December 2, 2023 • 46 mins
Welcome to another episode of Real Talk, the podcast that keep us all on the edge of our seats. Today's episode is quite the rollercoaster, folks. We're diving into the captivating tale of Richard and Ava, a duo whose lives collided in the most unexpected way. Real Talk is about to take you on a journey through the highs and lows of love, money, and everything in between. Tune in and listen for an episode that's as real as it gets. Welcome to Real Talk!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
He let everyone and licome to theshow to talk with Caddy and Shanier.
I'm your host, Caddy, andI'm expected to have you doin us today
for an exiting episode titled Love orEntitlement and this episode is brought to you
by See One Productions. But beforewe gets started, let me introduce our
(00:20):
michael host for today, Shania.How are you doing? I'm good,
Thank you so much. Hello everyone, Now let's get started. My host
Shania is going to read the storyfor today. Take over. Okay,
So everyone meets Richard, a successfulentrepreneur. His lifestyle attracted the attention of
(00:41):
many, including a woman named Eva. They crossed paths as a glamorous at
callery. They spark between them andthey started dating. Ever is a talented
artist with dreams of making it bigin the art world. She found herself
done to Richard's world of luxury.She believe that being with a wealthy man
like him would provide her with thefinancial stability she needed to pursue her passion
(01:06):
without any worries. After five monthsof dating, Ever became increasingly comfortable with
the lavish lifestyle Richard provided. However, her expectations grew and she began to
feel entitled to share of his wealth. Richard, on the other hand,
struggled to understand why it ever failedthis way. So I have a question
(01:29):
for everyone in this call. Isit okay for one to be entitled to
have a share of their partner's wealth. I'm going to start with you.
For me, it's not acceptable becausetechnically you're still not married and you're in
the dating face, so you shouldn'tbe able to share finances during this time.
(01:53):
Okay, I'm going to go toFritz. What about you? I
would agree with Mars. It's it'sstill too early to have that kind of
share to one another. And what'sabout you, Daisy? I came,
(02:13):
so it's a yes or no?Do you agree or don't you agree?
I agree? And what's about yourCabia? Yeah? I think five months
I'm still dating? Uh yeah,it would also be bad like for her
to look like a gold's just Therefinitely. No, I have a question for
(02:36):
you. Are you saying, likeFritz, I'm going to you, do
you give your girlfriend money? No? I don't. I do share it,
though, but we make sure thatwe don't demand it from one another.
Okay, And Josh, Yeah,I agree with that you should not
(02:57):
demand that, Okay, okay,As for money for me, it's I
do not agree when it's during thedating phase for you to be entitled to
your partner as well. And soI'm going to ask our beloved host Kathy
and she'll take it from there.Kathy, what's your opinion on that?
(03:20):
Okay? I don't think you're supposedto ask for money. I think they
you're not supposed to tell your partyou're in a editing phase and you're asking
them for money. Wait until theygive it to you. Ask, So
I think you don't you require you. So, so I say, your
(03:40):
boyfriend is hard working, he's gettingthis kind of money, and you,
as a girlfriend, you're thinking thatthat's our money because women have this logan
your money is our money, mymoney is my money. So not I
don't agree with that that you're notsupposed to ask for money. Well,
(04:02):
I I'm going to ask her anotherquestion and I'm going to come to you,
shanil Uh. According to Eva andRichard's story, do you think she
should have a share of Richard aswell? I've said, like it's additing
(04:25):
face there in right now. SoI don't believe she should like have a
share to his wealth, and sothat's my answer. But if it was
you would would you want to havelike little your money from her? From
him? Okay, I wouldn't beentitled to my partners. Okay, let
my boyfriends like money or anything.Unless he gives it to me himself,
(04:48):
then it's okay. But like Iwouldn't to have it, but I don't
want his money. You don't wantthe share of yourself, but you're taking
the money. Yeah, I'll takethe money if he gives it to me,
but I want to demand it.Well what about you, Fritz?
What do you think about that?Eva? Just like what I said,
(05:09):
both parties prerogative to to share theirwealth or share their finances, but in
those early stages, I would saythat it's also their prerogative two to give
what they want to give or theamount or what what in whatever fashion they
wanted to to to give it.If there's a point that someone or either
(05:32):
of the partner would demand or insist, then that could lead to a more
toxic relationship. Okay, if theyask you, commandy, are you going
to call them? I had someonesomeone said you need to call them golda
because they ask more money. Notthat fast, because I also have to
(05:57):
ask why they would be asking formy me and what will be their purpose
on asking. If it's going tobe something like an emergency or something essential
or urgent, then definitely that's understandable. But if they're, for example,
going to ask for I want tobuy shoes or something luxurious, then Kathy,
okay, the emergency can be thenails, doing the names the hair.
(06:24):
Yeah, and I have something Ionly believe, like someone should not
be entitled to your partner's wealth whenmaybe you guys are in editing phase,
but after marriage, like I believeso, like what belongs to me belongs
to you, and your partner shouldhave all of everything you have. So
let's say you also have the money. Should she should he share your money?
(06:46):
Or your money is your money andhis money is our money. Okay.
My future husband and my future kids, they are okay to be entitled.
It's okay if they're entitled to mywealth because everything that I'll be doing
it be for them. You're surethey can be entitled too much? Well,
(07:08):
that's cute, that's so sweet.Yeah, or about you, Joe,
what's the question again? Okay,according to the story, I do
you think if I should have ashow of Richard. Well, let's say
you are Richard. Do you thinkever your girlfriend should have you the share
(07:29):
of your health after only diting forfive months. But it depends on the
reason. Yeah, So if it'sfor a luxury, you would doubt it.
But if it's an important need,you would consider that. So it
depends. Maybe maybe doing peddicure andmanicure. We just do it. You
said important needs, right, important? Yeah, why not? I'd share
(07:50):
some if it's amazing, Yeah,soulf care? Why not? Okay?
Or about you mass. I don'tagree that the man should share his wealth
in the dating phase because I knowmen date for several reasons and they're not
(08:13):
married yet, like they reserve thatkind of set up if they're already married,
Like now they're having fun, they'regetting to know each other. So
I don't think you should share yourwealth with your girlfriend. But if your
girlfriend does have like a life anddebt situation, then you can probably chip
(08:35):
in. But if it's for shoppingand want, no, I think for
me, as if I'm the man, it is a turn off for me,
Like you can't afford to have tolike pamper yourself or anything like that.
It's like, if we're going tobe married, you're always asking money
(08:58):
for me and you don't have yourown like independence. It's kind of trained
off for me. You can handleyour yourself like that. If that's the
case, So that's actually a signto not pursue you anymore. That's just
for me. I don't know withthe other girls if that's a churn off
(09:20):
or not. Okay, what aboutyou? The question was do you think
it should have Richard's one. Ithink that she's entitled to that hold on.
You're the one who said about golddigga something. So if she comes
and ask you for money, areyou calling if she can ask, I'm
(09:46):
not saying she shouldn't, but sheshould not feel entitled to that money,
right because I can say no andshe can say no because that's at the
tapping stage, right. But ifshe feels entitled, like just because it's
there, I think that's gonna bea flag for me. Is she here
for for me? Is it reallylove? Or is she green or red?
(10:09):
You know it would be definitely pinktowards red. Yeah, we do.
Okay, So if maybe your girlfriendso if your girlfriend asks money,
like maybe they want to go maybedo the hair, get some pedio manicure.
Is that wrong to ask your boyfriendfor some money, like to go
(10:30):
like do something pretty enhancier? Whatever? Is it bad? It's okay to
ask in my opinion, she shouldask, right, and we can agree
about that. But if it's likeevery man, I need to get my
hair done and that's your bill.Wait a minute, you're not hearing my
(10:52):
house right, you're not my wife. Let's go slowly and establish that as
you're going. Okay, gotcha?So saying it is she has Q for
money and he said no, sheshould not feel bad, right, Yeah,
she shouldn't feel bad, Yeah,because I'll no if we go out
(11:13):
right, I'm not a fifty tofifty guy. And if you go out,
let me fol this and if youtake me out, yeah, you
can treat me also, right,That's that should be. That should be
the sentiment. It's not entitlement.Let's do this and I can definitely get
your gifts and stuff. But shedoesn't have at this time to know my
bank balance in ken we talk aboutand Bessa, right, she doesn't have
(11:37):
access to that. Let you shouldlook confused, what's up listening? I
agree with that. Let her bereal. In the process you get to
know her, you'll be asking,you know the reasons why. Maybe you'll
you'll make some better decision as yousee how she behaves. Okay, I
(11:58):
have, I have like a m. The next question will be what are
some of the signs of someone whothinks they're entitled? So I'm going to
read them one by one and you'regoing to agree or disagree. Okay.
The first one is they don't listenlike to anything you say that do they?
(12:18):
Is that like an entitlement or somethingno one can do? You listen?
Sometimes you don't want to listen tothe other person or what they're saying,
do you. Yeah, if youdon't listen, it's a toxic traits,
like a narcissist trait. Yeah.I also do believe that that is
(12:41):
not a form or form of entitlement. Part it's kind of a red flag
when you don't listen to your pathand they come to you and tell you.
They tell you I don't have themoney right now that I'm going to
give you later. They don't wantto hear that. They just want it
right now. It's a Okay,that's a full of entitlement of something that
(13:03):
is not even there, Like you'redemanding for money and already he has said
he doesn't have it, so that'sjust strong. Probably go for look for
sugar daddy or something if you wantyou want that, not a boyfriend,
but a sugar daddy. If you'retrying to go there, you might you
(13:30):
might be arrested or something. Youdon't have the cut. What are you
doing the ATM? So what aboutyour friend and Josh not listening? Right,
Kathy, your question was what ifthe person is listening, Well,
it depends on what you're saying.You're written on that. If you're telling
(13:50):
me something that you know I shouldn'tbe listening in the first place, it
depends. So, yeah, itdepends on what you're saying. An example
of something that you don't want tolisten to, like is it a correction
something like that? Or you're tellingsomething I'm asking you like, I can
you give you, like an exampleyou said something I don't want to listen,
(14:11):
Like, what's that something you wantto listen to? Asking for the
gun? Asking for money? Justgoing to pretend you didn't yet she would
just listen whenever there's money something likethat. Of course. Yeah, of
course, if someone is talking aboutmoney, you're going to get all the
attention. That's a fact. Okay, where money is evoked, you're going
to get full attention. Okay.Of course you will have double thoughts with
(14:35):
the relationship because it will it seemslike he's just the person is just playing,
you know, taking advantage of you, right, so you would that's
an advantage. Is there ever asituation wherein you didn't listen to your other
half very much? Why you're asking, Josh Martials? Yeah, is there
(15:01):
ever a situation where you didn't listento your girlfriend? But you will always
listen to the person that you value, right, of course you will,
because you said that it depends onwhat she's talking. So I wonder if
there's a scenario that you didn't listen, how should I answer this? If
(15:22):
you're being asked to do something that'swrong, of course you won't pay attention.
But if you're saying that she wantedto communicate, of course you will
listen, right, So yeah,it depends on the conversation. Yeah,
I think like you should always listento your significant other because you may think
(15:45):
whatever they're saying. Maybe it's stupid, but for them maybe it's maybe important.
So it just depends on your reactionto what they're saying. But you
should handle them with care because youlove them. You have to remember that.
Yeah, oh Janie, Yeah,mhm, you're you're being sweet.
(16:10):
Okay, yeah, it's being she'sbeing set today. I don't know if
it is here, he will tellus, but she masst do you have
to the other one is okay,this is this. I'm going to put
it in love or entitlement because that'sour topic. They think they think they're
(16:34):
always write love or entitlement. Idon't expect you to all of you to
agree on that you're saying. Isit entitlement for someone? Is someone entitled
when they are always right, whenthey think they always right? Question is
yeah, Oh, they think they'reall hysic love or entertainment, that's the
(16:59):
fair. I don't think it's entitlement. Yeah, some people just maybe they
have for someone to think. Okay, when you people are too like you
have your significant other like Marcy,that masses like you guys should be ready
for compromise. I guess to heareach other out and to always consider your
(17:26):
significant other's opinions when making decisions,like maybe that involve both of you.
So I guess believing that you're alwaysright maybe a form of entitlement for someone
who's single like me, my decisionsare always right. I'd rather go with
my own decisions than other people becauseit's mine and don't know what's best for
(17:51):
me. Do you actually give abig smile? What's your thoughts on that?
When a person thinks he or she'salways right? Something strong with that?
It would take humility to admit thatthere will be times you are wrong.
And if you're in a relation,yeah, if you if if you
get you, if you you've donea mistake, right and I caught you,
(18:15):
Brent harried, are you going toagree with did that that minute?
Are you to do that? Like? Are you going to to admit that
you made that mistake? Like writethat when somebody, uh, you know,
tells me I'm wrong and I realizedthat I'm wrong, of course you're
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going to admit it, right,write that minute when I realize it's wrong,
of course I would agree. Okay, if you're not wrong, you're
a good person. You're just goingto agree with you, don't agree with
you evidence you did that thing,you're not supposed to agree. The thing
is, if you are actually rightall the time, it's not entitlement.
(18:57):
You're actually right. Is that otherside? So if and this it is,
by the way, the city isalso about ladies. Women have a
sixth sense. Right, So shethinks, hey, I don't think we
should try that or invest there ordo that thing, and it's the sixth
sense, then it's probably gonna beright. So is she entitled? No,
(19:18):
she's actually right. But even forme, if I make a choice
and out of ten choices, nineourkay, and maybe number ten was bad,
I'm not in titled. I wasactually right. Yeah I don't know.
Yeah, but let's not forget that. There's a huge difference between being
always right and thinking that you werealways right, like there's no results yet
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or just we're just talking about thepotential of doing something and you already think
that let's take my way because I'malways right. So yes, if you're
right, then you're actually right.But if you think that you're gonna be
always right, then I would saythat's uh a, I'm gonna be worried
(20:03):
if that's I think that is alsoa case to pay spaces. Like,
for example, if you're dating ayounger person, then you probably they don't
have much experience yet and you're theone who's going to teach them. So
probably you're right most of the time. But if there's a time that you
(20:23):
had, you're in the wrong andadmit it. But if you don't,
if you always stand your ground,you always insist that you're right in probably
that's an entitlement and that's toxic.Also, Okay. The other one is
they continuously ignore the other people's boundariesand go over the line. I believe.
(20:47):
Going to start with you, it'smind when I said that what you
thought, I don't agree with that. It's a major turn off for me,
engineer. We value our own Ifwe're angry, if we're sad,
you don't want someone else to talkto us or anything like that. We
go somewhere else, we do somethingto cool off our heads, and the
(21:14):
other person should respect that boundary.Yeah, I agree with mass. I
do value my boundaries and I alsorespect that the people's boundaries. It's a
ton off way put oppustion for youtoo. Okay, it's cleaning, it's
cleaning. Ignoring your significant other boundarieswhen you become MOI, yeah, I
(21:36):
don't like it when people are toocleaning, and you like it when you
are clinging to someone else. Okay, I don't believe I'm a cleaning person.
Like I said, I do givepeople their own personal space. Yeah,
okay, great. Is that isignoring someone's boundaries entitlement ignoring If someone
(22:00):
ignores someone's personal boundaries, then Iwould say it would be a form of
entitlement because if you do ignore personalboundaries, you really do not care.
You would say you would feel oryou would think that your emotions would be
superior over someone's or another's emotions orspace. So yes, I would say
(22:23):
it could be a form of entitlementif you are ready and able and willing
to step on other personal boundaries.Oh, you're saying like if they feel
like they have an ententisement to yourpersonal space, right, because it's really
still it needs to be communicated betweenyour partner or your boyfriend or girlfriend or
(22:48):
spouse or in any case you stillshould be communicated. And it's not something
like you converse it can I dothis or can I do that? It's
as you go along, as youspend more time with each other, you
would be able to gauge and sendsignals physical signals like physical touches and all
that, and you would be ableto gauge on how far is she willing
(23:15):
to be touched or something like that, or me as how far am I
willing to be done? So ifyou are just going straight dive into whatever
you want to do without caring aboutwhat he or she is going to feel,
that that's definitely excitement. They shouldAre you saying they should the permission
(23:37):
first when they want to touch?Could be that that's one way. That's
one way. That's also being polite. Some people may find it awkward get
on free. Are you going toask for permission to touch them? Are
you also going to ask position?No, I would not, but I
would gauge it by eye contact,touch my hand. If I feel that
(24:03):
she's not willing to touch my hand, then definitely I would not force it.
Okay, what about you, Joshand Guts. Yeah, in a
relationship, it's important to acknowledge theother person's feelings. So asking the person
if it's okay for me, it'swhat it's supposed to be like, you
need to make the person feel thatyour care for is there her feelings so
(24:29):
you don't have to force it oryou know, have your own way,
because having your own way, demandingyour own you know what you want in
a relationship, it will not workmy way or the highway. You saying
not to that. Yeah, ifshe can't prepend it too much, it
can also accuse you of us all. If that would be the case,
(24:51):
What about your cups? Yeah?I think actually the discussions reminded me about
a Ted talk. I watched JohnMarriage and there's this old guy who does
He studied like hundreds of marriages anddivorces, and he said, like those
little things like turning away from yoursignificant other, like ignoring the advances,
(25:15):
like ignoring their approaches to try andturn towards you, to influence you,
even just to share moments together,that is a clear indicator of marriages that
would break down. And they didbreak down. But for those people who
(25:36):
are able like to actually just listenand pay attention and be accommodated, like
when you're making an advance, thosemarriages lasted and who are helping right,
So it's those little tiny things thatI think we are trying to say,
do they look like a gentlemen.This person doesn't want to listen. This
(25:56):
person it thinks they're always right,or this person, you know, is
in the fame, my boundaries,it's not being considered or who I am,
and probably what I'm feeling at thistime. I think those are things
like we lead to a breakdown ifwe don't work through them and think through
them, you know, and praythrough them also, So yeah, I
(26:18):
want to agree with him and yeah, it'll be good, because I think
the other challenge is this for manyof us, we don't know how to
be deeply loved. We don't.We struggle with that. We struggle with
being deeply appreciated, Yeah, you'relovely. We struggle with actually being like
(26:40):
the center of someone's universe because becausewe shouldn't be, but we try to
people there and then they don't knowhow to receive love or to retiplocate.
And so marriage is really about that, you know. And if we caught
well, we did well, weactually teach one another what it means to
be deeply loved. I have aneppest for you guys. Shania. First,
(27:03):
how do you think society, pressureand expectations contribute to the beliefs that
women are intended to a man's web. Okay. First of all, society
Okay, society views men as providerlike providers like I believe, like the
(27:23):
boy child like has been like,they put a lot of pressure like on
them. They have like to bethe providers the protectors, like it's okay,
but it's also not okay, Likeit's okay when you have a family
of your own as a man,you have to be the provider the protector
(27:45):
because is that what the baby says? So yeah, but society, I
believe it puts a lot of pressureon men. Yeah, it does that
some of them end up doing orengaging in some wrong lawful they're always like
on the right wrong side of thelaw cause of the pressure that society expects
(28:08):
them to be or do. Okay, Actually, in Kenya, let's say
you get divorced. There's this lawI think, and you low something if
you get this bost with your withyour partner, the share of well,
you're going to take whatever you camein with. Actually, so there's not
(28:30):
fifty fifty, I have this amountof whurther you're going to take fifty You're
going with whatever you came with.You came with plates caps, you're taking
them with you. If you didn'thave animality, like you don't have money
in that relationship, you're not goingto get a penny. I think.
I think if you have kids,Yeah, is that the same situation.
(28:55):
I think that can do. Butthe money cannot go to the mother.
You already you have kids here andKenya, I guess you can go to
just going to the kids. Yougo to the court. Then you guys,
like as parents are going to dividethings amongst you. Who's going to
say who's going to your food,shelter, clothing, Like it's not necessarily
(29:18):
like when a couple like splits whenthe wife or the husband is wealthy,
like you have to take fifty percentof what they have, Like you just
live with what you came with.So that's the lowyer. Do you think
it's fair? Yeah? I dothink you have only the the people give
(29:38):
me on my wedding day, theygive me, they give me towers.
I'm just going to live with that. Only I don't think you live with
that because yeah, that was ours. Yeah, I don't give it to
you specifically, it was given toWait, are you going to divide the
tower the plate? Yes, stickhalf the and it's a cultural thing.
(30:06):
It's a cultural thing because what theysay, actually a lot of ladies say
in our context that his money isour money, but her money it's her
money, right, So my moneyit's ours, but her money ahead barn
is for all of us. Soit's I think you're saying it's an hair.
(30:30):
The culturally it lives so much.Yeah, the culture, that's that's
a lot, especially in Kenya,think that a woman when she's married,
that she must like its master,that the share of that month's well and
if he doesn't agree to that,maybe they might divorce or something. But
(30:52):
the society puts pressure on apples here. I don't know, I don't know
about you guys in Philippines, butsociety good pressure. And yeah, people
about sharing with or something. Manstreets us. You don't have to you
don't have to say. But butit's like, have you an example something
(31:17):
a situation, not you necessary someoneIt is based on my experience. It's
a teamwork here in the Philippines,Like we have extended families, so all
of the pressure doesn't rely on thehusband alone. Like if you're supporting your
extended family, it's like it's likethe money is being shared with two families,
(31:41):
so it is less pressure. Ithink, yeah, that's what normally
happens here in Philippines. Okay,I would say there's still there's still pressure
though, are you are you?Are you? Are you changing your answer
you said I did not say no. I did not say that. I
just said that I'm not yet married. But there's still there's still a pressure
(32:08):
where culturally, like what Mark saidthat families of both both parties expects a
man too, you know, tobe able to provide and to be doing
all those you know, masculine stuffor traditional stuff that he he should be
(32:30):
able to be earning or at leasthave had some assets that he can he
can offer to his potential bride.So at least now it's it's not it's
no longer like that, but it'sthere's still there's still some some waves or
(32:52):
like a generational aspects of that.So there's still there's still pressure, but
it's it's not too much right now. Okay, So do you guys in
the Philippines like pay for dorry beforegetting married? Not necessarily, but it's
it's more it's not like dorry,but you have to like flex. Let
(33:13):
me say, flex your assets tothe family. Like, you know,
I'm working in this company and Ihave my own car, I live in
this place or something like that.Like you want to know if you're able
and capable to take care of thethey would want to, but it's not
(33:37):
required to like make a down paymentto get the girl. You just have
to flex it. And if theyif they believe it, believe it enough
that you have those things, andif you really do have those things,
definitely you're good to go for thefact generally, like if you want them
to believe you you have that,like you're capable of can kill them.
(34:00):
You just have to pay the door. And you're going to pay the amount
of redgin on paper it's a millionmillion dollars. You're going to pay that.
If not, you're not going tomarry that person. I don't know,
how how did you like his masterabout josh Y? I want to
(34:22):
know about your You know, thereis a subculture here in the Philippines,
the Filipino Chinese, they still practicea bit of that, you know,
to show their ability to produce wealthand you know, to provide. But
generally Philipps, you know, aslong as you can be trustworthy, like
(34:45):
when you say something and you youdo it, not necessarily financially, but
they see the discipline, they seehow how you do well with relationships.
You know you could win the inlaws over and you know it's actually up
to the person and when the personand with the others when other a person
(35:07):
in the marriage would say yes,both of them. Really it's a partnership.
I agree with merce. And evenif the woman needed to work,
she will work. But the idealsetup is the man is the main red
winner. And if there's a casefor the woman to work, it's welcome
(35:28):
to participate, but it's not ademand. It's it depends on the relationship.
But generally it's still the man whodoes most of the profession. I
know what, Sometimes it's sad becausesome other Filipino guys doesn't have work at
all, and if they got yourgirlfriend pregnant, then we have no choice.
(35:51):
But with them together, no dowryat all, no job, no
flex So maybe okay, I comeback to love. Does falling in love
obligate a person to share their welltheir well with their partner? Love?
(36:17):
That's love, like obligate a personto share their world with a partner with
their partner, I'm going to fashionyou. I believe when people are re
loved like they tend to do thingslike spoil their significant others. Yeah yeah,
promise like you think when you're justin love, like you just want
(36:39):
to spoil them, give them gifts, give them money, like make them.
But here's the thing. If yougive me money for the first time,
I would say thank you, yougive me. The second time,
we say thank you, you giveme the money. The bad time,
I'll say, Okay, this ishow we're going to do it. You
(37:00):
give me the money. The fourthtime, I'm going to feel that you're
entitled to give me that money dailyor really okay, Monday places. Okay.
So as from us for men,I think like when like you're using
your finances to get a woman,make sure you never run out of money,
because you know how you got herin the first place. Some people
(37:23):
are like, okay, you geta woman, and then you start complaining
like she she wants money, Likeyou're you already like made her yourself yourself,
So I don't see the need ofcomplaining. So if you want to
bag a woman, like to geta woman using cash, make sure you
never run out of mm hmmm,because if you run over it, they
(37:46):
go to the next person. Sohow about the credit Okay, if you
want to, Probably if you showthem the credit card, they're going just
to take the car and go toto the to go do shopping. So
the first you created the first likeyou shown them, You've shown them that
(38:08):
I'm going to I'm going to begiving you money, money, money,
money. You already built that,so I don't know if you're going to
destroy it anytime soon just because youYeah, So don't call that entitled.
And she asks for more because youlike you made her like, I think
it's a normal thing, like toldersreceived cash. I think there's a bit
(38:31):
of let me just say it becauseI believe it, evenether it's a bit
controversial. We focus so much onfalling in love and people to fall in
love. You chemicals all over theplace. There's a hormonel imbalance happening,
and you are madly attracted to thisperson that doesn't lack The Bible would encourage
(38:53):
us to grow in love right andand love because the love gives. So
I'm not going to be just likegiving just because I'm head over heels.
I just made this guy. She'shot as heaven and I'm just throwing everything
I can at her. You knowwhat I'm saying. The point I think
should be, if we are goingto grow in love, let me be
(39:14):
intentional in giving and building this person, right, So the focus is not
just on my wallet. You saidgrowing in love, right, but you
already made growing money, so Idon't think that can change. It's growing
in money. Just shock the moneyand Mary grows wings and it can take
(39:36):
off. Right. So then whathappens when let me go Bro's Yeah,
that's why I'm saying, don't showher that that's the only thing that you
can offer her when the relationship isbeginning. So I tend to attract the
wrong kind of person. But whatif you're just doing it for I won't
(39:58):
say love, just doing it tomake them happy or something? Is it
bad? I think it will bea good test. It will be a
really good test. Like you know, hear. What we do is if
you find a really nice girl,don't take her to the best hotel,
start with the really really road sidelevel. Okay, call them banda look
(40:22):
exactly it's there, and see ifshe can eat there, If she can
eat there she's okay, then theycan continue. But if she says she
can never eat their road nice setfood and clean street food, I'm not
saying that you want, then youalready know. Oh this person is here
just to eat me and eat mymoney. Right, So what to do?
(40:46):
But Campiria like, it also dependswith the standards. There are some
people like you can't take them women, You can't take them, like to
cheap restaurants. So you have togo for people who meet your standards.
Like you can't find like a womanwho's wealthy. She has a life figured
figured out, like she knows whatshe wants, and then you want to
(41:07):
take her like to a local restaurant. When she even goes to the most
expensive restaurant, I think you'll go. Yeah. So you just have to
find someone who makes your standards inorder to do that. But some of
them really don't care. So continue, she really loves me, if she's
(41:29):
really interesting, I think it's verypossible for her to at least accommodating me.
And then next time you tell me, you know what, that place
oh so hard, he's going togo to the different place. Because love
is about giving. So she acceptmy influence and I was accepted influence that
way we can grow together. Butis one million? Yeah, it's a
(41:53):
it's an example. If she saysone million, already we know where doing
not the father, not the grandfather. And she has said one million,
but she's not the one who saidthe very She's not the one she said
that. That's one million forever.It's her family, do you and she's
(42:15):
the same person that can influence that. She's the same one. She'll say,
you know what, this guy Ireally love you, Please, don't
you're getting rich? He doesn't haveone million. Yeah, he doesn't have
one million right now, or evenif he does, let's use that one
million to start our life together,right instead of you take all these one
(42:36):
million and then the guy will stillare you going to get convinced? Kenyons
with that don't actually exchange, butit's saying that the person who's there during
your worst moments deserves to be inyour best moments. So all of you
(43:00):
and saying like you know, ifyou're in love, are not and take
to someone's right, Okay, youactually you have what say? Do you
have? What's to add on that? You look very curious? You want
to say something. Yeah, youknow, am I the only one married
in here? Oh? Yeah,okay, I agree with Kravs. It's
(43:22):
really the focus is really on buildingthe person up and giving because when you
do, it's going to be beautiful. It's not toxics, not demanding,
draining the person financially emotionally. There'sa kind of sacrifice in a relationship that
(43:44):
when you do that, the effectwould be double. So when you show
love and when you see that theperson was love, you will be feeling
the feeling of love is it goeswhen you know that the person that you
love. When you sacrifice with theperson, it doesn't feel like it's taking
(44:05):
away from me, but it's likeyou have a back, the love back
that goes up when when you seethe person's love back goes up. So
just that kind of dynamics in arelationship, right, Gabs, you're preaching
that, Yeah, But I havea question before you. So I do
(44:30):
men like normally don't go for thewomen they struggle with when they had nothing,
because you find when most of thembecome successful, they'll go for women
who are really have higher standards.So I do want me like to suffer
with you testing me Okay, I'mwith you. Now you're suffering, then
(44:51):
when now you're blessed, you gofor another person. So I'm just sorry,
but I'm not willing to struggle.Okay, I am willing to struggle
with someone, but not in thatsense that after some time struggle you're going
for someone else. Soldiers reach yourstandard, then it will meet up.
Okay, if they go for someoneelse, they never loved you from the
(45:12):
start. You're just keeping them companyto get what they wanted. Okay,
I think out of any last potto them and entertainment couples just start a
radish yeah, then we go toFritz. Okay, yeah, I don't
have much to say about that.I've already given my opinion, so I
just give a shout out to myfamily and friends. Fred, shout out
(45:37):
to my family as well, verysupportive, and also to my girlfriend Vella
who's listening in right now. Shoutout to you. Also, shout out
to my family and friends and toeveryone who's watching this episode. Shout out
to a lovely wife who's always supportedof all the things I do. Yeah,
(45:58):
okay, thankful for having me.A big shout outs to my number
one and our daughter and yeah,thank you for having me. Let's grow
in love more than before. Inlove, amen, brother Amen, I'm
let's grow in money and growing love. Okay, what are you saying?
(46:23):
What were you saying? I'm justsaying. I'm just giving my daughter grow
in love, growing money, growin love. I'm going to start with
manifest grow in love, grow inmoney, grow in love. That's my
daughter. Okay, thank you guysfor joining us. I'm real talk with
Caddy Engineer And that's a wrap upfor today's episode and we can wait to
(46:46):
have you for another for another excitingepisode. So until next time, goodbye,
He let everyone and licome to theshow to talk with Caddy and Shanier.
I'm your host, Caddy, andI'm expected to have you doin us today
for an exiting episode titled Love orEntitlement and this episode is brought to you
by See One Productions. But beforewe gets started, let me introduce our
(00:20):
michael host for today, Shania.How are you doing? I'm good,
Thank you so much. Hello everyone, Now let's get started. My host
Shania is going to read the storyfor today. Take over. Okay,
So everyone meets Richard, a successfulentrepreneur. His lifestyle attracted the attention of
(00:41):
many, including a woman named Eva. They crossed paths as a glamorous at
callery. They spark between them andthey started dating. Ever is a talented
artist with dreams of making it bigin the art world. She found herself
done to Richard's world of luxury.She believe that being with a wealthy man
like him would provide her with thefinancial stability she needed to pursue her passion
(01:06):
without any worries. After five monthsof dating, Ever became increasingly comfortable with
the lavish lifestyle Richard provided. However, her expectations grew and she began to
feel entitled to share of his wealth. Richard, on the other hand,
struggled to understand why it ever failedthis way. So I have a question
(01:29):
for everyone in this call. Isit okay for one to be entitled to
have a share of their partner's wealth. I'm going to start with you.
For me, it's not acceptable becausetechnically you're still not married and you're in
the dating face, so you shouldn'tbe able to share finances during this time.
(01:53):
Okay, I'm going to go toFritz. What about you? I
would agree with Mars. It's it'sstill too early to have that kind of
share to one another. And what'sabout you, Daisy? I came,
(02:13):
so it's a yes or no?Do you agree or don't you agree?
I agree? And what's about yourCabia? Yeah? I think five months
I'm still dating? Uh yeah,it would also be bad like for her
to look like a gold's just Therefinitely. No, I have a question for
(02:36):
you. Are you saying, likeFritz, I'm going to you, do
you give your girlfriend money? No? I don't. I do share it,
though, but we make sure thatwe don't demand it from one another.
Okay, And Josh, Yeah,I agree with that you should not
(02:57):
demand that, Okay, okay,As for money for me, it's I
do not agree when it's during thedating phase for you to be entitled to
your partner as well. And soI'm going to ask our beloved host Kathy
and she'll take it from there.Kathy, what's your opinion on that?
(03:20):
Okay? I don't think you're supposedto ask for money. I think they
you're not supposed to tell your partyou're in a editing phase and you're asking
them for money. Wait until theygive it to you. Ask, So
I think you don't you require you. So, so I say, your
(03:40):
boyfriend is hard working, he's gettingthis kind of money, and you,
as a girlfriend, you're thinking thatthat's our money because women have this logan
your money is our money, mymoney is my money. So not I
don't agree with that that you're notsupposed to ask for money. Well,
(04:02):
I I'm going to ask her anotherquestion and I'm going to come to you,
shanil Uh. According to Eva andRichard's story, do you think she
should have a share of Richard aswell? I've said, like it's additing
(04:25):
face there in right now. SoI don't believe she should like have a
share to his wealth, and sothat's my answer. But if it was
you would would you want to havelike little your money from her? From
him? Okay, I wouldn't beentitled to my partners. Okay, let
my boyfriends like money or anything.Unless he gives it to me himself,
(04:48):
then it's okay. But like Iwouldn't to have it, but I don't
want his money. You don't wantthe share of yourself, but you're taking
the money. Yeah, I'll takethe money if he gives it to me,
but I want to demand it.Well what about you, Fritz?
What do you think about that?Eva? Just like what I said,
(05:09):
both parties prerogative to to share theirwealth or share their finances, but in
those early stages, I would saythat it's also their prerogative two to give
what they want to give or theamount or what what in whatever fashion they
wanted to to to give it.If there's a point that someone or either
(05:32):
of the partner would demand or insist, then that could lead to a more
toxic relationship. Okay, if theyask you, commandy, are you going
to call them? I had someonesomeone said you need to call them golda
because they ask more money. Notthat fast, because I also have to
(05:57):
ask why they would be asking formy me and what will be their purpose
on asking. If it's going tobe something like an emergency or something essential
or urgent, then definitely that's understandable. But if they're, for example,
going to ask for I want tobuy shoes or something luxurious, then Kathy,
okay, the emergency can be thenails, doing the names the hair.
(06:24):
Yeah, and I have something Ionly believe, like someone should not
be entitled to your partner's wealth whenmaybe you guys are in editing phase,
but after marriage, like I believeso, like what belongs to me belongs
to you, and your partner shouldhave all of everything you have. So
let's say you also have the money. Should she should he share your money?
(06:46):
Or your money is your money andhis money is our money. Okay.
My future husband and my future kids, they are okay to be entitled.
It's okay if they're entitled to mywealth because everything that I'll be doing
it be for them. You're surethey can be entitled too much? Well,
(07:08):
that's cute, that's so sweet.Yeah, or about you, Joe,
what's the question again? Okay,according to the story, I do
you think if I should have ashow of Richard. Well, let's say
you are Richard. Do you thinkever your girlfriend should have you the share
(07:29):
of your health after only diting forfive months. But it depends on the
reason. Yeah, So if it'sfor a luxury, you would doubt it.
But if it's an important need,you would consider that. So it
depends. Maybe maybe doing peddicure andmanicure. We just do it. You
said important needs, right, important? Yeah, why not? I'd share
(07:50):
some if it's amazing, Yeah,soulf care? Why not? Okay?
Or about you mass. I don'tagree that the man should share his wealth
in the dating phase because I knowmen date for several reasons and they're not
(08:13):
married yet, like they reserve thatkind of set up if they're already married,
Like now they're having fun, they'regetting to know each other. So
I don't think you should share yourwealth with your girlfriend. But if your
girlfriend does have like a life anddebt situation, then you can probably chip
(08:35):
in. But if it's for shoppingand want, no, I think for
me, as if I'm the man, it is a turn off for me,
Like you can't afford to have tolike pamper yourself or anything like that.
It's like, if we're going tobe married, you're always asking money
(08:58):
for me and you don't have yourown like independence. It's kind of trained
off for me. You can handleyour yourself like that. If that's the
case, So that's actually a signto not pursue you anymore. That's just
for me. I don't know withthe other girls if that's a churn off
(09:20):
or not. Okay, what aboutyou? The question was do you think
it should have Richard's one. Ithink that she's entitled to that hold on.
You're the one who said about golddigga something. So if she comes
and ask you for money, areyou calling if she can ask, I'm
(09:46):
not saying she shouldn't, but sheshould not feel entitled to that money,
right because I can say no andshe can say no because that's at the
tapping stage, right. But ifshe feels entitled, like just because it's
there, I think that's gonna bea flag for me. Is she here
for for me? Is it reallylove? Or is she green or red?
(10:09):
You know it would be definitely pinktowards red. Yeah, we do.
Okay, So if maybe your girlfriendso if your girlfriend asks money,
like maybe they want to go maybedo the hair, get some pedio manicure.
Is that wrong to ask your boyfriendfor some money, like to go
(10:30):
like do something pretty enhancier? Whatever? Is it bad? It's okay to
ask in my opinion, she shouldask, right, and we can agree
about that. But if it's likeevery man, I need to get my
hair done and that's your bill.Wait a minute, you're not hearing my
(10:52):
house right, you're not my wife. Let's go slowly and establish that as
you're going. Okay, gotcha?So saying it is she has Q for
money and he said no, sheshould not feel bad, right, Yeah,
she shouldn't feel bad, Yeah,because I'll no if we go out
(11:13):
right, I'm not a fifty tofifty guy. And if you go out,
let me fol this and if youtake me out, yeah, you
can treat me also, right,That's that should be. That should be
the sentiment. It's not entitlement.Let's do this and I can definitely get
your gifts and stuff. But shedoesn't have at this time to know my
bank balance in ken we talk aboutand Bessa, right, she doesn't have
(11:37):
access to that. Let you shouldlook confused, what's up listening? I
agree with that. Let her bereal. In the process you get to
know her, you'll be asking,you know the reasons why. Maybe you'll
you'll make some better decision as yousee how she behaves. Okay, I
(11:58):
have, I have like a m. The next question will be what are
some of the signs of someone whothinks they're entitled? So I'm going to
read them one by one and you'regoing to agree or disagree. Okay.
The first one is they don't listenlike to anything you say that do they?
(12:18):
Is that like an entitlement or somethingno one can do? You listen?
Sometimes you don't want to listen tothe other person or what they're saying,
do you. Yeah, if youdon't listen, it's a toxic traits,
like a narcissist trait. Yeah.I also do believe that that is
(12:41):
not a form or form of entitlement. Part it's kind of a red flag
when you don't listen to your pathand they come to you and tell you.
They tell you I don't have themoney right now that I'm going to
give you later. They don't wantto hear that. They just want it
right now. It's a Okay,that's a full of entitlement of something that
(13:03):
is not even there, Like you'redemanding for money and already he has said
he doesn't have it, so that'sjust strong. Probably go for look for
sugar daddy or something if you wantyou want that, not a boyfriend,
but a sugar daddy. If you'retrying to go there, you might you
(13:30):
might be arrested or something. Youdon't have the cut. What are you
doing the ATM? So what aboutyour friend and Josh not listening? Right,
Kathy, your question was what ifthe person is listening, Well,
it depends on what you're saying.You're written on that. If you're telling
(13:50):
me something that you know I shouldn'tbe listening in the first place, it
depends. So, yeah, itdepends on what you're saying. An example
of something that you don't want tolisten to, like is it a correction
something like that? Or you're tellingsomething I'm asking you like, I can
you give you, like an exampleyou said something I don't want to listen,
(14:11):
Like, what's that something you wantto listen to? Asking for the
gun? Asking for money? Justgoing to pretend you didn't yet she would
just listen whenever there's money something likethat. Of course. Yeah, of
course, if someone is talking aboutmoney, you're going to get all the
attention. That's a fact. Okay, where money is evoked, you're going
to get full attention. Okay.Of course you will have double thoughts with
(14:35):
the relationship because it will it seemslike he's just the person is just playing,
you know, taking advantage of you, right, so you would that's
an advantage. Is there ever asituation wherein you didn't listen to your other
half very much? Why you're asking, Josh Martials? Yeah, is there
(15:01):
ever a situation where you didn't listento your girlfriend? But you will always
listen to the person that you value, right, of course you will,
because you said that it depends onwhat she's talking. So I wonder if
there's a scenario that you didn't listen, how should I answer this? If
(15:22):
you're being asked to do something that'swrong, of course you won't pay attention.
But if you're saying that she wantedto communicate, of course you will
listen, right, So yeah,it depends on the conversation. Yeah,
I think like you should always listento your significant other because you may think
(15:45):
whatever they're saying. Maybe it's stupid, but for them maybe it's maybe important.
So it just depends on your reactionto what they're saying. But you
should handle them with care because youlove them. You have to remember that.
Yeah, oh Janie, Yeah,mhm, you're you're being sweet.
(16:10):
Okay, yeah, it's being she'sbeing set today. I don't know if
it is here, he will tellus, but she masst do you have
to the other one is okay,this is this. I'm going to put
it in love or entitlement because that'sour topic. They think they think they're
(16:34):
always write love or entitlement. Idon't expect you to all of you to
agree on that you're saying. Isit entitlement for someone? Is someone entitled
when they are always right, whenthey think they always right? Question is
yeah, Oh, they think they'reall hysic love or entertainment, that's the
(16:59):
fair. I don't think it's entitlement. Yeah, some people just maybe they
have for someone to think. Okay, when you people are too like you
have your significant other like Marcy,that masses like you guys should be ready
for compromise. I guess to heareach other out and to always consider your
(17:26):
significant other's opinions when making decisions,like maybe that involve both of you.
So I guess believing that you're alwaysright maybe a form of entitlement for someone
who's single like me, my decisionsare always right. I'd rather go with
my own decisions than other people becauseit's mine and don't know what's best for
(17:51):
me. Do you actually give abig smile? What's your thoughts on that?
When a person thinks he or she'salways right? Something strong with that?
It would take humility to admit thatthere will be times you are wrong.
And if you're in a relation,yeah, if you if if you
get you, if you you've donea mistake, right and I caught you,
(18:15):
Brent harried, are you going toagree with did that that minute?
Are you to do that? Like? Are you going to to admit that
you made that mistake? Like writethat when somebody, uh, you know,
tells me I'm wrong and I realizedthat I'm wrong, of course you're
(18:36):
going to admit it, right,write that minute when I realize it's wrong,
of course I would agree. Okay, if you're not wrong, you're
a good person. You're just goingto agree with you, don't agree with
you evidence you did that thing,you're not supposed to agree. The thing
is, if you are actually rightall the time, it's not entitlement.
(18:57):
You're actually right. Is that otherside? So if and this it is,
by the way, the city isalso about ladies. Women have a
sixth sense. Right, So shethinks, hey, I don't think we
should try that or invest there ordo that thing, and it's the sixth
sense, then it's probably gonna beright. So is she entitled? No,
(19:18):
she's actually right. But even forme, if I make a choice
and out of ten choices, nineourkay, and maybe number ten was bad,
I'm not in titled. I wasactually right. Yeah I don't know.
Yeah, but let's not forget that. There's a huge difference between being
always right and thinking that you werealways right, like there's no results yet
(19:42):
or just we're just talking about thepotential of doing something and you already think
that let's take my way because I'malways right. So yes, if you're
right, then you're actually right.But if you think that you're gonna be
always right, then I would saythat's uh a, I'm gonna be worried
(20:03):
if that's I think that is alsoa case to pay spaces. Like,
for example, if you're dating ayounger person, then you probably they don't
have much experience yet and you're theone who's going to teach them. So
probably you're right most of the time. But if there's a time that you
(20:23):
had, you're in the wrong andadmit it. But if you don't,
if you always stand your ground,you always insist that you're right in probably
that's an entitlement and that's toxic.Also, Okay. The other one is
they continuously ignore the other people's boundariesand go over the line. I believe.
(20:47):
Going to start with you, it'smind when I said that what you
thought, I don't agree with that. It's a major turn off for me,
engineer. We value our own Ifwe're angry, if we're sad,
you don't want someone else to talkto us or anything like that. We
go somewhere else, we do somethingto cool off our heads, and the
(21:14):
other person should respect that boundary.Yeah, I agree with mass. I
do value my boundaries and I alsorespect that the people's boundaries. It's a
ton off way put oppustion for youtoo. Okay, it's cleaning, it's
cleaning. Ignoring your significant other boundarieswhen you become MOI, yeah, I
(21:36):
don't like it when people are toocleaning, and you like it when you
are clinging to someone else. Okay, I don't believe I'm a cleaning person.
Like I said, I do givepeople their own personal space. Yeah,
okay, great. Is that isignoring someone's boundaries entitlement ignoring If someone
(22:00):
ignores someone's personal boundaries, then Iwould say it would be a form of
entitlement because if you do ignore personalboundaries, you really do not care.
You would say you would feel oryou would think that your emotions would be
superior over someone's or another's emotions orspace. So yes, I would say
(22:23):
it could be a form of entitlementif you are ready and able and willing
to step on other personal boundaries.Oh, you're saying like if they feel
like they have an ententisement to yourpersonal space, right, because it's really
still it needs to be communicated betweenyour partner or your boyfriend or girlfriend or
(22:48):
spouse or in any case you stillshould be communicated. And it's not something
like you converse it can I dothis or can I do that? It's
as you go along, as youspend more time with each other, you
would be able to gauge and sendsignals physical signals like physical touches and all
that, and you would be ableto gauge on how far is she willing
(23:15):
to be touched or something like that, or me as how far am I
willing to be done? So ifyou are just going straight dive into whatever
you want to do without caring aboutwhat he or she is going to feel,
that that's definitely excitement. They shouldAre you saying they should the permission
(23:37):
first when they want to touch?Could be that that's one way. That's
one way. That's also being polite. Some people may find it awkward get
on free. Are you going toask for permission to touch them? Are
you also going to ask position?No, I would not, but I
would gauge it by eye contact,touch my hand. If I feel that
(24:03):
she's not willing to touch my hand, then definitely I would not force it.
Okay, what about you, Joshand Guts. Yeah, in a
relationship, it's important to acknowledge theother person's feelings. So asking the person
if it's okay for me, it'swhat it's supposed to be like, you
need to make the person feel thatyour care for is there her feelings so
(24:29):
you don't have to force it oryou know, have your own way,
because having your own way, demandingyour own you know what you want in
a relationship, it will not workmy way or the highway. You saying
not to that. Yeah, ifshe can't prepend it too much, it
can also accuse you of us all. If that would be the case,
(24:51):
What about your cups? Yeah?I think actually the discussions reminded me about
a Ted talk. I watched JohnMarriage and there's this old guy who does
He studied like hundreds of marriages anddivorces, and he said, like those
little things like turning away from yoursignificant other, like ignoring the advances,
(25:15):
like ignoring their approaches to try andturn towards you, to influence you,
even just to share moments together,that is a clear indicator of marriages that
would break down. And they didbreak down. But for those people who
(25:36):
are able like to actually just listenand pay attention and be accommodated, like
when you're making an advance, thosemarriages lasted and who are helping right,
So it's those little tiny things thatI think we are trying to say,
do they look like a gentlemen.This person doesn't want to listen. This
(25:56):
person it thinks they're always right,or this person, you know, is
in the fame, my boundaries,it's not being considered or who I am,
and probably what I'm feeling at thistime. I think those are things
like we lead to a breakdown ifwe don't work through them and think through
them, you know, and praythrough them also, So yeah, I
(26:18):
want to agree with him and yeah, it'll be good, because I think
the other challenge is this for manyof us, we don't know how to
be deeply loved. We don't.We struggle with that. We struggle with
being deeply appreciated, Yeah, you'relovely. We struggle with actually being like
(26:40):
the center of someone's universe because becausewe shouldn't be, but we try to
people there and then they don't knowhow to receive love or to retiplocate.
And so marriage is really about that, you know. And if we caught
well, we did well, weactually teach one another what it means to
be deeply loved. I have aneppest for you guys. Shania. First,
(27:03):
how do you think society, pressureand expectations contribute to the beliefs that
women are intended to a man's web. Okay. First of all, society
Okay, society views men as providerlike providers like I believe, like the
(27:23):
boy child like has been like,they put a lot of pressure like on
them. They have like to bethe providers the protectors, like it's okay,
but it's also not okay, Likeit's okay when you have a family
of your own as a man,you have to be the provider the protector
(27:45):
because is that what the baby says? So yeah, but society, I
believe it puts a lot of pressureon men. Yeah, it does that
some of them end up doing orengaging in some wrong lawful they're always like
on the right wrong side of thelaw cause of the pressure that society expects
(28:08):
them to be or do. Okay, Actually, in Kenya, let's say
you get divorced. There's this lawI think, and you low something if
you get this bost with your withyour partner, the share of well,
you're going to take whatever you camein with. Actually, so there's not
(28:30):
fifty fifty, I have this amountof whurther you're going to take fifty You're
going with whatever you came with.You came with plates caps, you're taking
them with you. If you didn'thave animality, like you don't have money
in that relationship, you're not goingto get a penny. I think.
I think if you have kids,Yeah, is that the same situation.
(28:55):
I think that can do. Butthe money cannot go to the mother.
You already you have kids here andKenya, I guess you can go to
just going to the kids. Yougo to the court. Then you guys,
like as parents are going to dividethings amongst you. Who's going to
say who's going to your food,shelter, clothing, Like it's not necessarily
(29:18):
like when a couple like splits whenthe wife or the husband is wealthy,
like you have to take fifty percentof what they have, Like you just
live with what you came with.So that's the lowyer. Do you think
it's fair? Yeah? I dothink you have only the the people give
(29:38):
me on my wedding day, theygive me, they give me towers.
I'm just going to live with that. Only I don't think you live with
that because yeah, that was ours. Yeah, I don't give it to
you specifically, it was given toWait, are you going to divide the
tower the plate? Yes, stickhalf the and it's a cultural thing.
(30:06):
It's a cultural thing because what theysay, actually a lot of ladies say
in our context that his money isour money, but her money it's her
money, right, So my moneyit's ours, but her money ahead barn
is for all of us. Soit's I think you're saying it's an hair.
(30:30):
The culturally it lives so much.Yeah, the culture, that's that's
a lot, especially in Kenya,think that a woman when she's married,
that she must like its master,that the share of that month's well and
if he doesn't agree to that,maybe they might divorce or something. But
(30:52):
the society puts pressure on apples here. I don't know, I don't know
about you guys in Philippines, butsociety good pressure. And yeah, people
about sharing with or something. Manstreets us. You don't have to you
don't have to say. But butit's like, have you an example something
(31:17):
a situation, not you necessary someoneIt is based on my experience. It's
a teamwork here in the Philippines,Like we have extended families, so all
of the pressure doesn't rely on thehusband alone. Like if you're supporting your
extended family, it's like it's likethe money is being shared with two families,
(31:41):
so it is less pressure. Ithink, yeah, that's what normally
happens here in Philippines. Okay,I would say there's still there's still pressure
though, are you are you?Are you? Are you changing your answer
you said I did not say no. I did not say that. I
just said that I'm not yet married. But there's still there's still a pressure
(32:08):
where culturally, like what Mark saidthat families of both both parties expects a
man too, you know, tobe able to provide and to be doing
all those you know, masculine stuffor traditional stuff that he he should be
(32:30):
able to be earning or at leasthave had some assets that he can he
can offer to his potential bride.So at least now it's it's not it's
no longer like that, but it'sthere's still there's still some some waves or
(32:52):
like a generational aspects of that.So there's still there's still pressure, but
it's it's not too much right now. Okay, So do you guys in
the Philippines like pay for dorry beforegetting married? Not necessarily, but it's
it's more it's not like dorry,but you have to like flex. Let
(33:13):
me say, flex your assets tothe family. Like, you know,
I'm working in this company and Ihave my own car, I live in
this place or something like that.Like you want to know if you're able
and capable to take care of thethey would want to, but it's not
(33:37):
required to like make a down paymentto get the girl. You just have
to flex it. And if theyif they believe it, believe it enough
that you have those things, andif you really do have those things,
definitely you're good to go for thefact generally, like if you want them
to believe you you have that,like you're capable of can kill them.
(34:00):
You just have to pay the door. And you're going to pay the amount
of redgin on paper it's a millionmillion dollars. You're going to pay that.
If not, you're not going tomarry that person. I don't know,
how how did you like his masterabout josh Y? I want to
(34:22):
know about your You know, thereis a subculture here in the Philippines,
the Filipino Chinese, they still practicea bit of that, you know,
to show their ability to produce wealthand you know, to provide. But
generally Philipps, you know, aslong as you can be trustworthy, like
(34:45):
when you say something and you youdo it, not necessarily financially, but
they see the discipline, they seehow how you do well with relationships.
You know you could win the inlaws over and you know it's actually up
to the person and when the personand with the others when other a person
(35:07):
in the marriage would say yes,both of them. Really it's a partnership.
I agree with merce. And evenif the woman needed to work,
she will work. But the idealsetup is the man is the main red
winner. And if there's a casefor the woman to work, it's welcome
(35:28):
to participate, but it's not ademand. It's it depends on the relationship.
But generally it's still the man whodoes most of the profession. I
know what, Sometimes it's sad becausesome other Filipino guys doesn't have work at
all, and if they got yourgirlfriend pregnant, then we have no choice.
(35:51):
But with them together, no dowryat all, no job, no
flex So maybe okay, I comeback to love. Does falling in love
obligate a person to share their welltheir well with their partner? Love?
(36:17):
That's love, like obligate a personto share their world with a partner with
their partner, I'm going to fashionyou. I believe when people are re
loved like they tend to do thingslike spoil their significant others. Yeah yeah,
promise like you think when you're justin love, like you just want
(36:39):
to spoil them, give them gifts, give them money, like make them.
But here's the thing. If yougive me money for the first time,
I would say thank you, yougive me. The second time,
we say thank you, you giveme the money. The bad time,
I'll say, Okay, this ishow we're going to do it. You
(37:00):
give me the money. The fourthtime, I'm going to feel that you're
entitled to give me that money dailyor really okay, Monday places. Okay.
So as from us for men,I think like when like you're using
your finances to get a woman,make sure you never run out of money,
because you know how you got herin the first place. Some people
(37:23):
are like, okay, you geta woman, and then you start complaining
like she she wants money, Likeyou're you already like made her yourself yourself,
So I don't see the need ofcomplaining. So if you want to
bag a woman, like to geta woman using cash, make sure you
never run out of mm hmmm,because if you run over it, they
(37:46):
go to the next person. Sohow about the credit Okay, if you
want to, Probably if you showthem the credit card, they're going just
to take the car and go toto the to go do shopping. So
the first you created the first likeyou shown them, You've shown them that
(38:08):
I'm going to I'm going to begiving you money, money, money,
money. You already built that,so I don't know if you're going to
destroy it anytime soon just because youYeah, So don't call that entitled.
And she asks for more because youlike you made her like, I think
it's a normal thing, like toldersreceived cash. I think there's a bit
(38:31):
of let me just say it becauseI believe it, evenether it's a bit
controversial. We focus so much onfalling in love and people to fall in
love. You chemicals all over theplace. There's a hormonel imbalance happening,
and you are madly attracted to thisperson that doesn't lack The Bible would encourage
(38:53):
us to grow in love right andand love because the love gives. So
I'm not going to be just likegiving just because I'm head over heels.
I just made this guy. She'shot as heaven and I'm just throwing everything
I can at her. You knowwhat I'm saying. The point I think
should be, if we are goingto grow in love, let me be
(39:14):
intentional in giving and building this person, right, So the focus is not
just on my wallet. You saidgrowing in love, right, but you
already made growing money, so Idon't think that can change. It's growing
in money. Just shock the moneyand Mary grows wings and it can take
(39:36):
off. Right. So then whathappens when let me go Bro's Yeah,
that's why I'm saying, don't showher that that's the only thing that you
can offer her when the relationship isbeginning. So I tend to attract the
wrong kind of person. But whatif you're just doing it for I won't
(39:58):
say love, just doing it tomake them happy or something? Is it
bad? I think it will bea good test. It will be a
really good test. Like you know, hear. What we do is if
you find a really nice girl,don't take her to the best hotel,
start with the really really road sidelevel. Okay, call them banda look
(40:22):
exactly it's there, and see ifshe can eat there, If she can
eat there she's okay, then theycan continue. But if she says she
can never eat their road nice setfood and clean street food, I'm not
saying that you want, then youalready know. Oh this person is here
just to eat me and eat mymoney. Right, So what to do?
(40:46):
But Campiria like, it also dependswith the standards. There are some
people like you can't take them women, You can't take them, like to
cheap restaurants. So you have togo for people who meet your standards.
Like you can't find like a womanwho's wealthy. She has a life figured
figured out, like she knows whatshe wants, and then you want to
(41:07):
take her like to a local restaurant. When she even goes to the most
expensive restaurant, I think you'll go. Yeah. So you just have to
find someone who makes your standards inorder to do that. But some of
them really don't care. So continue, she really loves me, if she's
(41:29):
really interesting, I think it's verypossible for her to at least accommodating me.
And then next time you tell me, you know what, that place
oh so hard, he's going togo to the different place. Because love
is about giving. So she acceptmy influence and I was accepted influence that
way we can grow together. Butis one million? Yeah, it's a
(41:53):
it's an example. If she saysone million, already we know where doing
not the father, not the grandfather. And she has said one million,
but she's not the one who saidthe very She's not the one she said
that. That's one million forever.It's her family, do you and she's
(42:15):
the same person that can influence that. She's the same one. She'll say,
you know what, this guy Ireally love you, Please, don't
you're getting rich? He doesn't haveone million. Yeah, he doesn't have
one million right now, or evenif he does, let's use that one
million to start our life together,right instead of you take all these one
(42:36):
million and then the guy will stillare you going to get convinced? Kenyons
with that don't actually exchange, butit's saying that the person who's there during
your worst moments deserves to be inyour best moments. So all of you
(43:00):
and saying like you know, ifyou're in love, are not and take
to someone's right, Okay, youactually you have what say? Do you
have? What's to add on that? You look very curious? You want
to say something. Yeah, youknow, am I the only one married
in here? Oh? Yeah,okay, I agree with Kravs. It's
(43:22):
really the focus is really on buildingthe person up and giving because when you
do, it's going to be beautiful. It's not toxics, not demanding,
draining the person financially emotionally. There'sa kind of sacrifice in a relationship that
(43:44):
when you do that, the effectwould be double. So when you show
love and when you see that theperson was love, you will be feeling
the feeling of love is it goeswhen you know that the person that you
love. When you sacrifice with theperson, it doesn't feel like it's taking
(44:05):
away from me, but it's likeyou have a back, the love back
that goes up when when you seethe person's love back goes up. So
just that kind of dynamics in arelationship, right, Gabs, you're preaching
that, Yeah, But I havea question before you. So I do
(44:30):
men like normally don't go for thewomen they struggle with when they had nothing,
because you find when most of thembecome successful, they'll go for women
who are really have higher standards.So I do want me like to suffer
with you testing me Okay, I'mwith you. Now you're suffering, then
(44:51):
when now you're blessed, you gofor another person. So I'm just sorry,
but I'm not willing to struggle.Okay, I am willing to struggle
with someone, but not in thatsense that after some time struggle you're going
for someone else. Soldiers reach yourstandard, then it will meet up.
Okay, if they go for someoneelse, they never loved you from the
(45:12):
start. You're just keeping them companyto get what they wanted. Okay,
I think out of any last potto them and entertainment couples just start a
radish yeah, then we go toFritz. Okay, yeah, I don't
have much to say about that.I've already given my opinion, so I
just give a shout out to myfamily and friends. Fred, shout out
(45:37):
to my family as well, verysupportive, and also to my girlfriend Vella
who's listening in right now. Shoutout to you. Also, shout out
to my family and friends and toeveryone who's watching this episode. Shout out
to a lovely wife who's always supportedof all the things I do. Yeah,
(45:58):
okay, thankful for having me.A big shout outs to my number
one and our daughter and yeah,thank you for having me. Let's grow
in love more than before. Inlove, amen, brother Amen, I'm
let's grow in money and growing love. Okay, what are you saying?
(46:23):
What were you saying? I'm justsaying. I'm just giving my daughter grow
in love, growing money, growin love. I'm going to start with
manifest grow in love, grow inmoney, grow in love. That's my
daughter. Okay, thank you guysfor joining us. I'm real talk with
Caddy Engineer And that's a wrap upfor today's episode and we can wait to
(46:46):
have you for another for another excitingepisode. So until next time, goodbye,
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