Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey there, I'm Priscilla. Thank you so much for joining
me today. I'm glad that you're here. The Chat with Priscilla,
that's where you come. It's a place where we just
have chats, you know, conversations about things that I hope
will be impastful to you, informative, challenging sometimes or just
plain old flat out fun. So today I want you
to have a lot of fun. Pull up a chair,
grab your favorite hot beverage, cozy up, and.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Let's talk today on the Chat with Priscilla.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
To stay tuned, Hello, Welcome, Welcome, This is the Chat
(00:51):
with Priscilla.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I happen to be Priscilla, and I'm so glad that
you're here. I'm welcoming you into our living room. Just
pull up a chair, relax and enjoy. We are actually
continuing a conversation we've already been having. We've already been
talking in part one of our conversation with Fonweaver, who
is the author of some incredible books on marriage, most
notably The Happy Wives Club, which is really just spreading
(01:15):
like wildfire all over the place. There are nearly one
million women that have literally joined the.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Happy Wives Club.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
You can too Happywivesclub dot Com. This book really is
setting people on fire to realize that they can be
happy in their marriages. That the myth is not true
that you once you get married, all the happiness goes
out of the window. You can be content fulfilled, satisfied,
and happy. And that is the message she's going to
continue to share with us right now. In part two
(01:41):
of our conversation, would you please all help me to
welcome Fon Weaver back to the program.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So glad that you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Okay, we kind of left on a little note part one.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, we need to talk.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
About this issue of sexual intimacy because it is important
to any relationships.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We have mentors Jerry and I in our.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Life that say to us every time we get together
with them, because they're they're real serious about us having
a good marriage. They're like, Okay, look, I don't care
how good ministry is going, I don't care how good
the kids are. They're going to get in our business
and ask about us and the two barometers that they
always ask us as to whether or not to determine
whether or not our marriage is doing well. They say,
are you guys talking if we're passing like ships in
(02:24):
the night and we're about the business of family. Who's
going to run this erred, who's going to go there?
You know, lunch kids all that. They're like, that's not
what we're talking about. Are you having conversations with each other?
If we're not, that's a red flag for them. And
then they ask about our sex life. They want to know,
are you consistently intimate with each other? Because if you
were not over time, that is going to erode away
at your relationship. So they tell us about the importance
(02:45):
of communication and sexual intimacy. So as you're traveling around
talking about these happy.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Wives, yes, talking too, happy wife talking to happy wives.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
What did you find out about the importance of physical
intimacy in a marriage?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Well, I'm going to I'm going to take both of those, okay,
that your mentors ask you about. And they ended up
being two of the most surprising things to me, two
of the most surprising findings. The first was that every
country that I went to, when I would sit down
with a couple that was happily married for twenty five
years or more, one of the things that I noticed
they all had was a daily ritual.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Okay, every single one of them.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I hope this has to do with the communication part.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
It does.
Speaker 5 (03:23):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm already exhausted.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
It is the communication, So every single one of them.
And I'll give you an example. So an Israeli couple
for almost forty years, every night before dinner, the hour
before dinner, so they would have dinner.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
At six pm.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
At five pm, they would have portant appetizers. One of
them would make appetizers, one would pour the poor And
this is something that they did for decades. Their kids
knew growing up, Mom and dad, we will see them
for dinner at six pm.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
That first portion we're not invited to.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
And there was a couple in South Africa AMNT Yeah, yeah,
in South Africa, there was a couple and they called
it their daily board meeting. Every morning while it was
still dark outside. The wife wouldn't wake up, she'd open
up all of the windows around their bedroom. Husband would
go downstairs, get two cups of coffee, come back up
and they would sit against their headboard and they would
(04:31):
just talk about everything they have on their plate that day.
If one of them will not be home because there's
a meeting, they're having that communication. So there is never
a day that passes that they were not doing something together.
So I got to I want to say, maybe it
was country number seven. I think I had just left
the Philippines and I think I was in Australia and
(04:53):
I called Keith and I said.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Babe, we need a daily ritual. This is a consistency.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I mean literally in the seventh country and every single couple,
without exception, has had a daily ritual.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
So they And really, what that that's saying is that
you are prioritized in your spouse.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
That's what it means.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Is that this hour or that's fifteen minutes whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, this is dedicated to you absolutely.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
I mean, if you think about it, in any given day,
we have what fourteen hundred and forty minutes if you.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Know that, who just knows we have fourteen Well that
I only know this because I was speaking.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
At a conference and this woman had a question in
the audience and she was talking about how busy she
is and how she is this businesswoman and her husband
just doesn't understand and I said, someone pull out a
calculator and tell me how many minutes are in a day.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Fourteen hundred and forty minutes.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
So you're telling me that you cannot figure out thirty
minutes in that timeframe to prioritize your marriage. We got
bigger issues in your business, and so that is that's
how we looked at it.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And you know, my husband and I live.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Very busy lives, but we prioritize every morning.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We call it.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
We were coffee hour, and without exception, we're having that
coffee together. And if we are somewhere else, we're on
the phone and we're having that time together. He's having
his coffee, I'm having my coffee. And so having that
daily ritual, that's that communication. You never miss it, and
that builds trust. So we're going back to the trust issue.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
All right, We're gonna do it, everybody, Richmond, We're gonna
do our daily ritual.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
The second thing that was very surprising to me is
when I would sit down with these couples and I
would interview them for hours. Do you want to know
how many times sex came up?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
How many times did sex come up? Fun one time?
With all those couples. Let me tell you why were
the men present in the conversation single time?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Every single time? Let me tell you why?
Speaker 4 (06:46):
Is because when you are taking care of your marriage
outside of the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It takes care of itself inside of the bedroom. Woo,
that's good.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
It is those that have great sex lives and people
always say, well, you should, you should have that breakup
to make up and that mad sex is the best sex.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I was like, no, no, happy sex is pretty dog
gone good. But it is.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It's one of those things when when you're taking care
of we're going back to building up your spouse.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And building up each other and respecting each other. So
this is what happens.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
So many get into the bedroom and all of a
sudden they get so serious.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
It's like it's serious and it's work.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
And that same laughter that you have in the kitchen
in the living room, that same friendship should come into
the bedroom. Because we all go through life's changes. Our
bodies are changing, our hormones are changing. So the thing
that made me go wild yesterday, I gotta tell you
that spotman move to me.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
And that is just that's just the fact of life.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
But being able to laugh about those things and having
that friendship to say, hey, babe.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You did that did it for me last week? Just
now I'm didn't work.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yes, listen to that again, and being able to laugh
about that and about that, but then being able to
explore each other, to explore each other's bodies. But that
is a part of exploring each other's minds outside of
the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Do you know what this is?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Reminding me of your mama?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
This remind me of your mom.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I don't know if you guys know this, but her
mother is an incredible woman named Bunny Wilson, and Bunny
Wilson traveled four years speaking, teaching, writing books. Listen, if
you are a single woman, you need to read Night
in Shining Armor, which her mother wrote.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yes, three decades ago. Yes, and it's still and it
still sells. Oh my goodness, it's incredible. I read it.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I read it in my teen years, I believe, and
it's incredible. But that's just one of many books that
your mama liberated through submission as a mainstay. But she
would also write about God is in the bedroom. Is
the name of a book. God is in the kitchen teeth.
That's the name of a book.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
God is in the kitchen in my house by himself.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So just talking about how God is found in all
of these practical aspects of our life, in our marriage.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And that's basically what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
When there's health over here in these aspects of your relationship,
then the sex aspect takes care of itself.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
It takes care of itself.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
But it isn't to say that that means it's going
to be so perfect all the time. You're going to
have to make those adjustments.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Which is where the communication communication open and having that friendship.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
And eventually having a friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Well, and I think this is so important because I
hope that nobody's missing because I'm starting to just grasp
the cyclical nature of what you're describing here, that when
there's health on this side, that it filters into this side.
One will take care of the other, which means that
to concentrate on respect, on trust, to really build your
spouse up when you're doing these things, then the other
(09:41):
because on one side or the other, for the male
or the female, one thing for you might not carry
as much weight as it does for your spouse. Absolutely,
but if you're concentrating at least on that thing that
that is a priority to you, that you know as
you is a pridy to your spouse, that it's going
to automatically feed into the other one and there will
be health all the way around which you're describing it.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It is. And I'll tell you something that I did.
And I always get women who go, oh my gosh,
I can't believe you did this, but it was. It
worked for me. So this was I will tell you
what I did. Somewhere around Australia.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
We're skyping and I said, Honey, I want to be
the best wife that I can be, and I asked
him to do something that I actually recommend that people
do it, although I've gotten a.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Lot of criticism for this.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I asked him, on a scale of one to ten,
with ten being the potential wife, that I could be
my best self as your wife.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Where am I on that scale? Now? You know he
wants to plead the fifth.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Right now, I am traveling the world interviewing happily married women.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I thought I was a really, really, really.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Awesome wife, and so I just knew I was getting
a really high eate low nine.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Seven. You know, seven's not bad. Seven is not bad.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
But for the fact that I was a hotel GM
in Hilton, and for anyone that goes to a Hilton,
I'm going to give you secret seven seven equals zero.
So this eight eight equal zero. If you put an
eight on a survey score for Hilton, that that hotel
just got a zero. And so in my head he
said seven, I said, if eight equals zero, my goodness,
(11:17):
I didn't even get an eighth. And so what I
asked him my follow up question to that was give
me a list of six things that I could work
on to become that ten.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Now, mind you, he's not comparing me to other people.
He's comparing me.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
To me, because his first response was, well, if I
compare you to this person, you're a hundred.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I didn't ask you to compare me to that.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And that could also go the opposite way. We're comparing
to somebody else that they think that their standard, the
way they respect their husbands up here, that could cause.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Them to absolutely And I said, just comparing to the
wife that I could be at my best self?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
And we should all want to know that from our spouse,
there's nothing There's nothing to me, there's nothing Mary.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
About somebody mean though, and they're just going to give
you a bad rating no matter how hard you see.
There are a lot of women that are feeling a
little bit discouraged right now because they may not be
married to somebody who's supportive and kind and encouraging and
what they might just be married to somebody who is
demeaning yep, and wants to be cool.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
This isn't the book for you. This in the book
for you. Counseling. So what you're saying, it's counsel go
get the oil.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Yes, yes, yeah, So this is a book you've got
a good marriage, you chose a good mate, because keep
in mind, if we're here in the United States, we
did choose our mate and we had a choice. And
so it is that book is for those who already
have a good marriage at the very least an okay marriage,
and they just want to go from good to great.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Okay. So if you are below, okay, not the book for.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You, all right, Well, at least you know exactly who
your audience, exactly what it is that's good. When we
come back, we're going to take some questions from some
women and the audience that want to just be prepared,
some single women that have questions they want to be prepared,
but also from some married women as well that would
like even more great wise counsel from our friend fond Weavers.
So we will be right back in just a few minutes.
(13:11):
If you're feeling discouraged and defeated, if you're a bit overwhelmed,
or maybe even feeling undone, if you're wondering whether or
not your future has any hope of victory, then listen.
This Bible study is for you. Strongholds are torn down
by the word of God.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Fortresses are dismantled.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
By the word of God.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
When you place faith in Jesus Christ, the righteousness of Christ.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Is credited to your spiritual bank account. That you are
the righteousness of God in Christ, Jesus, I invite you
to join me for a lesson in putting on the
full armor of God. Our lives are going to be changed,
yours and mine, because we're going to learn because we've
got the victory.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
In Jesus name.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
All right, we've got some questions here from our audience
that we're going to be asking our guests. Fon Weaver,
thank you so much for being up for this. Absolutely
some single women that have a couple questions for us.
How many of you are single in our group today?
Speaker 2 (14:21):
How many of your singles?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
All right, so we have quite a handful of single
women that are gathering with us today. Here's a question
from Lindsay. She wants to know what is the one
thing if you could just boil it down to one,
what's the one thing you wish you were told before
you got.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Married, don't listen to advice of those who are not
happily married.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So that's what you wish you were told, don't listen
to advice of people who are not happily married.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah, why would you listen to the advice?
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Would you listen to someone that's going through bankruptcy to
help you with your finances? And so it's it's unfortunately
we go back to that what we were talking about earlier.
It's always those that are negative, that are so like,
they're so vocal, they're the ones who want to give
you advice, and they set you up for failure because
you start looking for stuff that would not otherwise be there.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
And if you look for something, you will create it. Oohoof.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
So do you think then a single woman should pursue
a relationship with a happy wife for the purpose of
asking her, gleaning from her, listening to what she has
to say.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Absolutely be in the presence of those who are happily married,
especially happy wives, and just hang out with them, don't
ask them a bunch of questions, just go and have coffee. Yeah,
because those who are so interesting, those who are happily married.
The moment you sit with them and you give them
the ability to talk about it, it's like turning on
a water speaking.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
You cannot shut it off because.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
No one ever cares. Everyone wants to know about the drama.
And so when you give them the opportunity to just say,
they're glad, they're glad, they're grateful.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Life is good.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
This woman says, what advice would you give to a
single woman in their mid thirties who has a desired
to be married? But honestly, there are no men around
who will pursue you, And she has underlined pursued now
that they're not there, they're just not pursuing.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah. Well, here's a good news is you're not looking
for men.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
You're looking for a man, and if you are looking
for the one, that the one is already chosen for you.
So all you have to do is focus on creating
the life of your dreams while you're single and allow
for that to come to you.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
In what ways can a new wife start out on
the right track right away with her marriage and build
happy elements into her marriage. Thank you for this question, Bessie.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Where's Bessie? Are you back there? Somewhere there? She is
back there, That's what she wants to know.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
In what ways can you start off right off the bat.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Yeah, there's a real fiery wife that I interviewed in
Kate Town and she was just I mean, she was
I want to.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Say, sixty eight, and she gave me a run for.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
My money hiking hiking.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
She had so much energy. And one of the things that.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
She said is is that if a woman begins talking
negatively about her husband around her, she will not go
out with that woman again. And so what happens with
those who are newly married. If you put together, say
seven women around a table, you're going to have six
of them that are complaining about their spouses or their
(17:23):
marriage or something that they did wrong, because that kind
of makes you feel in But then you're going to
have that one person who is silent.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
It's usually the happy wife.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
And it's because that happy wife doesn't want to seem
as though they're being braggadocious or seem as though they're haughty,
or they're higher than right, And I get it.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
The problem with that is is we're going back to
the comment you made earlier.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Then the only people that are ever talking are those
six and so if you are that one, remove yourself
from that environment.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
It's okay to keep it at a distance.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
But if you really truly want to create a marriage
that is built to last a lifetime and to be
happily married, then you want to surround yourself birds of
a feather flock together.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, what is the most important thing for single women
to look for in a man? If this is going
to be a happy marriage. What is the trait that
I'm kind of got to keep my eye out for
in that guy that I'm dating?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Hey, so do we go back to that first thing, right?
How much does he respect you?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And what does that look like? What does respect look
like to a woman?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Respect looks different to every single person, And so Jerry's
respect for you is going to look different from my
husband from Keith's respect for me. So the question for
a person that is single is is how much do
you respect yourself? And is that person respecting you in
the manner in which you respect yourself if you truly
(18:49):
respect yourself, So there's no real barometer for that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
What does respect look like? The question is what does
it look like for you? But you should know whether
or not you're being respected. I think we all get
that sense.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
We all know whether or not we're being respected, and
if a man is not truly respecting you, and it's
you know, I was going to make a joke about
the cow and the milk, but that's a whole other story.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Tell us about a hurdle though you've gone through with
this issue of respecting your own marriage. Yeah, is there
something you've had to kind of okay?
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Well, because I'm such a strong you person,
I left home when I was fifteen.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So that's a whole other story and it's actually in
the book.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
But I left home really early before my sixteenth birthday,
and I went through a really tough period of time.
And it's so interesting because here I am interviewing all
of these happily married women.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I'm happily married. I love my life.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
And then you get to the center of the book
and it's like, and then I.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Dropped out of school. I left when I was fifteen.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I tried to commit suicide twice, and everyone just kind
of goes, ah, what just happened here? Everything that's in
my life right now is a choice. It's not because
it began that way. It's not because it's always been
in that way. And so there were certain parts of
me still are that I have to battle because there
are certain habits that we create. So when I go
(20:10):
into a boardroom and I'm running a board meeting, I
have to make sure that when I get home, I
don't try to run my house like that's a board.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Meeting, you know what.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I think that's a that's something that women need to
hear that it's okay to be strong, but there's a
place for that strength and the way it is demonstrated
and where and when it's demonstrated.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Place for a time and a place for everything in
the home is not that place.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
So did you struggle with that? Did you bring he
look at me and go and so we are where.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
And I would immediately because the thing is is that
I respect him so much. He really, truly is the
most amazing person I have ever met in my life.
There is key I know, right, we need someone put
up a picture he's so he's so cute.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Actually, on Happy Wives Club, I have our ten year
vow renewal. And there's a picture of him and he's
he's just a cutie pipe. Oh lord, he really is.
He's so cute, but he.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Is just I have such an amount of respect for him,
and so anytime I would even feel myself lacking that,
I immediately put it in check and have to remind myself, Okay,
I may run the show in the boardroom, but when
I come home, we're equals. That's not gonna that's not
gonna fly, and it should not. We are teammates and
that needs to come through and everything I do and
(21:29):
everything I say.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
But is that does that come natural to me? Oh
my gosh, No, no.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
So do you have to sometimes hear yourself and then
sort of back back it out?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Okay, back it out? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I have heard often that the way to make sure
that your marriage is solid and strong is to really
make it your business to study your spouse, like go
to the college of your spouse. In other words, become
a student about what they like, don't like, what makes
them feel respected and loved, and what does not.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Do you think that's absolutely you should have a PhD
in your husband, no doubt about it. And husband should
have a PhD in their wives. Absolutely, because you should
know their language. And by the way, it's a foreign language,
so that four year prerequisite in my school of the
foreign language. It's a foreign language. We come from two
very different backgrounds. My husband and I especially come from
(22:24):
two completely different worlds, and so when you're talking the
way you're communicating, you have to understand their language. And
you're not going to just get that immediately unless you
marry someone who's just like you.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
But most people don't.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yeah, no, no, Jerry and I are so different. It's
comical where you want to look at God and say
now what. Yeah, and so that really is the way
it is. Okay, So what does a woman do? You know,
she's been married for a few decades, hadn't been happy.
She's just reading this book, she's just hearing this idea
(22:57):
that you can actually be happy marriage, and honestly just
kind of settled into the reut of unhappiness because.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
It's the way it is.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
It's the way things have always been. Yeah, what is
even the first step toward walking toward happiness in her
marriage and in her life?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
So there's an interesting thing so that the Happy Wives Club,
there's a Facebook page, and there is close to a
million women just on the Facebook page that engage. On
any given day, there's thousands of them talking to each other.
I'll post a question and say what's your number one
piece of advice for newly weds and all that, and
they'll just give all of their different advice and.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
It's amazing to see.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
But one of the things I do is every day
is I post an encouraging graphic and I do this
twice a day.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And I had someone who sent me.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
A letter an email and weal since now Meliemore, but
she sent me an email and she was explaining to
me her situation. She had been married for close to
thirty years. They were losing their home, her husband hadn't
worked in a year, he had been laid off, hadn't
been able to get another job, and they had just
been non stop arguing. So they went to therapy and
(23:57):
the therapist told her to write down every single negative
thing that comes to her mind about her.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Just write it down. Don't give it to him, just
write it.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Down so that she could get it out. And she said,
the same day that I began the list, I came
across your page and I realized that the same amount
of time it would take for me to write down
everything that was terrible about him, I could think about
the last thirty years and write down everything he's done right.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And so I took the list that therapist told me,
I threw it in the trash.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
And I began my list of everything that's great about it.
And it was so awesome because she ended, because she said,
we're still in.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
The process of losing our house. He still hasn't found
a job.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
But I tell you what we did find as we
found each other again, and that's all that matters.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
And I think whatever we focus on gross, Yes, whatever
you put your attention to is going to get bigger
and bigger in your mind and your heart, and it's
going to block out the view of whatever else you've
left behind. So you get to choose what's gonna grow,
h what's gonna grow?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
So focus on the good. Focus on the good.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
And then remember, you had a choice, and you chose
your spouse. So what was the reason that you, out
of all of the people in the world that you
could have chosen from, why did you choose them? So
if you start there and put a pin in it
and then kind of work your way backwards out of
the situation, because every situation is temporary. The only permanent
thing in your temporary world is your.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Marriage, because that's the one thing that is until the
end of time. You know what.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
It takes us back to this very important principle where honestly,
no matter what interview I'm doing or what we're talking about,
a lot of times they all end up at this
important issue of gratitude, being grateful, yes for what is
good in the situation, and finding it, meaning mind for it,
dig for it, to discover it, look for it. Because yes,
(25:47):
sometimes the negative is going to be louder, it's going
to be easier to spot. It's going to strike a
chord with you that sits with you at night and
during the day.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
So you've got to be purposeful.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
And I have to be purposeful about spotting the good
in our spouse and then highlighting it and not only
highlighting it to ourselves, but highlighting it to them.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Make sure that they.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Know what you appreciate about them, because most of the
time your spouse in mind, they're going to rise to
whatever standard they hear us call out over their lives,
and so speak well of your spouse. It's going to
make sure that you are a happy wife. I love
the fact that you've spent so much time with us
and that you have written this book, because this book
really can begin to transform your destiny, your life, your marriage,
(26:28):
your mind, your heart.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Put a smile on your face.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
So if you do not have a copy of this
book you want to, you're gonna want to grab one
as soon as you possibly can. It's going to really
make a difference in your existence. Could you guys please
help me to thank our friend Fond for being here today.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
I'm so glad
Hey there, I'm Priscilla. Thank you so much for joining
me today. I'm glad that you're here. The Chat with Priscilla,
that's where you come. It's a place where we just
have chats, you know, conversations about things that I hope
will be impastful to you, informative, challenging sometimes or just
plain old flat out fun. So today I want you
to have a lot of fun. Pull up a chair,
grab your favorite hot beverage, cozy up, and.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Let's talk today on the Chat with Priscilla.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
To stay tuned, Hello, Welcome, Welcome, This is the Chat
(00:51):
with Priscilla.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
I happen to be Priscilla, and I'm so glad that
you're here. I'm welcoming you into our living room. Just
pull up a chair, relax and enjoy. We are actually
continuing a conversation we've already been having. We've already been
talking in part one of our conversation with Fonweaver, who
is the author of some incredible books on marriage, most
notably The Happy Wives Club, which is really just spreading
(01:15):
like wildfire all over the place. There are nearly one
million women that have literally joined the.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Happy Wives Club.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
You can too Happywivesclub dot Com. This book really is
setting people on fire to realize that they can be
happy in their marriages. That the myth is not true
that you once you get married, all the happiness goes
out of the window. You can be content fulfilled, satisfied,
and happy. And that is the message she's going to
continue to share with us right now. In part two
(01:41):
of our conversation, would you please all help me to
welcome Fon Weaver back to the program.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So glad that you're here.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Okay, we kind of left on a little note part one.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, we need to talk.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
About this issue of sexual intimacy because it is important
to any relationships.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We have mentors Jerry and I in our.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Life that say to us every time we get together
with them, because they're they're real serious about us having
a good marriage. They're like, Okay, look, I don't care
how good ministry is going, I don't care how good
the kids are. They're going to get in our business
and ask about us and the two barometers that they
always ask us as to whether or not to determine
whether or not our marriage is doing well. They say,
are you guys talking if we're passing like ships in
(02:24):
the night and we're about the business of family. Who's
going to run this erred, who's going to go there?
You know, lunch kids all that. They're like, that's not
what we're talking about. Are you having conversations with each other?
If we're not, that's a red flag for them. And
then they ask about our sex life. They want to know,
are you consistently intimate with each other? Because if you
were not over time, that is going to erode away
at your relationship. So they tell us about the importance
(02:45):
of communication and sexual intimacy. So as you're traveling around
talking about these happy.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
Wives, yes, talking too, happy wife talking to happy wives.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
What did you find out about the importance of physical
intimacy in a marriage?
Speaker 4 (02:57):
Well, I'm going to I'm going to take both of those, okay,
that your mentors ask you about. And they ended up
being two of the most surprising things to me, two
of the most surprising findings. The first was that every
country that I went to, when I would sit down
with a couple that was happily married for twenty five
years or more, one of the things that I noticed
they all had was a daily ritual.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Okay, every single one of them.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I hope this has to do with the communication part.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
It does.
Speaker 5 (03:23):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I'm already exhausted.
Speaker 4 (03:42):
It is the communication, So every single one of them.
And I'll give you an example. So an Israeli couple
for almost forty years, every night before dinner, the hour
before dinner, so they would have dinner.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
At six pm.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
At five pm, they would have portant appetizers. One of
them would make appetizers, one would pour the poor And
this is something that they did for decades. Their kids
knew growing up, Mom and dad, we will see them
for dinner at six pm.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
That first portion we're not invited to.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
And there was a couple in South Africa AMNT Yeah, yeah,
in South Africa, there was a couple and they called
it their daily board meeting. Every morning while it was
still dark outside. The wife wouldn't wake up, she'd open
up all of the windows around their bedroom. Husband would
go downstairs, get two cups of coffee, come back up
and they would sit against their headboard and they would
(04:31):
just talk about everything they have on their plate that day.
If one of them will not be home because there's
a meeting, they're having that communication. So there is never
a day that passes that they were not doing something together.
So I got to I want to say, maybe it
was country number seven. I think I had just left
the Philippines and I think I was in Australia and
(04:53):
I called Keith and I said.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Babe, we need a daily ritual. This is a consistency.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I mean literally in the seventh country and every single couple,
without exception, has had a daily ritual.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
So they And really, what that that's saying is that
you are prioritized in your spouse.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
That's what it means.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Is that this hour or that's fifteen minutes whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, this is dedicated to you absolutely.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
I mean, if you think about it, in any given day,
we have what fourteen hundred and forty minutes if you.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Know that, who just knows we have fourteen Well that
I only know this because I was speaking.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
At a conference and this woman had a question in
the audience and she was talking about how busy she
is and how she is this businesswoman and her husband
just doesn't understand and I said, someone pull out a
calculator and tell me how many minutes are in a day.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Fourteen hundred and forty minutes.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
So you're telling me that you cannot figure out thirty
minutes in that timeframe to prioritize your marriage. We got
bigger issues in your business, and so that is that's
how we looked at it.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
And you know, my husband and I live.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
Very busy lives, but we prioritize every morning.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
We call it.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
We were coffee hour, and without exception, we're having that
coffee together. And if we are somewhere else, we're on
the phone and we're having that time together. He's having
his coffee, I'm having my coffee. And so having that
daily ritual, that's that communication. You never miss it, and
that builds trust. So we're going back to the trust issue.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
All right, We're gonna do it, everybody, Richmond, We're gonna
do our daily ritual.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
The second thing that was very surprising to me is
when I would sit down with these couples and I
would interview them for hours. Do you want to know
how many times sex came up?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
How many times did sex come up? Fun one time?
With all those couples. Let me tell you why were
the men present in the conversation single time?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Every single time? Let me tell you why?
Speaker 4 (06:46):
Is because when you are taking care of your marriage
outside of the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It takes care of itself inside of the bedroom. Woo,
that's good.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
It is those that have great sex lives and people
always say, well, you should, you should have that breakup
to make up and that mad sex is the best sex.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I was like, no, no, happy sex is pretty dog
gone good. But it is.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
It's one of those things when when you're taking care
of we're going back to building up your spouse.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And building up each other and respecting each other. So
this is what happens.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
So many get into the bedroom and all of a
sudden they get so serious.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
It's like it's serious and it's work.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
And that same laughter that you have in the kitchen
in the living room, that same friendship should come into
the bedroom. Because we all go through life's changes. Our
bodies are changing, our hormones are changing. So the thing
that made me go wild yesterday, I gotta tell you
that spotman move to me.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
And that is just that's just the fact of life.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
But being able to laugh about those things and having
that friendship to say, hey, babe.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You did that did it for me last week? Just
now I'm didn't work.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yes, listen to that again, and being able to laugh
about that and about that, but then being able to
explore each other, to explore each other's bodies. But that
is a part of exploring each other's minds outside of
the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Do you know what this is?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Reminding me of your mama?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
This remind me of your mom.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I don't know if you guys know this, but her
mother is an incredible woman named Bunny Wilson, and Bunny
Wilson traveled four years speaking, teaching, writing books. Listen, if
you are a single woman, you need to read Night
in Shining Armor, which her mother wrote.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Yes, three decades ago. Yes, and it's still and it
still sells. Oh my goodness, it's incredible. I read it.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
I read it in my teen years, I believe, and
it's incredible. But that's just one of many books that
your mama liberated through submission as a mainstay. But she
would also write about God is in the bedroom. Is
the name of a book. God is in the kitchen teeth.
That's the name of a book.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
God is in the kitchen in my house by himself.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So just talking about how God is found in all
of these practical aspects of our life, in our marriage.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
And that's basically what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
When there's health over here in these aspects of your relationship,
then the sex aspect takes care of itself.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
It takes care of itself.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
But it isn't to say that that means it's going
to be so perfect all the time. You're going to
have to make those adjustments.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Which is where the communication communication open and having that friendship.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
And eventually having a friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Well, and I think this is so important because I
hope that nobody's missing because I'm starting to just grasp
the cyclical nature of what you're describing here, that when
there's health on this side, that it filters into this side.
One will take care of the other, which means that
to concentrate on respect, on trust, to really build your
spouse up when you're doing these things, then the other
(09:41):
because on one side or the other, for the male
or the female, one thing for you might not carry
as much weight as it does for your spouse. Absolutely,
but if you're concentrating at least on that thing that
that is a priority to you, that you know as
you is a pridy to your spouse, that it's going
to automatically feed into the other one and there will
be health all the way around which you're describing it.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
It is. And I'll tell you something that I did.
And I always get women who go, oh my gosh,
I can't believe you did this, but it was. It
worked for me. So this was I will tell you
what I did. Somewhere around Australia.
Speaker 4 (10:11):
We're skyping and I said, Honey, I want to be
the best wife that I can be, and I asked
him to do something that I actually recommend that people
do it, although I've gotten a.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Lot of criticism for this.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
I asked him, on a scale of one to ten,
with ten being the potential wife, that I could be
my best self as your wife.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Where am I on that scale? Now? You know he
wants to plead the fifth.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
Right now, I am traveling the world interviewing happily married women.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I thought I was a really, really, really.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
Awesome wife, and so I just knew I was getting
a really high eate low nine.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Seven. You know, seven's not bad. Seven is not bad.
Speaker 4 (10:55):
But for the fact that I was a hotel GM
in Hilton, and for anyone that goes to a Hilton,
I'm going to give you secret seven seven equals zero.
So this eight eight equal zero. If you put an
eight on a survey score for Hilton, that that hotel
just got a zero. And so in my head he
said seven, I said, if eight equals zero, my goodness,
(11:17):
I didn't even get an eighth. And so what I
asked him my follow up question to that was give
me a list of six things that I could work
on to become that ten.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Now, mind you, he's not comparing me to other people.
He's comparing me.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
To me, because his first response was, well, if I
compare you to this person, you're a hundred.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
I didn't ask you to compare me to that.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
And that could also go the opposite way. We're comparing
to somebody else that they think that their standard, the
way they respect their husbands up here, that could cause.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Them to absolutely And I said, just comparing to the
wife that I could be at my best self?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (11:53):
And we should all want to know that from our spouse,
there's nothing There's nothing to me, there's nothing Mary.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
About somebody mean though, and they're just going to give
you a bad rating no matter how hard you see.
There are a lot of women that are feeling a
little bit discouraged right now because they may not be
married to somebody who's supportive and kind and encouraging and
what they might just be married to somebody who is
demeaning yep, and wants to be cool.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
This isn't the book for you. This in the book
for you. Counseling. So what you're saying, it's counsel go
get the oil.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Yes, yes, yeah, So this is a book you've got
a good marriage, you chose a good mate, because keep
in mind, if we're here in the United States, we
did choose our mate and we had a choice. And
so it is that book is for those who already
have a good marriage at the very least an okay marriage,
and they just want to go from good to great.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Okay. So if you are below, okay, not the book for.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
You, all right, Well, at least you know exactly who
your audience, exactly what it is that's good. When we
come back, we're going to take some questions from some
women and the audience that want to just be prepared,
some single women that have questions they want to be prepared,
but also from some married women as well that would
like even more great wise counsel from our friend fond Weavers.
So we will be right back in just a few minutes.
(13:11):
If you're feeling discouraged and defeated, if you're a bit overwhelmed,
or maybe even feeling undone, if you're wondering whether or
not your future has any hope of victory, then listen.
This Bible study is for you. Strongholds are torn down
by the word of God.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Fortresses are dismantled.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
By the word of God.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
When you place faith in Jesus Christ, the righteousness of Christ.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
Is credited to your spiritual bank account. That you are
the righteousness of God in Christ, Jesus, I invite you
to join me for a lesson in putting on the
full armor of God. Our lives are going to be changed,
yours and mine, because we're going to learn because we've
got the victory.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
In Jesus name.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
All right, we've got some questions here from our audience
that we're going to be asking our guests. Fon Weaver,
thank you so much for being up for this. Absolutely
some single women that have a couple questions for us.
How many of you are single in our group today?
Speaker 2 (14:21):
How many of your singles?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
All right, so we have quite a handful of single
women that are gathering with us today. Here's a question
from Lindsay. She wants to know what is the one
thing if you could just boil it down to one,
what's the one thing you wish you were told before
you got.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Married, don't listen to advice of those who are not
happily married.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So that's what you wish you were told, don't listen
to advice of people who are not happily married.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah, why would you listen to the advice?
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Would you listen to someone that's going through bankruptcy to
help you with your finances? And so it's it's unfortunately
we go back to that what we were talking about earlier.
It's always those that are negative, that are so like,
they're so vocal, they're the ones who want to give
you advice, and they set you up for failure because
you start looking for stuff that would not otherwise be there.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
And if you look for something, you will create it. Oohoof.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
So do you think then a single woman should pursue
a relationship with a happy wife for the purpose of
asking her, gleaning from her, listening to what she has
to say.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Absolutely be in the presence of those who are happily married,
especially happy wives, and just hang out with them, don't
ask them a bunch of questions, just go and have coffee. Yeah,
because those who are so interesting, those who are happily married.
The moment you sit with them and you give them
the ability to talk about it, it's like turning on
a water speaking.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
You cannot shut it off because.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
No one ever cares. Everyone wants to know about the drama.
And so when you give them the opportunity to just say,
they're glad, they're glad, they're grateful.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
Life is good.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
This woman says, what advice would you give to a
single woman in their mid thirties who has a desired
to be married? But honestly, there are no men around
who will pursue you, And she has underlined pursued now
that they're not there, they're just not pursuing.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah. Well, here's a good news is you're not looking
for men.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
You're looking for a man, and if you are looking
for the one, that the one is already chosen for you.
So all you have to do is focus on creating
the life of your dreams while you're single and allow
for that to come to you.
Speaker 5 (16:26):
Well, there you go.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
In what ways can a new wife start out on
the right track right away with her marriage and build
happy elements into her marriage. Thank you for this question, Bessie.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Where's Bessie? Are you back there? Somewhere there? She is
back there, That's what she wants to know.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
In what ways can you start off right off the bat.
Speaker 4 (16:44):
Yeah, there's a real fiery wife that I interviewed in
Kate Town and she was just I mean, she was
I want to.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Say, sixty eight, and she gave me a run for.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
My money hiking hiking.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
She had so much energy. And one of the things that.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
She said is is that if a woman begins talking
negatively about her husband around her, she will not go
out with that woman again. And so what happens with
those who are newly married. If you put together, say
seven women around a table, you're going to have six
of them that are complaining about their spouses or their
(17:23):
marriage or something that they did wrong, because that kind
of makes you feel in But then you're going to
have that one person who is silent.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
It's usually the happy wife.
Speaker 4 (17:31):
And it's because that happy wife doesn't want to seem
as though they're being braggadocious or seem as though they're haughty,
or they're higher than right, And I get it.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
The problem with that is is we're going back to
the comment you made earlier.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Then the only people that are ever talking are those
six and so if you are that one, remove yourself
from that environment.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
It's okay to keep it at a distance.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
But if you really truly want to create a marriage
that is built to last a lifetime and to be
happily married, then you want to surround yourself birds of
a feather flock together.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, what is the most important thing for single women
to look for in a man? If this is going
to be a happy marriage. What is the trait that
I'm kind of got to keep my eye out for
in that guy that I'm dating?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Hey, so do we go back to that first thing, right?
How much does he respect you?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
And what does that look like? What does respect look
like to a woman?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Respect looks different to every single person, And so Jerry's
respect for you is going to look different from my
husband from Keith's respect for me. So the question for
a person that is single is is how much do
you respect yourself? And is that person respecting you in
the manner in which you respect yourself if you truly
(18:49):
respect yourself, So there's no real barometer for that.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
What does respect look like? The question is what does
it look like for you? But you should know whether
or not you're being respected. I think we all get
that sense.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
We all know whether or not we're being respected, and
if a man is not truly respecting you, and it's
you know, I was going to make a joke about
the cow and the milk, but that's a whole other story.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Tell us about a hurdle though you've gone through with
this issue of respecting your own marriage. Yeah, is there
something you've had to kind of okay?
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Well, because I'm such a strong you person,
I left home when I was fifteen.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
So that's a whole other story and it's actually in
the book.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
But I left home really early before my sixteenth birthday,
and I went through a really tough period of time.
And it's so interesting because here I am interviewing all
of these happily married women.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I'm happily married. I love my life.
Speaker 4 (19:40):
And then you get to the center of the book
and it's like, and then I.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Dropped out of school. I left when I was fifteen.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
I tried to commit suicide twice, and everyone just kind
of goes, ah, what just happened here? Everything that's in
my life right now is a choice. It's not because
it began that way. It's not because it's always been
in that way. And so there were certain parts of
me still are that I have to battle because there
are certain habits that we create. So when I go
(20:10):
into a boardroom and I'm running a board meeting, I
have to make sure that when I get home, I
don't try to run my house like that's a board.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Meeting, you know what.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
I think that's a that's something that women need to
hear that it's okay to be strong, but there's a
place for that strength and the way it is demonstrated
and where and when it's demonstrated.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Place for a time and a place for everything in
the home is not that place.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
So did you struggle with that? Did you bring he
look at me and go and so we are where.
Speaker 4 (20:41):
And I would immediately because the thing is is that
I respect him so much. He really, truly is the
most amazing person I have ever met in my life.
There is key I know, right, we need someone put
up a picture he's so he's so cute.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Actually, on Happy Wives Club, I have our ten year
vow renewal. And there's a picture of him and he's
he's just a cutie pipe. Oh lord, he really is.
He's so cute, but he.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Is just I have such an amount of respect for him,
and so anytime I would even feel myself lacking that,
I immediately put it in check and have to remind myself, Okay,
I may run the show in the boardroom, but when
I come home, we're equals. That's not gonna that's not
gonna fly, and it should not. We are teammates and
that needs to come through and everything I do and
(21:29):
everything I say.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
But is that does that come natural to me? Oh
my gosh, No, no.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
So do you have to sometimes hear yourself and then
sort of back back it out?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Okay, back it out? Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
I have heard often that the way to make sure
that your marriage is solid and strong is to really
make it your business to study your spouse, like go
to the college of your spouse. In other words, become
a student about what they like, don't like, what makes
them feel respected and loved, and what does not.
Speaker 4 (22:02):
Do you think that's absolutely you should have a PhD
in your husband, no doubt about it. And husband should
have a PhD in their wives. Absolutely, because you should
know their language. And by the way, it's a foreign language,
so that four year prerequisite in my school of the
foreign language. It's a foreign language. We come from two
very different backgrounds. My husband and I especially come from
(22:24):
two completely different worlds, and so when you're talking the
way you're communicating, you have to understand their language. And
you're not going to just get that immediately unless you
marry someone who's just like you.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
But most people don't.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Yeah, no, no, Jerry and I are so different. It's
comical where you want to look at God and say
now what. Yeah, and so that really is the way
it is. Okay, So what does a woman do? You know,
she's been married for a few decades, hadn't been happy.
She's just reading this book, she's just hearing this idea
(22:57):
that you can actually be happy marriage, and honestly just
kind of settled into the reut of unhappiness because.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
It's the way it is.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
It's the way things have always been. Yeah, what is
even the first step toward walking toward happiness in her
marriage and in her life?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
So there's an interesting thing so that the Happy Wives Club,
there's a Facebook page, and there is close to a
million women just on the Facebook page that engage. On
any given day, there's thousands of them talking to each other.
I'll post a question and say what's your number one
piece of advice for newly weds and all that, and
they'll just give all of their different advice and.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
It's amazing to see.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
But one of the things I do is every day
is I post an encouraging graphic and I do this
twice a day.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
And I had someone who sent me.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
A letter an email and weal since now Meliemore, but
she sent me an email and she was explaining to
me her situation. She had been married for close to
thirty years. They were losing their home, her husband hadn't
worked in a year, he had been laid off, hadn't
been able to get another job, and they had just
been non stop arguing. So they went to therapy and
(23:57):
the therapist told her to write down every single negative
thing that comes to her mind about her.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Just write it down. Don't give it to him, just
write it.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Down so that she could get it out. And she said,
the same day that I began the list, I came
across your page and I realized that the same amount
of time it would take for me to write down
everything that was terrible about him, I could think about
the last thirty years and write down everything he's done right.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
And so I took the list that therapist told me,
I threw it in the trash.
Speaker 4 (24:29):
And I began my list of everything that's great about it.
And it was so awesome because she ended, because she said,
we're still in.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
The process of losing our house. He still hasn't found
a job.
Speaker 4 (24:39):
But I tell you what we did find as we
found each other again, and that's all that matters.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
And I think whatever we focus on gross, Yes, whatever
you put your attention to is going to get bigger
and bigger in your mind and your heart, and it's
going to block out the view of whatever else you've
left behind. So you get to choose what's gonna grow,
h what's gonna grow?
Speaker 2 (24:58):
So focus on the good. Focus on the good.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
And then remember, you had a choice, and you chose
your spouse. So what was the reason that you, out
of all of the people in the world that you
could have chosen from, why did you choose them? So
if you start there and put a pin in it
and then kind of work your way backwards out of
the situation, because every situation is temporary. The only permanent
thing in your temporary world is your.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Marriage, because that's the one thing that is until the
end of time. You know what.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
It takes us back to this very important principle where honestly,
no matter what interview I'm doing or what we're talking about,
a lot of times they all end up at this
important issue of gratitude, being grateful, yes for what is
good in the situation, and finding it, meaning mind for it,
dig for it, to discover it, look for it. Because yes,
(25:47):
sometimes the negative is going to be louder, it's going
to be easier to spot. It's going to strike a
chord with you that sits with you at night and
during the day.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
So you've got to be purposeful.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
And I have to be purposeful about spotting the good
in our spouse and then highlighting it and not only
highlighting it to ourselves, but highlighting it to them.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Make sure that they.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Know what you appreciate about them, because most of the
time your spouse in mind, they're going to rise to
whatever standard they hear us call out over their lives,
and so speak well of your spouse. It's going to
make sure that you are a happy wife. I love
the fact that you've spent so much time with us
and that you have written this book, because this book
really can begin to transform your destiny, your life, your marriage,
(26:28):
your mind, your heart.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Put a smile on your face.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
So if you do not have a copy of this
book you want to, you're gonna want to grab one
as soon as you possibly can. It's going to really
make a difference in your existence. Could you guys please
help me to thank our friend Fond for being here today.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
I'm so glad
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