December 16, 2024 • 26 mins
Please enjoy The Handyman a great episode of the legendary Ozzie and Harriet - A Classic Old Time radio Show - OTR
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
This content was created in partnership and with the help of Artificial Intelligence AI
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
The Adventures of Ozzy and Harriet, transcribed and starring the
entire Nelson family, Ozzy, Harriet, David and Ricky.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Do you hear that it's coming from the new power saw?
The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny, is set up in
his garage. Thorney's working on a project this morning, and
David and Ricky are watching. Oh, he's about to make
a cut on a long board. Say he must be
(01:04):
making something big a fence post. Maybe no, no, maybe
it's a table leg or a letter opener. Well, now
I see what it is.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Hey, that's a pretty expensive way to make a toothpick.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
Well how's that for a demonstration?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Boys, that's a neat gantet. He has a nice set up,
misus Ormbury, Well, thank you.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
You can do almost anything with one of these handy
dandy electro shops.
Speaker 5 (01:35):
I thought Pot said you had a wood butcher junior.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Oh he did, did he?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Well?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
For his information, my electro shop will saw grind sand route,
join grill, mixed paint and with his extra attachment that
can be made into a small coping saw.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Pont said you could saw eggs on the motor too.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Obviously, it's also good at collecting sour grapes.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've seen it advertise on television. All these extra pieces.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Come with it, well all except the coping saw attachments.
I got it as an extra bonus for calling before midnight.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
All does it? Take it?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Converted to a drill.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
For just seconds? Here?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
What I take this off?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Slip a drill into the chuck, heighten its and there
you are.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
We got a drill hole till this board.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Oh it drills too fast? What do you mean wasn't
that board supposed to be the top of an end table?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Well, it's gonna be an early American end table. And
what's an early American end table without wormhole?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Up at? This? Set off costs a lot of money,
Well not really.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Like the man said on television, make a couple of
pieces of furniture.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
And it's paid for.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
I think i'll get.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
One, dopey. What'll you use for money?
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Who needs money? I'll just send a couple of pieces
of furniture, all right?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Is that screeching gonna keep up all day? Why is
it getting on your nerves? Well, frankly, yes, do you
think thorny'd be a little more considered of his neighbors. Oh,
I don't think it's so bad. Well, it wouldn't be
if he'd either just let it run or turn it off.
But he runs it for a while, and then he
stops it. Then he starts it, and he stops it,
(03:32):
and then he starts it, and then he stops it,
and then he starts it and then stop it. Yeah,
then he starts it, and then.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
You're gonna say, Thorny's just having a little fun fun.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Heck, he's running a modern version of the old Chinese
water torture. He's so silly.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
There's nothing wrong with a man enjoying a new hobby. Besides,
it'll probably tap her off after a while.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
That's no excuse disrupting everybody's life. What's he disrupting, Well,
nothing except that a man who works around the house
all day or to have a few moments of peace
and quiet for a little relaxation. I see it's only
ten o'clock.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Besides, I bet Catherine appreciates having a handyman around the house.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Well, you aren't suggesting anything, are you. Of course not.
Speaker 6 (04:18):
Since Thorny's had the new machine, he's been fixing things
like a beaver, putting up shelves, making cabinets, and he
really seems to like it.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Am I tempting you? Well, you're giving me ideas. You know,
my hand tools are getting pretty old.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
Maybe I'll get rid of them and buy a machine
like Thorney.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
No, just get rid of him. Oh you're a big help.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
But no matter what you say, Thorny sure is going
at it.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Oh sure, I should think you'd be over there getting
a free demonstration. I went over yesterday trying to show
a little interest in his new saw. It wasn't two
minutes before he was hitting for me to leave. No,
it doesn't sound like Thorny. Oh he can be pretty
cantankerous every once in a while. Besides, how is I
to know know what? There was a nail on the
board I was cutting. There he goes again, the big
(05:14):
show off. You wouldn't talk like that if you knew
what he was making. I know what he's making, a
big pile of sawdust.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
I have a hunch he's also making something for us,
for us what it's supposed to be a surprise. But
Catherine said something about his making a big.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Coffee table, and you know how we need one. What
makes you think it's for us.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Well, he was making a lot of remarks when we
were all sitting in front of our couch the other day.
He was probably hinting about our needing a new coffee table.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Final Thorny, he was probably hinting about getting a cup
of coffee for himself. I wouldn't be too sure.
Speaker 6 (05:49):
Catherine says, he's bought a lot of plans. He's gonna
make things for all our friends, coffee tables, cabinets, chairs,
He's even gonna make a little doorstop.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
For the postman. No, no, that's pretty funny. Imagine buying
a great, big, expensive tool like that just to make
a little door stop.
Speaker 7 (06:06):
Why, well yourself, Where have you two been over watching
mister Thornberry. That sure's a swell setup he's got. Notice
all the stuff mister Thornberry's making.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Pop, Yeah, I've been hearing about it. I'm sure it's
all very interesting.
Speaker 8 (06:20):
He's gonna make a bookcase for our bedroom when he
gets caught up on his other orders.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Well, now, that's very nice of him.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Or he can make anything, mister Thornberry said, he teaches
how he uses tools.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
I made a Taborett manual training class in school. Once
you wouldn't mind, would you, Mom? No, not a good
careful made a pair of book ends and a bread board.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
I'm sure mister Thornberry make a very good teacher. Say,
by the way, there's some ice cream in the freezer
if anybody's hungry.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I am. Come on, Dave, you're right, I think I
have some too. I did it with just ordinary tools, too,
nothing fancy, Hi, pap, What are you doing with a toolbox? Oh?
(07:16):
Just to your repairs, Dave. When you own a home,
you'll find it's best to keep the repairs up to date.
What are you gonna do first? Now, I'm gonna pry
open my toolbox. The clasp as rusted shut. Say, Dave,
would you get me the little repair list your mother
keeps on the bulletin board out there in the kitchen.
(07:40):
You know, David always pay us to do things as
they come up. Here's the list. Pop. Oh thanks, I'm careful.
The paper's getting a little brittle. Now. This list is
a good idea. So your mother notices something that needs fixing,
writes it down, and I no, sooner said than done.
(08:04):
M h uh, can you make out the first one
on the list? Here? Let's see that can't be it.
What's that? I think it says? Repair the wheel on
Ricky's kiddy car. Just to hold that into the shelf.
(08:31):
Day please? All right, got it? Here's the nail. Thank you?
Have you ever seen such long nails? Shall I put
one at this end?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yes, yes, be careful, O dave, I will there. I
guess I should do it. They're pretty nice shelf. Oh, thanks, son,
It's too.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
Bad you don't have us all Like mister Thornberry's sure
would save a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Well maybe, but I doubt if it had produced the
desired effect. You know how your mother likes antiques. What
do you mean, Well, there's nothing like hand workmanship to
give a job a certain old world charmed. I do
say so myself. This shelf will be one of the
most beautiful works of art in the kitchen.
Speaker 7 (09:31):
Yeah, those canned peaches looks well on it.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Well, one more shelf and we're done. Mister Thormer, you
must still be going at it. Yeah, hand me the board,
would you thank your son? I'd see just saw off
about two inches, big show off? You almost got a pop?
(10:17):
Does it? This shell fits perfectly? Oh? My method may
be slower than some but the end product is what counts.
Speaker 7 (10:28):
What do you say we take a breather, Dave? Sure,
whatever you say, have a chair, son, Hey watching pop?
The rule almost fell out of your pocket.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Oh oh, thank you your mother skin me if I
marred the finish on this table. She's waxing. M It
feels good to relax and the rest of the old legs.
See it's quite a wobble. Well, I'm a little tired.
I don't know, Pop, I'm talking about this table. Yeah,
(11:00):
say it is pretty wobbly. Well, I'm mat it. Maybe
I better fix it too. Do you want me to
get a magazine? What for? Stick under the leg like
you always do. Oh, I'm gonna fix it properly this time.
In fact's a good opportunity to put some of my
cabinet making knowledge to use. Get the back door, will you, Dave?
(11:21):
Hold it open for me? An takes us out the
garage right now?
Speaker 8 (11:25):
Sure, paphore, they are mom, Well hire you too?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Oh hi, hey, what are you doing at my table?
I'm gonna give a little repair of job. Hold the
door open, Dave. I watch it pop? Easy? Does it okay?
You're clear? Thanks a lot so oh I wonder what
got into Pop.
Speaker 7 (11:44):
We were just sitting around this morning, and all of
a sudden he starts working like a demon.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Well, let's just say he caught the fever. Dave, what's his?
Speaker 6 (11:53):
Oh never mind? I notice you've been doing a little
work yourself.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh it wasn't much.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
I just help Pop put up some screen means and
fix a lock and put up some shells.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Mom.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
Yes, dear, have you got anything you want me to
pick up? A grandma heregar?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
No, not that I can think of.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
How about it's a store? No, there's nothing. Why I
don't want to stay around here? Whatever Pop and David
have it?
Speaker 8 (12:15):
Might be catching. How's it coming? Pop?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Fine? Rick? Trying to clean this saw up a little
before I get started.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Is that a rip saw?
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Shouldn't you use a cross cut on those legs?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Well?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Normally yes, but I'm going to use a rip saw
a cross cut because our crosscut doesn't cross cut as
well as our ribs cross cuts.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Tom and I plan to take wood shop as a breather.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Well, it isn't quite as complicated as it sounds. Would
you grab that end of the table.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Can I chop off the legs for you?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I'm not exactly gonna chop them off for Rick. It
has to be done very carefully.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Why do you know how much to take off?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Well, it's just a matter of applying some simple mathematics.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
Now I'm sure I won't take wood shop.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
You just keep your eyes on me. You'll see it's
pretty simple. Measuring the legs. That is, okay, Paul, hand
me the measuring tapley. Here, measure the shortest leg first.
This is where all the mistakes are made if you
aren't careful.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
Let's see here, looks like twenty six and a half inches.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
No, I'd say it was more than that, twenty six
and five eights. Wait a minute, let me get a
better look at this. Twenty six and nine sixteenths. No,
it's twenty six and sixteen thirty seconds. He's equal to
let's sequel.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
To twenty six and a half inch twenty So.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Let's say my method was a more interesting way of
getting there. Let's give her one more check, just to
be sure. Twenty six thorny, what a racket? Twenty six
twenty six, For heaven's sakes, how a man supposed to
(14:41):
concentrate with all that racket coming in from next coming
in from next door.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Why isn't it.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
I didn't need to shout that. Darn Paul Bunyan Thornberry
is driving me crazy. You hold the tape while I
mark the legs.
Speaker 8 (15:00):
Okay, it would be essential to cut these legs off
of missus.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Thornberry's power saw thing could scare the legs off the table.
Hand me the saw, would you please? Here? Like I
told David, a garage full of fancy tools doesn't make
a crash. Famous furniture makers go pasted it all by hand.
(15:28):
You have a hair of duncan fight.
Speaker 5 (15:29):
Oh sure, he recommends restaurants.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Exactly. Man with a great furniture maker. Grab on, and
let's turn the table again. Thornberry's dining room table is
Duncan fife.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Golly, and that's all done by hand?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
No, no, that's machine made.
Speaker 5 (15:57):
I thought you said he did all his work by hand.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Well, yes, but he was born about almost two hundred
years ago.
Speaker 8 (16:04):
Oh I guess if I was two hundred years old.
I'm wanting power tools too.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Yeah, hey, gimme hand. Let's set the table on the floor.
Was it all done? I sure? Nothing to it? We are?
Speaker 8 (16:19):
Yeah, that's well, pop, I think we can always put
a magazine under the legs.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Wobble a little, Well, I'll just chop a bit off here. Hey,
uh oh oh, Toney, you're just the man I want
to see good.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
I want to see you too.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Okay, what's your problem? Just this? Will you stop making
so much noise over here? Noise me, for goodness sakes,
I'm just doing a little hand sawing. Oh yeah, a.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Minute ago, you were shouting so loud I couldn't hear
my power saw.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
And you were the only one in town who couldn't
hear it. Just jealous, jealous of that animated woodpecker.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Easy Nelson, Or I'll run my electric razor while you're
watching television.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Look, Thornberry, what are we arguing about? I don't know.
Let's just forget. It's forgotten good whatever it was. I
accept your apology just a minute, aren't you?
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I don't know, I just forget it. After all, wheat
crafts will ought to stick together.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
What is this big project of yours? Ricky and I
are taking the wobble out of this table.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
We're putting one in too.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
That's a nice job for beginners, of course. It's not
like making Mortison tennon joints are fitting splines.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
That's what you're doing. Well, the book says, I can
I suppose you think you could fix this table.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Because just add a small piece of wood under.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
The short leg us. Oh, yes, of course, because would
you believe it? Some poor dopes don't try to do
it by shortening the other three legs. No, some people
never learned.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Well, I better get back see you later, dope, shy,
look for a piece of wood.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Pot. No, no, no, no, that's too conspicuous.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Just goes on the short leg.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
No, no, it won't do. Now we've got three short legs.
(18:41):
There should be even Now here's a take measure pot. Oh, thanks,
seventeen inches. It's still wobbles. Well, here goes an Now
(19:07):
let's see if she wobbles.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
I was seventeen. Shall we try for sixteen?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Bye? Golly, that does it not all wobble?
Speaker 5 (19:24):
That's well, I guess thirteen is our lucky number?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
hipA rack? Alright, son? Hey, what's the table doing way
down there?
Speaker 5 (19:34):
I don't suppose you'd believe we've grown a couple of feet.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
No I wouldn't. Well it's a little shorter nowaday, But
it doesn't wobble. But isn't going to be much good,
is it.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Well, don't mind him, Pop, this is a real down
to earth table.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Oh, thank you, Rick, But I'm afraid David's right. It's
too short for a library table. What do you do
with it?
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Maybe we ought to donate it to a children's library.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Figure out how we're gonna explain this to your mother.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
Don't worry, we'll stick with you, pap.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
You got in the garage, We'll see you around, pap
hy Everybody. Oh hello, I'm mom. What are you standing
to close together for? Well? What is it? Wait? What's
that thing?
Speaker 5 (20:25):
It's something we found in a Japanese tea room.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Ozzie, that's my table, Harriet, believe me, I'm sorry, sorry,
don't be silly.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
It's a perfectly wonderful idea. Certainly, How clever can you
get cutting down our old library table making this beautiful coffee.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Table out of it? Oh? Coffee, yes, no, yes, a
coffee table. It's it's a little surprise.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Well you aren't kidding, never mind, you never told me, Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Sir h Rick, how would you like an increase in
your allowance? Then?
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Well, does everybody think of our new table?
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Goes fine with the sofa.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
Mom, the astray looks good on us.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
You know, it makes a pretty good coffee table at that.
How did you ever get the idea? Well, it came
pretty slowly.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
About an inch at a time.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Uh say, Rick, why aren't you gonna go out and
play ball or something? Yeah, come on, Rick, that's what
I thought.
Speaker 6 (21:47):
I certainly think the table was a clever idea.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Oh oh, thank you, dear. I'll bet you're glad I
thought of it. Oh you you well, well, I I
might have thought of it in time, of course, you would.
Speaker 6 (22:02):
I just wanted to stop you before my coffee table
was a bread board.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Okay, what missus, Ormberry's.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Coming over a swell? Send him in?
Speaker 5 (22:13):
You really want to see him?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Sure? Why not?
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Okay, but he's carrying a brand new coffee table.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Why that's uh Harriet, Harriet locked the door.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
Oh well, look there, we ought to accept it, since
he was nice enough to make it for us. Let's
hide this one and we'll work it out later.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Well, okay, he grab the ashtray. That's try Hell's old
jack of all thumb borny. What's the idea of firsting
in here without knocking?
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Well, that's a fine way to talk when I brought
you a surprise. Here have a brand new coffee table
on me by Thorny.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
How nice of you?
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Oh, thank you, Harriet? Well oz, thank you?
Speaker 3 (22:52):
What did you say it was?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
I ignore that?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Who's going with? What have you doing? And by the way,
what are you doing? You must know I'm moving this
coffee table out of the way, the table I made.
Why don't you put it by the fireplace, dear?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
A very sound idea, Harriet. Of course it is a
little warm for fire.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
All right, you too? I think both tables are very nice.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Well, broadly speaking, yes, but there's no need putting up
with that misshapen.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Monster any longer. Just feast your eyes on this throng.
Very original. Oh but it's very smart.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
Notice the special built in features. Not every coffee table
has a combination pipe rack and slipper scraper.
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Well, it's charming, Thorney. It must have taken a lot
of work.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Well, I'll sacrifice anything for the sake of design. And
here's the automatic cigarette lighter.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
That's an ordinary match. What do you expect for nothing, Jarney?
I think we should pay you something for this.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
After all, it wasn't much to it, just a simple
little job. You could do me a little favor, though, gladly,
what give up potty so all my friends can see it?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Just a minute, Thorny. What if Harry decides she likes
my coffee table best? Oh, come now, maybe we can
find room for bulls of the Thorny. That table of
yours looks a little puny to me. Puny. I make
something that has the strength of your broaden. Test it
just out. Go ahead, chickens, jump on it. On over
with your car, drop a safe.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Well, that's hardly necessary, antie, when you have any ice tray,
I want to see how it looks on Thorny's table.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Okay, here, yes, looks very nice.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
Well, back to the drawing board.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
All, poor old Thorny. Oh he'll live. Trouble with Thorny
is he likes to think he knows everything. Well, I'll
have to admit a I got little help from the
Woodworking magazine. Only trouble is my table still wobbles a little. Oh,
I didn't notice it. That's because I slipped some support
under the carpet where the short leg goes. Is that
(25:15):
the advice you got from the woodworking magazine, The Advice Harriet.
That is the woodworking magazine. This is the United States
Armed Forces Radio Servers sos STONG serv
The Adventures of Ozzy and Harriet, transcribed and starring the
entire Nelson family, Ozzy, Harriet, David and Ricky.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Do you hear that it's coming from the new power saw?
The Nelson's next door neighbor, Thorny, is set up in
his garage. Thorney's working on a project this morning, and
David and Ricky are watching. Oh, he's about to make
a cut on a long board. Say he must be
(01:04):
making something big a fence post. Maybe no, no, maybe
it's a table leg or a letter opener. Well, now
I see what it is.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Hey, that's a pretty expensive way to make a toothpick.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
Well how's that for a demonstration?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Boys, that's a neat gantet. He has a nice set up,
misus Ormbury, Well, thank you.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
You can do almost anything with one of these handy
dandy electro shops.
Speaker 5 (01:35):
I thought Pot said you had a wood butcher junior.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Oh he did, did he?
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Well?
Speaker 4 (01:42):
For his information, my electro shop will saw grind sand route,
join grill, mixed paint and with his extra attachment that
can be made into a small coping saw.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Pont said you could saw eggs on the motor too.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Obviously, it's also good at collecting sour grapes.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I've seen it advertise on television. All these extra pieces.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Come with it, well all except the coping saw attachments.
I got it as an extra bonus for calling before midnight.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
All does it? Take it?
Speaker 5 (02:09):
Converted to a drill.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
For just seconds? Here?
Speaker 4 (02:12):
What I take this off?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Slip a drill into the chuck, heighten its and there
you are.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
We got a drill hole till this board.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Oh it drills too fast? What do you mean wasn't
that board supposed to be the top of an end table?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
Well, it's gonna be an early American end table. And
what's an early American end table without wormhole?
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Up at? This? Set off costs a lot of money,
Well not really.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Like the man said on television, make a couple of
pieces of furniture.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
And it's paid for.
Speaker 5 (02:52):
I think i'll get.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
One, dopey. What'll you use for money?
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Who needs money? I'll just send a couple of pieces
of furniture, all right?
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Is that screeching gonna keep up all day? Why is
it getting on your nerves? Well, frankly, yes, do you
think thorny'd be a little more considered of his neighbors. Oh,
I don't think it's so bad. Well, it wouldn't be
if he'd either just let it run or turn it off.
But he runs it for a while, and then he
stops it. Then he starts it, and he stops it,
(03:32):
and then he starts it, and then he stops it,
and then he starts it and then stop it. Yeah,
then he starts it, and then.
Speaker 6 (03:39):
You're gonna say, Thorny's just having a little fun fun.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
Heck, he's running a modern version of the old Chinese
water torture. He's so silly.
Speaker 6 (03:48):
There's nothing wrong with a man enjoying a new hobby. Besides,
it'll probably tap her off after a while.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
That's no excuse disrupting everybody's life. What's he disrupting, Well,
nothing except that a man who works around the house
all day or to have a few moments of peace
and quiet for a little relaxation. I see it's only
ten o'clock.
Speaker 6 (04:09):
Besides, I bet Catherine appreciates having a handyman around the house.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Well, you aren't suggesting anything, are you. Of course not.
Speaker 6 (04:18):
Since Thorny's had the new machine, he's been fixing things
like a beaver, putting up shelves, making cabinets, and he
really seems to like it.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Am I tempting you? Well, you're giving me ideas. You know,
my hand tools are getting pretty old.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
Maybe I'll get rid of them and buy a machine
like Thorney.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
No, just get rid of him. Oh you're a big help.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
But no matter what you say, Thorny sure is going
at it.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Oh sure, I should think you'd be over there getting
a free demonstration. I went over yesterday trying to show
a little interest in his new saw. It wasn't two
minutes before he was hitting for me to leave. No,
it doesn't sound like Thorny. Oh he can be pretty
cantankerous every once in a while. Besides, how is I
to know know what? There was a nail on the
board I was cutting. There he goes again, the big
(05:14):
show off. You wouldn't talk like that if you knew
what he was making. I know what he's making, a
big pile of sawdust.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
I have a hunch he's also making something for us,
for us what it's supposed to be a surprise. But
Catherine said something about his making a big.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Coffee table, and you know how we need one. What
makes you think it's for us.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Well, he was making a lot of remarks when we
were all sitting in front of our couch the other day.
He was probably hinting about our needing a new coffee table.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Final Thorny, he was probably hinting about getting a cup
of coffee for himself. I wouldn't be too sure.
Speaker 6 (05:49):
Catherine says, he's bought a lot of plans. He's gonna
make things for all our friends, coffee tables, cabinets, chairs,
He's even gonna make a little doorstop.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
For the postman. No, no, that's pretty funny. Imagine buying
a great, big, expensive tool like that just to make
a little door stop.
Speaker 7 (06:06):
Why, well yourself, Where have you two been over watching
mister Thornberry. That sure's a swell setup he's got. Notice
all the stuff mister Thornberry's making.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Pop, Yeah, I've been hearing about it. I'm sure it's
all very interesting.
Speaker 8 (06:20):
He's gonna make a bookcase for our bedroom when he
gets caught up on his other orders.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Well, now, that's very nice of him.
Speaker 8 (06:26):
Or he can make anything, mister Thornberry said, he teaches
how he uses tools.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
I made a Taborett manual training class in school. Once
you wouldn't mind, would you, Mom? No, not a good
careful made a pair of book ends and a bread board.
Speaker 6 (06:42):
I'm sure mister Thornberry make a very good teacher. Say,
by the way, there's some ice cream in the freezer
if anybody's hungry.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I am. Come on, Dave, you're right, I think I
have some too. I did it with just ordinary tools, too,
nothing fancy, Hi, pap, What are you doing with a toolbox? Oh?
(07:16):
Just to your repairs, Dave. When you own a home,
you'll find it's best to keep the repairs up to date.
What are you gonna do first? Now, I'm gonna pry
open my toolbox. The clasp as rusted shut. Say, Dave,
would you get me the little repair list your mother
keeps on the bulletin board out there in the kitchen.
(07:40):
You know, David always pay us to do things as
they come up. Here's the list. Pop. Oh thanks, I'm careful.
The paper's getting a little brittle. Now. This list is
a good idea. So your mother notices something that needs fixing,
writes it down, and I no, sooner said than done.
(08:04):
M h uh, can you make out the first one
on the list? Here? Let's see that can't be it.
What's that? I think it says? Repair the wheel on
Ricky's kiddy car. Just to hold that into the shelf.
(08:31):
Day please? All right, got it? Here's the nail. Thank you?
Have you ever seen such long nails? Shall I put
one at this end?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Yes, yes, be careful, O dave, I will there. I
guess I should do it. They're pretty nice shelf. Oh, thanks, son,
It's too.
Speaker 7 (09:08):
Bad you don't have us all Like mister Thornberry's sure
would save a lot of time.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Well maybe, but I doubt if it had produced the
desired effect. You know how your mother likes antiques. What
do you mean, Well, there's nothing like hand workmanship to
give a job a certain old world charmed. I do
say so myself. This shelf will be one of the
most beautiful works of art in the kitchen.
Speaker 7 (09:31):
Yeah, those canned peaches looks well on it.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Well, one more shelf and we're done. Mister Thormer, you
must still be going at it. Yeah, hand me the board,
would you thank your son? I'd see just saw off
about two inches, big show off? You almost got a pop?
(10:17):
Does it? This shell fits perfectly? Oh? My method may
be slower than some but the end product is what counts.
Speaker 7 (10:28):
What do you say we take a breather, Dave? Sure,
whatever you say, have a chair, son, Hey watching pop?
The rule almost fell out of your pocket.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Oh oh, thank you your mother skin me if I
marred the finish on this table. She's waxing. M It
feels good to relax and the rest of the old legs.
See it's quite a wobble. Well, I'm a little tired.
I don't know, Pop, I'm talking about this table. Yeah,
(11:00):
say it is pretty wobbly. Well, I'm mat it. Maybe
I better fix it too. Do you want me to
get a magazine? What for? Stick under the leg like
you always do. Oh, I'm gonna fix it properly this time.
In fact's a good opportunity to put some of my
cabinet making knowledge to use. Get the back door, will you, Dave?
(11:21):
Hold it open for me? An takes us out the
garage right now?
Speaker 8 (11:25):
Sure, paphore, they are mom, Well hire you too?
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Oh hi, hey, what are you doing at my table?
I'm gonna give a little repair of job. Hold the
door open, Dave. I watch it pop? Easy? Does it okay?
You're clear? Thanks a lot so oh I wonder what
got into Pop.
Speaker 7 (11:44):
We were just sitting around this morning, and all of
a sudden he starts working like a demon.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Well, let's just say he caught the fever. Dave, what's his?
Speaker 6 (11:53):
Oh never mind? I notice you've been doing a little
work yourself.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Oh it wasn't much.
Speaker 7 (11:58):
I just help Pop put up some screen means and
fix a lock and put up some shells.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Mom.
Speaker 5 (12:03):
Yes, dear, have you got anything you want me to
pick up? A grandma heregar?
Speaker 3 (12:07):
No, not that I can think of.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
How about it's a store? No, there's nothing. Why I
don't want to stay around here? Whatever Pop and David
have it?
Speaker 8 (12:15):
Might be catching. How's it coming? Pop?
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Fine? Rick? Trying to clean this saw up a little
before I get started.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Is that a rip saw?
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Shouldn't you use a cross cut on those legs?
Speaker 4 (12:53):
Well?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Normally yes, but I'm going to use a rip saw
a cross cut because our crosscut doesn't cross cut as
well as our ribs cross cuts.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
Tom and I plan to take wood shop as a breather.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Well, it isn't quite as complicated as it sounds. Would
you grab that end of the table.
Speaker 5 (13:12):
Can I chop off the legs for you?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
I'm not exactly gonna chop them off for Rick. It
has to be done very carefully.
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Why do you know how much to take off?
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Well, it's just a matter of applying some simple mathematics.
Speaker 5 (13:25):
Now I'm sure I won't take wood shop.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
You just keep your eyes on me. You'll see it's
pretty simple. Measuring the legs. That is, okay, Paul, hand
me the measuring tapley. Here, measure the shortest leg first.
This is where all the mistakes are made if you
aren't careful.
Speaker 5 (13:48):
Let's see here, looks like twenty six and a half inches.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
No, I'd say it was more than that, twenty six
and five eights. Wait a minute, let me get a
better look at this. Twenty six and nine sixteenths. No,
it's twenty six and sixteen thirty seconds. He's equal to
let's sequel.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
To twenty six and a half inch twenty So.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Let's say my method was a more interesting way of
getting there. Let's give her one more check, just to
be sure. Twenty six thorny, what a racket? Twenty six
twenty six, For heaven's sakes, how a man supposed to
(14:41):
concentrate with all that racket coming in from next coming
in from next door.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Why isn't it.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
I didn't need to shout that. Darn Paul Bunyan Thornberry
is driving me crazy. You hold the tape while I
mark the legs.
Speaker 8 (15:00):
Okay, it would be essential to cut these legs off
of missus.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Thornberry's power saw thing could scare the legs off the table.
Hand me the saw, would you please? Here? Like I
told David, a garage full of fancy tools doesn't make
a crash. Famous furniture makers go pasted it all by hand.
(15:28):
You have a hair of duncan fight.
Speaker 5 (15:29):
Oh sure, he recommends restaurants.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Exactly. Man with a great furniture maker. Grab on, and
let's turn the table again. Thornberry's dining room table is
Duncan fife.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Golly, and that's all done by hand?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
No, no, that's machine made.
Speaker 5 (15:57):
I thought you said he did all his work by hand.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Well, yes, but he was born about almost two hundred
years ago.
Speaker 8 (16:04):
Oh I guess if I was two hundred years old.
I'm wanting power tools too.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Yeah, hey, gimme hand. Let's set the table on the floor.
Was it all done? I sure? Nothing to it? We are?
Speaker 8 (16:19):
Yeah, that's well, pop, I think we can always put
a magazine under the legs.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Wobble a little, Well, I'll just chop a bit off here. Hey,
uh oh oh, Toney, you're just the man I want
to see good.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
I want to see you too.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Okay, what's your problem? Just this? Will you stop making
so much noise over here? Noise me, for goodness sakes,
I'm just doing a little hand sawing. Oh yeah, a.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Minute ago, you were shouting so loud I couldn't hear
my power saw.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
And you were the only one in town who couldn't
hear it. Just jealous, jealous of that animated woodpecker.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
Easy Nelson, Or I'll run my electric razor while you're
watching television.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Look, Thornberry, what are we arguing about? I don't know.
Let's just forget. It's forgotten good whatever it was. I
accept your apology just a minute, aren't you?
Speaker 4 (17:23):
I don't know, I just forget it. After all, wheat
crafts will ought to stick together.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
What is this big project of yours? Ricky and I
are taking the wobble out of this table.
Speaker 5 (17:33):
We're putting one in too.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
That's a nice job for beginners, of course. It's not
like making Mortison tennon joints are fitting splines.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
That's what you're doing. Well, the book says, I can
I suppose you think you could fix this table.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
Because just add a small piece of wood under.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
The short leg us. Oh, yes, of course, because would
you believe it? Some poor dopes don't try to do
it by shortening the other three legs. No, some people
never learned.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Well, I better get back see you later, dope, shy,
look for a piece of wood.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Pot. No, no, no, no, that's too conspicuous.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
Just goes on the short leg.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
No, no, it won't do. Now we've got three short legs.
(18:41):
There should be even Now here's a take measure pot. Oh, thanks,
seventeen inches. It's still wobbles. Well, here goes an Now
(19:07):
let's see if she wobbles.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
I was seventeen. Shall we try for sixteen?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Bye? Golly, that does it not all wobble?
Speaker 5 (19:24):
That's well, I guess thirteen is our lucky number?
Speaker 3 (19:28):
hipA rack? Alright, son? Hey, what's the table doing way
down there?
Speaker 5 (19:34):
I don't suppose you'd believe we've grown a couple of feet.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
No I wouldn't. Well it's a little shorter nowaday, But
it doesn't wobble. But isn't going to be much good,
is it.
Speaker 5 (19:45):
Well, don't mind him, Pop, this is a real down
to earth table.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Oh, thank you, Rick, But I'm afraid David's right. It's
too short for a library table. What do you do
with it?
Speaker 5 (19:57):
Maybe we ought to donate it to a children's library.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Figure out how we're gonna explain this to your mother.
Speaker 5 (20:04):
Don't worry, we'll stick with you, pap.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
You got in the garage, We'll see you around, pap
hy Everybody. Oh hello, I'm mom. What are you standing
to close together for? Well? What is it? Wait? What's
that thing?
Speaker 5 (20:25):
It's something we found in a Japanese tea room.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Ozzie, that's my table, Harriet, believe me, I'm sorry, sorry,
don't be silly.
Speaker 6 (20:36):
It's a perfectly wonderful idea. Certainly, How clever can you
get cutting down our old library table making this beautiful coffee.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Table out of it? Oh? Coffee, yes, no, yes, a
coffee table. It's it's a little surprise.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Well you aren't kidding, never mind, you never told me, Yes.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Sir h Rick, how would you like an increase in
your allowance? Then?
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Well, does everybody think of our new table?
Speaker 3 (21:19):
Goes fine with the sofa.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
Mom, the astray looks good on us.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
You know, it makes a pretty good coffee table at that.
How did you ever get the idea? Well, it came
pretty slowly.
Speaker 5 (21:34):
About an inch at a time.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
Uh say, Rick, why aren't you gonna go out and
play ball or something? Yeah, come on, Rick, that's what
I thought.
Speaker 6 (21:47):
I certainly think the table was a clever idea.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Oh oh, thank you, dear. I'll bet you're glad I
thought of it. Oh you you well, well, I I
might have thought of it in time, of course, you would.
Speaker 6 (22:02):
I just wanted to stop you before my coffee table
was a bread board.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Okay, what missus, Ormberry's.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
Coming over a swell? Send him in?
Speaker 5 (22:13):
You really want to see him?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Sure? Why not?
Speaker 5 (22:15):
Okay, but he's carrying a brand new coffee table.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Why that's uh Harriet, Harriet locked the door.
Speaker 6 (22:22):
Oh well, look there, we ought to accept it, since
he was nice enough to make it for us. Let's
hide this one and we'll work it out later.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Well, okay, he grab the ashtray. That's try Hell's old
jack of all thumb borny. What's the idea of firsting
in here without knocking?
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Well, that's a fine way to talk when I brought
you a surprise. Here have a brand new coffee table
on me by Thorny.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
How nice of you?
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Oh, thank you, Harriet? Well oz, thank you?
Speaker 3 (22:52):
What did you say it was?
Speaker 4 (22:55):
I ignore that?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Who's going with? What have you doing? And by the way,
what are you doing? You must know I'm moving this
coffee table out of the way, the table I made.
Why don't you put it by the fireplace, dear?
Speaker 4 (23:07):
A very sound idea, Harriet. Of course it is a
little warm for fire.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
All right, you too? I think both tables are very nice.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Well, broadly speaking, yes, but there's no need putting up
with that misshapen.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Monster any longer. Just feast your eyes on this throng.
Very original. Oh but it's very smart.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
Notice the special built in features. Not every coffee table
has a combination pipe rack and slipper scraper.
Speaker 6 (23:34):
Well, it's charming, Thorney. It must have taken a lot
of work.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
Well, I'll sacrifice anything for the sake of design. And
here's the automatic cigarette lighter.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
That's an ordinary match. What do you expect for nothing, Jarney?
I think we should pay you something for this.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh, I wouldn't think of it.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
After all, it wasn't much to it, just a simple
little job. You could do me a little favor, though, gladly,
what give up potty so all my friends can see it?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Just a minute, Thorny. What if Harry decides she likes
my coffee table best? Oh, come now, maybe we can
find room for bulls of the Thorny. That table of
yours looks a little puny to me. Puny. I make
something that has the strength of your broaden. Test it
just out. Go ahead, chickens, jump on it. On over
with your car, drop a safe.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Well, that's hardly necessary, antie, when you have any ice tray,
I want to see how it looks on Thorny's table.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
Okay, here, yes, looks very nice.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
Well, back to the drawing board.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
All, poor old Thorny. Oh he'll live. Trouble with Thorny
is he likes to think he knows everything. Well, I'll
have to admit a I got little help from the
Woodworking magazine. Only trouble is my table still wobbles a little. Oh,
I didn't notice it. That's because I slipped some support
under the carpet where the short leg goes. Is that
(25:15):
the advice you got from the woodworking magazine, The Advice Harriet.
That is the woodworking magazine. This is the United States
Armed Forces Radio Servers sos STONG serv
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