August 12, 2025 • 22 mins
Join us on PASSIONEER Magazine The Podcast for a transformational conversation with Antoinette Coffey, a fearless leadership and business mentor who helps powerful women rise beyond overwhelm and reclaim their bold, magnetic selves. In this episode, we dive into her radical approach that combines strategy, energy clearing, and unapologetic leadership to rewrite how women build and scale their businesses.
What you’ll discover:
Connect with Antoinette:
info@antoinettecoffeycoaching.com
www.antoinettecoffeycoaching.com
What you’ll discover:
- How messaging that's too “nice” can hold leaders back, and why it’s time to get bold and authentic
- The mindset shifts that take you from “good enough” to unstoppable, confident leadership
- Actionable steps for rewriting your offers, amplifying your sales, and igniting consistent growth
- The art of balancing clarity, courage, and alignment in both business and life
Connect with Antoinette:
info@antoinettecoffeycoaching.com
www.antoinettecoffeycoaching.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Passioneer Magazine the podcast, Well You're here, inspirational stories,
encouraging news, and in depth interviews with authors, influencers, CEOs
and thought leaders. Passioneer Magazine the podcast Bold Ideas, Brave Pursuits,
Boundless Inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining me
for Passioneer Magazine the podcast. And hello answer that. Thank
you so much for joining me here today of Passioneer
Magazine the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so delighted
to be on.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Absolutely now.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
You and I were a part of a project that
has happened earlier in the year, and I loved what
you had to share, and I said, you know what,
she would be perfect to share with with my audience
as well. So thank you for accepting that invitation and
being on today. Now, before we get started, there may
(01:09):
be some folks out there that are unfamiliar with you
and what you do, so let me ask this, what
makes you you? What do you do?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
So?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Wow? What makes me me so much? Makes me me?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
What I do at the moment is I am a
female empowerment mindset coach and at the moment I am
focusing on supporting female entrepreneurs to create financial liberation. I'm
through entrepreneurship. My focus, my passion is around leadership and
mindset and emotional intelligence and navigating the tops and the
(01:49):
tips and turns and the ups and downs of life.
And at the moment, you know, I've been coaching for
the last few years, I've been coaching burnout and female empowerment.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And then I kind of realized that there was.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
A gap for female mentors who are able to support
women with not just the strategy and the business and
the mechanics, but the emotion and regulation and navigating the
ups and downs of business. And I guess, like I said, leadership, empowerment, mindset.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That is just my job.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
I just love supporting women to see themselves through a
more positive lens and to see the endless possibilities before them.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
So that's what I do.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
That's my zone of genius, and that is where my
heart lies.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh I love it, love it. And of course we
all agree with you over on this side. Women's empowerment
is definitely something that we agree with, something that we focus.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
On as well.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So welcome, welcome, welcome. Now, I love that you are
a person who is really focusing in on not only
that thing that causes your your heart to beat faster,
meaning that it is part of your passion, but you
are to touching lives around the world. With that being said,
(03:06):
your coaching philosophy kind of centers on a hell miss
on purpose. Can you share what inspired that foundation and
how it kind of shapes the way you guide women
through their transformations? How do you tap in and help
(03:28):
your clientele?
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Okay, so I suppose my backstory and what has given
me the perspective on life which I have was, you know,
I spent a lot of my My parents were very
sick from when I was very young. Both my parents
had cancer from when I was seventeen and my mom
passed away when I was twenty seven and my dad
passed away when I was thirty seven.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
And you know, as a seventeen year.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Old teenager, I thought my mom got sick when I
was forty nine and I was seventeen, and as a
seventeen year old, I thought she was old because as
we do when we're seventeen. And I remember turning forty
and I was in my full time job and my
career has been working with children and underprivileged children in
Dublin City Center.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
That's what.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's my career up until I turned forty. And I
remember turning forty and I realized, like, wow, my mom
was so young when she passed away. Like I'm forty,
and I feel like I'm just getting started. I feel
like I'm literally like on this new chapter. And I
realized how much of her life she didn't get to live.
And I realized how fleeting life is, and how we
get a chance to grab it with both hands, and
(04:32):
we get a chance to live every single day as if.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It is our last.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And I think when I turned forty and I had
that realization of like, wow, my mom was only forty
nine when she got sick, and she died ten years later,
and I'm like, you know, I get one shot at
this life on my own terms. I get to be
the mom. I want to be the dow the dot one.
I'm forty, I wasn't anymore. But I get to be
the sister, the mom, the wife, the friend. And I
realized that from watching my parents live with cancer for
(05:00):
for so long and they were such amazingly brave and
courageous and strong, resilient people, it showed me my own
strength and my own resilience, and that I had the
power of the courage, the bravery to step out and
do something that had never been done before in my family,
something that had never been done by any of my friends.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
And I realized that.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I could live my own life on my own terms,
and I got to create that. So that's my inspiration
for starting my own business. And I had my own
incidence with burnout and all those lovely things that we
experienced as.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
For full time career mothers, and I.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Realized in my own journey, in my own training and
my healing, I kind of thought, this message needs to
get out there.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
We need to get more women on board.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
We need to get more women to see that they
have the control within themselves to live by design, to
create their life on their own terms. So I started
coaching burnout, and that's probably where it came from, because
you know, I saw so much of my mum's life
been taken taken from her, and I vowed that I
was never going to live a life that wasn't extraordinary.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I suppose I raised my standards.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Let's just say I raised my standards, and I decided
that my life was only going to be on my
own terms, and I decided true entrepreneurship that that was
how it was going to be. And I think as
time went on, I realized that you know this terms
of like safety and security and feeling safe within yourself
was paramount. You know, money, stuff, nice things, all that is,
it's come second if you're feeling unsafe in yourself. If
(06:27):
you're feeling that kind of your your nervous system is everywhere.
So I realized that entrepreneurship was my avenue to safety,
to security, and then I get to empower other people
to do the same in their lives.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh Answerinette, I absolutely love that. I found that so
many people that are doing what they're doing in the
world today that there has been that nudge, that personal
connection to.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What they do.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
And I have to I have to agree with you,
as long as we're walking in the purpose, we are
having those self aware moments on our personal journeys, or
does it make life worth living? All the other stuff,
like you said, is so secondary, But just being our
authentic self really does change the world, not only our
(07:20):
personal lives, but it changes those that we touch. Now.
I love how you emphasize helping your clients see themselves
clearly right that that is so important. What are some
common blind spots that you have found or that you've
observed not only in your client in your client base,
(07:42):
but just in your outings, in the conferences and such
that you do, especially in high achieving women or in
those that are helping others. What are you noticing that
they are doing okay?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
So, I think one of the big things that I
notice with women is they believe that they are the
only one struggling with these challenges. And when I open
up the floor and when we have a shared experience,
I can literally see people's shoulders relax, thinking I'm not broken,
(08:18):
this is not just me.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I'm not on my own.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
And for me, that is huge when I see this
power in people realizing it is not them. It is society,
it is culture, it is their family, it is their
past experience, it is their life that has brought them
to a place where how they're living their life is
not sustainable.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's you know, it's not an alignment.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
So I think that one of the big things is
realize women realizing that it's not just them, that they're
not weak or broken or less than that, it is
just the environment with which they are in and that
also empowers them because if it's not them, it means
they can change the external things to improve their circumstances.
And I think that can be a huge because people
(09:00):
feel very powerless, They feel trapped, they feel struck, they
might feel like the financial responsibilities or whatever it is
the responsibilities.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
They feel this.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Sense of hopelessness, this sense of there is no other
way to move. And oftentimes when we do this work
around seeing themselves and seeing that the limitations are self
put there. They've put these limitations on themselves or their
societal norms or their cultural norms or expectations. There's this
(09:29):
sudden realization going okay, but I now have a choice,
and even that having that choice to say, well, do
you know what I'm I'm not going to do what
I'm usually doing. I'm going to change it, or I'm
going to say something. I'm going to hold my boundaries,
or I'm going to shift my people please, or I'm
going to shift my beliefs. There is so much power
in choice, and choice comes from awareness. So what I
(09:53):
suppose where how I help people see themselves is giving
them I suppose the clarity and showing them the part
to themselves that they can see that they nearly don't
want to see. And like, I think a lot of
the limitations placed on people are societal, or they're from
past experience or their past trauma, and oftent times women
(10:13):
don't see the fear and the doubt that's feeding their
insecurities and that's getting in their way. They just think, Oh,
this is how it is, this is who I am.
I'm an overthinker, I'm a people pleaser, I'm a procrastinator,
and oftentimes we have to strip that back and I
say no, like you people please, because it is how
you learn to feel safe when you were young. But
with that awareness, now you get to choose. So I
(10:35):
think that a lot of women don't see that, Like,
you know, there's this wounded little girl often driving the
ship sometimes and they don't see the irrational, you know,
things that are happening because that little wounded child has
been triggered. And again, it always comes back to an awareness,
because once you have an awareness, you have the capacity
to choose. You can choose different and that I think
(10:59):
Freese when from that feeding of powerlessness and hopelessness.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Oh my goodness, that is so true that is so true,
and I could not agree with you more. I was
in a conversation about a week or so ago and
talking about the exact thing, and it's learned behaviors, and
I said, you know, we need to start putting down
(11:25):
that which doesn't belong to us. We are at this
age now where we are, especially if you're gen X,
so our children are now, you know, good and grown.
They're off now at that time of starting their own families,
potentially getting married or potentially having children, and we need
(11:46):
to be the best version of ourselves to let go
of those awful, toxic, learned behaviors that we thought we
needed when we were children. I could not agree with
you more. And there's nothing wrong with making that pivot.
We are not We're not abandoning those we love simply
(12:07):
because we're trying to be our best selves. Uh. That
is a nugget and a half, Antonette, thank you so
much for reminding them of that. Now that goes along
with my next question for you, and that is that
inner whisper that so many women are experiencing. How do
(12:28):
you help your client base this distinguish between you know,
that inner wisdom and the external noise that that they
are hearing. How do you help them recognize that that
inner whisper is there in a positive way to help
guide them and lead them.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
What I think the most powerful too that I use
is reframing and mirroring back to people what they're saying,
because we all, everybody listening today has the answers within themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
They just don't know where to look or they're.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Just not seeing it, because you know, we can live
with the lens that we see the world is the
lens that we see the world, but it's our lens
and everybody's lenses different. So when I listen to a
client speaking about whatever, whether it's business or whether it's life,
and oftentimes I can reframe something back in a way
that again I can see them go, I just did
(13:29):
I just say that? And I said, that's exactly what
you just said. I'm just reframing it in a different way.
And it is so impactful when I reframe back to
people their experience as well, because I can say, so
what I'm hearing you say is you experience this and
this and this, and I can connect the dots for
people by reframing their experience and reframing what they're saying
(13:51):
to me through a different perspective, and that aha moment
can be life changing, Like we have all been on
that situation.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Where you hear something.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
And go wow, suddenly I make sense to myself. Because
you know, humans are meaning making machines. We like to
make meaning out of everything, and as children and as
we grow up, we make meaning of our life experience.
But just because we put that meaning on it doesn't
mean it holds true.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
As you said, you.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Can put things down that no longer serve you, the
same with the meaning that we put on things. So
oftentimes I think the most powerful tool again I would
use is when I reframe, and when I have that
mirror and they have that moment, I could say, well,
what other meaning could be put on that?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
You know?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
And for instance, you know, and this is a very
kind of not a very deep example, but just as
an example, you know, somebody can have a belief because
maybe somebody told them they couldn't sing when they were
in school, or maybe someone told them to be quiet,
you're too you're singing too loud, and they grow up
throughout life thinking that they can't sing and having this
belief that they're a bad singer, you know, And I
can always say, but maybe that.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Person was having a bad day.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Maybe that person just you were very loud, Maybe you
are an amazing singer. And it's like it's the meaning
that was put on it that you hold to be true,
that embeds in the subconscious that until it's reframed back
to you, that you again are given that choice to go, Okay, well,
maybe maybe on that day I wasn't singing very well,
but it doesn't mean.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I can't do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
So it's it's when I connect the dots, it's reframing
back to them what they're saying, the experience they have,
because you know, I dealt with somebody recently who grew
up who grew up in Dublin during the war, like
there was a like a troubled in Ireland. There was
a lot of bombs and stuff, and she was explaining
some of her life experience and I'm and I kind
of reframed it back to her from someone who hadn't
(15:39):
experienced anything like that, and she kind of got she
kind of had this realization, Wow, that was trauma, and
I'm like, yes, that was but she never put it
together she just like, but that was just my life
and we all had the same experience, so I wasn't
going to be the one of my friends going I'm
traumatized and I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Know, but that was then. But now this is showing up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
In your life in certain ways and it's stopping you
taking action. So when she connected the dots, it was
like again, the way lifted off her shoulders. And it
gives people the opportunity to choose, but reframing and reframing
mirroring and then and I often say like, when was
the first time you felt like that? And generally people
would say, oh, it's when I was a child and
(16:22):
my father but whatever, a teacher something, and it's like, okay,
so you know, you can connect the dots from that
childhood self to this adult self and now we get.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To choose.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Absolutely, And you know, you touched on a lot there,
And I want to make sure that people get.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
What you are saying.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
If you're on social media and you've seen one of
those let's say TikTok videos where it says it's okay
if you do it, but you get upset if I
do it, that's mirroring and so many people have that
type of personality where as long as you are being belittled,
(17:05):
that person is okay with the action, but the moment
you belittle them, they feel some way about that action.
But you are mirroring. You are giving back to them
what they have given to you, and most of the
time people don't like it. So it is it is
curious that it how one sided it it could be.
(17:27):
And then you touched on the trauma. As a counselor,
that is one of the things that I have to
kind of help some clients understand that because of the
way in which one has grown up, especially with couples counseling,
Perhaps you grew up in an environment that was not
(17:47):
the best. Sometimes people call that the hood, and the
hood can take on different connotations depending on on whusseying.
But by and Marge, if you grew up in a
neighborhood that wasn't necessarily always safe, you have a lot
of characteristics as someone who who's experiencing PTSD because you
(18:09):
have lived a life that has always kept you on
how you alert your head on a swivel, as they say,
you're always aware of what's going on. Or perhaps the
other person grew up in what they may call an
affluent neighborhood or a better neighborhood, where their life was
(18:30):
very whimsical, or they weren't as self aware because they
felt that they didn't need to be. Both of those
are true experiences, different points of view of a life lived.
So when we slow down and listen to people and
observe where they're coming from and what their point of
(18:52):
view is, it doesn't mean that they're wrong and we're right.
It just means that we have lived a different journey
along this life's path. I love that you are bringing
that all together and helping people see where they are
in their life's journey right now. And boy does life
(19:12):
give us various phases and stages to learn and grow.
I love the work.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
That you're doing.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
The last question for you, and I can definitely talk
to you for so much longer, and that is what
does it mean for you to be a passioneer? Is
that personality? Is that life experience? Is that staying connected?
Is that helping others? What does it mean to you
(19:42):
to be a passioneer?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
It means for me, it means staying true to what
lights me up. I'm not having room for anything else,
and as I said, raising the standard and just having
such a strang feeling and a strong belief in what
I hold true and what I hold high, and I
(20:07):
you know, you know, you say, how do I stay connected?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I live my passion.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I am a passion here because I don't settle for
anything less. I'm living my passion every single day. And
don't get me wrong, some days are heard I'm not
saying I live this dream fantasy land.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
By no means do I live a dream fantasy land.
But I don't make room.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I don't have room for anything that is not my purpose,
that doesn't light me up, that doesn't fill my soul.
I just don't have time. I just don't settle. I
love my work, I love my clients, I love my family.
You know, I have so much love. I love life.
I am so passionate about living my life because I
(20:50):
know how quickly things can change and it can all
be gone.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
So I just live my passion.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Every single day because I'm grateful that I get to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
What a great answer amen to that.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And Dinnette, thank you so much for coming on and
inspiring our listeners today. And I could not have had
a better day with a better guest. Thank you so much. Now,
of course your information is available in the description. But
if someone wants to reach out to you, what is
(21:30):
the best way to do that?
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Okay, well, first I just want to say thank you
and it's been an absolute pleasure. I've just enjoyed this
so much, so thank you so much for having me
on and anybody.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
You can find me on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
My stuff will be in the show notes, but my
email address if anybody wants just wants to reach out,
it's info at Antoinette cooffeecoaching dot com.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Reach out, pop into my DMS. I love a good talk.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
If there's something on your mind, you want to ask
me a question, there's no obligation.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Pop into the DM.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Send me an email, let's have a chat.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
I'm always there.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
Like I said, my passion and my purpose is supporting women,
so I am here for anybody who wants to reach out.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Thank you again for being a guest today, thank you
for having me, Thank you for listening to Passioneer Magazine.
The podcast
Welcome to Passioneer Magazine the podcast, Well You're here, inspirational stories,
encouraging news, and in depth interviews with authors, influencers, CEOs
and thought leaders. Passioneer Magazine the podcast Bold Ideas, Brave Pursuits,
Boundless Inspiration.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hello everyone, and thank you so much for joining me
for Passioneer Magazine the podcast. And hello answer that. Thank
you so much for joining me here today of Passioneer
Magazine the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so delighted
to be on.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Absolutely now.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
You and I were a part of a project that
has happened earlier in the year, and I loved what
you had to share, and I said, you know what,
she would be perfect to share with with my audience
as well. So thank you for accepting that invitation and
being on today. Now, before we get started, there may
(01:09):
be some folks out there that are unfamiliar with you
and what you do, so let me ask this, what
makes you you? What do you do?
Speaker 4 (01:21):
So?
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Wow? What makes me me so much? Makes me me?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
What I do at the moment is I am a
female empowerment mindset coach and at the moment I am
focusing on supporting female entrepreneurs to create financial liberation. I'm
through entrepreneurship. My focus, my passion is around leadership and
mindset and emotional intelligence and navigating the tops and the
(01:49):
tips and turns and the ups and downs of life.
And at the moment, you know, I've been coaching for
the last few years, I've been coaching burnout and female empowerment.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And then I kind of realized that there was.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
A gap for female mentors who are able to support
women with not just the strategy and the business and
the mechanics, but the emotion and regulation and navigating the
ups and downs of business. And I guess, like I said, leadership, empowerment, mindset.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That is just my job.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
I just love supporting women to see themselves through a
more positive lens and to see the endless possibilities before them.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
So that's what I do.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
That's my zone of genius, and that is where my
heart lies.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh I love it, love it. And of course we
all agree with you over on this side. Women's empowerment
is definitely something that we agree with, something that we focus.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
On as well.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So welcome, welcome, welcome. Now, I love that you are
a person who is really focusing in on not only
that thing that causes your your heart to beat faster,
meaning that it is part of your passion, but you
are to touching lives around the world. With that being said,
(03:06):
your coaching philosophy kind of centers on a hell miss
on purpose. Can you share what inspired that foundation and
how it kind of shapes the way you guide women
through their transformations? How do you tap in and help
(03:28):
your clientele?
Speaker 4 (03:29):
Okay, so I suppose my backstory and what has given
me the perspective on life which I have was, you know,
I spent a lot of my My parents were very
sick from when I was very young. Both my parents
had cancer from when I was seventeen and my mom
passed away when I was twenty seven and my dad
passed away when I was thirty seven.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
And you know, as a seventeen year.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Old teenager, I thought my mom got sick when I
was forty nine and I was seventeen, and as a
seventeen year old, I thought she was old because as
we do when we're seventeen. And I remember turning forty
and I was in my full time job and my
career has been working with children and underprivileged children in
Dublin City Center.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
That's what.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
That's my career up until I turned forty. And I
remember turning forty and I realized, like, wow, my mom
was so young when she passed away. Like I'm forty,
and I feel like I'm just getting started. I feel
like I'm literally like on this new chapter. And I
realized how much of her life she didn't get to live.
And I realized how fleeting life is, and how we
get a chance to grab it with both hands, and
(04:32):
we get a chance to live every single day as if.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It is our last.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And I think when I turned forty and I had
that realization of like, wow, my mom was only forty
nine when she got sick, and she died ten years later,
and I'm like, you know, I get one shot at
this life on my own terms. I get to be
the mom. I want to be the dow the dot one.
I'm forty, I wasn't anymore. But I get to be
the sister, the mom, the wife, the friend. And I
realized that from watching my parents live with cancer for
(05:00):
for so long and they were such amazingly brave and
courageous and strong, resilient people, it showed me my own
strength and my own resilience, and that I had the
power of the courage, the bravery to step out and
do something that had never been done before in my family,
something that had never been done by any of my friends.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
And I realized that.
Speaker 4 (05:19):
I could live my own life on my own terms,
and I got to create that. So that's my inspiration
for starting my own business. And I had my own
incidence with burnout and all those lovely things that we
experienced as.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
For full time career mothers, and I.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Realized in my own journey, in my own training and
my healing, I kind of thought, this message needs to
get out there.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
We need to get more women on board.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
We need to get more women to see that they
have the control within themselves to live by design, to
create their life on their own terms. So I started
coaching burnout, and that's probably where it came from, because
you know, I saw so much of my mum's life
been taken taken from her, and I vowed that I
was never going to live a life that wasn't extraordinary.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I suppose I raised my standards.
Speaker 4 (06:04):
Let's just say I raised my standards, and I decided
that my life was only going to be on my
own terms, and I decided true entrepreneurship that that was
how it was going to be. And I think as
time went on, I realized that you know this terms
of like safety and security and feeling safe within yourself
was paramount. You know, money, stuff, nice things, all that is,
it's come second if you're feeling unsafe in yourself. If
(06:27):
you're feeling that kind of your your nervous system is everywhere.
So I realized that entrepreneurship was my avenue to safety,
to security, and then I get to empower other people
to do the same in their lives.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh Answerinette, I absolutely love that. I found that so
many people that are doing what they're doing in the
world today that there has been that nudge, that personal
connection to.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What they do.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
And I have to I have to agree with you,
as long as we're walking in the purpose, we are
having those self aware moments on our personal journeys, or
does it make life worth living? All the other stuff,
like you said, is so secondary, But just being our
authentic self really does change the world, not only our
(07:20):
personal lives, but it changes those that we touch. Now.
I love how you emphasize helping your clients see themselves
clearly right that that is so important. What are some
common blind spots that you have found or that you've
observed not only in your client in your client base,
(07:42):
but just in your outings, in the conferences and such
that you do, especially in high achieving women or in
those that are helping others. What are you noticing that
they are doing okay?
Speaker 4 (07:57):
So, I think one of the big things that I
notice with women is they believe that they are the
only one struggling with these challenges. And when I open
up the floor and when we have a shared experience,
I can literally see people's shoulders relax, thinking I'm not broken,
(08:18):
this is not just me.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I'm not on my own.
Speaker 4 (08:21):
And for me, that is huge when I see this
power in people realizing it is not them. It is society,
it is culture, it is their family, it is their
past experience, it is their life that has brought them
to a place where how they're living their life is
not sustainable.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
It's you know, it's not an alignment.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
So I think that one of the big things is
realize women realizing that it's not just them, that they're
not weak or broken or less than that, it is
just the environment with which they are in and that
also empowers them because if it's not them, it means
they can change the external things to improve their circumstances.
And I think that can be a huge because people
(09:00):
feel very powerless, They feel trapped, they feel struck, they
might feel like the financial responsibilities or whatever it is
the responsibilities.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
They feel this.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Sense of hopelessness, this sense of there is no other
way to move. And oftentimes when we do this work
around seeing themselves and seeing that the limitations are self
put there. They've put these limitations on themselves or their
societal norms or their cultural norms or expectations. There's this
(09:29):
sudden realization going okay, but I now have a choice,
and even that having that choice to say, well, do
you know what I'm I'm not going to do what
I'm usually doing. I'm going to change it, or I'm
going to say something. I'm going to hold my boundaries,
or I'm going to shift my people please, or I'm
going to shift my beliefs. There is so much power
in choice, and choice comes from awareness. So what I
(09:53):
suppose where how I help people see themselves is giving
them I suppose the clarity and showing them the part
to themselves that they can see that they nearly don't
want to see. And like, I think a lot of
the limitations placed on people are societal, or they're from
past experience or their past trauma, and oftent times women
(10:13):
don't see the fear and the doubt that's feeding their
insecurities and that's getting in their way. They just think, Oh,
this is how it is, this is who I am.
I'm an overthinker, I'm a people pleaser, I'm a procrastinator,
and oftentimes we have to strip that back and I
say no, like you people please, because it is how
you learn to feel safe when you were young. But
with that awareness, now you get to choose. So I
(10:35):
think that a lot of women don't see that, Like,
you know, there's this wounded little girl often driving the
ship sometimes and they don't see the irrational, you know,
things that are happening because that little wounded child has
been triggered. And again, it always comes back to an awareness,
because once you have an awareness, you have the capacity
to choose. You can choose different and that I think
(10:59):
Freese when from that feeding of powerlessness and hopelessness.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Oh my goodness, that is so true that is so true,
and I could not agree with you more. I was
in a conversation about a week or so ago and
talking about the exact thing, and it's learned behaviors, and
I said, you know, we need to start putting down
(11:25):
that which doesn't belong to us. We are at this
age now where we are, especially if you're gen X,
so our children are now, you know, good and grown.
They're off now at that time of starting their own families,
potentially getting married or potentially having children, and we need
(11:46):
to be the best version of ourselves to let go
of those awful, toxic, learned behaviors that we thought we
needed when we were children. I could not agree with
you more. And there's nothing wrong with making that pivot.
We are not We're not abandoning those we love simply
(12:07):
because we're trying to be our best selves. Uh. That
is a nugget and a half, Antonette, thank you so
much for reminding them of that. Now that goes along
with my next question for you, and that is that
inner whisper that so many women are experiencing. How do
(12:28):
you help your client base this distinguish between you know,
that inner wisdom and the external noise that that they
are hearing. How do you help them recognize that that
inner whisper is there in a positive way to help
guide them and lead them.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
What I think the most powerful too that I use
is reframing and mirroring back to people what they're saying,
because we all, everybody listening today has the answers within themselves.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
They just don't know where to look or they're.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Just not seeing it, because you know, we can live
with the lens that we see the world is the
lens that we see the world, but it's our lens
and everybody's lenses different. So when I listen to a
client speaking about whatever, whether it's business or whether it's life,
and oftentimes I can reframe something back in a way
that again I can see them go, I just did
(13:29):
I just say that? And I said, that's exactly what
you just said. I'm just reframing it in a different way.
And it is so impactful when I reframe back to
people their experience as well, because I can say, so
what I'm hearing you say is you experience this and
this and this, and I can connect the dots for
people by reframing their experience and reframing what they're saying
(13:51):
to me through a different perspective, and that aha moment
can be life changing, Like we have all been on
that situation.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Where you hear something.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
And go wow, suddenly I make sense to myself. Because
you know, humans are meaning making machines. We like to
make meaning out of everything, and as children and as
we grow up, we make meaning of our life experience.
But just because we put that meaning on it doesn't
mean it holds true.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
As you said, you.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Can put things down that no longer serve you, the
same with the meaning that we put on things. So
oftentimes I think the most powerful tool again I would
use is when I reframe, and when I have that
mirror and they have that moment, I could say, well,
what other meaning could be put on that?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
You know?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
And for instance, you know, and this is a very
kind of not a very deep example, but just as
an example, you know, somebody can have a belief because
maybe somebody told them they couldn't sing when they were
in school, or maybe someone told them to be quiet,
you're too you're singing too loud, and they grow up
throughout life thinking that they can't sing and having this
belief that they're a bad singer, you know, And I
can always say, but maybe that.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
Person was having a bad day.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Maybe that person just you were very loud, Maybe you
are an amazing singer. And it's like it's the meaning
that was put on it that you hold to be true,
that embeds in the subconscious that until it's reframed back
to you, that you again are given that choice to go, Okay, well,
maybe maybe on that day I wasn't singing very well,
but it doesn't mean.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
I can't do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
So it's it's when I connect the dots, it's reframing
back to them what they're saying, the experience they have,
because you know, I dealt with somebody recently who grew
up who grew up in Dublin during the war, like
there was a like a troubled in Ireland. There was
a lot of bombs and stuff, and she was explaining
some of her life experience and I'm and I kind
of reframed it back to her from someone who hadn't
(15:39):
experienced anything like that, and she kind of got she
kind of had this realization, Wow, that was trauma, and
I'm like, yes, that was but she never put it
together she just like, but that was just my life
and we all had the same experience, so I wasn't
going to be the one of my friends going I'm
traumatized and I'm like, I.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Know, but that was then. But now this is showing up.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
In your life in certain ways and it's stopping you
taking action. So when she connected the dots, it was
like again, the way lifted off her shoulders. And it
gives people the opportunity to choose, but reframing and reframing
mirroring and then and I often say like, when was
the first time you felt like that? And generally people
would say, oh, it's when I was a child and
(16:22):
my father but whatever, a teacher something, and it's like, okay,
so you know, you can connect the dots from that
childhood self to this adult self and now we get.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To choose.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Absolutely, And you know, you touched on a lot there,
And I want to make sure that people get.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
What you are saying.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
If you're on social media and you've seen one of
those let's say TikTok videos where it says it's okay
if you do it, but you get upset if I
do it, that's mirroring and so many people have that
type of personality where as long as you are being belittled,
(17:05):
that person is okay with the action, but the moment
you belittle them, they feel some way about that action.
But you are mirroring. You are giving back to them
what they have given to you, and most of the
time people don't like it. So it is it is
curious that it how one sided it it could be.
(17:27):
And then you touched on the trauma. As a counselor,
that is one of the things that I have to
kind of help some clients understand that because of the
way in which one has grown up, especially with couples counseling,
Perhaps you grew up in an environment that was not
(17:47):
the best. Sometimes people call that the hood, and the
hood can take on different connotations depending on on whusseying.
But by and Marge, if you grew up in a
neighborhood that wasn't necessarily always safe, you have a lot
of characteristics as someone who who's experiencing PTSD because you
(18:09):
have lived a life that has always kept you on
how you alert your head on a swivel, as they say,
you're always aware of what's going on. Or perhaps the
other person grew up in what they may call an
affluent neighborhood or a better neighborhood, where their life was
(18:30):
very whimsical, or they weren't as self aware because they
felt that they didn't need to be. Both of those
are true experiences, different points of view of a life lived.
So when we slow down and listen to people and
observe where they're coming from and what their point of
(18:52):
view is, it doesn't mean that they're wrong and we're right.
It just means that we have lived a different journey
along this life's path. I love that you are bringing
that all together and helping people see where they are
in their life's journey right now. And boy does life
(19:12):
give us various phases and stages to learn and grow.
I love the work.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
That you're doing.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
Well.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
The last question for you, and I can definitely talk
to you for so much longer, and that is what
does it mean for you to be a passioneer? Is
that personality? Is that life experience? Is that staying connected?
Is that helping others? What does it mean to you
(19:42):
to be a passioneer?
Speaker 4 (19:46):
It means for me, it means staying true to what
lights me up. I'm not having room for anything else,
and as I said, raising the standard and just having
such a strang feeling and a strong belief in what
I hold true and what I hold high, and I
(20:07):
you know, you know, you say, how do I stay connected?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I live my passion.
Speaker 4 (20:11):
I am a passion here because I don't settle for
anything less. I'm living my passion every single day. And
don't get me wrong, some days are heard I'm not
saying I live this dream fantasy land.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
By no means do I live a dream fantasy land.
But I don't make room.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
I don't have room for anything that is not my purpose,
that doesn't light me up, that doesn't fill my soul.
I just don't have time. I just don't settle. I
love my work, I love my clients, I love my family.
You know, I have so much love. I love life.
I am so passionate about living my life because I
(20:50):
know how quickly things can change and it can all
be gone.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
So I just live my passion.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Every single day because I'm grateful that I get to.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
What a great answer amen to that.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
And Dinnette, thank you so much for coming on and
inspiring our listeners today. And I could not have had
a better day with a better guest. Thank you so much. Now,
of course your information is available in the description. But
if someone wants to reach out to you, what is
(21:30):
the best way to do that?
Speaker 4 (21:32):
Okay, well, first I just want to say thank you
and it's been an absolute pleasure. I've just enjoyed this
so much, so thank you so much for having me
on and anybody.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
You can find me on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
My stuff will be in the show notes, but my
email address if anybody wants just wants to reach out,
it's info at Antoinette cooffeecoaching dot com.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Reach out, pop into my DMS. I love a good talk.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
If there's something on your mind, you want to ask
me a question, there's no obligation.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
Pop into the DM.
Speaker 4 (22:01):
Send me an email, let's have a chat.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
I'm always there.
Speaker 4 (22:04):
Like I said, my passion and my purpose is supporting women,
so I am here for anybody who wants to reach out.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
I love it.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Thank you again for being a guest today, thank you
for having me, Thank you for listening to Passioneer Magazine.
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