December 2, 2023 • 50 mins
Intro Welcome back to Real Talk with Cathy and Shania, a show exploring all things love, life, and connection. Today, we're diving into the world of sweat and relationships, exploring how working out together can strengthen your bond and boost your overall happiness. Remember, exercise is about more than just the physical benefits. It's about building a stronger connection with your partner and creating memories that will last a lifetime. So, lace up your sneakers, grab your partner's hand, and get ready to sweat your way to a happier, healthier relationship!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello everyone, and welcome another episodeof Really Talk with Caddy and Scheneer.
I'm your host, Caddy, andI'm indated to have you in a study
funny writing episode titled how It's workingOut Important in a Relationship and this episode
is brought to you by Zelan Productions. Well with me today, I have
(00:20):
my co host Shanier and my panellist. So I have a question for
This is for everybody, but I'mgoing to start with Shanier Janier. Do
you walk out? Yeah? Ido work out whatever work. I love
running just that. Yeah, Ido love running. Yeah, I want
(00:44):
to do I don't want like Inormally just work out for physical fitness and
for maybe bloating because I tend tomaybe blot a lot, so like running
helps me. What about you,Josh? Do you work out? Oh?
I do? I just finished halfmarathon this Sunday. I made it.
(01:07):
Wow. That's nice. Okay,you just like they do? Like
it? You know you don't wantto get the apps? Just run right?
Yeah? I just ran? Oh? I want everyone. I want
somebody who do the apps? Doyou? Wow? Okay? How many
(01:34):
days a week? Every day?Around four times a week? You're committed?
Then? Yeah, or about yourtubs. Yeah, everyone, I
do not work out. I don't. And what's done the like basketball?
So a week? Yeah, Isee what's about your tree? Do you
(02:00):
work out? Do you love workingout? I do? I do love
working out. I actually do calistaicslike the body workouts. I also play
play basketball and other sports. Itry to stay active. That's amazing.
So everybody, everyone is what's outin this episode? In this planet?
(02:23):
So I think, like, exerciseis not just about looking good, It's
also about feeling good too. Andwhen I think when walking out, uh,
the body releases some hormones that Ielevate your mood. But I know
majority of people don't like working out. So I in today's episode, you're
(02:47):
going just to talk about how howworking out is important in the relationships and
how it affects how it can affecta relationship. Though she knew, yesso,
guys, we are going to lookat a scenario. So I listened
attentively. Okay, here goes meetLily. She enjoys everything from running in
(03:14):
the pack to challenging herself with variousworkout routines. For Lily, staying active
was not just a physical pursuit butalso of a way to maintain mental wellbeing
and discipline. Jake, on theother hand, held a more relaxed attitude
towards physical activity. He appreciates theoccasional hike or by ride. He doesn't
(03:38):
have the same drive for regular workoutsas Lily. As the relationship depened,
Lily began to wonder if their deferingviews on fitness were affecting their compatibility.
Dellie decided to have an open conversationwith Jake about the importance of staying active.
She expressed her concerns about long termhealth and benefits of shared physical activities
(04:02):
and the positive impact it could haveon their relationship. Jake listened attentively,
nodding occasionally to show he understood.However, she expressed her concern about the
long term help benefits and the potentialpositive impact on their relationship through shared physical
(04:23):
activities. He became defensive, feelinglike Lily was questioning his lifetime sorry,
feeling like Lily was questioning his lifestylechoices. Lily was disappointed about Jake's behavior
and decided to accept their differences.So, guys, I have questions and
(04:44):
I want all of you to answer. So the first one is does the
level of physical fitness between partners matterswhen it comes to relationships. I'm gonna
go to you, Daisy first.I don't speak the level of physical fitness
should matter when it comes to relationshipsbecause different people have different values on working
(05:09):
out. Yeah, so it's notimportant to me if my partner does into
account in a relationship, and Idon't think it will matter. Okay,
you said, did you yoga?So like you wouldn't encourage a partner like
to join you during your yoga routine. If that's what he wants, then
it's okay. I will go alonewith it. Then we can do your
(05:31):
guy together. But if he's notinterested, I cannot force him to do
it. Yeah, okay, whatabout you, Josh. I was wondering
about the importance of shared recreation recreationalactivities. So if someone is not into
(05:51):
the same physical activity as the otherone, I think they could have a
conversation about it and find some thingthat they could share. But ideally it
would be good if you know,both are into physics activity. But for
me, for example, my wifeisn't into running in this season because we
(06:15):
have kids. You know, Iunderstand, I understand her, you know,
situation. But it's just for aseason, so it's important. But
we can talk about it, okay, see like you're respecting their choices and
what about you cubs. Yeah,it's it's I wouldn't say it's like make
(06:35):
or break like from the scenarios.So they would like to accommodate Jack,
who had a much more lot ofcoach. You know, Like in my
own case, I if I didmore physical activity, I'll do mixed martial
arts, right, that's like box, thinking, boxing, grappling. I
(06:57):
would love to do that. Mywife hates it does. No one to
even see me watching stuff, right, So it's really important that you have
a shared vacational activity and something bornaround together. And if that's what that's
awesome. But if it's not thesame sport, then it will be important
(07:17):
to figure out what works. Yeah. True, I don't think like encouraging
your partner like to have a boxingmatch with you would be suitable. Would
be the first person. It wouldbe the first person she practices that boxing
gives on. So you don't haveto blame like she like hits you or
(07:43):
something, or you can train herfor her own protection. Give us some
classes to make sure that she's safewhen she's outside on our own. That
would be nice, but what whatwhat what about when she's in the house
you you disappointed? At some pointshe might I'm not saying she win.
(08:07):
You might she might. I don'tthink like anger should like even if she's
andry, you guys should not likepractice fighting. Just do it for fun
and for teaching her like some somecool like punches and stuff. But yeah,
(08:30):
and what about your for it?What do you have to say having
different fitness levels or fitness outlooks.For me, it matters, but it's
negotiable. I think both of youshould also have a common understand that you
have different understanding about fitness or differentoutlook on on fitness and being working out,
(08:52):
but having difference on your avenues onhow you would do it and the
timing as well. It's like Joeashsaid, it's also important because for me,
if I'm you know, disciplined inmy workouts, and for example,
my partner is like struggling, orshe's in a season where she's very busy
or something like that, but sheis still doing little things on for example,
(09:16):
exercising or or hiking, that partthen definitelys it's okay, but disregard
of that. I think it's it'snot a red flag or anything, but
it's I would say it's still importantto have a discussion about it. If
if your partner with the disregard beingfit or have doing workouts or exercising in
(09:39):
general, what about you. Ithink it shouldn't match up or not.
But what if you meet this personand they say, I want I want
you to be working out with me, but you're not ready to do it.
So I think if the person youworking out and you want to work
(10:01):
out with it like you have,you have to have an open communication with
them and make sure they won't theywant what you want. I don't know
if that makes sense. Yeah,yeah it does. Before like you go
for a partner, if you knowyou like working out, then I prefer
you choose someone who does like valuephysical like fitness, rather than going for
(10:26):
someone you know like they hate workingout and you want like to change their
mind and they also have this questionLike let's say if your partner like isis
or y's copy all about when whenyou're when you're in a relationship, a
new relationship, and let's updated forlike mo months or dree months and you
(10:54):
didn't know this guy or this readyat they love working out. They didn't
tell you at first, but whenyou're in a relationship, they come to
it and tell you you have youmust, you must, you must work
out if you want to be withme. So what you what would be
a response? Okay, if someonelikes like they're firs seeing that on you.
Yeah if okay, Personally I saythat I like working out, so
(11:18):
like I wouldn't like mind trying outnew things like apart from running, So
that would be okay with me.But for someone else, like, I
don't think it's advisable, like toforce someone to work out if they don't
want to. And I had thisquestion before you asked me this one.
(11:39):
Like let's say you and your partnerhave been in a relationship for quite some
time now and they maybe they startbecoming obess and they hate exercises like we
you still like, like let themmake a decision on their own about like
working out, or would you pushthem and force them into walking out or
(12:03):
it's just okay if they just stayin the at all and just continuing being
and free. What would you guysdo I'm going to start with you.
No, forcing someone is definitely ano no as well, Like I said,
it's it's it's something that is important, but it's still negotiable, so
(12:24):
meaning you have to have a abetter communication on what your what your partner
loves to do or when she wantsto do it, and how she wants
to do it. So if shewould want to work out without whe or
without you, then that's fine aslong as she has or she can you
know, has her own activity whereshe can exercise and she can work out.
(12:50):
For me, for example, myroutine is calisthenics and usually you don't
have you don't need a partner forthat. So you now, I would
not require her to do what Ido because definitely, although she can,
but of course I'm not going totry to force her to to do what
(13:11):
I do because she has her ownseason and she has her own way of
doing fitness and working out as well. Oh as for me, like because
I love you and I want youto be physical, physically fit and your
stubborn it started like to gain weightand your health. Like I'm just sing
(13:35):
you're heading out to a wrong direction, Like I think I force you,
like to okay, are you sayingare you saying, like, are you
going to tell them? You know, you know what this dress does,
this trule or this chat doesn't treatyou anymore? You have to work out?
Are you going to tell them directly? If you do tell if you
tell a person to work out,the first thing comes to the end is
(13:58):
un fat you me fat? Sothat's the like the first thought to them.
So how are going to approached thatand to tell them work out?
Because you can just come and tellme work out, you have to have
a reason for it, like I'llbe just up front, like your your
clothes are no longer fitting, youjust join me? I'm sure like you
(14:20):
have that mean like no, likeyou know it's for their own good just
it's I know, but it's meanmm hmmm, I don't believe that's like
how okay, this is how I'mtelling you. You know, that's a
(14:41):
difficult one. I even don't know. I don't have I don't know how
I don't have a strategy to tellthem you have to work out, because
it's hard for me to tell someoneto work out because I don't want set
uh an argument with them or somethingbecause the like he's not someone you know,
(15:03):
especially women. Now he's not nowone like he's maybe he's your partner
like you you don't like he's noregular person like in your life. So
like I think you guys should justbe honest like with each other. Like
if he's getting fat, she likeevery time she works, like like she
(15:30):
can't like breathe properly, you know, like for their own good. Just
tell them like, babe, likeyou won't be hurting their feelings, just
doing it for their own good,the babe, Like, I think maybe
we should try working out, butI don't think everyone everyone will take it
in a good way. So forme, basically, if my partners that's
(15:54):
getting fat, I'm all about bodypositivity and if they love their body the
way it is, then I wouldbe trying to pressure them into working out.
But if they want to be maybeto reduce sweet, then I the
encourage them to work out. Butit's telling them theyrectly that you're getting fired,
or you don't look good right now, your clothes don't feel it might
(16:17):
hurt them in one way or another. So for me, just with the
room, if she my partner isinterested in working out, then I will
advise them. But if they lovetheir body the way it is, then
it wouldn't be necessary because for me, I don't think body make the outlook
of the body is all important.Yeah, I think you change that when
(16:42):
you see them, Like have youguys seen this show LANs Agreement with Like
there is someone you said, okay, I say, I mean like this
is someone we disagree with you.Okay, thank you. I beg to
different days because okay, body positivityis okay, but like you should not
(17:10):
like normalize it because sometimes you maybe like encouraging them on bad habits.
Like if you see someone who's headingon a wrong path, don't just say
like, oh you feel comfortable inyou as long as you feel comfortable in
your body, Like it doesn't matterif they just stay at home it and
(17:32):
they're not working out, like that'sjust strong, especially if they like junk
food. So you can tell someonelike, oh, you're not fad like
that's your body. You should takeapproach. You should appreciate the way you
look and you know, yeah,it may be genetics maybe like they have
(17:57):
a history of being or being islike in their family. That's when maybe
it's understandable. But there are ways, like you can consult maybe you're a
doctor and you can find ways liketo live healthy. Yeah, Like I
just don't like normalize everything because you'reafraid to hurt someone's feelings if if you
(18:19):
love someone, as for me,like if someone loves me and I'm fat,
I just be faret that they tellit like straight to my face,
Like there's a difference between being fatand being unfit. Like everyone has their
own body, your body shape andbody tape. That's when I don't discriminate
(18:41):
because everyone knows still built in theirlikeness and like the image of God,
so it's not wrong. But ifyou're physically and fit, yeah, like
tell me like for my own bodies. Don't sugar coat things like just as
it is or does your opinion.But you think, chania, I think
(19:04):
there's a way of communicating it thatit would not land as if it's a
demand. And I believe in relationshipit's really about communicating your desires and even
expectations. And you know, Iremember my wife used to I used to
(19:25):
drink cold water, like I'm sofor cold water every time, but my
wife doesn't drink cold water and actuallyinfluenced me. She actually influenced me.
Now I don't drink cold water anymore, even if after a run. So
there's a I think there would bea fusion of your values as you workout
things together. There would be animportation, there would be an adjustment,
(19:49):
and you can share you know howthis is valuable to me, you know,
to see you grow in your physicalhealth. And I think the partner,
because you love each other, wouldbe able to adjust it. See,
you know, I think we couldinspire them, but should not require
them, you know, and bedemanding. So I think there's a way
of communicating. I just should getyou, okay. When I said like
(20:15):
i'd be up front with them,I don't mean like I've had their feelings.
I just tell him. I justtell my partner the way it is,
like like you see this, likeyou see you can't like even like
let out the facts for him,like you can't breathe properly, like like
your heart like you have had Andyeah, you're really mean. No,
(20:37):
I'm not being mean. I justmean directed the point now we're looking for
solutions like yeah, So I don'tthink I'm being mean. There's nothing meaning
that I would like to add onon Josh's steak. I would like to
add on Josh's steak. Maybe maybewe can say I'm I'm thinking if if
(21:00):
this would happen to me, howhow would I approach it? But even
if this has not yet happened tome, I I always say to my
girlfriend that even if you know,if she you know, gains a lot
of weight or something like that,or if she is, for example,
if she is currently abuse or somethinglike that, I would say, if
(21:22):
you what what you are, whatyou're weighing right now, is you know,
not not really the optimum optimum weightthat you should be in right now.
And even if you are on thatkind of state, I still,
you know, love you and acceptyou, but you know, we have
(21:44):
to fix it, just like youknow, if you have a farting problem
and things like well, I keepgoing back to that episode. It looks
like Josh, you said the optimumwhat's the optimum weight? I think that
was friends on that journ need onfrom being abys to you know, being
fit once again. You know,Okay, it's was the optimum weight?
(22:10):
You mentioned something? Optimum eight it'sit depends on your body mass index.
You can measure that to your heightand and and weight and age as well,
so you can find it out andthen not really you know, pushing
yourself desperately to get that, butyou know, step by step because being
(22:32):
being on that level. Because forme, if I gained a bit of
weight, it's it's already hard forme to you know, to to lose
it. So how much more someonewho's you know, gained a lot more
and and being has been comfortable onthat on that kind of body conditions.
So it takes a lot of motivation, It takes a lot of great It
(22:53):
takes a lot of encouragement and assurancefor them to be able to take the
step and get out of their convertszone, so you know, assuring them
okay, and in having the journey. I said this, I said this,
the husband okay, go ahead.Yeah. Sorry. I think they're
(23:17):
like two sides to this, becausewe have one side that is TikTok,
a couple of goals. Look howI worked out with my girlfriend. We
lost one. That's awesome and that'sreally cool. But I think there's another
side of this because we age,our bodies changed, right, we have
(23:40):
babies, A woman has had achild, what is not the same,
but what it will change, right, and so they're thinking that in fact,
we will grow old together, right, and our bodies would be very
different. So if we put sucha high premium, I think I underst
stand what he's saying. Clubs issaying, like without looking at the other
(24:07):
extree. Okay, I said thisHiddink last week talking about he was talking
about the couple of goals. Sothis video, the husband was driving and
the wife was following her running.So the the husband and was giving money.
(24:30):
So the way to drunk and collectthe money from him. So I
think that's kind of motivation I wantif I want to what you guys,
So do you think, Yeah,I think motivating your partsoner to work out
is a good way of making herworkouts. Yeah, but it still don't
have like to motivate someone to dosomething that is good for them, like
(24:53):
giving the Okay, it's a niceway like of working out and motivating them,
but you you have to be honestwith it. I would beg to
differ because I would feel bad andgo ahead. I'm saying for someone who
(25:14):
may might have troubles working out andsomeone who is not used to working out,
I think motivation will be the bestkind of way to make the mark
out because it will give them thepassion to do it so that they can
at the end of the day theycan get something good. Yeah, okay,
(25:36):
okay, motivation is good, butI would feel bad. Let's say
your partner is physically cheap. Hegot this. This is for the ladies.
He got the apps. He's like, just do he looks good in
every outfit hero And you, onthe other hand, you, I don't
(25:59):
know, and people just compliment you. But now they say, wow,
you look good, but they liveyou on the side, I would feel
bad. So that would be willgive me the energy to work out because
I want to look good too,Tony, what are your thoughts for me?
That seems superficial because if my part'stoo good and I'm not good enough
(26:21):
and they should just love me theway that I am. Yeah, so
I don't think that I will feelit bad if someone compliments my parts.
Now, No, I didn't saythey don't love you. They say they
don't love you the way you are, But I'm saying the compliment they are
getting for he's getting from the people. They say at an event and everyone
(26:44):
just see your husband or your boyfriendthat he's looking good. The compliments are
only on your boyfriend. How wouldyou feel, That's what I'm saying,
Like, how would you feel likeyou want to do good like them or
just say you love me the wayI am, which is for me,
Like I'd be so happy, likeyeah, Like when they compliment me,
(27:06):
like my partner looks good, I'dbe like, yeah, he's mine,
Yeah, you see him, youlook good? Like you? So you
mean like being jealous, like someonelike you look good? Why why didn't
yeah? Watch I feel bad whenthey compliment one personally like I would would
(27:30):
I would feel bad when it doesuntil it happens to you. You.
It's like I'm in the room andsay, wow, you look beautiful,
and I only leave you. Ileft you like I didn't tell you you
look good. I just tow theothers. Don't you feel bad? Looks
good? You look good? Ithink look, I think shan yeah is
(27:52):
tough, tough, tough love,I know, not being tough. Like
if someone is being complimented for theway they look, I don't think like
you should be jealous, especially iflike they're your partner, like you should
be proud like yeah, like Iwould be the person. I think that's
what is Yeah, I would be. I feel good they complimented my partner,
(28:18):
but I will have some questions whydidn't they say the same to me?
Maybe you didn't look good at them. It's not like jealousy, but
I would you probably know the truth. Yeah, yeah, Like, don't
take everything. Then they will tellyou don't look good. No, I
do compliment people, okay, mhmm. She was his tough love.
(28:42):
Like if you don't look good,you don't look good. I don't sugar
coat anything. I'll just tell youthe truth. You're fa like I wouldn't
when they look bad. That's amazing. Like maybe let's say you're working the
way like she looks. She alwayslooks good, the way she dresses here,
like most compliments like you who mostlycompliments you, like they don't compliment
(29:03):
others in this platform, But thatdoes not like justify like you look good.
If you want the same compliments,maybe try something different then people will
compliment you. T It is whatYeah, I get, you know,
I think maybe really depends. Yeah, but actually it would help, like
(29:33):
what Katy is saying, it wouldhelp for you know, adding to the
self awareness of the other person.But if the person doesn't really you know,
care about it, even a lotof people would say, you know,
the person would just don't bother.Yeah, it would help. I
(29:56):
would try, Like Enya said that, I had that next time, it's
try and look good to get thecompliment. It is what it is when
you said that. But you alsohave mind this kathy, like if you
are doing something to get compliments fromother people, like and like, I
(30:18):
wouldn't like mean that because that maylower yourself esteem. Like just be yourself
like if they compliment you, welland good if they don't, well and
good, like as long as likeyou're happy with how what's your dressing?
Like it's okay, Like, don'talways like want other people's don't always want
(30:41):
like everyone to compliment you. Maybeyou pop up at an event and you're
waiting for them to compliment you,like you know, now it's weird because
that may lower yourself So yeah,or do any of you disagree gets what
you're saying, But m hmmm,no, I don't disagree with you.
I actually agree with you because youcan't twitch for someone to compliment you you
(31:04):
look good. They have to seeit to say it, so you don't.
You don't have to eat for themto tell you you look good.
You only you. You already knowyou look good. But if they tell
you you look good, You're goingto feel good, good, good good.
That's what I'm saying. It's validated. It's a firm Ah. You
(31:27):
see it. Yeah, you seeit. But I won't tell them like
you say. I just say it. I would talk to my heart.
I was like, wow, okay, so the workout is doing its magic
home. Okay. The next questionwas is it fair to expect partners to
(31:52):
actively encourage and support each other's fitness? Is fitness God or should pass son?
Of business? Should be entirely anindividual choice within a relationship because some
relationship you have to work out tostay in that relationship, and some women
would actually do that if their partnertells. Even if we don't want to
(32:14):
work out, some of them willstay in that relationship, whether they like
it or they just want to doit to please their partner. So,
Daisy, I'm going to you first. Should the witness be entirely an individual's
choice within a relationship. Let's sayyour boyfriend comes to you and tell you
(32:35):
what you're working out, Whether youlike it or not, So should be
should they make the choice for youor when in a relationship, I think
you need to make your own decisionsas much as you are incorporating it with
their partners. But your decision orwhatever you want needs to come fast.
(33:00):
So if you feel like you needto work out, you go work out.
But don't let your personal tell youthat you have to work out.
You have to do this and thisif you if you're not feeling it personally,
I just think working out should comefrom with them, because if someone
tells me that, then it'll justbe like, no, you're forcing me
(33:22):
and I don't want that. SoI think for me personally, hold on,
hold on a daisy. Who hasin your relationship, you or your
husband or your No, both ofus have, they say. But I
think when it's something that involves mybody, it's up to me to decide
(33:46):
whether I want to do it orwhat. If they tells you he's okay,
what you mals the leaders right.If you can't tell you this is
my okay, he will give youto have. He will tell you to
(34:06):
have a say in whatever, butthe final decision will come comes to will
come from him. So if hetells you, this is fine, you
have to work out for me.I can't stay in a relationship where something
like that is the final decision.But he's trying to help you. He's
trying to help me. But ifI'm if that person is not willing,
(34:30):
if the events made up their mindfrom their own self, then it won't
It will feel like you're being forcedto do something just so that you can
continue with that relationship. And Idon't think that's what it is. I
don't think that's how our relationship shouldbe. I believe they should be compromised.
(34:52):
If your partner feels like they're notready to work out, just motivate
them in a way, but don'tsay this is what I'm saying and it
will happen. If it doesn't happenthe way I went, then we should
break up up. I don't thinkthat's good. Hey, guys, got
you Can you hear me? Canyou hear yes? Some reason, for
(35:15):
some reason, the podcast stopped recording. So you saw it when it stops?
So it stopped? Do you knowwhy it stopped? Where? How
long ago did it stop? Itgives a two minutes ago, last thirty
minute mark. Okay, do youknow where you're stopped at that what we're
talking about? When it stopped,sorry, when it stopped. Yeah,
(35:39):
if you will be comportable. Ithink Kathy was starting up with conversing with
sh Shania about the tough love stuff. Okay, just pick up after that
point, right there, whatever youwhatever, you stop that and just do
the last fifteen minutes with that,all right? You know you start that.
(36:00):
You remember me, I don't goto your next question, start off
with your next question. Okay,okay, there you go, got you?
Oh well, as I'm going toyour first. Ah. Is it
fair to expect partners to actively encourageand support each other's fitness goals or should
(36:25):
personal sickness be entirely an individual choicewithin a relationship? I feel like individual
goals should be parts of a relationship. The partner should just motivates the other
person to work out with. Butit shill definitely come from with there,
(36:45):
so, as I said earlier,in a relationship, this is a question
for you, Daisy. Also,who is the leader you or your partner?
Who has the final pard? Idon't think. I don't say it
will just be about it listening toyou have to you have to stick with
(37:06):
one. You have to stick withone, are you The mine is the
head of the family. The mineis the head. So that's what I
want to hear. So if itcomes to you and tell you, you
know, you have to work out, that's my final decision. What will
you do? Just walk walk outthe relationships? Of course it seems you
(37:29):
you do that. You just Iwill didn't stay with the person who forces
me to do something that I'm notwilling to do. If it's not froue
with him, it's not forcing you, but divisions. What the Yeah,
that's because he's the leader. Thatmeans whatever he says has to go.
(37:59):
I don't think that's how he wantsyou. He wants you to look good.
And you know, I don't havelike working legs problem or something.
I want you to breathe nicely likeJennie I said. So, yeah,
you're saying just what you're going towork like right and coming? And what
(38:22):
about you, Josh? What areYeah? I think a man's leadership relationship.
Yeah, can you hear me?Yeah, I think it's about a
loving leadership. So telling some likefor me, if I would tell my
partner do this, it's my finaldecision it would I think that that sounds
(38:44):
like a demand. But if Iwould say it in this way, like,
honey, I would love it ifyou would work out and try,
you know, do some jogging withme. How do you feel about that?
And then I would ask for ifyou are going to the mirror.
She's going to go to the mirrordirectly and check myself. Wow, he's
(39:05):
calling me fat? Not really really, I mean, yeah, but you
know, there's a way to community. Maybe I would say, you know,
maybe you would think that I wouldmean that you're fat, but let
me just get that out of theway. I just want you to be
active because these are the benefits.What do you feel about that? I
would you know. I always askfor you know, feelings check. And
(39:30):
then if she says, you canstart me, uh restructing your fridge free
with healthy, healthy, healthy foods, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I
would not. I would not restockit without her knowing. I would let
(39:51):
her know first and ask her whatshe feels about it before I actually,
yeah, yeah, you're going totry this. Not sure you know we
could try this, because if yousay if we should try it, it
sounds like a demand. Again,yes, I would be considered of the
feelings. Okay, they see Iget you, they get you or what
(40:12):
you as for me, Like ifthey are physically fit, like I wouldn't
mind if they don't like to engagein some like working out or anything.
But if they aren't fits, youhave the Yeah, if they aren't fit,
when you're going to force them becauseI'm not the person who's just going
to like I can't like watch myselflike or just agree like to like,
(40:38):
I can't just lose you because I'mafraid of telling you things like if you're
unfit and I see it like yourhealth is not okay, then like Mars
says it, I'm gonna give youthat tough love. Then I'm done.
Who's going to be dashing your moneyas you run? Because like I want
you to live. So yeah,But if they are physically fit, like
(41:00):
I wouldn't agree if I asked them, do you want to join me for
a run and they say no,then that it's okay, they can stay
at home. But if they areunfit, then I'm going to insist till
they agree, or we can tryother things that I think motivation is oh
(41:22):
yeah, so so critical what's themotivation? Are you doing this so that
we look good for other people?Are we doing this because there's a health
issue? Are we doing this maybebecause of sex? Right? Are we
doing this? The motivation is likereally at the center of how we answer
(41:44):
this. So I would be reallycareful about because I could, I could
just go ahead and say, youknow, your bust is too small.
I think I think we need todo something about that and then take oversagery
so that we have the bigger SoI say, you know, your your
backset needs to be a bit abit wider. You get all. I'd
saying, what's the motivation for meto push you to look so different than
(42:10):
when we fascinate? Right? Oris the motivation that we are like getting
ahead in years and our kids arestill really young, so we need energy
to keep up with these kids.That's why we need to work out.
So I would really careful about themotivation. It needs to come from us
(42:30):
too. It should not come fromlike external influences. It needs to be
really clear what's the goal and howit's actually going to make our relationship healthier
and strong. That's for me atthe head of this. Yeah, yeah,
I get you. But you knowpeople are different. Some of them.
We leave your friend. They marriedyou when you're a stim lady,
(42:53):
so they're going to leave you whenyou become and some men will do that,
some women do that. The personon that Cathy Lake, have you
ever seen this lake before? Andafter? Like you find like a couple
lose together, then they broke up. Then the lady found her motivation after
(43:17):
the guy left her. Then shestarted like exercise, and then she lost
somewhech. I just feel like thatis wrong, Like you should not have
such motivation, Like maybe you shouldhave done that while you were still in
the relationship. When they asked you, like would you join me for around?
(43:37):
You refused. Now that they leftyou, now like you want to
show them more they're missing, LikeI feel like that's wrong. That's what
I'm saying. It's that blow upfor me. I know they maybe they
got it from maybe they had tobe at broken to get the motivation.
(43:57):
You know, it has it happensin the hardway. Yeah, oh Josh,
what do you have to say?I think love should be the one
that compels a person to do somethingthat he's or she is not willing to
do at first. So I think, like, if you know my partner
(44:21):
wants me to work out, andshe has already explained her motivations, why
is it so important to her?And I would consider that and put You
know that the most important thing ina relationship is number one is willingness and
number two putting in the effort.I think when there's effort and there's willingness,
(44:42):
growth takes place. So I thinkboth people in the relationship should put
in the effort and to be willingto come out, to listen and consider
the other person. It's all aboutempathy, you know, taking perspectives and
seeing. Okay, I see whatyou're saying. I see how this is
important to you. I try itout. I don't running, but tell
(45:04):
me do some uh zoomba or youknow, dancing. Okay, let's try
it out. I don't. I'mnot into that. I'm gonna try dancing
with you, you know, ifit's fun doing together, I think,
Okay, Fritz, I'm going tocome to you fast. Like the last
question, how does the pressure toconfound to society star dance of beauty and
(45:28):
fitness in fact the mental health ofindividuals in a relationship, and does it
contribute to what the image issues,discipling to look in a society perspective,
British standards, fitness, It does, it does, It does a lot
for me. I for one,I did not grow up in an Instagram
environment. So before the only bodyimage that I have is the animes that
(45:53):
I watch. So for example,I'm watching dragon ball Z and you know
this the kind of stuff, whoare buff? And all that influenced me
on how should I look and howshould I you know, how do I
(46:13):
look to others as well? Andand and how my self would will be
looked at? And now that wehave inst you know, these images that
are too good to be true andthat are depicting almost things that are you
know, just photo yeah, justjust perfect, you know, and and
(46:37):
no blemishes and all that. Itreally impacts the way that we how we
look ourselves. It makes us morefeel insecure and ugly at times because oh
how can I that's so perfect andthat's so you know, that's so good.
But it me when I whenever Itook a selfie, whenever I took
a photo, it I just don'tlike it. So definitely impact our society
(47:00):
a lot, especially the younger generation, Okay, but Josh, as you
wind up a few minutes left.Yeah, so I think communication is still
key, you know, communicate thedesire and why is it important to you?
And I think both should be takingeach other's perspective. You know,
(47:20):
the value of empathy in a relationship. That would take a relationship to the
next level. If we keep growingin this skill of empathy, it would
take you, you know, evento the altar. That's it for me.
Okay, Shan yah, Okay,I'm going to agree with Josh.
(47:43):
I guess maybe you can find wayslike to approach them that won't have their
feelings if you don't want to bedirect with them. Yeah, and also
like the advice people like not totake things negatively and and like don't like
it when people tend to sugar coatthings, so just accept it and look
(48:07):
for way forward, like like youguys maybe can change things in your relationships.
So yeah, that's all I haveto say at your gaps, Yeah,
I think that must we wind up, thank you. I think it's
really really critical. I'm so oldschool that I don't think the whole Instagram
(48:34):
or TikTok call you have to fitchthese molds to influence, relationship, influence
how I look at my spouse ormy government. I'm so old schooled,
you'll forgive me. I think thatthe old way is the best way.
That roles fit that the way webuild homes, build relationships, there's actually
(48:59):
a wait to do that, andGod's will is the way to do for
me. That's that she did themotivation when you think about how we look,
what we do, what we don'tdo, h and even how we
use our bodies. Yeah, I'llbe okay, daisy, last one.
So society has a lot of thesociety, especially the more than one,
(49:25):
has a lot of body images thatthey conform to. So for me,
I would say, if you feellike you want to work work out,
you work out. If you feellike you're not comfortable doing that, you
love your body as it is andjust be you. Yeah, okay,
you love your body as it is, but don't speak bad when someone will
tell you you are fast, right, No, you just love it.
(49:47):
Then if they tell you you justlove yourself, it will be matter.
If you are confident in your body. Yeah, okay, got you.
Well, I think you have towork out to stay handy. Mhmm.
You don't work out. It's okay. If you will, if you will,
it's also okay. Guys. That'sthe end of today's episode and thanks
(50:08):
again for joining Me Stays podcast andTale on the next episode. Thank you
for having us. Bye bye.
Hello everyone, and welcome another episodeof Really Talk with Caddy and Scheneer.
I'm your host, Caddy, andI'm indated to have you in a study
funny writing episode titled how It's workingOut Important in a Relationship and this episode
is brought to you by Zelan Productions. Well with me today, I have
(00:20):
my co host Shanier and my panellist. So I have a question for
This is for everybody, but I'mgoing to start with Shanier Janier. Do
you walk out? Yeah? Ido work out whatever work. I love
running just that. Yeah, Ido love running. Yeah, I want
(00:44):
to do I don't want like Inormally just work out for physical fitness and
for maybe bloating because I tend tomaybe blot a lot, so like running
helps me. What about you,Josh? Do you work out? Oh?
I do? I just finished halfmarathon this Sunday. I made it.
(01:07):
Wow. That's nice. Okay,you just like they do? Like
it? You know you don't wantto get the apps? Just run right?
Yeah? I just ran? Oh? I want everyone. I want
somebody who do the apps? Doyou? Wow? Okay? How many
(01:34):
days a week? Every day?Around four times a week? You're committed?
Then? Yeah, or about yourtubs. Yeah, everyone, I
do not work out. I don't. And what's done the like basketball?
So a week? Yeah, Isee what's about your tree? Do you
(02:00):
work out? Do you love workingout? I do? I do love
working out. I actually do calistaicslike the body workouts. I also play
play basketball and other sports. Itry to stay active. That's amazing.
So everybody, everyone is what's outin this episode? In this planet?
(02:23):
So I think, like, exerciseis not just about looking good, It's
also about feeling good too. Andwhen I think when walking out, uh,
the body releases some hormones that Ielevate your mood. But I know
majority of people don't like working out. So I in today's episode, you're
(02:47):
going just to talk about how howworking out is important in the relationships and
how it affects how it can affecta relationship. Though she knew, yesso,
guys, we are going to lookat a scenario. So I listened
attentively. Okay, here goes meetLily. She enjoys everything from running in
(03:14):
the pack to challenging herself with variousworkout routines. For Lily, staying active
was not just a physical pursuit butalso of a way to maintain mental wellbeing
and discipline. Jake, on theother hand, held a more relaxed attitude
towards physical activity. He appreciates theoccasional hike or by ride. He doesn't
(03:38):
have the same drive for regular workoutsas Lily. As the relationship depened,
Lily began to wonder if their deferingviews on fitness were affecting their compatibility.
Dellie decided to have an open conversationwith Jake about the importance of staying active.
She expressed her concerns about long termhealth and benefits of shared physical activities
(04:02):
and the positive impact it could haveon their relationship. Jake listened attentively,
nodding occasionally to show he understood.However, she expressed her concern about the
long term help benefits and the potentialpositive impact on their relationship through shared physical
(04:23):
activities. He became defensive, feelinglike Lily was questioning his lifetime sorry,
feeling like Lily was questioning his lifestylechoices. Lily was disappointed about Jake's behavior
and decided to accept their differences.So, guys, I have questions and
(04:44):
I want all of you to answer. So the first one is does the
level of physical fitness between partners matterswhen it comes to relationships. I'm gonna
go to you, Daisy first.I don't speak the level of physical fitness
should matter when it comes to relationshipsbecause different people have different values on working
(05:09):
out. Yeah, so it's notimportant to me if my partner does into
account in a relationship, and Idon't think it will matter. Okay,
you said, did you yoga?So like you wouldn't encourage a partner like
to join you during your yoga routine. If that's what he wants, then
it's okay. I will go alonewith it. Then we can do your
(05:31):
guy together. But if he's notinterested, I cannot force him to do
it. Yeah, okay, whatabout you, Josh. I was wondering
about the importance of shared recreation recreationalactivities. So if someone is not into
(05:51):
the same physical activity as the otherone, I think they could have a
conversation about it and find some thingthat they could share. But ideally it
would be good if you know,both are into physics activity. But for
me, for example, my wifeisn't into running in this season because we
(06:15):
have kids. You know, Iunderstand, I understand her, you know,
situation. But it's just for aseason, so it's important. But
we can talk about it, okay, see like you're respecting their choices and
what about you cubs. Yeah,it's it's I wouldn't say it's like make
(06:35):
or break like from the scenarios.So they would like to accommodate Jack,
who had a much more lot ofcoach. You know, Like in my
own case, I if I didmore physical activity, I'll do mixed martial
arts, right, that's like box, thinking, boxing, grappling. I
(06:57):
would love to do that. Mywife hates it does. No one to
even see me watching stuff, right, So it's really important that you have
a shared vacational activity and something bornaround together. And if that's what that's
awesome. But if it's not thesame sport, then it will be important
(07:17):
to figure out what works. Yeah. True, I don't think like encouraging
your partner like to have a boxingmatch with you would be suitable. Would
be the first person. It wouldbe the first person she practices that boxing
gives on. So you don't haveto blame like she like hits you or
(07:43):
something, or you can train herfor her own protection. Give us some
classes to make sure that she's safewhen she's outside on our own. That
would be nice, but what whatwhat what about when she's in the house
you you disappointed? At some pointshe might I'm not saying she win.
(08:07):
You might she might. I don'tthink like anger should like even if she's
andry, you guys should not likepractice fighting. Just do it for fun
and for teaching her like some somecool like punches and stuff. But yeah,
(08:30):
and what about your for it?What do you have to say having
different fitness levels or fitness outlooks.For me, it matters, but it's
negotiable. I think both of youshould also have a common understand that you
have different understanding about fitness or differentoutlook on on fitness and being working out,
(08:52):
but having difference on your avenues onhow you would do it and the
timing as well. It's like Joeashsaid, it's also important because for me,
if I'm you know, disciplined inmy workouts, and for example,
my partner is like struggling, orshe's in a season where she's very busy
or something like that, but sheis still doing little things on for example,
(09:16):
exercising or or hiking, that partthen definitelys it's okay, but disregard
of that. I think it's it'snot a red flag or anything, but
it's I would say it's still importantto have a discussion about it. If
if your partner with the disregard beingfit or have doing workouts or exercising in
(09:39):
general, what about you. Ithink it shouldn't match up or not.
But what if you meet this personand they say, I want I want
you to be working out with me, but you're not ready to do it.
So I think if the person youworking out and you want to work
(10:01):
out with it like you have,you have to have an open communication with
them and make sure they won't theywant what you want. I don't know
if that makes sense. Yeah,yeah it does. Before like you go
for a partner, if you knowyou like working out, then I prefer
you choose someone who does like valuephysical like fitness, rather than going for
(10:26):
someone you know like they hate workingout and you want like to change their
mind and they also have this questionLike let's say if your partner like isis
or y's copy all about when whenyou're when you're in a relationship, a
new relationship, and let's updated forlike mo months or dree months and you
(10:54):
didn't know this guy or this readyat they love working out. They didn't
tell you at first, but whenyou're in a relationship, they come to
it and tell you you have youmust, you must, you must work
out if you want to be withme. So what you what would be
a response? Okay, if someonelikes like they're firs seeing that on you.
Yeah if okay, Personally I saythat I like working out, so
(11:18):
like I wouldn't like mind trying outnew things like apart from running, So
that would be okay with me.But for someone else, like, I
don't think it's advisable, like toforce someone to work out if they don't
want to. And I had thisquestion before you asked me this one.
(11:39):
Like let's say you and your partnerhave been in a relationship for quite some
time now and they maybe they startbecoming obess and they hate exercises like we
you still like, like let themmake a decision on their own about like
working out, or would you pushthem and force them into walking out or
(12:03):
it's just okay if they just stayin the at all and just continuing being
and free. What would you guysdo I'm going to start with you.
No, forcing someone is definitely ano no as well, Like I said,
it's it's it's something that is important, but it's still negotiable, so
(12:24):
meaning you have to have a abetter communication on what your what your partner
loves to do or when she wantsto do it, and how she wants
to do it. So if shewould want to work out without whe or
without you, then that's fine aslong as she has or she can you
know, has her own activity whereshe can exercise and she can work out.
(12:50):
For me, for example, myroutine is calisthenics and usually you don't
have you don't need a partner forthat. So you now, I would
not require her to do what Ido because definitely, although she can,
but of course I'm not going totry to force her to to do what
(13:11):
I do because she has her ownseason and she has her own way of
doing fitness and working out as well. Oh as for me, like because
I love you and I want youto be physical, physically fit and your
stubborn it started like to gain weightand your health. Like I'm just sing
(13:35):
you're heading out to a wrong direction, Like I think I force you,
like to okay, are you sayingare you saying, like, are you
going to tell them? You know, you know what this dress does,
this trule or this chat doesn't treatyou anymore? You have to work out?
Are you going to tell them directly? If you do tell if you
tell a person to work out,the first thing comes to the end is
(13:58):
un fat you me fat? Sothat's the like the first thought to them.
So how are going to approached thatand to tell them work out?
Because you can just come and tellme work out, you have to have
a reason for it, like I'llbe just up front, like your your
clothes are no longer fitting, youjust join me? I'm sure like you
(14:20):
have that mean like no, likeyou know it's for their own good just
it's I know, but it's meanmm hmmm, I don't believe that's like
how okay, this is how I'mtelling you. You know, that's a
(14:41):
difficult one. I even don't know. I don't have I don't know how
I don't have a strategy to tellthem you have to work out, because
it's hard for me to tell someoneto work out because I don't want set
uh an argument with them or somethingbecause the like he's not someone you know,
(15:03):
especially women. Now he's not nowone like he's maybe he's your partner
like you you don't like he's noregular person like in your life. So
like I think you guys should justbe honest like with each other. Like
if he's getting fat, she likeevery time she works, like like she
(15:30):
can't like breathe properly, you know, like for their own good. Just
tell them like, babe, likeyou won't be hurting their feelings, just
doing it for their own good,the babe, Like, I think maybe
we should try working out, butI don't think everyone everyone will take it
in a good way. So forme, basically, if my partners that's
(15:54):
getting fat, I'm all about bodypositivity and if they love their body the
way it is, then I wouldbe trying to pressure them into working out.
But if they want to be maybeto reduce sweet, then I the
encourage them to work out. Butit's telling them theyrectly that you're getting fired,
or you don't look good right now, your clothes don't feel it might
(16:17):
hurt them in one way or another. So for me, just with the
room, if she my partner isinterested in working out, then I will
advise them. But if they lovetheir body the way it is, then
it wouldn't be necessary because for me, I don't think body make the outlook
of the body is all important.Yeah, I think you change that when
(16:42):
you see them, Like have youguys seen this show LANs Agreement with Like
there is someone you said, okay, I say, I mean like this
is someone we disagree with you.Okay, thank you. I beg to
different days because okay, body positivityis okay, but like you should not
(17:10):
like normalize it because sometimes you maybe like encouraging them on bad habits.
Like if you see someone who's headingon a wrong path, don't just say
like, oh you feel comfortable inyou as long as you feel comfortable in
your body, Like it doesn't matterif they just stay at home it and
(17:32):
they're not working out, like that'sjust strong, especially if they like junk
food. So you can tell someonelike, oh, you're not fad like
that's your body. You should takeapproach. You should appreciate the way you
look and you know, yeah,it may be genetics maybe like they have
(17:57):
a history of being or being islike in their family. That's when maybe
it's understandable. But there are ways, like you can consult maybe you're a
doctor and you can find ways liketo live healthy. Yeah, Like I
just don't like normalize everything because you'reafraid to hurt someone's feelings if if you
(18:19):
love someone, as for me,like if someone loves me and I'm fat,
I just be faret that they tellit like straight to my face,
Like there's a difference between being fatand being unfit. Like everyone has their
own body, your body shape andbody tape. That's when I don't discriminate
(18:41):
because everyone knows still built in theirlikeness and like the image of God,
so it's not wrong. But ifyou're physically and fit, yeah, like
tell me like for my own bodies. Don't sugar coat things like just as
it is or does your opinion.But you think, chania, I think
(19:04):
there's a way of communicating it thatit would not land as if it's a
demand. And I believe in relationshipit's really about communicating your desires and even
expectations. And you know, Iremember my wife used to I used to
(19:25):
drink cold water, like I'm sofor cold water every time, but my
wife doesn't drink cold water and actuallyinfluenced me. She actually influenced me.
Now I don't drink cold water anymore, even if after a run. So
there's a I think there would bea fusion of your values as you workout
things together. There would be animportation, there would be an adjustment,
(19:49):
and you can share you know howthis is valuable to me, you know,
to see you grow in your physicalhealth. And I think the partner,
because you love each other, wouldbe able to adjust it. See,
you know, I think we couldinspire them, but should not require
them, you know, and bedemanding. So I think there's a way
of communicating. I just should getyou, okay. When I said like
(20:15):
i'd be up front with them,I don't mean like I've had their feelings.
I just tell him. I justtell my partner the way it is,
like like you see this, likeyou see you can't like even like
let out the facts for him,like you can't breathe properly, like like
your heart like you have had Andyeah, you're really mean. No,
(20:37):
I'm not being mean. I justmean directed the point now we're looking for
solutions like yeah, So I don'tthink I'm being mean. There's nothing meaning
that I would like to add onon Josh's steak. I would like to
add on Josh's steak. Maybe maybewe can say I'm I'm thinking if if
(21:00):
this would happen to me, howhow would I approach it? But even
if this has not yet happened tome, I I always say to my
girlfriend that even if you know,if she you know, gains a lot
of weight or something like that,or if she is, for example,
if she is currently abuse or somethinglike that, I would say, if
(21:22):
you what what you are, whatyou're weighing right now, is you know,
not not really the optimum optimum weightthat you should be in right now.
And even if you are on thatkind of state, I still,
you know, love you and acceptyou, but you know, we have
(21:44):
to fix it, just like youknow, if you have a farting problem
and things like well, I keepgoing back to that episode. It looks
like Josh, you said the optimumwhat's the optimum weight? I think that
was friends on that journ need onfrom being abys to you know, being
fit once again. You know,Okay, it's was the optimum weight?
(22:10):
You mentioned something? Optimum eight it'sit depends on your body mass index.
You can measure that to your heightand and and weight and age as well,
so you can find it out andthen not really you know, pushing
yourself desperately to get that, butyou know, step by step because being
(22:32):
being on that level. Because forme, if I gained a bit of
weight, it's it's already hard forme to you know, to to lose
it. So how much more someonewho's you know, gained a lot more
and and being has been comfortable onthat on that kind of body conditions.
So it takes a lot of motivation, It takes a lot of great It
(22:53):
takes a lot of encouragement and assurancefor them to be able to take the
step and get out of their convertszone, so you know, assuring them
okay, and in having the journey. I said this, I said this,
the husband okay, go ahead.Yeah. Sorry. I think they're
(23:17):
like two sides to this, becausewe have one side that is TikTok,
a couple of goals. Look howI worked out with my girlfriend. We
lost one. That's awesome and that'sreally cool. But I think there's another
side of this because we age,our bodies changed, right, we have
(23:40):
babies, A woman has had achild, what is not the same,
but what it will change, right, and so they're thinking that in fact,
we will grow old together, right, and our bodies would be very
different. So if we put sucha high premium, I think I underst
stand what he's saying. Clubs issaying, like without looking at the other
(24:07):
extree. Okay, I said thisHiddink last week talking about he was talking
about the couple of goals. Sothis video, the husband was driving and
the wife was following her running.So the the husband and was giving money.
(24:30):
So the way to drunk and collectthe money from him. So I
think that's kind of motivation I wantif I want to what you guys,
So do you think, Yeah,I think motivating your partsoner to work out
is a good way of making herworkouts. Yeah, but it still don't
have like to motivate someone to dosomething that is good for them, like
(24:53):
giving the Okay, it's a niceway like of working out and motivating them,
but you you have to be honestwith it. I would beg to
differ because I would feel bad andgo ahead. I'm saying for someone who
(25:14):
may might have troubles working out andsomeone who is not used to working out,
I think motivation will be the bestkind of way to make the mark
out because it will give them thepassion to do it so that they can
at the end of the day theycan get something good. Yeah, okay,
(25:36):
okay, motivation is good, butI would feel bad. Let's say
your partner is physically cheap. Hegot this. This is for the ladies.
He got the apps. He's like, just do he looks good in
every outfit hero And you, onthe other hand, you, I don't
(25:59):
know, and people just compliment you. But now they say, wow,
you look good, but they liveyou on the side, I would feel
bad. So that would be willgive me the energy to work out because
I want to look good too,Tony, what are your thoughts for me?
That seems superficial because if my part'stoo good and I'm not good enough
(26:21):
and they should just love me theway that I am. Yeah, so
I don't think that I will feelit bad if someone compliments my parts.
Now, No, I didn't saythey don't love you. They say they
don't love you the way you are, But I'm saying the compliment they are
getting for he's getting from the people. They say at an event and everyone
(26:44):
just see your husband or your boyfriendthat he's looking good. The compliments are
only on your boyfriend. How wouldyou feel, That's what I'm saying,
Like, how would you feel likeyou want to do good like them or
just say you love me the wayI am, which is for me,
Like I'd be so happy, likeyeah, Like when they compliment me,
(27:06):
like my partner looks good, I'dbe like, yeah, he's mine,
Yeah, you see him, youlook good? Like you? So you
mean like being jealous, like someonelike you look good? Why why didn't
yeah? Watch I feel bad whenthey compliment one personally like I would would
(27:30):
I would feel bad when it doesuntil it happens to you. You.
It's like I'm in the room andsay, wow, you look beautiful,
and I only leave you. Ileft you like I didn't tell you you
look good. I just tow theothers. Don't you feel bad? Looks
good? You look good? Ithink look, I think shan yeah is
(27:52):
tough, tough, tough love,I know, not being tough. Like
if someone is being complimented for theway they look, I don't think like
you should be jealous, especially iflike they're your partner, like you should
be proud like yeah, like Iwould be the person. I think that's
what is Yeah, I would be. I feel good they complimented my partner,
(28:18):
but I will have some questions whydidn't they say the same to me?
Maybe you didn't look good at them. It's not like jealousy, but
I would you probably know the truth. Yeah, yeah, Like, don't
take everything. Then they will tellyou don't look good. No, I
do compliment people, okay, mhmm. She was his tough love.
(28:42):
Like if you don't look good,you don't look good. I don't sugar
coat anything. I'll just tell youthe truth. You're fa like I wouldn't
when they look bad. That's amazing. Like maybe let's say you're working the
way like she looks. She alwayslooks good, the way she dresses here,
like most compliments like you who mostlycompliments you, like they don't compliment
(29:03):
others in this platform, But thatdoes not like justify like you look good.
If you want the same compliments,maybe try something different then people will
compliment you. T It is whatYeah, I get, you know,
I think maybe really depends. Yeah, but actually it would help, like
(29:33):
what Katy is saying, it wouldhelp for you know, adding to the
self awareness of the other person.But if the person doesn't really you know,
care about it, even a lotof people would say, you know,
the person would just don't bother.Yeah, it would help. I
(29:56):
would try, Like Enya said that, I had that next time, it's
try and look good to get thecompliment. It is what it is when
you said that. But you alsohave mind this kathy, like if you
are doing something to get compliments fromother people, like and like, I
(30:18):
wouldn't like mean that because that maylower yourself esteem. Like just be yourself
like if they compliment you, welland good if they don't, well and
good, like as long as likeyou're happy with how what's your dressing?
Like it's okay, Like, don'talways like want other people's don't always want
(30:41):
like everyone to compliment you. Maybeyou pop up at an event and you're
waiting for them to compliment you,like you know, now it's weird because
that may lower yourself So yeah,or do any of you disagree gets what
you're saying, But m hmmm,no, I don't disagree with you.
I actually agree with you because youcan't twitch for someone to compliment you you
(31:04):
look good. They have to seeit to say it, so you don't.
You don't have to eat for themto tell you you look good.
You only you. You already knowyou look good. But if they tell
you you look good, You're goingto feel good, good, good good.
That's what I'm saying. It's validated. It's a firm Ah. You
(31:27):
see it. Yeah, you seeit. But I won't tell them like
you say. I just say it. I would talk to my heart.
I was like, wow, okay, so the workout is doing its magic
home. Okay. The next questionwas is it fair to expect partners to
(31:52):
actively encourage and support each other's fitness? Is fitness God or should pass son?
Of business? Should be entirely anindividual choice within a relationship because some
relationship you have to work out tostay in that relationship, and some women
would actually do that if their partnertells. Even if we don't want to
(32:14):
work out, some of them willstay in that relationship, whether they like
it or they just want to doit to please their partner. So,
Daisy, I'm going to you first. Should the witness be entirely an individual's
choice within a relationship. Let's sayyour boyfriend comes to you and tell you
(32:35):
what you're working out, Whether youlike it or not, So should be
should they make the choice for youor when in a relationship, I think
you need to make your own decisionsas much as you are incorporating it with
their partners. But your decision orwhatever you want needs to come fast.
(33:00):
So if you feel like you needto work out, you go work out.
But don't let your personal tell youthat you have to work out.
You have to do this and thisif you if you're not feeling it personally,
I just think working out should comefrom with them, because if someone
tells me that, then it'll justbe like, no, you're forcing me
(33:22):
and I don't want that. SoI think for me personally, hold on,
hold on a daisy. Who hasin your relationship, you or your
husband or your No, both ofus have, they say. But I
think when it's something that involves mybody, it's up to me to decide
(33:46):
whether I want to do it orwhat. If they tells you he's okay,
what you mals the leaders right.If you can't tell you this is
my okay, he will give youto have. He will tell you to
(34:06):
have a say in whatever, butthe final decision will come comes to will
come from him. So if hetells you, this is fine, you
have to work out for me.I can't stay in a relationship where something
like that is the final decision.But he's trying to help you. He's
trying to help me. But ifI'm if that person is not willing,
(34:30):
if the events made up their mindfrom their own self, then it won't
It will feel like you're being forcedto do something just so that you can
continue with that relationship. And Idon't think that's what it is. I
don't think that's how our relationship shouldbe. I believe they should be compromised.
(34:52):
If your partner feels like they're notready to work out, just motivate
them in a way, but don'tsay this is what I'm saying and it
will happen. If it doesn't happenthe way I went, then we should
break up up. I don't thinkthat's good. Hey, guys, got
you Can you hear me? Canyou hear yes? Some reason, for
(35:15):
some reason, the podcast stopped recording. So you saw it when it stops?
So it stopped? Do you knowwhy it stopped? Where? How
long ago did it stop? Itgives a two minutes ago, last thirty
minute mark. Okay, do youknow where you're stopped at that what we're
talking about? When it stopped,sorry, when it stopped. Yeah,
(35:39):
if you will be comportable. Ithink Kathy was starting up with conversing with
sh Shania about the tough love stuff. Okay, just pick up after that
point, right there, whatever youwhatever, you stop that and just do
the last fifteen minutes with that,all right? You know you start that.
(36:00):
You remember me, I don't goto your next question, start off
with your next question. Okay,okay, there you go, got you?
Oh well, as I'm going toyour first. Ah. Is it
fair to expect partners to actively encourageand support each other's fitness goals or should
(36:25):
personal sickness be entirely an individual choicewithin a relationship? I feel like individual
goals should be parts of a relationship. The partner should just motivates the other
person to work out with. Butit shill definitely come from with there,
(36:45):
so, as I said earlier,in a relationship, this is a question
for you, Daisy. Also,who is the leader you or your partner?
Who has the final pard? Idon't think. I don't say it
will just be about it listening toyou have to you have to stick with
(37:06):
one. You have to stick withone, are you The mine is the
head of the family. The mineis the head. So that's what I
want to hear. So if itcomes to you and tell you, you
know, you have to work out, that's my final decision. What will
you do? Just walk walk outthe relationships? Of course it seems you
(37:29):
you do that. You just Iwill didn't stay with the person who forces
me to do something that I'm notwilling to do. If it's not froue
with him, it's not forcing you, but divisions. What the Yeah,
that's because he's the leader. Thatmeans whatever he says has to go.
(37:59):
I don't think that's how he wantsyou. He wants you to look good.
And you know, I don't havelike working legs problem or something.
I want you to breathe nicely likeJennie I said. So, yeah,
you're saying just what you're going towork like right and coming? And what
(38:22):
about you, Josh? What areYeah? I think a man's leadership relationship.
Yeah, can you hear me?Yeah, I think it's about a
loving leadership. So telling some likefor me, if I would tell my
partner do this, it's my finaldecision it would I think that that sounds
(38:44):
like a demand. But if Iwould say it in this way, like,
honey, I would love it ifyou would work out and try,
you know, do some jogging withme. How do you feel about that?
And then I would ask for ifyou are going to the mirror.
She's going to go to the mirrordirectly and check myself. Wow, he's
(39:05):
calling me fat? Not really really, I mean, yeah, but you
know, there's a way to community. Maybe I would say, you know,
maybe you would think that I wouldmean that you're fat, but let
me just get that out of theway. I just want you to be
active because these are the benefits.What do you feel about that? I
would you know. I always askfor you know, feelings check. And
(39:30):
then if she says, you canstart me, uh restructing your fridge free
with healthy, healthy, healthy foods, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I
would not. I would not restockit without her knowing. I would let
(39:51):
her know first and ask her whatshe feels about it before I actually,
yeah, yeah, you're going totry this. Not sure you know we
could try this, because if yousay if we should try it, it
sounds like a demand. Again,yes, I would be considered of the
feelings. Okay, they see Iget you, they get you or what
(40:12):
you as for me, Like ifthey are physically fit, like I wouldn't
mind if they don't like to engagein some like working out or anything.
But if they aren't fits, youhave the Yeah, if they aren't fit,
when you're going to force them becauseI'm not the person who's just going
to like I can't like watch myselflike or just agree like to like,
(40:38):
I can't just lose you because I'mafraid of telling you things like if you're
unfit and I see it like yourhealth is not okay, then like Mars
says it, I'm gonna give youthat tough love. Then I'm done.
Who's going to be dashing your moneyas you run? Because like I want
you to live. So yeah,But if they are physically fit, like
(41:00):
I wouldn't agree if I asked them, do you want to join me for
a run and they say no,then that it's okay, they can stay
at home. But if they areunfit, then I'm going to insist till
they agree, or we can tryother things that I think motivation is oh
(41:22):
yeah, so so critical what's themotivation? Are you doing this so that
we look good for other people?Are we doing this because there's a health
issue? Are we doing this maybebecause of sex? Right? Are we
doing this? The motivation is likereally at the center of how we answer
(41:44):
this. So I would be reallycareful about because I could, I could
just go ahead and say, youknow, your bust is too small.
I think I think we need todo something about that and then take oversagery
so that we have the bigger SoI say, you know, your your
backset needs to be a bit abit wider. You get all. I'd
saying, what's the motivation for meto push you to look so different than
(42:10):
when we fascinate? Right? Oris the motivation that we are like getting
ahead in years and our kids arestill really young, so we need energy
to keep up with these kids.That's why we need to work out.
So I would really careful about themotivation. It needs to come from us
(42:30):
too. It should not come fromlike external influences. It needs to be
really clear what's the goal and howit's actually going to make our relationship healthier
and strong. That's for me atthe head of this. Yeah, yeah,
I get you. But you knowpeople are different. Some of them.
We leave your friend. They marriedyou when you're a stim lady,
(42:53):
so they're going to leave you whenyou become and some men will do that,
some women do that. The personon that Cathy Lake, have you
ever seen this lake before? Andafter? Like you find like a couple
lose together, then they broke up. Then the lady found her motivation after
(43:17):
the guy left her. Then shestarted like exercise, and then she lost
somewhech. I just feel like thatis wrong, Like you should not have
such motivation, Like maybe you shouldhave done that while you were still in
the relationship. When they asked you, like would you join me for around?
(43:37):
You refused. Now that they leftyou, now like you want to
show them more they're missing, LikeI feel like that's wrong. That's what
I'm saying. It's that blow upfor me. I know they maybe they
got it from maybe they had tobe at broken to get the motivation.
(43:57):
You know, it has it happensin the hardway. Yeah, oh Josh,
what do you have to say?I think love should be the one
that compels a person to do somethingthat he's or she is not willing to
do at first. So I think, like, if you know my partner
(44:21):
wants me to work out, andshe has already explained her motivations, why
is it so important to her?And I would consider that and put You
know that the most important thing ina relationship is number one is willingness and
number two putting in the effort.I think when there's effort and there's willingness,
(44:42):
growth takes place. So I thinkboth people in the relationship should put
in the effort and to be willingto come out, to listen and consider
the other person. It's all aboutempathy, you know, taking perspectives and
seeing. Okay, I see whatyou're saying. I see how this is
important to you. I try itout. I don't running, but tell
(45:04):
me do some uh zoomba or youknow, dancing. Okay, let's try
it out. I don't. I'mnot into that. I'm gonna try dancing
with you, you know, ifit's fun doing together, I think,
Okay, Fritz, I'm going tocome to you fast. Like the last
question, how does the pressure toconfound to society star dance of beauty and
(45:28):
fitness in fact the mental health ofindividuals in a relationship, and does it
contribute to what the image issues,discipling to look in a society perspective,
British standards, fitness, It does, it does, It does a lot
for me. I for one,I did not grow up in an Instagram
environment. So before the only bodyimage that I have is the animes that
(45:53):
I watch. So for example,I'm watching dragon ball Z and you know
this the kind of stuff, whoare buff? And all that influenced me
on how should I look and howshould I you know, how do I
(46:13):
look to others as well? Andand and how my self would will be
looked at? And now that wehave inst you know, these images that
are too good to be true andthat are depicting almost things that are you
know, just photo yeah, justjust perfect, you know, and and
(46:37):
no blemishes and all that. Itreally impacts the way that we how we
look ourselves. It makes us morefeel insecure and ugly at times because oh
how can I that's so perfect andthat's so you know, that's so good.
But it me when I whenever Itook a selfie, whenever I took
a photo, it I just don'tlike it. So definitely impact our society
(47:00):
a lot, especially the younger generation, Okay, but Josh, as you
wind up a few minutes left.Yeah, so I think communication is still
key, you know, communicate thedesire and why is it important to you?
And I think both should be takingeach other's perspective. You know,
(47:20):
the value of empathy in a relationship. That would take a relationship to the
next level. If we keep growingin this skill of empathy, it would
take you, you know, evento the altar. That's it for me.
Okay, Shan yah, Okay,I'm going to agree with Josh.
(47:43):
I guess maybe you can find wayslike to approach them that won't have their
feelings if you don't want to bedirect with them. Yeah, and also
like the advice people like not totake things negatively and and like don't like
it when people tend to sugar coatthings, so just accept it and look
(48:07):
for way forward, like like youguys maybe can change things in your relationships.
So yeah, that's all I haveto say at your gaps, Yeah,
I think that must we wind up, thank you. I think it's
really really critical. I'm so oldschool that I don't think the whole Instagram
(48:34):
or TikTok call you have to fitchthese molds to influence, relationship, influence
how I look at my spouse ormy government. I'm so old schooled,
you'll forgive me. I think thatthe old way is the best way.
That roles fit that the way webuild homes, build relationships, there's actually
(48:59):
a wait to do that, andGod's will is the way to do for
me. That's that she did themotivation when you think about how we look,
what we do, what we don'tdo, h and even how we
use our bodies. Yeah, I'llbe okay, daisy, last one.
So society has a lot of thesociety, especially the more than one,
(49:25):
has a lot of body images thatthey conform to. So for me,
I would say, if you feellike you want to work work out,
you work out. If you feellike you're not comfortable doing that, you
love your body as it is andjust be you. Yeah, okay,
you love your body as it is, but don't speak bad when someone will
tell you you are fast, right, No, you just love it.
(49:47):
Then if they tell you you justlove yourself, it will be matter.
If you are confident in your body. Yeah, okay, got you.
Well, I think you have towork out to stay handy. Mhmm.
You don't work out. It's okay. If you will, if you will,
it's also okay. Guys. That'sthe end of today's episode and thanks
(50:08):
again for joining Me Stays podcast andTale on the next episode. Thank you
for having us. Bye bye.
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