Episode 8: Letting Go, Moving Forward

In this episode, Craig Shoemaker shares a personal journey of love, loss, and spiritual growth. Reflecting on his marriage to his ex-wife, Craig opens up about the challenges they faced, including a miscarriage and external pressures that tested their bond. He explores the power of "quantum shifts" in relationships, the impact of external influences, and the importance of vulnerability and self-awareness. Through candid storytelling, Craig offers insights on healing and the potential for spiritual awakening in the face of adversity.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
I decided today in cleaning out my phone, I'm going
to do a cleansing, and then cleansing includes my clothes
and things and stuff, memorabilia from our past with my ex,
getting rid of old photos and frames with photos and

(00:26):
the these beautiful wedding I just stayd with my mom.
She's got these collages. Oh my god, it's heartbreaking. What's
heartbreaking about it is when we got married, one of
the great days of my life, no question about it.
And I thought, a really great day for her life

(00:47):
as well. I thought so, I mean, I think so.
Maybe I don't know the answer. I really don't. I
can tell you my perspective is I was looking into
her eyes. We're barefoot, wearing these white clothes with lays
or whatever they call them that they call them something else.

(01:10):
What I had on it built this kind of thing
like a hoop. Uh. It was construction. And there was Kelly,
my longtime coach. Happens to be George Carlin's daughter, by
the way, but that's all other story. Her dad died

(01:31):
actually that weekend. It's unbelievable. But here we were in
Hawaii on the beach. We wrote our own vows. We
had people find their favorite rock and bring them to us,
presented to us, and give a little word. We made
a circle all this beautiful stuff that was outside of

(01:54):
the box of what a wedding I've seen before, and
both of us were in a agreement on that. We're
in agreement on so much. That's where we come from today.
I'm going to actually talk about some of the things
that she wrote of which this would be more than agreement,
this would be some beautiful relationship that was happening within
the marriage, because sometimes what she's done is, well, let

(02:21):
me focus on the things that I can go get
women to agree with me that this is terrible and
encourage me to get out instead of getting in. My
greatest friends tell me to get in. Get in there, man,
do the work. Do the work. Find out what it
is while you're getting out, why you're finding reasons to
get out. Just get in there and do the work.

(02:46):
So one of the things that happened was my son
at the time was ten and I went out shopping
with him and we found these oysters that had pearls
in them, you know, these gift shops. And after the
wedding news or he says, he asked her to come
down Lotus, and he says, come down to the beach,

(03:10):
and he got on one knee and he proposed that.
He says, will be my stepmom. She said I wasn't there.
She said she cried more than she did at the wedding.
I was upstaged. But the reason I bring it up
is having that memory and seeing these memories, I need

(03:37):
to dismantle those because that's not what's happening in present.
It's wonderful to know that that's the capability, and maybe
that will happen for me in my own personal life.
Maybe this this thing that I believed was happening where

(04:02):
we're in tears, I was in tears, and it's just
this exchange of really deep, significant emotions and feelings that
we found our partner, and that partnership led to bringing
two children in That was difficult too. We're dealing with
my ex wife at the time, who was bringing nothing

(04:25):
but toxins and miscarriage. We had a miscarriage and she
had almost a fistfight in the front lawn with Lotus
and the X. The exes before this is really it's
a whole other level of anger and rage and just
true insanity. What was coming our way, and unfortunately that

(04:48):
did affect our marriage as well. She had to be
a step mom, and an amazing step mom really stepped
up to these children who were so confused by what
was going on. They're in therapist's office and offices and
just what she subjected them to. It's just amazing to me.

(05:11):
Police and cops. I want to pick them up at school.
They said, oh, they're at the police station. And I
had to go. I mean, just all of this horrible stuff.
And you might be listening to go this guy's is
what's he doing that? He's repeating his life And now
she's turned into I'm got to give her a fake
name too, Crunlin. She's turned into Crunlin, and which I

(05:36):
say to or really is what? This is the route
you want to take? And then no words, no words
can get inside of someone. It's so programmed to be
right mm hm. So I'm going to read some of
the things that she said during our marriage. She does
a lot of posting, and again, well, what do you

(05:57):
what do you believe? Do you believe that what she
posts now or do you believe some of these things
she posted about difficulties we had, but getting through those difficulties.
She says, yesterday I had a melt down. This is
in twenty nineteen, not too long ago. I don't know
if it was an energetic healing crisis from this session

(06:18):
I have in my beautiful tribe in my business. Oh god,
I didn't know that was in here, stepping up my
mindset practices with a mentor or what the camel's back
was broken. I fell in a puddle of tears. Craig
found me covered up in blankets in our bed, and
he listened while I barely put a few cents together
through the sobs, and we capital letters connected. This embarrassing

(06:42):
truth is I had not felt connected with him in
a while. Family issue knocked us off balance a few
months ago. I could have been the the ex really
did go in an attack mode constantly. Oh my god,
it was incessant. All this went into our pain, bodies,
emotional injuries, dysfunctions. Yeah, I probably did too, or I
definitely did. The thing is Craig and I deal with

(07:04):
our pain differently. When he's in fear, he springs to action.
That's what this podcast is. I do spring to action,
but I'm in fear, I shut down she says, I
used our dynamic as an excuse to harden me. I
began to build a wall around my heart because all right,
I'm going to curse here, so beware. I really try
to keep this whole thing. I am a cursor, by

(07:25):
the way, so don't get me wrong. I'm just being
honest to you. I try to keep it clean for
other reasons. You know. You never know if I think
that someone's going to go away, who can hear a
message they need to hear, And it's just a matter
of me taking an F word out. I'm going to
take the F word out. Same goes when I do
corporate business, corporate business, corporate comedy. I do corporate speaking

(07:49):
about the healing powers of laughter, winning with laughter. I
do all those things that help corporations deal with their
culture and stuff. I do zooms. I go personal. Since
some of the work that I've done, I've been moved
into this direction from a great comedy career. It's moved
in more of a purposeful direction. And I share these
things with them and I don't curse, but understand I do.

(08:13):
So I'm about to curse because that's what she wrote here.
All right, could say for f's sake. She says, I
wasn't going to let this take me down, and that attitude,
that energy of rejection took me further and further into
retreat mode, which made him feel alone. Boy, she have
that right, which had him protest, which made me retreat.

(08:34):
Hugh the Catch twenty two. She says, I don't know
exactly how things shifted yesterday. I wish I could give
you a convenient tip wrapped up in a bow here,
but I can't. But I do know this. It took
dedication from both of us to stay in our relationship.
Interesting I said that in the last podcast. It took
commitment to owning our own bs. It took humility, It

(08:55):
took willingness, It took a little bit of magic. That's
another name for gratitude. This man reiterated to me that
he's been in love with me throughout it all, throughout
all of her stuff, even with all my cold shoulders,
my nasty looks, my quiet disrespect. She'll never admit to
the violence. But anyway, true happiness comes from being able

(09:19):
to be open hearted. She's right about that. Being present, vulnerable, humble,
and loving. These are qualities I aspired have in all
areas of my life, and last night I finally got there.
While my day was spent with tears of frustration, in
the evening, I cried a river of joy, the joy
of a heart wide open and waking up next to
him was the sweetest moment. Here's to us, Here's to

(09:42):
all of you in capitals. We're striving for deep, meaningful relationship.
Love the shoes. One of them who has puffy eyes,
that's her. She has a picture of us in bed together,
cuddled and snuggled with beautiful looks on our faces, and
she says, also in twenty nineteen later, I took sex

(10:04):
off the table. Now I can't get enough of him.
I remember that, but I remember the sex off the table.
She told me to have sex with whoever I wanted
because she couldn't. She was instructed by Broke to do this.
I'll get to the Broke couldn't Broke coaching in the
sex department in a little later. Like any marriage, we've

(10:26):
had her ups and downs. Because we both have a
strong commitment to our spiritual purposes and willingness to own
our s, we've overcome quite a bit in the last
thirteen years we've had together. This is in twenty nineteen,
But there was a part of me there was hiding, protecting,
not being fully honest about what I was feeling. I
hid them because these feelings could be hurtful. The last

(10:48):
thing I wanted to do was harm our relationship. I
want to answer that for a second, anyone listening, that's avoidance.
My girlfriend justed this recently. Didn't express something and it
ended up to be just a full stick dynamite ba boom.

(11:09):
That's more harmful. That's shrapnel. Kids feel it, all feel it.
Have to express even if you think it's going to
cause harm. Got to express these feelings. By the way,
feelings aren't facts hurtful, it's more hurtful the results of

(11:29):
not expressing the hurt. So when everything's felt out of alignment,
I went into my corner and work on my side
of the street. The irony of is I wasn't working
inside of my pain body, my emotional injuries. Retreating is
the way I operate when I'm in my shame spiral.
It's beautiful. She's admitting all of these things in public,

(11:52):
and my retreating was one of the biggest defenses to
his emotional injuries. She gets it yeah, kept on doing
my pain body was triggering his which put him into
his shame spot, or which made him operate in a
way that made me retreat even more. See the dynamic
the cycle. Someone needs to step out of that cycle.

(12:14):
The love and passion that I felt in other areas
of my life wasn't exactly translating to having a deep
and supportive partner. Just supportive partnership. Had told myself I
was a lie and I was okay with that. As
long as I was happy with my health, career, parenting, community,
and life purpose, it didn't can't be a big deal
if my marriage was a bit saggy, Right, yes it is.

(12:40):
I'm back to here. I have so many tools for
self reflection and living my authentic self, and yet there
weren't enough in this arena. Or maybe they were exactly
the right things to lay the groundwork for the excavation
about to happen. Or maybe there were transformation I experienced
this year dictated that I grow beyond the way our

(13:02):
marriage was functioning. All the ideas I had about what
a good marriage is, who a good wife is had
been thrown out. Just could not pursue my path to
authenticity while I codependently operated out of a mixture of
resentments and a guilt for not matching up to self
imposed standards. It's time to smash the constructs. First, with

(13:23):
the table off the table, with the expectation of sex.
He accepted the boundary. We weren't having that much to
begin with. Big surprise. Next, I had to be brutally
honest with where I was. Something had died in me
and I was unable to access the loving feelings for
him any longer. I still loved him as a person,
but not the kind of vulnerable, authentic love I wouldn't

(13:44):
want for my partner. It was scary. He took it
all in while I spewed out in the year's worth
of resentments. It was ugly. She is all capitals. I
told him I didn't even know if I was committed
to our marriage. I watched the man I shared it
so much with breakdown. I recall this. I broke down.
I have a hard time crying. This is one time
I cried. M hm. I gave everything to my family

(14:09):
is number one, especially the children. So I will then
give to my partner, my wife everything I can because
to that would benefit the children and I include she
had step children at the time as well. I'm going
to do everything that I can to bring this love
and work on myself. But it all came crashing, and

(14:30):
it said, so, I'm my god, she's ending this thing
before it begins, and I mean begins, like I'm talking
about through eternity. So this is this is just the beginning.
If it's eternity, that's what I believe. I believe this
is my eternal soulmate. Back to her thing. It was
one of the most painful things I've done. To say that.

(14:52):
It was crushing to watch him go over the cliff
of sorrow. As an understatement, I still couldn't access hope.
I was open to the poss ability that things would
work out, but my trust in us was frozen. We cried,
We sobbed. I don't remember her crying, but anyway, we
walked out to go to work. I went back to
my kid duty. It was the end, and then something shifted.

(15:13):
She writes, my fear, the rock that was sitting on
my chest, that blocked all hope, suddenly dissipated, and all
of a sudden, in a cashier line, a trader, Joe's
the beam of light shone into my heart. I texted
him immediately. I thought he'd retaliate with how much I've
hurt him and how there's nothing I could do to
repair that. I was willing to hear it. He texted back,

(15:37):
that's music to my ears. She put some rainbow emojis
and heart and music that fast. One thing I will
tell you about this spectacular man is that he is
able to make a quantum shift in an instant. That's
what happened to me a few episodes ago with the

(15:58):
girlfriend I, you know, when she was helping me deal
with now lotus. Is these quantum shifts. I say it
so that you can understand that you can have them
as well. These are quantum, gigantic, huge, monumental shifts that
can take place in an instant. Spiritual awakenings can happen
in an instant. They can be big, small, whatever it

(16:21):
is is not to be judged. They can happen with willingness.
She says. The rest is like a scene in a movie. Well,
in my mind, I was tossing aside my grocery cart,
weaving out of the line of people running straight into
his arms in slow motion. In reality, I paid for
my grocries, got in the car and started crying. I

(16:42):
told Chloe, he was running errands with me, that these
were tears of joy because I love her Daddy the
rest she says, it's history, the beginning of our story.
We've completely reconstructed our marriage in a flash. The old

(17:03):
paradigm of hiding, rejecting, attacking, and fearing the other has crumbled.
I love our new marriage. I love our new partnership.
I'm not looking at this with rose colored glasses. I
know there will be times when we run up against
our pain bodies again. I don't have any illusions about
this happily ever after. But I have full and complete
trust that we will work through it in a different

(17:25):
way without hiding and attacking. And the ability to truly
be vulnerable with one another and work together is all
we need, and everything else is workable. This Thanksgiving I
got back to what I've lost for years. Love always wins.
We wish you the most joyful and gratitude filled Thanksgiving.
It has the two of us snuggled. She's got this

(17:45):
amazing look on her face. Why do I share this
because this is who I believe her to be. This
is who she professed to be. And now what you
will read is all stuff that has nothing to do
with a partnership, nothing to do with this person that
she saw. She is now portraying me as something else.

(18:07):
So which is it? That's why I say about hers,
Which is it? What's that person? What is that person?
There's obviously I'm not going to say a clinical diagnosis,
but there's something up here that's to be dealt with.
Anybody that can make these statements and post these posts
and things like that and then go to a woman

(18:31):
who took her her reality was this. This was her reality,
including the reality of I got to work on this stuff. Yeah,
and I can have these moments, and the reality is
this is the guy he is. This is the band
that I wanted. This is the guy I want. This
is the guy I desire when I'm with my women.

(18:52):
You know, we want a guy that it behaves like this.
We want a guy who's vulnerable. We want a guy
who's accepting. We want a guy who's loving. We want
a guy supportive. We want a guy who keeps us safe.
We want all these things. Is what she's saying. I
am what happened? What happened? I will guarantee you nothing
happened with me. I'm the same guy. I'm the same

(19:13):
guy here even doing this podcast. But what happened was
a cult. What happened was a mentality and a new
mindset that was drilled into her from hundreds of hours
of listening to this woman broke. This is what we had,
This is who we are. I believe. That's my belief.

(19:34):
I know what I can say, it is who I
am because what she assesses is true that I am
willing to have these quantum leaps. I'm willing to work
on myself. I'm willing to adjust, I'm willing to make amends.
I'm willing to apologize, and I encourage anybody in any
relationship to do that. Well, one of the reasons I
did it was the children. If this was easy way out,

(19:56):
no children, yeah, way moved on be having my ex
joined the cold, I wouldn't. I could give a shit
if there's no I'm actually good friends with so many
exes I mean ex girlfriends, I mean really really close friends.
One of them from fifth grade. I just saw her

(20:16):
last week, and so I'm really good friends with the
ones who see me for who I am, not what
they dictate me to be. And that's what Lotus used
to see is who I truly am. I'm truly a
guy it wishes to constantly evolve and give life good
purpose and meaning and be of service to others and
uplift people. That's truly who I am. I uplifted obviously

(20:39):
in this situation where she came back and posts a
picture of her snuggling with me with her transformation that
took place, and I love that one happens for people.
I haven't happened for clients all the time. It's magnificent
to be a part of that, to be a guide,
to be a shift shirpa if you will. It feels
really great. Eight. So some of the objective of this

(21:03):
whole thing is to offer some light if your darkness.
Maybe you have a relationship where somebody's Maybe it's not
a cult necessarily, you know, that's the definition of it
is always nebulous. We don't know. Maybe it's just a

(21:24):
situation that's somebody caught. They could be caught watching the
news all the time. I guarantee you that's a cult. Boy,
let's suck you right in. It's so incredible to me.
The formula that they have is they get you upset
with all these fear messages you know years ago is
Islamic miss Islamic fundamental as terrorists say it. They would

(21:47):
say that the debates, the news is running the debate.
So they got the narrative. Well where'd they go? Just
it's the new one. It's the caravans of people from
the dark, people from other countries. It's like nobody's anyway.
So then they get you upset in fear. You better
follow us. We have your answers with weapons or our answer. Ah,

(22:08):
we got weapons, We got more weapons. We got more
than anybody else in the world. We're ready. I like
the weapon of getting to know ourselves and having this
higher power, higher source. You call it Christ, Christ, consciousness, Jesus,
you call whatever you want. It's something outside of ourselves

(22:30):
that's within ourselves. That's what I tap into when she
has these discoveries with me and willing to do that.
But everything got blown up, and then we all suffered
the consequences of somebody that stopped doing this and put
her power into a woman who guided her, took her

(22:53):
and had her execute these things that she did with
her family. So she misery loves company. But there's this
big smile on their faces like they're so happy. It's
not true. This if I showed you the pictures, this
is happiness. It's two different photos that she posts of

(23:15):
the aftermath of us having giant spiritual awakenings. They're not
having one with a celebration of ring the bell that
somebody else bought a water machine. A woman lives three
hundred miles away. There's not celebrations of getting through something.
They're an ass kiss fest. That's what these multi level

(23:38):
marketing some of them, and or the cult mentality, that's
what they have. It's an ask kiss fest. She also writes,
fourteen years ago, one on a date with this man
that's me, except I didn't know it. Yes, I'm a
dayly like go figure life. We're on our way to
Agapi International Spiritual Center to attend a Wednesday night service
as friends. I did to grab some dinner on the way.

(24:01):
I babbled on about I spent my New Year's morning,
had gone for a hike and played with cloud control,
manifesting sunshine to see the first sunrise of the year.
Apparently that sealed the deal for him, it did, I
recall it very vividly in a world of revelers and phonies.

(24:22):
And here we go with another New Year's where we
clink glasses and have the celebratory things that we're convinced
that we need to do. We're convinced all the time
I was saying earlier, because I changed my thoughts a
lot of time midstream. But the news gets you upset.
Then the drug company sponsors the news that handles the
anxiety that they just gave you. There's the formula right there.

(24:44):
Look just look for yourself. It's theory. It's just that
is what it is. That's what they constantly keep us
in fear of a certain color of person, a certain thing,
and that's what their job is to do that. That's
the narrative that they put it into us. That's the narrative,
the pounding down of a narrative that my ex before

(25:06):
this did with the children, pounded down a narrative. Here's
the boogeyman is the big bad guy me, and now
this one's doing it. She said bad things about me.
My children heard or say it. They asked her to stop.
She can't stop herself. She'll say the good things now
and then to make it look good, like she's a
spiritual angel, but no, that bad stuff is still there.

(25:26):
And I asked her to make amends, and I asked
her to write letters people just to straighten him out,
especially June, who has cops this horrible attitude. She's been
a little better lately last year at school, she's been
much better. But her ex husband and himself, he attacked me.
He had this thing going with Lotus on private messaging,
and he's trying to help her get a safe house

(25:47):
and all this kind of stuff. He believed it all too.
I get it. You're gonna believe the vulnerable hippie with
a smile on her face and the vanity light and toe,
which I'm believing these notes by the way that I'm
reading here. This is what she wrote. As the evening
went on. He missed the service. We missed the service,
went to a movie instead, went for a walk on
the beach. This is our first night together becoming a couple.

(26:11):
We were friends for years. I met her at this
at this Agape Spiritual Center. I was there. I was
actually taking courses there and so was she. We're just
friends and I got to know her one of her
best friends and we're in a place that actually gives
you conditioning. She was dealing with her two brothers who

(26:32):
committed suicide within three weeks and one another. That was
the reason she was there, and she's there for really
also something I respected. She didn't know how to handle emotionally.
Nine to eleven, that's how long ago this was. I
really respected her for that. She's going to take a
spiritual route instead of anger, which we do as a country.
Let's go get him. I remember George Bush going, let's
go get him. Well, who you gonna go get? He

(26:53):
actually didn't get anybody that was in the planes, and well,
they're dead, but they're the country they come from. That's
not where we went. The stuff that didn't make any
sense to me. Again, we're pummeled, pummeled, pummel, pummeled, drill drill, drill, drilled, propaganda, propaganda,
And that's how the cult leaders work, that's how the
government work, that's how broke works, manipulating my ex wife, lotus.

(27:15):
So this is what happened that night. She's sharing this
as she shares today. She shares all the stuff with
her leader, about her leader and running out of the water,
holding hands with her leader, look at us, oh celebrating
we're here with ninety thousand, ninety. I don't know how
many other people were there. In Japan, they went for

(27:37):
this big celebration for this water company, water system. I
think it's what it is. But anyway, she says, as
the evening, when we missed the service, went to a
movie instead, went for a walk from the beach. I
slipped in a puddle and he scooped me up before
my butt hit the ground, and that sealed the deal
from me, She says. Since that day has been quite
a ride. So many adventures together, created a blended family,

(27:59):
learned a lot of ton of lessons, and had a
lot of laughs along the way. I fully believe that
the purpose of relationships is to have us grow. This
is what she writes, when you start hiding in secrecy
and joining cults to convince you otherwise that you're not
experiencing what you think you're experiencing, which is said right here,

(28:20):
this is what you're experiencing, your blended family and growing
together and so forth, spiritual development, all of that. When
they convince you otherwise, which is what the cults do.
I mean, it's it's all over the place. Take a look.
It's what they do, and they just drill it into you,

(28:42):
and they shame you, They peer pressure you, they get
angry towards you. I said, I never talked politics anymore.
I just stopped. I said one little thing about I said, why,
I've checked out Robert Kennedy and I went beyond what
people are and conspiracy theorists. I just said, that's what
I do as I go beyond what you're telling me,

(29:04):
because that's propaganda. That's what that's called. That's just a fact.
I just said one little thing. I said, what is
it that? What is it that bothers everybody about this guy?
I did a lot of research into him for my
own opinions, research into his actual words, not somebody calling
him something and then writing an article about or whatever.

(29:24):
It's all skewed, and people just want nuts on me.
People want nuts on me because I did Laura Trump's podcast.
I knew nothing about Laura Trump, to tell you the truth,
I knew her last name. I knew nothing about her.
I was contacted. If I was contacted by anybody, I'm
going to do it because I get to bring my
voice and who I am. And people attacked me, unfriended

(29:47):
me like crazy, like a like a. It's just that
they had torches, torches attacking me and my character, my said,
alleged characters. They saw it just like what goes on
with this cult. They see a man, this man, a
successful man, and he's a bully, he's a ragers whatever

(30:10):
it is they want to say. And that's what these
people did. They didn't even listen. I went on that podcast,
and I brought me and I brought this perspective of
being in the middle. I must tell you this person,
I never thought years ago, when I was so anti Trump,
that I would ever do something like this. And I,
like I said before, I am not into him, not
because he doesn't share my values. That's it. I could

(30:32):
attack him though I have his own values. I understand
there's people following him, but maybe those people could stop
and go, okay, does he share my values? Anyway, I
went on there and I just shared my values with her.
She was polite and wonderful, delightful. I didn't listen to it,
but other people have. They appreciative that I told the

(30:52):
truth and I was bold enough and courageous enough to
go on into the enemy camp. How are we supposed
to know one another. If you don't, if you don't
get together and find these common ground, how are you
supposed to be pursuing happiness in the country? How you'
you supposed to be the United States? How's that supposed
to happen if you continue to this attack and be right?

(31:15):
And that's what's going on here with my ex is
no desire to meet in the middle, no desire to listen,
no desire because she how has her camp that says
I am these things. But she did write, she wrote
these things that I'm talking about today. She says, to
be a mirror for each other, so that we can
see our blind spots. I talked about that earlier. But

(31:38):
my recent girlfriend, so she said, I don't want to
hear from you. I don't want to hear reflections from you.
While she's saying, here, see our blind spots. That's what
the mirrors are there for. That's why you do couple
with somebody so you can grow together. That was the
intention that I had in this marriage, and so did she.
She claims here to share the wonders of the world.
She says, to experience how love is infinite and it

(31:58):
grows and to forgive and accept when we fail, like
I basically do daily, like I failed to remember our
dating anniversary. Love you, Greg Shoemaker, she says. And there's
a picture of our family. It's the first time in
a little while I did get a little misty. I'm looking.

(32:24):
I'm looking at this. I'm looking at this picture of
us in Las Vegas together and there's both those kids smiling,

(32:45):
us smiling and looking at each other with such love
and commitment. Our their son took the picture, and there's
other photos of him. I remember from that weekend. We're
all together. And what happened was my opinion. Now I'll

(33:14):
share my opinion. Well, I could say what happened, But
what happened was she started to listen to an outside source,
not this infinite source of love that she talks about.
She started to listen to someone who was confused with
her own life and needs to get other people to
follow her so she feels better about herself. That's my assessment. Yes,

(33:37):
but that's her words from home. Mama's get your sovereign freedom,
get out of your golden cage. It's her language, and
this is what she broke up. These kids had that
these two evolving, evolved parents that were committed to them

(33:59):
and to us, an infinite love, healing all these things
she talked about. I just read three different posts of
hers that's from her words, not mine, and was not
courageous enough to go through the pain, the difficulties. I'm

(34:21):
that same guy that she felt that she had to
kidnap and I have arrested. I'm the same exact guy.
The difference is she was programmed. She was programmed to
escape from what they felt was there and people that

(34:42):
never were there, like this, Rundois, all these assessments, you're
not there, they're not there. This is sharing from someone
who's there her experiencing this man and all the infinite divinity,
all that ethereal power, or that's what we're getting together,
and like, yeah, that achey stuff she says it. That's stuff.

(35:04):
It's there everyone, it's there. What's the choice she chose?
To me? My estimation, it takes courage to keep growing.
It's a chicken that runs away like Broke did with
her husband and cheated on them and announced it in
public and had this love of my life, this beloved,

(35:28):
this mother of these children. By the way they are
unbelievable children, and they have been resilient through this. By
the way, they would be happy that I'd be doing
this because they know I stand for them, and I
stand for the family. I stand for their mom. Getting well,
it's not well to follow someone like Broke. It's not well.

(35:49):
There's no standards of operation that have ever worked in
the history of time. That's what wellness s grifters are.
They're just grifters. They come in and out. People have
told me, if if I didn't bring money to this,
this was not what had been happening. If I didn't
volunteer or not volunteer money stolen from me. If I
wasn't a hard working guy that earned all of this
money and handed it over, Broke would have been gone

(36:12):
long ago. But she preys upon people like this, and
that's what she did. Here's another one. This wasn't that
long ago. Twenty twenty one. She says, I've been in
a low grade funk the last few days. My good
old standby tools were not doing the trick. Ac culminated
and waking up this morning bordering on full on depression.

(36:36):
And this is a person saying this in public. And
when I say to her to hopefully save our family
from being blown up like this with shrapnel and effects
for generations. This is generational trauma. Not deal with something
and teach people how you stay in, not find excuses

(36:58):
to get out based on somebody's the campaigning constantly against
men and the hatred, all the couch with loving men
and having men to dominate sexually and all this kind
of stuff. It's crazy. She's saying she's full on depression.
I said to her many times, I said, why not
just get a diagnosis? Why not because she's convinced not too,

(37:20):
She's convinced that these are her power these are her doctors,
These are the ones making. That's what they do. Cult
leaders do to warn you. Much of this podcast is
about warning. That's what they do. They become your doctors,
your healers. They become your answer if it sounds so
good what they're saying, and they know exactly how to
manipulate and control people. They know exactly how it's done.

(37:45):
She's saying here that she has depression. She said these
and these other she's in a funk and all that
She's expressed this out loud. This is twenty twenty one.
We're now in twenty twenty four, I felt anger and
disgust towards myself for getting in the place. How in
the world, after all this inner work, that I end
up here, she says. I began to wonder, what do

(38:05):
I do? Do I check my hormones? Uh? Yeah, another
diagnosis you could get. The more I ask her for
a diagnosis, the less she does. By the way, that's
that whole push pull thing. BOK A therapy session got
on medication. I don't know the answer you're asking these questions.
I was ready to write off all my spiritual practices.

(38:26):
Is the total waste of time, crawl on the covers
and throw a pity party. And yet I know it's
a precisely these moments that are a precursor to to
something greater. Right on lotus, I knew I was going
to have to priestess my way out of there, so
I got to work the deep on sexy work. I

(38:47):
knew I was gonna hm the priestess. Well, there's something
I don't really know much about it. I'd never been
a priestess or been in any priestess meetings. I can
assume I know what it is. I don't know. I
got to work deep. And then she says, and then

(39:08):
came a little miracle. I was shown and know n
certain terms that the resentment I was harboring for someone
was stifling my soul. Indeed, that was from me. You've
heard the saying, if your point a finger, there are
three fingers pointing back. It's easy to overlook how anger
and resentment turn onto ourselves. Because we're angry at someone,
the focus is on them, But we are literally are

(39:30):
one all capitals. So when we harbor resentment, we cannot
it cannot affect us, but it kind of affects it. Anyway.
To live our full capacity, we need to be truly
to truly love ourselves. To truly love ourselves, you must
be in the vibration of love. There's no room for hate.
When love permeates, there's no room for the dear ones.

(39:53):
Our work is to find the areas that we're holding
on to resentments. What resentment are you willing to drop today?
She just got to say, big smile on her face
another and any photo. I'm not saying that to be derogatory,
but she does love that fan fanity light that I
got her. Uh, A lot of these things I was

(40:16):
investing in my own death. Isn't that crazy? I was buying.
I was buying the noose. These investments that I made
in this woman broke in all of her plans. I

(40:38):
invest in her staying with this woman. I'm going to
read some pieces from that woman. She is posing in
an erotic position with straps, mostly naked, legs up in

(40:59):
the air. And this is like an entrepreneur. This is
somebody that's recruiting for her programs that are going to
help you build wealth and freedom. She's in this position,
this really like orgasmic position, mostly no clothes, as my

(41:21):
son said, like an only fans account. So that's all
I can describe. You can go look for yourself. She says.
It's all capitals not okay to live in a sexless marriage,
or marriage without passion or desire for one. Or there,
she says, there, I said it. I said it. I
know so many mothers who tell themselves it just doesn't matter.
I realized that the biggest fear of being alone all

(41:42):
capitals needed to be confronted, and I would empower myself
in ways I had never felt before. Power empower herself.
Listen to that language I get from a I get
from a like a higher source, but herself, and that's ego.
This is everything she posts all about her eco and

(42:05):
she needs to be self satisfied and she needs to
hear back from people. You go, girl, I agree with you.
Get likes. We're addicted to likes in this country. I
realize that one of my children to see loving passion,
enjoy being expressed in a relationship in front of them
every day. And here's what I have to say to her.
And then who she taught was my now ex wife. Yeah,

(42:27):
work on yourself so you can have them see that.
I realize that learning leaning into the massive amounts of
fear and judgment that was all around me from loved
ones and strangers would allow me to be the stronger
and more clarity in the contrast. That's the theory. It's
a concept, doesn't make it true. You realizing this and
then passing in on other people who are vulnerable, They're going, huh,

(42:49):
that sounds good. Great words. Let me follow that. I
realized I was living a life that was not by
my design, and I get to change it anytime I desire.
Oh do you? This is where I'm so upset with
my ex wife is how selfish she has become. These
are selfish words. It's selfish. You can call it self

(43:13):
love all you want. That's the trick of the wellness
s grifters that use terms like self love. It's self
obsession that I have seen. I realize that I wanted
my children to see me happy and I care for them,
see me trusting another person, support me always, and the
feminine needs continued, and it's continued in her comments. I

(43:34):
now living my life. I'm fully expressed in every way
and it feels incredible. I love to talk about what
makes most uncomfortable. I am deeply disturbed that moms are
not tapped into their sexuality, and so few couples I
know are having mind blowing connected sex. Yes, I know
all the excuses and the reason. I had them myself
too until I woke up. I am shocked that we
don't teach these basic skills and knowledge of sex and

(43:56):
pleasure to our children. Pleasure is our birthright. Yeah, go
teach that to a ten year old. Yeah, that's a
great idea. Teach this to a ten year old. She
has young children. This is what she's saying. I'm shocked,
and most moms don't know how to create these changes
in their lives have a balanced whole relationship with themselves. Instead,

(44:18):
I look around and see mothers completely depleted and without
their inner light turned on. I'm shocked at eighty percent
of moms I speak to her still in marriages. They
really don't want to be in due to the feeling
she has cash here, they have no other choice but
to stay here. It is broke. The choice is to
stay and evolve and get over the obstacles and these

(44:43):
feelings that aren't real. They're not factual, they're just where
you are at that time. But if you have a
valiant a commitment, that's what to teach the children. I
have a valiant commitment to my family, and I will
do anything I can to grow and change and transform
and transmute my pain into something that's really good for
them and everybody else. But she says, I'm fully committed

(45:06):
to living a life that is full of self expression, possibility, healing,
and mind blowing sex. I talk about all of this
and much more of my mom's only group see what
she's doing. She found her niche. She found moms like
my ex wife, like the wife of this guy that
reached out to me that his wife was lost to
this broke woman. Always wondered does she feel proud of

(45:29):
herself that these marriages broke up? And I know she's
posted about me. She is, there's a man out there
who claims I broke up? Is you know? Victim much?
That's what she says out there to me, victim much,
blame much. I'm reading these things now and I can

(45:52):
tell you not blame. This is fact of what you did.
You're not asking women to look deeper inside of themselves.
You're asking them to leave and then look inside of
themselves where the reflections aren't there, where the work isn't done.
A safe container for mothers to discuss everything, all the

(46:14):
taboo topics we feel we can't discuss in public. Yeah,
you're going to discuss them without the man's feedback, and
guess what happens? Then lies I know for a fact,
and lotus lies. So if she told the truth to
be by accident, she lies there, lies of perception. And
then the advice comes, you gotta get out. There's nobody

(46:37):
going to get in. Somebody's reading back to or what
she wrote before about this guy that has it can
have quantum leaps. She says, this is a movement in
all capitals. Are the pleasures are birthright? And when I
actualize this part of myself, everything in my life started
to change. And what does that mean? Everything started to change?
You had sure did change. You broke up your family,

(46:59):
one of your children didn't speak to you for a
whole year. That's the change that you had happened. I
happened to know her ex husband, by the way, really
really nice guy. Doesn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to
have his life blown up like that. She could have
said to him, Hey, let's go to therapy and have
mind blowing sex within the marriage, the marriage you committed to.

(47:22):
So if you're asking people, this is what I say
to Lotus and this broke woman. If you're asking people
to follow you and stay committed to your program of
selling water machines or whatever, it is, what happens if
they have difficult feelings, run quit. That's what your options were.

(47:44):
You run and you quit. No courage. No, I'm gonna
talk to my partner about this. And that goes for
business as well. I'm gonna steal, I'm gonna lie, I'm
gonna manipulate. Literally, that's what happened. You follow a cult
leader like this, you can do anything to justify it.

(48:09):
She looked into a camera and said, we're not going
to touch this money. I said it too, I'm going
to touch this money when the house sale comes through,
was just about to come through. And went back to
that house and did it in the kitchen of that house,
this empty kitchen, looked into this video camera, looking at
this camera when the phone both sit vowed to it.
And I remember looking at her face afterwards after I
saw what she did, and she had the face and

(48:32):
criminals can do this, and is this broke is a
criminal and so is she criminals? You know, violence is
a crime, Stealing is a crime, forgery is a crime.
All the things that she did, that's fact. Looked in
there and we're not going to touch the money. She
touched the money. She changed the password in an account

(48:53):
when I'm away on the road earning money doing my comedy,
was on Sherry Shepherd show at that time, or literally
sending back beautiful messages to her. I remember as in
such a great vibe and just changed the password in
the bank account, moved into a strange bank that I
was not aware of, took other money, moved into another

(49:15):
account that I was not aware of. This is the stuff.
It's just it's literally criminal. You need to call it that.
And that's what this is. When you get into self obsession,
you don't care about someone else. We don't stay dedicated
to your valves and your commitments. This is what happens.
She says. I left my twenty year relationship ten months ago.

(49:38):
I was done with partnership. I truly wanted nothing more
than to explore my autonomy. I have lots of fun sex,
but the first time ever make my own effing decisions
and be a sovereign woman, calling my own shots explanation points,
and I did. I had my first ever when I
by the way, when I say things loud, it means
that she has it in all caps, which is a lot.

(49:58):
I did and first time one night in Australia at
forty eight years old. Oh MG, was it revolutionary for me.
It's so fun, so fun. I snuck out a hotel
room at six am and my cloths, it's misspelled clothes,
cloths in hand. This is while she's married, and this
is why she's on the trip with my wife at

(50:19):
the time in Australia for another gathering of freedompreneurs. They
call themselves and do they did a dance They rehearsed
ego dance. Oh, look at us we're doing. I have
no idea what the dance did? What that has to
do with making money? I have no idea. It's all
this alleged freedom. As if she can't dance with me,

(50:41):
As if she can't I'm a great dancer, by the way,
that's like as if she can't have these dances with
her husband, who she vowed marriage to sickness and in health.
Maybe one of the reasons I'm doing this podcast is, Hey,
if you're in that position where you're ready to quit,
where you're seeing things the negative things we've seen the things,
look look to the positive, Look at that partner and say,

(51:04):
how can I work through this with that partner? Invite
that partner to do that, and if they're not willing
to do that, then it might be time to go.
Don't quit before the miracle. That's what happened with his girlfriend.
Reason I'm going you're gonna quit, this is your first
sign of something, and it turns out it was a
false sign. Anyway. I mean really, and you're just gonna

(51:26):
boom bam bang that out. Just that's it. That's the
that's the amount of courage you have to look within.
And that's the thing is these mamas. It's often the case.
And I think it's from this is clinical now, but
I think it's from being oppressed for so many years
and having no rights and all that kind of stuff.
I think it's I think it's in part of our DNA,

(51:48):
and we're responding to those old things, these old memes
that are inside of us. So instead of creating a
news story, we retell an old story with that perception.
She's telling this perception here of she needed to do this.

(52:10):
She stuck out with her clothes in hand and jumping
up and down like a schoolgirl. So proud of my courage,
she calls it courage. It's not courageous to share this
for everybody to see. To humiliate your ex husband. And
that's the thing that many women are doing, humiliating these men.
My ex wife humiliates me and disrespects me, disregards me.

(52:33):
Only just takes the money in the sperm. That's all
I'm good for. The sperm has two great kids, complete disrespect.
That's what cults can do when you give it over
to somebody else who's like this schoolgirl proud. I could
finally play so many exclamation points, and I think, what

(52:54):
is oh this skirts anyway? Give myself f in permission?
She loves to drop the F word. Follow my bliss,
no one else's rules. Do it here too. Then I
went to Bally, ended up meeting Italian. It barely spoke
any English, but he spoke the language of love and dominance.
Oh my god, this is who she is. Another post

(53:15):
where she's posing with its beautiful background or foreground and
she's barebly wearing anything with her posture and a yoga posture.
I questioned the whole yoga thing too, by the way,
because that's what Lotus is into as well. And meditation
even I'm not going to question them as practices that
haven't worked for many people. But the question I would ask,

(53:37):
and also medicine journeys, is where are you getting feedback
or is it just self obsession and telling you what
you want to hear. I know that my ex Lotus
met her boyfriend at a meditation retreat. Is there anybody
at that retreat that's challenging you to say, hey, go

(53:59):
back and make a man for all this damage that
you've done for the kids. They're the kids and your
ex husband. The financial damage alone is just in the
hundreds of thousands. There's nobody accountable. She's not coming to
me and going, oh, let me, let me make some sacrifices,
some changes. You know, I'll work with you, and all that.
I've given her every opportunity. I say, here's what I

(54:21):
like you to do. I'd like to do a group
text to Rundle and Broke and tell them the truth.
And and I'd like you to do that with my
sons as well, who are now under the impression that
I'm abusive. That's it, That's what I said. And here's
what you'll have, and we'll have freedom and we'll have happiness.

(54:42):
But Nope, won't do it. Her ego is too great.
She's already out there just like this woman with all
these posts of this is what happened for me. I've
got freedom now. The recent posts are all, oh, so
what she's supposed to believe? The one you have, this husband,
you know that she has got me to you know,
hear the posing together and here we are and cuddling

(55:03):
and freedom and unbelievably work through this stuff. Which one
are you that one? Are you the one that works
through your freedom to go sell somebody on a water machine?
Which is it? What's to be believed? If I'm the reader,
if I'm going to be one of your clients or
underneath of you one of your coaching clients, she's a
coach as well, which is to be believed. So then

(55:24):
she has this post orgasms matter, dear Mama's I'm giving
a talk on Sunday to the first one to like it.
Her conciliary lotus. She says here about setting up a
contract for your relationship quotes, We've been playing with this
and adding to this or our relationship deepens and grows,

(55:45):
and it's so much fun. When I started learning about BDSM,
which is it's a bondage santomasochism, I believe that's what
it is and dominance, so now it's an entrepreneur. I
was talking about the sexual practice of bondage and say
to masochism, which was, by the way, going on behind

(56:07):
my back. Apparently I didn't know anything about this. Yeah,
if you're into it, lotus and bring it to me,
maybe I might be into it. You know, I was
never introduced to this. And there she is liking all
these posts supporting her friends. She would post and say,
I support her and this is my tribe and all
this so much growth and healing has happened the last

(56:29):
ten months. I want to know how, what's the healing?
What happened in the last ten months. I know that
you broke up with Rundel a few times. I know
that he'd beat your child and ended up with child services.
I know that the place she says, Rundell and I
began to talk, we desired in our relationship. We began
to write it all down. Do it with your husband.

(56:49):
Try that with your husband, the man you committed to
and have two children with. Yeah, try that my twenty
year relationship that I divorced myself from. I realized so
much of it was just going along following our groove. Yeah,
right within the structure of your marriage. That's what I'm

(57:10):
saying everybody. It's to quit before the miracle. And that's
what my ex did. But not only doing that, but
the way she goes about it, in this self obsessed
journey following this woman she goes Now, I ask for everything.
I catch myself giggling and feeling I can't wait for that?
Or is this too much? Ask? Oh my god, there's

(57:32):
only one way to get our needs met. We have
to ask for them to be met. And step one
is dropping into what we do actually want. You know
what that is? Self obsession? Are you asking him what
he wants? So if my ex wife ever asked me
what I wanted, it'll be for love, harmony, peace, tranquility, games, fun,

(57:54):
dedication to family and good sex too. Do you think
that was ever asked for? So she's proclaiming all these
things and having these vulnerable mothers of middle age follow her.
I'm not saying that to be demeaning. That's a fact.
That's who follows her, that's her avatar client. As girls

(58:15):
were so trained to be people pleasers and not to
ask for what we desire. I am changing all that
I'm asking. Am I asking for too much? And guess what?
There is nothing I've asked that's too much? Fascinating? Right?
Do I get to work in the stepping more into
my power, my voice and asking them and receiving This
is hard for us too, isn't it? Until it's not?
I have fa master my receiving skills, and now I

(58:38):
see them asking giving my king a chance to show
up and provide for me. So she went from independence
gaining her independence by cheating. So suddenly now the king's
gonna help her with the money. So then she convinced

(58:59):
my ex leave your marriage and go find another man
who will supply you with the money. And of course,
in the beginning of the relationship, this guy's going to
give it effortlessly. Course, I've been that guy, and you're
not gonna see anything except for oh my god, I'm
getting laid here. This beautiful is a sex, this is love,
whatever it is. Wow, this woman's appealing to me. This

(59:19):
guy's got kids, she's nice to my kids. Whatever it is. Yeah,
and courtship, it's all good. Hard it's the hard stuff
that we really can evolve. But there's no evolution in that.
And now she's getting money from him. She's been taught
by this cheating, disgusting, cowardly woman, self obsessed narcissists. That's

(59:42):
who she chose to empower. Give him a chance to
earn points. Yes, this is how they operate the point system.
Ask them. If you don't believe me, ask me, I
don't believe there's point system. Okay, broke, this is your view.
Would you get hardly any hits and likes for followers,

(01:00:05):
but you got the follower of my ex wife? You
got her super fun creates clarity for both. What do
you think? She shows some what you think? Here's another
one where they're caught in a in a like a orgasm.
They actually had a photo. This is how vain they are.
There's a photo of her and Rundel having an orgasm.

(01:00:28):
He's got his hands wrapped around her with the dominance
first like it's a joke, the first joke first, Like
there's lotus trust in our relationships leads to more orgasms.
How about that? This is where it's words and not real.
This is what I would try to ask you to look.

(01:00:51):
Where's words and what's real? What's the actions? Where's the
results of their actions? Where's the long term results, not
the short term pleasures that we can all seek. Where
is that the rub rids the road? The really good
stuff is when you can get through stuff and then
I've experienced unbelievable sex, love the times actually with Lotus,

(01:01:13):
it's amazing when we're getting over something or when we
truly had love and commitment and just passed obstacles together,
where we battled these things together, these life battles together.
But quitting and leaving and going off and just satisfying
your needs. Really, let's that tell your kids, So that's

(01:01:34):
how they'll end up. That's a bad cycle. More trust
in our relationships leads to more orgasms. Now think about
what she taught Lotus to be completely untrustworthy. There's nothing
that she does that builds trust, and I mean nothing.
She hasn't done anything in the last few years to

(01:01:55):
build trust. To take the damage that she's done and
try to amend its your restraining order on me, it's
a false restraining order. I said, you got to get
that thing, you know. She said, oh I can't. They
said that I can't. I can't have it as sexed bunch.
And maybe that's true, but there's where's the effort to
do it anyway, where's the I'm going to make that

(01:02:16):
happen and take this off a record. So now it's
on my record, and now I lose money and I
make less money to support the children. You see the cycle.
People come out of resentment and they're they're they're not
working on their stuff. Oh oh, I didn't see this,
she said. Oh. She comments, she's the first commenter. This
is going to be amazing with a whole bunch of

(01:02:38):
exclamation points. Hm. She says, where are my freedom seekers?
I want to know where you are. I'm celebrating every
one of you. Oh god. She capitalizes so many things.
By the way, Lotus follows exactly the way she posts.
It's the same thing she follows. This guru. It's just

(01:03:00):
got her by, She's got her soul. So every one
of you has the courage to stand up and claim
the freedom that is your birthright. I feel like I
lived in a cage for years and I never go back.
I'll never go back. You feel like you lived in
a cage. You didn't live in a cage. I happen
to know your ex husband, and there was no cage.
Far from it. This guy is a sweet, sweet guy,

(01:03:20):
a great father. Kids gravitate towards him like my kids
gravitate towards me because there's no cage. She called it
a golden cage. I caught her crying one day. My
ex wife crime, I'm in a golden cage. How manny
you would like to be taken care of. I'm sure would.

(01:03:42):
I'm tired of working so damn hard just giving it
all away. I will admit that I did one thing
for myself. It's not a midlife crisis, not a small penis.
I got myself a Porsche. I love it for once.
And I remember one time I was about to buy
BMW and we were in the parking know. I was
with my friend Nasa buying this BMW and she's there.

(01:04:06):
We were married at the time. She started crying, so
I was going to get the seven hundred, not the
five hundred. She started crying, and we're all going, what's
going on here? And she stopped me from buying the car,
And now in retrospect to see what that was because
she was counting the dollars when she was going to
escape the marriage. But I was finally doing I wanted
to do something for I wanted the most expensive BMW.

(01:04:30):
So if I come from nothing, which I do no
father and father was a cult leader himself and all
these entrepreneurial scams. He was into selling bras and multi
level marketing this and fuller brushes and converting cess pulls,
the sewers and Oh god, what else the mule business
that he was in, Oh, converting landing crafts and the

(01:04:51):
shark boats. Yeah, this is what I lived a life of,
watching this guy manipulate people, just as Broke does. I
watched it happening. I observed it, but I didn't get
into it. I didn't respect it, and I don't respect
her to do this to people who are vulnerable and
searching for answers. Anybody I coach, I say, the answers

(01:05:13):
are you have the answers in you, with your potency
that exists inside of you. That's what drives me to
do everything that I do, is I just tap into that.
Everything here is ad libs. I don't know if it's
connecting with anyone. I know it has connected with some
Let me know if it is. I don't know. I
turned the results over. I don't let I don't get

(01:05:34):
into results. Do good income that outcome? Oh she says, well,
she says the cage. Freedom feels so incredible. What is
freedom mean? Anybody tell me what that means? There are
all words that wellness s grifters use to manipulate. Freedom

(01:05:55):
sounds good to me. How many people you know that?
My ex wife I have freedom. She did whatever she
wanted to do and still does she. I love that
my amazing children get to experience their mom in a vibrations,
see and feel what is pot is possible for them.
Oh my god, Maybe I was an awful mother. What's

(01:06:17):
she admitting here? It was ruining my children. Maybe I'm
breaking us all up from my own selfishness. You decided
to have kids, and this is how it goes. You
got married, and this is that what you chose. The
thing is, I've always wanted to make up my own
rules about life. Hey folks, hey broke, don't get to
make up your own rules. That's not how society works.

(01:06:41):
That's anarchy violation. If you make up your own rules
to hurt somebody, that's what you want to do. You
hurt my family. Made up your own rules, destroyed this family,
it was. These are two amazing, beautiful kids. So unbelieve
light my son is so good to his little sister

(01:07:03):
because he knows, just like our dog instinctly. We have
a lot going on in this house of one helping
the other because we know what we're all going through
with the mom. We all know it. I don't even
have to say it. There's no poisoning. We all know it.
We all watch it. We watch the violence, watch the temper,
we watch the cat even show up and have a conversation.
That's something any of the adults should be able to do.

(01:07:24):
What does that say about her? So she can't get
diagnosed just for that, can't have a conversation, literally, can't
have a conversation, no neutral party, no everyone I brought in. Nope, tantrums,
doesn't get her own way, tantrums like a child when
the children need an adult. So here's my son being

(01:07:45):
an adult to his younger sister. So sweet to her.
She's precocious and funny and fun but dominant. He's okay
with it. These kids got something going on inside of
them that's beautiful, and they go through hell with this
whole thing. It's got to be so confusing them to

(01:08:06):
see this dad and then watch their moms speak bad
of their dad. My son was asleep, She thought he
was asleep, and she and he said, mom, stop saying
those things, because right in front of him, she was
saying it to one of her girlfriends, and he was
just lying about me. But women aren't going to challenge

(01:08:28):
or these women, these women. I can say, I don't
challenge her. They don't say he's not like that. He
wasn't like that when you posted about him, or he
told us about all these wonderful things. He wasn't that then.
So how did he become that now perspective? Because she
was drilled to look at things another way, like this way.

(01:08:49):
The thing is, I always wanted to make my own rules.
I realized that through eight years of exhaustion and giving
everything I had to my children, did you really that's
a perception everything everything would be get over yourself and
work on yourself. I was doing them a huge deservice.
I had fallen into living in someone else's rules and rules.
I didn't actually agree to a lifestyle. I didn't sign

(01:09:11):
up for it. You didn't. She's talking about victim. They
come to me and tell me I'm a victim. That's
a victim mentality right there. What are these rules? There's
no rules written down, not at all. Doctor's appointment today

(01:09:32):
just came up. Anyway, I'd fallen into living in someone
else's rules. Didn't actually agree and a lifestyle. I didn't
sign up for it. It can happen gradually, and it
kind of snuck on me. Really, there's another one. When
she's she's always scantily clad, this ego maniac that wants
people say, oh wow, look at her. It's a thirst

(01:09:55):
trap look at her. But it's a thirst trap appealing
to women who they think, oh, I can look like
that now. So she looks good, her body looks good.
She's in a bathing suit number one like her hair's lotus.
That's unbelievable. Quickly, Oh my, my, my, my, my lord,
my leader, my priestess. I gotta, I gotta, I gotta

(01:10:20):
agree with you, she said. I never could have imagined
it's two years that this could be a reality for me,
an unschooling mom of two little ones. Never my wildest dreams.
I was so filled with limiting thoughts in every level.
Here I'm in Costa Rica without my kids taking care
of me and honoring what I need and desire. What
feels amazing. You can change your life too, life to

(01:10:40):
my sisters, That's what she says. So I'm reading this
to you so you have an understanding the truth of
this woman who has commandeered the soul of my ex

(01:11:00):
wife and turned her into She turned her into But
she has become a chronic, pathological liar. What comes out
of her. And she's so sweet that no one's going
to believe me. No one who I would hope would
do an intervention and ask if these things are true.
Ask the children if these things are true. I'll send
you the video. Let the children who are speaking to

(01:11:23):
her in the video say, Mom, you did these things
to us. You gotta stop. There's nobody to stop her
because the egomaniac her leader doesn't want her to stop.
She wants to own her. Oh look at this. She's
not the first like her on this one. Somebody named sage.

(01:11:47):
She says, I every intention of staying single for a
long time, when my twenty year relationship ten months ago,
I was done with partnership, wanted nothing. And then meet Rundel.
There they are with these smiles on their faces. They've
got life. Now look at this. So which were we
to believe the one that's getting that independence and one

(01:12:11):
nighters and dominance and all that stuff. Or is it
now this committed relationship where he's dominating and or he's
a king and oh my god, and then what's next,
by the way, if they break up? Sorry, you believe
that one. I got a new one for you. Well,
I've got an old one for you. There's vows of

(01:12:32):
commitment that we can honor through thick and thin. You
can might honor it by cheating or whatever it is.
You know, Yeah, that gets done, but that doesn't leave.
That could be an opportunity to grow within instead of
listening to people like this and now the ego on

(01:12:54):
my ex wife, she's trying to lead people in the
exact same way she's leading them into this freedom. This
alleged freedom went together thousands of people. They go to
Japan and celebrate freedompreneurs, and it's all there. They are.
I just saw the counts. Everybody sends me the photos.
I'm blocked so I can't see them for myself, but

(01:13:15):
they send them to me. They're sending them to me, like,
what the hell happened to this nut? That's what they're
saying to me. She's out of her fricking mind, is
what they're saying. To me. What in the hell is this? Well,
she's copying this nut, this selfish, narcissistic person that just
wants to have power over people for her own self

(01:13:38):
serving needs. Those children do not wish for this. My
children do not wish for this. I can tell you
what they wished for. They wish for mom to get well.
They wished for mom to be involved with their dad
and be polite to their dad and raise them the
right way where you can have discussions. I can easily
have these discussions. She literally she sees me and runs

(01:14:02):
for the hill. She literally runs. She's frightened. I'm telling you,
when someone's frightened, it does not mean they're really frightened
of violence or whatever it is. That's the game they play.
She's really scared of being exposed. I hope this podcast
exposes her that she can listen to it and really

(01:14:26):
have something inside of her. It gets rid of these
dark I have said it before. It's like Danakin Skywalker.
Let's not wait till the end when the mask comes off.
Oh you are my son whatever? Hey broke, I mean, lotus,

(01:14:46):
imagine that concept you get that you went to the
dark side. She's a Darth Sith lord that broke. That's
what she is. She's got you. That's what these cult
leaders do. That's that's that's what that movie is all about.
Star Wars. Dark forces that are here to get us.
They do they capture us? They're everywhere. What are we

(01:15:10):
going to do? Folks? Look, I just went through this
really difficult thing again, and so looking at my part
in it, what did I do? I went into something
with That's what I do. I just jump in with
everything I have. This whole podcast is everything I have.
This is not filtered, this is just it's got a

(01:15:32):
little bit of everything. I got my shirt on. By
the way, if you want to support me in any way,
here you go. If you're watching on video, I'm stuck
between no mistake and kissed my ass. I got a
lot of kiss my ass in me. I got a
lot of filly in me. I got a lot of
I want to get revenge, I got a lot of that.
It goes on. This is not some wooo oh. I've

(01:15:56):
had visions. I've had visions of going up to this
cult leader with a big giant bodyguard so I can
lay into them, and I want to bring my children
and go, this is who you hurt, you sons of bitches.
This is who you hurt by convincing this beautiful woman
who is those other things that she already posted, She

(01:16:19):
is those things. She's a lovely light and being. She's beautiful,
she's energetic, she's fun, she's smart, she's spiritual, she's all
those things. And what did you do to her? You
turned her into this selfish, narcissistic means spirited, cruel, violent, thieving,

(01:16:40):
deceptive person. That's who she became now, I'm not just
putting a label on there. That's what has she has become.
I've asked her a thousand different ways emails and never
done any good. Anything. She goes backwards. I'll ask the
simplest question. She can't even play by the rules. She

(01:17:01):
expects me to get back to her. She won't get
back to me on co parenting stuff. I actually asked
her the other day, I said, hey, can we have
a discussion, go through a neutral party. I always offer everything,
always offer to pay for everything, whatever it is. I'm
just after the betterment of the children. She's after herself
and her selfish needs. That she's been convinced that she's
in this position of golden cage and all this, that

(01:17:23):
she needs her freedom and all this kind of stuff.
Now she needs to be dominated sexually. Whatever it is.
What's this teaching the children? So I always say, is
what are you teaching children by your behavior. I want
to keep being a man of courage, conviction. It's gonna

(01:17:45):
have to be with someone else, or maybe I'm supposed
to be alone. Maybe this isn't for everybody. Maybe growing
and changing and reflecting to one another, maybe being there
for when I'm supportive and all that. Maybe it's not
meant to be for me. I know it was at
one time with her. She expressed it, so I'll go

(01:18:06):
by that because I keep questioning what was real, what wasn't?
Was she was I own? Was she scammed me the
whole time? Is this her plan? She's in a treehouse
and comes to my house. I'll never forget she's in
my tub. But I felt so proud of myself that
I was able to have this big, beautiful house that
I earned through difficult times, that I didn't quit. The

(01:18:32):
only way I'm successful is because I just the only
difference between me and anyone else. People said, I'm really talented. Yeah,
but how did that talent happen? Because I wouldn't quit
because the resilience. This is why I became a coach
and a mentor. A shehirpa. It's good I do. I
don't want to be selfish and hold on to this.

(01:18:52):
I want to pass it on. Here's what I want
to pass on. I want to pass on these techniques
that have came up, and a lot of hass to
do it, haveing courage, a lot of hass to do
with going beyond what's easy. What's easy is what this
woman says, Oh, I fulfill my needs with a one
night stand. She's bragging about it like it's a great thing,
and her kids are humiliated by it. She would never

(01:19:13):
admit that. I remember I brought it up with lotus. Well,
her kids wouldn't read that post. That was her answer.
She's cheating on her. She's cheating, and then went away
together the medicine journey, well she had. She was with
her her mister. Oh yeah, but you know, the children
understand this. She just keep justifying and rationalizing. For this woman,

(01:19:34):
she could made her leader. She made her into somebody
who's dishonest, and we're all dishonest. I lie, she'd steele
have done at all. But what are you going to
be in the present? What are you choosing to be
in the present? Where's that shift? I don't desire to
be any of those things I've done, those things maybe

(01:19:56):
slip here and there. I don't know. It's up to
me to do my own inventory on this, my own checking,
my own expedition. Yes it is. But at the core
of it is I want to be that evolved person,
that loving person, that healed person. That's the goal, not
to get get get from people. I'm turning into a pontificator.

(01:20:19):
Listen to someone on a speech and I rant, this
is all just coming out of me and tapping in.
And I'm sure you hear the frustration. I hope you
don't regard as just anger or bitter. I really look
for solutions. She says it too. She knows all this.

(01:20:39):
He knows that that's what I am. I get to
these quantum leaps into great spirit and soul cleansing. Yeah,
and I'm not a woo woo guy. I mean you
could some people hearing it would say it's a woo
woo and now it's a BS. I don't know. You
have your own take. I know who I am. I

(01:21:00):
know I'm a flawed human being that really really does
work on myself to evolve and get better, transmute the
pain into something good, and I mean something good that's
good for everyone. It's good for everyone to laugh. I
know that. That's one of the cores of my beliefs.
That's the cores of what I teach. It's one of

(01:21:20):
the cores of what I've done for years, is make
people laugh and lift them out of some depressions, lift
them out of difficulties. We stopped laughing or low to
stop laughing, lo tos started even respecting what I do
for a living, wouldn't come to shows anymore. Used to
come to the shows. That's what was great about this
girlfriend recently. I would look into the audience. There she
was with this big smile, and we're connecting that way.

(01:21:43):
We connect with that. That's love to me. Connecting with
smiles and laughter and joy. That's a divine connection. That's
a theory. That's something you can't even be described. And
that's how I live. I want to live more and
more like that and less and less like this. Coming
to her and trying to get her to go to rehabilitation. Yeah,

(01:22:05):
it's really really hard. But so now I'm just hoping
that someone else does, someone else gets in there, some
other voice. It's not going to come from me. This
is one of the purposes of this and also it's
to warn you against wellness scripters. Oh they're good. I
never mentioned this but before, But I have actually been

(01:22:27):
a member of these tribes because I'm a Sekert too,
But I was even an individual in those tribes. I'd say, hey,
wait a minute. I won't say the name of the group.
Hey wait a minute. You guys all look like you're
just promoting your books. You got a good book title,
or you're backing it up with something that's real. Are

(01:22:50):
these books just concepts and theories? But consciousness? That all
these great titles, and oh my god, they're self involved.
I say, hey, everybody, why don't we do something for humanity?
Why don't we go feed the homeless or something like that.
I want to come up with programs people, sustainable programs
for food and whatever it is. Why don't we do that? No,

(01:23:13):
they drank their faces off, got drunk and talked about themselves.
These are leaders. That's what's out there. I've been a
part of it. Think I am so grateful to my individuality,
you know, because I could follow these things and it

(01:23:37):
just doesn't I've been down and I'm just warning you.
I've been down the road and it's just not fulfilling.
It's not fulfilling to get drunk with people. It's just
there's this illusion we're all having a good time. I
used to make fun of them on my act. Woo
the woo people whoa. I used to say, it's the

(01:23:59):
same minety language, woo veins popping out of your neck.
I'm having the greatest time. No you're not. I've been there.
No you're not. You were to sit down and beats tender,
sentimental touch with yourself, in touch with your feelings, really
express your feelings. I know because I've been there, my

(01:24:20):
own feelings, my feelings that people are sharing with what
they call Papa shoe before people, I coach no, no,
we have a vulnerability. It's inside of us that we're
afraid to express. Some people and their lives. And by
the way, throughout some of these things, especially with the
X before this, when these things were I was being
accused of the horrible things. I thought about killing myself.

(01:24:43):
What's this worth? Never gonna shake this? The only way
to shake these things, including what this ex wife is
saying about, the only way to do it is to
live a life of integrity, To live a life of
honesty and let the kids feel that vibration. Don't convince
them I've done before. That was the one thing that
happened a few weeks ago with this thing was I

(01:25:03):
was trying to talk them into a reality that my
son's going to My mom's a great mom. Great mom.
Do that. No, that was not good of me to
do that, And I apologize for that. He knows to
accept that apology because he sees that with me, I'm
going to admit my faults. By the way, I don't
need you to tell me what the faults are. So
if that's what you're ready to do, just take a pause,

(01:25:27):
look at yourself and examine yourself of how you are
probably projecting. I don't need to be fixed, So pause
on that. I don't need you to try to take
me down. I don't need you to try to I
should say I don't need I don't think it's a
great idea. I haven't experienced anything in life where it's

(01:25:47):
a great idea for you to bring your stuff based
on what you hear, the nuggets that you hear. Now,
this is what I would encourage. If you're bothered by something,
ask a curious question, be curious that's the way to
creativity and freedom. Curious, I say, everybody I work with,
whoever works with me, have staff and everything, say if

(01:26:08):
you have an issue with me, ask me for clarity.
Same with his girlfriend recently. If there was an issue
that you felt you had to go into my phone.
Told my mom that she was shocked. So that's horrible.
I never want to think that's saying for something that horrible.
But I've told a few people and they said, yeah,
that was pretty horrible what she did. But I took
it as like, oh my god, I'm so sorry that

(01:26:29):
I was on the phone so much you felt you
had to go into my phone. I actually took it
on myself immediately, by the way, completely one hundred percent responsibility.
I didn't do anything like what were you doing on
my phone? Afterwards? And now that she completed the mission
that she had of I'm breaking this off with no right,
no reason, no nothing. I don't want to work on
this with you. I don't want to work on why

(01:26:51):
I would leave this thing that we had was so
beautiful and so loving and so happy and so filled
with promise and looking at homes and bringing families together.
I don't want to I don't want to. No, I
don't want that. I was just gonna blow it up.
So again I'm dealing with a blow up on that one.
I dealt with it with the with the X. Only

(01:27:12):
thing I can do is I can work on my
own piece, so I don't bring that in again. I
can work on my own stuff, so I don't. I
listened to her about the phone. I gotta stay o
off the phone, you know, start to clean out some stuff.
If you want some suit jackets. By the way, if
you're forty four or forty two long or something like that,

(01:27:32):
I've got some suit jackets. You gotta make some money.
Podcasts don't make any money unless you're the top. I
don't make anything. Maybe you can suggest how I could.
Maybe you can be curious or help in that way.
But in the way of I don't respond to the

(01:27:53):
you know the I'm worried about you, worry about yourself.
I'm okay. I made it far. Now are you worried
about me? That they might attack me? Yeah? My mom
mentioned that. She goes, well, you know they could. They
could sue you as well. I use other names. Here's
the thing with defamation. I've been defamed on lies because

(01:28:18):
I have not been the violent one. I pushed her
off of me is the most I did. Pushed her
off of me when there was a full on attack.
And now they're a different perspective. I always took the
woman's perspective, and now I'm starting to see it. It's
happened in my life. I'm been attacked by women and
I respond. But I'm going to be the guy that's
got to go to anger manage whatever the hell it is.
That's it's going to just it's the way of the world.

(01:28:40):
So I encourage you ladies to really look deep inside
of yourself and not blame the guy, this historical thing
that might be inside of you, some guy that in
the fifties that get my slippers, whatever it is, because
I can assure you that most men that I know
are men of significance and purpose and goodness. So maybe

(01:29:06):
look at those things. I do gratitude lists with my family,
look at the grateful things. That was the other thing
I could not believe. I did a gratitude list with
my girlfriend of recent times at this beach house, and
she brought her grandkids and a grandkid one bonded with
my daughter. These are two great, amazing spirits that got together.
So beautiful. They're laughing and have a joyful time. We

(01:29:27):
go around and her granddaughter said, what are you grateful for?
We all said what we were grateful for is so beautiful.
This is a dream for me. I love when family
comes together like this. This is how I love to live.
This is putting good stuff into the bucket, not the analyzing,
not the criticizing, not the taking down of others. This
is wonderful. This is how I wanted to live with
my ex wife. We did gratitude list, we did all

(01:29:49):
these things, and she expressed that and then just got
chicken shit. Chickens, non courageous chickens take down someone else
because they won't deal with their own stuff. There was
gratitude being expressed by this naturally organically. What are you

(01:30:11):
grateful for? I'm grateful to Chloe. That's my daughter who
she had just played with that day and giggling together.
That's beautiful. That's what I've always wanted. And I miss
that being happening with all of us. Why because this
cult leader came in and had to control women to

(01:30:35):
deal with life the way she deals with life. BDSM
Independence and all this multi level marketing cheating line whatever
it is. So if you cheat like that, you know
and brag about it. If I cheat, I'm going to

(01:30:58):
talk about it so I don't do it again. If
I lie, I'm going to talk about so I don't
do it again. That would be my process. Come clean,
maya kulpa. Forget the pride, forget the ego, surrender big victory.
All right, go about my day. Oh it's my kids

(01:31:21):
first day of school high school today, and the manipulator
made sure that she I'm in a text here that
she has the kids for the first day of school,
you know, like she's the grandmother, and I mean, I
mean the great mother. That's the thing that dads also have.

(01:31:43):
It's always the mothers that get called for arranging for
things from play dates and things like that. It's never
the guy. I wish it was. I'm sad that it's not.
But but you know, we could buy other mothers. They're
going to talk to other mothers. So I mean, I've
seen these exchanges that Lotus has with these other mothers
of our kids. She says, they don't want to talk
to you. Part of the reason is part of the

(01:32:05):
reason is of global stuff that I've talked about, but
it's also what she said about me. I want to
be a part of these children of everything, you know.
So yeah, it's first day of school today and high
school for my son, and I just see a little me.

(01:32:26):
They call him Junior because he's a lot like me,
kind of looks like me. I was very tiny. But
one difference with him from me is he doesn't feel
unsafe in his life. He doesn't feel bullied, he doesn't
feel I wrote an article about this Timmy sen Mac
who used to be like a bird of prey on
his perch on his bicycle, in a leather jacket and

(01:32:49):
just waiting for the weakest, which was me. And my
son has my build that I had, a very big guy,
not very very bid, six to two hundred ten pounds.
And now I see him. He's the tiniest in his school.
Isn't it puberty yet? We talk about it. First he
didn't talk about he said I'm okay. Then he didn't

(01:33:09):
go out for football, he quit sports, And so I
think the little insecurities are coming in from being so small.
And I remember it, Oh did it suck? You just
get beaten? But the one thing he has, he's got
a confidence about him. He's got a cool confidence. He's
an old soul. He doesn't have that confused guy. And
what he does have is he's got a dad. And

(01:33:31):
I'm a dad that supports and loves him infinitely, and
he knows that. And I think that that's what I
think that's one of the reasons these kids do thrive
throughout all of this. They do know that there is
something they can come back to, some guy that's they
watched it happen with the ex wife before this, and

(01:33:52):
they also watch those kids are like PTSD from it,
and the results of that are just to pull away,
pull away and blame and all that. That's what they've
been taught. And it's unfortunate. I hope someday that they
come back and they see me for who I truly am.
But this son and this daughter really do. Lotus didn't
get to them in that way. She didn't get to

(01:34:13):
their she didn't get inside their spirits. I did, though,
by making my mistakes which are reflected back to me.
And also that thank you. I remember when I had
this epiphany a couple of weeks ago, helped by the
girlfriend hugs thank you Dad, come back from vacation. Thank
you Dad for allowing it to happen, Like basically, for
getting over yourself and all your fears, and thank you

(01:34:33):
for allowing that to happen. We need to process our
fears properly. I need to process my fears properly so
I could be full and available and loving no matter
what comes at me, including the cult. I've got some
more more episodes, some other things that have happened, some

(01:34:56):
other warning signs for you, and then I'm going to
start bringing in the guests that have been have been
subjected to this right to me, if you've been subjected
to it. It doesn't have to be a cult of
like a giant cult. It could be one person who's
influencing someone you love. That's one person's a cult. So

(01:35:19):
that's the mentality. They appeal to the weaknesses. A lot
of times, they appeal to people that had difficult times
with their fathers. If you study manson all of those
women and he would say you have a problem with
your father, it looks like a genius and he gets
to be the person. It's the solve, the salve, and
I'm here to warn you. I've seen my father as

(01:35:41):
a cult leader. My ex wife went with a cult leader.
These are powerful people that are just so dark. It's
so dark, but present themselves as so light and bathing
suit or whatever she just broke is doing. Appeal it away,
get some dark forces out there, so may the force

(01:36:05):
be with you and I'll see you the next time.
On my wife joined a cult. There you go, hmm