December 2, 2023 • 57 mins
Welcome to Real Talk, the podcast where we dive deep into the real issues that matter most in our lives. Today's episode is all about a topic that's both timeless and timely – loyalty in relationships. Whether you're navigating the complexities of romantic partnerships, friendships, or even family ties, we've got the insights and perspectives you've been craving.
Joining us are some incredible panelists who bring their unique experiences and wisdom to the table. We're here to explore the nuances of loyalty, what it means, how it's earned, and the challenges we all face in staying true to those we care about.
Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on your favorite podcast platform. And now, without further ado, let's get into it. It's time for Real Talk!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/real-talk--5980730/support.
Joining us are some incredible panelists who bring their unique experiences and wisdom to the table. We're here to explore the nuances of loyalty, what it means, how it's earned, and the challenges we all face in staying true to those we care about.
Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on your favorite podcast platform. And now, without further ado, let's get into it. It's time for Real Talk!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/real-talk--5980730/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello everyone, and we listen tothe show ren Talk with Caddy Engineer.
I'm your host to Kady and I'mexcited to have you doing us today for
an exciting episode titled Loyalty and thisepisode is brought to you by CEE one
Productions. But before I get started, let me introduce my co host for
today, Shania. How are youdoing good? Thank you? Hi everyone
(00:22):
with U. Let me introduce uson my panelist for today. I'm going
to start for my screen Daisy,how are you? I'm fine? Paying
to you? How are you?You're good? What about you? Joeush,
how are you doing today? Doinggreat? Hi to all the listeners.
Fritz happy to be here. Andlastly, Mas, how are you?
(00:46):
I'm great? How's everyone good?Whether you're tuning for the first time
or return as a subscriber, wepromise you an insightful journey and thank you
for joining us and Red Talk withKaddy Engineer. Anally listen, my co
host would be joining me to explorethe depth of the topic being discussed,
(01:06):
that is loyalty in the relationship andshare their unique perspectives. And now let's
get started. So let me establishwhat we mean by loyalty in relationships.
What I understand is a loyalty involvesbeing there for your partner, emotionally,
demonstrating and maintaining an open communication.And it's all about building a foundation of
(01:34):
trust that can withstand the test oftime. So I'm going to start to
ask you. It's an opening questionand everyone must answer and give the opinion.
The first one. I'm going tostart with you, Shania. What
are your thoughts on loyalty tests?Are they good or bad? I think
(01:56):
loyalty tests are good. Yeah,that's true. Established. I would you
like want to test you be honest, if they question our relationship and maybe
they think that okay. If theyquestion our relationship and maybe they have doubts
about something, I'd rather they approachme and ask me if everything is okay.
(02:21):
So you don't want to surprise it. Don't want them to surprise you
when you're sitting in a restaurant andthey come and they just set up someone
to test you if you're a lawyeror not. So you don't want that,
right, Yeah, such kind ofloyalty testes no on my end?
Wow, what about your Daisy?What are your thoughts on loyalty tests?
(02:43):
Do you think they are good orbad in a relationship set up? I
think they are good just to haveloyalty test in a relationship they have wow.
Yeah, because once you test someone'sloyalty, then you can understand how
that person tests you. Yeah,so you would love someone to test you?
Right? Yeah? Will you pass? So? Yeah? Most slightly?
(03:07):
I will past that level to Okay? Or about you, Joe,
do you think tests are good ina relationship. I think it's quite a
new idea for me. But likean intentional testing of someone's loyalty, right,
No, are you asking that?Yeah? I think that's good.
Yeah, my answer would be goodbecause it would show the commitment. Okay,
(03:30):
do you think you will pass thattest? They have not prepared you.
Actually they just can't. Wow.It's like a surprise queenz. Right
Okay, I hope. So you'renot sure about You're not sure about juice?
Pass? Right? Okay? Willbe a friend? Yeah? Okay?
(03:52):
Or about your treats? No?Wow? For me, definitely,
no tests will come naturally. AndI say this is for me personally.
I think it's kind of betraying yourpartner if you would test their loyalty,
because in the end, if youwould script out something that would test them
(04:13):
and then they would find out thatyou're just scripting out or playing or maybe
your attentions are good, but inthe end, for example, you created
a fake account and then you're startingto like or converse with someone. I
think it's really something that could damage, especially if you're if the other halse
would find out about it. Soit's it's a bit dangerous for me to
(04:39):
do or to have your partner partner'sloyalty be tested. So yeah, so
you don't want someone testing you,right, I don't want someone testing me,
and I am not planning to testsomeone else as Well's confident that the
(05:00):
the loyal to test would come notactually she can? Wow? Would you?
Would you pass though the if?Do you think you're not supposed to
(05:20):
think you're supposed to say? Weare? Will past? You have nothing
to hide? Right? Yeah?I have nothing to hide because I'm not
doing anything, So I think Iwould Huh, Okay, got you?
What about you must do you thinkclod tests are good or bad your relationship
(05:44):
for me? It's okay, It'sokay because you do to someone else as
well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to do it to someone
else as well. But I haveit unnecessary for a relationship to do that
because usually if you're with someone else, time will you know. Time will
(06:08):
test you both, and usually youwill get hint like if you're not there,
he will defend you. If someoneis about like bad mouthing you,
and then if he's like hiding somethings behind your back, you will tell.
And I think that's unnecessary because timewill tell. But what's the need
(06:33):
of testing someone? And you canjust call them and tell them this is
what is like, you can communicateto them. What's the need of seenogy?
I think in just goodell the relationshipssome people. So if you still
(06:54):
have doubts, you just have totest the loyalty. Last, I believe
loyalty can neither strengthen strengthen your relationshipor it can ruin easy. If you
friend one person they're cheating or something, don't you think that it's betraying your
partner when you're testing them or somethingbecause you got them by surprise, I
(07:18):
think even informant in them. Yeah, when testing, I think you do
it for you for your own Youdo it for yourself, like you want
to be sure if they're also loyallike you are. So we have how
many we have? One now andthree? Yeses? Okay, I think
(07:46):
our loyalty test have become popular.I know you guys are seen on social
media boyfriend girlfriends are picking up settingup a fixed scenario, you know,
like the people like tend to createvarious methods of testing their partner. For
example, you can see, ha guy just talk to his friend.
(08:13):
The friend has has a Borghini orsomething. Now the girl is being tested
if she's a gold girl or not. But so Sonia, if it was
you your boyfriend test, you setup you with a friend they have The
friend has a Borghinea and something.You've never entered that car, right,
(08:35):
but that is your first, yourchance to do it. Will you do
it or you just ignore? Iwouldn't cause anything that is not mine.
I don't find it interesting because evenat the end of the day, if
I go inside the vehicle, they'renot mine. So you just you just
like seeing it. You're not you'renot using it. You willn't do that.
(09:03):
Yeah, actually you're not leaving him. You're just like sitting on the
car. Nothing else is that sittingthough you're not doing anything, It just
is that sitting like, okay,you're leaving him to go sitt inside the
car. I think those tests Ijust like to see if you're a guy
(09:26):
like could live in for a richguy who has a nice car. Okay,
oh well I okay, you seelike partner setting up like fixed scenarios
testing their partners. But I havea question, do these just truly strengthen
relationships? Do you think they strengthened, because once you do it, you
(09:50):
have doubts, you have this,you don't trust you. But now do
they like strengthen a relationship? Anyonecan answer that? Yeah, I have
said I think they do strengthen relationships. For start, it's either it strengthens
the relationship or it trains everything.Plus just for clarification, like if you
(10:11):
have so much doubt, like someoneis maybe being disloyal to you, just
go for itch for your own sakeand for your own sanity, just testing
or her. What if that artistgoes wrong? What will leave you?
Then that means that you are righthad to question the relations but you be
(10:35):
hurt. Yeah, but it's betterto know than just to be there seated
thinking that you two are in arelationship when you're dissing yourself. Wow,
Okay, anyone else reads George fromGuyside. For me, it will be
good in the relationship if it turnedout okay, if the results are what
(11:01):
you're hoping for, and just makesure that after you do that, you'll
be the one to tell him thatyou did that instead of him knowing from
any other person. That will reallyhit his ego and pride. Okay,
get you. I agree with MrsI agree with Murse who can And two
(11:31):
things I was thinking while while listeningto Shania and Mers. First is that,
uh, there's this statement you know, it's better a broken heart than
a broken marriage. Wow, Sofor me this would be okay. The
(11:52):
second one is there's a testing beforethe blessing. So yeah, if it
turns out well, enjoy the blessingof the delications because you're passed the test.
But if not, I hope thatthe person learns to be more loyal.
Okay, what would you for anything? That? Well? I
(12:18):
saw. I'm seeing a lot ofblogs creed from the recent weeks that couples
are taking like light detector tests,and they are they're these couples are very
strong and they have very strong relationshipsand very good communications. But then when
(12:39):
they tried the light detector tests,even if they were strong and you know,
good couples, you know, theresults are the results are are quite
quite shocking because even if the personwould tell the truth, you know,
results could still say that that thatthe test could could still say it's a
(13:05):
lie. So I think that's thepoint that I'm trying to get at.
You know, if you really aresaying the truth, then then you know,
you can you can live, youcan live with harmony with with your
partner, and there's I think it'sit's a bit disruptive for me, especially,
(13:28):
you know, like what I've likewhat I was saying earlier, if
I found out that I'm being justtested, for example, my girlfriend would
hire someone to text me or toto chat me or something like that,
or or tempt me, then definitelyI'm gonna be you know, some something
like borderline kiss or something, becauseit's it. I don't see the point
(13:54):
of of me being tested or herbeing tested if I would send a guy
or on the other hand, Soyeah, it it helps if it results
are good, but it's more disruptivethan than it then it you know,
(14:16):
should be should be like that that'sthat's for me. Okay, this is
for the married ones married and dyingmuch this question is for you. I
don't know if this is going somewhere. However, like considered testing, but
not to call from the lawyer.Have you ever thought of doing it?
(14:39):
The ones are dating and the oneswho are married. You're laughing introspect with
you. Okay, let me startwith Mars. She's laughing that right.
Yeah. I tried it before myhusband. I created a fake account and
I added his crush like I grabbedthe crush and I messaged him like,
(15:05):
Hi, are you free? Whereare you now? And he replied with
that's it? Okay, So whatthe result? The deepers and I was
just like just a tombs out,that's it? So I was really,
(15:31):
did you tell him? Did youtell him? I deleted everything? You
would, I know? Not myhusband, my boyfriend? Yeah, okay,
(15:52):
I tried it before. Oh okay, we're about to Josh. Have
you ever a lot of doing ittesting your partner? You know, in
our marriage we have a rule ofcomplete honesty and openness. So if we
(16:15):
have a question, any hint ofanything, we just asked straight. We
don't need to do a test.So I think that's for me. I
won't need a test. No,I'm not even asking, Like, as
the marriage goes by, you've nevergot it right when you're alone and you
(16:38):
know, like I need to dothis, you haven't. That's amazing.
I have it. What what youdo is? I know? Afraid?
Sorry, No, I've not doneit to anyone, nor do I have
a plan to do it. Ibetter spend my time thinking about how to
give her more assurance, then,you know, get myself validated because of
(17:03):
the tense. Wow, my storyis interesting. She did it? Know
what? Crazy? Sometimes? AndI did it when I was so there's
a lot of hormones and moods.So I don't have anything. Don't You
just want to play it. Youdon't have to defend. It's it's just
(17:29):
me. So it's okay. Youplay and then you bind out there cheating
or something. Then you start crying. But you're the one who did that
to yourself. You could have stoppedit, though, What about you,
Shania? Can you do I've neverdone that before, but yes I can.
(17:52):
If I have doubts and like Ihave this gut feeling that maybe something
is wrong, I'm probably going totest him, Are you going to create
a fiction? I think most ladies, Yes, I think I think it's
it's the ladies who's more prone toto do that. Maybe yeah, m
(18:17):
hmm. But a lot of guysare the ones who who does that,
Especially when you open YouTube and godirect to the shots. You're going to
see my boyfriend did this, myboyfriend did that. You you're setting up
with a friend, then the friendsof them for content product? Yeah,
I think that's for content. Butwe have we have that a lot of
(18:44):
that in can, isn't Jane?I would agree with me. Some of
them are crazy to loyalty tastes ontheir pipes nest and it doesn't end up.
Some of them end up fighting infront of them or something cheated on
me this love them or you know, if you watch the show How to
(19:06):
Catch a Cheater, there's a showdedicated to the catching cheaters. Like tests.
They make the test for partners andthen eventually they will see if they
will be you know, fall intothe chap and cheat on their partner.
So okay, uh, what aboutyou, Daisy? Didn't ask you like
(19:27):
you would you do it? Haveyou ever thought of doing it? Personally?
I will didn't do it on myparts now, but my partner has
done it on me. So hesent someone to science. Yeah, spity,
did you pass? Yeah? Sosomeone trying to fly with me and
(19:51):
he was my partner's boyfriend. Butmy partner's friend, but I didn't know,
so yeah, I kind of letit back. I literally beats,
but then I didn't go the way. It was just like yeah, wow.
So he confronted me, Yeah,wows will do it still together?
(20:17):
Now? Shania will do We'll doit? Okay, theres answer the question?
Yeah don't are you still together now? No? It was a few
years ago, so if he hedamped me, wow, guys, okay,
(20:45):
yeah, well okay, Shania,this is for you first. I'm
going to you first. Would youassist your friend to test your partner to
see if they would she would you? Would you get like a dico?
(21:06):
Yeah? I would and have donethat before, like with my friend.
She had this guy feeling that herboysfriend was doing something fish so but she
confronted him first, but he deniedeverything. So I just told her,
what you want to do? Sheasked me if I could text him,
(21:26):
but I was not too slat withhim or anything. She's the one who
directed me on the things to say, what to do. She just told
me, like to view his ttters. It was on Valentine's Day and she
was right. He posted a pictureof his ex and all with a long
message like declaring his love. Andthe guy found out. Okay, she
(21:52):
confronted him after careen shorts like whatit posted? Then the guy probably at
least and someone's niche Yeah yetive sorry, like how do you know each other?
Again? You know? I justtold him, like I just came
clean and I told him what happened, and he was like, please help
(22:15):
me, like clarify my name.Was just helped me, like because she
blocked me. And that was likelike that in the middle. So you
just yeah, got defend yourself.You you helped with the with the breaking
(22:36):
should they say breaking or something?You help with the test and failed.
Actually I was just yeah, andshe was detective work. We were taking
notes, right, yeah, shewas had Okay, we have Cabia Caba
(23:00):
that a catch up. We're talkingabout laryoty tests in the relationship. So
I'm going to you, do youthink they are good or by which one?
Which is which? I can hearyou well, I think you have
(23:27):
to fix your mic on your end. Mistake, cantinue. He's going mute,
yeah, and mute yourself. Thinkthe not yet. Okay, my
god, host is going to helpme read our today's scenario. It's a
(23:51):
short story actually, so go ahead, Chanier, and then all of you
are going to like give your opinionon the matter being discussed, and I'm
coming to you past Josh, soget ready, go ahead, Chenian.
Okay, everyone, so listen toyou. Celario. Taylor and Number are
(24:12):
couple in their late twenties have beentogether for six years. Despite encountering their
fair share and ups and down,they have consistently managed to navigate challenges as
a team. Over the past threeyears. Amber has eagerly anticipated Taylor's Taylor
poping the big question and asking herto marry him. However, she noticed
(24:37):
Taylor becoming increasingly distant, and whenevershe attempts to connect with him, he
seems to pull away. This behaviorhas triggered anxiety and trust issues in numberleading
her to believe that Taylor may beshooting on her. In an attempt to
test Taylor's loyalty, Amber hutches aplan. She reaches out to her distant
(25:00):
friend June and asks her to assessTyler's fidelity by flirting with him. Initially
hesitant, June eventually agrees to carryout the plan. She creates a false
profile and makes advances towards toward Tyler. After weeks of interaction, Joane observes
(25:21):
that Tayler does not reciprocate the interest. Despite this reassurance, Amber insists that
June continues with the scheme. Eventually, burdened by guilt, John confesses to
Tyler, revealing the true nature ofthe test. To everyone's surprise, it
turns out that Tyler was not cheating, but was dealing with personal challenges.
(25:44):
Upon learning the truth, Tyler becomesangry and decides to end his relationship with
Amber, feeling that the test wenttoo far. With time, Amber discovers
that Tyler and June are now dating. She cannot help but feel guilty for
an intentionally pushing him away and encouraginghim for and encouraging him to form a
(26:04):
connection with June, who ultimately helpedhim through his issues. That's the story.
Wow, better story. So,Josh, is it okay to test
your but your partner celerity? Usingdeceptive methods according to the story, Uh,
(26:30):
why did you do that? Idon't think so, it's okay,
so I would I would say noto that. Wow, okay, yes
that yeah, yeah, I meanuh yeah, he saw how it ended.
(26:56):
Now at the ending, it's notaffairded about you? Yeah? Your
thoughts on that? Oh me?Yep? So I think at first she
should have asked him directly, likegive him away out freedom first, or
(27:21):
for him freedom like confront him,are you cheating on me? Is everything?
Like? Is our relationship? Okay? I believe that that should be
the first detective way like to goabout the situation. Just ask them first.
Then if you still have doubts,then you go ahead and test.
Although he tested him, she testedhim, and the friend reassured her that
(27:48):
he was not cheating, but sheinsisted on like still like the scheme going
on? Well, I think sheruns things there. She should have just
left it at that. So,but I do agree there are some ways
that you can test people, butdon't push it too far. Okay,
(28:11):
I think it's understandable, but thatindividuals have insecurities, especially women. But
but subjecting you but not to test, can create an atmosphere of distrust.
Between you two, So okay,what are your thoughts on that? Mass
(28:33):
For me, her friend is notloyal to her, like that should be
the one that way first. Yeah, and she went for the Yeah a
distant friend. Yeah, that's right, and he knew everything she updated she
dated the guy, So that's reallya no no. If I'm going to
(28:56):
test my boyfriend or my husband,I'll I'll be the one who's going to
do it, not consult to otherpeople, so there's no surprises in the
end. And I agree with Shaniafirst of all, if there's like a
distant thing that she feels from theguy, she should have asked him if
(29:22):
what's going on, if everything isall right, if he's going through something,
So at least there would be atransparency on their communication and the guy
would probably confess to her like hisproblems and she has a chance to help
him instead. So I think there'sa lack of communication there on their end.
(29:48):
So you're not going to try tolose someone away, So you're not
going to trust any woman so basedaround your man, right, Wow,
I feel like men, especially withwomen, you can't trust your friends to
(30:10):
do a loyalty test on your mindbecause things might tid against you and doesn't
one. Yeah, so stay away. So if you if you test them,
you find your you're the one whowas being cheated on or you're the
(30:32):
side cheek that's their main relationship,you're just playing alone. Okay, dais
are you saying like it's not okayto test your partners loyalty using the septic
methods? Right? Yeah? Youshould din't use such kinds of methods that
(30:56):
are desiptive to test your partsner becauseone of you might end up getting hurt,
but the relationship might just crumble.So if you want to taste your
person, you better look for yeah, because if you don't, you should
look for better methods to for example, give us one when you want to
(31:21):
use the one you want your partnerto use. Any that is like fair
something I think if it's a loyaltytaste that I will want my person not
to use. Is like someone likethe parents in a setup that you bring
your mother and your mother tries,or a sister who tries talking shit on
(31:48):
my boyfriend or husband. Then Iput it myself from that situation and like
using other deceptive methods, you cantaste loyelties by different ways, not just
sending a girl to fly to beyour mind here, but you're going to
bring a parent in that? Wow, I won't do it basically paid it
(32:15):
mum hum. But someone close youand like you thing flating methods. You
can use other methods tasty your partesnow. It doesn't have to be a
parent, but someone who is whowho is not into your relationship so much
so they started talking bad about youor but moving you. Then you see
(32:37):
how your parton now will react.That's situation. Wow, I won't go
for your method though. Crazy Yeah, like if you have a mother in
lowhood doesn't slight you or assist inlove food, doesn't like you, So
(32:58):
you can just sorry and see ifthey talk about that with you. How
your partson now will react to thatsituation? You know even that if the
form of loyalty tastes according to me, Yeah, I get you this married
maybe drinking the parent m yeah,you're going married, you can bring in
(33:21):
the parents take you try and solvethe issue. But maybe if you're dating,
I don't think it's nice to involveyour parents into your relationship or you
don't even want them to know yourin said anyone close to them, not
not exclusively parent, I know,like going to do it to tell them
(33:45):
you your goal. I think youcan you know and explained everything to tell
your parents or something and maybe it'sa secret relationship set to find out.
Just don't do it. You're socomplicated efficient, it's so complicated. You
(34:07):
have to think about, you know, lying to your you're lye. You
also have to you want to havea backup plan, you have you must
have a backup plan if they want. The first one feels no, I'm
not doing that. Yeah, Ithink I'm going to write That's why.
(34:30):
For me, it's it's a it'sa bit or not a bit, but
it's kind of a betrayal to yourpartner because somehow it feeds or it creates
an atmosphere of distrust, especially whenwhen your partner finds out that, oh,
you're just testing me, don't youtrust me, or something like that,
(34:51):
or you know it it feeds onon your your your personal you know
validation if is it is it yourpartner who is lacking of giving you the
assurance to trust his or her loyalty, or is he or she lacking or
it's just you's not recognizing the littlethings that you could you know, trust
(35:15):
or you can assure yourself with.So it's a two way uh relationship of
course, so you also have toconsider that as well. So that's for
me. For me, it's it'sa it feeds that environment or atmosphere of
(35:35):
uh distrust. Yeah, And Ithink if Amber had an issue with her
trusting her boyfriend, maybe she couldget counseling, you know, maybe she
has trust issues. Work on somethings. The open go on, right,
(35:58):
That's that's what I'm thinking. Maybeshe's not to bs know, she
she has a lot of times inher hands. That's why she's thinking.
She's overthinking most of the time.Yeah, So if if you say offered
the go ahead, I would haveoffered them a way out first, Like
(36:22):
if I'm ever in such a situation, like I'd offer my significant other way
out first, Like if you don'twant this relationship to work, just tell
me just break my heart right nowso that we can get to the healing
process rather than like doing like thiswent on for a week, just going
(36:44):
on for weeks months testing someone andyou can just do it in a snap,
like of your fingers. Just askthem, tell them if you want
free doomal this relationship will end thecare before going through all of that.
So yeah, oh you do that, I'm going to break your first and
see stuff you're going. I'm notgoing to cry alone. Actually, how
(37:08):
no revenge? If you have thatexperience that kind of that kind of strong
love or infatuation. How about ifyou experience that with one man and you
experience that, can you still saythat, like your head over heels in
(37:31):
love with that man? Are youwilling to let let it go just like
that? Yeah? I believe there'salways someone out there for everyone, even
if you love that person way toomuch and they don't like you back.
You know, there's nothing you cando. The only one who's going to
(37:52):
end up part in that situation,So just let it go. Heal.
Healing may take many for some peopleyears, but go ahead. Yeah,
God will give you someone else.There's always someone for Everyone's where it's it's
it's like having a crush and someoneyou don't want to tell them you have
a crush on them, but whenyou see them with someone that you feel
(38:15):
you feed bad. Everyone who isjust don't you don't want to tell them
you have a qush on them.Just sitting there, And I think that's
a dangerous right when you when youlearn or at least had the habit of
testing someone or anyone for that matter, it's like, Okay, you get
(38:37):
validated every time, and then youdo it every time you have a relationship
or somewhere somewhere between the lines,you you try to test everyone just to
you know, get that assurance.And I think that's also danger I'm not
saying it's it's always the case.I'm saying that you could have that that
tendency where you, as anyone whowould be in relationship with so for example,
(39:04):
you would do this could be apattern as well that you know that
could be could create a toxic tradeor take create a toxic relationship that you
have supposedly with with a with agood partner personality is order? If I
actually actually that's true that if somepeople do have and they questioned everything and
(39:30):
everyone, So for people like that, like I don't know what they can
do, like in stituations like that, maybe they should just coak on themselves,
go for counseling. If maybe theyhave trust issues but formlement like got
feeling obsessed, they just mm hmm, yeah, obsess. You have just
(39:57):
issue mm hmm your hair before testingthere just about everything first, like look
for ways that won't show like yourtoxic or anything. Just ask them that
their advisor gives to everyone in arelationship who feels like their partner is to
give the benefit of the doubt always. Okay, I you see when you
(40:25):
you tell them I'm feeling this way, you know they're going to be prepared
because they know you're on their neck, so they're going to like do everything
that you want them to do.But you don't know behind the scenes what
they are doing. They know you'reon their necks, so they're going to
behave well because you're still going tocatch them at some point. But before
(40:49):
you do that, you give themlike a heads up, I'm going to
test you some days, so they'regoing to be always prepared for their lives.
You should like for them, gotthem by a surprise, come to
them, tell them you know whatyou are? Cheatah, I could you?
Some people can lie. Yeah.No, for me, it's not
(41:14):
worth it to test. If it'sin the boyfriend face or dating face,
it's not worth it because sooner orlater you will find it out. But
if you're like if you're like approaching, most of them do mm hmm.
That's the right time, like totest, because before you don't have relationship
(41:39):
gets any hard that like, yeah, that's the time you should be testing.
You wouldn't find face rather than marriage. Yeah, most of them you
won't find, like couples who aremarried already, like most like most of
them don't do it. But thedating ones, it's crazy crazy they do
(42:04):
it a lot. And I'm givingyou another example from Kenya. They do
it. I hope they're the sameto me. When you open a YouTube
channel, define them and it endsup, it ends up like so bad.
Most of them go without blind whatdo you call it? The black
eye? Why not don't test atall to away those problems. I don't
(42:30):
know if they can do it.They can, they can. They can't
live, you know without doing it. Company I tell you, m hm,
yes, but you can always chooseto, you know, reach out,
be open, like it's a betterchoice than they will not yet peas,
they won't cut you. They willnot. Even if you have evidence,
(42:52):
they will not admit it. They'realways going to deny it. So
if you know that they keep ondenying it, then I stay, that's
your evidence already. Yeah, onceyou can't a person she till being unloyal.
It's a cute to leave the relationshipbecause you can't end up continuing the
(43:14):
relationship if there's not served between youguys. Yeah so because things mates get
made. Ah yeah, so likethe dating phase, like where you know
when you're dating someone and you guysare about to take to take things seriously,
(43:34):
like you guys are already committed toeach other and you're probably seeing a
future with this person, and maybethere's proposal, maybe you want to marry
each other. That's the time I'mgoing to do the test real good,
yeah, a real good back upbackground check on you, like see if
(43:58):
you have any like some people dolike like that they don't have children or
they don't have wives. So Iwant to meet your parents. I want
to meet like to know all yourfriends before he gets into it in the
day, she did spill the tea. Yeah, spill the tea peace.
(44:20):
Yeah, that's right, that's whatI did. I didn't feel it to
all of my boyfriends. Actually it'snot worth it. But when I met
my husband and I think that he'sthe one, then that's the only time.
That's the one time that I didit, And how did it go?
Like details? He passed? Hepassed, like he replied, comes
up and that's it. Your husbanddeserves a snow clap. Yeah, I
(45:10):
don't think it should be a reason. Maybe they're going through things. But
if you're going through something and I'mtrying to get to you and you're pushing
me away, like we're one rightnow, your problems should be my problem,
so you should run to me firstbefore you go to someone else.
So if you push me away,you don't tell me what's up with you,
(45:30):
you're ignoring me. As women,I probably am going to think that
maybe there's someone else in your lifethat you're sharing thosting your problems with.
So for me, this I feellike for me, distance is arizon for
(45:54):
me to suspect infibility in a relationshipbecause once, if we were close before
and we used to talk about thingstogether and sort tissues out and then just
suddenly you start becoming distance, thenthey'll have reason to believe we've been talking
to someone else, because if you'renot coming to me, yeah, but
(46:21):
you still have to talk to me. No, most times, if a
guy gets gets distance with you,it's because he has another woman that he's
talking to. Or if you juststay space sights instead of pushing someone away.
(46:50):
That when when when there's well,there's stance. Uh uh. Could
be dangerous. But if you haveestablished a structure or a way of you
know, being together at least online, you know, and the communication lines
(47:12):
are intact, I think it couldwork, but it should be just only
for a short time if they're alreadyin a relationship, because communication in a
relationship is very important. Now beingthisted physically away, that's dangerous because you
have to you know, grow together, and for some certain reasons sometimes it
(47:36):
will happen, maybe the nature ofwork or especially maybe the guys a policeman
or a soldier or something like that. But they need to show effort and
willingness to keep the connection the communicationlines intact. That's for me that distance
(48:02):
equals men. Okay, what wasthe statement again? Men? Men are
automatic cheating on a distance. Isaid most times when men become distance with
(48:22):
their women, it's because they're talkingto other women, so they have something
to hide. Yeah most of thetime, yeah, most of the time.
Could be. That's why it's dangerous. But there are still human who
(48:45):
that's really no. But why willyou distance yourself from your your wife if
you don't have anything to hide,why will you not talk to her?
But why will you have with somesituation with her? That's because something is
not straight in the relationship. Sothis will give the woman a reason what
(49:07):
they are their partson and let menot say they will have a reason to
think their partson needs no. Butif they are having if they are having
(49:31):
an issue that they can't talk toyou about, just inform you a partsoner
and tell them I'm going through somethingbut they can't talk to you, so
that your partsner can be at still. Yeah, I agree with that well,
definitely, absolutely, definitely. Idon't have the facts to prove that
(50:00):
men are talking to other girls whenthey are distancing themselves. Potentially it could
be, but not absolutely. Butwith regards to distance, I think yes,
it could create something of a doubtor that atmosphere of a doubt for
(50:22):
the partner, but it should notbecause once again I agree with what Josh
said that being in a long distancerelationship, it's if you really want the
relationship to work all the more youshould have the desire and commitment to to
meet and to have that kind ofstrong bond and connection even through online video
(50:47):
chat calls or whatever. You know, and if you are truly because that's
that's the only platform that you canspend time with your with yours to someone.
So if you are consistent and persistentwith it as well, I think
(51:07):
that could help the doubting side ofthe partner subside or completely disappear as well.
So for me, no, beingdistant could be also a sign of
(51:37):
cheating or probably they are dealing witha problem, or probably they're losing interest
in you because it's not all thetime. Like, yeah, it's not
(51:58):
all the time. There's no formulafor that, Like if they stop communicating
with you, that means that they'recheating. No, that's not always the
case. So there's really no directanswer to that. Maybe they're just having
the arhea. Maybe they're just havingtheir yeah problems. You know, we
(52:24):
were talking about that last time,and you know, some people could be
going through those things that they're distancingthemselves because you know, it's it's not
a pleasant smell too. And thenthey say me, I'm distancing myself for
because I have this fat problem.I'll be right back shortly but after a
(52:46):
few days. Yeah, but yousee how communication sold those potential problems like
(53:17):
distance, distrust, and and everythingin between. Because communication really is the
key. Open communication is really thekey, I think to have those barriers
overcome because if you are as Iremember, it was said that over communication
(53:37):
is better than under because it's betterthat you always set the expectations and you
know, let your partner know abouteverything then you know, uh spilling out
details, but left leaving out somedetails for yourself. So so it's it's
it's really I think would be crucial. I think Joe ash could also uh
(54:02):
agree to this because this is whathe's been saying that he and his wife
is, uh, they have thisthis rule of you know, just tell
it, be straightforward and and formy girlfriend and I that's also what I'm
saying. If you don't like something, just tell me right away. If
you you know, notice anything orsomething that is not to your liking,
(54:28):
then it's better to talk about itright away. Then you know, spend
another day of thinking about it andhaving it you know, uh build up
or have a crude in your heart. So yeah, yeah, I want
to I want to read it.Yeah, sorry, I just want to
say that the problem in marriages orin a relationship, it's really uncommunicated desires
(54:58):
or uncommunicated frustrations, uncommunicated anything,Yeah, and created expectations, desires every
you just have to communicate, youknow, whatever is in your mind.
So there must be that safe placefor the relationship to flourish, especially when
you have a part problem. Especially. Yeah, I feel like once you
(55:51):
a parsoner tastes you, and evenif you pass the taste, there will
just be that sense of distrust betweenyou because she will have been like what
if he tastes me again? Orwhat if she tests me again? And
they don't part. So I don'tthink for me personally that sense of this
(56:12):
trust will just vanish like that.And as for me as Yeah, so
I've seen relationships, some relationship,but I don't think that the trust would
be there anymore. Like you'd alwayslike question your partner if anything goes wrong.
(56:37):
You're just like this one is cheating, So they trust won't be as
strong as it was before you foundout they were cheating. But I've seen
relationships walk out after people have treatedon natsch. That's where I think it
will work out, especially if you'rereally honest and sincere. For me,
(56:58):
it doesn't really matter how many timesyou do the loyal test on me.
Because I know that I'm not cheatingand I'm not doing anything. I'm confident
that you will not that I willnot pass the test because I'm not doing
anything. So that really depends onthe person. Shout out to the yeah,
(57:39):
and don't faith okayl give us shoutouts shrust us to all the couples
out there, and to my familyand friends. And do not cheat on
your partner. Shout out to myfamily and mom, friends, and to
(58:07):
all the couples who's watching this episode. Please always open your communication lines even
though you have a like a fartingproblem. Yeah. Shout out to all
(58:29):
the listeners. See you in thenext one. Thank you once again for
having me. Thank you to mygirlfriend who is always supportive and listening in.
I'm very careful with what I'm sayingbecause it's gonnaffect the night, but
anyway, thank you so much forlistening in. As y
Hello everyone, and we listen tothe show ren Talk with Caddy Engineer.
I'm your host to Kady and I'mexcited to have you doing us today for
an exciting episode titled Loyalty and thisepisode is brought to you by CEE one
Productions. But before I get started, let me introduce my co host for
today, Shania. How are youdoing good? Thank you? Hi everyone
(00:22):
with U. Let me introduce uson my panelist for today. I'm going
to start for my screen Daisy,how are you? I'm fine? Paying
to you? How are you?You're good? What about you? Joeush,
how are you doing today? Doinggreat? Hi to all the listeners.
Fritz happy to be here. Andlastly, Mas, how are you?
(00:46):
I'm great? How's everyone good?Whether you're tuning for the first time
or return as a subscriber, wepromise you an insightful journey and thank you
for joining us and Red Talk withKaddy Engineer. Anally listen, my co
host would be joining me to explorethe depth of the topic being discussed,
(01:06):
that is loyalty in the relationship andshare their unique perspectives. And now let's
get started. So let me establishwhat we mean by loyalty in relationships.
What I understand is a loyalty involvesbeing there for your partner, emotionally,
demonstrating and maintaining an open communication.And it's all about building a foundation of
(01:34):
trust that can withstand the test oftime. So I'm going to start to
ask you. It's an opening questionand everyone must answer and give the opinion.
The first one. I'm going tostart with you, Shania. What
are your thoughts on loyalty tests?Are they good or bad? I think
(01:56):
loyalty tests are good. Yeah,that's true. Established. I would you
like want to test you be honest, if they question our relationship and maybe
they think that okay. If theyquestion our relationship and maybe they have doubts
about something, I'd rather they approachme and ask me if everything is okay.
(02:21):
So you don't want to surprise it. Don't want them to surprise you
when you're sitting in a restaurant andthey come and they just set up someone
to test you if you're a lawyeror not. So you don't want that,
right, Yeah, such kind ofloyalty testes no on my end?
Wow, what about your Daisy?What are your thoughts on loyalty tests?
(02:43):
Do you think they are good orbad in a relationship set up? I
think they are good just to haveloyalty test in a relationship they have wow.
Yeah, because once you test someone'sloyalty, then you can understand how
that person tests you. Yeah,so you would love someone to test you?
Right? Yeah? Will you pass? So? Yeah? Most slightly?
(03:07):
I will past that level to Okay? Or about you, Joe,
do you think tests are good ina relationship. I think it's quite a
new idea for me. But likean intentional testing of someone's loyalty, right,
No, are you asking that?Yeah? I think that's good.
Yeah, my answer would be goodbecause it would show the commitment. Okay,
(03:30):
do you think you will pass thattest? They have not prepared you.
Actually they just can't. Wow.It's like a surprise queenz. Right
Okay, I hope. So you'renot sure about You're not sure about juice?
Pass? Right? Okay? Willbe a friend? Yeah? Okay?
(03:52):
Or about your treats? No?Wow? For me, definitely,
no tests will come naturally. AndI say this is for me personally.
I think it's kind of betraying yourpartner if you would test their loyalty,
because in the end, if youwould script out something that would test them
(04:13):
and then they would find out thatyou're just scripting out or playing or maybe
your attentions are good, but inthe end, for example, you created
a fake account and then you're startingto like or converse with someone. I
think it's really something that could damage, especially if you're if the other halse
would find out about it. Soit's it's a bit dangerous for me to
(04:39):
do or to have your partner partner'sloyalty be tested. So yeah, so
you don't want someone testing you,right, I don't want someone testing me,
and I am not planning to testsomeone else as Well's confident that the
(05:00):
the loyal to test would come notactually she can? Wow? Would you?
Would you pass though the if?Do you think you're not supposed to
(05:20):
think you're supposed to say? Weare? Will past? You have nothing
to hide? Right? Yeah?I have nothing to hide because I'm not
doing anything, So I think Iwould Huh, Okay, got you?
What about you must do you thinkclod tests are good or bad your relationship
(05:44):
for me? It's okay, It'sokay because you do to someone else as
well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I want to do it to someone
else as well. But I haveit unnecessary for a relationship to do that
because usually if you're with someone else, time will you know. Time will
(06:08):
test you both, and usually youwill get hint like if you're not there,
he will defend you. If someoneis about like bad mouthing you,
and then if he's like hiding somethings behind your back, you will tell.
And I think that's unnecessary because timewill tell. But what's the need
(06:33):
of testing someone? And you canjust call them and tell them this is
what is like, you can communicateto them. What's the need of seenogy?
I think in just goodell the relationshipssome people. So if you still
(06:54):
have doubts, you just have totest the loyalty. Last, I believe
loyalty can neither strengthen strengthen your relationshipor it can ruin easy. If you
friend one person they're cheating or something, don't you think that it's betraying your
partner when you're testing them or somethingbecause you got them by surprise, I
(07:18):
think even informant in them. Yeah, when testing, I think you do
it for you for your own Youdo it for yourself, like you want
to be sure if they're also loyallike you are. So we have how
many we have? One now andthree? Yeses? Okay, I think
(07:46):
our loyalty test have become popular.I know you guys are seen on social
media boyfriend girlfriends are picking up settingup a fixed scenario, you know,
like the people like tend to createvarious methods of testing their partner. For
example, you can see, ha guy just talk to his friend.
(08:13):
The friend has has a Borghini orsomething. Now the girl is being tested
if she's a gold girl or not. But so Sonia, if it was
you your boyfriend test, you setup you with a friend they have The
friend has a Borghinea and something.You've never entered that car, right,
(08:35):
but that is your first, yourchance to do it. Will you do
it or you just ignore? Iwouldn't cause anything that is not mine.
I don't find it interesting because evenat the end of the day, if
I go inside the vehicle, they'renot mine. So you just you just
like seeing it. You're not you'renot using it. You willn't do that.
(09:03):
Yeah, actually you're not leaving him. You're just like sitting on the
car. Nothing else is that sittingthough you're not doing anything, It just
is that sitting like, okay,you're leaving him to go sitt inside the
car. I think those tests Ijust like to see if you're a guy
(09:26):
like could live in for a richguy who has a nice car. Okay,
oh well I okay, you seelike partner setting up like fixed scenarios
testing their partners. But I havea question, do these just truly strengthen
relationships? Do you think they strengthened, because once you do it, you
(09:50):
have doubts, you have this,you don't trust you. But now do
they like strengthen a relationship? Anyonecan answer that? Yeah, I have
said I think they do strengthen relationships. For start, it's either it strengthens
the relationship or it trains everything.Plus just for clarification, like if you
(10:11):
have so much doubt, like someoneis maybe being disloyal to you, just
go for itch for your own sakeand for your own sanity, just testing
or her. What if that artistgoes wrong? What will leave you?
Then that means that you are righthad to question the relations but you be
(10:35):
hurt. Yeah, but it's betterto know than just to be there seated
thinking that you two are in arelationship when you're dissing yourself. Wow,
Okay, anyone else reads George fromGuyside. For me, it will be
good in the relationship if it turnedout okay, if the results are what
(11:01):
you're hoping for, and just makesure that after you do that, you'll
be the one to tell him thatyou did that instead of him knowing from
any other person. That will reallyhit his ego and pride. Okay,
get you. I agree with MrsI agree with Murse who can And two
(11:31):
things I was thinking while while listeningto Shania and Mers. First is that,
uh, there's this statement you know, it's better a broken heart than
a broken marriage. Wow, Sofor me this would be okay. The
(11:52):
second one is there's a testing beforethe blessing. So yeah, if it
turns out well, enjoy the blessingof the delications because you're passed the test.
But if not, I hope thatthe person learns to be more loyal.
Okay, what would you for anything? That? Well? I
(12:18):
saw. I'm seeing a lot ofblogs creed from the recent weeks that couples
are taking like light detector tests,and they are they're these couples are very
strong and they have very strong relationshipsand very good communications. But then when
(12:39):
they tried the light detector tests,even if they were strong and you know,
good couples, you know, theresults are the results are are quite
quite shocking because even if the personwould tell the truth, you know,
results could still say that that thatthe test could could still say it's a
(13:05):
lie. So I think that's thepoint that I'm trying to get at.
You know, if you really aresaying the truth, then then you know,
you can you can live, youcan live with harmony with with your
partner, and there's I think it'sit's a bit disruptive for me, especially,
(13:28):
you know, like what I've likewhat I was saying earlier, if
I found out that I'm being justtested, for example, my girlfriend would
hire someone to text me or toto chat me or something like that,
or or tempt me, then definitelyI'm gonna be you know, some something
like borderline kiss or something, becauseit's it. I don't see the point
(13:54):
of of me being tested or herbeing tested if I would send a guy
or on the other hand, Soyeah, it it helps if it results
are good, but it's more disruptivethan than it then it you know,
(14:16):
should be should be like that that'sthat's for me. Okay, this is
for the married ones married and dyingmuch this question is for you. I
don't know if this is going somewhere. However, like considered testing, but
not to call from the lawyer.Have you ever thought of doing it?
(14:39):
The ones are dating and the oneswho are married. You're laughing introspect with
you. Okay, let me startwith Mars. She's laughing that right.
Yeah. I tried it before myhusband. I created a fake account and
I added his crush like I grabbedthe crush and I messaged him like,
(15:05):
Hi, are you free? Whereare you now? And he replied with
that's it? Okay, So whatthe result? The deepers and I was
just like just a tombs out,that's it? So I was really,
(15:31):
did you tell him? Did youtell him? I deleted everything? You
would, I know? Not myhusband, my boyfriend? Yeah, okay,
(15:52):
I tried it before. Oh okay, we're about to Josh. Have
you ever a lot of doing ittesting your partner? You know, in
our marriage we have a rule ofcomplete honesty and openness. So if we
(16:15):
have a question, any hint ofanything, we just asked straight. We
don't need to do a test.So I think that's for me. I
won't need a test. No,I'm not even asking, Like, as
the marriage goes by, you've nevergot it right when you're alone and you
(16:38):
know, like I need to dothis, you haven't. That's amazing.
I have it. What what youdo is? I know? Afraid?
Sorry, No, I've not doneit to anyone, nor do I have
a plan to do it. Ibetter spend my time thinking about how to
give her more assurance, then,you know, get myself validated because of
(17:03):
the tense. Wow, my storyis interesting. She did it? Know
what? Crazy? Sometimes? AndI did it when I was so there's
a lot of hormones and moods.So I don't have anything. Don't You
just want to play it. Youdon't have to defend. It's it's just
(17:29):
me. So it's okay. Youplay and then you bind out there cheating
or something. Then you start crying. But you're the one who did that
to yourself. You could have stoppedit, though, What about you,
Shania? Can you do I've neverdone that before, but yes I can.
(17:52):
If I have doubts and like Ihave this gut feeling that maybe something
is wrong, I'm probably going totest him, Are you going to create
a fiction? I think most ladies, Yes, I think I think it's
it's the ladies who's more prone toto do that. Maybe yeah, m
(18:17):
hmm. But a lot of guysare the ones who who does that,
Especially when you open YouTube and godirect to the shots. You're going to
see my boyfriend did this, myboyfriend did that. You you're setting up
with a friend, then the friendsof them for content product? Yeah,
I think that's for content. Butwe have we have that a lot of
(18:44):
that in can, isn't Jane?I would agree with me. Some of
them are crazy to loyalty tastes ontheir pipes nest and it doesn't end up.
Some of them end up fighting infront of them or something cheated on
me this love them or you know, if you watch the show How to
(19:06):
Catch a Cheater, there's a showdedicated to the catching cheaters. Like tests.
They make the test for partners andthen eventually they will see if they
will be you know, fall intothe chap and cheat on their partner.
So okay, uh, what aboutyou, Daisy? Didn't ask you like
(19:27):
you would you do it? Haveyou ever thought of doing it? Personally?
I will didn't do it on myparts now, but my partner has
done it on me. So hesent someone to science. Yeah, spity,
did you pass? Yeah? Sosomeone trying to fly with me and
(19:51):
he was my partner's boyfriend. Butmy partner's friend, but I didn't know,
so yeah, I kind of letit back. I literally beats,
but then I didn't go the way. It was just like yeah, wow.
So he confronted me, Yeah,wows will do it still together?
(20:17):
Now? Shania will do We'll doit? Okay, theres answer the question?
Yeah don't are you still together now? No? It was a few
years ago, so if he hedamped me, wow, guys, okay,
(20:45):
yeah, well okay, Shania,this is for you first. I'm
going to you first. Would youassist your friend to test your partner to
see if they would she would you? Would you get like a dico?
(21:06):
Yeah? I would and have donethat before, like with my friend.
She had this guy feeling that herboysfriend was doing something fish so but she
confronted him first, but he deniedeverything. So I just told her,
what you want to do? Sheasked me if I could text him,
(21:26):
but I was not too slat withhim or anything. She's the one who
directed me on the things to say, what to do. She just told
me, like to view his ttters. It was on Valentine's Day and she
was right. He posted a pictureof his ex and all with a long
message like declaring his love. Andthe guy found out. Okay, she
(21:52):
confronted him after careen shorts like whatit posted? Then the guy probably at
least and someone's niche Yeah yetive sorry, like how do you know each other?
Again? You know? I justtold him, like I just came
clean and I told him what happened, and he was like, please help
(22:15):
me, like clarify my name.Was just helped me, like because she
blocked me. And that was likelike that in the middle. So you
just yeah, got defend yourself.You you helped with the with the breaking
(22:36):
should they say breaking or something?You help with the test and failed.
Actually I was just yeah, andshe was detective work. We were taking
notes, right, yeah, shewas had Okay, we have Cabia Caba
(23:00):
that a catch up. We're talkingabout laryoty tests in the relationship. So
I'm going to you, do youthink they are good or by which one?
Which is which? I can hearyou well, I think you have
(23:27):
to fix your mic on your end. Mistake, cantinue. He's going mute,
yeah, and mute yourself. Thinkthe not yet. Okay, my
god, host is going to helpme read our today's scenario. It's a
(23:51):
short story actually, so go ahead, Chanier, and then all of you
are going to like give your opinionon the matter being discussed, and I'm
coming to you past Josh, soget ready, go ahead, Chenian.
Okay, everyone, so listen toyou. Celario. Taylor and Number are
(24:12):
couple in their late twenties have beentogether for six years. Despite encountering their
fair share and ups and down,they have consistently managed to navigate challenges as
a team. Over the past threeyears. Amber has eagerly anticipated Taylor's Taylor
poping the big question and asking herto marry him. However, she noticed
(24:37):
Taylor becoming increasingly distant, and whenevershe attempts to connect with him, he
seems to pull away. This behaviorhas triggered anxiety and trust issues in numberleading
her to believe that Taylor may beshooting on her. In an attempt to
test Taylor's loyalty, Amber hutches aplan. She reaches out to her distant
(25:00):
friend June and asks her to assessTyler's fidelity by flirting with him. Initially
hesitant, June eventually agrees to carryout the plan. She creates a false
profile and makes advances towards toward Tyler. After weeks of interaction, Joane observes
(25:21):
that Tayler does not reciprocate the interest. Despite this reassurance, Amber insists that
June continues with the scheme. Eventually, burdened by guilt, John confesses to
Tyler, revealing the true nature ofthe test. To everyone's surprise, it
turns out that Tyler was not cheating, but was dealing with personal challenges.
(25:44):
Upon learning the truth, Tyler becomesangry and decides to end his relationship with
Amber, feeling that the test wenttoo far. With time, Amber discovers
that Tyler and June are now dating. She cannot help but feel guilty for
an intentionally pushing him away and encouraginghim for and encouraging him to form a
(26:04):
connection with June, who ultimately helpedhim through his issues. That's the story.
Wow, better story. So,Josh, is it okay to test
your but your partner celerity? Usingdeceptive methods according to the story, Uh,
(26:30):
why did you do that? Idon't think so, it's okay,
so I would I would say noto that. Wow, okay, yes
that yeah, yeah, I meanuh yeah, he saw how it ended.
(26:56):
Now at the ending, it's notaffairded about you? Yeah? Your
thoughts on that? Oh me?Yep? So I think at first she
should have asked him directly, likegive him away out freedom first, or
(27:21):
for him freedom like confront him,are you cheating on me? Is everything?
Like? Is our relationship? Okay? I believe that that should be
the first detective way like to goabout the situation. Just ask them first.
Then if you still have doubts,then you go ahead and test.
Although he tested him, she testedhim, and the friend reassured her that
(27:48):
he was not cheating, but sheinsisted on like still like the scheme going
on? Well, I think sheruns things there. She should have just
left it at that. So,but I do agree there are some ways
that you can test people, butdon't push it too far. Okay,
(28:11):
I think it's understandable, but thatindividuals have insecurities, especially women. But
but subjecting you but not to test, can create an atmosphere of distrust.
Between you two, So okay,what are your thoughts on that? Mass
(28:33):
For me, her friend is notloyal to her, like that should be
the one that way first. Yeah, and she went for the Yeah a
distant friend. Yeah, that's right, and he knew everything she updated she
dated the guy, So that's reallya no no. If I'm going to
(28:56):
test my boyfriend or my husband,I'll I'll be the one who's going to
do it, not consult to otherpeople, so there's no surprises in the
end. And I agree with Shaniafirst of all, if there's like a
distant thing that she feels from theguy, she should have asked him if
(29:22):
what's going on, if everything isall right, if he's going through something,
So at least there would be atransparency on their communication and the guy
would probably confess to her like hisproblems and she has a chance to help
him instead. So I think there'sa lack of communication there on their end.
(29:48):
So you're not going to try tolose someone away, So you're not
going to trust any woman so basedaround your man, right, Wow,
I feel like men, especially withwomen, you can't trust your friends to
(30:10):
do a loyalty test on your mindbecause things might tid against you and doesn't
one. Yeah, so stay away. So if you if you test them,
you find your you're the one whowas being cheated on or you're the
(30:32):
side cheek that's their main relationship,you're just playing alone. Okay, dais
are you saying like it's not okayto test your partners loyalty using the septic
methods? Right? Yeah? Youshould din't use such kinds of methods that
(30:56):
are desiptive to test your partsner becauseone of you might end up getting hurt,
but the relationship might just crumble.So if you want to taste your
person, you better look for yeah, because if you don't, you should
look for better methods to for example, give us one when you want to
(31:21):
use the one you want your partnerto use. Any that is like fair
something I think if it's a loyaltytaste that I will want my person not
to use. Is like someone likethe parents in a setup that you bring
your mother and your mother tries,or a sister who tries talking shit on
(31:48):
my boyfriend or husband. Then Iput it myself from that situation and like
using other deceptive methods, you cantaste loyelties by different ways, not just
sending a girl to fly to beyour mind here, but you're going to
bring a parent in that? Wow, I won't do it basically paid it
(32:15):
mum hum. But someone close youand like you thing flating methods. You
can use other methods tasty your partesnow. It doesn't have to be a
parent, but someone who is whowho is not into your relationship so much
so they started talking bad about youor but moving you. Then you see
(32:37):
how your parton now will react.That's situation. Wow, I won't go
for your method though. Crazy Yeah, like if you have a mother in
lowhood doesn't slight you or assist inlove food, doesn't like you, So
(32:58):
you can just sorry and see ifthey talk about that with you. How
your partson now will react to thatsituation? You know even that if the
form of loyalty tastes according to me, Yeah, I get you this married
maybe drinking the parent m yeah,you're going married, you can bring in
(33:21):
the parents take you try and solvethe issue. But maybe if you're dating,
I don't think it's nice to involveyour parents into your relationship or you
don't even want them to know yourin said anyone close to them, not
not exclusively parent, I know,like going to do it to tell them
(33:45):
you your goal. I think youcan you know and explained everything to tell
your parents or something and maybe it'sa secret relationship set to find out.
Just don't do it. You're socomplicated efficient, it's so complicated. You
(34:07):
have to think about, you know, lying to your you're lye. You
also have to you want to havea backup plan, you have you must
have a backup plan if they want. The first one feels no, I'm
not doing that. Yeah, Ithink I'm going to write That's why.
(34:30):
For me, it's it's a it'sa bit or not a bit, but
it's kind of a betrayal to yourpartner because somehow it feeds or it creates
an atmosphere of distrust, especially whenwhen your partner finds out that, oh,
you're just testing me, don't youtrust me, or something like that,
(34:51):
or you know it it feeds onon your your your personal you know
validation if is it is it yourpartner who is lacking of giving you the
assurance to trust his or her loyalty, or is he or she lacking or
it's just you's not recognizing the littlethings that you could you know, trust
(35:15):
or you can assure yourself with.So it's a two way uh relationship of
course, so you also have toconsider that as well. So that's for
me. For me, it's it'sa it feeds that environment or atmosphere of
(35:35):
uh distrust. Yeah, And Ithink if Amber had an issue with her
trusting her boyfriend, maybe she couldget counseling, you know, maybe she
has trust issues. Work on somethings. The open go on, right,
(35:58):
That's that's what I'm thinking. Maybeshe's not to bs know, she
she has a lot of times inher hands. That's why she's thinking.
She's overthinking most of the time.Yeah, So if if you say offered
the go ahead, I would haveoffered them a way out first, Like
(36:22):
if I'm ever in such a situation, like I'd offer my significant other way
out first, Like if you don'twant this relationship to work, just tell
me just break my heart right nowso that we can get to the healing
process rather than like doing like thiswent on for a week, just going
(36:44):
on for weeks months testing someone andyou can just do it in a snap,
like of your fingers. Just askthem, tell them if you want
free doomal this relationship will end thecare before going through all of that.
So yeah, oh you do that, I'm going to break your first and
see stuff you're going. I'm notgoing to cry alone. Actually, how
(37:08):
no revenge? If you have thatexperience that kind of that kind of strong
love or infatuation. How about ifyou experience that with one man and you
experience that, can you still saythat, like your head over heels in
(37:31):
love with that man? Are youwilling to let let it go just like
that? Yeah? I believe there'salways someone out there for everyone, even
if you love that person way toomuch and they don't like you back.
You know, there's nothing you cando. The only one who's going to
(37:52):
end up part in that situation,So just let it go. Heal.
Healing may take many for some peopleyears, but go ahead. Yeah,
God will give you someone else.There's always someone for Everyone's where it's it's
it's like having a crush and someoneyou don't want to tell them you have
a crush on them, but whenyou see them with someone that you feel
(38:15):
you feed bad. Everyone who isjust don't you don't want to tell them
you have a qush on them.Just sitting there, And I think that's
a dangerous right when you when youlearn or at least had the habit of
testing someone or anyone for that matter, it's like, Okay, you get
(38:37):
validated every time, and then youdo it every time you have a relationship
or somewhere somewhere between the lines,you you try to test everyone just to
you know, get that assurance.And I think that's also danger I'm not
saying it's it's always the case.I'm saying that you could have that that
tendency where you, as anyone whowould be in relationship with so for example,
(39:04):
you would do this could be apattern as well that you know that
could be could create a toxic tradeor take create a toxic relationship that you
have supposedly with with a with agood partner personality is order? If I
actually actually that's true that if somepeople do have and they questioned everything and
(39:30):
everyone, So for people like that, like I don't know what they can
do, like in stituations like that, maybe they should just coak on themselves,
go for counseling. If maybe theyhave trust issues but formlement like got
feeling obsessed, they just mm hmm, yeah, obsess. You have just
(39:57):
issue mm hmm your hair before testingthere just about everything first, like look
for ways that won't show like yourtoxic or anything. Just ask them that
their advisor gives to everyone in arelationship who feels like their partner is to
give the benefit of the doubt always. Okay, I you see when you
(40:25):
you tell them I'm feeling this way, you know they're going to be prepared
because they know you're on their neck, so they're going to like do everything
that you want them to do.But you don't know behind the scenes what
they are doing. They know you'reon their necks, so they're going to
behave well because you're still going tocatch them at some point. But before
(40:49):
you do that, you give themlike a heads up, I'm going to
test you some days, so they'regoing to be always prepared for their lives.
You should like for them, gotthem by a surprise, come to
them, tell them you know whatyou are? Cheatah, I could you?
Some people can lie. Yeah.No, for me, it's not
(41:14):
worth it to test. If it'sin the boyfriend face or dating face,
it's not worth it because sooner orlater you will find it out. But
if you're like if you're like approaching, most of them do mm hmm.
That's the right time, like totest, because before you don't have relationship
(41:39):
gets any hard that like, yeah, that's the time you should be testing.
You wouldn't find face rather than marriage. Yeah, most of them you
won't find, like couples who aremarried already, like most like most of
them don't do it. But thedating ones, it's crazy crazy they do
(42:04):
it a lot. And I'm givingyou another example from Kenya. They do
it. I hope they're the sameto me. When you open a YouTube
channel, define them and it endsup, it ends up like so bad.
Most of them go without blind whatdo you call it? The black
eye? Why not don't test atall to away those problems. I don't
(42:30):
know if they can do it.They can, they can. They can't
live, you know without doing it. Company I tell you, m hm,
yes, but you can always chooseto, you know, reach out,
be open, like it's a betterchoice than they will not yet peas,
they won't cut you. They willnot. Even if you have evidence,
(42:52):
they will not admit it. They'realways going to deny it. So
if you know that they keep ondenying it, then I stay, that's
your evidence already. Yeah, onceyou can't a person she till being unloyal.
It's a cute to leave the relationshipbecause you can't end up continuing the
(43:14):
relationship if there's not served between youguys. Yeah so because things mates get
made. Ah yeah, so likethe dating phase, like where you know
when you're dating someone and you guysare about to take to take things seriously,
(43:34):
like you guys are already committed toeach other and you're probably seeing a
future with this person, and maybethere's proposal, maybe you want to marry
each other. That's the time I'mgoing to do the test real good,
yeah, a real good back upbackground check on you, like see if
(43:58):
you have any like some people dolike like that they don't have children or
they don't have wives. So Iwant to meet your parents. I want
to meet like to know all yourfriends before he gets into it in the
day, she did spill the tea. Yeah, spill the tea peace.
(44:20):
Yeah, that's right, that's whatI did. I didn't feel it to
all of my boyfriends. Actually it'snot worth it. But when I met
my husband and I think that he'sthe one, then that's the only time.
That's the one time that I didit, And how did it go?
Like details? He passed? Hepassed, like he replied, comes
up and that's it. Your husbanddeserves a snow clap. Yeah, I
(45:10):
don't think it should be a reason. Maybe they're going through things. But
if you're going through something and I'mtrying to get to you and you're pushing
me away, like we're one rightnow, your problems should be my problem,
so you should run to me firstbefore you go to someone else.
So if you push me away,you don't tell me what's up with you,
(45:30):
you're ignoring me. As women,I probably am going to think that
maybe there's someone else in your lifethat you're sharing thosting your problems with.
So for me, this I feellike for me, distance is arizon for
(45:54):
me to suspect infibility in a relationshipbecause once, if we were close before
and we used to talk about thingstogether and sort tissues out and then just
suddenly you start becoming distance, thenthey'll have reason to believe we've been talking
to someone else, because if you'renot coming to me, yeah, but
(46:21):
you still have to talk to me. No, most times, if a
guy gets gets distance with you,it's because he has another woman that he's
talking to. Or if you juststay space sights instead of pushing someone away.
(46:50):
That when when when there's well,there's stance. Uh uh. Could
be dangerous. But if you haveestablished a structure or a way of you
know, being together at least online, you know, and the communication lines
(47:12):
are intact, I think it couldwork, but it should be just only
for a short time if they're alreadyin a relationship, because communication in a
relationship is very important. Now beingthisted physically away, that's dangerous because you
have to you know, grow together, and for some certain reasons sometimes it
(47:36):
will happen, maybe the nature ofwork or especially maybe the guys a policeman
or a soldier or something like that. But they need to show effort and
willingness to keep the connection the communicationlines intact. That's for me that distance
(48:02):
equals men. Okay, what wasthe statement again? Men? Men are
automatic cheating on a distance. Isaid most times when men become distance with
(48:22):
their women, it's because they're talkingto other women, so they have something
to hide. Yeah most of thetime, yeah, most of the time.
Could be. That's why it's dangerous. But there are still human who
(48:45):
that's really no. But why willyou distance yourself from your your wife if
you don't have anything to hide,why will you not talk to her?
But why will you have with somesituation with her? That's because something is
not straight in the relationship. Sothis will give the woman a reason what
(49:07):
they are their partson and let menot say they will have a reason to
think their partson needs no. Butif they are having if they are having
(49:31):
an issue that they can't talk toyou about, just inform you a partsoner
and tell them I'm going through somethingbut they can't talk to you, so
that your partsner can be at still. Yeah, I agree with that well,
definitely, absolutely, definitely. Idon't have the facts to prove that
(50:00):
men are talking to other girls whenthey are distancing themselves. Potentially it could
be, but not absolutely. Butwith regards to distance, I think yes,
it could create something of a doubtor that atmosphere of a doubt for
(50:22):
the partner, but it should notbecause once again I agree with what Josh
said that being in a long distancerelationship, it's if you really want the
relationship to work all the more youshould have the desire and commitment to to
meet and to have that kind ofstrong bond and connection even through online video
(50:47):
chat calls or whatever. You know, and if you are truly because that's
that's the only platform that you canspend time with your with yours to someone.
So if you are consistent and persistentwith it as well, I think
(51:07):
that could help the doubting side ofthe partner subside or completely disappear as well.
So for me, no, beingdistant could be also a sign of
(51:37):
cheating or probably they are dealing witha problem, or probably they're losing interest
in you because it's not all thetime. Like, yeah, it's not
(51:58):
all the time. There's no formulafor that, Like if they stop communicating
with you, that means that they'recheating. No, that's not always the
case. So there's really no directanswer to that. Maybe they're just having
the arhea. Maybe they're just havingtheir yeah problems. You know, we
(52:24):
were talking about that last time,and you know, some people could be
going through those things that they're distancingthemselves because you know, it's it's not
a pleasant smell too. And thenthey say me, I'm distancing myself for
because I have this fat problem.I'll be right back shortly but after a
(52:46):
few days. Yeah, but yousee how communication sold those potential problems like
(53:17):
distance, distrust, and and everythingin between. Because communication really is the
key. Open communication is really thekey, I think to have those barriers
overcome because if you are as Iremember, it was said that over communication
(53:37):
is better than under because it's betterthat you always set the expectations and you
know, let your partner know abouteverything then you know, uh spilling out
details, but left leaving out somedetails for yourself. So so it's it's
it's really I think would be crucial. I think Joe ash could also uh
(54:02):
agree to this because this is whathe's been saying that he and his wife
is, uh, they have thisthis rule of you know, just tell
it, be straightforward and and formy girlfriend and I that's also what I'm
saying. If you don't like something, just tell me right away. If
you you know, notice anything orsomething that is not to your liking,
(54:28):
then it's better to talk about itright away. Then you know, spend
another day of thinking about it andhaving it you know, uh build up
or have a crude in your heart. So yeah, yeah, I want
to I want to read it.Yeah, sorry, I just want to
say that the problem in marriages orin a relationship, it's really uncommunicated desires
(54:58):
or uncommunicated frustrations, uncommunicated anything,Yeah, and created expectations, desires every
you just have to communicate, youknow, whatever is in your mind.
So there must be that safe placefor the relationship to flourish, especially when
you have a part problem. Especially. Yeah, I feel like once you
(55:51):
a parsoner tastes you, and evenif you pass the taste, there will
just be that sense of distrust betweenyou because she will have been like what
if he tastes me again? Orwhat if she tests me again? And
they don't part. So I don'tthink for me personally that sense of this
(56:12):
trust will just vanish like that.And as for me as Yeah, so
I've seen relationships, some relationship,but I don't think that the trust would
be there anymore. Like you'd alwayslike question your partner if anything goes wrong.
(56:37):
You're just like this one is cheating, So they trust won't be as
strong as it was before you foundout they were cheating. But I've seen
relationships walk out after people have treatedon natsch. That's where I think it
will work out, especially if you'rereally honest and sincere. For me,
(56:58):
it doesn't really matter how many timesyou do the loyal test on me.
Because I know that I'm not cheatingand I'm not doing anything. I'm confident
that you will not that I willnot pass the test because I'm not doing
anything. So that really depends onthe person. Shout out to the yeah,
(57:39):
and don't faith okayl give us shoutouts shrust us to all the couples
out there, and to my familyand friends. And do not cheat on
your partner. Shout out to myfamily and mom, friends, and to
(58:07):
all the couples who's watching this episode. Please always open your communication lines even
though you have a like a fartingproblem. Yeah. Shout out to all
(58:29):
the listeners. See you in thenext one. Thank you once again for
having me. Thank you to mygirlfriend who is always supportive and listening in.
I'm very careful with what I'm sayingbecause it's gonnaffect the night, but
anyway, thank you so much forlistening in. As y
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