August 9, 2025 • 32 mins
https://www.solgoodmedia.com - Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! Old Time Radio Drama offers a nostalgic look at the gripping plays and heartfelt scripts from the early days of radio.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
The Chicago Motor Club presents the Wayside Theater. Happy New Year,
(00:52):
ladies and gentlemen, and the prosperous one.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Right now is.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
The time to consider what an important factor the Chicago
Your Motor Club may be in contributing to your personal
happiness during nineteen thirty nine. To begin with, the club's
Wayside Theater has planned a schedule of more interesting, dramatic
entertainment than ever. But most important of all is the
fact that the club's many services and benefits may easily
(01:19):
be your nineteen thirty nine assurance of maximum motoring satisfaction.
The club's radio offerings are yours for the turn of
a dial. The club's services and benefits may also be yours.
Simply quickly economically start this new year right by taking
your first important step in the direction of no more
(01:41):
motoring worries. Put in your request tonight for the club's
free booklet explaining why member families spend less to own
and drive their cars. Just send your name and address
to the Chicago Motor Club, Chicago or its nearest branch office,
or call Franklin one eight one eighth The Chicago Motor
(02:07):
Glove Waistside Theater ushers in the new year with a
timely presentation of the Adventure of the Absent Minded Professor,
written especially for this program.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
By Addison Simmons.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Ladies and gentlemen, The first act curtain rises on the
Adventure of the absent Minded Professor.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh, Peggy, yes, John, take a letter.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Oh John, look at you.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh you're telling your hats on backwards. You look like
a fireman.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Why don't be foolish. I haven't got my hat on.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh but you have.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
But I've been in class all after Oh what happens?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I have got it on, darling. So that's why the
class laughed. Oh well, never mind, take a letter, Peggy,
ready in waiting, dear mister. Uh uh, who's our writing to?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
You haven't said yet?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Oh it's funny. Well let's see what was I going
to write about.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
You didn't say that either.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Oh well, I'll think of it sooner or later. I
have lots of other things to do.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
I suppose you certainly have Look at your desk, Look
at that pile of paper.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Oh well, I'll dig right into him.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Get him.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Oh, Peggy, yes, John, Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Peggy, isn't there something you were supposed to remind me
of today. No, something important, Peggy.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Nothing I haven't reminded you of already.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh no, that's peculiar.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh well it'll come, it'll come, I'll where'd those flowers
come from, Peggy?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Oh the man in the moon.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Peggy, Where did you get those flowers?
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Are you in? You send them to me?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I sent them?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
But oh, good heaven, so I did. Oh you know
I've been so busy I forgot. Yes, Oh, well, busy
men can't remember everything.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
No, dear, I guess they can't.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Oh these papers, now, let me see to.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Uh, Peggy, Peggy, I forgot to say. I just put
on my experiment for the new explosive.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yes, John, and I want it to remain.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Just as it is until five o'clock and at five o'clock.
I want you to remind me to take it off
at five o'clock, yes, dear, And we mustn't forget if
we do at midnight, it'll blow this chemistry building the kingdom.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Come.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Oh, but John, you said I could get off early
and go shopping.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh did I? Why so? I did? Well? You just
go right ahead, go on there anytime at all? Was
all right?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
What about the explosives.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Oh that's all right, I'll remember it.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
That's just the trouble you won't.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Now, Peggy. Tell me did I ever forget anything really important?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
No, darling? Well now did I skip it? There?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Look, I'll write your note, great big one here?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Now turn off experiment five o'clock.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
There, Now you can't miss that?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Fine, put it right here. Suppose I put my hat
on it, and then I can't miss it? Say where
is my hat still.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
On your head? Done?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yes, so it is? Well all right, here we are
the note, the hat, I pick up the hat. I
see the note. I can't miss that. Can I just
be sure you don't die?
Speaker 5 (05:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I won't know, Peggy, there is something I've forgotten for today.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
If I could only be.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Sure it's nothing you've asked me to remind you about, dear.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Oh well, I suppose it wasn't important anyway. Well, now
you run along, get your shopping done.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Go ahead, thanks, darling, you're a sweet boss.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Don't forget your hat.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I won't buy sweet kiss Peggy.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
There, Well, doululu, dear, I'll see you later.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh yes, of course, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
M m.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
M m.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Oh h.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Professor mcandire, Professor Parker's come in, sit down.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
What's on your mind?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Sam, John, I want you to help me out. I certainly, Sam.
What can I do? I'm in a fixed John.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
I was supposed to give a lecture down at Gardenville tonight,
and now I can't go.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Oh why what's happened?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Well, Plexy called a meeting of the finance committee, and
I can't get away. The old college is pretty hard up, John.
We've gotta think of ways and means. Yes, I know, Sam, Yes,
what do you say?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
John? Will you go down there and give my lecture
for me? William? Well? Sam, after all, I.
Speaker 6 (06:51):
Know it's nothing much, John, A little talk on the
art of human companionship. You know we talked about it
last week. Oh, yes, Sam, I remember, Will you do it?
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Certainly, certainly, Sam, I'll go. Thanks John. That takes a
load off my mind. Oh, don't even think of it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Sam.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
By the way, do you know of anything especially important
I had on the schedule for today?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Did I mention anything to you? Not to me? No?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
No, that is funny. I'd swear there was something. You'll
remember it tomorrow. Look, John, you will have to start
right now. You're going down the Gardenville. I don't like
to rush you, but it's a long way. Well that's
all right, Sam, I can start now, fine, and thanks again, John,
Oh forget it. Come on now, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
All right. Oh hey, hey, wait a minute. Don't you
want your hat? My hat? Oh yeah, sure, yes of course. Hey,
Now where is it? Here you are? Thanks? All right,
let's go. Come on.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You got your car, yes, that's right outside. Come on, Sam,
let me lock up here, go ahead. Here we are,
and I'm off to Gardenville. Well see you tomorrow morning, Sam.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
All right John.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
But you know, Sam, I'd feel a little more comfortable
if I could only think what it is I've forgotten.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And soul.
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are fortunate in having with us
tonight as substitute speaker, Professor mcintie.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Thank you, Thank you, missus Chaman.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Ladies and gentlemen, My friend's human companionship is the.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Very foundation of our society.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I want to consider first man's fundamental device for companionship
the institution of marriage. Now this, this institution of marriage is.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Let me see go on, professor, go ahead, Oh yes, yes, yes,
of course. The institution of marriage is one on which
we build.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Oh see now the institution of marriage?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Marriage? What's the matter, professor?
Speaker 5 (09:31):
And what you talk was?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Forgive me, please, ladies and gentlemen, little something on my mind.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
It's been bothering me, bother me to professor. Yes, good point,
that well taken.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Well, not proceed, Let us consider the wedding ceremony.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Now, the wedding ceremony. It's the wedding, that's it. Oh,
what's the matter? Little wedding ceremony gets you? Don Yes,
that's it. Oh this is terrible. How could I? Well?
Is it? Professor? What's the trouble?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Mister chairman? This is awful? What I'd forgotten? It's come
to me. Oh what am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Professor? Please? What is it? Mister chairman? I just remembered
I'm supposed to get married tonight. Well I havenake.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm supposed to get married to my secretary, and I
came here and forgot all about it. Mister chairman. I've
got to leave, but Professor, I can't help it. I
can't stay.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
What'll we tell all these people? Tell them? I'll tell
them the truth?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
And how ladies, ladies and gentlemen, you have to excuse me.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'm terribly sorry, but I've got to leave.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
Gone to a wedding professor. Yes, yes, my own wedding.
You see, I came away and forgot all about it.
So will you please please excuse me because I've got
to be there.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
The first act of the adventure of the absent minded
Professor comes to a club. Do you know that it's
possible to save as much as twenty five dollars on
the financing of a new car? That's exactly what many
members of the Chicago Motor Club have done through the
club's Automobile Service. The club's courteous, painstaking arrangements and vast
(11:31):
experience have made it possible for many members to obtain
a generous saving on the financing of their cars, and
that goes for used cars as well as new ones.
If you're planning on buying an automobile, make this New
year's resolution right now. Consult the Chicago Motor Club's Automobile
Finance Service at your earliest opportunity. You'll acquaint yourself with
(11:54):
one of the many reasons why club members spend less
to own and drive their cars. And, by the way, friends,
those money saving reasons twenty six of them are all
explained in a valuable free booklet, yours.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Merely for the asking.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Just send your name and address to the Chicago Motor Club,
Chicago or its nearest branch office, or call Franklin.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
One eight one eight this very evening.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Now, just in case you've resolved that during nineteen thirty
nine you're never going to put off till tomorrow what
you know very well you should do to day, we're
going to present an unusual idea to assist you in
keeping that splendid resolution. Between the second and third acts
of tonight's play, we're going to eliminate our regular announcement.
We'll not say a word about the club services. We'll
(12:41):
present at that time a musical intermission, giving you ample
time to do to day what you might be delayed
doing till tomorrow, and that's writing the club or calling
Franklin one eight one eight and requesting your free booklet.
You won't miss any of the play, because the third
act won't start until you've had plenty of time him
to write or phone the club. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
(13:19):
the second act curtain rises on the adventure of the
absent minded professor.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Hey, hey, over, let me see your driver's license. Now,
what's the matter, officer? What was I going too fast?
I said, let me see your license. Well, officer, I
can explain it. I was on my way to let.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Me see your license, all right, all right, I have
it right here.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Oh well, no, what's the matter? And she got it?
I had it? I had it right my wallet. I
must have left my wallet at home. Eh, that's what
I thought. A smart guy. You must be professor or something.
Certainly I'm a professor.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Yeah, and I'm heady, leamar, what you're doing with this
stolen car?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
What do you mean? I mean, this is a stolen car? Now?
What have you got to say? Say?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I won't stand for this. I don't like what you're saying.
I don't like your attitude, and I don't like your
tone of voice.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
Or don't you now? Well, maybe you like the chief's
tone of voice. He took singing lessons. Get going, mister professor,
and don't forget him right behind you.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Now, you listen to me, chief, You can't hold me here.
Speaker 7 (15:03):
Now hold on, professor. Well, yeah, you see, I take
your word and call your professor. I am a professor.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
Like I am, he's a professor. Professors don't steal cars.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I did not steal that car. I took it by mistake.
All those cars look alike, and you know it. Key
was in the ignition. I just got in and drove off. Yes,
of course, you just got in and drove off.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yes, you've got to let me go. I tell you,
I've got to.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
I know, I know, I know all about it. You've
got to go somewhere and get married because you forgot
about it before. Yes, Now I ask you, professor, how
could a man forget about his own wedding?
Speaker 6 (15:39):
Well, it happens that I didn't. Well, it don't make sense. Now,
why would this good friend of yours, this Professor Marcus Barcas, Now,
why would he send you an a lecture the night
you're going to get married.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Well he didn't know. Nobody knew. We were keeping the
marriage secret till college was over.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
All right, we'll soon find out. And I've sent for
the girl. I've sent for Professor Marcus Pear Barkers. And
as soon as they identify him always.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Doing well, why don't they come? Oh no, be patient,
just a little old murpher lot and watch form withy.
Speaker 7 (16:10):
Yes, sir, oh awful, late eleven fifteen, eleven fifteen.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
There's something I'm supposed to do with the time, now
what now?
Speaker 7 (16:25):
I wouldn't bother thinking, professor thinking only tires the head?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Will you be quiet? Something to do with the time? No, cheap?
Here they are? No?
Speaker 8 (16:36):
Okay, murph sentermen right, step this way, please, here we are.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Chief. It's Peggy Smith and Professor Barkers. Yeah, hello, folks,
come right. Hey, oh Sam, I'm so glad you've come.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Now.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Will you please tell these confounded in.
Speaker 7 (16:49):
Just a minute now, Professor mar Barker, say, do you
know this man?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
This fellow? No? I never saw him in my life? Sam, Sam?
What are you saying? I'm sorry, I don't know him, Jeeves, Sam,
are you crazy?
Speaker 7 (17:09):
Young lady? How about you? Do you know him?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Why?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
No?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I never saw him before?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Pretty? What are you trying to do? Now? You ought
to be ashamed of yourself. I don't like the Smith.
I ought to turn you over my knee.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Chief, come over and see us sometime. Come over for tea,
age Smith.
Speaker 7 (17:31):
You'll regret thistoke. Thank you, Miss Smith. Yes, I'll begad
to comfort tea.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, good night now, Jeef right now, young fella, I
want you to sit there and think real hard. Now,
what's your right name? Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Confound you, I said, I'm Professor McIntyre, and I am
Professor McIntyre, and I wish you'd.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Go away, your confounded idiot. Oh so I'm the yes,
Now go away and let me alone.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm trying remember something I've forgot, all right, all right now,
now try to remember this now.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now watch your right name, you fool. All right, you
can have it. I'll tell you my right name. I
am the Caleph of bagh Dad. See. Well, well, no,
that's more like it.
Speaker 7 (18:26):
Hey, Murph, Murph calling out house and ask him if
they're missing the Caleb.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Of bag Dad. I think we got something here. Ok.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So you think I'm crazy, don't you. Well I'll show
you who's crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh no, no, it's all right, professor. Just take it easy.
You know what we're all the we might crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I demand to be taken to the college. I want
to see President Jones right now.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You hear me? Right now?
Speaker 7 (18:53):
Are you sure Jonesy isn't one of the boys and
not hope that is an insult.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I demand to be taken to the college at once. Well,
now I'll tell you.
Speaker 7 (19:03):
We'll take a little ride up to the nuthouse, and
on the way by we'll.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Stop in and say hello to the president.
Speaker 7 (19:09):
No, I was that.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was never so insulted in all my life. No, no, no,
don't be touchy. And let's see it's eleven thirty. Eleven thirty. Oh,
why can't I think? Hey, you know, Professor I had
another chap like you. Onesay. He was one of those
willpower fellas. You know.
Speaker 7 (19:28):
He could sit down and put his mind to it,
good and hard and just blow up the city hall
because it didn't like the mayor. Hey, I don't suppose
that you could blow up the college, could you.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yes, that's it, Yes, my experiment, that's what it was.
I've been trying to think. I've been rocking my brain.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
That's what it is. For him, say, professor, take a
little joke. I tell you, Chief, this is past the
joking stage. What time is it? Tell me quick, I
hold you the time.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
It's eleven thirty, chief, No, no, no, no, your head
come on now like a good fella.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Well, Chief, I've got to get to my laboratory at
once before midnight.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It'll blow up.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Come on, take it easy, old man. Come on, now,
come on, let's go. I tell you I've got to
get to that laboratory. Chief please, yes, of course, come along.
Now we'll go for a nice little half hour. Oh,
we get some good fresh air and we'll see the President.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Will you take me to that laboratory? Now? Will you
be a good fella and forget it? Oh?
Speaker 1 (20:24):
What's the use? What's the use? I tell you, this
is the end of everything. O. Sure, come on, now,
let's go for that nice ride. The second act curtain
falls on the Wayside Theater production of the Adventure of
(20:44):
the Absent Minded Professor. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we're
going to present a novel idea one that's bound to
interest you because it means money in the pocket of
every motorist. Has Any Chicago Motor Club member will tell
you the club is absolutely certain that you will be
interested in the money saving information contained in its free booklet,
(21:07):
so certain, in fact, that we're giving you a two
minute musical intermission in which to ask for one and
don't forget. This is your immediate opportunity to keep that
New year's resolution about never putting things off till tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Now, while the orchestra plays. Just pick up the phone.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And call Franklin one eight, one eighth, or take this
time to write your name and address on a penny
postcard or a piece of paper and have it already
to mail to the club. Here we go, friends, a
musical intermission, while you call Franklin one eight one eight.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
For your free booklet.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And then we'll be all ready for the third act
of the night's play. And now the third act curtain
(24:08):
rises on the adventure of the absent minded professor.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Oh please, Chief, please take me to the laboratory. You've
got to believe me. Now, we're going to no labor Chief,
I beg you ash like a good bum.
Speaker 7 (24:28):
But now look, if you behave yourself, we let you
blow up two laboratories tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
That's all right, you win. It's out of my hands.
Now I'm through. That's the way to talk, you idiots.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Look at the time. Five minutes of twelve, five minutes
of twelve. Oh there's the house, chief, camera pull up.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Yeah right, yeah, I'm on, professor.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Oh you colossal comas it? Okay, ring the bellmark. We'll
find out. You'll find out, all right, you will find
out plenty.
Speaker 7 (25:04):
He does it old man. Oh good evening, sir. Well
what do you want, President Jones? Listen the quiet you,
President Jones. And now I came here?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, who are you? Come out of the dock. I
can't see you, mister President.
Speaker 7 (25:20):
Stay where you are, mister President said, I'm on my
way to the psychopathic hospital.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
That's why you belong? Is that man? I can't see him?
Will you come in? Please? Here's there we are, Professor.
Speaker 7 (25:30):
He might be dangerous, sir, of what you bring him
here for? Wells it seems that he's gifted with a
very strange power. You say, he can blow up your
chemistry laboratory, just like just like that. In other words,
he's goofy. But he says he knows you, so I
brought him here just to make sure. Oh why do
you bother me with the nonsense?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
What is it, Joe, President Jones, This is no joke.
Speaker 6 (25:54):
I tell you why why, Professor McIntyre, is that you?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Of course? It is? What? Yes, these boob these fools.
I told them about the laboratory, But what about the laboratory, professor?
What is he?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
President Jones? I put on an experiment. I forgot about
it until these fools arrested me. I could have stopped it,
but now it's too late. Boof this is all that.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Now, President, I wouldn't worry even if he is a professor.
I think he's a little touched.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Mister President.
Speaker 7 (26:25):
Listen to me now, will you, Mister President, he's been
acting off for me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
He thinks he can work miracles.
Speaker 7 (26:33):
Oh no, poor professor Mac, time you toom sure he
really thinks he can blow up the building.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Just like that?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear the poor dear professor.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Oh you're sorry? Are you? And you think I'm crazy too?
Do you? All right? It's too late to stop it,
so you might as well have it on a professor. Please,
you want to see miracles doing? All right? You'll see
miracles there. You hear that.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
There's midnight for you. Go ahead, jeep, snap your fingers.
You'll get your miracle, all right? No, no, just cool off?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Will you go on?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Snap me?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
You know you want me snap your stupid fingers? All right?
Speaker 7 (27:19):
All right, anything to oblige. Ah, here we are, professor
the magic snap?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
What good? Heavens? The laboratory looks?
Speaker 8 (27:33):
Look at the building it's gone, Look at glory.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Cheep, Yeah, well, you can all faint.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
I'm gonna pack my bags and get out of town.
I know just how welcome I'll be here now. Good
night you.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Fools, John, John, this is terrible.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
You're experiencing out of my way.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
John, I was coming to see the out of my way.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
We don't even know each other. Non please listen, No,
let go my coade.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
Please wait, John, do you know what's happened, Oh, Professor Barkus, Yes,
I know what's happened.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I blew up the lab with my little experiment.
Speaker 5 (28:10):
But John, look here, look John, seas both of you
you could have helped me prevent it. But no, no,
you've never seen me before. Let go my arm pain, John, listen,
look John, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
What are you raving about? You half went out of
my way? Can you feel it spray in the wind? What?
Speaker 5 (28:25):
Look at my face? Flick at my hands. That black
sprays oil. There's a gusher where the lamb was, John,
The spray's in the wind. John, I'll tell you we're rich.
The college is rich. We can build twenty laboratories. Oh well, John,
the explosion did it?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
It's millions? Is that so? Well?
Speaker 5 (28:44):
That still doesn't explain why you two didn't get me
out of that police station, John, John, don't quibble over trifles.
You had to be punished for running away from that lecture.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
But think of it. We've struck oil.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm gonna go for resident. We're rich, We're rich rich.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Wake up, chief, we got another customer.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Well i'll be John. Well, what about you? What was
your reason for not knowing me? Did you have a lecture?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I ran out on? No? Jack? Well, and what was it?
What did you have against me? So suddenly are you
poor darling? Don't you really know wits? Darling? What was
the idea?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I don't wonder, John, there's been so much excitement.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
But have you really forgotten that you forgot to come
and get married?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
My had of course, of course, that's why you didn't
know me. Oh, Peggy, I hadn't coming to me for that.
We'll get married first thing in the morning.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Oh no, darling, not a chance.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
In the world, Peggy.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Please, we'll get married right now, Dear, before you forget
it again, mister Congo.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Motor Clubs Wayside Theater production of the Adventure of the
Absent Minded Professor comes.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
To a close.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's been a most pleasant starting the new year with you,
ladies and gentlemen, and the Chicago Motor Club's hopes that
we have contributed to your enjoyment of the first day
in nineteen thirty nine.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
But why stop there.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
For over thirty two years, the Club has contributed to
the well being and happiness of thousands of motorists every
hour of.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
The day, every day of the year.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
If I could make a New Year's wish come true,
it would be this, that every motorist might enjoy the
difference between being a Chicago Motor Club member and just
being the owner and driver of a car. There's a
world of difference, friends, and it's to your distinct advantage
to find out what that difference is. Why don't you
request the Club's free booklet this very evening. Just send
(30:44):
your name and address to the Chicago Motor Club, Chicago
or its nearest branch office or.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Call Franklin one eight one eighth right now.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Be sure enjoining the Wayside Theater radio audience again next
week at this same hour, And remember the Chicago Motor
Club's weekly broadcast of the Parker Family is at six
point thirty tomorrow evening over this same station.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
In the cast of tonight's play.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
You've heard our popular stars Olin Soulay and the part
of John and Patricia Dunlapp playing Peggy. They were supported
by Bill Bouchet, Herb Butterfield, Frank Dane and Rhys Taylor.
This is Burnsmith speaking for the Chicago Motor Club and
wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
This is the Wbbmare to get her Wrigley Building, Chicago,
The Chicago Motor Club presents the Wayside Theater. Happy New Year,
(00:52):
ladies and gentlemen, and the prosperous one.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Right now is.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
The time to consider what an important factor the Chicago
Your Motor Club may be in contributing to your personal
happiness during nineteen thirty nine. To begin with, the club's
Wayside Theater has planned a schedule of more interesting, dramatic
entertainment than ever. But most important of all is the
fact that the club's many services and benefits may easily
(01:19):
be your nineteen thirty nine assurance of maximum motoring satisfaction.
The club's radio offerings are yours for the turn of
a dial. The club's services and benefits may also be yours.
Simply quickly economically start this new year right by taking
your first important step in the direction of no more
(01:41):
motoring worries. Put in your request tonight for the club's
free booklet explaining why member families spend less to own
and drive their cars. Just send your name and address
to the Chicago Motor Club, Chicago or its nearest branch office,
or call Franklin one eight one eighth The Chicago Motor
(02:07):
Glove Waistside Theater ushers in the new year with a
timely presentation of the Adventure of the Absent Minded Professor,
written especially for this program.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
By Addison Simmons.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Ladies and gentlemen, The first act curtain rises on the
Adventure of the absent Minded Professor.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Oh, Peggy, yes, John, take a letter.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Oh John, look at you.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What are you laughing at?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh you're telling your hats on backwards. You look like
a fireman.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Why don't be foolish. I haven't got my hat on.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Oh but you have.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
But I've been in class all after Oh what happens?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I have got it on, darling. So that's why the
class laughed. Oh well, never mind, take a letter, Peggy,
ready in waiting, dear mister. Uh uh, who's our writing to?
Speaker 3 (03:12):
You haven't said yet?
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Oh it's funny. Well let's see what was I going
to write about.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
You didn't say that either.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
Oh well, I'll think of it sooner or later. I
have lots of other things to do.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
I suppose you certainly have Look at your desk, Look
at that pile of paper.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Oh well, I'll dig right into him.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Get him.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Oh, Peggy, yes, John, Uh.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Peggy, isn't there something you were supposed to remind me
of today. No, something important, Peggy.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Nothing I haven't reminded you of already.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Oh no, that's peculiar.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Oh well it'll come, it'll come, I'll where'd those flowers
come from, Peggy?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Oh the man in the moon.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Peggy, Where did you get those flowers?
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Are you in? You send them to me?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I sent them?
Speaker 1 (04:02):
But oh, good heaven, so I did. Oh you know
I've been so busy I forgot. Yes, Oh, well, busy
men can't remember everything.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
No, dear, I guess they can't.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Oh these papers, now, let me see to.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Uh, Peggy, Peggy, I forgot to say. I just put
on my experiment for the new explosive.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Yes, John, and I want it to remain.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Just as it is until five o'clock and at five o'clock.
I want you to remind me to take it off
at five o'clock, yes, dear, And we mustn't forget if
we do at midnight, it'll blow this chemistry building the kingdom.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Come.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Oh, but John, you said I could get off early
and go shopping.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Oh did I? Why so? I did? Well? You just
go right ahead, go on there anytime at all? Was
all right?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
What about the explosives.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Oh that's all right, I'll remember it.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
That's just the trouble you won't.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Now, Peggy. Tell me did I ever forget anything really important?
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
No, darling? Well now did I skip it? There?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Look, I'll write your note, great big one here?
Speaker 4 (05:03):
Now turn off experiment five o'clock.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
There, Now you can't miss that?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Fine, put it right here. Suppose I put my hat
on it, and then I can't miss it? Say where
is my hat still.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
On your head? Done?
Speaker 5 (05:20):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yes, so it is? Well all right, here we are
the note, the hat, I pick up the hat. I
see the note. I can't miss that. Can I just
be sure you don't die?
Speaker 5 (05:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I won't know, Peggy, there is something I've forgotten for today.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
If I could only be.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Sure it's nothing you've asked me to remind you about, dear.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Oh well, I suppose it wasn't important anyway. Well, now
you run along, get your shopping done.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Go ahead, thanks, darling, you're a sweet boss.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Don't forget your hat.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
I won't buy sweet kiss Peggy.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
There, Well, doululu, dear, I'll see you later.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Oh yes, of course, goodbye.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
M m.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
M m.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Oh h.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Professor mcandire, Professor Parker's come in, sit down.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
What's on your mind?
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Sam, John, I want you to help me out. I certainly, Sam.
What can I do? I'm in a fixed John.
Speaker 6 (06:25):
I was supposed to give a lecture down at Gardenville tonight,
and now I can't go.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Oh why what's happened?
Speaker 6 (06:31):
Well, Plexy called a meeting of the finance committee, and
I can't get away. The old college is pretty hard up, John.
We've gotta think of ways and means. Yes, I know, Sam, Yes,
what do you say?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
John? Will you go down there and give my lecture
for me? William? Well? Sam, after all, I.
Speaker 6 (06:51):
Know it's nothing much, John, A little talk on the
art of human companionship. You know we talked about it
last week. Oh, yes, Sam, I remember, Will you do it?
What do you say?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Certainly, certainly, Sam, I'll go. Thanks John. That takes a
load off my mind. Oh, don't even think of it.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Sam.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
By the way, do you know of anything especially important
I had on the schedule for today?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Did I mention anything to you? Not to me? No?
Speaker 1 (07:23):
No, that is funny. I'd swear there was something. You'll
remember it tomorrow. Look, John, you will have to start
right now. You're going down the Gardenville. I don't like
to rush you, but it's a long way. Well that's
all right, Sam, I can start now, fine, and thanks again, John,
Oh forget it. Come on now, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
All right. Oh hey, hey, wait a minute. Don't you
want your hat? My hat? Oh yeah, sure, yes of course. Hey,
Now where is it? Here you are? Thanks? All right,
let's go. Come on.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You got your car, yes, that's right outside. Come on, Sam,
let me lock up here, go ahead. Here we are,
and I'm off to Gardenville. Well see you tomorrow morning, Sam.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
All right John.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
But you know, Sam, I'd feel a little more comfortable
if I could only think what it is I've forgotten.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And soul.
Speaker 7 (08:31):
Ladies and gentlemen, we are fortunate in having with us
tonight as substitute speaker, Professor mcintie.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Thank you, Thank you, missus Chaman.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Ladies and gentlemen, My friend's human companionship is the.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Very foundation of our society.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
I want to consider first man's fundamental device for companionship
the institution of marriage. Now this, this institution of marriage is.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Let me see go on, professor, go ahead, Oh yes, yes, yes,
of course. The institution of marriage is one on which
we build.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Oh see now the institution of marriage?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Marriage? What's the matter, professor?
Speaker 5 (09:31):
And what you talk was?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Forgive me, please, ladies and gentlemen, little something on my mind.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
It's been bothering me, bother me to professor. Yes, good point,
that well taken.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Well, not proceed, Let us consider the wedding ceremony.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Now, the wedding ceremony. It's the wedding, that's it. Oh,
what's the matter? Little wedding ceremony gets you? Don Yes,
that's it. Oh this is terrible. How could I? Well?
Is it? Professor? What's the trouble?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Mister chairman? This is awful? What I'd forgotten? It's come
to me. Oh what am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Professor? Please? What is it? Mister chairman? I just remembered
I'm supposed to get married tonight. Well I havenake.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm supposed to get married to my secretary, and I
came here and forgot all about it. Mister chairman. I've
got to leave, but Professor, I can't help it. I
can't stay.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
What'll we tell all these people? Tell them? I'll tell
them the truth?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
And how ladies, ladies and gentlemen, you have to excuse me.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
I'm terribly sorry, but I've got to leave.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
Gone to a wedding professor. Yes, yes, my own wedding.
You see, I came away and forgot all about it.
So will you please please excuse me because I've got
to be there.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
The first act of the adventure of the absent minded
Professor comes to a club. Do you know that it's
possible to save as much as twenty five dollars on
the financing of a new car? That's exactly what many
members of the Chicago Motor Club have done through the
club's Automobile Service. The club's courteous, painstaking arrangements and vast
(11:31):
experience have made it possible for many members to obtain
a generous saving on the financing of their cars, and
that goes for used cars as well as new ones.
If you're planning on buying an automobile, make this New
year's resolution right now. Consult the Chicago Motor Club's Automobile
Finance Service at your earliest opportunity. You'll acquaint yourself with
(11:54):
one of the many reasons why club members spend less
to own and drive their cars. And, by the way, friends,
those money saving reasons twenty six of them are all
explained in a valuable free booklet, yours.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Merely for the asking.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Just send your name and address to the Chicago Motor Club,
Chicago or its nearest branch office, or call Franklin.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
One eight one eight this very evening.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Now, just in case you've resolved that during nineteen thirty
nine you're never going to put off till tomorrow what
you know very well you should do to day, we're
going to present an unusual idea to assist you in
keeping that splendid resolution. Between the second and third acts
of tonight's play, we're going to eliminate our regular announcement.
We'll not say a word about the club services. We'll
(12:41):
present at that time a musical intermission, giving you ample
time to do to day what you might be delayed
doing till tomorrow, and that's writing the club or calling
Franklin one eight one eight and requesting your free booklet.
You won't miss any of the play, because the third
act won't start until you've had plenty of time him
to write or phone the club. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
(13:19):
the second act curtain rises on the adventure of the
absent minded professor.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Hey, hey, over, let me see your driver's license. Now,
what's the matter, officer? What was I going too fast?
I said, let me see your license. Well, officer, I
can explain it. I was on my way to let.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Me see your license, all right, all right, I have
it right here.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Oh well, no, what's the matter? And she got it?
I had it? I had it right my wallet. I
must have left my wallet at home. Eh, that's what
I thought. A smart guy. You must be professor or something.
Certainly I'm a professor.
Speaker 8 (14:17):
Yeah, and I'm heady, leamar, what you're doing with this
stolen car?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
What do you mean? I mean, this is a stolen car? Now?
What have you got to say? Say?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I won't stand for this. I don't like what you're saying.
I don't like your attitude, and I don't like your
tone of voice.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
Or don't you now? Well, maybe you like the chief's
tone of voice. He took singing lessons. Get going, mister professor,
and don't forget him right behind you.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Now, you listen to me, chief, You can't hold me here.
Speaker 7 (15:03):
Now hold on, professor. Well, yeah, you see, I take
your word and call your professor. I am a professor.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
Like I am, he's a professor. Professors don't steal cars.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I did not steal that car. I took it by mistake.
All those cars look alike, and you know it. Key
was in the ignition. I just got in and drove off. Yes,
of course, you just got in and drove off.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Yes, you've got to let me go. I tell you,
I've got to.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
I know, I know, I know all about it. You've
got to go somewhere and get married because you forgot
about it before. Yes, Now I ask you, professor, how
could a man forget about his own wedding?
Speaker 6 (15:39):
Well, it happens that I didn't. Well, it don't make sense. Now,
why would this good friend of yours, this Professor Marcus Barcas, Now,
why would he send you an a lecture the night
you're going to get married.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Well he didn't know. Nobody knew. We were keeping the
marriage secret till college was over.
Speaker 7 (15:55):
All right, we'll soon find out. And I've sent for
the girl. I've sent for Professor Marcus Pear Barkers. And
as soon as they identify him always.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Doing well, why don't they come? Oh no, be patient,
just a little old murpher lot and watch form withy.
Speaker 7 (16:10):
Yes, sir, oh awful, late eleven fifteen, eleven fifteen.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
There's something I'm supposed to do with the time, now
what now?
Speaker 7 (16:25):
I wouldn't bother thinking, professor thinking only tires the head?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Will you be quiet? Something to do with the time? No, cheap?
Here they are? No?
Speaker 8 (16:36):
Okay, murph sentermen right, step this way, please, here we are.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Chief. It's Peggy Smith and Professor Barkers. Yeah, hello, folks,
come right. Hey, oh Sam, I'm so glad you've come.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Now.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Will you please tell these confounded in.
Speaker 7 (16:49):
Just a minute now, Professor mar Barker, say, do you
know this man?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
This fellow? No? I never saw him in my life? Sam, Sam?
What are you saying? I'm sorry, I don't know him, Jeeves, Sam,
are you crazy?
Speaker 7 (17:09):
Young lady? How about you? Do you know him?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Why?
Speaker 1 (17:14):
No?
Speaker 3 (17:15):
I never saw him before?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Pretty? What are you trying to do? Now? You ought
to be ashamed of yourself. I don't like the Smith.
I ought to turn you over my knee.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
Chief, come over and see us sometime. Come over for tea,
age Smith.
Speaker 7 (17:31):
You'll regret thistoke. Thank you, Miss Smith. Yes, I'll begad
to comfort tea.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Yeah, good night now, Jeef right now, young fella, I
want you to sit there and think real hard. Now,
what's your right name? Oh?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Confound you, I said, I'm Professor McIntyre, and I am
Professor McIntyre, and I wish you'd.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Go away, your confounded idiot. Oh so I'm the yes,
Now go away and let me alone.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I'm trying remember something I've forgot, all right, all right now,
now try to remember this now.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now watch your right name, you fool. All right, you
can have it. I'll tell you my right name. I
am the Caleph of bagh Dad. See. Well, well, no,
that's more like it.
Speaker 7 (18:26):
Hey, Murph, Murph calling out house and ask him if
they're missing the Caleb.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Of bag Dad. I think we got something here. Ok.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So you think I'm crazy, don't you. Well I'll show
you who's crazy.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Oh no, no, it's all right, professor. Just take it easy.
You know what we're all the we might crazy.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
I demand to be taken to the college. I want
to see President Jones right now.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
You hear me? Right now?
Speaker 7 (18:53):
Are you sure Jonesy isn't one of the boys and
not hope that is an insult.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I demand to be taken to the college at once. Well,
now I'll tell you.
Speaker 7 (19:03):
We'll take a little ride up to the nuthouse, and
on the way by we'll.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Stop in and say hello to the president.
Speaker 7 (19:09):
No, I was that.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
I was never so insulted in all my life. No, no, no,
don't be touchy. And let's see it's eleven thirty. Eleven thirty. Oh,
why can't I think? Hey, you know, Professor I had
another chap like you. Onesay. He was one of those
willpower fellas. You know.
Speaker 7 (19:28):
He could sit down and put his mind to it,
good and hard and just blow up the city hall
because it didn't like the mayor. Hey, I don't suppose
that you could blow up the college, could you.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
Yes, that's it, Yes, my experiment, that's what it was.
I've been trying to think. I've been rocking my brain.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
That's what it is. For him, say, professor, take a
little joke. I tell you, Chief, this is past the
joking stage. What time is it? Tell me quick, I
hold you the time.
Speaker 7 (19:57):
It's eleven thirty, chief, No, no, no, no, your head
come on now like a good fella.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Well, Chief, I've got to get to my laboratory at
once before midnight.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It'll blow up.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Come on, take it easy, old man. Come on, now,
come on, let's go. I tell you I've got to
get to that laboratory. Chief please, yes, of course, come along.
Now we'll go for a nice little half hour. Oh,
we get some good fresh air and we'll see the President.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Will you take me to that laboratory? Now? Will you
be a good fella and forget it? Oh?
Speaker 1 (20:24):
What's the use? What's the use? I tell you, this
is the end of everything. O. Sure, come on, now,
let's go for that nice ride. The second act curtain
falls on the Wayside Theater production of the Adventure of
(20:44):
the Absent Minded Professor. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we're
going to present a novel idea one that's bound to
interest you because it means money in the pocket of
every motorist. Has Any Chicago Motor Club member will tell
you the club is absolutely certain that you will be
interested in the money saving information contained in its free booklet,
(21:07):
so certain, in fact, that we're giving you a two
minute musical intermission in which to ask for one and
don't forget. This is your immediate opportunity to keep that
New year's resolution about never putting things off till tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Now, while the orchestra plays. Just pick up the phone.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And call Franklin one eight, one eighth, or take this
time to write your name and address on a penny
postcard or a piece of paper and have it already
to mail to the club. Here we go, friends, a
musical intermission, while you call Franklin one eight one eight.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
For your free booklet.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
And then we'll be all ready for the third act
of the night's play. And now the third act curtain
(24:08):
rises on the adventure of the absent minded professor.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Oh please, Chief, please take me to the laboratory. You've
got to believe me. Now, we're going to no labor Chief,
I beg you ash like a good bum.
Speaker 7 (24:28):
But now look, if you behave yourself, we let you
blow up two laboratories tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
That's all right, you win. It's out of my hands.
Now I'm through. That's the way to talk, you idiots.
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Look at the time. Five minutes of twelve, five minutes
of twelve. Oh there's the house, chief, camera pull up.
Speaker 7 (24:47):
Yeah right, yeah, I'm on, professor.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Oh you colossal comas it? Okay, ring the bellmark. We'll
find out. You'll find out, all right, you will find
out plenty.
Speaker 7 (25:04):
He does it old man. Oh good evening, sir. Well
what do you want, President Jones? Listen the quiet you,
President Jones. And now I came here?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, who are you? Come out of the dock. I
can't see you, mister President.
Speaker 7 (25:20):
Stay where you are, mister President said, I'm on my
way to the psychopathic hospital.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
That's why you belong? Is that man? I can't see him?
Will you come in? Please? Here's there we are, Professor.
Speaker 7 (25:30):
He might be dangerous, sir, of what you bring him
here for? Wells it seems that he's gifted with a
very strange power. You say, he can blow up your
chemistry laboratory, just like just like that. In other words,
he's goofy. But he says he knows you, so I
brought him here just to make sure. Oh why do
you bother me with the nonsense?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
What is it, Joe, President Jones, This is no joke.
Speaker 6 (25:54):
I tell you why why, Professor McIntyre, is that you?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Of course? It is? What? Yes, these boob these fools.
I told them about the laboratory, But what about the laboratory, professor?
What is he?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
President Jones? I put on an experiment. I forgot about
it until these fools arrested me. I could have stopped it,
but now it's too late. Boof this is all that.
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Now, President, I wouldn't worry even if he is a professor.
I think he's a little touched.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Mister President.
Speaker 7 (26:25):
Listen to me now, will you, Mister President, he's been
acting off for me.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
He thinks he can work miracles.
Speaker 7 (26:33):
Oh no, poor professor Mac, time you toom sure he
really thinks he can blow up the building.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Just like that?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear the poor dear professor.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Oh you're sorry? Are you? And you think I'm crazy too?
Do you? All right? It's too late to stop it,
so you might as well have it on a professor. Please,
you want to see miracles doing? All right? You'll see
miracles there. You hear that.
Speaker 5 (27:06):
There's midnight for you. Go ahead, jeep, snap your fingers.
You'll get your miracle, all right? No, no, just cool off?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Will you go on?
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Snap me?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
You know you want me snap your stupid fingers? All right?
Speaker 7 (27:19):
All right, anything to oblige. Ah, here we are, professor
the magic snap?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
What good? Heavens? The laboratory looks?
Speaker 8 (27:33):
Look at the building it's gone, Look at glory.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Cheep, Yeah, well, you can all faint.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
I'm gonna pack my bags and get out of town.
I know just how welcome I'll be here now. Good
night you.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Fools, John, John, this is terrible.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
You're experiencing out of my way.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
John, I was coming to see the out of my way.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
We don't even know each other. Non please listen, No,
let go my coade.
Speaker 5 (28:00):
Please wait, John, do you know what's happened, Oh, Professor Barkus, Yes,
I know what's happened.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I blew up the lab with my little experiment.
Speaker 5 (28:10):
But John, look here, look John, seas both of you
you could have helped me prevent it. But no, no,
you've never seen me before. Let go my arm pain, John, listen,
look John, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
What are you raving about? You half went out of
my way? Can you feel it spray in the wind? What?
Speaker 5 (28:25):
Look at my face? Flick at my hands. That black
sprays oil. There's a gusher where the lamb was, John,
The spray's in the wind. John, I'll tell you we're rich.
The college is rich. We can build twenty laboratories. Oh well, John,
the explosion did it?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
It's millions? Is that so? Well?
Speaker 5 (28:44):
That still doesn't explain why you two didn't get me
out of that police station, John, John, don't quibble over trifles.
You had to be punished for running away from that lecture.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
But think of it. We've struck oil.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm gonna go for resident. We're rich, We're rich rich.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
Wake up, chief, we got another customer.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Well i'll be John. Well, what about you? What was
your reason for not knowing me? Did you have a lecture?
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I ran out on? No? Jack? Well, and what was it?
What did you have against me? So suddenly are you
poor darling? Don't you really know wits? Darling? What was
the idea?
Speaker 5 (29:20):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I don't wonder, John, there's been so much excitement.
Speaker 4 (29:22):
But have you really forgotten that you forgot to come
and get married?
Speaker 3 (29:27):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
My had of course, of course, that's why you didn't
know me. Oh, Peggy, I hadn't coming to me for that.
We'll get married first thing in the morning.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Oh no, darling, not a chance.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
In the world, Peggy.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Please, we'll get married right now, Dear, before you forget
it again, mister Congo.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Motor Clubs Wayside Theater production of the Adventure of the
Absent Minded Professor comes.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
To a close.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
It's been a most pleasant starting the new year with you,
ladies and gentlemen, and the Chicago Motor Club's hopes that
we have contributed to your enjoyment of the first day
in nineteen thirty nine.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
But why stop there.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
For over thirty two years, the Club has contributed to
the well being and happiness of thousands of motorists every
hour of.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
The day, every day of the year.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
If I could make a New Year's wish come true,
it would be this, that every motorist might enjoy the
difference between being a Chicago Motor Club member and just
being the owner and driver of a car. There's a
world of difference, friends, and it's to your distinct advantage
to find out what that difference is. Why don't you
request the Club's free booklet this very evening. Just send
(30:44):
your name and address to the Chicago Motor Club, Chicago
or its nearest branch office or.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Call Franklin one eight one eighth right now.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Be sure enjoining the Wayside Theater radio audience again next
week at this same hour, And remember the Chicago Motor
Club's weekly broadcast of the Parker Family is at six
point thirty tomorrow evening over this same station.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
In the cast of tonight's play.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
You've heard our popular stars Olin Soulay and the part
of John and Patricia Dunlapp playing Peggy. They were supported
by Bill Bouchet, Herb Butterfield, Frank Dane and Rhys Taylor.
This is Burnsmith speaking for the Chicago Motor Club and
wishing you a happy and prosperous New Year.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
This is the Wbbmare to get her Wrigley Building, Chicago,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.