July 29, 2025 • 29 mins
A horror and fantasy anthology series that delves into the eerie and the unknown, offering stories that unsettle and provoke thought. Its minimalist production enhances the chilling narratives.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Quiet Please, Quiet Please. The Mutual Broadcasting System presents Quiet Please,
(00:39):
which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which
features Ernest Temple. Quiet Please for tonight is called a
knife to forget. Excuse me? It's dark in here. M
(01:05):
I can't find a dog on lights? Where is the lights?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
There are on any lights?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
John H? Who's that?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It's me? What'd you say about the lights? I said
there are on any lights.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
There's got to be noting.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Here's John H.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Who's in this studio?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fifteen?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
You kidding?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
This is the more that was last night?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I think it was a dream. I remember I went
to bed earlier because I had to get up so
early this morning to get that stuff to Tad before
he takes off for California. And I drank a bottle
of ginger bread with some lemon juice. I read Variety
for about fifteen minutes, and then I went to sleep.
Musta been late in ten thirty, and then this happened.
(02:04):
I you know how it is sometimes when you get
in the dream and you don't think you're dreaming, and
when you wake up you wonder whether it happened or not. Well,
I was walking down the hall to Studio fifteen for
this broadcast.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
And when I went in it was.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
All dark, and I stumbled around trying to find the lights,
and I hit my shin on something, and then his
voice in the dark talk to me, you kidding?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
This is the moral.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I'd be, you know, I'd be darned if I can
figure it out. I think it was a dream, all right,
but my shin hurts where I barked. It fell black
and blue. I woke up, and I lay there quite
a while, you know, half to dope, be trying to
(02:56):
figure it out. I turned the lights on finally, and
I was right there in my room with my shin
hurting me. I know I hadn't be an out of
bed because I was all wound up in the covers,
and I I couldn't get back to sleep again. You
know how it is, you have a nightmare and you're
frying to get back to sleep cause you might have
another one, uh, the worse one. Well, listen, I was
(03:21):
just lying there in my own room with the lights on,
looking at the ceiling and trying to think. And it
began to get dark. No, the the lights didn't go out,
and I could see the lights, but it was dark.
Everything just sort of uh faded, uh like in a movie,
(03:42):
you know, And pretty soon it was black dark. I
tried to give up, but I couldn't, and I just
I just lay there, flat on my back in the dark,
in the silence, and I was scared. Yeah, you look nice, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
He's got that blue and white shirt on that I gave.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I wish I could have got that tide foul in time,
and I always like that time.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
He's pretty. He certainly looks nice, certainly does look well.
You to please get out of my room. What you say, Johnny, y,
I said, get out of my room.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
This isn't your room, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
No, Look, of course it isn't. Look if I have
to get up and chase shouting.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Oh Johnny, you know you can't get home.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Of course you can't.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
You're dead, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And then it it got.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Well, I'm dark and pretty certain it was just the
same as it was before I I fell asleep. If
I did fall asleep. Look, I'm a I'm a hard
headed guy. Even if I do work on super ruh
super natural radio shows. You don't wanna believe this stuff.
You go nut eat only well. Sometimes I always sleep
(05:12):
in pajamas both halves. I put on white pajamas when
I went to bed last night, red and white striped textra. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Well, when I woke up.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Or when it got one dark again, I was wearing
a blue and white shirt I never saw in my life.
And I was wearing a hand painted Countess Mara necktie
that I never saw before either. So this is too good.
(05:45):
Somebody's playing funny jokes on me, and I love practical
jokers and a pig's eye I do. Radio is full
of practical jokers, all sorts of bum gags, like Donna.
Michi used to live when he was a radio actor.
He used to be reading a rcil giving a best
of data. Donna, come up behind you and start to
take your coat off. Well, you know you can't stop.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
When you're on the air, and you have to make
with this thing. So you'd wiggle around the first thing
you'd have your.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Coat, and then he'd unbutton you, suspend the buttons, take
off your necktie. You can't do a thing but keep
that old smile in your voice and go about locked
in goodness. And please miss his housewife, buy the large
economy size and holding out of your pants with one hand,
and it's all very very funny, especially as the sponsors
sitting there in the booth looking at you. So I
(06:34):
say to myself, sounds practical, joker only I had a
couple of adjectives to that.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
The only thing is how do you get the knights
to go out? I I lie there well and I think,
and I try to figure it out. I I shut
my eyes.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I guess anyway we open it. It was dark again.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I am walking around in the dark in the ground.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It's springing on the foot. There's a cool wind blowing.
What are those things? Those those white things. I don't
like gravestones. They are gravestones. M when you stand on
one side. Please, Johnny, excuse me. I gotta get to work.
See it is an extra special rush job. I gotta
(07:36):
get it done right away.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Uh did you say something, John h Uh?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I was just gonna ask you, what is this place?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
My goodness, John h this is a cemetery. Cemetery?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Certainty?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Would your movie put in?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
What am I doing in the cemetery? What are people
usually doing the cemetery? John h?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Why?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Why? What are what are you doing? Me?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I'm just chusing your name on this grave?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Done and there it was laid out in chalk on
the graystone John Page. And I shut my eyes. When
I opened up again, I was I was lying on
my bed. I well, you know what people mean when
(08:34):
I say they're they're mind reels. Oh boy, I do.
I rubbed my eyes and I felt like sand on
my fingers. It wasn't sand though, it was marble dust.
And brother, I was shivering. It's kind of nightmare. Is
(08:56):
a little too reo. And the telephone right, and so
I got up to answer it. Mind you I was away, Oh,
I know, I was. All the lights were honey. I
got up and I picked up the receiver. I said, Hello, Hello,
(09:20):
Your is too bad, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Juries who never heard.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Of such a thing?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Hello? Hello? Or old John G.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
This is John H.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Hello for all hell, I'd say it's till for on
him that on John H. Hell Hell hell.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Apro you know the founded X man.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Oh, I didn't know his name.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He was this Hello. He feels pretty often about it. Well,
I can think he who was.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Kneeling a man he didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Who you don't I know it? But just the same,
Or old John A. He didn't know who's loaded? But
he loaded with bullets.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Matter of fact, there was just the one one. Was
he not right on the air?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Two? Yeah? I bet that was the first time a
radio audience I ever heard a real killing. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Hello, I I don't know who this is?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:13):
What about his commercials?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
You know?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
John?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Ain't you mean? Yeah? Well, I'm auditioning for the big
one tomorrow? You are?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, they called me this morning. See, I wonder if
I could get in on that. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'm pretty sure they're going to pick me. I think
I'll try anyway, Shue.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
You won't mind?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
No, Oh no, well I'll see you, poor old Johnie.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, too bad?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Wasn't it so long? Who is that? Hello? Hello?
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Hello?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
You got me in on a crossed wire or something? Well,
when you rang me.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I picked up the phone.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Me what Well, I hadn't had a call for you
all me.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
No, that wasn't a nightmare or a dream that happened.
Even if the operator did say she didn't ring me. Whoever,
it was playing a joke. Come he They fixed it
with the operator or she'd say that, didn't they All right,
that's the way I figured it too. So this was
(11:34):
about eleven thirty at half past twelve, the manager of
a hotel called me on the phone.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I hate to wake you up with this hour of
the night, joe age, but I thought maybe radio registered somebody.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Might have called you and couldn't get you.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
See, And if I know how important it is for
people on the radio to.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Get their call, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I just thought you might want to call register to
see if they've been trying to get you. See, I
don't get it.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Oh excuse me, see if something else.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
To telephones about ten o'clock, nobody's been able to get
a called in or that was the hotel since then,
and I.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, maybe my practical jokers might have got to the
manager too. But this morning when I came downstairs, I
finally wasn't kidding. The phones had been out for two
hours and a half. Something blew up on the switchboard
or something. Well that's carrying a practical joking off along.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Ways, isn't it. That's one night I won't forget. I'll
leave me and I gotta stop this kind of talk
and this kind of thinking.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I will forget it. Heck, it was probably a lot
of nightmares. I'm gonna stop drinking. Ginger Ale before I
go to bed. Well, I I saw Tad and gave
him the stuff and he got away to California. Okay,
I saw. I had a hunts of it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
This was a gag. Ted might have had a.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Hand in it. So I made a few cracks, but
he didn't give it a tumble, you know, like he
would if he'd had anything to do with it. He
can go just so far with the gag and then
he can't keep his face straight. But he he didn't
fall for any of my hints at all. So man,
I gotta forget it, but just for a laughs. When
(13:30):
I see it at al April, I'm gonna make him
show me that sound effects pistol, believe me. So then
I went and did my commercial. The guy from the
agency was there and he had the renewal of my
contract with him. So well, anyway, after I signed it
(13:51):
and he signed it, I'm not gonna hold.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Auditions for my job tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So like the stay on the radio, here we are
at the bottom of the well. This is no dream.
This is the hard way that goes down to the studio. Fifteen. Yeah,
there's miss rolls. How long miss rolls through the door.
(14:19):
There's a drinking, coping and left n't like to turn down.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
It's bright.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, really today, wanna be here at least so I
can talk to al April and look at that sound
effects gun. And I'm not dreaming now.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's got the study, do you know? Fifteen in a
control room.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
They there hang up the colt going the studio.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I like quitches right where it always was. Ain't
no right to go on?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Good? All right? Not to hear you, y thet, Johnny,
I'm not either.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Look at a clock.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Oh, who are you time? It's the d I got
your note and I can't right over?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
No what note?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
The note you wrote me to meet you to night? Oh?
If I didn't write any note, y you certainly kid.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I've got it right here in my brief case, got
it right here.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
I don't know what you're talking about, mister, just the second.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Oh my goodness, I don't seem to have it out
drawn now about I'm here. So that's all it matters,
isn't it?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
What you say? Your name is d.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Well, what do you want?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I'm I'm on the air just a little.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
They don't take long, gonny. I've got my cattle up
right here and uh, you can take one out at
no time. About how high you wanna go?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
What you say? Your name is?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Again?
Speaker 4 (15:59):
D h?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Here's a catalog?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Are you spell it?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Sell us your name? Oh a da thh?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Shall we sit down here at the table where I
can spread out the catalog. This is, mister Date or
whatever your name is. This gag has gone just about
far enough.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Why what gag? Johnny? Your gag?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
My friend's gag?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I'm tired of it? Suppose you Scraham or are you
talking about John H? I don't indulge in gags.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Not in my business.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And what is your business, mister death pronounced Date?
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I don't know whether you ought to trying some of
your radio um around me, John Ah, drag me all
the way down from the Bronx to let you pick
out a coffin.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
A coffin?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You think I'm in a grocery business? This now, this
one here you wouldn't want man is well known and
uh prosperous. Ah, John Ah, you wouldn't want to be
found dating this one. And no, sir, it wouldn't be
foundating it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Kay, look bus through. I don't want a coffee? Ah?
Then why did you sign an order for one and
pay a substantial down payment. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
All right, all, now let's get this settled done. Now
this model I twenty three cold name tired. This will
set you back four forty one, uh twenty three cents
taxing hood in the corner.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I don't want it.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That's something a little more expensive, bradday. Ah, here's a
dandy code name sleepy solid rosewood well practically solid, hand
polished silver alloy handles, nylon lining in your choice of color.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't want it, okay, okay, ah, Well what do
you know about this?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
For a coincidence?
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Buh by George, I didn't know this model was in
a book.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Look at that what Look at the coldne.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Code name John H. Man Is that a job?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
You know?
Speaker 4 (18:15):
I haven't seen this model yet? Look how it streamlined
plastics too? The latest thing, real, built in factory engineer dependability,
the finest model we've over me and look it's fireproof.
And that coincidence about the code name, the the John H.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
You know what, John H. You will be the very
first user of this latest model. Stand up? What for
my goodness, this is a made to measure job, John H.
Nothing too good for.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
You, famous radio people stand right up there.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's him. Now let me see mention A, my, you
have brought shoulders. Don't you let me put this down there?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Listenster please, I'm gonna get it absolutely right, Johnny, I
tell you I can hardly wait to.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
See you and it standstill. Listen.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
This has gone far enough. I was told the.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Tepen h Now let me see.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Three inches above your head?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
No thanks for it, ah, I didn't realize you were
that tall, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
How much you weigh?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Well, let's see, uh I I've lost seventeen pounds since
I went on the diet.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
My my, you must tell me about that. If we
have time, seventeen crowns and that makes it a hundred
and uh one.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Oh my, gracious, I can save you a little money.
Then the oversized man holes carry a who percent. Conscious
little ones are harder to make. You are very fortunate,
torch now huh as a plaque on the lad there
see her?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
You know? Now?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Well we can engrave that with.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Any larger ablem or you know. And you're not a
fellow or a moose or anything like that. You are
a big fellow.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And I suppose you could say in slang that you're
a big moose, you get it.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
No, the only thing I belong to is the Lambs.
Labs labs, Oh my, John H. I I really don't
think we could do that, is he. We carry all
the well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Known emblems and stop, but the Lambs. We have to
have that engraved, and I'm terribly afraid there won't be time.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Huh. No, you said it was a rushtop.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Remember, matter of fact, it's tonight, isn't it once tonight
when you ought to be kick if I remember correctly.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Sitting in your note with the order that the sound effects.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Pistol was mister d Did did I write that?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Well? I couldn't swear.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
It went in court, of course, John H. But somebody
wrote it and your name was signed to him.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Well, look I write my name.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Is that the.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Signature absolutely identical, JOHNNYH? Yes, sir, absolutely identical. I remember
the curlecues on the edge.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I don't understand. It's perfectly said, Well you're going to
die and you need a respectable refaine late model coffin.
That's all.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Are you sure I'm going to die?
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Sheer up, John H. Of course you're going to You
know I heard that before. It's all over town tonight.
That's what you said by a shot from a sound
effects pistol. I saw it in your own handwriting. How
did I know, mister d I'm sure I don't know, Johnny.
(22:11):
Is there any way out of it? Don't ask me.
I'm just a salesman and you're just a customer. Enough
that I don't enjoy listening to you on the radio, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
And I must say that you're going to be a
great loss to the art science profession.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
What what what do you call it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
It's a living living and now.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's a dying. Mustn't mind my little jokes.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Donny, I'm an inveterate joker.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Is this one of your jokes? Oh no, Johnny, this
is strictly business. And now i'm did you want to
give me a check for the remainder? Now?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Well, I think possibly that'd be wisest considering that, Well,
you know how long it takes to get money out
of a mistake. What if I don't die, Oh, I
wouldn't worry about that. Well, what if I don't, Well
you will eventually, John h And at least we'd have
time to engrave anything you wanted on the.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Play m hm oh, oh, excuse me, he's uh this
is the gentleman that's going to shoot you.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Uh oh, hello, well hi John, h well you get
chilled again tonight I do? Huh?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
He says, here you do?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
So how do I get killed this time? Al get shot?
I see? Excuse me, mister D. Is he the one?
He's the sound man all April?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
M very interesting?
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Stay hell yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
You ever have any accidents with those guns?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
How could you? I don't know what kind of accidents?
Really shooting somebody with these things?
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And no, look, in the first place, they're loaded with blanks.
In the second place, there ain't any place for the bullet.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
To come out if there was one. And in the
third place, I always shoot him with the floor. So
how could I shoot somebody? It was just one thing,
you know.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I always wondered how could do sound effects on the air?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
This is mostly interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
This is mister de Sel.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
How are you, mister D.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Your face looks familiar?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
You in radio?
Speaker 1 (24:45):
No mine?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
No, I'm a salesman. Can can I look at the
guns out? Sure which one you're gonna use on the show?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
This one? Say?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
John? Ah, I'm a little nervous. I guess, so, don't you.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
He's on the wagon.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I am, I'm just a little nervous. I guess.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Let's see the bullets. They're not bullets, blanks the blanks.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Oh here, how do you load it? Give it to me?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
There?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Can I shoot it?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
What do you want to shoot it for? Ally?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
I gotta make sure st Johnny. She's sure he's going
to be shot tonight.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's right, Ally, I just want to test out these shells.
Well that's silly, because go ahehead, but don't pointing at me?
Or I thought she said you couldn't shoot anybody with it?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Well, you know the wadding.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
It stinks?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Kind of you? You'd use these same shells on the show? Huh?
Sure what you scared of?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I just I just I gotta hunt out. Well, don't
those are the same shells I'll use on the show.
Go ahead and shoot. I'm gonna get set up, okay, l.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You asked for it. Hey, don't point that at me.
Don't go here. Told you about that wedding. It stings.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Don't go.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I'm sorry, Al you shoot me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
There, mister date?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Why John h you'll kill me? That's right?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So I'm not gonna die after all. Take your coffins
and get out of here. Oh, I don't be silly, Johnny.
Of course you're gonna die.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I am not. Why certainly you are?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You murdered poor al in cold blood and they'll send
Hugh to the electric chair.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, how are they gonna do that? They won't have
any witnesses except you, John H.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
House one of other people listening to you on the radio.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Goodness, John H. Don't you know you're on the air.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The title of the Choir Please story you have listened
to is a Knight to Forget. Willis Cooper writes and
directs Choir Please and John H. The man who spoke
to you was Ernest Chapel, and James Monks played Mister
d al April was played by Murray Forbes, and the
sound effects on the show were played by al April.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Others in the cast with.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Jack Tyler, Kermit, Murray dochron Mark and Polly Kole. The
original music for Choir Please as Usual is played by
Albert Bermant.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Don't w worry about next week's.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Choir Please, here's our writer, director Willis Cooper. Tonight's show
is the fortieth in the series of Quiet please next
week for the forty first I think our call would
shown after the name of verse. Series must call it
Quiet please, And so until next week at the same
(28:33):
time and quiet please. So I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.
(28:53):
Quiet please comes to you from New York. This is
the mutual broadcasting system.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
On the the
Quiet Please, Quiet Please. The Mutual Broadcasting System presents Quiet Please,
(00:39):
which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which
features Ernest Temple. Quiet Please for tonight is called a
knife to forget. Excuse me? It's dark in here. M
(01:05):
I can't find a dog on lights? Where is the lights?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
There are on any lights?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
John H? Who's that?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
It's me? What'd you say about the lights? I said
there are on any lights.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
There's got to be noting.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Here's John H.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Who's in this studio?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fifteen?
Speaker 1 (01:26):
You kidding?
Speaker 2 (01:27):
This is the more that was last night?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I think it was a dream. I remember I went
to bed earlier because I had to get up so
early this morning to get that stuff to Tad before
he takes off for California. And I drank a bottle
of ginger bread with some lemon juice. I read Variety
for about fifteen minutes, and then I went to sleep.
Musta been late in ten thirty, and then this happened.
(02:04):
I you know how it is sometimes when you get
in the dream and you don't think you're dreaming, and
when you wake up you wonder whether it happened or not. Well,
I was walking down the hall to Studio fifteen for
this broadcast.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
And when I went in it was.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
All dark, and I stumbled around trying to find the lights,
and I hit my shin on something, and then his
voice in the dark talk to me, you kidding?
Speaker 2 (02:32):
This is the moral.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I'd be, you know, I'd be darned if I can
figure it out. I think it was a dream, all right,
but my shin hurts where I barked. It fell black
and blue. I woke up, and I lay there quite
a while, you know, half to dope, be trying to
(02:56):
figure it out. I turned the lights on finally, and
I was right there in my room with my shin
hurting me. I know I hadn't be an out of
bed because I was all wound up in the covers,
and I I couldn't get back to sleep again. You
know how it is, you have a nightmare and you're
frying to get back to sleep cause you might have
another one, uh, the worse one. Well, listen, I was
(03:21):
just lying there in my own room with the lights on,
looking at the ceiling and trying to think. And it
began to get dark. No, the the lights didn't go out,
and I could see the lights, but it was dark.
Everything just sort of uh faded, uh like in a movie,
(03:42):
you know, And pretty soon it was black dark. I
tried to give up, but I couldn't, and I just
I just lay there, flat on my back in the dark,
in the silence, and I was scared. Yeah, you look nice, beautiful.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
He's got that blue and white shirt on that I gave.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I wish I could have got that tide foul in time,
and I always like that time.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
He's pretty. He certainly looks nice, certainly does look well.
You to please get out of my room. What you say, Johnny, y,
I said, get out of my room.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
This isn't your room, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
No, Look, of course it isn't. Look if I have
to get up and chase shouting.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Oh Johnny, you know you can't get home.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Of course you can't.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
You're dead, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
And then it it got.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Well, I'm dark and pretty certain it was just the
same as it was before I I fell asleep. If
I did fall asleep. Look, I'm a I'm a hard
headed guy. Even if I do work on super ruh
super natural radio shows. You don't wanna believe this stuff.
You go nut eat only well. Sometimes I always sleep
(05:12):
in pajamas both halves. I put on white pajamas when
I went to bed last night, red and white striped textra. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Well, when I woke up.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Or when it got one dark again, I was wearing
a blue and white shirt I never saw in my life.
And I was wearing a hand painted Countess Mara necktie
that I never saw before either. So this is too good.
(05:45):
Somebody's playing funny jokes on me, and I love practical
jokers and a pig's eye I do. Radio is full
of practical jokers, all sorts of bum gags, like Donna.
Michi used to live when he was a radio actor.
He used to be reading a rcil giving a best
of data. Donna, come up behind you and start to
take your coat off. Well, you know you can't stop.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
When you're on the air, and you have to make
with this thing. So you'd wiggle around the first thing
you'd have your.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Coat, and then he'd unbutton you, suspend the buttons, take
off your necktie. You can't do a thing but keep
that old smile in your voice and go about locked
in goodness. And please miss his housewife, buy the large
economy size and holding out of your pants with one hand,
and it's all very very funny, especially as the sponsors
sitting there in the booth looking at you. So I
(06:34):
say to myself, sounds practical, joker only I had a
couple of adjectives to that.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
The only thing is how do you get the knights
to go out? I I lie there well and I think,
and I try to figure it out. I I shut
my eyes.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
I guess anyway we open it. It was dark again.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I am walking around in the dark in the ground.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It's springing on the foot. There's a cool wind blowing.
What are those things? Those those white things. I don't
like gravestones. They are gravestones. M when you stand on
one side. Please, Johnny, excuse me. I gotta get to work.
See it is an extra special rush job. I gotta
(07:36):
get it done right away.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Uh did you say something, John h Uh?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
I was just gonna ask you, what is this place?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
My goodness, John h this is a cemetery. Cemetery?
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Certainty?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Would your movie put in?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
What am I doing in the cemetery? What are people
usually doing the cemetery? John h?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Why?
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Why? What are what are you doing? Me?
Speaker 2 (08:10):
I'm just chusing your name on this grave?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Done and there it was laid out in chalk on
the graystone John Page. And I shut my eyes. When
I opened up again, I was I was lying on
my bed. I well, you know what people mean when
(08:34):
I say they're they're mind reels. Oh boy, I do.
I rubbed my eyes and I felt like sand on
my fingers. It wasn't sand though, it was marble dust.
And brother, I was shivering. It's kind of nightmare. Is
(08:56):
a little too reo. And the telephone right, and so
I got up to answer it. Mind you I was away, Oh,
I know, I was. All the lights were honey. I
got up and I picked up the receiver. I said, Hello, Hello,
(09:20):
Your is too bad, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Juries who never heard.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Of such a thing?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Hello? Hello? Or old John G.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
This is John H.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Hello for all hell, I'd say it's till for on
him that on John H. Hell Hell hell.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Apro you know the founded X man.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Oh, I didn't know his name.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
He was this Hello. He feels pretty often about it. Well,
I can think he who was.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Kneeling a man he didn't mean to.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Who you don't I know it? But just the same,
Or old John A. He didn't know who's loaded? But
he loaded with bullets.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Matter of fact, there was just the one one. Was
he not right on the air?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Two? Yeah? I bet that was the first time a
radio audience I ever heard a real killing. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Hello, I I don't know who this is?
Speaker 3 (10:12):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (10:13):
What about his commercials?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
You know?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
John?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Ain't you mean? Yeah? Well, I'm auditioning for the big
one tomorrow? You are?
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Yeah, they called me this morning. See, I wonder if
I could get in on that. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
I'm pretty sure they're going to pick me. I think
I'll try anyway, Shue.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
You won't mind?
Speaker 2 (10:36):
No, Oh no, well I'll see you, poor old Johnie.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, too bad?
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Wasn't it so long? Who is that? Hello? Hello?
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Hello?
Speaker 2 (10:53):
You got me in on a crossed wire or something? Well,
when you rang me.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I picked up the phone.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Me what Well, I hadn't had a call for you
all me.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
No, that wasn't a nightmare or a dream that happened.
Even if the operator did say she didn't ring me. Whoever,
it was playing a joke. Come he They fixed it
with the operator or she'd say that, didn't they All right,
that's the way I figured it too. So this was
(11:34):
about eleven thirty at half past twelve, the manager of
a hotel called me on the phone.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
I hate to wake you up with this hour of
the night, joe age, but I thought maybe radio registered somebody.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Might have called you and couldn't get you.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
See, And if I know how important it is for
people on the radio to.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Get their call, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (11:52):
I just thought you might want to call register to
see if they've been trying to get you. See, I
don't get it.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Oh excuse me, see if something else.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
To telephones about ten o'clock, nobody's been able to get
a called in or that was the hotel since then,
and I.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Well, maybe my practical jokers might have got to the
manager too. But this morning when I came downstairs, I
finally wasn't kidding. The phones had been out for two
hours and a half. Something blew up on the switchboard
or something. Well that's carrying a practical joking off along.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Ways, isn't it. That's one night I won't forget. I'll
leave me and I gotta stop this kind of talk
and this kind of thinking.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I will forget it. Heck, it was probably a lot
of nightmares. I'm gonna stop drinking. Ginger Ale before I
go to bed. Well, I I saw Tad and gave
him the stuff and he got away to California. Okay,
I saw. I had a hunts of it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
This was a gag. Ted might have had a.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Hand in it. So I made a few cracks, but
he didn't give it a tumble, you know, like he
would if he'd had anything to do with it. He
can go just so far with the gag and then
he can't keep his face straight. But he he didn't
fall for any of my hints at all. So man,
I gotta forget it, but just for a laughs. When
(13:30):
I see it at al April, I'm gonna make him
show me that sound effects pistol, believe me. So then
I went and did my commercial. The guy from the
agency was there and he had the renewal of my
contract with him. So well, anyway, after I signed it
(13:51):
and he signed it, I'm not gonna hold.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Auditions for my job tomorrow.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So like the stay on the radio, here we are
at the bottom of the well. This is no dream.
This is the hard way that goes down to the studio. Fifteen. Yeah,
there's miss rolls. How long miss rolls through the door.
(14:19):
There's a drinking, coping and left n't like to turn down.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
It's bright.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Yeah, really today, wanna be here at least so I
can talk to al April and look at that sound
effects gun. And I'm not dreaming now.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's got the study, do you know? Fifteen in a
control room.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
They there hang up the colt going the studio.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Yeah, I like quitches right where it always was. Ain't
no right to go on?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Good? All right? Not to hear you, y thet, Johnny,
I'm not either.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Look at a clock.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Oh, who are you time? It's the d I got
your note and I can't right over?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
No what note?
Speaker 2 (15:19):
The note you wrote me to meet you to night? Oh?
If I didn't write any note, y you certainly kid.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
I've got it right here in my brief case, got
it right here.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
I don't know what you're talking about, mister, just the second.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
Oh my goodness, I don't seem to have it out
drawn now about I'm here. So that's all it matters,
isn't it?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
What you say? Your name is d.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Well, what do you want?
Speaker 2 (15:48):
I'm I'm on the air just a little.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
They don't take long, gonny. I've got my cattle up
right here and uh, you can take one out at
no time. About how high you wanna go?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
What you say? Your name is?
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Again?
Speaker 4 (15:59):
D h?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Here's a catalog?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Are you spell it?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Sell us your name? Oh a da thh?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Shall we sit down here at the table where I
can spread out the catalog. This is, mister Date or
whatever your name is. This gag has gone just about
far enough.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Why what gag? Johnny? Your gag?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
My friend's gag?
Speaker 2 (16:28):
I'm tired of it? Suppose you Scraham or are you
talking about John H? I don't indulge in gags.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Not in my business.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
And what is your business, mister death pronounced Date?
Speaker 1 (16:39):
I don't know whether you ought to trying some of
your radio um around me, John Ah, drag me all
the way down from the Bronx to let you pick
out a coffin.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
A coffin?
Speaker 1 (16:47):
You think I'm in a grocery business? This now, this
one here you wouldn't want man is well known and
uh prosperous. Ah, John Ah, you wouldn't want to be
found dating this one. And no, sir, it wouldn't be
foundating it.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Kay, look bus through. I don't want a coffee? Ah?
Then why did you sign an order for one and
pay a substantial down payment. I didn't.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
All right, all, now let's get this settled done. Now
this model I twenty three cold name tired. This will
set you back four forty one, uh twenty three cents
taxing hood in the corner.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
I don't want it.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
That's something a little more expensive, bradday. Ah, here's a
dandy code name sleepy solid rosewood well practically solid, hand
polished silver alloy handles, nylon lining in your choice of color.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
I don't want it, okay, okay, ah, Well what do
you know about this?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
For a coincidence?
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Buh by George, I didn't know this model was in
a book.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Look at that what Look at the coldne.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Code name John H. Man Is that a job?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
You know?
Speaker 4 (18:15):
I haven't seen this model yet? Look how it streamlined
plastics too? The latest thing, real, built in factory engineer dependability,
the finest model we've over me and look it's fireproof.
And that coincidence about the code name, the the John H.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
You know what, John H. You will be the very
first user of this latest model. Stand up? What for
my goodness, this is a made to measure job, John H.
Nothing too good for.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
You, famous radio people stand right up there.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
That's him. Now let me see mention A, my, you
have brought shoulders. Don't you let me put this down there?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Listenster please, I'm gonna get it absolutely right, Johnny, I
tell you I can hardly wait to.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
See you and it standstill. Listen.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
This has gone far enough. I was told the.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Tepen h Now let me see.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Three inches above your head?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
No thanks for it, ah, I didn't realize you were
that tall, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
How much you weigh?
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Well, let's see, uh I I've lost seventeen pounds since
I went on the diet.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
My my, you must tell me about that. If we
have time, seventeen crowns and that makes it a hundred
and uh one.
Speaker 4 (19:54):
Oh my, gracious, I can save you a little money.
Then the oversized man holes carry a who percent. Conscious
little ones are harder to make. You are very fortunate,
torch now huh as a plaque on the lad there
see her?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
You know? Now?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Well we can engrave that with.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Any larger ablem or you know. And you're not a
fellow or a moose or anything like that. You are
a big fellow.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
And I suppose you could say in slang that you're
a big moose, you get it.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
No, the only thing I belong to is the Lambs.
Labs labs, Oh my, John H. I I really don't
think we could do that, is he. We carry all
the well.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Known emblems and stop, but the Lambs. We have to
have that engraved, and I'm terribly afraid there won't be time.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Huh. No, you said it was a rushtop.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Remember, matter of fact, it's tonight, isn't it once tonight
when you ought to be kick if I remember correctly.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Sitting in your note with the order that the sound effects.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Pistol was mister d Did did I write that?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Well? I couldn't swear.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
It went in court, of course, John H. But somebody
wrote it and your name was signed to him.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Well, look I write my name.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Is that the.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
Signature absolutely identical, JOHNNYH? Yes, sir, absolutely identical. I remember
the curlecues on the edge.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I don't understand. It's perfectly said, Well you're going to
die and you need a respectable refaine late model coffin.
That's all.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Are you sure I'm going to die?
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Sheer up, John H. Of course you're going to You
know I heard that before. It's all over town tonight.
That's what you said by a shot from a sound
effects pistol. I saw it in your own handwriting. How
did I know, mister d I'm sure I don't know, Johnny.
(22:11):
Is there any way out of it? Don't ask me.
I'm just a salesman and you're just a customer. Enough
that I don't enjoy listening to you on the radio, Johnny.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
And I must say that you're going to be a
great loss to the art science profession.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
What what what do you call it?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
It's a living living and now.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's a dying. Mustn't mind my little jokes.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Donny, I'm an inveterate joker.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Is this one of your jokes? Oh no, Johnny, this
is strictly business. And now i'm did you want to
give me a check for the remainder? Now?
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Well, I think possibly that'd be wisest considering that, Well,
you know how long it takes to get money out
of a mistake. What if I don't die, Oh, I
wouldn't worry about that. Well, what if I don't, Well
you will eventually, John h And at least we'd have
time to engrave anything you wanted on the.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Play m hm oh, oh, excuse me, he's uh this
is the gentleman that's going to shoot you.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Uh oh, hello, well hi John, h well you get
chilled again tonight I do? Huh?
Speaker 2 (23:34):
He says, here you do?
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
So how do I get killed this time? Al get shot?
I see? Excuse me, mister D. Is he the one?
He's the sound man all April?
Speaker 2 (23:52):
M very interesting?
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Stay hell yeah?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
You ever have any accidents with those guns?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (24:06):
How could you? I don't know what kind of accidents?
Really shooting somebody with these things?
Speaker 1 (24:17):
And no, look, in the first place, they're loaded with blanks.
In the second place, there ain't any place for the bullet.
Speaker 2 (24:22):
To come out if there was one. And in the
third place, I always shoot him with the floor. So
how could I shoot somebody? It was just one thing,
you know.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I always wondered how could do sound effects on the air?
Speaker 2 (24:35):
This is mostly interesting.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
This is mister de Sel.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
How are you, mister D.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Your face looks familiar?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
You in radio?
Speaker 1 (24:45):
No mine?
Speaker 2 (24:45):
No, I'm a salesman. Can can I look at the
guns out? Sure which one you're gonna use on the show?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
This one? Say?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
What's the matter with you?
Speaker 1 (24:57):
John? Ah, I'm a little nervous. I guess, so, don't you.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
He's on the wagon.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
I am, I'm just a little nervous. I guess.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Let's see the bullets. They're not bullets, blanks the blanks.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
Oh here, how do you load it? Give it to me?
Speaker 4 (25:23):
There?
Speaker 1 (25:25):
Can I shoot it?
Speaker 2 (25:26):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (25:28):
What do you want to shoot it for? Ally?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
I gotta make sure st Johnny. She's sure he's going
to be shot tonight.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
That's right, Ally, I just want to test out these shells.
Well that's silly, because go ahehead, but don't pointing at me?
Or I thought she said you couldn't shoot anybody with it?
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Well, you know the wadding.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
It stinks?
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Kind of you? You'd use these same shells on the show? Huh?
Sure what you scared of?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
I just I just I gotta hunt out. Well, don't
those are the same shells I'll use on the show.
Go ahead and shoot. I'm gonna get set up, okay, l.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You asked for it. Hey, don't point that at me.
Don't go here. Told you about that wedding. It stings.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Don't go.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I'm sorry, Al you shoot me.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
There, mister date?
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Why John h you'll kill me? That's right?
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So I'm not gonna die after all. Take your coffins
and get out of here. Oh, I don't be silly, Johnny.
Of course you're gonna die.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I am not. Why certainly you are?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
You murdered poor al in cold blood and they'll send
Hugh to the electric chair.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, how are they gonna do that? They won't have
any witnesses except you, John H.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
House one of other people listening to you on the radio.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Goodness, John H. Don't you know you're on the air.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The title of the Choir Please story you have listened
to is a Knight to Forget. Willis Cooper writes and
directs Choir Please and John H. The man who spoke
to you was Ernest Chapel, and James Monks played Mister
d al April was played by Murray Forbes, and the
sound effects on the show were played by al April.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Others in the cast with.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Jack Tyler, Kermit, Murray dochron Mark and Polly Kole. The
original music for Choir Please as Usual is played by
Albert Bermant.
Speaker 2 (28:07):
Don't w worry about next week's.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
Choir Please, here's our writer, director Willis Cooper. Tonight's show
is the fortieth in the series of Quiet please next
week for the forty first I think our call would
shown after the name of verse. Series must call it
Quiet please, And so until next week at the same
(28:33):
time and quiet please. So I am quietly yours, Ernest Chappell.
(28:53):
Quiet please comes to you from New York. This is
the mutual broadcasting system.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
On the the
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