October 20, 2025 • 37 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Let's take a deep breath together in through our nose,
deep into our belly, and we sideout through our mouth.
This helps us to step into our body space, especially when we
(00:22):
are tuning into a Pleasure Lit episode that is all about
pleasure. We want to feel relaxed and open
to receive the Pleasure Lit downloads.
Welcome to another episode at Pleasure Lit with Patricia.
Today I've got a guest speaker with me, Melissa Louise.
She's a leading pleasure advocate, erotic blueprint
(00:45):
coach, and a sex, intimacy, and relationship expert.
She supports women to reclaim their divine birthright, to feel
alive or gas, make and turn the fuck on no matter their age or
relationship status, and men to be more attractive, powerful,
trustworthy, make more money, and find freedom by lasting
(01:05):
longer in bed. Welcome to this conversation.
Oh honey, I'm so happy to be here with you.
I'm just a wee bit excited. I mean, another pleasure
advocate pleasure, you know, it's gonna be just pleasure on
it. I know.
Already I always. Like to ask a few like starter
questions so we can get to know you and towards the end, same.
(01:29):
It's just because I'm so interested in pleasure.
I just always think everybody's,you know, brain and body about
pleasure. So to start with, what does
pleasure mean to you personally,and how has that understanding
evolved over time? Oh my goodness, what a great
question. Wow.
I have to try and remember abouttwo decades ago.
(01:51):
Because right now here, pleasureto me is my, it's the aliveness
in which I breathe, how I exist in the world.
And you know, for many years, I've always, you know, I still
do say that What, you know, years ago when I first started
saying, look, it's our birthright, it was also kind of
like a, a hurdle or a fight. Like it is our birthright.
(02:12):
It we just like we have, we're meant to have the right to clean
and fresh water and clean and fresh air.
Our bodies are designed to existreally well and to recalibrate
through pleasure. So if we're going to look at it
from a, you know, practical point of view, pleasure is
actually what our body needs to be.
Well, the lack of pleasure puts us in so much dis ease.
(02:36):
And so then of course, you know,pleasure brings equilibrium or
homeostasis, but it also then completely accelerates.
So for me, it's just my absoluteturn on to life.
It's the reason I exist. Fishing a woman's body.
You serious? How lucky, How lucky.
But we, this is what we landed and it's just, it's never
(02:56):
ending. And so pleasure to me is in the
way that I, the way that I fall asleep at night with the way
that I place my pillows and the velvet pillows, the rugs that I
have on my bed. The, you know, the, the, what I
drink out of is decanter how my home looks.
The fact that I work while sitting in a leather chair.
(03:17):
Whenever I wear clothing, it's either going to be satin or silk
or like if I'm walking, I'm barefoot, you know, and in the
ocean or on the sand or the river.
Like if I'm going to take my dogfor a walk, it's like, where can
I go and be truly pleasure filled?
So this morning it was the riverand Oh my God.
Yeah, it's. And when I smell a flower and
(03:38):
then you go and kiss someone, Ohmy God.
Now it's tenfold. So it's just how how to do life
and. What is something like if you
think about it specifically, or what comes to mind when someone
asks you what is something that brings you a lot of pleasure?
Oh gosh, I'm a woman. I've just got a whole list
(03:59):
making. I'm going to give you 2 things.
This is self sourced. Making my own chocolate because
I always wear a gown, I always lick the pan if some gets in the
freezer. So making my own chocolate.
And then? If I'm speaking to a lover, it's
just that absolute presence and the leaning in and the slowing
(04:22):
down. Like I will slow my body to
really support him, to slow downif he's like, and yeah, just the
way that I get spoken to or within absolute presence.
Yeah. Delicious.
Do you have like a personal ritual or like a practice that
really helps you to stay connected to your pleasure self?
(04:43):
Breast massage every like I now and nakedness and breast
massage. I mean, I'm very blessed in my
apartment. I hardly ever wear clothes.
I'm always up in the morning. I'd, you know, sleep naked, wake
up naked. I make my coffee naked and I'm
always massaging my breasts withwarm coconut oil as the coffee's
brewing and as I'm, you know, making a decision where to take
(05:05):
my dog. That's how I start every single
day. I love that and when you think
about like looking at back at your journey, where are you
currently at now on your pleasure journey?
The I guess the the word that just came is completely
comfortable with the embodiment of it.
(05:26):
It's it's not something I need to decide anymore or where I'm
at with my pleasures. I'm actually not concerned what
other people think anymore. Like where I'm at is I'm
completely sovereign in my pleasure.
You know, I'm always, if I go toa restaurant, I will change the
seats. I will ask for something out
like I'm your person is so picky.
(05:46):
And it's like, I'm here to have an experience with this chef.
And I would like this on the plate as well because that will
make me really effing happy. Like, like everything I do is
just like this, you know, not inan arrogant way.
It's just like, Oh my God. And we could have more, oh, it
could actually be more fun. Why not?
(06:07):
Like there's no holding back. And my friends always talk about
that with me. It's like, Oh my gosh, if you're
going to go out with Melissa or if Melissa's going to, you know,
if you're going to go to Melissa's house, it's just, it's
just going to be more and more and more because to me, it's
like it's so abundant. So I feel very sovereign in my
pleasure right now. When we think about the
intention for this conversation,we thought we have a chat about
(06:29):
how to create or make sex more pleasurable for women.
And in your experience, why do you think women like struggle to
actually like, fully receive or even prioritize pleasure,
especially in regards to sex with others?
Well, we currently live in a construct that presents sex as
(06:49):
something that gets done. And it's very it's in the male
project. So the the masculine project
that runs our current system is based on the doing and it's on
his pleasure. So the woman's experience is
that she's problematic the way that it's that it's, you know,
given to us as in like, you know, that narrative, she takes
(07:09):
too long. No woman ever takes too long.
Men don't take long enough. That's never said, you know,
it's always said that the woman takes too long.
Our pleasure has always been deemed dangerous from all
religion and cultural constructs.
I was born in the 70s, very early 70s.
So this constant fear that I wouldn't be chosen and I
(07:33):
wouldn't get, I wouldn't be chosen.
So I had to dumb myself down. So you can't be alive.
You cannot be too loud. It was OK for my younger brother
to go, and so he sees my youngerbrother to go out and do all of
this stuff. But I couldn't do that because
apparently even though for heterosexual people to have sex,
(07:53):
that means the guy has sex with women, but if the women has lots
of sex and her, she's devalued. So we have this devalued aspect
to all of the narratives that we've given at school, like
school uniforms and all. That'd be short, but boys can
wear short shorts, but girls can't.
So our genitals are dangerous and we have to placate our
(08:15):
existence according to the danger of the male gaze.
The men are not. It is not in the narrative that
men are completely educated not to look at a woman.
It is a woman's fault if the guylooks.
So with all of that construct, which is also, if we look at
epigenetics, it's, you know, ourgrandmothers, our great
grandmothers, our mothers have gone through all of that.
(08:36):
You know, we're, we're in, we'rein, you know, arenas at the
moment where that's shifting andchanging.
But our mothers and I grandmothers weren't.
And that is still deeply inside of our blood.
It's inside of our souls and epigenic, you know, it's all
held in our organs. So for us to win and our current
cultural construct, for us to win and us to be safe and for
our children to be raised and have a roof over our head, we
(08:59):
need to bloody well behave. So the danger of Eroticism.
And then of course, we have the women who are highly erotic and
how they're vilified and you know, the, the construct that's
always, you know, pulling them down and how they are
unpunished. So all around us we're punished
for our pleasure. So therefore the construct is
(09:20):
very tethered to the masculine project to this day.
So. Yes, I also believe especially a
woman who's like purely in her erotism and really embraces her
pleasure side, not just gets thethe statements, the comments
from men, but also from other women sometimes.
(09:40):
And that is because they sometimes wish they could just
embrace themselves that way but can't.
Like something is stopping them.And then seeing someone else
like fully embracing it sometimes can be really like
hurting for them as well. Yeah, it pushes a lot of
buttons. I mean, when we speak of
misogyny, misogyny isn't just a,you know, isn't the masculine
(10:01):
side. Women are affected and affected
and women are also within it. And that is also a huge safety
factor. You know, it's like to view
another woman who's fully free and fully new Eroticism, you
know, can bring up so much fear in a woman who's who hasn't, you
know, whose life exists on the fact that she stays quiet or
(10:22):
that she stays within the box orshe stays within the realm
that's acceptable. I mean, it's very button
pushing. I mean, what to do with it?
Also, too, because we're not raised within sisterhood.
We're not raised within a community of women.
We're raised to compete against one another.
All of this ties in, you know, it's like, so.
Yeah. So there's this competition
factor. I love that you just mentioned
that with sisterhood, because that's very true.
(10:43):
Like when you look back, well, we were, we were living in, in
groups and, and we were meeting in temples and we were, you
know, collectives where now everybody's just pretty much
isolated. No one's really sharing anything
anymore. And I believe this desire for
connection is really there. And how are we supposed to know
about things and pleasure and all of these things that no
(11:04):
one's teaching us? Like school isn't, the system
isn't. And if we don't have like
sisterhood or others we can turnto or parents because for them
it's like a topic they're not even talking about.
Like my parents, my mom was justlike, we're not talking about
this. And this is not something we do
in our house. You were born in our house, but
we won't talk about that. So this is exactly why I believe
(11:28):
sisterhood now it's so importantthat we are embracing our true
self. So we actually empowering
others. And if others feel triggered and
might feel heard that they actually TuneIn what's like, oh,
why is that triggering me? Like what's what's to explore
here? And then really leaning into
sister horn and actually be opento learn and to ask for support
and really lean into it. And I think we're just in that
(11:51):
progress to change a little bit into that as well.
And I think especially with AI, the real human connection is
starting to get really like something more that we desire.
So I think sisterhoods, and Thisis why I love creating the
pleasure at Circle that I've just opened the doors to.
It's just so important that we are coming back together to.
(12:12):
Really support each other because you are an.
Erotic blueprint expert as well and I love erotic blueprints.
It has opened so many doors for me and I always teach about them
as well. But for anyone now listening who
might not know about what eroticblueprints are, but especially
related to now women and sex, how can understanding the erotic
(12:35):
blueprints help sex to be more pleasurable for women?
Oh my goodness, it's a game changer.
And as when I became a certifiedcoach in this, it completely get
changed the game for everything for me and for my clients.
So the way I like to describe itis so the erotic blueprints
actually gives you a road map ofhow your nervous system tritates
(12:57):
to turn on. So in our cultural narrative,
it's very one way. It's the the sexual blueprint.
It's like, you know, sex toys and 10 minutes every movie.
It's it's just one way. It's such a cookie cutter way of
existing and it doesn't bring room for anything else.
So then that's also brings up this failure factor.
(13:20):
It's like, well, why can't I be turned on in 3 1/2 minutes?
Like, yeah, there's something wrong with me because he's ready
and I'm not and all of these things.
And then also to the shame of like, not being able to do
exactly how everything is, you know, laid out in front of us.
So with the erotic blueprints, there's five, there's the
energetic, the central. These are not hierarchical
either as I'm speaking about, but energetic, sexual central
(13:43):
kink and shapeshifter so the nervous system of a sexual can
be completely ready for turned on with sex.
They go from naughty to 100 justlike that, you know, within a
couple of minutes they can come home.
You know, their partners, just you know, this woman could come
home and she's if sexual is really high in her blueprint,
she will come home. Hey, guys are in his jeans.
(14:04):
Maybe he's all sweaty, he's beenplumbing, he's doing anything
and she's essential and it may be many women will be like this.
You know, he's sweaty, he's got his shirt off and he's just
standing there, you know, maybe like having a cup of coffee or
tea and she walks in and just sees him and it's like, you
know, whereas if someone who's. Just.
(14:25):
Like I'm home, we're together and we're on, you know, someone
who's essential could work it, walk in and maybe, you know,
he's been under the sink and so the tools are still on the
floor. He's still same scenario, shirt
off, sweat a little bit dirty, leaning up, but the sink is
(14:46):
dirty. Yeah, he hasn't had a chance to
clean up yet, so she sees him having a cup of tea or coffee or
whatever with a mess all around him.
She's also come home and music on the radio was really shit.
It was just like heavy metal. Maybe she walks in and he's
playing hit music that, you know, is heavy metal or
(15:06):
something. Her system is like, you know,
even though he's looking gorgeous, she's like, you know,
the music in the ears is like, you know, and the mess, like she
can't get through that. That's what she sees.
She's, she doesn't really. She's he's a part of the mess,
you know, you know, so they're energetic.
Someone who's energetic could come home to that scenario.
(15:31):
And especially, and this is not,I'm not saying people who are
not energetic would would also not respond this way.
But say she's had a bit of a hard day comes in and she's
processing a lot and she's walked in through the door and
maybe she didn't realize her partner was at home and he sees
and he comes up and walks up to her and hugs her straight away.
(15:52):
So there's body contact really quickly and her nervous system
is not ready for body contact. So it's like it's, it's a fight
and flight basically. It's like, and then she might
go, I've got emails to do, I've got to go and do some stuff or
like trying to get away so she can breathe or she'll be in shut
down and she can't be really present because he's come so
(16:13):
close to her quickly. So yeah.
And then in, you know, there's a, there's a superpower and like
a stuff that's really great. And then there's also the stuff
we have to work with with every blueprint, the kinky, you know,
if she comes in the door and she's got high kink and maybe
he's such and he walks in, he's like, OK, so he's half naked.
(16:36):
He looks at her and he's like, yeah, let's go.
And she'd be like, so tell me why I should, you know, Or he's
standing there, you know, with like.
And maybe he, you know, picks upa wrench or something and like,
starts, you know, slapping his hand going, don't you fucking
move. You're late.
Where have you been? Yeah, that's right.
(16:58):
You're late, turn round and bendover and she'd be like, you
know, whereas if you did that too, or maybe psychological kink
for the energetic, energetic andpsychological kink, well,
marriage in heaven. But yeah, like someone who's
sensual that, you know, really high sensual and hasn't given a
container that might, you know, if he's really kinky and he
starts doing that, she'd be like, there's a mess on the
(17:20):
floor. Like I'm not been doing all of
that thing. So it's about understanding.
And often people believe, Oh, and the shapeshifter goes
through all of them. So I could walk through the door
in any of those scenarios and belike, yes, please.
So are you a shapeshifter? Yes, I'm a shapeshifter.
Yeah, yeah. But do you know what you are?
I'm very dominantly, like actually three of them.
(17:44):
It was like 3433, thirty something.
So like very, very like three ofthem.
And that is the energetics. And then a percentage less was
kinky and sensual. So basically I'm an energetic,
kinky, sensual, which I believe makes perfectly sense because
that kind of like intervenes into each other.
(18:06):
I'm absolutely not sexual. And This is why I'm probably
also not a shapeshifter, becauseyou can put a naked person in
front of me and I look at it, there's a body, but it doesn't
there's a body like 2. Arms and two legs.
Awesome. I've been a qualified nurse,
I've worked in nursing. I've seen many bodies.
For me, it is a body. And if the energetic doesn't
(18:28):
work, if, if there's no sensor, if there's no kink in there,
like if that's not working in there, like I'm off to the
package. So you can stand in front of me
naked and you can have the most gorgeous looking body.
And I would be like, wow, you look amazing.
But it wouldn't turn me off likeI see bringing up something else
then it would stimulate. Right, right.
But amazing. So this is the thing that gives
(18:49):
us a road map and it allows us to understand what we need and
what we get, our conversations, what we get to ask for.
And many people believe that they need to in partnership or
lovership, they need to be the same like, and it's like having
scrambled eggs every single morning.
I mean, like to, to enjoy a goodbreakfast.
You don't have to have scrambledeggs every morning.
(19:10):
You could have them boiled, you could have something different.
I think it's really delicious and amazing to have a partner
that's different because you, you straight away having two
different, you know, blueprints in a household, you now have
more possibilities. And then of course, once you're
fulfilled in those and you startplaying in the other blueprints,
just it's just like the love language is just because your
love language is words of affirmation, it doesn't mean
(19:31):
you're not going to appreciate abeautiful gift like, you know,
flowers being brought or, you know, a juicy Yum hug and
spooning. Of course, you know like this,
you know, you go across the board.
So the same thing with the erotic blueprints is about also
learning and leaning into and discovering and exploring the
other ones as well. So we learn to cross the bridge,
we learn to ask for our needs tomeet, We learn to play with one
(19:54):
another. Just as it's a responsibility in
love languages to speak to your partner in their love languages,
it's their responsibility to speak to you and yours, same
with the erotic blueprints. It is a responsibility, the
ability to respond appropriatelyin lovership.
If your partner is energetic, goand get energetic skills, learn
to do breath work, learn how to move energy through their body,
(20:17):
learn how to do light touch. Like when someone's saying, I
don't do that, it's kind of likegoing, well, do you say that to
your boss about work? You know, you rock up at work
and the guys, you know, I was sort of and I'm not, I'm not
saying, you know, women also cancan be very shut down as well.
But if you had to go to work andyour boss gave you the keys to
the truck and said you've got togo and pick up, you know, a ton
(20:37):
of wood, you know, down the roadfor today's work, you know,
right now I don't do that. Like you wouldn't have a job.
So to go and do that to your partner is like, I'm, I'm not
energetic. I don't do that.
It's just like, yeah, I don't open the door anymore.
It's just insane how we often treat sexuality as a as
(20:59):
optional, learning about sexuality as an option or an
inconvenience. Like it's so interesting how
that that energy comes towards our sexuality a lot.
Anyway, I don't understand it but.
I like how you just mentioned itis just a doorway of more
opportunities because that if you look at it that way and not
(21:22):
just, oh, we are mismatch. That's not going to work.
But actually looking at it, OK, how, what, what can we do to
make it work? Like how can we explore this?
Like let's play around and maybewe can find a way where we know
this is going to work for the both of us.
And it's just about really leaning into it.
And I love them so much. I also like the idea that you
(21:43):
just explain these erotic blueprints by one example with
the with the guy off, like, you know, the hand to hand guy and
you come walk home because that's how you can probably see
yourself. OK, when I come home.
How would that work and how would that be?
So if I'm like mostly energetic,he can have all the tools
around. But also like the central, yeah,
(22:04):
maybe he would have should have cleaned up, you know, and be
when I come home, be present. So he's energetically switched
on and be like, here I am, you know, there's nothing else you
need to worry about. We can just eye gaze and we can
like, you know, go into the yumminess.
I would be like instead of boom.Yeah.
And you are ready to embody yourpleasure lit energy to attract
(22:27):
and fully receive the love, the pleasure, the opportunities, the
wealth, the life that you truly desire.
I invite you to go to pleasurelit.com and choose your
path on the Pleasurelit way. I look forward to connecting
with you there. Energetic.
(22:47):
Kink scene right there you know you walk in the door he lifts up
his head puts the cup down takesyour arm no words at all takes
your hand lead you into the beautiful lounge room that where
everything's up set up beautifully with cushions and
just sits you down and starts gazing in your eyes and leans
back without 10 my. I'm already melted.
(23:08):
I've got one word spoken and she's a miss.
Tripping. You'll have to place you on the
wooden floor. It is, it is like you said, such
a game changer. It has changed like my personal
and also for anyone I've I've taught about the erotic
(23:29):
blueprints and love languages, but also not just in regards to
sex, actually also for self pleasure because that is a game
changer too of knowing, OK, my friend is talking about this and
that, but that just doesn't sit for me.
Why is that? Because you might be a different
erotic blueprint, a different person for love languages.
And it's so important that we not just give love and you know,
(23:50):
share our pleasure with others, but also turn to ourselves and
look after ourselves and give ourselves what we actually
crave. And knowing what your personal
erotic blueprint is and your love language can be so
beneficial to pull that into yourself.
And then knowing your loved onesopens another container to
actually, you know, expand that whole lot.
(24:12):
I. Love how you've just explained
that. Yeah.
Because that's around self sovereignty, you know, and
that's also too when we're looking at deconstructing the
the, you know, so many of the constructs that women have about
their own pleasure and their ownbody and their own sexuality.
When you understand your love language, you understand what
your erotic blueprint is, you have your map and you're
responsible now you are like, you know, we are responsible for
(24:34):
our own pleasure. It's another thing, you know, in
relationship is kind of like I was sharing with I was on a call
yesterday with 44 men. This is like the thing of like
you don't give a woman a an orgasm.
You never give a woman an orgasm.
You create the environment and you, you know, you touch her in
ways to allow her body to open and surrender to you and and
unfold into an orgasm like her body will have an orgasm in your
(24:56):
presence. How present are you?
What are you doing for that to happen?
You don't go in and give her one.
You know, you're saying this whole culture of like a man does
something to her. It's like no beautiful man you
like you create and you provide so that she can surrender.
So then we are very self responsible for our own
pleasure, like to, to have the, you know, when we need it to be
slower, when we need someone to,to nibble our neck.
(25:17):
Like it's like, Oh my God, couldyou please just bite my neck
right now? You know, and it's like now
means now I said now to be fullyresponsible for for how we get
to navigate with that. So we need to know our own body.
And I think a lot of women also hold, you know, it's some some
(25:40):
nervousness or shutdown or shameor guilt about fully exploring
themselves. I mean, I know I've worked with
many couples who believe once they're together that they're
not to masturbate anymore. Just like going, you need to
masturbate more because you're going to have more sex because
you're living in a house now, you know, with the other person.
But there's this fact of like there was the responsibilities
(26:02):
of the other. Now that we together, we will
only ever do this together. And then of course, what
happens? We all know.
I love that you just explained that to 44 men of like, you're
not giving it. You're actually just, you know,
helping her to surrender to the experience.
And This is why I always say youare an assistant to her
(26:23):
pleasure. You are.
That's all. She's sharing her pleasure with
you and you are an assistant to help her, you know, experience.
More. Depth, exactly, more depth
expanding it. So this is a beautiful example
for that one. And like like you said, it's
super important that we take ourown responsibility because for
years I myself have believed I need to have a partner to
(26:47):
experience good sex and orgasms.And I gave my the responsibility
of pleasure to them to them be get disappointed because I
handed over the control of not even knowing my own body.
So of course they failed and not, you know, being good
assistance to my pleasure because I didn't know what to do
because I didn't even know what what to do with my own body.
(27:07):
So I need to actually get to know my own body.
Well, how can men or like masculine partners support women
in like feeling more open and relaxed and turned on for sex?
Oh my goodness. Yeah.
It's definitely starting with everything else other than the
genitals is #1 they're OK. I mean, many different layers.
(27:30):
It's like conversations, asking what a woman needs, What does
she like? How can she be turned on?
Like, you know, we were showing last night.
It's like you can't, if you werewith someone a month ago, you
can't go to the next woman with the same map.
Whatever worked over here, you know, assuming that because this
is another woman that it's goingto be the same.
So always asking, making sure that, you know, there's so much
(27:52):
safety. When I say safety, it's like
where she knows that she's been taken care of slowness slow if
you need to slow like to if you've been asked to slow down
or you know you need to slow down, slow down 10 times.
Don't just go a little bit slower.
Slow down, then again, then again, then again and really
(28:13):
come come into attunement with her.
I mean, first of all, it's also doing your own self pleasure
practice so you can last longer,so that your arousal is not
putting you into a stress state that you've got to, you're going
to lose it. So you need to be inside of her
so you can have an orgasm. It's like you got to take off
the EU factor out of the out of the whole scenario where you're
(28:35):
able to move your sexual energy or you're you're very
comfortable with soft cut that you don't need to be fully
aroused and then trying to fix that problem and only say it
that way because that's the energetic so.
But it's not a problem to have asoft cock or an erect cock cock
at all. But really turning her body on
(28:55):
because a woman's map of arousalis head hot than pussy.
Our head needs to be. We need to be intrigued, We need
to hear the right things. We need to to be turned towards
you and then feel safe. And then therefore our heart
will like when our heart is open, we start drawing you in
and we want more and then our pussy will open.
So it's really leaving the genitals.
(29:16):
Well, you know, her, her vulva to to the last to the least.
Like don't rush towards it. She's got ears and and neck and
hair and a chest and breasts andnipples and knees and like, you
know, thighs and, oh, fingers. And she has a tongue to nibble
and pull on. You know, she's got a bottom lip
(29:37):
to nibble and suck on. She's got all of this stuff.
By the time you get to a vulva, that vulva is going to be
pulling you in. And when you know, people say,
how do you know when a woman's ready?
When she's fucking begging for you, when she's just like got
you and she's like pushing you down?
And then that's when you go, no way, sweetheart, I am a bit in
(30:00):
control here, you know, so youngwhen she's begging.
And I saw this incredible. I don't know the woman's name
right now, but it was a woman speaking about the Kama Sutra
and Tantra. And she was saying, imaginal
world. I can't do it verbatim, but
imagine a world where a woman's pleasure was actually indicative
of the health of the community and was so necessary.
(30:21):
And if a woman's pleasure wasn'ttaken care of, then that that
was the that was the issue. That was, that was cause for
punishment. And she goes, well, there used
to be a time like that. That's what the tantric temples
were about. Men would never, you know, a
young boy could never go and Make Love with, have a
girlfriend and, and you know, Make Love with her without
learning the arts of the female body because of how much a
(30:43):
woman's pleasure is indicative of the health of community, of
her family and wealth. When we look at wealth and we
have a very egotistical solo structure right now, whereas
woman's pleasure actually creates more wealth and health
and it brings the family and it brings community into the
(31:03):
center. So it's actually very radical
and it's very necessary. It's it's the revolution.
It's really revolutionary for women to be in their pleasure.
That's why I say pleasure is magic and I love the pleasure
lit magic ritual to really manifest your deepest desires.
Love more pleasure wells abundance with pleasure, with
(31:26):
your pleasure energy. And I love how you really say
it. One thing.
How can men support her by her feeling safety, like in her
nervous system, feeling safe andreally giving her a long turn
on. And when I met men, I once
explained it like this and I said, put a finger inside of me
now like without any turn on. And then let's going, let's get
(31:49):
it going that it's flowing. And then when I felt it like I'm
like, OK, now I'm already turnedon.
And it was like half an hour or so.
I said, now put two fingers inside of me and he's like holy
and I'm like, he's like, I didn't even like needed to push
anything in. It was just in the entrance and
you were just absorbing me and it was so much more wet and
like, you know, and gorged in. That felt like so amazing.
(32:11):
I said, see, that must be like adifference for you as well,
entering a woman when she's actually really turned on to
when she isn't. So why wouldn't you actually get
to that point where she's banging you and you slide and
you're like, wow, this is. Definitely you completely like
sucks in, you know, I love that.What an incredible, beautiful
experience for him. And you know, last I started the
(32:34):
call with showing an image of, you know, the the penis and the
clitoris because it's all with the same tissue, just arranged
differently. And so then, you know, showing
it's like with the same tissues like you, you can't, if you have
soft cock, once you're inside ofa woman, yes, you can stay
inside, but like sort of saying to the men, like with a soft
cock, you can't penetrate a woman.
(32:55):
And yet women are always expected to be penetrated with a
soft clitoris. We still need to have an erect
clitoris, just like you have an erect cock.
It's the same tissue, it's just arranged differently.
We have legs like you have legs.We have, you know, the, the, the
shaft, like you have the shaft. We have the head, just like you
have the head. You know, we even even before
circumcision, like the the clitoral hood is the skin that
(33:17):
get circumcised on the man's penis.
Like all of these things is likeyou wouldn't have sex.
You don't. Most men do not have sex with a
flaccid penis and yet women are expected to in a current
cultural narrative, like they expect themselves to receive
penetration without an erect condoris.
It's insane in my world. Where can people, where can
(33:39):
people find you if they're interested to work with you and
explore that a little bit more in depth and further?
Melissa Louise dot Weld 1 great place to get onto which there'll
be a link down here is is through my substat.
You know which I know that you're onto on this great
substat journey because I just love writing and I and I get
(34:00):
like, sometimes I get really madabout things and sometimes I'm
really soft about things. So you get the feminine like
we're always shifting and change.
Depends where the moon is in thesky.
You can tell where the moon is in the sky by just watching my
emails. So yeah, I love that people to
especially, you know, to come into my sub stack, really lean
into my world. And then of course, Instagram as
(34:22):
well. I'm rebuilding an account, but
it's up there and I go there andyeah.
Do you have a book recommendation for pleasure?
I think everyone should be reading She Comes First and For
Women to see a reclamation, I think is a really great one for
(34:42):
women to like, to really reclaimwho they are as women.
Yeah. And I love to She Comes First
for everyone and for women to understand their body and
understand how important it is and for men.
I still remember this one reaction, this one beautiful
young man. Actually, it was a Jewish boy.
And I'll say boy because he was quite young.
He worked with me years ago justand when I say Jewish, because
(35:05):
there was a huge thing around his culture and he he really
mustered up the courage to work with me to really break all of
these constructs because when heand I had a conversation, he's
just looks like, what do you mean?
Because we just met, you know, at a cafe.
So his whole world thing. So he came into to work with me
and it was such a honour for me to receive that.
So I gave him this book to read,and I still remember that when
(35:30):
he came back on call after radio, he's just like.
This is it's. Too much.
It's like you women, it's like because it's so much and I'm
like, we haven't even talked about menstrual cycles yet.
I need to know about this. I mean, it was just so
(35:53):
beautiful. It was so innocent and just the
the absolute realization of how much of his life and obviously
his parents life and all around him, men had no idea about women
and women had no idea about themselves.
And he was really changing the game.
But it was just such a beautifulmoment for me and I was just
like, oh, honey. I also love that.
(36:16):
Sorry. I also love that you just
mentioned we haven't even talkedabout the menstrual cycle
because that really matters too for pleasure and especially also
in partnership with sex and everything.
But there was a whole nother conversation.
I would like to have one last question before we end this
episode. What is your #1 tip for
pleasure? Oh, slow the fuck down.
(36:45):
In your words, how you speak, inyour touch, in your breath, how
you eat, how you walk, how you ride.
Just slow the fuck down. Yeah, love that.
Thank you so much for coming on to have a conversation around
(37:09):
how we can create more pleasure for women with sex.
I really love that. So thank you.
So my pleasure, darling, So my pleasure.
Thank you for having me. It's been so wonderful.
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode.
I would love to hear from you what has been resonating and how
has it been landing for you? And also share this episode
(37:32):
along so we can spread more pleasure into this world and
give it a five star rating whileyou're at it.
Sending you lots of love and pleasure.
Let's take a deep breath together in through our nose,
deep into our belly, and we sideout through our mouth.
This helps us to step into our body space, especially when we
(00:22):
are tuning into a Pleasure Lit episode that is all about
pleasure. We want to feel relaxed and open
to receive the Pleasure Lit downloads.
Welcome to another episode at Pleasure Lit with Patricia.
Today I've got a guest speaker with me, Melissa Louise.
She's a leading pleasure advocate, erotic blueprint
(00:45):
coach, and a sex, intimacy, and relationship expert.
She supports women to reclaim their divine birthright, to feel
alive or gas, make and turn the fuck on no matter their age or
relationship status, and men to be more attractive, powerful,
trustworthy, make more money, and find freedom by lasting
(01:05):
longer in bed. Welcome to this conversation.
Oh honey, I'm so happy to be here with you.
I'm just a wee bit excited. I mean, another pleasure
advocate pleasure, you know, it's gonna be just pleasure on
it. I know.
Already I always. Like to ask a few like starter
questions so we can get to know you and towards the end, same.
(01:29):
It's just because I'm so interested in pleasure.
I just always think everybody's,you know, brain and body about
pleasure. So to start with, what does
pleasure mean to you personally,and how has that understanding
evolved over time? Oh my goodness, what a great
question. Wow.
I have to try and remember abouttwo decades ago.
(01:51):
Because right now here, pleasureto me is my, it's the aliveness
in which I breathe, how I exist in the world.
And you know, for many years, I've always, you know, I still
do say that What, you know, years ago when I first started
saying, look, it's our birthright, it was also kind of
like a, a hurdle or a fight. Like it is our birthright.
(02:12):
It we just like we have, we're meant to have the right to clean
and fresh water and clean and fresh air.
Our bodies are designed to existreally well and to recalibrate
through pleasure. So if we're going to look at it
from a, you know, practical point of view, pleasure is
actually what our body needs to be.
Well, the lack of pleasure puts us in so much dis ease.
(02:36):
And so then of course, you know,pleasure brings equilibrium or
homeostasis, but it also then completely accelerates.
So for me, it's just my absoluteturn on to life.
It's the reason I exist. Fishing a woman's body.
You serious? How lucky, How lucky.
But we, this is what we landed and it's just, it's never
(02:56):
ending. And so pleasure to me is in the
way that I, the way that I fall asleep at night with the way
that I place my pillows and the velvet pillows, the rugs that I
have on my bed. The, you know, the, the, what I
drink out of is decanter how my home looks.
The fact that I work while sitting in a leather chair.
(03:17):
Whenever I wear clothing, it's either going to be satin or silk
or like if I'm walking, I'm barefoot, you know, and in the
ocean or on the sand or the river.
Like if I'm going to take my dogfor a walk, it's like, where can
I go and be truly pleasure filled?
So this morning it was the riverand Oh my God.
Yeah, it's. And when I smell a flower and
(03:38):
then you go and kiss someone, Ohmy God.
Now it's tenfold. So it's just how how to do life
and. What is something like if you
think about it specifically, or what comes to mind when someone
asks you what is something that brings you a lot of pleasure?
Oh gosh, I'm a woman. I've just got a whole list
(03:59):
making. I'm going to give you 2 things.
This is self sourced. Making my own chocolate because
I always wear a gown, I always lick the pan if some gets in the
freezer. So making my own chocolate.
And then? If I'm speaking to a lover, it's
just that absolute presence and the leaning in and the slowing
(04:22):
down. Like I will slow my body to
really support him, to slow downif he's like, and yeah, just the
way that I get spoken to or within absolute presence.
Yeah. Delicious.
Do you have like a personal ritual or like a practice that
really helps you to stay connected to your pleasure self?
(04:43):
Breast massage every like I now and nakedness and breast
massage. I mean, I'm very blessed in my
apartment. I hardly ever wear clothes.
I'm always up in the morning. I'd, you know, sleep naked, wake
up naked. I make my coffee naked and I'm
always massaging my breasts withwarm coconut oil as the coffee's
brewing and as I'm, you know, making a decision where to take
(05:05):
my dog. That's how I start every single
day. I love that and when you think
about like looking at back at your journey, where are you
currently at now on your pleasure journey?
The I guess the the word that just came is completely
comfortable with the embodiment of it.
(05:26):
It's it's not something I need to decide anymore or where I'm
at with my pleasures. I'm actually not concerned what
other people think anymore. Like where I'm at is I'm
completely sovereign in my pleasure.
You know, I'm always, if I go toa restaurant, I will change the
seats. I will ask for something out
like I'm your person is so picky.
(05:46):
And it's like, I'm here to have an experience with this chef.
And I would like this on the plate as well because that will
make me really effing happy. Like, like everything I do is
just like this, you know, not inan arrogant way.
It's just like, Oh my God. And we could have more, oh, it
could actually be more fun. Why not?
(06:07):
Like there's no holding back. And my friends always talk about
that with me. It's like, Oh my gosh, if you're
going to go out with Melissa or if Melissa's going to, you know,
if you're going to go to Melissa's house, it's just, it's
just going to be more and more and more because to me, it's
like it's so abundant. So I feel very sovereign in my
pleasure right now. When we think about the
intention for this conversation,we thought we have a chat about
(06:29):
how to create or make sex more pleasurable for women.
And in your experience, why do you think women like struggle to
actually like, fully receive or even prioritize pleasure,
especially in regards to sex with others?
Well, we currently live in a construct that presents sex as
(06:49):
something that gets done. And it's very it's in the male
project. So the the masculine project
that runs our current system is based on the doing and it's on
his pleasure. So the woman's experience is
that she's problematic the way that it's that it's, you know,
given to us as in like, you know, that narrative, she takes
(07:09):
too long. No woman ever takes too long.
Men don't take long enough. That's never said, you know,
it's always said that the woman takes too long.
Our pleasure has always been deemed dangerous from all
religion and cultural constructs.
I was born in the 70s, very early 70s.
So this constant fear that I wouldn't be chosen and I
(07:33):
wouldn't get, I wouldn't be chosen.
So I had to dumb myself down. So you can't be alive.
You cannot be too loud. It was OK for my younger brother
to go, and so he sees my youngerbrother to go out and do all of
this stuff. But I couldn't do that because
apparently even though for heterosexual people to have sex,
(07:53):
that means the guy has sex with women, but if the women has lots
of sex and her, she's devalued. So we have this devalued aspect
to all of the narratives that we've given at school, like
school uniforms and all. That'd be short, but boys can
wear short shorts, but girls can't.
So our genitals are dangerous and we have to placate our
(08:15):
existence according to the danger of the male gaze.
The men are not. It is not in the narrative that
men are completely educated not to look at a woman.
It is a woman's fault if the guylooks.
So with all of that construct, which is also, if we look at
epigenetics, it's, you know, ourgrandmothers, our great
grandmothers, our mothers have gone through all of that.
(08:36):
You know, we're, we're in, we'rein, you know, arenas at the
moment where that's shifting andchanging.
But our mothers and I grandmothers weren't.
And that is still deeply inside of our blood.
It's inside of our souls and epigenic, you know, it's all
held in our organs. So for us to win and our current
cultural construct, for us to win and us to be safe and for
our children to be raised and have a roof over our head, we
(08:59):
need to bloody well behave. So the danger of Eroticism.
And then of course, we have the women who are highly erotic and
how they're vilified and you know, the, the construct that's
always, you know, pulling them down and how they are
unpunished. So all around us we're punished
for our pleasure. So therefore the construct is
(09:20):
very tethered to the masculine project to this day.
So. Yes, I also believe especially a
woman who's like purely in her erotism and really embraces her
pleasure side, not just gets thethe statements, the comments
from men, but also from other women sometimes.
(09:40):
And that is because they sometimes wish they could just
embrace themselves that way but can't.
Like something is stopping them.And then seeing someone else
like fully embracing it sometimes can be really like
hurting for them as well. Yeah, it pushes a lot of
buttons. I mean, when we speak of
misogyny, misogyny isn't just a,you know, isn't the masculine
(10:01):
side. Women are affected and affected
and women are also within it. And that is also a huge safety
factor. You know, it's like to view
another woman who's fully free and fully new Eroticism, you
know, can bring up so much fear in a woman who's who hasn't, you
know, whose life exists on the fact that she stays quiet or
(10:22):
that she stays within the box orshe stays within the realm
that's acceptable. I mean, it's very button
pushing. I mean, what to do with it?
Also, too, because we're not raised within sisterhood.
We're not raised within a community of women.
We're raised to compete against one another.
All of this ties in, you know, it's like, so.
Yeah. So there's this competition
factor. I love that you just mentioned
that with sisterhood, because that's very true.
(10:43):
Like when you look back, well, we were, we were living in, in
groups and, and we were meeting in temples and we were, you
know, collectives where now everybody's just pretty much
isolated. No one's really sharing anything
anymore. And I believe this desire for
connection is really there. And how are we supposed to know
about things and pleasure and all of these things that no
(11:04):
one's teaching us? Like school isn't, the system
isn't. And if we don't have like
sisterhood or others we can turnto or parents because for them
it's like a topic they're not even talking about.
Like my parents, my mom was justlike, we're not talking about
this. And this is not something we do
in our house. You were born in our house, but
we won't talk about that. So this is exactly why I believe
(11:28):
sisterhood now it's so importantthat we are embracing our true
self. So we actually empowering
others. And if others feel triggered and
might feel heard that they actually TuneIn what's like, oh,
why is that triggering me? Like what's what's to explore
here? And then really leaning into
sister horn and actually be opento learn and to ask for support
and really lean into it. And I think we're just in that
(11:51):
progress to change a little bit into that as well.
And I think especially with AI, the real human connection is
starting to get really like something more that we desire.
So I think sisterhoods, and Thisis why I love creating the
pleasure at Circle that I've just opened the doors to.
It's just so important that we are coming back together to.
(12:12):
Really support each other because you are an.
Erotic blueprint expert as well and I love erotic blueprints.
It has opened so many doors for me and I always teach about them
as well. But for anyone now listening who
might not know about what eroticblueprints are, but especially
related to now women and sex, how can understanding the erotic
(12:35):
blueprints help sex to be more pleasurable for women?
Oh my goodness, it's a game changer.
And as when I became a certifiedcoach in this, it completely get
changed the game for everything for me and for my clients.
So the way I like to describe itis so the erotic blueprints
actually gives you a road map ofhow your nervous system tritates
(12:57):
to turn on. So in our cultural narrative,
it's very one way. It's the the sexual blueprint.
It's like, you know, sex toys and 10 minutes every movie.
It's it's just one way. It's such a cookie cutter way of
existing and it doesn't bring room for anything else.
So then that's also brings up this failure factor.
(13:20):
It's like, well, why can't I be turned on in 3 1/2 minutes?
Like, yeah, there's something wrong with me because he's ready
and I'm not and all of these things.
And then also to the shame of like, not being able to do
exactly how everything is, you know, laid out in front of us.
So with the erotic blueprints, there's five, there's the
energetic, the central. These are not hierarchical
either as I'm speaking about, but energetic, sexual central
(13:43):
kink and shapeshifter so the nervous system of a sexual can
be completely ready for turned on with sex.
They go from naughty to 100 justlike that, you know, within a
couple of minutes they can come home.
You know, their partners, just you know, this woman could come
home and she's if sexual is really high in her blueprint,
she will come home. Hey, guys are in his jeans.
(14:04):
Maybe he's all sweaty, he's beenplumbing, he's doing anything
and she's essential and it may be many women will be like this.
You know, he's sweaty, he's got his shirt off and he's just
standing there, you know, maybe like having a cup of coffee or
tea and she walks in and just sees him and it's like, you
know, whereas if someone who's. Just.
(14:25):
Like I'm home, we're together and we're on, you know, someone
who's essential could work it, walk in and maybe, you know,
he's been under the sink and so the tools are still on the
floor. He's still same scenario, shirt
off, sweat a little bit dirty, leaning up, but the sink is
(14:46):
dirty. Yeah, he hasn't had a chance to
clean up yet, so she sees him having a cup of tea or coffee or
whatever with a mess all around him.
She's also come home and music on the radio was really shit.
It was just like heavy metal. Maybe she walks in and he's
playing hit music that, you know, is heavy metal or
(15:06):
something. Her system is like, you know,
even though he's looking gorgeous, she's like, you know,
the music in the ears is like, you know, and the mess, like she
can't get through that. That's what she sees.
She's, she doesn't really. She's he's a part of the mess,
you know, you know, so they're energetic.
Someone who's energetic could come home to that scenario.
(15:31):
And especially, and this is not,I'm not saying people who are
not energetic would would also not respond this way.
But say she's had a bit of a hard day comes in and she's
processing a lot and she's walked in through the door and
maybe she didn't realize her partner was at home and he sees
and he comes up and walks up to her and hugs her straight away.
(15:52):
So there's body contact really quickly and her nervous system
is not ready for body contact. So it's like it's, it's a fight
and flight basically. It's like, and then she might
go, I've got emails to do, I've got to go and do some stuff or
like trying to get away so she can breathe or she'll be in shut
down and she can't be really present because he's come so
(16:13):
close to her quickly. So yeah.
And then in, you know, there's a, there's a superpower and like
a stuff that's really great. And then there's also the stuff
we have to work with with every blueprint, the kinky, you know,
if she comes in the door and she's got high kink and maybe
he's such and he walks in, he's like, OK, so he's half naked.
(16:36):
He looks at her and he's like, yeah, let's go.
And she'd be like, so tell me why I should, you know, Or he's
standing there, you know, with like.
And maybe he, you know, picks upa wrench or something and like,
starts, you know, slapping his hand going, don't you fucking
move. You're late.
Where have you been? Yeah, that's right.
(16:58):
You're late, turn round and bendover and she'd be like, you
know, whereas if you did that too, or maybe psychological kink
for the energetic, energetic andpsychological kink, well,
marriage in heaven. But yeah, like someone who's
sensual that, you know, really high sensual and hasn't given a
container that might, you know, if he's really kinky and he
starts doing that, she'd be like, there's a mess on the
(17:20):
floor. Like I'm not been doing all of
that thing. So it's about understanding.
And often people believe, Oh, and the shapeshifter goes
through all of them. So I could walk through the door
in any of those scenarios and belike, yes, please.
So are you a shapeshifter? Yes, I'm a shapeshifter.
Yeah, yeah. But do you know what you are?
I'm very dominantly, like actually three of them.
(17:44):
It was like 3433, thirty something.
So like very, very like three ofthem.
And that is the energetics. And then a percentage less was
kinky and sensual. So basically I'm an energetic,
kinky, sensual, which I believe makes perfectly sense because
that kind of like intervenes into each other.
(18:06):
I'm absolutely not sexual. And This is why I'm probably
also not a shapeshifter, becauseyou can put a naked person in
front of me and I look at it, there's a body, but it doesn't
there's a body like 2. Arms and two legs.
Awesome. I've been a qualified nurse,
I've worked in nursing. I've seen many bodies.
For me, it is a body. And if the energetic doesn't
(18:28):
work, if, if there's no sensor, if there's no kink in there,
like if that's not working in there, like I'm off to the
package. So you can stand in front of me
naked and you can have the most gorgeous looking body.
And I would be like, wow, you look amazing.
But it wouldn't turn me off likeI see bringing up something else
then it would stimulate. Right, right.
But amazing. So this is the thing that gives
(18:49):
us a road map and it allows us to understand what we need and
what we get, our conversations, what we get to ask for.
And many people believe that they need to in partnership or
lovership, they need to be the same like, and it's like having
scrambled eggs every single morning.
I mean, like to, to enjoy a goodbreakfast.
You don't have to have scrambledeggs every morning.
(19:10):
You could have them boiled, you could have something different.
I think it's really delicious and amazing to have a partner
that's different because you, you straight away having two
different, you know, blueprints in a household, you now have
more possibilities. And then of course, once you're
fulfilled in those and you startplaying in the other blueprints,
just it's just like the love language is just because your
love language is words of affirmation, it doesn't mean
(19:31):
you're not going to appreciate abeautiful gift like, you know,
flowers being brought or, you know, a juicy Yum hug and
spooning. Of course, you know like this,
you know, you go across the board.
So the same thing with the erotic blueprints is about also
learning and leaning into and discovering and exploring the
other ones as well. So we learn to cross the bridge,
we learn to ask for our needs tomeet, We learn to play with one
(19:54):
another. Just as it's a responsibility in
love languages to speak to your partner in their love languages,
it's their responsibility to speak to you and yours, same
with the erotic blueprints. It is a responsibility, the
ability to respond appropriatelyin lovership.
If your partner is energetic, goand get energetic skills, learn
to do breath work, learn how to move energy through their body,
(20:17):
learn how to do light touch. Like when someone's saying, I
don't do that, it's kind of likegoing, well, do you say that to
your boss about work? You know, you rock up at work
and the guys, you know, I was sort of and I'm not, I'm not
saying, you know, women also cancan be very shut down as well.
But if you had to go to work andyour boss gave you the keys to
the truck and said you've got togo and pick up, you know, a ton
(20:37):
of wood, you know, down the roadfor today's work, you know,
right now I don't do that. Like you wouldn't have a job.
So to go and do that to your partner is like, I'm, I'm not
energetic. I don't do that.
It's just like, yeah, I don't open the door anymore.
It's just insane how we often treat sexuality as a as
(20:59):
optional, learning about sexuality as an option or an
inconvenience. Like it's so interesting how
that that energy comes towards our sexuality a lot.
Anyway, I don't understand it but.
I like how you just mentioned itis just a doorway of more
opportunities because that if you look at it that way and not
(21:22):
just, oh, we are mismatch. That's not going to work.
But actually looking at it, OK, how, what, what can we do to
make it work? Like how can we explore this?
Like let's play around and maybewe can find a way where we know
this is going to work for the both of us.
And it's just about really leaning into it.
And I love them so much. I also like the idea that you
(21:43):
just explain these erotic blueprints by one example with
the with the guy off, like, you know, the hand to hand guy and
you come walk home because that's how you can probably see
yourself. OK, when I come home.
How would that work and how would that be?
So if I'm like mostly energetic,he can have all the tools
around. But also like the central, yeah,
(22:04):
maybe he would have should have cleaned up, you know, and be
when I come home, be present. So he's energetically switched
on and be like, here I am, you know, there's nothing else you
need to worry about. We can just eye gaze and we can
like, you know, go into the yumminess.
I would be like instead of boom.Yeah.
And you are ready to embody yourpleasure lit energy to attract
(22:27):
and fully receive the love, the pleasure, the opportunities, the
wealth, the life that you truly desire.
I invite you to go to pleasurelit.com and choose your
path on the Pleasurelit way. I look forward to connecting
with you there. Energetic.
(22:47):
Kink scene right there you know you walk in the door he lifts up
his head puts the cup down takesyour arm no words at all takes
your hand lead you into the beautiful lounge room that where
everything's up set up beautifully with cushions and
just sits you down and starts gazing in your eyes and leans
back without 10 my. I'm already melted.
(23:08):
I've got one word spoken and she's a miss.
Tripping. You'll have to place you on the
wooden floor. It is, it is like you said, such
a game changer. It has changed like my personal
and also for anyone I've I've taught about the erotic
(23:29):
blueprints and love languages, but also not just in regards to
sex, actually also for self pleasure because that is a game
changer too of knowing, OK, my friend is talking about this and
that, but that just doesn't sit for me.
Why is that? Because you might be a different
erotic blueprint, a different person for love languages.
And it's so important that we not just give love and you know,
(23:50):
share our pleasure with others, but also turn to ourselves and
look after ourselves and give ourselves what we actually
crave. And knowing what your personal
erotic blueprint is and your love language can be so
beneficial to pull that into yourself.
And then knowing your loved onesopens another container to
actually, you know, expand that whole lot.
(24:12):
I. Love how you've just explained
that. Yeah.
Because that's around self sovereignty, you know, and
that's also too when we're looking at deconstructing the
the, you know, so many of the constructs that women have about
their own pleasure and their ownbody and their own sexuality.
When you understand your love language, you understand what
your erotic blueprint is, you have your map and you're
responsible now you are like, you know, we are responsible for
(24:34):
our own pleasure. It's another thing, you know, in
relationship is kind of like I was sharing with I was on a call
yesterday with 44 men. This is like the thing of like
you don't give a woman a an orgasm.
You never give a woman an orgasm.
You create the environment and you, you know, you touch her in
ways to allow her body to open and surrender to you and and
unfold into an orgasm like her body will have an orgasm in your
(24:56):
presence. How present are you?
What are you doing for that to happen?
You don't go in and give her one.
You know, you're saying this whole culture of like a man does
something to her. It's like no beautiful man you
like you create and you provide so that she can surrender.
So then we are very self responsible for our own
pleasure, like to, to have the, you know, when we need it to be
slower, when we need someone to,to nibble our neck.
(25:17):
Like it's like, Oh my God, couldyou please just bite my neck
right now? You know, and it's like now
means now I said now to be fullyresponsible for for how we get
to navigate with that. So we need to know our own body.
And I think a lot of women also hold, you know, it's some some
(25:40):
nervousness or shutdown or shameor guilt about fully exploring
themselves. I mean, I know I've worked with
many couples who believe once they're together that they're
not to masturbate anymore. Just like going, you need to
masturbate more because you're going to have more sex because
you're living in a house now, you know, with the other person.
But there's this fact of like there was the responsibilities
(26:02):
of the other. Now that we together, we will
only ever do this together. And then of course, what
happens? We all know.
I love that you just explained that to 44 men of like, you're
not giving it. You're actually just, you know,
helping her to surrender to the experience.
And This is why I always say youare an assistant to her
(26:23):
pleasure. You are.
That's all. She's sharing her pleasure with
you and you are an assistant to help her, you know, experience.
More. Depth, exactly, more depth
expanding it. So this is a beautiful example
for that one. And like like you said, it's
super important that we take ourown responsibility because for
years I myself have believed I need to have a partner to
(26:47):
experience good sex and orgasms.And I gave my the responsibility
of pleasure to them to them be get disappointed because I
handed over the control of not even knowing my own body.
So of course they failed and not, you know, being good
assistance to my pleasure because I didn't know what to do
because I didn't even know what what to do with my own body.
(27:07):
So I need to actually get to know my own body.
Well, how can men or like masculine partners support women
in like feeling more open and relaxed and turned on for sex?
Oh my goodness. Yeah.
It's definitely starting with everything else other than the
genitals is #1 they're OK. I mean, many different layers.
(27:30):
It's like conversations, asking what a woman needs, What does
she like? How can she be turned on?
Like, you know, we were showing last night.
It's like you can't, if you werewith someone a month ago, you
can't go to the next woman with the same map.
Whatever worked over here, you know, assuming that because this
is another woman that it's goingto be the same.
So always asking, making sure that, you know, there's so much
(27:52):
safety. When I say safety, it's like
where she knows that she's been taken care of slowness slow if
you need to slow like to if you've been asked to slow down
or you know you need to slow down, slow down 10 times.
Don't just go a little bit slower.
Slow down, then again, then again, then again and really
(28:13):
come come into attunement with her.
I mean, first of all, it's also doing your own self pleasure
practice so you can last longer,so that your arousal is not
putting you into a stress state that you've got to, you're going
to lose it. So you need to be inside of her
so you can have an orgasm. It's like you got to take off
the EU factor out of the out of the whole scenario where you're
(28:35):
able to move your sexual energy or you're you're very
comfortable with soft cut that you don't need to be fully
aroused and then trying to fix that problem and only say it
that way because that's the energetic so.
But it's not a problem to have asoft cock or an erect cock cock
at all. But really turning her body on
(28:55):
because a woman's map of arousalis head hot than pussy.
Our head needs to be. We need to be intrigued, We need
to hear the right things. We need to to be turned towards
you and then feel safe. And then therefore our heart
will like when our heart is open, we start drawing you in
and we want more and then our pussy will open.
So it's really leaving the genitals.
(29:16):
Well, you know, her, her vulva to to the last to the least.
Like don't rush towards it. She's got ears and and neck and
hair and a chest and breasts andnipples and knees and like, you
know, thighs and, oh, fingers. And she has a tongue to nibble
and pull on. You know, she's got a bottom lip
(29:37):
to nibble and suck on. She's got all of this stuff.
By the time you get to a vulva, that vulva is going to be
pulling you in. And when you know, people say,
how do you know when a woman's ready?
When she's fucking begging for you, when she's just like got
you and she's like pushing you down?
And then that's when you go, no way, sweetheart, I am a bit in
(30:00):
control here, you know, so youngwhen she's begging.
And I saw this incredible. I don't know the woman's name
right now, but it was a woman speaking about the Kama Sutra
and Tantra. And she was saying, imaginal
world. I can't do it verbatim, but
imagine a world where a woman's pleasure was actually indicative
of the health of the community and was so necessary.
(30:21):
And if a woman's pleasure wasn'ttaken care of, then that that
was the that was the issue. That was, that was cause for
punishment. And she goes, well, there used
to be a time like that. That's what the tantric temples
were about. Men would never, you know, a
young boy could never go and Make Love with, have a
girlfriend and, and you know, Make Love with her without
learning the arts of the female body because of how much a
(30:43):
woman's pleasure is indicative of the health of community, of
her family and wealth. When we look at wealth and we
have a very egotistical solo structure right now, whereas
woman's pleasure actually creates more wealth and health
and it brings the family and it brings community into the
(31:03):
center. So it's actually very radical
and it's very necessary. It's it's the revolution.
It's really revolutionary for women to be in their pleasure.
That's why I say pleasure is magic and I love the pleasure
lit magic ritual to really manifest your deepest desires.
Love more pleasure wells abundance with pleasure, with
(31:26):
your pleasure energy. And I love how you really say
it. One thing.
How can men support her by her feeling safety, like in her
nervous system, feeling safe andreally giving her a long turn
on. And when I met men, I once
explained it like this and I said, put a finger inside of me
now like without any turn on. And then let's going, let's get
(31:49):
it going that it's flowing. And then when I felt it like I'm
like, OK, now I'm already turnedon.
And it was like half an hour or so.
I said, now put two fingers inside of me and he's like holy
and I'm like, he's like, I didn't even like needed to push
anything in. It was just in the entrance and
you were just absorbing me and it was so much more wet and
like, you know, and gorged in. That felt like so amazing.
(32:11):
I said, see, that must be like adifference for you as well,
entering a woman when she's actually really turned on to
when she isn't. So why wouldn't you actually get
to that point where she's banging you and you slide and
you're like, wow, this is. Definitely you completely like
sucks in, you know, I love that.What an incredible, beautiful
experience for him. And you know, last I started the
(32:34):
call with showing an image of, you know, the the penis and the
clitoris because it's all with the same tissue, just arranged
differently. And so then, you know, showing
it's like with the same tissues like you, you can't, if you have
soft cock, once you're inside ofa woman, yes, you can stay
inside, but like sort of saying to the men, like with a soft
cock, you can't penetrate a woman.
(32:55):
And yet women are always expected to be penetrated with a
soft clitoris. We still need to have an erect
clitoris, just like you have an erect cock.
It's the same tissue, it's just arranged differently.
We have legs like you have legs.We have, you know, the, the, the
shaft, like you have the shaft. We have the head, just like you
have the head. You know, we even even before
circumcision, like the the clitoral hood is the skin that
(33:17):
get circumcised on the man's penis.
Like all of these things is likeyou wouldn't have sex.
You don't. Most men do not have sex with a
flaccid penis and yet women are expected to in a current
cultural narrative, like they expect themselves to receive
penetration without an erect condoris.
It's insane in my world. Where can people, where can
(33:39):
people find you if they're interested to work with you and
explore that a little bit more in depth and further?
Melissa Louise dot Weld 1 great place to get onto which there'll
be a link down here is is through my substat.
You know which I know that you're onto on this great
substat journey because I just love writing and I and I get
(34:00):
like, sometimes I get really madabout things and sometimes I'm
really soft about things. So you get the feminine like
we're always shifting and change.
Depends where the moon is in thesky.
You can tell where the moon is in the sky by just watching my
emails. So yeah, I love that people to
especially, you know, to come into my sub stack, really lean
into my world. And then of course, Instagram as
(34:22):
well. I'm rebuilding an account, but
it's up there and I go there andyeah.
Do you have a book recommendation for pleasure?
I think everyone should be reading She Comes First and For
Women to see a reclamation, I think is a really great one for
(34:42):
women to like, to really reclaimwho they are as women.
Yeah. And I love to She Comes First
for everyone and for women to understand their body and
understand how important it is and for men.
I still remember this one reaction, this one beautiful
young man. Actually, it was a Jewish boy.
And I'll say boy because he was quite young.
He worked with me years ago justand when I say Jewish, because
(35:05):
there was a huge thing around his culture and he he really
mustered up the courage to work with me to really break all of
these constructs because when heand I had a conversation, he's
just looks like, what do you mean?
Because we just met, you know, at a cafe.
So his whole world thing. So he came into to work with me
and it was such a honour for me to receive that.
So I gave him this book to read,and I still remember that when
(35:30):
he came back on call after radio, he's just like.
This is it's. Too much.
It's like you women, it's like because it's so much and I'm
like, we haven't even talked about menstrual cycles yet.
I need to know about this. I mean, it was just so
(35:53):
beautiful. It was so innocent and just the
the absolute realization of how much of his life and obviously
his parents life and all around him, men had no idea about women
and women had no idea about themselves.
And he was really changing the game.
But it was just such a beautifulmoment for me and I was just
like, oh, honey. I also love that.
(36:16):
Sorry. I also love that you just
mentioned we haven't even talkedabout the menstrual cycle
because that really matters too for pleasure and especially also
in partnership with sex and everything.
But there was a whole nother conversation.
I would like to have one last question before we end this
episode. What is your #1 tip for
pleasure? Oh, slow the fuck down.
(36:45):
In your words, how you speak, inyour touch, in your breath, how
you eat, how you walk, how you ride.
Just slow the fuck down. Yeah, love that.
Thank you so much for coming on to have a conversation around
(37:09):
how we can create more pleasure for women with sex.
I really love that. So thank you.
So my pleasure, darling, So my pleasure.
Thank you for having me. It's been so wonderful.
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode.
I would love to hear from you what has been resonating and how
has it been landing for you? And also share this episode
(37:32):
along so we can spread more pleasure into this world and
give it a five star rating whileyou're at it.
Sending you lots of love and pleasure.
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