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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Chapter fourteen of the Prelude to Adventure by Hugh Walpole.
This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter fourteen
god One. Half an hour later he was in his
room again, and the real world had come back to him.
It had come back with the surprise of some supernatural mechanism.
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It was as though the sofa chairs pictures had five
minutes before been grass and toadstools in a world of mist,
and now were sofa chairs and pictures again. He was
absolutely sane, whereas half an hour ago he had been
held almost by an enchantment. If Margaret were here with him,
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now here in his room, not in that dim, horrible
rocket road house raised it might almost seem by the
superstitions and mists of his own conscience. Ah, how he
would love her. He was filled with a sense of
energy and enterprise. He would have it out with Rupert,
laugh away, his suspicions reconcile him to the idea of
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the marriage. Finally drag Margaret from that horrible house. As
with a man who has furious attacks of neuralgia, and
between the agony of them feels so great as the
relief that no pain will ever come to him again.
So Olva was now for an instant the Ova of
a month ago. Four times had the pursuer thus given
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him respite on the morning after the murder in Saint
Martin's Chapel. On that same evening, after his confession to
Bunning and now but Aegidias, looking down from his wall,
saw the strong, stern face of his young friend and
loved him, and knew that at last the pursuit was
at an end. Bunning came in. Two. Bunning came in.
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The little silver clock had just struck a quarter to one.
The match was at half past two. Ova knew at
his first sight of Bunning that something had happened. The
man seemed dazed. He dragged his great legs slowly after
him and planted them on the floor, as though he
wanted something that was secure, like a man who had
begun desperately to slip down a crevasse. His back was
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bowed and his cheeks were flushed, as though some one
had been striking him. But his eyes told Ova everything.
They were the eyes of a child who has been
wakened out of sleep and sees terror. What is it?
Sit down, pull yourself together, Oh doom, my God, doone.
The man's voice had the unreality of men walking in
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a cinematograph. Craven's coming coming Where here now? I dunno
when he knows you told him. I thought it best.
I thought I was doing right. It's all gone wrong. Oh,
these last two days. What I've suffered. Now, for the
first time in the history of the whole affair, Ova
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Doone may be said to have felt sheer physical terror.
Not terror of the mist of the road, of the
darkness of the night, but terror of physical things, of
the loss of light and air, of the denial of food,
of physical death. For a moment the room swam about him.
He heard in the court below him some men laughing.
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A dog was barking. Then he saw that Bunning was
on the edge of hysteria. The bed maker would come
in and find him laughing as he had laughed once before.
Ova stilled the room with a tremendous effort. The floor sank,
the table and chairs tossed. No longer now, Bunning, tell
me quickly, they'll be here to lay lunch in a minute.
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What have you told Craven, And why have you told
him anything? I told him yesterday that I did it
that you did it? Yes, that I murdered Carfax. My god,
you fool, you fool, A most dangerous thing, this devotion
of a fool. But strangely, OVA's words roused in Bunning
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a kind of protest, so that he pulled his eyes
back into their sockets, steadied his hands, held his boots
firmly to the floor, and quite softly, with a little
note of urgency in it, as though he were pleading
before a great court. Said yes, I know, but he
drove me to it, Craven did. I thought it was
the only way to save you. He's been at me
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now for days, ever since that time he stopped me
in the outer court and asked me why I was
a friend of yours. He's been coming to my room
at night, at all sorts of times, and just sitting
there and looking at me. Ova came across and touched
Bunning's arm. Poor Bunning, what a brute I was. To
tell you. He used to come and say nothing, just
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look at me. I couldn't stand it. You know, I'm
not a clever man, not at all clever. And I
used to try and think of things to talk about,
but it always seemed to come back to Carfax every time.
And then when you told me the other day about
your caring for miss Craven, I felt that I must
do something. I'd always puzzled, you know, why I should
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be brought into it at all. I didn't seem to
be the sort of fellow who'd be likely to mixed
up with a man like you. I felt that it
must be with some purpose, you know. And now now
I thought, I suddenly saw I don't know. I thought
he'd believed me. I thought he'd tell the police and
they'd arrest me, and that'd be the end of it. Here,
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Bunny took a handkerchief and began miserably to gulp and sniff.
But good heavens, Ova cried. You didn't suppose that they
wouldn't discover it all at the police station in a minute.
Two questions, and you'd be done. Why, man, I didn't know.
I thought it would be all right. I was all
alone that afternoon, out for a walk by myself, and
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you told me how you'd I did it. I'd only
got to tell the same story. I couldn't see how
anyone should know. I couldn't really, I don't suppose many
gulps that I thought much about that. I only wanted
to save you. How bright and wonderful the day, how
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full of color the world, and it was all over all,
absolutely finally done. Now look here, stop that sniffling. It's
all right, I'm not angry with you. Just tell me
exactly what you said to Craven yesterday when you told him,
Bunning thought, well, he came into my room quite early
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after my breakfast. I was reading my Bible as I
used to, you know, every morning, to see whether I
could be interested again as I used to be. I
was finding I couldn't. When Craven came in, he looked queer.
He's been looking queerer every day, and I don't think
he's been sleeping. Then he began to ask me questions,
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not actually about anything, but odd questions like where was
I born? And why did I read the Bible and
things like that, just to make me comfortable. And his
eyes were so funny, red and small and never still.
Then he got to you. The misery now in Bunning's
eyes was more than OVA could bear. It was dumb,
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uncomprehending misery, the unhappiness of something caught in a trap,
and that trap, this glittering dancing world. Then he got
to you. He always asked me the same questions, how
long I'd known you? Why we got on together when
we were so different, silly, meaningless things, And he didn't
listen to my answers. He was always thinking of the
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next thing to ask, and that frightened me. So the
misery in Bunning's eyes grew deeper. Suddenly I thought I
saw what was meant, that I was intended to take
it on myself. It made me warm all over the
thought of it. Now I was going to do something,
That's how I saw it, going to do something, he repeated, desperately,
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with choking sobs between the words. It all happened so quickly.
He had just said, absently, not looking at me, You
like doom, don't you? When I came out with it
all at once, I said, yes, I know, I know
what you want. You think that done killed Carfax, and
that I know he did, But he didn't I killed Carfax.
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Bunning's voice quite rang out. His eyes now desperately saw
it Olva's face, as though he would find there something
that would make the world less black. I wasn't frightened,
not then that was the odd thing. The only thing
I thought about was saving you, getting you out of it.
I didn't see. I didn't see. And then what did
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Craven say, Olva asked quietly, said scarcely anything. He asked
me whether I realized what I was saying, whether I
saw what I was in for. I said yes, that
it had all been too much for my conscience, that
I had to tell someone all the things that you
told me. Then he asked me why I'd done it.
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I told him because Carfax always bullied me. He did,
you know, And that one day I couldn't stand it
any longer, and I met him in the wood and
hid him. He said, you must be very strong, and
of course I'm not, you know. And that ought to
have made me suspect something, but it didn't. Then he
said he must think over what he ought to do.
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But all the time he was saying it, I knew
he was thinking of something else. And then he went away.
That was yesterday morning, yesterday morning, and all day I
was terrified, but happy too. I thought I'd done a
big thing, and I thought that the police would come
and carry me off. Nothing happened. All day. I sat
there and I thought of you that you'd be able
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to marry miss Craven and would be very happy. Then
this morning, coming from chapel, Craven stopped me. I thought
he was going to tell me that he'd thought it
his duty to give me away. He would, you know,
But it wasn't that. All he said was I wonder
how you know so much about it, Bunning. I couldn't
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say anything, And then he said, I'm going to ask Doon.
That was all all he wretchedly repeated, and then, with
a movement of utter despair, flung his head into his
hands and cried. Ova. Standing straight with his hands at
his side, looked through his window at the world, at
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the white lights on the lower sky, at the pearl
gray roofs, and the little cutting of dim street in
the high gray college wall. He was to begin again,
it seemed, at the state in which he'd been on
the day after Carfax's murder. Then he had been sure
that a rest would only be a question of ours,
and he had resolutely faced it with the resolve that
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he would drain all the life, all the vigor, all
the fun from the minutes that remained to him. Now
he had come back to that Craven would give him away.
Perhaps he would at any rate drive him away from Margaret,
but he would almost certainly feel it his duty to
expose him. He would feel that that would end the
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complication with his sister once and for all, the easiest way.
He would feel it his duty these people and their duty. Well,
at least he would have his game of football first.
No one could take his afternoon away from him. Margaret
would be there to watch him, and he would play. Oh,
he would play as he had never played in his
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life before. Bunning's voice came to him from a great distance.
What are you going to do? What are you going
to say to Craven? Say to him? Why? I shall
shall tell him, of course, tell him everything. Bunning leaped
from his chair. In his urgency. He put his hands
on Ulva's arm. No, no, no, no, you mustn't do that.
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What it will be as i'd murdered. You tell him
I did it. Make him believe it. You can, You're
clever enough, make him feel that I did it. You mustn't,
maussn't let him know. Oh please please, I'll kill myself
if you do. I will really. Olvah gravely quietly put
his hands on bunning shoulders. It's all right. It had
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to come out. I've been avoiding it all this time,
escaping it, but it had to come. Don't you be
afraid of it? I dare say Craven won't do anything.
After all, he loves his sister and she cares for him.
That will influence him. But anyhow, all that's done with.
There are bigger things in question than Craven knowing about Carfax.
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And you were meant to tell him, you were, really,
You've just forced me to see what's the right thing
to do, That's all Bunning was surely in the light
of it. A romantic figure, Miss Annette, came in with
the lunch three. As Ova was changing into his football things,
a Cardiac appeared. Come up to the field with me,
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will you I've got a handsome Ova finished tying his
boots and stood up. Cardiac looked at him. My word,
you seem fit. Yes, I'm splendid. Thanks. He felt splendid.
Never before had he been so conscious of the right
to be alive. His football cloth smelt of the earth
and the air. He moved his arms and legs with
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wonderful freedom. His blood was pumping through his body, as
though death, disease, infirmity, such things were of another planet.
For such a man as he, there should only be air, love, motion,
the begetting of children, the surprising splendor of a sudden death.
Now already Craven was waiting for him. He had sent
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a note round to Craven's room. He had said, come
in to see me after the match, five o'clock. I
have something to tell you at five o'clock. Then, meanwhile,
it was nice of Cardiac to come. They exchanged no
words about it, but they understood one another entirely. It
was as though Cardiac had said, I expect that you're
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going to knock me out of this rugger Blue, as
you knocked me out of the Wolves, and I want
to show you that we're pals all the way through.
What Cardiac really said was have a cigarette. These are Turkish.
Feel like playing a game to day. Never felt better
in my life. Well, these Dublin fellows haven't had their
lying cross yet this season. May one of us have
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the luck to do it. Pretty hefty lot of forwards, Yes,
O'Brien's there spot three. I believe Ova and Cardiac attracted
much attention as they walked through the college. Miss Annette,
watching them from a little window where she washed plates,
gulped in her thin throat with pride for that, mister, doone,
there's a gentleman. The sun above the high gray buildings
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broke slowly through yellow clouds. The roads were covered with
a thin, fine mud, and from the earth faint clouds
of mist rose and vanished into a sky that was
slowly crumbling from thick gray into light, watery blue. The
cold air beat upon their faces as the handsome rattle
past Dunstan's, over the bridge and up the hill towards
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the field. Cardiac talked, there goes brav It doesn't often
come up to a game nowadays. Must be getting on
for seventy the greatest half the VARSI ever had. I
suppose it's a good thing. This mud isn't thicker. It
won't make them all bad. That game against Monkstown the
other day, my word. But Ova was not listening. It
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seemed to him now that two separate personalities were divided
in him so sharply that it was impossible to reconcile them.
There was Ova Dune concentrated all his will, his mentality
upon the game that he was about to play. This
was his afternoon. After it, there would be darkness, death,
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what you will, parting from Margaret, all purely physical emotions.
The other Ova felt nothing physical. The game, confession to Rupert, trial, imprisonment,
even separation from Margaret. All these things were nothing in
comparison with some great business that was in progress behind it. All,
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as real life may go on behind the painted back
cloth of a stage, here were amazing happenings, although at
present he was confused and bewildered by them. It was
not that Ova was actually at the instant conscious of
actual impressions, but rather that great emotions, great surprising happiness,
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seemed to shine on some horizon. It was as though
something had said to his soul, Presently you will feel
a joy, a splendor that you had never in your
wildest thoughts imagined. The pursuit was almost at an end.
He was now enveloped, enfolded, already everything to him, even
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his love for Margaret, was trivial in comparison with the
effect of some atmosphere that was beginning to him him
in on every side. But against all this was the
other Olva, the Ova who desired physical strength, love, freedom, health,
well let it all be as confusing as it might.
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He would play his game. But as he walked into
the pavilion, he knew that the prelude to his real
life had only a few more hours to run. Four.
As he passed with the rest of the team up
the field, he observed two things only. One thing was
Margaret standing on the left side of the field, just
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below the covered stand. He could see her white face
and her little black hard hat. The other thing was
that on the horizon, where the wall at the further
end of the field cut the sky, there were piled,
as though resting on the top of the wall, high
white clouds. For a moment, these clouds, piled in mountain
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shape of an intense whiteness with round curving edges, held
his eyes because they exactly resembled those clouds that had
hung above him on the day of his walk to
sanet Wood, the day when he had been caught by
the snowstorm. These clouds brooded waiting above him. Their dazzling
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white had the effect of a steady, unswerving gaze. They
lined out. He took his place as center three quarters,
with Cardiac outside left, and Tester and Buchan on the
other wing, Old Lawrence was standing a solid rock of
a figure back. There was a great crowd present, the
tops of the handsome cabs in the road beyond rows
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above the wall, and he could hear muffled with distant
shots from the Varsity firing range. All these things focused
themselves upon his brain. In the moment before the whistle
went the whistle blue. The dublin men had kicked off,
Tester had fielded the ball, sent it back into touch,
and the game had begun. This was to be the
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game of his life, and yet he could not center
his attention upon it. He was conscious that Whimper, the
great Whimper, was acting as linesmen and watching every movement.
He knew that for most of that great crowd, his
was the figure that was of real concern. He knew
that he was as surely battling for his lady as
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though he had been fighting a tournament wise six hundred
years ago. But it all seemed of supreme unimportance. To night,
he was to face Rupert, to state once and for
all that he had guild Carfax, to submit Margaret to
a terrible test. Even that of no importance, All life
was insignificant. Besides something that was about to happen. Before
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the gaze of that white, dazzling cloud, he felt that
he stood a little pigmy alone on a brown spreading field.
The game was up at the University end. The Dublin
men were pressing, and the Cambridge forwards seemed to have
lost their heads. It was a case now of scrum,
lining out and scrum again. The Cambridge men got the ball,
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kept it between their heels and tried desperately to wheel
with it and carry it along with them. It escaped them,
dribbling out of the scrimmage. The Cambridge half leapt upon it,
but the Dublin man was upon him before he could
get it away. It was on the ground again. The
Dublin forwards dribbled it a little, and then someone sweeping
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it into his arms, fell forward with it over the line,
the Cambridge men on top of him. Dublin had scored
a try and a goal from an easy angle followed
Dublin five points. They all moved back to the center
of the field, and now the Cambridge men, rushing the
ball from a line out in their favor, pressed hard.
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At last, the ball came to the three quarters tester
caught it, passed it to Buccan, who, as he fell,
flung it right out to Cardiac. Cardiac draw his man
as swerved and sent it back to Ova. As Ova
felt the neat, hard surface of it, as he knew
that the way was almost clear before him, his feet
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seemed clogged with heavy weights. Something was about to happen
to him, something but not this. The crowd behind the
ropes were shouting. He knew that he was himself running,
but it seemed that only his body was moving. His
real self was standing back, gazing at those white clouds, waiting.
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He knew that he made no attempt to escape the
man in front of him. He seemed to run straight
into his arms. He heard a little sigh go up
from behind the ropes as he tumbled to the ground,
letting the ball trickle feebly from his fingers. A try missed,
if ever one was. No one said anything, but he
felt the disappointment in the air. He knew what they
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were saying, one of Dune's off days. I always said,
you couldn't depend upon the man. He's just too sighty
to care what happens. Well, they might say it, if
they would. His eyes were on the horizon. But his
failure had had its effect. Let there be an individualist
in the line, and Tester and Buchan would play their
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well ordered game to perfection. They relied as a rule
upon whimper. To day they had depended upon doom. Well
doone had failed them. The forwards were healing so slowly.
The scrum half was never getting the ball away. It
was a miserable affair. The Dublin forwards pressed again for
a long time, the two bodies of men swayed backwards
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and forwards. In the University twenty five, Lawrence was performing wonders.
He seemed to be everywhere at once, bringing men down,
seizing in a lightning flash of time his opportunity for
relieving by kicking into touch twice, the ball went to
the Dublin three quarters and they seemed certainly in But
on the first occasion a man slipped, and on the
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second Olva caught his three quarter and brought him sharply
to the ground. It was the only piece of work
that he had done. More Struggling then away on the site.
Some Dublin men had caught it and was running. Someone
dashed at him to hurl him into touch. But he
slipped pass and was in another try. The kick was
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again successful, Dublin ten points. The halftime whistle blue. As
the met gathered into groups in the middle of the field,
sucking lemons and gathering additional melancholy, therefrom Ulva stood a
little away from them. Whimper came out into the field
to exhort and advise. As he passed over, he said,
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rather miss that dry of yours ought to have gone
a bit faster. He did not answer. It seemed to
be no concern of his at all. He was now
trembling at every limb, but his excitement had nothing to
do with the game. It seemed to him that the
Earth and the sky were sharing his emotion, as he
could feel in the air a great exultation. It was
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becoming literally true for him that Earth, air sky were
praising at this moment in a wonderful unison, some great presence.
All things betray thee who betrayst me. Now he understood
what that line had intended him to feel. The very
sods crushed by his boots were leading him to submission.
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The whistle sounded. His back now was turned to the
white clouds. He was facing the high stone wall and
the tops of the handsome calves. The game began again.
The dublin Men were determined to drive their advantage to victory.
Another goal and their lead might settle once and for
all the issue. Ulva was standing back, listening. The earth
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was humming like a top. A voice seemed to be
borne on the wind, coming, coming, coming. He felt that
the clouds were spreading behind him, and a little wind
seemed to be whispering in the grass, coming, coming, coming.
His very existence now was strung to a pitch of expectation,
as in a dream. He saw that a dublin man
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with the ball had got clear away from the clump
of Cambridge forwards and was coming towards him. Behind him
only was Lawrence. He flung himself at the man's knees,
caught him, falling himself desperately forward. They both came crashing
to the ground. It was a magnificent collar, and Olva
as he fell heard as though it were miles away,
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a rising shout. Saw the sky bend down to him,
saw the bar as it was jerked up, rise for
a moment into the air, was conscious that some one
was running five. He was on his knees alone on
the vast field that sloped a little towards the horizon.
Before him, the mountain clouds were now lit with a
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clear silver light, so dazzling that his eyes were lowered.
About him was a great silence. He was himself minute
in size, a tiny, tiny, bending figure, many years passed
a great glory, caught the color from the sky and earth,
and held it like a veil before the cloud. In
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a voice of the most radiant happiness, Olva cried, I
have fled, I am caught, I am held. Lord, I submit,
And for the second time he heard God's voice, My son,
my son. He felt a touch, very gentle and tender,
on his shoulder. Six many years had passed. He opened
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his eyes and saw the ball that had been rising
many years ago now falling. The man whom he had
collared was climbing to his feet. Behind them, men were
bending down for a scrum. The shout that he had
heard when he had fallen was still lingering in the air,
and yet many years had passed. Hope you're not heard,
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the dublin man said, came down hard, No thanks, it's
all right. Ova got on to his feet. Some one
cried well collared Doon, he ran back to his place.
Now there was no hesitation or confusion. A vigor like
wine filled his body. The Cambridge men now were pressing.
The ball was flung back to Cardiac, who threw to Ova.
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The Dublin line was only a few yards away, and
Ova was over. Lawrence kicked of gold and Cambridge had
now five points to the Dublin ten. Cambridge now awoke
to his responsibility. The Dublin men seemed to be flagging
a little, and Tester and Buckin, having apparently decided that
Olva was himself again played their accustomed game. But what
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had happened to doone there? He had been his old, casual,
superior self during the first half of the game. Now
he was that inspired player that the Harlequin match at
once revealed him. Wimper had spoken to him at half time.
That was what it was. Whimper had roused him for.
He was amazing, He was everywhere. Even when he had
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been collared, he was suddenly up, had raced after the
three quarter line, caught them up, and was in the
movement again five times. The Cambridge threes were going, were
half way down the field and were checked by the
wonderful Dublin defense. Again and again Cambridge pressed. There were
only minutes left for play and Cambridge were still five
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points behind. Someone standing in the crowd said, by jove,
doone seems to be enjoying it. I never saw anyone
look so happy. Some one else said, dooms possessed by
a devil or something. I never saw anything like that pace.
He doesn't seem to be watching the game at all, though.
Someone said there's going to be a tremendous snowstorm in
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a minute, look at those white clouds. Then when there
were five minutes more to play, there was a forward
rush over the Dublin line. A Cambridge man, struggling at
the bottom of a heap of legs and arms, touched down.
A Dublin appeal was made for carried over, but no
dry for Cambridge. A deafening shout from behind the ropes,
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then a breathless pause whilst Lawrence stepped back to take
the kick, then a shattering roar as the ball sailed
between the posts. Ten points all and three minutes left
to play, they were back to the center. The Dublin
men had kicked, Tester had gathered and returned to touch
there was a line out. A Cambridge man had the
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ball and fell. Cambridge dribbled past the ball to the half,
and the ball was in Cardiac's hands. Let this be
ever to Cardiac's honor. Fame of a lifetime might have
been his. The way was almost clear before him. He
passed back to Olva. The moment had come. The crowd
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fell first into a breathless silence, then screamed with excitement.
Dounes got at ease off. He had a crowd of
men upon him, handing off, bending, doubling, almost down, slipping,
and then up again. He was through them. The great
clouds were gathering the gray sky into their white arms.
Mister Gregg at the back of the stand forgetting for
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once decorum white and trembling was hoarse with shouting. Olva's
body seemed so tiny on that vast field. Two doublin
three quarters came for him. He appeared to run straight
into the arms of both of them, and then was
through them. They started after him. One man was running
across field to catch him. It was a race. Now
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there fell silence as the three men tore after the
flying figure. Surely never in the annals of rugby football
had any one run as Olva ran then only now
the Dublin back, and he, missing the apparent swerve to
the right, clutched desperately at Olva's back, caught the buckle
of his shorts, and stood with the thing torn off
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in his hand. He turned to pursue, but it was
too late. Ulva had touched down behind the post. As
he started back with the ball, the wide world seemed
to be crying and shouting, waving and screaming against the dull,
gray sky. Far away, an ancient cabman, standing on the
top of his handsom flourished his whip, but as he
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stood there, the shouting died, the crowds faded. Alone there
on the brown field, with the white high clouds above him,
Olva was calm, conscious only of the gentle touch of
a hand on his shoulder. End of Chapter fourteen.