December 8, 2023 • 47 mins
Welcome back to Real Talk with Cathy and Shania, in this episode, we'll be joined by experts who have experienced the highs and lows of relationships. Relationships are the cornerstone of our lives. They bring us joy, love, and support. But let's face it, they can also be challenging. Miscommunication, misunderstandings, and conflicting needs can all lead to gaps in our relationships. So, buckle up for a ride filled with stories, practical tips and insights to help you bridge the gap and build stronger bonds. It's time to break down the barriers, mend the rifts, and truly connect with the people who matter most.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello everyone, and welcome to railTalk with Caddy and Shaneer. I'm your
host Caddy, and I'm excited tohave you join us today for an exciting
episode titled Bridging the Gap. Thisepisode is brought to you by See one
Productions. With me, I havemy panel list, but today, how
(00:20):
are you doing? All of you? Okay, they'll be joining me to
explode the today's topic and share theirunique perspective counts. Just to start with
an opening question addressing the common challengespeople couples physics in relationship. So I'm
(00:43):
going for a song. What arethe some of the common reasons couples experience
guards or distance in their relationship?Reasons why couples experienced gap in their relationship?
What's you check on? That?First thing to mine is lack of
(01:03):
communication, uncommunicated expectations. It couldbecause for for gaps. Yep, about
you, I was thinking about thebackground they both grew up in. There
must be a gap when it comesto experiences. So yeah, the experiences,
(01:27):
the gap expectations. Okay, Sofor you, it's based on like
the common reasons is one of themis the level of expectations? Right?
Yeah? Bringing the background family,Yeah, I think factor Fritz said about
(01:49):
the communication. That's when you changethe level of communication in the relationship.
Uh is there. They're going tobe challenges because you have to speak out
to your emotions, your feelings andeverything to be hard. The next question
I'm going to do your first Howdo you manage your anger? When you're
(02:13):
angry? How do you manage it? Do you walk away? Do you
sleep? Do you go walk out? How do you do it? In
the context of our relationship? Right? So, what I do, what
I do right now is what wecall the five minute rule. I will
just tell my wife just hold onfor five minutes. I'm just and then
(02:36):
I'm going to go to the tothe bathroom and then think of empathetic thoughts
for the next five minutes. Iwould elicit like curiosity, like why why
did it happened this way? MaybeI would go that go out again and
talk with a better tone. That'show I manage. Does it work for
(03:01):
you? Sometimes I just walk awayand say I'll be back. I've told
many hours, five or ten hoursor three or yeah. I would just
go for a run around thirty minutesthat lock. What about your fred in
the contact and the context of therelationship that I have now, I would
(03:22):
say have not been angry, Ithink to the point of flashing out or
anything. But in my experience Itend to keep quiet and wait. We
don't have a rule as of now, but for me personally, it's it's
(03:46):
keeping quiet. And because I knowthat being angry and then talking is never
or most of the time not agood combination. That's great. So you
just keep quiet. As for now, you don't have a rule. But
georsh has run York's Away or thefive minute through the said we'll try that
(04:12):
some day. You you just standthere, keep quite. I don't think
I can do that. Just standand do anything that's crazy, Okay.
Meet Jane and Josh. They havebeen dating happily for six months, and
for the first three months everything wasgood. Jane and George decided to take
(04:34):
their lab to the next level andmoved in together, ching, cheering the
apartment that quickly felt like home.However, as the four month broadly in,
things took a bad time. WheneverJane and George found themselves in an
argument, Jane had a habit ofstorming out instead of working out things out
(05:00):
together. Each time this happened,she would pull out. She would pull
out her phone and start texting andcalling her male friends. Whenever she had
a disagreement with georsh, she wouldreach out to them and they would tell
her to meet up for dinner orgo for a drive, hoping to destruct
(05:20):
her from their trouble. Set homeone even named after a particularly heated agreement
with Josh. Jane once decided sorry, Jane's once again for herself. Passing
out or in their apartment with thephone in her hand, she daled Mark,
(05:43):
a long time for friend. Herlongtime friend, Mark listened listened to
Jane as she speeled her frustration,portraying herself as the victim in her relationship
with Geosh. Trying to be agood friend, Mark suggested that they would
they meet for a dinner at anice restaurant across the town. Jane hesitated
(06:09):
for a moment, but she eventuallyagreed. As the weeks went by,
this pattern continued, creating a riftbetween Jane and Josh. The distance Jane
sought during argument began to turn intoa gap that seemed hard and had a
footbridge. Josh, do you thinkmoving into it's our character? Do you
(06:39):
think moving in together after just threemonths of dating is a good idea.
Considering Jane and Josh situation, Ithink moving in it's never a good idea.
Sorry. Moving together Yeah, nota good idea. It's not a
(07:01):
good idea. Yes, but youlove each other. That's for me.
Even if you love each other,if you really love each other, you
get a plan for it, getpremarital counseling and get married. Wow,
live together the community. Yeah.Wow. So you think Jen and jo
(07:23):
just made a decision moving in together. Mm hmmm. I think that's that's
for me. Moving in together thatearly, even even if they moved together
like after six months, still abad move. Yeah, what do you
(07:46):
think about it? Free? Iagree. I believe that moving in together
before marriage, regardless of how longyou've been boyfriend, your girlfriend or in
reallyationship, I believe that Tom wouldsay it's effective, or some would say
it would be like a a compatibilitytest, but it just produces a lot
(08:13):
more consequences than good things. SoI would say, you know, it's
not a good move, so youwouldn't stead do that. You're just going
to move in when you get married, that's what you're saying. Yes,
after marriage. Yeah. Well,but but in current situition, I don't
(08:37):
think people follow that rule of marriageyou have to get married first move in.
Most of the couples just move in. That's why, that's why it's
not working. Yeah, they needto consider a better alternative, because I
want to know what what purpose dowe want to accomplish by moving in together?
(09:00):
Like, regardless of how long you'vebeen in a relationship, So what
would would be a purpose when youwant you won't like to move in together
that you said you want to movein together when you get married. For
example, if you decide to movein together with your girlfriend right now,
what would be a purpose make youtake that step? Gohe Josh, Yeah,
(09:22):
I was just asking if she's stopping, Yeah, go ahead, Okay,
Yes, Like I said, movingin together should only take place after
marriage because it's the cleaving part ofthe relationship, and the cleaving part of
the relationship that you separate yourself fromyour immediate family and being one with your
(09:46):
partner or your girlfriend is only honoredand honorable in the sight of God under
the under marriage. So if youwould separate yourself and be one with your
partner in flesh and whatever, youdo moving that you're not yet, that's
(10:07):
you're committing a serious saint against theside of God. So that's what that's
what I would you know, say, okay, or would you do?
What would you make you move inwith your girlfriend? You're not married?
What would you what would make youmove in together with your girlfriend? What
would make me move in? Okay? Because I think, uh, moving
(10:31):
in will not be an option forme. Okay, it's so it's hard
to imagine what would make me movein. But I think if if I'm
not where I am with my spiritualityright now, what would make me move
in? It's my desire to getsomething the girl, Yeah, just to
(10:52):
be frank right, right, SoI think that would be my reason,
you know, and maybe uh,you know, maybe to save more money
or to be through the experience.Couldn't got freedom from uh parents or from
(11:18):
a family, you know, justto be away. Maybe that that right?
I would agree. I would agreeon that, joege because there's a
huge temptation, especially from the youthright now, to escape that responsibility with
the family and just being independent andliving with their partners. Yeah whoever,
so, yeah, I think that'sthe one of the primary reasons that if
(11:43):
you would if we would ask theyouth or anyone who would was living or
was planning to move in with theirpartner, they would want to have that
kind of freedom where they will havetheir own house or something like that.
But it's a noble it's a noand good vision or dream. But I
(12:03):
think it should be done under theholy holy marriage, that is before God
and before the people do love good. Yeah, I think some of them
move, okay, because maybe especiallythose who have like siblings, they have
(12:24):
younger siblings with them, they tendto run away from the responsibility that even
if freedom comes with responsibility, youcan just sit there, even if you
are living alone or you have someresponsibility to fulfill. So if you move
out because you don't want to docertain things you might you're just going to
(12:50):
do them. Because you move out, you're going to find some things You're
going to build could be responsible atsome point in life. I'm coming to
your first fritz Ah, do youbelieve that jane portrayals of herself as a
victim in a relationship with Josh isjustified or is she the more the story?
(13:18):
Okay, first of all, Iwant to ask this question have you
ever been in an argument and youknow you're the person who is wrong and
you're not You know it, youknow you're wrong, but you just portray
yourself as a victim. Can Ianswer the question now? Yep? Okay,
yeah, Actually, well, andI was talking about my girlfriend and
(13:43):
I was talking about this the otherday that you know, if somebody do
some did something to you that isthat is bad or that hurt you or
whatever or made you better, doingsomething wrong after it is never justified,
like being the victim. If playingthe victim and blaming the things that has
(14:07):
been done to you badly, itwas as as a justification for you to
to do your to take your revengeor something like that. I think it's
never justified because if we would,if the mindset of the world would be
like that, imagine how how badit would be if it's something bad has
(14:31):
been done to us, and thenwe would use that something bad two do
something bad again and pay forward withbad things. Definitely, definitely will.
It's gonna be chaos. What doyou think about, Fritz? Yeah,
so I think it it must Itmustn't be justified. The issue should be
(14:52):
resolved in in itself internally as well, and resorting to outry part like our
previous podcast, with cause more problemsthan you know solving it. So that's
for me. Okay, got you? What do you think about Josh?
(15:13):
What was that question again? Canyou say it again? Okay? Do
you believe that Jane's portrayal of herselfas a victim in her relationship with Josh
is justified? Hmmm, not justify? Like what Fritz said, doing something
wrong for the wrong then do youwill not make things right? So I
(15:35):
don't think that's justified. Well,we have to talk about the issue and
have better conflict resolution strategies. Yeah, yeah, okay, So you've never
been in an argument and you've playeda big I can't remember a time where
I played a victim. Oh wereyou younger at the time you played the
(15:56):
big tim I see that a lot, especially in women, when you find
them doing something wrong. You don'twant to admit to the thing they did.
They just want they will just twistthe story around you and it will
back. It will come back toyou, and you you'll be the one
who's in the wrong. Yeah,okay. The nextest two friends like Mark
(16:19):
intervene in a couples disagreement or isit better to let them work the things
out on the Is Mark wrong inintervening in the couples disagreement? Anyone can
answer that. In the story youshared, Mark, what's a friend of
(16:40):
uh? Jen? Jen? Right? And they met in a fancy restaurant?
Was that? Yeah? That wasIt's a heated argument. Yeah,
but I don't think that's a nicemove to meet a male friend after he
did argument that's wise? Yeah,because honesty and openness is actually key for
(17:06):
intimacy. So she is putting therelationship at risk by meeting someone who is
not her boyfriend of the opposite sex. So that's dangerous especially that's dangerous especially
for But since they're not yet married, I don't know where the direction of
(17:27):
the relationship is going. So shecould have just gone asking help from Yeah,
maybe girlfriends or advisors or even professionalcounselor a pastoral counselor. Do you
think that will walk out even ifthey see the counselor? Because Jen,
I think has developed this a bitof calling her male friends only male friends.
(17:52):
She's angry, So do you thinka counselor can change her behavior?
No? I think you can't saythat. Actually, counselors doesn't change people.
They're there to facilitate self awareness.So I think if Jane goes to
(18:14):
you would understand yourself more and dosomething about it. The situation, the
issues that may come in the conversation, that's interesting. What do you think
about this, Jenny? Yeah?What was the question? Again? Should
friends like Mark intern in a couple'sdisagreements? No, I don't think so.
If it's just a couple, we'retalking about their relationship between a couple,
(18:40):
and adding another person into the equationwould just mix up everything. And
I don't think that Jane going toa male friend would resolve the situation.
She should first discuss the matter witha person she's involved in, with a
person she having an argument with.Yes, they're the only ones who would
(19:03):
be able to resolve the issue becauseit's their own issue. They don't need
to get opinion from other people,especially from a male friend. And I
don't even understand why would why Janewould go to a male friend. Doesn't
she have any other female friends shecan relate to? You know, maybe
(19:25):
she feels she feels close when sheshares have problems with their male friends.
Maybe the ladies doesn't want to hearout. I know that's when where the
gap between her and Mark would wouldbegin because she should fix it gosh and
not go direct to Mark. Okay, so Oli, you are saying like,
(19:49):
isn't the wrong and not only Mark? Everyone should not involved If you're
a lady, should not involved youmale friends in your relationship. Mark is
that it's a true friend, indeedhe should. He should advise Jane to
(20:10):
go and settle it with with theone she has a relationship with instead up
with him. If he is agood friend indeed and just a friend,
they just have a p tonic relationship. That's what I or maybe he is
eyeing on the relationships, so Idon't think he can try to fix things
because he's suggesting they go to anice restaurant and have dinner, so there's
(20:34):
no fixing their going to your Fritzfirst first, watfaw does effective communication play
in preventing the growing divide that Janeand Josh experience in their relationship? You
have you have to you have tobe willing to compromise and be vulnerable to
(20:56):
your partner because if you're gonna findor resort to something else, outside of
the relationship, especially when it comesto attention, communication, intimacy, and
whatever. If you're going to lookfor that outside of the relationship, then
definitely you'll create more gaps. Youwill not patch You'll not patch holes,
(21:19):
but you'll create more. You haveto be for me personally, I have
to be willing to be vulnerable andas a man in the relationship. There
could be times that you don't wantto because you don't want to look weak.
You don't want to humble yourself downand be willing to talk things through
(21:41):
with your partner because you want youremotions and your feelings to be recognized and
acknowledged. But if both of youwould be willing to lay down whatever that
you're feeling on the table and talkabout it, understand each other, take
time to patch things up up andsee where where either parties are coming from,
(22:04):
I think that would that would helpbreage the gap. I agree,
But how can you identify the ittas communication breakdown at some point in your
relationship. It's not necessarily having nosecrets, but it's just just being honest.
And do you have secrets? Yeah, my password in Facebook, my
(22:29):
Instagram, my bank, those secretlike yeah, so they could still be
secrets, but you have to behonest. You really have to be honest.
The thing what is trying to sayis like transparency. It's the key
to open about your intentions, actionsand also emotions. Right, if you're
(22:52):
just feeling like I feel I feellike I'm not being understood or I feel
like you're not acknowledging my my feelingsand my emotions, she should tell Josh
or Josh or yea, she shouldtell because it's better to be open,
so Josh would understand her and notshe's she would not assume that she should.
(23:14):
He should be able to understand mebecause this and that it's creating more
gaps. What's you take on this, Josh, Josh, not Josh.
Yeah, there will be gaps andthis is a reality, but we must
be willing to bridge it and notto further the gaps. I think what
Fritz was saying, you have toput the effort and really be willing to
(23:41):
do everything we can communicate. Doyou think being empathy empathy plays a role
in building strong connections? Empathy,being empathy empathy? Yeah, do you
think like it's pretty it's placed inthe building strong connections. Oh, definitely,
(24:03):
definitely empathy because empathy is taking theperspective of another person or your loved
one. So if both people wouldtake the empathetic of each other, they
would be able to adjust and connectbetter. Yeah, empathy, Jenny,
(24:26):
what should take the whole thing?Yeah, so I think empathy is very
important in any kind of relationship becausethat means that you are able to understand.
You are able to know where they'recoming from, and so you would
be able to put yourself in theirsituation and understand them better and resolve any
(24:48):
conflict that you may have. Butkay, if you um tic, I
think empathy involves like putting yourselves inas a shoes and you know, practicing
active listening and you know, askingabout the emotions how they flee as king
asking question. This will like fultadepend understanding on each others. You're able
(25:15):
to see each on each other perspectiveand cup in between you two. So
the next question would be should Jenand Josh reconsider their decision to move in
together given the challenges faced they facedin a fault in the fourth month of
their relationship relationship And I can answerthat should they sorry again? You consider
(25:38):
their decision? To move in together, and for me, I think they
should because they should be able toresolve the initial conflict first before leveling up
their relationship. If they are notable to sort out the situation and the
get go, it can further damagethe relationship when they move in and other
(26:00):
issues might pop up afterwards when they'vealready moved in. Better to resolve it
firsthand before living in together, becausethat's a more serious relation. That would
be a more serious side of therelationship. Yeah, because if they just
move the on the three months andthey are having problems, I don't know
(26:22):
if it will go past five months. They're just dating for like three months
only, So I think it's toosoon to move in together. Wow,
what do you take on this,Josh? Moving in Reconsiderould they reconsider after
the instructors they have a challenges onthe fourth month of the relationship. Yeah,
(26:51):
I think so they need to evaluateand really think about the direction that
they want to take. And yeah, to sort out motivation, seek help
for a better way of doing theirrelationship and consider they should actually consider a
(27:14):
better way. What makes other peoplemay be successful, you should see that
as well, instead of doing itthere in their own way. Definitely they
should reconsider, not only reconsidering themoving in part, but reconsider if they
would want to continue in the relationship, because that that in itself, what
(27:37):
Jenny did to you know, threemonths in the relationships sorry sorry, okay,
what Jenny did to Josh early inthe stage of that relationship. She
already did something that very dangerous inthe relation, very risk in the relationship
(27:59):
by meeting up with a friend,a male friend, and doing it habitually.
So that in itself, for me, should make Josh reconsider his relationship
with her, not just the movingin, but do I should he continue?
So I think that's that's the questionfor me. It's not Jenny.
(28:23):
Is Jane Jane? Sorry? Sorry? Close? Yeah, they are I
even noticed them. Well. Thenext question would be what advice would you
give to Jane and Josh help thembridge the growing up in their relationship and
rebuild the trust that may have beeneroded in their relationship. And you have
(28:45):
to separate them because Jene has thehabit of storming out and calling her male
friends or texting them, and Joshjust sits there like then the five many
true with Josh. What advice wouldyou give them? I would say as
a friend, I would advise themto go on a soul searching trip or
(29:11):
something like that. Have spent somequalegey time together to really assess the relationship,
what their life goals are, wherethey're what directions they would like to
take in Yeah, be open toeach other, have that open communication and
(29:33):
let each other know what what theproblems with each other, what their problems
are with each other, and beable to take constructive criticism as well.
They'd be able to gap that bridge, bridge that gap. I'm going to
ask everyone this question and such onlydo Jenny picture this. You're in a
(29:56):
restaurant to your husband, he's usinga phone like texting back and forth,
texting back and for smiling. Whatwould be a reaction today? What would
you do? Could you do?That? Really irritating when I'm with a
person and they don't talk to me, like when I meet up with a
(30:18):
friend or with anybody else, Iwill want them to have their full focus
on me and not do texting orcalling. Especially when if I'm with my
husband and he's like texting and smilingat the same time. At the back
of my mind, I would belike, who is he talking to?
Who? Is who is he textingwith? And that's way and issue,
(30:44):
right, and then then you tryto be and she was who he's talking
to. I would ask him directly, why would I keep? And I
would know if he's being honest withme or not. So, yeah,
I've known him for a long time, so I would know from his actions,
from the way he looks at me, if he's able to look at
(31:04):
me straight in the eye and tellme who he's texting with. Oh,
I would know if he's dying ifI don't see, if I see that
he's hiding something, we would definitelyhave a discussion about that. Okay,
Fritz, what about you before youanswer the the before you give advice to
(31:27):
Jane and Josh, picture that scenariowhen you're in a restaurant and your partner's
texting back and forth, smiling,maybe receiving calls, a need to a
moment with her or yeah sorry havewhat would be a reaction? Will you
(31:47):
tell them directly or we just waitand give them time? For me,
it depends on the time on wherewe're having So for example, if we
just sat down and taking orders andor eating, I think that's fine.
I think that it's the focus shouldbe, you know, between us,
(32:10):
but after we ate, or wejust want to relax or chill or check
our phones. That's I think Ican give a bit of grace on that.
But if overout the date she ison the phone, or she is
smiling or laughing from looking at herphone, or you know, just spending
(32:32):
most of the time on her phone, and definitely I would reprimand for that,
just ask can we oh yeah,can we can we send aside sometime?
Are you going to ask that orare you going to ask who are
you texting? Well? I could, I could, but I don't.
(32:55):
I try. I try to givethe benefit of the doubt for so,
I just want to if she wouldbe, you know, habitually going back
to her phone after I recommend orask her to to set aside the phone,
then then you know, the probingis going to move forward. In
my house, I don't know ifthis was present in your house or something.
(33:21):
We had this rule. If ifit's dinner time, we had this
like a bone. You have toput your phone there. You put your
phone there, then you're going totake the phone after the dinner. Do
you guys? Do that? Notphones on the thenning table. You have
(33:42):
that trule. Do you bring yourphone there in the family. We don't.
We don't have that you're at home, We just don't bring it to
the table. We have kids,so we'd rather talk about our day.
About those people who just take theirphone everywhere, even in the toilet.
(34:07):
Guilty here, now you're guilty.Okay, So you do that a lot,
right, Why do you do that? First of all, I like
just to listen to music when Itake a bath, So that's one.
Like I listened to calming music.And then what is what else is there
(34:30):
to do? Sometimes? You know, back in the day, my dad,
who might be hearing me, whenwhenever he goes brings he brings magazines
something to read, right, right, So being productive, you know,
offloading, but being productive. Soyou mean reading my whole magazine. That's
(34:52):
interesting. There's just something to reador just something to fascinate himself while doing
the thing. But I think there'ssomething bad about it. Yeah, he
reads the morning newspaper and every time. But now that they have the phone,
it's the cell phone they bat Okay, Josh, I am coming to
(35:17):
you with the same question I askthe pun note, what would be your
reaction in your partner. Just you'rejust a phone. Every time you're with
her, it's your moment you wantto have it. Just what would you
do? I would suggest that everytime we will have a day. Next
time we might consider leaving our phonesin the car. But if she comes
(35:42):
to it again, but if yeah, I would communicate how I feel about
it. Because she loves me,of course she would right, that's you,
you love me. That's for youto answer if she loves you or
not. Yeah, can you knowdo this? Any advice for Jen and
(36:04):
Josh you might help them to readthe cup they have in their relationship.
My advice would be, like whatJen Jenny said earlier, is to really
go back to their life goals,also the direction of their life. Being
a relationship is one of the greatestthing a person could experience in life.
(36:30):
But if it's they have to bealigned with their purpose, with their season,
and they have to reevaluate, theyhave to work on. I would
advise them to work on their Yeah, their timelines and what do they want
to achieve in life? And ifthey see each other spending a lifetime together,
(36:55):
they should work towards that. Greatadvice from our experts to us.
Excellent. Yep. What about yourfriends? Any advice for them to you?
If I would be their friend,my advice are you? What are
(37:16):
you playing? The Mark friend?A friend you might be marked if I
would be If I would be Mark, I would report to Josh about about
what's trying to do. I willtell you why did you brought her to
(37:37):
a fancy restaurant? I'm not goingto agree on that. First, I
would submit to him as early ashe reached out to me. And but
yeah, if they would want tocontinue and pursue their relationship together, they
have the time in their hands toreevaluate themselves first, Like if they're willing
(38:00):
to compromise whatever it needs to be, you know, adjusted, because it's
love will love will take so muchfrom you, And the question would be
the next question would be the nextoption would be I'm coming to you with
(38:22):
Josh, Jenny, Sorry, Jenny? Can can and taking a break during
an argument be a constructive way tocool off or does it risk causing mohammed?
Than good? So how do youmanage your anger? Jenny? When
I would say it's a good thingto do to let off in if you're
(38:45):
really in a in a tight situation, if you're angry, your initial reaction
would be like you out forwards thatyou cannot take back anymore. So it's
better to pull off first and settlethe argument once both of you are all
pulled down and are able to manageyour emotions, and you're like you'd be
(39:08):
able to settle things in a moremature way. How do you manage your
anger? Do you cool off tojust wait for some minutes? How do
I just go for something? Igo for a walk. I remove myself
from the situation because I really hatebeing in an argument. That's just me
(39:34):
being like having like I love mypeace, my peace loving person, So
I don't want to get involved inany argument and when but when I'm forced
to be in it, I takemyself out of the situation, go down
first, so I'd be able togather my thoughts, be able to handle
my situation, and be more logicalin resolving the situation that I'm in.
(39:59):
I like that. That's interesting,Josh, go how Jenny manages her anger
and negative emotions? Agree? Willyou take her? What do you call
it? Will you stop using yourfive minute true? Then take Jenny's way.
(40:22):
I think that's in principle is thesame. The thing with the five
minute rule is that when your partnersees you like angry, you just give
her time, because I mean,the thing is when you're in a fight
or when you're in a conflict andthen you suddenly walk out, that could
actually be a trigger also, butwhen you communicate that I will be back
(40:45):
after a certain time, it meansthat you're not walking away from the situation.
You just gott to gather yourself.So I think a break is a
good principle. You you got yourself, and you also practice empathy with a
(41:06):
partner and be curious about where couldshe might be going coming from, and
then when you re engage, yeah, you you know, have a better
sense of the situation, not justof your side, but even at her
side. Don't just storm out withoutletting the other person know where you're going
(41:28):
out without anywhere, Like you're justtrying to like handle this right now,
right now, I'm going for awalk. Let's settle this later on when
we're both Maybe maybe you're trying tojust not talk much because you you've already
(41:49):
had a conflict and the more youtalk, well, what kind of practice
too? I would tell you thatpracticing those words or if you want to
sign, if you want to signlanguage. Every time I do this,
it means I'm going to go back. Yeah, you abusing your finger and
(42:10):
like just maybe waving or something.You understand. There's a bell in the
house. There's a bell in downsthat you would ring if if you're now
you're introducing, but it would looklike a boxing match. Brow are you
the one who is introducing the bell? Fred was Josh? That's interesting.
(42:36):
So anytime you want to leave thehouse and when your argument gesturing the bell,
understand, it's gonna be around thebell boy, the bellboys. If
the bell is ranged, and theneverybody knows that you're angry, should it
runs like five times that that's alot of the house. That's a lot
(43:00):
of place in the house. Sowhat do you take on this? Fritz?
Was it for to answer? OrJosh? Josh? You take on
that and the bell on the bellyou can try that and you will tell
(43:22):
us what happened. And now nextepisode, just by the bell then for
it to practice, then mill youwill tell us the experience. Right yeah,
okay, guys, and time isrunning out, so I want to
run to to answer this, I'mgoing to you, Josh first, give
(43:45):
your insights on this. What areyour fine on those or chips do you
have for our listeners in the inthe journey to breed the gap in all
kinds of relationships, thoughts would beto really work on communications. So along
(44:07):
communication, there would be empathy,there would be the skills on how to
hand the conflicts to bridge that gap, you know, there must be a
direction also for both parties. Theyhave to agree on where they want to
(44:29):
bring the relationship and if if they'reready to take it to the next level,
they have to have the necessary youknow, maturity to take it there.
Oh yeah, wow, So that'sfrom our experts, Josh and Jenny.
(44:51):
What what would you advise our listenersto do they want to bridge the
couplinty relationship. Yeah, so Ibelieve really communication is the key in any
kind of relationship. That's where youbuild your relationship around being able to what
(45:12):
do you say this, Being comfortablein your own skin and be able to
bear your emotions and your thoughts wellwith others might take on This is that
I listen to a lot of talksof Jordan Peterson and I got this,
and this is applicable to any relationships, especially like having partners, is that
(45:32):
do not be afraid to take thedifficult conversations early, because that's going to
determine, like what I'm saying earlier, how much would you would you be
willing to compromise because if you willnot take the have the hard or difficult
conversations now, you'll not get haveit later because you're just gonna avoid and
(45:54):
evade all of the things that needsto be settled or the host that needs
to be batched up and just youknow, save it for later until it
piles up and then just explodes.So, yeah, having having a difficult
conversations now then then later in theshadow? Do you want to give to
(46:15):
your friends like husband friends, anyone? Go Jenny, shout out to my
husband and to my female friends outthere who this podcast. Ah mm hmm
you guys, Yeah, go ahead, give up. Give the shout out
(46:37):
to your friend, to your girlfriend, Fritz, Yeah, shout out to
my girlfriend who's currently listening right now. Forgive me if I said something that
you did not like. I don'twant you to get in trouble though.
No, but we're gonna have thedifficult conversations, so that's fine. Okay,
(46:59):
do shout out to my wife alsolistening. I hope you didn't get
in trouble by saying anything. Andshout out to a new way of doing
some bells. That's interesting. Okay. Thank you to our listeners, to
our panel list for sharing your valuableinsights. And remember every relationship has its
(47:23):
challenges, but with an open communicationand also commitment to understanding, you can
bridge those gaps. Tell you onthe next episode, my
Hello everyone, and welcome to railTalk with Caddy and Shaneer. I'm your
host Caddy, and I'm excited tohave you join us today for an exciting
episode titled Bridging the Gap. Thisepisode is brought to you by See one
Productions. With me, I havemy panel list, but today, how
(00:20):
are you doing? All of you? Okay, they'll be joining me to
explode the today's topic and share theirunique perspective counts. Just to start with
an opening question addressing the common challengespeople couples physics in relationship. So I'm
(00:43):
going for a song. What arethe some of the common reasons couples experience
guards or distance in their relationship?Reasons why couples experienced gap in their relationship?
What's you check on? That?First thing to mine is lack of
(01:03):
communication, uncommunicated expectations. It couldbecause for for gaps. Yep, about
you, I was thinking about thebackground they both grew up in. There
must be a gap when it comesto experiences. So yeah, the experiences,
(01:27):
the gap expectations. Okay, Sofor you, it's based on like
the common reasons is one of themis the level of expectations? Right?
Yeah? Bringing the background family,Yeah, I think factor Fritz said about
(01:49):
the communication. That's when you changethe level of communication in the relationship.
Uh is there. They're going tobe challenges because you have to speak out
to your emotions, your feelings andeverything to be hard. The next question
I'm going to do your first Howdo you manage your anger? When you're
(02:13):
angry? How do you manage it? Do you walk away? Do you
sleep? Do you go walk out? How do you do it? In
the context of our relationship? Right? So, what I do, what
I do right now is what wecall the five minute rule. I will
just tell my wife just hold onfor five minutes. I'm just and then
(02:36):
I'm going to go to the tothe bathroom and then think of empathetic thoughts
for the next five minutes. Iwould elicit like curiosity, like why why
did it happened this way? MaybeI would go that go out again and
talk with a better tone. That'show I manage. Does it work for
(03:01):
you? Sometimes I just walk awayand say I'll be back. I've told
many hours, five or ten hoursor three or yeah. I would just
go for a run around thirty minutesthat lock. What about your fred in
the contact and the context of therelationship that I have now, I would
(03:22):
say have not been angry, Ithink to the point of flashing out or
anything. But in my experience Itend to keep quiet and wait. We
don't have a rule as of now, but for me personally, it's it's
(03:46):
keeping quiet. And because I knowthat being angry and then talking is never
or most of the time not agood combination. That's great. So you
just keep quiet. As for now, you don't have a rule. But
georsh has run York's Away or thefive minute through the said we'll try that
(04:12):
some day. You you just standthere, keep quite. I don't think
I can do that. Just standand do anything that's crazy, Okay.
Meet Jane and Josh. They havebeen dating happily for six months, and
for the first three months everything wasgood. Jane and George decided to take
(04:34):
their lab to the next level andmoved in together, ching, cheering the
apartment that quickly felt like home.However, as the four month broadly in,
things took a bad time. WheneverJane and George found themselves in an
argument, Jane had a habit ofstorming out instead of working out things out
(05:00):
together. Each time this happened,she would pull out. She would pull
out her phone and start texting andcalling her male friends. Whenever she had
a disagreement with georsh, she wouldreach out to them and they would tell
her to meet up for dinner orgo for a drive, hoping to destruct
(05:20):
her from their trouble. Set homeone even named after a particularly heated agreement
with Josh. Jane once decided sorry, Jane's once again for herself. Passing
out or in their apartment with thephone in her hand, she daled Mark,
(05:43):
a long time for friend. Herlongtime friend, Mark listened listened to
Jane as she speeled her frustration,portraying herself as the victim in her relationship
with Geosh. Trying to be agood friend, Mark suggested that they would
they meet for a dinner at anice restaurant across the town. Jane hesitated
(06:09):
for a moment, but she eventuallyagreed. As the weeks went by,
this pattern continued, creating a riftbetween Jane and Josh. The distance Jane
sought during argument began to turn intoa gap that seemed hard and had a
footbridge. Josh, do you thinkmoving into it's our character? Do you
(06:39):
think moving in together after just threemonths of dating is a good idea.
Considering Jane and Josh situation, Ithink moving in it's never a good idea.
Sorry. Moving together Yeah, nota good idea. It's not a
(07:01):
good idea. Yes, but youlove each other. That's for me.
Even if you love each other,if you really love each other, you
get a plan for it, getpremarital counseling and get married. Wow,
live together the community. Yeah.Wow. So you think Jen and jo
(07:23):
just made a decision moving in together. Mm hmmm. I think that's that's
for me. Moving in together thatearly, even even if they moved together
like after six months, still abad move. Yeah, what do you
(07:46):
think about it? Free? Iagree. I believe that moving in together
before marriage, regardless of how longyou've been boyfriend, your girlfriend or in
reallyationship, I believe that Tom wouldsay it's effective, or some would say
it would be like a a compatibilitytest, but it just produces a lot
(08:13):
more consequences than good things. SoI would say, you know, it's
not a good move, so youwouldn't stead do that. You're just going
to move in when you get married, that's what you're saying. Yes,
after marriage. Yeah. Well,but but in current situition, I don't
(08:37):
think people follow that rule of marriageyou have to get married first move in.
Most of the couples just move in. That's why, that's why it's
not working. Yeah, they needto consider a better alternative, because I
want to know what what purpose dowe want to accomplish by moving in together?
(09:00):
Like, regardless of how long you'vebeen in a relationship, So what
would would be a purpose when youwant you won't like to move in together
that you said you want to movein together when you get married. For
example, if you decide to movein together with your girlfriend right now,
what would be a purpose make youtake that step? Gohe Josh, Yeah,
(09:22):
I was just asking if she's stopping, Yeah, go ahead, Okay,
Yes, Like I said, movingin together should only take place after
marriage because it's the cleaving part ofthe relationship, and the cleaving part of
the relationship that you separate yourself fromyour immediate family and being one with your
(09:46):
partner or your girlfriend is only honoredand honorable in the sight of God under
the under marriage. So if youwould separate yourself and be one with your
partner in flesh and whatever, youdo moving that you're not yet, that's
(10:07):
you're committing a serious saint against theside of God. So that's what that's
what I would you know, say, okay, or would you do?
What would you make you move inwith your girlfriend? You're not married?
What would you what would make youmove in together with your girlfriend? What
would make me move in? Okay? Because I think, uh, moving
(10:31):
in will not be an option forme. Okay, it's so it's hard
to imagine what would make me movein. But I think if if I'm
not where I am with my spiritualityright now, what would make me move
in? It's my desire to getsomething the girl, Yeah, just to
(10:52):
be frank right, right, SoI think that would be my reason,
you know, and maybe uh,you know, maybe to save more money
or to be through the experience.Couldn't got freedom from uh parents or from
(11:18):
a family, you know, justto be away. Maybe that that right?
I would agree. I would agreeon that, joege because there's a
huge temptation, especially from the youthright now, to escape that responsibility with
the family and just being independent andliving with their partners. Yeah whoever,
so, yeah, I think that'sthe one of the primary reasons that if
(11:43):
you would if we would ask theyouth or anyone who would was living or
was planning to move in with theirpartner, they would want to have that
kind of freedom where they will havetheir own house or something like that.
But it's a noble it's a noand good vision or dream. But I
(12:03):
think it should be done under theholy holy marriage, that is before God
and before the people do love good. Yeah, I think some of them
move, okay, because maybe especiallythose who have like siblings, they have
(12:24):
younger siblings with them, they tendto run away from the responsibility that even
if freedom comes with responsibility, youcan just sit there, even if you
are living alone or you have someresponsibility to fulfill. So if you move
out because you don't want to docertain things you might you're just going to
(12:50):
do them. Because you move out, you're going to find some things You're
going to build could be responsible atsome point in life. I'm coming to
your first fritz Ah, do youbelieve that jane portrayals of herself as a
victim in a relationship with Josh isjustified or is she the more the story?
(13:18):
Okay, first of all, Iwant to ask this question have you
ever been in an argument and youknow you're the person who is wrong and
you're not You know it, youknow you're wrong, but you just portray
yourself as a victim. Can Ianswer the question now? Yep? Okay,
yeah, Actually, well, andI was talking about my girlfriend and
(13:43):
I was talking about this the otherday that you know, if somebody do
some did something to you that isthat is bad or that hurt you or
whatever or made you better, doingsomething wrong after it is never justified,
like being the victim. If playingthe victim and blaming the things that has
(14:07):
been done to you badly, itwas as as a justification for you to
to do your to take your revengeor something like that. I think it's
never justified because if we would,if the mindset of the world would be
like that, imagine how how badit would be if it's something bad has
(14:31):
been done to us, and thenwe would use that something bad two do
something bad again and pay forward withbad things. Definitely, definitely will.
It's gonna be chaos. What doyou think about, Fritz? Yeah,
so I think it it must Itmustn't be justified. The issue should be
(14:52):
resolved in in itself internally as well, and resorting to outry part like our
previous podcast, with cause more problemsthan you know solving it. So that's
for me. Okay, got you? What do you think about Josh?
(15:13):
What was that question again? Canyou say it again? Okay? Do
you believe that Jane's portrayal of herselfas a victim in her relationship with Josh
is justified? Hmmm, not justify? Like what Fritz said, doing something
wrong for the wrong then do youwill not make things right? So I
(15:35):
don't think that's justified. Well,we have to talk about the issue and
have better conflict resolution strategies. Yeah, yeah, okay, So you've never
been in an argument and you've playeda big I can't remember a time where
I played a victim. Oh wereyou younger at the time you played the
(15:56):
big tim I see that a lot, especially in women, when you find
them doing something wrong. You don'twant to admit to the thing they did.
They just want they will just twistthe story around you and it will
back. It will come back toyou, and you you'll be the one
who's in the wrong. Yeah,okay. The nextest two friends like Mark
(16:19):
intervene in a couples disagreement or isit better to let them work the things
out on the Is Mark wrong inintervening in the couples disagreement? Anyone can
answer that. In the story youshared, Mark, what's a friend of
(16:40):
uh? Jen? Jen? Right? And they met in a fancy restaurant?
Was that? Yeah? That wasIt's a heated argument. Yeah,
but I don't think that's a nicemove to meet a male friend after he
did argument that's wise? Yeah,because honesty and openness is actually key for
(17:06):
intimacy. So she is putting therelationship at risk by meeting someone who is
not her boyfriend of the opposite sex. So that's dangerous especially that's dangerous especially
for But since they're not yet married, I don't know where the direction of
(17:27):
the relationship is going. So shecould have just gone asking help from Yeah,
maybe girlfriends or advisors or even professionalcounselor a pastoral counselor. Do you
think that will walk out even ifthey see the counselor? Because Jen,
I think has developed this a bitof calling her male friends only male friends.
(17:52):
She's angry, So do you thinka counselor can change her behavior?
No? I think you can't saythat. Actually, counselors doesn't change people.
They're there to facilitate self awareness.So I think if Jane goes to
(18:14):
you would understand yourself more and dosomething about it. The situation, the
issues that may come in the conversation, that's interesting. What do you think
about this, Jenny? Yeah?What was the question? Again? Should
friends like Mark intern in a couple'sdisagreements? No, I don't think so.
If it's just a couple, we'retalking about their relationship between a couple,
(18:40):
and adding another person into the equationwould just mix up everything. And
I don't think that Jane going toa male friend would resolve the situation.
She should first discuss the matter witha person she's involved in, with a
person she having an argument with.Yes, they're the only ones who would
(19:03):
be able to resolve the issue becauseit's their own issue. They don't need
to get opinion from other people,especially from a male friend. And I
don't even understand why would why Janewould go to a male friend. Doesn't
she have any other female friends shecan relate to? You know, maybe
(19:25):
she feels she feels close when sheshares have problems with their male friends.
Maybe the ladies doesn't want to hearout. I know that's when where the
gap between her and Mark would wouldbegin because she should fix it gosh and
not go direct to Mark. Okay, so Oli, you are saying like,
(19:49):
isn't the wrong and not only Mark? Everyone should not involved If you're
a lady, should not involved youmale friends in your relationship. Mark is
that it's a true friend, indeedhe should. He should advise Jane to
(20:10):
go and settle it with with theone she has a relationship with instead up
with him. If he is agood friend indeed and just a friend,
they just have a p tonic relationship. That's what I or maybe he is
eyeing on the relationships, so Idon't think he can try to fix things
because he's suggesting they go to anice restaurant and have dinner, so there's
(20:34):
no fixing their going to your Fritzfirst first, watfaw does effective communication play
in preventing the growing divide that Janeand Josh experience in their relationship? You
have you have to you have tobe willing to compromise and be vulnerable to
(20:56):
your partner because if you're gonna findor resort to something else, outside of
the relationship, especially when it comesto attention, communication, intimacy, and
whatever. If you're going to lookfor that outside of the relationship, then
definitely you'll create more gaps. Youwill not patch You'll not patch holes,
(21:19):
but you'll create more. You haveto be for me personally, I have
to be willing to be vulnerable andas a man in the relationship. There
could be times that you don't wantto because you don't want to look weak.
You don't want to humble yourself downand be willing to talk things through
(21:41):
with your partner because you want youremotions and your feelings to be recognized and
acknowledged. But if both of youwould be willing to lay down whatever that
you're feeling on the table and talkabout it, understand each other, take
time to patch things up up andsee where where either parties are coming from,
(22:04):
I think that would that would helpbreage the gap. I agree,
But how can you identify the ittas communication breakdown at some point in your
relationship. It's not necessarily having nosecrets, but it's just just being honest.
And do you have secrets? Yeah, my password in Facebook, my
(22:29):
Instagram, my bank, those secretlike yeah, so they could still be
secrets, but you have to behonest. You really have to be honest.
The thing what is trying to sayis like transparency. It's the key
to open about your intentions, actionsand also emotions. Right, if you're
(22:52):
just feeling like I feel I feellike I'm not being understood or I feel
like you're not acknowledging my my feelingsand my emotions, she should tell Josh
or Josh or yea, she shouldtell because it's better to be open,
so Josh would understand her and notshe's she would not assume that she should.
(23:14):
He should be able to understand mebecause this and that it's creating more
gaps. What's you take on this, Josh, Josh, not Josh.
Yeah, there will be gaps andthis is a reality, but we must
be willing to bridge it and notto further the gaps. I think what
Fritz was saying, you have toput the effort and really be willing to
(23:41):
do everything we can communicate. Doyou think being empathy empathy plays a role
in building strong connections? Empathy,being empathy empathy? Yeah, do you
think like it's pretty it's placed inthe building strong connections. Oh, definitely,
(24:03):
definitely empathy because empathy is taking theperspective of another person or your loved
one. So if both people wouldtake the empathetic of each other, they
would be able to adjust and connectbetter. Yeah, empathy, Jenny,
(24:26):
what should take the whole thing?Yeah, so I think empathy is very
important in any kind of relationship becausethat means that you are able to understand.
You are able to know where they'recoming from, and so you would
be able to put yourself in theirsituation and understand them better and resolve any
(24:48):
conflict that you may have. Butkay, if you um tic, I
think empathy involves like putting yourselves inas a shoes and you know, practicing
active listening and you know, askingabout the emotions how they flee as king
asking question. This will like fultadepend understanding on each others. You're able
(25:15):
to see each on each other perspectiveand cup in between you two. So
the next question would be should Jenand Josh reconsider their decision to move in
together given the challenges faced they facedin a fault in the fourth month of
their relationship relationship And I can answerthat should they sorry again? You consider
(25:38):
their decision? To move in together, and for me, I think they
should because they should be able toresolve the initial conflict first before leveling up
their relationship. If they are notable to sort out the situation and the
get go, it can further damagethe relationship when they move in and other
(26:00):
issues might pop up afterwards when they'vealready moved in. Better to resolve it
firsthand before living in together, becausethat's a more serious relation. That would
be a more serious side of therelationship. Yeah, because if they just
move the on the three months andthey are having problems, I don't know
(26:22):
if it will go past five months. They're just dating for like three months
only, So I think it's toosoon to move in together. Wow,
what do you take on this,Josh? Moving in Reconsiderould they reconsider after
the instructors they have a challenges onthe fourth month of the relationship. Yeah,
(26:51):
I think so they need to evaluateand really think about the direction that
they want to take. And yeah, to sort out motivation, seek help
for a better way of doing theirrelationship and consider they should actually consider a
(27:14):
better way. What makes other peoplemay be successful, you should see that
as well, instead of doing itthere in their own way. Definitely they
should reconsider, not only reconsidering themoving in part, but reconsider if they
would want to continue in the relationship, because that that in itself, what
(27:37):
Jenny did to you know, threemonths in the relationships sorry sorry, okay,
what Jenny did to Josh early inthe stage of that relationship. She
already did something that very dangerous inthe relation, very risk in the relationship
(27:59):
by meeting up with a friend,a male friend, and doing it habitually.
So that in itself, for me, should make Josh reconsider his relationship
with her, not just the movingin, but do I should he continue?
So I think that's that's the questionfor me. It's not Jenny.
(28:23):
Is Jane Jane? Sorry? Sorry? Close? Yeah, they are I
even noticed them. Well. Thenext question would be what advice would you
give to Jane and Josh help thembridge the growing up in their relationship and
rebuild the trust that may have beeneroded in their relationship. And you have
(28:45):
to separate them because Jene has thehabit of storming out and calling her male
friends or texting them, and Joshjust sits there like then the five many
true with Josh. What advice wouldyou give them? I would say as
a friend, I would advise themto go on a soul searching trip or
(29:11):
something like that. Have spent somequalegey time together to really assess the relationship,
what their life goals are, wherethey're what directions they would like to
take in Yeah, be open toeach other, have that open communication and
(29:33):
let each other know what what theproblems with each other, what their problems
are with each other, and beable to take constructive criticism as well.
They'd be able to gap that bridge, bridge that gap. I'm going to
ask everyone this question and such onlydo Jenny picture this. You're in a
(29:56):
restaurant to your husband, he's usinga phone like texting back and forth,
texting back and for smiling. Whatwould be a reaction today? What would
you do? Could you do?That? Really irritating when I'm with a
person and they don't talk to me, like when I meet up with a
(30:18):
friend or with anybody else, Iwill want them to have their full focus
on me and not do texting orcalling. Especially when if I'm with my
husband and he's like texting and smilingat the same time. At the back
of my mind, I would belike, who is he talking to?
Who? Is who is he textingwith? And that's way and issue,
(30:44):
right, and then then you tryto be and she was who he's talking
to. I would ask him directly, why would I keep? And I
would know if he's being honest withme or not. So, yeah,
I've known him for a long time, so I would know from his actions,
from the way he looks at me, if he's able to look at
(31:04):
me straight in the eye and tellme who he's texting with. Oh,
I would know if he's dying ifI don't see, if I see that
he's hiding something, we would definitelyhave a discussion about that. Okay,
Fritz, what about you before youanswer the the before you give advice to
(31:27):
Jane and Josh, picture that scenariowhen you're in a restaurant and your partner's
texting back and forth, smiling,maybe receiving calls, a need to a
moment with her or yeah sorry havewhat would be a reaction? Will you
(31:47):
tell them directly or we just waitand give them time? For me,
it depends on the time on wherewe're having So for example, if we
just sat down and taking orders andor eating, I think that's fine.
I think that it's the focus shouldbe, you know, between us,
(32:10):
but after we ate, or wejust want to relax or chill or check
our phones. That's I think Ican give a bit of grace on that.
But if overout the date she ison the phone, or she is
smiling or laughing from looking at herphone, or you know, just spending
(32:32):
most of the time on her phone, and definitely I would reprimand for that,
just ask can we oh yeah,can we can we send aside sometime?
Are you going to ask that orare you going to ask who are
you texting? Well? I could, I could, but I don't.
(32:55):
I try. I try to givethe benefit of the doubt for so,
I just want to if she wouldbe, you know, habitually going back
to her phone after I recommend orask her to to set aside the phone,
then then you know, the probingis going to move forward. In
my house, I don't know ifthis was present in your house or something.
(33:21):
We had this rule. If ifit's dinner time, we had this
like a bone. You have toput your phone there. You put your
phone there, then you're going totake the phone after the dinner. Do
you guys? Do that? Notphones on the thenning table. You have
(33:42):
that trule. Do you bring yourphone there in the family. We don't.
We don't have that you're at home, We just don't bring it to
the table. We have kids,so we'd rather talk about our day.
About those people who just take theirphone everywhere, even in the toilet.
(34:07):
Guilty here, now you're guilty.Okay, So you do that a lot,
right, Why do you do that? First of all, I like
just to listen to music when Itake a bath, So that's one.
Like I listened to calming music.And then what is what else is there
(34:30):
to do? Sometimes? You know, back in the day, my dad,
who might be hearing me, whenwhenever he goes brings he brings magazines
something to read, right, right, So being productive, you know,
offloading, but being productive. Soyou mean reading my whole magazine. That's
(34:52):
interesting. There's just something to reador just something to fascinate himself while doing
the thing. But I think there'ssomething bad about it. Yeah, he
reads the morning newspaper and every time. But now that they have the phone,
it's the cell phone they bat Okay, Josh, I am coming to
(35:17):
you with the same question I askthe pun note, what would be your
reaction in your partner. Just you'rejust a phone. Every time you're with
her, it's your moment you wantto have it. Just what would you
do? I would suggest that everytime we will have a day. Next
time we might consider leaving our phonesin the car. But if she comes
(35:42):
to it again, but if yeah, I would communicate how I feel about
it. Because she loves me,of course she would right, that's you,
you love me. That's for youto answer if she loves you or
not. Yeah, can you knowdo this? Any advice for Jen and
(36:04):
Josh you might help them to readthe cup they have in their relationship.
My advice would be, like whatJen Jenny said earlier, is to really
go back to their life goals,also the direction of their life. Being
a relationship is one of the greatestthing a person could experience in life.
(36:30):
But if it's they have to bealigned with their purpose, with their season,
and they have to reevaluate, theyhave to work on. I would
advise them to work on their Yeah, their timelines and what do they want
to achieve in life? And ifthey see each other spending a lifetime together,
(36:55):
they should work towards that. Greatadvice from our experts to us.
Excellent. Yep. What about yourfriends? Any advice for them to you?
If I would be their friend,my advice are you? What are
(37:16):
you playing? The Mark friend?A friend you might be marked if I
would be If I would be Mark, I would report to Josh about about
what's trying to do. I willtell you why did you brought her to
(37:37):
a fancy restaurant? I'm not goingto agree on that. First, I
would submit to him as early ashe reached out to me. And but
yeah, if they would want tocontinue and pursue their relationship together, they
have the time in their hands toreevaluate themselves first, Like if they're willing
(38:00):
to compromise whatever it needs to be, you know, adjusted, because it's
love will love will take so muchfrom you, And the question would be
the next question would be the nextoption would be I'm coming to you with
(38:22):
Josh, Jenny, Sorry, Jenny? Can can and taking a break during
an argument be a constructive way tocool off or does it risk causing mohammed?
Than good? So how do youmanage your anger? Jenny? When
I would say it's a good thingto do to let off in if you're
(38:45):
really in a in a tight situation, if you're angry, your initial reaction
would be like you out forwards thatyou cannot take back anymore. So it's
better to pull off first and settlethe argument once both of you are all
pulled down and are able to manageyour emotions, and you're like you'd be
(39:08):
able to settle things in a moremature way. How do you manage your
anger? Do you cool off tojust wait for some minutes? How do
I just go for something? Igo for a walk. I remove myself
from the situation because I really hatebeing in an argument. That's just me
(39:34):
being like having like I love mypeace, my peace loving person, So
I don't want to get involved inany argument and when but when I'm forced
to be in it, I takemyself out of the situation, go down
first, so I'd be able togather my thoughts, be able to handle
my situation, and be more logicalin resolving the situation that I'm in.
(39:59):
I like that. That's interesting,Josh, go how Jenny manages her anger
and negative emotions? Agree? Willyou take her? What do you call
it? Will you stop using yourfive minute true? Then take Jenny's way.
(40:22):
I think that's in principle is thesame. The thing with the five
minute rule is that when your partnersees you like angry, you just give
her time, because I mean,the thing is when you're in a fight
or when you're in a conflict andthen you suddenly walk out, that could
actually be a trigger also, butwhen you communicate that I will be back
(40:45):
after a certain time, it meansthat you're not walking away from the situation.
You just gott to gather yourself.So I think a break is a
good principle. You you got yourself, and you also practice empathy with a
(41:06):
partner and be curious about where couldshe might be going coming from, and
then when you re engage, yeah, you you know, have a better
sense of the situation, not justof your side, but even at her
side. Don't just storm out withoutletting the other person know where you're going
(41:28):
out without anywhere, Like you're justtrying to like handle this right now,
right now, I'm going for awalk. Let's settle this later on when
we're both Maybe maybe you're trying tojust not talk much because you you've already
(41:49):
had a conflict and the more youtalk, well, what kind of practice
too? I would tell you thatpracticing those words or if you want to
sign, if you want to signlanguage. Every time I do this,
it means I'm going to go back. Yeah, you abusing your finger and
(42:10):
like just maybe waving or something.You understand. There's a bell in the
house. There's a bell in downsthat you would ring if if you're now
you're introducing, but it would looklike a boxing match. Brow are you
the one who is introducing the bell? Fred was Josh? That's interesting.
(42:36):
So anytime you want to leave thehouse and when your argument gesturing the bell,
understand, it's gonna be around thebell boy, the bellboys. If
the bell is ranged, and theneverybody knows that you're angry, should it
runs like five times that that's alot of the house. That's a lot
(43:00):
of place in the house. Sowhat do you take on this? Fritz?
Was it for to answer? OrJosh? Josh? You take on
that and the bell on the bellyou can try that and you will tell
(43:22):
us what happened. And now nextepisode, just by the bell then for
it to practice, then mill youwill tell us the experience. Right yeah,
okay, guys, and time isrunning out, so I want to
run to to answer this, I'mgoing to you, Josh first, give
(43:45):
your insights on this. What areyour fine on those or chips do you
have for our listeners in the inthe journey to breed the gap in all
kinds of relationships, thoughts would beto really work on communications. So along
(44:07):
communication, there would be empathy,there would be the skills on how to
hand the conflicts to bridge that gap, you know, there must be a
direction also for both parties. Theyhave to agree on where they want to
(44:29):
bring the relationship and if if they'reready to take it to the next level,
they have to have the necessary youknow, maturity to take it there.
Oh yeah, wow, So that'sfrom our experts, Josh and Jenny.
(44:51):
What what would you advise our listenersto do they want to bridge the
couplinty relationship. Yeah, so Ibelieve really communication is the key in any
kind of relationship. That's where youbuild your relationship around being able to what
(45:12):
do you say this, Being comfortablein your own skin and be able to
bear your emotions and your thoughts wellwith others might take on This is that
I listen to a lot of talksof Jordan Peterson and I got this,
and this is applicable to any relationships, especially like having partners, is that
(45:32):
do not be afraid to take thedifficult conversations early, because that's going to
determine, like what I'm saying earlier, how much would you would you be
willing to compromise because if you willnot take the have the hard or difficult
conversations now, you'll not get haveit later because you're just gonna avoid and
(45:54):
evade all of the things that needsto be settled or the host that needs
to be batched up and just youknow, save it for later until it
piles up and then just explodes.So, yeah, having having a difficult
conversations now then then later in theshadow? Do you want to give to
(46:15):
your friends like husband friends, anyone? Go Jenny, shout out to my
husband and to my female friends outthere who this podcast. Ah mm hmm
you guys, Yeah, go ahead, give up. Give the shout out
(46:37):
to your friend, to your girlfriend, Fritz, Yeah, shout out to
my girlfriend who's currently listening right now. Forgive me if I said something that
you did not like. I don'twant you to get in trouble though.
No, but we're gonna have thedifficult conversations, so that's fine. Okay,
(46:59):
do shout out to my wife alsolistening. I hope you didn't get
in trouble by saying anything. Andshout out to a new way of doing
some bells. That's interesting. Okay. Thank you to our listeners, to
our panel list for sharing your valuableinsights. And remember every relationship has its
(47:23):
challenges, but with an open communicationand also commitment to understanding, you can
bridge those gaps. Tell you onthe next episode, my
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