Heart to Heart

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Episode Transcript

(00:04):
Hello everyone, and welcome back toanother episode of You'll Talk. I'm your
host, Caddy, and I'm excitedto be here. Okay, today you
have an interesting topic to discuss titledHeart to Heart. But before that,
just going to introduce my lovely panel. How are you today? Doing great?

(00:30):
So everyone, I wanted everyone totell me what they did on the
Valentine starting with you, Josh.Okay. So woke up early and did
my running workout and then went offto work after breakfast. Yeah, after

(00:52):
after that meeting in the morning,I went on a date, lunch date
somewhere, just got some ram andwith my wife who requested loves she loves
ram, and went back. Goodthing. My parents came in, so
left the kids, just us withoutkids, and then I went back to

(01:17):
work, then went home, haddinner with everybody. Lovely what about you
meet and say you smiling there?Yeah? For me, I did nothing
special this day, like in Heartsday, typical wake up in the morning

(01:41):
and did work and did some stuff. But we celebrated earlier, like twelve
and thirteen. So we just hadlike dinner at their house. Nothing to
fancy, nothing too special, justjust the two of us, just like
that okay, And the ladies,what did you do? We went outside

(02:12):
to the University of the Philippines FebruaryFair. Yeah, we watched a live
band and I got a book atand No. Eight on the stalls.
I just went home full for me, nothing special for today. I just

(02:35):
went to church and that it wenthome. I did my regular thing.
Mm hmm. That did for me. Nothing special, no bookcase at all.
Yes, do you know what Imean? Slept and we'll up and

(03:01):
now we are working. That's soquestion. But but next next time,
I'm gonna I don't know, Idon't say anything. I was waiting for
that line, you know. NowI won't say it. Yeah, but

(03:24):
it was. It is on me. It's a man m Yeah, it's
okay. So today's question, I'mgonna ask us the guys. First,
do you think it's okay to stayin a relationship when love faids, when

(03:46):
love fads? Absolutely? Absolutely,Because as as much as we want to
love, our love is imperfect andfailing and you know, conditional at best.

(04:11):
So whenever we lose or cannot finda reason to love when we are
in a relationship, definitely we stillstrive and persevere to continue whether it.
You know, there's not never goingto be a day where it's all you
know, perfect and you're loving theperson unconditioned in all, so there there

(04:39):
will be more days I think thatit will be imperfect. So it's just
need you just need to continue regardless. Besting on indeed, Yeah, my
take on that would be asking orreflecting more on what do you mean by
love? Because if it's a thehuman kind of love that is the feeling

(05:04):
or the they call this the emotions. Of course, emotions fades. But
my book tells us love never fails. So I think there's the kind of
love that's like a fire that whenyou feel like your your cop is running

(05:27):
on empty, you can always goback there and you know, get that
get from the source and then giveit to your special one regardless of the
challenges. So keep hoping, keepbelieving it. It will never fail.

(05:49):
So yeah, press on. Interesting. Okay, what about the beef in
the room and Jenny? For me, I think it's okay to stay in
a fatuation, but not it.Yeah, I think it's fatuation fades like

(06:15):
for two years, three years,it fades, and it's normal. But
love is a verb and it's acommitment. So even though the feeling the
spark is not there anymore, youjust have to continue because it's what you
committed yourself into. For me,yeah, absolutely, you can still stay.

(06:41):
As we know, love is verycomplex and we experience both highs and
lows and when we're in a romanticrelationship, so sometimes just need to reflect.
When you kind of feel that likeyou're drifting away from each other,
you just need to reflect and lookback on where you started and how you

(07:01):
began, so you'd be able tohave that personal growth and realize what was
lost and that kind of might startare appreciation for each other so the love
would be rekindled. Mhm. Didyou have your answer written down? I

(07:28):
was thinking the same. Yeah,that was perfect, Jenny. It's like
you prepared for it. H Okay. The next one I'm going to start
with must say must answer you.So, what has someone done that made

(07:51):
you feel like you really loved?Maybe it can be your husband or friends
and family. Yeah. I thinkwhat I appreciated my partner is he's taking
the time to learn my love language. Like for him, it's his love

(08:15):
language is acts of service. Soif I do all these things in the
house, then he's feeling loved,and he tends to do the same thing
to me. But it's not mylove language, and I don't like he
doesn't make me feel love when hedoes those things for me. So when

(08:35):
I communicated that's not my love language, have to learn mine also, and
he took the initiative to read booksregarding my love language and then started to
apply those changes little by little.It's not perfect in the first you know,
first week, first months, butI see the changes like it's getting

(08:58):
It's like he's getting the hang ofit as time goes by, and then
suddenly I just feel every day thathe's loving me, and I can feel
it because that's my language. Sothat's what I appreciated. That's what I

(09:18):
appreciated from him, and it mademe really feel of because he took the
time, energy and effort to doall those things. Oh versus a happy
life that it's happy couple, happyfamily, happy life. That's just a

(09:43):
wife. What would you, Denny? Oh, what's the question again?
What made me feel special? Whathas someone done that? Yeah? Yeah,
hm, when it talks to myhusband, I feel special when he
does something out of the ordinary,like the last time I was doing the

(10:07):
laundry and he volunteered to have itdried, so that's really out of the
ordinary because he does not do thosethings. And for like when it comes
to friends, I felt special onthis this one time that they surprised me
during my birthday. I didn't knowthey were coming, and they had a

(10:30):
lot of gifts and food for me. So that's where I felt special because
I know that they I felt thatthey appreciated me, that they appreciate my
friendship. And that's lovely. Joe, as I think you have a lot
of you have a lot to say. I can see you smiling when Jennie

(10:52):
was talking, So tell us,So how do you feel love? What
is done to me that makes mefeel love? Right? Feel special?
Yeah, my wife knows I lovereceiving letters. So earlier she like what
she did little note and prepared mea matcha with some chocolate on it.

(11:20):
It felt really good, it waschilled, it was just the right cup
of match It was good. Itwas really good. And then she posted
a picture of us riding a motorcycle, a bike, motorbike. Yeah,

(11:41):
so yeah, I think that's affirmationand that's lovely. Yeah, yes,
yes, so that makes me feel. Yeah, she knows it's the m

(12:03):
hm mm hmm. Fritz, whatdo you what you say? I never
feel just you know from me,it's it's quality. Yeah, I'm I'm

(12:24):
the type of guy who really youknow, my level of happiness and my
level of like joy is very shallow, like you don't have to do something
grand. There's something, you know, very expensive to like put a smile
on my face because I'm I'm happy, happy in and that with small things

(12:46):
like you know, eating somewhere,what's that what's quite covered in flower?
That that is deep fried and withthe with thet sauce. You know,
those kinds of things very very youknow. Yeah, and not just streets,

(13:11):
you know, just being with theperson you know and talking about anything
that you can think of, anythingthat comes up or pops up. So
yeah, that's quality of time.Okay, that's lovely like prety spending quality

(13:33):
time? Do I said about lovenotes? Okay? How about you tell
our audience how can they how doyou feel special? Okay? My sister

(13:58):
I have a twin sister, soshe surprised me on our birthday because you
share the birthday. Yeah, andthat was so special to me. Mm
hmm. Can I your more?I don't have more? Guys, what
what would a guy needs to doto make you feel like, make you

(14:22):
feel happy? Just spend time withme, that's I think that's that's a
love language. If you have time, that's okay. Mm hmm. That's
no spending, but spending mm hmm. Don't come empty handed. So yeah,

(14:48):
but you can just yeah, Ijust bring your language. Yeah,
I love language. Spending time andmake sure you had something already bought.
You know, not all gives youcan buy. I can make them yourself.

(15:09):
Mm hmm. Yeah, you canalso cook. Yeah. So we
have three married couples here and onedating in one single. So I'm gonna
start with the married couples, andI'm starting with you, Josh. How

(15:31):
did you know you were in lovewith your wife? Mmmm? Good question.
There's something there's just something with theway she looks at me. It's

(15:52):
a safe my heart, really believe, there's nothing in the world. That's
the title of that again, bro, getting aside the first time, the

(16:14):
first time I saw her, there'sjust there's something in her eyes. Yeah,
but of course that's objective, youknow, but you know, when
I got to know her, gotto work with her. We were both
in the same workplace. We wentto the field together, did leadership trainings
and you know, students work together, worked in the campus. The friendship

(16:41):
was there, and you know,there was respect, there was a desire,
there was a mutual liking something likethat. And you know, when
when there's a friendship as the base, there's the desire and there's that respect,
I think there's something that's formed beyondthat brings you to the next level.

(17:03):
So for me, I know Iwas in love because I felt also
she was in love. I don'tknow, we were brought drawn together,
like uh, we were something.There's an invisible thread you know that let
us together. So it's objective,but there's that you'll just know for certain

(17:29):
there's that peace, there's that joythat's for me. You can explain it.
I see. Yeah, So there'sthe friendship. I think those are
the three things that are important inthat relationship. There's there's the friendship as
the base. There's respect on theother hand, and there's the desire.

(17:51):
And I don't know, I justcame up with it with some of my
single guy friends. When there's adesire and there respect, but there's no
friendship. That's just celebrity. That'sjust far from you. When there's friendship
and there's desire but there's no respect, that's lost. That's that's wrong.

(18:15):
There's there's respect, there's friendship,but there's no desire. Sorry, guys,
you're your friend zone. It's justsister, you know, or it's
just a brother. So those threehas to be there. I don't know,
I just we just came up withthat. So you know, friendship
was the base. Respect on theother side, and there's the desire and
that those should be mutual. SoI think Fritz could write a book about

(18:38):
it. So no, I'm justtaking notes right now. Okay, that's
what I oh. Anyone else,I won't mention your names. Just Valuntia
and jell Us, How did youknow? How did you did you?

(19:04):
For me? I want to seehim happy. It's the first thing.
Like I want to see him achievehis dreams and aspirations, his goals,
And he's the very first person thatcomes to my mind when I want to
confine something like share my highs andlows. And also I'm willing to struggle

(19:32):
and sacrifice things just for the bettermentof the relationship. Yeah, that's how
I know that I love someone.It's it's like you lost yourself already,
you know. Just yeah, yeah, there's there's no fifty percent, seventy

(19:52):
percent for him, and then therest is yours. It's all one hundred
percent if you love someone, sothat if the relationship fails, at least
you don't have any regrets because youdid your best. It gave all all
yourself. That should be a song. That should be a song I did

(20:14):
my best. It was a stationthat should be the title of this episode.
Yeah, agree with you, guys, Jenny and Fritz. Who is

(20:37):
willing to tell theirs? I don'thave a wife yet, so Jenny,
I'll give this to Jenny. Yeah. For me, I felt that I
am I love the person when whenmy husband, who was then cooarding me,
I felt that he made my heart. And so that's the first time

(20:59):
that I I felt that I lovedhim already, and then the deeper kind
of love as we kept on datingand spending time with each other, I
felt that I loved him more becausehis happiness became as as well first mentioned
earlier, his happiness became as importantto me as my own. So It

(21:23):
wasn't just about shared interests or attraction, because there was some kind of a
much deeper or profound way of caringthan the desire to you know, see
them, see them grow and thriveand have them or see them, want

(21:45):
them to to have content in allaspects of their life. And like,
you can give up a lot ofthings just for that person. Wow,
that's a lovely so me and free. We're gonna come back next time and
tell them, right, there's apart two. Yeah, we're gonna have

(22:08):
a part two year next year specialSo Hard to Heart Part two is coming
soon. When you get yourself,Jackie, I'm gonna come and tell you

(22:30):
so. So let's go direct toour today's story. So I'm just wanted
to. I just want you tolisten. Then I'm gonna go from there.
So meet Sarah and James. Theymet in college, fell deeply in
love, and got married. Forseven years. They built their life together,

(22:51):
shared dreams, and welcomed two beautifulchildren into their lives, Emily,
who is five, and Ethan,who is three. However, as the
years passed, Sarah began to feela gradual shift in her emotions. The
passion and excitement that once defined theirrelationship seemed to be the end. James,

(23:15):
on the other hand, remained committedand still deeply loved Sarah. He
noticed the change in her, butattributed into the challenges of parenthood. Okay,
Jenny, please take over just oneminute. Okay. Sarah, torn
between her fading feelings and the desireto keep the family intact, chose to

(23:40):
stay in the marriage for the happinessand stability of Emily and even their children.
So, despite Sarah's internal struggle,she and Jane continued to create a
loving and nurturing environment for their children. They attended family events together, celebrated
holidays, and supported each other intheir parenting roles. The couple maintained a

(24:06):
facade of normalcy just for the sakeof their children, who remained blissfully unaware
of the emotional complexities within their parents'relationship. So the first question here would
be how does Sarah navigate the internalconflict between her fading love for James and

(24:26):
her commitment to providing a stable familyenvironment for their children. What do you
think about that? Let's start withjo Ash for the married couple. Yeah,
so, I'm not sure. Nothingmuch is said about the guy James,

(24:48):
how is he leading emotionally in thein the relationship. But seemed to
me like there must be a communicationthat needs to happen, communication of expectations
and desires and their their emotional needsmust be revisited and they are to work

(25:18):
on reviving their romantic love so thateven their family would thrive. Because I
believe that the marriage is practically foundationalfor a family dynamic that is healthy and
driving. So they have to workon their marriage, communication, romance and

(25:44):
structure the dynams, how they expectation, the the the desires and things like
that. So communication must happen,even if they need to have a mediator,
uh, you know, just toprocess with them also how they would
adjust and see the perspective of eachother. Okay, what about you,

(26:19):
Jenny, what do you think aboutthe whole suitressive? I think for me,
Sarah can navigate her internal conflict byseeking or doing some personal reflection on
her own and probably seeking out counselingfrom friends or professional if she can do

(26:41):
that, because she could also likeprioritize communicating with James to express her emotions
and to emphasize with the husband theimportance of maintaining that stable mini environment.

(27:03):
Okay, what about your Frid.Well, I don't know much about it,
to be honest, because I ofcourse I don't know what it's like
to be in that kind of situation. But as far as experience is concerned,

(27:25):
I would agree on Joash's comments whenit comes to working really working out
on their marriage. Uh, firstof all, because it's foundational. It's
not just it's not just about keepingthe family together. It's not just about
keeping the children like happy and takencare of. But it's also because it's

(27:49):
a lifetime partnership. It's a lifetimecommitment to your spouse, and it's an
oath. It's about to pay beforeGod and before people. So you will
love that person in sickness and inhealth, in in you know, in
richer for poor, and not notliterally on those things. But you know,

(28:11):
the point is you would you wouldlove them regardless, or you would
love them no matter what. Sothere could be no more values that that
the woman is trying to pull outfrom the from his from her husband.
But still there should be a timewhere they would really sit down and and

(28:37):
fix that that the relationship or thatinteraction that they have, not just for
the sake of the kids, butfor the sake of you know, both
of them. M hm you marsokay, So she for for me,

(29:00):
maybe she's burned out because she haskids who's very young, like five years
old and three years old. Somaybe I guess she's experiencing depression, like
postpartum depression if you look at ifyou look at in a mother's point of
view, like it's normal to feelthat way after giving birth, or you

(29:26):
know, especially if you had likemajor changes in your body, You've gone
through a lot of changes. Yourbody is not the same, you might
not feel pretty, and you havea lot of anxieties and sometimes also hormones,
is you know, there's a lotof hormones that comes into play.
So what I would advise to heris get a rest, Like maybe she's

(29:52):
very burned out in her day today task in taking care of her kids,
and maybe the husband you know haveto step up and understand her,
like figure out what she needs,like support her in her vulnerable days just
like this. So maybe the husbandyou know would be like intentional and communicating

(30:18):
with her and figuring out what isher problem, like how can he help
her? Like if she is vulnerable. If she's not functioning well, then
it's the husband's job to be therock of the family, like to be
the anchor and fix his own family. Okay, but I have a question.

(30:41):
What if the roles were reversked andnow is the husband that's it's the
why the husband that loves has itis that the love is fitting away.
So do you think that a ladycan stay? And maybe I don't know

(31:04):
when you mean reverse or when youmean when the rules are reversed, like
is the dad staying with the kids? Like that the dad is staying with
the kids and the woman is workingand the love of the husband. Okay,
maybe if it's has something to say, I just processed. I don't

(31:30):
know. Tell you, it's definitelyhard when it. You know, if
you're in a relationship and it cameto a point where you have to decide
if you're gonna stay or not,I think that's that's a point where you
don't want to be or at leastput your put yourself in that kind of

(31:53):
position, because you know, ifyou're really committed to the person, there
should always be you know, I'mnot going to leave this with no matter
what you're going to be someone likewe can fix this. It's just a
you know, it's just a challenge. It's just it's just a difficulty we
can go through. But if youcome to a point where should I stay

(32:14):
or not, you know, orshould I leave or should I stay?
Yeah, So I'm still processing thatkind of kind of scenario in my head.
I've never been there. I don'twant to be there, but you
know, Yeah, but you know, I believe like many my marriages now

(32:36):
most of them, they're staying therebecause of the kids. They stop loving
each other like long because the kidsare in the picture, so they can't
live right. We don't want tofind ourselves in those situations. You just
want to love forever. Yeah,Okay. The next one is what impact

(33:00):
Mike, Sarah, and James's decisionto stay together despite feeding glove have on
their children perception on relationship and marriagewho want to go first. Definitely the
kids would notice that. Yeah,kids are not blind, they kind of

(33:21):
serve everything. Yeah, and probablythat will set a bad example for them,
Like this is how mom and dadtreat each other. So when I
grow up, this is the kindof husband or wife that I would choose.
And that's dangerous, very dangerous,you know, you know mers mersus

(33:54):
answers are like, you know,very on point tonight. Yeah, she's
as she said, No, no, no, I'm just saying that.
I think I think your your answerstonight are are from a from a happy
standpoint, kidding from I just hada good date. Yeah, probably because

(34:22):
of the Okay, probably you think. So let's ask the other Mary.
Okay, that was m hmm.That was your opinion. So I want
to hear from the or Jennifer.Jennifer's for me, Sarah and uh yeah,

(34:45):
James decisions to stay together despite thefeeding love with present to like two
sides to the children. There's thepros and cons to that decision. It
could on one and it could demonstratecommitment and resilience, but it might on

(35:06):
the other hand, it might alsolikely normalize the idea of enduring unhappiness and
relationships and potentially to like shape theirperception of what constitutes a healthy partnership.
I guess. So they have ajaded view of how the marriage, ah

(35:32):
would go about them. It's notlike flowers and butterflies all the time,
right, Okay? Might take mmhmm. So this is from a counseling

(35:57):
perspective, and I've heard marriage coaches, professional psychologists actually say that we must
revisit for cases like Sarah and James, we must revisit the times when we

(36:17):
first got in love with each other. What were we doing that brought us
to a level and you know,a point of being romantically in love.
And if we do the things thatwe were doing when we were in our
first love, you know, anddo it no matter what we feel,

(36:39):
there there would be a you know, a level of revival if I should
say or refreshed you know, emotionalah love, something like that, Yeah,
because like, uh, you know, I I think, like what

(37:00):
made me in love with my wifewas the attention, the intentionality, and
there were things that she was doingthat you know, made me drawn to
her. And there were things thatI do to her that made her drawn
to me. And when we knowour emotional needs and when you communicate it

(37:20):
clearly, you know, it's liketelling our partners the bulls eye, like
what do we do? What doI do that makes her feel loved?
And what what does what can shedo that you know makes me feel love?
And when we keep on doing that, there's an illustration for this,
and I think this is not nota contest with the love language concept,

(37:43):
but I actually heard that there's thisoriginal that where that was gotten from.
And it's the love bank concept.So every time a person does someone that
her partner feels loved, it's likea deposit. It's a love deposit.
There's a love credit that happens.And when we keep on doing that,

(38:04):
you know, credit upon credit tothe point that you know, there's this
a level where the romantic love wouldyou know, because it's consistent, it's
structured, they're driven to it.So you really will feel in love.
Now whenever there's a you know,an offense or you know, emotional needs

(38:27):
that were not met, there's alove that withdraw world that happens. So
it's a concept of a love bankwhere you deposit or withdraw. So,
you know, because of the businessof the transition, like merce said,
you know, there were kids andfor a season of you know, seven
years or let's say that it's thefirst child five years old, five and

(38:51):
three, right, so there wereI think, okay for the first two
years, but since kids came intothe picture. You know, sometimes when
when kids are there and you know, you're so tired about you know,
caregiving and stuff. It seems likeit's endless. But when we stretch our
vision that you know, this isjust for a season and you can make

(39:13):
the adjustments and you know, wecan fight for love. I think that's
where their love could be revived inthey would know how, how how the
dynamic should be when they at least, you know, consider this love bank
illustration. So I think that thatwould help with Sarah and James knowing each

(39:34):
of their emotional needs and making acommitment to lovingly meet them. Okay,
not make a demand out of it, but you know, lovingly and you
know, make the effort and bewilling to work on it, and they
would be you know, progress inthe romantic feelings because someone wants to stay
in a marriage where it's no longeryou know, romantic. But again,

(40:01):
to make it romantic, emotional needsmust be defined and communicated. Well,
so that's for me. Wow,need the emotional needs to be specific and
bamp on it, keep back itturns interesting, YEA, be intentional?

(40:23):
Yeah, yeah, to give thecredit to uh, there's this couple who
actually thought this. Okay forgetting thatthat means. But let me check.
The concept is the four Gifts ofLove by let me google it for a

(40:47):
while. Yeah, preach listening.No, this is actually, you know,
this is effective even if you knowyou're faith based or not. It's
actually a principle. So yeah,we can revive. Oh so this is
doctor Harley Harley Harley Harley Davidson.Just just check it out. So for

(41:19):
give four gifts of love. I'mpretty notes. Yeah, so yeah,
there you go. Jennifer Harley ChalmersAnd yeah, so Jennifer Harley Chalmers is
the daughter of doctor Willard Harley,the author of the concept of the love

(41:40):
band. So actually it's the originalbefore Gary Chapman who wrote about the four
Gives of the love languages. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she made it
by. But yeah, it's agood concept, four gifts of love,
and the four gifts are actually thegift of time, honesty, protection,

(42:10):
and there's this the other one provision. Okay, I guess yeah is that

(42:31):
all? Did you get the pope? What are are there? Okay?
Care? Okay, so care,protection, honesty, and time. So
when you love someone, you careabout them. So this is love and
action. So you meet intentionally,you know what hits their emotional needs.

(42:53):
Protection is protecting your love banks thatyou will not do the withdraw Well,
you know, there's irritating habits youaddress, there are demands, you know,
you make it something into you know, a communication of desires and when
there's honesty, you know, andopenness and there's the gift also of time

(43:16):
to meet those emotional needs. It'sa good framework for me and actually what
helps My wife and I passed throughthat seventh year of our journey for almost
ten years now. So yeah,we've been through those realities as well.

(43:38):
So Fritz, brace yourself. Ihope your next question, next question,
next question? How do I proposethis? Kidding is listening now? Anyway?
I shout out? I think sheis always the question again? Or

(44:06):
should I answer? Yeh? You'retaking notes? Okay? What impact my
Sarah and James decision to stay togetherdespite fading love have on their children,
on a section of my relationship andmarried? So what impact are you?

(44:28):
Google? No, I'm thinking becausebecause Josh already said it also, it's
gonna be harder for me to think, like what else? You know,
it's and and this is this issomething that I think is very It's also
very important for any kind of relationship. It's it's keeping the small details.

(44:52):
Like you know, I think thelove bank would be you know, full
more often than not, if ifboth ends would be be mindful and be
observant of of those uh small details. Uh. And it's very hard,

(45:15):
I know, it's very hard tokeep on small details. And you know
the reason would be, uh,you know, things happen like for example,
in their in their marriage, likethey're they're gonna be stressed on their
kids and all that. So it'sit's it's gonna be harder to to show

(45:39):
that kind of because if you ifyou're already stressed out with everything, it's
gonna be evident to the kids aswell, just like what we have we've
mentioned earlier, right, So definitelymhm, and especially the kids would be
mindful of those small details. Soso for us when we were when we

(46:01):
were growing up, those are thethings that we would remember, the small
details that we that we remember fromour parents, right, Uh, the
thing that they pick us up fromschool, the small gestures, yes,
yes, the how they how didthey react on our artwork and our drawings.

(46:23):
So those small leaders, if thoseare not being observed by the the
couple then definitely the small details willalso affect the children and how how they
are being raised. And yeah,Fritz, I agree with that with your

(46:44):
answer, and you know what,well Fritz was explaining and sharing his thoughts.
I think it's also important to acknowledgethat the ages zero to twelve are
the formative years for our adult identity. So Sarah and James need to,

(47:06):
you know, treat this as likethis is an emergency, This is a
wake up call. We have todo our work here because the kind of
structure that we model to kids atthis age, they will carry it on
when they're adults. Also, sothis will really be a negative. This
will really have a negative impact onthem. So, you know, Sarah

(47:29):
and James has to you know,step up and work on it, and
you know, be faithful, behumble, be teach, double and seek
you know, best ways to torecover and revive their love for one another.
Yeah, whatever they see that willbe their standards growing up. Yeah,

(47:52):
it's it's it's an extreme, extremepost. It's either that's what they
will copy when they grew up orthat's what they avoid, you know,
growing up. This is like thisis how my father is, you know,
I don't want to be like thator you know, this is not
how my father is to my mostlikely Yeah, yeah, I agree on

(49:04):
that. So what role do societalexpectations play in Sarah's decision to stay in
the marriage, and how might thisexpectation influence a personal happiness? You know,
one can answer that mm hmm yeah, Josh, No, go Jenny,

(49:31):
I'm sure I can see it inher eyes. Yes, something to
say, God, Jenny, Okay, I guess probably for the woman Sarah
in this case, there would bea potential like when it comes to society

(49:55):
view on the woman's role in themarriage, it could uh greatly influence her
sense of duty and commitment because theseexpectations would contribute to a sense of obligation
that like uh, it would conflictwith her own personal happiness and fulfillment.

(50:16):
Like society has these standards that womenshould be like mhm, keeping the should
be the one keeping the family together. So when they don't, when the
society doesn't see the woman doing herduties as a wife and as a mother,

(50:36):
then that would greatly then that wouldhave a great impact on her decision
to continue with the marriage or andjust you know, or sacrifice her own
happiness, for the sake of thechildren and for the sake of the marriage.

(50:57):
Yeah. Actually, what I've seengrowing up in Africa, you see,
like women are the one who keepthe marriage. And if that marriage,
like you break up with your husband, they're going to point fingers at
the woman and say you couldn't likemaintain your marriage and if Yeah, that's
what I've seen growing up. Awoman must take care of his family.

(51:22):
Mm hmmm. Yeah, it is. So if your husband cheats on you,
they will put the ploeme on thewoman and will say that you should
have made yourself more beautiful. Ohmy goodness, that's what happens. I
don't think it's so. Actually it'sstill going on. You get you're not

(51:45):
doing your due religion, or youshould compromise your happiness. You have to
stay with the kids because if youwant to go parents with your maybe it's
usband or actual life is hard becausethe society has made that, has painted

(52:07):
that picture on everyone that women shoulddo this, women should do that.
But I believe our relationship is abouttwo people, not one person. I
would say life is unfair. So, yeah, that's what happens. And

(52:31):
I think yeah, and That's whyI think there there should be a you
know, other than the expectation ofsociety. We must consider something that actually
works, something that's an alternative that'syou know, unchanging and its standards and

(52:52):
and it's design. Because I believethat you know, family and marriages,
this this is God's idea and ifyou want it to work, we should
consider his ways and his design.So that's where I think faith based relationships

(53:12):
come into play. We must consider, you know, what God has to
say about marriage and family more thanwhat you know, and what he expects
of us, more than what oursociety is. Because culture and society,
their standards actually changes over time.But I think there's this source where standard

(53:32):
is consistent and there's you know,there's grace, there's hope. With all
these tendencies human brokenness and selfishness,there's hope. Do you know what's shocking?
Actually, I have a country inAfrica where it's called Uganda. I
don't know if you have heard ofit. Sorry, they have to kneel

(53:59):
down to when talking to their husbandand when they are giving their husband food,
loss of water, they have tokneel. Why is there a culture
okay, respect, what against theirculture or something that women have to do
it. So you see a smallgirl maybe from the age of nine five,

(54:22):
it's nott to do. So that'swhy there's a they call it respect.
But damn that's hard, especially withthat. Yeah, I see,
it's so funny. Uh, theyhave to kneel down. I think that's

(54:43):
because of the tell them they willbe No, that's not just a culture,
but also the the history yes mhmof of that place. Yeah.
I think I'm gonna research why theykneel because I find it so Yeah,

(55:06):
they do it like you have todo it. I mean no, women
are used to it, like they'rehappy doing that because that's what they saw
growing up. So there's no problemwith that. But that happens with those
traditional those who follow traditional norms andeverything, because maybe we have women who

(55:29):
are modernized and they cannot kneel likeme. So it's their culture. But
you knew that. You give mewaterse my feet, kidding, give me

(55:51):
gips? No, okay, it'sthe culture and lovely because you're not forced
to do it. But that's hardfor me. Okay, So do you
have any like advice that you wouldlove to give to this lovely couple Sarah

(56:15):
and James before we end up theshow, or any shout outs to your
friends. It's Valentine's actually, soshould definitely give shout outs. Okay,
I'll do this in behalf of themarried ones because I'm I'm the only single
here, so I'll go first.I'll reserve your merried advices so well.

(56:42):
First of first of all, ifyou are a single person out there still
like wondering on or like navigating yourway, uh, take take Sir Joe
Ash's advice here when you have toreally find the source of love. First,

(57:07):
It's yes, you can. Youcan do it on your own,
but it's gonna be tiring, it'sgoing to be failing most at times,
even if you found the source.But if you're not drawing drawing from it,
then definitely it's gonna be ah drainingfor you. So you, for

(57:31):
me and for us who's still navigating, I hope and pray that we'll be
able to cling onto that source.It's like you know, plugging in to
that source of love so that wheneverwe we we run out of or withdrawals
of that love from that bank,definitely we still have some you know,

(57:54):
unlimited source that we can get lovefrom that's from God. That's so weary.

(58:16):
On a practical note, to thosewho are in the in the similar
plight as Sarah and James, youknow, would I would advise that you
know, they do the work.You know, you know there's work that
needs to be done in marriage.It's like making your your garden green again.

(58:37):
You have to water it, youhave to tend on it, you
know, let sunshine fall on itso it would grow and you know,
be healthy. So do the work, know the work, do the work
and enjoy the design. Yeah,don't be too complacent, like if you're
together for how many years, youtend to be slacking off, complacent and

(59:00):
not do you not exert any effortsanymore. But no commitment. Love is
a commitment. It's a verb meaningyou have to take action and be intentional.
And you also have to surround yourselfwith like minded people, like if
you have faith, if you're aChristian, you have to surround yourself with

(59:22):
Christian people. Couple as well.So if you're going through a hard time
in your marriage, you can askfor advices and they will, you know,
lead you to each That's lovely,Jenny for me, I think while

(59:44):
the parents are prioritizing the happiness andtheir children, which is admirable, I
think they should be able to achievethe balance between middle family responsibilities and you
know, happiness because it is avery important, very crucial for overall family

(01:00:07):
harmony and each individual's atisfaction. Somaintaining the like the facade of a happy
marriage may lead to emotional stress andpsychological distress I guess in the long run
for both of them so and itwould have an impact or it could affect

(01:00:31):
their parenting effectively. So they needto really address those issues and probabilistic support
from friends and communities. Amen.Jenny Okay, I think if your feelings

(01:00:53):
are fitting in your relationship, justtake a deep bread. It doesn't mean
that you don't love that person.Our relationship has come to an end.
We just have to think things throughbecause we know relationship has physics, and
just have to communicate to your partnerand you solve things out and you know

(01:01:16):
everything will be fine. So justgonna give a shout out to my sister
and Shanier who is not here withus, and happy Valentine's to our lovely
listeners and to you guys. Continuecelebrating the demand of love. Yeah,

(01:01:37):
so I think that's a wrapper fortoday's episode and see you next time.
Goodbye, bye bye, Happy Heartsday.