October 28, 2025 • 30 mins
https://www.solgoodmedia.com Listen to hundreds of audiobooks, thousands of short stories, and ambient sounds all ad free! 'Pioneer Comedy Radio' celebrates the pioneers of radio comedy, featuring timeless classics that set the standards for humor. Step into the world of early comedic greats and experience the origins of what made radio comedy a staple in entertainment.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Doc.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Here's what your mouth said when he ran up the clock.
You won't know what you're missing if you don't see.
Norge transcribe from Hollywood. Norge Division at BorgWarner, Manufacturers of
America's most modern automatic and ringer washers, water heaters and
(00:23):
home freezers, gas and electric ranges originators, and world's largest
manufacturers of self defrosting refrigerators. Norge presents The Red Skelton
Show with Red Skelton, David Rose and his orchestra, Lorene Puddle,
(00:52):
Pat mcgehan and the Smith clans. Will be me, Rod O'Connor,
and now the star of our program, Red Skelton. Thank
(01:18):
you very much. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Hire rod Hire, Red,
what's up? Well, I've.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Have you tried to buy meat lately?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It reminds me I haven't eaten.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I gotta go over to the Turkish bath and see
if my hot dogs are done. I gotta be carefully
and that's where I do all the cookings.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Over that steam room.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Last week I went in there and mistake, I got
two sunburned midgets. Y. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Look just read don't agree.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
You know there must be a more honorable way of.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Making a living, meaning what we're doing right here. That's right, Yeah,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
See how about you and me getting in a little
business and we kind of team up.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well what sort of business did you want to go into?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Should be something that we're both capable of doing. Oh no,
I'm not going back to Fresno, to those wine factories.
I used to be known as Redfoot. I used to
stop grafully. You see my feet were so big. No,
you think I got big feet though? You should see
my follower. He'd got feet so big he has to
(02:34):
put his.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Fans on where his head.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, let's see, let's let's do the want to add
section of the morning paper and see if there any
businesses for sale. Oh a bully idea, Bully, good show,
Good show.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
England.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You can see I haven't been wasting my time looking
at those British pictures on television. Bully, Hey, get a
load of this. It him in the personal column here
it says young man with pet skunk would like to
meet young lady with air wigs mutch it be a
whirlwind cordship.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh yeah, hey, how about this for sale?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
A rabbit ranch stock includes two rabbits in an adding machine.
We don't want a business like that. You have to count, remember, dear,
they get ahead of you. Yeah, this one looks good.
High class restaurant and an exclusive neighborhood owner must sell
because of ill health. He probably been eating his own flud.
(03:43):
Let's call that restaurant. See what's cooking?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What would we do in a restauran?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well, I don't know. I love to cook. And remember
the birthday cake I baked for you.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I sure do. The only part I could eat was
the candles.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
You kidding, boy, I can really cook.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Think you may not believe any of your lady's got
a pencil on paper.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Take this down.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'll give you a recipe for a cake that's wonderful.
You take a pound of flour save and then you.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Take four eggs, just the whites.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You add the yellows later, and then you take a
cup of sugar and some shortening, and you mix it
up real good, and then sprinkle Papa.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Rica all over that.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I've taken an oven temperature of five hundred the finest
slab of Italian marble you've ever tasted. Fact, I think
I could sell that recipe to CBS, they can make
a cornerstone for their news studio. Well, maybe we better
just stick to the jobs we've got. Red. What do
you say, Oh, if the sponsors heard what's going on,
(04:45):
soul War, we may not even have a job anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We'd better call on Dave Rose to save this.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Dave, strike up the band and let's hear your arrangement
of the portrait of.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
A flirt the.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Cold Attack the.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Let's take a minute to talk about a real buy
the Norge triple action washer in the new pyramid model.
It's not only streamlined and looks, it's streamlined in action too.
The trouble with most ringer washers that have the new
full length skirt instead of legs is they're too easy
to tip over. But not this new Norge pyramid model.
Norge is the only streamlined ringer washer designed with a
(07:53):
wider base and five instead of the usual forecasters that
prevents tipping. But this new Norge doesn't take up an
more floor space and it rolls just like a baby carriage.
Or you can anchor it from either side instantly because
two of the five castors are self locking. Now, then
what about the washing action Norge triple action agitation has
(08:13):
always been famous for getting clothes cleaner and doing it faster.
Norge really gets the deep down dirt, but it does
an average load in only seven minutes. I wish you'd
compare this new Norge with any other ringer washer on
the market, for you won't know what you're missing if
you don't see Norge. From the Skeleton scrap Book of Satire,
(08:37):
we present a story entitled job Hunting. Chapter one is
entitled help Wanted Cowhan, and it concerns the poor Man's
Gabby Hayes deada high from Texas.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
Hey, hey, you deedie, whoa whoa? Come on? Horse warm?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
You know that I that horse gets skin air every
time I feel well.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You see, it's this way.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I flip a coin every day.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You see heads, He gets oats and tails. I get beer.
You know he's the unluckiest horse I ever see. He
lost ten times in a row. You know, say you
haven't seen any of the law around.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Here, have you? I know?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Tell me why are you so afraid of the law.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Of course I'm wanted in Texas, but they don't never
take me back there. Of course, the way Texas is
growing I may not have to go back. It'll come
and get me.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Thank you representatives from Dallas.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
You know dead I you look different from both the
cowboy down. Tell me what's wrong with your leg?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
One bull legged?
Speaker 5 (10:03):
That's all.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Everybody in my family was bull legged. More used to
hitch rides on oil trucks. Well, I haven't got time
to stand there in chat. I gotta go round up
some of the actors for a western show out putting
a oh well look, that's what I wanted to see about.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Corny.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Uh, you can count me in. You know I can
do some fancy shooting, and I can sing a song
with my educated hort.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
You really can handle them sick shooters.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Well you just start counting. I'll show you how fast
I am on the drove. All right, Eat one, two,
three or grunt? What it says here? Grunt? You know
it ain't as easy as it looks.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Five.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
You know they get heavier every day.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Grunt, say tell hey, die, well, don't stand here, help
me win. Just as I thought, you're nothing but a
big blowhard boy. Yeah you mean that I'm a blow hard.
I ain't right you say that to a Texan. Yeah, okay,
I just ain't taking no foolishness today, So we'll see
(11:19):
about that though.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Why say you got before you poured your dog? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I think I lost another too? You got an open
toe boot here? Helly, help me take my boot off?
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Were you a right?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
You could have my leg back? Count of toes for me?
Speaker 5 (11:38):
Would you have one?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Two, three, board, five, six, seven seven?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I lost two of meta.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
I think we'd better forget about that fancy shoe.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
You tell me that that's an educated heart, as.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You're that's really an educated horse. And watch this now,
hey boy, now pay attention forci What is to end?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Two? Come?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
One boy?
Speaker 5 (12:15):
One more?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Please see you?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Well?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Thanks, just the same, did I? But this is a
play we're putting on. I only need actors, so thank okay.
Gidea boy, Gidea.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
Chapter two of Job Hunting is about a punchdrung fighter
but the name of Califlar mcpug who's always imagining. He
hears Belsenberg anyway, it seems one day he saw a
health wandered sign hanging in the restaurant window.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You knew you you.
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Get to do the mocking boy, the mocking boy. You
can do the mocking boy.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I tell like Margaret being dragged through a not holed.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
He you want to have a bell put on that door,
then you could tell when somebody come in.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Get to my boy, put a bell on that door?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Where's a bell on that door? Didn't you hear it
ring when you came in?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
What do you want?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I didn't hear no bell. What do you think? I'm
funky dumping?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And what are you running a pet door here in
parakeet to making awful out of noise? Cat a fire?
For your information, this is a restaurant. Well, from what
I am hearing, you're catering to nothing but boys.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Why don't you wait on them? Canary? They're thing for.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I saw you're looking at that sign in the window?
Is that what you came in? Here? About?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
What I came in?
Speaker 9 (14:13):
Mind?
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I came in to tea about that time? How long
does your clearance sale land?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sign doesn't say anything about clear and sale. That's say
a short order cook water? Can't you read?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Do I step aside?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You come to troop with te do.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Oh a flamingo?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
When did you ask me get a minute to go
with your mind?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
You would wait again?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I said, can't you read. I can't read. I can
read very reading, but I can't read write and yet
right and right and not putting? Hey grab an apple
for the teacher.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The cool bells w.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
How punchy can you get? I said, how punchy can
you get?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I don't know. That's pretty hard to tell. I'm still
rather young.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You need a cook?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
How about hiring me?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Well, what do you know about cooking?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I know, pretty boy? I will did three years of
KP and you arm me? Why do we have to
cook for food? For the whole regiment? And they get you?
Number it comb me? The boy? Did you nick my hand?
I was the pride of the canine core.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
The canine car. Huh what were you a dog face?
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You didn't get a laugh.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
But it's cue.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Why do you want to work here? Aren't you fighting anymore?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I fight a couple of nights a week at the board.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
He said, stop it stuff. You always say, Oh.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's going playing twick on me. He worked up me
appening the back of their head. But when I turn
you around him.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Say you fight two nights a week, then you'll want
two nights a week off from this job? You get
two minutes, just two minutes. I'll get the bout over
with in a hurry. I'll feed up my fall up,
picking up the lines when they don't get a laugh
to him. But after, after the fight, there will you
feel like working? Believe me, I won't see anything boy
(16:29):
like one thing about me. I come out of a
fight the thame condition that guy go in unconjured.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Dear boy, I'm quite a fighting you know, are you
the boy a flock?
Speaker 8 (16:44):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Never came Dan. Now you take my fight?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
And I had in Burbank that week.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I was fighting Irish Irving.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
And the way he went after me, you think.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
He was drooming a business for some mortuary. He hit
me and a no too hard and everything. Then I've
been breathing down my own neck. I hit the can
with I bounced for five minutes. It keet bouncing their
Finally my manager had to dribble me to my wretting room.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I like the better when they're not there.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Hello, honey, you walk around on your heels. Your brains
are scrambled. Oh you take I'm you want a geanut
whackler my room with that long haired monkey, yeah him
and then beautiful back robe before.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
You're rounding on a time, can't for it? Don't?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
What's the matter with him? Oh he likes to show
people that he's not about flying an airplane and jeans
and he's always flying all over down.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Get to tell everybody how good he is. Butt in
the neighborhood, Know that poor looking?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You ain't got no air from me? I know, I
tune up with motor for.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Well, I'm sorry, colar plown, I can't hire you for
a cook, but we need a dishwasher and the jobs yours?
If your water, how much you do pay?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
How much you get pay? How much you do pay?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Topic it pay us four dollars a day next week
a week nepoo. Of course out of that I did
duck three dollars a day for your meals that week. Boom.
And there's another deduction for income tax, social security and
medical insurance that comes to ninety two cents a day.
(18:48):
Let's see. That leaves you a net earning of eight
cents a day. And that's not counting your car fare.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Oh yeah, what actually to day?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Are you sure you want the job, coularfarers?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Sure I need the money?
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Colar?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
On second, that I don't think I can use you
as a dish work okay, No, but day I gotta
run anyhow, I'm a volunteer fireman, and I've heard a third.
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Alarm bell ring for I gotta go, okay, which brings
us now to the smith Twins or will sing down yonder.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yonder smon beacons to me.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Yonder racons on me.
Speaker 8 (19:50):
I need to see your racing never read between the
Letchers and the Robert.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Wan.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Sure I miss Shimon and every.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Day, my mammy Land, you're simply Grandjoon.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Under when the focus the news don't wonder.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
At the Hall of b Loon is Daddy and Mammy.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
There's and Sammy waiting down yonder for me, way down yonder,
in the land of Cotton, waiting for.
Speaker 10 (20:22):
Me way down yonder.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Well, I'm not forgotten.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Just wait and see.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I seem to see your racing memory me waiting south
between the Natches and the robberty.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Fanny Shaw. I missed small and Mark every day, my
mammy Land, see.
Speaker 8 (20:41):
Your simply Grandjoe where on yonder when the focus the
news don't ever wonder at the Hall.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Of Lows, there's Daddy and Mammy and Sammy.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Waiting down yonder. For waiting down, waiting down yonder.
Speaker 8 (20:59):
Call me.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And now.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Jesse Cartwright, co director of the Norge Home Economics Department,
has a wash day hint for homemakers.
Speaker 11 (21:19):
If washing handkerchiefs is a chore you dislike, try this
easy trick. Before you put the handkerchiefs in the washing machine,
soak them in lukewarm salt water.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Use about a tablespoon of salt to each quart of water.
Speaker 11 (21:30):
Of course, if you have a Nordge triple action washer,
you'll never have any real problem in getting close sparkling clean.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
You bet Nord's triple action washes clothes cleaner, and it
washes them faster. Seven minutes is average, and many loads
take even less time.
Speaker 11 (21:44):
Right, don't forget the automatic timer on the new Norge
pyramid model.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yes, with Nords you can wash clothes automatically for any
of five different washing times lightly soiled, average and so on.
You just set the timer and Nord shuts itself off automatically.
Every single feature this new Norde Bringer washer, with its
non tip pyramid construction is streamline. Why don't you go
down to your dealers and look it over. You won't
know what you're missing if you don't see Nords.
Speaker 9 (22:12):
Our final chapter is entitled Competition Junior Grade, and of
course it's about Junior, the mean little kid.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Oh there's that fat ol'connor standing in front of He's
new Western. I gotta talk to that guy. You, mister O'Connor,
stay right where you live. I'm coming across the street. No, Junior, No, well,
good heavens, I better see these all right, Junior, Junior?
(22:51):
All right, No, I didn't get a scratch. I didn't
get a scratched. But did you notice that Cadillac wearing
that off the shoulder chevel name.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I read that like they were a sponsor, Junior.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You know better than the run out of the street
like that. Never mind, fact, Joe, I came over here
to talk about your business with you.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
You it's definitely your place of establishment here.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Well, come on in, Junior, but don't slam the door
because I just put a new glass in. It might break.
Oh you can't wake a glass by slamming your door.
Oh yes you can.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
I can.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Well, thanks for your permission, Junior. How could you Well
you told me I could.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
If you want another demonstration, you had to put another.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Glass in that door for two cents, I'd give you
a whipping. I should give you two cents for a whipping,
and get all I want from home for nothing, one way,
and don't bother me, jun your ambusy, you're busy.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
That's what I happened to come over to see you about.
Fat Joe.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I'm sorry to say, but this restaurant has to go.
Why does it have to go because I happen to
run your lemonade down across the street and I'm not
gonna stand for any competition. Watch who well you see now,
I'll give you just twenty four hours to clear out
of this neighborhood. What if I don't feel like clearing out, Well,
(24:15):
look at this book back I'm looking. Now, take a
look at that big window, not yours, the one on
your door.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
You'll do me that, Yes, well, put two and two.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Together, your big, stupid fat snob, and imagine how drafty
it's gonna.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Be in here.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Now, Junior, there's no need to threaten me. I'm sure
we can get along doing business in the same neighborhood.
After all, I don't sell lemonade and you don't sell food.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I do too, sell food.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
My we do stand is noticeable. It is Will's famous
mud pie. Through over my counter comes the most beautiful
mud pie.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
In the world.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Who would buy mud pies? I'll tell you who by
just get people that drink my lemonade. Because you can't
show what that They buy a mud pie just to
show you can see me after a busy day, boy,
I'm loaded with anything.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I'm covered with mud is known as the filthy wit.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Well, Junior, to show you there's no hard feelings. I'll
give you some sugar. If you're a lemonade. How's that? Well?
Now that's mighty neighbor, are you? Could you give me
a lemon two?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
The one I has been using is getting there with
a moldy.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I've only had it for two months.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Jr. Don't look now, but here comes your mother.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Oh the hair brush kid rides again.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I was wondering how long it's going to take her
to discover that. I figured out the combination on the crib. Oh,
oh you know.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Rod, Have you been Junior?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
He was here a minute ago. Ah, there he is,
picking out of the garbage disposal stool pigeon changer. I
get this half a great food off.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Of my head.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Now you get out of that garbage disposal.
Speaker 10 (26:19):
Somebody is able to turn the switch off and you'll
clog up the plumbing.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Well, it's nice now that somebody cares for me.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Hey, Mom, you two look.
Speaker 10 (26:32):
Pretty, Oh, Risk, I don't start that huffy, magusty stuff
with me.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
What's your language? This Jo goos through? Pasha?
Speaker 10 (26:48):
Stop trying to change the subtic? How many times have
I told you never to cross that street alone?
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Rod?
Speaker 10 (26:54):
What am I going to do with him?
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I know a good taxidermis where you can have him
stuff cheap?
Speaker 10 (27:00):
H How can you ever think of such a thing.
He wouldn't look good hanging over the fireplace.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Way, Look, if you both some answers to stuffed me,
how about doing it with ice cream and cake or
a please your fire or something? Step banana pie cream pier. Look,
get your hands off of that. I want it. I'm
gonna stuff me, Chelsey. You folks have ever watched the
comedies on television?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
You know how this is gonna end.
Speaker 6 (27:29):
Now, let's throw of that pie you as you right?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You didn't.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Let's go the first time I've ever enjoyed a baning
you Just get my hands on you make me swam
a junior. That's funny, it didn't break.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Let's fat.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
They don't make glass like they used to. Let This
is Ron O'Connor saying, remember in refrigerator's, home freezer's, gas
and electric ranges, washers and water heaters. Everything Norge makes,
(28:17):
Norge makes right. Why don't you stopping at your local
Norge dealers soon? See the washer that's streamlined in looks
and action, the new Norge pyramid model with triple action
that gets close cleaner and less time. And the new
gentle touch ringer that gets closed dryer with less wear
and tear.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
See this new.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Norge triple action washer now at your Norge dealers, and
now until next week. This is Red Skelton saying thanks
for listening and reminding you that you won't know what
you're missing if you don't see Norge. Join us again
(28:58):
next week for the Red Skelton Show. Let's help has
turned the program to the courtesy of me Proball the
Mayor Studio. This is a copyrighted feature transpired from Hollywood.
Speaker 10 (29:17):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
This is the CBS Radio Network
Speaker 1 (29:29):
M HM
Doc.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Here's what your mouth said when he ran up the clock.
You won't know what you're missing if you don't see.
Norge transcribe from Hollywood. Norge Division at BorgWarner, Manufacturers of
America's most modern automatic and ringer washers, water heaters and
(00:23):
home freezers, gas and electric ranges originators, and world's largest
manufacturers of self defrosting refrigerators. Norge presents The Red Skelton
Show with Red Skelton, David Rose and his orchestra, Lorene Puddle,
(00:52):
Pat mcgehan and the Smith clans. Will be me, Rod O'Connor,
and now the star of our program, Red Skelton. Thank
(01:18):
you very much. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Hire rod Hire, Red,
what's up? Well, I've.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Have you tried to buy meat lately?
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
It reminds me I haven't eaten.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I gotta go over to the Turkish bath and see
if my hot dogs are done. I gotta be carefully
and that's where I do all the cookings.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Over that steam room.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Last week I went in there and mistake, I got
two sunburned midgets. Y. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Look just read don't agree.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
You know there must be a more honorable way of.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Making a living, meaning what we're doing right here. That's right, Yeah,
you're right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
See how about you and me getting in a little
business and we kind of team up.
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Well what sort of business did you want to go into?
Speaker 1 (02:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Should be something that we're both capable of doing. Oh no,
I'm not going back to Fresno, to those wine factories.
I used to be known as Redfoot. I used to
stop grafully. You see my feet were so big. No,
you think I got big feet though? You should see
my follower. He'd got feet so big he has to
(02:34):
put his.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Fans on where his head.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, let's see, let's let's do the want to add
section of the morning paper and see if there any
businesses for sale. Oh a bully idea, Bully, good show,
Good show.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
England.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You can see I haven't been wasting my time looking
at those British pictures on television. Bully, Hey, get a
load of this. It him in the personal column here
it says young man with pet skunk would like to
meet young lady with air wigs mutch it be a
whirlwind cordship.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Oh yeah, hey, how about this for sale?
Speaker 2 (03:18):
A rabbit ranch stock includes two rabbits in an adding machine.
We don't want a business like that. You have to count, remember, dear,
they get ahead of you. Yeah, this one looks good.
High class restaurant and an exclusive neighborhood owner must sell
because of ill health. He probably been eating his own flud.
(03:43):
Let's call that restaurant. See what's cooking?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (03:48):
What would we do in a restauran?
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Well, I don't know. I love to cook. And remember
the birthday cake I baked for you.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I sure do. The only part I could eat was
the candles.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
You kidding, boy, I can really cook.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Think you may not believe any of your lady's got
a pencil on paper.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Take this down.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'll give you a recipe for a cake that's wonderful.
You take a pound of flour save and then you.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Take four eggs, just the whites.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
You add the yellows later, and then you take a
cup of sugar and some shortening, and you mix it
up real good, and then sprinkle Papa.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Rica all over that.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I've taken an oven temperature of five hundred the finest
slab of Italian marble you've ever tasted. Fact, I think
I could sell that recipe to CBS, they can make
a cornerstone for their news studio. Well, maybe we better
just stick to the jobs we've got. Red. What do
you say, Oh, if the sponsors heard what's going on,
(04:45):
soul War, we may not even have a job anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We'd better call on Dave Rose to save this.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Dave, strike up the band and let's hear your arrangement
of the portrait of.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
A flirt the.
Speaker 6 (06:23):
Cold Attack the.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Let's take a minute to talk about a real buy
the Norge triple action washer in the new pyramid model.
It's not only streamlined and looks, it's streamlined in action too.
The trouble with most ringer washers that have the new
full length skirt instead of legs is they're too easy
to tip over. But not this new Norge pyramid model.
Norge is the only streamlined ringer washer designed with a
(07:53):
wider base and five instead of the usual forecasters that
prevents tipping. But this new Norge doesn't take up an
more floor space and it rolls just like a baby carriage.
Or you can anchor it from either side instantly because
two of the five castors are self locking. Now, then
what about the washing action Norge triple action agitation has
(08:13):
always been famous for getting clothes cleaner and doing it faster.
Norge really gets the deep down dirt, but it does
an average load in only seven minutes. I wish you'd
compare this new Norge with any other ringer washer on
the market, for you won't know what you're missing if
you don't see Norge. From the Skeleton scrap Book of Satire,
(08:37):
we present a story entitled job Hunting. Chapter one is
entitled help Wanted Cowhan, and it concerns the poor Man's
Gabby Hayes deada high from Texas.
Speaker 5 (08:59):
Hey, hey, you deedie, whoa whoa? Come on? Horse warm?
Speaker 3 (09:15):
You know that I that horse gets skin air every
time I feel well.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You see, it's this way.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I flip a coin every day.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You see heads, He gets oats and tails. I get beer.
You know he's the unluckiest horse I ever see. He
lost ten times in a row. You know, say you
haven't seen any of the law around.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Here, have you? I know?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Tell me why are you so afraid of the law.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Of course I'm wanted in Texas, but they don't never
take me back there. Of course, the way Texas is
growing I may not have to go back. It'll come
and get me.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Thank you representatives from Dallas.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
You know dead I you look different from both the
cowboy down. Tell me what's wrong with your leg?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
One bull legged?
Speaker 5 (10:03):
That's all.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Everybody in my family was bull legged. More used to
hitch rides on oil trucks. Well, I haven't got time
to stand there in chat. I gotta go round up
some of the actors for a western show out putting
a oh well look, that's what I wanted to see about.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Corny.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Uh, you can count me in. You know I can
do some fancy shooting, and I can sing a song
with my educated hort.
Speaker 3 (10:33):
You really can handle them sick shooters.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Well you just start counting. I'll show you how fast
I am on the drove. All right, Eat one, two,
three or grunt? What it says here? Grunt? You know
it ain't as easy as it looks.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
Five.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
You know they get heavier every day.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Grunt, say tell hey, die, well, don't stand here, help
me win. Just as I thought, you're nothing but a
big blowhard boy. Yeah you mean that I'm a blow hard.
I ain't right you say that to a Texan. Yeah, okay,
I just ain't taking no foolishness today, So we'll see
(11:19):
about that though.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
Why say you got before you poured your dog? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
I think I lost another too? You got an open
toe boot here? Helly, help me take my boot off?
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Were you a right?
Speaker 2 (11:34):
You could have my leg back? Count of toes for me?
Speaker 5 (11:38):
Would you have one?
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Two, three, board, five, six, seven seven?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I lost two of meta.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
I think we'd better forget about that fancy shoe.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
You tell me that that's an educated heart, as.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You're that's really an educated horse. And watch this now,
hey boy, now pay attention forci What is to end?
Speaker 1 (12:04):
Two? Come?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
One boy?
Speaker 5 (12:15):
One more?
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Please see you?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Well?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Thanks, just the same, did I? But this is a
play we're putting on. I only need actors, so thank okay.
Gidea boy, Gidea.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
Chapter two of Job Hunting is about a punchdrung fighter
but the name of Califlar mcpug who's always imagining. He
hears Belsenberg anyway, it seems one day he saw a
health wandered sign hanging in the restaurant window.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You knew you you.
Speaker 8 (13:13):
Get to do the mocking boy, the mocking boy. You
can do the mocking boy.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I tell like Margaret being dragged through a not holed.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
He you want to have a bell put on that door,
then you could tell when somebody come in.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Get to my boy, put a bell on that door?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Where's a bell on that door? Didn't you hear it
ring when you came in?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
What do you want?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
I didn't hear no bell. What do you think? I'm
funky dumping?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And what are you running a pet door here in
parakeet to making awful out of noise? Cat a fire?
For your information, this is a restaurant. Well, from what
I am hearing, you're catering to nothing but boys.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
Why don't you wait on them? Canary? They're thing for.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
I saw you're looking at that sign in the window?
Is that what you came in? Here? About?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
What I came in?
Speaker 9 (14:13):
Mind?
Speaker 1 (14:17):
I came in to tea about that time? How long
does your clearance sale land?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sign doesn't say anything about clear and sale. That's say
a short order cook water? Can't you read?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Do I step aside?
Speaker 2 (14:29):
You come to troop with te do.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Oh a flamingo?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
When did you ask me get a minute to go
with your mind?
Speaker 1 (14:43):
You would wait again?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I said, can't you read. I can't read. I can
read very reading, but I can't read write and yet
right and right and not putting? Hey grab an apple
for the teacher.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
The cool bells w.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
How punchy can you get? I said, how punchy can
you get?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I don't know. That's pretty hard to tell. I'm still
rather young.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
You know.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You need a cook?
Speaker 1 (15:12):
How about hiring me?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Well, what do you know about cooking?
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I know, pretty boy? I will did three years of
KP and you arm me? Why do we have to
cook for food? For the whole regiment? And they get you?
Number it comb me? The boy? Did you nick my hand?
I was the pride of the canine core.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
The canine car. Huh what were you a dog face?
Thank you?
Speaker 5 (15:40):
You didn't get a laugh.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
But it's cue.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Why do you want to work here? Aren't you fighting anymore?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
I fight a couple of nights a week at the board.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
He said, stop it stuff. You always say, Oh.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
That's going playing twick on me. He worked up me
appening the back of their head. But when I turn
you around him.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Say you fight two nights a week, then you'll want
two nights a week off from this job? You get
two minutes, just two minutes. I'll get the bout over
with in a hurry. I'll feed up my fall up,
picking up the lines when they don't get a laugh
to him. But after, after the fight, there will you
feel like working? Believe me, I won't see anything boy
(16:29):
like one thing about me. I come out of a
fight the thame condition that guy go in unconjured.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
Dear boy, I'm quite a fighting you know, are you
the boy a flock?
Speaker 8 (16:44):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Never came Dan. Now you take my fight?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
And I had in Burbank that week.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I was fighting Irish Irving.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
And the way he went after me, you think.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
He was drooming a business for some mortuary. He hit
me and a no too hard and everything. Then I've
been breathing down my own neck. I hit the can
with I bounced for five minutes. It keet bouncing their
Finally my manager had to dribble me to my wretting room.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
I like the better when they're not there.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Hello, honey, you walk around on your heels. Your brains
are scrambled. Oh you take I'm you want a geanut
whackler my room with that long haired monkey, yeah him
and then beautiful back robe before.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
You're rounding on a time, can't for it? Don't?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
What's the matter with him? Oh he likes to show
people that he's not about flying an airplane and jeans
and he's always flying all over down.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Get to tell everybody how good he is. Butt in
the neighborhood, Know that poor looking?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
What's wrong with that?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You ain't got no air from me? I know, I
tune up with motor for.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Well, I'm sorry, colar plown, I can't hire you for
a cook, but we need a dishwasher and the jobs yours?
If your water, how much you do pay?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
How much you get pay? How much you do pay?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Topic it pay us four dollars a day next week
a week nepoo. Of course out of that I did
duck three dollars a day for your meals that week. Boom.
And there's another deduction for income tax, social security and
medical insurance that comes to ninety two cents a day.
(18:48):
Let's see. That leaves you a net earning of eight
cents a day. And that's not counting your car fare.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Oh yeah, what actually to day?
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Are you sure you want the job, coularfarers?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Sure I need the money?
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Colar?
Speaker 2 (19:12):
On second, that I don't think I can use you
as a dish work okay, No, but day I gotta
run anyhow, I'm a volunteer fireman, and I've heard a third.
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Alarm bell ring for I gotta go, okay, which brings
us now to the smith Twins or will sing down yonder.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Yonder smon beacons to me.
Speaker 5 (19:46):
Yonder racons on me.
Speaker 8 (19:50):
I need to see your racing never read between the
Letchers and the Robert.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Wan.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
Sure I miss Shimon and every.
Speaker 6 (20:01):
Day, my mammy Land, you're simply Grandjoon.
Speaker 5 (20:06):
Under when the focus the news don't wonder.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
At the Hall of b Loon is Daddy and Mammy.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
There's and Sammy waiting down yonder for me, way down yonder,
in the land of Cotton, waiting for.
Speaker 10 (20:22):
Me way down yonder.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Well, I'm not forgotten.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Just wait and see.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I seem to see your racing memory me waiting south
between the Natches and the robberty.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Fanny Shaw. I missed small and Mark every day, my
mammy Land, see.
Speaker 8 (20:41):
Your simply Grandjoe where on yonder when the focus the
news don't ever wonder at the Hall.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Of Lows, there's Daddy and Mammy and Sammy.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Waiting down yonder. For waiting down, waiting down yonder.
Speaker 8 (20:59):
Call me.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And now.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Jesse Cartwright, co director of the Norge Home Economics Department,
has a wash day hint for homemakers.
Speaker 11 (21:19):
If washing handkerchiefs is a chore you dislike, try this
easy trick. Before you put the handkerchiefs in the washing machine,
soak them in lukewarm salt water.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Use about a tablespoon of salt to each quart of water.
Speaker 11 (21:30):
Of course, if you have a Nordge triple action washer,
you'll never have any real problem in getting close sparkling clean.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
You bet Nord's triple action washes clothes cleaner, and it
washes them faster. Seven minutes is average, and many loads
take even less time.
Speaker 11 (21:44):
Right, don't forget the automatic timer on the new Norge
pyramid model.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Yes, with Nords you can wash clothes automatically for any
of five different washing times lightly soiled, average and so on.
You just set the timer and Nord shuts itself off automatically.
Every single feature this new Norde Bringer washer, with its
non tip pyramid construction is streamline. Why don't you go
down to your dealers and look it over. You won't
know what you're missing if you don't see Nords.
Speaker 9 (22:12):
Our final chapter is entitled Competition Junior Grade, and of
course it's about Junior, the mean little kid.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Oh there's that fat ol'connor standing in front of He's
new Western. I gotta talk to that guy. You, mister O'Connor,
stay right where you live. I'm coming across the street. No, Junior, No, well,
good heavens, I better see these all right, Junior, Junior?
(22:51):
All right, No, I didn't get a scratch. I didn't
get a scratched. But did you notice that Cadillac wearing
that off the shoulder chevel name.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
I read that like they were a sponsor, Junior.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
You know better than the run out of the street
like that. Never mind, fact, Joe, I came over here
to talk about your business with you.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
You it's definitely your place of establishment here.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Well, come on in, Junior, but don't slam the door
because I just put a new glass in. It might break.
Oh you can't wake a glass by slamming your door.
Oh yes you can.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
I can.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Well, thanks for your permission, Junior. How could you Well
you told me I could.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
If you want another demonstration, you had to put another.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Glass in that door for two cents, I'd give you
a whipping. I should give you two cents for a whipping,
and get all I want from home for nothing, one way,
and don't bother me, jun your ambusy, you're busy.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
That's what I happened to come over to see you about.
Fat Joe.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I'm sorry to say, but this restaurant has to go.
Why does it have to go because I happen to
run your lemonade down across the street and I'm not
gonna stand for any competition. Watch who well you see now,
I'll give you just twenty four hours to clear out
of this neighborhood. What if I don't feel like clearing out, Well,
(24:15):
look at this book back I'm looking. Now, take a
look at that big window, not yours, the one on
your door.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
You'll do me that, Yes, well, put two and two.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Together, your big, stupid fat snob, and imagine how drafty
it's gonna.
Speaker 5 (24:35):
Be in here.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Now, Junior, there's no need to threaten me. I'm sure
we can get along doing business in the same neighborhood.
After all, I don't sell lemonade and you don't sell food.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I do too, sell food.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
My we do stand is noticeable. It is Will's famous
mud pie. Through over my counter comes the most beautiful
mud pie.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
In the world.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Who would buy mud pies? I'll tell you who by
just get people that drink my lemonade. Because you can't
show what that They buy a mud pie just to
show you can see me after a busy day, boy,
I'm loaded with anything.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
I'm covered with mud is known as the filthy wit.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Well, Junior, to show you there's no hard feelings. I'll
give you some sugar. If you're a lemonade. How's that? Well?
Now that's mighty neighbor, are you? Could you give me
a lemon two?
Speaker 1 (25:36):
The one I has been using is getting there with
a moldy.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
I've only had it for two months.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Jr. Don't look now, but here comes your mother.
Speaker 1 (25:48):
Oh the hair brush kid rides again.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I was wondering how long it's going to take her
to discover that. I figured out the combination on the crib. Oh,
oh you know.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Rod, Have you been Junior?
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
He was here a minute ago. Ah, there he is,
picking out of the garbage disposal stool pigeon changer. I
get this half a great food off.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Of my head.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Now you get out of that garbage disposal.
Speaker 10 (26:19):
Somebody is able to turn the switch off and you'll
clog up the plumbing.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Well, it's nice now that somebody cares for me.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Hey, Mom, you two look.
Speaker 10 (26:32):
Pretty, Oh, Risk, I don't start that huffy, magusty stuff
with me.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
What's your language? This Jo goos through? Pasha?
Speaker 10 (26:48):
Stop trying to change the subtic? How many times have
I told you never to cross that street alone?
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Rod?
Speaker 10 (26:54):
What am I going to do with him?
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I know a good taxidermis where you can have him
stuff cheap?
Speaker 10 (27:00):
H How can you ever think of such a thing.
He wouldn't look good hanging over the fireplace.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Way, Look, if you both some answers to stuffed me,
how about doing it with ice cream and cake or
a please your fire or something? Step banana pie cream pier. Look,
get your hands off of that. I want it. I'm
gonna stuff me, Chelsey. You folks have ever watched the
comedies on television?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
You know how this is gonna end.
Speaker 6 (27:29):
Now, let's throw of that pie you as you right?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
You didn't.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Let's go the first time I've ever enjoyed a baning
you Just get my hands on you make me swam
a junior. That's funny, it didn't break.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Let's fat.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
They don't make glass like they used to. Let This
is Ron O'Connor saying, remember in refrigerator's, home freezer's, gas
and electric ranges, washers and water heaters. Everything Norge makes,
(28:17):
Norge makes right. Why don't you stopping at your local
Norge dealers soon? See the washer that's streamlined in looks
and action, the new Norge pyramid model with triple action
that gets close cleaner and less time. And the new
gentle touch ringer that gets closed dryer with less wear
and tear.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
See this new.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Norge triple action washer now at your Norge dealers, and
now until next week. This is Red Skelton saying thanks
for listening and reminding you that you won't know what
you're missing if you don't see Norge. Join us again
(28:58):
next week for the Red Skelton Show. Let's help has
turned the program to the courtesy of me Proball the
Mayor Studio. This is a copyrighted feature transpired from Hollywood.
Speaker 10 (29:17):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
This is the CBS Radio Network
Speaker 1 (29:29):
M HM
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.