Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, Welcome, Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
This is the Chat, a place where we are chatting
about the things that are important, and today we have a.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Very important show.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Listen, you have probably heard of a little book turned
movie called Fifty Shades of Gray.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Well, the gray area is becoming even more gray.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
It seems like nobody really knows how to kind of
get a handle on what's right, what's wrong, what's in between,
and if any of this is really doing damage in
the lives of people. And we're going to talk about
that today because it's important. Millions upon millions of people,
mostly women, have read this book, have gone to this movie,
and we've already did a show on the Fifty Shades
of Gray.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We talked to two.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Very incredible women who were able to help us kind
of wave through some of the psychological waters as to
what this is doing to our lives, to our marriages.
But today we're going to talk a little bit more
personally with a couple people that are going to be
able to give us some personal.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Insight about how they're lives.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Have been affected by things like pornography, promiscuity.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
You know, listen, this is not just a man's issue.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It very much is a woman's issue as well. We're
going to get the female perspective on it. You are
going to want to stay tuned. This is going to
be a good.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
One, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
We have got some work to do today on a
very serious topic, serious business, because there are a whole
lot of people, specifically women, men and women. But today
we're really kind of zeroing in on how pornography, how promiscuity,
how just that whole salacious appetite that our culture has
really how it is doing a number on lots of women, teens,
(02:00):
young adults, young twenties, all the way up through all
decades of life are really being affected, and we just
kind of need to talk about it, get it out
in the open, and then try to find out how
we can get some help for folks who really do
need it. And so we're going to talk to a
couple people that I think you're going to find very interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
One of them is Mo Iesome.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
She just has a she's just an interesting girl all
the way around, and she really does have a testimony
to share with you.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And so if you'll please.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Help me to welcome Moe to the show today, I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Hello, Huge, I'm glad we're here.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, I am so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah. Having that, well, listen, just get comfy, you know,
we just get comfy around and we're just.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Kind of hang out and talk because we need to talk.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So a lot of people are familiar with you because
you wrote this little blog. Well, first of all, you're
a great writer, period. You have a lot of great
writing on your blog. You need to go and just
look mo Isome up Isom because got a great blog.
But there's one that really captured the attention of a
lot of people called the fifty Shades of Grace.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yes, why did you just start right there with why
did you call it fifty Shades of Grace?
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Okay, So I wrote this blog at the time where
Fifty Shades of Gray the movie was coming out, and
I could not go on Facebook or go online or
go on social media without seeing some type of article
written with an opinion about fifty Shades of Gray. You know, supportive,
don't understand what the big hullabaloo is, Christian perspective on it,
that's offended, that wasn't pleased. You know, you just saw
(03:32):
the whole gambit of opinions and I sat there kind
of scrolling through these articles and realizing, you know, I
could sit down and I could write a blog post
analyzing and critiquing the motives of writing something like this,
the issues with our culture being so fascinated by it,
(03:53):
or I could kind of strike to the heart of
the message and dig blow all of this and share
the fifty shapes of grace that I've seen through promiscuity,
through issues with just sexual stigma, through pornography, through all
of these different things, and just sort of share more
personal take on it. Because the conversation was loud enough
(04:14):
about the actual book, I wanted the conversation to be
about Jesus because ultimately that's where any growth or insight
or perspective was going to come from. And the response
was just amazing. People really really responded and connected, I
think first with the vulnerability and then second with the relatability.
There were so many messages I got from people saying,
(04:36):
I cannot believe you just wrote about that. I would
have never had the guts too. But I wrestled with X,
Y and Z, you know, and how did you process?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
What did you do?
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Are you still all these and the majority were, I
mean all of them reaching out to me were women. Okay,
wait wait, I'm just gonna talk and you're not gonna
ask any questions.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And I'd love to ask questions. Ask the questions. This
is my shows.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Okay, let's say we got it back up a little bit,
because I gotta ask you a question with all your
comments that you were getting back when you when you
wrote the blog, and we're going to talk about the
blog because folks need to know exactly what the blog
was about Fifty Days of Grace. But I want to know,
in your kind of sphere of influence, did you have friends,
co workers, people that were reading the book, going to
see the movie, or were they mostly kind of steering
(05:22):
clear of it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
What kind of circle of friends were you in.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
Yeah, so the circle of friends that I was in
was really steering clear of it and pretty opinionated on
the material, on the response, really sort of frustrated culturally
with the popularity of it all. That was my inner circle.
But at the same time I realized I couldn't just
be blinded by the like minded view of my inner circle.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
There were plenty of.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Colleagues of friends of peers my age who were reading
it who did go see it, who were tweeting them,
sitting in the theater, you know who, some outspoke, some
who I know had read it but would probably never
want anybody to know they read it.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I really want to know in the group that we
have here.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Oh, I'm not going to.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Ask you if you saw it.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I'm not gonna do it, but I do want to
know if you had people that you know, close friends
of yours that went to go see the movie.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Anybody.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Okay, so the majority of our hands are raised, lots
of our hands are raised. How about read the book?
Do you have people in your life that read? Even
more hands now reading the book?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So the last statistic I read, and this has been
a while ago, there were about fifty million people that
had read this book. One of the highest selling books
of all time. It's fifty Shades of Gray, and it's
very clearly about sex and a specific form of sex
and how it all plays out. And I got to
tell you the very first time I heard about this
(06:49):
book at all, I was at church and there was
a young lady who has been in our I say
young lady, but you know she's in her forties, which
is young it is young, she defet is it, yes, ma'am,
it is young, okay, And she's been married for a while.
And I heard about it because we were just kind of
(07:09):
casually talking to me and a few friends, and she said,
you know, y'all, I got this book called Fifty Shades
of Great. At the time, I hadn't really heard anything
about it. Was this was maybe five years ago, four
years ago, and she just said, I got this book
and it has really.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Been great for my marriage.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
So the first information I heard about it, wow, was
how great it was, that it kind of lit a
new fire in a new spark and her relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So I just heard it was great. That's all I heard.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Then sort of down the pipeline, I began to hear that,
and of course I didn't have a copy of the book,
you know, I just you know, hadn't didn't have it yet,
but I began to hear comments about how it seems
good at first, but then it sort of leaves you
down a path that you might find yourself sort of
entangled in something that is not where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Is that what you were beginning to hear as well? Yeah,
it was.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
It was really interesting because there was one camp of
peers who were reading it who thought, oh, this is good.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
You know, this has given us ideas.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
This is you know, it's it's saucy, it's spicy, it's
you know, it makes me blush more than anything I've
seen on TV just reading a book, you know, sort
of this really caught up in the erotic you know,
turned on it's good, it's erotica.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
And then there was another camp of people who I think,
who I knew had been reading the book, who I
think started to realize through it, wait a second, this
is not what love is. And they're really selling this
is love and it's kind of disturbing and it's kind
of upsetting me, you know, and really sort of started
to lean towards the camp of this is sending real
(08:46):
mixed signals from what I know to be true, but
it's still so popular and it just kind of got confusing.
All the waters got really muddy.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Okay, So then you respond with fifty shades of grace,
just tell us to just fill everybody in what is
your post? Fifty shades of grace about.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
Yes, So that blog post is written more poetically than
long form writing and throughout it. Fifty times I say
I'm thankful for fifty shades of grace. But you know,
before each of those, there's a little segment of story
about your life, about my life, and it starts right
off the bat, saying, you know, along the lines of
(09:26):
I remember when I was young and I opened the
truck door and a playing card fell out from stuff
stuff behind the seat, and.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
It would have been like what your dad would have
put in the car.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Yeah, my dad's truck.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
He just you know, wedged folders and bags and papers
back there. It was a small truck, and I remember
a playing card falling out, and still to this day
vividly remember bending over and picking it up just to
you know, wedge it back in there, but flipping it over,
and there was pornographic images on it. I mean, I
saw a man and a woman doing things.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I'd never seen. How old were you?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Seven? Yeah? Seven? Maybe a.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
And it's that, it was that feeling of your stomach
like coming up into your chest.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And you feel like what is it?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
And you don't even know what it is yet, but
you know it's wrong, you know, you know it's just
you shouldn't be seeing it, and you know my dad's
coming around the side of the truck, and so I'm
wedging it back as fast as I can. And the
blog says it more poetically, but it sort of starts
there and it says, you know, even in that moment,
I'm thankful for fifty shades of grace, and it moves
through seeing as a child my dad really struggling with
(10:31):
a pornography addiction.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
In one instance, you talk about sort of walking around
the corner and seeing images on a computer screen or
on a television screen that he was watching.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
Yeah, coming downstairs just to get a drink late at night.
I can remember turning the corner and our TV was
in such a place that you could see it if
you came into the kitchen and there was porn and
you know, always coming down into the office and it'd
be a quick turn off of the computer screen, and
you know, oddly enough, immediate anger and frustration with me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Which I love my would be frustrated with you. Yeah,
I love my dad through and through.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
And at no point in any point of the blog
did I want it to seem like I was blaming
my issues on some on my dad.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
But it had something to do with it.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
There was exposure.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
There was exposure in an extremely young age, and I watched
it take a toll on my parents marriage and keep
him out of my mom's arms at night, and I watch,
you know it, just the blog moves through this pornography
presence when I'm so young to actual interest on my part.
Then I've been exposed to it and I'm human.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
How long?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What would you say, was from the time you were
seven and this started and you felt uncomfortable, at what
point do you think it moved into an interest where
it began to kind of stir in you a curiosity
that led toward desire quickly.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
It's amazing how quickly those things can really captivate our
mind and our heart. And you know, when kids are young,
and it's scary because the exposures happening younger and younger,
it seems every year. But then you have friends who
have seen or heard something that are telling you things.
And a one friend, yeah, at school and my neighborhood
knew this channel on the TV, and even though it
(12:15):
was fuzzy, you could see some stuff and so we'd.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Go like try to figure out what we were seeing.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Back in the days when TVs were funny.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
We're fuzzy.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Yes, if you were like trying to dissert and you know,
you find the channels on your own TV and you're
kind of like turning down the volume but trying to
figure all this out.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Did your parents know at all that you were struggling
with this?
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Oh no.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
I can maybe think of one time my dad walked
in and I had like, was maybe trying to see
something on the computer, and just I clicked away, and
he's like, what are you looking at? You know, but
didn't really pry. I don't think it raised too much
of a red flag. But you know, I was growing
up at the time that Internet was really growing, and
pornography hit the Internet quickly. It did not waste time.
(12:59):
And so just exposure, just a lot of exposure.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
And you know, I got to say before we go
to a quick break, I've got to say that even
what I'm gathering from you now is really a trick.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I think of the enemy that we don't quite get.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Clearly, and that is that exposure doesn't leave you satisfied.
It actually leaves you hungering for the next level, right,
So you're constantly wanting the next thing to satisfy what
used to satisfy, it doesn't anymore. Now you've been exposed,
you want more. So with fifty shades of gray or
things like that, you feel like, oh, this is cool,
we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna do this. But then
(13:37):
all of a sudden you find it actually didn't satisfy.
It just kind of made you curious about what we
could do next and what we.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Can do next.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So then it continues to lead you down a path,
a path that we're going to keep talking about with
mo in just a few minutes, So please stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
This is going to.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
Be an incredible experience where we all get to see
what it's like to experience God's unfailing love. We are
incredibly loved, incredibly valuable, and incredibly capable of blowing it.
That's why we are in the Book of Hoseiah.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I want you to experience it. I want you to
be able to enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I want you to be able to.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
Taste and see that the Lord is good. If you're lost,
the message of Hoseiah is that God will find you.
If you're ashamed, he'll cover you. If you've wandered off,
he'll come get you. If you have given up on him.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
He is not going to give up on you. If
you have found yourself in change and in.
Speaker 6 (14:50):
Slavery and you don't know how you got there, he
will buy you back and give you freedom. That's the
incredible scandal of God's love. He would do whatever it
takes to restore us. That kind of unfailing love would
changed everything.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
We've been talking to Mo.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Mo has been kind of leading us on a very vulnerable,
authentic journey through some of the struggles in her life.
But I'm so glad she is because it really is
helping us today, and it's.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Already been helping a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
She has a fantastic blog where she has written some
eye opening things about her own life that also lead
us to broader issues of culture and just the heart
of women and how we can remain pure and make
sure that we're you know, living in a way that's
healthy all the way around. So I'm glad you've tuned
back in because we were just about to really talk
about the path that sort of you just begin to
(15:55):
walk down seeing the pornography that your father was looking at,
being exposed to it, then that exposure leading to a
little bit of desire and then just being fed all
along the way. Where did this eventually lead you?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (16:09):
So where I mean all of this exposure eventually led.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Was first and foremost.
Speaker 5 (16:16):
To a really twisted view of beauty and power because
a lot of the interest. While the sexual images were
interesting to me, it was this allure of this woman
who really was like in control and she was sexy
and she was beautiful. And you know, you're seeing versions
of it on the movies, even if it's not as graphic,
(16:37):
and this is what culture finds beautiful. Yeah, so you're
getting You're getting kind of excited about the fact that
my femininity's got some power and I really use this
to my advantage. Yes, And I'm kind of rationalizing what
I'm looking at as I'm learning.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
I'm learning tips here.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
This is how one day, you know, I'll be able
to do X, Y and Z. And you know, I'd
made a commitment to my mom when I was young
that I would save myself until I was married. Until
I was married, but actually found myself very much in
gray area because I had sort of committed to virginity
but never.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Really learned about purity.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Yeah, And so it was this commitment to virginity and okay,
I'll never go all the way, but confused about purity
seeing the power and control of these women, thinking that
is really what a man desires. So when I become
of age and am actually sort of finding the courage
to do these things physically as well, I was completely lost.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
In the gray area of I can.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Round the bases but not go all the way. I
can give little pieces of myself away but still be
a virgin. And that's, you know, ideally what a good
Christian would be, right, a virgin. Yet I am doing
everything but a thread of holding on to what is
what is pure. And so I really found as I
was growing as a young woman, I was I.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Was just reckless.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
I was just reckless.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
And you know, a big piece of my story is
we eventually lost my father to suicide, and that left
me overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
What were you?
Speaker 4 (18:14):
I was eighteen, you were eighteen, he was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Did he leave a note or anything that let you
know why he did leave?
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Okay, he left a note explaining how this decision would
benefit our family on the financial side, on just him
being out of the picture side, all of these things.
He never really gave deep explanation as to why. But
and we were blindsided because my dad was a family
(18:42):
man through and through. I mean, I just think of
there were some financial things that came to the surface,
and I think he really just panicked, and I think.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
It broke his heart that he had really hurt his family,
and we were blindsided. It came out of nowhere.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
But we can look back now and see he was
clearly dealing with some you know, just dimic depression. And
I really believe that the pornography addiction played a great
role in that he was bound by a lot of
bondage that kept him away from my mother, that kept
him fixated on something that was broken and in fantasy exactly.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
And you know, we.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
Could have a whole nother session about all the details
around that, but it was, you know, after his passing,
I ran from God into depression and anxiety and working
as hard as I possibly could to use sin sized
pieces to fill a God size hole in my heart.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
I mean just indulged physically with guys.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I was just like a machine like get in, give
me my fix, get out.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You know what, you have to stop for just a second.
That is like a tweetable phrase, right, I got good.
That was good.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
I tweeted it once. I've been waiting for like thousands
of likes. Yeah, I've been I've.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Been waiting for guy pieces into a villa God's size hole,
and it just doesn't work, doesn't right, And we think
it will, and we keep piling them on top of
each other.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And that's what you were doing.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, and then did you find yourself completely addicted to
this lifestyle and to pornography or promiscuity.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
I found myself completely exhausted. I was just tired, you know,
and still trying to hold onto this thread of I'm
a virgin.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I'm building a reputation.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I'm building a list of individuals that could put up
a very different argument for my virginity and purity, you know.
And I honestly was just losing myself and I was exhausted,
and I was it's the temporary pleasure, it's the quick fix,
and and you know, it helps somewhat numb, somewhat aching heart,
but eventually it leaves you void.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Okay, at what point did you wake up and go,
wait a minute, this is not healthy, this is not okay,
and how did you work your way out of it?
It's because it's one thing to realize, it's another to
try to figure out how am I going to stop right?
Speaker 5 (21:01):
So I another big piece of my testimony was about
a year after my dad's loss and really the depth
of my struggles. I was just the cry of my
heart was, God, if you're so real, just wreck my
life because I'm exhausted and I'm I'm tired. And he
literally did so. I was in a horrific car accident
(21:23):
and hanging upside down in a ravine at one thirty
in the morning. I had never felt more overwhelmed by
the presence of a God who said, I will wreck
your life for my glory, and.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
He just he shifted my heart.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
It was hard to explain life couldn't tangibly look the
same after encountering the presence of the Holy Spirit. And
I started to you know, you step back into your
normal life, thinking I have I have come to know
the Lord. You know life will be different. But then
you step back into the rhythm of your sin. Yeah,
(21:56):
because you think I'll just go about my normal life.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I was just about to ask that, because you still
have to make choices day in and day out to
walk in this brand new freedom.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
That you've been given.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
What did it look like to be free, not just
to have experience and encounter with God, but to not
go back on Tuesday and do the same thing I
was already doing.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Right, So I stepped back into it, and I very
much tried, and the true conviction was overwhelming, particularly with
the pornography. You know, I hadn't made the connection yet,
but that was a spiritual rooted issue. And so the
first time that I went back to that after coming
to No Christ, there was immediate conviction and almost just
(22:36):
my prayer really became, God, give me eyes to see
your people as you see them, Give me heart to
break for what breaks hears, and just bind my heart
to THEE. And I would just repeat that, give me
a heart to break for what breakshares.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
And bind my heart to THEE.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
And I couldn't look at those images without physically feeling ill. Yeah,
that is God's child, just someone's daughter, it's not just
someone's mother, it's not any of those things. It's someone.
It's one of God's creations. And I can't possibly view
these things and find any of the same interest or
(23:15):
stimulation when my heart is literally breaking for the individual.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
See, this is really powerful what you're saying, mo, Because
what you're telling somebody is that God can literally make
you not want to look at it anymore. And I
bet there would have been a time in your life.
There's been a time in all of our lives. It
might not be this exact same issue, but there's been
something we have wanted so much that we never thought
in a million years we'd ever not want it anymore.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
But the fact that you were willing.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It takes a lot of courage to me to be
able to say, Okay, I'm going to actually pray that
God will help me not want something that I actually
really want. You know, to pray that prayer takes courage,
But once you start praying it, you can believe that
God is powerful enough. In fact, I think one of
the biggest miracles often that he does is not in
our circum stances. It's the miracles that He does in
our own heart, in making our attitudes change, our desires
(24:06):
change to where you're saying, you're looking at these images
you would have looked at the day before, the week before,
the month before, and all of a sudden, there's this
distaste that wells up in you, and I'm short. At
some point in your journey you thought that would never
be distasteful to you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
I just never realized how passionately and how strongly I
could feel for things. You sort of you live kind
of numb until you come to know a life wrecking,
life saving king that.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Makes you feel, It makes you know, And.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I don't know it was just radical.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
I think we serve a radical God who if you
cry out to him, if you come to his feet,
he doesn't just give lukewarm help and a little bit
of this or that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
If you are truly.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
Open and submissive and yearning desire deeply for change. Oh man,
he comes like a raging waterfall. It's it's powerful, and
it's beautiful and a verse that I really began to
lean into that I'd heard my whole life, growing up
in the church and in a Christian family. I mean,
(25:16):
I'd heard love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, with all your mind.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
I heard that verse after truly coming.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
To know him, and it became non negotiable. It became
so much more intense because God is big and powerful,
and it was love the Lord your God with all
of your heart that means guard your heart fiercely. Love
the Lord your God with all your soul. That means
break these soul ties, surrender them to him. Love Lord
(25:45):
your God with all your mind. That means take your thoughts,
captive all of them, every single preach and preach.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Well, that's what happens when God changes your life.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You know, it really does make you want to tell
other people you really can't be free.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
And here's how you can do it.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Okay, We've got to close in a few minutes, so
I got to ask you a question.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
No, I love it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I love your talker like me. It's a good news.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I'll ramble.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Okay, listen, you've been married?
Speaker 4 (26:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
How long?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I have been married for almost eight months? Okay, he's
smoking hot Instagram Instagram at mo Isom the girls.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
God is good.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
That's aweso.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Okay, here's what I want to know.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Were you worried that someone would never if you were
honest with them about all of this struggle you've had
since you were seven, that they wouldn't view you as pure,
they wouldn't view you as somebody who was wife material.
I'm thinking about the person who they don't know if
they should be honest and they are really genuinely worried
(26:50):
that no one will ever love them if they're if
they reveal this struggle. Because see, pornography is such a
man's we sometimes consider that to be such a man's issue, right,
that for a woman it seems like particularly dirty and
particularly unusual stress.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Some women aren't sexual beings as well, exactly, but that's
just the stigma that the culture has put on it.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Okay, So you have a lot of women that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Are a lot more quiet and reserved about talking about
this issue because they're worried that people are never going
to look at them the same, particularly that they'll never
be able to have a loving, authentic, open relationship with
a guy that will want to be their husband.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Still, right, I was terrified.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
I was terrified, even in singleness, to eventually have to
share with the man that you know, hopefully I would marry,
about my past and share those scars and share those choices.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
I made many times. Totally terrified.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
And when I met Jeremiah, there was such an authentic
presence of the Holy Spirit in him that it invites.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Vulnerability to feel safe.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It does.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
And I opened up to him, not because he asked
me to, at no point did he sit down and say,
what's your number?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Tell me your.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
List, you know, let's go through this, pull out the exactly.
But one day I remember sitting on my front steps
and I was like, there's something I just I need
to share with you, and I kind of word vomited
all over him. And he's set there for a second.
And this is actually the conclusion of the blog if
you read fifty Shades of Grace on my blog. He
(28:27):
set there for a second and I could tell that
it was heavy on him, and you know, he sighed
and he looked at me and he said, has God
forgiven you if you sought forgiveness? And I said yes
many times. And he says, then what do I have
to hold against you or hold over you? And I
forgive you too.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
That's a good man, right. That's when I was like, propose,
I'm ready.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Just it was He's a good man.
Speaker 5 (28:53):
And I think that, yes, vulnerability is terrifying, but it really.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Is the key to walking down the path to wholeness.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
It is in health and an issue an authentic community,
an authentic relationship, and real love, not stimulating get your
kicks now and then it's gone. Less but true authentic,
deep love that it's abiding.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
That's so great.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You are going to want to make sure that you
go look up fifty Shades of Grace if you have
not already.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
You want to read this blog, but not only that,
you just want to.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Get to know Mo because her whole story she just
lives out loud.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
If you haven't been able to tell by the thirty
minutes that.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
We've been talking with each other, will you will be
able to know more and more about her if you
read more of her blogs, more of her stories, more
of her testimony that she shares, and her testimony really
is one of hope. Listen, I want you to know.
This is just part one of a conversation we're going
to continue to have with Mo along with one of
the most incredible young women that I've ever met. She
(29:49):
works for teen Vogue, lives right in the middle of
New York City, and so she's kind of got a
pulse on what's happening with our culture, particularly young women,
and how maybe the sale salacious appetite of our culture
really is affecting them and what she's seeing happening out there.
So we're just gonna add her right to this conversation
and continue.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yep, we got a nice little warm spot for right
over there.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
By MO, and we're gonna have a great conversation. But
for now, would you just please help me to thank
MO for really just sharing with us today.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I'm awesome. It's so beauty to talk to you.
Hey there, Welcome, Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
This is the Chat, a place where we are chatting
about the things that are important, and today we have a.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Very important show.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Listen, you have probably heard of a little book turned
movie called Fifty Shades of Gray.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Well, the gray area is becoming even more gray.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
It seems like nobody really knows how to kind of
get a handle on what's right, what's wrong, what's in between,
and if any of this is really doing damage in
the lives of people. And we're going to talk about
that today because it's important. Millions upon millions of people,
mostly women, have read this book, have gone to this movie,
and we've already did a show on the Fifty Shades
of Gray.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We talked to two.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Very incredible women who were able to help us kind
of wave through some of the psychological waters as to
what this is doing to our lives, to our marriages.
But today we're going to talk a little bit more
personally with a couple people that are going to be
able to give us some personal.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Insight about how they're lives.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Have been affected by things like pornography, promiscuity.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
You know, listen, this is not just a man's issue.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
It very much is a woman's issue as well. We're
going to get the female perspective on it. You are
going to want to stay tuned. This is going to
be a good.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
One, all right.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
We have got some work to do today on a
very serious topic, serious business, because there are a whole
lot of people, specifically women, men and women. But today
we're really kind of zeroing in on how pornography, how promiscuity,
how just that whole salacious appetite that our culture has
really how it is doing a number on lots of women, teens,
(02:00):
young adults, young twenties, all the way up through all
decades of life are really being affected, and we just
kind of need to talk about it, get it out
in the open, and then try to find out how
we can get some help for folks who really do
need it. And so we're going to talk to a
couple people that I think you're going to find very interesting.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
One of them is Mo Iesome.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
She just has a she's just an interesting girl all
the way around, and she really does have a testimony
to share with you.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And so if you'll please.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Help me to welcome Moe to the show today, I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Hello, Huge, I'm glad we're here.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
I'm happy to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Yes, I am so happy to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah. Having that, well, listen, just get comfy, you know,
we just get comfy around and we're just.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
Kind of hang out and talk because we need to talk.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So a lot of people are familiar with you because
you wrote this little blog. Well, first of all, you're
a great writer, period. You have a lot of great
writing on your blog. You need to go and just
look mo Isome up Isom because got a great blog.
But there's one that really captured the attention of a
lot of people called the fifty Shades of Grace.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Yes, why did you just start right there with why
did you call it fifty Shades of Grace?
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Okay, So I wrote this blog at the time where
Fifty Shades of Gray the movie was coming out, and
I could not go on Facebook or go online or
go on social media without seeing some type of article
written with an opinion about fifty Shades of Gray. You know, supportive,
don't understand what the big hullabaloo is, Christian perspective on it,
that's offended, that wasn't pleased. You know, you just saw
(03:32):
the whole gambit of opinions and I sat there kind
of scrolling through these articles and realizing, you know, I
could sit down and I could write a blog post
analyzing and critiquing the motives of writing something like this,
the issues with our culture being so fascinated by it,
(03:53):
or I could kind of strike to the heart of
the message and dig blow all of this and share
the fifty shapes of grace that I've seen through promiscuity,
through issues with just sexual stigma, through pornography, through all
of these different things, and just sort of share more
personal take on it. Because the conversation was loud enough
(04:14):
about the actual book, I wanted the conversation to be
about Jesus because ultimately that's where any growth or insight
or perspective was going to come from. And the response
was just amazing. People really really responded and connected, I
think first with the vulnerability and then second with the relatability.
There were so many messages I got from people saying,
(04:36):
I cannot believe you just wrote about that. I would
have never had the guts too. But I wrestled with X,
Y and Z, you know, and how did you process?
Speaker 4 (04:45):
What did you do?
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Are you still all these and the majority were, I
mean all of them reaching out to me were women. Okay,
wait wait, I'm just gonna talk and you're not gonna
ask any questions.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
And I'd love to ask questions. Ask the questions. This
is my shows.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Okay, let's say we got it back up a little bit,
because I gotta ask you a question with all your
comments that you were getting back when you when you
wrote the blog, and we're going to talk about the
blog because folks need to know exactly what the blog
was about Fifty Days of Grace. But I want to know,
in your kind of sphere of influence, did you have friends,
co workers, people that were reading the book, going to
see the movie, or were they mostly kind of steering
(05:22):
clear of it.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
What kind of circle of friends were you in.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
Yeah, so the circle of friends that I was in
was really steering clear of it and pretty opinionated on
the material, on the response, really sort of frustrated culturally
with the popularity of it all. That was my inner circle.
But at the same time I realized I couldn't just
be blinded by the like minded view of my inner circle.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
There were plenty of.
Speaker 5 (05:49):
Colleagues of friends of peers my age who were reading
it who did go see it, who were tweeting them,
sitting in the theater, you know who, some outspoke, some
who I know had read it but would probably never
want anybody to know they read it.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I really want to know in the group that we
have here.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Oh, I'm not going to.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Ask you if you saw it.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I'm not gonna do it, but I do want to
know if you had people that you know, close friends
of yours that went to go see the movie.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Anybody.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Okay, so the majority of our hands are raised, lots
of our hands are raised. How about read the book?
Do you have people in your life that read? Even
more hands now reading the book?
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So the last statistic I read, and this has been
a while ago, there were about fifty million people that
had read this book. One of the highest selling books
of all time. It's fifty Shades of Gray, and it's
very clearly about sex and a specific form of sex
and how it all plays out. And I got to
tell you the very first time I heard about this
(06:49):
book at all, I was at church and there was
a young lady who has been in our I say
young lady, but you know she's in her forties, which
is young it is young, she defet is it, yes, ma'am,
it is young, okay, And she's been married for a while.
And I heard about it because we were just kind of
(07:09):
casually talking to me and a few friends, and she said,
you know, y'all, I got this book called Fifty Shades
of Great. At the time, I hadn't really heard anything
about it. Was this was maybe five years ago, four
years ago, and she just said, I got this book
and it has really.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Been great for my marriage.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
So the first information I heard about it, wow, was
how great it was, that it kind of lit a
new fire in a new spark and her relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So I just heard it was great. That's all I heard.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Then sort of down the pipeline, I began to hear that,
and of course I didn't have a copy of the book,
you know, I just you know, hadn't didn't have it yet,
but I began to hear comments about how it seems
good at first, but then it sort of leaves you
down a path that you might find yourself sort of
entangled in something that is not where you want to be.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Is that what you were beginning to hear as well? Yeah,
it was.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
It was really interesting because there was one camp of
peers who were reading it who thought, oh, this is good.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
You know, this has given us ideas.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
This is you know, it's it's saucy, it's spicy, it's
you know, it makes me blush more than anything I've
seen on TV just reading a book, you know, sort
of this really caught up in the erotic you know,
turned on it's good, it's erotica.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:25):
And then there was another camp of people who I think,
who I knew had been reading the book, who I
think started to realize through it, wait a second, this
is not what love is. And they're really selling this
is love and it's kind of disturbing and it's kind
of upsetting me, you know, and really sort of started
to lean towards the camp of this is sending real
(08:46):
mixed signals from what I know to be true, but
it's still so popular and it just kind of got confusing.
All the waters got really muddy.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Okay, So then you respond with fifty shades of grace,
just tell us to just fill everybody in what is
your post? Fifty shades of grace about.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
Yes, So that blog post is written more poetically than
long form writing and throughout it. Fifty times I say
I'm thankful for fifty shades of grace. But you know,
before each of those, there's a little segment of story
about your life, about my life, and it starts right
off the bat, saying, you know, along the lines of
(09:26):
I remember when I was young and I opened the
truck door and a playing card fell out from stuff
stuff behind the seat, and.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
It would have been like what your dad would have
put in the car.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
Yeah, my dad's truck.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
He just you know, wedged folders and bags and papers
back there. It was a small truck, and I remember
a playing card falling out, and still to this day
vividly remember bending over and picking it up just to
you know, wedge it back in there, but flipping it over,
and there was pornographic images on it. I mean, I
saw a man and a woman doing things.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I'd never seen. How old were you?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
Seven? Yeah? Seven? Maybe a.
Speaker 5 (10:02):
And it's that, it was that feeling of your stomach
like coming up into your chest.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
And you feel like what is it?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
And you don't even know what it is yet, but
you know it's wrong, you know, you know it's just
you shouldn't be seeing it, and you know my dad's
coming around the side of the truck, and so I'm
wedging it back as fast as I can. And the
blog says it more poetically, but it sort of starts
there and it says, you know, even in that moment,
I'm thankful for fifty shades of grace, and it moves
through seeing as a child my dad really struggling with
(10:31):
a pornography addiction.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
In one instance, you talk about sort of walking around
the corner and seeing images on a computer screen or
on a television screen that he was watching.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
Yeah, coming downstairs just to get a drink late at night.
I can remember turning the corner and our TV was
in such a place that you could see it if
you came into the kitchen and there was porn and
you know, always coming down into the office and it'd
be a quick turn off of the computer screen, and
you know, oddly enough, immediate anger and frustration with me.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Which I love my would be frustrated with you. Yeah,
I love my dad through and through.
Speaker 5 (11:08):
And at no point in any point of the blog
did I want it to seem like I was blaming
my issues on some on my dad.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
But it had something to do with it.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
There was exposure.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
There was exposure in an extremely young age, and I watched
it take a toll on my parents marriage and keep
him out of my mom's arms at night, and I watch,
you know it, just the blog moves through this pornography
presence when I'm so young to actual interest on my part.
Then I've been exposed to it and I'm human.
Speaker 4 (11:38):
How long?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
What would you say, was from the time you were
seven and this started and you felt uncomfortable, at what
point do you think it moved into an interest where
it began to kind of stir in you a curiosity
that led toward desire quickly.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
It's amazing how quickly those things can really captivate our
mind and our heart. And you know, when kids are young,
and it's scary because the exposures happening younger and younger,
it seems every year. But then you have friends who
have seen or heard something that are telling you things.
And a one friend, yeah, at school and my neighborhood
knew this channel on the TV, and even though it
(12:15):
was fuzzy, you could see some stuff and so we'd.
Speaker 4 (12:17):
Go like try to figure out what we were seeing.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Back in the days when TVs were funny.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
We're fuzzy.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
Yes, if you were like trying to dissert and you know,
you find the channels on your own TV and you're
kind of like turning down the volume but trying to
figure all this out.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Did your parents know at all that you were struggling
with this?
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Oh no.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
I can maybe think of one time my dad walked
in and I had like, was maybe trying to see
something on the computer, and just I clicked away, and
he's like, what are you looking at? You know, but
didn't really pry. I don't think it raised too much
of a red flag. But you know, I was growing
up at the time that Internet was really growing, and
pornography hit the Internet quickly. It did not waste time.
(12:59):
And so just exposure, just a lot of exposure.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
And you know, I got to say before we go
to a quick break, I've got to say that even
what I'm gathering from you now is really a trick.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
I think of the enemy that we don't quite get.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Clearly, and that is that exposure doesn't leave you satisfied.
It actually leaves you hungering for the next level, right,
So you're constantly wanting the next thing to satisfy what
used to satisfy, it doesn't anymore. Now you've been exposed,
you want more. So with fifty shades of gray or
things like that, you feel like, oh, this is cool,
we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna do this. But then
(13:37):
all of a sudden you find it actually didn't satisfy.
It just kind of made you curious about what we
could do next and what we.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Can do next.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
So then it continues to lead you down a path,
a path that we're going to keep talking about with
mo in just a few minutes, So please stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
This is going to.
Speaker 6 (14:01):
Be an incredible experience where we all get to see
what it's like to experience God's unfailing love. We are
incredibly loved, incredibly valuable, and incredibly capable of blowing it.
That's why we are in the Book of Hoseiah.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I want you to experience it. I want you to
be able to enjoy it.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
I want you to be able to.
Speaker 6 (14:28):
Taste and see that the Lord is good. If you're lost,
the message of Hoseiah is that God will find you.
If you're ashamed, he'll cover you. If you've wandered off,
he'll come get you. If you have given up on him.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
He is not going to give up on you. If
you have found yourself in change and in.
Speaker 6 (14:50):
Slavery and you don't know how you got there, he
will buy you back and give you freedom. That's the
incredible scandal of God's love. He would do whatever it
takes to restore us. That kind of unfailing love would
changed everything.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
We've been talking to Mo.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Mo has been kind of leading us on a very vulnerable,
authentic journey through some of the struggles in her life.
But I'm so glad she is because it really is
helping us today, and it's.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Already been helping a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
She has a fantastic blog where she has written some
eye opening things about her own life that also lead
us to broader issues of culture and just the heart
of women and how we can remain pure and make
sure that we're you know, living in a way that's
healthy all the way around. So I'm glad you've tuned
back in because we were just about to really talk
about the path that sort of you just begin to
(15:55):
walk down seeing the pornography that your father was looking at,
being exposed to it, then that exposure leading to a
little bit of desire and then just being fed all
along the way. Where did this eventually lead you?
Speaker 4 (16:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (16:09):
So where I mean all of this exposure eventually led.
Speaker 4 (16:15):
Was first and foremost.
Speaker 5 (16:16):
To a really twisted view of beauty and power because
a lot of the interest. While the sexual images were
interesting to me, it was this allure of this woman
who really was like in control and she was sexy
and she was beautiful. And you know, you're seeing versions
of it on the movies, even if it's not as graphic,
(16:37):
and this is what culture finds beautiful. Yeah, so you're
getting You're getting kind of excited about the fact that
my femininity's got some power and I really use this
to my advantage. Yes, And I'm kind of rationalizing what
I'm looking at as I'm learning.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
I'm learning tips here.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
This is how one day, you know, I'll be able
to do X, Y and Z. And you know, I'd
made a commitment to my mom when I was young
that I would save myself until I was married. Until
I was married, but actually found myself very much in
gray area because I had sort of committed to virginity
but never.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Really learned about purity.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
Yeah, And so it was this commitment to virginity and okay,
I'll never go all the way, but confused about purity
seeing the power and control of these women, thinking that
is really what a man desires. So when I become
of age and am actually sort of finding the courage
to do these things physically as well, I was completely lost.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
In the gray area of I can.
Speaker 5 (17:38):
Round the bases but not go all the way. I
can give little pieces of myself away but still be
a virgin. And that's, you know, ideally what a good
Christian would be, right, a virgin. Yet I am doing
everything but a thread of holding on to what is
what is pure. And so I really found as I
was growing as a young woman, I was I.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Was just reckless.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
I was just reckless.
Speaker 5 (18:05):
And you know, a big piece of my story is
we eventually lost my father to suicide, and that left
me overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
What were you?
Speaker 4 (18:14):
I was eighteen, you were eighteen, he was eighteen.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Did he leave a note or anything that let you
know why he did leave?
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Okay, he left a note explaining how this decision would
benefit our family on the financial side, on just him
being out of the picture side, all of these things.
He never really gave deep explanation as to why. But
and we were blindsided because my dad was a family
(18:42):
man through and through. I mean, I just think of
there were some financial things that came to the surface,
and I think he really just panicked, and I think.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
It broke his heart that he had really hurt his family,
and we were blindsided. It came out of nowhere.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
But we can look back now and see he was
clearly dealing with some you know, just dimic depression. And
I really believe that the pornography addiction played a great
role in that he was bound by a lot of
bondage that kept him away from my mother, that kept
him fixated on something that was broken and in fantasy exactly.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
And you know, we.
Speaker 5 (19:20):
Could have a whole nother session about all the details
around that, but it was, you know, after his passing,
I ran from God into depression and anxiety and working
as hard as I possibly could to use sin sized
pieces to fill a God size hole in my heart.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
I mean just indulged physically with guys.
Speaker 5 (19:43):
I was just like a machine like get in, give
me my fix, get out.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
You know what, you have to stop for just a second.
That is like a tweetable phrase, right, I got good.
That was good.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
I tweeted it once. I've been waiting for like thousands
of likes. Yeah, I've been I've.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Been waiting for guy pieces into a villa God's size hole,
and it just doesn't work, doesn't right, And we think
it will, and we keep piling them on top of
each other.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
And that's what you were doing.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, and then did you find yourself completely addicted to
this lifestyle and to pornography or promiscuity.
Speaker 5 (20:16):
I found myself completely exhausted. I was just tired, you know,
and still trying to hold onto this thread of I'm
a virgin.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I'm building a reputation.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I'm building a list of individuals that could put up
a very different argument for my virginity and purity, you know.
And I honestly was just losing myself and I was exhausted,
and I was it's the temporary pleasure, it's the quick fix,
and and you know, it helps somewhat numb, somewhat aching heart,
but eventually it leaves you void.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
Okay, at what point did you wake up and go,
wait a minute, this is not healthy, this is not okay,
and how did you work your way out of it?
It's because it's one thing to realize, it's another to
try to figure out how am I going to stop right?
Speaker 5 (21:01):
So I another big piece of my testimony was about
a year after my dad's loss and really the depth
of my struggles. I was just the cry of my
heart was, God, if you're so real, just wreck my
life because I'm exhausted and I'm I'm tired. And he
literally did so. I was in a horrific car accident
(21:23):
and hanging upside down in a ravine at one thirty
in the morning. I had never felt more overwhelmed by
the presence of a God who said, I will wreck
your life for my glory, and.
Speaker 4 (21:32):
He just he shifted my heart.
Speaker 5 (21:35):
It was hard to explain life couldn't tangibly look the
same after encountering the presence of the Holy Spirit. And
I started to you know, you step back into your
normal life, thinking I have I have come to know
the Lord. You know life will be different. But then
you step back into the rhythm of your sin. Yeah,
(21:56):
because you think I'll just go about my normal life.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I was just about to ask that, because you still
have to make choices day in and day out to
walk in this brand new freedom.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
That you've been given.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
What did it look like to be free, not just
to have experience and encounter with God, but to not
go back on Tuesday and do the same thing I
was already doing.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Right, So I stepped back into it, and I very
much tried, and the true conviction was overwhelming, particularly with
the pornography. You know, I hadn't made the connection yet,
but that was a spiritual rooted issue. And so the
first time that I went back to that after coming
to No Christ, there was immediate conviction and almost just
(22:36):
my prayer really became, God, give me eyes to see
your people as you see them, Give me heart to
break for what breaks hears, and just bind my heart
to THEE. And I would just repeat that, give me
a heart to break for what breakshares.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
And bind my heart to THEE.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
And I couldn't look at those images without physically feeling ill. Yeah,
that is God's child, just someone's daughter, it's not just
someone's mother, it's not any of those things. It's someone.
It's one of God's creations. And I can't possibly view
these things and find any of the same interest or
(23:15):
stimulation when my heart is literally breaking for the individual.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
See, this is really powerful what you're saying, mo, Because
what you're telling somebody is that God can literally make
you not want to look at it anymore. And I
bet there would have been a time in your life.
There's been a time in all of our lives. It
might not be this exact same issue, but there's been
something we have wanted so much that we never thought
in a million years we'd ever not want it anymore.
Speaker 1 (23:40):
But the fact that you were willing.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
It takes a lot of courage to me to be
able to say, Okay, I'm going to actually pray that
God will help me not want something that I actually
really want. You know, to pray that prayer takes courage,
But once you start praying it, you can believe that
God is powerful enough. In fact, I think one of
the biggest miracles often that he does is not in
our circum stances. It's the miracles that He does in
our own heart, in making our attitudes change, our desires
(24:06):
change to where you're saying, you're looking at these images
you would have looked at the day before, the week before,
the month before, and all of a sudden, there's this
distaste that wells up in you, and I'm short. At
some point in your journey you thought that would never
be distasteful to you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
I just never realized how passionately and how strongly I
could feel for things. You sort of you live kind
of numb until you come to know a life wrecking,
life saving king that.
Speaker 4 (24:36):
Makes you feel, It makes you know, And.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I don't know it was just radical.
Speaker 5 (24:43):
I think we serve a radical God who if you
cry out to him, if you come to his feet,
he doesn't just give lukewarm help and a little bit
of this or that.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
If you are truly.
Speaker 5 (24:56):
Open and submissive and yearning desire deeply for change. Oh man,
he comes like a raging waterfall. It's it's powerful, and
it's beautiful and a verse that I really began to
lean into that I'd heard my whole life, growing up
in the church and in a Christian family. I mean,
(25:16):
I'd heard love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, with all your mind.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
I heard that verse after truly coming.
Speaker 5 (25:24):
To know him, and it became non negotiable. It became
so much more intense because God is big and powerful,
and it was love the Lord your God with all
of your heart that means guard your heart fiercely. Love
the Lord your God with all your soul. That means
break these soul ties, surrender them to him. Love Lord
(25:45):
your God with all your mind. That means take your thoughts,
captive all of them, every single preach and preach.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Well, that's what happens when God changes your life.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
You know, it really does make you want to tell
other people you really can't be free.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
And here's how you can do it.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Okay, We've got to close in a few minutes, so
I got to ask you a question.
Speaker 4 (26:04):
No, I love it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
I love your talker like me. It's a good news.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I'll ramble.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Okay, listen, you've been married?
Speaker 4 (26:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
How long?
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I have been married for almost eight months? Okay, he's
smoking hot Instagram Instagram at mo Isom the girls.
Speaker 4 (26:20):
God is good.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
That's aweso.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Okay, here's what I want to know.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Were you worried that someone would never if you were
honest with them about all of this struggle you've had
since you were seven, that they wouldn't view you as pure,
they wouldn't view you as somebody who was wife material.
I'm thinking about the person who they don't know if
they should be honest and they are really genuinely worried
(26:50):
that no one will ever love them if they're if
they reveal this struggle. Because see, pornography is such a
man's we sometimes consider that to be such a man's issue, right,
that for a woman it seems like particularly dirty and
particularly unusual stress.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Some women aren't sexual beings as well, exactly, but that's
just the stigma that the culture has put on it.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Okay, So you have a lot of women that.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Are a lot more quiet and reserved about talking about
this issue because they're worried that people are never going
to look at them the same, particularly that they'll never
be able to have a loving, authentic, open relationship with
a guy that will want to be their husband.
Speaker 4 (27:25):
Still, right, I was terrified.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
I was terrified, even in singleness, to eventually have to
share with the man that you know, hopefully I would marry,
about my past and share those scars and share those choices.
Speaker 4 (27:42):
I made many times. Totally terrified.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
And when I met Jeremiah, there was such an authentic
presence of the Holy Spirit in him that it invites.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Vulnerability to feel safe.
Speaker 4 (27:57):
It does.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
And I opened up to him, not because he asked
me to, at no point did he sit down and say,
what's your number?
Speaker 4 (28:06):
Tell me your.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
List, you know, let's go through this, pull out the exactly.
But one day I remember sitting on my front steps
and I was like, there's something I just I need
to share with you, and I kind of word vomited
all over him. And he's set there for a second.
And this is actually the conclusion of the blog if
you read fifty Shades of Grace on my blog. He
(28:27):
set there for a second and I could tell that
it was heavy on him, and you know, he sighed
and he looked at me and he said, has God
forgiven you if you sought forgiveness? And I said yes
many times. And he says, then what do I have
to hold against you or hold over you? And I
forgive you too.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
That's a good man, right. That's when I was like, propose,
I'm ready.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
Just it was He's a good man.
Speaker 5 (28:53):
And I think that, yes, vulnerability is terrifying, but it really.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Is the key to walking down the path to wholeness.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
It is in health and an issue an authentic community,
an authentic relationship, and real love, not stimulating get your
kicks now and then it's gone. Less but true authentic,
deep love that it's abiding.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
That's so great.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
You are going to want to make sure that you
go look up fifty Shades of Grace if you have
not already.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
You want to read this blog, but not only that,
you just want to.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Get to know Mo because her whole story she just
lives out loud.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
If you haven't been able to tell by the thirty
minutes that.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
We've been talking with each other, will you will be
able to know more and more about her if you
read more of her blogs, more of her stories, more
of her testimony that she shares, and her testimony really
is one of hope. Listen, I want you to know.
This is just part one of a conversation we're going
to continue to have with Mo along with one of
the most incredible young women that I've ever met. She
(29:49):
works for teen Vogue, lives right in the middle of
New York City, and so she's kind of got a
pulse on what's happening with our culture, particularly young women,
and how maybe the sale salacious appetite of our culture
really is affecting them and what she's seeing happening out there.
So we're just gonna add her right to this conversation
and continue.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Yep, we got a nice little warm spot for right
over there.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
By MO, and we're gonna have a great conversation. But
for now, would you just please help me to thank
MO for really just sharing with us today.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I'm awesome. It's so beauty to talk to you.
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