July 28, 2025 • 25 mins
How do we lead with vision when life hands us disruption? In this inspiring episode, Dr. Angela Chester sits down with Dr. Niyeka Young, faith-based entrepreneur, transformation coach, and founder of Victorious Living Solutions, to explore what it means to unlock purpose, rebuild confidence, and live boldly after life’s storms.
From corporate professional to catalyst for Christian women in transition, Dr. Young shares her journey of resilience, leadership, and surrender. This conversation is for every woman who’s had to pivot with faith and rise with power.
💬 In this episode:
• The link between faith, healing, and clarity
• How to redefine success in your next chapter
• The power of Kingdom vision in business and life
• Why emotional resilience is the real secret to impact Dr. Niyeka reminds us: “God does not waste pain. He repurposes it.”
Get ready to be encouraged, empowered, and equipped.
📍Learn more about Dr. Young: VictoriousLivingSolutions.com
From corporate professional to catalyst for Christian women in transition, Dr. Young shares her journey of resilience, leadership, and surrender. This conversation is for every woman who’s had to pivot with faith and rise with power.
💬 In this episode:
• The link between faith, healing, and clarity
• How to redefine success in your next chapter
• The power of Kingdom vision in business and life
• Why emotional resilience is the real secret to impact Dr. Niyeka reminds us: “God does not waste pain. He repurposes it.”
Get ready to be encouraged, empowered, and equipped.
📍Learn more about Dr. Young: VictoriousLivingSolutions.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to Passioneer Magazine, the podcast Well You're Here, inspirational stories,
encouraging news, and in depth interviews with authors, influencers, CEOs
and thought leaders. Passioneer Magazine the podcast Bold Ideas, Brave Pursuits,
Boundless Inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello, Hello, Hello, Thank you so much for joining me
here today on Passioneer Magazine, the podcast Welcome doctor Nikiya
to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Thank you so much for having me, Doctor Angela.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm excited, absolutely absolutely now. I had the privilege of
listening to one of your talks and I so enjoy
what you shared during that time that I had to
invite you onto my show and share you with my
(01:07):
audience as well. So thank you so much for accepting
that invitation. Now, one of the things that I love
about you is that you two are a woman of
many hats. So you are a speaker, a coach, an author,
and so much more. With that being said, how did
(01:27):
your journey begin? When did you know that this path
you're on was going to be the journey for you?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Wow? Okay, I would say that I actually knew from childhood.
I was one of those kids that was always really extra,
doing a whole lot the teacher asks you what you
want to be when you grow up, and you read
a lot of fifteen things, and then they make you
do your assignment over and narrow it down. I was
(02:00):
that child, So I've always had an interest in self
help books, things having to do with mental health and wellness.
I remember even being in middle school and my school
counselor asking me to be a peer mediator, and so
I would do peer mediation counseling with my friends and
(02:22):
help them work out their issues so they wouldn't beat
each other up after school, and like that kind of
like I've always been that person. I was like Red
Cross President in middle school, just different things with wanting
to help others to be their best self, and even
with my hobbies that were more front facing, like singing, dancing,
(02:46):
all of those things, even the entertainment side of me,
even those things. Even when I released my gospel album,
it was called Victorious One, and all of the music
in that album was geared toward helping people to be victorious,
which my company is called Victorious Living Solicious. So it's
like all these common threads. It was a classic example
(03:07):
of God making me aware of my gifts and how
they interconnect to serve the purpose that he had for
my life of helping others.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
So, oh, I love that.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I love that, And I know there are going to
be some folks that are going to kind of chuckle
in the beginning when you're like, oh, it started as
a kid, that too is my story. I think there
are certain people that just know that there is a
path for you, and it really doesn't matter what you
think you're going to do. There's a certain thing that
you simply have to do in this lifetime. And I'm
(03:43):
so glad that you decided to follow that path and
do that the victorious. I love that. The word that
follows you, the word that follows me seems to be spark.
So I love that. I love that. Now you mentioned
that one of the things that you do is help
people overcome deal with settle, become victorious over their past traumas,
(04:09):
over limiting beliefs. I believe so much in the power
of one's mindset as a man thinketh so is he right?
So with that being said, what is a powerful mindset
shift that you really help people get to the way
(04:31):
in which you help them get to their aha moment
about their mindset?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Well, I always tell people that whether you think you
can or you think you can't, you're right. You're absolutely right.
Oh I can't do this, you're right. Oh I think
I can do this. I think that's possible. You're right.
So you have to decide the outcome first before you
(04:58):
even start going here, and then your mindset says this
is where I'm going. Everything else lines up to take
you where you want to go. And that's key because
it just it simplifies everything. If you're going a direction
you don't want to go, it's as simple as recalculating this,
(05:24):
and then your life will start to go the direction
you want it to go. Just like a GPS system,
you know, if you type in the address and you
got one number wrong, or you got one I don't
know number on the zip code wrong, and you're going
somewhere you don't want to go. Are you going to cry, whine?
You know, pull over on the side of the road
(05:46):
and have as mental break nervous breakdown, like oh my god,
I'm going I went the wrong way. I mean, you
could do that, but none of that is going to
get you where you want to go any faster. You
need a moment to like scream into a pillar like okay,
but get over it. The quicker you can recalculate that thing,
(06:08):
the quicker you can get to where you do want
to go.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
So yeah, absolutely absolutely, As you were As you were
saying that, it made me think about the cities that
have dual locations, like being in Long Beach. I didn't
realize that there were some other cities named Long Beach
until Hurricane Katrina happened and I found out that there
(06:35):
was a Long Beach, Mississippi, I believe it is. And
someone else said, well, there's a Long Beach I think
in like New York, And I said, oh wow, that's awesome.
I think Rome is a place like that as well.
Now don't quote me on it, but I think there's
like a Rome, Texas or something like that. And you
are so right. If you don't put in the right place,
you're not you're going to get to a destination. But
(06:57):
is it your destination? I love that example. Now you
two are someone who talks about faith based perspectives on
how to accomplish what we want to do, which includes
personal development. Of course, with that beings thatid, how do
you encourage others to tap into that spiritual wellness side
(07:21):
of them. To make things that make sure things are
lined up and are the best that they can be awesome.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
So there's several things that I encourage people to do
that want to strengthen that spiritual side. The first one is,
you know, making sure you're at a solid faith based
teaching home church. Just our churches are not created equally.
That is something that takes a lot of prayerful consideration,
(07:50):
a lot of you know, letting God guide you to
the right place. And there's so many different factors that
make something the right place for one person that may
not make it the right place for another person. So
it's one of those things where you really have to
know where you're trying to go, where God has called
(08:12):
you to go, and then go into your search for
a spiritual home based on those things. So that's the
one thing I tell people, and then another thing that
I tell people again, all of this has to be
done under the direction of the Holy Spirit of you,
talking to God of you, you know, deciding your path,
(08:34):
but knowing when to shift. Yeah, because a lot of people,
you know, they went through their search, they found a place,
they were there for a decade, two decades, I don't know,
like I've been at this place my whole life. You know,
it's great, but then we don't stay the same person
(08:57):
our entire lives, and so sometimes we're growing and we're
experiencing growing pains. Where's something that was really enriching to
us in one place. It's kind of like we're missing
each other. I'm on this wave Lengthen it's like if
you leave church feeling frustrated or feeling like there's a
(09:17):
disconnect here between you know, where God is leading me
and what's being taught. You know that knowing when to shift,
and there's a lot of different things that people need
to do to understand when it's that time. Yeah, a
lot of people, for whatever reason, feel like they can't.
I don't know where that comes from. It's kind of
(09:38):
like like you got jumped into a gain you you're
not allowed to leave, and I don't know, I'm being
I'm being silly. But some people feel like and a
lot of that comes from family pressure. A lot of
people have family members that make them feel like they
are going to go to hell and burning eternal fire
(10:00):
if they leave the family church and go to another place,
and that's not God either like, you know, don't be
manipulated by anyone if you feel like something is not
you know, working for you. And I don't understand that
mentality either. If someone is not leaving the faith in
like oh I want nothing with this altogether, they're not
(10:22):
saying they want to do that. They just said they
want to go to a different church. And God is
there too, you know. I always say, be leery of
people who try to make you feel like God is
only at one church.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Right, so everybody else in the world is doing it wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
It's right one. It's like, now, come on, that's one thing.
That's a big thing. But that's one thing. Is just
making sure you're in the right house and then also
not putting everything into that meaning and that after you
(11:00):
leave church on Sunday, there are other things that you
should be doing. You should absolutely be doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday and Saturday. Yes, you should be in your word,
you should be reading devotionals, you should be listening to sermons.
You should be you know, if you need to pop
in and attend a midweek Bible study if your schedule allows.
(11:21):
But there should be other things you're doing. You should
have your own relationship with God outside of Sunday. It's
like I always tell people, if you don't know who
you are, if you don't have an identity, an identity
will be provided for you, absolutely, and that is true
spiritually as well. If you don't know who God is,
(11:46):
then you leave yourself open for some other voice to
step in and be God for you. Yeah, and so
you need to take when you sit in church, you
should be taking notes. And then you should go home
and you should absolutely study those notes. And you should
go to those Bible scriptures that were said on Sunday,
(12:06):
and then you should get your Bible and you should
make sure that your Bible actually says that that person
could be up there telling you anything.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You are you are so right there. And I think
that people people will understand this conversation, are definitely going
to giggle through it, because boy, have I had that
conversation with folks that are like I just I don't
want to be here anymore. It's time for me to
(12:38):
move on. But a parents are still alive, but my
uncle who goes here is still here. You know, and
you are you are, so You're so right. They are
guilt tripped into staying in a particular place that is
no longer feeding them, and and that's and that's not
that's not good. We do have to be brave and
(13:02):
go where we need to go. I had that conversation
with someone and I said, you know, well, remember when
the elders used to say that that church was like
the hospital for your spiritual well being? And I said,
you know, you're onto something there, I said, However, not
(13:23):
all hospitals are equipped for trauma, not all hospitals are
equipped for brain surgery. There are certain places that have
certain types of doctors that are certified to do a
certain thing. And it doesn't mean that this church isn't
a good church. It just means that this is a
different type of injury, or this is a different thing
(13:45):
needs to be addressed. So don't be mad, don't be upset.
You know, it's okay. So you're right. They didn't want
to listen to me either, Don't worry. They didn't want
to hear you say it. They don't want to hear
me say it either. But it's like, my feelings are
my feelings are not hurt, you know. So people have
to figure that out for themselves. But you are definitely
(14:08):
onto the right thing there now you and I like
that you say that because your brand is in part
built on being your authentic self, being who you have
been called to be, but also about resilience, and I
think that that kind of ties into you have to
(14:29):
be strong, you have to be authentic, You have to
have a knowing and understanding and listen to holy spirits
prompting should you go to another location whatever that is,
another city, another church, another job, whatever, right, What advice
would you have for someone who feels that they have
been called to serve in some capacity but it is
(14:53):
not where the family tends to go.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Oh goodness. So I talked to people a lot about
boundaries a lot. It's almost no area that the subject
of boundaries doesn't come up. We could be coaching about
something entirely that you wouldn't even think had anything to
(15:22):
do with boundaries, and then boundaries will come up. This
is another one of those things. This is another one
of those things, because you're going to have to tell
people things that make them uncomfortable, but you're going to
have to release yourself from the responsibility of making other
people comfortable. Oh, this is your life, this is your
(15:46):
like on Judgment Day, we're going to stand before God
and we're going to give an account to him as
to what we did with what he gave us. It's
just like the passage in the Bible where you know,
the Master gives all of these you know, servants talents
and then he comes back to see what they did
(16:07):
with what they were given. Not oh, well, you know
my friend was doing this, so I decided to go
over here and do this. And he's not going to
ask you about what anybody else is doing with theirs.
He's this conversation is about you and what did you
do with what I put on the inside of you?
(16:29):
And so when you keep that in mind, nobody, whatever
everybody else has to say about it, that's not your problem. Like,
it's not your responsibility to make anyone else comfortable. Now,
you can, you know, have empathy and say, you know,
I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is just
really something that you know, God is impressing upon me
(16:50):
and that I need to do. Yeah, but no, it's
a complete sentence. And I mean, people can feel however
they feel. They're entitled to their opinion opinion, but you're
not entitled to live your life based on what someone
else thinks. Yeah, yeah, that is. Sometimes our family members
(17:13):
forget that. Yeah, sometimes we have to lovingly remind them.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That that is.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
That is so true.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But yeah, you know, and especially I think as as
a gen xer, I have to, like you said, you
have to be gentle. And there have been times that
we the cousins, you know, the the grandchildren, the nieces
(17:44):
and nephews, the gen x are ones of us, We've
had to remind folks that we're still young enough to
remember what you were doing when you were our age.
We remember what you said, it how you told us
or didn't tell us like we remember. Because we're now
(18:05):
you and because you are now a softer, gentler, kinder,
more mature version of yourself, you've forgotten, you know, the
the old self because you've you've become more refined and
you've figured life out a little bit more. But we
still we still have those memories. So uh, it is.
(18:29):
It is so true. Sometimes it is hard to have
those conversations with people, but I like that. The boundary
is I still have to do what is best for me,
for my family and all of that. That is that
is really that is really great advice it doesn't mean
leaving them. I think that's what they're afraid of, that
like they're going to be deserted or something. And it's
(18:51):
like it's not that. It's just people have to grow
up and find their own way and their own path.
I love that. Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, you do it the better, like, yeah, well the
longer you wait. Sorry, I don't know why my phone
just beats because I certainly puld do not disturb and
it just disturbed me. But yeah, so the longer you
wait to do it, the harder it is because now
(19:20):
it's like, you haven't said that you have any objections.
So when you don't say, people assume you are okay
with whatever the setup is. Yeah, and you never want
to let people get comfortable with a version of you
that is not really you. As well just lay your
(19:40):
real self out there and let people feel however they
want to feel about it, and everybody knows where everyone stands,
and then we can go from it. Yeah. Yeah, that's
what anything.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
That's a nugget. That is a nugget and a half.
And I know there's someone going, okay, it was it
was worth the whole part. She said it. That's confirmation.
So if you were looking for confirmation, ding ding, you
got it. That is confirmation. I love I love that,
(20:11):
and I think especially as we as we start to
mature age wise, right, we also have to establish that
we're no longer that twenty year old head that was
trying to find their way. We are a whole, grown
person now who who has different cares, wishes, hope's desires
and boundaries. I like that word and boundaries right that
(20:35):
we really need to step into that to be our
authentic self. Nugget of wisdom. Thank you so much for that.
Not to doctor Nokia.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Now.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
The last question I have for you, is we mentioned
it in the beginning, is that you are also an author.
Please tell me about your book.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Okay, so I have a book. I actually released it
in twenty seventeen, but it is one of those books
that's always going to be relevant, and it is called
Virtue Chic Classy takes center Stage. And this book is
all about navigating the tricky realm of being a virtuous
(21:15):
woman in the twenty first century because it's crazy. So
I say, when people ask me, like who is this
book for, I want to say, if you have any
one who is in their twenties and thirties, or they're
graduating high school getting ready to be launched out into
the world. This is the book for them. It's everything
(21:38):
that I wish somebody would have gave me wrapped up
in a nice little book when I went off into
the world. And so it gives you dating advice, style advice,
relationship advice in terms of your relationships with friends, the
kind of people who should be in your inner circle,
the kind of people who absolutely should not be in
your inner circle. Each chapter has a life coaching exercise
(22:02):
at the end, or like a little journal activity. It's
just a phenomenal book. It's humorous, it's a very easy read,
and it just encourages you. Really because I say in
the book, and I say this a lot people laugh
at me. I say, being a virtuous woman in this
day and age is you're a unicorn. You're essentially a unicorn.
(22:26):
And people may not give you that pat on the
back and say, you know, go you for being virtuous.
The guys in the church may literally pass you up
for Instagram models who are not virtuous. They say they
want a virtuous woman, and then their actions say something else.
I talk about all of that and how to stay encouraged, like, well,
(22:48):
what do I need to do? Should I be doing? No,
you should be doing what God called you to do.
So it's just a funny, hilarious, encouraging book to encourage
young women to be who they are. We talk about
purity culture a little bit too, because a lot of
people are kind of like, there's this whole movement. I
(23:10):
don't know, you're probably aware of it to that, you know,
purity culture is bad and telling women, you know, to
save themselves for marriage and all of that stuff. It's bad.
It puts all the responsibility on the woman and what
about the guy? And what about We talk about it.
We talk about it. So I don't want to spoil
it for you, but it's a very good book. I
(23:33):
say churches should buy this book for their women's ministry. Enjoy.
You could do a whole eight week coor like you, guys,
women's minstry were gonna meet and we're gonna go over
each chapter of this book each weekend. You will have
a very good discussion.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I love it and a little bit of instruction.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I love that I write women's ministry leaders you have.
That's a challenge. Accept that challenge. I love it. I
love it. You know you are, You're so right. So
many times we hear that the nice guy finishes last,
but I think you're right. The virtuous woman is kind
of the equivalent, and she gets overlooked, she gets passed
(24:14):
by because she's not always the one chosen, but but
should be the one chosen. So you are, You're definitely
right with that.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
They always come back around, back, come back around that.
The key is just not for you to be sitting
somewhere waiting for them to come back around, because, sir,
who said I was gonna be where you left me
when you right stopping and sliding, I don't have my
(24:44):
bow by then. I'm just saying I love it. I
love it touching nick Kid.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, thank you so much for accepting the invitation and
spending some time with me here on Passion, your magazine,
the podcast. I haven't joining my conversation with you. Thank
you again for being a guest.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Thank you for having me. I've had a ball too,
Thank
Speaker 1 (25:07):
You, Thank you for listening to Passion, her magazine, the
podcast
Welcome to Passioneer Magazine, the podcast Well You're Here, inspirational stories,
encouraging news, and in depth interviews with authors, influencers, CEOs
and thought leaders. Passioneer Magazine the podcast Bold Ideas, Brave Pursuits,
Boundless Inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hello, Hello, Hello, Thank you so much for joining me
here today on Passioneer Magazine, the podcast Welcome doctor Nikiya
to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Thank you so much for having me, Doctor Angela.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I'm excited, absolutely absolutely now. I had the privilege of
listening to one of your talks and I so enjoy
what you shared during that time that I had to
invite you onto my show and share you with my
(01:07):
audience as well. So thank you so much for accepting
that invitation. Now, one of the things that I love
about you is that you two are a woman of
many hats. So you are a speaker, a coach, an author,
and so much more. With that being said, how did
(01:27):
your journey begin? When did you know that this path
you're on was going to be the journey for you?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Wow? Okay, I would say that I actually knew from childhood.
I was one of those kids that was always really extra,
doing a whole lot the teacher asks you what you
want to be when you grow up, and you read
a lot of fifteen things, and then they make you
do your assignment over and narrow it down. I was
(02:00):
that child, So I've always had an interest in self
help books, things having to do with mental health and wellness.
I remember even being in middle school and my school
counselor asking me to be a peer mediator, and so
I would do peer mediation counseling with my friends and
(02:22):
help them work out their issues so they wouldn't beat
each other up after school, and like that kind of
like I've always been that person. I was like Red
Cross President in middle school, just different things with wanting
to help others to be their best self, and even
with my hobbies that were more front facing, like singing, dancing,
(02:46):
all of those things, even the entertainment side of me,
even those things. Even when I released my gospel album,
it was called Victorious One, and all of the music
in that album was geared toward helping people to be victorious,
which my company is called Victorious Living Solicious. So it's
like all these common threads. It was a classic example
(03:07):
of God making me aware of my gifts and how
they interconnect to serve the purpose that he had for
my life of helping others.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
So, oh, I love that.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
I love that, And I know there are going to
be some folks that are going to kind of chuckle
in the beginning when you're like, oh, it started as
a kid, that too is my story. I think there
are certain people that just know that there is a
path for you, and it really doesn't matter what you
think you're going to do. There's a certain thing that
you simply have to do in this lifetime. And I'm
(03:43):
so glad that you decided to follow that path and
do that the victorious. I love that. The word that
follows you, the word that follows me seems to be spark.
So I love that. I love that. Now you mentioned
that one of the things that you do is help
people overcome deal with settle, become victorious over their past traumas,
(04:09):
over limiting beliefs. I believe so much in the power
of one's mindset as a man thinketh so is he right?
So with that being said, what is a powerful mindset
shift that you really help people get to the way
(04:31):
in which you help them get to their aha moment
about their mindset?
Speaker 3 (04:36):
Well, I always tell people that whether you think you
can or you think you can't, you're right. You're absolutely right.
Oh I can't do this, you're right. Oh I think
I can do this. I think that's possible. You're right.
So you have to decide the outcome first before you
(04:58):
even start going here, and then your mindset says this
is where I'm going. Everything else lines up to take
you where you want to go. And that's key because
it just it simplifies everything. If you're going a direction
you don't want to go, it's as simple as recalculating this,
(05:24):
and then your life will start to go the direction
you want it to go. Just like a GPS system,
you know, if you type in the address and you
got one number wrong, or you got one I don't
know number on the zip code wrong, and you're going
somewhere you don't want to go. Are you going to cry, whine?
You know, pull over on the side of the road
(05:46):
and have as mental break nervous breakdown, like oh my god,
I'm going I went the wrong way. I mean, you
could do that, but none of that is going to
get you where you want to go any faster. You
need a moment to like scream into a pillar like okay,
but get over it. The quicker you can recalculate that thing,
(06:08):
the quicker you can get to where you do want
to go.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
So yeah, absolutely absolutely, As you were As you were
saying that, it made me think about the cities that
have dual locations, like being in Long Beach. I didn't
realize that there were some other cities named Long Beach
until Hurricane Katrina happened and I found out that there
(06:35):
was a Long Beach, Mississippi, I believe it is. And
someone else said, well, there's a Long Beach I think
in like New York, And I said, oh wow, that's awesome.
I think Rome is a place like that as well.
Now don't quote me on it, but I think there's
like a Rome, Texas or something like that. And you
are so right. If you don't put in the right place,
you're not you're going to get to a destination. But
(06:57):
is it your destination? I love that example. Now you
two are someone who talks about faith based perspectives on
how to accomplish what we want to do, which includes
personal development. Of course, with that beings thatid, how do
you encourage others to tap into that spiritual wellness side
(07:21):
of them. To make things that make sure things are
lined up and are the best that they can be awesome.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
So there's several things that I encourage people to do
that want to strengthen that spiritual side. The first one is,
you know, making sure you're at a solid faith based
teaching home church. Just our churches are not created equally.
That is something that takes a lot of prayerful consideration,
(07:50):
a lot of you know, letting God guide you to
the right place. And there's so many different factors that
make something the right place for one person that may
not make it the right place for another person. So
it's one of those things where you really have to
know where you're trying to go, where God has called
(08:12):
you to go, and then go into your search for
a spiritual home based on those things. So that's the
one thing I tell people, and then another thing that
I tell people again, all of this has to be
done under the direction of the Holy Spirit of you,
talking to God of you, you know, deciding your path,
(08:34):
but knowing when to shift. Yeah, because a lot of people,
you know, they went through their search, they found a place,
they were there for a decade, two decades, I don't know,
like I've been at this place my whole life. You know,
it's great, but then we don't stay the same person
(08:57):
our entire lives, and so sometimes we're growing and we're
experiencing growing pains. Where's something that was really enriching to
us in one place. It's kind of like we're missing
each other. I'm on this wave Lengthen it's like if
you leave church feeling frustrated or feeling like there's a
(09:17):
disconnect here between you know, where God is leading me
and what's being taught. You know that knowing when to shift,
and there's a lot of different things that people need
to do to understand when it's that time. Yeah, a
lot of people, for whatever reason, feel like they can't.
I don't know where that comes from. It's kind of
(09:38):
like like you got jumped into a gain you you're
not allowed to leave, and I don't know, I'm being
I'm being silly. But some people feel like and a
lot of that comes from family pressure. A lot of
people have family members that make them feel like they
are going to go to hell and burning eternal fire
(10:00):
if they leave the family church and go to another place,
and that's not God either like, you know, don't be
manipulated by anyone if you feel like something is not
you know, working for you. And I don't understand that
mentality either. If someone is not leaving the faith in
like oh I want nothing with this altogether, they're not
(10:22):
saying they want to do that. They just said they
want to go to a different church. And God is
there too, you know. I always say, be leery of
people who try to make you feel like God is
only at one church.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Right, so everybody else in the world is doing it wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
It's right one. It's like, now, come on, that's one thing.
That's a big thing. But that's one thing. Is just
making sure you're in the right house and then also
not putting everything into that meaning and that after you
(11:00):
leave church on Sunday, there are other things that you
should be doing. You should absolutely be doing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday and Saturday. Yes, you should be in your word,
you should be reading devotionals, you should be listening to sermons.
You should be you know, if you need to pop
in and attend a midweek Bible study if your schedule allows.
(11:21):
But there should be other things you're doing. You should
have your own relationship with God outside of Sunday. It's
like I always tell people, if you don't know who
you are, if you don't have an identity, an identity
will be provided for you, absolutely, and that is true
spiritually as well. If you don't know who God is,
(11:46):
then you leave yourself open for some other voice to
step in and be God for you. Yeah, and so
you need to take when you sit in church, you
should be taking notes. And then you should go home
and you should absolutely study those notes. And you should
go to those Bible scriptures that were said on Sunday,
(12:06):
and then you should get your Bible and you should
make sure that your Bible actually says that that person
could be up there telling you anything.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You are you are so right there. And I think
that people people will understand this conversation, are definitely going
to giggle through it, because boy, have I had that
conversation with folks that are like I just I don't
want to be here anymore. It's time for me to
(12:38):
move on. But a parents are still alive, but my
uncle who goes here is still here. You know, and
you are you are, so You're so right. They are
guilt tripped into staying in a particular place that is
no longer feeding them, and and that's and that's not
that's not good. We do have to be brave and
(13:02):
go where we need to go. I had that conversation
with someone and I said, you know, well, remember when
the elders used to say that that church was like
the hospital for your spiritual well being? And I said,
you know, you're onto something there, I said, However, not
(13:23):
all hospitals are equipped for trauma, not all hospitals are
equipped for brain surgery. There are certain places that have
certain types of doctors that are certified to do a
certain thing. And it doesn't mean that this church isn't
a good church. It just means that this is a
different type of injury, or this is a different thing
(13:45):
needs to be addressed. So don't be mad, don't be upset.
You know, it's okay. So you're right. They didn't want
to listen to me either, Don't worry. They didn't want
to hear you say it. They don't want to hear
me say it either. But it's like, my feelings are
my feelings are not hurt, you know. So people have
to figure that out for themselves. But you are definitely
(14:08):
onto the right thing there now you and I like
that you say that because your brand is in part
built on being your authentic self, being who you have
been called to be, but also about resilience, and I
think that that kind of ties into you have to
(14:29):
be strong, you have to be authentic, You have to
have a knowing and understanding and listen to holy spirits
prompting should you go to another location whatever that is,
another city, another church, another job, whatever, right, What advice
would you have for someone who feels that they have
been called to serve in some capacity but it is
(14:53):
not where the family tends to go.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
Oh goodness. So I talked to people a lot about
boundaries a lot. It's almost no area that the subject
of boundaries doesn't come up. We could be coaching about
something entirely that you wouldn't even think had anything to
(15:22):
do with boundaries, and then boundaries will come up. This
is another one of those things. This is another one
of those things, because you're going to have to tell
people things that make them uncomfortable, but you're going to
have to release yourself from the responsibility of making other
people comfortable. Oh, this is your life, this is your
(15:46):
like on Judgment Day, we're going to stand before God
and we're going to give an account to him as
to what we did with what he gave us. It's
just like the passage in the Bible where you know,
the Master gives all of these you know, servants talents
and then he comes back to see what they did
(16:07):
with what they were given. Not oh, well, you know
my friend was doing this, so I decided to go
over here and do this. And he's not going to
ask you about what anybody else is doing with theirs.
He's this conversation is about you and what did you
do with what I put on the inside of you?
(16:29):
And so when you keep that in mind, nobody, whatever
everybody else has to say about it, that's not your problem. Like,
it's not your responsibility to make anyone else comfortable. Now,
you can, you know, have empathy and say, you know,
I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is just
really something that you know, God is impressing upon me
(16:50):
and that I need to do. Yeah, but no, it's
a complete sentence. And I mean, people can feel however
they feel. They're entitled to their opinion opinion, but you're
not entitled to live your life based on what someone
else thinks. Yeah, yeah, that is. Sometimes our family members
(17:13):
forget that. Yeah, sometimes we have to lovingly remind them.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That that is.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
That is so true.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But yeah, you know, and especially I think as as
a gen xer, I have to, like you said, you
have to be gentle. And there have been times that
we the cousins, you know, the the grandchildren, the nieces
(17:44):
and nephews, the gen x are ones of us, We've
had to remind folks that we're still young enough to
remember what you were doing when you were our age.
We remember what you said, it how you told us
or didn't tell us like we remember. Because we're now
(18:05):
you and because you are now a softer, gentler, kinder,
more mature version of yourself, you've forgotten, you know, the
the old self because you've you've become more refined and
you've figured life out a little bit more. But we
still we still have those memories. So uh, it is.
(18:29):
It is so true. Sometimes it is hard to have
those conversations with people, but I like that. The boundary
is I still have to do what is best for me,
for my family and all of that. That is that
is really that is really great advice it doesn't mean
leaving them. I think that's what they're afraid of, that
like they're going to be deserted or something. And it's
(18:51):
like it's not that. It's just people have to grow
up and find their own way and their own path.
I love that. Boundaries.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, you do it the better, like, yeah, well the
longer you wait. Sorry, I don't know why my phone
just beats because I certainly puld do not disturb and
it just disturbed me. But yeah, so the longer you
wait to do it, the harder it is because now
(19:20):
it's like, you haven't said that you have any objections.
So when you don't say, people assume you are okay
with whatever the setup is. Yeah, and you never want
to let people get comfortable with a version of you
that is not really you. As well just lay your
(19:40):
real self out there and let people feel however they
want to feel about it, and everybody knows where everyone stands,
and then we can go from it. Yeah. Yeah, that's
what anything.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
That's a nugget. That is a nugget and a half.
And I know there's someone going, okay, it was it
was worth the whole part. She said it. That's confirmation.
So if you were looking for confirmation, ding ding, you
got it. That is confirmation. I love I love that,
(20:11):
and I think especially as we as we start to
mature age wise, right, we also have to establish that
we're no longer that twenty year old head that was
trying to find their way. We are a whole, grown
person now who who has different cares, wishes, hope's desires
and boundaries. I like that word and boundaries right that
(20:35):
we really need to step into that to be our
authentic self. Nugget of wisdom. Thank you so much for that.
Not to doctor Nokia.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
Now.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
The last question I have for you, is we mentioned
it in the beginning, is that you are also an author.
Please tell me about your book.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
Okay, so I have a book. I actually released it
in twenty seventeen, but it is one of those books
that's always going to be relevant, and it is called
Virtue Chic Classy takes center Stage. And this book is
all about navigating the tricky realm of being a virtuous
(21:15):
woman in the twenty first century because it's crazy. So
I say, when people ask me, like who is this
book for, I want to say, if you have any
one who is in their twenties and thirties, or they're
graduating high school getting ready to be launched out into
the world. This is the book for them. It's everything
(21:38):
that I wish somebody would have gave me wrapped up
in a nice little book when I went off into
the world. And so it gives you dating advice, style advice,
relationship advice in terms of your relationships with friends, the
kind of people who should be in your inner circle,
the kind of people who absolutely should not be in
your inner circle. Each chapter has a life coaching exercise
(22:02):
at the end, or like a little journal activity. It's
just a phenomenal book. It's humorous, it's a very easy read,
and it just encourages you. Really because I say in
the book, and I say this a lot people laugh
at me. I say, being a virtuous woman in this
day and age is you're a unicorn. You're essentially a unicorn.
(22:26):
And people may not give you that pat on the
back and say, you know, go you for being virtuous.
The guys in the church may literally pass you up
for Instagram models who are not virtuous. They say they
want a virtuous woman, and then their actions say something else.
I talk about all of that and how to stay encouraged, like, well,
(22:48):
what do I need to do? Should I be doing? No,
you should be doing what God called you to do.
So it's just a funny, hilarious, encouraging book to encourage
young women to be who they are. We talk about
purity culture a little bit too, because a lot of
people are kind of like, there's this whole movement. I
(23:10):
don't know, you're probably aware of it to that, you know,
purity culture is bad and telling women, you know, to
save themselves for marriage and all of that stuff. It's bad.
It puts all the responsibility on the woman and what
about the guy? And what about We talk about it.
We talk about it. So I don't want to spoil
it for you, but it's a very good book. I
(23:33):
say churches should buy this book for their women's ministry. Enjoy.
You could do a whole eight week coor like you, guys,
women's minstry were gonna meet and we're gonna go over
each chapter of this book each weekend. You will have
a very good discussion.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I love it and a little bit of instruction.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I love that I write women's ministry leaders you have.
That's a challenge. Accept that challenge. I love it. I
love it. You know you are, You're so right. So
many times we hear that the nice guy finishes last,
but I think you're right. The virtuous woman is kind
of the equivalent, and she gets overlooked, she gets passed
(24:14):
by because she's not always the one chosen, but but
should be the one chosen. So you are, You're definitely
right with that.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
They always come back around, back, come back around that.
The key is just not for you to be sitting
somewhere waiting for them to come back around, because, sir,
who said I was gonna be where you left me
when you right stopping and sliding, I don't have my
(24:44):
bow by then. I'm just saying I love it. I
love it touching nick Kid.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Yeah, thank you so much for accepting the invitation and
spending some time with me here on Passion, your magazine,
the podcast. I haven't joining my conversation with you. Thank
you again for being a guest.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
Thank you for having me. I've had a ball too,
Thank
Speaker 1 (25:07):
You, Thank you for listening to Passion, her magazine, the
podcast
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