September 19, 2025 • 30 mins
Dr. Laurie discusses the "Impact of Aging on Men's Sexuality. You'll also hear answers to listener submitted questions, and get Dr. Laurie's take on "Sex in the News".
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Passion with doctor Lori Battito and John Paul.
This is gonna help you, John, because you're in the
(00:22):
zone exactly the aging process for men. You know, men
experience this at different times. It's interesting because women it's predictable.
They go through menopause and they see significant changes, but
men age at a different pace. Each man can age
at a different pace, and they don't all experience drastic changes,
(00:46):
but more slower changes until one day they wake up
and say, wait a minute, I'm not functioning like I
used to. What's wrong right? And they don't realize or
recognize that this is part of aging. So one of
the reasons I wrote my book this Sex Bible for
people over fifty, and why we're talking about this right
now is information is key here so as to avoid
(01:10):
panic and avoid you know, like, oh, what's happening to me?
(01:31):
Please do Passion with doctor Lori and John and you
can DM us any questions that you have as well,
and they will be answered here on a you know,
following podcast. So I'm at a stage in life now
(01:58):
when my kids are of marriage age. I actually have
one getting married, but all their friends are getting married.
So I get to watch and sit back and see
how are these proposals happening, etc. Etc. So there's all right.
This was a study done by an engagement ring company
or expert or whatever called seventy seven Diamonds, and they
(02:21):
revealed that almost one in five gen Zers who have
received a proposal admit to having orchestrated the whole occasion themselves,
and that a proposal doesn't count if it isn't posted
on social media for all to see. You know, there
was a time when proposals were really intimate, private things.
(02:43):
I don't think that's the case anymore. Right, They has
to be photo worthy, they have to recreate to make
sure they have the right photos, etc. So they came
up with some statistics here. When it comes to the
time spent together before proposing, gen Z doesn't seem to
have a solid rule in place. In fact, responses very significantly,
(03:04):
with fourteen percent saying they had been together for seven years,
with another fourteen who had been together for less than
six months. However, the gen Z sweet spot is between
two and three years, as attested to by twenty eight
percent of respondents. The survey then reveals that surprise proposals
have fallen out of fashion, with seventy three percent saying
(03:25):
they knew it was coming before it happened. So more
than a quarter say they had actively hinted or had
conversations about their desire to get engaged. Yeah. So, as
for the proposal itself, twenty seven percent say they offered
hints or gave specific requirements about how the proposals should
(03:49):
take place, while one in five admit to having orchestrated
the whole thing themselves. I'm thinking the women are responsible
on this one. I'm like, I don't know, just a hunch.
So the most common reason for wanting to have a
hand in the proposal planning is to ensure the engagement
(04:13):
ring is right, followed by controlling whether the proposal takes
place in a private or public setting, and whether or
not it happens in the presence of family and friends.
Gen Z still give up most importance to the emotional
aspects of an engagement. Good news, and this desire for
a genuine experience means they have become far less enamored
(04:35):
by the fancy or performative aspects of a proposal, and
that's when it comes to traditional proposal tropes and trends.
While social media has made it a trend to post
your engagement pictures from idyllic locations abroad, Eighty six percent
of respondents actually say it's not at all important to
be given a destination proposal. Now we're not talking destination weddings,
(04:59):
but destination proposals. Seventy one percent don't even think it's
important for a proposal to take place in any sort
of special location, eighty six percent don't care about their
partner preparing a proposal speech, and fifty five percent aren't
even bothered about looking their best on the day. However,
one tradition does remain a priority for gen Z's, with
(05:22):
seventy three percent saying it's important that their partner gets
down on one knee to pop the question. Half of
those surveyed believe it's not really a marriage proposal unless
it's posted on social media, with fifty percent stating a
publicity a publicly shared photo or video is vital so
(05:46):
their comment. The co founder of seventy seven Diamonds says
it is fascinating to see how attitudes towards proposals have
changed over the years. For example, Generation z Z seems
to have moved away from the old tradition of prize
proposals in favor of something based more on mutual understanding.
This doesn't make young people unromantic. It simply shows that
(06:07):
it's important for them to feel united in a relationship,
to be on the same page, and make the most
important decisions together rather than unilaterally. However, some classic aspects
of a proposal still reigned supreme, such as a bended
knee and it carefully considered engagement ring. But again, gone
are the days when most proposals arrived out of the blue.
(06:29):
Today's engagements come when you know you're on the same page,
when you have discussed your futures together, and when the
time is right for both of you, which makes sense
the whole social media thing though, But you know, I
(06:50):
think so.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah is the marriage.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Mmm? I hate gender reveals? You mean JumboTron types of proposals? Yep,
(08:10):
oh oh flash mobs? Yeah right, yeah, right right. Well,
(08:46):
you're also not like a huge social media guy, like
you don't post, you don't post your whole life on
social media, so I think just your own personality is private,
and I don't think it would fit with you anyway
to do like a big public proposal anyhow. So you know,
everybody's different and I'm not gonna yuck anybody else is young.
But it's just interesting to see what the trends are because,
(09:09):
like you said, you know, if you see everybody else
doing it, you kind of want to be a part
of that. And and so it's interesting. M mmm, I
(10:10):
guess a little bit. Yeah. And it's not fair it like,
(10:42):
I mean, really, there's there's m you know, not everybody's
on the same financial trajectory or our place at this
moment in time. And but it is interesting because people
are getting married later now, so they are more financially
stable than in the past when we'd get married in
(11:02):
our let's say, early twenties, So they do a lot
of their own planning. You know, they can budget differently,
they may not be relying on parents as much to
fund these things. And so hey, you know you want
to do it, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Don't expect me to flip the bill, right heah, good luck,
(11:49):
good luck with that cheap gift today.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
M hmm, yeah, that's true. True. Well, you know when
you can't, which I get it's being invited to a
(12:15):
wedding is a very expensive deal. Don't invite me, I'd
rather not go. Like, Frankly, it's it's you know, unless
it's somebody really really close, because the expect there are expectations,
and if you if you can't afford to go, I
guess you don't go, you know, if you that's just
the way the way it goes. Although I would hope
(12:36):
that people would not expect or would you know, the
people they invite they really want there, and that it's
not a question of money or what they give that.
I mean, listen, we can't all afford a five hundred
dollars gift. You know, imagine if you have multiple people
(12:56):
you're doing this for, like, that's a lot of money. Mm.
Low key, Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, Yeah, yeah, it's low key.
(13:20):
It's low key.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
And again it's not about the wedding.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think we go back to if we circle back,
it's not about we shouldn't be just talking about the wedding.
We should be talking about the marriage. And that's the Frankly,
that's really the bottom line. Oh my god, Yeah, oh
(14:05):
that is all true, though those are those are all true? Well, hey,
bachelor parties are crazy, are all destination bachelor parties often
and tux sied like it's an expense for the guys too,
don't get me wrong. Yeah a little, a little, ye, yeah, true,
(14:33):
you can wear the same talks to every single wedding
exactly exactly. That's right, alright, yeah, m right, And let's
(15:03):
just be you know, it's not all bad, So let's
just talk about that, and it's not all the same
for everyone. But men's sexual experiences do often change, whether
it's physical, psychological, or in emotional ways. And some of
these changes can be whether they're frustrating or even scary
(15:25):
at first. So it's really important that we understand what's normal,
what's not normal, how men can adapt to that, how
you can continue to enjoy a healthy sex life even
if it is not the exact same sex life you
had in your twenties. Okay, so you can't, like, you know,
you live your twenties once, not multiple times over, and
(15:49):
you have to be okay with that with those with
those changes. So let's talk about what's happening physically. First
of all to men is what happens now naturally is
that testosterone levels do decline. The degree to which they
decline could be different for each man, but this is
(16:09):
a hormone that is key to sex drive and sexual functioning,
so it can lead to but doesn't always lead to
a lower interest in sex, so a reduced let's say,
hunger for sex, which if you're partnered up with a woman,
(16:29):
it probably matches up at some point, so that's not
a terrible thing. One thing men will notice is that
erections are less firm, or they take longer to get there,
like they take longer to achieve the same thing that
they had, let's say previously, And they may notice and
this is what freaks out the men mostly is that,
(16:52):
oh my god, I'm not rock solid anymore, like what
the hell right? Like they have a good experience with
their own life, they know that it's not the same.
That doesn't mean it isn't good enough for penetration, because
it usually is. It's just not as solid as it
once was. It takes time for men to recover between
(17:16):
erections or between ejaculations. That's called the refractory period. You know,
when you're younger, you could go five ten times even
in a day when you're in your early twenties, and
then that declines with age where you need to recover
like it might take you know, by the time you
hit seventy or something, you might need a day or
(17:36):
two to recover before you could go again. So that
that happens, a lot of men will complain about less
intense orgasm. They will complain about a decreased volume of ejaculation.
So these are the differences that they see that are
you know, very obvious to them. But these are completely
(17:57):
normal changes. I think one of the things that affects
men is the psychological part, like thinking that they're no
longer manly anymore, or you know that word virility. But
just like everybody else and everything else, life changes. The
body is changing. The body is aging, and you have
(18:20):
to look at it a little bit differently. It's like, my, yes,
I'm aging, But what's the alternative to aging? Death? Right?
It's like, is there escaping it? No? Only through death?
So would you rather live and age? Like there's a way.
You know, we often talk about aging gracefully. To me,
(18:41):
aging gracefully means accepting the aging process, and you know,
as an aging person myself, it's you know, and looking
around in my group of sixty pluses, it's not always
We all have our complaints, but we also have to
accept it. And count our blessings that hey, we're still here.
(19:04):
You know, we're still functional, We're still here, we can
still do stuff. So definitely that's part of the psychological
part of it. But it also affects men's self image
and women's too, but we're not talking about women. We're
talking about men today self image and their confidence. So
I often see men who when they start to have
(19:28):
either a reduced libido or difficult a little more difficulty
with their erections, they worry, and so it develops into
a performance anxiety, right they have in their heads like
oh my god, Oh my god, will I be able
to perform? Is it going to be hard enough? Is
it going to you know, am I going to get
that erection? Or whatever. They sometimes live with shame and
embarrassment about their rectile difficulties. I see men aging men
(19:54):
often in a kind of a depressed state because of
frustration or sadness, which also, by the way, could be
an indicator of androgen deficiency syndrome, which is a more
drastic drop in testosterone which can cause symptoms of depression
(20:15):
along with the rectile dysfunction, low libido, et cetera, et cetera.
So it is something that you should check with your
doctor because there is treatment. There are treatment options for
androgen deficiency syndrome otherwise known as andropause, which is like
the male menopause kind of thing, but you know, menopause
about the stopping of mensis. Men don't have mensis, so
(20:37):
it's more of we call it androgen deficiency syndrome. There's
also a fear, like from a psychological point of view,
of being seen as less desirable. You know, do I
still got it? I don't got it? You know, like
that whole that kind of thing. So I think it's
important that men address their stress, their anxiety and depression.
(21:01):
I think it's really important to be able to identify
that and see what the root cause of that. Men
who are in relationships, they can notice a change in
their sexual rhythm, for example. So and here we can
talk about or equality over quantity, because oftentimes as couples
(21:24):
age together, they may have less sex, but they feel
more emotionally connected and sex becomes much less about a
performance and much more about intimacy and closeness, which is
a positive thing. By the way, Sometimes we get to
a point where there's a mismatched libido and so there's
(21:48):
a lot of frustration around that, and that's probably number
one problem I see in couples who come to see
me who are a little older, that they may have
a completely mismatched libido and then they can communicate about it,
and they get very first frustrated and they start avoiding,
and they start avoiding connection and intimacy, and the whole
thing just kind of breaks down. So it is important
that that is dealt with. And also for men who
(22:13):
are older who have partners who are men a puzzle.
That's another element that they have to also learn to
deal with because they have to understand what's going on
and not take it personally like it's not about you,
it's about her and what she may be going through,
(22:34):
but her changes are going to affect him, and so
we have to work on that as well. So you
have to work if they're in a couple, you have
to work on both both ends here to be able
to help and you know, make some changes, et cetera,
et cetera. So again a plug for my book, The
Sex Bible for People Over fifty is really a book
(22:56):
for couples because it covers both men's aging, women's ages
and what the couples can do to improve in many,
many different areas. Now, as men get older, they also
experience more physical issues, right heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity,
(23:16):
prostate problems. All of these things will impact sexuality, you know,
so prostate cancer leading cancer in men. The treatment for
prostate cancer can lead to sexual side effects, so important
to talk to your doctor about that. What are some
(23:37):
of the options that you can do that will help you,
et cetera, et cetera. So these are things that you
can do now. Also, the medications that help with any
of these conditions, like whether they're beta blockers or antidepressants,
can also impact libido or erectile functions. So these are
(23:59):
things that are often not talked about in a doctor's office.
So you get prescriptions, but there's no indicators that go
with it, you know, like, hey, by the way you're
gonna be taking this medication, you may notice that you're
gonna have difficulties with your erections, or you may notice that,
you know, whatever, whatever. So it is important that this
(24:21):
is discussed with a doctor. But it's even more important
that your overall health is looked after and that you
look after your overall health. So maintaining a healthy lifestyle
is super important, and that's for everything. You know, you
don't want to die young. You want to stay as
(24:42):
healthy for as long as possible. So these are things
that you certainly should be taken care of. Sustaining physically active.
You want good circulation. If you think about a rectile health,
what is it about. It's about blood filling up the
penile cavities. And if you don't have good cardiovascular health,
(25:04):
then you're not going to get enough blood flow. So
good circulation is what you're looking for, and staying physically
active is what is going to promote good blood circulation.
So this is really really really important. Obviously, a healthy diet,
you know, it's a heart healthy diet. You're taking care
(25:27):
of your heart. Obesity is not going to help your heart,
so you want to keep your weight down. Managing your
stress that's another thing, right, Stress is a really important
it's a number one killer of libido. Also, so as
we get older, we may have more worries, you know,
we may have more financial stress, we start worrying about retirement,
(25:51):
you start thinking about different things, even though it could
be a period in your life where you are less
stressed because you don't have young kids and you're looking
to slow down a little bit and whatever. For some
people it is it is a period of high stress,
and especially if there are you see major changes in
your sexuality, that in itself can be the stress the
(26:13):
stressor so that's really important. If you see that you
have a rectile like a persistent erectile dysfunction, then there's
help for you. There's all kinds of medications that can help.
Seeing a therapist can help, talking to your doctor can help.
One of the things that we talk about is exploring
(26:37):
new ways of intimacy. In other words, sex can be different,
so slowing it down, taking more time, more for play.
Sex doesn't have to be penetrative. That's just one form
of sexuality. But non penetrative sex, whether it's oral sex
(27:00):
or manual manipulation or anything of that can be gratifying,
can be just as gratifying. And I think it's important
that we like we redefine, not redefined, but extend the
definition of sexuality because oftentimes when we hear the word sex,
(27:20):
what do you think of You think of intercourse, But
that's only one part of sexuality. So I think it's
really really important that you know that we are able
to extend that. So there's lots to consider here, But
I don't want people to either panic. I think if
(27:41):
if you have the right attitude, your sex life can
actually become richer, can be more emotionally connected, can be
just as meaningful, more so than it was in your youth.
It'll just be different. Can we accept different? You know,
can we accept change? I think that's the biggest question, right.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Except I think our attraction, our attraction is still If
I look at men, I look at women, older women,
older men, the attraction is still too and I mean
attraction like in your like the fantasy, right you're not
fantasizing about an older body, or you're still you know,
(29:39):
older women can still fantasize about the fireman. You know,
you know what I mean in this, Okay, So it's
not except in real life. That's not the case in
real life. You oftentimes, if I look at single men
in their sixties, they're not looking for the thirty year
old woman. The majority are looking for people their own age.
(30:03):
You know, everyone wants to look like good for their age,
and that means like taking care of yourself. Right, So
it's not about looking so young and that they're looking
for young people. That's not the case. That's a myth.
I think a lot of people think, oh, yeah, he's
going to treat in his sixty year old wife or
(30:25):
a thirty year old wife.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
No, most are not interested in that. They have much
more in common with an age you know, someone closer
to their age, and the attraction is beyond the physical. Yes,
of course you want to be physically attracted to your partner,
but it's not the number one thing that they're looking for.
(30:48):
So when it comes to porn, I think they're still
watching the same porn they probably have always watched. Although
one of the most common searches is for milf porn. Okay, mothers,
I'd like to you know so, and maybe now even
(31:08):
guilf porn grandmothers. Right, But again that's a testament to
women looking and taking maybe better care of themselves these days,
and looking younger than their counterparts. You know, if you
think of if I think of like when my mother
(31:29):
was sixty, I thought that was old. You know. Now
I'm over sixty. I don't feel old, you know what
I mean. So it's a little different. We may be
looking at it a bit differently. I don't know. And
maybe we just have more self care. We're focusing more
on self care. So, and it's the attraction is to
(31:51):
the older woman being more wise and open and free,
freer with our sexuality than in young years, even if
she's met apausle. So I think that's the attraction to that.
Does that make sense? Does it worry you about as
(32:17):
a guy for your aging? Like, are these things that
you've ever thought about? Interesting? Right? Yeah? Yeah? And you
(33:01):
care less what people think too, so you do a
lot more of what you want.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
Yeah, okay, right, yeah, okay, but you're twenty, but.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Your penis is no longer twenty five, John. Your brain
might be, but your penis isn't. Not to get too personal,
not that I know it, but you know, there are
things that you know may start to change may and
you're lucky. Maybe at fifty you haven't noticed any major changes.
(34:48):
That's funny, No, you have. You should have used it
more before. It's not about quantity. Just remember that, Okay,
(35:08):
just remember that. That's all I want you to remember,
quality over quantity, right.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
And you may have had like the you know, you
may remember the incredible sexual experiences that you had in
your youth. But so what like the relationship you're in
now years into a relationship, It doesn't have to be
the best sex of your life. It just has to
be good enough sex. Like people forget about that. Good
(35:59):
enough is good enough exactly. Let's go with good enough. Okay. Oh,
that's funny, I called it. That's when my swim that's
(36:29):
when my swimmers were the best.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
You're funny. Yeah, that's cute. Oh alrighty.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Please. So I'm only going to address the safe sex
(37:24):
is That's really the only question they're asking here. Okay,
So just to be clear, is there a guarantee that
you don't get an STI No, because the only guarantee
is to remain abstinent. So we only talk about safer
sex practices, not safe sex practices, and we should always
(37:44):
practice safer sex. So this person is having anal sex
with partners who have other multiple partners, because many are
sex workers. Let's just say so, without fail, condoms must
be used every single time. That is the best option
(38:06):
to stay as safe as possible. Now, other preventative strategies
do include vaccines and medications, but they're not guarantees of
complete safety. Although they do reduce the risk. So the
vaccines to consider are things like the human papillomavirus vaccine
that reduces the risk of genital warts that are linked
(38:28):
to certain cancers like penile cancer for example, and for
women cervical cancer. There's the hepatitis vaccine that reduces the
risk of that viral infection that can actually lead to
liver disease. And this vaccine is especially recommended for men
who have sex with men or for people who have
(38:50):
multiple sex partners or unprotected sex. You need to consider
possible HIV infection. Now, there is a medication that's called PREP,
which is pre exposure profhylaxis that that's a medication that
is taken daily which is highly effective in preventing HIV transmission.
(39:14):
There's also one called PEP, which is post exposure prophylaxis
that you take after potential HIV exposure to reduce the
risk of the infection. So if the other thing, too,
is because you're having sex with multiple partners, who have
sex with multiple partners, you need absolutely to get tested
(39:39):
for sexually transmitted infections very regularly. Early detection can reduce
the risk of even more serious consequences. So that's something
that is an absolute necessity. So the skin of the
(40:22):
penis is probably more sensitive than any other areas of
the body, So if you're going to use anything on there,
you have to use a mild cream or some non
irritating product, So things like you want to avoid creams
that have strong fragrances or alcohol ouch can you imagine that,
(40:46):
or any artificial added is, because they can irritate the
sensitive skin. So if you're if it's a minor cut
on the penis, you can use like a low strength
hydrocortisan cream to reduce the swelling, but you don't want
to use too much much of that. Maybe polysporin which
can help prevent infection, or some kind of soothing gel
(41:07):
like an Alovira kind of gel, or an aquafor which
is like a healing ointment, which is like a vazoline,
or something like that vitamin E oil, which is great.
It's often used to repair tissues or for scarring or
things like that. So those are some of the things
you want to use and to protect the penis while
it's healing. I would use a zinc oxide cream, like
(41:30):
you know the kinds of creams that are used for
dipper rashes. It kind of protect puts like a thick
like a thick layer of protection and that you know,
there's like a barrier, and that can be very soothing
and it can help healing. But if the if it
doesn't heal after a few days, I would suggest that
you see a doctor and certainly look out for things
(41:53):
like swelling, redness, severe pain, puss, anything like that, because
if you do not want to get a major infection
on your penis and risk even more complications, that is
for sure, right. And if you have a cot like,
don't swim in a swamp. You know, you don't want
(42:14):
sepsis or anything like that. You don't want any kind
of bacteria to get in there that could cause a
more serious infection. Don't swim in swamps. Yeah that too. Yes,
(42:37):
this has been being talked about quite a bit micro cheating,
and I'll tell you what it's all about on the
next episode. Yes, thank you to our listeners. Thank you
very much for being part of our team here and
part of our Passion family. We really do appreciate your listenership.
(42:59):
Thank you to Stephen Voice. The music that you hear
on on this podcast is his original music that he
has graciously allowed us to use, so thank you very much.
And John, thank thank you for being part of my life,
my week and doing this with me. Yes, we shall
(43:42):
take good care. John Passion with Doctor Loriotito and John Paul.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
To submit questions, business inquiries, or just to connect, visit
doctor Laurie dot com.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Thank you for supporting Passions
This is Passion with doctor Lori Battito and John Paul.
This is gonna help you, John, because you're in the
(00:22):
zone exactly the aging process for men. You know, men
experience this at different times. It's interesting because women it's predictable.
They go through menopause and they see significant changes, but
men age at a different pace. Each man can age
at a different pace, and they don't all experience drastic changes,
(00:46):
but more slower changes until one day they wake up
and say, wait a minute, I'm not functioning like I
used to. What's wrong right? And they don't realize or
recognize that this is part of aging. So one of
the reasons I wrote my book this Sex Bible for
people over fifty, and why we're talking about this right
now is information is key here so as to avoid
(01:10):
panic and avoid you know, like, oh, what's happening to me?
(01:31):
Please do Passion with doctor Lori and John and you
can DM us any questions that you have as well,
and they will be answered here on a you know,
following podcast. So I'm at a stage in life now
(01:58):
when my kids are of marriage age. I actually have
one getting married, but all their friends are getting married.
So I get to watch and sit back and see
how are these proposals happening, etc. Etc. So there's all right.
This was a study done by an engagement ring company
or expert or whatever called seventy seven Diamonds, and they
(02:21):
revealed that almost one in five gen Zers who have
received a proposal admit to having orchestrated the whole occasion themselves,
and that a proposal doesn't count if it isn't posted
on social media for all to see. You know, there
was a time when proposals were really intimate, private things.
(02:43):
I don't think that's the case anymore. Right, They has
to be photo worthy, they have to recreate to make
sure they have the right photos, etc. So they came
up with some statistics here. When it comes to the
time spent together before proposing, gen Z doesn't seem to
have a solid rule in place. In fact, responses very significantly,
(03:04):
with fourteen percent saying they had been together for seven years,
with another fourteen who had been together for less than
six months. However, the gen Z sweet spot is between
two and three years, as attested to by twenty eight
percent of respondents. The survey then reveals that surprise proposals
have fallen out of fashion, with seventy three percent saying
(03:25):
they knew it was coming before it happened. So more
than a quarter say they had actively hinted or had
conversations about their desire to get engaged. Yeah. So, as
for the proposal itself, twenty seven percent say they offered
hints or gave specific requirements about how the proposals should
(03:49):
take place, while one in five admit to having orchestrated
the whole thing themselves. I'm thinking the women are responsible
on this one. I'm like, I don't know, just a hunch.
So the most common reason for wanting to have a
hand in the proposal planning is to ensure the engagement
(04:13):
ring is right, followed by controlling whether the proposal takes
place in a private or public setting, and whether or
not it happens in the presence of family and friends.
Gen Z still give up most importance to the emotional
aspects of an engagement. Good news, and this desire for
a genuine experience means they have become far less enamored
(04:35):
by the fancy or performative aspects of a proposal, and
that's when it comes to traditional proposal tropes and trends.
While social media has made it a trend to post
your engagement pictures from idyllic locations abroad, Eighty six percent
of respondents actually say it's not at all important to
be given a destination proposal. Now we're not talking destination weddings,
(04:59):
but destination proposals. Seventy one percent don't even think it's
important for a proposal to take place in any sort
of special location, eighty six percent don't care about their
partner preparing a proposal speech, and fifty five percent aren't
even bothered about looking their best on the day. However,
one tradition does remain a priority for gen Z's, with
(05:22):
seventy three percent saying it's important that their partner gets
down on one knee to pop the question. Half of
those surveyed believe it's not really a marriage proposal unless
it's posted on social media, with fifty percent stating a
publicity a publicly shared photo or video is vital so
(05:46):
their comment. The co founder of seventy seven Diamonds says
it is fascinating to see how attitudes towards proposals have
changed over the years. For example, Generation z Z seems
to have moved away from the old tradition of prize
proposals in favor of something based more on mutual understanding.
This doesn't make young people unromantic. It simply shows that
(06:07):
it's important for them to feel united in a relationship,
to be on the same page, and make the most
important decisions together rather than unilaterally. However, some classic aspects
of a proposal still reigned supreme, such as a bended
knee and it carefully considered engagement ring. But again, gone
are the days when most proposals arrived out of the blue.
(06:29):
Today's engagements come when you know you're on the same page,
when you have discussed your futures together, and when the
time is right for both of you, which makes sense
the whole social media thing though, But you know, I
(06:50):
think so.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah is the marriage.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Mmm? I hate gender reveals? You mean JumboTron types of proposals? Yep,
(08:10):
oh oh flash mobs? Yeah right, yeah, right right. Well,
(08:46):
you're also not like a huge social media guy, like
you don't post, you don't post your whole life on
social media, so I think just your own personality is private,
and I don't think it would fit with you anyway
to do like a big public proposal anyhow. So you know,
everybody's different and I'm not gonna yuck anybody else is young.
But it's just interesting to see what the trends are because,
(09:09):
like you said, you know, if you see everybody else
doing it, you kind of want to be a part
of that. And and so it's interesting. M mmm, I
(10:10):
guess a little bit. Yeah. And it's not fair it like,
(10:42):
I mean, really, there's there's m you know, not everybody's
on the same financial trajectory or our place at this
moment in time. And but it is interesting because people
are getting married later now, so they are more financially
stable than in the past when we'd get married in
(11:02):
our let's say, early twenties, So they do a lot
of their own planning. You know, they can budget differently,
they may not be relying on parents as much to
fund these things. And so hey, you know you want
to do it, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Don't expect me to flip the bill, right heah, good luck,
(11:49):
good luck with that cheap gift today.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
M hmm, yeah, that's true. True. Well, you know when
you can't, which I get it's being invited to a
(12:15):
wedding is a very expensive deal. Don't invite me, I'd
rather not go. Like, Frankly, it's it's you know, unless
it's somebody really really close, because the expect there are expectations,
and if you if you can't afford to go, I
guess you don't go, you know, if you that's just
the way the way it goes. Although I would hope
(12:36):
that people would not expect or would you know, the
people they invite they really want there, and that it's
not a question of money or what they give that.
I mean, listen, we can't all afford a five hundred
dollars gift. You know, imagine if you have multiple people
(12:56):
you're doing this for, like, that's a lot of money. Mm.
Low key, Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, Yeah, yeah, it's low key.
(13:20):
It's low key.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
And again it's not about the wedding.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think we go back to if we circle back,
it's not about we shouldn't be just talking about the wedding.
We should be talking about the marriage. And that's the Frankly,
that's really the bottom line. Oh my god, Yeah, oh
(14:05):
that is all true, though those are those are all true? Well, hey,
bachelor parties are crazy, are all destination bachelor parties often
and tux sied like it's an expense for the guys too,
don't get me wrong. Yeah a little, a little, ye, yeah, true,
(14:33):
you can wear the same talks to every single wedding
exactly exactly. That's right, alright, yeah, m right, And let's
(15:03):
just be you know, it's not all bad, So let's
just talk about that, and it's not all the same
for everyone. But men's sexual experiences do often change, whether
it's physical, psychological, or in emotional ways. And some of
these changes can be whether they're frustrating or even scary
(15:25):
at first. So it's really important that we understand what's normal,
what's not normal, how men can adapt to that, how
you can continue to enjoy a healthy sex life even
if it is not the exact same sex life you
had in your twenties. Okay, so you can't, like, you know,
you live your twenties once, not multiple times over, and
(15:49):
you have to be okay with that with those with
those changes. So let's talk about what's happening physically. First
of all to men is what happens now naturally is
that testosterone levels do decline. The degree to which they
decline could be different for each man, but this is
(16:09):
a hormone that is key to sex drive and sexual functioning,
so it can lead to but doesn't always lead to
a lower interest in sex, so a reduced let's say,
hunger for sex, which if you're partnered up with a woman,
(16:29):
it probably matches up at some point, so that's not
a terrible thing. One thing men will notice is that
erections are less firm, or they take longer to get there,
like they take longer to achieve the same thing that
they had, let's say previously, And they may notice and
this is what freaks out the men mostly is that,
(16:52):
oh my god, I'm not rock solid anymore, like what
the hell right? Like they have a good experience with
their own life, they know that it's not the same.
That doesn't mean it isn't good enough for penetration, because
it usually is. It's just not as solid as it
once was. It takes time for men to recover between
(17:16):
erections or between ejaculations. That's called the refractory period. You know,
when you're younger, you could go five ten times even
in a day when you're in your early twenties, and
then that declines with age where you need to recover
like it might take you know, by the time you
hit seventy or something, you might need a day or
(17:36):
two to recover before you could go again. So that
that happens, a lot of men will complain about less
intense orgasm. They will complain about a decreased volume of ejaculation.
So these are the differences that they see that are
you know, very obvious to them. But these are completely
(17:57):
normal changes. I think one of the things that affects
men is the psychological part, like thinking that they're no
longer manly anymore, or you know that word virility. But
just like everybody else and everything else, life changes. The
body is changing. The body is aging, and you have
(18:20):
to look at it a little bit differently. It's like, my, yes,
I'm aging, But what's the alternative to aging? Death? Right?
It's like, is there escaping it? No? Only through death?
So would you rather live and age? Like there's a way.
You know, we often talk about aging gracefully. To me,
(18:41):
aging gracefully means accepting the aging process, and you know,
as an aging person myself, it's you know, and looking
around in my group of sixty pluses, it's not always
We all have our complaints, but we also have to
accept it. And count our blessings that hey, we're still here.
(19:04):
You know, we're still functional, We're still here, we can
still do stuff. So definitely that's part of the psychological
part of it. But it also affects men's self image
and women's too, but we're not talking about women. We're
talking about men today self image and their confidence. So
I often see men who when they start to have
(19:28):
either a reduced libido or difficult a little more difficulty
with their erections, they worry, and so it develops into
a performance anxiety, right they have in their heads like
oh my god, Oh my god, will I be able
to perform? Is it going to be hard enough? Is
it going to you know, am I going to get
that erection? Or whatever. They sometimes live with shame and
embarrassment about their rectile difficulties. I see men aging men
(19:54):
often in a kind of a depressed state because of
frustration or sadness, which also, by the way, could be
an indicator of androgen deficiency syndrome, which is a more
drastic drop in testosterone which can cause symptoms of depression
(20:15):
along with the rectile dysfunction, low libido, et cetera, et cetera.
So it is something that you should check with your
doctor because there is treatment. There are treatment options for
androgen deficiency syndrome otherwise known as andropause, which is like
the male menopause kind of thing, but you know, menopause
about the stopping of mensis. Men don't have mensis, so
(20:37):
it's more of we call it androgen deficiency syndrome. There's
also a fear, like from a psychological point of view,
of being seen as less desirable. You know, do I
still got it? I don't got it? You know, like
that whole that kind of thing. So I think it's
important that men address their stress, their anxiety and depression.
(21:01):
I think it's really important to be able to identify
that and see what the root cause of that. Men
who are in relationships, they can notice a change in
their sexual rhythm, for example. So and here we can
talk about or equality over quantity, because oftentimes as couples
(21:24):
age together, they may have less sex, but they feel
more emotionally connected and sex becomes much less about a
performance and much more about intimacy and closeness, which is
a positive thing. By the way, Sometimes we get to
a point where there's a mismatched libido and so there's
(21:48):
a lot of frustration around that, and that's probably number
one problem I see in couples who come to see
me who are a little older, that they may have
a completely mismatched libido and then they can communicate about it,
and they get very first frustrated and they start avoiding,
and they start avoiding connection and intimacy, and the whole
thing just kind of breaks down. So it is important
that that is dealt with. And also for men who
(22:13):
are older who have partners who are men a puzzle.
That's another element that they have to also learn to
deal with because they have to understand what's going on
and not take it personally like it's not about you,
it's about her and what she may be going through,
(22:34):
but her changes are going to affect him, and so
we have to work on that as well. So you
have to work if they're in a couple, you have
to work on both both ends here to be able
to help and you know, make some changes, et cetera,
et cetera. So again a plug for my book, The
Sex Bible for People Over fifty is really a book
(22:56):
for couples because it covers both men's aging, women's ages
and what the couples can do to improve in many,
many different areas. Now, as men get older, they also
experience more physical issues, right heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity,
(23:16):
prostate problems. All of these things will impact sexuality, you know,
so prostate cancer leading cancer in men. The treatment for
prostate cancer can lead to sexual side effects, so important
to talk to your doctor about that. What are some
(23:37):
of the options that you can do that will help you,
et cetera, et cetera. So these are things that you
can do now. Also, the medications that help with any
of these conditions, like whether they're beta blockers or antidepressants,
can also impact libido or erectile functions. So these are
(23:59):
things that are often not talked about in a doctor's office.
So you get prescriptions, but there's no indicators that go
with it, you know, like, hey, by the way you're
gonna be taking this medication, you may notice that you're
gonna have difficulties with your erections, or you may notice that,
you know, whatever, whatever. So it is important that this
(24:21):
is discussed with a doctor. But it's even more important
that your overall health is looked after and that you
look after your overall health. So maintaining a healthy lifestyle
is super important, and that's for everything. You know, you
don't want to die young. You want to stay as
(24:42):
healthy for as long as possible. So these are things
that you certainly should be taken care of. Sustaining physically active.
You want good circulation. If you think about a rectile health,
what is it about. It's about blood filling up the
penile cavities. And if you don't have good cardiovascular health,
(25:04):
then you're not going to get enough blood flow. So
good circulation is what you're looking for, and staying physically
active is what is going to promote good blood circulation.
So this is really really really important. Obviously, a healthy diet,
you know, it's a heart healthy diet. You're taking care
(25:27):
of your heart. Obesity is not going to help your heart,
so you want to keep your weight down. Managing your
stress that's another thing, right, Stress is a really important
it's a number one killer of libido. Also, so as
we get older, we may have more worries, you know,
we may have more financial stress, we start worrying about retirement,
(25:51):
you start thinking about different things, even though it could
be a period in your life where you are less
stressed because you don't have young kids and you're looking
to slow down a little bit and whatever. For some
people it is it is a period of high stress,
and especially if there are you see major changes in
your sexuality, that in itself can be the stress the
(26:13):
stressor so that's really important. If you see that you
have a rectile like a persistent erectile dysfunction, then there's
help for you. There's all kinds of medications that can help.
Seeing a therapist can help, talking to your doctor can help.
One of the things that we talk about is exploring
(26:37):
new ways of intimacy. In other words, sex can be different,
so slowing it down, taking more time, more for play.
Sex doesn't have to be penetrative. That's just one form
of sexuality. But non penetrative sex, whether it's oral sex
(27:00):
or manual manipulation or anything of that can be gratifying,
can be just as gratifying. And I think it's important
that we like we redefine, not redefined, but extend the
definition of sexuality because oftentimes when we hear the word sex,
(27:20):
what do you think of You think of intercourse, But
that's only one part of sexuality. So I think it's
really really important that you know that we are able
to extend that. So there's lots to consider here, But
I don't want people to either panic. I think if
(27:41):
if you have the right attitude, your sex life can
actually become richer, can be more emotionally connected, can be
just as meaningful, more so than it was in your youth.
It'll just be different. Can we accept different? You know,
can we accept change? I think that's the biggest question, right.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Mm hm.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Except I think our attraction, our attraction is still If
I look at men, I look at women, older women,
older men, the attraction is still too and I mean
attraction like in your like the fantasy, right you're not
fantasizing about an older body, or you're still you know,
(29:39):
older women can still fantasize about the fireman. You know,
you know what I mean in this, Okay, So it's
not except in real life. That's not the case in
real life. You oftentimes, if I look at single men
in their sixties, they're not looking for the thirty year
old woman. The majority are looking for people their own age.
(30:03):
You know, everyone wants to look like good for their age,
and that means like taking care of yourself. Right, So
it's not about looking so young and that they're looking
for young people. That's not the case. That's a myth.
I think a lot of people think, oh, yeah, he's
going to treat in his sixty year old wife or
(30:25):
a thirty year old wife.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Like.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
No, most are not interested in that. They have much
more in common with an age you know, someone closer
to their age, and the attraction is beyond the physical. Yes,
of course you want to be physically attracted to your partner,
but it's not the number one thing that they're looking for.
(30:48):
So when it comes to porn, I think they're still
watching the same porn they probably have always watched. Although
one of the most common searches is for milf porn. Okay, mothers,
I'd like to you know so, and maybe now even
(31:08):
guilf porn grandmothers. Right, But again that's a testament to
women looking and taking maybe better care of themselves these days,
and looking younger than their counterparts. You know, if you
think of if I think of like when my mother
(31:29):
was sixty, I thought that was old. You know. Now
I'm over sixty. I don't feel old, you know what
I mean. So it's a little different. We may be
looking at it a bit differently. I don't know. And
maybe we just have more self care. We're focusing more
on self care. So, and it's the attraction is to
(31:51):
the older woman being more wise and open and free,
freer with our sexuality than in young years, even if
she's met apausle. So I think that's the attraction to that.
Does that make sense? Does it worry you about as
(32:17):
a guy for your aging? Like, are these things that
you've ever thought about? Interesting? Right? Yeah? Yeah? And you
(33:01):
care less what people think too, so you do a
lot more of what you want.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
Yeah, okay, right, yeah, okay, but you're twenty, but.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
Your penis is no longer twenty five, John. Your brain
might be, but your penis isn't. Not to get too personal,
not that I know it, but you know, there are
things that you know may start to change may and
you're lucky. Maybe at fifty you haven't noticed any major changes.
(34:48):
That's funny, No, you have. You should have used it
more before. It's not about quantity. Just remember that, Okay,
(35:08):
just remember that. That's all I want you to remember,
quality over quantity, right.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
And you may have had like the you know, you
may remember the incredible sexual experiences that you had in
your youth. But so what like the relationship you're in
now years into a relationship, It doesn't have to be
the best sex of your life. It just has to
be good enough sex. Like people forget about that. Good
(35:59):
enough is good enough exactly. Let's go with good enough. Okay. Oh,
that's funny, I called it. That's when my swim that's
(36:29):
when my swimmers were the best.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
You're funny. Yeah, that's cute. Oh alrighty.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Please. So I'm only going to address the safe sex
(37:24):
is That's really the only question they're asking here. Okay,
So just to be clear, is there a guarantee that
you don't get an STI No, because the only guarantee
is to remain abstinent. So we only talk about safer
sex practices, not safe sex practices, and we should always
(37:44):
practice safer sex. So this person is having anal sex
with partners who have other multiple partners, because many are
sex workers. Let's just say so, without fail, condoms must
be used every single time. That is the best option
(38:06):
to stay as safe as possible. Now, other preventative strategies
do include vaccines and medications, but they're not guarantees of
complete safety. Although they do reduce the risk. So the
vaccines to consider are things like the human papillomavirus vaccine
that reduces the risk of genital warts that are linked
(38:28):
to certain cancers like penile cancer for example, and for
women cervical cancer. There's the hepatitis vaccine that reduces the
risk of that viral infection that can actually lead to
liver disease. And this vaccine is especially recommended for men
who have sex with men or for people who have
(38:50):
multiple sex partners or unprotected sex. You need to consider
possible HIV infection. Now, there is a medication that's called PREP,
which is pre exposure profhylaxis that that's a medication that
is taken daily which is highly effective in preventing HIV transmission.
(39:14):
There's also one called PEP, which is post exposure prophylaxis
that you take after potential HIV exposure to reduce the
risk of the infection. So if the other thing, too,
is because you're having sex with multiple partners, who have
sex with multiple partners, you need absolutely to get tested
(39:39):
for sexually transmitted infections very regularly. Early detection can reduce
the risk of even more serious consequences. So that's something
that is an absolute necessity. So the skin of the
(40:22):
penis is probably more sensitive than any other areas of
the body, So if you're going to use anything on there,
you have to use a mild cream or some non
irritating product, So things like you want to avoid creams
that have strong fragrances or alcohol ouch can you imagine that,
(40:46):
or any artificial added is, because they can irritate the
sensitive skin. So if you're if it's a minor cut
on the penis, you can use like a low strength
hydrocortisan cream to reduce the swelling, but you don't want
to use too much much of that. Maybe polysporin which
can help prevent infection, or some kind of soothing gel
(41:07):
like an Alovira kind of gel, or an aquafor which
is like a healing ointment, which is like a vazoline,
or something like that vitamin E oil, which is great.
It's often used to repair tissues or for scarring or
things like that. So those are some of the things
you want to use and to protect the penis while
it's healing. I would use a zinc oxide cream, like
(41:30):
you know the kinds of creams that are used for
dipper rashes. It kind of protect puts like a thick
like a thick layer of protection and that you know,
there's like a barrier, and that can be very soothing
and it can help healing. But if the if it
doesn't heal after a few days, I would suggest that
you see a doctor and certainly look out for things
(41:53):
like swelling, redness, severe pain, puss, anything like that, because
if you do not want to get a major infection
on your penis and risk even more complications, that is
for sure, right. And if you have a cot like,
don't swim in a swamp. You know, you don't want
(42:14):
sepsis or anything like that. You don't want any kind
of bacteria to get in there that could cause a
more serious infection. Don't swim in swamps. Yeah that too. Yes,
(42:37):
this has been being talked about quite a bit micro cheating,
and I'll tell you what it's all about on the
next episode. Yes, thank you to our listeners. Thank you
very much for being part of our team here and
part of our Passion family. We really do appreciate your listenership.
(42:59):
Thank you to Stephen Voice. The music that you hear
on on this podcast is his original music that he
has graciously allowed us to use, so thank you very much.
And John, thank thank you for being part of my life,
my week and doing this with me. Yes, we shall
(43:42):
take good care. John Passion with Doctor Loriotito and John Paul.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
To submit questions, business inquiries, or just to connect, visit
doctor Laurie dot com.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Thank you for supporting Passions
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