May 22, 2025 • 30 mins
A comedy-variety show featuring the titular comedian's array of characters and sketches, delivering laughter through slapstick and satire. The show's humor appeals to a broad audience.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm starring Red Skelton with David Forster and his orchestra
are singing Star Anita Alis, G G. Pearson, Vernon Felton,
Pat McGee and Wonderful Smith and yours Truleard O'Connor. It's
(00:39):
moisturiizes the new all new rolling nine oh three cigarette.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
That jet of fresh pure moisture stands for the new
different moisturized Rowing nine oh three, new blend, new taste,
new freshness. It's the new all new moisturized Rolling nine
o three. It's a pleasure to bring him out with
(01:11):
Bola Mare's popular coming in in the Star Cigarette program L.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Thank you very much in good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and thanks to Radio Mirror for that wonderful ride up
and to Walter Winchell.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
He had me tonight too. It was good.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
O RN.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What's news? H what's news?
Speaker 5 (01:35):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I got a letter about.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That wish guy says wish she'd cut it out, No kidding.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
The guy was driving home the other night, almost wrecked
these carries and he was listening to the PROGRAMM and
he fought all four tires out.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
You know, mister Rawley gets mad when I kid likes
you last week. I got a telegram from him in Louisville.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know, was it anything serious?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Serious?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
The Western Union boy that delivered the message brought along
an extra cap in case I wanted to.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Go to work.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well, you don't have to worry, Red, I don't have
to worry, dude. That game is getting to be a
new national pass.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, the game will help me out.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I must get one from my little boy, Ricky. Yeah.
What do they sell the games for? Red?
Speaker 4 (02:22):
What do they sell the games for?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That's what I asked.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Yes, Well I don't know, mister O'Connor.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Maybe just because they make more money that way.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
There's a brilliant question in and oh.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Red, Speaking of games, didn't you have a wonderful time
at the ice hockey game last week?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I get a big kick out of that. Sitting up
in the stand, what you know is full is knock
each other all over that ice WA's for me? Mean
you like to play, no, sup and stand and watch them?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Well, those ice hockey players are really rough, aren't they.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
Yeah, they're just California drivers on ice skates.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
You know what, a good California pedestrian could walk right
through a hockey game and never look up from his racing.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Why do you know it's strange to see an ice
hockey game in Hollywood.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
I wonder where they get all that ice?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Yes, it would uh huh. Would you mind repeating that
question again? I'm dying to win a box of Snickers.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yes, I'll repeat, but I repeat one time and one
time only.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
You know I get a kick out of that guy on.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
The radio, He says, I will say this one time
and one time only.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Mal says to Paul, how do you aall? And you
all says to Paul. Then he says, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid you'll find it was. Maul says to Paul.
But give that man a box of retread bubblegum. Let
(03:58):
him blow out. You know those quiz masters, they're always
so kind. You know, they sound so you can put
it down. We're not going to read it anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
They all those quiz masters, they always sound so kind.
Speaker 7 (04:17):
They say, oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Down even our hearts. They're saying, oh, you're stupid, bummy.
Well we only knew what goes on in this business.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Well, I wonder where they get all that ice.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Well we're going back to that again.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, I know this is an imposition, but would you
build that joke up again?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Please?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I wonder where they find all the ice in California
to play hockey.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
They just don't light the smudgepots for a couple of days.
Maybe Florida will take those posters down of me, he
says one a dead or alive.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Listen, that jet of fresh, pure moistures stands for the
new all new Rollly nine o three cigarette. It's moisturized
to stay fresh longer. It's moisture eyes to taste better.
It's moisture eyes to smoke milder. Smoke this new modern
(05:26):
Roly nine oh three. See for yourself that it's far
better than any cigarette ever made before because it's moisturized
for the revolutionary new nine oh three process, the greatest
advance in cigarette making in twenty five years. It's the
new all new Rolly nine oh three. I remember this
about the new moisturized Rawly nine oh three. Medical science
offers proof positive no other leading cigarette gives less nicotine,
(05:50):
less throat irritating tars. Smokers follow the lead of Hetty Lamar,
star of the new film Dishonored Lady Smoke the new
moisturized rolling nine oh three. It's so much smoother, rich,
you're better tasting, and you blend you freshness, you taste.
You'll see the number nine o three on the government stamp.
This rolling nine oh three is new, all new.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
It's moisture eyes.
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Anita Ellis sings, I can't help loving that man of mind.
Speaker 8 (06:42):
Fish gotta see it, It's gotta fly. I've got a.
Speaker 9 (06:51):
Love long night till I die.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
Love him, mad man of mine. Tell me he's laves,
tell me he's slow, Tell me I'm crazy. Maybe I
(07:19):
know and love a mad man of man.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
When he goes away, that's a rainy day.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
When he comes back that.
Speaker 8 (07:46):
Fall shut he can come o.
Speaker 9 (08:01):
The lads confused.
Speaker 8 (08:06):
Without love bad man.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
The Skelton scrap Book of Satire. We're not good boy,
We're a loud.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Chapter one careless driving.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Way, be careful, hush, I'm driving this day.
Speaker 8 (09:14):
Well, let's get out of the back seat.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
We must be getting into town. The pedestrians are getting
a little trickier.
Speaker 10 (09:24):
Really, watchat balk in the middle of the roat.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Oh no, they're right, yes there is Oh no, oh yes,
sah All right, now, can you be so stupid? Really?
(09:47):
Don't you love me? I think they're a most beautiful
woman in the world. Now, I bet you hate me
for saying that, don't you? Oh why should I hate you?
You told me one time because you couldn't stand the liar.
You certainly have changed when you first started courting me.
(10:09):
You lovely used to bring me flout because I thought
you were dead.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Here's the.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Road horn? What kind of for your road hole? How
to make that road?
Speaker 9 (10:26):
Holly?
Speaker 10 (10:29):
It's like the little bacon off though, really, you'll kill
yourself that way.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
I don't have to look so happy about it, you.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Hear that?
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah? The police he's coming.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yeah, I think there's gonna be a little trouble, So
keep your big nose out of it.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
Well, my nose isn't so bad.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Oh No, how come you have to part it in
the mid see your face? Good evening?
Speaker 5 (11:04):
Friends.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Didn't you see us signaling you at that intersection back there?
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Just yeah, I might say that you're the only thing
I missed all night.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
And you any idea how fast you were driving? Bug?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well? My speed armor thory zero that goes all the
way around.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
You're going eighty five. I don't think you even know
how to drive.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Oh yes, I do you know what the break is? Yeah?
I in the breaks day? Where is it in the
repair shot?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
But don't you realize you're endangering your life speeding in
a knockout?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
You're leppy like this?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah, I'm gonna get more new one. You know, I'm
gonna stay in one of the womens. My favorite brunette
will be old and gray before Bob Hope gives me
a chivalry. What is this? This is a This is
a forty sixth model I'm driving. It's right on a
(12:11):
registration card there, eighteen forty six.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
I suppose you have an alibi for being in such
a hurry that I have.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
I'm hurrying home. I'm a very sick man. This world
ain't long for me. It's sick.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Eh. What's the matter with you?
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Haven't been able to grieve for a month?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Come now, how can you live without breathing?
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:42):
How?
Speaker 4 (12:42):
A lot of willpower?
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Again, let me see your driver's lascense.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
There is wait a second, This isn't a driver's license,
that's a dog license.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I also drive a greyhound, Bud.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
How come you don't have a driver's last.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
But say, don't give him for driving on the sidewalk.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Ask you why only a jerker drive on the side.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, now you know.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
What's your name?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Pudding team asked me again. I'll tell you the tame
tattood right there on the forehead.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
You want to know, Oh, Willie Lumplin, will you up
plump William plump?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Here on my driving permit? There?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Hey, it says here not valid unless wearing glasses. Where's
the glasses?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Every time I put them on the liking before.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
You're supposed to wear them? Dope, let's see here.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I didn't get it at rehearsal.
Speaker 5 (13:50):
Say, your face looks awfully wrinkled in this picture.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
You hacked up my picture. That's my thumb bred.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
On confe of speeding, Do you realize you were weaving
all over the street and you didn't have your lights on,
and it has no license plates and no registration.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Card practically a pedestrian.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Does this car belong to you?
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Three more payment night, drive it in the daytime. No
more payments than I'm only two years behind.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
I'll have to give you a ticket for speeding. And
here's another for going through a stop land.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's not another for making a left turn without a
signal and another ticket for arguing with an office?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Would you just give me those tickets? Now? Show you
what I'm going to do with them? There, delinquent, I
ain't going to help you pick them up. With you,
we'll know you be arrested and throwing jail.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
And with this drive on, you'll get high days.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Don't go give them I days. We what are you
gonna do with him?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
I'd like to punch him.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
You ain't who out?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Just me myself and I oh ganging up on me.
You know it's a good thing. I'm an officer. For
two cents, i'd punch you in the nose.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
I got two cents here there now I gave you
to punch me.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
No oh, pipe down, hey, pipe me?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I dare are you? I double d you do it?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Well?
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Don't I get a receipt?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Black Jet of Fresh pure Moisture stands for the new,
all new Rolling nine oh three cigarette. It's moisture eyes
to stay fresh longer. It's moisture eyes to taste better.
It's moisturized to smoke.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Milders.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Smoke this new modern moisturize Rolling nine o three see
for yourself that it's far better than any cigarette ever
made before. It's new, all new, you blend you freshness,
you taste, and remember this about the new moisturized Rolling
nine oh three Medical Science offers proof positive tests certified
by a jury of fourteen doctors based on a method
(16:26):
used by the United States government, prove that no other
leading cigarette gives you less nicotine, less throat irritating tars
smoke than.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You all new rolling nine o three. It's moisturizes.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
David Forster and his Roly Cigarette Orchestra play mamsell j
(18:47):
In Dent in.
Speaker 9 (18:55):
Games S.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
Chapter two, The Cat of Distinction sing a Dixpene A
puppet for your life. Nah, I know where Grandpa got
his blood?
Speaker 8 (20:20):
God, I.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Where have you been? I went over courtiou street mister
and missus Chard thought. You know, they just moved in
acrostious street. What did they think of you? You're gonna
move out? What you mean? Well, they told me to
come in and make me skill for you. Oh, some
people never learned that that was your wrong thing to say. Boy,
I taking the men one jor You didn't do that.
(20:47):
You're kidding me. You keep laughing. You know you wait
till you get a bill from them. More. You say
what you're doing?
Speaker 6 (20:57):
You?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
Oh, I'm just straightening up, cleaning out some of the
j Oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Can I had this big black book.
Speaker 10 (21:03):
Oh that's my old picture album. I haven't looked through
it in the look through it. D look at all
these old faded snapshots like, oh, who is pretty widow girl?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Oh that's me when I was eighteen?
Speaker 10 (21:21):
Boy, you with some kick jor that's what I get
for letting you listen to Dennis Day.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
I put this up on my own. He had nothing
to do it.
Speaker 7 (21:34):
Boy, you shoe had not your hair on him. Look,
but you had to climb on a step ladder the
Cormon Union.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
That wasn't all real hair.
Speaker 10 (21:43):
Every woman wears rolls in her hair, your imitation hair rolls,
and they're.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Called rats nowadays. Shoes you got washing your hair? Boy,
ain't you gonna say blessed me with a what? Oh? No, yeah,
(22:09):
you boy? What a family I got?
Speaker 5 (22:10):
Boy?
Speaker 4 (22:10):
And my grandma's got watching her hair. My grandfather's got
batching a belfry. Now, don't just hit me.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Hey, who's this guy here with a handobar mustache and
the bicycle body?
Speaker 10 (22:21):
Lets Your grandfather and he was courting me. This picture
was taken long long ago.
Speaker 7 (22:26):
Oh he should look different standing there all by himself,
nobody holding him up.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Now that's enough. Now, hey, who's this funny? Looking further?
Look at them bluck teeth on him.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
Boy, he looked like he swallowed a piano and is
trying to spit out the keys by them some choppers, ain't.
Speaker 10 (22:45):
Now, that's no way to talk about your uncle Jim Howton.
He was well known all over the country.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
He was what's he wearing that striped shoe for? He
looked like a gebra Don't he stop asking questions?
Speaker 11 (22:55):
Why?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
What's the matter? He's got his gebra shoes? You he
must have been awful busy. Look he's he telephone number
on his Jack Junior.
Speaker 7 (23:05):
Look at me.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Yes, you must never mention your uncle Jim to anyone
a jail bird.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
Huh Hey, look picture, Look, Look look grandpa out in
front of which shall loo look lo?
Speaker 4 (23:18):
I'll look later. You better look now from the person
on his face, I think he's going to go back
in a minute. You're just too smart for a child
your side. Oh no, no, don't hit me. What you're
trying to do is shorten't me?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
You hear me.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Yes, you didn't hurt me. No, you didn't like me. Well,
if I didn't hurt you, why are you crying? Well,
I don't want you to think I don't appreciate your efforts.
Come on, get away from that trunk now, I'll close
the lid for you.
Speaker 10 (23:48):
Jenior, be careful, you might get your fingers causing that
trunk and then it won't lack.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yes, Oh, you sure do love me, don't you.
Speaker 6 (23:59):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Go on downstairs, Okay, I'm going there. Go down there.
That's hiding down the many. What happened you know that?
That you with no arms on her? Yes, you got
laid in ahead the mash. Now why do you do
things like that?
Speaker 7 (24:17):
Because I got nothing to occupy me with a delinquent life.
That's why you no jury drive to help me with me? Probably,
but I just had so money.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You know, I got what to do. So go up, Grandma.
If I had your camera, I could take him. But
you didn't have me own album like you got. You
still got a nice camera, but you know you take
pictures of me. You don't why we've got lots of
pictures of you.
Speaker 10 (24:39):
Look, here's a picture taken two days after you were born.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
That's your father arguing with the doctor in the background.
You get a picture of the start that brought me. Yes,
and we turned it over to the FBI. I no
one picture. You don't have no more. Boy. That shing
of me on that bare rug, you don't have that
(25:04):
sing no more? Did you tear it up? Yes? I did?
Speaker 7 (25:08):
Oh goodness, that was so embarrassing. You know I had
nothing none but me handcuffs and her smile.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Look, Junior, will you please go out and play? Can
you take some pictures? Oh?
Speaker 10 (25:20):
Yes, here, here's my old box car. Boy, you can
play like you're taking pictures with that.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It's broken, but what he doesn't know won't hurt it.
I know who broke it, and what she doesn't know
won't hurt me either.
Speaker 11 (25:38):
I've got to take some tic A going to take
swing with here? Will or there's mister Jan Fowler, the
man next door.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
I'm gonna go over with you. Well, Junior, Hello, Hello, Hello,
put the work in your gardener? Where are you carrying
that box?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Camera?
Speaker 4 (25:59):
Not when he takes the picture? Would you like for
me to take your pure Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I'd be flattered.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
What do you want me to stand stand right over
there now, oh there, Now, I look to your singing
focus here in there?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Now now back up? Yes, they're worry a bit more.
I wait them more more look at me, don't look
in your back. You just keep backing up there.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Well, I don't want to get too close to the
fish pond.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I'll let you know. I let you know. Yes, back
up one more step or two?
Speaker 5 (26:23):
Well, how's there now?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
I mean good shelf says, lett him stay there, but
mean bad shelf says one more step?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Should do it?
Speaker 7 (26:31):
Well, I'll think it over after I get this picture here, Junior.
I'm waiting in the second you'll be waiting. Just back
up a couple of more steps.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Now, Oh boy, wait a minute, what's behind that boy?
Where I don't you know you? Oh what your cat? Good?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Heavens fall cat?
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Oh cat? Maybe I had more bird bought in back boy? Yeah,
pretty cat you it boy? You can? Oh boy? Look
at super streak down his back that's where that's where
wall I gonna take you. Sh what kind of how
(27:13):
did you yo? You better get down? Now get over
there with you. Don't get too close to me. I'm
gonna make you the feature album by you think you
know joy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
He boiled he is.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
He won't keep till morning. Joy there what about Look
if you're gonna.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Partner, shut off your motor, I think got I talked
to Karl Jarman about you.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
He already knows summer. But look, look, I gonna give
you a bashed boy. I can't sand you no more.
Speaker 10 (27:56):
Here, I ask no more but here, come down, Okay,
get you going, go home?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Tack you get him go. He's trying to get away
from himself. I wonder if he ever heard your fill
now number five? Boy, he's going, but that's milk. You're here?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Who wait?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
That poor cat forgot something myself? You come here to me? Okay, no, no,
don't set away, Camra. What do you hold your nose?
You mightn't from me for Nemo open your door and
have money, Nema, no more, y'all, please open the door.
(28:39):
Your widow stinker is waiting.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
We hope you like our program, wauf you will have
forgot like going lex.
Speaker 7 (28:55):
Yarram missus Red skelt and saying goodbye now and thanks
for listening, and thanks for buying Rawleigh. And remember York
is a pretty nice country. You'd better start taking care
of it, sir.
Speaker 12 (29:09):
Walter Raleigh, the pipe tobacco that raats superior on all counts.
Check them a rich ripe, full bodied, burly blessed, Sir
Walter Raleigh. Pipe tobacco mellowed with rum for extra smoothness,
deep down satisfying goodness.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
That's Sir Walter Raleigh. Pipe tobacco, clean.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Smoking all the way down. No soggy heel leaves, only
a clean dry egg.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
And that's Sir Walter Raleigh.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Pipe tobacco, crimp cut for slow even cool Bernie. Yes,
Sir Walter Raleigh.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Pipe tobacco smoke, Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco
of America. They have been great Independence Day. Remember, folks,
the Great War Relief is worthy of your support. Ronald
Williamson and bite you bother you're listening during the week.
Listen to People Are Funny with Art Lincoln in next
Friday Night, and join us again with bread Scout next Tuesday.
Red Scout is hurting his program to the courtesy of
met Well, Go to Mayor. Red Scouts brought NBC, the
National Broadcasting Company
I'm starring Red Skelton with David Forster and his orchestra
are singing Star Anita Alis, G G. Pearson, Vernon Felton,
Pat McGee and Wonderful Smith and yours Truleard O'Connor. It's
(00:39):
moisturiizes the new all new rolling nine oh three cigarette.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Listen.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
That jet of fresh pure moisture stands for the new
different moisturized Rowing nine oh three, new blend, new taste,
new freshness. It's the new all new moisturized Rolling nine
o three. It's a pleasure to bring him out with
(01:11):
Bola Mare's popular coming in in the Star Cigarette program L.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Thank you very much in good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and thanks to Radio Mirror for that wonderful ride up
and to Walter Winchell.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
He had me tonight too. It was good.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
O RN.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What's news? H what's news?
Speaker 5 (01:35):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (01:35):
I got a letter about.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
That wish guy says wish she'd cut it out, No kidding.
Speaker 6 (01:46):
The guy was driving home the other night, almost wrecked
these carries and he was listening to the PROGRAMM and
he fought all four tires out.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
You know, mister Rawley gets mad when I kid likes
you last week. I got a telegram from him in Louisville.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know, was it anything serious?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Serious?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
The Western Union boy that delivered the message brought along
an extra cap in case I wanted to.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Go to work.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Well, you don't have to worry, Red, I don't have
to worry, dude. That game is getting to be a
new national pass.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Yeah, the game will help me out.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
I must get one from my little boy, Ricky. Yeah.
What do they sell the games for? Red?
Speaker 4 (02:22):
What do they sell the games for?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
That's what I asked.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Yes, Well I don't know, mister O'Connor.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Maybe just because they make more money that way.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
There's a brilliant question in and oh.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Red, Speaking of games, didn't you have a wonderful time
at the ice hockey game last week?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I get a big kick out of that. Sitting up
in the stand, what you know is full is knock
each other all over that ice WA's for me? Mean
you like to play, no, sup and stand and watch them?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Well, those ice hockey players are really rough, aren't they.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
Yeah, they're just California drivers on ice skates.
Speaker 6 (02:56):
You know what, a good California pedestrian could walk right
through a hockey game and never look up from his racing.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Why do you know it's strange to see an ice
hockey game in Hollywood.
Speaker 5 (03:13):
I wonder where they get all that ice?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Yes, it would uh huh. Would you mind repeating that
question again? I'm dying to win a box of Snickers.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yes, I'll repeat, but I repeat one time and one
time only.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
You know I get a kick out of that guy on.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
The radio, He says, I will say this one time
and one time only.
Speaker 4 (03:37):
Mal says to Paul, how do you aall? And you
all says to Paul. Then he says, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm afraid you'll find it was. Maul says to Paul.
But give that man a box of retread bubblegum. Let
(03:58):
him blow out. You know those quiz masters, they're always
so kind. You know, they sound so you can put
it down. We're not going to read it anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
They all those quiz masters, they always sound so kind.
Speaker 7 (04:17):
They say, oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
Down even our hearts. They're saying, oh, you're stupid, bummy.
Well we only knew what goes on in this business.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Well, I wonder where they get all that ice.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Well we're going back to that again.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Well, I know this is an imposition, but would you
build that joke up again?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Please?
Speaker 1 (04:40):
I wonder where they find all the ice in California
to play hockey.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
They just don't light the smudgepots for a couple of days.
Maybe Florida will take those posters down of me, he
says one a dead or alive.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Listen, that jet of fresh, pure moistures stands for the
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You'll see the number nine o three on the government stamp.
This rolling nine oh three is new, all new.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
It's moisture eyes.
Speaker 7 (06:21):
Anita Ellis sings, I can't help loving that man of mind.
Speaker 8 (06:42):
Fish gotta see it, It's gotta fly. I've got a.
Speaker 9 (06:51):
Love long night till I die.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
Love him, mad man of mine. Tell me he's laves,
tell me he's slow, Tell me I'm crazy. Maybe I
(07:19):
know and love a mad man of man.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
When he goes away, that's a rainy day.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
When he comes back that.
Speaker 8 (07:46):
Fall shut he can come o.
Speaker 9 (08:01):
The lads confused.
Speaker 8 (08:06):
Without love bad man.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
The Skelton scrap Book of Satire. We're not good boy,
We're a loud.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Chapter one careless driving.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Way, be careful, hush, I'm driving this day.
Speaker 8 (09:14):
Well, let's get out of the back seat.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
We must be getting into town. The pedestrians are getting
a little trickier.
Speaker 10 (09:24):
Really, watchat balk in the middle of the roat.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Oh no, they're right, yes there is Oh no, oh yes,
sah All right, now, can you be so stupid? Really?
(09:47):
Don't you love me? I think they're a most beautiful
woman in the world. Now, I bet you hate me
for saying that, don't you? Oh why should I hate you?
You told me one time because you couldn't stand the liar.
You certainly have changed when you first started courting me.
(10:09):
You lovely used to bring me flout because I thought
you were dead.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Here's the.
Speaker 4 (10:21):
Road horn? What kind of for your road hole? How
to make that road?
Speaker 9 (10:26):
Holly?
Speaker 10 (10:29):
It's like the little bacon off though, really, you'll kill
yourself that way.
Speaker 4 (10:36):
I don't have to look so happy about it, you.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Hear that?
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah? The police he's coming.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yeah, I think there's gonna be a little trouble, So
keep your big nose out of it.
Speaker 8 (10:53):
Well, my nose isn't so bad.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Oh No, how come you have to part it in
the mid see your face? Good evening?
Speaker 5 (11:04):
Friends.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Didn't you see us signaling you at that intersection back there?
Speaker 4 (11:09):
Just yeah, I might say that you're the only thing
I missed all night.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
And you any idea how fast you were driving? Bug?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well? My speed armor thory zero that goes all the
way around.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
You're going eighty five. I don't think you even know
how to drive.
Speaker 4 (11:27):
Oh yes, I do you know what the break is? Yeah?
I in the breaks day? Where is it in the
repair shot?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
But don't you realize you're endangering your life speeding in
a knockout?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
You're leppy like this?
Speaker 3 (11:50):
Yeah, I'm gonna get more new one. You know, I'm
gonna stay in one of the womens. My favorite brunette
will be old and gray before Bob Hope gives me
a chivalry. What is this? This is a This is
a forty sixth model I'm driving. It's right on a
(12:11):
registration card there, eighteen forty six.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
I suppose you have an alibi for being in such
a hurry that I have.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
I'm hurrying home. I'm a very sick man. This world
ain't long for me. It's sick.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
Eh. What's the matter with you?
Speaker 4 (12:33):
Haven't been able to grieve for a month?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Come now, how can you live without breathing?
Speaker 4 (12:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (12:42):
How?
Speaker 4 (12:42):
A lot of willpower?
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Again, let me see your driver's lascense.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
There is wait a second, This isn't a driver's license,
that's a dog license.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
I also drive a greyhound, Bud.
Speaker 5 (13:03):
How come you don't have a driver's last.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
But say, don't give him for driving on the sidewalk.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Ask you why only a jerker drive on the side.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
Well, now you know.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
What's your name?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
Pudding team asked me again. I'll tell you the tame
tattood right there on the forehead.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
You want to know, Oh, Willie Lumplin, will you up
plump William plump?
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Here on my driving permit? There?
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Hey, it says here not valid unless wearing glasses. Where's
the glasses?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Every time I put them on the liking before.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
You're supposed to wear them? Dope, let's see here.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
I didn't get it at rehearsal.
Speaker 5 (13:50):
Say, your face looks awfully wrinkled in this picture.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
You hacked up my picture. That's my thumb bred.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
On confe of speeding, Do you realize you were weaving
all over the street and you didn't have your lights on,
and it has no license plates and no registration.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
Card practically a pedestrian.
Speaker 5 (14:15):
Does this car belong to you?
Speaker 4 (14:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:16):
Three more payment night, drive it in the daytime. No
more payments than I'm only two years behind.
Speaker 5 (14:25):
I'll have to give you a ticket for speeding. And
here's another for going through a stop land.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It's not another for making a left turn without a
signal and another ticket for arguing with an office?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Would you just give me those tickets? Now? Show you
what I'm going to do with them? There, delinquent, I
ain't going to help you pick them up. With you,
we'll know you be arrested and throwing jail.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
And with this drive on, you'll get high days.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Don't go give them I days. We what are you
gonna do with him?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
I'd like to punch him.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
You ain't who out?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Just me myself and I oh ganging up on me.
You know it's a good thing. I'm an officer. For
two cents, i'd punch you in the nose.
Speaker 4 (15:18):
I got two cents here there now I gave you
to punch me.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
No oh, pipe down, hey, pipe me?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I dare are you? I double d you do it?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Well?
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Don't I get a receipt?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Listen?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Black Jet of Fresh pure Moisture stands for the new,
all new Rolling nine oh three cigarette. It's moisture eyes
to stay fresh longer. It's moisture eyes to taste better.
It's moisturized to smoke.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Milders.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Smoke this new modern moisturize Rolling nine o three see
for yourself that it's far better than any cigarette ever
made before. It's new, all new, you blend you freshness,
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nine oh three Medical Science offers proof positive tests certified
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(16:26):
used by the United States government, prove that no other
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smoke than.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
You all new rolling nine o three. It's moisturizes.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
David Forster and his Roly Cigarette Orchestra play mamsell j
(18:47):
In Dent in.
Speaker 9 (18:55):
Games S.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
Chapter two, The Cat of Distinction sing a Dixpene A
puppet for your life. Nah, I know where Grandpa got
his blood?
Speaker 8 (20:20):
God, I.
Speaker 4 (20:23):
Where have you been? I went over courtiou street mister
and missus Chard thought. You know, they just moved in
acrostious street. What did they think of you? You're gonna
move out? What you mean? Well, they told me to
come in and make me skill for you. Oh, some
people never learned that that was your wrong thing to say. Boy,
I taking the men one jor You didn't do that.
(20:47):
You're kidding me. You keep laughing. You know you wait
till you get a bill from them. More. You say
what you're doing?
Speaker 6 (20:57):
You?
Speaker 10 (20:57):
Oh, I'm just straightening up, cleaning out some of the
j Oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Can I had this big black book.
Speaker 10 (21:03):
Oh that's my old picture album. I haven't looked through
it in the look through it. D look at all
these old faded snapshots like, oh, who is pretty widow girl?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Oh that's me when I was eighteen?
Speaker 10 (21:21):
Boy, you with some kick jor that's what I get
for letting you listen to Dennis Day.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
I put this up on my own. He had nothing
to do it.
Speaker 7 (21:34):
Boy, you shoe had not your hair on him. Look,
but you had to climb on a step ladder the
Cormon Union.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
That wasn't all real hair.
Speaker 10 (21:43):
Every woman wears rolls in her hair, your imitation hair rolls,
and they're.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Called rats nowadays. Shoes you got washing your hair? Boy,
ain't you gonna say blessed me with a what? Oh? No, yeah,
(22:09):
you boy? What a family I got?
Speaker 5 (22:10):
Boy?
Speaker 4 (22:10):
And my grandma's got watching her hair. My grandfather's got
batching a belfry. Now, don't just hit me.
Speaker 7 (22:17):
Hey, who's this guy here with a handobar mustache and
the bicycle body?
Speaker 10 (22:21):
Lets Your grandfather and he was courting me. This picture
was taken long long ago.
Speaker 7 (22:26):
Oh he should look different standing there all by himself,
nobody holding him up.
Speaker 4 (22:33):
Now that's enough. Now, hey, who's this funny? Looking further?
Look at them bluck teeth on him.
Speaker 7 (22:38):
Boy, he looked like he swallowed a piano and is
trying to spit out the keys by them some choppers, ain't.
Speaker 10 (22:45):
Now, that's no way to talk about your uncle Jim Howton.
He was well known all over the country.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
He was what's he wearing that striped shoe for? He
looked like a gebra Don't he stop asking questions?
Speaker 11 (22:55):
Why?
Speaker 4 (22:56):
What's the matter? He's got his gebra shoes? You he
must have been awful busy. Look he's he telephone number
on his Jack Junior.
Speaker 7 (23:05):
Look at me.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
Yes, you must never mention your uncle Jim to anyone
a jail bird.
Speaker 7 (23:10):
Huh Hey, look picture, Look, Look look grandpa out in
front of which shall loo look lo?
Speaker 4 (23:18):
I'll look later. You better look now from the person
on his face, I think he's going to go back
in a minute. You're just too smart for a child
your side. Oh no, no, don't hit me. What you're
trying to do is shorten't me?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
You hear me.
Speaker 4 (23:33):
Yes, you didn't hurt me. No, you didn't like me. Well,
if I didn't hurt you, why are you crying? Well,
I don't want you to think I don't appreciate your efforts.
Come on, get away from that trunk now, I'll close
the lid for you.
Speaker 10 (23:48):
Jenior, be careful, you might get your fingers causing that
trunk and then it won't lack.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yes, Oh, you sure do love me, don't you.
Speaker 6 (23:59):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (24:00):
Go on downstairs, Okay, I'm going there. Go down there.
That's hiding down the many. What happened you know that?
That you with no arms on her? Yes, you got
laid in ahead the mash. Now why do you do
things like that?
Speaker 7 (24:17):
Because I got nothing to occupy me with a delinquent life.
That's why you no jury drive to help me with me? Probably,
but I just had so money.
Speaker 4 (24:26):
You know, I got what to do. So go up, Grandma.
If I had your camera, I could take him. But
you didn't have me own album like you got. You
still got a nice camera, but you know you take
pictures of me. You don't why we've got lots of
pictures of you.
Speaker 10 (24:39):
Look, here's a picture taken two days after you were born.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
That's your father arguing with the doctor in the background.
You get a picture of the start that brought me. Yes,
and we turned it over to the FBI. I no
one picture. You don't have no more. Boy. That shing
of me on that bare rug, you don't have that
(25:04):
sing no more? Did you tear it up? Yes? I did?
Speaker 7 (25:08):
Oh goodness, that was so embarrassing. You know I had
nothing none but me handcuffs and her smile.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Look, Junior, will you please go out and play? Can
you take some pictures? Oh?
Speaker 10 (25:20):
Yes, here, here's my old box car. Boy, you can
play like you're taking pictures with that.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It's broken, but what he doesn't know won't hurt it.
I know who broke it, and what she doesn't know
won't hurt me either.
Speaker 11 (25:38):
I've got to take some tic A going to take
swing with here? Will or there's mister Jan Fowler, the
man next door.
Speaker 4 (25:49):
I'm gonna go over with you. Well, Junior, Hello, Hello, Hello,
put the work in your gardener? Where are you carrying
that box?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Camera?
Speaker 4 (25:59):
Not when he takes the picture? Would you like for
me to take your pure Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
I'd be flattered.
Speaker 7 (26:03):
What do you want me to stand stand right over
there now, oh there, Now, I look to your singing
focus here in there?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Now now back up? Yes, they're worry a bit more.
I wait them more more look at me, don't look
in your back. You just keep backing up there.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Well, I don't want to get too close to the
fish pond.
Speaker 4 (26:17):
I'll let you know. I let you know. Yes, back
up one more step or two?
Speaker 5 (26:23):
Well, how's there now?
Speaker 7 (26:24):
I mean good shelf says, lett him stay there, but
mean bad shelf says one more step?
Speaker 4 (26:29):
Should do it?
Speaker 7 (26:31):
Well, I'll think it over after I get this picture here, Junior.
I'm waiting in the second you'll be waiting. Just back
up a couple of more steps.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
Now, Oh boy, wait a minute, what's behind that boy?
Where I don't you know you? Oh what your cat? Good?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
Heavens fall cat?
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Oh cat? Maybe I had more bird bought in back boy? Yeah,
pretty cat you it boy? You can? Oh boy? Look
at super streak down his back that's where that's where
wall I gonna take you. Sh what kind of how
(27:13):
did you yo? You better get down? Now get over
there with you. Don't get too close to me. I'm
gonna make you the feature album by you think you
know joy?
Speaker 2 (27:30):
He boiled he is.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
He won't keep till morning. Joy there what about Look
if you're gonna.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Partner, shut off your motor, I think got I talked
to Karl Jarman about you.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
He already knows summer. But look, look, I gonna give
you a bashed boy. I can't sand you no more.
Speaker 10 (27:56):
Here, I ask no more but here, come down, Okay,
get you going, go home?
Speaker 4 (28:04):
Tack you get him go. He's trying to get away
from himself. I wonder if he ever heard your fill
now number five? Boy, he's going, but that's milk. You're here?
Speaker 5 (28:17):
Who wait?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
That poor cat forgot something myself? You come here to me? Okay, no, no,
don't set away, Camra. What do you hold your nose?
You mightn't from me for Nemo open your door and
have money, Nema, no more, y'all, please open the door.
(28:39):
Your widow stinker is waiting.
Speaker 5 (28:51):
We hope you like our program, wauf you will have
forgot like going lex.
Speaker 7 (28:55):
Yarram missus Red skelt and saying goodbye now and thanks
for listening, and thanks for buying Rawleigh. And remember York
is a pretty nice country. You'd better start taking care
of it, sir.
Speaker 12 (29:09):
Walter Raleigh, the pipe tobacco that raats superior on all counts.
Check them a rich ripe, full bodied, burly blessed, Sir
Walter Raleigh. Pipe tobacco mellowed with rum for extra smoothness,
deep down satisfying goodness.
Speaker 5 (29:21):
That's Sir Walter Raleigh. Pipe tobacco, clean.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Smoking all the way down. No soggy heel leaves, only
a clean dry egg.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
And that's Sir Walter Raleigh.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Pipe tobacco, crimp cut for slow even cool Bernie. Yes,
Sir Walter Raleigh.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Pipe tobacco smoke, Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco
of America. They have been great Independence Day. Remember, folks,
the Great War Relief is worthy of your support. Ronald
Williamson and bite you bother you're listening during the week.
Listen to People Are Funny with Art Lincoln in next
Friday Night, and join us again with bread Scout next Tuesday.
Red Scout is hurting his program to the courtesy of
met Well, Go to Mayor. Red Scouts brought NBC, the
National Broadcasting Company
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