October 23, 2025 • 22 mins
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear, it’s to learn how to enjoy progress while feeling it. In this episode, I walk through how combining safety and discomfort creates fun, the natural state of growth.
Follow me on my socials:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshterryplays
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshterryplays/
X: https://x.com/joshterryplays
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@UCOLdtkK1XqV6ikuHUqfetnQ
To work with Josh Terry go to https://apply.joshterryplays.com
Follow me on my socials:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshterryplays
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joshterryplays/
X: https://x.com/joshterryplays
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@UCOLdtkK1XqV6ikuHUqfetnQ
To work with Josh Terry go to https://apply.joshterryplays.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It sounds like you've already accomplished a lot. What do
you desire now that wants to.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Ride a roller coaster without see, there is like a
threshold that I can't move fast, I mean past that
scares me and why, I don't know. I would love
to find out.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Okay, I assume that you don't just want to ride
a roller coaster. You would also like to ride a
roller coaster and have fun doing it.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, okay, because he is a roller coaster, and if
I can handle.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
A real roller coaster, then you can surely handle the
rollers breath. Yes, No, that's a beautiful analogy. Most people
who try to get themselves to do a scary thing
do it wrong. And the way they try to get
themselves to do a scary thing is by one of
(00:54):
two methods. One method is they decide that they will
just push through the pain and they will do it
even though it's hard and difficult and scary, and then
once they've done that, then they'll realize that it wasn't
scary after all, and everything's okay and it was all
(01:14):
great and fun and woohoo.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So that's one past.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
The other philosophy is I'm not going to do this
until I feel safe.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I'm going to create safety.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I'm gonna like beat around the bush of the activity
that I want to do, and I'm just going to
keep trying to find ways to make myself feel more safe,
and then I'll do it. And the people who push
through the pain, they create a lot of damage in
their lives and in the lives of the people around them,
(01:55):
because that method of pushing through the pain own only
works when it works, meaning it's something that if all
of the other things are correct, then that method works.
And so all of the other things being correct, meaning
you push through the exact amount of pain that your
(02:16):
system can handle, and then you get the exact positive
result that makes your system feel thrilled that it pushed
through that pain, then it works. It's a great method
if that happens. But if that doesn't happen, it is
extremely destructive to your body, to your mind, to your emotions,
(02:41):
because a lot of people try to push through the
pain and then they don't quite get to the result
that they want and then they just feel worse. Yeah,
and then they do that ten times and then they're done.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
You know, honey, that you are you know, explaining what
you're explaining, Because as you're explaining that, I started like
my my brain was like that that's how I live,
and I don't want to live like that anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So this is the other thing, is the other side
of I'm going to make it safe. Yes, And the
problem that people run into in that is that in
action they have trouble doing things. And so this this
side destroys itself through action, and this side destroys itself
(03:37):
through inaction. Right, So this side it tries to do
something and then it hurts itself because this person doesn't
understand the difference between damage and discomfort. Right, very important.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I like that, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
It's important to get a person to be willing to
feel discomfort, but it's not useful to make them have damage.
And so push through the pain. People damage themselves without
while thinking that they're pushing themselves into healthy discomfort. And
then on the other side, the safety people, they go, oh, well,
(04:17):
I don't want to be damaged, and in anytime I
am uncomfortable, that's a sign that I might be damaged,
so I'd better stop.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yes, yes, And so there's a solution for this, Oh great,
tell me.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
The solution is to practice two things instead of one.
And so when people are trying to do something that's
uncomfortable for them, they mostly think that they're trying to
practice discomfort the challenge of overcoming the discomfort, and they think,
(05:03):
if I do this, the side over here they think,
if I do this, the side just doesn't even get
to it. If they go, if I do this discomfort,
then I'll feel better afterwards. But like I said, that
creates damage and this side knows it, so it doesn't
even try. Yeah, but both get a negative result. And
(05:25):
so the solution is to practice the skill of discomfort
and enjoyment simultaneously.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Okay, And so what I.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Mean by that is these people over here think, oh,
I'll be uncomfortable and then it'll be fun. And the
people over here go, well, I don't want to take damage,
so I'm just gonna hold off.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yes, me.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And so what instead you have to do is you
have to have fun and take on a challenge at
the same time. And to put this in the language
that makes even more sense with this thing that I've
been mapping out, is you have to practice safety and
discomfort at the same time.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yes, yeah, And so what happens is most people just
try to do discomfort or they try to do safety.
But when you combine discomfort and safety, you get fun. Yes,
that's basically what fun is.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I never thought of it that way.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, that's basically what play is is safe discomfort that
you know is comfortable, like you know it so much
that it's play. It's just the dance of life that
you're doing. And there are places where you see this
in your life, even if something that you've moved away
from very far, you know, you might know it.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
In a card game, like a social card game.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Technically speaking, these are moments of tension, right, like y
who has the cards?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Who's going to win? Right?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You know this car discomfort in a way, right, But
it's also safe. It's a game. Everybody knows it's a game.
There are rules where nobody's gonna you know, get up
and you know, slam their fist on the table and
and you know, some people do, some people like to
(07:39):
ruin games. But but when it's good, everybody knows that's
not going to happen. And so this is a safe
place to play, the place to have fun, right, And
so safety is incredibly important and discomfort is incredibly important,
and most people just sas about one or the other. Yeah,
(08:04):
and they both ruin their lives. When you think about
this frame, it starts to make sense where you go, Okay,
so this is how I measure my steps, meaning I
need to decide on a step that is outside of
my comfort zone mm hmm, but it is safe, right,
(08:31):
and then I need to find a way to find
enjoyment within that moment so that I want to do
it again.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
That's the last piece that's extremely important is you have
to if you want to do anything in life, you
need to do the thing that will make you want
to do another thing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yes, yes, I like that.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Yes, extremely important. And so if you're facing your fears,
then you need to face your fears in a way
that make you want to face more fears.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Okay, oh yeah, that would be wonderful.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And so like you know, like okay, somebody's afraid of
snakes and they go, oh, I'm gonna get over my
fear of snakes by just like you know, walking into
the pet store and you know, just getting way too
close and extremely uncomfortable with it, right, you know, like
that's that's not good.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, setting yourself up.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Guess yes, yeah, that's that's not gonna help.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
It's an over stimulation of a negative thing where the
person gets highly stressed and they go, that sucked.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I don't want to do it again.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
But okay, you like movies and you like cartoons, and
so you go, I'm gonna watch three funny shows that
have a cartoon snake in it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
A little steps, baby steps.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, but this is it's very like it's it's nuanced, right,
it's a cart it's funny, so it's play. So you're
watching something visually that for somebody who has an extreme
furi of snakes, that could make them feel uncomfortable, even
if it's a cartoon. Right, So they watch this and
they feel uncomfortable, and then they laugh at the joke, right,
(10:33):
And so they're they're safe in there. They're safe in
their house, munching on peanuts or whatever goodies, and there's
a funny joke and they're being exposed to the thing
that sets them off, and all of a sudden they
start to get a different association with the thing. And
(10:55):
so then they pull up YouTube videos of somebody who
does magic tricks who has a snake, you know, like
some magician artist who does shows and a snake is
part of the show and he does jokes and he's
wondrous and fascinating and playful, and he has a total
comfort with the snake that he's moving around or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, so you go, oh, okay, this is you know,
I now I'm looking visually at the real thing. I'm
more uncomfortable, but also I'm having so much fun.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Right And so then you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Go to the zoo and the thing is behind a wall,
right hi, And you eat your favorite food looking at
the thing that you're afraid of, you know, like you know,
you get a snack at the zoo, you're like whatever,
you stack enjoyment and discomfort in the same place, and
(11:54):
then you go, oh it's okay. And then you start
to become proud of yourself. Oh yeah, and that makes
you want to do it even more.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I've had a couple of those wins, you know, since
I've started to really waking up to my own self,
you know. But I do love the idea of not
to look at something all negative but look at the
positive and have a like balance. That way, you have
(12:26):
that feeling of, oh, I may have fun doing this
that I don't want to do, but let you know,
it encourages me to kind of give it a try,
not just kinda you know, just no, not a chance.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
So let's talk about the roller coaster. So what we've
got to do is we've got to break down first
what is actually frightening about it, because there's multiple things
that could be frightening about a roller coaster. It could
be moving fast, it could be being shaken. It could
(13:04):
be the fact that you're on a ride that is
outside of your control. And it could be the fact
that you have a strap over you and you're constricted
and that's scary. Any one of those could be the thing,
or it could be a collection of them, but it's
(13:25):
probably not all of them. Like do you feel scared
when you're drive in a car?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
No? I love it.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
So speed is fine, yes it is. Speed is not
an issue.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That is oh wow, it's a perspective thing.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So what do you think which element of a roller
coaster do you think is frightening?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
You know, the funny thing you talked about the safety
and you are in a safe place, you are protected.
I do not think about that. What I think bodies
that feeling inside me that clauses me off.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So my concentration is mostly on negative emotions more than fun.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yeah. Oh.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Also, what I pulled from what you just said is
unknown environments. It sounds like unknown environments set you off, right,
because this roller coaster is this unknown thing over here,
and then I'm going to go into the let's call
it the container of the roller coaster. Yeah, I don't
(14:40):
know what it's like to be in the roller coaster.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
And once I'm in, I'm committed.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
That's scary, yes, And so it sounds like putting yourself
in controlled envivironments that you can't test ahead of time
might be kind of scary for you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Does that sound accurate?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
It? Sure, guys. And as you are explaining it, I
can see it possible, you know, to happen. And especially
when you said the environment. Yea, it depends on what
the environment's but can you know you're right?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So what I'm what I'm doing right now is I'm
honing in on the specific fear and then we're going
to combine all the tools that we just talked about
earlier with how to approach that specific fear. And so
if it is in fact unknown environments, which I think
is pretty close to that. Then what we can do
(15:49):
now is we can think of an unknown environment that
you would be willing to handle, that would make you
a little uncomfortable, but you'd be fine with it, right,
And then we'll apply this concept of safety and discomfort
and fun play positivity in that spot. And so an
(16:11):
example of that is, would a bus ride make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, that would make me uncomfortable, yes, but.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
It's probably safer than a roller coaster, right, definitely, So
would you be willing to get on a bus? But
and and like, would you be able to handle that
level of discomfort while not being able to handle the
roller coaster or would that still be too uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
No? I think as long as I do my homework,
we're to you know, where to get on the bus?
Where is this bus going? And will it bring me back?
That fine?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I am so glad that you said that, because that's
how you create safety about the unknown container, right. And
so you're gonna do the same thing when you try
a roller coaster. Yes, down the road, you'll do the
same thing. You'll say, Okay, like how fast does this
roller coaster go?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
What?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What are all the turns like, so that you know
ahead of time what it is. You can watch a
video of that specific roller coat. Because theme parks market
the roller coasters, you can find a video of the
roller coaster online to go, Okay, we turn left, we
go up, we go down, then we spin around. Okay,
that's what it is. But right now that makes you
(17:39):
a bit nervous, but like that's how you would sort
through it, right, And so we do the same with
the safer thing. And so I don't know what part
of the world you live in, but you know, if
there's a place that has a tour bus, like a
like a bus around the city, or like a trolley car,
(17:59):
or or even just something that goes from one stop
to another, you could pick something like that and literally go, Okay,
I'm going to bring my favorite snack and I'm going
to bring my favorite music or you know whatever. Or
you know, if you have a friend that's you know,
up for a little cute, silly adventure, right yeah, yeah,
(18:25):
you just say, hey, we're I'm I'm approaching my nervousness.
I want to get on a bus. Will you go
on a bus ride with me? And you know, if
you have the right kind of friend, they're going to
go great, that's nice.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Safety, isn't it wouldn't it?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then what happens is you get on the bus
and you giggle together.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, and that's the trick and.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Your experience experience in it while you are having fun. Yep.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You know, you know how a lot of a lot
of young girls actually like to watch horror movies together. Yeah,
you girls will get together and watch a horror movie, right, Yeah,
they're having fun.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
In their discomfort.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yes, it's play to them, right, because they're they're so
safe that they can experience something scary and it's fun.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
And that's not a given, it's not it's not default
that that's how a human would feel. It's natural for
humans to have fears.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
It's healthy.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But sometimes they're in places where we want to, you know,
change our relationship with it.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
And so this is the past.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And so from what I've described from this, do you
think you could create a plan for yourself to get
from where you are here to roller coaster someday?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It could take it could take months. It's and that's
totally fine. It's mapping out the journey.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
As you are explaining is when I when I first started,
my heart was like you know, good, feel you know
a little I don't know how to explain it, fear
or excitement. But as you spoke and explained it, and
there are different ways to approach something, and my heart
is just like at least now just like, yes, I
(20:22):
can do this, Yes, yes, yeah I can.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
When I first described it, it was scary and now it's fun.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yes, yes, that feeling is gone. Now it's just like, yes,
I can do this.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
And the reality is these sorts of transformations can happen
in a day. For example, like when you're with a
professional like working you through it, or if you just
you know, dive into the process.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Some people can do it themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I'm not so concerned with you know, it happening super fast.
I just say that to say that when you have
this process dialed in.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Right, it works, definitely its.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Will and so take yourself through the process.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I'm so excited for you.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yeah I am excited too, because I am so grateful
that explained it simply enough that I could take it
in and to be able to breathe deep and say, yeah,
I can do this. It's not that bad.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Wonderful, wonderful. I'm so glad. It was such a pleasure
speaking with you.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Thank you so much. It was a pleasure meeting you.
I love how you just kind of, little by little
kind of brought it out and you know, smoothed it
and just you know, and I just yes, I am
so happy, amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I want to go do something excellent.
It sounds like you've already accomplished a lot. What do
you desire now that wants to.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Ride a roller coaster without see, there is like a
threshold that I can't move fast, I mean past that
scares me and why, I don't know. I would love
to find out.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Okay, I assume that you don't just want to ride
a roller coaster. You would also like to ride a
roller coaster and have fun doing it.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yes, okay, because he is a roller coaster, and if
I can handle.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
A real roller coaster, then you can surely handle the
rollers breath. Yes, No, that's a beautiful analogy. Most people
who try to get themselves to do a scary thing
do it wrong. And the way they try to get
themselves to do a scary thing is by one of
(00:54):
two methods. One method is they decide that they will
just push through the pain and they will do it
even though it's hard and difficult and scary, and then
once they've done that, then they'll realize that it wasn't
scary after all, and everything's okay and it was all
(01:14):
great and fun and woohoo.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
So that's one past.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
The other philosophy is I'm not going to do this
until I feel safe.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I'm going to create safety.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I'm gonna like beat around the bush of the activity
that I want to do, and I'm just going to
keep trying to find ways to make myself feel more safe,
and then I'll do it. And the people who push
through the pain, they create a lot of damage in
their lives and in the lives of the people around them,
(01:55):
because that method of pushing through the pain own only
works when it works, meaning it's something that if all
of the other things are correct, then that method works.
And so all of the other things being correct, meaning
you push through the exact amount of pain that your
(02:16):
system can handle, and then you get the exact positive
result that makes your system feel thrilled that it pushed
through that pain, then it works. It's a great method
if that happens. But if that doesn't happen, it is
extremely destructive to your body, to your mind, to your emotions,
(02:41):
because a lot of people try to push through the
pain and then they don't quite get to the result
that they want and then they just feel worse. Yeah,
and then they do that ten times and then they're done.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
You know, honey, that you are you know, explaining what
you're explaining, Because as you're explaining that, I started like
my my brain was like that that's how I live,
and I don't want to live like that anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So this is the other thing, is the other side
of I'm going to make it safe. Yes, And the
problem that people run into in that is that in
action they have trouble doing things. And so this this
side destroys itself through action, and this side destroys itself
(03:37):
through inaction. Right, So this side it tries to do
something and then it hurts itself because this person doesn't
understand the difference between damage and discomfort. Right, very important.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I like that, yeah, right.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
It's important to get a person to be willing to
feel discomfort, but it's not useful to make them have damage.
And so push through the pain. People damage themselves without
while thinking that they're pushing themselves into healthy discomfort. And
then on the other side, the safety people, they go, oh, well,
(04:17):
I don't want to be damaged, and in anytime I
am uncomfortable, that's a sign that I might be damaged,
so I'd better stop.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yes, yes, And so there's a solution for this, Oh great,
tell me.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
The solution is to practice two things instead of one.
And so when people are trying to do something that's
uncomfortable for them, they mostly think that they're trying to
practice discomfort the challenge of overcoming the discomfort, and they think,
(05:03):
if I do this, the side over here they think,
if I do this, the side just doesn't even get
to it. If they go, if I do this discomfort,
then I'll feel better afterwards. But like I said, that
creates damage and this side knows it, so it doesn't
even try. Yeah, but both get a negative result. And
(05:25):
so the solution is to practice the skill of discomfort
and enjoyment simultaneously.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Okay, And so what I.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Mean by that is these people over here think, oh,
I'll be uncomfortable and then it'll be fun. And the
people over here go, well, I don't want to take damage,
so I'm just gonna hold off.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Yes, me.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
And so what instead you have to do is you
have to have fun and take on a challenge at
the same time. And to put this in the language
that makes even more sense with this thing that I've
been mapping out, is you have to practice safety and
discomfort at the same time.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Oh yeah, I understand.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yes, yeah, And so what happens is most people just
try to do discomfort or they try to do safety.
But when you combine discomfort and safety, you get fun. Yes,
that's basically what fun is.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I never thought of it that way.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Yeah, that's basically what play is is safe discomfort that
you know is comfortable, like you know it so much
that it's play. It's just the dance of life that
you're doing. And there are places where you see this
in your life, even if something that you've moved away
from very far, you know, you might know it.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
In a card game, like a social card game.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Technically speaking, these are moments of tension, right, like y
who has the cards?
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Who's going to win? Right?
Speaker 1 (07:17):
You know this car discomfort in a way, right, But
it's also safe. It's a game. Everybody knows it's a game.
There are rules where nobody's gonna you know, get up
and you know, slam their fist on the table and
and you know, some people do, some people like to
(07:39):
ruin games. But but when it's good, everybody knows that's
not going to happen. And so this is a safe
place to play, the place to have fun, right, And
so safety is incredibly important and discomfort is incredibly important,
and most people just sas about one or the other. Yeah,
(08:04):
and they both ruin their lives. When you think about
this frame, it starts to make sense where you go, Okay,
so this is how I measure my steps, meaning I
need to decide on a step that is outside of
my comfort zone mm hmm, but it is safe, right,
(08:31):
and then I need to find a way to find
enjoyment within that moment so that I want to do
it again.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
That's the last piece that's extremely important is you have
to if you want to do anything in life, you
need to do the thing that will make you want
to do another thing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yes, yes, I like that.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Yes, extremely important. And so if you're facing your fears,
then you need to face your fears in a way
that make you want to face more fears.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Okay, oh yeah, that would be wonderful.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
And so like you know, like okay, somebody's afraid of
snakes and they go, oh, I'm gonna get over my
fear of snakes by just like you know, walking into
the pet store and you know, just getting way too
close and extremely uncomfortable with it, right, you know, like
that's that's not good.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, setting yourself up.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Guess yes, yeah, that's that's not gonna help.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
It's an over stimulation of a negative thing where the
person gets highly stressed and they go, that sucked.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I don't want to do it again.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
But okay, you like movies and you like cartoons, and
so you go, I'm gonna watch three funny shows that
have a cartoon snake in it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
A little steps, baby steps.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, but this is it's very like it's it's nuanced, right,
it's a cart it's funny, so it's play. So you're
watching something visually that for somebody who has an extreme
furi of snakes, that could make them feel uncomfortable, even
if it's a cartoon. Right, So they watch this and
they feel uncomfortable, and then they laugh at the joke, right,
(10:33):
And so they're they're safe in there. They're safe in
their house, munching on peanuts or whatever goodies, and there's
a funny joke and they're being exposed to the thing
that sets them off, and all of a sudden they
start to get a different association with the thing. And
(10:55):
so then they pull up YouTube videos of somebody who
does magic tricks who has a snake, you know, like
some magician artist who does shows and a snake is
part of the show and he does jokes and he's
wondrous and fascinating and playful, and he has a total
comfort with the snake that he's moving around or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, so you go, oh, okay, this is you know,
I now I'm looking visually at the real thing. I'm
more uncomfortable, but also I'm having so much fun.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Right And so then you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Go to the zoo and the thing is behind a wall,
right hi, And you eat your favorite food looking at
the thing that you're afraid of, you know, like you know,
you get a snack at the zoo, you're like whatever,
you stack enjoyment and discomfort in the same place, and
(11:54):
then you go, oh it's okay. And then you start
to become proud of yourself. Oh yeah, and that makes
you want to do it even more.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
I've had a couple of those wins, you know, since
I've started to really waking up to my own self,
you know. But I do love the idea of not
to look at something all negative but look at the
positive and have a like balance. That way, you have
(12:26):
that feeling of, oh, I may have fun doing this
that I don't want to do, but let you know,
it encourages me to kind of give it a try,
not just kinda you know, just no, not a chance.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
So let's talk about the roller coaster. So what we've
got to do is we've got to break down first
what is actually frightening about it, because there's multiple things
that could be frightening about a roller coaster. It could
be moving fast, it could be being shaken. It could
(13:04):
be the fact that you're on a ride that is
outside of your control. And it could be the fact
that you have a strap over you and you're constricted
and that's scary. Any one of those could be the thing,
or it could be a collection of them, but it's
(13:25):
probably not all of them. Like do you feel scared
when you're drive in a car?
Speaker 2 (13:32):
No? I love it.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
So speed is fine, yes it is. Speed is not
an issue.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That is oh wow, it's a perspective thing.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So what do you think which element of a roller
coaster do you think is frightening?
Speaker 2 (13:50):
You know, the funny thing you talked about the safety
and you are in a safe place, you are protected.
I do not think about that. What I think bodies
that feeling inside me that clauses me off.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So my concentration is mostly on negative emotions more than fun.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Yeah. Oh.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Also, what I pulled from what you just said is
unknown environments. It sounds like unknown environments set you off, right,
because this roller coaster is this unknown thing over here,
and then I'm going to go into the let's call
it the container of the roller coaster. Yeah, I don't
(14:40):
know what it's like to be in the roller coaster.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
And once I'm in, I'm committed.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Right.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
That's scary, yes, And so it sounds like putting yourself
in controlled envivironments that you can't test ahead of time
might be kind of scary for you.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Does that sound accurate?
Speaker 2 (15:09):
It? Sure, guys. And as you are explaining it, I
can see it possible, you know, to happen. And especially
when you said the environment. Yea, it depends on what
the environment's but can you know you're right?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
So what I'm what I'm doing right now is I'm
honing in on the specific fear and then we're going
to combine all the tools that we just talked about
earlier with how to approach that specific fear. And so
if it is in fact unknown environments, which I think
is pretty close to that. Then what we can do
(15:49):
now is we can think of an unknown environment that
you would be willing to handle, that would make you
a little uncomfortable, but you'd be fine with it, right,
And then we'll apply this concept of safety and discomfort
and fun play positivity in that spot. And so an
(16:11):
example of that is, would a bus ride make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, that would make me uncomfortable, yes, but.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
It's probably safer than a roller coaster, right, definitely, So
would you be willing to get on a bus? But
and and like, would you be able to handle that
level of discomfort while not being able to handle the
roller coaster or would that still be too uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
No? I think as long as I do my homework,
we're to you know, where to get on the bus?
Where is this bus going? And will it bring me back?
That fine?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I am so glad that you said that, because that's
how you create safety about the unknown container, right. And
so you're gonna do the same thing when you try
a roller coaster. Yes, down the road, you'll do the
same thing. You'll say, Okay, like how fast does this
roller coaster go?
Speaker 3 (17:16):
What?
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What are all the turns like, so that you know
ahead of time what it is. You can watch a
video of that specific roller coat. Because theme parks market
the roller coasters, you can find a video of the
roller coaster online to go, Okay, we turn left, we
go up, we go down, then we spin around. Okay,
that's what it is. But right now that makes you
(17:39):
a bit nervous, but like that's how you would sort
through it, right, And so we do the same with
the safer thing. And so I don't know what part
of the world you live in, but you know, if
there's a place that has a tour bus, like a
like a bus around the city, or like a trolley car,
(17:59):
or or even just something that goes from one stop
to another, you could pick something like that and literally go, Okay,
I'm going to bring my favorite snack and I'm going
to bring my favorite music or you know whatever. Or
you know, if you have a friend that's you know,
up for a little cute, silly adventure, right yeah, yeah,
(18:25):
you just say, hey, we're I'm I'm approaching my nervousness.
I want to get on a bus. Will you go
on a bus ride with me? And you know, if
you have the right kind of friend, they're going to
go great, that's nice.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Safety, isn't it wouldn't it?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then what happens is you get on the bus
and you giggle together.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, and that's the trick and.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Your experience experience in it while you are having fun. Yep.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
You know, you know how a lot of a lot
of young girls actually like to watch horror movies together. Yeah,
you girls will get together and watch a horror movie, right, Yeah,
they're having fun.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
In their discomfort.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
Yes, it's play to them, right, because they're they're so
safe that they can experience something scary and it's fun.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
And that's not a given, it's not it's not default
that that's how a human would feel. It's natural for
humans to have fears.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
It's healthy.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But sometimes they're in places where we want to, you know,
change our relationship with it.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
And so this is the past.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
And so from what I've described from this, do you
think you could create a plan for yourself to get
from where you are here to roller coaster someday?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It could take it could take months. It's and that's
totally fine. It's mapping out the journey.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
As you are explaining is when I when I first started,
my heart was like you know, good, feel you know
a little I don't know how to explain it, fear
or excitement. But as you spoke and explained it, and
there are different ways to approach something, and my heart
is just like at least now just like, yes, I
(20:22):
can do this, Yes, yes, yeah I can.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
When I first described it, it was scary and now it's fun.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yes, yes, that feeling is gone. Now it's just like, yes,
I can do this.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
And the reality is these sorts of transformations can happen
in a day. For example, like when you're with a
professional like working you through it, or if you just
you know, dive into the process.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
Some people can do it themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
I'm not so concerned with you know, it happening super fast.
I just say that to say that when you have
this process dialed in.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Right, it works, definitely its.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Will and so take yourself through the process.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Yeah, I'm so excited for you.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Yeah I am excited too, because I am so grateful
that explained it simply enough that I could take it
in and to be able to breathe deep and say, yeah,
I can do this. It's not that bad.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Wonderful, wonderful. I'm so glad. It was such a pleasure
speaking with you.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Thank you so much. It was a pleasure meeting you.
I love how you just kind of, little by little
kind of brought it out and you know, smoothed it
and just you know, and I just yes, I am
so happy, amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I want to go do something excellent.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.