Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Quiet Please, Quiet Please m a mutual broadcasting system presents Quietly,
(00:40):
which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which
features British chapel Quiet Please for tonight has called never
send to know. I wouldn't be taught in an alley
(01:01):
with a Derby hat or with one of those light
snap brimmed ones either. Look you know what this thing is.
It's an automatic pisto. It's not a rod, a rasco
(01:21):
or a heater. You know where I keep it in
my death drawer. I can't speak Chinese. I think most
policemen are very nice fellows, very efficient, generally courteous, almost
(01:42):
always intelligent. I get along with them beautifully. I don't
know any stool pigeons. I have never hit a woman
in my life. Nobody has ever called me a private
eye or uh.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Uh shamus or however you pronounce it.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
And I do not indulge in rapid fire slang. Oh,
and for your information, a pistol does not go cauchow.
I will now fire a pistol so you can see.
This is how a pistol sounds. You probably could put
(02:24):
that sound into words, but I submit that it definitely
would not be coachow.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Would it?
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Well? Cool?
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I must admit I do have a secretary. Uh, Missus RADIBALB.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Well, come in, missus Radibalal, well, this is my secretary.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Missus Radibalb.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
What do you want? Miss what about?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
How many duel robberies have I solved?
Speaker 3 (03:04):
Huh?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
We may take that to mean nothing.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
You ain't had any jewel robbery? Precisely?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Do you recall the cases involving musementful oriental maidens, missus our,
I do not, and in which I was kidnapped by counterfeiting.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Listen, I'm busy, mister Kramer.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Now, Missus Randabar, if I propose to you, let you
and I take an automobile trip to an obscure village
in uh New Hampshire to investigate the murder of an
elderly recluse, what would you do?
Speaker 3 (03:42):
A twit? Ah?
Speaker 1 (03:45):
And what do you consider the most exciting of all
the cases I have handled as a a private eye?
A what you see a private detective? Uh?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Investigator?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Missus R, you haven't had any exciting with and I
wish to stop calling me missus R.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Thank you, missus Radiball.
Speaker 4 (04:05):
I'm going home early this afternoon, are you as parent
teachers meeting.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
How soon will you'll be leaving? Jones?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
I finished the subtack in the minutes of the last meeting.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Very well, missus rabbab Uh.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Don't forget to lock the door when you go.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
No, the the business of a private investigator is not
all gun play and beautiful blondes. There are occasional blondes, yes,
but they all seem to want divorces or to escape divorces,
and the startlingly high proportion.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
Of them I'm not beautiful.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I have never fired my pistol and anger. Since I
became a private detective. I have looked through a number
of cansoms, and I have guarded wedding gifts a few times.
I have even helped the police officer making arrest of
the man who stole safety as from a dunk store.
(05:06):
In my younger days, well I suppose I was a roughneck.
I bummed all over the country. I have seen the
insides of not a few uh jail houses. That's some
very interesting people. But now, in my fat forties, I'm
content to have this small office, new odd jobs for
(05:29):
people at the price and relax. Yeah, going already, missus radibab.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
It's not missus Radiva.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Oh, oh, excuse me, sir. Uh uh isn't missus vandibab.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
There I didn't notice.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Well, I what can I do for you, sir?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You are mister kramer Arjoe. Yes, sir, may I sit down?
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Thank you? Er you uh you're a detective, yes, sir, Yes,
I would like to.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Engage you if I am open to suggestion, sir.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yes, you find out things sometimes.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I do, Sir.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I uh, er, at least try to find out.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I want you to find out something for me. God,
you're see.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Why we can discuss that laatest sir when I know
a little more about what you want me to do?
Speaker 3 (06:35):
All right?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Would you care to give me your name? The inconfidence?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Of course. I don't know what my name is. I
make your pardon. I don't know what my name is.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Oh, and at leasta case, I take it. H. I
mean you want me to find out who you are? No, well,
I was going to say to the police.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
What did you say, I'm not interested in knowing who
I am?
Speaker 2 (07:04):
Well, I I am?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
My name is not important anyway.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I'm afraid I don't quite understand, sir. Ruh, Just what
was it you wanted me to find out.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
I want you to find out who murdered me. I
beg your pardon. I wanna know who murdered me so
you can be punished.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
But my dear sir, you're not You're not.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
Oh, yes I am.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh you are what?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
I'm a ghost? I see? Now?
Speaker 5 (07:45):
Please don't you use the telephone, Mr Kramer, I wasn't
going to well, you were reaching for us. I suppose
you were going to call the police and tell him
that you have a crazy man here where lie you?
Speaker 3 (07:57):
You wouldn't do any good.
Speaker 5 (07:59):
Because you see, if the police were to come in here,
I just disappear, and you look very foolish.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
I see.
Speaker 5 (08:10):
I say you don't believe in mister Kraymer, Well, I
let me show you. I'll disappear.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Uh you see you know what.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
You did?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Disappear?
Speaker 5 (08:30):
Yes, course, I don't believe in ghosts. You mean you didn't, Well,
I'd like to have you started once, mister Cramer. I
wanted to know who murder.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I thought I heard you talking. Why did nobody here? Hi?
Speaker 1 (08:50):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
H uh? We was talking to myself, missus radibou ah, I.
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Must say shooting pistols talking to yourself?
Speaker 3 (09:00):
Where does money come from what hundred dollar bills?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
One?
Speaker 3 (09:04):
Two, three? What you get sicky red paint or something
all over?
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Well, it wasn't red paint, but it was real money
from a man who disappeared. Well, I said, a private
detector's life wasn't exciting? Eh yeh looks as if it's
going to be now. But I I don't know how
(09:35):
I'm going to find out who murdered a man who
doesn't know who he is, nor or when or where
he was murdered.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Do you.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
I don't even know where to start. I've been sitting
here since three o'clock this morning. I say to myself,
did that man come in here?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Or did I dream it?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
And then I see the three hundred dollar what buils
on the desk in front of me, and every enough?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
So I didn't dream it, Yes.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Mister Cramer, Yes you didn't dream it? What you didn't
dream it? H? I said that? Yes, I heard you. Oh,
perhaps i'd better come and talk to you some more. H. Well, yes,
I think I had that up. I'll be right now. Well,
(10:33):
but i'll be right now. This is who is? What
do you mean, mister Kramer? Yes, I think we better
talk some more but.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Look here, you were just talking to me on the phone.
Uh where were you going?
Speaker 5 (10:50):
Difference does that thing? I don't really mean to haunt you,
mister Cremer. Let I I I am very anxious. You understand,
no doubt I remembered something. Oh yes, I remembered where
I was murdered.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Look, I mean, mister Kramer.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
You you seem to think that I'm trying to deceive
you or something. Well, no, but.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Well really, uh uh, I've never talked to a a
a ghost before. Really, h there there must be some
rational explanation of this, mister.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Uh uh uh, mister, I gave you my explanations. Uh.
You you're not afraid by any child. I don't frighten you.
I hope. No. I I don't think I'm a s
friend gravy he but uh.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Well, I I I'm just not used to this sort
of thing.
Speaker 5 (11:51):
Before you you will be before we get done. I
was gonna tell you where I was murdered, and perhaps
that'll help Alright.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
Where it was near Lynndale, Utah. Lynndale, Utah. That's on
Union Pacific.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I think I've been through there.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Oh have you?
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Isn't that near where the branch line of Bryce Canyon
turns off the main line.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
I believe it is y. You think that'll be of
any help?
Speaker 2 (12:19):
You never know?
Speaker 5 (12:21):
You don't remember when I suppose No, I may remember later.
The really meeting you is has been very stipula meeting.
I feel that you are going to be successful, mister Cramer. Uh,
I've tried so many years to find him.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Well that's good. Uh uh Now let me see.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Uh we we might place the time of your uh uh, your.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Leader my death?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yes, uh how old would you be?
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Really? I have the slightest idea, well, uh.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
I suppose I And why are the authorities at Lyndal?
And ask them about any unsolved murders.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
They have a record on.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
It's a fine idea. Uh.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
We may solve this problem of yours a good deal
more quickly than I hope.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Good. Good. Oh the money I left.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
It was a little uh messy. I'm so sorry about that.
Well my money is like that, that is, as long
as I have it, it drives though. Oh yes, yes
see if you need more and later, good, whenever you
want it, I support.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
You.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Excuse me, I know, but where does this money come from?
Speaker 3 (13:39):
But I don't know.
Speaker 5 (13:40):
I seem to have a great deal of it. It's
no use to me, of course, So you find the
man who murders me and you can have it all.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
That well, the thanks, What are we going to do
with this man? Uh? When we find him though?
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
The evidence of the ghost uh?
Speaker 3 (14:00):
In court?
Speaker 5 (14:00):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I told her that I.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Couldn't very testify, could I h? Even if I have
the most interested party?
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (14:09):
What?
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Well?
Speaker 5 (14:10):
I I thought that perhaps you might take care of that,
mister Cramer.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Just how do you propose I take care of that?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Mr Kramer? I ain't know more about you than you
might think I do. Oh do you I know? For example?
But you're quite unscrupulous. So yes, sir, quite.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Well about that.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
You'll be getting a very large to see, Mr Cramer.
And for that, see, I thought I have you.
Speaker 5 (14:51):
Might undertake the uh m job of execution.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
You didn't manuld be killed? You know you You'll only
be carrying out a just sentence on him.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Do you have anything murder myself?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
Oh? No, I don't you ever called a hang of
the murderer?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
No?
Speaker 5 (15:09):
Thanks, I'm sure you change your mind, mister Craymer.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
I doubt it. I told you.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
I know you're a great deal better than you think.
And there's a large summer money involved. How large you
name it?
Speaker 2 (15:32):
In advance?
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Whatever you say?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
A million dollars?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Alright? You sure? I have to be enough.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
I don't like being kidded, mister ghost.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Oh, dear sir, alright, if I see a million dollars
in currency on this desk tomorrow morning.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
You bought yourself an executioner, ye, provided I can.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Find the man.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
Oh, you will find them, mister Kramer, and then you'll
execute him. Well, I just uh, just one thing, mister Kramer. Yes,
I think you want to swear.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Alright, I swear.
Speaker 5 (16:27):
I take that very seriously. Mister Craymer, I shall see
that you carry out your car.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
I looked up when he said that, and there wasn't
anybody there. I don't know what you think of me.
I don't know whether you think I'm crazy or what.
Talking to a ghost, you expect people to scream and
run and be afraid of ghosts. That's the natural reaction,
the the one your condition to my ghost stories and
(17:02):
all that sort of thing. But you must understand that
that's the natural reaction. Only when the ghost suddenly appears
to you and waves its arms and you happen to
be in some lonely deserted spot at midnight. But when
a man walks into your office and sits and talks
(17:25):
to you for a while and.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Then casually tells you he's a ghost and then proves it.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
To you, well, you see you're not fighting. Then I
was wondering a little too what you thought about my
agreeing to be an executioner. I'll take it or leave
his friend, what would you do? See what I mean?
(17:57):
I never made any boast of being an am joe.
I've been a pretty rough character in the old days,
bumming around the country and just between us, friend, this
murder won't be the first one that I've.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Well, let's leave it there.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
And you know I'm I'm not so sure that I
will knock the gentleman off.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
As the bad boys say, ill half a million dollars
one night.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I take that very seriously, mister Kramer. I shall see
that you carry out your part.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
I wired Linda's utah about unsolved murders. The telephone woke
me up next morning early.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Hello, it's cream it miss radaw telegrag here for you're collect.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Till I pay for it. Where's it from?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
How do why.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Uph pay for it and read it to me? Ah?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Heh, boy, that's been until I cared open.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Gets from Lynn Hill Utah, Well read it's your horses?
Did no unstall murders? Here? What's that mean?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Never mind? Goodbye?
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Now look here now do yeah like that?
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Shut up?
Speaker 3 (19:36):
Ride a bow?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Look ride a bow and look at the answer itself?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Now what you didn't answer the phone? So I came home?
Speaker 1 (19:46):
What oh you you had to learns from Utah? It
said there wasn't any unsolved murder there, my friend?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Yes, I know.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
What about that?
Speaker 3 (20:00):
You should have let missus Radibar read. You're the rest
of the tele maam? What there was?
Speaker 5 (20:05):
More?
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Coldly? There was? Perhaps you better call missus radibab back. Oh,
I will.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Come on answer the phone. Where is that woman? Do
you know what the rest of the message was?
Speaker 3 (20:32):
Where'd you go? Rat about?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Answer that phone? Oh? That woman? No, Missus Radibah was
not in the office when I got there.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Huh, some day I shall fire that woman out of
hand if she keeps up these high handed tactics. And
what does she do with a telegram? I looked all
over the place. It wasn't my It wasn't in the
waste basket. It wasn't on the floor if that woman
took a wet err and you know, one of the
worst things about me is an absolutely ungovernable temporary. I
(21:11):
haven't had an offers a real red flaming rage for years.
It's a good thing I haven't. I could feel it
coming on, although I could get my hands on her.
I ripped to her desk, Uh compacts. What did that
old hank want with a compact? If I threw it
against the walls, candy bars, carbon paper? Why did she
(21:35):
do with that telegradion ars?
Speaker 3 (21:37):
I went back into my office.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
When I went out of that office, my desk was clear.
There wasn't a thing on it but a blutter and
my desk stand.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
With the two pants.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
No, it was lettered with stacks of money, stacks of money.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Did you ever see a million dollars when you're likely
to use your mind? If you ever do?
Speaker 1 (22:12):
I nearly did twenties, fifties hundred dollar bills, stacks and
stacks and snacks.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
And I couldn't help it.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I'd pick it up.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I loved it.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
I got up to my unpost in one here I
just wanted to feel a million dollars.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
I was chuckling and gave me to myself.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
I'd forgotten all about the telegram, and I heard a voice. Oh,
I'm tirey, mister Kramer. I jump back and drop money
over the place.
Speaker 3 (22:41):
Your hands.
Speaker 5 (22:42):
I'm sorry, you've got blood all over them.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I'm sorry. I was excited. I'll wash it off.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Wait what I brought to the telegram?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh the telegram?
Speaker 3 (23:00):
Didn't you say you've been in Limbdell?
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Yes, sir, I've been through there several times. M I
thought you did.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Why addressed that?
Speaker 3 (23:09):
I was wondering if perhaps you might not have heard
about my death or.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Or what? Oh?
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Nothing?
Speaker 5 (23:18):
Uh, I'm sorry that we have to explore every angle
only I fully intend you, sir, Good Good has a
million dollars there, that's wonderful. Just remember you haven't earned it. You,
I'll earn it, never fear y. Yes, I shall see
that you do.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
What about the telegram? Oh, I'm sorry, Yeah, thanks, sir,
I was actious. See what the.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Only unsolved mystery here? Several years ago? Unidentified hobo killed
by train? Well, that couldn't be you, yes, good, Why
it's killed by train? No, I was murdered well I
was a hobo. Well, so as I once.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
But but what.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I didn't get murdered?
Speaker 1 (24:14):
No?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
I did.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
And do you think this man is you?
Speaker 3 (24:22):
I know it is.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
I don't know how we're going.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
To prove that. I'll tell you. Well, when I recognize
the man, that'll be proof, won't it.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
But you said you didn't know who did it?
Speaker 1 (24:38):
I know when you find him he Look, this leaves
us right where we started.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
No, not exactly. I'm afraid it dies.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
I'm going to find the man who murdered me, or
rather you are, mister Craymer.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
I don't know where to start.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Think, mister Craymer, please think. Oh I just think it's impossible.
I don't.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Suggest something.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Then you're the detective.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Go to Lindo.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Would you want to go to Linde? Why not? Well?
Why not? There's a line of poetry I could quote
to you. Never send to know.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Never mind poetry.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Well then we don't need to go back to Lindale,
do we.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
You take your money and get out of here.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
Oh you'll hear me, beautifulgot all about it, hadn't you.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Yes you do, But you didn't even think of it
when I told you the place, well, I didn't know.
You just forgot Well, you know, the murderer now wasn't murder.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
It was an accident.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
The man died, I mean, I died.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Well, I doesn't make it murder.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
In my book, it does, mister Kramer. What I didn't
mean to meaning he hasn't got anything to do with it.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
We were just arguing in the freak car.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I remember very well now I'm just talking. We drank
their bottle, I remember, and Cram was going slow, just
calling around, and we got to arguing again a lot of.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
Herbert who.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
I didn't even know your name.
Speaker 3 (26:11):
I knew yours, I'd forgotten it.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
But I and then we started a fight.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
And insane temper of yours, mister Cramer, and you hit me.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I remember.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Then I got up.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yes, all I did was push you out of the car.
How was I don't know what happened. I fell under
the window.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
How knew what?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
You can fall out of a car going that's slow enough?
Can turn it all.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I died, But I tell you I didn't mean to one.
I didn't even know.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I'm sorry, Kramer, What are you gonna do about it?
Speaker 1 (26:38):
I'm not gonna do anything. I'm a ghost. Well, then
you got a job to perform.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
Though, mister Cramber, I won't do it. Oh, yes you will,
I woke.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
Yes you will, mister Cramer, sooner or later, because I'll
be with you, mister Cramer, wherever you grow, until you
do every second. I I will be with you when
you do anything to escape me. But there's only one way,
mister Cramer, only one way. Well, that poetry I started
to recite to never send to know, I know, never
(27:12):
send to know? For whom the bell holds, it holds
for me. Yes, your little teeger Kramer, Now the pistols
in the drawer. There you have listened to Quiet Please,
(27:39):
which is written and directed by Willis Cooper Kramer.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
The man who spoke to you was Bernice Chapel, and
Nancy Sheridan played Missus Radibaugh.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Abgar Staley was the other man.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
The original music for Quiet Please is composed and played
by Albert Burman. Now for a word about next week's
Quiet Please, Here is our writer, director Willis Cooper. My
story for your next this week is a true ghost
story about colonial days in America, one that really happened.
Shall we call it meeting at Taekwonderoga.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
And so until next week, I am quietly yours, Ernest Jambo.
Quiet please comes to you.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
From New York. This is the mutual broadcasting system.