NOISE JUNKIES - Strip Club from Hell

Few things can tap into our most base and primal urges quite like music. I'm talking pure, Grade AA, id fuel, baby. The right song can enhance the best and even middling, writhing, wriggling, and undulating dance. Imagine the visual image of all of your carnal fantasies moving to the beat of a song most delectable, seductive, and pray tell even raunchy.

But, what if this infamous Salome had scabies? While she was shuckin' and jivin' in Nisquick, Alabama as the uterus drying tones of Mary McGregor's Tour Between Two Lovers plays? This is the unholy ground we are visiting tonight here on Noise Junkies. It's Strip Club from Hell time. There's a two drink minimum, and in the meantime, I hope you've all had your shots, because it's about to get straight up nasty.

SPOTIFY PLAYLIST
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3dYJtx0OR61AVM4OIXT0xS?si=c8396b9dca9c4046


JUNKIES
Father Malone: FatherMalone.com
patreon.com/FatherMalone
HP: hpmusicplace.bandcamp.com
Heather Drain: https://www.mondoheather.com/

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Remember the stories that kept you awakeat night. They're living in that closet,
Doctor Fenner, Can you still hearthe screams? I love having the
children for dinner, All from yourtelevision set in the night Gallery, A
dark chide Midnight Viewing the Horror AnthologyPodcast join hosts fatherm Alone, Mike White,

(00:22):
and Christashu as they exhume some ofthe most infamous horror television of all
time. Midnight Viewing from weirding WayMedia Time weird Way. A few things

(00:53):
can tap into our most bass andprimal urges quite like music. I'm talking
pure great double aid fuel Baby,the right song kit, and he is
the best and middling writhing, wrigglingand undulating dance. Imagine the visual image
of all of your carnal fantasies movingto the beat of a song most delectable,
seductive in crates helle, even raunchy. But what if this infamous Salome

(01:18):
had skabies while she was shook itand jiving in this quick Alabama As the
uterus drying tones of Mary mcgreggor's tourbetween two lovers plays. This is the
unholy ground we are visiting tonight hereon Noise junkies. It's trip club from
hell time. There's a two drinkminimum and in the meantime, I hope
you've all had your shots because it'sabout to get straight up nasty. And

(01:41):
speaking of nasty, now you're right, kid, I can't no, no,
no no. I am Heather Draineat one of the noise Junkies,
and I'm so happy to see mybrothers, my brethren here starting off with
the wonderful, the affersive, neverboboosive. I don't even know if that

(02:01):
means bottom alone. Hey, I'venever been referred to as baboosive, but
I'm going to definitely adopt it fromnow on. Hey, fellow noise junkies,
it's been a minute. I'm gladto be back in the back in
the booth, booth, the hangar. I don't know what we have.
A layer isn't a layer. Itis a layer. It's a layer.

(02:23):
Now a layer it out and ofcourse are fantastic the man with the brain,
but he gives us no pain.I'm talking about the one and only
HP. Think how can I followup that that introduction? Thank you so
much. I'm so happy to behere with you guys and it's been a
while, and let's let's do it. Let's talk music. Oh my gosh,

(02:45):
I know a YouTube I have beenitching. Absolutely all of the scratching
is making me itched. To quotea buffalo gals. But before we get
to our deep dive of iniquity andlyridness, we guys talk about are what
we've been listening to? What's beenspinnin on the old vinyl deck or metaphorically

(03:07):
final deck. But that's soundedly bad. But hb, what have you what's
been what has been haunting your earslately? In the most delectable way?
I love that. So yeah,So usually I come up with an album
that I'm listening to, but thisweek's a little different. So there's an

(03:27):
apocryphal story that one time someone walkedup to Jimmy Hendrick and asked him what's
it like to be the best guitaristin the world, And, according to
the myth, Hendricks replied, Idon't know, You'll have to ask Rory
Gallaher. So I've been listening toRory Gallaher. Now Gallagher, if for
folks who don't know, was oneof the pre eminent blues singer guitarists of

(03:49):
the late sixties and early seventies.That's when he got to start along with
folks like the aforementioned Hendrix Clapton,Alvin Lee, so on and so forth.
I've been a fan of Gallagher sinceI saw him featured with his band
the Power Trio Taste in the movieMessage to Love the Isle of Wight Festival

(04:09):
nineteen seventy. They performed in anincredible set and if you watch the movie

(04:44):
of their set, they were oneof the few that actually got called back
for an encore, which is coolwhen you're dealing with a set, you
know, a group that includes theDoors, the who all of these great
bands. Taste was incredible and RoryGallaher was amazed, so he is.
Crowd were so angry, and yetthey're like we like you, so there

(05:08):
and that's and I will get intoMessage Still Love. It's one of my
favorite documentaries of all time. Ifyou haven't seen it, see it.
But it's kind of like the darkside of the Summer of Love. But
and they built it with their love, you bastards. That's a that's a
direct quote of the mc ricky FantasticAgain. Gallaher is commonly referred to as

(05:30):
the greatest guitarist you've never heard of, which is really a damn shame in
my opinion. Musicians like Brian May, Bob geldof the Edge and so many
more sight Rory Gallaher is both afavorite and a primary influence, and he
had a wide palllette of styles.He could play hard electric blues, he
could do an acoustic blues folk,he could play an incredibly searing slide guitar,

(05:53):
and his live shows were legendary andin fact, in nineteen seventy four,

(06:16):
he famously insisted on playing in Belfastduring the violent conflict in Northern Ireland.
This is a time where very fewartists would choose to play there is
dangerous, and he didn't care.He was a man of the people.
Fun fact, Rory bought his iconicsixty one Fender Stradcaster in nineteen sixty three
for one hundred pounds at a littlemusic store in Court. Legend has it

(06:41):
it was actually the first stratocaster everto reach Ireland, which is pretty amazing.
And also according to Rory's brother Donnell, who was his tour manager for
his whole life, Rory had arare blood type that caused his sweat to
be especially acidic, and this causedthe finish on his Sunburst strat to wear

(07:02):
off over time, all the waydown to the wood. It's if you
ever see pictures of his beaten upold stratocaster, you'll see that there's hardly
any finish left. He's just wornthrough it because of the power and strength
of his live shows and all thesweat, the acidic sweat, kind of
like an alien or something coming offof his body and stripping the finish off

(07:23):
of his guitar. It's remarkable.He might have been an alien, he
might have come down from Seriously,is I've never heard of anybody's sweat being
so acidic that it would wear throughthe finish on a guitar, coupled with
the talent, is my point?Well, he really he was kind of

(07:43):
like a throwback to a real authenticblues man. He was this kind of
guy who he didn't like recording inthe studio. He didn't like doing much
of anything except coming into town,breaking out his band and his guitar is,
playing an incredible set, and thenon to the next town. That's
all he wanted to do in life. He didn't have time for relationships.
He didn't have time for any ofthat stuff. He just played his music,

(08:07):
wanted to get it out to themost number of people that he could
and move on. And sadly hedied far too young, but he left

(08:37):
a wonderful catalog of which I wouldrecommend. If you want to have a
primer of Rory Gallaher, you shouldcheck out the song sinner Boy, which
is one of the songs he performedat the Isle of Wight in nineteen seventy.
And his solo catalog is incredible too. He has a song called Laundromat
which is off his first solo album, which is fantastic, and he does

(08:58):
an amazing cover of a lead Bellysong called Out on the Western Plains,
which I'm sure we'll be playing rightnow. I mean a bunch of cowboys

(09:33):
and Jesse James Hey the magic editing. Did he ever do a shitty cover
of I Shout the Sheriff or crossRoads anything? Thank you for bringing that
up, because I'm you know,we're not here as noise chunkies to really
crap. I mean, if youlove Eric Clapton, that's your business.
Oh no, no, I'll crapon on Craptain. Yeah, we getcause

(09:58):
Annoy is junkie United Front. Ithink, you know, everyone's allowed to
like what they like, and certainlypeople grew up with that and whatever.
Fucks that guy and fuck his music. It was always anemic to begin with.
First of all, I never believedhis fucking white boy bullshit just covering
great black bluesmen from the fucking UnitedStates South and and on top of everything,

(10:20):
the horrible, horrible racism. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to get
away from his historically documented instances.Over someone who claims to be an exponent
of the blues and the authentic blues, he definitely has some very regressive worldviews
and he's apparently, at least whenhe was still strung out on heroin and

(10:43):
drunk, he said a lot ofnasty things live. So yeah, if
you're gonna knock on him, forsure, that's target number one. Yeah,
I mean, let's be honest,he was the weak link in cream.
I could not agree more with you. Jack Bruce was a fort well

(11:03):
ginger Baker was. I mean itbegins and ends there. The man was
a force of nature. But JackBruce with credible bass player. He is
a wonderful voice. I agree.I would say that's a true statement,
and we'll probably get into that.Maybe we'll have a future episode of you
know Bands we want to shoot onand that'll be number one. Eric Eric
Clapton should have called his album Rapingthe Blues because that's what he did.

(11:26):
It's what he said. Fuck thatguy. But we are but your HP,
your point, we are noise chunkies. We do. We talk from
love. I love your picks.I also am today's years old learning that
Rory it's Roy Gallagher. I'm sayingGallagher like a nube all these years,
so I'm glad to be informed.Yeah. Well, if nothing else,

(11:48):
I love on our during this podcastto be able to shine a light on
musicians and bands that maybe aren't sowell known. But I would say run,
don't walk to your local record storeor go to Spotify. Check out
Rory Gallaher. If you love greatblues, authentic blues, and you will

(12:09):
and in any style you want,you won't be disappointed. So Rory Gallaher,
go check them out. Hell yeah, I love that. I love
that pic. I love your descriptionof it, your passion, it's so
cool. And speaking of passion andspeaking of men, who might be from
out of this world, deep withinthis world. Unfortunately, what you've been

(12:33):
listening to, you guys, ever, get so monomania call that. You
just find a song and then youplay it over and over and over again,
like you've put it on repeat,you know, yes, yes,
right, and you'll listen to itfor you know, hours, Okay,
until I get sick of it.Yeah, okay, just make it sure,

(12:56):
because I feel like I'm mutant sometimesbecause I've always been this way,
and it used to be really hardto be that way, because to listen
to a song over and over again, it wasn't as easy as putting it
on repeat. You would have toput it on a tape and make the
tape of that tape and then keepmaking tapes of that tape to get that
song once over and over again,and then you put it on av repeat

(13:16):
once it got into the tape recorder. Anyway, So a song recently popped
into my head that kind of didthis to me. It was on a
soundtrack album from nineteen eighty five.I didn't own that album, but it
was hard to escape that year.As soon as I named the flick You're
gonna know the song it's from MadMax Beyond Thundered Out. Now it's not
we Don't Need Another Hero? Okay, that's the wildly pot radio song.

(13:39):
The song, by the way,is by Tina Turner The Lake Grantina Turner.
Okay, do you guys know thesong that I'm talking about here?
One of the Living, One ofthe fucking Living, which is the great

(14:11):
song opening song. See we don'tNeed Another Hero. It was a perfect
song to end that movie. It'sa perfect song for the end credits.
But One of the Living, HolyGod, it's the perfect song to open
the movie. You know, somesongs have an ineffable quality when they're on
a soundtrack. They have a meaningbeyond their meaning for the film. You
don't need to have maybe fallen inlove with a spy who loved you.

(14:33):
But you know, when you're listeningto Carly Simon singing, you might be
able to imagine somebody when they're sayingnobody does it better, or maybe you're
hoping somebody's thinking it about you.But some songs sort of transcended. This
song does not do that. Thissong is not interested in that. This
song is from the fucking Mad Maxmovie. Listen to some lyrics in this
song, this is Tina Turner saying, can't tell them they always living.

(15:11):
No, you can't stop the painof your children crying out in your head.
Oh they always said that the livingwould envy the dead. These are
this is the happening to this songfor this movie. Right. The song
is a fucking perfect encapsulation of nineteeneighties sort of power rock ballad is so
perfect because it has Tina Turner whois turned her attention to rock and roll

(15:33):
at this point. Right, thisis her sort of comeback period, and
thank god she did, because rockand roll needed her as much she remember,
do you remember songs and youth thatused to talk about how rock and
roll was like never gonna die?Right at the time, I almost used
to think, well, yeah,naturally it's dead. It's dead. I'm
sorry. The song it has everythingyou could ever want. It has like

(15:56):
industrial drums, and it has abig saxophone from a big saxophone player.
Because Tim Cappello is on the album. Yeah yes, he send both songs
from Tina Turner on this thing.And what's weird is in the movie Tina

(16:30):
Turner's character Aunt the entity my favoritemad Max villain character namer character name in
general audientity. She has a saxophoneplayer, but it's a chubby guy and
a diaper, and it should beTim Capello in that hypnotic fucking cod piece
of his anyway, just a totalmissed opportunity. Anyway. Okay, One

(16:53):
of the Living the songs written byHolly Knight. Okay, Oh I love
Holly Knight. Yeah, it's okay. Good if you don't know who she
is. First of all, she'splaying keyboards and singing backup on One of
the Living right. Here are someof her other tunes she's written. She

(17:27):
did songs for Legend of Billy Jeanand Vision Quest Thelman Louise. She wrote
the theme song for the TV seriesAngel and She'll always have a place in
my heart for writing Here Comes theBride of Frankenstein for el Vier, the
bride broke down and here's a joy. Well I'm actually she fell apart.

(17:56):
Oh my god, oh god.Hollien was also in a really underrated band
called Device. I highly recommend anybodyto seek out Device for a fantastic band
and obsession. She co wrote withMichael Debar If you can I think you
can hear that demo on YouTube.Now the original demo with her and Michael

(18:22):
Cassion. It has a different tenorthan they had emotion, but it's fantastic.
It's a lot more sinister and sexualbecause Michael Dubarre, Hello, he's

(18:42):
so amazing, so good. Yeah, I love Holly Night, So what
a cool pick. I didn't know. I didn't know she did this absolutely
and here's She's fantastic. I hadremembered the song from the film right.
In fact, I saw this filmopening day, so I remember hearing it
for the first time, and Ithought it was unusual to be hearing a
song being sung by an actor inthe movie. For my I don't know

(19:06):
eighty five, so it was whatwe were thirteen twelve twelve. In my
head, I was like, isthis supposed to be from her character's point
of view? Or is this TinaTurners like Anyway, when I started listening
to this song, I've been listeningto the kun on the album. Obviously
I watched the movie. The trackthat opens the movie is different. It's
a it's like the demo version.It's like what they recorded on the set

(19:29):
and then just threw into the movie, and then she re recorded it it's
so much better than the fucking polishedalbum version. It's loose and rough and

(20:03):
it feels desperate, just like themovie. Anyway, both versions are great.
Tina Turner one of the Living Gocheck it out, and I love
this is. Each one of usalways picked something so wildly different from each
other, so it's like a sampler, like we're doing a sampler pilatter because
my pit is there's a band Irecently have discovered thanks to my friend Bradley

(20:26):
J. Cornish who does the Moviesfrom Health podcast, And this is a
British band called the Cardiacs. Andhow I have not discovered this band until
recently, I have no idea isthey formed in the early eighties and oh
my god, it's if you loveMister Bungle and Sea Shanties and Frank Zappa

(20:48):
and I don't know, motherfucking brilliance, check this band out. The Cardiacs
are phenomenal. Their stuff is noton Spotify, but it's on YouTube.
Definitely look out for the song tardand Feathered, and there's also a whole

(21:23):
video it's like twenty two minutes theydid called Seaside Treats, which has like
irreverence surrealism, humor, great editing. It's just the songs are so phenomenal,
and like the wordplay that the leadsinger in Mang Guy Tim, who's
no longer with us, but he'sso his workplay is phenomenal. He's such
a poet in his like time,like if you're somebody that geeks out over

(22:11):
time signatures and just being like wow, there's like three or four different songs
going on at once, but it'sseamless. This band does that, and
there's They're just but yeah, it'sunlike anything I've ever heard. I have
been so obsessed with them. I'vebeen listening to them NonStop for weeks,
to the point where I'm probably gonnaif I ever get a tattoo, I

(22:32):
make it with this year. Iam not tattooed, but but I know,
but if I do, I makeit something Cardiacs related. I'm that
in love with them. We'll see. But but since we do do a
Spotify list, my Spotify big thatis available is and I'll send There's an
individual track called La La La LaLa, but it's off the Deep Throat
Anthology compilation, which has the soundtrackto both Deep Throat one and deep Throat

(23:14):
too. Deep Throat of course thatadult film Golden Age classic that helped Usher
import over Chic, made by octoergstordinair Gerard Damiano. I'm a huge Domiano
fan and he was a complete artist. I'm familiar with his work, and
Deep Throat had such a bonker soundtrackbecause it had original soundtrack. It includes

(23:37):
like the most demented cover of Loveis Strange, the Mickey and Sylvia song.

(23:59):
I do also like the Johnny Thunderscover that, but that's either here
nor there that but Deep Throat Too, It's a terrible movie. Donmiato did
not make it. That was justsorry now and it's R rated, and
it seems so bizarre to me tomake a sequel to all films deep Throat
and not make it sexual, nothave Deep Throat in it, like but
they just they just said, likeI was just like, oh, shadows

(24:25):
in the corner, like if yousee that. I don't even do that.
I mean there's like word allusions,but it's like you know, like,
oh, you mean that my secrettingle or whatever. I don't know.
I showed up Deep Throat, thewitty banter deeper. It's got some
great lines. Come on, doyou mind if I smoke while you eat?
And the guy's about to go downon her? That's just hilarious.

(24:45):
I love that. Yeah, there'ssome great there's some great lines and Deep
Beret, I will fucking bite forthis movie. Okay, But would if
you remove the pornography, would youstill say it's a great movie? I
mean it kind of. But thewhole thing is, like, the whole
plot of the movie is cursed onthe pornograph exactly. So the script works
in tandem with the images. Youcan't exactly it's integrated, like two Loves,

(25:11):
but you gotta say it like thattoo loves. But but but Deep
third two has a really great piecesof music that are very if you're into
like lounge music like I am,like imagine like swanky Barberella type lounge music.
It has that. And there's onesong on it that's completely derivative of
Spooky by the classics. For butI love Spooky and I'm even happy to

(25:36):
hear a loungee derivative of it.So but there's one that goes like la
la, and it's called that youknow, And then again it's just a
lady going Linda al I mean,and it's great, it's great, that's

(26:00):
my Spotify pick. But seriously checkout the cardiacs. They are fucking amazing
me and huh oh, I will, I will, I'll be sending I'll
send some links. But speaking ofamazing and terrifying, without further ado,
our main feature coming to the stage, Strip Club from Hell. This is

(26:23):
where the three of us have beentasked with picking three songs that are going
to do the complete opposite. Asyou might have gathered from the intro of
tantalizing and exotic dancers, wares,whares, movements, chance, sir,
some of us get a little prosy, some of us are just going straight

(26:45):
to the rotted road kill meat ofit all. And well, I think,
yeah, me, But since youspoke up fun them alone, take
us to the Okay, before Itake us to the actual venue, I
just wanted to want to say thiswas actually a difficult assignment because even songs

(27:10):
that you think, well that couldnot be sexy could be sex Like the
It's difficult to find a song wherethe music and emotion of the tune are
so completely off that you would neverwant to hear it. I think so
my choices will test that theory,Father Malone, I hope. So here's
the thing. For me, whatI avoided was that I didn't want any

(27:33):
sort of like obvious children's songs,you know what I mean, anything like
that, just anything that isn't sortof naturally ironic. But anyway, for
the for my first choice, I'mgoing to a real world venue. This
is in Massachusetts, TB's Golden Banana, world famous. I've read across from

(27:55):
the Caabaret, another famous local establishment. Never been to the Cabaret, but
oh I've Oh you were missed out. Oh you went to the Cabaret several
times. Yeah, ah, Ido, HP and I HP and I
went to the Golden Banana together,Howard we did? It was okay,

(28:15):
here we go, ready, GoldenBananas. I have it in my head,
go for it that you do.Tonight we are at the Golden Banana,
which is overlid to the extreme.That's right. You can see all
of your fellow perverts and startling detailall around you taking the stage. It's

(28:36):
a Joe casta, all hair curlersand housecoat, facial moisturizer smeared just so
for that ultimate evocation of that minx. Missus downfire, and the club's sound
system is pumping out Mother by thepolice from synchronicity. That's right, Andy
Summer's ode to the paranoia and codependentbonds found between mother and son. And

(29:08):
it's a knight of negliges and neurosesas Joe cast appeels mac layers of lavender
scented holly hobby night shirt and childhoodtrauma in equal measure. If the song's
jangly a rhythmia doesn't set you onedge, then perhaps Jocasta's chiding, disappointed
glare will push you into full blownclinical sexiness. She extends the aerial of

(29:32):
a cordless house phone and slices throughher already porous legs pantehose. Yes,
that telephone is ringing, Yes,it's mother roper phone. Sidling to the
edge of the stage, she liftsher now bare leg and hovers her foot
over an empty glass. Producing acan of tab from somewhere within the folds

(29:53):
of the house coat, she poursa shot down her leg and into the
glass. The journey is long,as the effervescent river must navigate a landscape
of depilatory damage and Verico's veins,But it will taste all the sweeter.
Please, mother, don't devour me. Let this poor boy enjoy his one

(30:15):
calorie beverage. It's brimming with flavor, just like Joe Casta asked her ask
her boy Eddie, Oh my lordthat why did I have you start?

(30:36):
Because that'd be NHP gotta follow that. Okay, First of all, you
used to I love that also,I said from hell that from heaven.
Oh my god, I'm sliding offthe seat. No, I'm sorry,
but me this the fact that youare, you're bringing in not only something

(30:59):
that is connective tissue for you inHP. Yes, as young lads Banana
and and my worst not my worstever, but it's certainly a nightmare,
which is somebody dancing to that songbut actually really embodying the songs. Can
we agree that's the worst Police songin their whole catalog? Ooh, I

(31:22):
will not commit to that until Ihave their entire catalog in front of me.
I don't think that. Yeah,I'm with them on on that.
That's that's hard. That's hard,yeah, I I well, I mean
they've only got what six or sevenalbums. I'm not as familiar with their
catalog as maybe I should be.But in fact, without having seen the
catalog in front of me, I'mgoing to disagree and say that there's probably

(31:47):
a song worse than Mother. Ican listen to Mother just to skip a
roney for me. Yeah, yeah, that's I don't want to see a
stripper performed to it at all.No, that we can agree on.
But I don't know the tab,the thea China tag. Oh is that
amplication? It's from somewhere, fromsomewhere, she's using her nethers as the

(32:12):
as nature's igloo cooler. I don'trecommend that listen. By the way,
this show did exist, and that'swhy the Golden Banana is now closed.
No, I'm kidding. That's thatwe're closed now right, h they're still
operating. Oh my god, maybeI should take this back. So then
assume me. I think I thinkdB is no longer with us, but

(32:34):
it's certain. I think it's stillthe pride of word one in Danvers.
It's still there. Let me tag, but still be proud. It's right
like the cabaret may be gone,though that I'm not sure about. Damn.
Now I'll never get to see AmateurNight on Tuesday Night. I love
it that you called it the scabaretHP. I noticed that word play.
Yeah, well that that I can'ttake credit for that. That's just regionally

(32:58):
how it's colloquially sort of referred to. But it's a very accurate nom de
plume as a number. HP.Did you ever the Squire? I've never
been. I've driven by it amillion times, but I've never actually been
to the Squire of you. No, I have not been. The hometown
and Revere right, yeah, Revere, Massachusetts. There's one strict the Squire
strip. It's just like on theOutskirts, but it's over next to this

(33:20):
gigantic movie theater. Yeah. Inever went to the Squire. Is it
owned by Billy Billy Squire? Ohno. The funny thing is it's actually
owned by Chris Squire from Yes,in fact that I love. I love
Chris Squire. You know what else? I love hearing what you have to
offer for your first choice, HP, bring met I will bring it?

(33:43):
Is that a tab? Did youjust take a swig of tab? That
was my other choice. It's gonnabe fresca. There you go. No
tab is a good call. Dothey still make tab? By the way,
can you still buy it? Yes? Welcome to the cheatahs playpen.

(34:05):
That's rather slow for a Tuesday morning, but let's be honest, it's slow
all the time. Things just haven'tbeen the same in this town since the
Ford factory shut down. Clarence Butdingerwanders in and takes his usual place at
the bar. His wife left himnearly six months ago and took the kids
with her. But Bud's always beena glass half full kind of guy,

(34:27):
so he's looking at this as timewell spent to do some work on himself.
And by do some work on himself, that means drink until he can
no longer remember his own name.Bud smiles at the bartender and motions for
a drink. The bartender returns hissmile with a scowl, pours cheap whiskey
in a dirty shot glass. Itsnarls, this is all you get,
Bud, until you pay your tab, drink up and get the hell out

(34:51):
of here. With a wink,Bud toasts to your health and throws down
the whiskey with barely a grimace.Bud catches the eye of the dancer wandering
on stage. She goes by lovelyLena, even though everyone knows she's Nancy
Billings, the ex police chief's youngestdaughter. She limps her way over to
Bud. He whispers something into herear, to which she replies, oh,

(35:15):
the usual. Follow me. Sheleads him to a cold, bare
room to the left of the stage, but hands are a battered cassette tape,
which she puts into an old boomboxin the corner and hits play.
The sound of Melissa Manchester's nineteen seventyeight hit Don't cry Out Loud creep in

(35:36):
over the small radio's blown speakers.Melissa Manchester's wounded voice fills the space.
Don't just keep it inside, Ican't climb. Melissa Manchester was one of
his ex wife's favorite singers, andthis song reminds him of the good times.

(35:59):
Well, actually there weren't too manyof those, come to think of
it, but at least it remindshim of any time that wasn't now.
At least Bud could feel something forthe precious minutes the song played for it.
Nancy lumbers around the room in apoor imitation of dance, while Bud
closes his eyes and smiles. Yes, indeed, he thinks to himself,

(36:19):
it's going to be a good daytoday you god damn so, oh my

(36:42):
god, oh my leg like tears. I've been on such a journey with
that. I went to depressed tolike cry for help, to utter sheer
delight, Oh yeah, utter elation. That choice good work. Don't cry
loud just somehow, yeah, thatwas the when the brief came down for

(37:06):
this, that somehow was one ofthe first songs I thought of. Was
because I don't know, I've alwayshated that song so over rot and overly
like historionic, and I not justI don't hate Melissa Manchester or whatever.
She's fine, but I used tohear that song all the time on the
radio when my mom would drive meto school and stuff, and it's just

(37:28):
so I don't know, man,it's just as song. By the way,
what the fuck don't cry out?I just keep it inside, Like
the fuck are you talking about it? Oh? We're age kill. It
is peculiar. The message really isjust don't express your feelings. If you're
feeling sad, just keep it allbottled up inside and learn how to hide

(37:51):
those feelings. It's a awful theManchester just shut your mouth? Who hurt
you? Girl? What a bigsong? Does her baby take the Morning
Train. He work, No,that was she did Melissa Manchester. Did
Gloria be smirched? My queen?Laura brand again? Okay, oh then

(38:15):
she did not do self contracts alsoLaura Brandon. Yeah, oh my god,
I'm about to you now. I'mjust because you just build up with
that story. Man, Laura Brandigan'sgonna haunt you. Dude. You know
she did? You know what shedid? I forgot about this song.
This is also a terrible song.You should hear how she talks about you.

(38:36):
Oh I love that song. That'sa good song. I have apt
for that song. I mean it'sit's better than Don't Cry out Loud.
Well, that's a very low barover understanding My baby takes the Morning Train.

(39:05):
Yea, And this song is terrible. Oh yeah, that's a terrible
song. But if it was Manchester, she would get a pass because it
was Melissa Manchester. For Easton,that's a terrible song for she. Easton
agreed, agreed. She needs Prince. Yeah, I was gonna say that
this was not Sugar Walls. Shereally needs Prince to you know, Jusra
up her for sure. You knowMalone's dancer, she had Sugar free walls.

(39:30):
She did, It's brimming with flavor. That's that was Tend's actual like
their first slogan was it's brit flavor. Oh god, it's just you can't
make the ship up so perfect.Oh my god. Well I believe it's

(39:51):
my turn. Let's hear this allright? Well, show ladies and chance
coming to the stage. Over hereat the Grits and Gravy is Mollie rug
Rash Turpentine if you love scabbinees,tramp stamps of Wahlon Jennings dressed as the

(40:14):
Morton Salt Girl, and random homeinvasions that are. Mollie is a sweetheart
of your Heart and boins her songof choice, the full eight minutes and
thirty seconds album cut of do OWay by Blood Rock. As the Sirens.
In this classic rock ode to dyingin a plane crash go Off,
Mollie shows off her finest water sprinklerdance. This little Philly also has a

(40:38):
little party trick in the form ofa fake arm that she likes to remove
when the singer cries out. Itried to move my arm and thesh no
feeling, and when I look,she there's nothing there. Mollie's also an

(41:00):
for take it. Smoke breaks atthe six minute march. She's doubles as
a side hustle whenever she's able toweasel a handy from a lovey audience member
using her artificial appensives were flying outand is something in home? That is

(41:29):
a fantastic choice. I didn't.I only recently, in the last few
years, learned about that song.Da, that is a ridiculous fucking song.
I love it. It's a planecrash, right, That's the whole
thing. Is a guy who's ina plane crash, and it's him dying
and the blood is leaving his bodyas he's reflected. It's awful. It's
an awful song. It was baylike farriers, like radio stations wouldn't play

(41:52):
it. They refuse to play it. What fact I found out when researching
for this episode that I thought wasreally haunting is I guess it was a
popular choice to play in Vietnam.I could see that, But I mean
it was a very confusing time.Yeah, I'll get my mask. Let's
just say I was testing the bondsof reality. I wonder if I wonder

(42:13):
if young Oliver Stone was listening toit. Oh Dari the Jumbles Dream and
it was yours biopic. Oh mygod. You know, honestly, I
would I wish for Vietnam era movieswould use something like this as opposed to
hearing like you know, fucking cCR or the eightieth Time. Yeah,

(42:34):
like we had it already. Yeah, it's a fortunate because he didn't serve
in The Whooper. It's a purtythe four times. We're still a band
at sixty nine the end. Theyprobably listened to them in Vietnam to come
on baby. But but yeah,I just that was my immediate pick.

(43:00):
I For years, I have likethought about the Ultimate Strip Club from Hell
playlist, and this has always beenone of my top choices. And I
now, ironically I would love tosee a stripper dance to this. But
it gets it gets tricky, right, Like you can actually imagine like,
will you know what if they didthis and that with it? You have
to tailor the act to the songor else it becomes sexy. Yeah,

(43:23):
well that's the thing it would like. I'm not this is no bumping grind.
This. You know, we're talkingart here. We're talking handyes,
we're talking side hustles. We're talkingtaking lemons and saying lemons, I love
lemons so or lemons ye me guineaguinea so yes, that is my cook.

(43:45):
Now pick number two, fathom alone, take us away on this magical
voyage. We'll be taking the detourwith my next choice. That's not a
State Highway mandated detour, but itwill require you to take the upcoming off
ramp and then left and a quarterof a mile beyond that. If you've
reached the truck stop, you've gonetoo far. You know the club,

(44:07):
You've seen it advertised on billboards forthe past four hundred miles. Images of
corn fed dames filled in your mind, those Midwest farmers daughters, sung about
so innocently by Brian Wilson and sogone damn lasciviously by Diamond Dave. They've
got to be the main attraction outhere in the middle of nowhere. So
many packed tight agricultural schools. Canyou imagine the flesh unsullied by the vice

(44:32):
and corruption of urban sprawling American cities. Another billboard, that's your exit.
Welcome to Ruby and Pearl, SouthernWyoming's answer to the Moolong Rooms. Tuesday
night is Amateur Night. Every nightis Ladies Night. This is actually technically
ruby and pearls too. The originalsat on that burnt out concrete slab a

(44:53):
couple hundred yards over that way.But that place was real lowe class and
hardly anyone remembers it. The dudedon't recall it ever, being very good,
well, almost every Please put yourhands together for Agnes. It ain't
for years. It's the mileage.Agnes is a hyphenet. She has both

(45:14):
son I call her a veteran,if so happy veteran today, and she's
indulging her theatrical sign tonight, beginningher performance, seated at a vanity mirror
at the center of the club's meagerstage. That sorrowful tinkling of the ivories
can only mean one thing. Herethey come God, and so will you,

(45:35):
dancing to You Don't Bring Me Flowersby Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond.
Agnes, Agnes, you couldn't waitto love mester, hate to leave,
still lovely, but it's good.You'll feel it all around. Relived the

(46:02):
end of that era of excess thatwas the nineteen seventies, as all the
boomer dreams of free love and zeroresponsibilities begin to crumble in every direction,
but first in their own hearts.Now, come on, fellows, let's
toss up a bit of cash likeit used to be. They'll just lay
on the floor till Agnes sweeps themaway. She's teaching you to laugh and

(46:25):
lie in equal measure as she disinterestedlylets her clothing drop and the puddle on
the ground. Is she crying?Are you? Agnes is clad in a
floral print, matching bra and gstrength. It represents not just a literal
interpretation of you don't bring me flowers, but it can be seen as a
symbol of the entire flower power movement, like that Sad Generations nationwide temper tantrum.

(46:51):
It hits at something greater beneath.But let's not forget it's Agnes up
there. A blue spotlight bathes orit's a color. They have casinos enhances
your age. They have avoid mirrorsthere as well. Agnes is a hypheness.
She has both. What she doesn'thave is he. But that's okay.

(47:13):
Just roll over it and turn outthe light. I'm talking to you,
Joe the lighting guy. Turn itoff. Joe, turn it off.

(47:34):
Oh my god, Olay, Ilike, wow, that's you.
Know a callback to the spoken Wordepisode. There are moments in that that
I think are positively Ken Nordeen esque, all the highest praise I could ever
receive, certainly not warranted, butthank you. No, It's like when
you say, you know, isshe crying? Are you? That's totally

(47:58):
out of the Nordean handbook right there? Okay, Well that's just me,
you know, swiping from the best. Nah, it's an excellent, excellent
coal. I'm with HP all theway and take you must take your compliment,
goodserve. That was phenomenal also onso many levels, phenomenal writing and
speaking, but also phenomenal choice,because lord, I feel like whatever the
opposite infertility is caused by that fuckingsong there there are people cows become barren

(48:25):
if somebody is playing that fucking songnearby. I remember as a HP,
like Houston, I remember hearing asong that my mother playing that song or
not She's not playing on the radio, but sitting in the backseat of the
car while Neil Diamond Barbostrais and wineto each other that their fucking horrible relationship
was finally over and see seething eventhen at the Boomers, Well, this

(48:49):
was a bit we were probably ourmoms were probably listening to the same radio
station because that was invariably that wouldcome around at some point. You don't
bring these flowers and you know it'sit was very much you know, adult
contemporary radio at that point was filledwith songs like that. Remember you Light
Up My Life, Debbie Boone?You remember there was a they did a

(49:12):
TV movie Who Is Dde Kohane playedDebbie Boone? It was her life story,
like it was that interesting. Imean, did you think or did
you know, did Diddy Kohn goingto step up like like Val Kilmer and
that bio Pick of the Doors byOliver Stone and got a rock I don't.
I don't think she did a sissyspace like Cole Liner's daughter. I

(49:35):
think she she lip sync did that'sway below and tone that that was hilarious
And yes, I think that's mymemory to HP that is that it was
a total lip sync a lip syncjob. Also, I think honorable mention
in Cliff Richards one of the likeit's so funny how weed don't people?

(49:57):
Oh? I like that song?I like that song? So do you
know what you how do? Ilove that song? Get out of here.
I'm sorry, Devil woman or nothingwhen it comes to friendship for me,

(50:21):
because devil Woman rules, you gottaagree to disagree for some reason.
For some reason, that song neverreally I tar what you're saying. It
was definitely on the radio, probablyaround that time, but I didn't have
that visceral reaction like I did forthese songs that we're discussing. For sure.
That's okay because you know why.Because it's your turn. I want,
I want you to take us,all right, SNA on a trip

(50:44):
that will score us. I promisenothing, But here we go. Welcome
to Calculus of Sadness, the newestsensation in Germany's Wundestrassa district. The bouncer,
dressed in plasticcene later host and unhooksthe velvet rope and stands aside,

(51:06):
allowing you to enter the club.It's dark. Dark is your soul,
and yet the smell of beer broughtworst and aloofness has never felt so welcoming.
You make your way to a smallblack metal table, walking past people
equally interested in maintaining an air ofsuperiority and melancholy bliss. The server glides
to your table and asks what isit that brings any of us to this

(51:28):
place? Which you care for?A libation that can never fill that aching
in your heart absent? You replyand make it slow. On stage,
a dancer named Shasta is patrolling thestage, daring the customers to look into
her eyes, look into the faceof failure. She shouts to no one
in particular, feel something anything.The sound system is playing some brass umpa

(51:51):
music, but you decide a changeof mood is critical. You choose song
L eighteen on the jukebox, onethat has never failed to set the mood.
Suddenly the club is filled with thesound of feedback. Lou reads Metal

(52:14):
machine music now fills every space inthe club with its silvery, howling washer
sound. The uncomfortable dichotomy of themusic arouses your senses at their most base.
Was this album just a joke bythe provocateur? Lou reed as this
erotic parade too is a joke.Is it instead a challenge to the listener

(52:36):
as Shasta's increasingly angry screeds are meantto be. Gasta gives a quick nod
of approval to your song choice.This is just the thing to liven up
this dreadful evening, How exquisitely awfulyou think to yourself as you wait for
your absence. Broh, my god, Rob, you know what? That

(52:59):
actually put me up on edge,the whole scenario. And then the fucking
music came on and I got notI got not chills. What's the opposite
of chills? Knives? It's say, you know, the prickly sensation in
the back of your neck. Imean, is anybody, let me ask
this, I guess having said that, is anybody uh in this group a
fan of metal machine music? Iprobably should have asked that or that I

(53:22):
am you are? What what now? I I it's I put that in
the same category as Frank Zappa.I want to like Frank Zappa, and
I try every few years to getinto but I just there's something impenetrable that
I can't get through, and metalmachine music is the same for me.
What is it? What is it? How does it speak to you?

(53:44):
I'm genuinely curious, Heather, II, well, first of all,
I'm a huge Red fan. Iam too. I love lou Reed,
but this is the one are notthe only, but one of the things
in this one of the selections inhis discography that I just can't get into.
It matches the noise inside my head. I don't. Okay, that's

(54:06):
fair. I don't know. Ihave a big soft spot for like noise
music, experimental music, I know. But hey, I also like Temple
Woman by Clip Richard. I amevery woman. It is all in me.
But but no, I just findit fascinating. I find it a
fascinating, compelling piece of music.I love the fact that it also doubles

(54:27):
as a way to get people outof your house if you need to.
So it's got a lot of It'sgot a lot of uses. I did
get. I mean, is itsomething I throw on all the time.
No, But I don't know.I mean as somebody who also likes like
early Swans and you know, Stockhousendand you know music like that. I
you know, I like it.I like it that put out with Oh

(54:51):
with the that's like, like,oh, what is it called? I
know what you're talking talk about.Trans trans is a legit good album.
I love it is? Yeah,hell yeah, I love that he's talking
about. It's an album just ofhis live yeah, with the weld Weld
I think it's called Weld. Ohmy god. I'm looking that up.
I have to hear those. Yeah, I think those two pair together,
don't damn mental machine musings right?Probably in the time. Yeah, I

(55:29):
love the picture you painted with thisHP. I love Shasta and I is
that so much like I'm trying tothink there's like a performance artos. I'm
trying to think of her name thatwas. She was in that terrible movie
Dupatio, but it wasn't terrible becauseof her. I can't remember her name,
but it kind of makes me thinkof something like that, Like what

(55:50):
Shasta's whole routine? I like it. Yeah, I just wanted to change
it up a little bit, likeI kind of I wanted to. I
mean, because there's a lot oflike this place is a jump and these
dancers are completely you know, inappropriatefor a strip club. I wanted something
where these people are actually having agood time. It may not be my
cup of tea, but to fallin Malone's point, it may be someone
else's cup of tea. Oh yeah, I'm sure I would be fully erect

(56:15):
at that club, right, yes, but ye, well you have to
check out the Bundestrasser district. I'msure they throw in your house like they're
going out of style, like moreon my nieveshre yell my brotos got take

(56:37):
any Okay, Well, I didnot have a cute, clever segue from
any of this to my pick,so I'm just gonna go right into the
substance to the meat of it.That was a segue. Lots of chances
before recrat You may have a few, but not nearly as many as our

(56:57):
premium slice of beef cake coming atthe stage. Over here at Frankie's Foxtrot
in the hinter lands of the PacificNorthwest. Up here we have Nick Tator
Todd Steel. This six foot twohank is not only the man of your
dreams, but it's also the walkings session of your nightmares. His man
shake brings all the boys and girlsto the yard. But whenever Alan Parson's

(57:21):
projects Eye in the Sky starts playing, the audience goes from turned on to
frozen with terror. The minute thaticonic and melancholy chorus kicks in, Nick
rips off his bottom so then violentlybents over the bully displayed his own eye
on the sky as he starts screamingnon stop the sky had the song finishes

(57:50):
this piece of primal scream therapy slashfor orbitz Are. Oddly enough, it's
one of our biggest hits, withfrightened patrons tentitively stuffing upwards to fifty one
hundred dollars bills in his fivering.It's slightly a gape man hole. Whoa

(58:16):
wow, thats a picture of it. Yeah, that's girl. I have
a lot of issues. Made methink. There's a diner Portland, Maine.
It's like this drag queen hangout dinerwhere they serve tater tots, And

(58:36):
for some reason you mentioned tater tots, and then it was yeah, anyway,
that's where I was imagining this acthappening. Oh my god, I
love that. I love that.I would totally eat tater tots at that
place too. Oh yeah, they'redelicious, but not not not the tot
of art. No, not anythingto do with the painting you just painted.

(58:58):
That's I find Brandon yelling very funnytoo, so I had to put
that somewhere in here. This kindpairs up well with Shasta a little bit.
Yeah, No, I am thesky. That's a surprising pick.
It's I don't know. I mean, I like the song, but it's
for I can almost believe somewhere somehowthat song is actually being played in a
real strip club somehow. I don'tknow. I didn't find it as melancholy

(59:19):
as you're describing it. I guessit's a sad song. I you look
at the lyrics, Well, it'sa creepy song because it's about this guy.
You know. It's it's like typicallylike I'll be watching you. It's
that kind of thing. I youknow, I'm the eyeing the sky looking
at you. I can read yourmind. It's creepy. It probably is
not, you know, it wouldn'tpass muster these days, but yeah,

(59:39):
I don't know. I guess it'syou know, and it's kind of an
outlier and their catalog because I reallyI like some of their earlier proggy stuff,
but I never thought of it inthose firms. It's lyrically, yeah,
just musically it's like, yeah,first, you would never want to
hear it win any sort of sexualsituation. G When I think of that

(01:00:00):
song, you know what I thinkof I had a friend in grade school
who had one of these little cassiokeyboards, you know, and it had
a little demo key you could pressand when you pressed demo, it would
play a little tinny cassio MIDI versionof Eye in the Sky, Do Do
Do Do? I Just for somereason I kept pressing that button and hearing
that song. It kind of takesme back to fifth grade or whenever it

(01:00:21):
was that little keyboard Eye in theSky. Definitely not ben No, No,
not in this context. Yeah.No, I'm actually a fan of
Balance Parsons Project, and yeah,their earlier stuff is amazing, but I
like this Therah too. I justfind it such a It's just such an
incredibly sad song. There's something verysad. It's riddled with despair, which

(01:00:42):
I like artistically. But yeah,if you're trying to get it on or
even you know, just a littlebit, it doesn't. Yeah, it
just as it's also the thought ofa man been bending over yelling well,
I'll agree with you there. Ithought it would be. I thought it'd
be funny, that tasteful. Yesit was, yes, thank you,

(01:01:02):
thank you. Well. Speaking ofcan I interrupt for a second. I'm
as you two are probably far morefans of prog rock than I am,
so let me ask a question.Probably, I mean, I'm a fan.
Is there any rock to bang two. Is it a bangable genre or
is it artist is to just changingof genre midstream to like actually get it

(01:01:28):
on this. There are a lotof tempo changes. If you listen to
a band or anything like that.Emerson, Lake and Palmer is resoundingly unsexy.
Their very unbangable. You might beonto something their father. I'd have
to think about it father alone.I think some of it. I think
there's some rush tunes. I couldsee maybe doing it too, certain Magma,

(01:01:51):
certain pieces by Magma. I couldsee, you know what, It's
not the proggiest song, but Icould see a song like Tom Sawyer,
which is okay aggressive, So wesee that though, you know what I
mean, Like that's in an outout line, but in the same way
you did, Like I would sayit's tone wise, it's probably right up

(01:02:12):
there with the stroke by Billy Squire, that kind of you know which I
also probably wouldn't pay too. No, no, there's no sex of the
VIP room. There's no sex tothe stroke. It wouldn't be a delicate
session. It would be it wouldbe aggressive. By the way. I

(01:02:36):
just speaking of interruptions, I wantto interupt for one moment correction. The
Neil Young album is not weld.It's arc is the one say, with
all the feedback, my mistake,I sorry, I'll proceed. Are weld
metal machines. It's all of apiece. It's all metal. Something that
may speak to your point though.Bla is my first This may be t

(01:02:57):
m I, but my first seriesfriend back in the back in my early
college days. He once tried tohave set the mood of seduction to Jeff
thor Cole, which that alone wasan issue. It gets worse, you
can start what the it gets worse. It was bungle and jungle j Well,

(01:03:22):
that's all right, that is notthat is not a. That is
not a is a terrible song anyway. Wait spoiler alert, no sex happened
that night, so anybody else anyone, And I blame him, I don't
blame YEA deserve deservedly. So hegot what it was coming to him.
If you picked that song up,Oh my god, I I can't hear

(01:03:45):
that song even now and just shudderwith just embarrassment. It was embarrassing parents.
No prog rock. I guess itis bangable, is what we're coming
to me? Well, I thinkI think there's our small exceptions is that
the sexiest genre as a whole.Maybe not so, I think you might
be doing something. Yeah, I'llhave to revisit this in a later episode

(01:04:09):
we share to be continued. Yeah, I think if you're listening, please
comment somewhere send let us know whereyou follow in the rock bangable debate.
And if you think it's bangable,tell us what are your selections? What
prog rock sets the move. We'llput your selections on the Spotify playlist that
is for the future. We're livingin the present now bottom alone. What

(01:04:32):
is your third and final choice forour strip club from Hell? I'm living
on the edge, living on theedge of Houston anyway, the last selections
for a coastal town that might conjurequaint cottages and lighthouses, pastoral New England
dunes. This is more Pacific Northwest, shrouded in impenetrable mist, blue collar

(01:04:56):
beat down. There's one industry here, but the industry at tilt doesn't matter.
It's the sole supplier of employ andon the edge of that industry,
nestled near a stretch of train trackthat sits in disuse, that's where we'll
find the bunny hop Gentleman's Club,a name that promises a mid century dream
within hope dies first in a seaporttown. The interior is more than dim,

(01:05:23):
though it surely is that lit solelyby the citronella candles on the individual
tables. It is dank, musty. The nearby ocean creep would be bad
enough, but there's that mist.It coats everything and everyone. It's showtime.

(01:05:46):
In several sets of Halloween, underseacave spotlights the kind that that one
neighbor leaves their house bathed in wellwithin spitting distance of Thanksgiving. I'm talking
about myself. Those watery life shineon a pressed tin ceiling in the tiny
stage below, Ripples of blue andgreen trace silhouetted contours of objects and patrons

(01:06:09):
you'd rather not know in the harshlight of day? Are those the sounds
of a guitar disguised as a mandolin'snot honeyed voice, here to entice you
with tails of nautical naughtiness? Ohyes, and oh no, good.
Ship and Drew was a bone tobe chewed when the Girls of November gave

(01:06:29):
early. The ship was the bread. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by
Gordon Lightfoot sloshes over the room asthe rhyming chant of facts and figures of
great lakes and greater storms begin tonestle at the base of your brain.
Gitchiguomi doesn't so much take the stageas wash upon it. Every inch of

(01:06:53):
her glistens from the rain, thesea, the foam. The choice is
yours, but the claus a glosstermanolive drab rubber slickers that cover shield and
oh yes, obscure her features leaveno choice but to keep your libido buoyed
by the ever rising tide of mystery. From the top of the wide brimmed

(01:07:14):
cap that hides even a hint ofher eyes, to the heavy industrial,
nearly floor length slicker that terminates justhigh enough to give you a glimpse of
the filth encrusted boots that poke frombeneath the set of unforgiving waiters. Fellas
it ain't too rough to feed youtonight. Your good ship and crew are
in peril that the water will begoing out. Tell the captive to wire

(01:07:35):
that Kichi Gumi slowly sluffs off.Each of the rubber separates, though beneath
thermal woolen underclothes swell double their sizewith lake water and are darker than the
Marianna's trench. And like that innerspace hell, they'll never give up their
secrets. Those early gales of Novembernever sounded so good, and a quantic

(01:07:57):
asphyxiation never looked so mouthwatering. That'snot the smell of marine life taking the
air as Kichigumi struggles to maintain balance