August 31, 2025 • 28 mins
A sitcom following the life of a witty high school English teacher and her students, balancing educational chaos with clever humor. It’s beloved for its sharp writing and charm.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Colgate dentalcream to clean your breath while you clean your
teeth and help stop tooth decay. And Bluster Cream shampoo
for soft, glamorous, caressible hair.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Bring you our.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Miss Brooks, Darring Eve Arden.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Time once again for another comedy episode of ar Miss Brooks,
written by al lewis Well. Last Tuesday was Valentine's Day,
and our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School,
look forward to celebrating the occasion with Madison's Biology teacher,
mister Philip Boynton.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Of course, mister Boynton isn't the most dashing person in
the world, but what he lacks in ardent emotion he
more than makes up for by his passionate lack of
interest in romance. In fact, I have long suspected that
if mister Boynton is ever hit by one of Dan Cupidaro's,
he'll remove it with a scalpel, cauterize the wound, and
(00:59):
kick cube been right in his quiver. I was discussing
my reluctant dream boat with my land lady last Tuesday
at breakfast.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
I can't understand it. Connie, You're young, attractive, good company, charming.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Thanks missus Davis. What are you doing after school?
Speaker 5 (01:19):
Yeah, I'm serious. Somebody ought to take mister Boynton by
the shoulders and give him a good shaking.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
I've tried that, but he's not a very good rumba dancer. Side.
I really shouldn't complain. We've been out on several dates
in the past few weeks.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
I know that, dear, But where does he take you
on these dates?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
To the zoo exactly?
Speaker 5 (01:40):
And he took you there again yesterday, didn't he? How
do you know it's obvious?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
It's that obvious. I'd better spray a little sweet air around.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
I knew you were at the zoo by the way
you were dreaming last night. I got up to get
some water, and as I passed your room, you were
screaming like a wounded buffalo.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Absurd, Missus Davis. I don't know what I'd be screaming about.
It was only a flesh wound. Well, cheer up.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
Here Here are some Valentine greetings that came for you
this morning.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Oh thanks, Missus Davis. Let's see. This one's from Walter Denton.
I recognize the handwriting well an original poem. Read it
out loud, Kennie, all right, It says my heart tick
ticks for you, my queen, with the steady watchbeat of
a new long gene. Dear miss Brooks, I think you're keen,
(02:33):
won't you be? My Valentine? That's the feminine gender. Listen
to this, missus Davis. This is from stretched Snodgrass.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Really you mean you can write just about.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Here? It is. When it comes to athletics, I get
plenty of breaks, but when it comes to scholastics, I
ain't no great shakes. But since being in your English class,
I don't sing the blues because nobody nowhere never taught
me better than us. Now that's what I call a
(03:18):
flattering Valentine.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Why don't you open this next one?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Connie?
Speaker 5 (03:22):
Even I can recognize the cinder of that. How mister
Boynton put his return address on the envelope.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Naturally when he invests in the stamp, he wants to
be sure it gets somewhere. Well, listen to this. You're
on my mind where'er I go, even when I'm alone
at a picture show, But especially do I think of
you when I happen to pass our local zoo?
Speaker 5 (03:53):
There he goes again. How about you, Connie? Did you
send mister Boynton to Valentine greeting.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Yes, I mailed it yesterday. I didn't find it, of course,
but I think you'll know where it came from.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
What did you say in your greeting, Connie?
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It was an original bit of verse Missus Davis called
I must go where the wild Goose goes. Let's see
if I can remember it. Oh, yes, to my Valentine,
mister Boynton. Though I must go where the wild goose goes,
I also know what the wild goose knows. You'll think
I'm jesting, I suppose, But no goose winds up in
any zoo if he's really on his toes. Why, Connie,
(04:31):
that's beautiful. It's a wonderful idea for a song. Oh,
I don't know. It's not very commercial. But I've been thinking,
Missus Davis. Today, being Valentine's Day, I'd like to get
mister Boyton to take me to a restaurant for a change.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
Where did he usually take you to dinner?
Speaker 4 (04:47):
We split a hamburger in front of the lion's cage.
I strongly suspect it's the same kind of meat the
lion gets, because there's one thing I should be grateful for.
I suppose what's there, he doesn't serve it me on
the end of a stick.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
I'm sure mister Boynton realizes that this is a holiday, Connie.
He'll probably take you to a lovely restaurant.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
No, he want, Missus Davis. He was just telling me
yesterday how pressed he is for money. Seems he spent
two dollars for a rare white mouse. He's experimenting with
it at his home, and he's home.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Good heavens, Connie. How can mister Boynan live in a
place with a white mouse?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
He's got twin bed. But to get back to my
date tonight, if I had a little extra money, I'd
pretend I owed it to mister Boyton for some ancient
death and force it on it. Then he'd has to
take me to a nice place to eat.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
That sounds like an excellent idea, Connie, Do.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You have any extra money?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
One dollar net?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Now?
Speaker 4 (05:47):
If I had another dollar or two, I could, Missus Davis.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
I passed, Connie, I barely have enough money to do
today's shopping. I'd love to help you.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
Dear.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Forget it, Missus Davis, and I guess I'll have to
forget it too. Oh that must be Walter Denthon. He's
driving me down to school this morning.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Again.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
What's wrong with your car? Yes, come in, I'll kick.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Some more toast and get some jelly out. That boy's
one of the biggest eaters I've ever seen.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
He does do pretty well by the groceries.
Speaker 6 (06:20):
Valentine's Day, greetings to the fairest of the fair And
I hope my little verses aren't getting in your hair.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Your rhymes are most enchanting, but upon them, let's not brood.
Pull a chair up to the table and start swilling
up your food.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
That's what I like about Valentine's Damis Brooks. It puts
everybody in such a good humor. But before I join
you for breakfast, there's something I'd like to take care of.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
What's that?
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Here's the buck I owe you. You lent it to
me way back in September for a ticket to the ballgame.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
I'll bet you don't even remember it. What do you
want to bed, I hear, miss.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
Brooks, take it, And if you don't mind a rather
personal suggestion, why don't you slip the dollar to mister Boynton.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Mister Boyn sure, so he'll take you to a restaurant
for once instead.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Of the zoo.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
What.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
Yeah, you could tell him you owe him the money
for some ancient debt or something.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Walder, How can you even think of such a thing too?
That is, I know you mean well, but do you
really think it'll work?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Short?
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Will work? Well? How about you? It won't leave you short,
will it?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Not a bit.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
I got the money from Stretch Snadgrass last night. He's
owed it to me since August.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
But Stretch doesn't make very much working in his father's
pet shop. Maybe you shouldn't have taken it from him.
Speaker 6 (07:38):
Oh, he doesn't work at the pet shop anymore. His
father fired him after the beef beef? Yeah, do you
know what a temper Stretch has?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well? Last Monday he bit an orangutang? How hungry can
you get o?
Speaker 6 (07:54):
His father just means to punish him, I guess. But meanwhile,
Stretch wound up with a job after school. It pays
three times as much. Or is he working in Turkey Heaven?
How did he get in me? What in the world
is Turkey Heaven?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
That's a restaurant, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
Of course Stretch is only a bus boy now, but
who knows how far.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
He can go?
Speaker 6 (08:13):
If mister Turk takes a liking to him, mister Turk,
the owner Turk's Turkey Heaven.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
The place is called. If you tell me mister Turk's
first name is Tom, I'll hit you with a drumstick.
I'll try to swell spot, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Maybe mister Boyton will take you there some night.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Not unless they sell turkey burghers and have a lion
in the window. Honestly, I'm so fed up with the
zoo I'd almost rather stay home tonight. Wait a minute,
if I add this dollar you gave me to the
one I've got already, we could come on, Walder. We've
got to get down to school for the election. What election?
I've just elected mister Boynton, the man most likely to
blow me to dinner with my own money.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Am signing.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first,
here is Verne Smith. No other dentifice offers proof of
such results. Proof that coulgatenattle cream helps stop tooth decay
before it starts. Two years research at leading universities using
Coldgate devil cream, hundreds of case histories makes this the
most conclusive proof in all dentifrous history on tooth decay.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Conclusive proof that when.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Teeth are brushed with coldgates right after eating, Coulgate nettle
cream helps stop tooth decay before it starts. Yes, the
toothpaste you use to clean your breath while you clean
your teeth now offers a safe, proved way to reduce
tooth decay. Modern science shows decay is caused by mouth acids,
which are at their worst right after eating. Brushing teeth
(09:47):
with coldgates is directed helps remove acids before they harm
ENAMMYL Coldgate nettle cream has been proved to contain all
the necessary ingredients, including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective
daily detal care. Get Coldgate dentl Cream today big economies
ie only fifty nine cents. Always use Coldgate dentl Cream
(10:08):
to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and
help stop tooth decay before it starts. Remember, no other
denaverice offers proof of such results.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Well, we got to school before it was time for
my first class, and I headed directly for the biology
lab to confirm my Valentine date with mister Bryndon. His
enthusiastic reply to my reminder almost swept me off my feet, I.
Speaker 7 (10:39):
Guess we could kill a couple of hours somewhere. Frankly,
miss Brooks, if you're expecting any elaborate celebrations, of.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Course I'm not, mister Barton. I just thought we could
do something simple and inexpensive.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
You mean, like go to this No, before.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
We make any plans, let me give you these two dollars.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I owe you two dollars.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Yes, it was for a gas. I picked you up
in my car one night last May, and when we
ran out of gas, you bought ten gallons for me.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I bought ten gallons.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
You had a bear with your dinner.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Let me think a minute. Do you say this happened
one night last May? May? Say? Was that the evening
we were coming from the zoo?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
We weren't coming from the casino in Monte Carlo. Here,
mister Barne, take the two dollars.
Speaker 7 (11:29):
But I don't seem to remember this incident, Miss Brooks.
Let me take a look at my little black book.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Black book.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Oh, yes, I entered.
Speaker 7 (11:35):
All my expenditures in it during the fiscal year. That
way I know just how to budget myself from month
to month. Now, let's see nineteen forty nine, August July June.
Here we are May May first light bulb fifteen cents, collar.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Button five cents.
Speaker 7 (11:55):
May second, twenty five, razor blades nine cents. May third,
mercure chroman bandages ninety cent. May fourth stamp for letter
to mother three cents. A month's supply of frog food
for pet McDougal twelve cents.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
That must have been the month Mac was on the diet.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's funny. I can't seem to find any record of
that gas bill.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Please, mister Boynton, it must have slipped your mind.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
Just take the let's look a little further please. May
May eleventh, inc ten cents, stamp for letter to mother
three cents. May fourteenth, shoelaces five cents, stamp three cents.
May sixteenth, laundry seventy five cents. May eighteenth stamp six cents.
That was Mother's day, I wrote mom airmail.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
He must have been thrilled. Two days later.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
May twenty fifth.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
Pair of socks thirty five cents, sports shirt three dollars.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
That must have been the day you had the beer.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
I don't remember that item at all.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
See you just forgot to put the two dollars down.
Now please take the money and well, thanks.
Speaker 7 (13:08):
Miss Brooksy it's certainly nice of you to remind me
about it. You know, this two dollars is gonna make
a big difference in our Valentine Day celebration.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
You mean dinner for two, mister Boydon for two.
Speaker 7 (13:19):
But with this money, I can buy peanuts for every
monk monkey in the zoo.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
And so class. If you just turned to page eighteen,
we can all go to lunch.
Speaker 8 (13:42):
Miss brook Oh, Miss Brooks, can I talk to you
for a minute?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
What is it? Harriet Walter?
Speaker 8 (13:46):
Tell me he paid you back some money? Yo, do
and I'd like to do the same thing here, Miss Brooks.
Here's the dollar you laid out for two of my
lunches last month.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
But Harriet, I treated you to those? Why should you
treat me to lunch?
Speaker 8 (13:57):
Miss Brooks?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Oh, I don't know. Maybe the market went up. Please,
Miss Brooks, I insist that you take this song. But Harriet,
this is probably your lunch money.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Oh it isn't.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Stretch Snodgrass owed me this money for months. He just
paid me back this morning, Good old Stretch. Since he's
been working at Turkey Heaven, he's loaded like a turk.
Thank Harriet. This money is going to come in very handy. Now,
if I could just think of somebody else who owed
me some money. Wait a minute, your father owes me
a dollar since last December. I'm going right over and collected.
Speaker 8 (14:28):
I'll walk you to his office, Miss brook But if
I were you, I'd be very careful how I approached daddy.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
He wasn't a very good mood this morning. What was wrong?
Speaker 8 (14:36):
Well, mother played a little Valentine's joke on him. She
got a big heart shaped hole in his morning paper,
and she said she'd like to see his face at
the breakfast table at least one day a year.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
That should be plenty. I mean, that was very clever
of your mother, Harriet. I'm glad I didn't send him
a Valentine.
Speaker 8 (14:55):
Well, here we are, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Good luck, thanks, Harriet. Now stand back and to open
the cage. Oh pardon me, mister Conklin.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Oh, oh, good afternoon, miss Brooks, and thank you for
the Valentine greeting.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Valentine greeting, but I know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You chose to remain anonymous, but certain subtleties of phrasing
gave you away. The biggest hint, of course, was in
the signature from an admirer.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Oh, I'm not the only one that matters, and you
feel bad way about you, mister Conklin. But I am
glad you liked the card.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yes, it is a dandy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You probably know it by heart. But I'd like to
read it aloud for you, if I may.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Take me, sir, I'd love to hear it again.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It goes as our principle. You've ruled us for the
firm and steady hand. You've hustled and you've bustled on
our work.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You've carefully planned, so.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
You've guided us and tided us. I've really been in
clover because I know it won't take very long before
you topple over.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Mister Conklin, I have a confession to make. That is
not the card I sent you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
It isn't. That's strange. It's the only one I got.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Oh, mine must have been held up in the mail.
I'll send it to you. I mean you'll get it tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'll be looking forward to it. Now.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I've got to finish checking the business accounts of the
school library, Miss Brooks, so if you will.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Stay to your business, Yes, sir, you may not recall it,
mister Conklin, But during the first week in December. I
was taking care of the office while you were out,
and the collect telegram came for you. It did, yes,
and I paid for it. You did remember you told
me to remind you about it around Christmas time?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And did you?
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Then you've done your duty.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Good day, Miss Brooke. But mister Conklin, the reason I'm
bringing it up again is that you don't dunning me.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
How much is the miserable item?
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Well, the wire was ninety seven cents, so I gave
him a dollar.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
You tipped the messenger board it was only three cents.
Feel very generous with my money.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Well, the messenger had no change either, and as I say,
it was just three cents.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
The amount is immateial, it's the principle that's involved.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Oh you're not so involved, mister Conklin's.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Please, Miss Brooks. I've always felt that tipping is definitely
un American.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
But the messenger boy didn't mind. He was a little
old Frenchman. However, sooner than violate your code, just give
me ninety seven cents and I'll write off the balance
under the Marshall plan.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I'm not small, Miss Brooks. Here's your dollar.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
Oh thank you, sir. Now, if you'll excuse me just
one moment, please.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
In going over these accounts from the library, I find
that you were six weeks past due on a book.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
A book, Oh yes, that was the one I brought
home from missus David. She can't seem to remember just
where she put it. She didn't even read any of it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yet, obviously, And the book was called how to Improve
Your Memory. It's listed at one dollar and fifty cents.
And I'll thank you for the money right now.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Oh but mister Conplan, we'll still looking for it, and we.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Made the accounts are all being closed out immediately, Miss Brooks.
If you find the book, we'll be happy to make
an adjustment.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
But I can't afford a dollar fifty at this time.
I haven't got it to give you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Tout tut, miss Brooks. I just handed you a dollar,
and that you must admit was like found money.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Indeed, like money found at the bottom of a snake pit.
Couldn't this wait?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
And so don't be petty, miss Brooks. Here's fifty cents.
Just hand me two dollars if your account is all
squared away.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
All right here you are now, May I go, mister Countland,
certainly good day, miss Brooke. It's a lulu so Farhi,
Miss Brooks, A hello stretch. Thanks for the Valentine.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Well that's okay. Go to the cafeteria for lunch.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Might as well. I have fifty cents. That's just burning
a hole in my pocket, the one that doesn't have
a hole in it already. This talk of money is
probably boring to anyone that's affluent as you are.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Oh, I ain't a tho, Miss Brooks. I just got
a call in the head.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Well, it's nice to know there's something in there. By
the way, how are things at Fort Knox Well, Turkey Heaven?
Do you like your new job?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I like it real good.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I'm just a busboy now. But if I work real.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Hard, I don't always have to be a bus boy.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I can go places, especially if you get your own butt.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
You don't understand, miss Brooks. From a bus bod, I
could get.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
To be a waiter, and then I could go from
waiter to Mader ma d d Hotel.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
We seem to have lost contact somewhere. Let me start again,
shall we.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Mader is short for Mayer d Hotel. You know, the
headwaiter who runs a whole restaurant.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Usually, Boy, to be one of them, you sure gotta
be elegant. Yes, I know you only talk to the
cream of society, the most cultured, well bred, best mannered.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
People in the whole world. Boy, And you know what
happens when you're a Mayer D.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But if they don't up be a five spot, you
don't give none of them crumbs a table.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Well, like I've always said, it takes a heap of
culture to make a mate of d.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
That's a long way off. I guess.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Meanwhile, I'll just keep picking up glasses and learning the business.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
At least it's good exercise for me.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
I do a lot of bending over, bending over.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Sure, I drop a lot of glasses too.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Go's.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You're a nice restaurant, Miss Brooks. They got roast turkey,
fried turkey, and cream turkey. My favorite is are special
turkey are grating.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's turkey hash varnished with cheese, and it served in
a shaving dish.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Have you ever tried that?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
No, I prefer boiled turkey. She lacked in the casassole.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Oh is that good?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Take a glass of domestic turpentine with it, and you're
out of this word.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Oh before I forget, miss Brooks. Here's a credits for
two free dinners at Turkey Heaven. The boss gave it
to me for work, an extra heart over the weekend.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
Two free dinners. But Stretch, I can't take this. You've
earned it by your labors. You're the one who should
profit by your own efforts, you and nobody else. Well,
that's enough acting for one day. Hand it over.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You, mus Brooks. It's no good to me anyway. After
nibbling on turkey all day, who can eat?
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Wait a minute, Stretch, I've got an idea. I want
you to find mister Boynton and give him this credit slip.
Mister Boynton, that's right, But whatever you do, don't mention
to him that I know anything about it. Now, Is
that clear?
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I'm to fine mister Boynton.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Then give him the slip and mention that you don't
know nothing about it.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
No, Stretch, you are not to mention that I know
anything about it.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Sorry, that grammatical carelessness will be the death of me.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It's been a very nice walk, mister Barton, but we're
nowhere near the zoo.
Speaker 7 (22:11):
Well, I changed my mind about that, Miss Brooks. Before
we left school, I decided that this big Valentine's Day,
I'd like to take it to a restaurant for dinner.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Oh wonderful. May I pick any place I want?
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Well, that is, I'd.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Like to go to Turkey Heaven.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Go ahead, pick any place you want.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Say, now, this is a coincidence. Isn't that Turkey Heaven
right ahead of it?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
That's right, miss Brooks.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
It's rather expensive, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Oh money, isn't everything? Come on, let's go in. It's
a good thing. It's early.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
We won't have any trouble getting at table.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Oh fine, Look at that turkey being carried out of
the kitchen. Isn't it a beautiful bird?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Oh? Yes it is. Isn't that stretch not grass? With
that tray of glasses?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Why are this Brooks? Mister Boughton. I'll pick up the
glasses later. The may of d is and hear you it. Anyhow,
I'd like to press this table in the corner there. Oh,
I know how it is.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
When a couple of gonnat a walk, they.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Like a nice, pretty place where nobody can see him.
Then if they feel like picking up a turkey leg
in their hands, who cares?
Speaker 4 (23:22):
You're all right? Stretch.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Now, have you just bring gout it pretty fast? Miss Brooks.
Hope you enjoy everything.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Incidentally, I didn't spill the beans to you know who
about your knowing about the two free dinners to you.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Know what, Stretch, go get mister Bryton a glass of
water and bring a couple of menus while you're at it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yes, ma'am, I'll get them right away.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Miss Brooks.
Speaker 7 (23:43):
I've decided there's no point in my trying to deceive you,
so I'm gonna come clean. Stretch gave me a credit
slip for two free dinners here?
Speaker 4 (23:50):
Really well, wasn't that sweet water and menus?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I'd like to advise you to read the menu is
pretty careful of the prices in here are mighty steep.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
We don't have to worry about that, Stretch, mister you
know who has a credit slip or two free you
know what, let's see what should we.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Order Gostmas Brooks. There's something I forgot to tell you.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
What's that The slip isn't good on holidays and today
is Valentine's Day.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Oh no, Stretch, that's terrible.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Oh no, no, calm down, miss Brooks.
Speaker 7 (24:19):
I'm not going to see you disappointed, credit slip or
no credit slip. This is one holiday we're going to celebrate,
and celebrate rite well, Miss Brooks, what do you think
of it?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Isn't this a magnificent bird?
Speaker 4 (24:38):
It certainly is, mister Biden. Now come over here, there's
a pelican in this case.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Miss Brooks returns in just a moment. But first, dream Girl,
dream Girl, Beautiful luster Cream Tonight, yes tonight, show him
how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster
cream shampoo. Luster Cream world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo
(25:17):
in the world gives k doomuth magic blend of secret
ingredients plus gentle lanolin, not a soap, not a liquid.
Luster cream shampoo leads hair three three ways lovelier, fragrantly clean, free,
a blue standriff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable even in
hardest water. Luster cream wathers instantly, No special rint needed
(25:39):
after a luster cream shampoo, so gentle luster cream is
wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, Yes tonight, try luster
cream shampoo.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Dream Girl, dream Girl.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Beautiful Luster Cream Girl. You owe your crowning glory too,
Ah lost her cream shampoo.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And now once again here is Armis Brooks.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
Well. When the zoo closed, mister Boynton and I caught
the five o'clock Hamburger and headed for home. But as
we passed a nice secluded bench, I stopped him. Look,
mister Boynton, we may not be able to afford a
fancy restaurant, but we can still celebrate Valentine's Day. After all,
we are together, We have a bench in the park,
and school is over.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But how can we celebrate on a park bench?
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Miss Brooks Correction school is just beginning. I set another
armless bookshow brot you by.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Roster Cream Temple for soft, glamorous, caressible hair and Colgate
Nettle cream to clean your breath while you clean your
teeth and help stop tooth decay. Ar Miss Brooks, starring
Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burn Turns, directed by
Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mister Boynton is
played by Jeff Chandler, Mister Conquin by Gail Gordon. Others
in the night's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Kranag, Gloria McMillan,
(27:10):
and Leonard Smith. Doctors prove Palmlive soap can bring you
a lovelier complexion in fourteen days. Yes, thirty six leading
skin specialists proved in tests on twelve hundred and eighty
five different women that palm olive soap facials using nothing
(27:31):
but palmolive brought new complexion duty to two women out
of three. Just wash your face three times daily with
palmalive soap, each time for sixty seconds, massaging Palmala's beauty
ladder onto your skin, then rinse. So start your palmolive
facials today. Remember doctors prove palm olive soap can bring
(27:52):
you a lovelier complexion in fourteen days.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Or Mystery Liberally sprinkled with laughs.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Listen to Mystery and Missus North the exciting fun pact
adventures of an amateur detective and.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
His beautiful wife.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations.
Andy with us again next week at the same time,
or another comedy episode of our Miss Brooks Barb Leaman speaking.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It's the CDs to Mondy about using
Colgate dentalcream to clean your breath while you clean your
teeth and help stop tooth decay. And Bluster Cream shampoo
for soft, glamorous, caressible hair.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Bring you our.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Miss Brooks, Darring Eve Arden.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Time once again for another comedy episode of ar Miss Brooks,
written by al lewis Well. Last Tuesday was Valentine's Day,
and our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School,
look forward to celebrating the occasion with Madison's Biology teacher,
mister Philip Boynton.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Of course, mister Boynton isn't the most dashing person in
the world, but what he lacks in ardent emotion he
more than makes up for by his passionate lack of
interest in romance. In fact, I have long suspected that
if mister Boynton is ever hit by one of Dan Cupidaro's,
he'll remove it with a scalpel, cauterize the wound, and
(00:59):
kick cube been right in his quiver. I was discussing
my reluctant dream boat with my land lady last Tuesday
at breakfast.
Speaker 5 (01:09):
I can't understand it. Connie, You're young, attractive, good company, charming.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
Thanks missus Davis. What are you doing after school?
Speaker 5 (01:19):
Yeah, I'm serious. Somebody ought to take mister Boynton by
the shoulders and give him a good shaking.
Speaker 4 (01:24):
I've tried that, but he's not a very good rumba dancer. Side.
I really shouldn't complain. We've been out on several dates
in the past few weeks.
Speaker 5 (01:33):
I know that, dear, But where does he take you
on these dates?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
To the zoo exactly?
Speaker 5 (01:40):
And he took you there again yesterday, didn't he? How
do you know it's obvious?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
It's that obvious. I'd better spray a little sweet air around.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
I knew you were at the zoo by the way
you were dreaming last night. I got up to get
some water, and as I passed your room, you were
screaming like a wounded buffalo.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
Absurd, Missus Davis. I don't know what I'd be screaming about.
It was only a flesh wound. Well, cheer up.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
Here Here are some Valentine greetings that came for you
this morning.
Speaker 4 (02:12):
Oh thanks, Missus Davis. Let's see. This one's from Walter Denton.
I recognize the handwriting well an original poem. Read it
out loud, Kennie, all right, It says my heart tick
ticks for you, my queen, with the steady watchbeat of
a new long gene. Dear miss Brooks, I think you're keen,
(02:33):
won't you be? My Valentine? That's the feminine gender. Listen
to this, missus Davis. This is from stretched Snodgrass.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
Really you mean you can write just about.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Here? It is. When it comes to athletics, I get
plenty of breaks, but when it comes to scholastics, I
ain't no great shakes. But since being in your English class,
I don't sing the blues because nobody nowhere never taught
me better than us. Now that's what I call a
(03:18):
flattering Valentine.
Speaker 5 (03:20):
Why don't you open this next one?
Speaker 4 (03:22):
Connie?
Speaker 5 (03:22):
Even I can recognize the cinder of that. How mister
Boynton put his return address on the envelope.
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Naturally when he invests in the stamp, he wants to
be sure it gets somewhere. Well, listen to this. You're
on my mind where'er I go, even when I'm alone
at a picture show, But especially do I think of
you when I happen to pass our local zoo?
Speaker 5 (03:53):
There he goes again. How about you, Connie? Did you
send mister Boynton to Valentine greeting.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Yes, I mailed it yesterday. I didn't find it, of course,
but I think you'll know where it came from.
Speaker 5 (04:03):
What did you say in your greeting, Connie?
Speaker 4 (04:05):
It was an original bit of verse Missus Davis called
I must go where the wild Goose goes. Let's see
if I can remember it. Oh, yes, to my Valentine,
mister Boynton. Though I must go where the wild goose goes,
I also know what the wild goose knows. You'll think
I'm jesting, I suppose, But no goose winds up in
any zoo if he's really on his toes. Why, Connie,
(04:31):
that's beautiful. It's a wonderful idea for a song. Oh,
I don't know. It's not very commercial. But I've been thinking,
Missus Davis. Today, being Valentine's Day, I'd like to get
mister Boyton to take me to a restaurant for a change.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
Where did he usually take you to dinner?
Speaker 4 (04:47):
We split a hamburger in front of the lion's cage.
I strongly suspect it's the same kind of meat the
lion gets, because there's one thing I should be grateful for.
I suppose what's there, he doesn't serve it me on
the end of a stick.
Speaker 5 (05:03):
I'm sure mister Boynton realizes that this is a holiday, Connie.
He'll probably take you to a lovely restaurant.
Speaker 4 (05:09):
No, he want, Missus Davis. He was just telling me
yesterday how pressed he is for money. Seems he spent
two dollars for a rare white mouse. He's experimenting with
it at his home, and he's home.
Speaker 5 (05:21):
Good heavens, Connie. How can mister Boynan live in a
place with a white mouse?
Speaker 4 (05:25):
He's got twin bed. But to get back to my
date tonight, if I had a little extra money, I'd
pretend I owed it to mister Boyton for some ancient
death and force it on it. Then he'd has to
take me to a nice place to eat.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
That sounds like an excellent idea, Connie, Do.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
You have any extra money?
Speaker 4 (05:46):
One dollar net?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Now?
Speaker 4 (05:47):
If I had another dollar or two, I could, Missus Davis.
Speaker 5 (05:52):
I passed, Connie, I barely have enough money to do
today's shopping. I'd love to help you.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
Dear.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Forget it, Missus Davis, and I guess I'll have to
forget it too. Oh that must be Walter Denthon. He's
driving me down to school this morning.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Again.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
What's wrong with your car? Yes, come in, I'll kick.
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Some more toast and get some jelly out. That boy's
one of the biggest eaters I've ever seen.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
He does do pretty well by the groceries.
Speaker 6 (06:20):
Valentine's Day, greetings to the fairest of the fair And
I hope my little verses aren't getting in your hair.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
Your rhymes are most enchanting, but upon them, let's not brood.
Pull a chair up to the table and start swilling
up your food.
Speaker 6 (06:38):
That's what I like about Valentine's Damis Brooks. It puts
everybody in such a good humor. But before I join
you for breakfast, there's something I'd like to take care of.
Speaker 4 (06:47):
What's that?
Speaker 6 (06:48):
Here's the buck I owe you. You lent it to
me way back in September for a ticket to the ballgame.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
I'll bet you don't even remember it. What do you
want to bed, I hear, miss.
Speaker 6 (06:58):
Brooks, take it, And if you don't mind a rather
personal suggestion, why don't you slip the dollar to mister Boynton.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Mister Boyn sure, so he'll take you to a restaurant
for once instead.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Of the zoo.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
What.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
Yeah, you could tell him you owe him the money
for some ancient debt or something.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Walder, How can you even think of such a thing too?
That is, I know you mean well, but do you
really think it'll work?
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Short?
Speaker 4 (07:24):
Will work? Well? How about you? It won't leave you short,
will it?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Not a bit.
Speaker 6 (07:29):
I got the money from Stretch Snadgrass last night. He's
owed it to me since August.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
But Stretch doesn't make very much working in his father's
pet shop. Maybe you shouldn't have taken it from him.
Speaker 6 (07:38):
Oh, he doesn't work at the pet shop anymore. His
father fired him after the beef beef? Yeah, do you
know what a temper Stretch has?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well? Last Monday he bit an orangutang? How hungry can
you get o?
Speaker 6 (07:54):
His father just means to punish him, I guess. But meanwhile,
Stretch wound up with a job after school. It pays
three times as much. Or is he working in Turkey Heaven?
How did he get in me? What in the world
is Turkey Heaven?
Speaker 4 (08:07):
That's a restaurant, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 6 (08:09):
Of course Stretch is only a bus boy now, but
who knows how far.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
He can go?
Speaker 6 (08:13):
If mister Turk takes a liking to him, mister Turk,
the owner Turk's Turkey Heaven.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
The place is called. If you tell me mister Turk's
first name is Tom, I'll hit you with a drumstick.
I'll try to swell spot, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Maybe mister Boyton will take you there some night.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Not unless they sell turkey burghers and have a lion
in the window. Honestly, I'm so fed up with the
zoo I'd almost rather stay home tonight. Wait a minute,
if I add this dollar you gave me to the
one I've got already, we could come on, Walder. We've
got to get down to school for the election. What election?
I've just elected mister Boynton, the man most likely to
blow me to dinner with my own money.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Am signing.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Eve Arden will continue in just a moment. But first,
here is Verne Smith. No other dentifice offers proof of
such results. Proof that coulgatenattle cream helps stop tooth decay
before it starts. Two years research at leading universities using
Coldgate devil cream, hundreds of case histories makes this the
most conclusive proof in all dentifrous history on tooth decay.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Conclusive proof that when.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Teeth are brushed with coldgates right after eating, Coulgate nettle
cream helps stop tooth decay before it starts. Yes, the
toothpaste you use to clean your breath while you clean
your teeth now offers a safe, proved way to reduce
tooth decay. Modern science shows decay is caused by mouth acids,
which are at their worst right after eating. Brushing teeth
(09:47):
with coldgates is directed helps remove acids before they harm
ENAMMYL Coldgate nettle cream has been proved to contain all
the necessary ingredients, including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective
daily detal care. Get Coldgate dentl Cream today big economies
ie only fifty nine cents. Always use Coldgate dentl Cream
(10:08):
to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and
help stop tooth decay before it starts. Remember, no other
denaverice offers proof of such results.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Well, we got to school before it was time for
my first class, and I headed directly for the biology
lab to confirm my Valentine date with mister Bryndon. His
enthusiastic reply to my reminder almost swept me off my feet, I.
Speaker 7 (10:39):
Guess we could kill a couple of hours somewhere. Frankly,
miss Brooks, if you're expecting any elaborate celebrations, of.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Course I'm not, mister Barton. I just thought we could
do something simple and inexpensive.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
You mean, like go to this No, before.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
We make any plans, let me give you these two dollars.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
I owe you two dollars.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
Yes, it was for a gas. I picked you up
in my car one night last May, and when we
ran out of gas, you bought ten gallons for me.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
I bought ten gallons.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
You had a bear with your dinner.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Let me think a minute. Do you say this happened
one night last May? May? Say? Was that the evening
we were coming from the zoo?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
We weren't coming from the casino in Monte Carlo. Here,
mister Barne, take the two dollars.
Speaker 7 (11:29):
But I don't seem to remember this incident, Miss Brooks.
Let me take a look at my little black book.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Black book.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Oh, yes, I entered.
Speaker 7 (11:35):
All my expenditures in it during the fiscal year. That
way I know just how to budget myself from month
to month. Now, let's see nineteen forty nine, August July June.
Here we are May May first light bulb fifteen cents, collar.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Button five cents.
Speaker 7 (11:55):
May second, twenty five, razor blades nine cents. May third,
mercure chroman bandages ninety cent. May fourth stamp for letter
to mother three cents. A month's supply of frog food
for pet McDougal twelve cents.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
That must have been the month Mac was on the diet.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
It's funny. I can't seem to find any record of
that gas bill.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
Please, mister Boynton, it must have slipped your mind.
Speaker 7 (12:23):
Just take the let's look a little further please. May
May eleventh, inc ten cents, stamp for letter to mother
three cents. May fourteenth, shoelaces five cents, stamp three cents.
May sixteenth, laundry seventy five cents. May eighteenth stamp six cents.
That was Mother's day, I wrote mom airmail.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
He must have been thrilled. Two days later.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
May twenty fifth.
Speaker 7 (12:53):
Pair of socks thirty five cents, sports shirt three dollars.
Speaker 4 (12:57):
That must have been the day you had the beer.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
I don't remember that item at all.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
See you just forgot to put the two dollars down.
Now please take the money and well, thanks.
Speaker 7 (13:08):
Miss Brooksy it's certainly nice of you to remind me
about it. You know, this two dollars is gonna make
a big difference in our Valentine Day celebration.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
You mean dinner for two, mister Boydon for two.
Speaker 7 (13:19):
But with this money, I can buy peanuts for every
monk monkey in the zoo.
Speaker 4 (13:32):
And so class. If you just turned to page eighteen,
we can all go to lunch.
Speaker 8 (13:42):
Miss brook Oh, Miss Brooks, can I talk to you
for a minute?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
What is it? Harriet Walter?
Speaker 8 (13:46):
Tell me he paid you back some money? Yo, do
and I'd like to do the same thing here, Miss Brooks.
Here's the dollar you laid out for two of my
lunches last month.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
But Harriet, I treated you to those? Why should you
treat me to lunch?
Speaker 8 (13:57):
Miss Brooks?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
Oh, I don't know. Maybe the market went up. Please,
Miss Brooks, I insist that you take this song. But Harriet,
this is probably your lunch money.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Oh it isn't.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
Stretch Snodgrass owed me this money for months. He just
paid me back this morning, Good old Stretch. Since he's
been working at Turkey Heaven, he's loaded like a turk.
Thank Harriet. This money is going to come in very handy. Now,
if I could just think of somebody else who owed
me some money. Wait a minute, your father owes me
a dollar since last December. I'm going right over and collected.
Speaker 8 (14:28):
I'll walk you to his office, Miss brook But if
I were you, I'd be very careful how I approached daddy.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
He wasn't a very good mood this morning. What was wrong?
Speaker 8 (14:36):
Well, mother played a little Valentine's joke on him. She
got a big heart shaped hole in his morning paper,
and she said she'd like to see his face at
the breakfast table at least one day a year.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
That should be plenty. I mean, that was very clever
of your mother, Harriet. I'm glad I didn't send him
a Valentine.
Speaker 8 (14:55):
Well, here we are, Miss Brooks.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Good luck, thanks, Harriet. Now stand back and to open
the cage. Oh pardon me, mister Conklin.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Oh, oh, good afternoon, miss Brooks, and thank you for
the Valentine greeting.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Valentine greeting, but I know.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
You chose to remain anonymous, but certain subtleties of phrasing
gave you away. The biggest hint, of course, was in
the signature from an admirer.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Oh, I'm not the only one that matters, and you
feel bad way about you, mister Conklin. But I am
glad you liked the card.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yes, it is a dandy.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
You probably know it by heart. But I'd like to
read it aloud for you, if I may.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Take me, sir, I'd love to hear it again.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
It goes as our principle. You've ruled us for the
firm and steady hand. You've hustled and you've bustled on
our work.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
You've carefully planned, so.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
You've guided us and tided us. I've really been in
clover because I know it won't take very long before
you topple over.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Mister Conklin, I have a confession to make. That is
not the card I sent you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
It isn't. That's strange. It's the only one I got.
Speaker 4 (16:07):
Oh, mine must have been held up in the mail.
I'll send it to you. I mean you'll get it tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'll be looking forward to it. Now.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
I've got to finish checking the business accounts of the
school library, Miss Brooks, so if you will.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Stay to your business, Yes, sir, you may not recall it,
mister Conklin, But during the first week in December. I
was taking care of the office while you were out,
and the collect telegram came for you. It did, yes,
and I paid for it. You did remember you told
me to remind you about it around Christmas time?
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And did you?
Speaker 4 (16:36):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (16:36):
Sir?
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Then you've done your duty.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Good day, Miss Brooke. But mister Conklin, the reason I'm
bringing it up again is that you don't dunning me.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
How much is the miserable item?
Speaker 4 (16:49):
Well, the wire was ninety seven cents, so I gave
him a dollar.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
You tipped the messenger board it was only three cents.
Feel very generous with my money.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Well, the messenger had no change either, and as I say,
it was just three cents.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
The amount is immateial, it's the principle that's involved.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Oh you're not so involved, mister Conklin's.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Please, Miss Brooks. I've always felt that tipping is definitely
un American.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
But the messenger boy didn't mind. He was a little
old Frenchman. However, sooner than violate your code, just give
me ninety seven cents and I'll write off the balance
under the Marshall plan.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
I'm not small, Miss Brooks. Here's your dollar.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
Oh thank you, sir. Now, if you'll excuse me just
one moment, please.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
In going over these accounts from the library, I find
that you were six weeks past due on a book.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
A book, Oh yes, that was the one I brought
home from missus David. She can't seem to remember just
where she put it. She didn't even read any of it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yet, obviously, And the book was called how to Improve
Your Memory. It's listed at one dollar and fifty cents.
And I'll thank you for the money right now.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Oh but mister Conplan, we'll still looking for it, and we.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Made the accounts are all being closed out immediately, Miss Brooks.
If you find the book, we'll be happy to make
an adjustment.
Speaker 4 (18:06):
But I can't afford a dollar fifty at this time.
I haven't got it to give you.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Tout tut, miss Brooks. I just handed you a dollar,
and that you must admit was like found money.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Indeed, like money found at the bottom of a snake pit.
Couldn't this wait?
Speaker 1 (18:25):
And so don't be petty, miss Brooks. Here's fifty cents.
Just hand me two dollars if your account is all
squared away.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
All right here you are now, May I go, mister Countland,
certainly good day, miss Brooke. It's a lulu so Farhi,
Miss Brooks, A hello stretch. Thanks for the Valentine.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Well that's okay. Go to the cafeteria for lunch.
Speaker 4 (18:49):
Might as well. I have fifty cents. That's just burning
a hole in my pocket, the one that doesn't have
a hole in it already. This talk of money is
probably boring to anyone that's affluent as you are.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Oh, I ain't a tho, Miss Brooks. I just got
a call in the head.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Well, it's nice to know there's something in there. By
the way, how are things at Fort Knox Well, Turkey Heaven?
Do you like your new job?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
I like it real good.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I'm just a busboy now. But if I work real.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Hard, I don't always have to be a bus boy.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I can go places, especially if you get your own butt.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
You don't understand, miss Brooks. From a bus bod, I
could get.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
To be a waiter, and then I could go from
waiter to Mader ma d d Hotel.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
We seem to have lost contact somewhere. Let me start again,
shall we.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Mader is short for Mayer d Hotel. You know, the
headwaiter who runs a whole restaurant.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Usually, Boy, to be one of them, you sure gotta
be elegant. Yes, I know you only talk to the
cream of society, the most cultured, well bred, best mannered.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
People in the whole world. Boy, And you know what
happens when you're a Mayer D.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
But if they don't up be a five spot, you
don't give none of them crumbs a table.
Speaker 4 (20:06):
Well, like I've always said, it takes a heap of
culture to make a mate of d.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
That's a long way off. I guess.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
Meanwhile, I'll just keep picking up glasses and learning the business.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
At least it's good exercise for me.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
I do a lot of bending over, bending over.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Sure, I drop a lot of glasses too.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Go's.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You're a nice restaurant, Miss Brooks. They got roast turkey,
fried turkey, and cream turkey. My favorite is are special
turkey are grating.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
It's turkey hash varnished with cheese, and it served in
a shaving dish.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Have you ever tried that?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
No, I prefer boiled turkey. She lacked in the casassole.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Oh is that good?
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Take a glass of domestic turpentine with it, and you're
out of this word.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Oh before I forget, miss Brooks. Here's a credits for
two free dinners at Turkey Heaven. The boss gave it
to me for work, an extra heart over the weekend.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
Two free dinners. But Stretch, I can't take this. You've
earned it by your labors. You're the one who should
profit by your own efforts, you and nobody else. Well,
that's enough acting for one day. Hand it over.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You, mus Brooks. It's no good to me anyway. After
nibbling on turkey all day, who can eat?
Speaker 4 (21:27):
Wait a minute, Stretch, I've got an idea. I want
you to find mister Boynton and give him this credit slip.
Mister Boynton, that's right, But whatever you do, don't mention
to him that I know anything about it. Now, Is
that clear?
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I'm to fine mister Boynton.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Then give him the slip and mention that you don't
know nothing about it.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
No, Stretch, you are not to mention that I know
anything about it.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Sorry, that grammatical carelessness will be the death of me.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
It's been a very nice walk, mister Barton, but we're
nowhere near the zoo.
Speaker 7 (22:11):
Well, I changed my mind about that, Miss Brooks. Before
we left school, I decided that this big Valentine's Day,
I'd like to take it to a restaurant for dinner.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Oh wonderful. May I pick any place I want?
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Well, that is, I'd.
Speaker 4 (22:25):
Like to go to Turkey Heaven.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Go ahead, pick any place you want.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Say, now, this is a coincidence. Isn't that Turkey Heaven
right ahead of it?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
That's right, miss Brooks.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
It's rather expensive, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Oh money, isn't everything? Come on, let's go in. It's
a good thing. It's early.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
We won't have any trouble getting at table.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
Oh fine, Look at that turkey being carried out of
the kitchen. Isn't it a beautiful bird?
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Oh? Yes it is. Isn't that stretch not grass? With
that tray of glasses?
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Why are this Brooks? Mister Boughton. I'll pick up the
glasses later. The may of d is and hear you it. Anyhow,
I'd like to press this table in the corner there. Oh,
I know how it is.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
When a couple of gonnat a walk, they.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
Like a nice, pretty place where nobody can see him.
Then if they feel like picking up a turkey leg
in their hands, who cares?
Speaker 4 (23:22):
You're all right? Stretch.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
Now, have you just bring gout it pretty fast? Miss Brooks.
Hope you enjoy everything.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Incidentally, I didn't spill the beans to you know who
about your knowing about the two free dinners to you.
Speaker 4 (23:32):
Know what, Stretch, go get mister Bryton a glass of
water and bring a couple of menus while you're at it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Yes, ma'am, I'll get them right away.
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Miss Brooks.
Speaker 7 (23:43):
I've decided there's no point in my trying to deceive you,
so I'm gonna come clean. Stretch gave me a credit
slip for two free dinners here?
Speaker 4 (23:50):
Really well, wasn't that sweet water and menus?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
I'd like to advise you to read the menu is
pretty careful of the prices in here are mighty steep.
Speaker 4 (23:59):
We don't have to worry about that, Stretch, mister you
know who has a credit slip or two free you
know what, let's see what should we.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Order Gostmas Brooks. There's something I forgot to tell you.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
What's that The slip isn't good on holidays and today
is Valentine's Day.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Oh no, Stretch, that's terrible.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
Oh no, no, calm down, miss Brooks.
Speaker 7 (24:19):
I'm not going to see you disappointed, credit slip or
no credit slip. This is one holiday we're going to celebrate,
and celebrate rite well, Miss Brooks, what do you think
of it?
Speaker 3 (24:36):
Isn't this a magnificent bird?
Speaker 4 (24:38):
It certainly is, mister Biden. Now come over here, there's
a pelican in this case.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Miss Brooks returns in just a moment. But first, dream Girl,
dream Girl, Beautiful luster Cream Tonight, yes tonight, show him
how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster
cream shampoo. Luster Cream world's finest shampoo. No other shampoo
(25:17):
in the world gives k doomuth magic blend of secret
ingredients plus gentle lanolin, not a soap, not a liquid.
Luster cream shampoo leads hair three three ways lovelier, fragrantly clean, free,
a blue standriff, glistening with sheen, soft, manageable even in
hardest water. Luster cream wathers instantly, No special rint needed
(25:39):
after a luster cream shampoo, so gentle luster cream is
wonderful even for children's hair. Tonight, Yes tonight, try luster
cream shampoo.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
Dream Girl, dream Girl.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Beautiful Luster Cream Girl. You owe your crowning glory too,
Ah lost her cream shampoo.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And now once again here is Armis Brooks.
Speaker 4 (26:09):
Well. When the zoo closed, mister Boynton and I caught
the five o'clock Hamburger and headed for home. But as
we passed a nice secluded bench, I stopped him. Look,
mister Boynton, we may not be able to afford a
fancy restaurant, but we can still celebrate Valentine's Day. After all,
we are together, We have a bench in the park,
and school is over.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But how can we celebrate on a park bench?
Speaker 4 (26:32):
Miss Brooks Correction school is just beginning. I set another
armless bookshow brot you by.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
Roster Cream Temple for soft, glamorous, caressible hair and Colgate
Nettle cream to clean your breath while you clean your
teeth and help stop tooth decay. Ar Miss Brooks, starring
Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burn Turns, directed by
Al Lewis, with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mister Boynton is
played by Jeff Chandler, Mister Conquin by Gail Gordon. Others
in the night's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Kranag, Gloria McMillan,
(27:10):
and Leonard Smith. Doctors prove Palmlive soap can bring you
a lovelier complexion in fourteen days. Yes, thirty six leading
skin specialists proved in tests on twelve hundred and eighty
five different women that palm olive soap facials using nothing
(27:31):
but palmolive brought new complexion duty to two women out
of three. Just wash your face three times daily with
palmalive soap, each time for sixty seconds, massaging Palmala's beauty
ladder onto your skin, then rinse. So start your palmolive
facials today. Remember doctors prove palm olive soap can bring
(27:52):
you a lovelier complexion in fourteen days.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Or Mystery Liberally sprinkled with laughs.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Listen to Mystery and Missus North the exciting fun pact
adventures of an amateur detective and.
Speaker 3 (28:09):
His beautiful wife.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
Tune in Tuesday evening over most of these same stations.
Andy with us again next week at the same time,
or another comedy episode of our Miss Brooks Barb Leaman speaking.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It's the CDs to Mondy about using
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Herd with Colin Cowherd
The Herd with Colin Cowherd is a thought-provoking, opinionated, and topic-driven journey through the top sports stories of the day.