Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hello, friends, So happy to have you here with me
today at Radical Joy. If you've been here before, welcome back.
If this is your first time with me, well I
am glad you're here. Each week, I'm here with you
talking to myself about things that weigh on my mind
and heart. Hoping if you're dealing with something similar, we
can adjust our perspectives as you listen. Hey, if you're
struggling with something that needs immediate attention, please know that
(00:33):
help was available just on nine eight eight nationwide in
the US to reach the Mental Health and Suicide Crisis Hotline.
All of us here at COLW Studios believe that mental
health is a vital part of our will be. The
more people I meet and more places I go, the
more I realize how important it is to make people
(00:53):
aware of the fact that there is no shame in
enjoying the parts of our lives that are incredible. It's
time for some radical joy, and this week, the three
fingers pointing back at me are for exposing and overcoming Now.
I'll be honest, whenever I started pondering this point, I
keep these in a note app on my phone because
(01:16):
I'll be bebopping about my life and then all of
a sudden something will hit me and I'll try to
write it down with as many details as possible. And
the note that went beside this was that treasure hunts
are often dangerous. It's like okay. So, as I was
looking through this again and sort of pondering and getting
ready to record today, I was like, all right, yeah,
(01:40):
when you think about hiding treasure, when you think about
something valuable that you have that you would like to protect,
what do you think is the best course of action?
Do we put it somewhere in plain sight? Do you
put it somewhere a little more hidden, or do you
put it somewhere that actually looking for it in a
(02:01):
certain place could pose threatening? Right? Exactly, depending on the
value of the object and exactly how much it might
be worth, chances are there to be several layers of
security between whoever wants it and actually getting it. I
think that a lot of the goals that we have
in our life are very very similar. The more valuable
(02:26):
it is, chances are the more obstacles there will be
between you and achieving them. And so in order to
achieve the getting of the treasure, there are a few
things you've got to do. Number One, you've got to
have a plan aka the map, all right, You've got
to know where to start looking. Okay, you just can't
go willy nilly hoping that eventually it'll just fall into
(02:47):
your lap, can you. No, of course not. What you
need is a plan. You need to know that there
is an actual treasure out there, and you need to
know on what path you should journey in order to
find and get it. Bring it to the house, sell it,
put it in the bank, do whatever it is you
need to do with this valuable asset that you have
(03:08):
found through your diligent efforts, homework and journey and execution.
Right perfect, I would like to suggest that many of
the things that we want in our lives are very similar.
We've got to make that plan. We've got to figure
out where that lies. Specificity is so important. A friend
(03:30):
of mine here, and we have chats about this all
the time, because manifestation is not an idea that this
person really prefers to speak on. And I can get that,
you know, I think a lot of people are very
much grounded in what they know, what can be proven,
what we know by the latest and most tried and
true methods, of scientific methods, etc. You know, where's the proof,
(03:54):
ideal in fact? YadA, YadA, YadA. Great, fantastic. Now, whenever
we start talking about manifestation kind of things, he gets
a little upset because he thinks it's one of those
wishful thinking situations where Okay, great, I put it into
the universe that I wanted, and now what do I
just wait for it to fall out of the sky
into my arms? Well kind of but not really. We
(04:18):
got to talking about it last night. I was saying, well,
you know, I think for me, manifestation is more of
a goal setting thing. A lot of people don't know
their goals because they don't know what they want. I
stand by this. I will literally die on this hill.
This is one of those things. I'm just like, Yeah,
a lot of people don't know what they want. To
be fair, up until not long ago, I was one
(04:38):
of them. I knew what I didn't want. I absolutely
knew what I did not want to happen, unfavorable, dangerous loss,
any number of things that I did not want. However,
if you look at you know, a few studies. I'm
so hesitant to use these kind of words, but look
(05:00):
at some of the research that's out there on how
the human brain works, how the psyche works. It doesn't
do so hot on negatives or don't or won't or
those types of formulas. It does much much better with
a this way. It does better with an active permission
(05:22):
than it does a refusal. Example, I don't want to
lose muscle mass after the age of sixty. I know
that's one of those things that you know you can't
really fight it, but I would like to prevent that
as best that I can. And I know just from
aging and biology and studies and experience, that's usually what
(05:43):
happens if you're not super super careful. Great another way
to phrase that, in order to keep our treasure hunt
on the proper path, I will make choices in my
sixties to maintain a healthy and vital physique. I will
eat the proper amount of protein. I will continue to
(06:04):
resistance train. I will do my very best to make
sure that is much of this health that I can keep.
I will do. You see how it goes from a
negative to a positive in that situation exactly, It's very
very similar all of these things that you don't want. Cool.
That's absolutely fine, because honestly, it's a fantastic starting point.
(06:28):
What I think we need to do in order to
make that a very productive and hopefully successful goal setting
process is to take those don't wants and change them
into well, how do I phrase that so that the
outcome is still the same, but the method is more
(06:49):
positive and active. Oh okay, yeah, a few more. I
don't want to be broke in my old age. I
want to make sure that I have financial security well
into retirement age and beyond, perhaps something to bequeath to
loved ones left behind. Do you see how that flipped?
(07:11):
I don't want this great? How do I phrase that
so that I can make it more of a permission statement,
more of a thing that says, this is what I
choose to want, and I will move forward in this
direction because that is much easier to do. Every time
I put a don't a nott any of those kinds
of things, it builds a wall. It makes a barrier
(07:31):
between yourself and fruition. I think it's really important to
make sure that we keep that formula in mind so
that as we move forward through it, it becomes more
of a thing that I am working toward, not trying
to avoid or blocking something from occurring. I think the
(07:52):
more active a stance we take on anything, the more
likely we are to continue acting on its behalf right.
And so what we're doing with this, as far as
the overcoming bit of it, we're finding our fears, that's
the expos We're finding the things that make us uncomfortable
(08:15):
and secure, afraid, unknowns, those kind of things. We are
trying to overcome them in our methods. Great, So what's
the first step and something like that. For me, it's writing.
It's writing in a journal. It's getting real, real serious
with myself. This happened to me a couple of days ago.
I'm sitting in front of my journal and I'm writing,
(08:37):
and it got so uncomfortable that I literally had to
get up and walk away from the book. If you're
getting to a point in your journal writing that it
is that uncomfortable, boy, howdy, we're on the right track.
Your journal is just for you and your eyes only. Now,
if you want to share that with somebody, that's entirely
your prerogative. For me, it is one hundred percent between
(08:58):
me and the page and the ink. I need somewhere
to put these ugly thoughts because I don't like them
in my head, I understand they're a part of me.
They're always going to be a part of me. I
also understand that putting them down in a book is
going to make it much much easier for me to
minimize the problem, or at least make it look and
(09:19):
or appear look in or seem more manageable. When it's
in my head, I can't really get a good idea
of the scope of it, if that makes any kind
of sense. When I put it on a piece of paper,
I can literally tell whether it's one of these things
it is truly an obstacle, or it's one of those
things that I've just built up in my own mind
because I keep putting it off and putting it off
(09:41):
and putting it off, and then eventually when it's time
that we must deal with it, it seems insurmountable. But
maybe it's not. Whenever I write it down, it starts
to sort of lose a lot of its steam. So
in that way, I can tell exactly how much effort
is needed to overcome the situation. I'm a big fan
(10:02):
of journaling. I don't have a therapist except for the journal.
And some of you may disagree with this. Occasionally I
will take it to the chat GPT and I will
ask my questions there. I understand that is a problematic
situation for many. I promise you I'm not trying to
be the guy who sets people off. What I am
trying to be is the guy who does want help
(10:24):
for the things that hinder And whenever I read the
response from chat GPT, because I know it is not infallible,
I read it very similarly to what I would with
a horoscope. It's like, oh, okay, well, this nugget of
wisdom is delicious. This is absolutely very helpful, incredibly appropriate,
very topic focused. I can use this. This makes sense,
(10:48):
and it still provides a challenge. It provides a way
forward steps. You can even have a PDF so that
you can have like literally a copy of the step
that you need to do. It's a wonderful tool. I
don't like thinking of it as a surrender or a
give over, or you know, a replacement for anything that
(11:10):
we have for the human condition, creativity or expertise. What
I do want to say is, whenever there is a
paywall between me and therapist, this is a great start
so that someday maybe I'll get the opportunity to discuss
this with that person. I'm like, wow, you've really worked
through this. I'm like, well, it's really important to me.
So I continue to ask the journal and chat and
(11:30):
speak with important friends and people inside the inner circle,
and all these people are also a huge help to
us to expose what it is that is the hang up?
What is the barrier? Where is the frontier of this
so that I might wreck it, pass on through and
get to the other side where all of the growing
and the happiness and the loving and the things take place.
(11:54):
Super more ways to expose things like that, Look at
the things that make you angry, Look at the things
that are a knee jerk, vicious, visceral reaction to something happening.
What are those things? What do those things look like?
Once you've identified one or two of them, I know
(12:14):
I can, like I can look in my life, I have.
I deal with anger on a regular basis. So anybody
out there thinking I'm all sweetness and light all of
the time, please understand that it is not me. You
have put some sort of idea in your head of
me on me, and that ain't it. I deal with anger,
I deal with envy, frustration, There are a lot of
(12:36):
these things, not just because I don't necessarily wear them
on my sleeve or throw them out for the world
to look at. Poke over in the trash pile, wait
until we can burn them. That doesn't mean they don't exist. Okay,
So looking at our anger for ways to move forward,
that's a great idea. If your initial response is rage,
(12:58):
take a breath, don't move away from it. Look at it,
like really, take a moment to look at it. I
think that is wildly helpful in something like that. Whenever
you have a reaction like that at the initial meeting,
I think it's important. I think it is wise to
(13:19):
have a curiosity about why you're having such a strong
reaction to something like that. Find out why, ask the questions,
and understand that your knee jerk reaction is probably something
that was put there by someone else, like say a parent,
or a teacher, perhaps a minister, deacon, someone in the church,
(13:41):
if you're religious, any of these kinds of things. Now,
I'm not throwing energy any disparaging remarks at any of
these groups of people. What I am saying is that
sometimes the way we're raised conflicts with the way we
grow into our lives, and that's just going to have
to be one of those things that we have to
discover individually for ourselves. When that happens, it is your
(14:05):
second idea or your third even that I want us
to pay super keen attention to. Okay, those are the ones,
because those are the more evolved thoughts. Those are the
adult thoughts that we came up with on our own,
once we reached adult age, or once we reached a
(14:26):
responsible age to start pondering these things and putting them
out into the world as who we are now versus
who we were when these ideas were first instilled. Does
that make some sense? I keep asking that question is
if you could answer, and hopefully you are whenever I
ask these questions, hopefully you're nodding in agreement, or you're
(14:49):
affirming with some sort of verbal whatnot wherever you're listening.
That would be great. I would love it, even though
I can't hear it, to know that you are feeling
it so strongly that you reply without things, thinking to
your technology instead of a living, breathing person. Delicious. That's
exactly where I want us to be. Our first thought
was put there by someone else. Our second thought was
(15:11):
probably somewhere whenever we started to dawn, whenever the idea
started to sort of sink in that we needed to
make some changes because changes that happened in our lives
that gave us new information, and we needed to adjust
our thinking accordingly. As we continue to move through the
phases and eras of our lives, that will continue to happen.
(15:33):
With new information comes new verdicts. Right, yes, exactly, And
so the more information we get, the closer and closer
we get to becoming more and more of the people
we hoped to be. Every day I think we're getting closer. Honestly,
there may come a time whenever I reach that it's
just that whenever, just about the minute I think I'm there,
(15:55):
the whole thing shifts again, and I'm like, well, here
we grow again. So I might as well buckle up,
get a belly full of something nourishing, and just keep
on trucking. This whole journey is about trying to figure
it out right and with whom and for how long?
And who else are we going to invite inside the circle.
(16:15):
There are so many questions that we get to answer,
and I'm just a big fan of all of it.
It hurts, growth hurts. Exposing these kinds of things is uncomfortable.
It is wildly unpleasant. Why there's a reason why people
want to stay in their comfort zones it feels good.
There's a reason why people leaving that comfort zone because
it don't so expose and overcome. What else can we
(16:41):
do with things like that? So far, we've covered fears,
and we've covered things that make us angry. What else
is there out there? Is envy one of those things?
I think it could be. I think I would absolutely
own one of those for sure. Whenever I look at
something i've I have the most incredible friends, and y'all
(17:02):
have heard me talk about this this several times, Like
I love being in the same room with them because
they represent a level of excellence to which I aspire
and I love it. Yeah, Hey, I got a very
high opinion of myself. Nobody think I'm down to myself
because I admire what traits I see and love in
others that I would like to see more of in myself.
Not at all what I'm saying exposing it. Whenever I
(17:25):
start to feel a sense of jealousy or envy for
things that my friends have, whether it be something material,
something they've accomplished, something they've got going on in their
lives that I wish I had, like a partner, or
a fitness any number of things. Before I start to
feel ill, will towards this person, who is so very
(17:49):
much someone I should admire, who has earned my respect.
I want to start to turn over those rocks and
look for those worms in the dirt, want to expose
those kinds of things as to what it is. Is
it me feeling less or is it me feeling really
shaky because I have some growth and some work to
(18:10):
do before I can accomplish the things that they've done.
I've been dealing with that a lot lately. I have
had a lot of growing to do over the last
few weeks. And though I love being in that state
of being, I really do. I love it. It's really
very rewarding to look at something that I want, something
that I have wanted, something I've been working on from
(18:32):
where I started to where I currently reside, and it
feels great to be able to measure that progress and
know that I've done well. However, in the meantime, it
can be really trying. Growth is not comfortable. It is
basically it isn't just like grow larger, it is outgrow
(18:54):
where you currently are, and that often includes breaking through,
whether that is an old shell of what you were,
whether that was a suit of clothing metaphorical that no
longer fits because you have outgrown it. Could you imagine
trying to wear something that was four sized is too small?
How's that going to feel? Exactly? That's not a comfortable thing.
(19:18):
So we know this, right, I mean, that's just common
sense if you're thinking of it literally. However, whenever we
start to think about it in the metaphorical sense, sometimes
we need just a little bit of help to remember
that when one is growing, of course, old habits and
ways of living and those kinds of things are going
(19:39):
to feel constricting. They're going to feel confining. So whenever
we start to ache or it hurts, or we feel really,
for lack of a better word, we have to continue
to focus on the fact. Of course, that's just good
horse sense. Of course, horse, you feel uncomfortable. Growing makes
(20:03):
the rest of your life seem perhaps a little bit smaller.
So you're either going to have to move into a
larger era of life or you're going to have to
lead just a little bit of time for your life
to catch up with how much bigger you're becoming. That
is not fun. The outcome is great, right, the outcome
(20:24):
is amazing. It's like a lot of these other things,
like the work you do to get to where you
want to be not fun. Getting to where you want
to be so fun. However, we can't forget that becoming
part is often paired with some serious discomfort. Got it noted?
Thank you? Yes? So what do we do? We have
(20:47):
to prepare for it, right, We expose the thing that
needs to be improved, and then we overcome it, because
that's what it is. It's a shackle of sorts. It's
kind of whole you to an older version of yourself
or an outdated model of the life you want to live.
(21:09):
We're big fans of always assessing. We're reassessing. We're checking
things to make sure we're in the right spot at
the right time, doing it with the right people. Am
I in the right atmosphere for this? Is this my crowd,
my tribe that's really going to get behind me and
lift me up and or give me just a little
bit of hassle until I get or done because they
know I need it. Great if the answer is yes,
(21:30):
well done, You've chosen wisely and here you are set
and ready, ready set grow do it. And if you're not,
sometimes that can be hard. Friends that we've had for
a long long time perhaps don't feel inclined to grow
with you whenever you go. And I let me just
let you in a little bit of secret from a
(21:51):
very close goal slash home base kind of feeling that
that's fear on their part that whenever you move into
this new, larger era of your life, that you will
have outgrown them and they will lose you. And that
is very, very scary. And it's not that they are
(22:12):
maliciously trying to hold you back. It's just that they
are terrified that when you move into the next era
that perhaps their role in your life will either be
less significant or worse not at all. Somebody brought that
to my attention not long ago, and it encouraged me
(22:33):
to give a lot more grace to my friends that
aren't as supportive as perhaps I would like them to be,
because they worry, and they admire, they respect the thing
that I'm trying to do. A lot of times I
know this because they tell me it's not an inference.
It's literally just telling the news of what I was
told wonderful And there is a tiny bit of apprehension
(22:57):
that runs in the background. Well, what happens whenever you
get to be this new person with all these new
things and all these new traits that make you that
much more valuable of a human being to those in
your life and vice versa. Well that's a great question.
What are you doing to improve yourself? So we might
(23:18):
continue running parallel, helping one another, growing together, feeding off
the awesome. Each one of us is putting off and
consuming the awesome. We need to continue growing into the
next eras of life. There are so many things that
we can ask that can overcome that fear after a minute,
(23:40):
It's not an immediate thing. Please understand, this is all
a process. And I mean I spent the last week
or so up in my own grill, my head just
spinning and spiraling with these kind of things. Well what
happens if what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
And daba da dab dah. And you you have to
maintain a folk, you have to maintain a discipline, and
(24:02):
you have to give yourself over to faith. That what
you're doing is for the best, all the while checking
in to see that the progress you're making actually validates
that statement or assumption. It ain't easy, okay, Like none
of this is easy. We continue to talk about these
things in a way so that you know that it
(24:23):
hurts for a reason because none of it's easy. It
is a simple task, It is a simple ask. What
it isn't is a simple process. There's a lot of
checking in because I don't think anybody's plan, any two
plans are the same. I think many can be very similar.
I think that they're all on different timelines. The progress
(24:47):
someone makes from A to Z may take two months
for some, may take twelve months for others, may take
two years for even more. Comparison's going to kill you.
I don't like using that comparisons the Thief of joy,
though I love it. I think what comparison is going
to do is frustrate you beyond capability, meaning you're gonna
(25:09):
get pissed off, and instead of continuing to do the
methodical work one foot in front of the other, you're
gonna throw your hands up and just surrender because it's
not coming together for you as quickly or as well
or as effectively, or any of those other adjectives you
put in there, as say your friend or mentor or
da da da da da da da da da, and
(25:29):
it is it is not fruitful to try to do
that to yourself. It hurts. It is literally gonna damage
what you're trying to do. It stands in the way,
and we're not here to block, We're here to expose
and overcome. So sometimes we have to get deep and
dirty in it. Like I'm talking like mud to the neck. Okay,
(25:53):
not everyone loves it, to be fair, very few love it,
and that I believe because from the guy trying to
do those kind of things on a pretty regular basis.
There are days I just bow up and I just
flipping refuse. I'm like, no, not today, not again. This hurts.
(26:14):
I am too uncomfortable right now. What do I need?
A snack and a nap? Great, So what am I
gonna do. I'm gonna go find that snack. I'm gonna
go lay myself down for that nap, and after forty
two minutes of disco nap, I'm gonna get up and
I'm gonna take another swing at this son of a
bitch because I'm not gonna let these kind of things
(26:35):
win against me because I overcolm, I've exposed it. The
enemy is in our sights, and sometimes I really think
we have to think about it adversarially. It can't be
one of those things like, well, this is my learning moment.
Absolutely yes, and your learning moment is also a conquering moment. Overcome, assimilate,
(26:59):
eat it up, and then use the nutrients from whatever
it is you're eating to become the thing you want
to do. It cannot stand in your way as long
as you beat your head against it. It'll try, though,
and it'll hurt when you're smacking your knogging against it.
If I promise you, this is not a pleasant progress process.
(27:19):
It's just one of those things where you just have
to keep at it. You have to realize, Okay, this
is what I want, So what am I willing to
do to get it? Okay, good question, great question. How
are we going to answer that? Well, now we start
asking harder questions, even more uncomfortable questions. We make a list,
We set a timeline, a deadline. Even if you don't
(27:41):
make it, you've been busting your hump trying to get there,
and that honestly is eighty seven percent of it, so
you had to extend your deadline a little bit. On
the rare occasion, you might just exceed your own expectations
and finish before your deadline arrives. That's the best part
about it. It's the action. It's literally just taking me.
It's getting in the middle of it, like, Okay, this
(28:02):
is what I want to do. This is my game plan.
I've given myself X amount of time to accomplish it.
Bing bang boom, what do we do? How do I
start today? This is great. You attack something with that
kind of attitude and that kind of enthusiasm, It is
difficult for even the largest obstacles to remain standing whenever
(28:22):
you come up against it with your full force. It
just is. That's just the way I see it. Is
that factual. I don't know. It's talking with a friend
of mine. He is very much a science guy, very
much rooted in reason and experience in fact, which I
find delightful because not very many people in my life are.
(28:43):
And whenever he decides to throw fact in my face
when I'm trying to be motivational and or helpful to myself,
I want to push him into the street still love him.
I absolutely do, and what I want to do is
grab him and fling him just a lie little bit.
The good news is he's a pretty big guy, so
I can't really pitch him that far. It just frustrates
(29:07):
me whenever we get to that, because I think it
feels defeatist in a way. Whenever he tries to pull
that sort of Shenanigan on me, I was like, great,
I said, then you, sir, can like dwell in the
excellence that you've achanged over there, and I will be
over here trying to get better faster by being just
a little bit delusional. I'm okay with it. I'm okay
(29:29):
with it, I really really am. I don't think there's
any harm in a little bit of delusion as long
as we continue checking in to make sure that we're
making progress in the way that we're going. Okay, delusion,
and then it runs either like parallel to or indirect
conflict with the goal you've set. Yeah, we're won't have
to We're gonna have to address that. Otherwise it is
(29:52):
a constant game of flipping it over, looking at the
white underbelly and figuring out what it is we need
to do fix it, and with people like all of
you in my corner, I got a real good feeling
that all of us are gonna do just fine. Thank
you for joining us for another episode of Radical Joy.
(30:13):
If this is your first episode, we are so glad
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Studios and Radical Joy for the first of what I
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(30:33):
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(30:54):
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grateful for that. So after another week of visit, please
know exactly how much we love y'all. Thank you for
(31:15):
taking time to share a moment of joy and hope
with me. We're so grateful you're here. If this is
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See if there's something else in there that fires you
up rekindles the joy in you. Hey, spread the word.
If you got something out of being with us today,
we welcome your thoughts and suggestions. Now. I rarely run
out of things to talk about, but if there's something
I haven't covered that's on your mind or heart, I
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want to hear from you. To learn more about me
and CLW Studios, follow the links in the show notes. Hey,
don't forget. When you leave Radical Joy Review, be sure
to send us a screenshot. We'll send you some kick
ass swag to show our gratitude. I am not a
therapist or a medical professional. If you're experiencing a mental
health emergency, please call nine to eight eight to reach
the National Crisis Lifeline. This content and other content produced
(32:00):
by C Studios and affiliated partners is not therapy, and
nothing in this content indicates a therapeutic relationship. Any opinions
of guests on this podcast are their own and do
not represent the opinions of James or CLA Studios. Please
consult with your therapist or see what in your area
if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Everything in this
podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes. Only have a
(32:22):
great one and we will see you next week for
another dose of radical joy love y'all. S