The Missing Piece

In this episode, your hosts, Cathy and Shania, take you on a deep dive into the intricacies of modern family dynamics. They explore the question that often goes unspoken: The missing piece – the role of fathers in a household. How does the role of a father figure differ from that of a mother figure in a child's upbringing? What are the essential elements that create a loving and nurturing household?

Join us as we engage in a candid conversation that unveils the unique perspectives, experiences, insights, and navigate the complex terrain of contemporary family life. Gain a better understanding of how fathers contribute to a child's growth and development and discover the key elements that foster a loving and nurturing environment in today's households. Let's get real about the role of fathers in modern families. This episode will leave you with a deeper appreciation for the diverse and dynamic world of parenthood.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/real-talk--5980730/support.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello, and we'll come back toanother episode of Real Talk with Kadai and
Shaneer and here we'll delve into theintricacies of modern family dynamic. I'm your
host, Catherine, and in today'sepisode, it's all about the missing piece
and we'll exprowl the role of fathersin a household. So joining me today

(00:24):
we have my co host Shania.How are you? I'm good? Thank
you? Hello everyone. Hi.We also have our special against Minds.
How are you. Hi's great?Hello Ti. Okay, let's start with

(00:46):
you, Shania. Could you sharewith our listeners that what roles you believe
fathers play in the household and especiallyin the context of naturing and brainy Okay,
So, I believe the fathers arenormally providers and protectors. Traditionally,

(01:07):
they take on the responsibility of providingfor the family, ensuring family stability and
meeting the health basic needs. Ialso believe that fathers shupple to their children.
Yeah. They should provide a stableand loving presence. They should offer
them comfort, encourage them and alsothe most important thing is that they should

(01:33):
understand their children. They should berole models by setting examples. Yeah,
especially navigating life challenges. And makingimportant decisions. They should also teach them
what's right and what's wrong, butthe wrong I believe that should be here

(02:00):
the rules. Very when you say, like they should teach them what's wrong
and what's right, I think bothparents can do that. It's not like
just one partner that can do that. Yeah, when it consist of but
now families, yeah, it consistsof both parents. They should teach their
children what's wrong and what's right.But not normally nowadays the rules vary depending

(02:25):
on culture, society, and individualfactors. But the most important thing is
that fathers they should be actively engaged, supportive, and present in their child's
life. Yeah, contributing, okay, especially when they are the bonding.

(02:46):
When you want to create that bondbetween a father and a fan or father
in a daughter. You know,let's say we like in a in a
school situation where your father help havehave to attend to the activities like spots,
so that you know, like itgives you that Yeah, you just

(03:09):
let's say, proud when you seeyour father participating and also you know telling
you you're good in this. Youcan do that giving your carriage and stuff.
So mass, how do you thinkfather's contribute to the happiness of the

(03:29):
children. I guess for me,fathers set the boar the standards when it
comes specially to their terms, likeif they will be entering a romantic relationship,
they have like at least nady yellhow they should be treated based on

(03:52):
how their fathers treated their mothers,Like what are the sacrifices, how love
is being done inside the house?So in father is present, then the
daughters you know, have a highstandard. It will contribute eventually to their

(04:15):
shappiness because they are probably choosing theright person because they seem you know,
like an example, growing up,it was care. But I think the
concept of whether a further evaentually ina household maybe various in various ways.

(04:38):
Like let's say, in traditional familystructure, they have often like included both
mother and father. And it's alsolike considered necessary for the well being and
development of children because the presence ofboth parents contributes to a balanced bringing,

(05:00):
providing different perspective roles in every andlet's say, you know, protection for
there. And it's important to acknowledgethat the definition of the family has evolved
over time, and you know,families come come in various forms. So

(05:21):
I think the most important thing isuh, they just give a good environment
for the child. Drend thing.So I'm I'm gonna read a short story
and you tell me what you thinkabout it. So meet Maria, who

(05:46):
have been raising who has been raisingher three children, Sophia, Diego and
Elena on her or okay, onher own for several years, ever since
her husband Carlos had tragically passed away. Memories of Carlos kind can smile and

(06:10):
gentle wisdom leguard in the home,a reminder of the missing piece that has
once completed their family portrayed. So, despite maria and weavering love and dedication,
the absence of their father had leftan indelible mark on the family.

(06:31):
So Sophia, the eldest, oftenassumed a protective role, shuttering responsibilities beyond
her ears, striving to feel thevoid left by her father's absence for her
younger sibling, So Dugo is themiddle child, grabbed with her longing for

(06:51):
her father's figure, seeking guidance andsupport in the pivotal moment of his adolescence,
the yearnin for the tidy, hardand comforting presence that only her father
could provide. So Elena, theyoungest, barely had memories for her father.

(07:12):
Yet the family stories and photographs paintedthe big picture of the love that
has once developed in their home.Here, I think Elena, Elena's father
like passed away when she was young, so I think she can't have any
memories of him. She can onlysee the father from the pictures. And

(07:34):
as the years passed, Maria,Sophia and Diego and Elena built her and
breakaboark bond. They shared experiences forthe resilience and illuminated the strength within each
of them. Though the absence oftheir father was deeply fled, the love
and the unity they cultivated within theirown swater became the gaiding live, a

(08:01):
testament to the anneuvering spirit of afamily who had land drive in the face
of adversity. So how do youthink the role of father figure differs from
that of a mother figure in achild's discussion is open to anyone. So

(08:22):
yeah, detail for me, thefather is useful provided the protect and the
discipline. I am so we havelike a mother's love and father's love without
wine, that would be impalid,Yeah, taking it so incomplete and how

(08:48):
so? Yeah, for me,dad is kind of fun in my perspective,
because mothers always care for the mothersalways present her present accidents. You
know, sometimes mothers are very overprotective. But when it comes to dads there

(09:13):
are more on leaning to the oneside of life, like if you wanted
to play or very how to rideby, it can always count on them.
So without that, you know,aspect in their children's life, there
is some some thing that's missing.For me, it's a balance. Yeah,

(09:39):
But you know, like sometimes itlet's say this, in this case,
like it's a natural occurrence, solike there's no way they would have
controlled whether they are it's present ornot. But I think it's important when
children't have a father figure in amother figure in their lives because they them

(10:00):
shoot the nice. But in thiscase, it's a natural occurrence, the
father pastory and you know, there'snothing they could have done about it.
I think the mother tried it.Yes, Unfortunately, we cannot control,
you know, anything in our lives. We are alive and yet we don't

(10:20):
know it tomorrow we are still here. M hm. For me, I
guess they can just accept what happened. And you know, because the more
they resist in doesn't accept what happenedto their father. The more the agony
will be you know, prolonging,and they cannot on their lives. They

(10:46):
won't be happy, you know.Mm hm Snyan, what's your take on
this? Yeah, it was anatural occurrence and I'm sure they must be
going through things, but there's nothingthey can do in this point. I
know life has no balance, sothe mom will just have to step up

(11:11):
and raise the kids by her ownensure that she instills some moral ethics that
would help guide them while growing up. Yeah, okay, So ultimately,
I think the presence of our caringand responsible a dude figure let's say,

(11:37):
a father figure and mother figure regardlessof gender. They can provide love about
guidance in essential for childhoalth development.And I think the idea of what is
necessary for a household should be basedon the wellbeing and happiness of the family

(12:01):
members. For that can readiate andbeat two the okay members, Our families
have like a specific specific structures andhow they choose to care and natural for
the child rain. So I thinkin this case, the mother has to

(12:22):
do both roles, and she wouldtry to do it because it's for the
well being of his children or maybeshe can marry or something. But you
know, sometimes it doesn't work out. What if I want to remarry doesn't

(12:45):
want the kids, what will youdo? We just have to care as
a single parent because maybe someone willsay, no, I want to take
care of the kids that are notthat are not my own, you know.
And also some cultures don't allow thata person to remind like if your
husband is they're never remarry again.Like some of them are prohibited to do

(13:09):
that. Oh that's so sad.Yeah, Like now like if your husband
died, just you just have todedicate and to stay like a widow.
And some of them have like differentclothing for widows. It's like, yeah,

(13:35):
it just has to take single wayof white clothes you don't have,
you don't wear colors. You justtake. You don't know. So yes,
again, the world is singing.Some things are ending and some habits.
People are dropping some habits like notremarrying or anything, because I've seen

(13:58):
the breaking. So I consider themto be some generational casses, like some
things that were put by our ancestors. Some people are dropping them, like
but some of them will, well, just hope to stay with that traditional
and it's very hard like to changea person mindset telling them this is wrong,

(14:24):
and they have been doing that forages, like, it's very hard
to convince and convince them that thisis not good. You should do it,
be doing like this, and youknow some of them won't take it.
They would just say you're corrupting there, you know, stuff like that.
What you're really stick to your bodyis for example, your son,

(14:48):
yeah, go is really long fora pardon? No, I would change
that and look for someone to marryso that he can have a further figure
in his life. Because I don'tnecessarily think that it's a mask to be
related with someone like a child.Like people do adopt and they raise good

(15:09):
children, So I don't think it'sa mass yeah yeah, or happen it
yeah yeah. If here'll do anythingto like, you know, restore your
kids happiness, for me, Iwould drop the culture and it is what
it is ye in this story.Mm hmm, continue, Kathy, just

(15:41):
okay, okay, So the nextquestion will be what do you believe are
the eventually yelling me that preach areloving in a naturally helpsehold anyone, it's
open to answer the question. Okay, So I'm going to provide opinions based

(16:02):
on a child's perspective and the thingsI experienced at home while growing up,
because I can't speak on the parents'part because for now I don't have children.
So I'm just going to give youguys opinions based on the things I
saw while growing up. So Ithink for a child to be to grow

(16:26):
like a happy child, the environmentshould first be peaceful. Those are the
essential things. The environment should bepeaceful, like not a toxic you know,
having toxic parents can also create sometrauma for most treats. Yeah,
so the environment should be and alsobefore I think before parents, Before a

(16:53):
couple decide to have children, thereare some things that they may discuss on
how they're going to raise their childand the rules they're going to take.
Maybe this one me say, I'mgoing to provide for the household. I'm
going to for this and that.So yeah, did you So okay,

(17:21):
I have a question, So whatwell growing up? What did you What
did you see your father do likethat made you happy? Household? Oh,
my father gives good emotional support,Like he listens to me, and
he has always been present and he'salways understanding as he provides for me and

(17:47):
my siblings and my mom. Soyeah, that's amazing. I'm really jealous.
Yeah, I have really us growingup. So swear it's okay.
He died when I was a baby, so I didn't really mean or anything.

(18:12):
Didn't saw his pictures. Yeah,but yours. But my mom usually
re married like multiple and men life. I really didn't hear anyone or you
had multiple fathers wh growing up.I don't call them the fathers more of

(18:37):
like my mom, my mom's boyfriendor somebody else. Yeah, and my
mom is you know if he sheis not emotionally pressing for me growing up,
So I had oh like seek oryou know, like book for it

(19:04):
to other people and mine to myfam. That's why I'm jealous. That
help, you know, like emotionemotion support growing up, Like there's someone
listening to no matter what nonsense you'retalking about. Yeah, having someone like

(19:30):
that that that listens to you withoutjudging, it's a blessing. It is.
I can tell him anything that's happeningmost of the things. Yeah,
that's good. So let's say youmade a mistake and you really have to
tell him, how do you knowabout it? So in a will.

(19:53):
Growing up in a home, mymum was the one who established rule and
order. You know, some parentsplay the good good cup, bad cup,
so my mom was kinder of thebad cup. My dad was always
the good cup, but my momwas the She always disciplined me and my
discipling while we were growing up.Your mom is like that. That's why

(20:19):
I said rules to change, okayfor discipline. Most people in my country,
the mothers are the ones who disciplinedtheir children and mostly the fathers as
a provided. Yeah, bad thingsare changing now due to certain trends or
something like that. Things are changing. Yeah, But when you say when

(20:45):
you have like absence for fathers,maybe it's they passed away. Maybe you
know the bedroom their child. Youknow, our mother have to play those
both roles to be a father andto be a mother. So when it
come to the playing, mother's upthe bed, my news toys, Especially
if if I believe mothers are goodwith girls and fathers are good with boys.

(21:10):
Even while growing up, there weresome things that I couldn't discuss with
my father when I hate their lessingstage. So I believe our father is
important. It's important to have afather in someone's life, especially maybe we're
raising boys because there are some thingsthat maybe, yeah, their mother may

(21:32):
not understand. Mm hmmm, mmhmmm. I think it's something like your
mother can okay, go ahead?Yeah, Like for me, you can
I talk about your well about sexualexplorations with your mom. It's kind of
awkward. Oh, it's so good. But my mom is someone who's like,

(21:56):
will make you talk. She'll justtease you do this. Then you
just end up talking. Yeah,but to the part like scenarios. Literally
in Africa, there's some parents likeyou can't even okay, it's your mother,
but you can you can? You? You you have that feel like
you don't want to tell them that'sbits and you fear how they're going to

(22:25):
take it. And then sometimes didyou how they were? Yeah that's your
Yeah. Toxic parents come in,you know they are acting when they are
such scenarios and they don't listen toyour side of the story. They just
care about how they feel and nothow how about you? How you know?

(22:47):
So instead of supporting him and askingabout what happened, they tend to
no hittings thank you or tursting,be angry at you, or give you
part well you are. You arejust only a kid. You don't know
know anything. Harder for you tomake light decisions. You need to do

(23:10):
a lot of wrong decisions first,Like a lot of this day, it's
normal that some toxic parents doesn't understandthat true, Yeah, because some of
them, when you try to saysomething, okay, they're trying to raise

(23:30):
you how they were raised, ifthey were raised trict parents, that good
parents. They're trying to bring thatto your life. And sometimes you can't
control it. They have to livewith it because it's two parents, so
sometimes it kind of had to stayin that kind of environment. Yeah,

(23:55):
but it's when I look brow up. You know the reason why if you're
not in motional sure, you know, don't grow up from your own trauma.
Don't you'll just fast We'll pass iton to them. Mum hmm.
I think. But there are whenyou think like you have to because from

(24:22):
it's something that's going to stay withyou unless you talk about it, unless
you just try to figure out howto to compassed over it. You just
have to stay with it. You'llhave you you'll stay with it if you
don't approach it in a right manner. Yeah, that's right, I agree
with you. You need to acknowledgeit, be aware of it. But

(24:45):
some parents doesn't acknowledge it instead ofacknowledge, and it's just point everyone else.
So everyone else is at fool,you know, accept them. So
how can they con front their owntrauma they don't acknowledge it in the first
place? Right? Mm hmm.But must you have a child? So

(25:08):
and so when you say, goingthrough some things, you should not have
children because you're going to pass theis it generous trauma or something? But
you have is it a daughter ora son? I'm sure like both.
I have a daughter. You wouldn'tlike let them like face the things you

(25:33):
did while you was did growing?Am I right? Yes? That's why
you know. I researched a lot. I join a lot of basic groups
about gentle paring thing m hm.And it is more about being intentional.
And I have this while supporting youknow, in an ot place over he's

(25:59):
done well. Yeah, so it'sthe good help and someone to remind me.
And you need to research about it, about trauma, about how we
handled how is it can avoid itso that you cannot and you can pass
it onto it. Yeah. Andalso when let's say you the appearance,

(26:26):
they don't resolve their conflict privately,and also they don't do it pasively.
You know, that is going tohave an impact to the chant because in
the future the child would be Isaw my mom, I saw my dad
lapping my mom. I saw mymom throwing stuff out. You know,

(26:49):
like, let's have a very verynegative impact to the chip and so like
parents not appearance. But I think, uh so being the issues privately and
pacifically would help to have a goodenvironment to the children. Yeah, you

(27:10):
know what that is true. Alot of experience insction do that so normal.
The child grows knowing that that isnormal. It's normal slap your husband's
slabs because that's what she is,so you know, growing up. It

(27:33):
will also affect you know, rementionship later in life because she cannot really
tell what is in a good versusthat kind of spouse is because she is
you know, she grows up tohome that is always you know, a

(27:55):
news. There's always a news,and it's normal for them day and nights
and experience, experience those kind ofthings. She doesn't really know how to
rain down things. So probably shewill end up like her mom in the
future. So when I was growingup, I was deaf neighborhood, Like

(28:19):
they used to fight a lot Iwas a child. I don't remember the
situation even today. Like the wifewas. When the wife gets like very
angry, she would throw everything inthe house, breaking everything. And also
she would just run on the roadshouting, and it was so perfect.

(28:45):
It was bad. Like they wouldjust run around fighting in the public.
They just don't care if the kidsare watching or not. So they used
to peep on the fence. There'snot drive, just immasing health. Kids
fail. Yeah, yeah, theywere scar during you know, the first

(29:06):
you know, even they were moreI guess things things like maybe seeing your
parents fighting. That's why most people, maybe women or men don't want to
get married or have children because ofthe things they saw, well they were
growing up. Maybe they're scared orsomething like that because they are bringing the

(29:32):
parents being toxic. And yeah,the couple was very toxic because they would
the wife could pass all the thingsand live, but in two days she's
back to the second. And thenwhen the kids starting thing that starts with
them, they'd be like, ohwhat did I do? They come are

(29:55):
so much as the young in avictory would fight like three times or four
things. You know, we're crueland the children are going to school.
They were morey, are you nodrama? You know that kind of that
kind of feeling when someone tells yourparents are bad, you know it wants

(30:18):
you. It's a very bad thingthough, it's like they are dogs and
cats fighting. It's but you know, like conflict tree resolution, it'solve like
when let's say, when you howthere, so, well, okay,

(30:41):
masters is for you. You're aparent, right, so they say,
with your child does something wrong,how do you resolve that? Do you
okay? Go ahead? Do youlike you know, sit them, sit
them down? And then this istrue, I do just take something and

(31:03):
just give them one hit. Butyou how you claim the like this place?
Well, if they do something wrongand they confess it to me.
I tend to always remember myself andI was a kid, but when they

(31:23):
could infest on my mom, herfirst reaction was always always always a shouting,
So that being my memory of childhood, I always go back to my
big lying like if I'm going toyell and shout at her at my daughter,

(31:45):
it was all right, So Iwill step for a while, like
like I think for a while.I'm not gonna go out because I believe
in the saying that don't say anythingin your height of emotion, like if
your have you're showingry because you mightsay things that you later regret and you

(32:07):
cannot take take it back anymore.So yeah, that's why if there's like
a confrontation or argument about to happen, I always take time to calm myself,
to calm myself and then we cantalk it. We can talk about
it, you know, like likeanything, what we did wrong, why

(32:29):
we did that? So I knowI'm calmed before, you know, talking
to her and I tried to understandwho reasons, like why did you did
that? And then she said,because I didn't know? And then next
time, this is what you're gonnado. So next time you know that
you do this, it will itwill become like this. There will be

(32:52):
some you know, consequences because ofyour actions. So I like I'm teaching
had a cousin fact or you know, the things that she's to doing because
she's just eight years old and there'salways the mistakes every day and that is

(33:13):
essentially for her to learn the rightingthe right instudent. Yeah, that's the
only way to learn how to dothe right things. Why I'm doing wrong
things? Yeah? Right, ButI feel like as a parent, parents
should I always pray because it doesn'tsometimes this life has no balance. You

(33:38):
may raise your kids well, likegive them everything they need, provide for
them, encourage them. But atthe end of the day, like they
may somewhere else, single, withpeople outside and they are going maybe to
develop get some habits, bad habits, and refrain. Your child maybe stilling

(34:01):
engaging in some weird but you knowit's not your fault because you raised him
or her will. So yeah,I think like parents should pretty cools.
Yeah, very with you. Thereare some things that internet came home outside
from home. And also sometimes asa parent you fall short. But sometimes

(34:27):
you're having bad day that they areyou know, did something wrong and just
snapped and you just yelled. Youjust shouted at them really at your peek,
and then afterwards then you ask guardthe insurance for strength. You then
come to your kids and say sorry, you did that, and that will

(34:49):
teach them bad. Parents are notperfect. We also are human and we
also have feelings just like them,so they will learn that also make mistakes
and What matters is that we goback to them and we seem sorry that
that will put a closure to whatever'shurt me. Yeah, so we're going

(35:16):
to play with you and let's let'ssee how you you. You'll tell me
like, do you agree with him? And why? So it's different.
I think that a lot of usgrow up in the households to where it

(35:37):
is no farther right. So whenI'm out in the world, I feel
like, well, my mama didit, she raised us by us up,
so I mean I should be ableto do the same thing. And
as me and my daddy wasn't there, so I ain't got to necessarily be
there. You see what I'm saying. But again, when you go out
there, you had that mindset,you already creating broken holes before you even
get into a father's Absolutely god damnnecessary in the household. You need that

(35:59):
balance, bro, And that's likethere's not enough stock put in that.
That's why a lot of dudes outhere super emotional somebody over an argument,
real to crash out over nothing becausethey didn't have father in the household to
keep them levelted to a situation.Hey, this is how you process shit
when you're stressing and things like that. All they had was they mama and
a lot of times women. Ilove y'all, but y'all could be a
bit emotionally irrational. So if I'ma man and I'm growing up in that

(36:22):
household, I'm gonna be way morelikely to replicate what I see. And
that's what a lot of men areout here doing. Okay, Mats,
do you agree with him? Andwhy? Yes? I agree with him?
Do you need only way that thechildren, you know, learning in

(36:45):
life is do you see examples forthem to creeping? That's why mother and
fathers are very essential to a kid'slife because it will be their role model
proming up. And as I saidhere, it's very important. But the
wish to have a father like tosee how the father treats the mother so

(37:07):
that it will become her own standardof when the time comes when she's going
to find the spouse or a partnerin life. And so that's any and
yeah, yeah, I agree withhim. And whether I think parents should

(37:30):
be careful on their things they sayin front of their children, because you
know, children tend to copy thingsand they listen children people, and then
very quickly, yeah, people tendto underestimate children, but they do listen
and they pick some habits from theirparents. Like I remember there was a

(37:52):
time there was this kid, andso her parents used to argue a lot,
so the maum would abuse the dad. So you see, the things
that the mother was saying are thesame things that the child would like.
She would use the exact same wordswhile abusing her friends when they were playing

(38:14):
for her. She thought it wasnormal because that was something that was happening
in at a place for almost life, every single day. So I'd rather
if there's no love, there's noreason like to stay for the children or
something, cause it's just causing moreharm. Like some people say, oh,

(38:35):
I'm staying in this abusive relationship becauseI don't want my kid to grow
up without a father or a mother, like I want us to grow like
a familiar as a whole. Butsometimes it's not necessary because you just you
just end up causing more harm thangood. So it's best for people just

(38:57):
to go their separate ways. Butthat still does not mean that a role
of a father is not important insomeone's life. But I believe you can
still install some values in your kidswhile you're co parenting better than traumatizing them.
That's yeah, that's true. Butfor me, I don't necessarily agree

(39:24):
with him. You know, hethink because according to me Feigling, that
treatment can be emotional at some point, right, and that that's that's this
is a fat Women can be emotional. I'm a woman and I'm sometimes very
emotional. And if you're why justhappens naturally. And he thinks like that

(39:45):
women raising. Let's say you takea single mothers like he thinks like single
mothers raising, let's a boys.The boys will grow with the same they
will not have like the emotional wellbeing they would be so emotional. I
don't agree with him in that partbecause not all parents are. Some of

(40:10):
them single mothers just try to toughenup things. They're just raising a very
very masculine kids. Are boys byare men, I mean, so they
just give them everything they need.They don't show them like you have to
be emotional in everything. Emotional beingemotional come naturally. Even men sometimes are

(40:30):
emotional. So I don't agree withhim. And I see most of the
single parent raised very very strong menand they are not emotional. So him
saying that maybe he's something he wentthrough when he was a kid. But
I don't know. But for me, I don't agree with him. I
do agree with him because I thinkthat men should be abed to be tough.

(40:54):
Course, it's okay to be vulnerableat times, but you're a man,
like you should be strong. Youknow, some like we are very
different. Males and females are verydifferent. Females tend to be very emotional
as compared to males. So yeah, like that's from my understanding, So

(41:16):
men should be a little bit tough. You know, I can't scriend.
You're also create the same thing.One of us needs to comfort the other.
So imagine like, yeah, theone saying like the men are usually

(41:39):
using their brain and are in theirheart. So it's like we are emotional
and we are driven by our intuition. We're passed and are driven by that.
Yeah, I'm just saying, it'sjust so beautiful and really true.

(42:02):
Okay, okay, but it doesn'tmean like every man that was raised by
a single parent is emotional. That'smy pointly, not everyone ever heard boy,
Yeah yeah, yeah, m fmust body. No, they just

(42:30):
have a different different parents in theair, very different form. Mad just
then to Okay, it's good tohave to be close to your mom and
everything, but some of them isjust over do it. Being a mama's
poisons a bad thing. But youshould have that toughness in you. And

(42:57):
there's actually different on our come whenit comes to single parenting. Like some
boys survives do it without any problem, but some boys are not. They
just acted everything is normal, butit's very when they get married. Every

(43:17):
issue that they have start to comeout that you know, there's like an
emptiness, there's like hatred. Itcannot be And so I know a lot
of people like that, like mywork nets they tell me that problem that
they've had, Well, there's reallya missing piece. Yeah. So we

(43:43):
also have another video. H Sowe're just going to play and we love
just to reaction it and I repeatthe question. But the question would be
do you think women allow their spousesto establish the authority? That would be
after we play the next video andsee how a update. Let you listen

(44:06):
to it. When it comes toraising children, studies have shown that a
mother will naturally default to the loveof the child, whereas the father will
establish his authority, and that createsa level of humility and respect for hierarchy
in the psyche of the child,and in the long term, he will
result in a lack of entitlement inthe child if the father is able to

(44:27):
establish rule and order in his home. But it all comes down to whether
the mother allows a father to establishrule and order with the children, because
in the West, women are givena lot of power and sometimes that is
abused as the father isn't given hisimportance. Yes, there are some men
that are lazy, don't get mewrong, just like how there are some
women that are lazy. But ifyou're a mother, then you need to
realize the importance of having both parentsaround for the child and allowing the father

(44:51):
to represent his authority and rule insidethe home. You truly want your child
to grow up with humility and respectfor other people. Do what's best for
your child and let the father bethe father, because most likely you don't,
you will regret it much like Okay, So the question here is,

(45:13):
uh, do you think women allowtheir opposes to establish the authority? You
know? Also, so we're goingto start with you, mus because you're
married. Do you like agree?Do you what do you think about it?
Yes? I totally agree because thatis their role in the family that

(45:34):
dad's pally teach about those final youknow, on attitude in virtues to the
children. And it's different when dadteaches them compared to the mother. The
mother just usually teach them by words, but when it comes to dads,

(45:57):
they teach them through actions. Andjust like Shania said earlier, kids copy
what they see. So yeah,Marmal kids are learning best by caught and
not like Todd. So yeah,that's what my take on it. And

(46:20):
dating their father's in simo, theyhave a high level of respect to their
father. Like my kids usually askme some questions and I give them the
answer, they usually ask their fatheragain and if their father gives them answertain
they will just stop. So youknow, it's really yeah, I think

(46:45):
so yeah, because in their dadswhen he's speaking, it's more like stir
and heard it slight like official tonerather than it's more like carrying good in
their eyes. And I don't know, I don't know how to explain it

(47:07):
that there's something like if they askme a question, they need an assurance
from their dad. I don't reallyget it, but you know, it's
like the family have evolved, asI said, earlier, like we have

(47:29):
family that comes in various forms,it said, and like we have like
single pearance, we have like senslike experienced household, you know, like
they vary from time to time,and I think it keeps on changing,
changing everything. And I think theauthority within our household can vary also based

(47:53):
on maybe cultural clustural and you knowsome of the factors. And you know,
we're in digital era right and inmodern relationships, the notional authority is
often like seeing in terms of ashared decision making, you know what your

(48:16):
respect then, rather than one partnerexerting like dominance over the other. No,
Like you know, authority can bedistributed in a household in a deeply
like personal matters from a relationship torelationship, Like it's matters like you don't

(48:37):
have to say, like the dadis the one who's going to clean the
children. And then you know,some houshood the mothers don't have even it
comes to discipline, and it's verywrong when it comes to that. Yeah,
I don't agree with that culture thatthe mothersion not very you know,

(48:58):
they don't have a say regarding thismost stuff because it should be balanced.
You know, she can say whatevershe thinks, she can share her opinion
as well, because that's also herkids, and in her intentions a mom,
she doesn't want her kids to bein danger. So for me,

(49:22):
if you have no choice, thatyou don't have a father in your house,
well the mother can assume that rolefor them because they don't have a
choice, and the mother can justhope for the best that the kids,
especially the sons, to remember whatshe's saying, what she's teaching them.

(49:44):
But for those family that has dadsfathers in their homes and I agree with
the video, that they should bethe one who's establishing their roles in discipline
in your house. Yes, yeah, she knew what you take from the

(50:12):
video. How would you reactually whatdid you react? What was your reaction?
Yeah? In a household, likeboth parents should be respected by their
kid foster, let's say, andwhen I in future, when I get
married, and let's say my kidsdid do something wrong and their father is

(50:32):
correcting them. If I do notagree on the way he's handling the situation,
I wouldn't dismiss him in front ofthe kids, because you know,
like when you always side with thekids, the kids will disrespect the other
part the other like partner, likewhen you're always siding with them, like

(50:53):
maybe he's disciplining them, Like areyou stop? Can't you see maybe the
kids the it will be like yeah, So I'd rather just pull him aside
and say this is not how youshould have handled the situation, or like
anything anything you have to discuss withyour partner, make sure you're not doing

(51:14):
it in front of the kids.The kids should respect the bosth of you
and never make like your partner feellike he's not respected in his home or
anything like that, cause I believethat we'll also cause some disagreements. Yeah,
yeah, I can some couples,like I don't know, I've worked

(51:39):
too many movies or series, butsome of them, like when when one
partner hit the kid or just tryto discipline them, the other partner gets
angry, and you know, theone is that one party is trying to,
you know, do the right thing, but the other one is very
angry because they try to correct thekids. So I don't I don't like

(52:05):
it when people maybe when you're beatinga child, I don't think it's a
nice form of discipline. Cause yeah, let me tell you something, when
you discipline your child by hitting themall the time, like they're going like
to adapt to the hitting you livein, like be beating them and now

(52:29):
they're just have headed they don't listen, like the form of discipline doesn't work
anymore. So rather maybe you speakto them. We're talking about this Africa
is Africa can actually But how didthey okay, how you were in a

(52:52):
boarding school, right, yeah,how did they give you when someone is
in the wrong, How did theygive the punish management? Brittle? Yeah,
I wouldn't take my child to suchas school because the form of discipline

(53:12):
was through kings. They were killingpeople at the bar, yeah, sleeping
someone and someone Just so I know, mass is surprised because, yeah,
I believe that's something that the governmentshould look into. But nowadays that they've
removed such banish hitting or spending thekids, Yeah, I agree with that.

(53:44):
It's a Bible. No, youknow, there's a form of hitting
like maybe maybe a little spunk orsomething, but busting someone black and blue
and their kids. You know,kids make mistakes like it's normal, So
why are you yo? I don'tthink some of them like refuse to go
to that to return to the sameschool, it pos they are if the

(54:08):
teacher displayed there. Okay, onmy side, yeah, that's it because
in my school they were you know, they were giving you like you have
to dig a whole and you haveto fit in dance thing. The aller
you are, so the taller youare, the more you're going to dig.

(54:32):
But the shorter you are, youknow you have just dig. Told
me I was shot like a goodfeet anywhere, thought it was so good
to go. But you know,it's just they don't do that anymore because
anyone that thing doing that, theyare teacher's lessons doing. It's going to

(54:52):
be taken away from there. It'sbad. And they're improving educational in mean
texta. You know everything was sowrong mag then, but I think everything
is improving. So like we havelike five millions lived and they have like

(55:13):
a last thing to say. Soso tell me your girl not through our
fours. A child with an activefather in their life has an advantage of
our children raised by single margens.So what you take on that as we
conclude, Okay, but I'd alsodisagree depends with the father. If he's

(55:44):
loving them, yes, but hm, if he's very toxic or anything that
I'd rather just raise your kids asa single parent. Yes, I also

(56:04):
I am tour in the middle.The child in a complete family has an
advantage compared to the one race bya single mom. While not necessarily true
all the time because just like Shannsaid, if being are in a home

(56:24):
that has an inclusive father or alazy father, then what's the point,
right of having a complete family.You don't have a role model, you
know, you don't have an exampleto a right example to see by yourself.
So in that case, the kidwho is being raised by a single

(56:45):
mom who is very responsible, veryhard working, he will have an advantage
in life compared to the woman whichis complete family but wrong model. Yeah,
okay, okay for me agree withfonts because I think it's not accurate

(57:07):
like to make a blanket blanket statementthat a child with an active father in
their life like has an advantage ofa children raised by single parents, like
you know, like research has shownthat a quality of parity. I'm not
a parent. I'm just to thinka child perspective, and you know,

(57:30):
the quality of a parent, whetherfrom a single parent or both parents.
I think the influences a child developmentand well being so both single mothers and
active fathers can provide a natural supportiveenvironment and they can contribute to positively to

(57:52):
a child growth and development. SoI think it's essential to avoid like generalizing
like father, absent father, single. I think it depends in what environment
you're raising your kids in and whatyou are tore you are teaching them.

(58:13):
Yeah, regardless whether they have newfather oh mother, It's just I think
the environment matter a lot. Yeah, I agree with him. Especially there
are some famous people, successful peoplebeing raised less single mom and their community

(58:34):
is you know, they are involvedin raising a kid like it takes a
village to raise a kid. Andyeah, the kids turned out very successful,
very you know, very respectable andfamous and roll. So I know
some artists and some famous like that. So Internet towards Shania. You know,

(59:00):
you have like one minute slip shoutout, shout out to everyone,
to anyone you know, parents,friends, do you have any last watch
before you complete? Oh shout out? Okay, shout out to my family

(59:24):
and to my daughter. Eat greatday is today? And love you so
much and yeah, thank you you, thank you. Yeah, I need
to charge talk to my family andfriends. And I think that not everyone.

(59:46):
Every child have a wonderful like parents, but not every parent deserves to
have children. So if you knoware a toxic person, please do not
have children. Don't It's clean.Yeah, okay, So thank you for

(01:00:10):
tuning in. Okay, bye bye, Okay, thank you for tuning in
to Real Talk with Cathy and Shanya. We hope you enjoyed today's episode and
we're going to be dropping our socialmedia hand on soon, so stay tuned
and don't forget to subscribe and seeyou. Bye bye bye bye bye