November 14, 2023 • 58 mins
In this episode, we uncover the perilous world of romance scams, where the allure of love intersects with the dangers of the digital age. Exploring the tactics employed by cybercriminals, we reveal the heartbreaking deception that ensnares unsuspecting individuals seeking genuine connections online. Through real-life stories and expert insights, we dissect the psychological manipulation used to gain trust and extract money or sensitive information. Join us as we navigate the red flags and arm listeners with the knowledge needed to safeguard themselves against the devastating impact of these deceitful online relationships.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello everyone, and welcome to theshow. We'll talk with Kathy and Chaney.
I'm your host, Kathy, andI'm thrilled to have you join us
today for an exciting episode titled YouCome to Me and this episode is brought
to you by See One Productions.But before we get started, I introduced
(00:22):
my guest today. My co hostis not available, so I'm going to
introduce our guests, Fred, howare you doing today? Doing good?
Hoping everybody's fine as well? Andalso yeah, you're doing good. Also
(00:48):
go introduce to introduced Mars. Howare you hi? Am great? How's
everyone? We're doing great? Andalso we have another guest, Josh.
How are you hey? Being good? Glad to And also we have our
(01:19):
another guest, Daisy. Catch youDaisy? How are you doing today?
Okay? Thank you? Okay,okay. They will be joining me to
explode uh the depth of the toppingbeing discussed and share their unique perspectives.
(01:42):
Whether you are tuning in for thefirst time or returning as a subscriber,
We promise you, Sorry Anne insightfuljourney and thank you for joining us.
Adrea talk with Kathy and low Letsand let's get started. Today's topic it's
about being scammed. Most of we'regoing to like del in relationships camps.
(02:08):
But before I I I share whatI have with you today. So I
have a question for everyone. Isthe question is open to everyone. Have
you ever been scammed in any way? Anyone is open to answer that.
For me, I've been calmed before. I bought something online and I didn't
(02:35):
get to the package. What didyou order? I forgot that from my
stoice online, and that's what Ican make my favorites. Oh that's that
(03:05):
anyone else you can truly listen that. I think I have the same experience
giving me have been coom before.Actually it was I actually tried to order
(03:30):
online. I think it was alaptop, but it was in the pandemic.
I really needed a laptop so badthat I had to desperately order online.
So because of my desperation, Iwasn't able to think through of my
(03:51):
order, so I didn't see thatit was not really a legitimate seller or
a shop. So I already paidfor what did you get? A product?
A radio? The bad thing isI didn't get anything from that WHOA
(04:14):
and the money was gone. Themoney was gone, so I just transferred
the funds. So they they they'resaying or the seller was saying that he
did not receive the fund transfer,but I already did, so goodbye funds.
(04:35):
Did they block you after because someof them when you when they came
you, they just blocked you instantly. You can't get to them even if
you want to. Did they blockyou after, No, they did not,
because they were confidently claiming that theyare innocent and and they claimed that
(05:02):
they really did not receive anything,but there was a transaction confirmation from from
my from my bank. So okay, well I must what about you experience
(05:26):
via bans counting in any way?Yeah? I remember one time I am
buying on buying also I'm buying clothesand then I send the payment and afterwards
I didn't receive the item. Yeah, just cheap, not expensive and like
friends fred or that I was comforted. That's crazy. You're welcome, okay,
(06:04):
So I think, hm, okay, I think are the beings come
in relationships mostly come from online datingwhere people you where you meet someone new,
you interested within them. They tellyou all the lies in the world
(06:26):
and you believe them because you don'tlike you turn the blind on a blind
eye on them and if they askyou for money, you send them money
if they ask you. But whenit comes to you asking them to send
you their photos the money, theywon't do it. So we're just going
to like go straight to our today'sstory, okay. A romance come,
(06:53):
also known as an online datings come, is when a person gets stripped into
believing they are in a romantic relationshipwith someone they met online, when in
fact their other have his criminal usinga fig identity to gain enough of the
(07:15):
address and ask, ask, orblackmail them for money. So meet Bill
and Linda. They met on adating site and they have been talking for
eight months. Bill seems like anice guy and Linda wants to meet him
since she wants to take their relationshipfurther. Since they started dating online,
(07:43):
Bill never let her video call herso she could see so she could see
him. Sorry. He kept postponingthe dates, and when the time came
for them to video call, hemade an excuse that he had a problem
with his network or just made somethingup. Forward meeting her, Linda is
(08:03):
financially stable and ready to settle.She's an introvert and spent most of her
time at home. She also doesremote jobs. Hence meeting new people is
difficult for her and she only relieson dating aims to find her spouse.
(08:24):
Linda is sorry. She shares everythingwith Bill, including her network. Bill
shared with her that he's struggling financiallyand would occasionally ask her for money.
She has spent a lot of moneyon him, but he started to question
their She started to question their relationshipwhen she sent him ticket money to fly
(08:52):
her country, but he used themoney on something else and still asks for
more. Linda really likes him,and she's still in denial that Bill might
be a skama who is using herfor money. When she comforted him about
the whole ticket or deeal, heis reateurned to dydings with her because she
(09:13):
does not trust him and only thingsthere was to film. So this is
for the ladies, Mars. Canyou send someone money to come to visit
you in your country? Let's sayyou're dating. You've never met this person,
and can you send them money tocome and see you? Definitely not
(09:33):
because they're interested in meeting me.They were, you know, put in
the effort and not me. Okay, a new daisy. Would you send
someone money to come and see youfor me someone I really like. It
(09:56):
was just osip I just oh,okay, so this one my guys free
(10:20):
Can you send someone man come into you or are you just going to
let them use their own cash andcome to see you for the first time?
I mean, well, it dependson the agreement or the status of
the relationship. For me, itwe need to have like a deep commitment
first, like a clear, clearcut commitment to each other, because you
(10:46):
know, it's not I think it'snot being selfish for me to withhold my
finances to someone who I really don'tknow well. But if that's someone I
was able to prove and I havecommitted myself of that this person is trustworthy,
then I could let go of ofsome parts of my finances. For
(11:09):
if she is a scam, thenthat's okay. Then at least I you
know, I did not commit allof it, But there's there would be
a time for me where I wouldcommit my finances if and only if we
have a clear that commitment that willyou know, we'll take it forward to
(11:30):
move it forward. So maybe Joshcan help me explain for the question was
if you're in Linda's situation, Okay, go ahead, go ahead, jeorsh.
(11:54):
Okay, So if I'm on Linda'ssituation, I will not say money
yet because I need to be surethat you know, this is real love
and not just you know, someonewho's posing online. I need to see
her at least actor her, youknow, see her on camera before giving
(12:18):
into it, because you know there'sa lot of scams. I want to
be sure first. It's also right. So you're saying you won't say that
for me, it's also a redflag. But they don't want to be
seen, but they clean, theylove you and believe them. Well,
(12:39):
that's really hard. There's like notrust in there. So all of you
are stending like you're not going.So you're saying you're not going to send
any o pinny to them? Right, yes? And how can he take
me if he doesn't have the meansdoing it? Like if there's a will,
(13:01):
there's a way. If they don'treally like the then they will come
up with excuses. Okay, maybeyou you're so empathetic to ask them when
they like share their story, they'resaying they don't have any money. I
had this problem, wouldn't you besomehow improtected them and send them some cash,
(13:26):
like you believe their story and thensend them some money. No,
that's actually a red flag means theydon't handle their finance as well. Don't
you do it for me? Iused to be okay, got you?
Well, I have a question andsorry mm hm I used to do did
(13:56):
you get to meet them first?So? I when did you realize it
was a com for how long?Mhm h three months? Wow? Yeah,
that's that's that's slow. Okay,uh uh. I have a question,
(14:22):
and this is open to everyone.Is it advisable for individuals to invest
emotionally and financially in online relationship withoutphysical interaction? Kay? Did I repeat
the question? H h kay?Okay, I'm saying, is it advisable
(14:58):
to invest for individuals to invest emotionallyand financially in online relationship without physical interactions?
So this is you saying you don'thave to see them first. You
can send them money or anything.You don't have to meet them, right
(15:20):
as long as you trust them.That's what I used to think because I
didn't live to them, But nowI think I have em well ideally for
(15:48):
me later you're doing a long distancerelationship, must like mm hmm yeah,
sorry, go ahead. Yeah,idea For me, if you're going to
(16:15):
invest to someone that you met online, it's uh, it's something it depends
on a lot of factors, butI would say it's it's really not advisable
unless you really have a good bondor a good investment with with someone emotionally
(16:36):
and she is invested or that someoneis invested to you as well, because
if you are the only one who'sinvested and you know she she he or
she has a secret agenda behind theinteractions, then definitely that's a scam.
But if it's for you to gaugeon on how the you would want yourself
(17:02):
to be in, especially when itcomes to financing, so you have to
really consider a lot of things.But for me, it's really not advisable
unless you really have a good connectionbetween the two of you. Okay,
I think it's come as often likecreate a fake profiles to establish that connection
(17:30):
and the victim is a financially Emotionally, if they don't get you financially,
they just have another way do it. That will be they will exploit you
emotionally and you're not going to escapethat and it will be like too late
for you. To notice you see, what do you have to say about
(18:00):
with that? Well, the quickestexample that I can think of is me
is me and my girlfriend. Wemet online. She's a live streamer,
and we started having conversations through thatplatform. But then I invested on her
(18:21):
by asking her her Instagram so wecan have like a much more known platform
to to have conversations with, andthen eventually we decided to meet. So,
uh, it's it's really, it'sreally a progress. It's really involves
(18:41):
time and investment as well for meto know if if she's a scamer or
not, but definitely she's not.So it really depends on on your your
purpose on having conversations with your personand her purpose and having conversations with you
as well. Yeah, okay,okay, yeah you have to say about
(19:15):
that. Yeah, let me foranyone to invest emotionally, so let me
yeah, let me. Let meshare a story about a recent a friend
who lived in the US for acertain number of years. Then just during
the pandemic, he was sharing withme he came home here in the Philippines
(19:37):
and he was sharing with me howhe got sick to the point that he
had no more money because it's notyet the healthcare insurance and he didn't have
that. So he lived on thecar for about a month trying to look
for jobs. And while inside thecar, you know, he was doing
(20:00):
online dating. And eventually, tocut the long story short, she he
met a Filipina in the area.So they got into a relationship and they
realized that they just lived near eachother. You know, it progressed that
online dating progress into you know,a serious relationship, and fast forward they
(20:23):
are now married. Yeah, they'renow married. And so what what Frit
was, what Fritz was saying wasit would really depend on how the other
person. So it depends, youknow, if he would or the person
(20:44):
that you're dating with would resonate withyou, you would know it. And
if they're willing to show up andmeet in person, yeah I think it
would work. But if the personis not willing, you know, to
show at least online, you youmight doubt it. So even with your
financial investment, you would because that'syour hard earned money. And the thing
(21:06):
is that guy didn't have work.But you know, eventually, when he
fixed his papers and all, hebecame you know, financially stable, and
now he's leading in the leading therelationship. They're both doing fine, So
it depends what Yeah, yeah,yeah, I think if I'm in that
(21:34):
situation, I would have the necessarylike discernment if I'm there, so I
cannot say you know whether, Butthe thing is in principle is you would
sense it, you would discern it. And if the other person is not
willing to risk also the same wayyou're risking, you'll have a doubt in
the relationship. But if you thinkthat the person is reciprocating the kind of
(21:59):
real can trust in a relationship isall about trust. So if you're not
willing to risk and you be vulnerable, it's not going to grow. But
both are willing Mmm, I thinkit could you know, blossom into marriage
eventually. That's it good? Okay? Anyone else, well that's something Yeah,
(22:33):
my ladies, Daisy and mass you'vebeen quite Only relationships can work if
both pincies are really invested, ifthey want to make it track together.
So if you trust that you canmake it this time, definitely okay,
(23:07):
I think. Okay. From LindaStore, uhh, let's say it's you,
would you like to be comfortable sharingyour network with this person you've never
met? But you think you havea deep connection with them, would you
like share with them as this Ihave a lot of money? Would you
(23:29):
do that? You sharing your financialdetails? They have this amount? O
(24:00):
yea. So are you saying,like Linda should have been more cautious sharing
her financial details to him? Doyou think she's the one who made to
(24:21):
become a comer? Like, giveme a give me a reason to scum
her, I would say, isthe one who made the fact that she
shared is yes? M hm,okay, that's you and what about you
(24:57):
mass m hm for me? Thatis also not advisable. That is really
personal. You shouldn't be able.You know, you should not share it
unless you prove that the person istrustworthy and you're with them for quite some
time, so you know they youknow that that person pursue you. Yeah,
(25:22):
like pursue you and court you asyou are, Like they really like
you and not just because of yourmoney or your worth. Okay, got
you? Okay? What do you? What do you think about Let's say
(25:45):
you're dating someone that is online specifically, and they just want to chat with
you. They keep avoiding video calls. They don't want something to do with
calls. They just want to talk. And when you tell them, you
know, I want to call this, I want to tell you this that
(26:06):
something. They just keep telling youno, I they keep giving you excuses.
What what's what you take on that? Well, that is a clear
indication that it's that it is probablya scam. If they're not putting up
the same effort as you are,Like, if they're avoiding you or they
don't want to be seen at leastin camera, then yeah, that is
(26:30):
a big bread Okay, what wereyou, daisy? Did you like have
video cults with you? Ye,with your person to scam to you?
Let's say the fact I wouldn't saythat if we had show his face.
(26:56):
So that okay? Yet you worabout your for it, and joy I
(27:25):
do agree because online dating and andI think in any dating setting for that
matter, it really needs compromise.So if you're not willing to compromise,
for example, your identity or anything, whatever the case may be, you
have to compromise in any relationship.You have to be vulnerable, you have
(27:47):
to be open. Eventually, there'sthere's a degree that you can be open
without spilling things that you know shouldnot be spilled. So if you're dating
online, of course you can ownthere. There's so many things that you
can you can disclose with your withthe one that you're dating with, right,
so for example, your face,your voice, where do you live,
(28:11):
especially if it's a long distance datingor relationship. So if it's a
long distance it really needs to havea bit more transparency rather than the close
proximity dating because both of you needsneeds to have something to hold on to
(28:32):
or something to be assured of thatyou really are in the same track if
if one or the other party isnot giving that or not willing to compromise
on that aspect, and definitely it'snot gonna work. Whether it's a scam
or not, it's not gonna workto get you. Yeah, I agree,
(29:04):
there should be ah, you know, mutual willingness to share parts of
you bit by bit. You know, it grows. Uh, I I
doubt how. I don't think likeLinda would really be deep into the relationship
if Bill is not willing to disclose, uh you know more and more about
(29:29):
himself. So like if I wantLinda's case, I don't think I will
I will be in that. Uhyou know that that level of depth with
with my relationship a virtual relationship withanother person, you know, if he's
not that willing. So yeah,I hope he would disclose more because when
(29:56):
you're open, you get close.Skiddy okay persct mm hmmmm, Okay,
got you? Okay, Uh,I have another question for you guys,
and everyone is uh allowed to answer, disagree or agree, it's allowed.
(30:22):
Uh Should Linda continue to financially supportto Bill given the the the inconsistencies and
potential misuse of funds? I borrowyour money, I tell you to send
you to send me some money,uh, to get from my transport,
then I misuse the money that Icome back to you again. Will you
(30:44):
give me the benefit of doubt?Maybe like you overlook that you will and
give me another cash? Will youlike turn a blind eye to that me
like I had before? It hashappened to me this situation. So I
gave this particular guy after I senthim money to come with with me and
(31:08):
he didn't show up, and hecame up with excus like his car and
broke it down. So I decidedto give him another chance. The second
time he didn't come again. Sookay, you said it's come due for
three months. Yeah, we Okay, how many times did you send the
(31:32):
touch fight? I gave him asecond bice so after those three months in
after but you you you really tried, because if it was me for the
(31:57):
first time and they don't actually,why would you send someone money if they
wanted to see they would for thelevel of humanity. Yeah, and I
was working. They wanted the money. It might be their job. We
(32:20):
can hear you, h yeah,maybe that's their job. You're you're you're
the one of the clients they're gettingthe money from. Okay, Like for
you not suppose to send someone money. You've never seen them. They refuse
(32:42):
to take you video calls, Theydon't want to do anything with you,
just want to chat and let cheatchat and talk. You don't know how
they look like you know anything aboutit, just know what they deal with.
I think some some some ladies overlookthat and they for the money.
(33:02):
They just give guys money. ButI don't know if it's it's bad to
give someone money. Maybe they explaintheir situation and then you are you perfected
towards them and then send send themmoney. But when you do it for
the second time, that is you'renot supposed to complain you're being scammed because
(33:27):
you're doing it again after they didit first time, Like you give them
a second chance, and they doit again and again and again and they
will never stop because you're the oneof the clients. So I think they
over you overlook you can blind irongive them the benefit of the doubt,
right, yeah, okay? Doit? How can okay? Should according
(34:05):
to linder story, should she okay? Sorry? What signs should someone look
for to determine if they are onlinepartner is genuine or possibly? As came
first off? According to linder story, is that the one like Billy is
avoiding video calls. That's actually ared flag for me. I don't know
(34:30):
about you, but other thigns areapart from turning like they don't want to
see you on a video calle?What other thigns can you? How can
you like look to determine if theyare your partner is genuine? Sorry?
Sign is if they're constantly asking youfor money? M hmm, that is
(34:54):
one science. Okay, let's let'sstand this around. What if it was
you, Is it okay for ladiesto ask the guy for money? Is
it? Is it okay? Wouldyou go let us ask come also when
(35:15):
the lady is asking the guy formoney for transport, because it happens a
lot. Is it also come nowfor me personally, I won't ask.
If I don't know the person andI didn't establish any relationship with them,
then it's really for me. Iam ashamed if I do that. Hm,
(35:43):
it's not gonna happen, okay.And what if they tell you like
I want to see you right nowand they said, you ask them to
send me money I want, Iwill come back. You have to send
the money, will you? Soyou say you can ask for money,
but it happens a lot. Actuallyfor me, I think it would be
(36:07):
I would ask for the guy topay for the tickets if it's play or
if he can book the tickets bytickets or the train tickets, then that
would be okay, rather than himmaney because when he gets the tickets,
(36:28):
So I think, okay, isthat a scam? Though? Okay,
you're saying when the guy ask youfor money, is as calm, and
I'm turning this around. Is itokay for you? Is it as come?
When you ask the money, Iwill ask him to purchase the cickets
(36:52):
so that he used us. MHM, get you what uh or do you
have to say about this? That'smy ladies here saying it's not and they
(37:16):
will still ask who money from theguy, but when the guy asks money,
it's wrong. Hm. Well,if you don't really have the resources
to fund for your dates, thendefinitely you should not be in an online
dating platform, or at least notallow yourself to be in that area or
(37:42):
sphere if you would. If youdo not consider yourself or you have the
realization that you don't, you don'thave the financial capacity to support another human
being or at least yourself to pursuethat human being. So yeah, it's
really a huge consideration for me.If if a woman is placing her in
(38:07):
the sphere of dating, but she'sreally not planning to be ready, at
least not not specifically or particularly ready, but getting ready or on the path
of getting ready, then then that'sthat's good. But if not, even
if it's a guy, or eitherit's a guy or a woman, if
they're really not putting theirs themselves ina in a position where they'll be financially
(38:31):
ready to date, to have agirlfriend, boyfriend, and to be married
and to have a life then definitelythose preliminary steps. Is that no know
for me? For me, it'sa it's a big turn off. You
know that you're gonna get into asite. You look for a lifetime partner.
(38:59):
And when a person is seems likeshe doesn't have a direction in life,
doesn't have a purpose you know youwant, you will not be I
won't be attracted to that kind ofperson, especially if she's asking for money.
It's like, Okay, don't youhave a work or do you have
a career? You know, Ithink it would be a turn off for
me. The person is just there. You know. You might think of
(39:22):
if you watch that movie in Netflix, the Tender Swindler. You know,
so what's this? There is reallife and online whatever you see on TV.
It's not happy in real life.Maybe maybe the intention was money,
(39:47):
like they wanted they want that moneyand they have to date you to get
that money. So you see,you might you might not. Actually you
might not know someone's intention once atfirst, but you notice the intention when
(40:08):
it's too late, when they havetaken on behalf of your wealth. And
I don't know if you're going toto to heal? Is it to heal?
But yeah, yeah, do youthink like there's precautions people should take
(40:31):
to avoid getting scammed? And I'mstarting with your free do you think you
could have done something to avoid beingscammed when your love to well, I
should consider it like talking deep,talking about deep things for example, values
(40:52):
like faith, talk about morality,talk about ethics, talk about how they
have the relationships. I think youwould be able to gauge on those levels
because if they will not be interestedin talking about those things, then definitely
they're not really interested on the personthat they're talking with. So if if
(41:14):
you're sharing values, if you're sharingstories, anecdotes, you know, smart
banters and and all of those things, if you are having healthy exchanges in
conversations with that person, then definitelyit's it's a it's a it's a healthy
relationship. But if you're only talkingabout money, talking about the things that
(41:37):
you spend on or the money whereyou spend your money on, then uh,
those are those are menial things thatyou can talk about. But if
you're talking about, you know,things that are that concerns not just your
partner, but her background, heroutlook in life, her family, her
(41:57):
family. So yeah, those arethose are important things that you you should
be talking about if for you togauge that if if that person is really
a real one or just or justokay, got you? What about you
dazing and numbers? When for someone? So if you have but but wait,
(42:45):
but then, but you have toremember coming in someone's job. But
you might be you may be youmight want to talk to them and tell
them this and this, but theythey're doing their job, Like that's someone
a job. They're doing their job, and you're doing news by getting scum.
(43:07):
You'll just have to trust. Youmight not be able to. Sorry,
Yeah, what did you say?Are you saying like you should trust
your instinct? Yeah? But whatif you is settling? You just go
(43:30):
for it. You're going to believethem want them if your instincts are going
I think you need to go forit. You just go for it because
you just hope and you just doit. You hope that there because yeah,
(44:19):
okay, got you? Okay,got you? Well I have a
question for you, Fritz. Well, let's say you've been dating for one
month. Is it advisable for youto like have a discussion with your partner
(44:40):
about your finances? Is it tooearly for you to discuss your finances with
her. Well, it depends ondiscust Remember you if you're saying you're just
dating, then definitely that's that shouldbe part for another time. But if
(45:05):
you, for example, you metfor a month, you dated, and
then you're officially like boyfriend and girlfriend, then I think it's it's okay.
It depends on the maturity level thatyou have with your partner and the converse
conversations that you're you're able to toto have with her. So if you're
able to have like, uh,conversations like that early on during the dating
(45:29):
stage, then definitely too should notbe a problem on your early Don't you
think like you have you have anddon't you think if you tell them you
have like a network is huge?Do you think you're going to take advantage
of that and staying the relationship becauseof the money. Definitely, I'm not
(45:51):
going to be saying that upfront.I'm not gonna be saying, oh,
here's here's how much I'm earning everymonth, and here's my allowance, and
here's you know, I'm not gonnabe, you know, telling that upfront.
Maybe I would say I'm earning enoughto provide for the family. Or
for you know, and here's myextra and here's how much I save.
I think delivering it compared to justtelling it up front would make a huge
(46:15):
difference and having a different approach init's really having conversations, not just not
just telling it upfront. For example, asking her her goals, financial goals,
my goals, telling how much doI want to save, how much
she wants to save, and ifshe's investing, if I'm investing, So
(46:37):
those kinds of conversation. It's reallya healthy way of opening up that kind
of topic instead of just hey,honey or hey sweetly, hay love,
you know that I'm earning this kindthis amount of money. So so it's
it's a different picture. So inthis situation, you think Linda was wrong
(47:02):
right by telling the guy I havethis amount of money in my bank,
you think she was wrong by doingthat. I would say she is wrong
in the way she she she saidit, in the time that she said
(47:22):
it. I think it's not wrongto tell that if you know. It
really depends on a lot of things. But for for Linda, Uh,
it's not inherently inherently wrong. Iwould say it. It will just affect
(47:42):
deeply their relationship. Really if ifshe is talking with a camera, but
if she's not talking with a cameraand she's talking to a mature guy who
you know really wants to pursue her, then definitely doesn't matter. Yeah,
I think too much honesty can leadyou to trouble. I'm not saying you
(48:07):
should not be honest, but toomuch honesty mm hmm, I think we'll
drive you to trouble. Uh,even if she's doing her part to be
(48:27):
you know, she just want maturerelationship, but she was she was too
honest. She could she could havelied at some point because she she doesn't
know the person yet, even't ifthey have been together for each month.
Sorry, what are you saying?Basic? I don't think so. I
(49:23):
can he hear you, Daisy?Mm hmm, Yeah, I think I
(49:49):
understand you what you're saying. Well. In in Italy you have to avoid
being stammed. Hm. That's whyI said like, too much honesty will
lead you to trouble. I'm notsaying you should you should lie all the
time, but at some point youhave to. It's not good to lie.
(50:09):
But at some point you have toto get know the person well.
Because she overlooked the guy. Theguy refused to check the video calls,
the calls and everything, and shelike turned the blended on that she don't
want She didn't want to know ifthe guy is tall short. She just
(50:34):
sent the money for me. Iwill do it until I see you dancing
on the camera. Mm hm akaind of dance though, Oh you or
do you have to say any youhave to break dance on the camera.
I want to see if you area robot or a real person? Hm?
(51:04):
Okay, yeah, I think sometimesdon't care about that. How do
I think what she can do isshe can keep information and save it for
later. Yeah maybe maybe Sorry,go ahead, Josh. Yeah, I
(51:25):
think it's not lying or what youwere saying. Maybe it's just windholding uh
information and saying it at the righttime. You know, trust is the
building block really, so you bringweight? Sorry, so you say you're
going to eat until this time youon your eyes. I'm not going yeah,
(51:52):
you know, I'm more turning ablind eye on that. Yeah,
but what I'm saying is it's notyou know, lying will not help in
any relationship, so it would justtake time. I think it's the timing
that's key in this, you don'tsay it at first, I mean the
(52:14):
first one, like what Fritz wassaying. It's the manner like are you
bragging? Are you oversharing? Ithink there's a time for that, things
like that. Yeah, and yeah, you could be abused because of too
much information. Yeah, that's whyI'm going to stand with my honesty.
(52:38):
Stuff like you don't have to liketo tell the person everything you know,
everything you have, like everything goingon in your life. Sometimes you have
like to practice to shut up.Sometimes goes something, it will lead you
to trouble, like clan does.In that situation, maybe if she didn't
(53:02):
share her finances, the guy wouldwould have known, like she has money
or something. But she did itanyway and she got calmed. But no
guns are everywhere on especially online.For me, my mysterm was not a
(53:25):
relationship one. It was about whatdo you call it? A job?
I did as this job and theguy was like, actually he was from
Philippines. He taught me like,you have to do this amount of job
there, I'm going to pay you. So I did my work and at
(53:49):
the end he said I have tosend him there. I'm going to send
him there. What do you callit my past, my but my link
for the past word. Yeah,I'm going to I should send him the
the link and my password so thathe can access the word. I didn't
(54:13):
do it because I know I knewfor that moment I'm going to be blocked
out. I will never hear fromhim. Okay, So yeah, it
happens a lot and Linda. Forme, he could have avoided the situation,
so sharing for me, I willnot. I encourage someone to share
(54:37):
your find out even if you're dating, especially when you're dating, for you
dated for one month, two months, four months, you should not share
your financial details with anyone, evenif you like them. You should like
that topic is a very read topic. Like you should avoid that situation where
(54:58):
you have to share you have totell them breathing about your finances because they're
going to take advantage of past.Okay, so yeah, I think we
have like four minutes two before Soany last words from any advice for Linda,
(55:20):
any advice for Bill. Yeah,it's open to anyone. What would
you tell them? Guys? Myadvice for advice for Linda and Bill,
(55:43):
especially to Linda is to find finda better day only did platform just kidding?
I think it was m and onthe next she just needs to be
(56:08):
sensitive, sensitive enough to the conversationsand to the relationship that she's having,
especially if it's online, because youwouldn't feel you know, there's no touch,
there's no emotions and uh or anything. So there's really a lot of
discernment and sensitive sensive sensitivity need thatthat she needs to to have. Okay,
(56:34):
get you. That is not onour side. So do you have
any shout out to anyone who haveshout out to it, to your family's
friends that we wrap up the show, show, to my family and to
my friends and to everyone who's watchingit. Okay, thank you, Josh,
(57:02):
Daisy, single people that are who'spart of my group, keep working,
look right, be a blessing.Okay, well how do we crazy?
(57:24):
I'm going to drop up the shop. Thank you for having okay uh
and that's that's the end. Okay, got you And that's the end of
the show. And thanks again forbeing of the real job with Caddy Engineer
(57:50):
and we can't wait to have youfor the next episode. Until then,
take care and goodbye. M
Hello everyone, and welcome to theshow. We'll talk with Kathy and Chaney.
I'm your host, Kathy, andI'm thrilled to have you join us
today for an exciting episode titled YouCome to Me and this episode is brought
to you by See One Productions.But before we get started, I introduced
(00:22):
my guest today. My co hostis not available, so I'm going to
introduce our guests, Fred, howare you doing today? Doing good?
Hoping everybody's fine as well? Andalso yeah, you're doing good. Also
(00:48):
go introduce to introduced Mars. Howare you hi? Am great? How's
everyone? We're doing great? Andalso we have another guest, Josh.
How are you hey? Being good? Glad to And also we have our
(01:19):
another guest, Daisy. Catch youDaisy? How are you doing today?
Okay? Thank you? Okay,okay. They will be joining me to
explode uh the depth of the toppingbeing discussed and share their unique perspectives.
(01:42):
Whether you are tuning in for thefirst time or returning as a subscriber,
We promise you, Sorry Anne insightfuljourney and thank you for joining us.
Adrea talk with Kathy and low Letsand let's get started. Today's topic it's
about being scammed. Most of we'regoing to like del in relationships camps.
(02:08):
But before I I I share whatI have with you today. So I
have a question for everyone. Isthe question is open to everyone. Have
you ever been scammed in any way? Anyone is open to answer that.
For me, I've been calmed before. I bought something online and I didn't
(02:35):
get to the package. What didyou order? I forgot that from my
stoice online, and that's what Ican make my favorites. Oh that's that
(03:05):
anyone else you can truly listen that. I think I have the same experience
giving me have been coom before.Actually it was I actually tried to order
(03:30):
online. I think it was alaptop, but it was in the pandemic.
I really needed a laptop so badthat I had to desperately order online.
So because of my desperation, Iwasn't able to think through of my
(03:51):
order, so I didn't see thatit was not really a legitimate seller or
a shop. So I already paidfor what did you get? A product?
A radio? The bad thing isI didn't get anything from that WHOA
(04:14):
and the money was gone. Themoney was gone, so I just transferred
the funds. So they they they'resaying or the seller was saying that he
did not receive the fund transfer,but I already did, so goodbye funds.
(04:35):
Did they block you after because someof them when you when they came
you, they just blocked you instantly. You can't get to them even if
you want to. Did they blockyou after, No, they did not,
because they were confidently claiming that theyare innocent and and they claimed that
(05:02):
they really did not receive anything,but there was a transaction confirmation from from
my from my bank. So okay, well I must what about you experience
(05:26):
via bans counting in any way?Yeah? I remember one time I am
buying on buying also I'm buying clothesand then I send the payment and afterwards
I didn't receive the item. Yeah, just cheap, not expensive and like
friends fred or that I was comforted. That's crazy. You're welcome, okay,
(06:04):
So I think, hm, okay, I think are the beings come
in relationships mostly come from online datingwhere people you where you meet someone new,
you interested within them. They tellyou all the lies in the world
(06:26):
and you believe them because you don'tlike you turn the blind on a blind
eye on them and if they askyou for money, you send them money
if they ask you. But whenit comes to you asking them to send
you their photos the money, theywon't do it. So we're just going
to like go straight to our today'sstory, okay. A romance come,
(06:53):
also known as an online datings come, is when a person gets stripped into
believing they are in a romantic relationshipwith someone they met online, when in
fact their other have his criminal usinga fig identity to gain enough of the
(07:15):
address and ask, ask, orblackmail them for money. So meet Bill
and Linda. They met on adating site and they have been talking for
eight months. Bill seems like anice guy and Linda wants to meet him
since she wants to take their relationshipfurther. Since they started dating online,
(07:43):
Bill never let her video call herso she could see so she could see
him. Sorry. He kept postponingthe dates, and when the time came
for them to video call, hemade an excuse that he had a problem
with his network or just made somethingup. Forward meeting her, Linda is
(08:03):
financially stable and ready to settle.She's an introvert and spent most of her
time at home. She also doesremote jobs. Hence meeting new people is
difficult for her and she only relieson dating aims to find her spouse.
(08:24):
Linda is sorry. She shares everythingwith Bill, including her network. Bill
shared with her that he's struggling financiallyand would occasionally ask her for money.
She has spent a lot of moneyon him, but he started to question
their She started to question their relationshipwhen she sent him ticket money to fly
(08:52):
her country, but he used themoney on something else and still asks for
more. Linda really likes him,and she's still in denial that Bill might
be a skama who is using herfor money. When she comforted him about
the whole ticket or deeal, heis reateurned to dydings with her because she
(09:13):
does not trust him and only thingsthere was to film. So this is
for the ladies, Mars. Canyou send someone money to come to visit
you in your country? Let's sayyou're dating. You've never met this person,
and can you send them money tocome and see you? Definitely not
(09:33):
because they're interested in meeting me.They were, you know, put in
the effort and not me. Okay, a new daisy. Would you send
someone money to come and see youfor me someone I really like. It
(09:56):
was just osip I just oh,okay, so this one my guys free
(10:20):
Can you send someone man come into you or are you just going to
let them use their own cash andcome to see you for the first time?
I mean, well, it dependson the agreement or the status of
the relationship. For me, itwe need to have like a deep commitment
first, like a clear, clearcut commitment to each other, because you
(10:46):
know, it's not I think it'snot being selfish for me to withhold my
finances to someone who I really don'tknow well. But if that's someone I
was able to prove and I havecommitted myself of that this person is trustworthy,
then I could let go of ofsome parts of my finances. For
(11:09):
if she is a scam, thenthat's okay. Then at least I you
know, I did not commit allof it, But there's there would be
a time for me where I wouldcommit my finances if and only if we
have a clear that commitment that willyou know, we'll take it forward to
(11:30):
move it forward. So maybe Joshcan help me explain for the question was
if you're in Linda's situation, Okay, go ahead, go ahead, jeorsh.
(11:54):
Okay, So if I'm on Linda'ssituation, I will not say money
yet because I need to be surethat you know, this is real love
and not just you know, someonewho's posing online. I need to see
her at least actor her, youknow, see her on camera before giving
(12:18):
into it, because you know there'sa lot of scams. I want to
be sure first. It's also right. So you're saying you won't say that
for me, it's also a redflag. But they don't want to be
seen, but they clean, theylove you and believe them. Well,
(12:39):
that's really hard. There's like notrust in there. So all of you
are stending like you're not going.So you're saying you're not going to send
any o pinny to them? Right, yes? And how can he take
me if he doesn't have the meansdoing it? Like if there's a will,
(13:01):
there's a way. If they don'treally like the then they will come
up with excuses. Okay, maybeyou you're so empathetic to ask them when
they like share their story, they'resaying they don't have any money. I
had this problem, wouldn't you besomehow improtected them and send them some cash,
(13:26):
like you believe their story and thensend them some money. No,
that's actually a red flag means theydon't handle their finance as well. Don't
you do it for me? Iused to be okay, got you?
Well, I have a question andsorry mm hm I used to do did
(13:56):
you get to meet them first?So? I when did you realize it
was a com for how long?Mhm h three months? Wow? Yeah,
that's that's that's slow. Okay,uh uh. I have a question,
(14:22):
and this is open to everyone.Is it advisable for individuals to invest
emotionally and financially in online relationship withoutphysical interaction? Kay? Did I repeat
the question? H h kay?Okay, I'm saying, is it advisable
(14:58):
to invest for individuals to invest emotionallyand financially in online relationship without physical interactions?
So this is you saying you don'thave to see them first. You
can send them money or anything.You don't have to meet them, right
(15:20):
as long as you trust them.That's what I used to think because I
didn't live to them, But nowI think I have em well ideally for
(15:48):
me later you're doing a long distancerelationship, must like mm hmm yeah,
sorry, go ahead. Yeah,idea For me, if you're going to
(16:15):
invest to someone that you met online, it's uh, it's something it depends
on a lot of factors, butI would say it's it's really not advisable
unless you really have a good bondor a good investment with with someone emotionally
(16:36):
and she is invested or that someoneis invested to you as well, because
if you are the only one who'sinvested and you know she she he or
she has a secret agenda behind theinteractions, then definitely that's a scam.
But if it's for you to gaugeon on how the you would want yourself
(17:02):
to be in, especially when itcomes to financing, so you have to
really consider a lot of things.But for me, it's really not advisable
unless you really have a good connectionbetween the two of you. Okay,
I think it's come as often likecreate a fake profiles to establish that connection
(17:30):
and the victim is a financially Emotionally, if they don't get you financially,
they just have another way do it. That will be they will exploit you
emotionally and you're not going to escapethat and it will be like too late
for you. To notice you see, what do you have to say about
(18:00):
with that? Well, the quickestexample that I can think of is me
is me and my girlfriend. Wemet online. She's a live streamer,
and we started having conversations through thatplatform. But then I invested on her
(18:21):
by asking her her Instagram so wecan have like a much more known platform
to to have conversations with, andthen eventually we decided to meet. So,
uh, it's it's really, it'sreally a progress. It's really involves
(18:41):
time and investment as well for meto know if if she's a scamer or
not, but definitely she's not.So it really depends on on your your
purpose on having conversations with your personand her purpose and having conversations with you
as well. Yeah, okay,okay, yeah you have to say about
(19:15):
that. Yeah, let me foranyone to invest emotionally, so let me
yeah, let me. Let meshare a story about a recent a friend
who lived in the US for acertain number of years. Then just during
the pandemic, he was sharing withme he came home here in the Philippines
(19:37):
and he was sharing with me howhe got sick to the point that he
had no more money because it's notyet the healthcare insurance and he didn't have
that. So he lived on thecar for about a month trying to look
for jobs. And while inside thecar, you know, he was doing
(20:00):
online dating. And eventually, tocut the long story short, she he
met a Filipina in the area.So they got into a relationship and they
realized that they just lived near eachother. You know, it progressed that
online dating progress into you know,a serious relationship, and fast forward they
(20:23):
are now married. Yeah, they'renow married. And so what what Frit
was, what Fritz was saying wasit would really depend on how the other
person. So it depends, youknow, if he would or the person
(20:44):
that you're dating with would resonate withyou, you would know it. And
if they're willing to show up andmeet in person, yeah I think it
would work. But if the personis not willing, you know, to
show at least online, you youmight doubt it. So even with your
financial investment, you would because that'syour hard earned money. And the thing
(21:06):
is that guy didn't have work.But you know, eventually, when he
fixed his papers and all, hebecame you know, financially stable, and
now he's leading in the leading therelationship. They're both doing fine, So
it depends what Yeah, yeah,yeah, I think if I'm in that
(21:34):
situation, I would have the necessarylike discernment if I'm there, so I
cannot say you know whether, Butthe thing is in principle is you would
sense it, you would discern it. And if the other person is not
willing to risk also the same wayyou're risking, you'll have a doubt in
the relationship. But if you thinkthat the person is reciprocating the kind of
(21:59):
real can trust in a relationship isall about trust. So if you're not
willing to risk and you be vulnerable, it's not going to grow. But
both are willing Mmm, I thinkit could you know, blossom into marriage
eventually. That's it good? Okay? Anyone else, well that's something Yeah,
(22:33):
my ladies, Daisy and mass you'vebeen quite Only relationships can work if
both pincies are really invested, ifthey want to make it track together.
So if you trust that you canmake it this time, definitely okay,
(23:07):
I think. Okay. From LindaStore, uhh, let's say it's you,
would you like to be comfortable sharingyour network with this person you've never
met? But you think you havea deep connection with them, would you
like share with them as this Ihave a lot of money? Would you
(23:29):
do that? You sharing your financialdetails? They have this amount? O
(24:00):
yea. So are you saying,like Linda should have been more cautious sharing
her financial details to him? Doyou think she's the one who made to
(24:21):
become a comer? Like, giveme a give me a reason to scum
her, I would say, isthe one who made the fact that she
shared is yes? M hm,okay, that's you and what about you
(24:57):
mass m hm for me? Thatis also not advisable. That is really
personal. You shouldn't be able.You know, you should not share it
unless you prove that the person istrustworthy and you're with them for quite some
time, so you know they youknow that that person pursue you. Yeah,
(25:22):
like pursue you and court you asyou are, Like they really like
you and not just because of yourmoney or your worth. Okay, got
you? Okay? What do you? What do you think about Let's say
(25:45):
you're dating someone that is online specifically, and they just want to chat with
you. They keep avoiding video calls. They don't want something to do with
calls. They just want to talk. And when you tell them, you
know, I want to call this, I want to tell you this that
(26:06):
something. They just keep telling youno, I they keep giving you excuses.
What what's what you take on that? Well, that is a clear
indication that it's that it is probablya scam. If they're not putting up
the same effort as you are,Like, if they're avoiding you or they
don't want to be seen at leastin camera, then yeah, that is
(26:30):
a big bread Okay, what wereyou, daisy? Did you like have
video cults with you? Ye,with your person to scam to you?
Let's say the fact I wouldn't saythat if we had show his face.
(26:56):
So that okay? Yet you worabout your for it, and joy I
(27:25):
do agree because online dating and andI think in any dating setting for that
matter, it really needs compromise.So if you're not willing to compromise,
for example, your identity or anything, whatever the case may be, you
have to compromise in any relationship.You have to be vulnerable, you have
(27:47):
to be open. Eventually, there'sthere's a degree that you can be open
without spilling things that you know shouldnot be spilled. So if you're dating
online, of course you can ownthere. There's so many things that you
can you can disclose with your withthe one that you're dating with, right,
so for example, your face,your voice, where do you live,
(28:11):
especially if it's a long distance datingor relationship. So if it's a
long distance it really needs to havea bit more transparency rather than the close
proximity dating because both of you needsneeds to have something to hold on to
(28:32):
or something to be assured of thatyou really are in the same track if
if one or the other party isnot giving that or not willing to compromise
on that aspect, and definitely it'snot gonna work. Whether it's a scam
or not, it's not gonna workto get you. Yeah, I agree,
(29:04):
there should be ah, you know, mutual willingness to share parts of
you bit by bit. You know, it grows. Uh, I I
doubt how. I don't think likeLinda would really be deep into the relationship
if Bill is not willing to disclose, uh you know more and more about
(29:29):
himself. So like if I wantLinda's case, I don't think I will
I will be in that. Uhyou know that that level of depth with
with my relationship a virtual relationship withanother person, you know, if he's
not that willing. So yeah,I hope he would disclose more because when
(29:56):
you're open, you get close.Skiddy okay persct mm hmmmm, Okay,
got you? Okay, Uh,I have another question for you guys,
and everyone is uh allowed to answer, disagree or agree, it's allowed.
(30:22):
Uh Should Linda continue to financially supportto Bill given the the the inconsistencies and
potential misuse of funds? I borrowyour money, I tell you to send
you to send me some money,uh, to get from my transport,
then I misuse the money that Icome back to you again. Will you
(30:44):
give me the benefit of doubt?Maybe like you overlook that you will and
give me another cash? Will youlike turn a blind eye to that me
like I had before? It hashappened to me this situation. So I
gave this particular guy after I senthim money to come with with me and
(31:08):
he didn't show up, and hecame up with excus like his car and
broke it down. So I decidedto give him another chance. The second
time he didn't come again. Sookay, you said it's come due for
three months. Yeah, we Okay, how many times did you send the
(31:32):
touch fight? I gave him asecond bice so after those three months in
after but you you you really tried, because if it was me for the
(31:57):
first time and they don't actually,why would you send someone money if they
wanted to see they would for thelevel of humanity. Yeah, and I
was working. They wanted the money. It might be their job. We
(32:20):
can hear you, h yeah,maybe that's their job. You're you're you're
the one of the clients they're gettingthe money from. Okay, Like for
you not suppose to send someone money. You've never seen them. They refuse
(32:42):
to take you video calls, Theydon't want to do anything with you,
just want to chat and let cheatchat and talk. You don't know how
they look like you know anything aboutit, just know what they deal with.
I think some some some ladies overlookthat and they for the money.
(33:02):
They just give guys money. ButI don't know if it's it's bad to
give someone money. Maybe they explaintheir situation and then you are you perfected
towards them and then send send themmoney. But when you do it for
the second time, that is you'renot supposed to complain you're being scammed because
(33:27):
you're doing it again after they didit first time, Like you give them
a second chance, and they doit again and again and again and they
will never stop because you're the oneof the clients. So I think they
over you overlook you can blind irongive them the benefit of the doubt,
right, yeah, okay? Doit? How can okay? Should according
(34:05):
to linder story, should she okay? Sorry? What signs should someone look
for to determine if they are onlinepartner is genuine or possibly? As came
first off? According to linder story, is that the one like Billy is
avoiding video calls. That's actually ared flag for me. I don't know
(34:30):
about you, but other thigns areapart from turning like they don't want to
see you on a video calle?What other thigns can you? How can
you like look to determine if theyare your partner is genuine? Sorry?
Sign is if they're constantly asking youfor money? M hmm, that is
(34:54):
one science. Okay, let's let'sstand this around. What if it was
you, Is it okay for ladiesto ask the guy for money? Is
it? Is it okay? Wouldyou go let us ask come also when
(35:15):
the lady is asking the guy formoney for transport, because it happens a
lot. Is it also come nowfor me personally, I won't ask.
If I don't know the person andI didn't establish any relationship with them,
then it's really for me. Iam ashamed if I do that. Hm,
(35:43):
it's not gonna happen, okay.And what if they tell you like
I want to see you right nowand they said, you ask them to
send me money I want, Iwill come back. You have to send
the money, will you? Soyou say you can ask for money,
but it happens a lot. Actuallyfor me, I think it would be
(36:07):
I would ask for the guy topay for the tickets if it's play or
if he can book the tickets bytickets or the train tickets, then that
would be okay, rather than himmaney because when he gets the tickets,
(36:28):
So I think, okay, isthat a scam? Though? Okay,
you're saying when the guy ask youfor money, is as calm, and
I'm turning this around. Is itokay for you? Is it as come?
When you ask the money, Iwill ask him to purchase the cickets
(36:52):
so that he used us. MHM, get you what uh or do you
have to say about this? That'smy ladies here saying it's not and they
(37:16):
will still ask who money from theguy, but when the guy asks money,
it's wrong. Hm. Well,if you don't really have the resources
to fund for your dates, thendefinitely you should not be in an online
dating platform, or at least notallow yourself to be in that area or
(37:42):
sphere if you would. If youdo not consider yourself or you have the
realization that you don't, you don'thave the financial capacity to support another human
being or at least yourself to pursuethat human being. So yeah, it's
really a huge consideration for me.If if a woman is placing her in
(38:07):
the sphere of dating, but she'sreally not planning to be ready, at
least not not specifically or particularly ready, but getting ready or on the path
of getting ready, then then that'sthat's good. But if not, even
if it's a guy, or eitherit's a guy or a woman, if
they're really not putting theirs themselves ina in a position where they'll be financially
(38:31):
ready to date, to have agirlfriend, boyfriend, and to be married
and to have a life then definitelythose preliminary steps. Is that no know
for me? For me, it'sa it's a big turn off. You
know that you're gonna get into asite. You look for a lifetime partner.
(38:59):
And when a person is seems likeshe doesn't have a direction in life,
doesn't have a purpose you know youwant, you will not be I
won't be attracted to that kind ofperson, especially if she's asking for money.
It's like, Okay, don't youhave a work or do you have
a career? You know, Ithink it would be a turn off for
me. The person is just there. You know. You might think of
(39:22):
if you watch that movie in Netflix, the Tender Swindler. You know,
so what's this? There is reallife and online whatever you see on TV.
It's not happy in real life.Maybe maybe the intention was money,
(39:47):
like they wanted they want that moneyand they have to date you to get
that money. So you see,you might you might not. Actually you
might not know someone's intention once atfirst, but you notice the intention when
(40:08):
it's too late, when they havetaken on behalf of your wealth. And
I don't know if you're going toto to heal? Is it to heal?
But yeah, yeah, do youthink like there's precautions people should take
(40:31):
to avoid getting scammed? And I'mstarting with your free do you think you
could have done something to avoid beingscammed when your love to well, I
should consider it like talking deep,talking about deep things for example, values
(40:52):
like faith, talk about morality,talk about ethics, talk about how they
have the relationships. I think youwould be able to gauge on those levels
because if they will not be interestedin talking about those things, then definitely
they're not really interested on the personthat they're talking with. So if if
(41:14):
you're sharing values, if you're sharingstories, anecdotes, you know, smart
banters and and all of those things, if you are having healthy exchanges in
conversations with that person, then definitelyit's it's a it's a it's a healthy
relationship. But if you're only talkingabout money, talking about the things that
(41:37):
you spend on or the money whereyou spend your money on, then uh,
those are those are menial things thatyou can talk about. But if
you're talking about, you know,things that are that concerns not just your
partner, but her background, heroutlook in life, her family, her
(41:57):
family. So yeah, those arethose are important things that you you should
be talking about if for you togauge that if if that person is really
a real one or just or justokay, got you? What about you
dazing and numbers? When for someone? So if you have but but wait,
(42:45):
but then, but you have toremember coming in someone's job. But
you might be you may be youmight want to talk to them and tell
them this and this, but theythey're doing their job, Like that's someone
a job. They're doing their job, and you're doing news by getting scum.
(43:07):
You'll just have to trust. Youmight not be able to. Sorry,
Yeah, what did you say?Are you saying like you should trust
your instinct? Yeah? But whatif you is settling? You just go
(43:30):
for it. You're going to believethem want them if your instincts are going
I think you need to go forit. You just go for it because
you just hope and you just doit. You hope that there because yeah,
(44:19):
okay, got you? Okay,got you? Well I have a
question for you, Fritz. Well, let's say you've been dating for one
month. Is it advisable for youto like have a discussion with your partner
(44:40):
about your finances? Is it tooearly for you to discuss your finances with
her. Well, it depends ondiscust Remember you if you're saying you're just
dating, then definitely that's that shouldbe part for another time. But if
(45:05):
you, for example, you metfor a month, you dated, and
then you're officially like boyfriend and girlfriend, then I think it's it's okay.
It depends on the maturity level thatyou have with your partner and the converse
conversations that you're you're able to toto have with her. So if you're
able to have like, uh,conversations like that early on during the dating
(45:29):
stage, then definitely too should notbe a problem on your early Don't you
think like you have you have anddon't you think if you tell them you
have like a network is huge?Do you think you're going to take advantage
of that and staying the relationship becauseof the money. Definitely, I'm not
(45:51):
going to be saying that upfront.I'm not gonna be saying, oh,
here's here's how much I'm earning everymonth, and here's my allowance, and
here's you know, I'm not gonnabe, you know, telling that upfront.
Maybe I would say I'm earning enoughto provide for the family. Or
for you know, and here's myextra and here's how much I save.
I think delivering it compared to justtelling it up front would make a huge
(46:15):
difference and having a different approach init's really having conversations, not just not
just telling it upfront. For example, asking her her goals, financial goals,
my goals, telling how much doI want to save, how much
she wants to save, and ifshe's investing, if I'm investing, So
(46:37):
those kinds of conversation. It's reallya healthy way of opening up that kind
of topic instead of just hey,honey or hey sweetly, hay love,
you know that I'm earning this kindthis amount of money. So so it's
it's a different picture. So inthis situation, you think Linda was wrong
(47:02):
right by telling the guy I havethis amount of money in my bank,
you think she was wrong by doingthat. I would say she is wrong
in the way she she she saidit, in the time that she said
(47:22):
it. I think it's not wrongto tell that if you know. It
really depends on a lot of things. But for for Linda, Uh,
it's not inherently inherently wrong. Iwould say it. It will just affect
(47:42):
deeply their relationship. Really if ifshe is talking with a camera, but
if she's not talking with a cameraand she's talking to a mature guy who
you know really wants to pursue her, then definitely doesn't matter. Yeah,
I think too much honesty can leadyou to trouble. I'm not saying you
(48:07):
should not be honest, but toomuch honesty mm hmm, I think we'll
drive you to trouble. Uh,even if she's doing her part to be
(48:27):
you know, she just want maturerelationship, but she was she was too
honest. She could she could havelied at some point because she she doesn't
know the person yet, even't ifthey have been together for each month.
Sorry, what are you saying?Basic? I don't think so. I
(49:23):
can he hear you, Daisy?Mm hmm, Yeah, I think I
(49:49):
understand you what you're saying. Well. In in Italy you have to avoid
being stammed. Hm. That's whyI said like, too much honesty will
lead you to trouble. I'm notsaying you should you should lie all the
time, but at some point youhave to. It's not good to lie.
(50:09):
But at some point you have toto get know the person well.
Because she overlooked the guy. Theguy refused to check the video calls,
the calls and everything, and shelike turned the blended on that she don't
want She didn't want to know ifthe guy is tall short. She just
(50:34):
sent the money for me. Iwill do it until I see you dancing
on the camera. Mm hm akaind of dance though, Oh you or
do you have to say any youhave to break dance on the camera.
I want to see if you area robot or a real person? Hm?
(51:04):
Okay, yeah, I think sometimesdon't care about that. How do
I think what she can do isshe can keep information and save it for
later. Yeah maybe maybe Sorry,go ahead, Josh. Yeah, I
(51:25):
think it's not lying or what youwere saying. Maybe it's just windholding uh
information and saying it at the righttime. You know, trust is the
building block really, so you bringweight? Sorry, so you say you're
going to eat until this time youon your eyes. I'm not going yeah,
(51:52):
you know, I'm more turning ablind eye on that. Yeah,
but what I'm saying is it's notyou know, lying will not help in
any relationship, so it would justtake time. I think it's the timing
that's key in this, you don'tsay it at first, I mean the
(52:14):
first one, like what Fritz wassaying. It's the manner like are you
bragging? Are you oversharing? Ithink there's a time for that, things
like that. Yeah, and yeah, you could be abused because of too
much information. Yeah, that's whyI'm going to stand with my honesty.
(52:38):
Stuff like you don't have to liketo tell the person everything you know,
everything you have, like everything goingon in your life. Sometimes you have
like to practice to shut up.Sometimes goes something, it will lead you
to trouble, like clan does.In that situation, maybe if she didn't
(53:02):
share her finances, the guy wouldwould have known, like she has money
or something. But she did itanyway and she got calmed. But no
guns are everywhere on especially online.For me, my mysterm was not a
(53:25):
relationship one. It was about whatdo you call it? A job?
I did as this job and theguy was like, actually he was from
Philippines. He taught me like,you have to do this amount of job
there, I'm going to pay you. So I did my work and at
(53:49):
the end he said I have tosend him there. I'm going to send
him there. What do you callit my past, my but my link
for the past word. Yeah,I'm going to I should send him the
the link and my password so thathe can access the word. I didn't
(54:13):
do it because I know I knewfor that moment I'm going to be blocked
out. I will never hear fromhim. Okay, So yeah, it
happens a lot and Linda. Forme, he could have avoided the situation,
so sharing for me, I willnot. I encourage someone to share
(54:37):
your find out even if you're dating, especially when you're dating, for you
dated for one month, two months, four months, you should not share
your financial details with anyone, evenif you like them. You should like
that topic is a very read topic. Like you should avoid that situation where
(54:58):
you have to share you have totell them breathing about your finances because they're
going to take advantage of past.Okay, so yeah, I think we
have like four minutes two before Soany last words from any advice for Linda,
(55:20):
any advice for Bill. Yeah,it's open to anyone. What would
you tell them? Guys? Myadvice for advice for Linda and Bill,
(55:43):
especially to Linda is to find finda better day only did platform just kidding?
I think it was m and onthe next she just needs to be
(56:08):
sensitive, sensitive enough to the conversationsand to the relationship that she's having,
especially if it's online, because youwouldn't feel you know, there's no touch,
there's no emotions and uh or anything. So there's really a lot of
discernment and sensitive sensive sensitivity need thatthat she needs to to have. Okay,
(56:34):
get you. That is not onour side. So do you have
any shout out to anyone who haveshout out to it, to your family's
friends that we wrap up the show, show, to my family and to
my friends and to everyone who's watchingit. Okay, thank you, Josh,
(57:02):
Daisy, single people that are who'spart of my group, keep working,
look right, be a blessing.Okay, well how do we crazy?
(57:24):
I'm going to drop up the shop. Thank you for having okay uh
and that's that's the end. Okay, got you And that's the end of
the show. And thanks again forbeing of the real job with Caddy Engineer
(57:50):
and we can't wait to have youfor the next episode. Until then,
take care and goodbye. M
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