September 26, 2025 • 30 mins
Our Married Life Podcast | S1 | EP1 | Welcome to 'Our Married Life Podcast', where Josh and Chi, a young Black British-Nigerian couple, share the real, raw, and relatable journey of married life. From navigating cultural traditions to tackling everyday challenges, they explore love, laughter, and the occasional dilemma with honesty and heart. Whether you’re married, engaged, or just curious, join them for insightful conversations, funny stories, and a refreshing take on modern relationships!
MORE FROM JOSH AND CHI
youtube.com/@JOSHUi
https://www.instagram.com/JoshuiMusic
https://www.instagram.com/ccinthecity__
STORE & BOOKING
WEBSITE ➡️ https://www.mtmimedia.ai
AMAZON STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/dWGBM
BOOK STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/WOWoM
MERCH STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/RgP4g
PODCASTING ➡️ https://shorturl.at/9xb9k
KEEP IN TOUCH
youtube.com/@mtmimedia
https://www.instagram.com/mtmimedia
TikTok ➡️ https://shorturl.at/Zleck
BLOG ➡️ https://www.mtmimedia.ai/blog
SPOTIFY ➡️ https://shorturl.at/TKWfG
APPLE PODCAST ➡️ https://shorturl.at/OT0D6
🔔 LIKE, SHARE, COMMENT & SUBSCRIBE for weekly episodes! 🎧
Highlights
💑 Josh and Chichi met through their church community in London, which played a crucial role in their relationship development.
🙏 Shared faith and attending the same church were fundamental to their connection and sustained relationship.
👥 Community and family support were vital in affirming and nurturing their relationship.
📅 They emphasize the importance of setting and respecting boundaries early and throughout the relationship.
💬 Open communication about intentions and self-worth helped them navigate uncertainties and rejection.
❤️ “When you know, you know” – they describe recognizing “the one” as an intuitive and natural feeling.
🎉 Their relationship journey included shared experiences like Bible study, social events, and mutual friends, creating a strong foundation.
MORE FROM JOSH AND CHI
youtube.com/@JOSHUi
https://www.instagram.com/JoshuiMusic
https://www.instagram.com/ccinthecity__
STORE & BOOKING
WEBSITE ➡️ https://www.mtmimedia.ai
AMAZON STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/dWGBM
BOOK STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/WOWoM
MERCH STORE ➡️ https://shorturl.at/RgP4g
PODCASTING ➡️ https://shorturl.at/9xb9k
KEEP IN TOUCH
youtube.com/@mtmimedia
https://www.instagram.com/mtmimedia
TikTok ➡️ https://shorturl.at/Zleck
BLOG ➡️ https://www.mtmimedia.ai/blog
SPOTIFY ➡️ https://shorturl.at/TKWfG
APPLE PODCAST ➡️ https://shorturl.at/OT0D6
🔔 LIKE, SHARE, COMMENT & SUBSCRIBE for weekly episodes! 🎧
Highlights
💑 Josh and Chichi met through their church community in London, which played a crucial role in their relationship development.
🙏 Shared faith and attending the same church were fundamental to their connection and sustained relationship.
👥 Community and family support were vital in affirming and nurturing their relationship.
📅 They emphasize the importance of setting and respecting boundaries early and throughout the relationship.
💬 Open communication about intentions and self-worth helped them navigate uncertainties and rejection.
❤️ “When you know, you know” – they describe recognizing “the one” as an intuitive and natural feeling.
🎉 Their relationship journey included shared experiences like Bible study, social events, and mutual friends, creating a strong foundation.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Every day.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Say, hi guys, welcome to our mind life podcast. My
name is Josh, this is my wife.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
My name is Chi Chi.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And this is my life podcast. If you didn't know
already podcast podcast. So today we're gonna ask us some
questions about our mand life. Maybe we should give me
aver introduction first to ourselves to start.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
So, as I said before, I'm Chee chee, I thirty
years old. L I'm thirty years old working finance.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Oh what do you mean in sex location?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I get that, but I just said my age and
I'm clearly female.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I'm from London, so I don't understand London work in finance.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Also designer, my creative expression into business, fashion style, all
that good stuff. Been married Josh for like just seven
seven months now, that's it really.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah. We live in Kent, Kent. Yeah, moved out from LDN. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Got my name of Josh. I am twenty nine years old.
Were from Manchester. Moved to London three and a half
years ago. I met my lovely wife in twenty nineteen.
We courted dated for two years and then we proposed.
(02:00):
Then we got maad a year later and then we
and I'm here sover months and that so brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So now we're gonna get involved with the podcast and
we're gonna ask some questions that our team have prepared
for us o EMPTMI Media, and we will go from there.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Let's go.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
So how did you meet? And what was the process
of getting to know each other?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So how did you meet? So?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
As I said, I moved to London following the Lord's
will for my life. I believed I was sent to
London and to come to London. For a while, I
kept trying to make you happen, kept trying to make
it happen. It didn't happen until the start of twenty
nineteen when I felt led away from this contract role
that I had. And then it was a long day
(02:53):
around six months of like training up, traveling to Birmingham
to train, coming back, waiting for a role six months,
six months in a bit to come to London and
eventually moved on in June June twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And then I wasn't actually.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Walking too closely with God at that time, so I
was being pestered at my parents to find a church.
My mum was exactly pestering me, like on me to
find a church. And then I found one. My boy
was like, oh, we got a church nine minutes.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Away from you.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So I was like cool. So one day it got changed.
On the Sunday, walked down, went to the church, and
a couple of things hit me. One was the atmosphere
that felt very familiar, very friendly, and to the preacher
the word he was giving our bishop currently actually was
really good, really like exciting and really brawling.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
And I remember seeing she there.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I remember seeing you like a red get a red
dress on, and I thought I thought two things. One
I thought you had a kid, because I wasn't even
really looking like that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I wasn't in that space. I was in that space.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Remember the dress was read, but you were the k Yeah,
because like as a man, like I don't know were
I from.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
You just kind of scanned the room in it like
it's just it's just an instinct, like never.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Really looking at just scanning now just automatically I get
into certain areas. I just scanned the room to just
see like like what's my exit points, what potential points
of attack threats?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
This is not.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
You grew up where I grew up, I was saying,
my money gang, But yeah, so I scanned it. Obviously
I saw, but then I said one I thought your
I don't know whatever. I just thought I saw you
had I saw you had a ring.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
On, maybe certain spirit maybe until I thought you had
a kid. But it turns out it was just your nephew,
you Jeremiah.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Then how do you know.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It wasn't like nine ten?
Speaker 3 (05:07):
What's been now?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I can't remember started too much to be fair, but yeah,
I think that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
And then yeah, fast forward on.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
A couple of times we can't We didn't really speak,
just saw you here and there and around, and the
first time we spoke was after church kind of it
wasn't a dating thing. It's more like a relationship speed
chatting thing where we had.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
To know that's true. I saw you again.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
The first time we spoke, though, yeah, we spoke, is
there that we saw each other around, But the first
time we spoke was at that thing where it's like
relationship speed dating and we had to kind of like
sit and move along the chairs kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And I knew the last person I spoke to a
good chat where you try.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
To say gangsigns and prayer is better than psycho drama,
which is just outrageous.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Take is absolutely not definitely.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Just if we even this is don't even get me mad.
Let's just play that Lislee tune and then we just
look off everything.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Now nine minutes, we're going to sleep. That's absolutely that's great.
So what's your side of the story.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Then, well that doesn't really that's how did you meet?
That's only half of the place.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
What was the process of getting to know each other?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Sorry, so yeah, so that we met as the first
time we spoke, I had a conversation. I kind of
felt like we were going to click anyway, because your
vibe was I don't know, like your vibe was.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Just like yeah, I could just tell that London.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I could just kind of tell like your vibe was
kind of going to match ours.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then I think I said to something like you said,
I don't know how we got onto it.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
We got into like the sort of guy you were
looking for, even though we were at no this is
that the same conversation and then you're like, oh yeah,
like a little frog, I like a little dog, a
little gold tooth with a hit with some Christians in
the mix balance and I was like, so stormsy was like.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, yeah, South London Gang okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
What I said was I like a little Christian Doug
Christian thuggery, you know, well looking for the Lord.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
For the army of the Lord.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Gang signs to the Lord.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
But that's crazy, that's a crazy thing to say.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Fair, I kind of get it there. I kind of
get like and to be fair to go not off.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Topic, but like a Christian body Yeah, spiritual Boddy man,
that's what you kind that's what guys are looking for
and from honest, like I think it's the balance of like, yeah,
payful to God.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
You know what I'm saying, I'm half of the Lord
and so forth.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But you kind of grounded, like you understand, like yo,
likes I've got to be on point. You got like
a certain vibe energy around you, like it's it's real, man's.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
That's it. So then't wait there.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
But yeah, so then after that, maybe going to carry
out for it and then how do we work to
know each other?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
It's your question?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Oh yeah, okay, fair enough.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So after that we got I was hanging around with
you guys, you and your friends, and a couple of
your friends invited me just randomly to a party for
someone that we knew on that same day, and then
I was just.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Like inside low key.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
I was like, of course, please don't let them invite
him because why they were already onto us in the thing.
And I was like, I cannot deal with this.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I think it's obviously because we're both like I'm at
six five.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yeah, but I wasn't. That wasn't my vibe at this,
Like I wasn't on that.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
I was just like, it's a nice but you know,
but they were already onto us in the things.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, I think I could see it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I think a lot of people can see it really
from rip to be fair. So when we were going
to the party, well eventually I ever going to the party,
we were just saying I think the first thing I
added was LinkedIn because I think everyone in the car
on LinkedIn And that was.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
That a sly no no, because everyone was like sharing linkedins.
Weren't they in the car? It was just weird. It
was just interesting.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So we just added LinkedIn and then we got to
the party, everyone chilling, vibing I'm new there, but everyone's
like really cool. So I'm just like I'm new in
London on my own and everyone's kind of vibinging, chilling.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So I was surprised, you know, because I was like,
I looked over a couple of times, I see how
you're getting on.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
I don't know why because.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
I didn't know you from a you know, from Adam exactly.
But I was just like, I thought it was interesting
because it was a couple of us in the car.
You were just like chilling enough, thought this guy is
a bit weird because you don't know any of us, and.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It's just like, I've just rolling to wherever you're going decision.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I was like any of us who's just trusting in the.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Lord, allowing the Lord to order his steps. But even
at the thing, like you weren't. You're very measured.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
So I was like, guy's not weird, but.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Fellow identity.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yeah, enigma, that's the word of an enigma.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So I arrived at the pie, the one enigma.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I was just.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Chilling speaking to people. They're asking me questions about what's
so I knew someone their way. I knew Tolly totally knew.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I didn't know her.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Too many names? What do you mean was naming a
lot of names?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, okay, sorry, So I knew one of our friends.
Who was I want to see the name now, friend
Tolley who knew I didn't know her. She knew my
brother and sister from university, so she kind of knew
about me, but I never meant and never spoken to her.
(11:11):
And then yeah, we're just trying and ask him at
what sort of sort of girl you interested myself personally
looking for?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
What did I say? You remember what I said that?
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Yeah, you're like, oh myn a bit, and I feel
like you were trying. I was sitting there listening and
you were just basically I feel like you were describing
me on purpose.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I don't I don't think I was. I don't think
I don't slick. No, I don't think I was.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think like I was more just like happy to
be in a community people that I felt akin to
as I med to loand on my own, you know
what I'm saying. So it was like just more a
vibe as a whole.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I said.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I wasn't necessarily looking at that time, but yeah, so
that was where I went to.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And then your brother Marvin, so many names.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Like you people and be like, who's Marvin was thinking?
Eventually answer the question, maybe I get to know people more.
But I sat down and then Your Marvel was sat
down next to me, and he sat away from me,
turned away, and I was just chilling and he just
turned around to me and I was like, so, bro,
what do you do?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
The vibe was like interview. The vibe was like I'm
checking you out to see you.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
That was so funny or want to interject.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
I actually when I actually told Marvin about yourself, I
got something to tell you. I'm like me and someone
that talking and something like that, and he was like,
so who is I was like, do you know you
like the really talk guy? Josh was like, yes, I knew,
I fully know because I speaked about this. And he
(12:51):
was like I knew there was something. I was like,
it's not even it wasn't even that, but he was like, okay,
so how do I How did I know to ask
all those questions?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Jesus Marvin actually had an idea.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
The spirit of the loaded him.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Marvin so prophetically.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, So he just asked me, and I felt like
he was interviewing me at the same time.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I would like, I'm an open book, so I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Just being honest. I was like, yeah, I do this,
I do this, and so far. But then at the
end of the questions, I felt like he was satisfied.
I got the vibe that it's like okay cool. It
was like, okay cool, like if anythings are gone then yeah,
okay cool.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But yeah, that's a good conversation. And after that, think
we was left in our own way.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And then you didn't meet Elvis for ages.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
After that, you didn't meet els for time, at least
September time. No, no, no, yes, I was in me Elvis.
We were already together.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
No, I was came to church.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Yeah, but he didn't. I don't think we were a
think then.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, but I'd met, I'd met I met your mom
and Marvin before, like you yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I'm pretty sure I met Elvis as well.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
You didn't I remember when you met him.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
But anyway, okay, so yeah, long story shots.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So yeah, we are then chatting, getting to know each other,
the Bible study together. I mean one time you dropped
me off home from Bible study.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
That was no, that was the catalyst of everything.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Is really dropping you off because we then we exchanged instagrams.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Because yeah, Transformation church.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Yeah, and I was like, oh have you heard of
these guys? You really like podcast this sort of stuff,
and then I was like, oh wish I actually slightly
they't want to give you a number really like that,
and then we started speaking on sending it to me
and then into like intermittently though not continuously.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
No, no, no, it wasn't. It's like every now and then, to.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Be fair, you reply to my stories every now and
then did I?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yes, M I don't know, I don't know, but yeah,
so they were there and.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Then I think after a while just kind of clicked
and then we just start messaging for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
And then.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Joshuay Graham yeah, which was a better Instagram name.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Then where you're going now?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Anyway, sorry, go on, okay, and then we met chatting
and voila, here we are boom three years later married.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
That's a yeah, how that's not the price of getting
sto each other. But we got we got to move on.
We'll get into it after we will.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Okay, so it's my turn. Oh my question to you,
how did you know he slash she was the one?
So how did you know he was the one? How
did you know I was the one?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
How did I know you were the one?
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I think like it's gonna sound so unhelpful to everyone
who's single, but when you know, you know, it's like
the most unhelpful thing to say to anyone who's single.
I think, because like the confirmation for me, it was
like when we were when we actually became friends, when
we started speaking, it was like I couldn't actually remember
a time where I didn't know you. Obviously I could
(16:18):
remember a time, but once you were there, it was
like you.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Were always there. So it was just like.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
You just slotted into my life in a way that
was kind of automatic. So I think that was one
massive indicator. And another indicator was just like my friends
and family how they reacted to you, how you slotted
into not just my life but my circle, you know,
my group of friends, my family, like you slotted into
(16:49):
all parts of all aspects of my life. And everyone
that I'd introduce you to was, you know, really a
fan and really had good things to say about you.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And I think that's that's probably the.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Thing in nowadays relationships that I think is a little
bit of a it's a little bit disingenuous when people
are just.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Like, yeah, it's just you and your partner against the world.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
It's true, but if we're going to talk about marriage
and long term relationships and things it takes to sustain
a relationship. It really takes a community who are for you,
a community who are supporting you, that are supporting your relationship,
supporting your marriage, because there are going to be very
very difficult times throughout the process of you know, courting, marriage,
(17:35):
whatever life difficult situations, So you need that community. So
I think those two things definitely were what confirmed it for.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Me for sure.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
OKAYP is that an romantic answer the age of the Lord.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Dream?
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Is it important to be of the same faith or
to attend the same church when she's in the partner?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yes, for me, it's very important. I think it's very
important for the same faith. For me, my faith is
crucial to my being my person. Yeah, and I think
it I need for me to take someone seriously where
my mind works, Like my mind just does not let
me see a future with someone who boxes are not
(18:31):
ticked with.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
So it was like faith is such a big box.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It's like it's faith, like my body would not let
me see a future with that person for maybe like
C and just like oh like kind of unseeriously like date.
But because I was so aligned towards like married kids
from k an early age. It was I had to
(18:55):
have someone who ticked the boxes. And I kind of
said when kind of as a aware of you and
I'm watching your friends, like okay, I know we're going
to get.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
On and yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
So part of that was the meeting in church, the faything,
and it was just a key principle.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
And I think now that we had church in our journey.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
We had a meeting point every Sunday, well until a
pandemic here, and a meeting point every Sunday where I
could be with you, we together, be around your friends.
It was near my yard. Took a go there after
if you wanted to. And also like the Friday meeting point.
So it's two key meeting points. And I think, oh, me,
like being in your space, your church, you've grown up
(19:37):
with your people, probably help probably put your ease a lot.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You know what I mean. I got that sense.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And I think those two faith in the church being
a line and me being in the church was having
that shared communal space I think really did a lot
of our relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
No, yeah, I agree, I absolutely agree. I think for
us it worked really well. And I also think it
was nice because like the familiarity I had with everyone
who attended. Also by proxy was a familiarity that you
started to have with the people that attended, so they
(20:15):
also became like your church family, your actual.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Friends in a lot of cases.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
So yeah, I think definitely it's kind of what I
was saying about community and having people in your corner.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And I think our church from the beginning.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Of our relationship has really supported our relationship and really
supported us, which is actually priceless, you know, in terms
of you know, all of the twists and turns you
go through. Facts like celebrating our engagement with our church
was that moment. Yeah, and up there and our wedding
(20:52):
with a lot of the members being there was top
tier as well.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Our boundary is important when dating and at what stage
do you start setting boundaries.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
What sort of boundaries boundaries? Yeah, it is important because
it depends what you want, you know. I think.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
I think your boundaries are determined by what you want,
what your long term goals are, what you allow is
often determined by what your long term goals are. So yeah,
And I think relationships, when you're getting to know each other,
they test you and they test things that are really
important to you. What you're willing to sacrifice, what you're
(21:33):
not willing to sacrifice, or you're willing to tolerate what
you're not willing to tolerate. And I think you can't
set those boundaries until you actually have a good relationship
with yourself, because when you have a good relationship with yourself,
you have a certain amount of self esteem. There are
things that you know will happen that you'll be like, actually,
(21:54):
I'm not going to accept that you have a conversation
with your partner like I do not appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't like this, And that's.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
Where you know, the parameters of your relationship start to
get set.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
But I think it's especially.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Important for women because I think if women let everything
go on, men are just gonna do whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
You let them do, vice versa.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't know. I think in theory you could say that, no.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
It's more shape.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
No wait, so it's in theory you could say that.
But I think then women require a lot more like care,
a lot more what I don't agree.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
In fact, I do agree.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Not to interject, you are interjecting, well, not to interject,
but I'm interjecting. The thing is I think in relationships,
I think it's both wides men or men might do
like dirts, like they'll go if you let this run
over you so far, and that's what I'm saying. But
then women will do the same in a sense, not
necessarily dirt, but they'll just push your boundaries and push
(23:02):
and push and push, and then they'll just like want
to control you and control your whole life being everything
of your life. You're not doing this, you're doing that,
You're doing this, you're doing that. So unless you like
stand your ground and yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
No, of course that's true.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
But I think a lot of the difficulties sometimes that
women go through is like the violation of boundaries and
how their partners are being when they're not there. You
can't control anyone, but I think you can carry yourself
in a way that you know, expresses and shows like, look,
(23:41):
I'm not going to tolerate this, and you know, and
that's very very important. I think women need love and care,
but the respects they receive from their significant others is
also super super important because that is reinforcing a lot
of the values that they carry, a lot of things
about themselves. So yeah, overall, I think it's really important.
(24:04):
It's important to try and say it early, but it evolves.
It evolves as stages of your relationship evolve, like everything.
So it's just really important to to actually continue to
stay on that path and see what you learn along
the way.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Was that the question I feel, yeah you did?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know your answer?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
The questions about boundaries and what stage did you start
setting boundaries? So basically from even before you get start dating,
absolutely before you start dat you know what you're comfortable
with or you're not comfortable with. I think, from my perspective,
be able to like say I'm happy with this, I'm
not happy with that, be able to have conflict, Like
it's important, like you need to be able to be
(24:46):
able to say, Okay, I don't agree with this, I
agree with this or so forth.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And work through that and not like explode.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I think that's important to also kind of not trying
to control your partner but okay, like this is all
cool for this, I'm like, no, I'm not not cool
with that, or kind of respecting your space. I me
one thing I had was came to a relationship. I've
kind of done a lot of work in terms of
self esteem work, self worth work, so when I came in,
(25:18):
I was able to say, like initially anyway, like when
I came up to you and said, oh, I'm interested,
I want to.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Do this to go forward. I was ready to hear
you say no.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
It wasn't like, oh, if you say no, I'm going
to be destroyed and crushed, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I was ready.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I was not and I'm being real this for some
of the guys out here, like I was ready.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Here, I'm being honest.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I was ready to hear you say no, like I
put for my intention and so forth.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
And you weren't gonna say no. I'm joking.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
But I put forward my intention and I was like,
this is it, and if you say no, then that's cool.
But then I said, it's a funny story. So when
I put forward my intention and said yeah, I want
to see if you see this vision, she said, oh, okay, cool,
But I think we should like be friends first kind
(26:08):
of thing, get to know each other, and and I
just said, I don't want any more friends. I've got
enough friends. I don't want any more friends.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
That's cool. And then she's how did you react to that?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
It was shocking?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
I was like shock, said you have to know what
you want and if she's not on board with it,
that's fine, but you just have to move on, do you.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Know what I mean? So I think, so you're going
to move on.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
If you had said no in that time, I would
have been like cool, I would have moved on. I
would have like just kind of my life kind of thing,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Yeah, I would have to the next team.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I won't to say, to the next thing, but I
would have moved past it and been like okay, cool
to the next No, not to the next thing, because,
like I said, was even necessarily looking something that presented
itself to me that was like, Yo, this is a fit.
If it's not that, then do you know what I mean?
So in that situation, if you said no, yeah, I
would have just moved on to kindle in my life.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Be sad?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I don't know, because, as I said, I was like
a position in my life.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
So how can you truly like someone if you present
an intention and they are not on board of the intention,
because and then if and then you go home, you're
not sad.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
You've just gone to watch Netflix, have been calm.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
No. I think what it is is like Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
What I was presented with was I have a desire
which is to build distributuere to have a family, and
so forth. And I'm I'm probably extremely picky, you know
what I'm saying in terms of that position, not just
like we can just see and date, but that position
the wife have, like it's almost like perfectly formed around.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You basically and who you are in it.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
So I'm presented with your opportunity to have this vision
come to pass and build this thing. However, I have
lived life and been in situations where the other person
I thought of potentially could be that was not aligned
with the vision they're I was gonna say. And when
(28:18):
a person that I'm not aligned with the vision, I
was like, oh yeah, but not really able to take
rejection or no because of like self worth slash maybe
self esteem issues. They're what I'm going to say, But
I'd already worked through those to the place where I
was like, Okay, cool, I can go to someone and
say yo, this is I'll go to you, this is
(28:39):
what I want and if you say no, I'm cool because.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
It doesn't impact my self worth.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Like it's not like a oh you haven't picked me.
It's like yo, Like that's kind of the thing.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
And I think what.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Also happens on the other side is that if you
don't have that, I'm just to get into relationships and
you can just take too much for the person. You
just take way too much from the person, like they're
just doing the most and wishing the most because you think, oh, yeah,
I've got this, you put it on a pedestal, Oh
(29:11):
she's like this amazing woman, and it's like you just
take way too much. So I think that's such a
key setting abound respect, setting a boundaries in yourself, doing
that work so that when you come to the lady,
you can like I won't say live without her, but
you can come a proposition from who you are away
(29:33):
you're at. She enjoins on board and you can work
together to build a relationship and the two become one process, so.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
To become something Spice girls. Yeah, that's the final music encyclopedia.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Every day
Speaker 4 (29:57):
Face another ability, he always have the same, would have
ever lay
Every day.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Say, hi guys, welcome to our mind life podcast. My
name is Josh, this is my wife.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
My name is Chi Chi.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And this is my life podcast. If you didn't know
already podcast podcast. So today we're gonna ask us some
questions about our mand life. Maybe we should give me
aver introduction first to ourselves to start.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (00:47):
So, as I said before, I'm Chee chee, I thirty
years old. L I'm thirty years old working finance.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Oh what do you mean in sex location?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I get that, but I just said my age and
I'm clearly female.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I'm from London, so I don't understand London work in finance.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
Also designer, my creative expression into business, fashion style, all
that good stuff. Been married Josh for like just seven
seven months now, that's it really.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah. We live in Kent, Kent. Yeah, moved out from LDN. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Got my name of Josh. I am twenty nine years old.
Were from Manchester. Moved to London three and a half
years ago. I met my lovely wife in twenty nineteen.
We courted dated for two years and then we proposed.
(02:00):
Then we got maad a year later and then we
and I'm here sover months and that so brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
So now we're gonna get involved with the podcast and
we're gonna ask some questions that our team have prepared
for us o EMPTMI Media, and we will go from there.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Let's go.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
So how did you meet? And what was the process
of getting to know each other?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
So how did you meet? So?
Speaker 2 (02:31):
As I said, I moved to London following the Lord's
will for my life. I believed I was sent to
London and to come to London. For a while, I
kept trying to make you happen, kept trying to make
it happen. It didn't happen until the start of twenty
nineteen when I felt led away from this contract role
that I had. And then it was a long day
(02:53):
around six months of like training up, traveling to Birmingham
to train, coming back, waiting for a role six months,
six months in a bit to come to London and
eventually moved on in June June twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And then I wasn't actually.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Walking too closely with God at that time, so I
was being pestered at my parents to find a church.
My mum was exactly pestering me, like on me to
find a church. And then I found one. My boy
was like, oh, we got a church nine minutes.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Away from you.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
So I was like cool. So one day it got changed.
On the Sunday, walked down, went to the church, and
a couple of things hit me. One was the atmosphere
that felt very familiar, very friendly, and to the preacher
the word he was giving our bishop currently actually was
really good, really like exciting and really brawling.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
And I remember seeing she there.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
I remember seeing you like a red get a red
dress on, and I thought I thought two things. One
I thought you had a kid, because I wasn't even
really looking like that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I wasn't in that space. I was in that space.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Remember the dress was read, but you were the k Yeah,
because like as a man, like I don't know were
I from.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
You just kind of scanned the room in it like
it's just it's just an instinct, like never.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Really looking at just scanning now just automatically I get
into certain areas. I just scanned the room to just
see like like what's my exit points, what potential points
of attack threats?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
This is not.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
You grew up where I grew up, I was saying,
my money gang, But yeah, so I scanned it. Obviously
I saw, but then I said one I thought your
I don't know whatever. I just thought I saw you
had I saw you had a ring.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
On, maybe certain spirit maybe until I thought you had
a kid. But it turns out it was just your nephew,
you Jeremiah.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Then how do you know.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
It wasn't like nine ten?
Speaker 3 (05:07):
What's been now?
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I can't remember started too much to be fair, but yeah,
I think that's what it was.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
And then yeah, fast forward on.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
A couple of times we can't We didn't really speak,
just saw you here and there and around, and the
first time we spoke was after church kind of it
wasn't a dating thing. It's more like a relationship speed
chatting thing where we had.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
To know that's true. I saw you again.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
The first time we spoke, though, yeah, we spoke, is
there that we saw each other around, But the first
time we spoke was at that thing where it's like
relationship speed dating and we had to kind of like
sit and move along the chairs kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And I knew the last person I spoke to a
good chat where you try.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
To say gangsigns and prayer is better than psycho drama,
which is just outrageous.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Take is absolutely not definitely.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Just if we even this is don't even get me mad.
Let's just play that Lislee tune and then we just
look off everything.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Now nine minutes, we're going to sleep. That's absolutely that's great.
So what's your side of the story.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Then, well that doesn't really that's how did you meet?
That's only half of the place.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
What was the process of getting to know each other?
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Sorry, so yeah, so that we met as the first
time we spoke, I had a conversation. I kind of
felt like we were going to click anyway, because your
vibe was I don't know, like your vibe was.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Just like yeah, I could just tell that London.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I could just kind of tell like your vibe was
kind of going to match ours.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And then I think I said to something like you said,
I don't know how we got onto it.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
We got into like the sort of guy you were
looking for, even though we were at no this is
that the same conversation and then you're like, oh yeah,
like a little frog, I like a little dog, a
little gold tooth with a hit with some Christians in
the mix balance and I was like, so stormsy was like.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Yeah, yeah, South London Gang okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
What I said was I like a little Christian Doug
Christian thuggery, you know, well looking for the Lord.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
For the army of the Lord.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Gang signs to the Lord.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
But that's crazy, that's a crazy thing to say.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Fair, I kind of get it there. I kind of
get like and to be fair to go not off.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Topic, but like a Christian body Yeah, spiritual Boddy man,
that's what you kind that's what guys are looking for
and from honest, like I think it's the balance of like, yeah,
payful to God.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
You know what I'm saying, I'm half of the Lord
and so forth.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
But you kind of grounded, like you understand, like yo,
likes I've got to be on point. You got like
a certain vibe energy around you, like it's it's real, man's.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
That's it. So then't wait there.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
But yeah, so then after that, maybe going to carry
out for it and then how do we work to
know each other?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
It's your question?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Oh yeah, okay, fair enough.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So after that we got I was hanging around with
you guys, you and your friends, and a couple of
your friends invited me just randomly to a party for
someone that we knew on that same day, and then
I was just.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Like inside low key.
Speaker 4 (08:40):
I was like, of course, please don't let them invite
him because why they were already onto us in the thing.
And I was like, I cannot deal with this.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
I think it's obviously because we're both like I'm at
six five.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yeah, but I wasn't. That wasn't my vibe at this,
Like I wasn't on that.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
I was just like, it's a nice but you know,
but they were already onto us in the things.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, I think I could see it.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I think a lot of people can see it really
from rip to be fair. So when we were going
to the party, well eventually I ever going to the party,
we were just saying I think the first thing I
added was LinkedIn because I think everyone in the car
on LinkedIn And that was.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
That a sly no no, because everyone was like sharing linkedins.
Weren't they in the car? It was just weird. It
was just interesting.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So we just added LinkedIn and then we got to
the party, everyone chilling, vibing I'm new there, but everyone's
like really cool. So I'm just like I'm new in
London on my own and everyone's kind of vibinging, chilling.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
So I was surprised, you know, because I was like,
I looked over a couple of times, I see how
you're getting on.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
I don't know why because.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
I didn't know you from a you know, from Adam exactly.
But I was just like, I thought it was interesting
because it was a couple of us in the car.
You were just like chilling enough, thought this guy is
a bit weird because you don't know any of us, and.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It's just like, I've just rolling to wherever you're going decision.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
I was like any of us who's just trusting in the.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Lord, allowing the Lord to order his steps. But even
at the thing, like you weren't. You're very measured.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
So I was like, guy's not weird, but.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Fellow identity.
Speaker 4 (10:26):
Yeah, enigma, that's the word of an enigma.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So I arrived at the pie, the one enigma.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
I was just.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Chilling speaking to people. They're asking me questions about what's
so I knew someone their way. I knew Tolly totally knew.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
I didn't know her.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Too many names? What do you mean was naming a
lot of names?
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, okay, sorry, So I knew one of our friends.
Who was I want to see the name now, friend
Tolley who knew I didn't know her. She knew my
brother and sister from university, so she kind of knew
about me, but I never meant and never spoken to her.
(11:11):
And then yeah, we're just trying and ask him at
what sort of sort of girl you interested myself personally
looking for?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
What did I say? You remember what I said that?
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Yeah, you're like, oh myn a bit, and I feel
like you were trying. I was sitting there listening and
you were just basically I feel like you were describing
me on purpose.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
I don't I don't think I was. I don't think
I don't slick. No, I don't think I was.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think like I was more just like happy to
be in a community people that I felt akin to
as I med to loand on my own, you know
what I'm saying. So it was like just more a
vibe as a whole.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
I said.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
I wasn't necessarily looking at that time, but yeah, so
that was where I went to.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
And then your brother Marvin, so many names.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Like you people and be like, who's Marvin was thinking?
Eventually answer the question, maybe I get to know people more.
But I sat down and then Your Marvel was sat
down next to me, and he sat away from me,
turned away, and I was just chilling and he just
turned around to me and I was like, so, bro,
what do you do?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
The vibe was like interview. The vibe was like I'm
checking you out to see you.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
That was so funny or want to interject.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
I actually when I actually told Marvin about yourself, I
got something to tell you. I'm like me and someone
that talking and something like that, and he was like,
so who is I was like, do you know you
like the really talk guy? Josh was like, yes, I knew,
I fully know because I speaked about this. And he
(12:51):
was like I knew there was something. I was like,
it's not even it wasn't even that, but he was like, okay,
so how do I How did I know to ask
all those questions?
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Jesus Marvin actually had an idea.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
The spirit of the loaded him.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Marvin so prophetically.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, So he just asked me, and I felt like
he was interviewing me at the same time.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I would like, I'm an open book, so I'm.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Just being honest. I was like, yeah, I do this,
I do this, and so far. But then at the
end of the questions, I felt like he was satisfied.
I got the vibe that it's like okay cool. It
was like, okay cool, like if anythings are gone then yeah,
okay cool.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
But yeah, that's a good conversation. And after that, think
we was left in our own way.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
And then you didn't meet Elvis for ages.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
After that, you didn't meet els for time, at least
September time. No, no, no, yes, I was in me Elvis.
We were already together.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
No, I was came to church.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Yeah, but he didn't. I don't think we were a
think then.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Yeah, but I'd met, I'd met I met your mom
and Marvin before, like you yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
I'm pretty sure I met Elvis as well.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
You didn't I remember when you met him.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
But anyway, okay, so yeah, long story shots.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So yeah, we are then chatting, getting to know each other,
the Bible study together. I mean one time you dropped
me off home from Bible study.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
That was no, that was the catalyst of everything.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Is really dropping you off because we then we exchanged instagrams.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Because yeah, Transformation church.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Yeah, and I was like, oh have you heard of
these guys? You really like podcast this sort of stuff,
and then I was like, oh wish I actually slightly
they't want to give you a number really like that,
and then we started speaking on sending it to me
and then into like intermittently though not continuously.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
No, no, no, it wasn't. It's like every now and then, to.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
Be fair, you reply to my stories every now and
then did I?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yes, M I don't know, I don't know, but yeah,
so they were there and.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Then I think after a while just kind of clicked
and then we just start messaging for a long time.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
And then.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Joshuay Graham yeah, which was a better Instagram name.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Then where you're going now?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Anyway, sorry, go on, okay, and then we met chatting
and voila, here we are boom three years later married.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
That's a yeah, how that's not the price of getting
sto each other. But we got we got to move on.
We'll get into it after we will.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Okay, so it's my turn. Oh my question to you,
how did you know he slash she was the one?
So how did you know he was the one? How
did you know I was the one?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
How did I know you were the one?
Speaker 4 (15:56):
I think like it's gonna sound so unhelpful to everyone
who's single, but when you know, you know, it's like
the most unhelpful thing to say to anyone who's single.
I think, because like the confirmation for me, it was
like when we were when we actually became friends, when
we started speaking, it was like I couldn't actually remember
a time where I didn't know you. Obviously I could
(16:18):
remember a time, but once you were there, it was
like you.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Were always there. So it was just like.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
You just slotted into my life in a way that
was kind of automatic. So I think that was one
massive indicator. And another indicator was just like my friends
and family how they reacted to you, how you slotted
into not just my life but my circle, you know,
my group of friends, my family, like you slotted into
(16:49):
all parts of all aspects of my life. And everyone
that I'd introduce you to was, you know, really a
fan and really had good things to say about you.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
And I think that's that's probably the.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Thing in nowadays relationships that I think is a little
bit of a it's a little bit disingenuous when people
are just.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Like, yeah, it's just you and your partner against the world.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
It's true, but if we're going to talk about marriage
and long term relationships and things it takes to sustain
a relationship. It really takes a community who are for you,
a community who are supporting you, that are supporting your relationship,
supporting your marriage, because there are going to be very
very difficult times throughout the process of you know, courting, marriage,
(17:35):
whatever life difficult situations, So you need that community. So
I think those two things definitely were what confirmed it for.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Me for sure.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
OKAYP is that an romantic answer the age of the Lord.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Dream?
Speaker 4 (18:01):
Is it important to be of the same faith or
to attend the same church when she's in the partner?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Yes, for me, it's very important. I think it's very
important for the same faith. For me, my faith is
crucial to my being my person. Yeah, and I think
it I need for me to take someone seriously where
my mind works, Like my mind just does not let
me see a future with someone who boxes are not
(18:31):
ticked with.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
So it was like faith is such a big box.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It's like it's faith, like my body would not let
me see a future with that person for maybe like
C and just like oh like kind of unseeriously like date.
But because I was so aligned towards like married kids
from k an early age. It was I had to
(18:55):
have someone who ticked the boxes. And I kind of
said when kind of as a aware of you and
I'm watching your friends, like okay, I know we're going
to get.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
On and yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
So part of that was the meeting in church, the faything,
and it was just a key principle.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
And I think now that we had church in our journey.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
We had a meeting point every Sunday, well until a
pandemic here, and a meeting point every Sunday where I
could be with you, we together, be around your friends.
It was near my yard. Took a go there after
if you wanted to. And also like the Friday meeting point.
So it's two key meeting points. And I think, oh, me,
like being in your space, your church, you've grown up
(19:37):
with your people, probably help probably put your ease a lot.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
You know what I mean. I got that sense.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
And I think those two faith in the church being
a line and me being in the church was having
that shared communal space I think really did a lot
of our relationship.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
No, yeah, I agree, I absolutely agree. I think for
us it worked really well. And I also think it
was nice because like the familiarity I had with everyone
who attended. Also by proxy was a familiarity that you
started to have with the people that attended, so they
(20:15):
also became like your church family, your actual.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Friends in a lot of cases.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
So yeah, I think definitely it's kind of what I
was saying about community and having people in your corner.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And I think our church from the beginning.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Of our relationship has really supported our relationship and really
supported us, which is actually priceless, you know, in terms
of you know, all of the twists and turns you
go through. Facts like celebrating our engagement with our church
was that moment. Yeah, and up there and our wedding
(20:52):
with a lot of the members being there was top
tier as well.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Our boundary is important when dating and at what stage
do you start setting boundaries.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
What sort of boundaries boundaries? Yeah, it is important because
it depends what you want, you know. I think.
Speaker 4 (21:13):
I think your boundaries are determined by what you want,
what your long term goals are, what you allow is
often determined by what your long term goals are. So yeah,
And I think relationships, when you're getting to know each other,
they test you and they test things that are really
important to you. What you're willing to sacrifice, what you're
(21:33):
not willing to sacrifice, or you're willing to tolerate what
you're not willing to tolerate. And I think you can't
set those boundaries until you actually have a good relationship
with yourself, because when you have a good relationship with yourself,
you have a certain amount of self esteem. There are
things that you know will happen that you'll be like, actually,
(21:54):
I'm not going to accept that you have a conversation
with your partner like I do not appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
I don't like this, And that's.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
Where you know, the parameters of your relationship start to
get set.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
But I think it's especially.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
Important for women because I think if women let everything
go on, men are just gonna do whatever.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
You let them do, vice versa.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't know. I think in theory you could say that, no.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
It's more shape.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
No wait, so it's in theory you could say that.
But I think then women require a lot more like care,
a lot more what I don't agree.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
In fact, I do agree.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Not to interject, you are interjecting, well, not to interject,
but I'm interjecting. The thing is I think in relationships,
I think it's both wides men or men might do
like dirts, like they'll go if you let this run
over you so far, and that's what I'm saying. But
then women will do the same in a sense, not
necessarily dirt, but they'll just push your boundaries and push
(23:02):
and push and push, and then they'll just like want
to control you and control your whole life being everything
of your life. You're not doing this, you're doing that,
You're doing this, you're doing that. So unless you like
stand your ground and yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
No, of course that's true.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
But I think a lot of the difficulties sometimes that
women go through is like the violation of boundaries and
how their partners are being when they're not there. You
can't control anyone, but I think you can carry yourself
in a way that you know, expresses and shows like, look,
(23:41):
I'm not going to tolerate this, and you know, and
that's very very important. I think women need love and care,
but the respects they receive from their significant others is
also super super important because that is reinforcing a lot
of the values that they carry, a lot of things
about themselves. So yeah, overall, I think it's really important.
(24:04):
It's important to try and say it early, but it evolves.
It evolves as stages of your relationship evolve, like everything.
So it's just really important to to actually continue to
stay on that path and see what you learn along
the way.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Was that the question I feel, yeah you did?
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You know your answer?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
The questions about boundaries and what stage did you start
setting boundaries? So basically from even before you get start dating,
absolutely before you start dat you know what you're comfortable
with or you're not comfortable with. I think, from my perspective,
be able to like say I'm happy with this, I'm
not happy with that, be able to have conflict, Like
it's important, like you need to be able to be
(24:46):
able to say, Okay, I don't agree with this, I
agree with this or so forth.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And work through that and not like explode.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
I think that's important to also kind of not trying
to control your partner but okay, like this is all
cool for this, I'm like, no, I'm not not cool
with that, or kind of respecting your space. I me
one thing I had was came to a relationship. I've
kind of done a lot of work in terms of
self esteem work, self worth work, so when I came in,
(25:18):
I was able to say, like initially anyway, like when
I came up to you and said, oh, I'm interested,
I want to.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Do this to go forward. I was ready to hear
you say no.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
It wasn't like, oh, if you say no, I'm going
to be destroyed and crushed, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I was ready.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I was not and I'm being real this for some
of the guys out here, like I was ready.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Here, I'm being honest.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
I was ready to hear you say no, like I
put for my intention and so forth.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
And you weren't gonna say no. I'm joking.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
But I put forward my intention and I was like,
this is it, and if you say no, then that's cool.
But then I said, it's a funny story. So when
I put forward my intention and said yeah, I want
to see if you see this vision, she said, oh, okay, cool,
But I think we should like be friends first kind
(26:08):
of thing, get to know each other, and and I
just said, I don't want any more friends. I've got
enough friends. I don't want any more friends.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
That's cool. And then she's how did you react to that?
Speaker 3 (26:21):
It was shocking?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
I was like shock, said you have to know what
you want and if she's not on board with it,
that's fine, but you just have to move on, do you.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Know what I mean? So I think, so you're going
to move on.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
If you had said no in that time, I would
have been like cool, I would have moved on. I
would have like just kind of my life kind of thing,
you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (26:45):
Yeah, I would have to the next team.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I won't to say, to the next thing, but I
would have moved past it and been like okay, cool
to the next No, not to the next thing, because,
like I said, was even necessarily looking something that presented
itself to me that was like, Yo, this is a fit.
If it's not that, then do you know what I mean?
So in that situation, if you said no, yeah, I
would have just moved on to kindle in my life.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Be sad?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I don't know, because, as I said, I was like
a position in my life.
Speaker 4 (27:13):
So how can you truly like someone if you present
an intention and they are not on board of the intention,
because and then if and then you go home, you're
not sad.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
You've just gone to watch Netflix, have been calm.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
No. I think what it is is like Okay.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
What I was presented with was I have a desire
which is to build distributuere to have a family, and
so forth. And I'm I'm probably extremely picky, you know
what I'm saying in terms of that position, not just
like we can just see and date, but that position
the wife have, like it's almost like perfectly formed around.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
You basically and who you are in it.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
So I'm presented with your opportunity to have this vision
come to pass and build this thing. However, I have
lived life and been in situations where the other person
I thought of potentially could be that was not aligned
with the vision they're I was gonna say. And when
(28:18):
a person that I'm not aligned with the vision, I
was like, oh yeah, but not really able to take
rejection or no because of like self worth slash maybe
self esteem issues. They're what I'm going to say, But
I'd already worked through those to the place where I
was like, Okay, cool, I can go to someone and
say yo, this is I'll go to you, this is
(28:39):
what I want and if you say no, I'm cool because.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
It doesn't impact my self worth.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Like it's not like a oh you haven't picked me.
It's like yo, Like that's kind of the thing.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
And I think what.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Also happens on the other side is that if you
don't have that, I'm just to get into relationships and
you can just take too much for the person. You
just take way too much from the person, like they're
just doing the most and wishing the most because you think, oh, yeah,
I've got this, you put it on a pedestal, Oh
(29:11):
she's like this amazing woman, and it's like you just
take way too much. So I think that's such a
key setting abound respect, setting a boundaries in yourself, doing
that work so that when you come to the lady,
you can like I won't say live without her, but
you can come a proposition from who you are away
(29:33):
you're at. She enjoins on board and you can work
together to build a relationship and the two become one process, so.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
To become something Spice girls. Yeah, that's the final music encyclopedia.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Every day
Speaker 4 (29:57):
Face another ability, he always have the same, would have
ever lay
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.