Emotional Intelligence

In this episode of Real Talk, the host and special guests dive into the topic of emotional intelligence, discussing its definition and implications in personal relationships. They explore how people regulate their emotions and empathize with others, contrasting it with emotional damage. A provocative scenario is introduced, examining reactions to an ex-partner's unexpected gesture, leading to a lively debate on the appropriate emotional and logical responses. The panelists share their perspectives, highlighting differences in opinions and cultural nuances.



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Episode Transcript

(00:05):
See one music dot f M realtalk. We are in the building.
I got the fellas in the building. What's going on, fellas being good,
good, good good? And Igot I got, I got,
I got my my two special gueststoday joining us for this particular topic,

(00:32):
Kathy and Jenny. Lets give theseyoung ladies a round of applause for joining
us tonight. All right. SoI asked him to join us because I
knew Fritz wasn't gonna be here today. Fritz is on vacation somewhere on the

(00:53):
island. At least that's what heThat's what he messaged me and said.
So shout out to Fritz. You'vebeen vacate the last couple, last couple
of weeks or whatever, you knowwhat I mean. So you know,
we gotta touch down. I wantto give a shout out to my man
Eddie, only because Eddie was lookingfor us to join the podcast on Monday

(01:15):
and we did some pre recorded content. I had everybody in the building and
Eddie was the only one that seemedto not know that we wasn't doing it.
So shout out to you Eddie forbeing a faithful trooper. Faithful trooper.
So today we are going to talkabout our topic for the day.
It's called emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, that's the title or if you've ever

(01:45):
seen that meme. We were justtalking about this, me and met Kathy
and Jenny or the mean. Well, my man pops up. What's the
guy's name? Yes, said hisname earlier, Uncle Roger, Uncle Roger,
that's his name. I don't knowhis name, but he says emotional
damage. Y'all know what I'm talkingabout. Eddie, Eddie don't know what

(02:12):
I'm talking about, Eddie. Listen. You want to tell you this,
Eddie, hold on, hold onrequest, Eddie, I want to tell
you this. You were missed onMonday though. Hm. The girls in
person there was late kept saying forthe topic that we talked about. They
kept saying, I wish Eddie washere. I wish Eddie was here.

(02:38):
All the ladies kept saying, Iwish Eddie was here. He said that
five or six times. So I'mjust letting you know anyway, emotional intelligence.
I'm gonna start with my boy JoeAsh. Joe Ash, what is
the what's the definition of emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence, Yeah, sir.

(03:00):
For me, it's uh, theability to regulate, uh, the emotions
and connect emphasize with other people.So that's for megence relational capacity. Okay,

(03:21):
I hear Eddie type Eddie, don'tlook it up on the on the
computer, Eddie. What's emotional intelligence? Eddie? Up? Are you hearing?
We can hear you? Brother?Good? What's emotional intelligence? Brother?
Being smart in how you intelect everyonebeing smart and how we interacted everyone

(03:46):
allowed you moving when to knowing howto form relationships? I guess emotional intelligence
is knowing how to form relationships.Yeah, okay, good, good good
relationships? Against that good relationships?Okay, I like Joe Ash answer better.

(04:10):
I'm gonna keep it roll with you. Jenny. Now, Jenny,
you got to try the real definKathy, what what is what is the
definition of emotional intelligence? First off, hold on before you answer, this
is no wrong right wrong answering mybook, no right, a wrong answer
my book. Go ahead, Kathy. I'm sorry. I think it's being

(04:38):
able to manage your Yeah, whatdo you call it? Emotions and the
people around you? To manage thepeople around you? Now, I mean
emotions, managing your on emotions andthe people around When you say and the

(05:02):
people around you you saying, whatwhat is that? Part? I don't
get them and people's around you partmanaging your emotions and the people around you.
So you're supposed to manage the peoplearound you or you're talking about,
and manage the other people's emotions.Well, maybe I'm going to do so,

(05:28):
Jenny, what's the what is it? Jenny? What is the definition?
Genny? Mm hmm, the realdefinition? Yeah, in your opinion?
What's the real definition? I knowyou looked it up for me.
So it's the ability to manage bothyour own emotions and understand the emotions of

(05:48):
people around you, understand the people'semotions around you, all right, okay,
and so understand being able to regulateyour emotions and understands other people emotions
that are around you. All right? Cool? Do all of y'all agree

(06:11):
with that? Answer that definition?That's almost what Joe Ash was saying,
right, Am, I am?I correct your actual Yeah, almost exactly
the tea So I'm a flipping nowgo to Eddie. Eddie, what is
emotional damage? Hm? H mhm h m hm opposed the opposite emotional

(06:33):
intelligence? I guess lack of beingdamaged being This is someone that is daminanged
emotionally. Hold on, say thatwoman, somebody that is damaged, emotionally
damaged emotional call somebody. We're causingsomebody to be damaged emotionally. Hold on.

(06:59):
The reason want mess because I don'tthink emotional intelligence and emotional damage are
ying and yang. I don't thinkthere are the opposites. I think one
is one and others than the other. But I agree with you. So
emotional damage is being damaged emotional Thisis when your maybe your your feelings are

(07:26):
damaged. A printer to use theone emotions again. So your your your
feelings, your your awareness is damaged, your self awareness is damaged, your
you, you're being basically your being, your your inner being is damaged.
Okay, all right, we cango with that. What about you,

(07:47):
Josh, It's the effect of someevents in the past that may have got
spain or shock or you know,some relational consequences. I guess, so

(08:13):
being emotionally damage affects one's ability toconnect and build healthy relationships. So that's
what for me is emotional damage.Gotcha? And last, Jenny, what
is your definition of emotional damage?I guess for me, emotional damage would

(08:35):
mean like being broken emotionally and probablypsychologically. And this is kind of brought
about by negative experiences, probably fromtrauma, bullying, or you know,
from a broken relationship or from stress. Well, all right, cool,

(09:01):
cool, and cats, So giveus the actual definition of emotional damage,
he says, emotional damage is thenegative effects of truman someone's behavior, gotcha?
All right? Cool? Cool.So for my general journalism generalization,

(09:26):
because I didn't give me a givean answer to none of these, I
have here on my notes that emotionalintelligence, I agree with the definition that
was there, and my examples ofemotional intelligence would be having empathy in leadership,
and a person that can resolve conflictsin a relationship as a person that's

(09:48):
emotional intelligent, and the opposite ofthat. As far as answering examples of
emotional damage, for the example ofthat being in that toxic relationship, or
childhood trauma, some site, somesort of childhood trauma. All right,

(10:09):
So here's what I want to askthis question real quick, all right,
and I'm asking this to the fellasfirst, anyone of y'all can jump on
this. Who's more likely to displayin a relationship and what are men more
likely to display in a relationship.What are women more likely to display in

(10:31):
a relationship? Are women going todisplay emotional intelligence more or emotional damage more?
And vice versus men? Are mengoing to display in a relationship?
So I'm talking in the sphere ofa relationship. Do men show more emotional
intelligence or do want men show moreemotional damage? I want you to answer

(10:52):
it for men, and I wantyou to answer it for women. Joe
asked you one of y'all, y'allcan who wants to go for a dad?
I love the question, Aaron,because it really I think this would
go somewhere about our our shape anddistinct distinction. But anyway, for me,

(11:16):
uh, it's this is just reallyI may be wrong, but for
me, it's the men who woulddisplay more emotional intelligence in a relationship.
You're smiling and sorry, but anyway, and the women would display more.

(11:37):
They're into that more their their damageand you know, their feelings of the
past and certain history. I don'tknow, it's just me, that's my
observation. I may be wrong,but yes, that's for me, it's
the men who would show intelligence morethan their damage because out of brighter ego

(11:58):
or you know, society, societalexpectations. Maybe okay, So hey,
do you agree disagree? Talk tome back to different a bit. I
think women display both emotional intelligence andemotional damage more than men. But as

(12:20):
far as who who, who iseasily more damaged? I'd have to say,
mon only that we don't. You'renot good at you know, showing
it. But ladies are very alotric emotionals. I believe in hold on,
I mean, let me wear youback real quick. So you're saying

(12:41):
that women men are emotional damage,but we don't show it and women are.
So you're saying in a relationship,women are emotional more emotional intelligent than
men, and in a relationship womenare more emotionally damaged than men as well.

(13:03):
Yes, and they say that becauseit is easier true to see that
as opposed to men. Men arevery good at, you know, hiding
their emotions, especially if it isnegative, if it is damaging, they're
very good at, you know,a lot manifesting it as well as the
way women do. Interesting. Allright, Jenny, what about you,

(13:26):
Jenny, who's more in both scenariosmen and women? I think emotional damage.
I would agree with Eddie that menwould show more emotional damage, because
yeah, like, that's not whatEdie said. Eddie said that women show

(13:50):
more emotional intelligence and women show moreemotional damage. He didn't say men show
emotional damage. He said women displaysemotional damage any small show emotional intelligence.
He also said that men would bemore aligned to show emotional damage. Right,

(14:11):
yeah, that Eddie your answer.No no, no, no,
no, I said we in termsof being damaged men are. Men are
easily damaged only that maybe will not. We don't know how to show it.
We don't show it as well asthe way ladies do show it generally

(14:33):
emotion emotion wise, ladies are avery aloted to the emotions compared to men
generally, whether damage. I wasagreeing with you, Eddie up until you
say men are more emotionally damaged.I don't know. I don't know what
emotional No no no, Let melet me reface that men. When the

(14:56):
damage happens, men have more.Let me see that men. Men can
easily hurt more emotionally. But interms of who shows it easily little better.
So what you're saying is women areeasily emotionally damaged and they show it.
Men takes a little bit more tobe emotionally damaged. But when we

(15:20):
are emotionally damaged, it hit usharder than it hits women. Exactly,
exactly, gotcha, now, Ginny, that's not what you're saying. So
what are you saying? I wouldsay the same thing, like when men
are damaged, they don't really show, it's not invisible. I want to
make sure you understand what Eddie's saying, because Eddie, you're focusing on the

(15:45):
men. Eddie is saying that mendo get emotionally damaged, but it takes
a lot more trauma for us tobe actually damaged, and once we get
damaged, then we hurt a lotmore than we deal with women. Women
are easily more emotionally damaged and canget easily emotionally damaged a lot more easier
than it would be for a man. So what are you now saying?

(16:07):
I just want to make sure youclear on what you said. Okay,
I'm saying that both men and womencan be emotionally damaged, but women tend
to be more open about their emotions, so they are like generally better at
recognizing and expressing their emotional distress,while men tend to suppress their emotions.
And so yeah, they can maketheir emotional damage less visible. Okay,

(16:33):
what about emotional intelligence then, sincesince you went for the damage part,
what about intelligence? I would sayfor myself since emotional intelligence also, let's
not let's not put you down.I don't want to put you on blast.
Let's just say in general, werein general general men and women in

(16:59):
general, Women would be more emotionallyintelligent, since they're able to recognize and
understand their emotions more and they're moreopen to show their emotions. So one
of the elements of being emotions orof being emotionally intelligent, is being able
to be being like being self awareand having that empathy towards others. So

(17:26):
I guess women would be more showywhen it comes to that. I can't
take it take a jump out ofboth of those. For me, I
think women are more the one thatemotionally damaged first, because look at when

(17:49):
a man and a woman break up. Who goes on social media and cry?
A woman? But it's rare tosee a man showing like he is
emotionally damaged, like it's very rare. But for women, they are emotion
of it, maybe crying things likethat. And for emotional intelligence, they

(18:14):
also show it because they I don'twant to use this example. When they
figure out you're cheating and you're nottelling them the truth, they keep digging,
so I think they know things Idon't know. That's my definition by
emotional damage and men men don't showit that first. There has to be

(18:38):
something that with the step show thatyou're all right, yeah, your might,
meet your mind, your family,your computer has popped up, meats
your mind, thank you? Allright, So let me give my synopsis

(19:02):
on this. I would say womenare definitely more emotionally damaged than than men.
I would actually agree with Eddie onboth of his answers. But my
issue, my issue with the emotionaltellens because statistics show like it says here,

(19:25):
I'm looking at the statistics and consistentabilities such as social cognition, empathy,
and arsenal reason about the emotions ofothers. Women have higher emotional intelligence
ability than men based on a commonability tests. Right, so women are

(19:45):
connected more emotionally. So but Iwould I would, I would agree with
that and also disagree. But I'mgonna go, I'm gonna go, I'm
gonna I'm gonna tap into this fora high second. And statistics show about

(20:06):
half of marriages and then divorce.It is commonly assumed that the breakups are
initiated by both genders equally, butin fact, it is surprising that most
people that women are actually more likelyto end their marriage than men due to
emotional damage. All right, andso I am my answer is going to

(20:32):
be aligned with Eddie's answer, butfor different reasons. All right, I
actually and I'm I'm wavering because I'malso on the on the same pages.
My man, my man, Joe, Joe ash. You know what I'm
saying, because h I think men. I think men have a leadership treat

(20:57):
that that they supposed to possess,and I don't. I don't trust women's
And even though, to me,emotional intelligence for women is if I walk
into a house and a woman saysto me, my girl says to me,
or my wife says to me,how is your day to day?
And I'm like it was all right, and something was wrong. I just

(21:19):
don't feel like talking about it.But she knows she can easily pick up
that something is wrong, you knowwhat I mean. I feel like that's
a that's one part of being emotionalintelligence, you know what I mean?
She can pick up something is wrongor whatever the case may be, and
so you know what I mean,she she can know that maybe cater to

(21:40):
me or whatever the case would be, to either try to get it out
of me or just try to getme what I need because you know,
had a rough day. That isemotional intelligence what we all agree, yes,
but but but on the flip sideof that emotional intelligence, as we
listen to the definition of it,it's also being able to handle situations and

(22:07):
bring leadership. And I don't thinkthat woman if I if I would choose
for a man and a woman andhandle certain situations depending on what it is,
and to decide based off emotions.I think emotional intelligence is also knowing
that a man is not going tomake a decision strictly off of his emotions,

(22:32):
right. I think emotional intelligence tome is if I'm faced with a
decision and I say, hey,I'm not going to make a decision based
on my emotions at that present moment. I think that give me said I'm
gonna make it. If I gotall weekend and I need to give If
something happens on a Friday and youasked me and I tell you, all
right, listen, I'm going togive you an answer on Monday. I

(22:56):
know that to me, my emotionalintelligence would be I'm not making that decision
off my emotions. I'm gonna sitdown, gather all my thoughts, talk
with and consult with whoever I needto talk with before I make a final
decision, whereas I think women willmake a decision strictly off their emotions,
and that is also not using emotionalintelligence neither. So that's why I feel

(23:21):
like my answer aligns with Joe Ashesas well, because I do think from
a leadership standpoint, men are moreemotionally intelligent than women because we don't base
all of our decisions off of emotions. But I also agree with the definition
of emotional intelligence from a standpoint thatwomen show more empathy and recognizing emotions are

(23:45):
off. You understand what I'm sayingemotional damage. I think women are more
easier to be emotionally damaged than men. I think men men handle trauma and
things differently than women do. SoI don't necessarily look at that as a
I look at that as to acertain degree, I look at that as

(24:06):
a flaw more so than a benefit. So the things that I know Jenny
might have said that. She saidproudly like women are are more better emotionally
damaged, being able to talk aboutemotionally damage, being motionally damaged, and
being able to talk about it.It's good, it's good to talk about
stuff. But I find that womenwho are emotionally damaged content they because of

(24:30):
their trauma. They're affected by itto the point where they don't never move
on from it. I think menare more willing to shed it and move
on than women are. I thinkmen are from the hurt, like what
Eddie said, from the hurt.Men are more hurt by it, and
to a certain degree, men willnever put themselves in a position where they

(24:53):
would be hurt like that again,whereas women they would use that as a
excuse to continuously repeat a cycle.Do y'all agree with me? I disagree,
Yeah, yeah, and you gofor I'd like to add a small

(25:17):
trist there. In terms of leadership, I think men are intrinsically tactical logical,
so and for me believe in leadership, logical always wins. You know,
emotions might not win the day,but logicalways wins. And there is
a let me ask, let meinnerget and ask you this question and saying

(25:41):
that, so, do you considerusing logic as emotional intelligence? No?
No, I no, the moment, the moment. You you know you
add emotions into leadership. You knowyour leadership may not be the best at
the end of the day. Andwhy you say that, you see like

(26:02):
something will happen. And because I'musing logic, I will not. I
will not I will not let it. I will not let my emotions cut
the day. Why because I'm notusing logic, not being emotional, i
will not be a good thad.I'll not be able to handle that situational
challenge you know, on the table. So I agree with you, Eddie,

(26:25):
I would believe me and jew Ashuwhat agree with what you just said.
I just think that that's also,in my eyes, that's also being
emotionally intelligent though in my personal opinion, because we define emotional intelligence as also
being a leader. Yeah right,So because of that, I feel like,

(26:47):
because you don't allow your emotions toget the best of you, that
is saying that you are emotionally intelligentas well. In my personal pain,
That's what I'm saying. Continue everything. Let me ask you if we say
that what if if you know,part of being emotional emotional intelligence is being

(27:11):
able to articulate your emotions, right, being self aware of emotions and knowing
how to particulate to emotions, whatemotions are, what particular type? Now,
this very very I think logic isdifferent. I will use logic,
and you know, being emotional intelligence, part of it is being self aware,

(27:33):
you know, being able to articulatehow you feel, right and as
a as a leader and a manin this case, in a relationship,
you know you cannot always put youryour emotions on the table, right,
So why by I wouldn't say you'reemotional intelligent by not putting them on the
table and say you're now now you'reswitched to using logic so that you can
be a better leader, because Ibelieve I feel like me and you were

(27:55):
saying the same thing. I justI wouldn't define it in the way that
you are and as brat me upon this view if you agree, I'm
saying that, and ladies yuckin too, I'm saying that emotional emotional emotional intelligence
is also recognizing that you feel sometype of way about it, right.
Yeah, Like, for instance,Eddie, you might say something I might

(28:18):
want to punch you on your face, and I feel that I might want
to punch you in your face aboutit, and I know that's how I
feel. But I'm intelligent to knowthat the consequence that come along with doing
it it ain't worth it. Youunderstand what I'm saying. To me,
that's still being intelligent, even thoughI have the emotion of how I feel,
and that's not me logically, becauseto me, use emotional intelligence is

(28:42):
also when you are aware of doingsomething and you can display the intelligence right
then and there, you know,you know what I'm saying. Logic is
when you got time to plan andstrategically plan. You know what I'm saying.
So if you are with your kidand another kid throw something at your
kid and you can't get injured,and you want to emotionally go over there

(29:03):
and beat the person up for doingwhat they did, but you are able
to with stand and withhold your emotionsand be the bigger and better person in
that position. To me, youare using emotional intelligence. Logic comes into
play when you are tapping into strategizinghow you will go about handling things.

(29:26):
You know, I mean being ableto put a plan together at least That's
how I felt, Joe Ash,do you agree with that now? Yes?
No, yeah, I agree.Hey Eddie, I let you,
I'll let you finish cooking. Ijust want to I want to get somebody
else. Go ahead, Joe asfinished what you were saying. So,
yeah, I think because of ourmakeup as men, we have this uh,

(29:51):
the need to lead, I guess, the need to step up and
to bring people to a destination.I think that's where the natural uh capacity
for the intelligence comes in. ButI'm also aware of some men who are
not emotionally mature enough to think thatway. So I guess that that there's

(30:17):
a you know, some uh maturingthat needs to happen. But generally speaking,
this is uh for for most people, if not all. You know,
men are really uh in that inthat uh in that capacity to to

(30:41):
lead emotionally. All right, goahead and finished cooking. You said that,
you said that emotionally emotions, it'smore of logic than than not logic.
Yeah. Yeah, I even gofurther and argue, you know,

(31:02):
intelligence and logic. The there's avery thin line between intelligence and logic.
You know, logic is the structureyou know, you know, structured thinking
processes, and you know, theway you use, the way you look,
the way you structure your thinking bringsabout logic. And still again,

(31:22):
intelligence is you know, dare sayit is. You know the outcome,
you know, you become intelligent whenyou use logic. It's I don't know.
I feel like it's a very thinline between logic and intelligence. If
it's a thin line, again,we don't we're pretty much saying the same
thing. It's defintion. That iswhy I'm saying it could be more or

(31:47):
less almost the same thing. Sosaying but if it's almost the same thing,
that means that they are aligned insome way. So I mean,
it's not it's not too much debateabout it. You know, you can
look one way, I look tothe other in that Jenny, Yeah,

(32:07):
actually let me let me let mewheel it back before I pulled Genny into
this. And the reason why Ibrought this conversation up is because I came
out with this topic. It's becauseon Monday, Right on Monday, I
did a podcast with everybody in personthat was there in person, and the

(32:28):
topic of discussion we did too twopart podcasts. The topic of the discussion
was about finessing. All right,I don't know if y'all know what finessing
means, but finessing people who finesseother people, you know what I mean.
And so in that conversation of finessing, uh, we got into in

(32:50):
the second part, we brought upa conversation in which I actually asked Kathy
and Genny the question that we talkedabout that caused a little bit of controversy
in our debate in a second partof the discussion of finesse, and we

(33:12):
always talking about how men will reactin these situations. And this what made
me come up with this topic forthe day for us, emotional intelligence or
emotional damage. So I'm a phrasethe question that was brought from that podcast
to today because I was the onethat raised the question. And I want
y'all to answer how y'all I wantfirst to I want first to guys,

(33:36):
the too guys to answer how y'allwill react to it, And then I
want the two women to answer howthey would want their man to react to
it based on the conversation, allright, all right, and then we
would then and then after that Iwant to pose the question is based on
our reaction? Are we using emotionalintelligence, we can need we can ask

(34:00):
are we using emotional intelligence? Arewe using logic? Or are we emotionally
damaged? Our reaction is because ofour emotional damage? All right, and
then we're gonna then we can reflipit and ask from the woman's perspective as
well, because they do have aplayer role in it. So here we
go. I'm a phrase the questionnow, all right, say Joe ash

(34:23):
Eddie, say y'all prior to y'allgetting married, Let's say you was dating
a young lady and your wife wasdating someone before you, guys, all
right, all right, and theyused to go to this good old on

(34:45):
how I'm phrasing this, all right, I'm gonna use for the guys.
I'm gonna use your your current wivesnow, all right. So say you
was dating Let's say your wife iseating another guy, right, and they
used to go to their favorite restaurant. All right, Let's say favorite restaurant

(35:07):
in the Philippines. What's what's thebest restaurant in the Philippines? Man?
The most expensive, best restaurant forthe best food, Jenny Joe Eyes.
What's a good Filipino restaurant out there? Man? So there's a lot.

(35:28):
Uh kick one, just pick one. I just need one that's that's fancy.
Okay, let's say Changrilla Fort.All right, so check it.
Your your wife used to go toher with her ex to Shangrilla Fort.
Her and her ex got into amassive breakup, like it was a pretty

(35:50):
bad breakup. Right, you meetyour wife, y'all going to date.
You guys meet your wives. You'regoing to date. And y'all go to
her favorite restaurant. Right, youand her are sitting down eating dinner.
Her ex walks in with another lady. He sees, y'all, y'all don't

(36:13):
see him. Okay, am Istuck? No, I'm not all right.
He sees y'all, y'all don't seehim, all right. What happens
next is he calls the waiter overand he says, waiter, that couple
over there, I know them.Whatever they're ordering and they're done sitting the

(36:37):
bill my way? All right?The bill comes, y'all, y'all finished
ordering food, y'all eat your foodor whatever. Yeah, says to the
waiter, y'all want the bill.The waiter goes over to her excess table
says they ordered the bill, andhe says, pays the bill, and

(37:00):
he walks up and he says,yo, when you go to the table,
say this to him. So asy'all walking to the table, the
waiter hands you the receipt and hesays, your your meal. Your dinner
has been complimentary paid by that gentlemanright there. And y'all both look at
y'all you and your wife look herEX looks up at you, and he

(37:22):
says you just like that, hepaid y'all bill. All right? You
never heard of her X before anythingthat I saw it? Is this your
first time even being introduced to himor whatever the case may be. My
question to y'all is, how wouldy'all react to that situation? Eddie?

(37:42):
You go first, Eddie, Yougo first, Eddie? How would you
react to the situation? Eddie?Whoa ed Definitely, I'll be very very
much, very very very much ifI've never had of the gentleman, that
means technically he's paying for you know, my girlfriend or wife a not particular

(38:07):
times, so you know, why, why, why what are you paying
for for her? You know?And of course I wouldn't confront the gentleman,
but my hold on so I justwant to you would confront him,
I wanted you wouldn't. I wouldconfront my wife or girlfriend right then and

(38:31):
there immediately. Yeah, say thatthought, Joe, how would you handle
it? Aaron? So there's thisguy who paid for our bill without me
knowing that that guy was my uhpartners x right. Yeah, and at

(38:52):
the time, you're not married toyour wife yet and I didn't know that
that was his her ex, right, I didn't know, right, of
course, you know, I wouldbe different with my reaction would be different
than that. I would say thankyou because I didn't know, Like there
was Eddie hold On, Eddie,Eddie, Edie hold On, Eddie,

(39:14):
hold On, Eddie. We gotit, Eddie hold on, because we
talked about this on the show aswell, because because there was a woman
who said the same thing that JoeAsh just said me and a couple of
other people who said, now wecan't we can't rock with you on that.
All right. So Joe, you'resaying that you would say thank you

(39:36):
because I didn't know him, unlessmy my partner says, oh that was
my ex. Yeah, that's whatshe's gonna say. Hold on, he
y'all, both look and he said, your bill has been calling me paid
by that gentleman right there, andshe listen, she reacts, He turns

(39:57):
and like, oh my god,do that Okay? Okay, okay,
So now I know I knew,okay, I knew okay, I was
I would just found out that timethat the guy who pays is yea so
x. You just realized that rightthen and there. So how would you
react to it? Uh, it'skind of awkward that he paid for you

(40:27):
know, something that I wanted topay. Well, let me let me
ask you this question real quick,Joe, as if he paid for her,
if he paid for her, youand his mail, you and her
meal? Right, would you thinkthe intent of him doing that was for

(40:49):
I wouldn't like, Uh, Ithink my girlfriend would be by that time,
Uh, have new one already,and the guy was with HERR.
Griffin right, he was with anew girl. Let's say let's say they
just broke up, maybe two threemonths, just started dating your wife.

(41:16):
It would it would make mind youyou at you at their favorite restaurant with
your new wife. He used togo to that restaurant all the time together.
That would be that would be awkward. So how would you win it.
Give me a response, man,because you first you said you would
be happy, and now you switchit up. So okay, So I'm

(41:42):
asking, now, now, didyou know that the whole situation? How
would you handle it? Like?Now, how would you handle how would
you what would be your emotions atthat time? Yeah? I would be
like, uh, quite stirred andthe you know, I would talk to
the guy. Uh so you youwould approach him? Might I might approach

(42:06):
him? Right then, I'm askingyou, are you going to approach him?
Might I might approach him? OrI would just uh, you know,
have a quick uh talk with himand say what what was that about?

(42:29):
What are you trying to in theact? So hold on, hold
on, hold on, hold on. Joe asking you sound like you would
be going over there a little bitnaived. So let me just make sure
I understand Joe, her ex payfor you and her meal. The statement

(42:54):
I mean disrespect is in the factthat he paid for you or her bill.
Are you're going to talk to himand say what do you want me
to pay the tip? I wouldsay, I would say thanks, man,
so let's go. I would moveto another Well that would that would

(43:16):
make me feel awkward that he woulddo that. But you know, maybe
hold on, Joe, ask onelast question. Then I'm gonna move on
to the girls. Would you bemad at you? Would you be mad
at your current girlfriend or the girlyou're didd Why would I be mad?
So you wouldn't? You would youwouldn't have an issue with her? Okay,

(43:38):
okay, okay, okay yo.Hold on, Eddie, Eddie.
I'm gonna say this real quick,and I don't mean this to be if
Joe ashud don't mean this to bedisrespectful any man anyway. Maybe this is
just a Filipino thing because Jenny yesterdaywhen I asked you this, she probably

(43:59):
she's somewhat had a similar answer,you know what I mean, somewhat of
a similar answer. Yeah, SoJenny, answer this, How would you
have answer to Genny? What wouldhave been your reaction? Because you know,

(44:19):
you know, at the I don'tknow how you I don't know how
you respond. I know, andwith me, whoever, I'm with no
automatically, once she's seeing his face, it's a problem. You got question,
you got You're gonna have answers.You're gonna have to have questions.
The answer immediately it's an issue.So my question to you, Jenny is

(44:39):
how would you how would if youwere sitting there with your your your now
husband, but prior to that,y'all were your dating and this happened,
what would be your immediate response?I was the one with the come on,

(45:00):
didn't you know this scenario? Wejust tuck the scenario over. So
at that time, I was withmy husband and we went to this restaurant
that me and my ex used togo to. Right so, and then
this ex whom I didn't see,saw us. Yeah, he paid for

(45:21):
your mail, secretly paid for yourmail. So when you when your when
your current husband asks for the bill, so he can, you know,
take his lady out the the hostthe reception, the waider came back and
said, your bill has been complimentarypaid by that gentleman right there. And
y'all both turn and look at thelook at it's your ex with a new

(45:44):
girl, and he hits you withthe YO. It's good. Yeah.
So if it's like been years sincewe've warted, right, it's been about
three or four months. I'm alreadymarried. I just I just said yea,

(46:07):
yeah, was just dating. Yousaid that I'm with my husband with
your husband now, but in thebeginning y'all was dating. Let's say you
with him, was dating, y'allwas just now dating. I'm asking you
how he will react in that situationif he was just freshly dating you.

(46:29):
Oh, so we would probably beboth shocked at the same time. So
what would be your reactor? Wouldyou be like, Oh, we got
a free mail out of it?On the spot? I think I wouldn't
be able to react. I justprobably feel shocked that he did that,
and I would you know, well, hold on real quick, I want

(46:52):
to ask you this, would youryou know your husband now fresh in new
relationship, would you when he wouldhave been upset with you? Yes?
And no? Mmm, knowing him, I don't think he'd make a fuss
out of it on the spot,but we would probably have a conversation about

(47:16):
it later on. That's how heis. I would have to question his
manhood if he left cool cool withyou? I don't know, I'm not
I'm not cool with that. That'snot I'm not with that. I don't
know. Probably brought it, bringit up in some other argument that we'd
have in the future, but noton the spot, not right after on

(47:38):
the spot. He would have beencool. He just want like, all
right, thank you, yeah yourseat, and say we could ask me
who that is? But and yousay, oh, that's my ex?
He say what I think on thespot, he'd just brush it off,
but yeah, I know he'd bringit up later on. I don't know.

(48:00):
I'm we must be built different man. Kat. Talk to me,
Kat, How would this? Howwould this play out? Your new current
boyfriend that you're with now and thathappened, and y'all went to go to
out to eat to a restaurant andyour ex pay for your meal, and
yet and your current boyfriend now it'sthere, y'all was only date for like
two months and it's happened. Howwould you respond? Are you talking about

(48:27):
his X? Because if if he'syour your ex, your ex your I
be sure your pay for your mail? So how would you how would you
handle talking to him? How wouldyou deal with him? I'm telling him
to take back his money. Idon't want it telling me who to take

(48:52):
back with the money. You Soyou're gonna go to your You're gonna walk
up to a table and say,hey, take back your money. I'm
actually gonna take back giving I'm givinghim back the money and some extra cash
to keep it. Eddie, IfKathy was your girl and that happened and

(49:15):
Kathy gets up out of her tableand walks over to her ex to give
her back the money, that's evenmore of an insult to me, is
it not? Hm hmm? Andfor me, the fact that the ex
living think of, you know,paying for you know, that to me

(49:36):
is a no no. Despite thatKathy is saying she would get up out
to sea immediately and walk over tothe ex and reimburse him for the food
doesn't change anything for me the funbut sorry, that's like the fact that

(49:58):
Katy would have would think of aboutgetting up and walking over to the X.
She needs to address me about whatjust happened, not yeah, what
happened, Yeah, for her toget up and give that man back his
money, I'm leaving her there withhim. And you've said, you know

(50:23):
they've only broken up for like,you know, three months for me doesn't
matter. I think it's three months, three years, thirty years. It
doesn't matter. Your ex is yourit should never ever, you know,
pay for your bills For me,Tom, time does matter to me,
though I don't know Tom, Tommatters to me. Tom matters. Tom

(50:47):
matters to me because right now,as a married man, if somebody else
did that, my response today wouldbe totally different than what it would be
if I was dating. If I'mdating a girl and we're just dating and
that happened, that's pretty much knowingthat he trying to crash. He trying
to crosh our situation, you knowwhat I'm saying, And he, and

(51:10):
more than likely he probably would toa certain degree, could succeed doing that.
As a married man, this ismy wife, I'm already like,
we already in it, you knowwhat I'm saying. So my response is
gonna be a little bit more differentbecause I wouldn't expect my wife. I
wouldn't expect my wife to be putin that position, So the fact that
she would be put in that positionwould be more of me being a protected

(51:34):
to her rather than her trying toexplain herself. We still would have that
conversation afterwards, but my response wouldbe a little bit different because this is
my wife. But if it's agirl I'm just dating and this happened,
Yeah, nah, this is likeyou got some explaining it, dude,
Like this is not what's up righthere? Because I feel like I'm getting

(51:55):
played out in real time? Youknow what I mean. So so then,
Eddie, here's my question to you, and I want to ask this
to everybody, which how does howyou respond? Are you? Are you
displaying emotional intelligence? Are you displayingemotional damage? Mm hmmm, that would

(52:22):
be emotional intelligence? And believe areyou? Are you being logical? No?
No, no, there's no logicthere, you see. You know,
logic is logic is you know,best for solving problems? Right?
But everybody, relationships are built onan emotional right, So at that particular

(52:45):
time, I don't think I'll beable to be logical. Okay, so
are you going to move in emotionalWho would be the emotionally intelligent way to
handle that? Matter of fact?I want you, I want I want
Joe because Joe, she's still onthe fence. He's not saying like how
if he would be upset? Andbefore you asked, listen, listen,

(53:07):
let me hear Josh, what wouldbe the emotion because we know the right
thing to do, and and wecan know that this can go wrong in
so many different ways, what wouldbe the emotional intelligent thing to do.
I would talk to my girlfriend aboutit immediately at the table, or you

(53:32):
await after a way away from thatsituation. Hold on, so I just
want to picture this so so Ijust want to picture this in my head.
So he paid for yall mail youlook at her? Are you just
gonna be all right? Let's goand y'all have the walk of shame out
of the restaurant and then you're gonnatalk to her in a car? Like?

(53:54):
How does that work? M wouldapproach a guy and say, you
just so, now you're approaching theguy instead. I don't know what.
I think the wisest thing to dois to uh respectfully decline the offer or

(54:21):
the gesture. Sorry paid for exactly? I would I would, I would
count the cause and I would justhand hand the exact amount to him,
No, thank you, I gotthis, And then I would and then
I would talk to my girlfriend aboutwhat's going on there with you and there.

(54:43):
That's not the emotionally intelligent way tohand you. As much as we
we can only strive to be emotionalintelligent, but you know, we're humans.
You know, sometimes you know wewill be crried away, which is
totally okay. Like in that particularsituation, I will not the emotional intelligence,

(55:04):
So how would you hand it withthe emotional intelligent way to handle it?
By GOLFERD will have to do alot of explaining. So you will
put her on the spot right thenand there, So you're gonna be immediately
immediately immediately, so so you're immediatelyyelling at her, you upset at her?

(55:24):
Yes, okay, so what areyou expecting, like you're gonna break
up right then and there? Likewhat like what do you and again,
what is the emotional intelligent thing todo? Like I said, I'm trying
to, you know, to berealistic personally me, I wouldn't. I
wouldn't the emotional intelligence, but knowI wouldn't. I know I wouldn't.

(55:47):
And then secondly, I I youknow the fact that I do not know
what I've never heard about this,and then all of a sudden his X
appeals and then you know he's paidfor a buildings that is it doesn't matter
what if you heard about him,but you never met him before, So
what have you heard about him?Good question? Now, if I've ever
had the way, like I saidthe other in the other podcast, I

(56:10):
love truly, but again I said, very strict boundaries, which I know
I'm not allowed to be, youknow, to be broken. So now
if I've heard about it, andI definitely told him, you know what,
I don't expect to hear about yourex. You know, he shouldn't
because he shouldn't. He should notexist for you. That is for me,

(56:30):
that is that is me. NowI wulliant bull, I wouldn't.
I got one more question for you, Eddie. What is the emotionally intelligent
way the girl in that position shouldhandle it? How should she handle it?

(56:50):
What is she like? What isshe what does she responds like,
oh, we get a free mail? No, we've already there, so
we were we were supposed to playat He said, she would be happy
that she got a free mail.Now that now, that is now,
that is being logical, you know. And I said, you know,
you know, in relations, whenwe're dating, we cannot be logical.

(57:13):
You know, there's no logical whenyou're dating. It's purely emotional, you
know, but logically you know,yeah, she could ide logically say,
you know, be our mill waspainful, but there's no logic here.
Emotions. And she loved to apologizeand then apology definitely, definitely, very

(57:37):
very very huge. What did shedo that was wrong? Not do?
What she did not do is whatis wrong. You know, you know
when you were what was she supposedto do? Listening even aware that the
other guy's paying, and she didn'teven saw him. Now again, for

(57:59):
me, if you tell me youbroke up, I don't expect you to
still, you know, remain friends. I'm not saying the enemies, but
I don't expect hold on, Eddie, Eddie, hold on, Eddie.
The dude. The dude did itto be mischievous to let you know that
he still got your chick. Youknow what I meant, right, He

(58:24):
pretty much did it to let youknow that he still can get your check
whenever he wants. Lucky, allright, he do it. He did
it to ruin your relationship. Sohere's here's the thing, Eddie. As
as as much as you and Iare on our line on this one hundred

(58:44):
right on, yo, I gottacheck her right then and there. I
might end up getting up if meand him gonna have you might even get
into it a little bit because you'redisrespecting me, you know what I'm saying.
Like it'd be so hard to controlmy emotions. But the emotional intelligence

(59:05):
thing to do, unfortunately, Ineed to take it on the chin,
take it on the chin, andpossibly pay for his mail in return.
That's if you there's no other outcomethat will allow you to walk out of
there with your manhood. Because ifif he walks out, and if Joe

(59:30):
Ash walks out and he's like,yeah, I just got a free mail,
and then the next day Joe castsme up and Joe ashously telling me
about the story, y'all couldn't letme tell you what happened? And Joe
Ash ends up saying, yeah,you know, so we just got a
free mail out of the deal.He said, Joe Ash, you my
man, but I'm I'm evoking yourprivileges. Bro. You can't. I

(59:52):
can't do it with you, man. You know what I'm saying, Like,
that's that's you. You're supposed tofeel some type of way about that.
You know what I'm saying. You'renot. You're not supposed to be.
And my and my if my ifthe girl I'm with is happy that
we got a free mail, andshe suggests but she instantly needs to just
honestly, there's nothing that she cansay to make the situation better. Thank

(01:00:16):
you. So, the most importantthing that she can do, the most
intelligent, emotionally intelligent thing that shecan do at that present moment, is
take whatever verbiage that she won't giveher at that time and shut up.
Silence is the best because if sheshows that she's happy, she shows any

(01:00:37):
type of emotion, even if she'sangry, I'm probably gonna get more angry.
They want angry, you know whatI mean? You're to tell what
I'm saying. The only thing,the best thing that she can do in
that position is just chill. Don'tsay nothing. Let you get your emotions
out, because afterwards, after whenit's all is said and done and you

(01:00:59):
got a chance to process and thinkabout what just took place, you can't
really be mad at her, youknow what I'm saying. But in the
moment, how she reacts to itcan feel the fire. Yep, you
know what I'm saying. So theonly best reaction that she can give is
to not do nothing. Don't saynothing. Don't take that one on the

(01:01:21):
chin, knowing that either you gonnaif you confront him. The only thing
you can tell the waiter is YO, how much is whatever, Yo,
were sitting here. We're gonna waittill he finished his meal, and I'm
gonna pay for this like and afterthat I'm taking you home. The night
is done. You know what I'msaying. That's the only other way that

(01:01:42):
we could play it off, otherthan that getting up, leaving, accepting
him paying for your food. Noneof that, None of that, None
of that is right. Man,can't can't go no other way now,
Joe Ash, do you agree withthat? What if ad he already paid
for his meal as well her?Yeah, that's reviolation, man, yo,

(01:02:13):
he I'm gonna say. I'm gonnasay this, Joe Ash, he
had he Sometimes when you're playing checkersand chess and somebody hit you with the
checkmate. You know what I'm saying, He to me, he didn't really
check make me, he checked madeit her. Because if I can't pay
his mail back, man, surelydone. Man, I gotta I gotta

(01:02:37):
walk away from this one. Theyhonestly, I gotta walk away. And
it's sad, but no manhood gottook it from me. Man, I'm
a casual to your war. Yeah, would you agree at it? Yours

(01:02:57):
to your war? At that momentso it's like, you just gotta let
it go. Man, I'd ratherpay for the next meal, his next
meal, if he had already paidfor his already to pay for the next
one, even for the whole week. You know, I don't know they're
feeling. You know how how dohow you're gonna pay? You don't even

(01:03:19):
notice? So you just gotta takeit on the chair. If I don't
pay for his next meal, youknow not frustration but you not. But
you're not because you don't know youyou don't know him, and you're not
you gonna tell your girl to callhim right then and there. No,
No, I'm assuming he's still inthe restaurant. So I'll be like,

(01:03:40):
hey, you know what I'm payingfor that guy's bailful. You know,
next for the next three dinners,he will be here. I'll be paid
for that for what though? Whatwould be the point? Now? This
is me being emotionally an intelligent Nownow that is damaged? Yeah, exactly,

(01:04:03):
the ego theme you know you howis the drive ho? You know
the drive move with my girlfriend?How would he be you know what would
we talk about? O? Man? The next day he'll be paying for
ober. He might give her around home. Now here's my question that

(01:04:25):
Kathy and Jenny, when it's allset and down and you called, would
you call him your ass and askingwhy he did it? No? Why
would I like we would just acceptthe paid bill? And just on Jenny

(01:04:45):
question, Jenny, I gotta askthis question. I got to ask this
question though. You you're telling methat you are data man who would accept
another man paying his mailk Like youwould be comfortable with him? Like,
No, your husband will say,oh, okay, it's cool, like
that, that's the type of that'sthe ideal man you would tell your daughters

(01:05:06):
to marry. That's a type ofguy like that. Oh but I wouldn't
like do what or like want himto do what Eddie was saying earlier,
like the confrontational or defensive about it. Eddie said he wouldn't be confrontational to
the guy. He would be confrontationalto you. Yeah, why would he?
I'm not even the blame. Idon't even know about it, right,

(01:05:30):
but you still got to worry thatone. Listen, listen, listen,
and kat Cat I want you toanswer it too. But listen.
First off, Cat saying we're notaccepting the bill. The bills already paid.
Cat like, there's nothing you cando but listen, kat, let
me say this to you, Jenny, let me say this, let me
ask this question to me, andI'm gonna let you all go. But

(01:05:54):
to me, it doesn't matter.Like if let's say this, Jenny,
if you came out here to Americato come visit me, Aaron, right,
Let's say Joe Ash, Joe Ash, he came out here to America.
Joe Ash and Eddie came out hereto come visit me, right,
and they are here from me.While they're here, I have some friends.

(01:06:23):
Let's say we go to a uh, I have some friends over at
the house. And let's say JoeAsh, Eddie and two of my friends
get into a Christian debate, right, and the bit get heated to the
point where one of my guys Ilive here ends up fighting Joe Ash.

(01:06:46):
Right. Let's say, prior tothat, while they were starting to get
into that bait, I kept tellingthem, all of them, yo,
chill, just relax, man,calm down. This conversation is not worth
This conversations not worth it. Boomboom boom. It's not worth getting into
a heated debate and at the endof the day, Joe, IH and

(01:07:06):
Eddie get jumped, a beat up, or whatever you want to call it.
Even though I ain't got nothing todo with it. Who's responsible?
Whose responsibility it falls on? Thehost? It's my responsibility to keep the

(01:07:32):
guys that came with me safe,regardless. You understand, even though I
had nothing to do with it,I didn't even want them to have the
conversation. When it's all said anddone, it's my responsibility. They're casualty
because it's my response. It's myresponsibility to protect them in that situation.

(01:07:55):
If it was the other way aroundand my ex did that, I'm the
responsible because you're a casualty of myresponse, of my my past. In
this case, Eddie, Joe Ashthe man is a casualty of war to
your past. You're responsible, howeveryou want to look at it, even

(01:08:18):
though you didn't do anything wrong.It's your past that's being present presented to
us in this situation. So eventhough you didn't do anything wrong, you
all have to be held responsible forthe casualty. My man got tooken down
by your ex because of you.You are the common denominator in that situation.

(01:08:40):
So you have to bear the responsibilityeven though you did nothing wrong.
Now here's my question to you,Jenny. Can you accept that? No,
it's I think it's just getting theway ahead of yourself. My gosh,
you can't accept that. Hold on, hold on, Jenny. I
heard your answer, ready, Genny, hold on, Kathy. Can you

(01:09:00):
accept it? Can you accept it? Jenny? Kathy? Can you accept
it that you're responsible? If youcan accept the Genny, why can't you
accept it? Jenny? No,it's like you're already thinking that the extra

(01:09:21):
sabotage in your date, when probablyhe's just making me gracious gesture towards you
being his nags. Yo. Thefact that you're even thinking that way is
disrespectful to me. He's just,Oh, he's just being a nice guy.
Matter of fact, when you callwhen you call him, they say

(01:09:43):
why did you do that? That'shis answer was just being a nice guy.
But that's crazy, Kathy. Whyare you laughing, Kathy? Kathy?
Hold on, Kathy? Why areyou laughing? He was laughing hard
while he was laughing. Kathy.No, Jenny's defensive. That's why I'm
rushing now. Hold on, holdon, I want to I want to

(01:10:09):
make sure I understand this stuff becauseJoe I still was on a fence with
this. Joe Ash, So,how would you want your wife to respond
in this situation? If she waslike, oh, we got a free
mail, would you be cool?Like, would you be like, all
right, cool? I would.I would wish that she would be just

(01:10:30):
quiet as well, because she sellsIt's okay. I mean, yeah,
she just needs to be quiet.Now here's the thing I'm learning that Jenny

(01:10:51):
wouldn't be that. Jenny would notbe quiet. Jenny would probably be trying
to explain, She'd be making it. Jenny would make the situation. I
don't know why he did that.He's crazy for doing that. The note
you shouldn't be mad because we justgot a free mill out of it and
not an accident. Do it.It's not my fault. This is not
my friend. Yeah, man,I'm I'm I don't know. But emotionally

(01:11:20):
intelligence emotionally damaged Eddie at the endof the day in this particular situation,
you say you would display emotional damage, yes, Joe Ash, would you
explay emotional intelligence emotional damage? Iwish I would intelligence? Yeah, intelligence,

(01:11:41):
you would you would display emotional intelligenceby doing what walking up to you
said you would walk up to him, well, I would give him my
credit card. Realistically, man,I'm being realistic though, what would you

(01:12:05):
do? Man? Like, whatwould you walk up to him and say?
Because I could tell you if Iwas on the other receiver end and
I was the guy that actually paidfor the mill and you walked up to
me for me, I'm inspecting thatwe're gonna fight. The conversation ain't gonna
go to it however way you thinkit's gonna go. It's not gonna go

(01:12:25):
the way you think it's gonna go. Because my intent was to be disrespectful
yeah yeah, yeah yeah, andgetting you a casualty your war. So
the fact that you're now walking upto defend with you either defending your honor
or defending hers, however it goes, I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna
apologize for what I just did.So my question to you is what would

(01:12:47):
even be the point? It wasa checkmate, that's what it. Sometimes
you just gotta take the checkmate.Yeah, I took an l took an
el knight. Yeah. Sometimes that'shard to set man. Yeah, the
night. So what are you saying, Joe, as you agree with me,

(01:13:09):
though, what are you saying?I just want to make sure I'm
giving you the last words so wecan get off. Well, Uh,
you're gonna go ask your wife tonight. You're gonna talk about it with it
tomorrow. Yeah, I just thinkingas it is, I just talk about

(01:13:30):
it the following day. Yah.You do you mean you would do the
walker shame out of the restaurant?Would you hold her hand on the way
out? Yeah, I'll just I'lljust uh take her out, leave her

(01:13:54):
out. Do you hold her hand? Maybe put my head then her shoulder?
Mhm, let's go, let's go, all right, man, were
signing out? Man, holl atyour boy? I appreciate joy. No,

(01:14:15):
man, I hope, I hopeya in the chat in the criments,
let me know what y'all would doif this was y'all, yes,
in this situation, and would youuse emotional intelligence or would you be emotionally
damaged by the situation? All right, we signing out? How at your
boy? Let's get it