November 18, 2025 • 28 mins
In this delightful comedy of societal norms, Mrs. Seltoon is on a mission to secure the perfect match for her niece, Gail Laurence, a fresh college graduate. Having already orchestrated successful engagements for her two daughters, Mrs. Seltoon sets her sights on Gail, believing a charming cousin of one of her daughters fiancés would be an ideal match. However, this cousin is none other than a famous film star who harbors a peculiar aversion to women and mistakenly confuses the new maid for Gail. Amidst a whirlwind of mistaken identities, Gail boldly claims she is engaged to the movie idol, Adrian Lee, to fend off her intended suitor. Unbeknownst to her, he is the very man Mrs. Seltoon hopes to pair her with. With love triangles unfolding between the daughters and their fiancés, the dignity of the butler Jorkes, and the clever escapades of Abigail Mullen, the educated maid, this charming tale weaves together a rich tapestry of romance and humor. - Summary by The Author and Jenn Broda
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Act two of Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare. This
is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
LibriVox dot org. Act two same as Act one. Lights
are lit and lighted candelabra add to the effect. Large
(00:23):
jars of red roses dressed stage. Before curtain rises, Gail
or Suzanne is heard singing a popular sentimental song. The
curtain slowly rises and the singing continues. Gail and Suzanne
discovered up left at piano. If it is not possible
to have a piano on the stage, use a guitar.
(00:45):
Missus Seltoon downright, seated at table and looking at magazine
through Lorgnette Don and Margaret down left, engaged in pantomimic conversation.
After the curtain is well up and the song is finished,
missus Seltoon speaks.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Here's his picture in the picture magazine. I must say
he looks rather distinguished.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Distinguished, I should think so. He's the most popular hero
in America.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
He has the dearest eyes.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Are you seeing him?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Have I dozens and dozens of times I always go
to the Adrian Lee matinees and.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Perfectly wild to see him face to face? Does he
look just like he does on the.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
Screen, Dawn just about?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Are you sure he's coming?
Speaker 6 (01:34):
Dun Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, indeed, Gail looks distressed.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I hope he won't disappoint us like here mister Trelford did.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Of course he won't. He knows Gail is here to Gail.
It seems so strange to think that you are engaged
to a moving picture star.
Speaker 7 (01:54):
Yes, it does seem strange, doesn't it.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Does he make love in real life with as much
fascination as he does on the screen?
Speaker 7 (02:04):
Yes? I think so.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
You ought to be the happiest girl in all the world.
Speaker 7 (02:08):
Gale aught.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
I I wonder, and I am the most miserable comes
to send her miserable.
Speaker 7 (02:17):
Why what has happened to you?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
It's mister Poppleton, mister Pepleterton, Susanne, have you enterred to
be quarreling? Please don't speak to me of mister Poppleton.
I am very much disappointed in him. In fact, I
think I'll break the engagement tonight.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Pracked engagement. Why what has he done?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I don't know, but I'm sure it's something awful. I
had my fortune told this afternoon at Beth Wilson's, and
she told me that a light complexed man was deceiving me.
I know it's true. She told it by the cards
and by the tea grounds, and in the palm of
my hand. Ferdie's been deceiving me. I'm sure of it.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Nonsense. Beth Wilson gossips entirely too much. She tells the
same fortunes to everyone.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
She's aroused my suspicions. Nevertheless, I mean to have a
straightforward talk with mister Poppleton, and if what she said
is true, he may have his old ring and I'll
be an old maid all my life.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Beth Wilson told me it's the same thing. It's all fun.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
That's very easy for you to say. When Don's hair
is dark. It doesn't make any difference to you how
many light complexed men are deceiving you. But Ferdy is
light headed, and.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So are you. If you take any stocking Beth Wilson's fortunes.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Why, it's simply absurd, Susanne, I'm sure Ferdy never looks
at any other girl.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I'm not sure. I mean to find out though, this
very night.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Enter Abigail from left I.
Speaker 8 (03:58):
Beg your pardon, Missus Sartoon, for presuming to intrude, But
if you have no objection, I'd like to.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Go out certainly. I mean, this is your opening out.
Speaker 8 (04:10):
I'm going to attend a lecture on the longitudinal vibrations
of a rubber string at the Association. It's a rare
opportunity to improve one's mind, as it were, and I'd
rather not neglect it.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Georg's gonna attend to the guests.
Speaker 8 (04:26):
Thank you, ma'am. I can stay here if you think
it is best. I have no direct engagement, you understand,
just a tacit agreement.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You may go at eight after we've gone in.
Speaker 8 (04:39):
Very well, ma'am. That suits me perfectly.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Tell George that we will dine at eight.
Speaker 8 (04:45):
Yes, Missus Saltoon, I understand perfectly and will execute your
orders with avidity and dispatch, as it were.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Exit laughed.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Wherever does she pick up those words?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Hush? She's a graduate Agna cum Lottie, a b from
Splinterville normal School.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Cross to left, enter Jorks from center standing by door announces,
mister Poppleton, exit center.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
It's ferdy. Now leave us alone together for a while.
I'll find out what Beth Wilson, meant by a light
complexed man deceiving me. Run away, all of you come.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Dawn, I want to show you the view from the Verandah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Exit right, followed by Dawn missus seltoon, Rises.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Come, Glee. We'd better leave them alone. Susan will never
be satisfied until she has tried Ferdy and come to her.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Suspiciens come, exit left, followed by Gail. Suzanne seated at left.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I'll sit here and pretend not to see him.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Rises.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
No, I'll stand here and receive him with a frigidity
that will make him shrivel into nothing.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Poppleton from center. He comes down to Suzanne.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Suzanne, miss seltoune, if you please, mister Poppleton, why what's
the matter? You should ask your conscience.
Speaker 6 (06:13):
I don't understand what have I done? What has Thirdie done?
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Tell me, Suzanne, it's a lucky thing for you that
my father is in Bermuda, mister Poppleton, and that I
haven't any brothers. I wonder that you have the effrontery
to come here tonight, But.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
But I don't know what you're talking about. Is it
a joke?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
A joke? A joke? You call a girl's broken heart
a joke, do you. I am glad you are here
for now I can tell you what I think of
your conduct. Now I can return your letters. I have
them in my room, four piles tied with green ribbon,
and all your presence tied with lemon. Tomorrow, I shall
(07:00):
expect you to return mine.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
To me, certainly, if you so desire, Miss soltoon, perhaps
i'd better relieve you of my presence.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I'll send the maid upstairs for them.
Speaker 6 (07:12):
I was not referring to my gifts. I was referring
to my presence.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
You shall have both your gifts and your presence.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
I think i'd better go yes.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
And create a scene at the dinner party. I mean
to stand for you tonight.
Speaker 6 (07:28):
At least very kind, I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
For the sake of my family, I'll conceal my breaking
heart within a mask of smiles. For Gail's sake, she's
going to announce her engagement tonight. Oh I hope it
won't turn out like mine.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Has turns on him.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
And as for you, mister Ferdinand Poppleton, after tonight, I
never want you to presume to speak to me again.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
I suppose you won't tell me what I have done.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Ask your conscience. Let that tell you what you have done.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
And you mean that this is the end of our engagement,
that it is all over. Oh, Suzanne, you can't mean.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That, Suzanne crying.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
Yes, I do mean it, and not all was such
a very little thing too.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Suzanne looks up suspiciously.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Oh, there was a little thing.
Speaker 6 (08:31):
Then I understand what has happened. I have a rival.
Tell me who he is. I'm a desperate man, Susanne Siltourn,
I'll have his heart's blood. Who is he? I'm a
desperate man.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
There is no one after my experience with you, I
never want to see any other man. I've done with
men forever.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
And just because I I suppose all this rouse ever,
what happened this morning?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
See, he admits it. Something happened this morning. Beth Wilson
was right.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
It wasn't my fault at all. I was entirely blameless
in the matter.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
A likely story. Well, who was to blame?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Abigail?
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Abigail the maid? Oh, I'll have her discharged at once.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Not the maid, your cousin.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Abigail Gail. Why that's absurd. She's engaged to Adrian Lee.
Speaker 6 (09:35):
She may be, but it didn't prevent her from smiling
very willingly at me this morning. But I didn't smile
back never. I was firm, firm as the rock of prudential.
I mean, Gibraltar.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
You've been flirting, and with my own cousin too.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She walked angrily across the stage.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Oh this is too much.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Poppleton, following her with short steps.
Speaker 6 (10:02):
But Suzanne listened to me.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Listen to Ferdy, Suzanne, still walking.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Don't speak to me, don't ever speak to me.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Again, Poppleton standing at center, Turning suddenly, she bumps into him.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Very well, as you will, miss Sotoon, as you will.
You've broken my heart by your heartless suspicions. I'll enlist
in the army. The recruiting officers in town and I'll
be the next recruit. I'll go to the front. I'll
fight for my country. I'll die for my country.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Suzanne alarmed.
Speaker 6 (10:42):
Oh Ferdy, you will come and take a long last
fare well. Look at the full hero wrapped in the
bloody battle flag that he gave his life to save.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Oh, Ferdy, Ferdy, I can't stand it at all.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
She approaches him and tries to take his arm. He
waves her away away.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Woman, false, fair woman away. You have broken my heart
once already.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
But I didn't mean to. Ferdy. Beth Wilson told me
that a light complected man was deceiving me. But I
don't believe a word of it. Don't enlist in the army. Oh,
that would be awful.
Speaker 6 (11:28):
You have gone too far. It has all gone too far.
You told me never to speak to you again. You
return my letters in my presence, you accuse me of flirting.
Very well, it shall be as.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You wish, gets hat.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
I won't even stay for dinner tomorrow. I'll return the
green and orange tie you knit for me, and the
handkerchiefs and the pink satin suspenders. I'd return the box
of cigars, but they're smoked. It shall be as you say, farewell,
farewell forever.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Starts to center door melodramatically, Suzanne rushing up to center
door and standing in front of it without spread arms.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
You shan't go, You shan't leave me like this.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Holds out hands imploringly toward him.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Ferdy, Ferdy, don't you care for me any longer? Care
for you?
Speaker 6 (12:28):
Care for you? There has never been any other woman
for me in all the world I have loved you
always and will always love you till I die, honest.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
I will.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Can can you ever forgive me?
Speaker 6 (12:44):
I can try.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
She starts toward him. He waits her back.
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Wait, promise me that you'll never suspect me again.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Never, Then I'll forgive you thirty.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
She runs toward him. Enter Jorks from center. Jorks standing
by door, announces.
Speaker 9 (13:09):
Mister Adrian Lee.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Exit center.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
It's the hero, the moving picture star.
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Let's run out on the veranda.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
This way, come on.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
She runs out right, followed by Poppleton. Enter Fance from center.
Speaker 9 (13:28):
I thought I heard someone in here. I hope I
haven't spoiled A headed head.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Enter Abigail from left, wearing cloak and hat.
Speaker 8 (13:37):
Oh, excuse me, I wasn't aware that this room was occupied.
Speaker 10 (13:42):
Good evening those eyes that knows Adrian Lee. It's him,
I mean, it's he at your service.
Speaker 8 (13:56):
You are Adrian Lee, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Ah?
Speaker 9 (14:00):
I think you should know. My cousin says you are
engaged to me.
Speaker 8 (14:06):
Engaged to you me, I mean I oh my heart, my.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Heart, hands clasp over heart.
Speaker 8 (14:16):
Ah.
Speaker 9 (14:16):
You're miss Abigail, aren't you?
Speaker 8 (14:19):
Yes, sir, I'm her? I mean I am she and
for many months. I have worshiped you from Afar as
it were, just like the Moth and the Star. I
wrote you letters seventy two and sent you three boxes
of fudge and two bunches of spring beauties. Oh, mister Lee,
(14:41):
mister Adrian Lee, I never miss you when you play
in Splinterville. You've always been my favorite hero as it were.
Speaker 9 (14:51):
What what I am interested in is this engagement. I
understand that you have announced it to your family.
Speaker 8 (14:59):
Engagement to my family. Oh, sir, there's been some fatal mistake.
I do much fear. Probably you don't feel well. This
tune heat is awful. Sit down and be seated and
I'll get you some ice water.
Speaker 9 (15:15):
Nonsense, I am as well as you are. Come to
the point. What does all this nonsense about an engagement mean?
Speaker 8 (15:25):
Honest, you'd better sit down and rest a spell. You've
got engaged so much in the pictures that it's touched
your brain as it were. Sir, I've seen you propose
in white flannels, in feathers, in full evening clothes, in
a sailor suit, and in the garbage of a monk,
and every time you've worn her in the end.
Speaker 9 (15:48):
But your announcement to my cousin and to your family.
This morning has caused me no little worry. Honest, Miss Laurence,
I can't make head or tail of it.
Speaker 8 (16:00):
Miss Lawrence. I ain't Miss Laurence. I mean, I'm not
Miss Laurence. I'm Miss Mullan. Miss Laurence is missus Seltoon's niece.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
I'm her maid, her maid. I'm afraid I have made
a mistake.
Speaker 8 (16:18):
That's what I was afraid of from the very first.
But mister Lee, are you engaged to Miss Laurence.
Speaker 9 (16:27):
I believe it was announced this morning.
Speaker 8 (16:30):
Oh sorrowful, sorrowful.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Day, talking and laughing off right.
Speaker 8 (16:37):
Someone is coming. I must away, mister Lee. I am
going to the movies and what you make love once more? Oh,
mister Lee, mister Adrian Lee. The saddest words of tongue
of pen are them sad words? It might have been
a you, a you at you.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Cross is to cent her entrance, turns, looks at him,
long sigh with hand over heart, exit center.
Speaker 9 (17:09):
So she's not Miss Lawrence after all. Thank Heaven for that.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Enter gale from left. She meets him at center, walking slowly.
Speaker 7 (17:20):
Mister Lee. Yea, yes, I am Miss Lawrence.
Speaker 9 (17:25):
Pleased. I'm sure.
Speaker 7 (17:27):
How can I ever explain matters to you? How can
I apologize?
Speaker 9 (17:33):
Oh, don't worry about it.
Speaker 7 (17:35):
Worry, worry. I've cried all afternoon.
Speaker 9 (17:40):
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
Speaker 7 (17:42):
It all started in a joke, just a silly schoolgirl's joke. Oh,
I'm so ashamed of myself, mister Lee, What must you
think of me?
Speaker 9 (17:53):
I simply don't understand. That's all.
Speaker 7 (17:57):
It was all about that odious mister Treelford. I wish
he was an oil and vinegar along with his father.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
About mister Trelford. What has he done?
Speaker 7 (18:09):
They all insisted on my being nice to him, and
I was going to do it just to oblige them.
Then I met him and he was perfectly horrid. He
tried to flirt with me, and we hadn't even been introduced.
Speaker 9 (18:24):
Flirt with you. Mister Trelford tried to flirt with you.
Speaker 7 (18:30):
Oh, it turned out that it wasn't mister Trelford at all.
It was mister Poppleton. I see, you don't understand a
word I'm saying. How can you? I scarcely understand it myself.
You see, I just came this morning and mister Poppleton
mistook me for the new maid and acted perfectly awful.
Speaker 9 (18:51):
But why do you blame mister Trelford.
Speaker 7 (18:54):
It all started over him.
Speaker 9 (18:56):
But it wasn't his fault, really, And and yet you
said he was odious and wished he was pickled in
oil and vinegar.
Speaker 7 (19:06):
Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Really, I didn't mean it.
I'm so excited that I hardly know what I am saying.
So after my scene with mister Poppleton, I decided that
I never wanted to see mister Trelford if he was
a man like that flirting with a maid, you know.
Speaker 9 (19:23):
So in order to escape meeting mister Trelford.
Speaker 7 (19:28):
I told them that I was engaged to you. Absurd,
wasn't it. I saw your name and picture in the magazine,
and I never dreamed that i'd meet you. All I
wanted was to keep mister Trelford away, so I said
I was engaged. Then they insisted on his name, and
there wasn't any him. So I just said the first
(19:50):
name that popped into my head, and it happened to
be you.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
I am so ashamed.
Speaker 9 (19:57):
It was only natural worry. We won't think any more
about it.
Speaker 7 (20:03):
But we'll have to this dinner party tonight. There is
only one thing left for me to do. I must
confess everything.
Speaker 9 (20:13):
Oh, I say, I lie to.
Speaker 7 (20:16):
Them, and I'll tell them so that will be my punishment.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Starts toward left.
Speaker 9 (20:23):
Oh wait a minute, isn't there an easier way out
of it than that?
Speaker 7 (20:28):
No, I must tell the truth. I suppose there will
be no avoiding mister Telford.
Speaker 9 (20:33):
Then why do you wish to avoid him? You've never
seen him. Maybe you'll like him when you do.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Do you know him?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
She sits at left, he at right?
Speaker 9 (20:47):
Oh? Yes, intimately?
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Is he nice? Well you hesitate? I know he isn't.
I just know it.
Speaker 9 (20:58):
I didn't say he wasn't. I'm sure some folks think
he is, would I think?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So?
Speaker 9 (21:06):
How can I tell?
Speaker 7 (21:08):
After my confession tonight, I'm afraid I won't be able
to resist Aunt Laura. I suppose I'll be engaged before
the summer is over. To whom to mister Telford? Of
course there seems to be no one else.
Speaker 9 (21:23):
Oh, maybe you'll learn to like him after all.
Speaker 7 (21:27):
Oh I won't. I won't. I won't.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (21:31):
I wish i'd never come to Dovecote. I wish I
were back in school again. Oh, why did I ever
say that I was engaged?
Speaker 9 (21:41):
I have it?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Gailee looks up from her seat with tilted face.
Speaker 9 (21:46):
Have what an easy way out of the hall matter?
You needn't make a public confession after all.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Gayle rises excitedly.
Speaker 7 (21:57):
I needn't. What must I do? Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Vance rises and faces her nonchalantly.
Speaker 9 (22:04):
Simply tell them that we have quarreled and that you
have broken your engagement.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Gale rushes to him and seizes both his hands.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
Oh you, darling.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
She realizes what she has said. She draws away from him.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
Oh what will you think of me? How could I
I didn't mean it, Really I didn't.
Speaker 9 (22:25):
Of course you didn't. You only acted on the spur
of the moment.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yes, that was it. Oh why will I be so impulsive?
Speaker 9 (22:35):
Shall we call them in and tell them that the
engagement is broken? Just as you say, we must work
up a furious quarrel. You pretend that you are awfully
jealous of miss Neville.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
Miss Neville, But I don't know any miss Nevill.
Speaker 9 (22:51):
She's the leading lady of our company, Betty Neville, of
the Shamrock Company. You can say that you heard I
was in love with her? Are you not? In the least.
Speaker 7 (23:04):
Then how can I say that you are I'm not
a born deceiver, mister Lee.
Speaker 9 (23:09):
Well, we'll leave Miss Neville out of it. Just say
we quarreled, but we haven't quarreled, and nor are we engaged,
but they think we are. We must tell them that
the engagement is broken. And I have a confession.
Speaker 7 (23:26):
To make a confession. Oh, I'm so glad that someone
else has to confess something.
Speaker 9 (23:33):
My real name isn't Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (23:37):
It isn't. Oh, then you are not Adrian.
Speaker 9 (23:42):
Lee only after a fashion It's a stage name. It
looks well on the films.
Speaker 7 (23:50):
Then if you are not Adrian Lee, there is no
Adrian Lee. He is merely hypothetical. And I have a
perfect right to be engaged to a hypothetical man if
I want to. That's logic.
Speaker 9 (24:03):
But I am Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (24:06):
Nonsense, you certainly are not. I think I am in
a position to know why I'm engaged to Adrian Lee.
I met him at our college annual two years ago.
He's a perfect dear and has the loveliest eyes.
Speaker 9 (24:22):
I see you are going to tell them that I'm
an impostor.
Speaker 7 (24:27):
You admit yourself that you aren't Adrian Lee.
Speaker 9 (24:31):
But my cousin knows I am your cousin.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yes, mister Rady, Gail staring at him.
Speaker 7 (24:41):
Mister Rady, your cousin, then you are? You are Van
s Twelford.
Speaker 9 (24:49):
Entirely at your service.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Gail sinks in chair.
Speaker 7 (24:54):
Oh go away, I can't stand any more. I'm beginning
to forget what my own name is. Oh why did
I ever leave the quiet of a peaceful college to
come here to this cupid's paradise? Well that settles the matter.
I won't be engaged to you at all.
Speaker 9 (25:12):
You won't.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (25:14):
I know that you haven't asked me yet, but you
know how I feel about it beforehand, and having humiliated
me as much as possible.
Speaker 9 (25:22):
I understand, I'll go.
Speaker 7 (25:25):
What good will that do? I'll have to meet you tomorrow.
Speaker 9 (25:30):
I'll leave town.
Speaker 7 (25:31):
Oh you mustn't do that on my account. I have
it again. What is it?
Speaker 9 (25:39):
Why you knew all along that Adrian Lee and Vance
Tralford were one and the same person?
Speaker 7 (25:48):
Did I?
Speaker 9 (25:50):
Of course you did. You just wanted to surprise the family.
We've been engaged, but we've just had a dreadful quarrel
and the engagement is broken. You broke it.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
I didn't you broke it yourself very well?
Speaker 9 (26:07):
Then I broke it anyhow, it's broken.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
You seem mighty glad that it is, aren't you.
Speaker 6 (26:17):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Yes, of course I am. But really you shouldn't be
so glad.
Speaker 9 (26:22):
I'll leave at once. You can explain matters. Tomorrow. I'll
go to New York and you'll be rid of Adrian
Lee and the odious Vance Tralford forever.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Enter missus Seltoon from left.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I beg your pardon, but dinner is about to be served.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Gail hesitates a moment, then takes Vance by the hand
and comes slowly to missus Seltoon.
Speaker 7 (26:48):
Aunt Laura, I want you to meet mister Lee, better
known in Dovecote as mister Vance Trelford Vance Trafford.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
How very astonishing, isn't it.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
I thought you would be surprised.
Speaker 9 (27:03):
I'm afraid I can't stop to your dinner party. Missus Sultoon.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
Nonsense. He thought he had another engagement, but he hasn't.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Enter Suzanne Poppleton, Margaret and Don from right about.
Speaker 9 (27:18):
Really, you know, don't be absurd.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Dinner is about to be served. This is your announcement dinner, you.
Speaker 9 (27:25):
Know, yes, But we've had the most dreadful girls.
Speaker 7 (27:30):
I want you to meet mister Lee, my fiancee.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Entered Jorkes from left.
Speaker 9 (27:36):
Dinner is served.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Don take Gail, Ferdie, you and the girls. You're home,
mister Trafford.
Speaker 9 (27:45):
Yes, but we've had the most dreadful.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You take me in. I'm honoring the new Benedict.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Don shakes hands with Vance.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
By Jove Vance. This is a surprise. I never dreamed
that you were engaged.
Speaker 9 (28:01):
I had never dreamed it myself.
Speaker 5 (28:04):
Come, miss Lawrence. Vance is the finest fellow in the world.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
I'm beginning to think he is.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
They crossed to door left, Ferdie coming center with Suzanne
and Margaret.
Speaker 6 (28:18):
Awfully jolly, you know now we're all engaged.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Face left as if going to dinner.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Well, I must say that this was sooner than I expected.
But I expected it all alone.
Speaker 9 (28:32):
Yes, I began to think I did myself.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
They face left, curtain end a back too end of
Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare
Act two of Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare. This
is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
LibriVox dot org. Act two same as Act one. Lights
are lit and lighted candelabra add to the effect. Large
(00:23):
jars of red roses dressed stage. Before curtain rises, Gail
or Suzanne is heard singing a popular sentimental song. The
curtain slowly rises and the singing continues. Gail and Suzanne
discovered up left at piano. If it is not possible
to have a piano on the stage, use a guitar.
(00:45):
Missus Seltoon downright, seated at table and looking at magazine
through Lorgnette Don and Margaret down left, engaged in pantomimic conversation.
After the curtain is well up and the song is finished,
missus Seltoon speaks.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Here's his picture in the picture magazine. I must say
he looks rather distinguished.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Distinguished, I should think so. He's the most popular hero
in America.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
He has the dearest eyes.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Are you seeing him?
Speaker 4 (01:18):
Have I dozens and dozens of times I always go
to the Adrian Lee matinees and.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Perfectly wild to see him face to face? Does he
look just like he does on the.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
Screen, Dawn just about?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Are you sure he's coming?
Speaker 6 (01:34):
Dun Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, indeed, Gail looks distressed.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
I hope he won't disappoint us like here mister Trelford did.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Of course he won't. He knows Gail is here to Gail.
It seems so strange to think that you are engaged
to a moving picture star.
Speaker 7 (01:54):
Yes, it does seem strange, doesn't it.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Does he make love in real life with as much
fascination as he does on the screen?
Speaker 7 (02:04):
Yes? I think so.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
You ought to be the happiest girl in all the world.
Speaker 7 (02:08):
Gale aught.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
I I wonder, and I am the most miserable comes
to send her miserable.
Speaker 7 (02:17):
Why what has happened to you?
Speaker 4 (02:20):
It's mister Poppleton, mister Pepleterton, Susanne, have you enterred to
be quarreling? Please don't speak to me of mister Poppleton.
I am very much disappointed in him. In fact, I
think I'll break the engagement tonight.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Pracked engagement. Why what has he done?
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I don't know, but I'm sure it's something awful. I
had my fortune told this afternoon at Beth Wilson's, and
she told me that a light complexed man was deceiving me.
I know it's true. She told it by the cards
and by the tea grounds, and in the palm of
my hand. Ferdie's been deceiving me. I'm sure of it.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Nonsense. Beth Wilson gossips entirely too much. She tells the
same fortunes to everyone.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
She's aroused my suspicions. Nevertheless, I mean to have a
straightforward talk with mister Poppleton, and if what she said
is true, he may have his old ring and I'll
be an old maid all my life.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Beth Wilson told me it's the same thing. It's all fun.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
That's very easy for you to say. When Don's hair
is dark. It doesn't make any difference to you how
many light complexed men are deceiving you. But Ferdy is
light headed, and.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
So are you. If you take any stocking Beth Wilson's fortunes.
Speaker 5 (03:42):
Why, it's simply absurd, Susanne, I'm sure Ferdy never looks
at any other girl.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I'm not sure. I mean to find out though, this
very night.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Enter Abigail from left I.
Speaker 8 (03:58):
Beg your pardon, Missus Sartoon, for presuming to intrude, But
if you have no objection, I'd like to.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Go out certainly. I mean, this is your opening out.
Speaker 8 (04:10):
I'm going to attend a lecture on the longitudinal vibrations
of a rubber string at the Association. It's a rare
opportunity to improve one's mind, as it were, and I'd
rather not neglect it.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Georg's gonna attend to the guests.
Speaker 8 (04:26):
Thank you, ma'am. I can stay here if you think
it is best. I have no direct engagement, you understand,
just a tacit agreement.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
You may go at eight after we've gone in.
Speaker 8 (04:39):
Very well, ma'am. That suits me perfectly.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Tell George that we will dine at eight.
Speaker 8 (04:45):
Yes, Missus Saltoon, I understand perfectly and will execute your
orders with avidity and dispatch, as it were.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Exit laughed.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Wherever does she pick up those words?
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Hush? She's a graduate Agna cum Lottie, a b from
Splinterville normal School.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Cross to left, enter Jorks from center standing by door announces,
mister Poppleton, exit center.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
It's ferdy. Now leave us alone together for a while.
I'll find out what Beth Wilson, meant by a light
complexed man deceiving me. Run away, all of you come.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Dawn, I want to show you the view from the Verandah.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Exit right, followed by Dawn missus seltoon, Rises.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Come, Glee. We'd better leave them alone. Susan will never
be satisfied until she has tried Ferdy and come to her.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Suspiciens come, exit left, followed by Gail. Suzanne seated at left.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I'll sit here and pretend not to see him.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Rises.
Speaker 4 (05:53):
No, I'll stand here and receive him with a frigidity
that will make him shrivel into nothing.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Poppleton from center. He comes down to Suzanne.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Suzanne, miss seltoune, if you please, mister Poppleton, why what's
the matter? You should ask your conscience.
Speaker 6 (06:13):
I don't understand what have I done? What has Thirdie done?
Speaker 4 (06:19):
Tell me, Suzanne, it's a lucky thing for you that
my father is in Bermuda, mister Poppleton, and that I
haven't any brothers. I wonder that you have the effrontery
to come here tonight, But.
Speaker 6 (06:33):
But I don't know what you're talking about. Is it
a joke?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
A joke? A joke? You call a girl's broken heart
a joke, do you. I am glad you are here
for now I can tell you what I think of
your conduct. Now I can return your letters. I have
them in my room, four piles tied with green ribbon,
and all your presence tied with lemon. Tomorrow, I shall
(07:00):
expect you to return mine.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
To me, certainly, if you so desire, Miss soltoon, perhaps
i'd better relieve you of my presence.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
I'll send the maid upstairs for them.
Speaker 6 (07:12):
I was not referring to my gifts. I was referring
to my presence.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
You shall have both your gifts and your presence.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
I think i'd better go yes.
Speaker 4 (07:23):
And create a scene at the dinner party. I mean
to stand for you tonight.
Speaker 6 (07:28):
At least very kind, I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (07:32):
For the sake of my family, I'll conceal my breaking
heart within a mask of smiles. For Gail's sake, she's
going to announce her engagement tonight. Oh I hope it
won't turn out like mine.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Has turns on him.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
And as for you, mister Ferdinand Poppleton, after tonight, I
never want you to presume to speak to me again.
Speaker 6 (07:57):
I suppose you won't tell me what I have done.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Ask your conscience. Let that tell you what you have done.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
And you mean that this is the end of our engagement,
that it is all over. Oh, Suzanne, you can't mean.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That, Suzanne crying.
Speaker 6 (08:19):
Yes, I do mean it, and not all was such
a very little thing too.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Suzanne looks up suspiciously.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Oh, there was a little thing.
Speaker 6 (08:31):
Then I understand what has happened. I have a rival.
Tell me who he is. I'm a desperate man, Susanne Siltourn,
I'll have his heart's blood. Who is he? I'm a
desperate man.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
There is no one after my experience with you, I
never want to see any other man. I've done with
men forever.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
And just because I I suppose all this rouse ever,
what happened this morning?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
See, he admits it. Something happened this morning. Beth Wilson
was right.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
It wasn't my fault at all. I was entirely blameless
in the matter.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
A likely story. Well, who was to blame?
Speaker 6 (09:19):
Abigail?
Speaker 4 (09:20):
Abigail the maid? Oh, I'll have her discharged at once.
Speaker 6 (09:26):
Not the maid, your cousin.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Abigail Gail. Why that's absurd. She's engaged to Adrian Lee.
Speaker 6 (09:35):
She may be, but it didn't prevent her from smiling
very willingly at me this morning. But I didn't smile
back never. I was firm, firm as the rock of prudential.
I mean, Gibraltar.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
You've been flirting, and with my own cousin too.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She walked angrily across the stage.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Oh this is too much.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Poppleton, following her with short steps.
Speaker 6 (10:02):
But Suzanne listened to me.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Listen to Ferdy, Suzanne, still walking.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Don't speak to me, don't ever speak to me.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Again, Poppleton standing at center, Turning suddenly, she bumps into him.
Speaker 6 (10:18):
Very well, as you will, miss Sotoon, as you will.
You've broken my heart by your heartless suspicions. I'll enlist
in the army. The recruiting officers in town and I'll
be the next recruit. I'll go to the front. I'll
fight for my country. I'll die for my country.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Suzanne alarmed.
Speaker 6 (10:42):
Oh Ferdy, you will come and take a long last
fare well. Look at the full hero wrapped in the
bloody battle flag that he gave his life to save.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
Oh, Ferdy, Ferdy, I can't stand it at all.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
She approaches him and tries to take his arm. He
waves her away away.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Woman, false, fair woman away. You have broken my heart
once already.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
But I didn't mean to. Ferdy. Beth Wilson told me
that a light complected man was deceiving me. But I
don't believe a word of it. Don't enlist in the army. Oh,
that would be awful.
Speaker 6 (11:28):
You have gone too far. It has all gone too far.
You told me never to speak to you again. You
return my letters in my presence, you accuse me of flirting.
Very well, it shall be as.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You wish, gets hat.
Speaker 6 (11:46):
I won't even stay for dinner tomorrow. I'll return the
green and orange tie you knit for me, and the
handkerchiefs and the pink satin suspenders. I'd return the box
of cigars, but they're smoked. It shall be as you say, farewell,
farewell forever.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Starts to center door melodramatically, Suzanne rushing up to center
door and standing in front of it without spread arms.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
You shan't go, You shan't leave me like this.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Holds out hands imploringly toward him.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
Ferdy, Ferdy, don't you care for me any longer? Care
for you?
Speaker 6 (12:28):
Care for you? There has never been any other woman
for me in all the world I have loved you
always and will always love you till I die, honest.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
I will.
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Can can you ever forgive me?
Speaker 6 (12:44):
I can try.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
She starts toward him. He waits her back.
Speaker 6 (12:49):
Wait, promise me that you'll never suspect me again.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Never, Then I'll forgive you thirty.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
She runs toward him. Enter Jorks from center. Jorks standing
by door, announces.
Speaker 9 (13:09):
Mister Adrian Lee.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Exit center.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
It's the hero, the moving picture star.
Speaker 6 (13:17):
Let's run out on the veranda.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
This way, come on.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
She runs out right, followed by Poppleton. Enter Fance from center.
Speaker 9 (13:28):
I thought I heard someone in here. I hope I
haven't spoiled A headed head.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Enter Abigail from left, wearing cloak and hat.
Speaker 8 (13:37):
Oh, excuse me, I wasn't aware that this room was occupied.
Speaker 10 (13:42):
Good evening those eyes that knows Adrian Lee. It's him,
I mean, it's he at your service.
Speaker 8 (13:56):
You are Adrian Lee, aren't you?
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Ah?
Speaker 9 (14:00):
I think you should know. My cousin says you are
engaged to me.
Speaker 8 (14:06):
Engaged to you me, I mean I oh my heart, my.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Heart, hands clasp over heart.
Speaker 8 (14:16):
Ah.
Speaker 9 (14:16):
You're miss Abigail, aren't you?
Speaker 8 (14:19):
Yes, sir, I'm her? I mean I am she and
for many months. I have worshiped you from Afar as
it were, just like the Moth and the Star. I
wrote you letters seventy two and sent you three boxes
of fudge and two bunches of spring beauties. Oh, mister Lee,
(14:41):
mister Adrian Lee, I never miss you when you play
in Splinterville. You've always been my favorite hero as it were.
Speaker 9 (14:51):
What what I am interested in is this engagement. I
understand that you have announced it to your family.
Speaker 8 (14:59):
Engagement to my family. Oh, sir, there's been some fatal mistake.
I do much fear. Probably you don't feel well. This
tune heat is awful. Sit down and be seated and
I'll get you some ice water.
Speaker 9 (15:15):
Nonsense, I am as well as you are. Come to
the point. What does all this nonsense about an engagement mean?
Speaker 8 (15:25):
Honest, you'd better sit down and rest a spell. You've
got engaged so much in the pictures that it's touched
your brain as it were. Sir, I've seen you propose
in white flannels, in feathers, in full evening clothes, in
a sailor suit, and in the garbage of a monk,
and every time you've worn her in the end.
Speaker 9 (15:48):
But your announcement to my cousin and to your family.
This morning has caused me no little worry. Honest, Miss Laurence,
I can't make head or tail of it.
Speaker 8 (16:00):
Miss Lawrence. I ain't Miss Laurence. I mean, I'm not
Miss Laurence. I'm Miss Mullan. Miss Laurence is missus Seltoon's niece.
Speaker 9 (16:11):
I'm her maid, her maid. I'm afraid I have made
a mistake.
Speaker 8 (16:18):
That's what I was afraid of from the very first.
But mister Lee, are you engaged to Miss Laurence.
Speaker 9 (16:27):
I believe it was announced this morning.
Speaker 8 (16:30):
Oh sorrowful, sorrowful.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Day, talking and laughing off right.
Speaker 8 (16:37):
Someone is coming. I must away, mister Lee. I am
going to the movies and what you make love once more? Oh,
mister Lee, mister Adrian Lee. The saddest words of tongue
of pen are them sad words? It might have been
a you, a you at you.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Cross is to cent her entrance, turns, looks at him,
long sigh with hand over heart, exit center.
Speaker 9 (17:09):
So she's not Miss Lawrence after all. Thank Heaven for that.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Enter gale from left. She meets him at center, walking slowly.
Speaker 7 (17:20):
Mister Lee. Yea, yes, I am Miss Lawrence.
Speaker 9 (17:25):
Pleased. I'm sure.
Speaker 7 (17:27):
How can I ever explain matters to you? How can
I apologize?
Speaker 9 (17:33):
Oh, don't worry about it.
Speaker 7 (17:35):
Worry, worry. I've cried all afternoon.
Speaker 9 (17:40):
Oh, I'm awfully sorry.
Speaker 7 (17:42):
It all started in a joke, just a silly schoolgirl's joke. Oh,
I'm so ashamed of myself, mister Lee, What must you
think of me?
Speaker 9 (17:53):
I simply don't understand. That's all.
Speaker 7 (17:57):
It was all about that odious mister Treelford. I wish
he was an oil and vinegar along with his father.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
About mister Trelford. What has he done?
Speaker 7 (18:09):
They all insisted on my being nice to him, and
I was going to do it just to oblige them.
Then I met him and he was perfectly horrid. He
tried to flirt with me, and we hadn't even been introduced.
Speaker 9 (18:24):
Flirt with you. Mister Trelford tried to flirt with you.
Speaker 7 (18:30):
Oh, it turned out that it wasn't mister Trelford at all.
It was mister Poppleton. I see, you don't understand a
word I'm saying. How can you? I scarcely understand it myself.
You see, I just came this morning and mister Poppleton
mistook me for the new maid and acted perfectly awful.
Speaker 9 (18:51):
But why do you blame mister Trelford.
Speaker 7 (18:54):
It all started over him.
Speaker 9 (18:56):
But it wasn't his fault, really, And and yet you
said he was odious and wished he was pickled in
oil and vinegar.
Speaker 7 (19:06):
Oh, I shouldn't have said that. Really, I didn't mean it.
I'm so excited that I hardly know what I am saying.
So after my scene with mister Poppleton, I decided that
I never wanted to see mister Trelford if he was
a man like that flirting with a maid, you know.
Speaker 9 (19:23):
So in order to escape meeting mister Trelford.
Speaker 7 (19:28):
I told them that I was engaged to you. Absurd,
wasn't it. I saw your name and picture in the magazine,
and I never dreamed that i'd meet you. All I
wanted was to keep mister Trelford away, so I said
I was engaged. Then they insisted on his name, and
there wasn't any him. So I just said the first
(19:50):
name that popped into my head, and it happened to
be you.
Speaker 6 (19:54):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (19:54):
I am so ashamed.
Speaker 9 (19:57):
It was only natural worry. We won't think any more
about it.
Speaker 7 (20:03):
But we'll have to this dinner party tonight. There is
only one thing left for me to do. I must
confess everything.
Speaker 9 (20:13):
Oh, I say, I lie to.
Speaker 7 (20:16):
Them, and I'll tell them so that will be my punishment.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
Starts toward left.
Speaker 9 (20:23):
Oh wait a minute, isn't there an easier way out
of it than that?
Speaker 7 (20:28):
No, I must tell the truth. I suppose there will
be no avoiding mister Telford.
Speaker 9 (20:33):
Then why do you wish to avoid him? You've never
seen him. Maybe you'll like him when you do.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Do you know him?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
She sits at left, he at right?
Speaker 9 (20:47):
Oh? Yes, intimately?
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Is he nice? Well you hesitate? I know he isn't.
I just know it.
Speaker 9 (20:58):
I didn't say he wasn't. I'm sure some folks think
he is, would I think?
Speaker 3 (21:05):
So?
Speaker 9 (21:06):
How can I tell?
Speaker 7 (21:08):
After my confession tonight, I'm afraid I won't be able
to resist Aunt Laura. I suppose I'll be engaged before
the summer is over. To whom to mister Telford? Of
course there seems to be no one else.
Speaker 9 (21:23):
Oh, maybe you'll learn to like him after all.
Speaker 7 (21:27):
Oh I won't. I won't. I won't.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (21:31):
I wish i'd never come to Dovecote. I wish I
were back in school again. Oh, why did I ever
say that I was engaged?
Speaker 9 (21:41):
I have it?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Gailee looks up from her seat with tilted face.
Speaker 9 (21:46):
Have what an easy way out of the hall matter?
You needn't make a public confession after all.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Gayle rises excitedly.
Speaker 7 (21:57):
I needn't. What must I do? Oh?
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Vance rises and faces her nonchalantly.
Speaker 9 (22:04):
Simply tell them that we have quarreled and that you
have broken your engagement.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Gale rushes to him and seizes both his hands.
Speaker 7 (22:13):
Oh you, darling.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
She realizes what she has said. She draws away from him.
Speaker 7 (22:19):
Oh what will you think of me? How could I
I didn't mean it, Really I didn't.
Speaker 9 (22:25):
Of course you didn't. You only acted on the spur
of the moment.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
Yes, that was it. Oh why will I be so impulsive?
Speaker 9 (22:35):
Shall we call them in and tell them that the
engagement is broken? Just as you say, we must work
up a furious quarrel. You pretend that you are awfully
jealous of miss Neville.
Speaker 7 (22:47):
Miss Neville, But I don't know any miss Nevill.
Speaker 9 (22:51):
She's the leading lady of our company, Betty Neville, of
the Shamrock Company. You can say that you heard I
was in love with her? Are you not? In the least.
Speaker 7 (23:04):
Then how can I say that you are I'm not
a born deceiver, mister Lee.
Speaker 9 (23:09):
Well, we'll leave Miss Neville out of it. Just say
we quarreled, but we haven't quarreled, and nor are we engaged,
but they think we are. We must tell them that
the engagement is broken. And I have a confession.
Speaker 7 (23:26):
To make a confession. Oh, I'm so glad that someone
else has to confess something.
Speaker 9 (23:33):
My real name isn't Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (23:37):
It isn't. Oh, then you are not Adrian.
Speaker 9 (23:42):
Lee only after a fashion It's a stage name. It
looks well on the films.
Speaker 7 (23:50):
Then if you are not Adrian Lee, there is no
Adrian Lee. He is merely hypothetical. And I have a
perfect right to be engaged to a hypothetical man if
I want to. That's logic.
Speaker 9 (24:03):
But I am Adrian Lee.
Speaker 7 (24:06):
Nonsense, you certainly are not. I think I am in
a position to know why I'm engaged to Adrian Lee.
I met him at our college annual two years ago.
He's a perfect dear and has the loveliest eyes.
Speaker 9 (24:22):
I see you are going to tell them that I'm
an impostor.
Speaker 7 (24:27):
You admit yourself that you aren't Adrian Lee.
Speaker 9 (24:31):
But my cousin knows I am your cousin.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Yes, mister Rady, Gail staring at him.
Speaker 7 (24:41):
Mister Rady, your cousin, then you are? You are Van
s Twelford.
Speaker 9 (24:49):
Entirely at your service.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Gail sinks in chair.
Speaker 7 (24:54):
Oh go away, I can't stand any more. I'm beginning
to forget what my own name is. Oh why did
I ever leave the quiet of a peaceful college to
come here to this cupid's paradise? Well that settles the matter.
I won't be engaged to you at all.
Speaker 9 (25:12):
You won't.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Oh.
Speaker 7 (25:14):
I know that you haven't asked me yet, but you
know how I feel about it beforehand, and having humiliated
me as much as possible.
Speaker 9 (25:22):
I understand, I'll go.
Speaker 7 (25:25):
What good will that do? I'll have to meet you tomorrow.
Speaker 9 (25:30):
I'll leave town.
Speaker 7 (25:31):
Oh you mustn't do that on my account. I have
it again. What is it?
Speaker 9 (25:39):
Why you knew all along that Adrian Lee and Vance
Tralford were one and the same person?
Speaker 7 (25:48):
Did I?
Speaker 9 (25:50):
Of course you did. You just wanted to surprise the family.
We've been engaged, but we've just had a dreadful quarrel
and the engagement is broken. You broke it.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
I didn't you broke it yourself very well?
Speaker 9 (26:07):
Then I broke it anyhow, it's broken.
Speaker 7 (26:12):
You seem mighty glad that it is, aren't you.
Speaker 6 (26:17):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (26:17):
Yes, of course I am. But really you shouldn't be
so glad.
Speaker 9 (26:22):
I'll leave at once. You can explain matters. Tomorrow. I'll
go to New York and you'll be rid of Adrian
Lee and the odious Vance Tralford forever.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Enter missus Seltoon from left.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I beg your pardon, but dinner is about to be served.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Gail hesitates a moment, then takes Vance by the hand
and comes slowly to missus Seltoon.
Speaker 7 (26:48):
Aunt Laura, I want you to meet mister Lee, better
known in Dovecote as mister Vance Trelford Vance Trafford.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
How very astonishing, isn't it.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
I thought you would be surprised.
Speaker 9 (27:03):
I'm afraid I can't stop to your dinner party. Missus Sultoon.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
Nonsense. He thought he had another engagement, but he hasn't.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Enter Suzanne Poppleton, Margaret and Don from right about.
Speaker 9 (27:18):
Really, you know, don't be absurd.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Dinner is about to be served. This is your announcement dinner, you.
Speaker 9 (27:25):
Know, yes, But we've had the most dreadful girls.
Speaker 7 (27:30):
I want you to meet mister Lee, my fiancee.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Entered Jorkes from left.
Speaker 9 (27:36):
Dinner is served.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Don take Gail, Ferdie, you and the girls. You're home,
mister Trafford.
Speaker 9 (27:45):
Yes, but we've had the most dreadful.
Speaker 2 (27:48):
You take me in. I'm honoring the new Benedict.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
Don shakes hands with Vance.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
By Jove Vance. This is a surprise. I never dreamed
that you were engaged.
Speaker 9 (28:01):
I had never dreamed it myself.
Speaker 5 (28:04):
Come, miss Lawrence. Vance is the finest fellow in the world.
Speaker 7 (28:09):
I'm beginning to think he is.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
They crossed to door left, Ferdie coming center with Suzanne
and Margaret.
Speaker 6 (28:18):
Awfully jolly, you know now we're all engaged.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Face left as if going to dinner.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Well, I must say that this was sooner than I expected.
But I expected it all alone.
Speaker 9 (28:32):
Yes, I began to think I did myself.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
They face left, curtain end a back too end of
Parlor Matches by Walter ben Hare
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