May 24, 2025 • 34 mins
James hit the TEDx stage — and came off it with scuffed knees, a full heart, and a ton of lessons. In this funny, honest, and deeply human episode, he shares what it really felt like to chase a dream, miss his own high bar, and still come out stronger. From fast-talking nerves to heartfelt feedback, James unpacks how to handle expectations, love your messy moments, and keep building even when your blocks fall down. Spoiler: Neosporin and snack breaks are essential. If you've ever aimed high and landed... somewhere in the middle, this one’s for you.
🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔ ❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕
Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and breathe!
❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕ 🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔
Got something on your mind? James never runs out of things to say, so tell us what you want to discuss! Remember there is no shame in joy or for asking for what you need.
Leave a review, send us a screenshot, and we’ll mail you a sticker! See you next FRIDAY for another dose of Radical Joy.
James is not a therapist, but you’re not alone. If you're in crisis, call 988 for professional help.
For non-emergencies, Psychology Today can connect you with support and therapists who fit your needs.
This podcast and CLW Studios content are not therapy or a substitute for it. Guest opinions are their own. We're here for insight and encouragement but always seek professional support when needed.
This episode was Produced and edited by Kerri J of CLW Studios
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/radical-joy-with-james-bullard--5644728/support.
🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔ ❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕
Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and breathe!
❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕ 🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔
Got something on your mind? James never runs out of things to say, so tell us what you want to discuss!
Remember there is no shame in joy or for asking for what you need.
Leave a review, send us a screenshot, and we’ll mail you a sticker! See you next FRIDAY for another dose of Radical Joy.
James is not a therapist, but you’re not alone. If you're in crisis, call 988 for professional help.
For non-emergencies, Psychology Today can connect you with support and therapists who fit your needs.
This podcast and CLW Studios content are not therapy or a substitute for it. Guest opinions are their own.
We're here for insight and encouragement but always seek professional support when needed.
This episode was Produced and edited by Kerri J of CLW Studios
🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔ ❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕
Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and breathe!
❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕ 🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔
Got something on your mind? James never runs out of things to say, so tell us what you want to discuss! Remember there is no shame in joy or for asking for what you need.
Leave a review, send us a screenshot, and we’ll mail you a sticker! See you next FRIDAY for another dose of Radical Joy.
James is not a therapist, but you’re not alone. If you're in crisis, call 988 for professional help.
For non-emergencies, Psychology Today can connect you with support and therapists who fit your needs.
This podcast and CLW Studios content are not therapy or a substitute for it. Guest opinions are their own. We're here for insight and encouragement but always seek professional support when needed.
This episode was Produced and edited by Kerri J of CLW Studios
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/radical-joy-with-james-bullard--5644728/support.
🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔ ❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕
Take care of yourself, take care of each other, and breathe!
❤️🍊🟨💚💙💜🟤🖤❕❕ 🌹🧡🟡🌳🔷🟪🤎🖤❔
Got something on your mind? James never runs out of things to say, so tell us what you want to discuss!
Remember there is no shame in joy or for asking for what you need.
Leave a review, send us a screenshot, and we’ll mail you a sticker! See you next FRIDAY for another dose of Radical Joy.
James is not a therapist, but you’re not alone. If you're in crisis, call 988 for professional help.
For non-emergencies, Psychology Today can connect you with support and therapists who fit your needs.
This podcast and CLW Studios content are not therapy or a substitute for it. Guest opinions are their own.
We're here for insight and encouragement but always seek professional support when needed.
This episode was Produced and edited by Kerri J of CLW Studios
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello, friends, So happy to have you here with me
today at Radical Joy. If you've been here before, welcome back.
If this is your first time with me, well I'm
glad you're here. Each week, i'm here with you talking
to myself about things that weigh on my mind and heart,
hoping if you're dealing with something similar, we can adjust
our perspectives as you listen. Hey, if you're struggling with
(00:33):
something that needs immediate attention, please know that help is available,
just as on nine eight eight nationwide in the US
to reach the Mental Health and Suicide Crisis Hotline. All
of us here at COLW Studios believe that mental health
is a vital part of our well being. The more
people I meet and the more places I go, the
(00:54):
more I realize how important it is to make people
aware of the fact that there is no shame in
joining the parts of our lives that are incredible. It's
time for some radical joy And this week, the three
fingers pointing back at me are for what TEDx taught me.
This was a great, big week in my life. As
(01:16):
far as I could tell, I have a lot on
my plate in a very short amount of time, and
I thrill because of it now, thirty three point three
percent of that has already come to fruition, and it
was what I would call a learning experience. I say
(01:37):
that with a very large smile on my face and
an enormous amount of gratitude in my heart, because sometimes
lessons are not necessarily the easiest learned. So what I
would like to do, number one, is offer gratitude and
just share how proud I am that I got to
be a part of this and have what I consider
(01:58):
to be my first TED talk at the Tedex event
here in Naimeha, amazing, wonderful. Having said that, what I
would like to do is offer joyfully a few things
that I learned in this process and some things that
my friends taught me whenever I discussed it with them.
Number one, we are always our own worst critics, right exactly,
(02:25):
So while you're in the middle of something, or whenever
you think back on something, or if you're so fortunate
as I to have some sort of video record of something,
you can look at it with a critical and hopefully
kind yet still accountable eye and know what it is
you could have done better. Looking at it very specifically,
(02:48):
you know what you prepare in order to be more
effective in the future, and you put that in your
pocket and you write it down on your heart, and
you take it with you every step moving forward. What
I want to say at this point is I am
not disappointed. I had high expectations for the way this
(03:10):
was going to go, and I did not meet them personally.
I did not meet them. Good to know, because what
I'm going to do now is not lower my expectations.
What I'm going to do is be kinder to myself
whenever I reach seventy to eighty percent instead of high nineties,
because seventy to eighty percent of something that you threw
(03:33):
yourself at feels pretty great regardless. While rehearsing and homeworking
and all of these kinds of things, one goes down
a rabbit hole of YouTube and Ted and all of
these other websites where you see these incredible speakers with
these thrilling and engaging topics and you're like, oh my god, yeah,
(03:57):
I would love to do that, not only for what
it puts into the world, but also what I would
love to do for the world myself specifically. And you
watch it, you're like, oh my god, please let this
be that. And then when it doesn't happen exactly the
way that you had hoped, like, okay, okay, and you
walk away with your feeling's own skinned knees. Right. If
(04:23):
I'm going to make my feelings a person, I'm going
to anthropomorphize that into a human being. My feelings person
walked away with a little bit of a limp and
some scuffed knees, a huge grin on its face, Make
no mistake, Wow, amazing, hallelujah. I want to make sure
(04:46):
that I acknowledge the entire part of this. Am I
proud of it? Yes? Am I as proud of it
as I hoped I would be walking away from that stage. No,
and that is on me, okay, and again not coming
down on me. I'm saying that because I think a
lot of us share a similar situation in many different things.
And here's what I'm thinking along those lines. We've already
(05:11):
talked about my expectations. What I want to say now
is a lot of times I think life will present
us with something that is much larger in comparison than
to a lot of other events or items or little
ticks on the to do list. I would like to
do is say yes, huge wonderful. And if they don't
(05:33):
go entirely as planned, what we have to do is
make sure that we continue to add that to the
stew and stir it instead of letting it float on
the top like something that it doesn't go into the
rest of it. It will melt, it will become a
part of the system, and it will make it all
the more delicious. Even though right now it's floating on
the top and it's kind of giving you the hairy
eyeball cool, let it sink, Let it melt, and stir
(05:57):
it into the rest of it, because it's only one
of those things that you can look at for so long,
and then you have to realize I did great. I
took it. It was huge. I feel awesome, And now
it's on to the next thing. And there are days
I will look back at this and I will still
beam with pride. For right now, I need some niasporin
(06:19):
and maybe a couple of kisses on the booboos, and
away we go more things. For this. I had six
people in my audience, and that was amazing. When I
say I had, I mean I specifically had six friends
who came to attend the talk. Among the other strangers,
(06:40):
pardon me, just so we know what I'm talking about.
There weren't only six people in the audience. I had
six friends that came to see me talk, and it
sent me to the moon in the best way possible
and added to the jitter and excitement of the event,
(07:00):
meaning that perhaps.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I was just a little more enthusiastic slash high energy
than I normally am, which means that my brain knows
that when that happens, I speak entirely too quickly for
a public speaking situation, so I overslowed to compensate.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And maybe that's just me watching the video playback. Maybe
I don't know. I'm going to leave that to whoever
sees it from here on out. When I listen to
playback of Radical Joy, I listen to it on one
point twenty five X or one point five X because
the way that I have been instructed to speak feels
(07:43):
glacial in my own ears. It is like a three
toed sloth treading molasses in the Arctic circle. Slow in
my ears, like, oh my sweet Lord Jesus help. It
may not sound like that to the rest of the world.
And if that's the that is great, And I continue
to remind myself of these things. I did the best
(08:06):
I could with the way that I was feeling at
the moment. I was given so many wonderful circumstances to
mix into the whole situation, and I perhaps overcompensated for
one or two of them, and that is what it is.
I smile about it now because I know that this
kind of feeling that I have from the way things
(08:29):
went will encourage and almost enforce me to remember exactly
how I'm feeling now, so when a situation like this
rises again, I will be prepared. I will be a
little bit more gentle with the correction instead of a
little bit more drastic, and I think that will serve
(08:51):
all parties involved. What I don't want to do is
blame anything except me on this, because there's really nothing
to blame. This is how it went. I was happy
with it. I could have been much happier with it.
I think my expectations on myself were just perhaps a
little higher. And that's why I'm telling you this today.
(09:13):
Whenever we walk into something that we considered be very important,
it's important that we do it, and it's important that
if it doesn't turn out exactly as we had hoped,
meaning you know, millions of views on YouTube or the
highest trending whatever. And yes, one hundred percent, there was
part of me that expected that. Make no mistake, I'm
(09:35):
just going to be so brutally honest with myself and
you right now, and that is not what Bullard delivered,
and that is what it is. And so moving forward,
I will take this lesson with me. Right now. It
is a little prickly, it will continue to grow and soften,
(09:58):
and it will be better for me in the future
because everything is learning, literally all of it. And I
would not have traded anything for that experience I had
people in the audience. I was given a topic that
I love to speak on, which is creativity. I hear
(10:18):
some of the things that I said to the ooh
that was an ad lib that I really would not
have preferred. I could have said something much more refined
in that moment, especially given the climate, especially my background
as an artist and performer, and I give myself grace.
(10:39):
I do and know that whenever we talk about this
in the future, I will come from a much more
educated stance and I will know how to phrase that
more aptly, so it really communicates exactly how I feel
about the situation, instead of putting people on edge. I
am allowed mistakes, as are we all. And here's the thing.
(11:02):
I'm not trying to stir anybody up to try to
get a better listen at this, just so we're clear.
This is not one of those things like well, telling
you really flubbed it, and then everybody's going to want
to listen. No, I don't feel like that at all.
I really don't. I did not meet my expectations, and
I think that my own expectations of this were very high.
(11:22):
And so I brought that here in hand to offer
to all of you, to say, hey, when you do
that to yourself, please understand that it may hurt for
a second. That doesn't mean that we give up. That
doesn't mean that we slink away into some sort of
shadow to lick a wound. That means we take a
hot second, and we look at what happened, We put
(11:44):
pen to paper, we give it a really serious look,
and then we start to assess again. How many times
have I said that whenever we have a dream in
any era of our lives, we work toward it and
we continue to check back in with it, just to
make sure that it's what we really really want out
(12:06):
of our lives. This was a moment of reassessment for me,
and it has never been clear that I would love
to continue doing these kinds of things. And instead of
trying to put on some sort of face or deliver
what I think people expect, I need to be more
true to who and what I do, who and what
(12:29):
I am, and give that in the very specific and
loving way that I have grown into being able to
do to deliver. That's the thing. People don't listen to
what I have to say because they think it is
necessarily healthy or wise or good or whatever. It may
(12:52):
have elements of that, And if you think so, I
appreciate the compliment and the faith. People listen because it's fun,
because it is very specifically me and my voice. Again
not patting myself on the back. I think people tune
in because I deliver things in a way that not
many others would choose to do. And that's it, And
(13:17):
that's the thing that's the secret sauce. And instead of
trying to be high falutin or fancy or blah blah
blah blah blah, what I want to do is just
be me because trying to be something else. Whenever a
lot of eyes may be watching, I think is probably
going to lead to unmet expectations on my part, and
(13:41):
that is a lesson I learned. What it did do
as well was kind of shake up a lot of
my blocks, which I love. The thing that I say
whenever I say that, the vision I have in mind
is it's almost like a wall or a what a
child would make with blocks. You know, it's they put
(14:04):
it together and it stands. It is standing. It is
an edifice built at the hands of people that really
have an idea of something and they want to build it,
and they have well done. It's not the most stable
or sturdy, and so whenever it gets shaken just a little,
chances are very good it's either going to shift into
(14:25):
something more stable or it may fall. And that's okay too.
What it does now is it shows you where the
weaknesses and the faults were in what you did before.
And these are very objective nouns, Okay, weakness and fault
not meaning a weakness in character or a fault in
(14:47):
your reasoning. It means that what you're building had spots
that needed strengthening. So we're going to give it a shake,
and we're going to see where those were and when
we rebuild, because now all of these elements are lying
at our feet in pieces, and that's good. It doesn't
(15:07):
feel great, it is great, just so we have that
dichotomy in our mind. We have that very specific I
don't love this well, no, no, who would? That doesn't
make any sense. If you love the fact that what
you've built over however long, is now in sort of
a crumbling business at your feet, that's not something we
(15:32):
would generally enjoy. And you still have all of those
building blocks in their wholeness, and they're all still there.
Now what you have is the opportunity to build it
back into something more substantial, because you know where those
weaknesses were, and now you have the opportunity to build
(15:58):
it back stronger. And if it was too high, cool,
now you know to make a wider base so that
when you build it as high or higher next time,
it'll be stronger. Or you know how to place those
blocks in such a way so that it has holes
where you can look out, holes that will let the
(16:18):
light in. So it isn't solid, but it's still sturdy
and you can look out and see others and they
can look in and see what you're trying to do,
and what might have been a wall or a fort
(16:39):
before is now something different. It is built stronger, It
is built with a way that you can share with
others and they can see in and you can communicate
with them from the inside out, and you have an
(17:00):
avenue of exchange. You're no longer sequestering yourself or hiding
yourself by what you've built. You see what can be improved,
and you do it. Why because your foundation has been shaken.
(17:21):
And that's important because the next time your foundation shakes,
you get to see what falls off and what continues
to stand. What a valuable lesson, how important a thing
to know? And that's just it. It it's not fun, Okay,
(17:43):
Just so we're so very clear right now. It's not fun.
You walk into something like that thinking, oh my goodness, okay,
got it. I have an opportunity and I want to
capitalize on this the best that I can. This could
be a huge opportunity to get whatever message I have
out to the world. And it is and that's wonderful
and I will forever be grateful for that element of it.
(18:07):
And whenever something unexpected happens. You got to take a hard,
long look at exactly what just went down to know
how we move forward from something like that, because it'll
it'll definitely shake you. Okay, cool, And that's what we do.
And then I put it up on Facebook. You know.
(18:29):
It was one of those things where I needed a
couple of days. I needed to rest. Who boy, did
I need to rest. What I needed was a belly
full and a good night's sleep, and I got both
of them. I was surrounded by people who care about
me incredibly deeply. Let me just before I get into
the next thought, I want to just say this. I
have a friend here in the Netherlands. He and his
(18:50):
wife are incredible. They're a very large reason of why
I'm here now. They were both in the audience and
there was a point during my speech I said, close
your eyes and imagine if you can, and watching them
close their eyes incredible. Also, once the talk was finished,
(19:11):
I was still sweating from every pore and trembling all over.
I tried not to hold my hands out during the
speech because I am sure I was shaking like a leaf.
And he is a professional public speaker and trainer, and
that sort of thing, and it was really enjoyable for
me because he came to me with a wonderful assessment.
(19:37):
I don't want to call it a compliment necessarily, he
said to me. And I will remember this until they
put me in the ground or an urn. He says,
that was way way, way way above average. Thank you,
(20:02):
thank you for that. I really appreciate that. So yes,
and that's the thing that sort of dovetails into what
I wanted to say about what I assessed publicly on
my social media. A couple of days later, after my
thorough sleep and my the thorough stuffing of eating my
(20:27):
feelings and making sure that I had enough to eat
so that I didn't worry about it as much anymore.
I honestly, I wrote this out probably a lot of
what we've covered today in this episode. I put on
my socials, my Instagram, my Facebook, my whatever, and the
people had the most wonderful things to say. My people,
(20:48):
not the people. My people came and said, you know what,
you set out to do the thing, and you did
the thing. Like, don't be too hot on yourself, because
I still went up there and you flipping did it,
And these are things you don't think about whenever you're
sort of doing the post mortem of you know, this
(21:12):
life event, this huge event that you try to prepare
for as best as you could, and it did not
go as expected, Okay, and what great next? We learned,
super and we know you learned, and you put it
out here for all of us to hear, and you
shared it like great next Awesome. Our expectations of ourselves
(21:39):
are so much higher than basically probably anybody else in
the world. And that goes for everything, whether it's job,
maybe it's family. I don't know your specific relationship situation
or dynamic, but I'm thinking to myself, if we are honest,
dead to rights doing as best as we can with
what it is that we've been given or what it
(22:00):
is we have tried so hard to build, I want
to say that it's gonna be really hard to disappoint
people who come to watch you succeed. And what it
is you do with the people that you love the
most is probably going to look as good as you
(22:23):
want it to to them in their eyes. So whenever
you start to feel a little bit shaky insecure, that
kind of thing, I hope, I honestly do that you
have people in your life that were there for me
whenever I was feeling a little shaken about this entire situation,
and are honest with you to give you a candid assessment,
(22:47):
especially knowing what you know and moving forward, you're going
to do even better with it. Let me just say
this again. I want to make sure that I'm so
clear on this. I'm not harshing myself. Whenever I talk
about these kind of things, I am not giving myself
any kind of terrible about it. I'm not beating myself up.
I did not meet my own expectations for it because
(23:08):
my expectations for something like this were crazy high, and
I will continue to reach for them in the meantime
when I miss, and I expect it'll happen again. Even
though I will grow exponentially between now and the next
opportunity great, I will continue to be proud of the progress,
(23:35):
and I will continue to look for ways that I
can be better, because that's what we do here. Radical joy,
isn't it? It? Sure is. We look at it and
we know that there are spots that we can make stronger.
And what do we do? We go right there. But anecdotal,
my shoulders are probably some of the weakest muscle groups
(23:55):
that I've got on my body. Why I have a
wonky left road cuff. I'm not really sure what's going
on there. I don't know if it's posture, if it's
an injury from working out, whatever. So anytime I get
just a little extra time in the gym, I want
to throw in some lateral raises, or I want to,
you know, do some rear dealt raises or any of
(24:17):
these other kind of things like why are you always
doing that? And why are you not lifting any more
weight than that? One? If I lift any more weight,
it's probably gonna hurt me more than it's gonna help me.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Two.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
As long as I go lighter and really great form,
I'm gonna be okay. And I'm still gonna build that
muscle the way I want to build it. That is
very much the same thing here. I'm not gonna try
to lift too much weight more than I can do.
I will continue with progressive overload so that muscle can
(24:48):
continue to grow into an esthetic that pleases me. And
I'm also gonna make sure that I give it the
grace that it deserves, because there's something in there that's
not entirely right. So I have to work at it
consistently so it continues to strengthen, and I build all
of the smaller muscles around it so that I don't
(25:10):
re injure myself while trying to be bigger, better, stronger.
Right exactly, Am I gonna shy away from this kind
of thing again? No? I got hit by a car
in my bicycle and I was right back on that
some bitch the very next day. Why Because that is
(25:32):
not who we are radical joy is it? Whether the
dude in the headphones, by the microphone or anyone listening,
that's not who we are. We stand up straight, we
look at what happened, We get it, We dust ourselves off,
we apply na sporing, we cluck our tongues and shake
(25:54):
our heads slowly, and then we get back up and
we do it again. Because that's not what scares us.
The things that scare us are walking away from something
without totally beating that thing in a submission, whatever that
(26:15):
looks like, whatever that means, by being the best partner
or husband or wife or employee while maintaining a work
life balance, artist, performer, and whatever it is parent. Whenever
(26:37):
we see something that we did that could probably use
a little focus and improvement. We're not backing down from it. No,
we're not. We're gonna acknowledge what happened. We're gonna probably
take some notes. Yeah I did, I absolutely did. I
wrote that stuff down and I put it somewhere I
could look back on it and get reminders for it
(27:01):
and get just a little bit of net hug from
the people who love me the most. I put in
there's like, hey, I'm not looking for compliments, and I
want you to know I'm not doubting myself. What I'm
doing is sharing this because I am holding myself accountable
solidly and gently. And here we are, and that's just
(27:24):
what it is in a in you know, a week's time.
Am I going to look back at this and be
thrilled about it? I sure hope. So I really do.
Because the more I think about it and we're like okay, yeah,
and I'm not making excuses for what happened, I continue
to put reasons as mortar around the thing that I'm
building now as I rebuild the good thing that I
(27:46):
did into the good things I am still waiting to do,
because you can't. You can't keep doing the big stuff
if you've got all your blocks around your feet. You
got to keep building. And how you're smarter now you
see the flaws in your design and you move forward
in a way that's gonna make this more sturdy. It's
(28:09):
gonna make it last longer. It's gonna make it so
that you can continue building on it instead of it
to take just a minute to sort of rebuild the
where you thought you were before into something that's now
an even taller foundation to continue to build your masterpiece,
your tower to heaven. However you want to look at it.
And the thing we're not gonna do is get mad
(28:31):
or stay mad about it. We're gonna acknowledge it. Yeah yeah,
oh yeah, oof tah. That did not meet bullard expectation
of what this was supposed to be. Cool, Absolutely fine,
it sure is. What it did do was taught me
a valuable lesson. It also showed me that something that
(28:53):
I thought was well beyond my grasp, especially at this
point in my life career. However, we'll look at it,
journey got it, got it, and will continue to reach
for brass rings at that level and higher and will
have more confidence in my ability to yank them from
(29:15):
heaven because I have done it already, and I want
to put this fearlessness in all of us in finding
ways that whatever it is that's scaring us, or keeping
us from doing what it is we're looking to do,
or being who it is, we know we are in
our guts. We continue to go after it, and if
(29:40):
it doesn't exactly meet expectations on the first try, we
look at it with a very discerning eyeball. We ask
the people we trust and love to tell us the truth,
the real truth, kind as it may be, harsh as
it may come. We ask them because they love us
and want the best for us. And then we sit
(30:01):
with it and we write it down and we see
what's going on, like, okay, make no cards, put them
around you figure out what stack goes where and what
goes in each stack. Okay, all right, And then we
start to build, because that's going to be tough to tote. Okay,
it's just like lifting weights. The heavier it is, the
(30:23):
stronger we get, the more unbearable the load, the more
we have to push at it to eventually get it
to move, to eventually get it in our arms, to
eventually get it overhead. And at every step of the way,
we get bigger and stronger and more confident in the
fact that we are going to put this overhead and
(30:45):
that's where it's going to stay until we choose to
put it back down again. Thank y'all for joining us
here at Radical Joy with SEALEDW Studios. If anyone from
ted X is listening, I sure as heck hope this
is gonna be okay. Thank you for the lessons I learned.
(31:08):
Thank you for the opportunity you presented to me to
be able to stand on that stage with your name
in the background. I hope I did us all proud
in one way or another. If this is your first episode,
welcome If it is not your first episode, let me
just say welcome back. If you're the kind of person
(31:30):
who loves to leave a re you please do so
on whatever platform where you're listening. Leave us a five
star review, and please take a screenshot of that send
it to us here at Radical Joy in CLW Studios.
We would love to send you some swag. We just
changed our look at the beginning of season three. We
would love to update you with some fresh swag with
(31:51):
our new esthetic. Put that sticker on a water bottle
on a journal on a laptop wherever you choose to
put that sticker. And please, if this is helpful for you,
tell your friends folks who you think might benefit from
joining us here at Radical Joy, please share with them,
because honestly, that is by far a the highest compliment
(32:15):
and be the best advertising we could hope to have.
Thank you for joining us this week, and as always,
please never forget just how much we love y'all. Thank
you for taking time to share a moment of joy
(32:36):
and hope with me. We're so grateful you're here. If
this is your first time, take a moment to check
out our archive. See if there's something else in there
that fires you out, rekindles the joy in you. Hey,
spread the word. If you got something out of being
with us today, we welcome your thoughts and suggestions. Now
I rarely run out of things to talk about, but
if there's something I haven't covered that's on your mind
or heart, I want to hear from you. To learn
(32:58):
more about me and CLW Studios, follow the links in
the show notes. Hey, don't forget. When you leave Radical
Joy a review, be sure to send us a screenshot.
We'll send you some kick ass swag to show our gratitude.
I am not a therapist or a medical professional. If
you're experiencing a mental health emergency, please call nine to
eight eight to reach the National Crisis Lifeline. This content
(33:19):
and other content produced by CLAU Studios and affiliated partners,
is not therapy, and nothing in this content indicates a
therapeutic relationship. Any opinions of guests on this podcast are
their own and do not represent the opinions of James
or CLA Studios. Please consult with your therapist or see
what in your area if you're experiencing mental health symptoms.
Everything in this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes.
(33:41):
Only have a great one and we will see you
next week for another dose of radical joy love y'all
(34:02):
to
Hello, friends, So happy to have you here with me
today at Radical Joy. If you've been here before, welcome back.
If this is your first time with me, well I'm
glad you're here. Each week, i'm here with you talking
to myself about things that weigh on my mind and heart,
hoping if you're dealing with something similar, we can adjust
our perspectives as you listen. Hey, if you're struggling with
(00:33):
something that needs immediate attention, please know that help is available,
just as on nine eight eight nationwide in the US
to reach the Mental Health and Suicide Crisis Hotline. All
of us here at COLW Studios believe that mental health
is a vital part of our well being. The more
people I meet and the more places I go, the
(00:54):
more I realize how important it is to make people
aware of the fact that there is no shame in
joining the parts of our lives that are incredible. It's
time for some radical joy And this week, the three
fingers pointing back at me are for what TEDx taught me.
This was a great, big week in my life. As
(01:16):
far as I could tell, I have a lot on
my plate in a very short amount of time, and
I thrill because of it now, thirty three point three
percent of that has already come to fruition, and it
was what I would call a learning experience. I say
(01:37):
that with a very large smile on my face and
an enormous amount of gratitude in my heart, because sometimes
lessons are not necessarily the easiest learned. So what I
would like to do, number one, is offer gratitude and
just share how proud I am that I got to
be a part of this and have what I consider
(01:58):
to be my first TED talk at the Tedex event
here in Naimeha, amazing, wonderful. Having said that, what I
would like to do is offer joyfully a few things
that I learned in this process and some things that
my friends taught me whenever I discussed it with them.
Number one, we are always our own worst critics, right exactly,
(02:25):
So while you're in the middle of something, or whenever
you think back on something, or if you're so fortunate
as I to have some sort of video record of something,
you can look at it with a critical and hopefully
kind yet still accountable eye and know what it is
you could have done better. Looking at it very specifically,
(02:48):
you know what you prepare in order to be more
effective in the future, and you put that in your
pocket and you write it down on your heart, and
you take it with you every step moving forward. What
I want to say at this point is I am
not disappointed. I had high expectations for the way this
(03:10):
was going to go, and I did not meet them personally.
I did not meet them. Good to know, because what
I'm going to do now is not lower my expectations.
What I'm going to do is be kinder to myself
whenever I reach seventy to eighty percent instead of high nineties,
because seventy to eighty percent of something that you threw
(03:33):
yourself at feels pretty great regardless. While rehearsing and homeworking
and all of these kinds of things, one goes down
a rabbit hole of YouTube and Ted and all of
these other websites where you see these incredible speakers with
these thrilling and engaging topics and you're like, oh my god, yeah,
(03:57):
I would love to do that, not only for what
it puts into the world, but also what I would
love to do for the world myself specifically. And you
watch it, you're like, oh my god, please let this
be that. And then when it doesn't happen exactly the
way that you had hoped, like, okay, okay, and you
walk away with your feeling's own skinned knees. Right. If
(04:23):
I'm going to make my feelings a person, I'm going
to anthropomorphize that into a human being. My feelings person
walked away with a little bit of a limp and
some scuffed knees, a huge grin on its face, Make
no mistake, Wow, amazing, hallelujah. I want to make sure
(04:46):
that I acknowledge the entire part of this. Am I
proud of it? Yes? Am I as proud of it
as I hoped I would be walking away from that stage. No,
and that is on me, okay, and again not coming
down on me. I'm saying that because I think a
lot of us share a similar situation in many different things.
And here's what I'm thinking along those lines. We've already
(05:11):
talked about my expectations. What I want to say now
is a lot of times I think life will present
us with something that is much larger in comparison than
to a lot of other events or items or little
ticks on the to do list. I would like to
do is say yes, huge wonderful. And if they don't
(05:33):
go entirely as planned, what we have to do is
make sure that we continue to add that to the
stew and stir it instead of letting it float on
the top like something that it doesn't go into the
rest of it. It will melt, it will become a
part of the system, and it will make it all
the more delicious. Even though right now it's floating on
the top and it's kind of giving you the hairy
eyeball cool, let it sink, Let it melt, and stir
(05:57):
it into the rest of it, because it's only one
of those things that you can look at for so long,
and then you have to realize I did great. I
took it. It was huge. I feel awesome, And now
it's on to the next thing. And there are days
I will look back at this and I will still
beam with pride. For right now, I need some niasporin
(06:19):
and maybe a couple of kisses on the booboos, and
away we go more things. For this. I had six
people in my audience, and that was amazing. When I
say I had, I mean I specifically had six friends
who came to attend the talk. Among the other strangers,
(06:40):
pardon me, just so we know what I'm talking about.
There weren't only six people in the audience. I had
six friends that came to see me talk, and it
sent me to the moon in the best way possible
and added to the jitter and excitement of the event,
(07:00):
meaning that perhaps.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
I was just a little more enthusiastic slash high energy
than I normally am, which means that my brain knows
that when that happens, I speak entirely too quickly for
a public speaking situation, so I overslowed to compensate.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
And maybe that's just me watching the video playback. Maybe
I don't know. I'm going to leave that to whoever
sees it from here on out. When I listen to
playback of Radical Joy, I listen to it on one
point twenty five X or one point five X because
the way that I have been instructed to speak feels
(07:43):
glacial in my own ears. It is like a three
toed sloth treading molasses in the Arctic circle. Slow in
my ears, like, oh my sweet Lord Jesus help. It
may not sound like that to the rest of the world.
And if that's the that is great, And I continue
to remind myself of these things. I did the best
(08:06):
I could with the way that I was feeling at
the moment. I was given so many wonderful circumstances to
mix into the whole situation, and I perhaps overcompensated for
one or two of them, and that is what it is.
I smile about it now because I know that this
kind of feeling that I have from the way things
(08:29):
went will encourage and almost enforce me to remember exactly
how I'm feeling now, so when a situation like this
rises again, I will be prepared. I will be a
little bit more gentle with the correction instead of a
little bit more drastic, and I think that will serve
(08:51):
all parties involved. What I don't want to do is
blame anything except me on this, because there's really nothing
to blame. This is how it went. I was happy
with it. I could have been much happier with it.
I think my expectations on myself were just perhaps a
little higher. And that's why I'm telling you this today.
(09:13):
Whenever we walk into something that we considered be very important,
it's important that we do it, and it's important that
if it doesn't turn out exactly as we had hoped,
meaning you know, millions of views on YouTube or the
highest trending whatever. And yes, one hundred percent, there was
part of me that expected that. Make no mistake, I'm
(09:35):
just going to be so brutally honest with myself and
you right now, and that is not what Bullard delivered,
and that is what it is. And so moving forward,
I will take this lesson with me. Right now. It
is a little prickly, it will continue to grow and soften,
(09:58):
and it will be better for me in the future
because everything is learning, literally all of it. And I
would not have traded anything for that experience I had
people in the audience. I was given a topic that
I love to speak on, which is creativity. I hear
(10:18):
some of the things that I said to the ooh
that was an ad lib that I really would not
have preferred. I could have said something much more refined
in that moment, especially given the climate, especially my background
as an artist and performer, and I give myself grace.
(10:39):
I do and know that whenever we talk about this
in the future, I will come from a much more
educated stance and I will know how to phrase that
more aptly, so it really communicates exactly how I feel
about the situation, instead of putting people on edge. I
am allowed mistakes, as are we all. And here's the thing.
(11:02):
I'm not trying to stir anybody up to try to
get a better listen at this, just so we're clear.
This is not one of those things like well, telling
you really flubbed it, and then everybody's going to want
to listen. No, I don't feel like that at all.
I really don't. I did not meet my expectations, and
I think that my own expectations of this were very high.
(11:22):
And so I brought that here in hand to offer
to all of you, to say, hey, when you do
that to yourself, please understand that it may hurt for
a second. That doesn't mean that we give up. That
doesn't mean that we slink away into some sort of
shadow to lick a wound. That means we take a
hot second, and we look at what happened, We put
(11:44):
pen to paper, we give it a really serious look,
and then we start to assess again. How many times
have I said that whenever we have a dream in
any era of our lives, we work toward it and
we continue to check back in with it, just to
make sure that it's what we really really want out
(12:06):
of our lives. This was a moment of reassessment for me,
and it has never been clear that I would love
to continue doing these kinds of things. And instead of
trying to put on some sort of face or deliver
what I think people expect, I need to be more
true to who and what I do, who and what
(12:29):
I am, and give that in the very specific and
loving way that I have grown into being able to
do to deliver. That's the thing. People don't listen to
what I have to say because they think it is
necessarily healthy or wise or good or whatever. It may
(12:52):
have elements of that, And if you think so, I
appreciate the compliment and the faith. People listen because it's fun,
because it is very specifically me and my voice. Again
not patting myself on the back. I think people tune
in because I deliver things in a way that not
many others would choose to do. And that's it, And
(13:17):
that's the thing that's the secret sauce. And instead of
trying to be high falutin or fancy or blah blah
blah blah blah, what I want to do is just
be me because trying to be something else. Whenever a
lot of eyes may be watching, I think is probably
going to lead to unmet expectations on my part, and
(13:41):
that is a lesson I learned. What it did do
as well was kind of shake up a lot of
my blocks, which I love. The thing that I say
whenever I say that, the vision I have in mind
is it's almost like a wall or a what a
child would make with blocks. You know, it's they put
(14:04):
it together and it stands. It is standing. It is
an edifice built at the hands of people that really
have an idea of something and they want to build it,
and they have well done. It's not the most stable
or sturdy, and so whenever it gets shaken just a little,
chances are very good it's either going to shift into
(14:25):
something more stable or it may fall. And that's okay too.
What it does now is it shows you where the
weaknesses and the faults were in what you did before.
And these are very objective nouns, Okay, weakness and fault
not meaning a weakness in character or a fault in
(14:47):
your reasoning. It means that what you're building had spots
that needed strengthening. So we're going to give it a shake,
and we're going to see where those were and when
we rebuild, because now all of these elements are lying
at our feet in pieces, and that's good. It doesn't
(15:07):
feel great, it is great, just so we have that
dichotomy in our mind. We have that very specific I
don't love this well, no, no, who would? That doesn't
make any sense. If you love the fact that what
you've built over however long, is now in sort of
a crumbling business at your feet, that's not something we
(15:32):
would generally enjoy. And you still have all of those
building blocks in their wholeness, and they're all still there.
Now what you have is the opportunity to build it
back into something more substantial, because you know where those
weaknesses were, and now you have the opportunity to build
(15:58):
it back stronger. And if it was too high, cool,
now you know to make a wider base so that
when you build it as high or higher next time,
it'll be stronger. Or you know how to place those
blocks in such a way so that it has holes
where you can look out, holes that will let the
(16:18):
light in. So it isn't solid, but it's still sturdy
and you can look out and see others and they
can look in and see what you're trying to do,
and what might have been a wall or a fort
(16:39):
before is now something different. It is built stronger, It
is built with a way that you can share with
others and they can see in and you can communicate
with them from the inside out, and you have an
(17:00):
avenue of exchange. You're no longer sequestering yourself or hiding
yourself by what you've built. You see what can be improved,
and you do it. Why because your foundation has been shaken.
(17:21):
And that's important because the next time your foundation shakes,
you get to see what falls off and what continues
to stand. What a valuable lesson, how important a thing
to know? And that's just it. It it's not fun, Okay,
(17:43):
Just so we're so very clear right now. It's not fun.
You walk into something like that thinking, oh my goodness, okay,
got it. I have an opportunity and I want to
capitalize on this the best that I can. This could
be a huge opportunity to get whatever message I have
out to the world. And it is and that's wonderful
and I will forever be grateful for that element of it.
(18:07):
And whenever something unexpected happens. You got to take a hard,
long look at exactly what just went down to know
how we move forward from something like that, because it'll
it'll definitely shake you. Okay, cool, And that's what we do.
And then I put it up on Facebook. You know.
(18:29):
It was one of those things where I needed a
couple of days. I needed to rest. Who boy, did
I need to rest. What I needed was a belly
full and a good night's sleep, and I got both
of them. I was surrounded by people who care about
me incredibly deeply. Let me just before I get into
the next thought, I want to just say this. I
have a friend here in the Netherlands. He and his
(18:50):
wife are incredible. They're a very large reason of why
I'm here now. They were both in the audience and
there was a point during my speech I said, close
your eyes and imagine if you can, and watching them
close their eyes incredible. Also, once the talk was finished,
(19:11):
I was still sweating from every pore and trembling all over.
I tried not to hold my hands out during the
speech because I am sure I was shaking like a leaf.
And he is a professional public speaker and trainer, and
that sort of thing, and it was really enjoyable for
me because he came to me with a wonderful assessment.
(19:37):
I don't want to call it a compliment necessarily, he
said to me. And I will remember this until they
put me in the ground or an urn. He says,
that was way way, way way above average. Thank you,
(20:02):
thank you for that. I really appreciate that. So yes,
and that's the thing that sort of dovetails into what
I wanted to say about what I assessed publicly on
my social media. A couple of days later, after my
thorough sleep and my the thorough stuffing of eating my
(20:27):
feelings and making sure that I had enough to eat
so that I didn't worry about it as much anymore.
I honestly, I wrote this out probably a lot of
what we've covered today in this episode. I put on
my socials, my Instagram, my Facebook, my whatever, and the
people had the most wonderful things to say. My people,
(20:48):
not the people. My people came and said, you know what,
you set out to do the thing, and you did
the thing. Like, don't be too hot on yourself, because
I still went up there and you flipping did it,
And these are things you don't think about whenever you're
sort of doing the post mortem of you know, this
(21:12):
life event, this huge event that you try to prepare
for as best as you could, and it did not
go as expected, Okay, and what great next? We learned,
super and we know you learned, and you put it
out here for all of us to hear, and you
shared it like great next Awesome. Our expectations of ourselves
(21:39):
are so much higher than basically probably anybody else in
the world. And that goes for everything, whether it's job,
maybe it's family. I don't know your specific relationship situation
or dynamic, but I'm thinking to myself, if we are honest,
dead to rights doing as best as we can with
what it is that we've been given or what it
(22:00):
is we have tried so hard to build, I want
to say that it's gonna be really hard to disappoint
people who come to watch you succeed. And what it
is you do with the people that you love the
most is probably going to look as good as you
(22:23):
want it to to them in their eyes. So whenever
you start to feel a little bit shaky insecure, that
kind of thing, I hope, I honestly do that you
have people in your life that were there for me
whenever I was feeling a little shaken about this entire situation,
and are honest with you to give you a candid assessment,
(22:47):
especially knowing what you know and moving forward, you're going
to do even better with it. Let me just say
this again. I want to make sure that I'm so
clear on this. I'm not harshing myself. Whenever I talk
about these kind of things, I am not giving myself
any kind of terrible about it. I'm not beating myself up.
I did not meet my own expectations for it because
(23:08):
my expectations for something like this were crazy high, and
I will continue to reach for them in the meantime
when I miss, and I expect it'll happen again. Even
though I will grow exponentially between now and the next
opportunity great, I will continue to be proud of the progress,
(23:35):
and I will continue to look for ways that I
can be better, because that's what we do here. Radical joy,
isn't it? It? Sure is. We look at it and
we know that there are spots that we can make stronger.
And what do we do? We go right there. But anecdotal,
my shoulders are probably some of the weakest muscle groups
(23:55):
that I've got on my body. Why I have a
wonky left road cuff. I'm not really sure what's going
on there. I don't know if it's posture, if it's
an injury from working out, whatever. So anytime I get
just a little extra time in the gym, I want
to throw in some lateral raises, or I want to,
you know, do some rear dealt raises or any of
(24:17):
these other kind of things like why are you always
doing that? And why are you not lifting any more
weight than that? One? If I lift any more weight,
it's probably gonna hurt me more than it's gonna help me.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
Two.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
As long as I go lighter and really great form,
I'm gonna be okay. And I'm still gonna build that
muscle the way I want to build it. That is
very much the same thing here. I'm not gonna try
to lift too much weight more than I can do.
I will continue with progressive overload so that muscle can
(24:48):
continue to grow into an esthetic that pleases me. And
I'm also gonna make sure that I give it the
grace that it deserves, because there's something in there that's
not entirely right. So I have to work at it
consistently so it continues to strengthen, and I build all
of the smaller muscles around it so that I don't
(25:10):
re injure myself while trying to be bigger, better, stronger.
Right exactly, Am I gonna shy away from this kind
of thing again? No? I got hit by a car
in my bicycle and I was right back on that
some bitch the very next day. Why Because that is
(25:32):
not who we are radical joy is it? Whether the
dude in the headphones, by the microphone or anyone listening,
that's not who we are. We stand up straight, we
look at what happened, We get it, We dust ourselves off,
we apply na sporing, we cluck our tongues and shake
(25:54):
our heads slowly, and then we get back up and
we do it again. Because that's not what scares us.
The things that scare us are walking away from something
without totally beating that thing in a submission, whatever that
(26:15):
looks like, whatever that means, by being the best partner
or husband or wife or employee while maintaining a work
life balance, artist, performer, and whatever it is parent. Whenever
(26:37):
we see something that we did that could probably use
a little focus and improvement. We're not backing down from it. No,
we're not. We're gonna acknowledge what happened. We're gonna probably
take some notes. Yeah I did, I absolutely did. I
wrote that stuff down and I put it somewhere I
could look back on it and get reminders for it
(27:01):
and get just a little bit of net hug from
the people who love me the most. I put in
there's like, hey, I'm not looking for compliments, and I
want you to know I'm not doubting myself. What I'm
doing is sharing this because I am holding myself accountable
solidly and gently. And here we are, and that's just
(27:24):
what it is in a in you know, a week's time.
Am I going to look back at this and be
thrilled about it? I sure hope. So I really do.
Because the more I think about it and we're like okay, yeah,
and I'm not making excuses for what happened, I continue
to put reasons as mortar around the thing that I'm
building now as I rebuild the good thing that I
(27:46):
did into the good things I am still waiting to do,
because you can't. You can't keep doing the big stuff
if you've got all your blocks around your feet. You
got to keep building. And how you're smarter now you
see the flaws in your design and you move forward
in a way that's gonna make this more sturdy. It's
(28:09):
gonna make it last longer. It's gonna make it so
that you can continue building on it instead of it
to take just a minute to sort of rebuild the
where you thought you were before into something that's now
an even taller foundation to continue to build your masterpiece,
your tower to heaven. However you want to look at it.
And the thing we're not gonna do is get mad
(28:31):
or stay mad about it. We're gonna acknowledge it. Yeah yeah,
oh yeah, oof tah. That did not meet bullard expectation
of what this was supposed to be. Cool, Absolutely fine,
it sure is. What it did do was taught me
a valuable lesson. It also showed me that something that
(28:53):
I thought was well beyond my grasp, especially at this
point in my life career. However, we'll look at it,
journey got it, got it, and will continue to reach
for brass rings at that level and higher and will
have more confidence in my ability to yank them from
(29:15):
heaven because I have done it already, and I want
to put this fearlessness in all of us in finding
ways that whatever it is that's scaring us, or keeping
us from doing what it is we're looking to do,
or being who it is, we know we are in
our guts. We continue to go after it, and if
(29:40):
it doesn't exactly meet expectations on the first try, we
look at it with a very discerning eyeball. We ask
the people we trust and love to tell us the truth,
the real truth, kind as it may be, harsh as
it may come. We ask them because they love us
and want the best for us. And then we sit
(30:01):
with it and we write it down and we see
what's going on, like, okay, make no cards, put them
around you figure out what stack goes where and what
goes in each stack. Okay, all right, And then we
start to build, because that's going to be tough to tote. Okay,
it's just like lifting weights. The heavier it is, the
(30:23):
stronger we get, the more unbearable the load, the more
we have to push at it to eventually get it
to move, to eventually get it in our arms, to
eventually get it overhead. And at every step of the way,
we get bigger and stronger and more confident in the
fact that we are going to put this overhead and
(30:45):
that's where it's going to stay until we choose to
put it back down again. Thank y'all for joining us
here at Radical Joy with SEALEDW Studios. If anyone from
ted X is listening, I sure as heck hope this
is gonna be okay. Thank you for the lessons I learned.
(31:08):
Thank you for the opportunity you presented to me to
be able to stand on that stage with your name
in the background. I hope I did us all proud
in one way or another. If this is your first episode,
welcome If it is not your first episode, let me
just say welcome back. If you're the kind of person
(31:30):
who loves to leave a re you please do so
on whatever platform where you're listening. Leave us a five
star review, and please take a screenshot of that send
it to us here at Radical Joy in CLW Studios.
We would love to send you some swag. We just
changed our look at the beginning of season three. We
would love to update you with some fresh swag with
(31:51):
our new esthetic. Put that sticker on a water bottle
on a journal on a laptop wherever you choose to
put that sticker. And please, if this is helpful for you,
tell your friends folks who you think might benefit from
joining us here at Radical Joy, please share with them,
because honestly, that is by far a the highest compliment
(32:15):
and be the best advertising we could hope to have.
Thank you for joining us this week, and as always,
please never forget just how much we love y'all. Thank
you for taking time to share a moment of joy
(32:36):
and hope with me. We're so grateful you're here. If
this is your first time, take a moment to check
out our archive. See if there's something else in there
that fires you out, rekindles the joy in you. Hey,
spread the word. If you got something out of being
with us today, we welcome your thoughts and suggestions. Now
I rarely run out of things to talk about, but
if there's something I haven't covered that's on your mind
or heart, I want to hear from you. To learn
(32:58):
more about me and CLW Studios, follow the links in
the show notes. Hey, don't forget. When you leave Radical
Joy a review, be sure to send us a screenshot.
We'll send you some kick ass swag to show our gratitude.
I am not a therapist or a medical professional. If
you're experiencing a mental health emergency, please call nine to
eight eight to reach the National Crisis Lifeline. This content
(33:19):
and other content produced by CLAU Studios and affiliated partners,
is not therapy, and nothing in this content indicates a
therapeutic relationship. Any opinions of guests on this podcast are
their own and do not represent the opinions of James
or CLA Studios. Please consult with your therapist or see
what in your area if you're experiencing mental health symptoms.
Everything in this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes.
(33:41):
Only have a great one and we will see you
next week for another dose of radical joy love y'all
(34:02):
to
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