November 11, 2023 • 41 mins
Today on Real Talk with Cathy and Shania we're going to explore should couples live together before marriage to truly understand each other's habits and compatibility. Tune and listen.
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(00:00):
Hello everyone, and welcome to theshow. We'll talk with Cady Engineer.
I am your host, Cathy,and I'm thrilled to have you joined us
today for the exciting episode stittled Takingthe Leap and this episode is brought to
you by See One Productions. Butbefore we get started, I'm introduced my
coach for today's Shaneer. How areyou? I'm good? Thank you?
(00:23):
Hey everyone. Let's also introduce ourguest Fritz. How are you. I'm
doing good. I hope everybody isdoing fine as well. And Alsa Mars,
how are you doing today? Hello, I'm great. Hello everyone.
Well, they'll be joining me toexplore the depth of the topic to being
(00:48):
discussed and share their unique perspectives.Today we're going to explore couples leave together
before marriage to truly understand each other'shabits and compatibility. So I came across
this video last week where there wasthis guy who was interviewing people on the
(01:10):
street and he was like asking themquestions like how I should couples like take
to how many years should couples takebefore they move in together? And that
was saying two years. I wassaying one year. And as we're saying
five years. I don't know.So, like I'm going to start with
Shanier. Should couples live together beforemarriage? What do you take on that,
(01:34):
Shania? Okay, it depends withthe couple. If they love each
other, maybe they can. Okaythis question, I'm not going to give
you a yes or no answer formy personal opinion. I would rather move
in with someone after marriage because mostof my life my parents were hospitable people.
(01:57):
So we've lived with me people before, and I just would love to
live on my own first before Idecide to live with someone else. So
I'm going to say yeah, no, yeah, no. You know you
have to stick with one right,yes or no? Okay? So should
(02:20):
I give you one answer? Okay? Yeah, they should get married first
before moving in. Okay, whatabout you, Mars, what do you
think about that? Should they livetogether before marriage or should they wait until
marriage? They should live together aftermarriage because that is stone written in the
(02:40):
Bible, and that's how God designedus to have our marriage, to have
our relationship live after we are married. So the man and the woman believe
their own family, their parents,and they will live together. Okay,
what about your Fred, what doyou think? Well, I do have
(03:04):
the same views with Mercedes. Ijust wanted to add on that that living
together would be not only maybe violatingwhat is written in the Bible, it's
also violating each other's personal space.I would say, because when we say
(03:27):
that when a man and a womanis married, they become one flesh,
right, So by living together beforemarriage, we would be tampering that design
by God. And not only thatwe are trying to quote unquote exploit our
partner. We are also have thetendency to create a not so healthy sexual
(03:53):
relationship with our partner that is supposedto be for after marriage. So okay,
so all of you are saying theyshould get married first before they move
in together, right, But I'mgoing to disagree with you all. That's
not the case in today's society.They'd rather move in together and figure out
(04:13):
if they're going to get married ornot. Is that that is the case.
And also, there was this researchon April twenty twenty three where the
University of Denver they found out thatthat four percent of marriages ended among those
who lived together before being engaged,while just twenty three percent of marriages ended
(04:36):
among couples who waited until after engagementor marriage to moving together. So here's
the thing, and you're going toagree with this or disagree, but most
of the couples in today's society,they'd rather move in together before they get
married. You see, they havedated maybe for two months. Ay,
(05:00):
they're already living together. So Iwould want to disagree with you, all
of you, because you're saying theyhave two But whatever we're saying, they
are not even following the scripture orsomething. The scripture says you have to
get married first before you move toyour husband's house. But that is not
the case. Why are they movingin? What do you say? Yeah,
(05:23):
I I get to know each otherto see if they're compatible. That
financial results. Is that as theonly reasons they move together? Yeah,
some of them moving together for financialreasons. Maybe I'm unable to like to
pay some bills and maybe my boyfriendcan do that. So I'm just going
(05:46):
to a think can I move infor some time? And before i know
it, I'm not going back tomy house. So yeah, I think
financial reasons, like is one ofthe most reasons why they the couples decide
to move in together. That's actuallysaying that you can only know a person's
attitude if you're living under one roof, so probably the reason why they wanted
(06:13):
to know more their partner and figureout if they are really compatible with each
other. But you can do thatwhen both of you are still staying at
your places, No, you canalready. It's different if you're living under
one roof. No, you canreally hide your true identity, your true
colors if you're living under one growth. But the decision of couples living together
(06:41):
before marriage is a personal one andit can very depending on cultural religious and
individuals believe. So you see,like a Muslim community, you cannot move
in with a guy before getting married. But for Christie that's a common thing.
So some religions don't allow that,but some allow that Christianity, it's
(07:08):
not well, but people do it. People it depends to go against the
h It's not really particular with religion. Actually, I think it's it's the
way that they practice it or theway that they hold themselves accountable, accountable
with what they believe. So forexample, you would be able to encounter
Christians who would say, yes,I believe in the Bible, I believe
(07:30):
in Jesus, and I believe ineverything, but when it comes to practicing
it and or having their way ofterprettingthings, they would still be able to
do those things like moving with theirpartner as early as you know, two
months or something like that. Soeven Muslims. I know Muslims who would
(07:54):
honor marriage before moving in, andsome Muslims wouldn't consider marriage and before moving
in as well. So there's alot of I think, not just religion,
but religion is a factor, butit's not what most people consider before
moving in or not. So that'swhat I would say. And when they
say about religion, I thought thatit means that couple should not like paid
(08:20):
each other before like marriage, notmoving together. So are those two different
statements Because you guys are saying theBabel says that couple should not move in
with each other before marriage. Butis it the other way around, people
should not sleep with each other beforemarriage. Are you mixing it up?
(08:41):
Because I see no point if acouple decides they're sleeping together. I don't
think that they should say, oh, the Bible says we should not move
in with each other, not untilyou're married, or something like that,
because they've already gone against the biblicalperspective of marriage. So either way,
(09:03):
I don't think like it really mattersif it just depends with the person.
Do you want to move in together? But I'd rather live on my own
phone now. Yeah, Jenny,Actually that's a very good point when you
said that some people may be confusingit because clearly the Bible did not say
anything about do not move in togetherfor marriage. But it's clear that the
(09:30):
union of man and women will besanctified once they are married if they will
be moving in together. Let's saythat they move in together, or let's
say sleep together. The Bible isnot saying that we should not sleep together.
But what we're doing is when wemove in together, there is still
(09:50):
a temptation or there's still a tendencyfor the couple to have, for example,
premarital sex, which is the onethat is prohibited by the Bible.
So by moving in or by sleepingtogether, yes, they are not having
sex or they're not doing anything beforethey're married, but they are doing the
(10:11):
things that has that tendency to leadup to what the Bible is prohibiting.
So, for example, what Jesussaid on being angry, you heard it
said that they do not kill,or thou shallt not kill. But Jesus
is saying that. Truly, Isay to you, if you are angry
with your brother's sister, you arealso guilty of murder. So you're not
(10:35):
killing somebody, You're not doing anyactions towards somebody, but your thoughts,
your desire, your affection, andeven your will or your your emotions towards
that person can still lead you tobe guilty to the same crime leading up
to that particular action. You didnot kill, but you were angry,
(10:58):
but you're guilty with the same sin. So moving in together you may not
be, you know, guilty ofthe same you're not. You maybe not
doing the prohibited thing in the Bible, but it can still lead up to
that action. So that's why,you know, I just wanted to sort
that out, Sony, anything,Okay, you can move in together,
(11:26):
Okay, but do you do youbelieve like you can move in together and
still not you know, do thosethings? You can't. You're already like
you can't. It's impossible, It'sgonna be hard for you. You can.
So if you're saying, Fred,you can you can live together and
(11:48):
still not do that. No,I'm not saying I can, but soundly
like like like you can you canstay. No, it's it really is.
So that's why you should not putyourself on that position, even if
you think that it's it's easy orit's going to be hard for you.
(12:11):
So that that's what is the Bibleis telling us that. It's not telling
us no, you can't sleep,you can't sleep, or you can't move
in with someone. But what hewhat the Bible is saying is you do
you should not have primarital sex beforemarriage, and that moving in and sleeping
together are not the same thing withhaving sex, but those things can lead
(12:35):
to that. What do you meanby moving in and sleeping like it's not
the same as primarital sex. Yeah, that's what I was saying. It's
not the same thing, but itcan lead to that. Right. Let
me tell you. Can you movein with your partner that you really love,
(12:56):
that you're really attracted to, thatyou feel like he's your soulmate,
he's so good, he's so attractive, he's so handsome, and then you
sleep in the same bed and thenyou just you know, sleep straight and
not minding one another. That isright, You use the same bathroom,
you use, all the same youtownsends, and all that you see each
(13:20):
other. I think that's gonna behard or borderlining possible. As Mercedes said,
well, then don't do it.Don't move in together if you cannot
contain yourself, just don't do it, right, So what I so,
what I would say is I don'tthink that it matters if you guys have
already slept with each other, liketo overlook some things like or you know,
(13:46):
if you're moving like we won't beable to control each other. And
yet you guys are still having likepremarital sex. So does it really matter?
And that's why I said it likeit depends on individuals believes. That's
why I said that, like forsome people it does matter and for some
(14:09):
people it does not. So,h do you think it matters? For
me? I'm going to stand withindividuals believes. There's some things I believe
in and there's some things I don't. So if if if we make a
(14:33):
choice to move in together, ifwe make a choice to be moving together,
for me, I won't do it. I won't move in together with
a person before marriage because that Ibelieve it's wrong. But for some people
it won't matter for them. Forme, it matters. I would't.
I would not. I would notmove in with a person without getting married
(14:56):
to them first. But that's whatI believe and that's what I've seen growing
up. So everyone in this schoolhas agreed that Kathy, like you should
first get married before. Would youprefer to discover your your spouses different behavior
(15:20):
or bad behavior after you're married,rather than discovering it before the marriage When
I can still discover their behavior whenwe are not in together, we are
not in the same room, inthe in the same house, I can
still discover, Yeah, bad behaviors. So I don't know how they I
(15:46):
think it's not much that I movein, So go ahead. For example,
your boyfriend is really lazy and everything. It's like it doesn't work around
the house, it doesn't help hismom and everything, Like he's so dirty.
How can you discover that? Idon't think you can discover that.
(16:10):
Like, if you haven't lived withthe person, you must first live with
the person. Oh, so changingyours right now? No, I'm not
changing, you're changing. It's stillthe same. But I'm saying like you
can't, yeah, because he's sayinglike you cannot notice a person who study
(16:32):
because you've not lived with them.So you're saying you have to live with
them to discover that, right,But before you said you were would rather
stay alone but still not moving inwith anyone. Yeah, I'd rather stay
alone first before I get married.But that doesn't mean like I would know
my partners. But that in personis that person that something cannot change.
(16:57):
They might do something for love tolive with them first. Yeah, I'm
saying like some people will like cleanclothes, pray themselves, and small lives,
but you still you still notice thedebt, not from clothes, maybe
their body order. No. Ithink I think the question that we're trying
(17:18):
to to to answer here is andI want to ask you guys, how
important is it for you to reallyknow your partner before getting married? Then
don't Yeah, then don't trash intomarriage. So that's yeah, basically that's
(17:44):
the that's the question, how importantit is for us to know our partner
first? If you want to knowyour partner first one, then that's what
I think was saying prolonged the timethat you want to know your your partner
first before you actually decide on gettingmarried then actually moving in then know you
know the the smelly secrets that yourpartner has and you know break break your
(18:12):
heart. So I think you knowit's it has pros and cons to but
yeah, but I'd admit to.I'll admit to something like when you're dossing,
both of us will have like ourown places. I'd go for sleepovers
and the check and see that youcannot like know what if they they know
(18:37):
you're coming in, they clean thewhole place. They had their clothes and
the clothes and a lot of people. Yeah, they do that a lot.
How will you still it would bedifficult, like to determine if someone
is starting You even noticed some guyswhen the girls that are coming over,
they just cleaned the house. Theyclean themselves, like everything is partly clean,
(19:03):
but when the moment they leave,the house turns like you just miss
and everything. I don't think youwould know apart from cleanliness like and tidiness
hotels, like would you not discoveruntil like you move in together with someone,
like their habits, behavior each otherbehaviors like would you not know apart
(19:27):
from cleanliness, like how they treattheir family members? Yeah, but how
can you elaborate, like for example, if you're together outside and you're with
their family, you're with his familymember, he can treat them, you
(19:47):
know, nice and all. Butactually he has a different attitude Wren.
He's at home and you cannot reallytell that apart like he's he's bossy or
something like he's always buzzing around,always telling his younger siblings to everything.
(20:14):
But if you live, like ifhe dates a person for a long period
of time, you'd know if they'rebossy or not. Mm hmmm, you
could if you are. If weneed to invest that time to know your
partner before moving in or before yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you
have to be willing, like toinvest your time like in knowing your partner,
(20:37):
because if that's the person you wantto marry, then you have like
to put all that all your attention, like in focusing if that is the
person you want to marry. Soyeah, you'll have to know if he's
bossy or not. Okay, I'mcoming to you firstion here the next question,
how long should you be to togetherbefore you move in with your partner?
(21:03):
Like I just said after marriage.No, I'm like saying in terms
of years months yep, that likehow long would you take to make that
decision. Like now your question istrict because that would be like how long
(21:27):
would it take before I marry mypartner like get engaged or something, because
I've said, like my answer wasi'd married, I like move into together
with someone after marriage. So itdepends with the dating time, like the
range. Like maybe let's say ifI've dated for two years for dating,
(21:52):
then he proposes, then you getmarried. You're like answering your question is
kind of different. So so you'resaying you're going to see like for two
years when you're dating. Then ifhe has let's say you did it for
two years and he asked you,she asked you to moving in with him,
would you do that? But ifhe proposes, then he asks me,
(22:19):
Okay, that's still lots of marriage, Like you need the ring you
have to do first? Yeah,I need the ring first. How about
if he proposes, you have thering already, he asked it to move
in together, and then you dothe deep then afterwards he will break up
the view how would you feel aboutlike I said no after after marriage first?
(22:48):
Yeah, but you agreed to movingtogether, so that's impossible that that
will happened between but I did twoof you. Oh she did not agree.
She said she mustn't the ring,she must have the last words and
then get married before he moves in. Okay, so that is really so
(23:12):
she's really stern in her decision tomove in after marriage. Okay, yeah,
I hope that doesn't change in thefuture, because you know you can.
So you consider yourself single until evenif you have the ring, the
engagement, and you consider yourself singleuntil you get married. Right, No,
(23:37):
I won't consider myself single, likeobviously I can't do that to my
partner because he's he has given mea ring, like he's promising me,
like he's promising married. So oh, like, can I tell other people
like I'm single or something? Butif you go back on his word,
I wouldn't consider myself single even ifyou have the ring, then I'm giving
(23:59):
back I'm giving back his dream.Okay, Okay, what about your fread
did you take on that? Well? I would say the same thing almost
that I would. I would notask my partner to move in together before
(24:22):
we get married. So if evenif I propose this or whatever the case
may be, if we're not married, because at least here in the Philippines.
I don't know in any other places. Being married is the only legal
possession that a man and a womancan can partake in, Like it's the
(24:47):
only thing that would you know,change the status the civil status of someone.
So there's only single and then married. So there's no like engage or
what that's anything in between. Sobeing single, that would mean you're engaged,
(25:10):
that would mean that could also meanthat you have a boyfriend or girlfriend,
that could mean that you are evenliving in or moving moving in together.
But once you get married, onceyou stood on that altar and say
your vows and say your oaths,and then the facilitator, the pastor the
(25:34):
the preacher for pronounces your husband andwife, that's the only thing, that's
the only that's the only time thatthat you I would ask, of course
automatically ask my partner too to movein together. So so yeah, like
(25:56):
in your country, like Dore's,you don't have something called mistake. Why
you find like two people like they'renot married, but they have children and
they have a family, but they'renot married. We do we have something
like that in your country? Ithink we do. Yeah, a lot,
a lot a lot of I thinkFilipinos. I would say a good
(26:21):
amount of Filipino couples are like thatthat they have kids first before they decide
to get married, or not evenget to decide. They just they just
want to have a family and thenyou know, just ignore the marriage at
all. So yeah, we do, we do have those kinds of couple
of relationships. And I'm not I'mnot judging them, but we do have
(26:49):
we do have those kinds of relationships. Oh, I think it doesn't really
matter if you're married or not.For some people, it doesn't matter.
I think it is about the relationshipthey share between them. Because let's say
I've decided to move in, noteven moving we have we have children already,
(27:14):
we're living together, we're not married. So some people don't consider marriage
as a reason to move in together. For you, you may say,
like you want to get married firstbefore you move in together with someone.
But for someone so for others,they may say, no, let's do
it. It's no matter. Wejust we get married. We can just
move in, we live together andsee what will happen after. Right.
(27:41):
So here, I also want toask another question, So if you really
love one another, let's say,for example, you have a partner you
really really love that that partner youryour boyfriend. For example, would it
be a great courtesy for your partnerto seal your vow, to seal your
(28:02):
commitment of your love to him bygetting married, or does does it matter
to you at all, like howmany percent? Or you can just I
just really love you and then youdon't need we don't need to get married.
I just love you. I'll justprove it to you in my lifetime.
Is that enough for you? Orsomeone who loves me would never say
(28:26):
something stupid like yeah, if someoneloves you, they'll give you the ring.
What do you mean? What ifthey're from a different culture and in
their culture it's not important, butyou really love him. In my culture,
we do value married. I don'tcare give me the ring first,
(28:48):
because yes, I do love you, but do you love me enough to
like want to marry me? Soyeah, and in my culture, like
people do value of marriages, right. I think that's the same thing with
what Katy was asking that we havecouples that you know, get together,
(29:11):
moving together, have kids, havefamilies and have grandchild and you know,
not to get and not to worryabout getting married. So you know,
That's what I was saying. Wouldit be enough for you if your husband
or if your your partner would say, I'll just prove my love to you
for my lifetime and but will notWe'll never get married. So and I
(29:37):
feel in situations like like that,women women are the ones who like have
the most to lose because you're sayingthat he'll prove he like in future or
something. What if it gives metwo babies and then he finds the love
of his life, then he leavesme with my two children and only happen
if then you know, Yeah,but at least i'd know that I went
(30:02):
for the ring. For me,it doesn't matter, it doesn't I'd be
peased if, especially we're financially stable, for someone like to suggest something like
that, like why like we havethe finances like to have a wedding,
and if we don't have the finances, like we can go to the council.
It's not a mass like we havea big wedding, Like we can
just go the two of us andhave a witness. Yeah. I wonder
(30:27):
if it's the same as like youknow, the celebrities nowadays after they got
married for like two years one year, then they will separate, they will
file a divorce. I wonder ifthey're also thinking the same way you think
right now or you know then Okay, some people try. Maybe they tried
(30:52):
and their relationship didn't work out andthe best thing to do is to go
separate tways, but it's still thesame thing. And also so you mean
that, but you know, youcan't know the future. What is like
the future holds the person you meetmarried, Like maybe today, in three
or four years time, maybe youguys would separate or something bad would happen
(31:18):
that would lead to the marriage likeending or something I read somewhere. But
as for now, I read somewherethat the guy is really, you know,
having regrets. He said that having, you know, filing for a
divorce is really expensive. So he'slike, is I telling the younger generation
(31:41):
to read or living together so thatyou can discover your partner? Okay,
suppose you do that. What ifyou end up living with five people before
you find the level of your life? Isn't living with five men like looking
for the one that you think isthe one? Does it make sense?
Actually, marriage doesn't matter. Justprove it to me in your lifetime.
(32:07):
Yes, yes, but of course, like we are two people living in
the same house, it's just notmy home meets our home, so we
should both participate equality and ensuring thatit's tidy. You just said your home.
It's the question you asked, andthat was my answer. But I
(32:29):
wouldn't do that. Like for me, it's supposed to be a share of
task so that your children can seewhat you do as your husband, and
it will lead as an example forthem so that when they grow up they
can also be in their house.They're independent, they don't have to marry
(32:50):
someone to do the work for them. For me, if the father is
only the one working for the houseworkfamily, it is not enough, especially
in the information that we have rightnow, sad enough, so we don't
have a choice. But the wifealso works have a career while at the
same time taking care of the children. So why wouldn't we share the task
(33:13):
the house chores as well, right, I just don't think it's fair fun
person to take responsibility of doing everythingin the home. Well, I would
say everything should be a shared responsibility. Some people would say no, some
men would say no, But Iguess they're going to have a miserable partnership
with their wives. They're not gonnashare, so it's up to them.
(33:36):
For me, I want to shareeverything with my partner, my wife.
So if I'm not going to beable to provide, then my wife could
in the times that I can.If my wife can't do the household chores
when she's sick or whatever, thenI can put it on my shoulders at
the time if she can. Sothat's a better partnership than have it.
(33:59):
You know, one hundred one hundred, But when you lose the other hundred,
you're just, you know, cripple. Everyone should have a say to
something. It's your home. Ifyou're living with someone, should not shut
them down give an opinion to something. I just think it's logic. Yeah,
everyone should have a say. Ifyou're dumb enough to allow your partner
(34:19):
to not listen to you or letyou have a say in something, then
that's just your problem and you shouldnot be in that relationship. Well,
it depends. It depends on alot of factors. First is the capability
of your partner, so of courseyou must both know who is capable to
do the task. So if itdepends on the plumbing or repairing the car,
(34:43):
or lifting up heavy things, orwashing the dishes. It's based on
the capacity of your partner to dothat. If you're if your partner's not
able to lift the jug of water, then of course you're you're the one
who or your partner should be doingit. Another thing, it's not just
the capacity of the partner, butalso it's effectivity. I would say,
(35:05):
so, yes, if your partnercan wash the dishes, but she's for
example, dropping every single plate everytime she's washing it, then just let
me just do it. So that'swhat I would say. It's not just
you know, if you're able todo it, but if you're also able
to do it, not really avoidingthe mess, we're avoiding extra expenses.
(35:27):
I would say, you don't wantto buy you know, plates every time.
But if she is clumsy, likein all of kind of pasts,
she's clumsy and she drops everything,so at the end you have to do
everything. If she's clumsy, thendefinitely I would have her do other things.
For example, let's say fold things, so if she is able to
(35:51):
fold clothes, she's not going tobe breaking anything. Or let's say what
else, Yeah, folding folding thingsor watching the utensils that are not breakable.
So there's a lot of alternatives thatyour partner can work out. Living
with someone is really take really takesa lot of compromise for you. So
(36:13):
it's really taking you out of theconforts. I know Mercedes knows this because
you know, Yeah, if yourpartner is having like a weakness in certain
things, it's your job to topit up with your strength and vice versa
slightlyth and take right. So it'snot gonna be always you, always her,
(36:36):
always him. So it's really apartnership that you have to create and
talk about and deal with and committo. So I think that would be
a better environment for you to haverather than you know, this is your
task, is my task, SoI mind my own business, You mind
your own business. I think Ithink that's going to be a more,
(36:59):
let's say, board line toxic communicationrather than a healthy one. So yeah,
that's right. But if for example, your partner got basly a work
and then he or she wasn't ableto do the dishes, and you'll say,
that's your task, why didn't youdo it? If you get a
name every task in the house,it's going to be toxic so you should
(37:22):
ask. You should like act asa teamwork. You know you have teamwork.
If the other one is not available, then you will rescue them and
vice versa. Right, and here'shere, here's the thing. Here's the
thing with your partner. Let's say, for example, you really do have
a good partner, you really dohave a person that you really love,
(37:43):
that you're married to someone that youreally love. I think doing things that
are out of your scope, ordoing things that that would require you to
compromise, those things are really thethings that you really would not think about
a lot. So for example,making sacrifices for someone that you you deeply
(38:07):
appreciate, You you deeply have affectionstoo. I think you know, for
example, for example, you youreally don't want to do the dishes,
but you really love your partner andthey're too tired to do it, or
they broke their hand or they havewounds within their fingers. I think,
(38:29):
if you really love that person,it will not be hard for you.
You would not even think twice indoing that. So are you willing to
fix the plumbing? If your partneris not achievable and you don't know it
or mean it should be shared,and it really depends. If the guy
(38:52):
is earning more than the girl,for example, he's earning one thousand us
T and the girl just earns onehundred USD, then they can combine it
together and they can budget it together. That's more realistic, so they can
apply the finance tips and tricks ortechniques like the fifty to thirty twenty rule,
(39:15):
like fifty percent of your income togethercan go to the needs, and
then the thirty person can go toyour wants, and then the twenty person
rule can go to your savings thatyou know, you can also enjoy your
own money, like if it's combinedtogether, if you will spend the thirty
person in your wants, So forme, that is more fair, that's
(39:37):
more transparent. If you do thebudgeting together and you combine all together.
We should always follow God's design whenit comes to marriage, because he is
the almighty, all knowing God.If we follow his commandments, it will
be less hurt in our end.And just like the Bibles example, Jacob
(39:59):
waited seven years for rachel Or.I forgot is it rachel Or Rachael?
Yeah, it's rachel God waited sorry, Jacob waited seven years for Rachel before
he can live with her, beforehe can marry her. And he did
some a lot of work, likelabor, a lot of labor for his
(40:21):
father. He really like, youcan tell that she really loves Rachel because
all of the work that he did. But in the end he finally got
her and it is really satisfying andeverything went according to the plan. There's
no problem whatsoever. So if wewill remain obedient, then we are the
(40:45):
ones who are going to read whatwe saw and we will be you know,
we will be off the good storyif we follow God's design. So
that's my take on it. Soshout out to my family, me and
friends and always watching this ep
Hello everyone, and welcome to theshow. We'll talk with Cady Engineer.
I am your host, Cathy,and I'm thrilled to have you joined us
today for the exciting episode stittled Takingthe Leap and this episode is brought to
you by See One Productions. Butbefore we get started, I'm introduced my
coach for today's Shaneer. How areyou? I'm good? Thank you?
(00:23):
Hey everyone. Let's also introduce ourguest Fritz. How are you. I'm
doing good. I hope everybody isdoing fine as well. And Alsa Mars,
how are you doing today? Hello, I'm great. Hello everyone.
Well, they'll be joining me toexplore the depth of the topic to being
(00:48):
discussed and share their unique perspectives.Today we're going to explore couples leave together
before marriage to truly understand each other'shabits and compatibility. So I came across
this video last week where there wasthis guy who was interviewing people on the
(01:10):
street and he was like asking themquestions like how I should couples like take
to how many years should couples takebefore they move in together? And that
was saying two years. I wassaying one year. And as we're saying
five years. I don't know.So, like I'm going to start with
Shanier. Should couples live together beforemarriage? What do you take on that,
(01:34):
Shania? Okay, it depends withthe couple. If they love each
other, maybe they can. Okaythis question, I'm not going to give
you a yes or no answer formy personal opinion. I would rather move
in with someone after marriage because mostof my life my parents were hospitable people.
(01:57):
So we've lived with me people before, and I just would love to
live on my own first before Idecide to live with someone else. So
I'm going to say yeah, no, yeah, no. You know you
have to stick with one right,yes or no? Okay? So should
(02:20):
I give you one answer? Okay? Yeah, they should get married first
before moving in. Okay, whatabout you, Mars, what do you
think about that? Should they livetogether before marriage or should they wait until
marriage? They should live together aftermarriage because that is stone written in the
(02:40):
Bible, and that's how God designedus to have our marriage, to have
our relationship live after we are married. So the man and the woman believe
their own family, their parents,and they will live together. Okay,
what about your Fred, what doyou think? Well, I do have
(03:04):
the same views with Mercedes. Ijust wanted to add on that that living
together would be not only maybe violatingwhat is written in the Bible, it's
also violating each other's personal space.I would say, because when we say
(03:27):
that when a man and a womanis married, they become one flesh,
right, So by living together beforemarriage, we would be tampering that design
by God. And not only thatwe are trying to quote unquote exploit our
partner. We are also have thetendency to create a not so healthy sexual
(03:53):
relationship with our partner that is supposedto be for after marriage. So okay,
so all of you are saying theyshould get married first before they move
in together, right, But I'mgoing to disagree with you all. That's
not the case in today's society.They'd rather move in together and figure out
(04:13):
if they're going to get married ornot. Is that that is the case.
And also, there was this researchon April twenty twenty three where the
University of Denver they found out thatthat four percent of marriages ended among those
who lived together before being engaged,while just twenty three percent of marriages ended
(04:36):
among couples who waited until after engagementor marriage to moving together. So here's
the thing, and you're going toagree with this or disagree, but most
of the couples in today's society,they'd rather move in together before they get
married. You see, they havedated maybe for two months. Ay,
(05:00):
they're already living together. So Iwould want to disagree with you, all
of you, because you're saying theyhave two But whatever we're saying, they
are not even following the scripture orsomething. The scripture says you have to
get married first before you move toyour husband's house. But that is not
the case. Why are they movingin? What do you say? Yeah,
(05:23):
I I get to know each otherto see if they're compatible. That
financial results. Is that as theonly reasons they move together? Yeah,
some of them moving together for financialreasons. Maybe I'm unable to like to
pay some bills and maybe my boyfriendcan do that. So I'm just going
(05:46):
to a think can I move infor some time? And before i know
it, I'm not going back tomy house. So yeah, I think
financial reasons, like is one ofthe most reasons why they the couples decide
to move in together. That's actuallysaying that you can only know a person's
attitude if you're living under one roof, so probably the reason why they wanted
(06:13):
to know more their partner and figureout if they are really compatible with each
other. But you can do thatwhen both of you are still staying at
your places, No, you canalready. It's different if you're living under
one roof. No, you canreally hide your true identity, your true
colors if you're living under one growth. But the decision of couples living together
(06:41):
before marriage is a personal one andit can very depending on cultural religious and
individuals believe. So you see,like a Muslim community, you cannot move
in with a guy before getting married. But for Christie that's a common thing.
So some religions don't allow that,but some allow that Christianity, it's
(07:08):
not well, but people do it. People it depends to go against the
h It's not really particular with religion. Actually, I think it's it's the
way that they practice it or theway that they hold themselves accountable, accountable
with what they believe. So forexample, you would be able to encounter
Christians who would say, yes,I believe in the Bible, I believe
(07:30):
in Jesus, and I believe ineverything, but when it comes to practicing
it and or having their way ofterprettingthings, they would still be able to
do those things like moving with theirpartner as early as you know, two
months or something like that. Soeven Muslims. I know Muslims who would
(07:54):
honor marriage before moving in, andsome Muslims wouldn't consider marriage and before moving
in as well. So there's alot of I think, not just religion,
but religion is a factor, butit's not what most people consider before
moving in or not. So that'swhat I would say. And when they
say about religion, I thought thatit means that couple should not like paid
(08:20):
each other before like marriage, notmoving together. So are those two different
statements Because you guys are saying theBabel says that couple should not move in
with each other before marriage. Butis it the other way around, people
should not sleep with each other beforemarriage. Are you mixing it up?
(08:41):
Because I see no point if acouple decides they're sleeping together. I don't
think that they should say, oh, the Bible says we should not move
in with each other, not untilyou're married, or something like that,
because they've already gone against the biblicalperspective of marriage. So either way,
(09:03):
I don't think like it really mattersif it just depends with the person.
Do you want to move in together? But I'd rather live on my own
phone now. Yeah, Jenny,Actually that's a very good point when you
said that some people may be confusingit because clearly the Bible did not say
anything about do not move in togetherfor marriage. But it's clear that the
(09:30):
union of man and women will besanctified once they are married if they will
be moving in together. Let's saythat they move in together, or let's
say sleep together. The Bible isnot saying that we should not sleep together.
But what we're doing is when wemove in together, there is still
(09:50):
a temptation or there's still a tendencyfor the couple to have, for example,
premarital sex, which is the onethat is prohibited by the Bible.
So by moving in or by sleepingtogether, yes, they are not having
sex or they're not doing anything beforethey're married, but they are doing the
(10:11):
things that has that tendency to leadup to what the Bible is prohibiting.
So, for example, what Jesussaid on being angry, you heard it
said that they do not kill,or thou shallt not kill. But Jesus
is saying that. Truly, Isay to you, if you are angry
with your brother's sister, you arealso guilty of murder. So you're not
(10:35):
killing somebody, You're not doing anyactions towards somebody, but your thoughts,
your desire, your affection, andeven your will or your your emotions towards
that person can still lead you tobe guilty to the same crime leading up
to that particular action. You didnot kill, but you were angry,
(10:58):
but you're guilty with the same sin. So moving in together you may not
be, you know, guilty ofthe same you're not. You maybe not
doing the prohibited thing in the Bible, but it can still lead up to
that action. So that's why,you know, I just wanted to sort
that out, Sony, anything,Okay, you can move in together,
(11:26):
Okay, but do you do youbelieve like you can move in together and
still not you know, do thosethings? You can't. You're already like
you can't. It's impossible, It'sgonna be hard for you. You can.
So if you're saying, Fred,you can you can live together and
(11:48):
still not do that. No,I'm not saying I can, but soundly
like like like you can you canstay. No, it's it really is.
So that's why you should not putyourself on that position, even if
you think that it's it's easy orit's going to be hard for you.
(12:11):
So that that's what is the Bibleis telling us that. It's not telling
us no, you can't sleep,you can't sleep, or you can't move
in with someone. But what hewhat the Bible is saying is you do
you should not have primarital sex beforemarriage, and that moving in and sleeping
together are not the same thing withhaving sex, but those things can lead
(12:35):
to that. What do you meanby moving in and sleeping like it's not
the same as primarital sex. Yeah, that's what I was saying. It's
not the same thing, but itcan lead to that. Right. Let
me tell you. Can you movein with your partner that you really love,
(12:56):
that you're really attracted to, thatyou feel like he's your soulmate,
he's so good, he's so attractive, he's so handsome, and then you
sleep in the same bed and thenyou just you know, sleep straight and
not minding one another. That isright, You use the same bathroom,
you use, all the same youtownsends, and all that you see each
(13:20):
other. I think that's gonna behard or borderlining possible. As Mercedes said,
well, then don't do it.Don't move in together if you cannot
contain yourself, just don't do it, right, So what I so,
what I would say is I don'tthink that it matters if you guys have
already slept with each other, liketo overlook some things like or you know,
(13:46):
if you're moving like we won't beable to control each other. And
yet you guys are still having likepremarital sex. So does it really matter?
And that's why I said it likeit depends on individuals believes. That's
why I said that, like forsome people it does matter and for some
(14:09):
people it does not. So,h do you think it matters? For
me? I'm going to stand withindividuals believes. There's some things I believe
in and there's some things I don't. So if if if we make a
(14:33):
choice to move in together, ifwe make a choice to be moving together,
for me, I won't do it. I won't move in together with
a person before marriage because that Ibelieve it's wrong. But for some people
it won't matter for them. Forme, it matters. I would't.
I would not. I would notmove in with a person without getting married
(14:56):
to them first. But that's whatI believe and that's what I've seen growing
up. So everyone in this schoolhas agreed that Kathy, like you should
first get married before. Would youprefer to discover your your spouses different behavior
(15:20):
or bad behavior after you're married,rather than discovering it before the marriage When
I can still discover their behavior whenwe are not in together, we are
not in the same room, inthe in the same house, I can
still discover, Yeah, bad behaviors. So I don't know how they I
(15:46):
think it's not much that I movein, So go ahead. For example,
your boyfriend is really lazy and everything. It's like it doesn't work around
the house, it doesn't help hismom and everything, Like he's so dirty.
How can you discover that? Idon't think you can discover that.
(16:10):
Like, if you haven't lived withthe person, you must first live with
the person. Oh, so changingyours right now? No, I'm not
changing, you're changing. It's stillthe same. But I'm saying like you
can't, yeah, because he's sayinglike you cannot notice a person who study
(16:32):
because you've not lived with them.So you're saying you have to live with
them to discover that, right,But before you said you were would rather
stay alone but still not moving inwith anyone. Yeah, I'd rather stay
alone first before I get married.But that doesn't mean like I would know
my partners. But that in personis that person that something cannot change.
(16:57):
They might do something for love tolive with them first. Yeah, I'm
saying like some people will like cleanclothes, pray themselves, and small lives,
but you still you still notice thedebt, not from clothes, maybe
their body order. No. Ithink I think the question that we're trying
(17:18):
to to to answer here is andI want to ask you guys, how
important is it for you to reallyknow your partner before getting married? Then
don't Yeah, then don't trash intomarriage. So that's yeah, basically that's
(17:44):
the that's the question, how importantit is for us to know our partner
first? If you want to knowyour partner first one, then that's what
I think was saying prolonged the timethat you want to know your your partner
first before you actually decide on gettingmarried then actually moving in then know you
know the the smelly secrets that yourpartner has and you know break break your
(18:12):
heart. So I think you knowit's it has pros and cons to but
yeah, but I'd admit to.I'll admit to something like when you're dossing,
both of us will have like ourown places. I'd go for sleepovers
and the check and see that youcannot like know what if they they know
(18:37):
you're coming in, they clean thewhole place. They had their clothes and
the clothes and a lot of people. Yeah, they do that a lot.
How will you still it would bedifficult, like to determine if someone
is starting You even noticed some guyswhen the girls that are coming over,
they just cleaned the house. Theyclean themselves, like everything is partly clean,
(19:03):
but when the moment they leave,the house turns like you just miss
and everything. I don't think youwould know apart from cleanliness like and tidiness
hotels, like would you not discoveruntil like you move in together with someone,
like their habits, behavior each otherbehaviors like would you not know apart
(19:27):
from cleanliness, like how they treattheir family members? Yeah, but how
can you elaborate, like for example, if you're together outside and you're with
their family, you're with his familymember, he can treat them, you
(19:47):
know, nice and all. Butactually he has a different attitude Wren.
He's at home and you cannot reallytell that apart like he's he's bossy or
something like he's always buzzing around,always telling his younger siblings to everything.
(20:14):
But if you live, like ifhe dates a person for a long period
of time, you'd know if they'rebossy or not. Mm hmmm, you
could if you are. If weneed to invest that time to know your
partner before moving in or before yeah, yeah, yeah, of course you
have to be willing, like toinvest your time like in knowing your partner,
(20:37):
because if that's the person you wantto marry, then you have like
to put all that all your attention, like in focusing if that is the
person you want to marry. Soyeah, you'll have to know if he's
bossy or not. Okay, I'mcoming to you firstion here the next question,
how long should you be to togetherbefore you move in with your partner?
(21:03):
Like I just said after marriage.No, I'm like saying in terms
of years months yep, that likehow long would you take to make that
decision. Like now your question istrict because that would be like how long
(21:27):
would it take before I marry mypartner like get engaged or something, because
I've said, like my answer wasi'd married, I like move into together
with someone after marriage. So itdepends with the dating time, like the
range. Like maybe let's say ifI've dated for two years for dating,
(21:52):
then he proposes, then you getmarried. You're like answering your question is
kind of different. So so you'resaying you're going to see like for two
years when you're dating. Then ifhe has let's say you did it for
two years and he asked you,she asked you to moving in with him,
would you do that? But ifhe proposes, then he asks me,
(22:19):
Okay, that's still lots of marriage, Like you need the ring you
have to do first? Yeah,I need the ring first. How about
if he proposes, you have thering already, he asked it to move
in together, and then you dothe deep then afterwards he will break up
the view how would you feel aboutlike I said no after after marriage first?
(22:48):
Yeah, but you agreed to movingtogether, so that's impossible that that
will happened between but I did twoof you. Oh she did not agree.
She said she mustn't the ring,she must have the last words and
then get married before he moves in. Okay, so that is really so
(23:12):
she's really stern in her decision tomove in after marriage. Okay, yeah,
I hope that doesn't change in thefuture, because you know you can.
So you consider yourself single until evenif you have the ring, the
engagement, and you consider yourself singleuntil you get married. Right, No,
(23:37):
I won't consider myself single, likeobviously I can't do that to my
partner because he's he has given mea ring, like he's promising me,
like he's promising married. So oh, like, can I tell other people
like I'm single or something? Butif you go back on his word,
I wouldn't consider myself single even ifyou have the ring, then I'm giving
(23:59):
back I'm giving back his dream.Okay, Okay, what about your fread
did you take on that? Well? I would say the same thing almost
that I would. I would notask my partner to move in together before
(24:22):
we get married. So if evenif I propose this or whatever the case
may be, if we're not married, because at least here in the Philippines.
I don't know in any other places. Being married is the only legal
possession that a man and a womancan can partake in, Like it's the
(24:47):
only thing that would you know,change the status the civil status of someone.
So there's only single and then married. So there's no like engage or
what that's anything in between. Sobeing single, that would mean you're engaged,
(25:10):
that would mean that could also meanthat you have a boyfriend or girlfriend,
that could mean that you are evenliving in or moving moving in together.
But once you get married, onceyou stood on that altar and say
your vows and say your oaths,and then the facilitator, the pastor the
(25:34):
the preacher for pronounces your husband andwife, that's the only thing, that's
the only that's the only time thatthat you I would ask, of course
automatically ask my partner too to movein together. So so yeah, like
(25:56):
in your country, like Dore's,you don't have something called mistake. Why
you find like two people like they'renot married, but they have children and
they have a family, but they'renot married. We do we have something
like that in your country? Ithink we do. Yeah, a lot,
a lot a lot of I thinkFilipinos. I would say a good
(26:21):
amount of Filipino couples are like thatthat they have kids first before they decide
to get married, or not evenget to decide. They just they just
want to have a family and thenyou know, just ignore the marriage at
all. So yeah, we do, we do have those kinds of couple
of relationships. And I'm not I'mnot judging them, but we do have
(26:49):
we do have those kinds of relationships. Oh, I think it doesn't really
matter if you're married or not.For some people, it doesn't matter.
I think it is about the relationshipthey share between them. Because let's say
I've decided to move in, noteven moving we have we have children already,
(27:14):
we're living together, we're not married. So some people don't consider marriage
as a reason to move in together. For you, you may say,
like you want to get married firstbefore you move in together with someone.
But for someone so for others,they may say, no, let's do
it. It's no matter. Wejust we get married. We can just
move in, we live together andsee what will happen after. Right.
(27:41):
So here, I also want toask another question, So if you really
love one another, let's say,for example, you have a partner you
really really love that that partner youryour boyfriend. For example, would it
be a great courtesy for your partnerto seal your vow, to seal your
(28:02):
commitment of your love to him bygetting married, or does does it matter
to you at all, like howmany percent? Or you can just I
just really love you and then youdon't need we don't need to get married.
I just love you. I'll justprove it to you in my lifetime.
Is that enough for you? Orsomeone who loves me would never say
(28:26):
something stupid like yeah, if someoneloves you, they'll give you the ring.
What do you mean? What ifthey're from a different culture and in
their culture it's not important, butyou really love him. In my culture,
we do value married. I don'tcare give me the ring first,
(28:48):
because yes, I do love you, but do you love me enough to
like want to marry me? Soyeah, and in my culture, like
people do value of marriages, right. I think that's the same thing with
what Katy was asking that we havecouples that you know, get together,
(29:11):
moving together, have kids, havefamilies and have grandchild and you know,
not to get and not to worryabout getting married. So you know,
That's what I was saying. Wouldit be enough for you if your husband
or if your your partner would say, I'll just prove my love to you
for my lifetime and but will notWe'll never get married. So and I
(29:37):
feel in situations like like that,women women are the ones who like have
the most to lose because you're sayingthat he'll prove he like in future or
something. What if it gives metwo babies and then he finds the love
of his life, then he leavesme with my two children and only happen
if then you know, Yeah,but at least i'd know that I went
(30:02):
for the ring. For me,it doesn't matter, it doesn't I'd be
peased if, especially we're financially stable, for someone like to suggest something like
that, like why like we havethe finances like to have a wedding,
and if we don't have the finances, like we can go to the council.
It's not a mass like we havea big wedding, Like we can
just go the two of us andhave a witness. Yeah. I wonder
(30:27):
if it's the same as like youknow, the celebrities nowadays after they got
married for like two years one year, then they will separate, they will
file a divorce. I wonder ifthey're also thinking the same way you think
right now or you know then Okay, some people try. Maybe they tried
(30:52):
and their relationship didn't work out andthe best thing to do is to go
separate tways, but it's still thesame thing. And also so you mean
that, but you know, youcan't know the future. What is like
the future holds the person you meetmarried, Like maybe today, in three
or four years time, maybe youguys would separate or something bad would happen
(31:18):
that would lead to the marriage likeending or something I read somewhere. But
as for now, I read somewherethat the guy is really, you know,
having regrets. He said that having, you know, filing for a
divorce is really expensive. So he'slike, is I telling the younger generation
(31:41):
to read or living together so thatyou can discover your partner? Okay,
suppose you do that. What ifyou end up living with five people before
you find the level of your life? Isn't living with five men like looking
for the one that you think isthe one? Does it make sense?
Actually, marriage doesn't matter. Justprove it to me in your lifetime.
(32:07):
Yes, yes, but of course, like we are two people living in
the same house, it's just notmy home meets our home, so we
should both participate equality and ensuring thatit's tidy. You just said your home.
It's the question you asked, andthat was my answer. But I
(32:29):
wouldn't do that. Like for me, it's supposed to be a share of
task so that your children can seewhat you do as your husband, and
it will lead as an example forthem so that when they grow up they
can also be in their house.They're independent, they don't have to marry
(32:50):
someone to do the work for them. For me, if the father is
only the one working for the houseworkfamily, it is not enough, especially
in the information that we have rightnow, sad enough, so we don't
have a choice. But the wifealso works have a career while at the
same time taking care of the children. So why wouldn't we share the task
(33:13):
the house chores as well, right, I just don't think it's fair fun
person to take responsibility of doing everythingin the home. Well, I would
say everything should be a shared responsibility. Some people would say no, some
men would say no, But Iguess they're going to have a miserable partnership
with their wives. They're not gonnashare, so it's up to them.
(33:36):
For me, I want to shareeverything with my partner, my wife.
So if I'm not going to beable to provide, then my wife could
in the times that I can.If my wife can't do the household chores
when she's sick or whatever, thenI can put it on my shoulders at
the time if she can. Sothat's a better partnership than have it.
(33:59):
You know, one hundred one hundred, But when you lose the other hundred,
you're just, you know, cripple. Everyone should have a say to
something. It's your home. Ifyou're living with someone, should not shut
them down give an opinion to something. I just think it's logic. Yeah,
everyone should have a say. Ifyou're dumb enough to allow your partner
(34:19):
to not listen to you or letyou have a say in something, then
that's just your problem and you shouldnot be in that relationship. Well,
it depends. It depends on alot of factors. First is the capability
of your partner, so of courseyou must both know who is capable to
do the task. So if itdepends on the plumbing or repairing the car,
(34:43):
or lifting up heavy things, orwashing the dishes. It's based on
the capacity of your partner to dothat. If you're if your partner's not
able to lift the jug of water, then of course you're you're the one
who or your partner should be doingit. Another thing, it's not just
the capacity of the partner, butalso it's effectivity. I would say,
(35:05):
so, yes, if your partnercan wash the dishes, but she's for
example, dropping every single plate everytime she's washing it, then just let
me just do it. So that'swhat I would say. It's not just
you know, if you're able todo it, but if you're also able
to do it, not really avoidingthe mess, we're avoiding extra expenses.
(35:27):
I would say, you don't wantto buy you know, plates every time.
But if she is clumsy, likein all of kind of pasts,
she's clumsy and she drops everything,so at the end you have to do
everything. If she's clumsy, thendefinitely I would have her do other things.
For example, let's say fold things, so if she is able to
(35:51):
fold clothes, she's not going tobe breaking anything. Or let's say what
else, Yeah, folding folding thingsor watching the utensils that are not breakable.
So there's a lot of alternatives thatyour partner can work out. Living
with someone is really take really takesa lot of compromise for you. So
(36:13):
it's really taking you out of theconforts. I know Mercedes knows this because
you know, Yeah, if yourpartner is having like a weakness in certain
things, it's your job to topit up with your strength and vice versa
slightlyth and take right. So it'snot gonna be always you, always her,
(36:36):
always him. So it's really apartnership that you have to create and
talk about and deal with and committo. So I think that would be
a better environment for you to haverather than you know, this is your
task, is my task, SoI mind my own business, You mind
your own business. I think Ithink that's going to be a more,
(36:59):
let's say, board line toxic communicationrather than a healthy one. So yeah,
that's right. But if for example, your partner got basly a work
and then he or she wasn't ableto do the dishes, and you'll say,
that's your task, why didn't youdo it? If you get a
name every task in the house,it's going to be toxic so you should
(37:22):
ask. You should like act asa teamwork. You know you have teamwork.
If the other one is not available, then you will rescue them and
vice versa. Right, and here'shere, here's the thing. Here's the
thing with your partner. Let's say, for example, you really do have
a good partner, you really dohave a person that you really love,
(37:43):
that you're married to someone that youreally love. I think doing things that
are out of your scope, ordoing things that that would require you to
compromise, those things are really thethings that you really would not think about
a lot. So for example,making sacrifices for someone that you you deeply
(38:07):
appreciate, You you deeply have affectionstoo. I think you know, for
example, for example, you youreally don't want to do the dishes,
but you really love your partner andthey're too tired to do it, or
they broke their hand or they havewounds within their fingers. I think,
(38:29):
if you really love that person,it will not be hard for you.
You would not even think twice indoing that. So are you willing to
fix the plumbing? If your partneris not achievable and you don't know it
or mean it should be shared,and it really depends. If the guy
(38:52):
is earning more than the girl,for example, he's earning one thousand us
T and the girl just earns onehundred USD, then they can combine it
together and they can budget it together. That's more realistic, so they can
apply the finance tips and tricks ortechniques like the fifty to thirty twenty rule,
(39:15):
like fifty percent of your income togethercan go to the needs, and
then the thirty person can go toyour wants, and then the twenty person
rule can go to your savings thatyou know, you can also enjoy your
own money, like if it's combinedtogether, if you will spend the thirty
person in your wants, So forme, that is more fair, that's
(39:37):
more transparent. If you do thebudgeting together and you combine all together.
We should always follow God's design whenit comes to marriage, because he is
the almighty, all knowing God.If we follow his commandments, it will
be less hurt in our end.And just like the Bibles example, Jacob
(39:59):
waited seven years for rachel Or.I forgot is it rachel Or Rachael?
Yeah, it's rachel God waited sorry, Jacob waited seven years for Rachel before
he can live with her, beforehe can marry her. And he did
some a lot of work, likelabor, a lot of labor for his
(40:21):
father. He really like, youcan tell that she really loves Rachel because
all of the work that he did. But in the end he finally got
her and it is really satisfying andeverything went according to the plan. There's
no problem whatsoever. So if wewill remain obedient, then we are the
(40:45):
ones who are going to read whatwe saw and we will be you know,
we will be off the good storyif we follow God's design. So
that's my take on it. Soshout out to my family, me and
friends and always watching this ep
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