January 27, 2024 • 26 mins
Our Miss Brooks was a beloved American sitcom that ran on CBS radio from 1948 to 1957. It was one of the most popular radio shows of its time, and it was later adapted into a successful television series that ran from 1952 to 1956.
The show starred the iconic Eve Arden as Connie Brooks, a wisecracking and sarcastic English teacher at Madison High School. Arden's portrayal of Miss Brooks was both hilarious and endearing, and she won over audiences with her quick wit and sharp one-liners
The supporting cast of Our Miss Brooks was equally memorable. Gale Gordon played the uptight and pompous Principal Osgood Conklin, Richard Crenna played the dimwitted but lovable student Walter Denton, and Jane Morgan played Miss Brooks' scatterbrained landlady, Mrs. Davis.
The show's storylines were typically lighthearted and comedic, focusing on the everyday trials and tribulations of Miss Brooks and her students. Miss Brooks would often find herself in comical situations, such as dealing with mischievous students, trying to impress her love interest, or getting into trouble with her boss.
Our Miss Brooks was a groundbreaking show in many ways. It was one of the first sitcoms to feature a strong female lead character, and it helped to pave the way for other shows with similar formats. The show was also praised for its sharp writing and its talented cast
.Even though it went off the air over 60 years ago, Our Miss Brooks remains a classic radio sitcom. The show is still fondly remembered by fans, and it continues to be enjoyed by new generations of listeners.
Here are some additional facts about Our Miss Brooks:
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Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
The show starred the iconic Eve Arden as Connie Brooks, a wisecracking and sarcastic English teacher at Madison High School. Arden's portrayal of Miss Brooks was both hilarious and endearing, and she won over audiences with her quick wit and sharp one-liners
The supporting cast of Our Miss Brooks was equally memorable. Gale Gordon played the uptight and pompous Principal Osgood Conklin, Richard Crenna played the dimwitted but lovable student Walter Denton, and Jane Morgan played Miss Brooks' scatterbrained landlady, Mrs. Davis.
The show's storylines were typically lighthearted and comedic, focusing on the everyday trials and tribulations of Miss Brooks and her students. Miss Brooks would often find herself in comical situations, such as dealing with mischievous students, trying to impress her love interest, or getting into trouble with her boss.
Our Miss Brooks was a groundbreaking show in many ways. It was one of the first sitcoms to feature a strong female lead character, and it helped to pave the way for other shows with similar formats. The show was also praised for its sharp writing and its talented cast
.Even though it went off the air over 60 years ago, Our Miss Brooks remains a classic radio sitcom. The show is still fondly remembered by fans, and it continues to be enjoyed by new generations of listeners.
Here are some additional facts about Our Miss Brooks:
- The show was created by Al Lewis, who also wrote most of the episodes.
- Our Miss Brooks won numerous awards during its run, including four Peabody Awards.
- The show was adapted into a movie in 1956.
- In 2016, Our Miss Brooks was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame.
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
For your entertainment and pleasure. Hereis our Miss Brooks, Darring Eve Arden.
Our Miss Brooks teaches English at MadisonHigh School, and like many other
teachers, started last Monday. Andlike many other teachers, I attended a
(00:24):
faculty meeting Monday afternoon. Here,our beloved Principle osgood Conklin gave me my
semiannual pat on the back. ThenI picked myself up and walked back across
the room, and he instituted hisnew crackdown plan, more discipline, less
horseplay. Everybody told the line runthe school in orderly manner. After this
(00:47):
mirth provoking monologue, he chewed upa little furniture and stalked out, Well,
maybe it was the faculty meeting,or then again, maybe it was
the watercress and cucumber sandwich I hadbefore retired. At any rate, I
remember lying in bed Monday night anddozing off when suddenly I seem to be
awakened by a loud pounding at mydoor. What is it? Who's there?
(01:15):
Did? I ask, good Conkland? You are, beloved Principle.
I'm coming in, mister Conkland.Is anything wrong wrong? There's plenty wrong.
We've got to crack down, morediscipline, let's horse play, everybody
told the line, run the schoolin an orderly manner with mister Conklin.
Is this your idea of less horseplay? I was fast asleep all and
I hope I'm not disturbing you.I'll go right on sleeping. Good,
(01:41):
Miss Brooks, I have got totalk to you. Well, pull up
at cucumber sand Rich and sit down. Thank you. Mister Conklin, you're
biting the arm of my chair.Yeah so, I am sorry, but
you know how I get when i'mupset. Now, then, miss Brooks,
we've got to have more discipline,to have discipline. Got to have
discipline, got to have discipline.You hear me, Miss Brooks, I
(02:06):
just heard four of you. Youare right, there are four of me.
More discipline, Concline, less horseplay, Conkline told the line. Conkline,
and run the school in an orderlymanner. Conklin, I wish I
could add just one more, whichone rest in peace? Conclin. Enough
(02:28):
of these pleasantries, miss Brooks.As you know, our profession teaches us
that we must learn by doing.So here we go. Everybody rise and
try and leave the sack, leavethe sack Colin. Are you telling me
to get up now? Miss Brooks? Do I have to dump your bed?
No, sir, I'm getting upnow. Then setting up exercises,
hands on shoulders please, I'll touchthe floor one two three four open the
(02:54):
door by sick? Why don't Ipick up some sticks and beat him over
the head with the ay you're nervous, Miss Brooks, overwrought. You should
get more arrest. Oh now we'reon the same side. I'll get back
in bed, and you just paidinto the woodward. Not so fast,
young woman. First we must practiceour daily hair treatment and on head please
(03:17):
now? Then rough one two threeor one two? Or? How is
that? Mister Conklin? Am Idoing it right? Oh? It feels
great, Miss Brooks. I shouldhave eight new hairs by Monday. One
two three four one two. Timeto get up, Cannie one two three
(03:45):
four one two three? Why areyou massage and got pillow? It's got
to have eight new hairs by morning, Colly Connie, wake up? Huh
oh oh? Has he gone?Has he gone? Oh? Oh?
I'll just forget about missus Davis.It isn't important. On the contrary,
I think it's intriguing. Has whogone, Please, missus Davis. It
(04:09):
was just one of my nightmare Paul. Was it a bad one? Dear?
It was in technicolor and star doO's good Countlance. I went half
the night rehearsing how to get upin the morning. That's why I was
so nervous when you woke Merom.I know how dreams can affect you,
dear, but you must put themout of your mind when you wake up.
Why. I had some bead dreamslast night myself. You did.
(04:30):
Yes, I was in a junglesomewhere, surrounded by lions and tigers.
But if Mike can't man ever walkedin now, I wouldn't jump up on
the chandelier. You must have bettercontrol of your nerves than I have.
Yeah, if we need any newbulbs up there, Missus Davis, re
(04:57):
nervor, where in the world didyou come from? Oh? I haven't
told her about that yet, Connie. She's only a kitten, and you'd
better have a little talk with her. She's been running around with a pretty
old crowd. Please, Connie,don't talk that way in front of her.
(05:19):
The nervous, very high strung.Yes, I know lately that cat's
been as jumpy as a person.You forget about nerves and bad dreams and
hurrying for a nice breakfast. I'vegot a brand new secret recipe for you,
A secret recipe, missus Davis.Yes, if I tell you how
(05:42):
I'm making your egg this morning,will you keep it under your hat?
Well? It may get my hairdo a little lucky, but I'll try.
I'm making you a delicious watercress andcucumber ome liqu Oh no, I
would have started my knifemare if Iall have time to eat breakfast now,
missus Davis. Waler Denton picking meup any minute? How come Walter's calling
(06:02):
for you today? Your car isn'tin the pishop again? No, but
I decided not to drive for awhile after picking up a couple of hitchhikers
last Saturday. But Connie, whyshould that discourage you from driving? I
picked them up on my bumper.Would you lean over toward my side of
(06:27):
the car a little more, please, Miss Brooks? Why Walter Denton?
What have you in mind? It'snothing personal. I just want to get
a good look at you in myrear view mirror. Yup, it's just
as I thought. You look harassed? Harassed and be deviled. Yeah,
but lovely well, thank you,Walter. But Walter, to what do
I owe these backhanded gallantries? Yeah? I was afraid you might take exception
(06:51):
of my frankness, but I meanit all for your own good, Miss
Brooks. If I have been lessvoluble concerning your obvious charms in the past,
no two that I have been lessvoluble about the human frailties which you,
like all mankind, have sometimes fallenair to. Except then my plea
for leniency are grant you a fullpardon if you'll tell me what you're talking
(07:15):
about. What are you trying toweedle out of me? Walter? Well,
now that you mention it, thereis something you can do to help
both of us out, I thought, So what is it? It's like
this, You, like several ofthe other teachers, will be assigned to
the stock room during your free periodto take inventory and give out supplies.
(07:36):
I see, And what does mygood friend Raffles have in mind? We
split a car load of pencils andretire. Well, no, miss Brooks,
my motives are purely altruistic. Imerely want to assist an already over
burdened teacher whose heart and spirit arebig and willing, but whose mind and
(07:56):
body may not long stand the strainput upon it by the forthcoming scholastic hassle.
If I'm clean, what's your cutin the projected Madison High School stock
room swindle cut? Oh, missBrooks, I'm surprised at you. Surprised
and chagrined. Oh, when Ithink of your sense of integrity, you're
(08:18):
honesty. Please, Walter, Ifyou polish this apple anymore, it'll be
too slippery to pick up. Comesto the point, Walter, Well,
whoever helps out in the stock roomgets first choice of the textbooks, right
right? And you want to helpme so you can get yourself the brand
new books, nice and clean,right Ron, I want the old ones
where the answers already penciled in.Now, why did I slip out?
(08:43):
Oh? But you can see itmy way, can't you. Sometimes in
the impenetrable forest of education, thepath is easier seen if someone has cleared
the underbrush. But you're asking fora free ride on the bulldozer. Don't
you think it would be better ifyou relied on your own work, Walder?
After all, with an old book, you could be copying somebody else's
(09:07):
mistakes, anybody's mistakes are better thanmine. Well, if you put it
that, thanks, miss Brooks,Well here we are. Thanks for the
lift, Walter. I'll run longin now boots. Ooh gosh, Miss
Brooks, didn't you see that mudpuddle? Of course I did. I
just thought it might be fun togo waiting. Well, can I help
(09:28):
you scrape off the mud? Well, I haven't time. Now. If
I can just sneak by mister Conklin'soffice, I'll clean up when I get
to my room. But suppose youcan't sneak by his office that, Walter,
I refuse to contemplate. Believe me, if mister Conklin sees me tripping
through the hall on these two lumpsof mud, my name will be Shoes.
(09:56):
Sorry. Eve Arden will continue injust a moment. But first,
perhaps the best knowning on you.Now, while our miss Brooks is quietly
sloshing down the corridor and her muddypumps, let's look in on mister Conklin,
Madison's beloved principle and adjust our wavelengthto his stream of consciousness. So
(10:20):
we come to the start of anotherschool day, A nice muggy one at
that. As if I needed badweather to make me irritable. The teachers
in this school have simply cut Now, who's that tracking her dirty shoes through
our hallowed halls. I think she'sgoing to sneak past my office, does
she? Well, we'll just waittill she's eating with the door and then
(10:52):
you, mister Conklin, How arethings in the principal's office? Fine?
Thank you? How are things inthe glade? Just take those shoes off
and step in here for a moment, Miss Brooks. I want to talk
to you, yes, sir,Do you, by any chance remember what
(11:13):
I told the faculty at the meetingyesterday? Oh, certainly, mister Conklin.
I've been going over it in mymind all night. Remember Remember,
of course I remember what was discussedat the meeting. The question is do
you? Oh indeed I do,mister Conklin every word. We've got to
have more horseplay and less discipline.I mean, we've got to crack up,
(11:37):
crack down. I won't have arepetition of last term's lack of discipline.
There's only one way to run theschool, and that's in an orderly
manner. Exactly Naturally, I needthe cooperation of my staff. Hen,
everybody's got to tow the line.Yeah, there's no reason why things shouldn't
(12:01):
go off like clockwork one two bound. I'm sorry, mister Chaquelin. It's
just that I spent a rather restlessnight. In fact, we both did.
I'm still a bit upset. Well, there's nothing like concentrating on one's
work to settle one's nerves. Whenis your first free period? Right after
(12:22):
lunch? I figured i'd get agood rest there, I think not,
Miss Brooks. I penciled you infor the stock room at that time.
Oh well, I have a lotof erasers in there. Maybe we could
rub me out. No, Iguess we're extremely short of supplies, Miss
(12:43):
Brooks. So I want you tocheck every requisition very carefully before handing them
out. And if for any reasonyou have to leave the stock room,
you know what to do. Praisemy hands. You locked the door,
that clear, Yes, mister contrand I locked the door. Well,
(13:03):
I'll be running along one moment,Miss Brooks. Haven't you forgotten something?
Oh? Oh yes, rub twothree four, Rub Brooks. Get your
fingers out of my hair. Oh, I thought lunch carrier would never get
(13:24):
here. Mister Boynton oh me either. I'm starved. I'll just put our
trade down and sit opposite there.Now, it's funny how we happened to
bump into each other at the entranceof the cafeteria. Quite a coincidence.
Yes, it was because I hadto run a little. But I think
it's nice to have someone take youto lunch, don't you, Yes,
I do. Miss Brooks. Wasglad for you to ask me, which
(13:48):
mind passing my soup over? Please? Here you are, mister Boydon.
Nothing like a good hot plate ofsoup to warm me up. I said,
that laboratory of mine's like an igno. Even my hands are freezing.
Let's feel them. Hey, theyare cold. Yours are nice and warm.
How'd they get that way? Ihad them in your suit. You
(14:11):
know, it's a shame we don'thave a better heating system in this school,
especially in the biology lab with allthose little mice and rabbits and students.
You're right. I was talking tomister Jensen, the janitor, about
it, and he's promised to speakto mister Compton and get him to inspect
the system himself. You see,I have a lot of electrical appliances in
the lab now, but none ofthem give off much heat. I've got
(14:33):
to have another outlet if I'm toattach any other heres me, mister Boyton.
Hi a, Miss Brooks, HelloWalter, we'd better be getting down
to the stock room. I wantyou to get nervous when the requisitions start
pouring in or the books for theanswers in them start pouring out. Well,
all right, water, we mightas well get going, will you
excuse me, mister Barton? Forsure, Miss Brooks. And even though
you ask me to lunch, Idon't want you to worry about the check.
(14:54):
Oh well, that's very nice ofme. I'll pay my own,
Miss Brooks. You just take careof yours. Well. The worst part
of the supply rush is over,Miss Brooks. And now we can sort
of take inventory of the surplus stuffthat we can use, and that is
you can use for your class.Like what Walter? Old paper pencils,
(15:16):
staplers, they bring forty to fiftycents on the outside. Can I really
need one for my schoolwork? Andthen there our ink Wells paper clips.
If this stock room is only twodoors from your room, Miss Brooks,
why don't I get anumful of stuffand stash it away under your desk right
now, Walter, I am anEnglish teacher, not a friend. There
(15:39):
no such thing as surplus in theschool system. Everything has to be requisitioned.
Wait a minute, what's this that? Well, that's an electric heater,
miss Brooks. An electric heater.M but that's just what mister boy
needs for his lab. I knowwhat, I'll hook it up right now
and surprise it. What about arequisition, Walter? Can I trust you?
Well? You know you chant,miss Brooks of and I do so.
(16:00):
If you keep quiet about this heater, I'll get you a requisition for
a brand new stapler. Gee,that's swell of you, Miss Brooks.
Now I can take this one outof the lining of my jacket. Well,
Harriet, where's the heater I sentyou for? He wasn't there,
Daddy helloked all over the stock room, but there wasn't a trace of it.
(16:22):
Did you ask missus Brooks about it? Miss Brooks wasn't there. Nobody
was there and the door was open. No wonder my heater is missing.
I distinctly told her, Now,what come in? Excuse me, mister
Conkland, but I've got to talkto you right away. Hello, mister
gentle. Oh, Harriet, Ibetter be going now, Daddy. I've
got a class in a few minutes. All right, Harriet, Now what
(16:42):
is it? Jenson, I'm ratherbusy right now. Oh, this is
important, sir, as cus TONIinto the building. I feel it's my
duty, you feel what is yourduty to tell you? Sir? Don't
tell me what? Please, misterConkland, don't shout. That's one of
the reasons. That's one of there for what for your high blood pressure?
(17:03):
Now when I was your age?Never mind that, now, what
do you want to see me about? A whileological laboratory. The furnace vent
isn't large enough to heat that bigroom. It's so cold in there.
Mister Boynton's had to put ear muffson the rabbits. We've got to build
another outlet. Outlets cost money,Jensen. We'll requisition another heater. Meanwhile,
I've got to find that you gottaput ear muffs on rabbits. Brother,
(17:26):
you're in trouble. If an electricheater is hooked onto the present wiring
setup, it can cause a short. Will tell me about it another time.
I'm even worse than a short,mister Cochland. It might start a
fire. I don't like to censureyou, mister Jensen, but you are
an alarmist. Yes, sir,I'm going down to that stock room and
wait in back of it for missBrooks to return. I'll teach her to
(17:49):
leave doors open. I'm glad weset up the heater in here before mister
Boynton came back. Walder, Yeah, it's sure, be surprised. I
bet come on, miss Brooks.Oh, here's the next class. I've
(18:10):
got you in English this period.That's a coincidence, Walder, I've got
you too. Oh, Walter,here's the stock room and the door is
still ajar. Didn't you lock itwhen we left? No? I thought
you did give me that key there. Mister Conklin would have a fit if
he found this door open. Allright, class, Your next question is
(18:36):
as follows. In The Mill onthe Floss, George Elliot writes about a
gentleman who is often compared with agentleman in Silas Marner. Who is that
gentleman? Are you talking about afictional gentleman? For George Eliot himself himself,
Walter, it happens that she wasn'texactly a gentleman, So what he
was a durned good writer. Nextquestion, goodness, that heating system is
(19:03):
really noisy. Oh it's coming outof the event here. What quiet a
minute? Let me listen. Osure, what time's the brake set for?
(19:26):
Who are you? It sounds likedaddy, daddy? Can you hear
up? He must be stuck inthe furnace, nansense, Walter. He
was going to inspect the heating system. He's probably just stuck in a pipe
somewhere, in a pipe somewhere.Oh, I'll go call the fire department.
(19:48):
Harriet, you stay here and chatwith your father. Why, mister
Boynton, what made you ring thegong for a fire drill? I heard
you calling a fire department, andoh, but that's not for a fire.
Mister Konquin's stuck in a pipe somewhere, and I just called the department
(20:11):
to get him out. Well,most of the kids are out in the
street by now. I better gokeep him in line. A little extra
badness won't hurt anything. Stuck ina pipe. Oh, I better get
back to my own room. Now. Oh, here come the fireman.
They don't here. We are wastea fire all right? This way?
Chee? Come on, man,there isn't any fire, really, you
(20:33):
see, it's just that somebody's caughtin a pipe. Caught in a pipe.
For this, I left a handwith one hundred ages and a double
pe knuckle in it. Oh,please do something. My daddy stuck somewhere.
You gotta get him out. Ohwhere is he? Well, he
was coming in over this bend herevery clearly. Oh, let's get up
this thing with our pics. Man, Oh, my water water waller.
(21:00):
There's enough confusion around here as itis. Don't tell mister Boynton to send
all the children home immediately. Howcame it? Brooks? Keep going,
man, We've got to get himout of that type. We want to
romost of them. Mark, howwhat's that that seems to be coming from
the stock room? Say it isn'there. Let' see now that miss Brooks
(21:22):
can be back to Keith. Ohyeah, here it is, Walter.
Then can I lay this crime atyour door? No, sir, two
doors down to go home with theothers. Well, we'll find out about
this. What's going on here withbok conference? Who is twen? Is
(21:45):
this it all later? Right now, we've got to get mister Conklin out
of this type. Mister conklin anhe take from mister save hello, Harriet,
or you mean stopped? The principal'sgot himself stuck and we gotta get
the knuckle head out. For yourinformation, I'm the knucklehead who's stuck.
(22:11):
I mean, I'm the principal ofthis school. Make the complain. How
did you get out of the pipe? I was never in the pipe.
But if we heard you, youyell get me out of here. Yeah,
what's the idea? Yell and getme out of here? If you're
not stuck in here? I waslocked in the stock room. Obviously this
heat event connects with the men inthere, and as any idiot could figure
out, well, how does anyidiot get himself locked in the stock room?
(22:37):
That old be all of that.I've had enough abuse from the fire
department. Yes, we've had enoughabuse from the fire department. Quiet,
miss Brooks. Now then, fireman, please remove your pickaxe from the school
woodwork. Well you needn't get sohappy, after all, it only makes
(22:57):
a little hole here. I'll takeit out now. What we needed the
larger classrooms. Now, then,Miss Brooks, I want some explanations,
(23:19):
and I want them fast. Wholocked me in the store? Where are
all the students who called the firedepartment? And that's what I'd like to
know. Don't you realize that thesepulse alarms cost the city money? Now
we've got to pack all of ourstuff, and where are you firm and
standing around for? Why don't youdo something relaxed, mister boy and mister
Conklin's out now there's nothing left todo, nothing left to do with my
lambers on fire. That's more likea cop well, miss Brooks. That
(23:52):
leaves just you and me, Youand me? And one more question?
What's that mister compan Did you happento run across an electric eater in the
stock room? Yes? I did? And did you happen to connect it
anywhere like mister Boynton's laboratory for instance? Yes? I did. Ah funny
(24:15):
thing about that. I was toldby mister Jensen just this morning that another
electrical appliance on that circuit would causea fire. Right now, you've got
to be punished, miss Brooks.Can you hear me? You've got to
(24:36):
be brod. Where are you going, miss Brooks to take a cold shower?
This is the longest nightmare I've everhad. Returns in just a moment.
(25:02):
But first, hello there, thisis Delly good neighbors. And now
once again, here is our missBrooks. Well, it wasn't much of
a fire, and as soon asthey put it out, one of the
firemen got a hook and ladder climbedup and brought mister Conklin's blood pressure down.
(25:26):
When he was slightly more rational,he called me into his office again,
Miss Brooks. Since mister Boyndon failedto remind me about the electric hazard
in the biology laboratory, I havedecided that he is almost as guilty as
you are. Oh, mister Conran, you, miss Brooks, will stay
after school and help mister Boynton cleanup the debris those firemen left behind.
(25:47):
I don't care to keep you bothhere all evening, mister Conklin, is
that my punishment for starting the fireexactly got a match our miss? Book,
starring Eve Bardon, is produced byLarry Byrne, written and directed by
Al Lewis, with music by WilburHatch. Mister Conklin was played by Gail
(26:12):
Gordon. Others in tonight's cast wereJane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillan,
Arthur Q. Bryan and Frank Nelsonbe with us again next week at
the same time for another comedy episodeof Our Miss Brook. This is Jimmy Matthew speaking
For your entertainment and pleasure. Hereis our Miss Brooks, Darring Eve Arden.
Our Miss Brooks teaches English at MadisonHigh School, and like many other
teachers, started last Monday. Andlike many other teachers, I attended a
(00:24):
faculty meeting Monday afternoon. Here,our beloved Principle osgood Conklin gave me my
semiannual pat on the back. ThenI picked myself up and walked back across
the room, and he instituted hisnew crackdown plan, more discipline, less
horseplay. Everybody told the line runthe school in orderly manner. After this
(00:47):
mirth provoking monologue, he chewed upa little furniture and stalked out, Well,
maybe it was the faculty meeting,or then again, maybe it was
the watercress and cucumber sandwich I hadbefore retired. At any rate, I
remember lying in bed Monday night anddozing off when suddenly I seem to be
awakened by a loud pounding at mydoor. What is it? Who's there?
(01:15):
Did? I ask, good Conkland? You are, beloved Principle.
I'm coming in, mister Conkland.Is anything wrong wrong? There's plenty wrong.
We've got to crack down, morediscipline, let's horse play, everybody
told the line, run the schoolin an orderly manner with mister Conklin.
Is this your idea of less horseplay? I was fast asleep all and
I hope I'm not disturbing you.I'll go right on sleeping. Good,
(01:41):
Miss Brooks, I have got totalk to you. Well, pull up
at cucumber sand Rich and sit down. Thank you. Mister Conklin, you're
biting the arm of my chair.Yeah so, I am sorry, but
you know how I get when i'mupset. Now, then, miss Brooks,
we've got to have more discipline,to have discipline. Got to have
discipline, got to have discipline.You hear me, Miss Brooks, I
(02:06):
just heard four of you. Youare right, there are four of me.
More discipline, Concline, less horseplay, Conkline told the line. Conkline,
and run the school in an orderlymanner. Conklin, I wish I
could add just one more, whichone rest in peace? Conclin. Enough
(02:28):
of these pleasantries, miss Brooks.As you know, our profession teaches us
that we must learn by doing.So here we go. Everybody rise and
try and leave the sack, leavethe sack Colin. Are you telling me
to get up now? Miss Brooks? Do I have to dump your bed?
No, sir, I'm getting upnow. Then setting up exercises,
hands on shoulders please, I'll touchthe floor one two three four open the
(02:54):
door by sick? Why don't Ipick up some sticks and beat him over
the head with the ay you're nervous, Miss Brooks, overwrought. You should
get more arrest. Oh now we'reon the same side. I'll get back
in bed, and you just paidinto the woodward. Not so fast,
young woman. First we must practiceour daily hair treatment and on head please
(03:17):
now? Then rough one two threeor one two? Or? How is
that? Mister Conklin? Am Idoing it right? Oh? It feels
great, Miss Brooks. I shouldhave eight new hairs by Monday. One
two three four one two. Timeto get up, Cannie one two three
(03:45):
four one two three? Why areyou massage and got pillow? It's got
to have eight new hairs by morning, Colly Connie, wake up? Huh
oh oh? Has he gone?Has he gone? Oh? Oh?
I'll just forget about missus Davis.It isn't important. On the contrary,
I think it's intriguing. Has whogone, Please, missus Davis. It
(04:09):
was just one of my nightmare Paul. Was it a bad one? Dear?
It was in technicolor and star doO's good Countlance. I went half
the night rehearsing how to get upin the morning. That's why I was
so nervous when you woke Merom.I know how dreams can affect you,
dear, but you must put themout of your mind when you wake up.
Why. I had some bead dreamslast night myself. You did.
(04:30):
Yes, I was in a junglesomewhere, surrounded by lions and tigers.
But if Mike can't man ever walkedin now, I wouldn't jump up on
the chandelier. You must have bettercontrol of your nerves than I have.
Yeah, if we need any newbulbs up there, Missus Davis, re
(04:57):
nervor, where in the world didyou come from? Oh? I haven't
told her about that yet, Connie. She's only a kitten, and you'd
better have a little talk with her. She's been running around with a pretty
old crowd. Please, Connie,don't talk that way in front of her.
(05:19):
The nervous, very high strung.Yes, I know lately that cat's
been as jumpy as a person.You forget about nerves and bad dreams and
hurrying for a nice breakfast. I'vegot a brand new secret recipe for you,
A secret recipe, missus Davis.Yes, if I tell you how
(05:42):
I'm making your egg this morning,will you keep it under your hat?
Well? It may get my hairdo a little lucky, but I'll try.
I'm making you a delicious watercress andcucumber ome liqu Oh no, I
would have started my knifemare if Iall have time to eat breakfast now,
missus Davis. Waler Denton picking meup any minute? How come Walter's calling
(06:02):
for you today? Your car isn'tin the pishop again? No, but
I decided not to drive for awhile after picking up a couple of hitchhikers
last Saturday. But Connie, whyshould that discourage you from driving? I
picked them up on my bumper.Would you lean over toward my side of
(06:27):
the car a little more, please, Miss Brooks? Why Walter Denton?
What have you in mind? It'snothing personal. I just want to get
a good look at you in myrear view mirror. Yup, it's just
as I thought. You look harassed? Harassed and be deviled. Yeah,
but lovely well, thank you,Walter. But Walter, to what do
I owe these backhanded gallantries? Yeah? I was afraid you might take exception
(06:51):
of my frankness, but I meanit all for your own good, Miss
Brooks. If I have been lessvoluble concerning your obvious charms in the past,
no two that I have been lessvoluble about the human frailties which you,
like all mankind, have sometimes fallenair to. Except then my plea
for leniency are grant you a fullpardon if you'll tell me what you're talking
(07:15):
about. What are you trying toweedle out of me? Walter? Well,
now that you mention it, thereis something you can do to help
both of us out, I thought, So what is it? It's like
this, You, like several ofthe other teachers, will be assigned to
the stock room during your free periodto take inventory and give out supplies.
(07:36):
I see, And what does mygood friend Raffles have in mind? We
split a car load of pencils andretire. Well, no, miss Brooks,
my motives are purely altruistic. Imerely want to assist an already over
burdened teacher whose heart and spirit arebig and willing, but whose mind and
(07:56):
body may not long stand the strainput upon it by the forthcoming scholastic hassle.
If I'm clean, what's your cutin the projected Madison High School stock
room swindle cut? Oh, missBrooks, I'm surprised at you. Surprised
and chagrined. Oh, when Ithink of your sense of integrity, you're
(08:18):
honesty. Please, Walter, Ifyou polish this apple anymore, it'll be
too slippery to pick up. Comesto the point, Walter, Well,
whoever helps out in the stock roomgets first choice of the textbooks, right
right? And you want to helpme so you can get yourself the brand
new books, nice and clean,right Ron, I want the old ones
where the answers already penciled in.Now, why did I slip out?
(08:43):
Oh? But you can see itmy way, can't you. Sometimes in
the impenetrable forest of education, thepath is easier seen if someone has cleared
the underbrush. But you're asking fora free ride on the bulldozer. Don't
you think it would be better ifyou relied on your own work, Walder?
After all, with an old book, you could be copying somebody else's
(09:07):
mistakes, anybody's mistakes are better thanmine. Well, if you put it
that, thanks, miss Brooks,Well here we are. Thanks for the
lift, Walter. I'll run longin now boots. Ooh gosh, Miss
Brooks, didn't you see that mudpuddle? Of course I did. I
just thought it might be fun togo waiting. Well, can I help
(09:28):
you scrape off the mud? Well, I haven't time. Now. If
I can just sneak by mister Conklin'soffice, I'll clean up when I get
to my room. But suppose youcan't sneak by his office that, Walter,
I refuse to contemplate. Believe me, if mister Conklin sees me tripping
through the hall on these two lumpsof mud, my name will be Shoes.
(09:56):
Sorry. Eve Arden will continue injust a moment. But first,
perhaps the best knowning on you.Now, while our miss Brooks is quietly
sloshing down the corridor and her muddypumps, let's look in on mister Conklin,
Madison's beloved principle and adjust our wavelengthto his stream of consciousness. So
(10:20):
we come to the start of anotherschool day, A nice muggy one at
that. As if I needed badweather to make me irritable. The teachers
in this school have simply cut Now, who's that tracking her dirty shoes through
our hallowed halls. I think she'sgoing to sneak past my office, does
she? Well, we'll just waittill she's eating with the door and then
(10:52):
you, mister Conklin, How arethings in the principal's office? Fine?
Thank you? How are things inthe glade? Just take those shoes off
and step in here for a moment, Miss Brooks. I want to talk
to you, yes, sir,Do you, by any chance remember what
(11:13):
I told the faculty at the meetingyesterday? Oh, certainly, mister Conklin.
I've been going over it in mymind all night. Remember Remember,
of course I remember what was discussedat the meeting. The question is do
you? Oh indeed I do,mister Conklin every word. We've got to
have more horseplay and less discipline.I mean, we've got to crack up,
(11:37):
crack down. I won't have arepetition of last term's lack of discipline.
There's only one way to run theschool, and that's in an orderly
manner. Exactly Naturally, I needthe cooperation of my staff. Hen,
everybody's got to tow the line.Yeah, there's no reason why things shouldn't
(12:01):
go off like clockwork one two bound. I'm sorry, mister Chaquelin. It's
just that I spent a rather restlessnight. In fact, we both did.
I'm still a bit upset. Well, there's nothing like concentrating on one's
work to settle one's nerves. Whenis your first free period? Right after
(12:22):
lunch? I figured i'd get agood rest there, I think not,
Miss Brooks. I penciled you infor the stock room at that time.
Oh well, I have a lotof erasers in there. Maybe we could
rub me out. No, Iguess we're extremely short of supplies, Miss
(12:43):
Brooks. So I want you tocheck every requisition very carefully before handing them
out. And if for any reasonyou have to leave the stock room,
you know what to do. Praisemy hands. You locked the door,
that clear, Yes, mister contrand I locked the door. Well,
(13:03):
I'll be running along one moment,Miss Brooks. Haven't you forgotten something?
Oh? Oh yes, rub twothree four, Rub Brooks. Get your
fingers out of my hair. Oh, I thought lunch carrier would never get
(13:24):
here. Mister Boynton oh me either. I'm starved. I'll just put our
trade down and sit opposite there.Now, it's funny how we happened to
bump into each other at the entranceof the cafeteria. Quite a coincidence.
Yes, it was because I hadto run a little. But I think
it's nice to have someone take youto lunch, don't you, Yes,
I do. Miss Brooks. Wasglad for you to ask me, which
(13:48):
mind passing my soup over? Please? Here you are, mister Boydon.
Nothing like a good hot plate ofsoup to warm me up. I said,
that laboratory of mine's like an igno. Even my hands are freezing.
Let's feel them. Hey, theyare cold. Yours are nice and warm.
How'd they get that way? Ihad them in your suit. You
(14:11):
know, it's a shame we don'thave a better heating system in this school,
especially in the biology lab with allthose little mice and rabbits and students.
You're right. I was talking tomister Jensen, the janitor, about
it, and he's promised to speakto mister Compton and get him to inspect
the system himself. You see,I have a lot of electrical appliances in
the lab now, but none ofthem give off much heat. I've got
(14:33):
to have another outlet if I'm toattach any other heres me, mister Boyton.
Hi a, Miss Brooks, HelloWalter, we'd better be getting down
to the stock room. I wantyou to get nervous when the requisitions start
pouring in or the books for theanswers in them start pouring out. Well,
all right, water, we mightas well get going, will you
excuse me, mister Barton? Forsure, Miss Brooks. And even though
you ask me to lunch, Idon't want you to worry about the check.
(14:54):
Oh well, that's very nice ofme. I'll pay my own,
Miss Brooks. You just take careof yours. Well. The worst part
of the supply rush is over,Miss Brooks. And now we can sort
of take inventory of the surplus stuffthat we can use, and that is
you can use for your class.Like what Walter? Old paper pencils,
(15:16):
staplers, they bring forty to fiftycents on the outside. Can I really
need one for my schoolwork? Andthen there our ink Wells paper clips.
If this stock room is only twodoors from your room, Miss Brooks,
why don't I get anumful of stuffand stash it away under your desk right
now, Walter, I am anEnglish teacher, not a friend. There
(15:39):
no such thing as surplus in theschool system. Everything has to be requisitioned.
Wait a minute, what's this that? Well, that's an electric heater,
miss Brooks. An electric heater.M but that's just what mister boy
needs for his lab. I knowwhat, I'll hook it up right now
and surprise it. What about arequisition, Walter? Can I trust you?
Well? You know you chant,miss Brooks of and I do so.
(16:00):
If you keep quiet about this heater, I'll get you a requisition for
a brand new stapler. Gee,that's swell of you, Miss Brooks.
Now I can take this one outof the lining of my jacket. Well,
Harriet, where's the heater I sentyou for? He wasn't there,
Daddy helloked all over the stock room, but there wasn't a trace of it.
(16:22):
Did you ask missus Brooks about it? Miss Brooks wasn't there. Nobody
was there and the door was open. No wonder my heater is missing.
I distinctly told her, Now,what come in? Excuse me, mister
Conkland, but I've got to talkto you right away. Hello, mister
gentle. Oh, Harriet, Ibetter be going now, Daddy. I've
got a class in a few minutes. All right, Harriet, Now what
(16:42):
is it? Jenson, I'm ratherbusy right now. Oh, this is
important, sir, as cus TONIinto the building. I feel it's my
duty, you feel what is yourduty to tell you? Sir? Don't
tell me what? Please, misterConkland, don't shout. That's one of
the reasons. That's one of there for what for your high blood pressure?
(17:03):
Now when I was your age?Never mind that, now, what
do you want to see me about? A whileological laboratory. The furnace vent
isn't large enough to heat that bigroom. It's so cold in there.
Mister Boynton's had to put ear muffson the rabbits. We've got to build
another outlet. Outlets cost money,Jensen. We'll requisition another heater. Meanwhile,
I've got to find that you gottaput ear muffs on rabbits. Brother,
(17:26):
you're in trouble. If an electricheater is hooked onto the present wiring
setup, it can cause a short. Will tell me about it another time.
I'm even worse than a short,mister Cochland. It might start a
fire. I don't like to censureyou, mister Jensen, but you are
an alarmist. Yes, sir,I'm going down to that stock room and
wait in back of it for missBrooks to return. I'll teach her to
(17:49):
leave doors open. I'm glad weset up the heater in here before mister
Boynton came back. Walder, Yeah, it's sure, be surprised. I
bet come on, miss Brooks.Oh, here's the next class. I've
(18:10):
got you in English this period.That's a coincidence, Walder, I've got
you too. Oh, Walter,here's the stock room and the door is
still ajar. Didn't you lock itwhen we left? No? I thought
you did give me that key there. Mister Conklin would have a fit if
he found this door open. Allright, class, Your next question is
(18:36):
as follows. In The Mill onthe Floss, George Elliot writes about a
gentleman who is often compared with agentleman in Silas Marner. Who is that
gentleman? Are you talking about afictional gentleman? For George Eliot himself himself,
Walter, it happens that she wasn'texactly a gentleman, So what he
was a durned good writer. Nextquestion, goodness, that heating system is
(19:03):
really noisy. Oh it's coming outof the event here. What quiet a
minute? Let me listen. Osure, what time's the brake set for?
(19:26):
Who are you? It sounds likedaddy, daddy? Can you hear
up? He must be stuck inthe furnace, nansense, Walter. He
was going to inspect the heating system. He's probably just stuck in a pipe
somewhere, in a pipe somewhere.Oh, I'll go call the fire department.
(19:48):
Harriet, you stay here and chatwith your father. Why, mister
Boynton, what made you ring thegong for a fire drill? I heard
you calling a fire department, andoh, but that's not for a fire.
Mister Konquin's stuck in a pipe somewhere, and I just called the department
(20:11):
to get him out. Well,most of the kids are out in the
street by now. I better gokeep him in line. A little extra
badness won't hurt anything. Stuck ina pipe. Oh, I better get
back to my own room. Now. Oh, here come the fireman.
They don't here. We are wastea fire all right? This way?
Chee? Come on, man,there isn't any fire, really, you
(20:33):
see, it's just that somebody's caughtin a pipe. Caught in a pipe.
For this, I left a handwith one hundred ages and a double
pe knuckle in it. Oh,please do something. My daddy stuck somewhere.
You gotta get him out. Ohwhere is he? Well, he
was coming in over this bend herevery clearly. Oh, let's get up
this thing with our pics. Man, Oh, my water water waller.
(21:00):
There's enough confusion around here as itis. Don't tell mister Boynton to send
all the children home immediately. Howcame it? Brooks? Keep going,
man, We've got to get himout of that type. We want to
romost of them. Mark, howwhat's that that seems to be coming from
the stock room? Say it isn'there. Let' see now that miss Brooks
(21:22):
can be back to Keith. Ohyeah, here it is, Walter.
Then can I lay this crime atyour door? No, sir, two
doors down to go home with theothers. Well, we'll find out about
this. What's going on here withbok conference? Who is twen? Is
(21:45):
this it all later? Right now, we've got to get mister Conklin out
of this type. Mister conklin anhe take from mister save hello, Harriet,
or you mean stopped? The principal'sgot himself stuck and we gotta get
the knuckle head out. For yourinformation, I'm the knucklehead who's stuck.
(22:11):
I mean, I'm the principal ofthis school. Make the complain. How
did you get out of the pipe? I was never in the pipe.
But if we heard you, youyell get me out of here. Yeah,
what's the idea? Yell and getme out of here? If you're
not stuck in here? I waslocked in the stock room. Obviously this
heat event connects with the men inthere, and as any idiot could figure
out, well, how does anyidiot get himself locked in the stock room?
(22:37):
That old be all of that.I've had enough abuse from the fire
department. Yes, we've had enoughabuse from the fire department. Quiet,
miss Brooks. Now then, fireman, please remove your pickaxe from the school
woodwork. Well you needn't get sohappy, after all, it only makes
(22:57):
a little hole here. I'll takeit out now. What we needed the
larger classrooms. Now, then,Miss Brooks, I want some explanations,
(23:19):
and I want them fast. Wholocked me in the store? Where are
all the students who called the firedepartment? And that's what I'd like to
know. Don't you realize that thesepulse alarms cost the city money? Now
we've got to pack all of ourstuff, and where are you firm and
standing around for? Why don't youdo something relaxed, mister boy and mister
Conklin's out now there's nothing left todo, nothing left to do with my
lambers on fire. That's more likea cop well, miss Brooks. That
(23:52):
leaves just you and me, Youand me? And one more question?
What's that mister compan Did you happento run across an electric eater in the
stock room? Yes? I did? And did you happen to connect it
anywhere like mister Boynton's laboratory for instance? Yes? I did. Ah funny
(24:15):
thing about that. I was toldby mister Jensen just this morning that another
electrical appliance on that circuit would causea fire. Right now, you've got
to be punished, miss Brooks.Can you hear me? You've got to
(24:36):
be brod. Where are you going, miss Brooks to take a cold shower?
This is the longest nightmare I've everhad. Returns in just a moment.
(25:02):
But first, hello there, thisis Delly good neighbors. And now
once again, here is our missBrooks. Well, it wasn't much of
a fire, and as soon asthey put it out, one of the
firemen got a hook and ladder climbedup and brought mister Conklin's blood pressure down.
(25:26):
When he was slightly more rational,he called me into his office again,
Miss Brooks. Since mister Boyndon failedto remind me about the electric hazard
in the biology laboratory, I havedecided that he is almost as guilty as
you are. Oh, mister Conran, you, miss Brooks, will stay
after school and help mister Boynton cleanup the debris those firemen left behind.
(25:47):
I don't care to keep you bothhere all evening, mister Conklin, is
that my punishment for starting the fireexactly got a match our miss? Book,
starring Eve Bardon, is produced byLarry Byrne, written and directed by
Al Lewis, with music by WilburHatch. Mister Conklin was played by Gail
(26:12):
Gordon. Others in tonight's cast wereJane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillan,
Arthur Q. Bryan and Frank Nelsonbe with us again next week at
the same time for another comedy episodeof Our Miss Brook. This is Jimmy Matthew speaking
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