May 9, 2025 • 26 mins
Buckle up for a wild ride with Opie and a star-studded lineup including Carl Ruiz, Craig Gass, Waka Flocka, Mark Normand, Artie Lange, Louis CK, and more! This episode of Comedy Quick Hits dives into hilarious rants on Girl Scout cookie-flavored weed, overrated ribs, sushi that’s still wiggling, and why Chinese people “don’t laugh.” From betting on Duke to teaching the toilet who’s boss, no topic is off-limits—whether it’s smoothie guilt, Trump as your coworker, or why dinosaurs can F off. Laugh till you cry (no crying in comedy!) with bits on bathroom humor, M&Ms in the bedroom, and Katy Perry blasting into space. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, I guess this means nothing if you're not
following us on Twitter, right, which is an extension of
this fine radio show.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's worth following just for the ship picture at the
very end in the toilet.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I don't know why you want to give the big review,
just saying, fucking god that that's the money to talk
about this.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Now, we slowly, slowly built that.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
You don't walk out on stage your place there with
haven't it still feels good when you get to it.
It'll still feel good with the roses. Oh look, the
first song is sweitch all don mind.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I don't have to see any more of the concert.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm a tallica starting off a sand great. I can
beat the traffic hole.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
There's a lot of ways to analyze. There's a lot
of ways to analyze the photo.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
The best week with girls called Cookies.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I'm telling you, yeah, this guy came to me with girls.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Call cookie that before. Did you like about it though?
What was different from it? Yeah? Basic fucking cookies, crazy
like real cookies. I said that it takes like cookies,
which girls and freedom to cook? We're talking?
Speaker 5 (01:05):
What are we talking?
Speaker 6 (01:06):
He's gonna light it up now, isn't the samosa because
those are.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
A little dry. Koreans let me tye someone.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
I don't know at what point that someone from Alabama
land in Korea. But these guys are crushing it. It's
the crunchiest, right chicken?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
What makes a Korean chicken wing better than just a
regular double?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
It's cooked twice, right, so they cooked the chicken first
so it's nice and tender, and then they coat it.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
What are you shaking a head from? Where's time to
cook anything twice?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It just sounds like it would make it a tougher
chicken costs.
Speaker 7 (01:41):
If anything, I think I'm in the room for the
wrong with the wrong people.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
We gotta try. We got.
Speaker 7 (01:50):
You already have the because we bother each other.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
If it takes more than a half hour, I don't
want What is it with you? Are you a firefighter?
Where you go?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (02:03):
I fight it and I you know, I'm like, Oh,
there's a mint on the pillow at the hotel, I'll
eat that. That's free, you know. Oh there's a roll
on that dead food service tray on the floor, I'll
get that.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
This is real.
Speaker 8 (02:12):
Oh yeah, I'm a mess. Do you ask my friends?
They've all seen it. They're like, dude, like I'll be
with Joe Lisz. I'll be like, I'm gonna get a
dollar slice. He's like, dude, you're making money, go get
it of Joe's slices. I'm like, nah, I gotta get
the dollar.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
But we went and had nice burgers in Austin.
Speaker 8 (02:24):
And you paid.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
That was the very funny thing.
Speaker 8 (02:27):
It's like, who am I to just give this guy
a piece of paper and then I get a burger?
Get the hell out, all right?
Speaker 6 (02:32):
The ameally is, there are a bunch of guys that
live in my town, right and they own you know,
South Orange Disposal and all these things. Right, Okay, the
old man Mealy, he invites you and it's a big deal.
He invites you down to the farm to make sausage.
And it's all day.
Speaker 7 (02:46):
You know, you get there at six in the morning,
homemade wine.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
You guys are all making you learn something and you're
altogether and you make delicious sausage. But you're kind of
nibbling and drinking a little bit during the tree and
eating homemade cheese and stuff.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
It's a great day. Who's never done that? Who's paying
attention to the calories? Look at that. What are you
talking about? Commercial? Who's being attention to?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
The calorie and day?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
What do you mean calories? Is no calories?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What an opie question?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
There's so much salt you can have. I'm on Twitter.
I send up pigeon perfect human sandwich. He's like, who's
got them? My lantern? My god? I want to jump
to the phone. I just know how to push it
by to be against gold trouble. Anythink I dressed like
this twenty years of Juman's like, I got to say this,
(03:34):
cats and I had a rush concert anyone the Korean?
Speaker 9 (03:38):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Chicken? Trust me too much? What do you mean too much.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
To to to like sticky?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I don't like sticky food? Sticky? I don't like sticky food.
What do you mean like sticky?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
That means on your teeth and you're in your nails
and ribs.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
You don't like ribs?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
I fucking hate real ribs are overrated. I can't right now.
We gotta problem.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I don't know. I can't buy a coat.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
It's too much money.
Speaker 8 (04:04):
I don't deserve that.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
When you're cold, you need a coat.
Speaker 8 (04:08):
To tell you told me about I was fucking freezing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
But how do you justify that? In your head that
you don't buy yourseluse.
Speaker 8 (04:13):
I'm like, who am I to get a coat? I'm
not a cold I buy a coat. I can't walk
in the store and buy a coat.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Is a privilege?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yes, I think, no matter who you are and how
much money you make, we're all coat guys.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, everyone's a coat. It's like everyone's a coke. Everyone
is a shoes guy.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Finally we get to this tweet from over the weekend.
I'm sorry to announce, but our food tour came to
an abrupt end.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
We lost a good guy out there today and all
it is is rolling s feet. Obviously he's sitting.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
On the toilet and he's a shuffler.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You should have went for a note bupskirt type. Not
getting any closer.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I'm gonna buy myself a smooth every fucking time I
want one.
Speaker 8 (04:59):
And if I get that smoothie, the guilt all day long.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What the fun?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
Who do you think you are? Fucking? You know, money bags?
Your piece of shit? What are you getting the smoothie?
What if you run out of money? What if you
don't make it? Ah, it never ends.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It's weird.
Speaker 8 (05:10):
So I'd rather just not have it and go, you know,
live an anxiety free life.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
What is this? I don't understand. The braised egg.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
That's a that's an egg braised in soy sauce. Okay,
so it gets this really unappetizing brown color.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh that looks like chocolate. Oh it's so good though
it looked like milk chocolate. I couldn't figure that one out.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Like when you order that at the Chinese restaurant, the
Chinese waiter winks at you. He knows like you're the
real thing.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Well, how do you order that? It's not on the menu.
It is, but you got to stop getting like the
You have to walk in like that? What are you doing?
What the hell was that you walk in like this?
And then they give you the special menu? Why are
you stretching your eyes out like that? I got sand
in my eyes and I got the special menu. Now,
(05:55):
if you haint bird, what you're really saying is you
hate dinosaurs.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
That's what you're really saying.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Of course it's our turn, yeah have to dinosaurs. They
had their chance.
Speaker 10 (06:05):
Those idiots couldn't figure out any technology, so they went
bye bye.
Speaker 11 (06:09):
This was their planet right with their little they couldn't
figure out how to get.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Their arms longer.
Speaker 11 (06:18):
They went through a million, maybe a billion years like this, like, oh,
I wish my longer arm so we could get some
technology before the meteor righte hits us.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And there's another thing you learned by hanging out with
Chinese people. It's not you. They just don't laugh. Is
that a thing we're talking about. They're a little tight.
I'm not trying to be funny. They really do seem brainwashed. Well,
no one thought you were trying to be funnier.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
On No but the feet and handmade wide noodle.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Good food day.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Today we lost a great man rolling at rolling food
court who was.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Long gone on a ferry over the side, wishing he
was home. What happened to you? Roland?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
Once I parted with realizing ship, he shied his pants.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I forgot to tell. I blocked it out because it
was like it was awful. That's why I live one
day at a time. That's a good idea, you know
what I mean. That's because you're an alcoholic. I've struggling.
It's because you can't drink wine without ruining your life.
Speaker 6 (07:31):
Yeah, so we're at the Cuban restaurant in the Cuban Sandwich.
Speaker 7 (07:36):
Human give him nuts, and all of a sudden he
just looks at me.
Speaker 6 (07:40):
He's looking dead at me and farts, and I'm like,
what the fuck was that?
Speaker 3 (07:46):
He liked fireworks? Yeah, he goes, I don't know. I said,
what do you mean? You don't know? I had no
control over that one. That was all I said.
Speaker 6 (07:53):
You got to go home if you can, such like
having a food stroke. You know, you just ship your
pants at the restaurant.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
That's a little frightening.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
And his eyes he wasn't lying to me. His eyes
were wide open. How how many he stops into into
that was stopped? That was near the end stop foor.
He hit the guardrail a little bit, and he put
in your pants. After those parts, there's a streak.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Down.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
We have to wash him in the sink.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
But I'm the only one that washes it in the
s Every once in a while the streaks.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Sometimes I give it a good whip in the sink. I
have to say, I don't want anyone else's seat in
my house.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
I flush him down the toilet.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
And if they're a nice pair, look, if they're old,
then I'm throwing them away. You were putting him in
the drop ceiling.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I gotta say.
Speaker 6 (08:49):
I couldn't shake Hope's pop story from yesterday.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
That's the best thing I ever heard. Drop Louis.
Speaker 12 (08:58):
We were talking about the space the moment, all right,
right right, and of course I believe it happened. But
can you take a photo of the flag where it
is now?
Speaker 13 (09:04):
You can take a photo of the footprints and where
the rover drove around. You could still see the lunar
Landers sitting on the moon. And there's lots of photos
out there.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Oh really yeah, and white kids, you see the flag.
Speaker 13 (09:14):
So well, the flag's kind of hard because it's been
exposed to ultra violet light from the sun for thirty
or forty years, so it's probably faded to white. And
also when the when the little rocket chip took off
with the two astronauts in it, they blew over the
flag and some of the places just because of the
exhaust out of the rocket. So, but the footprints are
all there.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
That's why did they put the flag somewhere else? You
can't blow you can't blow over the flag. Well, you
know how hard it was to get it up there?
Speaker 13 (09:39):
Bring one when you go back next time.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I learned that from Crazy Gym up there in Boston.
I think I never forgot about you, crazy gym.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Wherever you are.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
He would he would ship his pants everyone. He would
go to the he was our.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Sales guy, and he would go to the gas station
and then he's like, I got to get rid of
these these underpants, and he would put them in the drop.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Uh my purpose. He would just poke it open and
throw it up there.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
That's the funniest thing I heard in my life.
Speaker 10 (10:10):
And I was hot because I had my winter coat
on and my stupid my winter hat, and I was
heating up and I was feeling very, very nauseous. And
then all of a sudden he's like, Hey, I'm gonna
stop at uh Kroger's to get some lunch meats. So
I have to apologize to Kroger's because as we're pulling
pulling in the parking lot, I go to Jeff, I'm
(10:30):
going to puke.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
He goes, just let me get to the back of
the parking lot.
Speaker 10 (10:33):
He he pulled in. I had the door swung open
as he was pulling in. I got out and started
power booting all around his buffalo bills SUV into the
tree everywhere. And then he comes back with the lunch,
Me and I go, we're.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Good, We're good, We're good. Now, we're good, ready to
start the day. He's also the same guy, like he
wore a suit and time man.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
He was a big sales guy up there in Boston
when when we were at af and he would himself
that's good stories he would tell like me and me
and Anthony would be broadcasting and we were big with
the WWF even back then, and they had a huge
cutout in the studio.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I forgot who crazy Jim.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Cut out the part where the crotch was, and then
he would just stand behind that and put his whole
penis and balls through it and just wait for me
and Anthony to notice that he's just pushing his jump
through this.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yes, yes, I'm hear me out right.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
So pigs feet, when you cook them down, they have
all the college and all the all that connective tissue
in the feet, right, and it's so gummy and it's
like pork bubble gum. It's the most delicious thing. But
you have to work your way up to there. You
can't just start eating pigs feet. You'll get to work
your way up to it. Then it's not delicious, But
like in the South, I get jars of it and
(11:51):
it's pickled like pickles.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Oh, the ears and the snout.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I just think about my own feet and my your
feet are different, and my athletes's foot problems, the problem.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I don't have bacteria.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
What the hell?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
What I try to explain is that you know, I
don't give a fuck what you vote for. But I
lived in New York with him for forty years, and
I'm sorry, I don't. I don't care that you think
you know him.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You don't.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Yeah, I said, he is, he's not been. He's been
sitting on my face for forty years, not your face.
You find him really charming because it's been a year
and change and he was really good in the Apprentice. Okay,
all right, Well this is fucking reality and he's a douchebag,
right and and I just can't under I just I said,
if this is a guy who was next to you
(12:45):
in a cubicle in an office six months into it,
but everyone in this roomor works in an office, I
can fucking guarantee you if he sat next to you
with that overbloated ego, okay, you would basically you'd be choking.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I can't wait for sure to come back. I got
an edible story for him. I could just Oh boy,
when did I go to the Islanders game? Jesus, Oh,
I've been sitting out a story.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
A hockey. I'm sitting got a story.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
The hell's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Because people are like, hey, man, you and Chris went
to the Islanders Rangers game.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Why aren't you tweeting from me?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
See you post anything about it?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I don't see many pictures from this. You guys are
so I have a story spooped out. That's spooped out.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Not me.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I got a story.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
Chris had an anxiety attacked.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
I can't Waitraser too concentrated.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Man, it's too powerful now.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
So when he goes to the bathroom in this restaurant,
there's it's right next to the kitchen, right the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
So goes where's them to go? Oh, it's back in
the kitchen. They thought it was just a harmless little
tourists go to the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (14:03):
Yeah, two minutes later, I see the whole fucking stack from.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The kitchen in the front of the restaurant with me.
So it's like a little counter.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
Yeah, and there was only one person when we walked
in there, Roland goes into the back.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Now there's six people at the fucking counter.
Speaker 6 (14:18):
He cleared out the whole back of that fucking restaurant,
the chili and me really uncomfortable. Everyone was shuffling their
feet like they're not shuffling their feet, they're running away.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Bro, did you teach that toilet a lesson?
Speaker 7 (14:31):
I crushed four times. I had to to four timesh it?
Speaker 13 (14:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Is that this angle? That Carlo?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
This angle?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
He send me you see the NETS logo? And I
texted him back and I said, how do I know
you're not in the Brooklyn Nets locker room? And he
wrote back, it's Roland. I don't think you have to
ask that question. He looks like a special needs security
guard at model.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
That's a personal text message. Sorry. Sorry.
Speaker 10 (15:08):
It was an all female crew and it was supposed
to be a big deal because.
Speaker 14 (15:11):
We've never had a female crew of astronauts. But they're
not astronauts. They were botox face bites. And then Katie Perry,
you know, right before she went into the Penis rocket,
she tweeted, I love you.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
She was telling the world I love you.
Speaker 10 (15:31):
And then they went on the stupid thing and Gail
King Oprah's girlfriend was there.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Oprah was on the ground.
Speaker 14 (15:38):
She was too scared to go, so Gil's like, I'll wait,
I'll go, So Oprah couldn't go.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
My favorite thing is I take the pickled snouts and
I drive them in paper towels and I throw them
in a deep frier full of lard, and then I
take that out and put a little lemon and hot sauce.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
I think it's delicious, seems.
Speaker 15 (15:57):
The problem with all that for me is it looks
in the last thirty minutes it looks no, no, no,
it looks too much like the animal that that would
freak me the funk outwhere.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Craig, Craig, listen.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I mean it's like, look, you're eating a fucking I mean,
you can like trick yourself when you're eating a burger
to be like it's a burger, you know, But when
you're looking at fucking Tonhill.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah. I don't hit your kids, do you, Gilbert Oh.
Speaker 16 (16:23):
Constantly, when I'm away, I hire something. I pay a
homeless man. I give him a few bucks to go
up and hit the kids, even if they haven't done anything,
just to keep them.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
On the straight and arrow.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
A lot of foodies and I do this a lot.
Speaker 6 (16:41):
You know, all these like fake bloggers and ship I said,
come out to eat with me. I took this one
blogger to the sushi place where they serve live sushi. Right,
I mean, it's alive, it's moving on your plate, it's
put it in your mouth, and it's and you kill
it with your teeth. But but what but what you know,
maybe have to push little crabs and around your plate.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
So this I know with this girl.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
And she's like, I'm the best in the fru and
she's name dropping left and right. I says, all right,
here's the little octopus. She goes, oh, they're still moving.
Is that this is like the real thing. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I said, you've had this before.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Bullshit her. She's like, yeah, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
She dips it in the soy sauce and she she
thinks that she's gonna swallow it.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Hole, you're fucking in a lot of trouble. Really, this
thing stop.
Speaker 6 (17:26):
In her throat and I'm sitting there. All of a sudden,
I see her eyes. She goes, she can't talk. This
thing is climbing up her throat. No fucking comes out like.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
She grabbed it.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
She goes, I just can't do this and just fucking
walked out.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
I was like, more octopus for me would have.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Been the greatest video ever.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
She froze. I mean pale when this octopus just put it?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Little Lesund said, all hell, mow, something alive in your
throat is trying to crawl.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Up, and imagine what that feels like.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
One time you was looking for somebody employee to roll
all your joints with something.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Granted, was that a roma? It was real. It was
hard time. Do you know?
Speaker 6 (18:10):
In Japan's people that train how to kill fish properly,
so they don't they don't stun the meat.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
It's unbelievable.
Speaker 7 (18:15):
It takes like two years to train on how to
kill live fish in Japan.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
All right, listen, I'm out again. Oh god, I'll tell
you when i'm in, and I'm going to tell you
when i'm out.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It can't be a crazy sound to you, though, Carl,
I mean that's you. You're talking about eating live.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
No, no, no, But just the fact that it takes
two years to kill a fish prop you know properly.
No it doesn't, sir, That's what makes the you know,
it pumps up the mystique of the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
You saw Io love sushi.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right, the guy has to study rice for how many years?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That's stupid?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
All you got it?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I'll agree that ten years. Maybe the guy was stupid.
You know, I'm gonna give you that. I listen, I
got three restaurants.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
I got people that spend ten years doing the same
thing because they're apprentice, because a're fucking idiots.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Right?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Is it a comedy or was it a drama? You
never want to hear it. Was it a comedy or
was it a drama? Keep quiet? You think it's your show.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
He's hopy, But then why do we owe China so
much money?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I'm over here at the kids table, Larry, who is
this the little cheek? We did a cheek, a yellow
tail collar, the collar of the ultimate. Try it with
ponzu and lemon. It's delicious, right, look at that? And
why is the cheek so tasty? Collar? It's because that's
where all the that's where all the flavor is. But
(19:47):
it is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
You go to the Greek restaurants and all sudden like,
oh would you like show you the fish at you?
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Well, you like the cheek. It's the best part of
the fish and then they're scraping.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It out for ten minutes, and then maybe you get
enough for tea spool size of an oyster.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, it's just like Kenny, You're over that. It becomes
nonsense for a while.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Now CNN is not only fake news now it's officially
very fake news.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That's back with him. That came out today, that's big
that came out today. That's a cold red dude. I
hate the news.
Speaker 12 (20:15):
Here's what I use, bro intuition and rumors, good rust.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
Yeah, we're gonna have turtle soup. We're gonna have grilled cherizos.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
We're gonna go to a little.
Speaker 6 (20:27):
Polish butcher market that's been there for one hundred years.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
We're gonna have Brazilian hamburgers. We're gonna have this. I'm
going with you, bro. Oh this is a good time.
We're gonna film this ship. Oh yeah, it's gonna be good.
I'll be quiet in front of the owner so they
have I know that'll scare you a little bit.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Colin College is just hopeful to the correct. Me and
and Colin Quinn worked out a college watch where they
had a death this woman sign. Okay, Colin quick came
out at the first joke bombs. He walks over to her,
hits her all the head and goes, is this thing working?
(21:08):
She started to cry, and they kicked They kicked us
on the side.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Kicked us on the fuck we made the deaf side cry.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Great burgers aren't what's in him, it's what's not in them.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Right, So the best burgers are negative, right, they don't
have all this bullshit, you know, like J. G. Mellons
that we love you know in the city.
Speaker 7 (21:35):
There since the forties. Yeah, they have the same grill.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Since the forties people were tuning in. They would just
assume we're watching porno with Yeah, Larry King, Hi, Larry,
Good morning, Larry, Hi Larry. Do you know jaded appatoo
to your left?
Speaker 15 (21:51):
Still water all over his phone?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Oh before you let you cute Larry King.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
That's all.
Speaker 12 (22:02):
Electric and broadcasting since nineteen fifty two, we kill him
in the show.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Let's say you were single, you rather eat or or
or would you rather eat?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I'd rather eat food? Yes, really, I'm forty five. I
mean I'm forty one. Who cares? But is it almost
as much of a turn on as like sex? At
my age? I think it's better. Wow, you know, because
the sex thing. Now, I got to talk to you
and ship. You're not gonna sell that.
Speaker 6 (22:36):
I know you're not gonna say anything, that fucking giggling idiot.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Do you eat after sex? I'll sometimes listen.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
One time I was having text with this girl and
I found M and m's in my pocket and I
ate them while I was I was eating on them,
and the fucking stopped the whole thing. She turned around,
She's like, what the fuck are you doing.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
You're sucking her from behind and eating and she heard
the crunch.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
It was the peanut one.
Speaker 9 (22:58):
I was the idea inspired by your movie.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
A Bronx tail.
Speaker 9 (23:06):
It's a list of women that I've banged called a
box tail.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
That is great.
Speaker 9 (23:15):
Chapter one, Goldie Horn, How do I taste Kurt? That's
box tail? Chapter two? Me a Pharaoh, she likes it
in the shitter. That's a box tail. Chapter three, Devily Dangelo.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
She let me pee on her?
Speaker 9 (23:38):
Who that is great?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Chapter four the girl who played Precious. That wasn't me.
That was boxed forget.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
My standard is John's Pizzeria. Then I'm bleaker.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
I love. It's a great standard to have. Well, the
first time I went to John's. This this was an
Oakster move. We all went down there for pizza and
I was craving pasta. So everyone else is, oh no,
and everyone else.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Is crushing the pizza and I got a drive bowl
of spaghetti and meatballs probably like what are you doing?
Even the waiter was confused, like that's not the menu,
but no one orders it, and.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
I had to go back and make it. Pretty much,
they're opening up a box like it's not boil water.
Someone actually ordered pasta today.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
It's my understanding. There's some weird like mafia type thing
between like Pepe's and some other one, like if you
go to one, you can't go to the other one.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
Oh yeah, there's there's huge Italian feuds between they.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
The guy from Slimoni Gardens in Brooklyn, they killed them.
They shot it right in front of his house.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Pizza guy, he had eleven grands in his pocket.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
They didn't take the.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Money and they shot him execution style. One of the
best pizzas in the country.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
For what reason, the mafia.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Still gives a fuck about pizza. Oh wow, somebody opened.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Somebody opened. We had an employee that was mobbed up
that opened.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Up fake Spimoni Gardens in Staten Island, and there was
a big beef and that a guy's dead.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (25:08):
Way do not mess with the mob and pizza. They
will end quickly.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
You know.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
The pizza Fromaldi's is actually a pretty damn guy.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I think it's amazing Johns maybe slightly.
Speaker 11 (25:22):
But I also had a cold that day, so I
think I might have.
Speaker 7 (25:25):
To go back and make sure people get shot.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Still, no kidding.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
And he had eleven brand in his pocket.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
They didn't touch it. If that doesn't scream. The mob
showed up in a Cadillac. Nothing does. That's not about
the money. I knew this was coming. Oh boy, what happened?
Just got a text? Can't tell you from who? Easy
on the Mob talk? Oh boy, easy on the mob talk?
Is it the kid over there with those hits? What's that? Okay?
(25:54):
What he's trying to do? It? Off the mike? Send
you a signal it's one of them. One of our
friends said something, I just gotta leave it that. He's
all right, let's talk about Britos next Mexican on their
way out.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
You can say whatever you want, let's just put it
this way. He helped me out from time to time,
listen to more pizza talk. He knows where the red
flags are, so he just gave me a red flag.
All right, I love all pizza joints, and well, maybe
I shouldn't say that.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
All it's just talking about commercial
Speaker 11 (26:42):
Boo boo boo boo boo boo bo
You know, I guess this means nothing if you're not
following us on Twitter, right, which is an extension of
this fine radio show.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
It's worth following just for the ship picture at the
very end in the toilet.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
I don't know why you want to give the big review,
just saying, fucking god that that's the money to talk
about this.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Now, we slowly, slowly built that.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
You don't walk out on stage your place there with
haven't it still feels good when you get to it.
It'll still feel good with the roses. Oh look, the
first song is sweitch all don mind.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
I don't have to see any more of the concert.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm a tallica starting off a sand great. I can
beat the traffic hole.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
There's a lot of ways to analyze. There's a lot
of ways to analyze the photo.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
The best week with girls called Cookies.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I'm telling you, yeah, this guy came to me with girls.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Call cookie that before. Did you like about it though?
What was different from it? Yeah? Basic fucking cookies, crazy
like real cookies. I said that it takes like cookies,
which girls and freedom to cook? We're talking?
Speaker 5 (01:05):
What are we talking?
Speaker 6 (01:06):
He's gonna light it up now, isn't the samosa because
those are.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
A little dry. Koreans let me tye someone.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
I don't know at what point that someone from Alabama
land in Korea. But these guys are crushing it. It's
the crunchiest, right chicken?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
What makes a Korean chicken wing better than just a
regular double?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
It's cooked twice, right, so they cooked the chicken first
so it's nice and tender, and then they coat it.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
What are you shaking a head from? Where's time to
cook anything twice?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
It just sounds like it would make it a tougher
chicken costs.
Speaker 7 (01:41):
If anything, I think I'm in the room for the
wrong with the wrong people.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
We gotta try. We got.
Speaker 7 (01:50):
You already have the because we bother each other.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
If it takes more than a half hour, I don't
want What is it with you? Are you a firefighter?
Where you go?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 8 (02:03):
I fight it and I you know, I'm like, Oh,
there's a mint on the pillow at the hotel, I'll
eat that. That's free, you know. Oh there's a roll
on that dead food service tray on the floor, I'll
get that.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
This is real.
Speaker 8 (02:12):
Oh yeah, I'm a mess. Do you ask my friends?
They've all seen it. They're like, dude, like I'll be
with Joe Lisz. I'll be like, I'm gonna get a
dollar slice. He's like, dude, you're making money, go get
it of Joe's slices. I'm like, nah, I gotta get
the dollar.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
But we went and had nice burgers in Austin.
Speaker 8 (02:24):
And you paid.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
That was the very funny thing.
Speaker 8 (02:27):
It's like, who am I to just give this guy
a piece of paper and then I get a burger?
Get the hell out, all right?
Speaker 6 (02:32):
The ameally is, there are a bunch of guys that
live in my town, right and they own you know,
South Orange Disposal and all these things. Right, Okay, the
old man Mealy, he invites you and it's a big deal.
He invites you down to the farm to make sausage.
And it's all day.
Speaker 7 (02:46):
You know, you get there at six in the morning,
homemade wine.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
You guys are all making you learn something and you're
altogether and you make delicious sausage. But you're kind of
nibbling and drinking a little bit during the tree and
eating homemade cheese and stuff.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
It's a great day. Who's never done that? Who's paying
attention to the calories? Look at that. What are you
talking about? Commercial? Who's being attention to?
Speaker 2 (03:08):
The calorie and day?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
What do you mean calories? Is no calories?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
What an opie question?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
There's so much salt you can have. I'm on Twitter.
I send up pigeon perfect human sandwich. He's like, who's
got them? My lantern? My god? I want to jump
to the phone. I just know how to push it
by to be against gold trouble. Anythink I dressed like
this twenty years of Juman's like, I got to say this,
(03:34):
cats and I had a rush concert anyone the Korean?
Speaker 9 (03:38):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Chicken? Trust me too much? What do you mean too much.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
To to to like sticky?
Speaker 3 (03:44):
I don't like sticky food? Sticky? I don't like sticky food.
What do you mean like sticky?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
That means on your teeth and you're in your nails
and ribs.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
You don't like ribs?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
I fucking hate real ribs are overrated. I can't right now.
We gotta problem.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
I don't know. I can't buy a coat.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
It's too much money.
Speaker 8 (04:04):
I don't deserve that.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
When you're cold, you need a coat.
Speaker 8 (04:08):
To tell you told me about I was fucking freezing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
But how do you justify that? In your head that
you don't buy yourseluse.
Speaker 8 (04:13):
I'm like, who am I to get a coat? I'm
not a cold I buy a coat. I can't walk
in the store and buy a coat.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
Is a privilege?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yes, I think, no matter who you are and how
much money you make, we're all coat guys.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, everyone's a coat. It's like everyone's a coke. Everyone
is a shoes guy.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Finally we get to this tweet from over the weekend.
I'm sorry to announce, but our food tour came to
an abrupt end.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
We lost a good guy out there today and all
it is is rolling s feet. Obviously he's sitting.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
On the toilet and he's a shuffler.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
You should have went for a note bupskirt type. Not
getting any closer.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
I'm gonna buy myself a smooth every fucking time I
want one.
Speaker 8 (04:59):
And if I get that smoothie, the guilt all day long.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
What the fun?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
Who do you think you are? Fucking? You know, money bags?
Your piece of shit? What are you getting the smoothie?
What if you run out of money? What if you
don't make it? Ah, it never ends.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It's weird.
Speaker 8 (05:10):
So I'd rather just not have it and go, you know,
live an anxiety free life.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
What is this? I don't understand. The braised egg.
Speaker 6 (05:16):
That's a that's an egg braised in soy sauce. Okay,
so it gets this really unappetizing brown color.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh that looks like chocolate. Oh it's so good though
it looked like milk chocolate. I couldn't figure that one out.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
Like when you order that at the Chinese restaurant, the
Chinese waiter winks at you. He knows like you're the
real thing.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
Well, how do you order that? It's not on the menu.
It is, but you got to stop getting like the
You have to walk in like that? What are you doing?
What the hell was that you walk in like this?
And then they give you the special menu? Why are
you stretching your eyes out like that? I got sand
in my eyes and I got the special menu. Now,
(05:55):
if you haint bird, what you're really saying is you
hate dinosaurs.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
That's what you're really saying.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Of course it's our turn, yeah have to dinosaurs. They
had their chance.
Speaker 10 (06:05):
Those idiots couldn't figure out any technology, so they went
bye bye.
Speaker 11 (06:09):
This was their planet right with their little they couldn't
figure out how to get.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Their arms longer.
Speaker 11 (06:18):
They went through a million, maybe a billion years like this, like, oh,
I wish my longer arm so we could get some
technology before the meteor righte hits us.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
And there's another thing you learned by hanging out with
Chinese people. It's not you. They just don't laugh. Is
that a thing we're talking about. They're a little tight.
I'm not trying to be funny. They really do seem brainwashed. Well,
no one thought you were trying to be funnier.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
On No but the feet and handmade wide noodle.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Good food day.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Today we lost a great man rolling at rolling food
court who was.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Long gone on a ferry over the side, wishing he
was home. What happened to you? Roland?
Speaker 7 (07:10):
Once I parted with realizing ship, he shied his pants.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I forgot to tell. I blocked it out because it
was like it was awful. That's why I live one
day at a time. That's a good idea, you know
what I mean. That's because you're an alcoholic. I've struggling.
It's because you can't drink wine without ruining your life.
Speaker 6 (07:31):
Yeah, so we're at the Cuban restaurant in the Cuban Sandwich.
Speaker 7 (07:36):
Human give him nuts, and all of a sudden he
just looks at me.
Speaker 6 (07:40):
He's looking dead at me and farts, and I'm like,
what the fuck was that?
Speaker 3 (07:46):
He liked fireworks? Yeah, he goes, I don't know. I said,
what do you mean? You don't know? I had no
control over that one. That was all I said.
Speaker 6 (07:53):
You got to go home if you can, such like
having a food stroke. You know, you just ship your
pants at the restaurant.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
That's a little frightening.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
And his eyes he wasn't lying to me. His eyes
were wide open. How how many he stops into into
that was stopped? That was near the end stop foor.
He hit the guardrail a little bit, and he put
in your pants. After those parts, there's a streak.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Down.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
We have to wash him in the sink.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
But I'm the only one that washes it in the
s Every once in a while the streaks.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Sometimes I give it a good whip in the sink. I
have to say, I don't want anyone else's seat in
my house.
Speaker 7 (08:38):
I flush him down the toilet.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
And if they're a nice pair, look, if they're old,
then I'm throwing them away. You were putting him in
the drop ceiling.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I gotta say.
Speaker 6 (08:49):
I couldn't shake Hope's pop story from yesterday.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
That's the best thing I ever heard. Drop Louis.
Speaker 12 (08:58):
We were talking about the space the moment, all right,
right right, and of course I believe it happened. But
can you take a photo of the flag where it
is now?
Speaker 13 (09:04):
You can take a photo of the footprints and where
the rover drove around. You could still see the lunar
Landers sitting on the moon. And there's lots of photos
out there.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Oh really yeah, and white kids, you see the flag.
Speaker 13 (09:14):
So well, the flag's kind of hard because it's been
exposed to ultra violet light from the sun for thirty
or forty years, so it's probably faded to white. And
also when the when the little rocket chip took off
with the two astronauts in it, they blew over the
flag and some of the places just because of the
exhaust out of the rocket. So, but the footprints are
all there.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
That's why did they put the flag somewhere else? You
can't blow you can't blow over the flag. Well, you
know how hard it was to get it up there?
Speaker 13 (09:39):
Bring one when you go back next time.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
I learned that from Crazy Gym up there in Boston.
I think I never forgot about you, crazy gym.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Wherever you are.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
He would he would ship his pants everyone. He would
go to the he was our.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Sales guy, and he would go to the gas station
and then he's like, I got to get rid of
these these underpants, and he would put them in the drop.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Uh my purpose. He would just poke it open and
throw it up there.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
That's the funniest thing I heard in my life.
Speaker 10 (10:10):
And I was hot because I had my winter coat
on and my stupid my winter hat, and I was
heating up and I was feeling very, very nauseous. And
then all of a sudden he's like, Hey, I'm gonna
stop at uh Kroger's to get some lunch meats. So
I have to apologize to Kroger's because as we're pulling
pulling in the parking lot, I go to Jeff, I'm
(10:30):
going to puke.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
He goes, just let me get to the back of
the parking lot.
Speaker 10 (10:33):
He he pulled in. I had the door swung open
as he was pulling in. I got out and started
power booting all around his buffalo bills SUV into the
tree everywhere. And then he comes back with the lunch,
Me and I go, we're.
Speaker 3 (10:48):
Good, We're good, We're good. Now, we're good, ready to
start the day. He's also the same guy, like he
wore a suit and time man.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
He was a big sales guy up there in Boston
when when we were at af and he would himself
that's good stories he would tell like me and me
and Anthony would be broadcasting and we were big with
the WWF even back then, and they had a huge
cutout in the studio.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I forgot who crazy Jim.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Cut out the part where the crotch was, and then
he would just stand behind that and put his whole
penis and balls through it and just wait for me
and Anthony to notice that he's just pushing his jump
through this.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yes, yes, I'm hear me out right.
Speaker 6 (11:29):
So pigs feet, when you cook them down, they have
all the college and all the all that connective tissue
in the feet, right, and it's so gummy and it's
like pork bubble gum. It's the most delicious thing. But
you have to work your way up to there. You
can't just start eating pigs feet. You'll get to work
your way up to it. Then it's not delicious, But
like in the South, I get jars of it and
(11:51):
it's pickled like pickles.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Oh, the ears and the snout.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I just think about my own feet and my your
feet are different, and my athletes's foot problems, the problem.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I don't have bacteria.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
What the hell?
Speaker 4 (12:12):
What I try to explain is that you know, I
don't give a fuck what you vote for. But I
lived in New York with him for forty years, and
I'm sorry, I don't. I don't care that you think
you know him.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You don't.
Speaker 4 (12:23):
Yeah, I said, he is, he's not been. He's been
sitting on my face for forty years, not your face.
You find him really charming because it's been a year
and change and he was really good in the Apprentice. Okay,
all right, Well this is fucking reality and he's a douchebag,
right and and I just can't under I just I said,
if this is a guy who was next to you
(12:45):
in a cubicle in an office six months into it,
but everyone in this roomor works in an office, I
can fucking guarantee you if he sat next to you
with that overbloated ego, okay, you would basically you'd be choking.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I can't wait for sure to come back. I got
an edible story for him. I could just Oh boy,
when did I go to the Islanders game? Jesus, Oh,
I've been sitting out a story.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
A hockey. I'm sitting got a story.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
The hell's wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
Because people are like, hey, man, you and Chris went
to the Islanders Rangers game.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Why aren't you tweeting from me?
Speaker 2 (13:27):
See you post anything about it?
Speaker 3 (13:28):
I don't see many pictures from this. You guys are
so I have a story spooped out. That's spooped out.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Not me.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
I got a story.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
Chris had an anxiety attacked.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
I can't Waitraser too concentrated.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Man, it's too powerful now.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
So when he goes to the bathroom in this restaurant,
there's it's right next to the kitchen, right the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
So goes where's them to go? Oh, it's back in
the kitchen. They thought it was just a harmless little
tourists go to the bathroom.
Speaker 6 (14:03):
Yeah, two minutes later, I see the whole fucking stack from.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The kitchen in the front of the restaurant with me.
So it's like a little counter.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
Yeah, and there was only one person when we walked
in there, Roland goes into the back.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Now there's six people at the fucking counter.
Speaker 6 (14:18):
He cleared out the whole back of that fucking restaurant,
the chili and me really uncomfortable. Everyone was shuffling their
feet like they're not shuffling their feet, they're running away.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Bro, did you teach that toilet a lesson?
Speaker 7 (14:31):
I crushed four times. I had to to four timesh it?
Speaker 13 (14:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Is that this angle? That Carlo?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
This angle?
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Boy?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
He send me you see the NETS logo? And I
texted him back and I said, how do I know
you're not in the Brooklyn Nets locker room? And he
wrote back, it's Roland. I don't think you have to
ask that question. He looks like a special needs security
guard at model.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
That's a personal text message. Sorry. Sorry.
Speaker 10 (15:08):
It was an all female crew and it was supposed
to be a big deal because.
Speaker 14 (15:11):
We've never had a female crew of astronauts. But they're
not astronauts. They were botox face bites. And then Katie Perry,
you know, right before she went into the Penis rocket,
she tweeted, I love you.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
She was telling the world I love you.
Speaker 10 (15:31):
And then they went on the stupid thing and Gail
King Oprah's girlfriend was there.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Oprah was on the ground.
Speaker 14 (15:38):
She was too scared to go, so Gil's like, I'll wait,
I'll go, So Oprah couldn't go.
Speaker 6 (15:46):
My favorite thing is I take the pickled snouts and
I drive them in paper towels and I throw them
in a deep frier full of lard, and then I
take that out and put a little lemon and hot sauce.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
I think it's delicious, seems.
Speaker 15 (15:57):
The problem with all that for me is it looks
in the last thirty minutes it looks no, no, no,
it looks too much like the animal that that would
freak me the funk outwhere.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Craig, Craig, listen.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
I mean it's like, look, you're eating a fucking I mean,
you can like trick yourself when you're eating a burger
to be like it's a burger, you know, But when
you're looking at fucking Tonhill.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah. I don't hit your kids, do you, Gilbert Oh.
Speaker 16 (16:23):
Constantly, when I'm away, I hire something. I pay a
homeless man. I give him a few bucks to go
up and hit the kids, even if they haven't done anything,
just to keep them.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
On the straight and arrow.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
A lot of foodies and I do this a lot.
Speaker 6 (16:41):
You know, all these like fake bloggers and ship I said,
come out to eat with me. I took this one
blogger to the sushi place where they serve live sushi. Right,
I mean, it's alive, it's moving on your plate, it's
put it in your mouth, and it's and you kill
it with your teeth. But but what but what you know,
maybe have to push little crabs and around your plate.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
So this I know with this girl.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
And she's like, I'm the best in the fru and
she's name dropping left and right. I says, all right,
here's the little octopus. She goes, oh, they're still moving.
Is that this is like the real thing. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah,
I said, you've had this before.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Bullshit her. She's like, yeah, yeah, no problem.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
She dips it in the soy sauce and she she
thinks that she's gonna swallow it.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Hole, you're fucking in a lot of trouble. Really, this
thing stop.
Speaker 6 (17:26):
In her throat and I'm sitting there. All of a sudden,
I see her eyes. She goes, she can't talk. This
thing is climbing up her throat. No fucking comes out like.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
She grabbed it.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
She goes, I just can't do this and just fucking
walked out.
Speaker 3 (17:44):
I was like, more octopus for me would have.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Been the greatest video ever.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
She froze. I mean pale when this octopus just put it?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Little Lesund said, all hell, mow, something alive in your
throat is trying to crawl.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Up, and imagine what that feels like.
Speaker 9 (17:58):
One time you was looking for somebody employee to roll
all your joints with something.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Granted, was that a roma? It was real. It was
hard time. Do you know?
Speaker 6 (18:10):
In Japan's people that train how to kill fish properly,
so they don't they don't stun the meat.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
It's unbelievable.
Speaker 7 (18:15):
It takes like two years to train on how to
kill live fish in Japan.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
All right, listen, I'm out again. Oh god, I'll tell
you when i'm in, and I'm going to tell you
when i'm out.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
It can't be a crazy sound to you, though, Carl,
I mean that's you. You're talking about eating live.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
No, no, no, But just the fact that it takes
two years to kill a fish prop you know properly.
No it doesn't, sir, That's what makes the you know,
it pumps up the mystique of the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (18:42):
You saw Io love sushi.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Right, the guy has to study rice for how many years?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
That's stupid?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
All you got it?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I'll agree that ten years. Maybe the guy was stupid.
You know, I'm gonna give you that. I listen, I
got three restaurants.
Speaker 6 (18:58):
I got people that spend ten years doing the same
thing because they're apprentice, because a're fucking idiots.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Right?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Is it a comedy or was it a drama? You
never want to hear it. Was it a comedy or
was it a drama? Keep quiet? You think it's your show.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
He's hopy, But then why do we owe China so
much money?
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I'm over here at the kids table, Larry, who is
this the little cheek? We did a cheek, a yellow
tail collar, the collar of the ultimate. Try it with
ponzu and lemon. It's delicious, right, look at that? And
why is the cheek so tasty? Collar? It's because that's
where all the that's where all the flavor is. But
(19:47):
it is ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
You go to the Greek restaurants and all sudden like,
oh would you like show you the fish at you?
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Well, you like the cheek. It's the best part of
the fish and then they're scraping.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It out for ten minutes, and then maybe you get
enough for tea spool size of an oyster.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yeah, it's just like Kenny, You're over that. It becomes
nonsense for a while.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Now CNN is not only fake news now it's officially
very fake news.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
That's back with him. That came out today, that's big
that came out today. That's a cold red dude. I
hate the news.
Speaker 12 (20:15):
Here's what I use, bro intuition and rumors, good rust.
Speaker 6 (20:23):
Yeah, we're gonna have turtle soup. We're gonna have grilled cherizos.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
We're gonna go to a little.
Speaker 6 (20:27):
Polish butcher market that's been there for one hundred years.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
We're gonna have Brazilian hamburgers. We're gonna have this. I'm
going with you, bro. Oh this is a good time.
We're gonna film this ship. Oh yeah, it's gonna be good.
I'll be quiet in front of the owner so they
have I know that'll scare you a little bit.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Colin College is just hopeful to the correct. Me and
and Colin Quinn worked out a college watch where they
had a death this woman sign. Okay, Colin quick came
out at the first joke bombs. He walks over to her,
hits her all the head and goes, is this thing working?
(21:08):
She started to cry, and they kicked They kicked us
on the side.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Kicked us on the fuck we made the deaf side cry.
Speaker 7 (21:21):
Great burgers aren't what's in him, it's what's not in them.
Speaker 6 (21:23):
Right, So the best burgers are negative, right, they don't
have all this bullshit, you know, like J. G. Mellons
that we love you know in the city.
Speaker 7 (21:35):
There since the forties. Yeah, they have the same grill.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Since the forties people were tuning in. They would just
assume we're watching porno with Yeah, Larry King, Hi, Larry,
Good morning, Larry, Hi Larry. Do you know jaded appatoo
to your left?
Speaker 15 (21:51):
Still water all over his phone?
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Oh before you let you cute Larry King.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
That's all.
Speaker 12 (22:02):
Electric and broadcasting since nineteen fifty two, we kill him
in the show.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Let's say you were single, you rather eat or or
or would you rather eat?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I'd rather eat food? Yes, really, I'm forty five. I
mean I'm forty one. Who cares? But is it almost
as much of a turn on as like sex? At
my age? I think it's better. Wow, you know, because
the sex thing. Now, I got to talk to you
and ship. You're not gonna sell that.
Speaker 6 (22:36):
I know you're not gonna say anything, that fucking giggling idiot.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Do you eat after sex? I'll sometimes listen.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
One time I was having text with this girl and
I found M and m's in my pocket and I
ate them while I was I was eating on them,
and the fucking stopped the whole thing. She turned around,
She's like, what the fuck are you doing.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
You're sucking her from behind and eating and she heard
the crunch.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
It was the peanut one.
Speaker 9 (22:58):
I was the idea inspired by your movie.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
A Bronx tail.
Speaker 9 (23:06):
It's a list of women that I've banged called a
box tail.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
That is great.
Speaker 9 (23:15):
Chapter one, Goldie Horn, How do I taste Kurt? That's
box tail? Chapter two? Me a Pharaoh, she likes it
in the shitter. That's a box tail. Chapter three, Devily Dangelo.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
She let me pee on her?
Speaker 9 (23:38):
Who that is great?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Chapter four the girl who played Precious. That wasn't me.
That was boxed forget.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
My standard is John's Pizzeria. Then I'm bleaker.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
I love. It's a great standard to have. Well, the
first time I went to John's. This this was an
Oakster move. We all went down there for pizza and
I was craving pasta. So everyone else is, oh no,
and everyone else.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Is crushing the pizza and I got a drive bowl
of spaghetti and meatballs probably like what are you doing?
Even the waiter was confused, like that's not the menu,
but no one orders it, and.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
I had to go back and make it. Pretty much,
they're opening up a box like it's not boil water.
Someone actually ordered pasta today.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
It's my understanding. There's some weird like mafia type thing
between like Pepe's and some other one, like if you
go to one, you can't go to the other one.
Speaker 6 (24:32):
Oh yeah, there's there's huge Italian feuds between they.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
The guy from Slimoni Gardens in Brooklyn, they killed them.
They shot it right in front of his house.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Pizza guy, he had eleven grands in his pocket.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
They didn't take the.
Speaker 6 (24:45):
Money and they shot him execution style. One of the
best pizzas in the country.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
For what reason, the mafia.
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Still gives a fuck about pizza. Oh wow, somebody opened.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Somebody opened. We had an employee that was mobbed up
that opened.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
Up fake Spimoni Gardens in Staten Island, and there was
a big beef and that a guy's dead.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Wow.
Speaker 6 (25:08):
Way do not mess with the mob and pizza. They
will end quickly.
Speaker 4 (25:12):
You know.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
The pizza Fromaldi's is actually a pretty damn guy.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I think it's amazing Johns maybe slightly.
Speaker 11 (25:22):
But I also had a cold that day, so I
think I might have.
Speaker 7 (25:25):
To go back and make sure people get shot.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
Still, no kidding.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
And he had eleven brand in his pocket.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
They didn't touch it. If that doesn't scream. The mob
showed up in a Cadillac. Nothing does. That's not about
the money. I knew this was coming. Oh boy, what happened?
Just got a text? Can't tell you from who? Easy
on the Mob talk? Oh boy, easy on the mob talk?
Is it the kid over there with those hits? What's that? Okay?
(25:54):
What he's trying to do? It? Off the mike? Send
you a signal it's one of them. One of our
friends said something, I just gotta leave it that. He's
all right, let's talk about Britos next Mexican on their
way out.
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
You can say whatever you want, let's just put it
this way. He helped me out from time to time,
listen to more pizza talk. He knows where the red
flags are, so he just gave me a red flag.
All right, I love all pizza joints, and well, maybe
I shouldn't say that.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
All it's just talking about commercial
Speaker 11 (26:42):
Boo boo boo boo boo boo bo
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