July 3, 2023 • 38 mins
After 30 years of life, Orlando decides to start therapy...
Gottman Trained Licensed Mental Health Counselor Mac Stanley offers therapy in one podcast...
In this episode, Mac takes the center stage and talks of his experience of being gate kept against by a fellow member of his community. Orlando, being the wise man, chimes In with the necessary validation & perspective. Now the question, was it gatekeeping or hate?
Ménage À Mind: Therapy, Healing, & Wellness of your Mental, Physical & Spiritual using Intimacy, Affection, & Sensuality
Social:
Ménage À Mind - @Menageamind
Mac Stanley - @Talk2mac_therapist
Orlando Roye - @Wh_orlandoroye
Patreon: www.patreon.com/menageamind
Gottman Trained Licensed Mental Health Counselor Mac Stanley offers therapy in one podcast...
In this episode, Mac takes the center stage and talks of his experience of being gate kept against by a fellow member of his community. Orlando, being the wise man, chimes In with the necessary validation & perspective. Now the question, was it gatekeeping or hate?
Ménage À Mind: Therapy, Healing, & Wellness of your Mental, Physical & Spiritual using Intimacy, Affection, & Sensuality
Social:
Ménage À Mind - @Menageamind
Mac Stanley - @Talk2mac_therapist
Orlando Roye - @Wh_orlandoroye
Patreon: www.patreon.com/menageamind
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Yeah, I'm the man man.I am getting a crash course into what
(00:25):
it's like to be part of thissocial media media industry. It's despicable.
People are not who they project themselvesto be. People are not an accurate
representation of themselves in person as theyare on social media. And surprisingly,
(00:50):
surprisingly, I must say one lasttime, surprisingly, the camarade worry that
you would expect from those that dowhat you do, that look like you,
that are going through the same journeyas you, does not exist with
(01:11):
a few members. Hey, wheredoes his realization come from? I feel
like people have known this gatekeeping.Okay, I have been gay gate against
against Okay, I was wondering wherethis is going. Okay. What hurts
(01:34):
the most is it was such alow level gatekeeping that it did. It
did nothing to stifle me or tohelp the other individual assent. All it
did was you showed your hand fora number of people that were paying attention
(01:57):
just to find out that is atrack record. M to me, that's
the dumbest thing ever. If you'regonna gatekeep, make sure it's something that's
grandios. Make sure it's something thatcould help someone ascend, not something that
(02:19):
is so basic a level. Buthow do you know? How do you
know it was gatekeeping that this persondid, whether they just don't like you,
who was just hey see? AndI would be okay with that,
right, But I mean gatekeeper wouldmean that there was something to protect.
No, yeah, finances. Iwas offered a payment particular a particular event.
(02:50):
I accepted. I responded no answernor nothing, no follow through,
then laid on hours approached by amember of that team, um in which
it was communicated to me in confidence. I'm talking about to be a confidence
(03:12):
Let me tell you about it righthere, right that the power players,
I'm gonna give them that title,right because because I don't think too much
of myself in that realm, LikeI don't think that I'm this uge influential
person, like I'm just doing God'swort. I'm just walking within my testimony
testimony and just just doing what I'mhere to do. So I don't take
(03:37):
myself serious. Right, So thepower players with more influence on this particular
project kind of remove my name anduse their influence to gain other to acquire
(03:57):
other talent at a lower or nocost, if that makes sense. I
was like business, It's not business, it's not business because there was a
lot of dishonesty on how the conversationswere being done. Do you think that
(04:20):
business means honesty? If you look, if we're all in the same path
and there's some camaraderie that exists,I would expect that we try to get
(04:40):
each other as paid as possible versusremoving access from one another. True.
Right, If I'm giving a budget, we all getting paid. Bro,
is this this group or the peoplethat conspired against you? One of the
one person? Okay, the personthat conspired against you. Are they at
(05:02):
a level where they are withholding acertain space and that they can get you
in? No, And that's whatdoesn't make sense to me. Oh so
it's a false it's a false senseof gate keeper pact. That's what doesn't
(05:23):
make sense to me. Like,if you're going to gate keep, yeah,
try entitled to yeah? Right?Because again I'll always say, when
I show up, I know whatI'm going to do, because I know
the part of my presence, thepart of my knowledge, and I'm ready.
Right, So I understand when Ishow up somewhere, I take space.
(05:43):
I'm me, I'm a giant,and I like to collaborate with other
giants in my space. Take spacer, Yeah, take space, do your
thing. I don't feel stifled bysomeone's else's presence. Actually welcome it because
iron is super scarage, sharp andhigher. But not everybody feel like that.
(06:03):
We'll not get that. Yeah.Well, this is why I say
that it's hate and not gatekeeper,because if they if you can access this
space without this person, right,then they didn't they have a gate at
anything you can get in the gate. They don't even want the gate.
Well, then you ain't got nothingto worry about. What I'm what I'm
(06:24):
what I'm saying is I'm not sayingthat you're wrong in any way. Um,
all I'm saying is that this isthere is gate keeping. I just
I just don't think that this isgate keeping. I think that this is
hate. And I think that thisis hate that got put into maybe a
business sense, because then they cannot have you in this space at a
(06:46):
and get somebody else at a cheaperrate. And now may that be good
or bad business like food no rateor even eat. So that's then you
know, yeah, you know whattype of person that says I'm just saying
that I don't know if it's gatedo you think as much as just somebody's
just not a good person. Sothis led me to do more research,
(07:08):
right, because that's me. SoI started making phone bolls because I just
couldn't comprehend on a strategic standpoint.Why in search yourself in this when it's
so low level and really doesn't domuch for any of us? Right?
And two do you have a historyof this just to find out? I
(07:32):
was right? Okay? There thereis a history of this by nature,
And to me it doesn't make sensebecause I think I've been blindsided. I
think I've been operating with blinders onthinking. The same way that I want
(07:53):
all of us to win and getpaid and just ascend would be the common
theme, the common framework, butit's not so, which made me kind
of pay attention to more of myselfand more of my thinking. Right is
(08:13):
it? Because when I could bestanding next to whoever and still be confident
in myself, So the idea ofcompetition does not scare me, It actually
excites me versus someone that mean,I feel like that, right am I
(08:33):
being privileged within my skill sets andmy knowledge of myself that I can operate
at that frequency where Yo, let'sall do this, let's all get this
money, let's all let's let's let'sall continue to collaborate and just heal the
(08:54):
world. Right, my goal hasalways been to get rid of mediocre love.
I'm I can't do that all them. I know there's a lot of
us that are very talented but havenever gotten the opportunities I started. I
created my own panel of them becauseI was getting booked for panels. I
(09:16):
dated myself and I started doing workshopsbecause after doing panels and I was selling
out every time, people wanted more. Right, I realized in my business
that I needed more visibility, soI focused on social media, putting out
(09:39):
great content on as much as possible. That has allowed me to build relationships,
to go viral on every platform,and et cetera. To the point
now I don't need to even advertisemy services, right. I forged my
own path. So I think tosome degree, when you start out in
(10:01):
a business, you're supposed to havea co sign or you're supposed to stand
next to those that have been doingit prior to you so that you can
do it alone and it's successful atit. That can create a sense of
insecurity and others. But to methat shouldn't be the case. Yeah,
(10:22):
am I bugging right now? No? No, I was flawed, brother,
I was floored. We already hadto overcome so many obstacles in general,
and if we all have the goalof bettering the world, why are
we removing opportunities from others? Whyare we monopolizing on opportunities that could service
(10:48):
others that are within the space thisroom for all of us. This is
sitting on your chest heavier than thechains on your neck. Bro. I
I went through a number of emotions. I first picked up the phone.
(11:13):
I want to want it to callsaid person. Yeah, we've talked with
right, like, like, I'venever felt it there was any type of
gatekeeping or hate within our relationship,no matter how minuscule it was right because
in my mindset, I would neverdo such thing. I thought of taking
(11:35):
it to social media and exposing It'snot That's not what I do, all
right. I've talked to others andlike, yeah, man, we've we've
been on that. You're catching upnow, So why haven't yes said something?
Yeah? When everything always comes out, That's what they told me.
(12:00):
So what emotions do you feel?I don't like injustice what emotions do you
feel? And I know you don'tlike injustice or what emotions to you?
I was very upset, but mainlyI was heavily disappointed, extremely disappointed,
(12:22):
confused, Like if you're gonna takea shot at me, because I under
sending the sense of competition or inthis realm there is this competitive nature.
People feel like that can only beone and you might need to oppress someone
so you can rise. Like I'mnot clueless to that. Yeah, if
(12:43):
you're gonna take a shot, makeit count. It's so funny to hear,
so funny to hear sometimes, howdo you like the professional skill set?
Like? So mostly like responsive,like I want to expose I did
healthy I did. I've written anumber of posts and deleted them because I'm
(13:07):
like, this serves nothing. Thisthis is your journey. I hope you
can find healing in that, becausethat's your journey. I myself would never
play by those roles, and evenafter that, if it does an opportunity
that presents itself where I can putyou on or send a payment towards you,
or help you it's raising whatever thecase, maybe I would be more
(13:30):
than willing to do so because youwinning at something doesn't hurt me because that
just means to me that was informedme and I would never stand in the
way of you doing anything that willfeed your family. So it seems like
you don't really gonna talk about thisevent, right, That's that's been pretty
clear. Right, it's the principlethat I'm upset about. Okay, Well,
(13:56):
what's the principle that's a principal thatyou're upset. The principle that I
am upset about would be that withinthe space of helping people, of healing
a nation, of healing ourselves ina community, there shouldn't be misleading behaviors
(14:22):
that are targeting others within that space. And there shouldn't. But there is
why why survival of the fit uscompetitive natures, insecurities, a number of
reasons. But if we are leadersin this work, it is required that
(14:45):
we do our own personal work andwe can allow our wounds to dictate how
we navigate the space. That's veryunfair to say, like certified does not
mean qualified. I agree, Iagree, I agree, I agree.
(15:07):
I think it's just removing the blindersfrom from my eyes because I've kind of
romanticized what this space should look likeit should be an ongoing love fest in
collaboration and opportunity opportunities, not purposelystifling others due to whatever you're due to
whatever you're experiencing. So you aresaid at this person, right, for
(15:33):
not being genuine, not being aleader, for being disappointing. But it's
an event that doesn't really change muchfor you. It's a person that doesn't
really change anything for you, right, So why are you mad at somebody
that doesn't affect your life or anevent that doesn't affect your life in any
(15:54):
type of way? Or are youmad that you romanticized and experience in a
certain way and it didn't go awaythat you wanted to m It's a great
question, man. I don't thinkthat I'm upset at this individual because after
what took place, we've actually talkednot about this, because I don't think
(16:18):
they know that. I know.Yeah, but you are upset. So
if you're not upset at the individual, right, but you are upset,
what are you upset about? Ithink I am disappointed that people were representing
themselves to be a certain way.I can't even say that because I noticed,
(16:41):
right, So me add more contacts, right, just too so you
can't. Let's add more context tothis conversation that should have been confidential.
Yeah, listen to it. Ithink so I'm gonna use the term mental
health professional, which covers a widevariety coaches, therapists, healers. Where
(17:07):
the case might be, I thinkwithin us, those type of behaviors are
unacceptable because we should be doing ourwork so to the point that we should
be welcoming of everyone in creating asafe space for all of us that are
(17:30):
within the space. But what Iam learning and what my research showed me,
is that there's a lot of misrepresentation. There is a lot of hate
keeping, there is a lot ofhate and jealousy. Yeah, you romanticize
(17:52):
this. This one's on you becausethe way you you you you you put
yourself in a in a space whereyou're a genuine you're a good person,
and you took away the human interactionfrom your space that this is your space,
doesn't take away like disingenuineness. Becauseyou're a therapist doesn't mean you're not
(18:14):
a hater. I'm a therapist anda hater. Oh my god, let's
put that on a T shirt.And a hater, but healer and hat
like you could do both. Peoplecan do both. This is the shut
up and dribble concept, like you'reonly supposed to come in here, you're
only supposed to do one thing.You're supposed to be this way. That's
not true. There's a lot ofhealers that don't like other healers. There's
(18:38):
a lot of healers and therapists thatcan say all the right things to a
client that can't like put it,put it, put that same apply that
to their own professional lives. Mything is, if you're going to hate,
do do right, not in theopen, okay, but that don't
(18:59):
don't be m texting me, callingme, and then you're taking opportunities from
me. That is hate out inthe open. You know about it.
That's how I was supposed to knowabout Oh yeah, yeah, I think
they misjudged my that's the only needto find out. Hate isn't supposed to
be said and shouted out loud rightaction, and it's shown out loud by
(19:23):
its action. So it's out there, you know it. And what I
say is zero four. I don'tmean like I'm blaming this whole body.
You're a fucked up person, butI'm saying is your romance, your roman
you romanticizing it right, is whereyour anger stems. You're what you what
you want from this is where yourdisappointment stems. Is what you want?
(19:45):
Now? What you want is correct, it is right, right. You
want people to be in this spaceand share and care and look out for
each other, which is right.But You're anger stems from what you wanted,
right, And so if it's ifit was something that you cared about
(20:07):
genuinely and it's an important something importantfor you, it was somebody, if
it was somebody that you were closewith and they mattered so much to you,
I'd be like, Okay, Ican't understand that the anger is stemming
from a relationship or want to succeeda one for betterness and stuff like that.
But you don't give a fuck aboutthe event, and this person doesn't
change anything for you. So theanger is seeped in your disappointment of what
(20:32):
you thought things should be. Like, yeah, yep, you are right.
I did, and I've said itbefore right on manage of mind that
um, I have overly romantic sizeda number of relationships thinking of the way
(20:52):
that I would view it would bethe same, the same as they would
view it, and I've kind ofworked through that. Right, in general,
I've always been very mindful in mycareer. Right, you barely see
me stand next to a lot ofpeople, if anyone is in my orbit
is because we've kind of shared thatlove of helping people, which has led
(21:19):
to us building a relationship, aprofessional relationship first, and then your French
and kit kicks in after that.Yeah. On a strategic standpoint personally speaking,
because I like to think that I'mvery strategic myself. Is if you're
(21:40):
ever going to take a shout atsomeone, make it count. Yeah,
make it count. Don't show yourhand too quick, especially if it doesn't
hinder that individual. I think forfor this space, because it's even though
(22:03):
mental health is large, it isvery big. A group of people that
are actually making headways in this fieldis very small. I think it poises
the space because because now my mindsetis okay, cool group thinking. If
this is how you feel, everybodyaround you feels that same way too,
(22:26):
all right, And I start tobe more cautious of my interactions with other
people, which shouldn't be, butthat's a by product of life. Very
disappointed. Have you ever been keptagainst um, not that I could think
(22:51):
of. You know, have youever experienced hate in this in this position
that you're in. I'm gonna sayyes, because I've experienced hate and everything
all the time. It just itjust depends on you, know what you
what your viewers hate, and whatyou accept as hate. People can hear
(23:11):
on me only one, I mean, don't. I haven't. I haven't
experienced hate that's affected me. Iget that I have experienced hate that affected
I haven't experienced hate that I've letaffect you. Yeah, I get that.
I think for me, what's moreabout the injustice? And also I'm
(23:36):
very competitive and I'm very mindful ofthat. All right, so I try
m hm to me, it justdidn't make sense. Logically, didn't makes
sense. It didn't do anything forfor anyone. It didn't it didn't help
you, It didn't hurt me.Yeah, I mean, but after that
(24:00):
is that is you know, youknow what it is, right, and
now what are you going to doabout it? Because they've nothing to do
about it. I'm going to continueto do what I've been doing because it
has worked for me. And that'svery good because you know, there's so
many people that just can't let thefuck go, They can't do what they
(24:22):
gotta do, and realize that's thereaction, that's the answer. Three years
ago I would have their war.Yeah, but what but recognizing and realizing
that after speaking out loud that yo, I romanticized this situation with this hater.
I put them in a position wherethey could have helped me when they
were never in that position in thefirst place. That's something you've got to
(24:45):
look inward on and recognize that foryourself. So this person don't mean shit
to me. This event don't reallychange nothing from me? What else?
What do I have to look atto realize where my anger stems from.
People sometimes can't realize that, andthat's what they got to look Oh shit,
I'm mad at this because of myself. I made myself mad. And
so now that you know that,now you can know that there's nothing I
(25:10):
need to do to this person.I need to do what I need to
do for me so that this persondoesn't affect me in the future. And
people will go out and when youand when you recognize that, people will
go out and think that they needto respond to the person, They need
to do something person. Really allyou need to realize that, oh shit,
this is on me and I justneed to change me. I need
(25:30):
to do I went through my process, Yeah, I went through my emotions.
I made sense of it and what'sactually interesting. Hours later, another
opportunity tunity was presented to me withten times the income exactly exactly. But
I think what gets me the mostupset is that, bro, this was
(25:52):
so no level, it could allbe. It was. It was the
lowest hanging fruits, but they rathermake it hard to me. It's led
to I can never shake your handagain. Oh that I love that I
can never shake your hand again,and we frequin the same spaces. But
(26:17):
that's a blessing. Yes, doyou know why? Do you know why?
That's a blessing that you'll never haveto shake this person's hands again.
I think this, this whole thingis a blessing because I don't got to
make room fee and the tendency themI like to make room far to people.
Now I'm gonna make room fee.That's it. Now you got.
Now you have one less person toworry about, which means that everybody that
(26:40):
you are worrying about and you're payingattention to is gonna get the energy that
this whole human being was getting.You know, this energy is about to
distribute to all these other people nowbecause you have one less person to worry
about. There's your solution for anybodythat's listening right now, there's this solution.
Well, you stop recognizing that sometimesyou which part of this was me?
(27:06):
And then and that I have thepower to change things and being controls
things. And then I changed itwithout even having to interact with this person
who I thought was making me madin the first place. That's it is
powerful. You ain't never got toworry about even even even talk to this
person that hurts your feelings. AndI did do one penny thing. How
did you do? I mailed themthe forty eight Laws of Power because clearly
(27:33):
you don't have enough strategy. Yeah, fun, you don't. You're not
you're not thinking are the funniest fuckingshit? Like clearly like you're like,
who's on your team? Whoever allowedyou to make this move? On your
team? They all need to befired because it makes no sense. Oh
(27:55):
my god, it did not elevateyou, and it did not hurt me.
It showed your hand And there hasbeen a running narrative about you that
is not very clear. I've alwayswondered. M Now I got proved and
that's okay. It doesn't do like, it doesn't hurt me, but so
(28:18):
some degree I'm happy. Yeah,I'm happy. So good Yo. You
try. You took your shot.Congratulations. I hope it worked out well
for you. Will I ever takea shot at you? Never were on
the same page, and we justwe just not on that same page.
(28:44):
Bro, people everybody's different. Yeah, but I'm I'm I'm just I will
I understand the concept of you,of human behavior survival to fit us and
that set I've been through high school, I've been been through it all.
(29:04):
But I'm thinking with us being adults, having families, being on our healing
journey to certain behaviors, I wouldn'texpect to be part of this work that
I can understand. That's what hasme the most baffled. Yeah, and
(29:26):
on top of that, it's sucha low hanging fruit, which makes no
sense, Like I am disappointed inyour strategic abilities and your strategic thinking.
It's like it's it's it's so bafflinglystupid, like oh you you're You're just
(29:47):
so dumb that you think you couldhave disrespected me in this space like this
is so you couldn't even hide thisbetter now disrespect because you you team is
calling me and telling yell like,what are you doing? What are you
(30:08):
doing? I mean afterwards, I'mgonna sending this episode. I'm acting,
I might clip this any like itand it just made made no sense to
me. Yeah, but at theend of it all, and this is
this is my message to anybody that'slistening, that whenever you come into a
(30:29):
conflict, there is a certain percentageof accountability to take and when you when
you really look at the accountability andthe part that you play into it,
you can sometimes realize that the solutionis not even within interacting with this person
anymore, and that you can getfarther within the solution by changing whatever you
(30:53):
and changing or doing whatever you gotto do for yourself rather than interacting or
doing something extra that includes this personthat that fucked with your feelings. Sometimes
it's really just in you. Andthen when you go and you find the
solution, execute that solution, you'llrealize that some shit comes back to you
tenfold. For you was um itwas um, it was getting a payment
(31:19):
ten times d m out. Imean, bro, I have multiple,
multiple, multiple opportunities coming in andthis was the lowest one. And I
even sat down and wonder do Ieven want to accept us because it didn't
even meet my threshold. But dueto the convenience of it, Yeah,
(31:45):
I was just gonna pop pop upand do it and take my wife out
to dinner with that payment. You'rein your intention with it wasn't like you
weren't get into it anyway. Ohso you're gonna you're gonna get a response
of somebody not being fully into you. You put that energy, you put
that energy out there is going tocome back in different ways now with this
(32:07):
person being whoever they are, andit came back. Now your response is
what it is because of what theydid. They put out an energy out
there also, and now you respondto it. These are all carmatic responses.
My response is not responding that.My responses, okay, you try,
(32:28):
good job, was worth it?You do you and not do me?
And you and you did you,And then the chromatic response for that
is getting something back tenfold correct one. Right, and now that we're talking
about it, right, I've evenheld I've I've even so I'm very competitive.
(32:53):
Right. I've even learned to curbsome of my competitiveness because I understand
how it may be perceived by someoneelse or or what it may trigger in
others. Right. Yeah, I'vehad nothing but black mail therapists and black
(33:17):
female therapists on my episodes of MyNag A Line, And whenever they show
up, they literally make themselves lookas small as possible. It's like a
tendency to Okay, I'm in somebody'sspace, let me be mindful of how
much space I take. Yeah,And I have to consistently remind them,
(33:37):
like, you're being invited here foryou to take space. This is a
chew. Yeah. It's similar towhen I tell people like to do the
eventing session and I'm like, talkabout whatever you want. They're like,
wait what, I'm like, yeah, whatever you want to talk about,
go ahead, feel free to showup. Feel free to show up,
because I'm gonna show up. I'mgonna take space, and I want you
(34:00):
to take space. Yeah, allright. I think I've learned the spaces
in which I feel their need tokind of stifle myself. I've been very
cautious of that, and no longergo to those spaces. If I can't
beat me, take space how Isee fit. I'm not going. I
(34:23):
am not interested. Not everything isfor me. I don't and I'm very
mindful of where I lend my voicetoo, my likeness too. Yeah.
It's been a whole healing journey,brother, Isn't it always? Yeah?
(34:43):
Yeah, healing is always a journey, never sting, So it should is
so comfortable. Man, I waslaughing for days, bro, I'm glad
you worn't through that. Really,it makes no sense to me. But
I mean to each its own.Every everybody's entitled to their process. Hopefully
(35:12):
it's something that they can learn fromand they can be better too. I've
always said that I want to bebetter to the next generation than those before
me were to me. Yeah,And so I have the therapist link of
because I always felt like yeo,there was no community that existed for us.
(35:32):
So I created a space where wecan all hang out tall collaborate like
you normally. Group chats I havewith all therapists several. Yeah, I'm
reachable, you can reach me,you can get to me at all times
because it's all about mentorship, andmentorship doesn't always involve a payment. Yeah,
(35:55):
all right, So that's my process, that's that's my journey. I
am growing into space. I amlearning who's for me, who's not for
me. YEA makes me feel lighterbecause I also know who to keep in
mind, who to make room for, who to create more opportunities for and
collaborate with. It's been a freeing, enjoyable experience. I'm happy that you
(36:24):
have this experience. And if you'regonna take a shot at the drone,
make account. But it make account, make account. It don't make sense
to you if you're gonna if you'regonna throw the first punch, make it
leave that knock him out. Igot you. I didn't knock him out.
(36:46):
My takeaway from this is sometimes it'sgot to look inward when you get
into situations and see the part thatyou play, and maybe the solution is
in word as well. We havethat shot. My take away is,
and this is me, I'm notbeing a rapist right now? Good?
(37:07):
This is your takeway, here's mytake away. They just revealed their hand
and their wounds and their insecurities.Double down, you want to complete let's
go all right, a shot.I have a bazooka. Now this is
(37:35):
you got a bazooka and when I'mwhen I take my shot, yeah,
it's go ahead, It's gonna count. Yeah, and I'm gonna tell you
that I'm taking the shot. Igot you. I will let you know
I'm coming. All love though love, all love, all love. There's
space for all about you. Feelme. Yeah, I got you.
(37:58):
Thank you for this event session.I definitely needed to get this off my
chest. Please not honestly, anytime that you need to go, please
go for it. I've processed itwith my therapists. I've worked through it,
me and my work. I've talkedabout it, me and my team.
I've discussed it. I am alsocalled a community meeting. We talked
(38:19):
about this as well. So I'mvery thanks this space for me and now
I gotta sit here and go throughit to it. Yes, sir,
everybody did, and so will you. I got to later, bro later
Yeah, I'm the man man.I am getting a crash course into what
(00:25):
it's like to be part of thissocial media media industry. It's despicable.
People are not who they project themselvesto be. People are not an accurate
representation of themselves in person as theyare on social media. And surprisingly,
(00:50):
surprisingly, I must say one lasttime, surprisingly, the camarade worry that
you would expect from those that dowhat you do, that look like you,
that are going through the same journeyas you, does not exist with
(01:11):
a few members. Hey, wheredoes his realization come from? I feel
like people have known this gatekeeping.Okay, I have been gay gate against
against Okay, I was wondering wherethis is going. Okay. What hurts
(01:34):
the most is it was such alow level gatekeeping that it did. It
did nothing to stifle me or tohelp the other individual assent. All it
did was you showed your hand fora number of people that were paying attention
(01:57):
just to find out that is atrack record. M to me, that's
the dumbest thing ever. If you'regonna gatekeep, make sure it's something that's
grandios. Make sure it's something thatcould help someone ascend, not something that
(02:19):
is so basic a level. Buthow do you know? How do you
know it was gatekeeping that this persondid, whether they just don't like you,
who was just hey see? AndI would be okay with that,
right, But I mean gatekeeper wouldmean that there was something to protect.
No, yeah, finances. Iwas offered a payment particular a particular event.
(02:50):
I accepted. I responded no answernor nothing, no follow through,
then laid on hours approached by amember of that team, um in which
it was communicated to me in confidence. I'm talking about to be a confidence
(03:12):
Let me tell you about it righthere, right that the power players,
I'm gonna give them that title,right because because I don't think too much
of myself in that realm, LikeI don't think that I'm this uge influential
person, like I'm just doing God'swort. I'm just walking within my testimony
testimony and just just doing what I'mhere to do. So I don't take
(03:37):
myself serious. Right, So thepower players with more influence on this particular
project kind of remove my name anduse their influence to gain other to acquire
(03:57):
other talent at a lower or nocost, if that makes sense. I
was like business, It's not business, it's not business because there was a
lot of dishonesty on how the conversationswere being done. Do you think that
(04:20):
business means honesty? If you look, if we're all in the same path
and there's some camaraderie that exists,I would expect that we try to get
(04:40):
each other as paid as possible versusremoving access from one another. True.
Right, If I'm giving a budget, we all getting paid. Bro,
is this this group or the peoplethat conspired against you? One of the
one person? Okay, the personthat conspired against you. Are they at
(05:02):
a level where they are withholding acertain space and that they can get you
in? No, And that's whatdoesn't make sense to me. Oh so
it's a false it's a false senseof gate keeper pact. That's what doesn't
(05:23):
make sense to me. Like,if you're going to gate keep, yeah,
try entitled to yeah? Right?Because again I'll always say, when
I show up, I know whatI'm going to do, because I know
the part of my presence, thepart of my knowledge, and I'm ready.
Right, So I understand when Ishow up somewhere, I take space.
(05:43):
I'm me, I'm a giant,and I like to collaborate with other
giants in my space. Take spacer, Yeah, take space, do your
thing. I don't feel stifled bysomeone's else's presence. Actually welcome it because
iron is super scarage, sharp andhigher. But not everybody feel like that.
(06:03):
We'll not get that. Yeah.Well, this is why I say
that it's hate and not gatekeeper,because if they if you can access this
space without this person, right,then they didn't they have a gate at
anything you can get in the gate. They don't even want the gate.
Well, then you ain't got nothingto worry about. What I'm what I'm
(06:24):
what I'm saying is I'm not sayingthat you're wrong in any way. Um,
all I'm saying is that this isthere is gate keeping. I just
I just don't think that this isgate keeping. I think that this is
hate. And I think that thisis hate that got put into maybe a
business sense, because then they cannot have you in this space at a
(06:46):
and get somebody else at a cheaperrate. And now may that be good
or bad business like food no rateor even eat. So that's then you
know, yeah, you know whattype of person that says I'm just saying
that I don't know if it's gatedo you think as much as just somebody's
just not a good person. Sothis led me to do more research,
(07:08):
right, because that's me. SoI started making phone bolls because I just
couldn't comprehend on a strategic standpoint.Why in search yourself in this when it's
so low level and really doesn't domuch for any of us? Right?
And two do you have a historyof this just to find out? I
(07:32):
was right? Okay? There thereis a history of this by nature,
And to me it doesn't make sensebecause I think I've been blindsided. I
think I've been operating with blinders onthinking. The same way that I want
(07:53):
all of us to win and getpaid and just ascend would be the common
theme, the common framework, butit's not so, which made me kind
of pay attention to more of myselfand more of my thinking. Right is
(08:13):
it? Because when I could bestanding next to whoever and still be confident
in myself, So the idea ofcompetition does not scare me, It actually
excites me versus someone that mean,I feel like that, right am I
(08:33):
being privileged within my skill sets andmy knowledge of myself that I can operate
at that frequency where Yo, let'sall do this, let's all get this
money, let's all let's let's let'sall continue to collaborate and just heal the
(08:54):
world. Right, my goal hasalways been to get rid of mediocre love.
I'm I can't do that all them. I know there's a lot of
us that are very talented but havenever gotten the opportunities I started. I
created my own panel of them becauseI was getting booked for panels. I
(09:16):
dated myself and I started doing workshopsbecause after doing panels and I was selling
out every time, people wanted more. Right, I realized in my business
that I needed more visibility, soI focused on social media, putting out
(09:39):
great content on as much as possible. That has allowed me to build relationships,
to go viral on every platform,and et cetera. To the point
now I don't need to even advertisemy services, right. I forged my
own path. So I think tosome degree, when you start out in
(10:01):
a business, you're supposed to havea co sign or you're supposed to stand
next to those that have been doingit prior to you so that you can
do it alone and it's successful atit. That can create a sense of
insecurity and others. But to methat shouldn't be the case. Yeah,
(10:22):
am I bugging right now? No? No, I was flawed, brother,
I was floored. We already hadto overcome so many obstacles in general,
and if we all have the goalof bettering the world, why are
we removing opportunities from others? Whyare we monopolizing on opportunities that could service
(10:48):
others that are within the space thisroom for all of us. This is
sitting on your chest heavier than thechains on your neck. Bro. I
I went through a number of emotions. I first picked up the phone.
(11:13):
I want to want it to callsaid person. Yeah, we've talked with
right, like, like, I'venever felt it there was any type of
gatekeeping or hate within our relationship,no matter how minuscule it was right because
in my mindset, I would neverdo such thing. I thought of taking
(11:35):
it to social media and exposing It'snot That's not what I do, all
right. I've talked to others andlike, yeah, man, we've we've
been on that. You're catching upnow, So why haven't yes said something?
Yeah? When everything always comes out, That's what they told me.
(12:00):
So what emotions do you feel?I don't like injustice what emotions do you
feel? And I know you don'tlike injustice or what emotions to you?
I was very upset, but mainlyI was heavily disappointed, extremely disappointed,
(12:22):
confused, Like if you're gonna takea shot at me, because I under
sending the sense of competition or inthis realm there is this competitive nature.
People feel like that can only beone and you might need to oppress someone
so you can rise. Like I'mnot clueless to that. Yeah, if
(12:43):
you're gonna take a shot, makeit count. It's so funny to hear,
so funny to hear sometimes, howdo you like the professional skill set?
Like? So mostly like responsive,like I want to expose I did
healthy I did. I've written anumber of posts and deleted them because I'm
(13:07):
like, this serves nothing. Thisthis is your journey. I hope you
can find healing in that, becausethat's your journey. I myself would never
play by those roles, and evenafter that, if it does an opportunity
that presents itself where I can putyou on or send a payment towards you,
or help you it's raising whatever thecase, maybe I would be more
(13:30):
than willing to do so because youwinning at something doesn't hurt me because that
just means to me that was informedme and I would never stand in the
way of you doing anything that willfeed your family. So it seems like
you don't really gonna talk about thisevent, right, That's that's been pretty
clear. Right, it's the principlethat I'm upset about. Okay, Well,
(13:56):
what's the principle that's a principal thatyou're upset. The principle that I
am upset about would be that withinthe space of helping people, of healing
a nation, of healing ourselves ina community, there shouldn't be misleading behaviors
(14:22):
that are targeting others within that space. And there shouldn't. But there is
why why survival of the fit uscompetitive natures, insecurities, a number of
reasons. But if we are leadersin this work, it is required that
(14:45):
we do our own personal work andwe can allow our wounds to dictate how
we navigate the space. That's veryunfair to say, like certified does not
mean qualified. I agree, Iagree, I agree, I agree.
(15:07):
I think it's just removing the blindersfrom from my eyes because I've kind of
romanticized what this space should look likeit should be an ongoing love fest in
collaboration and opportunity opportunities, not purposelystifling others due to whatever you're due to
whatever you're experiencing. So you aresaid at this person, right, for
(15:33):
not being genuine, not being aleader, for being disappointing. But it's
an event that doesn't really change muchfor you. It's a person that doesn't
really change anything for you, right, So why are you mad at somebody
that doesn't affect your life or anevent that doesn't affect your life in any
(15:54):
type of way? Or are youmad that you romanticized and experience in a
certain way and it didn't go awaythat you wanted to m It's a great
question, man. I don't thinkthat I'm upset at this individual because after
what took place, we've actually talkednot about this, because I don't think
(16:18):
they know that. I know.Yeah, but you are upset. So
if you're not upset at the individual, right, but you are upset,
what are you upset about? Ithink I am disappointed that people were representing
themselves to be a certain way.I can't even say that because I noticed,
(16:41):
right, So me add more contacts, right, just too so you
can't. Let's add more context tothis conversation that should have been confidential.
Yeah, listen to it. Ithink so I'm gonna use the term mental
health professional, which covers a widevariety coaches, therapists, healers. Where
(17:07):
the case might be, I thinkwithin us, those type of behaviors are
unacceptable because we should be doing ourwork so to the point that we should
be welcoming of everyone in creating asafe space for all of us that are
(17:30):
within the space. But what Iam learning and what my research showed me,
is that there's a lot of misrepresentation. There is a lot of hate
keeping, there is a lot ofhate and jealousy. Yeah, you romanticize
(17:52):
this. This one's on you becausethe way you you you you you put
yourself in a in a space whereyou're a genuine you're a good person,
and you took away the human interactionfrom your space that this is your space,
doesn't take away like disingenuineness. Becauseyou're a therapist doesn't mean you're not
(18:14):
a hater. I'm a therapist anda hater. Oh my god, let's
put that on a T shirt.And a hater, but healer and hat
like you could do both. Peoplecan do both. This is the shut
up and dribble concept, like you'reonly supposed to come in here, you're
only supposed to do one thing.You're supposed to be this way. That's
not true. There's a lot ofhealers that don't like other healers. There's
(18:38):
a lot of healers and therapists thatcan say all the right things to a
client that can't like put it,put it, put that same apply that
to their own professional lives. Mything is, if you're going to hate,
do do right, not in theopen, okay, but that don't
(18:59):
don't be m texting me, callingme, and then you're taking opportunities from
me. That is hate out inthe open. You know about it.
That's how I was supposed to knowabout Oh yeah, yeah, I think
they misjudged my that's the only needto find out. Hate isn't supposed to
be said and shouted out loud rightaction, and it's shown out loud by
(19:23):
its action. So it's out there, you know it. And what I
say is zero four. I don'tmean like I'm blaming this whole body.
You're a fucked up person, butI'm saying is your romance, your roman
you romanticizing it right, is whereyour anger stems. You're what you what
you want from this is where yourdisappointment stems. Is what you want?
(19:45):
Now? What you want is correct, it is right, right. You
want people to be in this spaceand share and care and look out for
each other, which is right.But You're anger stems from what you wanted,
right, And so if it's ifit was something that you cared about
(20:07):
genuinely and it's an important something importantfor you, it was somebody, if
it was somebody that you were closewith and they mattered so much to you,
I'd be like, Okay, Ican't understand that the anger is stemming
from a relationship or want to succeeda one for betterness and stuff like that.
But you don't give a fuck aboutthe event, and this person doesn't
change anything for you. So theanger is seeped in your disappointment of what
(20:32):
you thought things should be. Like, yeah, yep, you are right.
I did, and I've said itbefore right on manage of mind that
um, I have overly romantic sizeda number of relationships thinking of the way
(20:52):
that I would view it would bethe same, the same as they would
view it, and I've kind ofworked through that. Right, in general,
I've always been very mindful in mycareer. Right, you barely see
me stand next to a lot ofpeople, if anyone is in my orbit
is because we've kind of shared thatlove of helping people, which has led
(21:19):
to us building a relationship, aprofessional relationship first, and then your French
and kit kicks in after that.Yeah. On a strategic standpoint personally speaking,
because I like to think that I'mvery strategic myself. Is if you're
(21:40):
ever going to take a shout atsomeone, make it count. Yeah,
make it count. Don't show yourhand too quick, especially if it doesn't
hinder that individual. I think forfor this space, because it's even though
(22:03):
mental health is large, it isvery big. A group of people that
are actually making headways in this fieldis very small. I think it poises
the space because because now my mindsetis okay, cool group thinking. If
this is how you feel, everybodyaround you feels that same way too,
(22:26):
all right, And I start tobe more cautious of my interactions with other
people, which shouldn't be, butthat's a by product of life. Very
disappointed. Have you ever been keptagainst um, not that I could think
(22:51):
of. You know, have youever experienced hate in this in this position
that you're in. I'm gonna sayyes, because I've experienced hate and everything
all the time. It just itjust depends on you, know what you
what your viewers hate, and whatyou accept as hate. People can hear
(23:11):
on me only one, I mean, don't. I haven't. I haven't
experienced hate that's affected me. Iget that I have experienced hate that affected
I haven't experienced hate that I've letaffect you. Yeah, I get that.
I think for me, what's moreabout the injustice? And also I'm
(23:36):
very competitive and I'm very mindful ofthat. All right, so I try
m hm to me, it justdidn't make sense. Logically, didn't makes
sense. It didn't do anything forfor anyone. It didn't it didn't help
you, It didn't hurt me.Yeah, I mean, but after that
(24:00):
is that is you know, youknow what it is, right, and
now what are you going to doabout it? Because they've nothing to do
about it. I'm going to continueto do what I've been doing because it
has worked for me. And that'svery good because you know, there's so
many people that just can't let thefuck go, They can't do what they
(24:22):
gotta do, and realize that's thereaction, that's the answer. Three years
ago I would have their war.Yeah, but what but recognizing and realizing
that after speaking out loud that yo, I romanticized this situation with this hater.
I put them in a position wherethey could have helped me when they
were never in that position in thefirst place. That's something you've got to
(24:45):
look inward on and recognize that foryourself. So this person don't mean shit
to me. This event don't reallychange nothing from me? What else?
What do I have to look atto realize where my anger stems from.
People sometimes can't realize that, andthat's what they got to look Oh shit,
I'm mad at this because of myself. I made myself mad. And
so now that you know that,now you can know that there's nothing I
(25:10):
need to do to this person.I need to do what I need to
do for me so that this persondoesn't affect me in the future. And
people will go out and when youand when you recognize that, people will
go out and think that they needto respond to the person, They need
to do something person. Really allyou need to realize that, oh shit,
this is on me and I justneed to change me. I need
(25:30):
to do I went through my process, Yeah, I went through my emotions.
I made sense of it and what'sactually interesting. Hours later, another
opportunity tunity was presented to me withten times the income exactly exactly. But
I think what gets me the mostupset is that, bro, this was
(25:52):
so no level, it could allbe. It was. It was the
lowest hanging fruits, but they rathermake it hard to me. It's led
to I can never shake your handagain. Oh that I love that I
can never shake your hand again,and we frequin the same spaces. But
(26:17):
that's a blessing. Yes, doyou know why? Do you know why?
That's a blessing that you'll never haveto shake this person's hands again.
I think this, this whole thingis a blessing because I don't got to
make room fee and the tendency themI like to make room far to people.
Now I'm gonna make room fee.That's it. Now you got.
Now you have one less person toworry about, which means that everybody that
(26:40):
you are worrying about and you're payingattention to is gonna get the energy that
this whole human being was getting.You know, this energy is about to
distribute to all these other people nowbecause you have one less person to worry
about. There's your solution for anybodythat's listening right now, there's this solution.
Well, you stop recognizing that sometimesyou which part of this was me?
(27:06):
And then and that I have thepower to change things and being controls
things. And then I changed itwithout even having to interact with this person
who I thought was making me madin the first place. That's it is
powerful. You ain't never got toworry about even even even talk to this
person that hurts your feelings. AndI did do one penny thing. How
did you do? I mailed themthe forty eight Laws of Power because clearly
(27:33):
you don't have enough strategy. Yeah, fun, you don't. You're not
you're not thinking are the funniest fuckingshit? Like clearly like you're like,
who's on your team? Whoever allowedyou to make this move? On your
team? They all need to befired because it makes no sense. Oh
(27:55):
my god, it did not elevateyou, and it did not hurt me.
It showed your hand And there hasbeen a running narrative about you that
is not very clear. I've alwayswondered. M Now I got proved and
that's okay. It doesn't do like, it doesn't hurt me, but so
(28:18):
some degree I'm happy. Yeah,I'm happy. So good Yo. You
try. You took your shot.Congratulations. I hope it worked out well
for you. Will I ever takea shot at you? Never were on
the same page, and we justwe just not on that same page.
(28:44):
Bro, people everybody's different. Yeah, but I'm I'm I'm just I will
I understand the concept of you,of human behavior survival to fit us and
that set I've been through high school, I've been been through it all.
(29:04):
But I'm thinking with us being adults, having families, being on our healing
journey to certain behaviors, I wouldn'texpect to be part of this work that
I can understand. That's what hasme the most baffled. Yeah, and
(29:26):
on top of that, it's sucha low hanging fruit, which makes no
sense, Like I am disappointed inyour strategic abilities and your strategic thinking.
It's like it's it's it's so bafflinglystupid, like oh you you're You're just
(29:47):
so dumb that you think you couldhave disrespected me in this space like this
is so you couldn't even hide thisbetter now disrespect because you you team is
calling me and telling yell like,what are you doing? What are you
(30:08):
doing? I mean afterwards, I'mgonna sending this episode. I'm acting,
I might clip this any like itand it just made made no sense to
me. Yeah, but at theend of it all, and this is
this is my message to anybody that'slistening, that whenever you come into a
(30:29):
conflict, there is a certain percentageof accountability to take and when you when
you really look at the accountability andthe part that you play into it,
you can sometimes realize that the solutionis not even within interacting with this person
anymore, and that you can getfarther within the solution by changing whatever you
(30:53):
and changing or doing whatever you gotto do for yourself rather than interacting or
doing something extra that includes this personthat that fucked with your feelings. Sometimes
it's really just in you. Andthen when you go and you find the
solution, execute that solution, you'llrealize that some shit comes back to you
tenfold. For you was um itwas um, it was getting a payment
(31:19):
ten times d m out. Imean, bro, I have multiple,
multiple, multiple opportunities coming in andthis was the lowest one. And I
even sat down and wonder do Ieven want to accept us because it didn't
even meet my threshold. But dueto the convenience of it, Yeah,
(31:45):
I was just gonna pop pop upand do it and take my wife out
to dinner with that payment. You'rein your intention with it wasn't like you
weren't get into it anyway. Ohso you're gonna you're gonna get a response
of somebody not being fully into you. You put that energy, you put
that energy out there is going tocome back in different ways now with this
(32:07):
person being whoever they are, andit came back. Now your response is
what it is because of what theydid. They put out an energy out
there also, and now you respondto it. These are all carmatic responses.
My response is not responding that.My responses, okay, you try,
(32:28):
good job, was worth it?You do you and not do me?
And you and you did you,And then the chromatic response for that
is getting something back tenfold correct one. Right, and now that we're talking
about it, right, I've evenheld I've I've even so I'm very competitive.
(32:53):
Right. I've even learned to curbsome of my competitiveness because I understand
how it may be perceived by someoneelse or or what it may trigger in
others. Right. Yeah, I'vehad nothing but black mail therapists and black
(33:17):
female therapists on my episodes of MyNag A Line, And whenever they show
up, they literally make themselves lookas small as possible. It's like a
tendency to Okay, I'm in somebody'sspace, let me be mindful of how
much space I take. Yeah,And I have to consistently remind them,
(33:37):
like, you're being invited here foryou to take space. This is a
chew. Yeah. It's similar towhen I tell people like to do the
eventing session and I'm like, talkabout whatever you want. They're like,
wait what, I'm like, yeah, whatever you want to talk about,
go ahead, feel free to showup. Feel free to show up,
because I'm gonna show up. I'mgonna take space, and I want you
(34:00):
to take space. Yeah, allright. I think I've learned the spaces
in which I feel their need tokind of stifle myself. I've been very
cautious of that, and no longergo to those spaces. If I can't
beat me, take space how Isee fit. I'm not going. I
(34:23):
am not interested. Not everything isfor me. I don't and I'm very
mindful of where I lend my voicetoo, my likeness too. Yeah.
It's been a whole healing journey,brother, Isn't it always? Yeah?
(34:43):
Yeah, healing is always a journey, never sting, So it should is
so comfortable. Man, I waslaughing for days, bro, I'm glad
you worn't through that. Really,it makes no sense to me. But
I mean to each its own.Every everybody's entitled to their process. Hopefully
(35:12):
it's something that they can learn fromand they can be better too. I've
always said that I want to bebetter to the next generation than those before
me were to me. Yeah,And so I have the therapist link of
because I always felt like yeo,there was no community that existed for us.
(35:32):
So I created a space where wecan all hang out tall collaborate like
you normally. Group chats I havewith all therapists several. Yeah, I'm
reachable, you can reach me,you can get to me at all times
because it's all about mentorship, andmentorship doesn't always involve a payment. Yeah,
(35:55):
all right, So that's my process, that's that's my journey. I
am growing into space. I amlearning who's for me, who's not for
me. YEA makes me feel lighterbecause I also know who to keep in
mind, who to make room for, who to create more opportunities for and
collaborate with. It's been a freeing, enjoyable experience. I'm happy that you
(36:24):
have this experience. And if you'regonna take a shot at the drone,
make account. But it make account, make account. It don't make sense
to you if you're gonna if you'regonna throw the first punch, make it
leave that knock him out. Igot you. I didn't knock him out.
(36:46):
My takeaway from this is sometimes it'sgot to look inward when you get
into situations and see the part thatyou play, and maybe the solution is
in word as well. We havethat shot. My take away is,
and this is me, I'm notbeing a rapist right now? Good?
(37:07):
This is your takeway, here's mytake away. They just revealed their hand
and their wounds and their insecurities.Double down, you want to complete let's
go all right, a shot.I have a bazooka. Now this is
(37:35):
you got a bazooka and when I'mwhen I take my shot, yeah,
it's go ahead, It's gonna count. Yeah, and I'm gonna tell you
that I'm taking the shot. Igot you. I will let you know
I'm coming. All love though love, all love, all love. There's
space for all about you. Feelme. Yeah, I got you.
(37:58):
Thank you for this event session.I definitely needed to get this off my
chest. Please not honestly, anytime that you need to go, please
go for it. I've processed itwith my therapists. I've worked through it,
me and my work. I've talkedabout it, me and my team.
I've discussed it. I am alsocalled a community meeting. We talked
(38:19):
about this as well. So I'mvery thanks this space for me and now
I gotta sit here and go throughit to it. Yes, sir,
everybody did, and so will you. I got to later, bro later
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