November 18, 2025 • 45 mins
In this delightful comedy of societal norms, Mrs. Seltoon is on a mission to secure the perfect match for her niece, Gail Laurence, a fresh college graduate. Having already orchestrated successful engagements for her two daughters, Mrs. Seltoon sets her sights on Gail, believing a charming cousin of one of her daughters fiancés would be an ideal match. However, this cousin is none other than a famous film star who harbors a peculiar aversion to women and mistakenly confuses the new maid for Gail. Amidst a whirlwind of mistaken identities, Gail boldly claims she is engaged to the movie idol, Adrian Lee, to fend off her intended suitor. Unbeknownst to her, he is the very man Mrs. Seltoon hopes to pair her with. With love triangles unfolding between the daughters and their fiancés, the dignity of the butler Jorkes, and the clever escapades of Abigail Mullen, the educated maid, this charming tale weaves together a rich tapestry of romance and humor. - Summary by The Author and Jenn Broda
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Act one of Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare. This
is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
LibriVox dot org.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Characters Vallance Twelford A a vational hero who doesn't want
to be engaged, read by Todd.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Don Rady, his cousin, A serious young man engaged, Thank You,
read by Red Run.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Ferdinand Poppleton, a frivolous young man likewise engaged, read by
Thomas Peter Jorkes.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
The Butler who may or may not be engaged read
by James Hedrick.
Speaker 6 (00:49):
Missus Selton, who believes in engagements read by.
Speaker 7 (00:55):
Margaret Selter, her elder daughter, engaged to mister Rady.
Speaker 8 (00:59):
Read Suzanne Seltoune, her younger daughter, engaged to mister Poppleton,
read by Marie Christian.
Speaker 9 (01:09):
Gail Lawrence her Ward engaging and eventually engaged red by
Jen Broda.
Speaker 10 (01:18):
Abigail Mullen a by her maid temporarily engaged as it were,
read by Sonya.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Stage directions read by t R. Love. Costumes and characteristics
missus Seltoune handsome summer afternoon gown with slightly trailing skirt.
On second entrance. She wears auto hat, veil and coat.
Act two trailing dinner gown rather elaborate. Lorgnette's hair powdered.
(01:50):
Play the part with ease as a cultured woman of society.
Age forty five. Margaret costumes similar to missus Seltoon's age
twenty two Suzanne hair downing curls on chinoo costumes suitable
for summer afternoon wear and for a dinner party. Age eighteen.
(02:13):
Gale pretty traveling dress, wrap and hat neat fancy apron
for Margaret to give Gaale in Act too elaborate white
evening dress cut on train red roses in Act two,
age nineteen Abigail make up very plain, with hair worn
(02:33):
in eccentric manner, probably drawn straight back and made into
a tight knob. Roughen the eyebrows by lining with grease paint,
drawing the paint across the brows from the outer part
toward nose. One front tooth may be covered with black
grease paint. First dry the tooth thoroughly, then apply black
(02:53):
grease paint. Hot eccentric traveling dress, cloak and hat, white
stockings and large mannish shoes, large old fashioned satchel, umbrella
and reticule. Wears old fashioned spectacles at all times. In
Act two, she wears old fashioned dress of bright colors,
(03:13):
gaudy hat, folded handkerchief attached to the front of dress
with safety pin.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Dvance.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Act one summer suit, straw hat, small mustache. Act two
full dress complete no mustache, age twenty six dawn. Act
one summer suit, straw hat, Act two full dress, age
twenty four poppleton. Act one elaborate summer suit. Extreme fashions,
(03:43):
monocle et cetera. Act two full dress, white rose on coat,
monocle jorks dress suit with gold striped down trousers and
around cuffs, brass buttons on coat, low collar and black
bow tie. Make up stout with ruddy face and sideburns
(04:03):
and eyebrows to match hair, very slow and dignified, Age forty.
Act one scene a room in missus Seltoon's suburban home.
This apartment is charmingly furnished in modern elegant style. Entrances
right to garden, left, a dining room and center to street.
(04:27):
Piano up left, easy chair down, right, table down left,
center with easy chairs, a small desk, parlor, lamp, draperies,
et cetera to dress stage. Note. In the original production,
the furniture was white wicker work and all hangings and
draperies of old gold silk, making a very attractive setting.
(04:50):
Time ten a m. Missus Seltoon discovered seated outright working
on a small embroidery frame. After curtain is up, George
enters from left and comes stiffly to center and stands
facing missus Seltoon.
Speaker 6 (05:07):
How long you have been, George? I have waited for
you quite twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
See that right, busy with embroidery frame.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
I was answering the telephone, ma'am. It was the employment agency.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Well what did they say, am I? Or am I
not to have a maid sent today?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yes, ma'am, don't be ambiguous, George.
Speaker 6 (05:30):
I hate ambiguity.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Yes, ma'am. The young person will be here in an hour.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
I hope she will suit. It was simply intolerable in Nali,
leaving just as my award was coming. Did you tell
her that she must do the rooms and assist in
the dining room?
Speaker 5 (05:49):
I told the agency, ma'am. They said she was quite
a superior young person.
Speaker 6 (05:54):
When she comes, explain her duties to her immediately, and
so good that we will have seventh for lunch.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yes, ma'am starts left and Jorks He returns to center.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Tell Pierre her to bring the large car around and
to meet my knees at the station at ten.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Jeorks starts to left. Yes, ma'am, Jorks He returns, don't
be in such a hurry.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Get out some volumes of the encyclopedia and put them
on the library table. My niece is a college graduate,
and I want her to feel at home, yes, ma'am,
And put some red roses in her room and open
the windows the tower room on the second floor.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
I will attend to it personally.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Ma'am starts to left. Jorks where seazan Jorks coming to center.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
Can't say to that, ma'am. Mister Poppleton is here, ma'am.
I think they're in the garden. Ma'am.
Speaker 6 (06:57):
When the new maid arrives, sent her to me at once,
and tell cook to be very careful of the luncheon.
My niece may be particular. That will be all I think.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yes, ma'am starts to left and George He returns.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
There was something else, but it has escaped me. For
the present.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
That will do, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
He exits left with dignity. Suzanne outside bright.
Speaker 8 (07:27):
Come in, We'll leave it to mother.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Poppleton outside right, But I.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Was only doing what I thought best.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Mother shall decide enter from right, Suzanne in an excited manner,
followed by Poppleton, who is striving to persuade her to
keep calm.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
But Suzanne, it says in the book.
Speaker 8 (07:49):
It may say so in the book, but you carry
it to extremes.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
But you know so early in the morning, my DearS,
what's the trouble now, Susan.
Speaker 8 (08:01):
And c perfectly cattled mother?
Speaker 6 (08:03):
Why not a time? What is it? Son?
Speaker 8 (08:07):
It's in the amateur play. I went to the rehearsal
last night, and it's perfectly awful, the way Ferdinand makes
love to Missus Lawson.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
But I can't help it, can I? It's all in
the book.
Speaker 8 (08:18):
You know, everyone in town is talking about it.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
But my dear, Count Ronaldo has to make love to
Lady Clementina or there can be no play.
Speaker 8 (08:29):
I don't object to that, of course, I'm not that silly.
It's the way you do it. And then why on
earth did they ask missus Lawson to play Clementina. She's
entirely too old and a grass widow in the bargain?
Who ever heard of a grass widow playing a heroine
in a love scene?
Speaker 4 (08:49):
They do it frequently, In fact, it's one of the
very best things they do.
Speaker 6 (08:54):
Ferdinand, I'm astonished.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Stares at him through Lorgnette.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
And so am I. How is it that you are
an authority on grass widows. I'd like to know.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Oh, it's only here, say my dear, only here say.
Speaker 6 (09:11):
I think Susanna's quite right. It strikes me, Verdy, that
you do show too much order in your scenes with Mentana.
Speaker 8 (09:20):
I should think so. The whole town is talking about it.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
I don't see why you allowed yourself to be persuaded
to appear in amateur theatricals, Ferdinand. It's all very well
for a young and frivolous boy to play parts, but
you're a serious young man about to be married.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Seated a right busy with her embroidery.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
My idea is exactly.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
Mamma, Susanna. You should have played Clementina yourself.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
I wish now I had, but.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I can't back out now it comes off next week,
and as a matter of fact, I can't stand missus Lawson.
Speaker 6 (09:58):
Don't you think you could tuned down your ardor a
little ferdy in your scenes with her?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I mean can't say. I'm sure. I've always carried away
when I'm playing a part, just like Booth or Southern,
I always lose myself in my part. How did you
like that tragic climax in the second act, Suzanne, the
one where I have to shout fall o walls and
crush me down, no scars and bury me beneath your eyes?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
You're deeps gestures lovely.
Speaker 8 (10:30):
You are perfectly terrific in that scene. You were born
to be a tragic star.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Thirdy, I think myself, I'm pretty good.
Speaker 8 (10:38):
You're splendid. But please don't give the audience the impression
that you're really in love with missus Lawson.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
I won't you know.
Speaker 10 (10:48):
I'm not.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
There's only one girl on earth that I'm really in
love with, Suzanne.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
We'll finish the rehearsal in the summer house. I'm afraid
we are bothering Mama. You can rehearse to me and
I'll play Clementina myself.
Speaker 6 (11:02):
Come on, don't forget that Gail is coming in this morning.
You are to stay to lunch with us, Ferdie and
meet her.
Speaker 8 (11:10):
Yes, she's the dearest thing, just graduated from college.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Delighted, I'm sure, Exit right with Susanne. Enter Jorks from center.
He stands at center announcing mister Rady, ma'am exit center.
Enter Don Rady from center.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Good morning, missus seltoon.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Missus Seltoon, shaking hands.
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Good morning, don you got my message.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yes, you're looking awfully well this morning.
Speaker 6 (11:44):
Flutter sit down. My niece is coming in this morning.
You are to lunch with us. I want to show
her what time young man I picked out those future
sounds in low.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Seated right, Thank you, seedd center.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
She's to live with us. You know, an orphan just
graduated with high honors in Greek. Imagine it Greek?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
What her good?
Speaker 6 (12:09):
Will Greek do her? When I was a young lady,
going to college was considered rather indelicate, to say the least,
a little French and the little music where all very well,
but Greek. I was the youngest of six sisters and
very last of hours married before she was twenty, and
we didn't know Greek from Hindu.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
It does seem rather odd. I mean, a girl going
in for Greek and all that sort of thing and athletics.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
She plays golf and tennis and may be football too,
for all I know. Thank goodness, my daughters never went
to college.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I've never known any college girls. Very well.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
You may consider yourself very fortunate. Do sit still, done
and don't fidget. Margaret will be done presently, and I'm
not going to eat you, my niece. He's an orphane,
a wealthy orphan. Missus Elton is her guardian, and she
is to make her future home with us. My what
our responsibility and us as my own daughters have announced
(13:14):
their engagements.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Now.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
I've considered every little man in the town twice over,
but they won't do.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Won't do, won't do what.
Speaker 6 (13:26):
Don't be stupid? Done, won't do for Gale, how long
has your cousin been visiting.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
You since last Thursday?
Speaker 6 (13:35):
Why haven't you brought him over to call? I know
Margaret is anxious to meet some of your relatives. I
knew his mother when she was a girl and lived here,
but I haven't seen her in years. You must bring
him over.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I will sometime.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Don't put it off too long.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Well, h vance, you see, he's quite an old bachelor.
He doesn't care for ladies. How old he must be
twenty six at least.
Speaker 6 (14:08):
And Gaily is nineteen. Why he's just in the bloom
of youth. What is his yearly income?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I'm afraid I don't know. About two or three thousand,
I believe excellent.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Is he steady?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Oh, awfully steady. He has no bad habits.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
And lives in New York. That sounds suspicious.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
He's rather retiring, you know. He never goes into society
and seems perfectly miserable whenever ladies are around.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
I meant that's wort that generally fall the quickest, twenty
full at all. What business is here?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Business? He's uh er ah. He's in the producing business.
His father is our R. Twelford Oil and Vinegar, in the.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
Produce business, and owns his own touring car. Margaret said,
has he any property? Not that I am inquisitive, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Oh not at all. Yes, I think he has considerable property.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
Excellent. You must bring him over to lunch to day today.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I'm afraid he won't come. He goes out so seldom.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
Margaret and I are going to meet Kayl at the
station and will drive you home. You must bring him
right back with you. Tell him your future wife and
mother in law want to make his acquaintance.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'll do my best, but I can't promise.
Speaker 6 (15:45):
Is he good looking?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yes? I think he is awfully good looking, looks a
little bit like me, a sort of family likeness.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
I wonder why he's sitting about two men. I hope
he hasn't had any past love affairs, no disappointments or
anything like that.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Oh no, I can answer for that. Vance and I
have been shulmed since we were kids. He always tells
me everything.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
Minnie's Gale has quite a little fortune in her own right,
twenty or thirty thousand, I should say. And she's a
perfect year only nineteen, and a butler of arts. For
my part, I always mistrust a female butlor of arts.
But when I saw Gail last year, I found her
perfectly charming. She would make an ideal wife. Is mister
(16:36):
Treford going to stay with you long?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
About a month's I believe?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Enter Margaret from left. She comes behind Dawn and puts
her hands over his eyes.
Speaker 9 (16:47):
Guess who?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
As if I could mistake Margaret.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Margaret sits on arm of his chair right.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Looking awfully sweet.
Speaker 7 (16:59):
This morning, there is any improvement since last night?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Last night you were perfect, and there can be no
improvement on perfection.
Speaker 7 (17:09):
You read that in the book.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Entered jorkes from left.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
The car is ready, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Exit left, missus seltoon rises.
Speaker 6 (17:19):
Come, dear Tom, we'll excuse us while we get our things.
Certainly rises he is going with us part way to
invite mister Telford to launch.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Exit left.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Is he really coming?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I'll do my best to bring him.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
He must be a perfect old bear.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Not at all. He's the finest fellow in the world.
Speaker 7 (17:45):
All but one.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Missus seltoun outside left, Come Margaret. Margaret rises and crosses
to left.
Speaker 7 (17:54):
Coming, mamma.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Exit after blowing a kiss to Dawn. Enters Suzanne and
Poppleton in time to see tis Oh, we saw you
perfectly shocking.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
That's so awfully imprudent. Never can tell who's going to
catch a thing like that.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Hello, where have you.
Speaker 8 (18:14):
Two been rehearsing for the play?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I didn't know you were in it.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
Oh, I'm not. I was only showing Ferdy how to
make love, as.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
If he needed instruction.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
You ought to hear me in the second act, I've
got a great tragic scene. Fall oh, walls and crush
me down, O skies and bury me beneath your eyes.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You're deeps gestures.
Speaker 8 (18:42):
Isn't that grand?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Simply perfect? I'll bet the walls will fall.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
I think Ferdy would make a perfectly adorable Romeo. He's
every bit as good as Faversham.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Enter missus Seltoon and Margaret wearing hats and otter coats
and veils.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Ready down, Yes, come on?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
Do you want to come along, Susanne?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
Oh no, we're going to rehearse the third act.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
We'll be back in fifteen minutes. If the train's a time.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Exit center, followed by Margaret and Don.
Speaker 8 (19:20):
I wonder what my cousin will be like. I've never
seen her charming.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'm sure it runs in the family.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
I wonder she's awfully bright, stood at the head of
her graduating class, and talks Greek just like English.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Good gracious. I don't know what to say to her.
Speaker 8 (19:41):
Oh, you won't have to talk Greek, you know.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
I hope not. Let's finish the rehearsal. You take the
book and try me on the third act.
Speaker 8 (19:50):
Let's go back to the garden. Jeorkes might think we're
having a tragedy here in the house.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Come on, Exit's right, followed by Poppleton. Enter Jork's from left,
carrying two or three large books, placing books on table.
Speaker 5 (20:07):
There's the cyclopedies and a fine showing they make. So
the young lady is a college A B is she?
I wonder what an a B is? I know the
kind near sighted men's shoes, short bedraggled skirts, last year's hat,
and a banner saying votes for women. Heavens, what a
(20:28):
life will lead? And to think that she is missus
S's own niece and a cousin to our young ladies. Awful,
perfectly awful.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Enter Abigail from center.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Good morning, Good heavens, it's her.
Speaker 10 (20:45):
The door was opened and I entered unceremoniously. Is missus
saltoon in?
Speaker 5 (20:51):
No, miss not at this moment. She has gone over
to the station to meet you with the large car.
Miss you must have arrived sooner than expect.
Speaker 10 (21:01):
How extremely considerate of Missus Sultoon. My train was on time,
but presumably she was a trifle tardy as it were.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Yes, miss would you care to go to your room
or would you prefer to wait here?
Speaker 10 (21:16):
I'll wait here if you have no objection.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Not the slightest in the world. Miss, if you remove
your hat and cloak, you'll be more comfortable.
Speaker 10 (21:25):
Thank you. You are so very very considerate.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
Always try to be obliging. Miss, Shall I take them
to your room? Miss?
Speaker 10 (21:35):
In a moment you the butler, aren't you?
Speaker 5 (21:40):
Yes? Miss name of Jorks Emmanuel Jerks.
Speaker 10 (21:45):
How very Outrey, I've never seen a real live butler before,
Trey chikh machhtvar.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
Yes, Miss, I think so myself.
Speaker 10 (21:57):
I'm Abigail.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
I suspected as much. Miss.
Speaker 10 (22:01):
How long have you been here, mister.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Jogs, matter of seven years?
Speaker 10 (22:07):
You must like the place.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Oh yes, indeed, how.
Speaker 10 (22:11):
Many afternoons off a week to Miss?
Speaker 5 (22:15):
You are interested in social conditions? I take it, Miss, Yes.
Speaker 10 (22:19):
I'm a graduate from the Spinterville Normal. I expect to
teach next year, but will stay here during the summer,
that is, if missus S treats me right.
Speaker 5 (22:30):
Missus Seltoon is generosity itself personified.
Speaker 10 (22:34):
Where is my room to be? I am very particular
about my.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Room, second story front in the tower with the bay window.
Speaker 10 (22:42):
Miss that will do admirably. How very kind of missus S.
I suppose she'll allow me to play the piano once
in a while, just to keep in practice.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
I haven't a doubt of it.
Speaker 10 (22:55):
Miss, and the library, I must have access to the library.
I always make it a point to study six hours
after my other duties are accomplished.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Yes, miss, I'll take your things up now, Miss, what.
Speaker 10 (23:09):
A hurry you are in? Don't you like to talk
to me? Most men are not so entirely impervious to me,
Mister Jorks.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Comes toward him gushingly. He backs away.
Speaker 5 (23:23):
I ain't impervious at all. Miss.
Speaker 10 (23:25):
Indeed, I ain't not a married man, I take it.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Oh no, miss, perfectly single and unattached.
Speaker 10 (23:35):
Just like myself. Isn't it a coincident?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Yes, Miss, that's just what I was about to remark myself.
Speaker 10 (23:44):
What congenial times we shall have?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Missus seltoon is very particular?
Speaker 10 (23:50):
Miss, Oh, what she doesn't know won't disturb her ladyship,
will it.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
I'm sure I can't say, miss, but I'm take your
things up now.
Speaker 10 (24:02):
Oh very well. Then, if you're in such a hurry,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Then until anon a do miss a do.
Speaker 10 (24:10):
Wait a minute? You may show me to the rooms.
I think I'll get ready for lunch.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yes, Miss, this way, exit left very well, Mister jokes
well being a highat girl.
Speaker 10 (24:25):
Isn't going to be so bad after all?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Exit left, enter from center Dawn, followed by vance Tralford.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I say, old man, it's awfully good of you to
do this for me, honest it is. I know you
don't like female society and all.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
That you're ride.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I don't, but this is just like the family. You know,
Margaret and I are to be married in June, and
next summer you can visit us in our own home.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I'm afraid not. I'm moving. Picture company is going to
Naples next summer.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You don't know what you'll miss. Margaret is a perfect gem.
You can't help liking her.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
There's another sister, isn't there sits at center?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Oh, you needn't be afraid of that. She's engaged too,
to Poppy. They're to be married in the fall.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Any others about.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Missus seltoon the mother? Her husband is in Bermuda.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
No old maid aunt or anything like di It.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
What a woman hater you are? No, I'll answer for
the old maid aunts.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I don't hate women. Don They only make me nervous.
I always keep out of their way.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
And yet you make love in the pictures like a
Romeo that's business.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Besides I I scarcely know the names of half the
ladies and the company. Most of them are married, and
they all understand and let me alone. It's the girls
who come to see the shows that worry me.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
The matinee maidens.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yes, they seem to have picked me out for their
especial prey. Not a day passes, but I get the
slushiest letters. I never see them anymore. My man always
burns them, and they send me candy and silly flowers
and their photographs. It's awful.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
A moving picture hero is always their idle.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Are you sure that no one here knows I am
Adrian Lee? Down for goodness sake, don't let it leak out.
Let me have one month of quiet and seclusion.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
I haven't said a word. I told them you were
in the producing business, and they think you run a
wholesale grocery or something like that.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Look there, points to table.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
The June Picture magazine takes it up. Look my picture.
They are sure to recognize me.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I'm going home dawn looking at picture Adrian Lee.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Why it doesn't look anything in the world like you.
Your mustache is a perfect disguise. I wouldn't know you
myself in the picture.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't think it's safe to stay nonsense. I've promised
you know, how soon can we get away after lunch?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Oh, we're going to have a picnic this afternoon in
Woody Glen.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Not me, I'm going fishing.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Oh, come now, be a good fellow. I want you
to get acquainted with my family. Elect you're sure to
like them.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
A picnic in the glen with two engaged couples. I
suppose I'm to entertain the mother.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Oh no, she's not going.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Humh.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Then you and your fiance will stroll one way, and
Poppy and his fiance will stroll another way, and I'll
be left alone to entertain the lunch basket.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Certainly not. There's Gale.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Gail? What's a Gaale?
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Not a what a? She a perfectly delightful she just
out of college? An a B?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Good night? Where's my hat? I'm going home?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But your promise?
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Tell them I've got the hydrophobia or something. Make my
excuses hold on.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Gail is a deer, she's Margaret's cousin, but an ape b.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
How can I talk a whole afternoon to an a B?
I can't talk Greek or Laddin.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Please vance, you promised, you know, if you don't stay,
it'll break up the whole party.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Are you sure she's good looking?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Well, I haven't seen her, but I'm pretty sure she is.
You Wait here a moment and I'll find Margaret. She
is probably in the garden.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Exit right, Wait a minute, don't leave me alone. I'm
going home.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Enter Abigail from Shunter.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Good morning, sir, Good morning. I've left my hat outside,
that is I.
Speaker 10 (29:43):
Oh, I believe I've scared you. You mustn't be afraid
of me. You see I just arrived.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Did you have a pleasant journey?
Speaker 10 (29:52):
Oh? Yes, indeed, sir, it was most salubrious.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Good morning, starts up.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I tell them I was called away.
Speaker 10 (30:03):
You seem in a dreadful hurry. I won't bite you.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
No, you won't. That's a fact. You won't. I understand.
You're just out of college.
Speaker 10 (30:14):
Yes, from the Sprinter ill normal. I took magna cum
laude last week.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Have you quite recovered? Not contagious? Is it?
Speaker 10 (30:24):
I think you're the funniest man. You act so frightened.
I'm only little, Abigail.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Abigail, Yes, I thought you were. I'm obliged to go
awfully sorry. You know symptoms of hydrophobia coming on.
Speaker 10 (30:41):
Hydrophobia is the man.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Mad, that's it, Just like a dog sometimes I bark
n bow wow, wow, Tell them I was suddenly seized
and cannot possibly stay for the picnic.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Good morning, quick exit at center.
Speaker 10 (31:00):
Poor fellow. He is quite mad, I know, and so
good looking too. Looks just like Adrian Lee in the movies.
Oh Adrian, Adrian, I wonder if I'll ever behold you
in the flesh.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Enter Suzanne from right, Good morning, Good.
Speaker 10 (31:23):
Morning, I'm a new maid. Abigail Mollan. I'm all ready
to begin to work.
Speaker 8 (31:29):
We were so afraid you weren't coming. Come with me.
I'll show you to the kitchen. I, miss seltoon this way, please.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Exit laughed, Yes, miss I'm coming, Exit laughed. Enter missus
seltoon from center, followed by Gail.
Speaker 6 (31:47):
Come in, Gail, you know this is your home now
you mustn't stand on ceremony with us.
Speaker 9 (31:53):
Thank you, Aunt Laura.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
Your mother was my favorite sister, you know, and how
much you resemble her? Can you remember her at all?
Speaker 9 (32:03):
Gail just a sweet, kind face with soft gray hair
parted in the middle and tender, loving arms and the
dearest eyes in the world. That's all I remember. I
was only three when she died.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
You shall be one of my own daughters, dear Gail,
throwing her arms around her.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Oh, thank you careful, o rangees dress.
Speaker 6 (32:29):
We are to have company for lunch.
Speaker 9 (32:32):
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Speaker 6 (32:35):
We must arrange for your debut at once. Both of
the girls are engaged. Margaret is to be married in June,
and sus I'm laid in the fall sits at right?
Speaker 9 (32:46):
Two weddings. Won't that be glorious? But aren't you awfully
sorry to lose both of them? Aunt Laura?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
Sorry?
Speaker 6 (32:54):
Ti idea why they're making the best matches of the season.
There isn't a mother in myself who isn't perfectly wild
do his jealousy. Margaret is marrying to the Brady family,
positively the oldest in this part of the country, you know.
And Susanne is engaged to Ferndon and Poppleton O p
json you know.
Speaker 9 (33:15):
But you'll be so lonesome without them.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
How absurd? Missus. Sultan and I are going to travel
on the continent, and you shall go with us, that is,
if you are not engaged at that time engaged.
Speaker 9 (33:30):
I how funny.
Speaker 6 (33:34):
There is only one other eligible battelor here. He's visiting,
mister Raleigh. You must meet him. His name is Trelford,
Advance Trelford. His father is in oil and vinegar.
Speaker 9 (33:46):
In oil and vinegar. What for?
Speaker 6 (33:51):
I mean he's a wholesale merchant dealing in oil and vinegar.
Speaker 9 (33:56):
Oh, I thought oil and vinegar was a new kind
of a bath.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
They're fearfully wealthy. France is in the pruduce business. He'd
be over for luncheon. He'd be a most excellent party,
my dear, most excellent.
Speaker 9 (34:11):
But isn't it a little sudden, Aunt Laura.
Speaker 6 (34:14):
Not at all, I'm believing wasting no time. We could
have angle, make three trousseaus as well as two, and
think of the economy. Let me see you are over nineteen,
aren't you?
Speaker 9 (34:28):
Nineteen and two months?
Speaker 6 (34:30):
Precisely just the proper age, and you have really good features,
my dear. I'm sure mister Trafford will be enchanted. I
believe in girls. Marry'm young, don't you.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Brice's and crosses still left.
Speaker 9 (34:44):
I've never thought much about it.
Speaker 6 (34:47):
You had better go now, I have to work. Show
you to your room. We have a new maid to day,
and she's not accustomed to the house yet. I want
you to look your best, nothing like first impressions. You know,
I must see the cook about the lamb to excuse.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Me, exits left. Enter Margaret from right.
Speaker 7 (35:06):
You dear, it's just like finding a long lost sister.
To have you live with us, Gail, it's like a
moving picture play.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Puts arm around, Gail.
Speaker 9 (35:15):
Are you fond of the movies?
Speaker 7 (35:18):
Just dote on them? Don and I go every week.
Speaker 9 (35:21):
Don.
Speaker 7 (35:22):
Yes, mister Rady, you.
Speaker 9 (35:24):
Know, Oh what a pretty ring. Don.
Speaker 7 (35:29):
Yes, he's a perfect dear. Where to be married in
June and live in the suburbs. The dearest little house,
four rooms.
Speaker 9 (35:36):
And a porch.
Speaker 7 (35:37):
Don is so fond of a porch.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Enter Suzanne from right. Suzanne coming down right?
Speaker 8 (35:44):
Is he coming?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Margaret down center?
Speaker 7 (35:48):
He who?
Speaker 8 (35:50):
Why mister Tralford don't.
Speaker 7 (35:52):
Said he would do his best to bring him.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Suzanne to Gail, who is down left.
Speaker 8 (35:58):
We're going to have another guess for dinner. Vance Treelford
from New York. He's Don's cousin and is visiting him.
Speaker 7 (36:05):
Don says he's awfully handsome.
Speaker 8 (36:08):
And he has just oodles and oodles of money.
Speaker 7 (36:12):
And to seven passenger touring car.
Speaker 8 (36:14):
He is very wealthy.
Speaker 7 (36:16):
You see.
Speaker 9 (36:17):
His father is an oil in vinegar I've heard about him.
Reminds one of a salad. Does he ever come out
of oil and vinegar?
Speaker 7 (36:26):
Oh, Gail, he isn't like that at all. I've seen
the father and he's a perfect old dear, and he
dresses lovely.
Speaker 9 (36:33):
Oh, a sort of oil and vinegar dressing.
Speaker 8 (36:37):
You shouldn't make fun of him. We've picked out the
sun for you.
Speaker 7 (36:41):
Yes, you see, here is Don's cousin.
Speaker 8 (36:44):
And Ferdy is awfully fond of him.
Speaker 7 (36:47):
So you see how very congenial it will be. Sue's
engaged to thirty.
Speaker 8 (36:51):
And Marge is engaged to Don.
Speaker 7 (36:54):
That will leave you and mister Telford to complete the
sex tet.
Speaker 8 (36:58):
Just think of the fun we'll have. Ferdy says that
Vance Trelford is one of the finest bellows he has
ever seen.
Speaker 7 (37:05):
An Don, it's completely wrapped up in him. Jest, wait
till you see him.
Speaker 9 (37:09):
That's all.
Speaker 8 (37:10):
Oh, I've forgotten all about Ferdy. I left him in
the summer house, imploring the walls to fall on him.
He's rehearsing for a play I'll gather some roses for lunch.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Exits right.
Speaker 7 (37:24):
I have to make the salad.
Speaker 9 (37:26):
Oh, let me help you. I just love to make salad.
Speaker 7 (37:30):
All right, here, slip on this sapron. You mustn't thwow
your gown. Now come along.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
They start towards left, but are intercepted by Jorgs, who
enters from left.
Speaker 5 (37:41):
Excuse me, miss Margaret, but your mother is a wanting
of you immediate upstairs, Miss something about her toilet.
Speaker 7 (37:49):
Miss, I'll be right down again.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Exits right, Gale at center.
Speaker 9 (37:56):
Will you kindly show me to the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Jorgs mistake her for the maid.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
Yes, of course. In a minute, I began to think
you wasn't coming at all today.
Speaker 9 (38:07):
You did.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Yes, I was that worried that I nearly choked with
seven for lunch in the bargain.
Speaker 9 (38:14):
I don't understand you.
Speaker 5 (38:17):
Ho, don't you put on high and mighty airs. They
won't go with me, my lady. We might as well
be sociable. Sociable of course, when there ain't no one around,
we can do and say as we please. Come on
and I'll introduce you to the cook and the chauffeur,
him being a French gentleman by extinction. Tonight we'll take
(38:38):
in the movies and see Adrian Lee. It's our evening out.
Speaker 9 (38:43):
Exit right, he must have taken me for the maid.
How funny?
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Enter Poppleton from right, studying his lines from book.
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Fall Ovols and crush me down o skies and beneath
your house, your deeps.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
I beg your pardon, Poppleton too. Audience the new maid to.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
Gayl Oh, Hello, awfully glad to see you, little one.
Speaker 9 (39:15):
How do you do.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
I'm a friend of the family. You know that is
a sort of relation.
Speaker 9 (39:21):
Gail a sign oil and vinegar. Impossible to disguise them.
And this is the man they've picked out for me.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
I bet you welcome to our little city. You are
very kind, always kind to a pretty girl like you are,
my dear.
Speaker 9 (39:38):
If you'll excuse me, I'll send missus Seltoon to you.
Speaker 4 (39:43):
I don't want missus Seltoon. I'm quite content as I am.
Has the young lady visitor arrived yet?
Speaker 9 (39:49):
The young lady visitor, yes.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Miss college graduate who talks Greek and whistles in Spanish.
I'm to take her into lunch, but believe me, I'd
rather stay in t to you, honest, I would.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I think she has arrived, starts to cross right, Poppleton
intercepting her. She comes to center.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
Don't be in such a hurry, my dear, we are
just beginning to get acquainted. Awfully pretty eyes you have, really.
Speaker 9 (40:17):
By George, how dare you?
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Oh, don't be angry. No use getting angry. You know
it's only a little way I have.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It is really tries to take her hand.
Speaker 9 (40:29):
Oh, I'm not angry. I'm only amused.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Amused? Oh, I say, now.
Speaker 9 (40:36):
But I must find missus saltoon excuse.
Speaker 11 (40:39):
Me, exit center, awfully queer parlor me that I hope
she keeps a close tongue deuced embarrassing to have a
talkative maid, don't you know?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Exit right, Gail looking in center, He's.
Speaker 9 (40:56):
Gone, Thank goodness. So that's the eligible hearty they've picked
out for me, is it, mister vance Treelford. I am
very much afraid that you won't do the impudence of him,
and on our first meeting too, and we haven't even
been introduced. I'll have nothing to do with him.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Sits at table and takes up Moving Picture magazine and reads.
Speaker 9 (41:22):
Mister Adrian Lee, leading man of the Shamrock company. What
a handsome fellow, Adrian Lee, how very poetic.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Enter Margaret from right.
Speaker 7 (41:35):
The new maid is making the soul herself. Mamma thinks
she is quite a treasure. Come off with the apron.
Donna's here and lunch is about ready. Mister Trelford. Mustn't
find you in an apron.
Speaker 9 (41:46):
It's perfectly immaterial how mister Trelford finds me. I don't
think i'll go to the picnic this afternoon.
Speaker 7 (41:54):
Not go? Why?
Speaker 9 (41:56):
Well, my fiancee might not like it.
Speaker 7 (41:59):
You know your fiance Why Gayle, you engaged too?
Speaker 9 (42:04):
Oh, yes, I've been engaged for some time.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Enter Missus Saltoon from right, followed by Don.
Speaker 6 (42:12):
Don let me present my niece Gayle.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
This is mister Raddy Margaret. After Don and Glee have bowed.
Speaker 7 (42:21):
Where's mister Trafford?
Speaker 3 (42:23):
He couldn't stay, That is, he couldn't come case of sickness.
Awfully sorry sickness.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
Bosh the money. It's the bestful to.
Speaker 7 (42:34):
Leave, Mamma. What do you think? Gayle is engaged?
Speaker 6 (42:39):
Engaged? Gible engaged? Why I never dreamed of such a thing.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Margaret up a little right center. She just told me
Don upright center with Margaret.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Congratulations.
Speaker 9 (42:55):
Why didn't you tell me, Gayle, you didn't ask me
to New York man? Yes, I believe so. That is,
he's generally in New York. He travels, you know, from
place to place.
Speaker 6 (43:10):
Where did you meet him?
Speaker 9 (43:12):
Let me see where did I meet him? It was
so long ago, and I'm such a poor hand at
remembering little things like that.
Speaker 7 (43:22):
It must have been while you were at school.
Speaker 9 (43:24):
Yes, it was at the annual dance two years ago. Oh,
he's a perfect dear. He has the loveliest eyes.
Speaker 6 (43:33):
And what is his name, dear?
Speaker 9 (43:36):
His name? Oh? Yes, his name? His name is Lee,
Adrian Lee.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
What not? Adrian Lee?
Speaker 9 (43:47):
Yes, Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (43:49):
Not the Adrian Lee, the moving picture star.
Speaker 9 (43:53):
Yes, that's the man. But he comes from a perfectly
lovely family. His father wanted him to go into business,
but he decided to become an artist.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Great day. He's here here in town.
Speaker 9 (44:08):
Here in town. Oh, impossible, not at all.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
But he never told me he was engaged. What do
you think of that?
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Do you know him?
Speaker 6 (44:20):
Done?
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Of course I do.
Speaker 6 (44:23):
Intimately, we must invite him alver to dinner to night.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Yes, come missus seltoon, let's telephone him. He tried to
keep it a secret from me. Wait till I see him.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
That's all come exits left, followed by missus seltoon Margaret
hastening to Gayle, what.
Speaker 9 (44:45):
Is it, Gal?
Speaker 7 (44:46):
You look ill?
Speaker 9 (44:47):
It's nothing. I didn't know he was here.
Speaker 7 (44:50):
The surprise is too much for you.
Speaker 9 (44:53):
Yes, I think it is.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Enter Susanna and Poppleton from right, they come down left.
Speaker 8 (45:00):
Gale, let me introduce mister Poppleton.
Speaker 9 (45:03):
Mister Poppleton, I took him from mister Trafford.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
Is this your cousin?
Speaker 8 (45:10):
Of course.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Poppleton, sinking in charut left and fanning himself, speaks dramatically.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
I took it for the new mate. Fall o wolves
and crush me down, o skies and bury me beneath
your as your deeps.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Suzanne is fanning Poppleton at left. Gale stands center, looking
at him and laughing. Margaret at right center a little
up stage watching them curiously. Curtain and a back to
one
Act one of Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare. This
is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
LibriVox dot org.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Characters Vallance Twelford A a vational hero who doesn't want
to be engaged, read by Todd.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Don Rady, his cousin, A serious young man engaged, Thank You,
read by Red Run.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
Ferdinand Poppleton, a frivolous young man likewise engaged, read by
Thomas Peter Jorkes.
Speaker 5 (00:43):
The Butler who may or may not be engaged read
by James Hedrick.
Speaker 6 (00:49):
Missus Selton, who believes in engagements read by.
Speaker 7 (00:55):
Margaret Selter, her elder daughter, engaged to mister Rady.
Speaker 8 (00:59):
Read Suzanne Seltoune, her younger daughter, engaged to mister Poppleton,
read by Marie Christian.
Speaker 9 (01:09):
Gail Lawrence her Ward engaging and eventually engaged red by
Jen Broda.
Speaker 10 (01:18):
Abigail Mullen a by her maid temporarily engaged as it were,
read by Sonya.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Stage directions read by t R. Love. Costumes and characteristics
missus Seltoune handsome summer afternoon gown with slightly trailing skirt.
On second entrance. She wears auto hat, veil and coat.
Act two trailing dinner gown rather elaborate. Lorgnette's hair powdered.
(01:50):
Play the part with ease as a cultured woman of society.
Age forty five. Margaret costumes similar to missus Seltoon's age
twenty two Suzanne hair downing curls on chinoo costumes suitable
for summer afternoon wear and for a dinner party. Age eighteen.
(02:13):
Gale pretty traveling dress, wrap and hat neat fancy apron
for Margaret to give Gaale in Act too elaborate white
evening dress cut on train red roses in Act two,
age nineteen Abigail make up very plain, with hair worn
(02:33):
in eccentric manner, probably drawn straight back and made into
a tight knob. Roughen the eyebrows by lining with grease paint,
drawing the paint across the brows from the outer part
toward nose. One front tooth may be covered with black
grease paint. First dry the tooth thoroughly, then apply black
(02:53):
grease paint. Hot eccentric traveling dress, cloak and hat, white
stockings and large mannish shoes, large old fashioned satchel, umbrella
and reticule. Wears old fashioned spectacles at all times. In
Act two, she wears old fashioned dress of bright colors,
(03:13):
gaudy hat, folded handkerchief attached to the front of dress
with safety pin.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Dvance.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Act one summer suit, straw hat, small mustache. Act two
full dress complete no mustache, age twenty six dawn. Act
one summer suit, straw hat, Act two full dress, age
twenty four poppleton. Act one elaborate summer suit. Extreme fashions,
(03:43):
monocle et cetera. Act two full dress, white rose on coat,
monocle jorks dress suit with gold striped down trousers and
around cuffs, brass buttons on coat, low collar and black
bow tie. Make up stout with ruddy face and sideburns
(04:03):
and eyebrows to match hair, very slow and dignified, Age forty.
Act one scene a room in missus Seltoon's suburban home.
This apartment is charmingly furnished in modern elegant style. Entrances
right to garden, left, a dining room and center to street.
(04:27):
Piano up left, easy chair down, right, table down left,
center with easy chairs, a small desk, parlor, lamp, draperies,
et cetera to dress stage. Note. In the original production,
the furniture was white wicker work and all hangings and
draperies of old gold silk, making a very attractive setting.
(04:50):
Time ten a m. Missus Seltoon discovered seated outright working
on a small embroidery frame. After curtain is up, George
enters from left and comes stiffly to center and stands
facing missus Seltoon.
Speaker 6 (05:07):
How long you have been, George? I have waited for
you quite twenty minutes.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
See that right, busy with embroidery frame.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
I was answering the telephone, ma'am. It was the employment agency.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
Well what did they say, am I? Or am I
not to have a maid sent today?
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yes, ma'am, don't be ambiguous, George.
Speaker 6 (05:30):
I hate ambiguity.
Speaker 5 (05:32):
Yes, ma'am. The young person will be here in an hour.
Speaker 6 (05:37):
I hope she will suit. It was simply intolerable in Nali,
leaving just as my award was coming. Did you tell
her that she must do the rooms and assist in
the dining room?
Speaker 5 (05:49):
I told the agency, ma'am. They said she was quite
a superior young person.
Speaker 6 (05:54):
When she comes, explain her duties to her immediately, and
so good that we will have seventh for lunch.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Yes, ma'am starts left and Jorks He returns to center.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Tell Pierre her to bring the large car around and
to meet my knees at the station at ten.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Jeorks starts to left. Yes, ma'am, Jorks He returns, don't
be in such a hurry.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Get out some volumes of the encyclopedia and put them
on the library table. My niece is a college graduate,
and I want her to feel at home, yes, ma'am,
And put some red roses in her room and open
the windows the tower room on the second floor.
Speaker 5 (06:40):
I will attend to it personally.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Ma'am starts to left. Jorks where seazan Jorks coming to center.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
Can't say to that, ma'am. Mister Poppleton is here, ma'am.
I think they're in the garden. Ma'am.
Speaker 6 (06:57):
When the new maid arrives, sent her to me at once,
and tell cook to be very careful of the luncheon.
My niece may be particular. That will be all I think.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yes, ma'am starts to left and George He returns.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
There was something else, but it has escaped me. For
the present.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
That will do, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
He exits left with dignity. Suzanne outside bright.
Speaker 8 (07:27):
Come in, We'll leave it to mother.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
Poppleton outside right, But I.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Was only doing what I thought best.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Mother shall decide enter from right, Suzanne in an excited manner,
followed by Poppleton, who is striving to persuade her to
keep calm.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
But Suzanne, it says in the book.
Speaker 8 (07:49):
It may say so in the book, but you carry
it to extremes.
Speaker 6 (07:54):
But you know so early in the morning, my DearS,
what's the trouble now, Susan.
Speaker 8 (08:01):
And c perfectly cattled mother?
Speaker 6 (08:03):
Why not a time? What is it? Son?
Speaker 8 (08:07):
It's in the amateur play. I went to the rehearsal
last night, and it's perfectly awful, the way Ferdinand makes
love to Missus Lawson.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
But I can't help it, can I? It's all in
the book.
Speaker 8 (08:18):
You know, everyone in town is talking about it.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
But my dear, Count Ronaldo has to make love to
Lady Clementina or there can be no play.
Speaker 8 (08:29):
I don't object to that, of course, I'm not that silly.
It's the way you do it. And then why on
earth did they ask missus Lawson to play Clementina. She's
entirely too old and a grass widow in the bargain?
Who ever heard of a grass widow playing a heroine
in a love scene?
Speaker 4 (08:49):
They do it frequently, In fact, it's one of the
very best things they do.
Speaker 6 (08:54):
Ferdinand, I'm astonished.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Stares at him through Lorgnette.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
And so am I. How is it that you are
an authority on grass widows. I'd like to know.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Oh, it's only here, say my dear, only here say.
Speaker 6 (09:11):
I think Susanna's quite right. It strikes me, Verdy, that
you do show too much order in your scenes with Mentana.
Speaker 8 (09:20):
I should think so. The whole town is talking about it.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
I don't see why you allowed yourself to be persuaded
to appear in amateur theatricals, Ferdinand. It's all very well
for a young and frivolous boy to play parts, but
you're a serious young man about to be married.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
Seated a right busy with her embroidery.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
My idea is exactly.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
Mamma, Susanna. You should have played Clementina yourself.
Speaker 8 (09:47):
I wish now I had, but.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I can't back out now it comes off next week,
and as a matter of fact, I can't stand missus Lawson.
Speaker 6 (09:58):
Don't you think you could tuned down your ardor a
little ferdy in your scenes with her?
Speaker 4 (10:04):
I mean can't say. I'm sure. I've always carried away
when I'm playing a part, just like Booth or Southern,
I always lose myself in my part. How did you
like that tragic climax in the second act, Suzanne, the
one where I have to shout fall o walls and
crush me down, no scars and bury me beneath your eyes?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
You're deeps gestures lovely.
Speaker 8 (10:30):
You are perfectly terrific in that scene. You were born
to be a tragic star.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Thirdy, I think myself, I'm pretty good.
Speaker 8 (10:38):
You're splendid. But please don't give the audience the impression
that you're really in love with missus Lawson.
Speaker 4 (10:46):
I won't you know.
Speaker 10 (10:48):
I'm not.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
There's only one girl on earth that I'm really in
love with, Suzanne.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
We'll finish the rehearsal in the summer house. I'm afraid
we are bothering Mama. You can rehearse to me and
I'll play Clementina myself.
Speaker 6 (11:02):
Come on, don't forget that Gail is coming in this morning.
You are to stay to lunch with us, Ferdie and
meet her.
Speaker 8 (11:10):
Yes, she's the dearest thing, just graduated from college.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Delighted, I'm sure, Exit right with Susanne. Enter Jorks from center.
He stands at center announcing mister Rady, ma'am exit center.
Enter Don Rady from center.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Good morning, missus seltoon.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Missus Seltoon, shaking hands.
Speaker 6 (11:36):
Good morning, don you got my message.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Yes, you're looking awfully well this morning.
Speaker 6 (11:44):
Flutter sit down. My niece is coming in this morning.
You are to lunch with us. I want to show
her what time young man I picked out those future
sounds in low.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Seated right, Thank you, seedd center.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
She's to live with us. You know, an orphan just
graduated with high honors in Greek. Imagine it Greek?
Speaker 3 (12:08):
What her good?
Speaker 6 (12:09):
Will Greek do her? When I was a young lady,
going to college was considered rather indelicate, to say the least,
a little French and the little music where all very well,
but Greek. I was the youngest of six sisters and
very last of hours married before she was twenty, and
we didn't know Greek from Hindu.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
It does seem rather odd. I mean, a girl going
in for Greek and all that sort of thing and athletics.
Speaker 6 (12:39):
She plays golf and tennis and may be football too,
for all I know. Thank goodness, my daughters never went
to college.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I've never known any college girls. Very well.
Speaker 6 (12:51):
You may consider yourself very fortunate. Do sit still, done
and don't fidget. Margaret will be done presently, and I'm
not going to eat you, my niece. He's an orphane,
a wealthy orphan. Missus Elton is her guardian, and she
is to make her future home with us. My what
our responsibility and us as my own daughters have announced
(13:14):
their engagements.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Now.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
I've considered every little man in the town twice over,
but they won't do.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Won't do, won't do what.
Speaker 6 (13:26):
Don't be stupid? Done, won't do for Gale, how long
has your cousin been visiting.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
You since last Thursday?
Speaker 6 (13:35):
Why haven't you brought him over to call? I know
Margaret is anxious to meet some of your relatives. I
knew his mother when she was a girl and lived here,
but I haven't seen her in years. You must bring
him over.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I will sometime.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Don't put it off too long.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Well, h vance, you see, he's quite an old bachelor.
He doesn't care for ladies. How old he must be
twenty six at least.
Speaker 6 (14:08):
And Gaily is nineteen. Why he's just in the bloom
of youth. What is his yearly income?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
I'm afraid I don't know. About two or three thousand,
I believe excellent.
Speaker 6 (14:22):
Is he steady?
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Oh, awfully steady. He has no bad habits.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
And lives in New York. That sounds suspicious.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
He's rather retiring, you know. He never goes into society
and seems perfectly miserable whenever ladies are around.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
I meant that's wort that generally fall the quickest, twenty
full at all. What business is here?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Business? He's uh er ah. He's in the producing business.
His father is our R. Twelford Oil and Vinegar, in the.
Speaker 6 (15:03):
Produce business, and owns his own touring car. Margaret said,
has he any property? Not that I am inquisitive, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Oh not at all. Yes, I think he has considerable property.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
Excellent. You must bring him over to lunch to day today.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I'm afraid he won't come. He goes out so seldom.
Speaker 6 (15:29):
Margaret and I are going to meet Kayl at the
station and will drive you home. You must bring him
right back with you. Tell him your future wife and
mother in law want to make his acquaintance.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'll do my best, but I can't promise.
Speaker 6 (15:45):
Is he good looking?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Yes? I think he is awfully good looking, looks a
little bit like me, a sort of family likeness.
Speaker 6 (15:57):
I wonder why he's sitting about two men. I hope
he hasn't had any past love affairs, no disappointments or
anything like that.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Oh no, I can answer for that. Vance and I
have been shulmed since we were kids. He always tells
me everything.
Speaker 6 (16:15):
Minnie's Gale has quite a little fortune in her own right,
twenty or thirty thousand, I should say. And she's a
perfect year only nineteen, and a butler of arts. For
my part, I always mistrust a female butlor of arts.
But when I saw Gail last year, I found her
perfectly charming. She would make an ideal wife. Is mister
(16:36):
Treford going to stay with you long?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
About a month's I believe?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Enter Margaret from left. She comes behind Dawn and puts
her hands over his eyes.
Speaker 9 (16:47):
Guess who?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
As if I could mistake Margaret.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Margaret sits on arm of his chair right.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Looking awfully sweet.
Speaker 7 (16:59):
This morning, there is any improvement since last night?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Last night you were perfect, and there can be no
improvement on perfection.
Speaker 7 (17:09):
You read that in the book.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Entered jorkes from left.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
The car is ready, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Exit left, missus seltoon rises.
Speaker 6 (17:19):
Come, dear Tom, we'll excuse us while we get our things.
Certainly rises he is going with us part way to
invite mister Telford to launch.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
Exit left.
Speaker 7 (17:33):
Is he really coming?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I'll do my best to bring him.
Speaker 7 (17:37):
He must be a perfect old bear.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Not at all. He's the finest fellow in the world.
Speaker 7 (17:45):
All but one.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Missus seltoun outside left, Come Margaret. Margaret rises and crosses
to left.
Speaker 7 (17:54):
Coming, mamma.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Exit after blowing a kiss to Dawn. Enters Suzanne and
Poppleton in time to see tis Oh, we saw you
perfectly shocking.
Speaker 4 (18:07):
That's so awfully imprudent. Never can tell who's going to
catch a thing like that.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Hello, where have you.
Speaker 8 (18:14):
Two been rehearsing for the play?
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I didn't know you were in it.
Speaker 8 (18:21):
Oh, I'm not. I was only showing Ferdy how to
make love, as.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
If he needed instruction.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
You ought to hear me in the second act, I've
got a great tragic scene. Fall oh, walls and crush
me down, O skies and bury me beneath your eyes.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
You're deeps gestures.
Speaker 8 (18:42):
Isn't that grand?
Speaker 3 (18:44):
Simply perfect? I'll bet the walls will fall.
Speaker 8 (18:50):
I think Ferdy would make a perfectly adorable Romeo. He's
every bit as good as Faversham.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Enter missus Seltoon and Margaret wearing hats and otter coats
and veils.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Ready down, Yes, come on?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
Do you want to come along, Susanne?
Speaker 8 (19:10):
Oh no, we're going to rehearse the third act.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
We'll be back in fifteen minutes. If the train's a time.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Exit center, followed by Margaret and Don.
Speaker 8 (19:20):
I wonder what my cousin will be like. I've never
seen her charming.
Speaker 4 (19:25):
I'm sure it runs in the family.
Speaker 8 (19:29):
I wonder she's awfully bright, stood at the head of
her graduating class, and talks Greek just like English.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
Good gracious. I don't know what to say to her.
Speaker 8 (19:41):
Oh, you won't have to talk Greek, you know.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
I hope not. Let's finish the rehearsal. You take the
book and try me on the third act.
Speaker 8 (19:50):
Let's go back to the garden. Jeorkes might think we're
having a tragedy here in the house.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Come on, Exit's right, followed by Poppleton. Enter Jork's from left,
carrying two or three large books, placing books on table.
Speaker 5 (20:07):
There's the cyclopedies and a fine showing they make. So
the young lady is a college A B is she?
I wonder what an a B is? I know the
kind near sighted men's shoes, short bedraggled skirts, last year's hat,
and a banner saying votes for women. Heavens, what a
(20:28):
life will lead? And to think that she is missus
S's own niece and a cousin to our young ladies. Awful,
perfectly awful.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Enter Abigail from center.
Speaker 5 (20:41):
Good morning, Good heavens, it's her.
Speaker 10 (20:45):
The door was opened and I entered unceremoniously. Is missus
saltoon in?
Speaker 5 (20:51):
No, miss not at this moment. She has gone over
to the station to meet you with the large car.
Miss you must have arrived sooner than expect.
Speaker 10 (21:01):
How extremely considerate of Missus Sultoon. My train was on time,
but presumably she was a trifle tardy as it were.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Yes, miss would you care to go to your room
or would you prefer to wait here?
Speaker 10 (21:16):
I'll wait here if you have no objection.
Speaker 5 (21:19):
Not the slightest in the world. Miss, if you remove
your hat and cloak, you'll be more comfortable.
Speaker 10 (21:25):
Thank you. You are so very very considerate.
Speaker 5 (21:30):
Always try to be obliging. Miss, Shall I take them
to your room? Miss?
Speaker 10 (21:35):
In a moment you the butler, aren't you?
Speaker 5 (21:40):
Yes? Miss name of Jorks Emmanuel Jerks.
Speaker 10 (21:45):
How very Outrey, I've never seen a real live butler before,
Trey chikh machhtvar.
Speaker 5 (21:53):
Yes, Miss, I think so myself.
Speaker 10 (21:57):
I'm Abigail.
Speaker 5 (21:58):
I suspected as much. Miss.
Speaker 10 (22:01):
How long have you been here, mister.
Speaker 5 (22:03):
Jogs, matter of seven years?
Speaker 10 (22:07):
You must like the place.
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Oh yes, indeed, how.
Speaker 10 (22:11):
Many afternoons off a week to Miss?
Speaker 5 (22:15):
You are interested in social conditions? I take it, Miss, Yes.
Speaker 10 (22:19):
I'm a graduate from the Spinterville Normal. I expect to
teach next year, but will stay here during the summer,
that is, if missus S treats me right.
Speaker 5 (22:30):
Missus Seltoon is generosity itself personified.
Speaker 10 (22:34):
Where is my room to be? I am very particular
about my.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Room, second story front in the tower with the bay window.
Speaker 10 (22:42):
Miss that will do admirably. How very kind of missus S.
I suppose she'll allow me to play the piano once
in a while, just to keep in practice.
Speaker 5 (22:54):
I haven't a doubt of it.
Speaker 10 (22:55):
Miss, and the library, I must have access to the library.
I always make it a point to study six hours
after my other duties are accomplished.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Yes, miss, I'll take your things up now, Miss, what.
Speaker 10 (23:09):
A hurry you are in? Don't you like to talk
to me? Most men are not so entirely impervious to me,
Mister Jorks.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Comes toward him gushingly. He backs away.
Speaker 5 (23:23):
I ain't impervious at all. Miss.
Speaker 10 (23:25):
Indeed, I ain't not a married man, I take it.
Speaker 5 (23:30):
Oh no, miss, perfectly single and unattached.
Speaker 10 (23:35):
Just like myself. Isn't it a coincident?
Speaker 5 (23:39):
Yes, Miss, that's just what I was about to remark myself.
Speaker 10 (23:44):
What congenial times we shall have?
Speaker 5 (23:47):
Missus seltoon is very particular?
Speaker 10 (23:50):
Miss, Oh, what she doesn't know won't disturb her ladyship,
will it.
Speaker 5 (23:57):
I'm sure I can't say, miss, but I'm take your
things up now.
Speaker 10 (24:02):
Oh very well. Then, if you're in such a hurry,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Then until anon a do miss a do.
Speaker 10 (24:10):
Wait a minute? You may show me to the rooms.
I think I'll get ready for lunch.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yes, Miss, this way, exit left very well, Mister jokes
well being a highat girl.
Speaker 10 (24:25):
Isn't going to be so bad after all?
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Exit left, enter from center Dawn, followed by vance Tralford.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I say, old man, it's awfully good of you to
do this for me, honest it is. I know you
don't like female society and all.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
That you're ride.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I don't, but this is just like the family. You know,
Margaret and I are to be married in June, and
next summer you can visit us in our own home.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
I'm afraid not. I'm moving. Picture company is going to
Naples next summer.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
You don't know what you'll miss. Margaret is a perfect gem.
You can't help liking her.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
There's another sister, isn't there sits at center?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Oh, you needn't be afraid of that. She's engaged too,
to Poppy. They're to be married in the fall.
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Any others about.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Missus seltoon the mother? Her husband is in Bermuda.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
No old maid aunt or anything like di It.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
What a woman hater you are? No, I'll answer for
the old maid aunts.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I don't hate women. Don They only make me nervous.
I always keep out of their way.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
And yet you make love in the pictures like a
Romeo that's business.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Besides I I scarcely know the names of half the
ladies and the company. Most of them are married, and
they all understand and let me alone. It's the girls
who come to see the shows that worry me.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
The matinee maidens.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yes, they seem to have picked me out for their
especial prey. Not a day passes, but I get the
slushiest letters. I never see them anymore. My man always
burns them, and they send me candy and silly flowers
and their photographs. It's awful.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
A moving picture hero is always their idle.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Are you sure that no one here knows I am
Adrian Lee? Down for goodness sake, don't let it leak out.
Let me have one month of quiet and seclusion.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
I haven't said a word. I told them you were
in the producing business, and they think you run a
wholesale grocery or something like that.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Look there, points to table.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
The June Picture magazine takes it up. Look my picture.
They are sure to recognize me.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I'm going home dawn looking at picture Adrian Lee.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Why it doesn't look anything in the world like you.
Your mustache is a perfect disguise. I wouldn't know you
myself in the picture.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
I don't think it's safe to stay nonsense. I've promised
you know, how soon can we get away after lunch?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Oh, we're going to have a picnic this afternoon in
Woody Glen.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Not me, I'm going fishing.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Oh, come now, be a good fellow. I want you
to get acquainted with my family. Elect you're sure to
like them.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
A picnic in the glen with two engaged couples. I
suppose I'm to entertain the mother.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Oh no, she's not going.
Speaker 5 (28:15):
Humh.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Then you and your fiance will stroll one way, and
Poppy and his fiance will stroll another way, and I'll
be left alone to entertain the lunch basket.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
Certainly not. There's Gale.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Gail? What's a Gaale?
Speaker 3 (28:33):
Not a what a? She a perfectly delightful she just
out of college? An a B?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Good night? Where's my hat? I'm going home?
Speaker 3 (28:46):
But your promise?
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Tell them I've got the hydrophobia or something. Make my
excuses hold on.
Speaker 3 (28:54):
Gail is a deer, she's Margaret's cousin, but an ape b.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
How can I talk a whole afternoon to an a B?
I can't talk Greek or Laddin.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
Please vance, you promised, you know, if you don't stay,
it'll break up the whole party.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Are you sure she's good looking?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Well, I haven't seen her, but I'm pretty sure she is.
You Wait here a moment and I'll find Margaret. She
is probably in the garden.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
Exit right, Wait a minute, don't leave me alone. I'm
going home.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
Enter Abigail from Shunter.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Good morning, sir, Good morning. I've left my hat outside,
that is I.
Speaker 10 (29:43):
Oh, I believe I've scared you. You mustn't be afraid
of me. You see I just arrived.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
Did you have a pleasant journey?
Speaker 10 (29:52):
Oh? Yes, indeed, sir, it was most salubrious.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Good morning, starts up.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I tell them I was called away.
Speaker 10 (30:03):
You seem in a dreadful hurry. I won't bite you.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
No, you won't. That's a fact. You won't. I understand.
You're just out of college.
Speaker 10 (30:14):
Yes, from the Sprinter ill normal. I took magna cum
laude last week.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Have you quite recovered? Not contagious? Is it?
Speaker 10 (30:24):
I think you're the funniest man. You act so frightened.
I'm only little, Abigail.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Abigail, Yes, I thought you were. I'm obliged to go
awfully sorry. You know symptoms of hydrophobia coming on.
Speaker 10 (30:41):
Hydrophobia is the man.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Mad, that's it, Just like a dog sometimes I bark
n bow wow, wow, Tell them I was suddenly seized
and cannot possibly stay for the picnic.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Good morning, quick exit at center.
Speaker 10 (31:00):
Poor fellow. He is quite mad, I know, and so
good looking too. Looks just like Adrian Lee in the movies.
Oh Adrian, Adrian, I wonder if I'll ever behold you
in the flesh.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Enter Suzanne from right, Good morning, Good.
Speaker 10 (31:23):
Morning, I'm a new maid. Abigail Mollan. I'm all ready
to begin to work.
Speaker 8 (31:29):
We were so afraid you weren't coming. Come with me.
I'll show you to the kitchen. I, miss seltoon this way, please.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Exit laughed, Yes, miss I'm coming, Exit laughed. Enter missus
seltoon from center, followed by Gail.
Speaker 6 (31:47):
Come in, Gail, you know this is your home now
you mustn't stand on ceremony with us.
Speaker 9 (31:53):
Thank you, Aunt Laura.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
Your mother was my favorite sister, you know, and how
much you resemble her? Can you remember her at all?
Speaker 9 (32:03):
Gail just a sweet, kind face with soft gray hair
parted in the middle and tender, loving arms and the
dearest eyes in the world. That's all I remember. I
was only three when she died.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
You shall be one of my own daughters, dear Gail,
throwing her arms around her.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
Oh, thank you careful, o rangees dress.
Speaker 6 (32:29):
We are to have company for lunch.
Speaker 9 (32:32):
Oh, I beg your pardon.
Speaker 6 (32:35):
We must arrange for your debut at once. Both of
the girls are engaged. Margaret is to be married in June,
and sus I'm laid in the fall sits at right?
Speaker 9 (32:46):
Two weddings. Won't that be glorious? But aren't you awfully
sorry to lose both of them? Aunt Laura?
Speaker 3 (32:53):
Sorry?
Speaker 6 (32:54):
Ti idea why they're making the best matches of the season.
There isn't a mother in myself who isn't perfectly wild
do his jealousy. Margaret is marrying to the Brady family,
positively the oldest in this part of the country, you know.
And Susanne is engaged to Ferndon and Poppleton O p
json you know.
Speaker 9 (33:15):
But you'll be so lonesome without them.
Speaker 6 (33:18):
How absurd? Missus. Sultan and I are going to travel
on the continent, and you shall go with us, that is,
if you are not engaged at that time engaged.
Speaker 9 (33:30):
I how funny.
Speaker 6 (33:34):
There is only one other eligible battelor here. He's visiting,
mister Raleigh. You must meet him. His name is Trelford,
Advance Trelford. His father is in oil and vinegar.
Speaker 9 (33:46):
In oil and vinegar. What for?
Speaker 6 (33:51):
I mean he's a wholesale merchant dealing in oil and vinegar.
Speaker 9 (33:56):
Oh, I thought oil and vinegar was a new kind
of a bath.
Speaker 6 (34:00):
They're fearfully wealthy. France is in the pruduce business. He'd
be over for luncheon. He'd be a most excellent party,
my dear, most excellent.
Speaker 9 (34:11):
But isn't it a little sudden, Aunt Laura.
Speaker 6 (34:14):
Not at all, I'm believing wasting no time. We could
have angle, make three trousseaus as well as two, and
think of the economy. Let me see you are over nineteen,
aren't you?
Speaker 9 (34:28):
Nineteen and two months?
Speaker 6 (34:30):
Precisely just the proper age, and you have really good features,
my dear. I'm sure mister Trafford will be enchanted. I
believe in girls. Marry'm young, don't you.
Speaker 1 (34:42):
Brice's and crosses still left.
Speaker 9 (34:44):
I've never thought much about it.
Speaker 6 (34:47):
You had better go now, I have to work. Show
you to your room. We have a new maid to day,
and she's not accustomed to the house yet. I want
you to look your best, nothing like first impressions. You know,
I must see the cook about the lamb to excuse.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Me, exits left. Enter Margaret from right.
Speaker 7 (35:06):
You dear, it's just like finding a long lost sister.
To have you live with us, Gail, it's like a
moving picture play.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Puts arm around, Gail.
Speaker 9 (35:15):
Are you fond of the movies?
Speaker 7 (35:18):
Just dote on them? Don and I go every week.
Speaker 9 (35:21):
Don.
Speaker 7 (35:22):
Yes, mister Rady, you.
Speaker 9 (35:24):
Know, Oh what a pretty ring. Don.
Speaker 7 (35:29):
Yes, he's a perfect dear. Where to be married in
June and live in the suburbs. The dearest little house,
four rooms.
Speaker 9 (35:36):
And a porch.
Speaker 7 (35:37):
Don is so fond of a porch.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Enter Suzanne from right. Suzanne coming down right?
Speaker 8 (35:44):
Is he coming?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Margaret down center?
Speaker 7 (35:48):
He who?
Speaker 8 (35:50):
Why mister Tralford don't.
Speaker 7 (35:52):
Said he would do his best to bring him.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Suzanne to Gail, who is down left.
Speaker 8 (35:58):
We're going to have another guess for dinner. Vance Treelford
from New York. He's Don's cousin and is visiting him.
Speaker 7 (36:05):
Don says he's awfully handsome.
Speaker 8 (36:08):
And he has just oodles and oodles of money.
Speaker 7 (36:12):
And to seven passenger touring car.
Speaker 8 (36:14):
He is very wealthy.
Speaker 7 (36:16):
You see.
Speaker 9 (36:17):
His father is an oil in vinegar I've heard about him.
Reminds one of a salad. Does he ever come out
of oil and vinegar?
Speaker 7 (36:26):
Oh, Gail, he isn't like that at all. I've seen
the father and he's a perfect old dear, and he
dresses lovely.
Speaker 9 (36:33):
Oh, a sort of oil and vinegar dressing.
Speaker 8 (36:37):
You shouldn't make fun of him. We've picked out the
sun for you.
Speaker 7 (36:41):
Yes, you see, here is Don's cousin.
Speaker 8 (36:44):
And Ferdy is awfully fond of him.
Speaker 7 (36:47):
So you see how very congenial it will be. Sue's
engaged to thirty.
Speaker 8 (36:51):
And Marge is engaged to Don.
Speaker 7 (36:54):
That will leave you and mister Telford to complete the
sex tet.
Speaker 8 (36:58):
Just think of the fun we'll have. Ferdy says that
Vance Trelford is one of the finest bellows he has
ever seen.
Speaker 7 (37:05):
An Don, it's completely wrapped up in him. Jest, wait
till you see him.
Speaker 9 (37:09):
That's all.
Speaker 8 (37:10):
Oh, I've forgotten all about Ferdy. I left him in
the summer house, imploring the walls to fall on him.
He's rehearsing for a play I'll gather some roses for lunch.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Exits right.
Speaker 7 (37:24):
I have to make the salad.
Speaker 9 (37:26):
Oh, let me help you. I just love to make salad.
Speaker 7 (37:30):
All right, here, slip on this sapron. You mustn't thwow
your gown. Now come along.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
They start towards left, but are intercepted by Jorgs, who
enters from left.
Speaker 5 (37:41):
Excuse me, miss Margaret, but your mother is a wanting
of you immediate upstairs, Miss something about her toilet.
Speaker 7 (37:49):
Miss, I'll be right down again.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
Exits right, Gale at center.
Speaker 9 (37:56):
Will you kindly show me to the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Jorgs mistake her for the maid.
Speaker 5 (38:02):
Yes, of course. In a minute, I began to think
you wasn't coming at all today.
Speaker 9 (38:07):
You did.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Yes, I was that worried that I nearly choked with
seven for lunch in the bargain.
Speaker 9 (38:14):
I don't understand you.
Speaker 5 (38:17):
Ho, don't you put on high and mighty airs. They
won't go with me, my lady. We might as well
be sociable. Sociable of course, when there ain't no one around,
we can do and say as we please. Come on
and I'll introduce you to the cook and the chauffeur,
him being a French gentleman by extinction. Tonight we'll take
(38:38):
in the movies and see Adrian Lee. It's our evening out.
Speaker 9 (38:43):
Exit right, he must have taken me for the maid.
How funny?
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Enter Poppleton from right, studying his lines from book.
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Fall Ovols and crush me down o skies and beneath
your house, your deeps.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
I beg your pardon, Poppleton too. Audience the new maid to.
Speaker 4 (39:10):
Gayl Oh, Hello, awfully glad to see you, little one.
Speaker 9 (39:15):
How do you do.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
I'm a friend of the family. You know that is
a sort of relation.
Speaker 9 (39:21):
Gail a sign oil and vinegar. Impossible to disguise them.
And this is the man they've picked out for me.
Speaker 4 (39:31):
I bet you welcome to our little city. You are
very kind, always kind to a pretty girl like you are,
my dear.
Speaker 9 (39:38):
If you'll excuse me, I'll send missus Seltoon to you.
Speaker 4 (39:43):
I don't want missus Seltoon. I'm quite content as I am.
Has the young lady visitor arrived yet?
Speaker 9 (39:49):
The young lady visitor, yes.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Miss college graduate who talks Greek and whistles in Spanish.
I'm to take her into lunch, but believe me, I'd
rather stay in t to you, honest, I would.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
I think she has arrived, starts to cross right, Poppleton
intercepting her. She comes to center.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
Don't be in such a hurry, my dear, we are
just beginning to get acquainted. Awfully pretty eyes you have, really.
Speaker 9 (40:17):
By George, how dare you?
Speaker 4 (40:20):
Oh, don't be angry. No use getting angry. You know
it's only a little way I have.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
It is really tries to take her hand.
Speaker 9 (40:29):
Oh, I'm not angry. I'm only amused.
Speaker 4 (40:33):
Amused? Oh, I say, now.
Speaker 9 (40:36):
But I must find missus saltoon excuse.
Speaker 11 (40:39):
Me, exit center, awfully queer parlor me that I hope
she keeps a close tongue deuced embarrassing to have a
talkative maid, don't you know?
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Exit right, Gail looking in center, He's.
Speaker 9 (40:56):
Gone, Thank goodness. So that's the eligible hearty they've picked
out for me, is it, mister vance Treelford. I am
very much afraid that you won't do the impudence of him,
and on our first meeting too, and we haven't even
been introduced. I'll have nothing to do with him.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Sits at table and takes up Moving Picture magazine and reads.
Speaker 9 (41:22):
Mister Adrian Lee, leading man of the Shamrock company. What
a handsome fellow, Adrian Lee, how very poetic.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
Enter Margaret from right.
Speaker 7 (41:35):
The new maid is making the soul herself. Mamma thinks
she is quite a treasure. Come off with the apron.
Donna's here and lunch is about ready. Mister Trelford. Mustn't
find you in an apron.
Speaker 9 (41:46):
It's perfectly immaterial how mister Trelford finds me. I don't
think i'll go to the picnic this afternoon.
Speaker 7 (41:54):
Not go? Why?
Speaker 9 (41:56):
Well, my fiancee might not like it.
Speaker 7 (41:59):
You know your fiance Why Gayle, you engaged too?
Speaker 9 (42:04):
Oh, yes, I've been engaged for some time.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
Enter Missus Saltoon from right, followed by Don.
Speaker 6 (42:12):
Don let me present my niece Gayle.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
This is mister Raddy Margaret. After Don and Glee have bowed.
Speaker 7 (42:21):
Where's mister Trafford?
Speaker 3 (42:23):
He couldn't stay, That is, he couldn't come case of sickness.
Awfully sorry sickness.
Speaker 6 (42:31):
Bosh the money. It's the bestful to.
Speaker 7 (42:34):
Leave, Mamma. What do you think? Gayle is engaged?
Speaker 6 (42:39):
Engaged? Gible engaged? Why I never dreamed of such a thing.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Margaret up a little right center. She just told me
Don upright center with Margaret.
Speaker 3 (42:53):
Congratulations.
Speaker 9 (42:55):
Why didn't you tell me, Gayle, you didn't ask me
to New York man? Yes, I believe so. That is,
he's generally in New York. He travels, you know, from
place to place.
Speaker 6 (43:10):
Where did you meet him?
Speaker 9 (43:12):
Let me see where did I meet him? It was
so long ago, and I'm such a poor hand at
remembering little things like that.
Speaker 7 (43:22):
It must have been while you were at school.
Speaker 9 (43:24):
Yes, it was at the annual dance two years ago. Oh,
he's a perfect dear. He has the loveliest eyes.
Speaker 6 (43:33):
And what is his name, dear?
Speaker 9 (43:36):
His name? Oh? Yes, his name? His name is Lee,
Adrian Lee.
Speaker 3 (43:43):
What not? Adrian Lee?
Speaker 9 (43:47):
Yes, Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (43:49):
Not the Adrian Lee, the moving picture star.
Speaker 9 (43:53):
Yes, that's the man. But he comes from a perfectly
lovely family. His father wanted him to go into business,
but he decided to become an artist.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Great day. He's here here in town.
Speaker 9 (44:08):
Here in town. Oh, impossible, not at all.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
But he never told me he was engaged. What do
you think of that?
Speaker 1 (44:19):
Do you know him?
Speaker 6 (44:20):
Done?
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Of course I do.
Speaker 6 (44:23):
Intimately, we must invite him alver to dinner to night.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Yes, come missus seltoon, let's telephone him. He tried to
keep it a secret from me. Wait till I see him.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
That's all come exits left, followed by missus seltoon Margaret
hastening to Gayle, what.
Speaker 9 (44:45):
Is it, Gal?
Speaker 7 (44:46):
You look ill?
Speaker 9 (44:47):
It's nothing. I didn't know he was here.
Speaker 7 (44:50):
The surprise is too much for you.
Speaker 9 (44:53):
Yes, I think it is.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Enter Susanna and Poppleton from right, they come down left.
Speaker 8 (45:00):
Gale, let me introduce mister Poppleton.
Speaker 9 (45:03):
Mister Poppleton, I took him from mister Trafford.
Speaker 4 (45:08):
Is this your cousin?
Speaker 8 (45:10):
Of course.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
Poppleton, sinking in charut left and fanning himself, speaks dramatically.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
I took it for the new mate. Fall o wolves
and crush me down, o skies and bury me beneath
your as your deeps.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Suzanne is fanning Poppleton at left. Gale stands center, looking
at him and laughing. Margaret at right center a little
up stage watching them curiously. Curtain and a back to
one
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