August 5, 2025 • 22 mins
Discover "Our Miss Brooks Collection," a selection of the best episodes from the beloved radio comedy series. Experience the humorous and heartwarming tales of Miss Brooks and her school adventures. This collection is a must-listen for fans of classic radio comedies and nostalgic storytelling.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
All, It's Armis Brooks, Sorry, Eve Ardens. The life of
an average school teacher at tempted to run along a
fairly smooth and even path. But if that teacher's name
(00:22):
is Constance Brooks and she teaches English at Matters High School,
that path is upt to be not quite so smooth
and even.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Somehow, while most girls go through life attracting boys, I
go through a detracting accident. Wednesday. As I was leaving
Clay City High after a visit with a friend, I
hit the jackpot of all accidents.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I was walking toward the.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Elevator, my mind off in space, when a few seconds later.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So was I.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I had stepped into an open elevator chaf.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The next thing I knew, I was hanging.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
By my fingertips. Jason Brill, Clay's principal, had rushed up
and pulled me to safety.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
The newspaper photographers had.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Taken our pictures, and we were so busy I didn't
have a chance to saint until.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
I got home.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
The next morning, is my Landlady and I sat down
to breakfast.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I slipped the newspaper.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Casually under missus Davis's eyes and waited.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
For her reaction.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Finally it came in tones quivering with excitement.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
She said, Connie, what's a two letter word meaning sun?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
God? Davis?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Look, no, dear, look at four letters? Maybe I should
cry it vertical. Now let's see what's a three letter
word for feline domestic animal? Hea, Quiet, Minervan, finish your milk?
Three letter word for feeline, the mystic animal.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
It's no use, Minerva. If you'll forget that crossword puzzle
for a moment and look at the front page, you
might see a story about a person.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
You know that will interest you.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Oh all right, dear, well, oh my my goodness, Why Connie,
this is your picture, a picture viewing Jason Brill. But
what are you two doing on the front page.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
If you'll read the story, you'll see what we're doing.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
There a story.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Oh that's right, there is a story. Jason Brill, principle
of Play to the High School, played the hero yesterday
as he hoisted Constance Brooks, Madison High English teacher, out
of an open elevator shaft. Miss Brooks had been dangling
by her fingertips three stories up, with the elevator a
floor above her when she was finally rescued. Oh, Connie,
(02:42):
how awful. But here I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Quite understand, don't quite understand what.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Missus Davis.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Wouldn't it have been simpler to wait for the elevator
like everybody, not with.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
My clustrophobia to say this. The whole thing was an accident,
a horror, nightmarish access, of course, dear, will you hurt?
I'm all right today now, Please don't worry about me,
Missus Davis. I haven't many lives here, no coaching, minerva.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Don't you want to read the rest of the story.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
I'm reading it now. Mister Brill, who is currently one
of the principles being considered for promotion to assistant superintendent
of schools, was extremely modest about his daring rescue. When
usked to comment, he said, this is nothing that any
other aggressive, vigorous, alert, level headed, courageous man wouldn't have
(03:34):
done under similar circus.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
His whole comment, he would have been elected to Congress
as it is. I doubt if he'll make assistant superintendent,
at least not while mister Conklin is also trying for
the job.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Always our good still after that position, like Dick Tracy
is after rughead.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Right today, our boy.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Unveiled his Project X in front of mister Stone.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Project X. Goodness, which it sounds important?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
What is it, dear?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
If I know, mister Conklin, it's probably a scientific method
of making six teachers do the work of one principle. Thankfully,
missus Davis, I'm dying to find out about Project X myself.
Mister Conklin's promised me that this morning he's letting the
cat out of the Bag's back in the bag, Minerva.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
In any case, Commy, it might be a good idea
to drop in and see your principal before your first class.
He'll be so relieved to see you unscratched, he'll fuss
over you like a cattle bird. Baby. Get read.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yes, they're playing our song. Well here I am, mister Conklin,
in perfect health, none the worse for wear, and not
a scratch on me, and ready to start the day's
(04:56):
work with a brave smile. So don't you worry one bit.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Sit down, you traitor, mister Conklins.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Didn't you read the story about me in.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
The morning paper seven times? Miss Brooks, you knew I
was in a life and death struggle with Jason Brill
for Assistant Superintendent you knew that making him a hero
would practically ruin my chances for Lou these many years,
you've been enjoying all of your accidents right here at Madison,
(05:28):
And now when I need you most, Why did you
have to take your business elsewhere?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
This was rather partless of me, sir.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
And I was so confident that when I unveiled my
project next before mister Stone three this afternoon, it would
dwarf all of Brill's recent project.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But now, heroes, is this your project.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Ex sir? This desk microphone and the instrument channel with
push button.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yes, yes, it's an amplifying system. Sitting right here in
my office. I can pressed by and hear what's going
on in any classroom or hallway. I can check on
my teachers and students at any time. Wat of Education
was delighted when I suggested they try out the system
at Madison.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Would you show me how it works, sir?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Well, I had promised my daughter Harriet she would be
the first to hear it this morning, But I don't
know what's happened to her.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh, I'm certain she wouldn't mind if I heard it first.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
No, I suppose not, all right, I'll flick it on.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
We'll warm up with Room one hundred, although it may
be unoccupied at this early hour.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Come on, Harriet, just one little kiss and water today,
wouldn't like it? Who wants to kiss him? Harriet?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
One teen?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
She wansy little kiss dending on her this instant?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What Harriet, you know.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
You're getting a sound like your old man every day. Mean,
don't tell me it's my conscience.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Talking, Dent, and this is your principal talking, And no.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Conscience ever shadowed like that?
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Holy crown.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
How miss Brook's voice is trying out the woodwork.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Here?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Well, that's my project, ex Miss Brooks. And if you
hadn't made a hero out of Jason Brill, it would
have been enough to sway mister Stone in favor of
my promotion. I tell you, frankly, if mister Stone select
Jason Brill for that job, I'm going to be in
a very ugly mood. Indeed, yes, I will hark back
(07:42):
constantly to the incident that caused my defeat, knowing always
that whose doorsteps lays a blame, you can imagine what
may occur.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yes, sir, for the next six months, you're liable to
trample all over my welcomes. Well, since I had made
a hero out of our principal's arch rival, Jason Brill,
mister Complin felt that I had cost him his promotion
to assistant superintendent. Just before lunch, Missus Davis phoned to
find out how I was feeling, and I gave her
(08:15):
a rundown of the situation.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Connie, I'm amazed at doll. Could do you mean? He
wasn't a bit happy to see you off and around.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
He acted more like he wished I were down than
under to see if I've cost him his promotion.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Well, he's jes upset, dear. While with a wonderful project
like that amplifying system, he should be able to walk
into that new job over.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
A road of broken ear drums. This system is driving
us all crazy, Missus David.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
He listens in on us in.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
The classrooms and the hallways and the recreation rooms. A
few minutes ago, I had the shock of my life
in the female faculty rooms.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Well could it just sulting, Connie? Still, it would have
been better for you if he had been the hero.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Well, it's too late to worry about that now, Missus Davis.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
What did you just say?
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Well, I did oh goodness, come here, I am said,
I wasn't paying attention. What did I say?
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yes? Why not? No?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I'm certain I didn't say yes, why not?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
It is Davis, You're a life savor. Well goodbye. Now
I've got to meet mister Boynton in the lunch room
and break the good.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
News to him, good news, what good news coming that.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
At three pm today he's going to be rescued by
mister Conklin from a terrible accident.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yes, say that pie was better than here?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yes it was.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Oh, now you said you had a big favor to
ask me, what is it?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I did want to ask the favor, mister Borrnton, but
perhaps i'd better not ask it here. You so, who
might be listening in on us right now? Who?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Which?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Who?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Oh? Yes?
Speaker 3 (10:07):
That who?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I could whisper it to you? Though, Bring your ear
over closer.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Now, listen, let's tickles.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You know you set a chill right on my spine.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Care to do me now?
Speaker 4 (10:27):
I mean, let's just talk in low tones.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Miss Brooks. Believe me, you're worrying needlessly. I'm sure mister
Conklin has something better to do than listen in on
lunchroom conversations. But if you're worried, why don't you just
write down what you have to say on a napkin.
What do you think of that idea?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I think it's the sneakiest thing I've heard today.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Conklin, Gosh, you were right, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Don't get panicky, friends, Just follow me across to the
unoccupied zone Madison High. We'll be perfectly safe from him.
Here in the boiler room, mister Boynton, there isn't a
(11:16):
wire in the place.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
See still, he's here, Miss Brooks. I can feel it
in my bones. This this room is wired too. I
know he's here, mister Boynton.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Look, I'll prove to you once and for all that
mister Conklin has no wires down here.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Here's a paper bag on the floor. I'll blow it.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Up and explode it near the ceilings.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Watch.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Oh, he is here now.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Please, mister Boyne, get up off your knee.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
I get here.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
What happened to my room?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Mister?
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Please?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Mister Conklin, can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Go jump in the light, be faith, take a fly
and leap for yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Meet head here?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
What I call him? Miss Brooks?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It's a question of your getting the middle of honor
I'll be your witness.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Well, now that mister Conklin can't hear us, what was
that big favor you wanted?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Mister Stone is coming over at three this afternoon to
hear the amplifying system in action, and when he presses
the button to hear what's going on in your laboratory.
I was wondering if you could be in the midst
of a fake.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Accident yelling for help.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I see you mean, if I have this fake accident,
mister Conklin saves me, mister Stone may pick him for
that promotion and we'll be rid of him and his
amplifying system. You ain't just burning your buns.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
And bidon, That's right, I mean now, just in.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Case mister Conklin has regained his hearing, let's go outside
and talk over the details.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
All right, Miss Brooks, follow me. This back door leads
to the athletic field, and I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
You will never hear us here in the boiler.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Room, Harriet. It's not a chance, believe me.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
But are you sure, Walder Well?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Just to play it absolutely safe, I'll test.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Come on, Harriet, give me a kiss, just one little kiss.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
It's okay, Harriet. If he'd heard me.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
His bark would have exploded the boiler room by this time.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Now, what do you think of my plans?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Well, making a hero of Daddy in front of mister
Stone sounds pretty fantastic to me. Fantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
What's fantastic about? It's simple when mister Stone tries out
the sound system and contacts.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
The boiler room, I'm for and the water.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Pipes have exploded and I'm practically drowning, and.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Then Daddy hears you hollering, dads down.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And rescues you.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
How fans the idea?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Now?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
What could be a curious I just got a terrible thought.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Why if your father ever really thought I was drowning
he lent me.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
While? Making a hero of mister Cocklin in front of
mister Stone seemed like an ideal way to get him
his promotion, particularly that occurred while he was demonstrating his
new amplifying system. However, unknown to each other, Miss Brooks
and Walter Devon happened to get the idea at the
same time, so as Miss Brooks approached the principal's office
that afternoon, she knew nothing of the mix up.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Oh, Miss Brooks, just a moment.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
See, Oh I'm mister Conklin, I was just about to
stop in your office on my way home. Can you
hear all right?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Now? I could hear all right, but my head feels
like the inside of the Holland Tunnel at high noon. However,
let's forget the boiler room caper. Shall we now?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I have a favorite to ask you, a big favor.
Mister Stone is in my office at this very moment,
and I'm about to demonstrate my amplifying system to him.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Oh, I wouldn't worry about getting that promotion anymore, sir.
Accidents have a way of happening at the strangest times,
making heroes of the strangest people. I have a feeling
one may happen very soon.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Why, miss Brooks, how did you find out about the
accident I'd planned? You planned an accident and you will
play a key role in it.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
What are you going to do? Push me off the roof?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
What a perfect is delightful? This accident again involves an
open elevator shaft. If you look ten feet in front
of you, the shaft is open.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Oh no, sir, not again.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Don't ask me to do it again. My fingertips are
all worn out.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We've got right quickly. I've made arrangements with our home
economics teacher, Miss Miller, to cling from that open elevator
shaft in exactly two minutes. At that time, or before
you will come into my office screaming for help, and
I shall bound to the rescue. Oh you go, sir.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
We better synchronize our accidents.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
You see, I don't worry about Miss Miller, even if
she does let go. It's only a four foot drop,
and I have several metrics underneath the break her paw.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
But sir, believe me, it won't be necessary.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Good, my name is Brooks. Give me a moment or
two with mister Stone and then go into your act. Ah,
there you are confident. Hey, this is quite an efficient
looking acoustical setup you've got here.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Oh thank you, mister Stone.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Well, it's only natural for a principle who's only concern
is his school to want to improve its operation. And
as you know, sir, in all my years at this school,
my one thought, my one nim has been how I
can become assistant to how I can better conditions here
at Madison. I'm well aware of that. Os good, But
now i'd like to hear this amplifying system in operation.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
So miss content, come quickly.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Something terrible has happened. Miss Miller has fallen down the elevator, Chef,
she's clinging to the ledge.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
This very menace.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
What falls down the elevator, chef?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Good?
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Heavens?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Why miss Brooks had happened to you only yesterday?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Yes, sir, I must have ushered in the season, don't.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What are we standing around for? Human life is in
peral clear Quick decisive.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Action is called for.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And if there's one thing about Osgood Corkland, he used
never one to lose his head in emergencies and turn
him hagon, stop filibustering and savor. Yes, yes this is terrible,
but it's Brooks, simply terrible. I think we'd better contact
someone to give conqueror a hand.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
But how could we contact anyone in time for him
to do any good?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
But I could try using the amplifying system. I withdraw
the question exactly. It's only the last of three. Some
teachers must still be in their classrooms. Mister Boynton usually stays.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Later work in his lab, doesn't he Maybe he can
leant a have Oh no, sir, I've been trying to
borrow one for years and now well I'm certain he's
gone hometheless.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
There's no harm in trying the biology lab. I'll wear
his best buttons. Oh yeah, here we are. Oh helpers
the cars and save me, please save me?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
He w wasn't guess jo are choking me?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Help me? Something happened to boyd him?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What's going on down there?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Sounds like the death said scene from Camille?
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Save me, missus Corocland.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
The test room exploded. I'm choking, Please say me, mister.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Mister Conklin's out on call, mister Bryden.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Will I do for quick action? Miss Brooks?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
The boiler room is the closest place of the biology lab.
I'll contact the school custodians. Oh yes, here's the button.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well save me, mister, save me.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I order for food.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I squeeze.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
That sounds like Walter Denton and he's crowning.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Those water pipes.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Go they really go? Save me, mister Cochland, save miss Brooks.
Just why is everyone all over the school calling for
osgood Conklin.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Maybe Philip Morris is busy, Yes, sir, I'm sure that's.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
What you heard. I heard is plenty. It's all beginning
to add up.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Miss Brooks, Well maybe if you subtracted those last two accidents.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Well, I saved miss Miller. She almost pulled me down
into the chat with her, but I broke her dip
hold on my ankle and pulled her up by the hair.
But it was actually nothing, nothing at all.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Hey, you feel quite the hero, don't you, Conklin, and
suppose you get your rescue.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Squad and save this poor soul.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Save me, mister Hawklin.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Over why is mister boys and I rushed old rob boy?
We have another customer for you.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
In the boiler room, probably going down for the third time.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Save you, mister Colin. I'm frowning.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I'm going.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Okay, so shoot me. I don't understand what are they
all doing, ms Books. Why are they all yelling for
me to save them?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I don't know, sir, unless they're mistaking you for a
saint Bernard.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Believe me, mister Stone, I had no hand in all this.
I am an innocent man. Do we have any more
accidents waiting for us?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Conklin, I thought all we had on the calendar for
today there.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Stone, believe me, hy here we have a button marked
roof What little game are we playing up there, Conklin,
Oh nothing, so absolutely nothing. That's for emergency air raids popping. Well,
we'll try it anyway, shall we?
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Shave me?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Go? Margaret famous?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
But what you doing on the room.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Miss Brookes?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Don't ask me, sir, I'm still trying to figure.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Out Walter same as good.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
I'm stepped on the television.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Aial my hero. Shave me. I think I've heard enough, Conklin.
I don't know whether to bring charges against you or
just continue to tolerate your occasional lapses into complete idiocy.
But one thing is hurting. Neither you nor Jason Brill
will be recommended for that promote, neither one of them,
(21:36):
nor miss Brooks. And don't try to tell me now
that you didn't state that Parrel's of Pauline Act yesterday too, missus.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Still, that's not true.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I had a real accident and I earned every bruise
of it, Brooks.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
At this point, I don't know whether to believe anyone
has had any reaccidents or not. So good day you, Houp. Well,
at least Brill won't get the job.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
What was that.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
The stone, sir?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
He fell down that open elevator chair.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Now isn't that a shame? Shall we?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Mister I knew if we kept on pitching, sir, we'd
make it sometime today.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Martin Frans Ribs. But here's the directorate by Lad of Germany,
with the music of Bud Bluskin,
All, It's Armis Brooks, Sorry, Eve Ardens. The life of
an average school teacher at tempted to run along a
fairly smooth and even path. But if that teacher's name
(00:22):
is Constance Brooks and she teaches English at Matters High School,
that path is upt to be not quite so smooth
and even.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Somehow, while most girls go through life attracting boys, I
go through a detracting accident. Wednesday. As I was leaving
Clay City High after a visit with a friend, I
hit the jackpot of all accidents.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I was walking toward the.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Elevator, my mind off in space, when a few seconds later.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So was I.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
I had stepped into an open elevator chaf.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The next thing I knew, I was hanging.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
By my fingertips. Jason Brill, Clay's principal, had rushed up
and pulled me to safety.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
The newspaper photographers had.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Taken our pictures, and we were so busy I didn't
have a chance to saint until.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
I got home.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
The next morning, is my Landlady and I sat down
to breakfast.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I slipped the newspaper.
Speaker 2 (01:12):
Casually under missus Davis's eyes and waited.
Speaker 4 (01:15):
For her reaction.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Finally it came in tones quivering with excitement.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
She said, Connie, what's a two letter word meaning sun?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
God? Davis?
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Look, no, dear, look at four letters? Maybe I should
cry it vertical. Now let's see what's a three letter
word for feline domestic animal? Hea, Quiet, Minervan, finish your milk?
Three letter word for feeline, the mystic animal.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
It's no use, Minerva. If you'll forget that crossword puzzle
for a moment and look at the front page, you
might see a story about a person.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
You know that will interest you.
Speaker 4 (01:59):
Oh all right, dear, well, oh my my goodness, Why Connie,
this is your picture, a picture viewing Jason Brill. But
what are you two doing on the front page.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
If you'll read the story, you'll see what we're doing.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
There a story.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Oh that's right, there is a story. Jason Brill, principle
of Play to the High School, played the hero yesterday
as he hoisted Constance Brooks, Madison High English teacher, out
of an open elevator shaft. Miss Brooks had been dangling
by her fingertips three stories up, with the elevator a
floor above her when she was finally rescued. Oh, Connie,
(02:42):
how awful. But here I don't.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Quite understand, don't quite understand what.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Missus Davis.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Wouldn't it have been simpler to wait for the elevator
like everybody, not with.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
My clustrophobia to say this. The whole thing was an accident,
a horror, nightmarish access, of course, dear, will you hurt?
I'm all right today now, Please don't worry about me,
Missus Davis. I haven't many lives here, no coaching, minerva.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Don't you want to read the rest of the story.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
I'm reading it now. Mister Brill, who is currently one
of the principles being considered for promotion to assistant superintendent
of schools, was extremely modest about his daring rescue. When
usked to comment, he said, this is nothing that any
other aggressive, vigorous, alert, level headed, courageous man wouldn't have
(03:34):
done under similar circus.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
His whole comment, he would have been elected to Congress
as it is. I doubt if he'll make assistant superintendent,
at least not while mister Conklin is also trying for
the job.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
Always our good still after that position, like Dick Tracy
is after rughead.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Right today, our boy.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Unveiled his Project X in front of mister Stone.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Project X. Goodness, which it sounds important?
Speaker 1 (04:01):
What is it, dear?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
If I know, mister Conklin, it's probably a scientific method
of making six teachers do the work of one principle. Thankfully,
missus Davis, I'm dying to find out about Project X myself.
Mister Conklin's promised me that this morning he's letting the
cat out of the Bag's back in the bag, Minerva.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
In any case, Commy, it might be a good idea
to drop in and see your principal before your first class.
He'll be so relieved to see you unscratched, he'll fuss
over you like a cattle bird. Baby. Get read.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yes, they're playing our song. Well here I am, mister Conklin,
in perfect health, none the worse for wear, and not
a scratch on me, and ready to start the day's
(04:56):
work with a brave smile. So don't you worry one bit.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
Sit down, you traitor, mister Conklins.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Didn't you read the story about me in.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
The morning paper seven times? Miss Brooks, you knew I
was in a life and death struggle with Jason Brill
for Assistant Superintendent you knew that making him a hero
would practically ruin my chances for Lou these many years,
you've been enjoying all of your accidents right here at Madison,
(05:28):
And now when I need you most, Why did you
have to take your business elsewhere?
Speaker 3 (05:37):
This was rather partless of me, sir.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
And I was so confident that when I unveiled my
project next before mister Stone three this afternoon, it would
dwarf all of Brill's recent project.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
But now, heroes, is this your project.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Ex sir? This desk microphone and the instrument channel with
push button.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yes, yes, it's an amplifying system. Sitting right here in
my office. I can pressed by and hear what's going
on in any classroom or hallway. I can check on
my teachers and students at any time. Wat of Education
was delighted when I suggested they try out the system
at Madison.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Would you show me how it works, sir?
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Well, I had promised my daughter Harriet she would be
the first to hear it this morning, But I don't
know what's happened to her.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh, I'm certain she wouldn't mind if I heard it first.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
No, I suppose not, all right, I'll flick it on.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
We'll warm up with Room one hundred, although it may
be unoccupied at this early hour.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Come on, Harriet, just one little kiss and water today,
wouldn't like it? Who wants to kiss him? Harriet?
Speaker 1 (06:48):
One teen?
Speaker 3 (06:49):
She wansy little kiss dending on her this instant?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What Harriet, you know.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
You're getting a sound like your old man every day. Mean,
don't tell me it's my conscience.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Talking, Dent, and this is your principal talking, And no.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Conscience ever shadowed like that?
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Holy crown.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
How miss Brook's voice is trying out the woodwork.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Here?
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Well, that's my project, ex Miss Brooks. And if you
hadn't made a hero out of Jason Brill, it would
have been enough to sway mister Stone in favor of
my promotion. I tell you, frankly, if mister Stone select
Jason Brill for that job, I'm going to be in
a very ugly mood. Indeed, yes, I will hark back
(07:42):
constantly to the incident that caused my defeat, knowing always
that whose doorsteps lays a blame, you can imagine what
may occur.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yes, sir, for the next six months, you're liable to
trample all over my welcomes. Well, since I had made
a hero out of our principal's arch rival, Jason Brill,
mister Complin felt that I had cost him his promotion
to assistant superintendent. Just before lunch, Missus Davis phoned to
find out how I was feeling, and I gave her
(08:15):
a rundown of the situation.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Connie, I'm amazed at doll. Could do you mean? He
wasn't a bit happy to see you off and around.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
He acted more like he wished I were down than
under to see if I've cost him his promotion.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Well, he's jes upset, dear. While with a wonderful project
like that amplifying system, he should be able to walk
into that new job over.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
A road of broken ear drums. This system is driving
us all crazy, Missus David.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
He listens in on us in.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
The classrooms and the hallways and the recreation rooms. A
few minutes ago, I had the shock of my life
in the female faculty rooms.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Well could it just sulting, Connie? Still, it would have
been better for you if he had been the hero.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Well, it's too late to worry about that now, Missus Davis.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
What did you just say?
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Well, I did oh goodness, come here, I am said,
I wasn't paying attention. What did I say?
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Yes? Why not? No?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
I'm certain I didn't say yes, why not?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
It is Davis, You're a life savor. Well goodbye. Now
I've got to meet mister Boynton in the lunch room
and break the good.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
News to him, good news, what good news coming that.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
At three pm today he's going to be rescued by
mister Conklin from a terrible accident.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yes, say that pie was better than here?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Yes it was.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Oh, now you said you had a big favor to
ask me, what is it?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I did want to ask the favor, mister Borrnton, but
perhaps i'd better not ask it here. You so, who
might be listening in on us right now? Who?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Which?
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Who?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Oh? Yes?
Speaker 3 (10:07):
That who?
Speaker 1 (10:09):
I could whisper it to you? Though, Bring your ear
over closer.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Now, listen, let's tickles.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You know you set a chill right on my spine.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Care to do me now?
Speaker 4 (10:27):
I mean, let's just talk in low tones.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Miss Brooks. Believe me, you're worrying needlessly. I'm sure mister
Conklin has something better to do than listen in on
lunchroom conversations. But if you're worried, why don't you just
write down what you have to say on a napkin.
What do you think of that idea?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I think it's the sneakiest thing I've heard today.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Conklin, Gosh, you were right, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Don't get panicky, friends, Just follow me across to the
unoccupied zone Madison High. We'll be perfectly safe from him.
Here in the boiler room, mister Boynton, there isn't a
(11:16):
wire in the place.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
See still, he's here, Miss Brooks. I can feel it
in my bones. This this room is wired too. I
know he's here, mister Boynton.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Look, I'll prove to you once and for all that
mister Conklin has no wires down here.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Here's a paper bag on the floor. I'll blow it.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Up and explode it near the ceilings.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Watch.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Oh, he is here now.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Please, mister Boyne, get up off your knee.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
I get here.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
What happened to my room?
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Mister?
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Please?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Mister Conklin, can you hear me?
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Go jump in the light, be faith, take a fly
and leap for yourself.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Meet head here?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
What I call him? Miss Brooks?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
It's a question of your getting the middle of honor
I'll be your witness.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Well, now that mister Conklin can't hear us, what was
that big favor you wanted?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Mister Stone is coming over at three this afternoon to
hear the amplifying system in action, and when he presses
the button to hear what's going on in your laboratory.
I was wondering if you could be in the midst
of a fake.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Accident yelling for help.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
I see you mean, if I have this fake accident,
mister Conklin saves me, mister Stone may pick him for
that promotion and we'll be rid of him and his
amplifying system. You ain't just burning your buns.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
And bidon, That's right, I mean now, just in.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Case mister Conklin has regained his hearing, let's go outside
and talk over the details.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
All right, Miss Brooks, follow me. This back door leads
to the athletic field, and I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (13:25):
You will never hear us here in the boiler.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Room, Harriet. It's not a chance, believe me.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
But are you sure, Walder Well?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Just to play it absolutely safe, I'll test.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Ah.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Come on, Harriet, give me a kiss, just one little kiss.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
It's okay, Harriet. If he'd heard me.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
His bark would have exploded the boiler room by this time.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Now, what do you think of my plans?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
Well, making a hero of Daddy in front of mister
Stone sounds pretty fantastic to me. Fantastic.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
What's fantastic about? It's simple when mister Stone tries out
the sound system and contacts.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
The boiler room, I'm for and the water.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Pipes have exploded and I'm practically drowning, and.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Then Daddy hears you hollering, dads down.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And rescues you.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
How fans the idea?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Now?
Speaker 1 (14:08):
What could be a curious I just got a terrible thought.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Why if your father ever really thought I was drowning
he lent me.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
While? Making a hero of mister Cocklin in front of
mister Stone seemed like an ideal way to get him
his promotion, particularly that occurred while he was demonstrating his
new amplifying system. However, unknown to each other, Miss Brooks
and Walter Devon happened to get the idea at the
same time, so as Miss Brooks approached the principal's office
that afternoon, she knew nothing of the mix up.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Oh, Miss Brooks, just a moment.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
See, Oh I'm mister Conklin, I was just about to
stop in your office on my way home. Can you
hear all right?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Now? I could hear all right, but my head feels
like the inside of the Holland Tunnel at high noon. However,
let's forget the boiler room caper. Shall we now?
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I have a favorite to ask you, a big favor.
Mister Stone is in my office at this very moment,
and I'm about to demonstrate my amplifying system to him.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Oh, I wouldn't worry about getting that promotion anymore, sir.
Accidents have a way of happening at the strangest times,
making heroes of the strangest people. I have a feeling
one may happen very soon.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Why, miss Brooks, how did you find out about the
accident I'd planned? You planned an accident and you will
play a key role in it.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
What are you going to do? Push me off the roof?
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:27):
What a perfect is delightful? This accident again involves an
open elevator shaft. If you look ten feet in front
of you, the shaft is open.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Oh no, sir, not again.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Don't ask me to do it again. My fingertips are
all worn out.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
We've got right quickly. I've made arrangements with our home
economics teacher, Miss Miller, to cling from that open elevator
shaft in exactly two minutes. At that time, or before
you will come into my office screaming for help, and
I shall bound to the rescue. Oh you go, sir.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
We better synchronize our accidents.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
You see, I don't worry about Miss Miller, even if
she does let go. It's only a four foot drop,
and I have several metrics underneath the break her paw.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
But sir, believe me, it won't be necessary.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Good, my name is Brooks. Give me a moment or
two with mister Stone and then go into your act. Ah,
there you are confident. Hey, this is quite an efficient
looking acoustical setup you've got here.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
Oh thank you, mister Stone.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Well, it's only natural for a principle who's only concern
is his school to want to improve its operation. And
as you know, sir, in all my years at this school,
my one thought, my one nim has been how I
can become assistant to how I can better conditions here
at Madison. I'm well aware of that. Os good, But
now i'd like to hear this amplifying system in operation.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
So miss content, come quickly.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Something terrible has happened. Miss Miller has fallen down the elevator, Chef,
she's clinging to the ledge.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
This very menace.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
What falls down the elevator, chef?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Good?
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Heavens?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Why miss Brooks had happened to you only yesterday?
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Yes, sir, I must have ushered in the season, don't.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What are we standing around for? Human life is in
peral clear Quick decisive.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Action is called for.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
And if there's one thing about Osgood Corkland, he used
never one to lose his head in emergencies and turn
him hagon, stop filibustering and savor. Yes, yes this is terrible,
but it's Brooks, simply terrible. I think we'd better contact
someone to give conqueror a hand.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
But how could we contact anyone in time for him
to do any good?
Speaker 1 (17:31):
But I could try using the amplifying system. I withdraw
the question exactly. It's only the last of three. Some
teachers must still be in their classrooms. Mister Boynton usually stays.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Later work in his lab, doesn't he Maybe he can
leant a have Oh no, sir, I've been trying to
borrow one for years and now well I'm certain he's
gone hometheless.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
There's no harm in trying the biology lab. I'll wear
his best buttons. Oh yeah, here we are. Oh helpers
the cars and save me, please save me?
Speaker 3 (17:59):
He w wasn't guess jo are choking me?
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Help me? Something happened to boyd him?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
What's going on down there?
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Sounds like the death said scene from Camille?
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Save me, missus Corocland.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
The test room exploded. I'm choking, Please say me, mister.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Mister Conklin's out on call, mister Bryden.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Will I do for quick action? Miss Brooks?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
The boiler room is the closest place of the biology lab.
I'll contact the school custodians. Oh yes, here's the button.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well save me, mister, save me.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
I order for food.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I squeeze.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
That sounds like Walter Denton and he's crowning.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Those water pipes.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Go they really go? Save me, mister Cochland, save miss Brooks.
Just why is everyone all over the school calling for
osgood Conklin.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Maybe Philip Morris is busy, Yes, sir, I'm sure that's.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
What you heard. I heard is plenty. It's all beginning
to add up.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Miss Brooks, Well maybe if you subtracted those last two accidents.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Well, I saved miss Miller. She almost pulled me down
into the chat with her, but I broke her dip
hold on my ankle and pulled her up by the hair.
But it was actually nothing, nothing at all.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Hey, you feel quite the hero, don't you, Conklin, and
suppose you get your rescue.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Squad and save this poor soul.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Save me, mister Hawklin.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Over why is mister boys and I rushed old rob boy?
We have another customer for you.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
In the boiler room, probably going down for the third time.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Save you, mister Colin. I'm frowning.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I'm going.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Okay, so shoot me. I don't understand what are they
all doing, ms Books. Why are they all yelling for
me to save them?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I don't know, sir, unless they're mistaking you for a
saint Bernard.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Believe me, mister Stone, I had no hand in all this.
I am an innocent man. Do we have any more
accidents waiting for us?
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Conklin, I thought all we had on the calendar for
today there.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Stone, believe me, hy here we have a button marked
roof What little game are we playing up there, Conklin,
Oh nothing, so absolutely nothing. That's for emergency air raids popping. Well,
we'll try it anyway, shall we?
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Shave me?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Go? Margaret famous?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
But what you doing on the room.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Miss Brookes?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Don't ask me, sir, I'm still trying to figure.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Out Walter same as good.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
I'm stepped on the television.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Aial my hero. Shave me. I think I've heard enough, Conklin.
I don't know whether to bring charges against you or
just continue to tolerate your occasional lapses into complete idiocy.
But one thing is hurting. Neither you nor Jason Brill
will be recommended for that promote, neither one of them,
(21:36):
nor miss Brooks. And don't try to tell me now
that you didn't state that Parrel's of Pauline Act yesterday too, missus.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Still, that's not true.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
I had a real accident and I earned every bruise
of it, Brooks.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
At this point, I don't know whether to believe anyone
has had any reaccidents or not. So good day you, Houp. Well,
at least Brill won't get the job.
Speaker 4 (22:03):
What was that.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
The stone, sir?
Speaker 3 (22:08):
He fell down that open elevator chair.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Now isn't that a shame? Shall we?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Mister I knew if we kept on pitching, sir, we'd
make it sometime today.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Martin Frans Ribs. But here's the directorate by Lad of Germany,
with the music of Bud Bluskin,
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