How to set boundaries during the dating phase

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Our boundary is important when dating and at what stage
should you start setting boundaries?

Speaker 2 (00:06):
What sort of boundaries it set? Boundaries?

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Yeah, it is important because it depends what you want,
you know, I think I think your boundaries are determined
by what you want, what your long term goals are.
What you allow is often determined by what your long
term goals are. So yeah, And I think relationships, when
you're getting to know each other, they test you, and

(00:32):
they test things that are really important to you. What
you're willing to sacrifice, what you're not willing to sacrifice,
where you're willing to tolerate, what you're not willing to tolerate.
And I think you can't set those boundaries until you
actually have a good relationship with yourself because when you
have a good relationship with yourself, you have a certain

(00:52):
amount of self esteem. There are things that you know
will happen that you'll be like, actually, I'm not going
to accept that you have a conversation with your partner
like I do not appreciate this, I don't like this,
And that's where, you know, the parameters of your relationship
start to get set. But I think it's especially important

(01:13):
for women because I think if women let everything go on,
men are just gonna do whatever you let them do versa.
I don't know. I think in theory you could say that, No.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
It's no.

Speaker 3 (01:30):
Wait, so it's in theory you could say that. But
I think then women require a lot more like care,
a lot more what I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Agree, In fact, I do agree.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Not to interject, you are interjecting, well, not to interject,
but I'm interjecting. The thing is, I think in relationships,
I think it's both wides men or men might do
like dirts, like they'll go if you let just run
over you so far.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
But then women will do the same in a sense,
not necessarily dirts, but they'll just push your boundaries and
push and push and push, and then they'll just like
want to control you and control your whole life being
every fact of your life. You're not doing this, you're
doing that, you're doing this, you're doing that. So unless
you like stand your ground.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
And yeah, no, of course that's true. But I think
a lot of the like difficulties sometimes that women go
through is like the violation of boundaries and how their
partners are being when they're not there. You can't control anyone,
but I think you can carry yourself in a way

(02:41):
that you know, expresses and shows like look, I'm not
going to tolerate this, and you know, and that's very
very important. I think women need love and care, but
the respects they receive from their significant others is also
super super important because that is reinform seeing a lot
of the values that they carry, a lot of things

(03:03):
about themselves. So yeah, overall, I think it's really important.
It's important to try and say it early, but it evolves.
It evolves as stages of your relationship evolve, like everything.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
So it's just.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
Really important to actually continue to stay on that path
and see what you learn along the way.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
Was that the question I feel, yeah, you did you
know you? As the questions about boundaries and what stage
would you start setting boundaries? So basically from even before
you get start dating, absolutely before you start.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Dating, know what you're comfortable with or you're not comfortable with.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
I think, from my perspective, be able to like say
i'm happy with this, I'm not happy with that.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
You be able to have conflict, Like it's.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
Important, like you need to be able to be able
to say okay, I don't agree with this, I agree
with this or so forth, and work through that and
not like explode.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
I think that's important. So also kind of.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Not trying to control your partner but just okay, like
this is all cool for this, I'm like, no, I'm
not not cool with that, or kind of respecting your space.
I mean, one thing I had was came in to relationship.
I've kind of done a lot of work in terms
of self esteem work, self worth work. So when I
came in I was able to say, like initially anyway,

(04:24):
like when I came up to you and said, oh,
I'm interested, I want.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
To do this and go forward. I was ready to
hear you say no.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
It wasn't like, oh, if you say no, I'm going
to be destroyed and crushed, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
I was ready. I was not and I'm being real
this for some of the guys out here, like I
was ready here, I'm being honest.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
I was ready to hear you say no, Like I
put for my intention and so forth, and you weren't
gonna say no. I'm joking, but I put forward my
intention and I was like, this is it and if
you say no, then that's cool.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
But then I said, it's a funny story. So when
I put forward my intention and.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
Said, yeah, what I want to see if you see
this vision, she said, oh, okay, cool, but I think
we should like be friends first kind of thing, get
to know each other. And I just said, I don't
want any more friends.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
I've got enough friends. I don't want any my friends.
That's cool. And then she's how did you react to that?
It was shocking. I was like a shock.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
You have to know what you want and she's not
on board with it. That's fine, but you just have
to move on, do you know what I mean? So
I think so you're gonna move on. If you had
said no in that time, I would have been like cool,
I would have moved on. I would have like just
kind of in my life kind of thing, you know
what I'm saying. Yeah, I would have to the next team.
I want to say, to the next thing. But I

(05:53):
would have moved past it and been like okay, cool
to the next No, not to the next thing, because
like I said, I wasn't even say looking something that
presented itself to me that was like, yo, this is
a fit. If it's not that, then do you know
what I mean, so in that situation, if you said no, yeah,
I would have just moved on to kind of.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
In my life been sad.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I don't know, because, as I said, I was like
a position in my life.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
So how do you truly like someone if you present
an intention and they are not on board of the intention,
because and then if and then you go home, you're
not sad, You're just gonna watch Netflix have been come.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
No. I think.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
What it is is like, Okay, what I was presented
with was I have a desire which is to build, distribute,
to have a family, and so forth. And I'm probably
extremely picky, you know what I'm saying in terms of
that position, not just like we can just see and date,
but that position the wife have like it's almost like

(06:56):
perfectly formed around you basically and who you are in it.
So I'm presented with yr the opportunity to have this
vision come to pass and build this thing. However, I
have lived life and been in situations where the other
person I thought of potentially could be that was not

(07:17):
aligned with the vision. They're what I'm going to say,
And when the person that I'm not aligned with the vision,
I was like.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
Oh yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
Not really able to take rejection or no because of
like self worth slash maybe self esteem issues. They're not
I'm going to say, but I'd already worked through those
to a place where I was like, Okay, cool. I
can go to someone and say, yo, this is I'll
go to you, this is what I want and if
you say no, I'm cool because.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
It doesn't impact my self.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Worth, Like it's not like a oh you haven't picked me.
It's like yo, Like that's kind of the thing. And
I think what also happens on the other side is
that if you don't have that and just to get
into relationships and you can just take too much from
the person.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
You just take way too much.

Speaker 1 (08:07):
From a person, like they're just doing the most and
mushing the most because you think, oh, yeah, I've got this,
you put it on a pedestal, Oh she's like this
amazing woman, and it's like you just take way too much.
So I think that's such a key setting a bound
like respect, setting.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
A boundaries in yourself.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
Doing that work so that when you come to the lady,
you can like I won't say, live without her, but
you can come a proposition from who you are away
you're at she enjoins you on board and you can
work together to build a relationship and the two become
one process.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
So

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Episode Transcript

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How to set boundaries during the dating phase

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