Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, I'm Priscilla. I'm so glad that you're joining
me today. It's going to be a great episode of
the Chat. This is the place where we come and
we just hang out together talk about things that are important.
And today I've got a couple of folks that are
important not only because they are known by lots of people,
they minister to a lot of different people, but because
of their private lives, the integrity that they hold in
(00:20):
their private lives as husband wife team that are serving
the Body of Christ and doing it well. We're going
to talk to them about marriage. We're talking about your marriage,
why marriage is such a beautiful thing, and how God
can even take your messes and make a miracle out
of them in your marriage. It's going to be a
great show, So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
When do you think come about? When you look at me,
I'm nowhere and not the fairy tale your dream?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We be.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You wore the veil, you walk the aisle, You took
my hand and we dove into a mystery. How I
(01:54):
wish we could go back to simpler times before all
our scarves and all our secrets.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
We're in the line and.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Now on this hallow ground, we drawn the battle line,
and will we make it through the night. It's gonna
take much more. The promise is this time only God
could change our minds. Maybe you and I were never
(02:32):
meant to be compant? Could we just be bur onre
to Gear? If you can bring your shattered dreams and
I'll bring my could healing still be small and say
(02:57):
the only way will last forever? It's broken together? How
(03:19):
it must have been so lonely? And by my side
we were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind.
I'm praying God will help our broken hearts a line
and we all give up the fire. It's gonna take
(03:45):
much more. And primise is this time only God could
change our mindy. And maybe you and I were never
the man to be complete? Could we just babor on again, too, Gear?
(04:08):
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring
back good healing, still be spaed.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
And say the only way will last forever? Maybe you
and I will never meant to be complaint.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Could we just.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Babor on gre too, Gear? If you can bring your
shattered dreams and I'll bring back good healing, still be
spaed and say the only way will last forever It's broken.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I think that that song is beautiful. I mean it
is a not only beautifully written and crafted, but beautifully sung.
And it's sung by an incredible guy who has an
incredible wife that make up an incredible team that has
been a gift to a whole lot of people. Would
you please help me to welcome today Mark and Melanie Hall, Well,
(05:43):
that's a good song man, Thank you. Every word was you.
You wrote those words right, and tell me where it
came from. What made you want to want to write
about being broken but together instead of broken?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Well, I think there's a lot that comes with marriage.
There's the fairy tales that we all have. There's the
the idea of how perfect it's going to be, all
the problems that we're not going to have, all the
mistakes we're not going to make, all the cycles we're
going to break.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I'm writing a song right now.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
You nobody got a pin but uh it's good country
song though it's kidding but uh So there's all these
expectations that go into it, and there's so much preparation
into the first day, that wedding day, but there's often
not a lot of preparation for the second day, and
then you get in there and it and then you
start realizing, oh, oh, maybe I didn't know everything about
(06:32):
this person.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
You start seeing little things.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
And and all your little your all of our ideas
of what this was supposed to be starts being compared
with what's real.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And then she starts realizing he is a.
Speaker 5 (06:43):
Slob, you know, and and uh, and I start realizing nothing.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
You were perfect but uh.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
But but you get in and you and you realize
there's a lot of brokenness in our back, in our
past that doesn't go away.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And when those problems happen and and mistakes happen.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
And we just had some friends going through really hard times,
really really hard times, and didn't see that they were
going to make it through even when this song was
being written. And I remember talking to a friend in
the car and us talking about the truth that at
some point you're going to have to lay down what
(07:20):
you thought was going to be.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Those expectations are a killer, aren't they?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
And we got to see this is what is, This
is who we are now. We can healing can happen,
but it's going to have to happen from here. We
can't go back to there. You know, I can't grow
the mullet back. I can't get all cool and you want.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
The mullet back.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It was, it was, it was pretty awesome.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
But we can't go back to that. We got to
go from here. And that's a lot. What people are
wanting is they want the fairy tale again. But the problem
with the fairy tale is that it's a fairy tale.
So that the more you're actually getting to know each
other more, and that can be a tough go, it
can be a process.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
But I'm thinking about the you know, the woman or
man that's watching and they're thinking, it is so broken.
My marriage is so broken. There has been infidelity on
either side, or we just can't trust each other for
you know, someone has been irresponsible with finances or whatever.
Is so so broken. I cannot imagine that we could
(08:20):
be broken because your song is so beautiful, because it's
not that you are displacing the fact that there is
brokenness that can happen in a relationship. You're saying that
you don't have to be broken apart, but that that
breaking can in some way.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Be used to fuse you together.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But there's somebody that's thinking, I can't even imagine that
this brokenness could could bring us closer together. How do
you encourage somebody that's in that situation.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
One thing would be we need to tell our stories
more to people. We need to tear some of the
plastic off when we are there on Sunday and say,
you know, you're not gonna believe what God's brought us
through this last year because.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
We're not transparent.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
People who are hurting think they're the only ones who
are ye, and they isolated.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
We're all a mess.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
And it's like a church that says this, I'm leaving
this church because it's so messy, Like, good luck with that.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And wherever you go, as soon as you get there,
it will now be messy.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Have you read the New Testament? It was a wreck.
All of them were a wreck. As soon as people
show up, it gets messy. And marriage is that.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
And I think the more we can share what God
has brought us through, show your scars, tell your stories,
and it creates a place for people to be able
to talk and to share. People are all alone with
their struggles and the one person they thought they could
go to they can't. So now they don't have anybody
else to go to because they go to their women's
group or their men's group, and everybody's all awesome for Jesus,
(09:45):
and we're really not. We're broken with Jesus and that
it's got to start there.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Melannie, what are you finding as you think about the
women that you're watching in the local church or watching
kind of out there that are giving up on their
marriage is where are you finding are some of the
main reasons why women are giving, you know, throwing in
the towel and just not hanging in there.
Speaker 6 (10:08):
I think that I think that they feel no hope.
I think that they do not see and trust that
God can bring beauty from the ashes, and I think
that they lose sight of that hope, and I think
they give into what they see, and they give in
(10:28):
to their friend down the street that did the same thing,
and they couldn't do it, so we surely can't work
through it. And so I think oftentimes it's that you know,
this thing that he did is so much, you know,
so bad, that there's no healing from this, or but
I think that that what has to happen is we
(10:50):
have to realize that we're all broken and we're all
just as Mark was saying that we're all sinners. How
does Christ see each of us? That we're not perfect?
And I think when we realize that that this, you know,
man's infidelity, not to excuse it by any means, but
this man's infidelity, could she have played a role in
(11:10):
that happening somewhere along the way? Is there something that
that that needs.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
To change and alter?
Speaker 6 (11:16):
And in that rather than saying, well, what he did
was so much worse than what I did or how
I am, or this attitude of arrogance or pride that
I carry around is not near as bad as this
infidelity that he had, when in truth, God sees my
pride and arrogance just as badly as as he does infidelity, And.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
The consequences of the actions might be different the consequence
God's view of them, so.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
I think, But I think it's it's one believing in
the hope that God offers out that he can bring
beauty from ashes, say he can bring healing, He is
the healer, and trusting in that in those situations where
the marriage is so bad I went through I've been
through this with several friends that has had been unfaithful
(12:02):
and walked them through it and just ask them you know,
is this what you want to Are you going to
commit to the to the covenant that you made with God?
And when they said yes, just walked with them through
the truth of what does God say about your marriage?
And what does God say about this? Because you can
forgive if you choose to to do that and walk
for But it does require me putting aside my feelings
(12:26):
and humbling myself and and and being committed to the
covenant that we've made.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Can you give us an illustration from your marriage of
something where you you had to humble yourself to get
past this hump in your marriage. You couldn't both be
the winner of this battle. Somebody had to give way
in order for your marriage to thrive. You got an
illustration for surely you do.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Twenty three years you got cher so much. I'm so humble.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
I'm really kind of proud of how humble I am.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
You should write a song about that.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yeah, no, I say my teenagers.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
On a scale of one to ten, how would you
rate your humility? Oh, I'm about an eight. That makes
you too, congratulations, But.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I think I think for me, I can just tell
you what she's had to get over. Uh, you know,
I moved out of the house. Okay, in one week.
I was twenty years old.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I moved out of the house, started Bible college, surrendered
to ministry, and got married in one week.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
And move to a new state and moved.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
To a new state, a lot of away from every
one we know. Yeah, so she had to pretty much
finish raising me. So so, I mean, I was just
used to everybody doing everything for me.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Mom, can you may bee a sandwich? Thanks? You know
that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So she's so, that's a good woman, you got right there.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Yes, yes it is, Yes she is. But so that
was a big one for for her. Is just getting
over me growing up? Had had to be the first
monster homep for.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
You to get over.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I got no comment for that. Well what about you, Mellie,
What do you think he's had to kind of get
over past?
Speaker 6 (14:06):
I think I am Most people that know me would
if you ask them to describe to you, you know,
what I'm like, They would say, Oh, she's organized and administrative,
and she's gifted in that, and she has to plan
a lot, and so I think most people would probably
include that in their description of me. But I'll tell
you that, even though that might sum up in essence
(14:26):
a part of who I am. It also gives me
entitlement to be prideful. And because oftentimes that I'll say,
gift or talent or however you want to call that
tends to make other people. It makes you feel like
you're better than other people that aren't so organized and
they don't plan so well, and they're messy and they're
(14:49):
not neat, and they don't plan ahead and they don't
know what we're doing next month on the twentieth. And
so I think that was a huge thing for me
that God brought me over, that hurdle of recognizing my
own arrogance and saying you're just different. Don't don't lift
yourself up. You know, talk like Paull talks about in
First Countiance about the body has many parts and the
(15:10):
eye can't tell the ear that it's more important than
the other. You know that To say that I'm gifted
in one way and recognize the gifts that he had,
that was that was a huge hurdle for me to
jump over. But I'm so glad that I did because
now I can embrace and enjoy the gifts that he
has and recognize where my gifts fit with his and
how God can use that together to accomplish this person.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You were talking about something right there, because that I
would I would venture to say is true for most
of us, is that if we're good in one area
and our husband is not good great in that area,
we would just tend to think, well, if you just
were great in that area, then our marriage, our life
would be so much easier if you just get it together,
and vice versa. I think husbands do the same things
with wives. We bring in our ideal skill set of
(15:55):
what we want that spouse to be like, and then
we're mad when they're not that, and it gets to
cause the love and the passion and the intimacy to disupport.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
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Speaker 5 (17:31):
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Speaker 3 (18:03):
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Speaker 5 (18:08):
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Speaker 3 (18:24):
So, after all of.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
These years, how have you managed to keep that intimacy
and friendship in your relationship? Just seeing you to sit
here on the couch and in between tapings you're laughing
together and talking together. You have a full, full life
together and not even just because of casting crowns. You
got four kids, you know, you got people that you're
you're homeschooling, and you're trying to manage your life around that.
(18:47):
How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship
with each other?
Speaker 5 (18:53):
I think we're we've been married twenty three years and
we're still figuring it out. You know, we're not authorities
on my anything. But I tell you, I know that
it's kind of like with me and Jesus. I'm a
different person when Jesus. When he and I, I'm in
the word.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I'm digging in and that fellowship is close.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I don't need you to appreciate me quite as much
when I'm drawing from him. Right, So I can show
up to church and just love you, and you walk
by me and don't speak.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
That's fine. He's probably got something on his mind.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
But if I'm not spending time with God, I'm not
drawing from him.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
I need you to appreciate me a little bit more.
I need you need to speak to me when I
speak to you. Why don't these people understand all I
do around here?
Speaker 5 (19:34):
And instead of Jesus being the well for me, people
become it well when I'm when I'm not digging in
and diving into my faith and drawing from from Jesus,
I have to draw from her more. I need her
to be all the things she's not even created to be.
She can't be those things for me. Only Jesus can
be those things. So a lot of times I think
(19:56):
I'm expecting things from her she wasn't set up to
give me. Never when I'm mad at her because she
can't give me those things. And if I would just
dive into my walk with Jesus and be full when
I get there, you know, you hear a lot of
people say that about church.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I don't like that church because I don't get fed. Well,
eat before you go.
Speaker 5 (20:17):
Show up full, and then all you got left to
do is just love on the people that are there.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
It's the same way with me and her.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
When when when I'm sort of coasting in my walk
with God, she better appreciate all I do around here.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I just want to say that that is a tweetable quote.
If you are not getting fed at your church, don't
switch churches. Just eat before you get there. You can
have your own banquet beast thing going on with God
at church. I love that so much.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So when I'm full, all I got left to do
is pour into her.
Speaker 5 (20:44):
When I'm not, that's when it gets ugly and so
so as much as I need to draw from her,
as much as she's made.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
To you complete me like the movies, I've got to
understand that that.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Jesus, you complete perfect.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
But as much as I want to think that, I've
got to understand, Jesus completes me. And I pour into her.
And even though I'm saying that doesn't mean I'm doing
it every day. I know I'll be the biggest doork
in heaven. I'm telling you. So, we're not here being perfect.
We're here telling you, though, that we know what's making
us not and we know that when there's a problem.
(21:24):
First it's me and Jesus. Am I spending time with Jesus. Second,
am I spending time with her? Because if we're just passing,
I can tell, yeah, you know, I can tell what
by the way she reacts to things.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
If I ask, hey doing fine? You know that kind
of thing is like, oh, you.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Know, yeah, when a woman says fine, there is a
whole there's a whole other level.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
So but the thing is really, I will try to
go in my own defense and in my flesh. I'll
try to go to the I'll try to nitpick the
very thing that just happened that made her react that way.
Oh you're just saying that because I did this right.
And then I'll try a nitpicked down into and I
will just both become lawyers and and and it's the
closest I get to almost.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Having a point deep in my head. I know, you know,
we haven't talked in two days.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And that's what this is.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
That's what this is about.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Yeah, so time with Jesus matters everywhere in life, and
and even in my marriage, and then my time with
her matters everywhere. It's not me being awesome, it's just
me being around and and I'm not really good at
being around, especially when you're in ministry. Nobody's calling me
(22:34):
up to go bang mailboxes. I mean, everybody that calls
me is to do something great. Everybody's got something they
prayed about. Just know I need to be there for
Oh Lord told me you need to come over here.
It's gonna be awesome, And we prayed about this for
eight years.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Are coming?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Well?
Speaker 5 (22:48):
God didn't send me an email on this yet, I'm sorry,
I'm waiting on it. So, so learning how to say
no is something margin deal learning to do.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, aren't we all? So they know you're also saying
yes to something else, someone else that is very very important.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Yes. Yeah, And because you know, well, I know she's here.
This is just a season, this is just today. We'll
get through. We'll just have to do it. But those
seasons get.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Pretty tough, they do, and they get longer and longer
the longer you let them go. Well, I'm glad y'all's
marriage is thriving because you know, again, I'm not saying
it's perfect, but it is thriving. It's healthy on the underside,
and that's what this record is all about. Let's see
see I want to turn this in, but that's not
the right way. It's this way because the roots are
all down there underneath the surface, they're thriving. That's what
(23:35):
make our marriages work, it's what makes our churches work,
it's what makes us work. On the outside is when
we are deep, deep, deep down with Jesus and we're
spending time with him. And so I'm grateful to you guys,
because you really have helped us a lot today. Listen,
this record, Thrive is going to be out January twenty eighth,
so it's out. It's ready for you to go and
pick up a copy as soon as you possibly can.
(23:56):
They don't know this, but I'm actually stealing this copy.
They did not give it to me. I'm just saying hell.
And then they have a book by the same name, Thrive.
It'll be out February eleventh. Run, run and go get
a copy. And when you get a copy, don't just
get one, get two, because you need to pass one
on to a friend of yours that needs to know
all about what it is to thrive In Jesus, will
you please help me to thank Mark and Melanie talk
Hey there, I'm Priscilla. I'm so glad that you're joining
me today. It's going to be a great episode of
the Chat. This is the place where we come and
we just hang out together talk about things that are important.
And today I've got a couple of folks that are
important not only because they are known by lots of people,
they minister to a lot of different people, but because
of their private lives, the integrity that they hold in
(00:20):
their private lives as husband wife team that are serving
the Body of Christ and doing it well. We're going
to talk to them about marriage. We're talking about your marriage,
why marriage is such a beautiful thing, and how God
can even take your messes and make a miracle out
of them in your marriage. It's going to be a
great show, So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
When do you think come about? When you look at me,
I'm nowhere and not the fairy tale your dream?
Speaker 3 (01:31):
We be.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You wore the veil, you walk the aisle, You took
my hand and we dove into a mystery. How I
(01:54):
wish we could go back to simpler times before all
our scarves and all our secrets.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
We're in the line and.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Now on this hallow ground, we drawn the battle line,
and will we make it through the night. It's gonna
take much more. The promise is this time only God
could change our minds. Maybe you and I were never
(02:32):
meant to be compant? Could we just be bur onre
to Gear? If you can bring your shattered dreams and
I'll bring my could healing still be small and say
(02:57):
the only way will last forever? It's broken together? How
(03:19):
it must have been so lonely? And by my side
we were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind.
I'm praying God will help our broken hearts a line
and we all give up the fire. It's gonna take
(03:45):
much more. And primise is this time only God could
change our mindy. And maybe you and I were never
the man to be complete? Could we just babor on again, too, Gear?
(04:08):
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring
back good healing, still be spaed.
Speaker 4 (04:18):
And say the only way will last forever? Maybe you
and I will never meant to be complaint.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
Could we just.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Babor on gre too, Gear? If you can bring your
shattered dreams and I'll bring back good healing, still be
spaed and say the only way will last forever It's broken.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I think that that song is beautiful. I mean it
is a not only beautifully written and crafted, but beautifully sung.
And it's sung by an incredible guy who has an
incredible wife that make up an incredible team that has
been a gift to a whole lot of people. Would
you please help me to welcome today Mark and Melanie Hall, Well,
(05:43):
that's a good song man, Thank you. Every word was you.
You wrote those words right, and tell me where it
came from. What made you want to want to write
about being broken but together instead of broken?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Well, I think there's a lot that comes with marriage.
There's the fairy tales that we all have. There's the
the idea of how perfect it's going to be, all
the problems that we're not going to have, all the
mistakes we're not going to make, all the cycles we're
going to break.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
I'm writing a song right now.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
You nobody got a pin but uh it's good country
song though it's kidding but uh So there's all these
expectations that go into it, and there's so much preparation
into the first day, that wedding day, but there's often
not a lot of preparation for the second day, and
then you get in there and it and then you
start realizing, oh, oh, maybe I didn't know everything about
(06:32):
this person.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
You start seeing little things.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
And and all your little your all of our ideas
of what this was supposed to be starts being compared
with what's real.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And then she starts realizing he is a.
Speaker 5 (06:43):
Slob, you know, and and uh, and I start realizing nothing.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
You were perfect but uh.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
But but you get in and you and you realize
there's a lot of brokenness in our back, in our
past that doesn't go away.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And when those problems happen and and mistakes happen.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
And we just had some friends going through really hard times,
really really hard times, and didn't see that they were
going to make it through even when this song was
being written. And I remember talking to a friend in
the car and us talking about the truth that at
some point you're going to have to lay down what
(07:20):
you thought was going to be.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Those expectations are a killer, aren't they?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
And we got to see this is what is, This
is who we are now. We can healing can happen,
but it's going to have to happen from here. We
can't go back to there. You know, I can't grow
the mullet back. I can't get all cool and you want.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
The mullet back.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
It was, it was, it was pretty awesome.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
But we can't go back to that. We got to
go from here. And that's a lot. What people are
wanting is they want the fairy tale again. But the problem
with the fairy tale is that it's a fairy tale.
So that the more you're actually getting to know each
other more, and that can be a tough go, it
can be a process.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
But I'm thinking about the you know, the woman or
man that's watching and they're thinking, it is so broken.
My marriage is so broken. There has been infidelity on
either side, or we just can't trust each other for
you know, someone has been irresponsible with finances or whatever.
Is so so broken. I cannot imagine that we could
(08:20):
be broken because your song is so beautiful, because it's
not that you are displacing the fact that there is
brokenness that can happen in a relationship. You're saying that
you don't have to be broken apart, but that that
breaking can in some way.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Be used to fuse you together.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But there's somebody that's thinking, I can't even imagine that
this brokenness could could bring us closer together. How do
you encourage somebody that's in that situation.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
One thing would be we need to tell our stories
more to people. We need to tear some of the
plastic off when we are there on Sunday and say,
you know, you're not gonna believe what God's brought us
through this last year because.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
We're not transparent.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
People who are hurting think they're the only ones who
are ye, and they isolated.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
We're all a mess.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
And it's like a church that says this, I'm leaving
this church because it's so messy, Like, good luck with that.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
And wherever you go, as soon as you get there,
it will now be messy.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Have you read the New Testament? It was a wreck.
All of them were a wreck. As soon as people
show up, it gets messy. And marriage is that.
Speaker 5 (09:22):
And I think the more we can share what God
has brought us through, show your scars, tell your stories,
and it creates a place for people to be able
to talk and to share. People are all alone with
their struggles and the one person they thought they could
go to they can't. So now they don't have anybody
else to go to because they go to their women's
group or their men's group, and everybody's all awesome for Jesus,
(09:45):
and we're really not. We're broken with Jesus and that
it's got to start there.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Melannie, what are you finding as you think about the
women that you're watching in the local church or watching
kind of out there that are giving up on their
marriage is where are you finding are some of the
main reasons why women are giving, you know, throwing in
the towel and just not hanging in there.
Speaker 6 (10:08):
I think that I think that they feel no hope.
I think that they do not see and trust that
God can bring beauty from the ashes, and I think
that they lose sight of that hope, and I think
they give into what they see, and they give in
(10:28):
to their friend down the street that did the same thing,
and they couldn't do it, so we surely can't work
through it. And so I think oftentimes it's that you know,
this thing that he did is so much, you know,
so bad, that there's no healing from this, or but
I think that that what has to happen is we
(10:50):
have to realize that we're all broken and we're all
just as Mark was saying that we're all sinners. How
does Christ see each of us? That we're not perfect?
And I think when we realize that that this, you know,
man's infidelity, not to excuse it by any means, but
this man's infidelity, could she have played a role in
(11:10):
that happening somewhere along the way? Is there something that
that that needs.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
To change and alter?
Speaker 6 (11:16):
And in that rather than saying, well, what he did
was so much worse than what I did or how
I am, or this attitude of arrogance or pride that
I carry around is not near as bad as this
infidelity that he had, when in truth, God sees my
pride and arrogance just as badly as as he does infidelity, And.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
The consequences of the actions might be different the consequence
God's view of them, so.
Speaker 6 (11:39):
I think, But I think it's it's one believing in
the hope that God offers out that he can bring
beauty from ashes, say he can bring healing, He is
the healer, and trusting in that in those situations where
the marriage is so bad I went through I've been
through this with several friends that has had been unfaithful
(12:02):
and walked them through it and just ask them you know,
is this what you want to Are you going to
commit to the to the covenant that you made with God?
And when they said yes, just walked with them through
the truth of what does God say about your marriage?
And what does God say about this? Because you can
forgive if you choose to to do that and walk
for But it does require me putting aside my feelings
(12:26):
and humbling myself and and and being committed to the
covenant that we've made.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Can you give us an illustration from your marriage of
something where you you had to humble yourself to get
past this hump in your marriage. You couldn't both be
the winner of this battle. Somebody had to give way
in order for your marriage to thrive. You got an
illustration for surely you do.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Twenty three years you got cher so much. I'm so humble.
Speaker 5 (12:53):
I'm really kind of proud of how humble I am.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
You should write a song about that.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yeah, no, I say my teenagers.
Speaker 5 (13:00):
On a scale of one to ten, how would you
rate your humility? Oh, I'm about an eight. That makes
you too, congratulations, But.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
I think I think for me, I can just tell
you what she's had to get over. Uh, you know,
I moved out of the house. Okay, in one week.
I was twenty years old.
Speaker 5 (13:18):
I moved out of the house, started Bible college, surrendered
to ministry, and got married in one week.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
And move to a new state and moved.
Speaker 5 (13:28):
To a new state, a lot of away from every
one we know. Yeah, so she had to pretty much
finish raising me. So so, I mean, I was just
used to everybody doing everything for me.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Mom, can you may bee a sandwich? Thanks? You know
that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So she's so, that's a good woman, you got right there.
Speaker 5 (13:45):
Yes, yes it is, Yes she is. But so that
was a big one for for her. Is just getting
over me growing up? Had had to be the first
monster homep for.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
You to get over.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
I got no comment for that. Well what about you, Mellie,
What do you think he's had to kind of get
over past?
Speaker 6 (14:06):
I think I am Most people that know me would
if you ask them to describe to you, you know,
what I'm like, They would say, Oh, she's organized and administrative,
and she's gifted in that, and she has to plan
a lot, and so I think most people would probably
include that in their description of me. But I'll tell
you that, even though that might sum up in essence
(14:26):
a part of who I am. It also gives me
entitlement to be prideful. And because oftentimes that I'll say,
gift or talent or however you want to call that
tends to make other people. It makes you feel like
you're better than other people that aren't so organized and
they don't plan so well, and they're messy and they're
(14:49):
not neat, and they don't plan ahead and they don't
know what we're doing next month on the twentieth. And
so I think that was a huge thing for me
that God brought me over, that hurdle of recognizing my
own arrogance and saying you're just different. Don't don't lift
yourself up. You know, talk like Paull talks about in
First Countiance about the body has many parts and the
(15:10):
eye can't tell the ear that it's more important than
the other. You know that To say that I'm gifted
in one way and recognize the gifts that he had,
that was that was a huge hurdle for me to
jump over. But I'm so glad that I did because
now I can embrace and enjoy the gifts that he
has and recognize where my gifts fit with his and
how God can use that together to accomplish this person.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
You were talking about something right there, because that I
would I would venture to say is true for most
of us, is that if we're good in one area
and our husband is not good great in that area,
we would just tend to think, well, if you just
were great in that area, then our marriage, our life
would be so much easier if you just get it together,
and vice versa. I think husbands do the same things
with wives. We bring in our ideal skill set of
(15:55):
what we want that spouse to be like, and then
we're mad when they're not that, and it gets to
cause the love and the passion and the intimacy to disupport.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
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Speaker 5 (17:31):
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Speaker 3 (18:03):
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Speaker 5 (18:08):
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we help provide orphans with forever families.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
So, after all of.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
These years, how have you managed to keep that intimacy
and friendship in your relationship? Just seeing you to sit
here on the couch and in between tapings you're laughing
together and talking together. You have a full, full life
together and not even just because of casting crowns. You
got four kids, you know, you got people that you're
you're homeschooling, and you're trying to manage your life around that.
(18:47):
How do you keep the fire burning in your relationship
with each other?
Speaker 5 (18:53):
I think we're we've been married twenty three years and
we're still figuring it out. You know, we're not authorities
on my anything. But I tell you, I know that
it's kind of like with me and Jesus. I'm a
different person when Jesus. When he and I, I'm in
the word.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
I'm digging in and that fellowship is close.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
I don't need you to appreciate me quite as much
when I'm drawing from him. Right, So I can show
up to church and just love you, and you walk
by me and don't speak.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
That's fine. He's probably got something on his mind.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
But if I'm not spending time with God, I'm not
drawing from him.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
Now.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
I need you to appreciate me a little bit more.
I need you need to speak to me when I
speak to you. Why don't these people understand all I
do around here?
Speaker 5 (19:34):
And instead of Jesus being the well for me, people
become it well when I'm when I'm not digging in
and diving into my faith and drawing from from Jesus,
I have to draw from her more. I need her
to be all the things she's not even created to be.
She can't be those things for me. Only Jesus can
be those things. So a lot of times I think
(19:56):
I'm expecting things from her she wasn't set up to
give me. Never when I'm mad at her because she
can't give me those things. And if I would just
dive into my walk with Jesus and be full when
I get there, you know, you hear a lot of
people say that about church.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
I don't like that church because I don't get fed. Well,
eat before you go.
Speaker 5 (20:17):
Show up full, and then all you got left to
do is just love on the people that are there.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
It's the same way with me and her.
Speaker 5 (20:23):
When when when I'm sort of coasting in my walk
with God, she better appreciate all I do around here.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I just want to say that that is a tweetable quote.
If you are not getting fed at your church, don't
switch churches. Just eat before you get there. You can
have your own banquet beast thing going on with God
at church. I love that so much.
Speaker 3 (20:41):
So when I'm full, all I got left to do
is pour into her.
Speaker 5 (20:44):
When I'm not, that's when it gets ugly and so
so as much as I need to draw from her,
as much as she's made.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
To you complete me like the movies, I've got to
understand that that.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Jesus, you complete perfect.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
But as much as I want to think that, I've
got to understand, Jesus completes me. And I pour into her.
And even though I'm saying that doesn't mean I'm doing
it every day. I know I'll be the biggest doork
in heaven. I'm telling you. So, we're not here being perfect.
We're here telling you, though, that we know what's making
us not and we know that when there's a problem.
(21:24):
First it's me and Jesus. Am I spending time with Jesus. Second,
am I spending time with her? Because if we're just passing,
I can tell, yeah, you know, I can tell what
by the way she reacts to things.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
If I ask, hey doing fine? You know that kind
of thing is like, oh, you.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Know, yeah, when a woman says fine, there is a
whole there's a whole other level.
Speaker 5 (21:44):
So but the thing is really, I will try to
go in my own defense and in my flesh. I'll
try to go to the I'll try to nitpick the
very thing that just happened that made her react that way.
Oh you're just saying that because I did this right.
And then I'll try a nitpicked down into and I
will just both become lawyers and and and it's the
closest I get to almost.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
Having a point deep in my head. I know, you know,
we haven't talked in two days.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
And that's what this is.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
That's what this is about.
Speaker 5 (22:13):
Yeah, so time with Jesus matters everywhere in life, and
and even in my marriage, and then my time with
her matters everywhere. It's not me being awesome, it's just
me being around and and I'm not really good at
being around, especially when you're in ministry. Nobody's calling me
(22:34):
up to go bang mailboxes. I mean, everybody that calls
me is to do something great. Everybody's got something they
prayed about. Just know I need to be there for
Oh Lord told me you need to come over here.
It's gonna be awesome, And we prayed about this for
eight years.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Are coming?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Well?
Speaker 5 (22:48):
God didn't send me an email on this yet, I'm sorry,
I'm waiting on it. So, so learning how to say
no is something margin deal learning to do.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Yeah, aren't we all? So they know you're also saying
yes to something else, someone else that is very very important.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Yes. Yeah, And because you know, well, I know she's here.
This is just a season, this is just today. We'll
get through. We'll just have to do it. But those
seasons get.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Pretty tough, they do, and they get longer and longer
the longer you let them go. Well, I'm glad y'all's
marriage is thriving because you know, again, I'm not saying
it's perfect, but it is thriving. It's healthy on the underside,
and that's what this record is all about. Let's see
see I want to turn this in, but that's not
the right way. It's this way because the roots are
all down there underneath the surface, they're thriving. That's what
(23:35):
make our marriages work, it's what makes our churches work,
it's what makes us work. On the outside is when
we are deep, deep, deep down with Jesus and we're
spending time with him. And so I'm grateful to you guys,
because you really have helped us a lot today. Listen,
this record, Thrive is going to be out January twenty eighth,
so it's out. It's ready for you to go and
pick up a copy as soon as you possibly can.
(23:56):
They don't know this, but I'm actually stealing this copy.
They did not give it to me. I'm just saying hell.
And then they have a book by the same name, Thrive.
It'll be out February eleventh. Run, run and go get
a copy. And when you get a copy, don't just
get one, get two, because you need to pass one
on to a friend of yours that needs to know
all about what it is to thrive In Jesus, will
you please help me to thank Mark and Melanie talk
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