained by my size. I'm a big guy, and that
(32:52):
I remember is almost that's painful to me. So that's
what's odd to me to hear that now she wants
pain to be delivered to her. But the bottom line
is okay, fine. Why in the world this is when
Broke did this for the first time, I said, all
I thought of was was her husband. Why in the
world would women do this? As if it's not difficult
(33:16):
enough for the man to accept that you would abandon
the marriage, you would abandoned the vows, you would stop commitments,
you would do all of those things, as if it's
not bad enough, and dealing with all of these traumas
that you brought onto the children, their generational traumas of
how to treat the other partner with such disdain disrespect,
(33:37):
as if it's not bad enough, let's pile it on
and let's humiliate the children. I talked o father about
it the other day. You know, our kids are in
elementary school. He's like, what you know? Hey? I think
he said something like way to his wife. Finds us out,
(33:58):
because then the kids are and be affected. They're not
gonna once your kids hanging out with crazies. This is crazy,
no justification for it. So my son confronted her, and
she did her usual. She's a bully, just a bully.
She does not give in an inch, doesn't give in,
(34:20):
and she just keeps going. This is what happens when
people are brainwashed. There's no getting in. I'm watching all
these cult documentaries, the same with his mother documentary that
I'm watching now on HBO or Max. It's called Now.
I don't know how we're gonna get used to that.
Gott to shorten everything HBO max Max. Shorten it from
(34:45):
HBO Max to Max. What's next, peacock, go ahead, your turn,
let's see what that's gonna be called. So I watched
how these people can just believe that a person is gone.
That's what this documentary is about. They believed because she
said it that she's gone. And meanwhile she was an
(35:07):
alcoholic and just really like a manipulator and a thief.
And people dedicate themselves. That's what a cult is. And
they pay for the cult by multi level marketing. I
guess they sold dildos at one time. Broke it, I
don't know. I try not to get too far into it.
(35:32):
So I asked her, I've been sending letters. I've been
really in a great space lately of absolute big time love,
like I cheap, filling myself up like a balloon with love,
and I bring that and those are them. That's the
energy behind these text messages that I give her because
she won't talk to me. She's too afraid. When people
(35:54):
won't talk to you, they're afraid because you know the truth.
That's why I've been shut out by other people as well.
Like my sister. She knows I know the truth and
just will not show up for ten years. I've offered
time and time again therapists. I'll pay for the therapist.
Same with broke, I mean, same with lotus. I'll pay
(36:14):
for it. Whatever it is. I just believe in peace.
I believe in discussions. I believe you can work things out.
I believe in people. Probably a little naive, I'm optimistic.
My son when he was talking, he calls me opto,
but he's running too. He knows what he knows, what
(36:36):
the truth is. He knows what his mom did as
well with the accusations and so forth. But I thought
I was I had a rough day today though. Even
though I'm comfortm with this love, I'm dead of a
rough day today. It's kind of like started to pile
up on me because her responses were ignore or defy
or whatever it is. I'm gonna you just can't be
doing this. You can't. This is not good for the children.
(36:58):
The other part of me is I'm gonna take this
to court, so I will put this out to you.
Does anybody out there have a law degree? Did somebody
want to do some pro bono work with me and
help me out here? I'll take that, by the way,
because I've got a lot of evidence, a lot of evidence.
Somebody want to help out, go ahead. I mean, I'm tapped,
(37:23):
I can't really, and plus emotionally, I would like to
turn it over to someone I had a terrible lawyer.
This guy had no empathy, no compassion. I actually performed
and spoke to a group of attorneys, divorce attorneys, family
law attorneys. I did not realize this. They have a
high suicide rate, and I get it because they're taking
on that toxicity that takes place. I mean, I can't
(37:47):
even imagine how difficult that is for them. Here I've
been resenting a lot of them, but now I get it.
Now the human beings and are having this experience of
of this this fight that they're in the middle of,
and resentments and anger and rage. This is what happens.
They're not allways evolved as me. I know I'm not.
(38:10):
Sometimes most of the time I am, but a lot
of times I go backwards. All depends on the spiritual conditioning.
That's everything depends on that. Just like conditioning. As if
I wanted to be in a fight, a fistfight, a
boxing match, you have to see whatever it is mixed
martial arts. If I want to win, I got to
(38:30):
eat in shape. It's the same thing with spiritual shape,
emotional shape. If I want to have everyone win, which
is my goal, not me win, everyone wins with harmony
and the weed that I talked about earlier. Wellness. We
wellness as opposed to illness. The eye in lotus is
(38:53):
ill as an illness because it's all about eye. It's
all about the selfishness, greed. And he tells our Son.
He says, I want you to not do that podcast anymore.
She says, no, I make money doing it. And it
goes back to another line. She's making money, she told
me the other day. I finally had her admit something.
I said, I want to not pay you support. Why
(39:15):
should I be paying support? It makes no sense, especially
when you're claiming you make wealth for women. I read
the posts. It's what it says. So you're either lying
to them you're lying on me in the courts, which
is it? So she said no, she makes the same
amount of money, which was next to nothing. It was
less than a teenager would make. And I wasn't mean
(39:36):
enough or not me. I was kind enough not to
do a forensic evaluation because she would not be happy
with those results. Every time, everything is just me accepting,
me accepting, and there is that how many times you accept?
How many times you get stepped on and spin on?
And this thing that came up for me today was
how many times in my life I was abused? I
(39:59):
mean used, you know, beaten and just shunned and shamed
and kidnapped by a pet of serial pedophile. And you
know my father said I needed you like custody more Indians,
or or I need you you're useless as tits on
a bowl. These are the things that ring in me.
I'm talking about being afraid in life. I'm being literally beaten,
(40:22):
like to a pulp, bloodied. And this guy I'm standing
at a party, all of a sudden he just cocks,
you know, just just punches me in a face. I
blood everywhere, and I'm in a fistfight with him, and
another guy piles on. He starts beating me. I'm telling you,
I don't want to be abused, so I guess to
(40:43):
deal with that. I became a comedian. You know a
lot of times that does help me, help protect me.
But also the idea would be, well, you're doing good
in the world. See, you would expect good to come back.
Some people are saying, I just read a quote. It's
the opposite. If you do things for others, they end
up presenting you in the end. I know that's the case.
(41:06):
With me a lot of times, but today I was like,
I hit the wall on them. Really, she really going
to continue to do this and ignore my plea to
just stop the podcast. She says she's making money. That's
what she told our son. It's such a lie, and
why not make money doing something else. She was a translator,
she was an union electrician on movie sets. I was
(41:29):
so proud of her, all the things that she did.
She has just stopped them all and went into a cult.
There's multi level marketing. There's nothing wrong with multi level marketing,
but there are people in it that are frauds because
it's not monitored. It's not monitored. They're their own boss.
They can do and say whatever they want. Broke poses
(41:53):
with one hundred dollars bills in a bed, as if
we're supposed to believe she actually sleeps in that bed
with one hundred dollar bills. It's all about posing, posing,
posing the illusions that you're going to buy. Here they are.
They look so friendly and so happy and love wins
and all this stuff. Same with all those cults you
watch on TV. They all are.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Happy, every one of them. Bog One, the yoga guy,
the Bickram yoga. They're all happy until they're not. It's
not sustainable. But these are cults. They suck people in
(42:34):
who are vulnerable and searching, and Lotus was searching. So
let's say.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You're on a cusp of going somewhere I speak to you.
What if you're on a cusp of making a move
outside of like the norm the things are becoming normal
and boring and things like that. You've been married a while,
you have kids. Is this your identity? I get it.
If it's a you know, it's somebody who's working. I've
(43:06):
come to this where I'm going. What am I just
the supplier? It's terrible. My answer, though, is not to
go to a cult leader to go get my answers.
My answer would be nice community. I would be great
some other men to speak to, especially I have some
women to speak to, but they can't understand it as
much as a man can. That's just a fact I'm
(43:28):
learning that I used to think only women at the compassion,
only women could understand. Only women had the empathy. I'm
finding it's almost the opposite. Is a lot of women,
not all of you, have a certain idea about a man.
Even listening to this podcast, you could have an idea
on who I am, and it clouds everything. Resentment is
(43:52):
the killer for anyone. And if there's a long historical
resentment against patriarchy, I get it, but I would ask
you to step back and address it, because I am
all of the things that she says. She would never
say this though, to Broke and Rundle, who threatened me
based on what she told them, I said, why don't
(44:16):
you say these things to them? I'm offering. I make
these offers. I said, say this to my son, who
you've my oldest son, who you've hurt in my relationship
by by saying I'm abusive or whatever it is, Why
don't you say these things of who I am? Won't
do it. It's that righteous pride. And that's what happens
when people get into a cult. It's righteous pride. Watch
(44:39):
for it. Watch for you getting in it. You're about
to give your power over to somebody. They're going to
dictate how you feel, what you do. It could be
a yoga teacher, someone said today, a P ninety X
or whatever, one of those. That one of those became
a cult, and then the leader ends up sleeping with
(44:59):
the uh, you know, the woman who's attending the classes.
It's a form of cult. I remember Billy Blanks. People
would line up down the street, you know that they
had to get it in there. As I was like,
what do you tht you haven't get an in to
go work out? Oh yeah, it was like a whole deal.
It was right down the street from me. And now
that's faded into nothing. That was like it was like
(45:22):
a it's like a cult. You're paying someone, You're empowering
that person to make you feel better, to make you
to to make you believe in something where you were
starting to fade on believing in something. So my old
premise is with any of these things is why not
(45:43):
take the time, the effort, the passion and put it
in to yourself within the construct of your relationship, all
of it. Give that a shot. I know that that's
(46:04):
my goal. If I am ever in another relationship. Who
knows if I ever will be. It ain't going well.
It's not going well at all because I'm seeing these patterns.
I'm really seriously I'm hoping maybe this is another goal
of the podcast. I'm really feeling hatred out there. Hatred,
(46:26):
but it's it's clinical, it's historical. If I say something
even this, Thank God, you can't take it personal because
I'm not talking to you unless you think I'm talking
to you. But it's I cannot even believe the amount
of times the ghosting and the dissing and the disrespect,
(46:52):
just the amount of disrespect it's out there, and I
have to look at myself how I'm disrespectful as well
have to. So this is the road that she's taken.
This is the next step into the cult. She's now
(47:13):
with Broke doing a podcast about sado masochism, being hurt
in sex. Ah, she writes to me about our daughter
with sex, not realizing that this is not a good thing.
(47:38):
What if you put more into love? I would speak
to Lotus and say, what if you put more into love? Then?
What as opposed to more into a multi level marketing
meeting or whatever it is, or listening to Broke with
new ideas on parenting, on orgasms or whatever it is.
(47:59):
If you put that in to the bank, into the
emotional bank of the children you brought into the world
through prayer, prayers were answered. Nah, I'm out, she says,
thank you for being such a fun, loving, dedicated father
(48:19):
for our kids. Now I will tell you that she's
allegedly getting help, But these are messages that have gone
through for months and not a single sign. It just
looks like she's going to another another BS thing, like
(48:44):
she's gone on all these the medicine journey. Someone says
to me, they wrote to me, I bet she did
the medicine journey and lost her mind. I'm all for
healing trauma, wellness and soul searching, but some people that
have not dealt with their traumas will lose their minds.
(49:05):
This is sounding very much connected to what's going on here,
because when she came back from these medicine journeys that
she went with broke. H not good. That drug forever
alters their brain chemistry and makes couple split up after
those quote spiritual soul adventures. So sad, She says. This
is a fan of the podcast and wrote to me,
(49:27):
I encourage you to write to me as well, writen
some reviews would be great. If they're lousy reviews to
save them, don't even bother. I'm so sorry for your
children are witnessing this side of their mom. Absolutely heartbreaking.
It is, it's heartbreaking. And then someone else says when
a narcissist doesn't reply to your text messages. That's what
(49:48):
she does too. It's a game, and I increased the volume,
thinking all the next one, Well, that's what I'm guilty of.
I'll do try another one, another one, another angle, another angle. No, no,
she says, they're not actually ignoring you. They're doing it
on purpose. This puts you in a weak and fearful state,
which is exactly what the narcissist wants. Think about that.
(50:09):
This podcast is also about narcissism. It's overused, i'd say,
but let's not overuse it right now. Let's just say, yes,
it exists a lot. Maybe we're maybe we're making narcissists
out of people because of the way our society is
with social media and stuff and how we reward we
reward narcissism, we buy followers and making them a check mark.
(50:33):
This is what we're becoming. Where are our values? I
don't want to get on some soapbox about values and morals,
but really, where are they? We're so busy with all
of these concepts, concepts that are ever changing, and what
you're supposed to call people and all that kind of stuff.
(50:54):
Where's the real values that are lost. That allows someone
to go down these paths ways where they lose themselves,
they become egomaniacs. Now, she says, I'm in a program.
This is a while ago, since last week addresses core traumas.
I'm starting to see how I operated out of my
(51:15):
core trauma when we married. When we were married way
before having problems, we start having problems. I'm sorry the
way I projected that onto. You appreciate your patience. As
I go through this program, well, she said, I'll be
able to operate more out of integrity and my authentic self.
Now here's the problem. It's like she knows how to
(51:36):
use the words. The wellness scriptors know how to use
these words. That's what they do. So it gives me
the illusion and the hope. And this is months ago.
She offers to see the spiritual leader that I see
that she likes. She says it here goes back on
(51:56):
her word. People like this do not honor their word.
My my son we talked and he said, I remember
when I let them go out of state, and now
I'm allowing them to go out of the country, and
I might I might take back that and take it
(52:17):
back because if this continues, I am so. I mean,
it's ridiculous where it could go when someone lies that
much and he's talking about it. He says, well, she
said she won't do that, like move them to Colorado
where her boyfriend is. I'm like, how do you know?
(52:39):
How do you know? And I had to point out
to him she also gave her word a lot of times.
And I asked him, I go, where are the times
she you know that bother you? And he listed a
bunch of them, including this, stealing the money and bank account,
the kidnappings. He mentioned all of it there. This is
trauma that now they have that she put onto them,
(52:59):
and I wonder where the consciousness is. She says it
was a conscious uncoupling, that she wanted no lawyers, and
she did exact everything's the exact opposite, including this. She says.
By the way, I want you to let you know
that I'm getting emotional mental support and I just started
a programmed today. My intention is to take responsibility for
my life and my choices months ago. No updates, no progress,
(53:28):
it's just she's I'm overarching, she says. Her overarching answer
of a question I answers, I'm recovering from my trauma.
I'm aware of the pain that children are in. I'm
doing all I can to help them, and I look
for a peaceful relationship with you. Now those are the words.
There's no actions to back it up. An action to
(53:51):
back it up would be, hey, let's go discuss. Let's
get a neutral party, which I've supplied a million neutral parties.
She just storms out, I mean literally storms out. She says,
I have a super intense therapy session. This is actually
kind of recent schedule for Thursday morning. It's best if
the kids are not at my house, which is it
(54:12):
could be a lie. That could mean that the boyfriend's
in from Colorado or something. You know what I mean,
you don't know. That's the problem too, is I don't
understand how people that lie this much can be okay
with lying that much, all the cover ups, and she's
so good at fooling. I ask you, have you ever
(54:33):
been fooled? Have you have you ever been calned frauded?
Has that ever happened to you? What was your reaction?
And just think about that that when you were fooled,
might have been a salesperson or whatever it is. Just
(54:54):
think that that's what you married think about that. It's
the person you gave all the love and all the
things that she lists that I am gave, your brilliance,
your creativity or dedication and all that you gave. All
of that, and what comes back our lies deceit. Think
about that, and that's where I am trying to make
(55:16):
good of it. Yes, I paint red flags green. It's
one of my themes in my life, and I don't
think I can give up my optimism. Part of the
reason for doing this is optimism, but it's also to
raise awareness for not only myself but for you as well,
for others. I always think to myself when people go, oh, no,
(55:39):
it couldn't be her, Well, why not could it not
be her? Why not could it be Why could it
not be your best friend? Why could it not be Oh?
Do we have that big of egos that think that
there's no one in my life that any of these
things can happen. That's the ego talking. I've thought it.
I was thinking, Oh, that's for other people you see
on television of these documentaries. No, I'm now the documentary.
I'm the subject of it. This is just like those documentaries.
(56:04):
A tender swindler I've been swindled and you watch you go.
Oh in the world, could they be that naive? Didn't
they see it? Oh? I'm guilty. Well, she says, here,
I talk to them to see if they would be
cool staying in your house. Wednesday night, when I'm done
(56:25):
with my therapy session, she says, I'm going to therapy
and I'm in a program resolved trauma. Today was a
big session. I'm still integrating from it. It's all the
things to avoid, all the things that avoid the truth.
The truth is she's gone into debauchery, huge hate for men,
(56:52):
even though there's probably an illusion of love with this
new guy. I want to get your I will ask
for your suggestion on one thing. I might have my
own answer on this. The thing is that I keep
getting the message, and I get it from myself, and
(57:14):
I get it from my insides. My gi can't take
potent insides. Is if I say enough of these things,
or even if our kids say enough of these things,
will it prompt a shift? Most people believe No. Since
(57:38):
I've seen it, I believe yes. My mom relationship is
the best example for me that actually works, and I
know that there can be shifts that are made, so
I've made them myself. Oh, I forgot to tell you
(58:01):
maybe I maybe I did liar, cheater, thief, bully? What
else have I been? All of it? I've done all
of it. I was youngers, just crimes, hurting people. I'm
(58:26):
an miacle, so if a miracle could happen for me,
that's what keeps me going. I destroyed people's property. I
hated rich people and I destroyed their property. Then I
became rich and I destroyed my property. So and I
(58:47):
hurt people, and then I became in love with my
wife and now she heard me. I fractured family, not
talking to my mother for years, and then now this
is coming back to me. So this is why I
(59:08):
continue to write Amend's letters and write letters to myself
and to others and apologize and a kopa accountable. I
encourage anybody to do it, because it really is free.
It's me saying that I have no pride in that
and telling you those things. I can even be more
descriptive and I wouldn't have a problem doing it. But
(59:28):
I will tell you it's not like it's adding some
some amount of boasting or ego to me. If anything,
it deflates it all to admit these things, because ego
is like I want you to believe something about me,
that I'm this perfect guy. It goes about things in
a perfect way, and I don't deserve this. Maybe there's
(59:53):
a Karmack equation. I don't know the answer. Maybe it's
from my ancestors. Maybe it's somebody that I was a
soul before am a soul and these are things that
I need to work out. Probably that is the case,
and this is another way to deal with it. But
I do believe that it's a we. I do believe
(01:00:14):
in community. I am forming a community. I have already
formed a community. I wish you to be in it
as well. It's called Winning with Laughter. Winning with Laughter
dot Com and come to our events. We stream doing
live events. I want to build this community. I am
building this community. That's what I wish for. That's my purpose.
That's what I want to pass on to my children.
(01:00:35):
I want that to be the legacy. I want love
and laughter to be the legacy. This is what I
wish for all of you. I just want to have
more fun in life. Move on from this. I'm praying
that she gets help. She has to literally get rehabilitated
from the throes of this woman who has got her
(01:00:56):
soul and taken it and just destroyed her. Now she's
obviously an accomplice in all this. She's not innocent, and
she continues to do the behavior and ooh, so stubborn,
won't give an inch. Frustrating, but there's hope. There's hope.
(01:01:16):
It's worked for me. I don't know what I got
to today. I don't know if I got to everything
I promised i'd get to. I don't know. I just
know that this comes out of me naturally and with flow,
genuine energy flow. It's genuine where I'm coming from, and
it is what I teach and them what I coach,
(01:01:36):
and I live. This is all part of it. We're
all struggling out there. I implore you to deal with
your own mental illness, mental health, whatever it is, whatever
however you want to define it, deal with it. I
had to come to grips with some of mine so
I could recover from it. We're all in a recovery process,
(01:02:00):
recovering from something, from some actions that hurt people. I
shouldn't say we all me and but there are answers
out there. I have found a lot of those answers
and has led to bliss, happiness, joy, freedom. It's amazing.
(01:02:27):
And I don't demonstrate it on here because I do
have this thing that I really kind of enjoy this.
I've been a performer. Look at me, my whole career,
whole life, literally since high school, professionally put myself through college.
Doing this is making people laugh, and that's not what
(01:02:47):
the intention is here. I'm not here to perform for you.
I'm not a mirth monkey. Well I didn't come here
to pay you. Well you're not paying, So there you go.
I don't think so, but I do appreciate you helping
throw in a nice comment, pass the word around, put
some stars on there. I don't know whatever it is.
(01:03:09):
It's not my jams too. I hate promoting as well.
What someone said the other day, you don't promote invite.
So I invite you into this world of recovery, into
this world of spirit, in this world of enlightenment. I
invite you in and uh, be a part of this,
(01:03:29):
be a part of the community. And believe me, the
way I take it in the other directions when we
go to the workshops, it's not this, but it's all
part of who we are. All struggle, don't we. I'll
go through something, all right. I'm now like my long
text messages, too long. I do right now. I will
(01:03:51):
see the next time. We have a lot of guests
coming up. I'm very excited about a few. I have
one who's in two cults. I have one who is
and at least one cult himself. That's two. And I'm
going to keep having guests so they can share their experiences.
As they say in twelve steps, they experience strength and hope.
(01:04:13):
Give you some hope too, some laughs, give you some fun,
give you some inspiration, and give you some thoughts intrigue.
Just keep it going, all right, Thank you,
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