Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello friends, So happy to have you here with me
today at Radical Joy. If you've been here before, welcome back.
If this is your first time with me, well I'm
glad you're here. Each week, I'm here with you talking
to myself about things that weigh on my mind and heart.
Hoping if you're dealing with something similar, we can adjust
our perspectives as you listen. Hey, if you're struggling with
(00:31):
something that needs immediate attention, please know that help is available.
Just a nine eight eight nationwide in the US to
reach the Mental Health and Suicide Crisis Hotline. All of
us here at Cola Studios believe that mental health is
a vital part of our well be. The more people
I meet and the more places I go, the more
(00:52):
I realize how important it is to make people aware
of the fact that there is no shame in enjoying
the parts of our lives that are incredible. It's time
for some Radical Joy, and this week, the three fingers
pointing back at me are for the color blue, represented
in this episode by Sadness and Hope. Part five of
a seven part series, four Pride Months. Hello friends, What
(01:18):
a wonderful day to wake up and sit in front
of the microphone, because today we're going to be talking
about two of the calmest emotions that I could think
of whenever I am thinking of the emotional spectrum. Blue
first and foremost is a cooler color, for sure, in
the way that we look at it interpret it, especially
(01:40):
the way that I look at it, interpreted it, and
in such a manner. What we wanted to do was
approach blue as again, we're a theme here, if nothing else.
In the wonderful Disney Pixar Inside Out, blue was represented
(02:02):
characterized by this small character sadness, and she had a
very specific manner of speaking. She was very emotional, She
was on the verge of tears basically twenty four to seven,
and it was a very broad stroke for a very
complex emotion. I get what they were going for there.
(02:23):
You know, they're all representations of emotions for a very
young girl. And as we grow older, of course, our
emotions continue to evolve and become more colorful and intricate.
It is a wonderful starting point for today's episode. Sadness
can be so many different things. For me, I think
(02:48):
sadness usually comes across as far as if I were
to close my eyes and envision what it is I'm feeling.
It is a heaviness, It is a quiet calm that
usually ways on me. I'm a very buoyant personality. I
don't think that really comes as a surprise to many,
and whenever sadness comes to grip at my heart, it
(03:09):
usually turned into something quiet, something still, and also something heavy.
At the time of this recording, we've just gone by
Mother's Day, and that can definitely be a difficult time
for many of us, for those of us who have
lost mothers, for those of us who don't know mothers,
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for those of us who have them and perhaps are
estranged from them, it can be a very difficult time.
And so it's one of those things where you get
this information from friends and loved ones about how they're
feeling on such an emotional day, on emotionally charged, high
(03:51):
running kind of holiday. And it's interesting the way that
so many people both experience sadas as well as how
they deal with it. And some people lash out, They
get very angry about certain things that probably in their minds,
should have, could have, would have and aren't, weren't, ain't,
(04:16):
and there is a sense of injustice, unfairness, and I
think a lot of people find that very It induces
a rage of sorts, and that can be anything from
a loud and ranting anger and fury to something that
is very cold and shaded and hopefully hidden in order
(04:37):
to avoid hurting anyone other than the person going through
that emotion. Whenever I say hidden, I mean the unhealthy
aspects of it, because I really do I would love
to know how we share that in order to lighten
the burden, because I think trying to work through it
on our own can often be very tricky and a
(05:00):
little dangerous. I was speaking with a friend of mine
here in the house where I'm living, and she is
a psychotherapist, and she and I were talking about things,
and so yeah, I often speak to chat GPT about
things that weigh on my mind and heart, much like
it with the journal, much like I do whenever I
come to the microphone here for another episode of radical joy.
(05:23):
And she explained to me that that could have a
pretty dangerous connotation because the way artificial intelligence works, especially
in situations like that, it acts as a mirror and
will often reflect back the things that you want. It's like, okay,
that's fair, that's a really good way of looking at it,
(05:43):
and I would like to say that any sort of
help that I get from chat GPT I consider more
like a horoscope where I take the things that are
useful and I discard the things that are not. And
I think that is a good way of going about it.
As we try to move through our own sadness, whether
it's grief or disappointment, or any other number of nouns
(06:08):
we can use as an embodiment or a classification of sadness,
I think it's so important that we continue to call
on those around us that are dealing with something similar
or have dealt with something similar in the past, not
as a blueprint, but more as a guide to figure out, well,
(06:29):
let me try this just in case or I've been
trying to work through it and I haven't had success.
Perhaps I should speak with others who have dealt with
this kind of thing to know how they dealt with it,
so maybe I can try some new tactics in order
to move past it. Right, Among those new tactics for
(06:50):
dealing with something like sadness, I offer our compliment in
this episode, which is hope. Hope is one of those
things where I think a lot of people see it
as a foolhardy endeavor in certain situations, and I'm here
to be a representative or an advocate for hope when
(07:13):
dealing with sadness. I think hope carries an element of
the divine inside it, for the simple fact that sometimes
what is happening in your life feels almost insurmountable by
any means, and you have nothing more than hope. Sometimes
(07:33):
in our arsenal to defend ourselves against that darkness, it
seems almost a fool's errand, and so in order to
look at that as something effective, I usually tend to
dip into the divine whenever I think of something like that.
(07:53):
Why not necessarily from a standpoint of spirituality or faith,
just in the fact that whenever idea was something that
feels so heavy, so dark, so pain filled, that something
that I can conjure like a sense of hope can
be helpful, does definitely put it into the realm of
(08:17):
the divine or the faithful. I hope that things will improve.
I have a divine confidence that they will, and all
I have to do now is continue walking the path
as if they are already on their way to better,
and continue to note when they do actually become better, easier, lighter,
(08:41):
more bearable. Sadness is one of those things that creeps
up on you. It comes out of nowhere, and it
sort of grabs you by the shoulders and looks into
your eyes and puts something cold into your soul. It
drops those little sharp ice crystals into your heart. And
sometimes it is difficult to shake. And the reason it
(09:03):
is is because it becomes it comes out of nowhere. Right.
It's one of those things that's just the nastiest flavor
of surprise, the thing that it makes me think of.
I am not a ticklish person. If you come at
me and I know that you're attempting to tickle me,
the chances are very good you're not going to be successful.
I see it coming. I'm prepared. I steel myself against
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whatever it is you think you're going to do that's
going to bring me to my knees with weakness, laughter
and ridiculous And I just know it's coming. So I
am prepared. That being said, should you sneak attack me,
I don't see it coming. The next thing I feel
are bony fingers in a rib cage or some sort
(09:48):
of like grab at the nape of the neck, or
you horse eats corn on a knee. You know what
I'm talking about, right, especially any my souther Dinners out there,
and yes, even at the ripe age I am. I
do have friends in my circle that come at me
with something like this. I'm like, Okay, I get it.
This is what keeps us young and also bonkers, absolutely
(10:12):
freak out, yikes, hit the ceiling. Like the whole thing.
Sadness it very similar in a very opposite direction, a
very different direction. I shouldn't say opposite. It will sneak
up out of nowhere and it will grab you. The
loss of a loved one unexpectedly, the loss of a job, position, organization,
(10:35):
relationship unexpectedly or even semi expectedly. Those kinds of things
take us by surprise, and when they do, they sit
on our guts and they make it difficult to breathe
and sometimes hard to move. And that's the thing you
need more than anything, is the breath and the motion.
(10:58):
And I think sadness is a very wise emotion if
we can personify for a moment. I think sadness comes
at us with a knowledge of exactly who we are
and how to freeze us in our tracks. And how
to make it very difficult to move forward through something
like that. And while I enjoy thinking of it like that,
(11:24):
and I think it aids me in my mission to
move past it or to leave it in the review mirror,
what I'd also like to say is I have a
lot of friends that are going through something similar right now,
and I encourage them to live in it for just
a moment. You don't have to dwell on it. I
(11:46):
think that is sometimes a mistake, not always. Sometimes people
really need to live in it for a moment just
to sort of understand what it is they have to
move through in order to heal and to address it,
to really come after it, because I think that some
situations deserve more time in that sadness than others. I
(12:10):
have a friend who's going through a very difficult time
in his marriage at this moment, and he gets so
angry and lonely and upset, and I will often hear
from him and we will face time or whatever. He's like,
I'm just so effing lonely. I said, yeah, Bunny, I
understand that the way you describe this to me, it
doesn't sound very healthy. What it sounds like is a
very on again off again emotion, and what I'd recommend
(12:35):
instead of trying to soothe the loneliness with something that
is temporary or perhaps unhealthy, are not the most nutritious
course of action, meaning sugar or alcohol, poor eating, whatever
you want to call it. Maybe you're just going to
have to live in this for a minute, right, just
(12:57):
kind of sit there and sort of soak it up
until you just about can't take anymore, and then you
can sort of bounce off the bottom rock bottom and
make your way back toward the top of this and
sort of shed or release those weights on your way
back up to the top. The idea I get in
(13:18):
my mind is someone who is in a semi viscous liquid.
You know, I guess it's kind of redundant, because almost
any liquid is going to be a little bit viscous.
Someone who is sinking and say, I don't even want
to call it syrup. I think that's a little bit
too much. I think maple syrup would be a little
too thick for what we're dealing with here. But I
(13:39):
would give it an olive oil for sure. And they
start to descend as they take on the weight of
whatever it is they're dealing with, and it continues to
accelerate as they head towards the bottom. And it's a
very curious predicament of timing that whenever you get to
(14:01):
the bottom, you use the momentum of the bounce to
start releasing these things that have weighed you down on
your way to rock bottom. Because what's the thing we
don't want to do is get down there, bounce a bit,
hold on to these things that have weighed us down
and sent us to the bottom of our sadness, and
(14:25):
cling to those weights so that they continue to hold
us at the bottom of this container. We cannot breathe
in oil, which seems like a pretty obvious thing to state. Yes,
I know, I'm the one who created the metaphor, so yeah,
I'm going to have to work with it. I get it.
Once we get down to the bottom and we feel
ourselves tap and then we feel that momentum of that rise,
(14:50):
that hope that whatever we're dealing with, we're going to
be able to move through, release the burdens, let them
fall to the bottom our container and stay there while
we rise. I think that's a really important set of
images that hopefully we can cling to the next time
we deal with something this difficult, and I want to
(15:17):
sort of inject this. Now that we're dealing with the
metaphor of a container and our viscous liquid, I would
like to perhaps suggest that not every container is swimming
pool depth or silo depth. Not every liquid is going
to be olive oil or maple syrup or even worse, concrete.
(15:45):
All of these things are liquids. Okay, all of these
things are containers, and some of these problems are going
to be like, oh okay, yeah, yeah, that was a
bad day, snacking a nap. We're back on our feet,
away we go up and running. Great. What I would
like to also suggest that this is a practice, This
is something we rehearse in order to become more and
more proficient, because I think that as we mature, both
(16:10):
from children into adulthood and from an adulthood into an
older adulthood, there are things that grab us unawares that
we did not realize sometimes we were dealing with until
low and behold, the monkey is on the back and
we're wondering why each step is a drudge? Got it
something that's been weighing on me recently? Not even wait,
(16:33):
it's just a very conscious notice is how many beautiful
young people there are in the world. It's so nice
to watch that. It's good to see that there are
these young people who are blooming. They are just exploding
into their lives. And I love to see it because
(16:56):
I think that as I grew from childhood into teen
and adult, that's what happened to me as well. It
wasn't a like a big bang towards sort of situation.
It was a constant burn into a brighter light, I
would like to say, and all along the way it
(17:17):
just continues to get hotter and brighter, and it was amazing.
And I see some of these kids who are just
exploding on the scene. I love it. And there's also
a part of me that continues to see people that
I know and love, both on social media or in
television and film, actors who I'm very familiar with that
(17:38):
started their careers as these painful beauties, so unbelievably attractive
that it's just like, oh, it hurts to look at you.
And now some'm twenty thirty years later, they have started
to become a different kind of beauty. And that's the
thing I want to continue to remain focused on is
(18:01):
it is not they are losing what they have. They
are moving into another part of their beauty and attraction
and benefit of life. I want to say that. And
there again is that hope, because I think it's really
(18:24):
easy to turn something into a binary saying they were
beautiful when they're young and now they're silver and wrinkled.
And which is if we are all fortunate, where we
will all find ourselves at some point during our journeys again,
if we are fortunate. And there's a part of me
(18:44):
that's just like, am I so petty? Am I so vain?
That there's a part of me that would love to
check out before I get into that era of life
where I am hopefully just epically wise and calm, and
the things that used to fizz me so unbelievably are
(19:05):
now barely even a blip on anyone's radar. But by
that point it'll probably be an ekg. And it happens,
it does. It's not one of those things that I'm
even ashamed of. It's one of those things where I
continue to face it. There's a part of me that
you used to think that by the age of sixty
eight I would be ready to check out and or
(19:28):
would already be suitcase in a hand on my way
on to the next whatever's waiting. I don't fear it.
I don't necessarily anticipate it. It is anticipated because it
comes for all of us. It's one of those things
where I know in my lizard brain that feels as
(19:49):
though it is something I need to be sad about.
And then there is my hope brain that comes in
to say, but look at all you've done, look at
what is still left to be, And there's still plenty
of juice left in the fruit. Friend. It's not like
you're dry on the vine, just hanging here waiting for
(20:10):
the grim reaper. No, of course, not, no one here
is twenty anymore, right exactly, And there are wonderful things
about that. There is a hope in that because I
am so much less stupid now than I was when
I was in my twenties. And there is a sadness
(20:32):
there now because I can look at those pictures and
know what I felt when I was in my twenties
and think, wow, all of these tropes, all of these
things we know, these metaphors, these sayings, these adages, this
wives tale wisdom really has a kernel of truth. In
(20:53):
all of it, if not more. Man, if I knew
then what I knew now, right, But you know what's great,
I know now what I know now, And nobody here
is dead. If you can hear the sound of a voice,
she ain't dead yet. Wonderful. So when the sneak attack
(21:16):
of that sadness comes to find you, for whatever reason
that may be, for looking at pictures of loved ones
that you met when you were in the bloom of
youth and now you are all in this gorgeous gloaming
of where you are now in your lives. There's beauty
in both of those things. And I know that because
(21:39):
of the hope I hold in my heart. For the
way that I look at this, it would be so
easy to mourn, right, Yeah, yes, it would. It would
be so easy to look at that. It's like, gosh, wow,
I remember that when my knees didn't hurt and didn't
(21:59):
mix so much flipping noise, whenever I rolled out of
bed in the morning. I remember that whenever I didn't
have to look around for my reading glasses, whenever I
needed to read the back of a bottle or a
magazine or what someone had sent me in a text message.
I remember whenever I didn't have to worry so much
about what I was eating because it wouldn't turn into
an extra inch on my waistline overnight. And then I
(22:27):
look at something in the fact, well, I know what
that means now when somebody says that to me, I
know what that means. Whenever someone appears to be rude
or means spirited to me, whenever I know that it's
just a difficulty they are trying to navigate, and they
feel safe enough or secure enough in our friendship that
they say these things to me that initially feels like
(22:48):
a hurt or a barb when reflected upon with a
little wisdom, insight, and grace, this is a friend calling
for help, and I need to be that person. Perhaps
not saying you need to endure abuse, what I'm saying
is you need to know when your special people are
going through something so you can offer to extend them
(23:12):
the grace and listen, maybe share a burden, maybe share
a secret so they don't have to worry about forcing
your hand for help. I think that's where I want
to go with that. You need to know that whenever
someone that you loved us something like that to you.
(23:33):
Chances are good they need something and they don't know
how to ask, so they might be sort of leaping
without paying attention or watching. Okay, all right, let's explore it,
because this is what's up, this is what I saw,
this is what I felt, and this is why I'm coming.
You say, is this really what's happening? Or do we
(23:54):
just need to have you know, we need to hug
it out? Do I need to listen to you for
a while. I got eight minutes, twelve minutes, what's on
your mind? Talk to me about it? And knowing that
sadness has so many faces, as does hope, Sadness can
come across as any number of things like aggression again mean,
(24:20):
it can be an insult, it can be one of
those things. The humor that many people share is not
always the same flavor or color or temperature, and so
whenever someone thinks they're being witty and or hiding their
sadness or disappointment or whatever cooler, tempt or colored emotion
(24:42):
they're feeling, it may not be very well hidden at all.
As a matter of fact, it may, you know, smack
up aside your head like you know, a hammer. So
for the people we love most in our lives. Sometimes
it's one of those things we need to ask. It's like, Okay,
this is what I felt, this is what I saw,
(25:04):
just making sure that are we on the same page here?
Are you trying to make me feel bad? Or are
you dealing with something and that's the best way you
know to deal with it? That's your cry for help,
that's your hand in the air. Please please come over
here and ask me what's going on so I can
tell you without feeling like a burden. Sure. Yes, And
I think we need to keep that in mind. And
(25:26):
there's part of me that hopes that my friends see
that in me. If I'm acting out in order to
try to get this kind of help, I'm not good
at it. I continue to hope that I will get
better and improve at it. It's just one of those
things where I think that whenever I start to slide
into sadness, I think my people know because I tend
to get a little quiet on social media or in
(25:49):
texts or in correspondence or any of those kind of things.
That's just what happens. And I have to be okay
with that. I'm like, I meet it, I do and
and sometimes I notice, and sometimes I don't, and then
some of the the least expected will come out of
nowhere to ask me if things are going well. And
(26:10):
I love it, and I would like to encourage all
of us to accept that whenever it comes. Does anyone
else out there have a terrible habit of wanting help
from one specific person in your life, and so you
put out the vibe and others come to your aid,
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or others come to check on you, but they're not
the person you wanted or hoped would pick up that signal,
and so you get a little bit out of shape
that these people are coming to your aid and not
necessarily the person that you wanted to come and knock
on your door. I do, I do, And it's not
something I love. What it is is something that I
(26:52):
am aware of and need to realize that the help
that we want isn't always the help that arrives. The
word is still the same help, and it's there and
it's knocking, and though it may not come from the
source that you perhaps anticipated or wanted to see, she's
still there. And that's wonderful. And aren't we lucky that
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we have so many places that this help could come
to dig us out of whatever hole in which we
find ourselves. Wonderful, that's another thing I want to do.
Please stay open to the help that arrives. Okay, it
may not look like it like, Oh man, my entire
life would be so much easier if I just happened
to find fifty grand in the back of a rental
(27:38):
car and nobody said nothing, and I took it, and
I just made my whole life better. Yes, And then
instead of finding fifty grand in the back of a
rental car. That's such a specific example, isn't it. Yeah.
I probably could have come up with something a little broader,
But here we are, and instead of that fifty grand
in the back of that rental car, what you did
(28:00):
get was this incredible job offer doing something you love
for more money that you're currently making. And perhaps that
is a more sustainable answer than just this windfall of
mystery cash that could have strings or consequences. Great. That's
something I think we need to do too. We need
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to put out the vibe of something that we feel
we need and trust that the world will deliver what
it is we're actually in need of seeing or doing
or receiving, and then being hopeful, divinely confident that it's
going to make its way to us, and then being
smart slash wise enough to take it once the world
(28:45):
offers it to us on a silver platter, because don't
doubt it, Please, don't doubt it. Be open to the
notion that what you truly need is literally just waiting
on the other side of the ether just to drop
in your lap. Why because we expect it, because we
have divine confidence that it's on our way to us.
(29:08):
Not necessarily the fifty grand in the back of the
rental car, the thing that is the Universe's answer to
that request, that's going to improve our lives in such
a way so that it is almost unnoticeable at first.
And then once we have a little distance from the
delivery to the use of said system, we realize that
(29:34):
our prayer has been answered, that our wish has been granted,
that the blessing has come in abundance, And it was
so smooth, so slick, I didn't even notice until I
look back six months from now, and that extra fifty
grand is already in the bank. What yes, exactly, sadness
(30:01):
countered with hope, so that the sadness lets us know
what it is we feel we need, and the divine
confidence of hope puts out the signal and the lifeline
gets thrown to us from the powers that be that
only want the very best for every single one of
us that has the courage to ask, thank you so
(30:29):
much for being here with me at Radical Joy and
with us here at CLW Studios. It's always a pleasure.
If this is your first episode, welcome, We're so glad
you're here. If this is not your first episode, may
I be the first to say, welcome back, so happy
you're here with us today. Thank you for coming back
for more of the things that I hope are helping
(30:50):
elevate all of our lives so that we can remain
and maintain of a strong sense of joy and capability
in whatever life throws at us. If you're the kind
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Take a screenshot of that, send it to us so
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we navigate season three and all of our emotions that
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(31:53):
how much we love y'all. Thank you for taking time
to share a moment of joy and hope with me.
We're so grateful you're here. If this is your first time,
take a moment to check out our archive see if
there's something else in there that fires you up rekindles
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(32:14):
got something out of being with us today, we welcome
your thoughts and suggestions. Now I rarely run out of
things to talk about, but if there's something I haven't
covered that's on your mind or heart, I want to
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(32:37):
or a medical professional. If you're experiencing a mental health emergency,
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(33:00):
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we will see you next week for another dose of
Radical Joy. Love y'all,