My Fiancée Cheated On Me And Cried_ _It Was Just Emotional__ But I Told Her... - Reddit Family Tales

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My fiance cheated on me and cried. It was just emotional,
but I told her dad. Anyway, now she's disowned and
they still call me their favorite. I a thirty year
old guy, have been with my fiance, a twenty eight
year old female, for four years and engaged for one.
Everything was on schedule for our big day. We were
at home making last minute seating arrangements when she accidentally

(00:22):
called me by the name of another guy, namely one
of her male coworkers. Let us call him Derek. To
say I was surprised would be an understatement. I just
paused and said, wait, what did you just call me?
She instantly looked like she'd seen a ghost and tried
to laugh it off, claiming she was stressed and it
was a slip of the tongue. However, Derek is not
a random name. He's a coworker she's become close to

(00:44):
over the last few months. I have had a nasty
feeling about their friendship. For a time. There have been
small red flags. She texts him in the evenings about
non work issues. She has referenced office inside jokes involving
only him, and I once saw his name appear on
her phone with a heart emoji next to it. When
I asked about him, she said they were just friends
and that I was overthinking things. I tried to believe her,

(01:07):
but the slip up referring to me as Derek raised
serious concerns. I did not blow up or anything. I
just became quiet. She continuously apologized, saying, I swear it
was nothing, just wedding stress. I nodded, but within I
felt sick. If it genuinely meant nothing, why was his
name on the tip of her tongue while speaking with
her future husband. My instinct tells me she has been

(01:29):
emotionally cheating on this guy. Perhaps it hasn't become physical.
I don't have proof of that, but something is obviously wrong.
I saw the way she talks about him, and how
she lights up when she receives a text from him,
even though I tried to ignore them in the midst
of wedding planning enthusiasm. Now I'm sitting here with a
fiance who may not truly love me. I'm starting to
suspect she's marrying me for my money or the security

(01:51):
I provide, not out of genuine love. For context, I'm
doing pretty well financially, I have a good job, and
I've been paying for many of our future ambitions. She's
always been excited about the great apartment, the vehicle, the
honeymoon I planned for us, and the overall comfortable lifestyle
we're creating. I hate to think about it, but part
of me wonders if that's the major reason she wants
to marry so quickly. Meanwhile, her heart could belong to

(02:14):
this other guy. It's a terrible feeling. Our wedding is
almost completely paid for, including the location, catering, and other details.
It is planned to be a one hundred and fifty
person event that will cost approximately eighteen thousand dollars in total.
At this point, canceling or postponing would be a logistical
and costly nightmare. We'd lose deposits and upset a lot

(02:35):
of people. But how can I follow through on it now?
I haven't confronted her after that embarrassing time. She's acting
extra lovely right now, almost as if she's trying to
pretend nothing happened. But I can't get it out of
my mind. I have not informed anyone else about this yet.
I feel humiliated and heartbroken. This was meant to be
one of the happiest times of my life, but instead
I'm wondering if my fiance is in love with someone else.

(02:56):
I'm also angry. I'm angry because she put me in
this position soon before the wedding. If she actually has
emotions for this coworker, why not admit it before we
got this far? And if she doesn't, what exactly is
going on at this point. I'm considering canceling the wedding,
but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. Invitations have been
sent out and visitors are flying in from out of town.

(03:17):
If I pull the plug, it will be quite messy.
I glanced at her phone as she was showering, but
of course she has it password protected now, which she
only lately began doing and which in retrospect is also strange.
I am really stranded here. My heart tells me this
is a massive warning flag that I would be foolish
to ignore. I love her so much, or thought I did,

(03:38):
but now I'm not sure who she really is. Is
she a lady who wants to be my life partner,
or is she settling for me because her heart is elsewhere.
I'm also wondering if I'm ready to marry someone I
don't really trust. The answer right now is no, I
haven't slept well. She's behaving normal, emailing me about cake
flavors and scheduling specifics, as if she hadn't just called
me by another man's name. I responded much. I told

(04:01):
her I was just overloaded at work, finishing off loose
ends before taking time off for the wedding. For the
time being, she appeared to believe it. I feel lost
and heartbroken. I'm staring at my suit hanging in the closet,
wondering whether this whole thing is a scam. I've always
thought we had a strong connection, not perfect, but founded
on love and trust. Now I'm doubting everything. I could

(04:23):
use some outside perspective or guidance because I'm not sure
how to proceed. I'll check for responses when I can.
I just needed to vent and gain clarity. Thanks update
one of first and foremost thank you to everyone who
commented on my initial post. I read as much as
possible given the circumstances. The overwhelming advice was to cancel
the wedding, which matched my gut instinct. A much has happened.

(04:46):
I made my decision rather fast after posting I was
not planning to marry her. Once I realized this, I
began plotting how to get out with as little commotion
as possible. I did not confront my fiance again about
the co worker. In fact, I avoided her for the
last several days before the wedding. We'd been staying in
separate places before. She spent a lot of time at
her parents house helping them with preparations, while I stayed

(05:09):
at our apartment. That distance made things easier. I kept
interactions short and focused on logistics. If she knew something
was wrong, she did not show it. She was probably
too preoccupied with last minute preparations and being pampered by
her bridesmaids. A small rehearsal dinner was held for the
wedding party and immediate family members. I did not show up.

(05:30):
I simply did not go. Instead, I spent the evening
packing my essentials and personal belongings from our flat. I
realized it was a cold move, but I couldn't face
her or everyone and smile while knowing I was going
to ghost her. The next day, I turned off my
phone while packing to avoid the impending barrage. Apparently someone
attempted to contact me after I failed to attend the rehearsal.

(05:50):
I later discovered that my brother, who was my best man,
first covered for me by claiming I wasn't feeling well.
He had no idea what I was doing. I hadn't
told anyone about my plans at that moment. I apologize
for pulling him into a falsehood, but I panicked. Early
in the morning, I silently left town. I packed my suit,
ring and bag into the car and headed to my

(06:12):
parents' place. I put the engagement ring box on the
kitchen counter with a note that read, I'm sorry, I
can't do it. It was short and not sweet. I
did not describe the trickery in the note. I assumed
we'd discuss later or she could piece it together. My
major goal was to be gone before she ever noticed.
In retrospect, maybe I should have spoken more or texted her,

(06:33):
but I was a mess and just wanted to leave.
So yep, I actually ghosted my fiance on our wedding day.
It still feels odd to type that I was running
on adrenaline and hurting by the time I arrived at
my parents' place. I had hundreds of missed calls and
urgent SMS. I turned off the phone again and took
a lengthy nap out of sheer emotional tiredness. Now for

(06:54):
the wedding itself. This is where things turned from sorrowful
to comical, because I hadn't officially inform formed anyone and
had bailed. Everyone else arrived at the site as planned,
except me. My family soon learned that I wasn't arriving.
My parents were certainly aware that I was at their house,
and they secretly alerted a few relatives. But my fiance
and her family had arrived at the wedding venue in

(07:14):
full wedding clothes, expecting me to show up. I can't
picture the storm that was brewing there. According to a
friend who was present, my fiance came at the site
dressed in her gown and with her bridesmaids, greeting people
as if everything was normal. She evidently informed others that
I was running late due to a family emergency. I
cringed so hard when I realized she was either attempting
to save face or honestly worried I'd still be late.

(07:37):
I do not know. People waited awkwardly. One of my
aunts informed me that for the first half hour or
so after the start time. It was just visitors milling around,
sipping beverages, puzzled and mumbling. My fiance would say things like, oh,
he's on his way. He had to deal with something essential.
I'm not sure what was going through her mind, whether
she actually expected I'd come in eventually or was in denyle.

(08:00):
Things fell apart after a long period of time without
a groom. When it became evident that I would not
be there, some guests began to leave. There was supposedly
a lot of commotion, with her father attempting to calm people,
bride'smaids crying, and my friends emailing my brother to ask
what the hell was going on. Eventually, someone I believe
her mother, announced that, owing to unforeseen circumstances, the wedding

(08:22):
would not be held today. That is the nice way
of stating the groom disappeared. I can only imagine how
humiliated and shocked her family must have felt. I stayed
at my parents' house, avoiding the chaos. I admit that
doing it this way made me feel terrible. This woman
I loved, or believed I loved, was most likely standing
there in her lovely outfit in front of everyone having

(08:42):
to accept that I was not coming. A part of
me wanted to drive over and have a face to
face confrontation, but I knew it would be disastrous with
so many emotions and people involved, and frankly, I wasn't
prepared to face her or anyone else after what would
have been the reception start time, I finally turned on
my phone to deal with the fallout. I received an
avalanche of angry, confused, and concerned comments about a variety

(09:06):
of topics. My fiance or ex fiance must have texted
and called a million times. Her texts ranged from where
are you please? I am terrified? To how could you
do this to me? And lots of please respond, we
can fix this. I did not respond to her at
that time. I also received texts from her parents. It
was overwhelming, so I texted a blanket message to a

(09:27):
few key contacts stating I'm safe. I could not go
through with the wedding. I'll explain when I'm ready. I
then turned the phone off. I know that's cowardly, but
I couldn't take it right then. My parents were supportive
once I revealed part of what had transpired. I told
them I suspected she cheated on a coworker and that
I had discovered something unforgivable. I kept it ambiguous at first.

(09:50):
They were taken aback, but instantly stated I could stay
as long as I needed, and that they were proud
of me for avoiding getting trapped in a poor marriage.
It was beneficial to have them on my side, even
though I I'm still processing things. I haven't communicated with
my ex fiance personally yet, and I honestly don't know
what to say to her when I do. Part of
me is irritated with her for placing me in this situation.

(10:11):
If she hadn't betrayed me, none of this drama would
have occurred. But another part of me feels horrible about
how I walked away, leaving her to confront everyone alone.
Clearly it was a nuclear choice. I'm not particularly proud
of it, but I do feel a strange feeling of
relief that it's over. She made her decisions and I
made mine, so that is where things stand. I went
to my parents place right after the non wedding. She

(10:33):
attempted to contact me and once called my parents on
the house phone, but I requested them not to let
me speak with her just yet. I just need a
bit extra time to deal with a confrontation. Maybe that
is selfish or immature, but I am emotionally exhausted. Thank
you to everyone who pushed me to prioritize myself and
not proceed. It was the most difficult thing I've ever done,
but I know in my heart it was the correct one.

(10:54):
I'll update again once I've gathered my thoughts and have
more to say on the financial aspect of this disaster,
which I have even touched on yet, as well as
the fallout with her family. For the time being, I'll
just catch my breath and maybe sleep for fourteen hours straight.
Update two. I am returning with more context than aftermath.
I've since had some actual talks with her and others,
and I realized I needed to clarify a few points

(11:15):
from my previous posts. I skipped several specifics because my
emotions were running high. First, consider the eighteen thousand dollars
wedding cost. I noticed a lot of remarks about the
money and whether I might recuperate anything. The truth is
most of that wasn't even my money. I definitely should
have addressed that, but I was devastated and not thinking
clearly when I wrote the original piece. Her parents paid

(11:37):
for the majority of the wedding expenses as a gift
to us and more specifically to their daughter. Early on
in the planning process, I offered to pay a large sum,
but her parents were quite traditional and insisted on covering
many of the major expenses. They transferred me a big money,
primarily for the venue and caterers, claiming it was their
contribution or gift. So I utilized their money along with

(11:58):
some of my own to day vendors, such as the
DJ and suit rentals. My fiance had no idea her
parents gave me the money. I believe she assumed I
was covering the majority of the costs, which could explain
why she thought I was a good financial catch. It's
a somewhat complicated scenario. Her parents intended to surprise her
by demonstrating their support, and I didn't make it clear

(12:18):
to anyone. All of that money is now effectively lost.
Everything was basically non refundable that close to the date. Venue,
food and photography fees have all been paid and are
no longer outstanding. And you know what, I honestly don't
care about the money I lost I know eighteen thousand
dollars is closer to fifteen thousand dollars from her parents

(12:39):
and three thousand dollars from my parents, which is a lot,
But given the circumstances, money was the last thing on
my mind when I opted out of the wedding. I
wasn't going to stay in a possibly phony marriage only
to save money, and since it wasn't largely my money,
I suppose it was simpler to be casual about it.
I haven't even asked suppliers about possibly partial refunds or anything.
I figured it was something her family could manage or

(13:00):
something we could talk about later. It is currently a
low priority in comparison to the emotional fallout, speaking of consequences,
I eventually spoke with my ex fiance, not in person yet,
but by phone. I returned one of her several calls.
The conversation was passionate, but oddly peaceful. At points, she
was clearly upset. She alternated between crying, sounding angry and perplexed.

(13:22):
She questioned me how I could degrade her and her
family in that manner? Why didn't I warn her beforehand?
I remained firm and said something like you understand why
I know about you and Derek, she said, quietly, denying
any infidelity. It's not as you think, nothing physical occurred,
et cetera. I informed her, it does not matter. An

(13:44):
emotional affair or whatever you want to call. What you
had with him is a betrayal, and I can't marry
someone I don't trust. She continued, saying she was sorry
that it was simply a dumb friendship that crossed a
few boundaries because she was nervous about the wedding. She claims,
I was working a lot and was in as emotionally
available in recent months, so she confided in this co worker.
Maybe there is some truth in that I worked long

(14:06):
hours to save money and plan for my honeymoon. However,
running to another man for emotional support and addressing me
by his name is unacceptable. She emphasized that she had
no intention of leaving or replacing me, and that she
still wanted to marry me. I answered, what did you
want me for my money? Because it's sure as hell
doesn't feel like love when you're mumbling the name of

(14:26):
another guy. This irritated her, and she claimed it wasn't
about money. She said she loved me, but I responded
that if she truly loved me, she would not have
humiliated me by having an emotional boyfriend on the side.
The call concluded with her imploring me to meet in
person to chat and me stating that I needed more time.
I also informed her outright the wedding is canceled for good.

(14:48):
I'm not reconsidering that she sobbed again before we hung up.
It was difficult to hear. To be honest, despite everything,
I'm disappointed that it's come to this. She wrote a
several sms basically apologizing and explaining herself. In summation, she
claims nothing physical ever happened with Derek and admits she
breached boundaries by becoming so emotionally attached and a coworker.

(15:10):
She revealed that she was texting him behind my back,
revealing thoughts that she should have shared with me. He
appeared to be struggling with his personal relationships. I suppose
he has a girlfriend and they bonded over shared experiences
and it simply went out of hand. She described calling
me his name as a terrible mistake that shook her
into understanding her error. In one communication, she stated, I

(15:32):
was going to confess everything to you after the honeymoon.
I really didn't want to disrupt the wedding and thought
we could work it out. That actually made me shake
my head. She seemed to think it would be fun
to find out after the fact. Perhaps she just didn't
want to miss the wedding and the gifts. Who knows.
I haven't responded to the majority of those texts. I did, however,
read them several times in order to better comprehend her perspective.

(15:56):
She was lonely, anxious, and had developed a connection with
someone else, yet she still wanted to spend her life
with me. She keeps stating I'm the one she wants
to marry. I'm stable, loving, and we have history. In contrast,
this coworker thing was a transient, emotional affair that she regrets.
It's as if she's attempting to minimize what she did

(16:16):
because it wasn't physical. However, I believe the damage has
already been done. Trust is broken. Now on to her parents, because,
oh boy, that's another issue. As you might guess, her
mother and father were upset that I was ghosting their
daughter on the special day they had paid for. Her
father tried to phone me, most likely to chastise me
or demand an explanation, but I did not answer. Before

(16:38):
I conclude up this report, i'd want to mention that
I'm still camping at my parents' house. I've taken time
off work. Thankfully, my boss understands. I just informed him
the wedding was canceled due to irreconcilable differences, and he
didn't ask. I haven't returned to the apartment my ex
and I share, but I'll need to sort through my
belongings shortly. I suppose she's been staying with her folks

(16:59):
since the wedding cantastrophe, so at least I won't run
across her if I stop over to get more of
my items. We will have to figure out our housing
arrangement eventually. The lease is in both of our names
and has a few months left on it. That's the
boring stuff I haven't had the energy to do yet.
I suppose I'm doing good emotionally, numb yet fine. When
I think about the treachery, I'm indignant, but yet relieved

(17:20):
that I came out unscathed. I stand by my decision
to call it off, even if she didn't sleep with
this guy. The fact that she had the emotional fortitude
to two time me right before the wedding indicates that
something was seriously wrong. When we're ready to marry, I
deserve someone who actually loves me and only me, not
someone who is thinking about another man. Update three. I
finally had a direct talk with her folks and explained

(17:42):
why I left. The outcome was quite explosive, but not
in the way I had imagined. I concluded that I
owed her family an explanation. They had been nothing but
kind to me during our friendship, and as I previously said,
they made significant financial contributions. I believe they deserve to
know that I I didn't abandon their daughter on a
whim or out of cold feet. There was a clear cause. Also, selfishly,

(18:07):
I didn't want them to hate me any more than
they already did. At that point, I suspected my ex
hadn't told them the whole truth about why I left,
if she had admitted culpability at all, So I planned
to meet her parents in person. I drove down to
their place with my own mother accompanying me for support
and possibly as a witness in case things went wrong.
When we arrived, her mother opened the door and I

(18:28):
saw she had been crying. Her father was plainly upset,
arms crossed the entire thing. It was awkward as hell.
We got down in their living room and I simply
lay everything out. I apologized for causing herd an embarrassment.
Then I informed them their daughter was having an emotional
affair with a co worker and I had uncovered enough
to tell me I couldn't marry her. I explained the
name slip situation. I also cited other symptoms of covert messaging,

(18:52):
including my suspicion that she wasn't doing it for the
proper reasons. I tried to be as straightforward and cool
as possible. This wasn't about bad wishing her, but rather
explaining why I did what I did. To my astonishment,
her parent's reaction swiftly switched from anger at me to
anger toward her. Her mother's face sank with disappointment. Her
father's rage was kind of channeled. He began asking specific

(19:14):
questions like which co worker, how long, and how do
you know it wasn't just stress. I responded to the
best of my ability. I conceded that I did not
have physical evidence of cheating, but it was sufficient. I
also showed them one of the texts she sent me subsequently,
in which she clearly admitted she had feelings for the guy,
but claimed it meant nothing. So yes, I dumped my

(19:36):
ex fiance in the grease, but I believed they deserved
the truth. I also informed them that I feared she
saw me as a financial safety net rather than a
true love, which is why she was still willing to
marry me despite her affections for someone else. That was
my interpretation anyway. Her mother burst into tears and her
father cried in his own unique way. He became quiet,

(19:56):
which is scarier than ranting, honestly, and you could see
that a reality dawning that not only was his money squandered,
but his daughter had breached the promise. He remarked something like,
we gave her everything for the wedding, and this is
how she repays everyone. There was a distinct sense that
he saw her behavior as a personal betrayal to them,
not just me. I was surprised when her father apologized

(20:19):
to me. He apologized for all I had gone through
and said he understood why I chose to leave. Her
mother claimed she was embarrassed and that I did not
deserve what occurred. It was honestly heartbreaking. I felt a
little guilty seeing how upset they were. They had really
been looking forward to this wedding. They also stated that
several of their relatives had flown in and had to
return home bewildered and disappointed. I made it clear to

(20:41):
them that I was not blaming them. In fact, I
complimented them for their generosity and kindness toward me. I
also stated, for good measure that I want to repay
them some of the money they gifted for the wedding
when I am able, at least the part that wasn't used,
or whatever I can salvage. They brushed it off for now,
but I meant it. They've always treated me like fans,
and I'm sorry how it ended. Here's the kicker. While

(21:03):
I was there, my ex fiance arrived. It turned out
she was staying with a friend, but her mother had
texted her that I was coming over, so she drove over,
possibly hoping to reconcile or at least have a face
to face conversation. She stepped in and paused when she
saw me and my mother sitting with her family. Her
father quickly confronted her, demanding to know whether what I
stated was real. She became defensive, claiming I was exaggerating

(21:25):
and that it was simply a friendship that did not fly.
Her father rarely raised his voice during the years I
knew them, but he did now. He said something like
we spent all this money and you couldn't keep your
damn focus on your fiance. He was crimson in the face.
It was an uglier scene. My ex reacted angrily to
her parents, claiming that it was none of their business

(21:45):
and that I should not have implicated them. She stated
it was between me and her, but her father wouldn't
have it between you two. You realize half the town
knows you got left at the altar, and now we
find out it's because you couldn't be loyal. At this moment,
I stood up and said maybe we should leave so
they can talk privately. My ex turned to me and screamed,

(22:06):
you had no right to tell them. This was humiliating enough.
I said they had every right to know why all
this happened. I'm not going to lie for you. She cried,
You're no saint. You handled this like a coward. I
just shook my head and said, maybe I did, but
it doesn't change what you did. First, my mother tugged

(22:26):
on my elbow, signaling that we should leave, and we
left my ex fiance alone with her enraged parents. So
that was intense. It wasn't precisely as I had envisioned closure,
but it happened. Later. Her father called me. He told
me that he and her mother had a conversation with
their daughter after we departed. According to him, she eventually
broke down and admitted to having an emotional affair. She

(22:49):
appeared to try to downplay it, stating it was never physical,
but who knows. They were not having any of that.
Her father sounded both angry and genuinely sad. He said,
I don't know where we went wrong with her. I
tried to reassure him, adding, sometimes people make mistakes and
lose their way. I wasn't trying to make you feel
like bad parents. He then stated something that startled me.

(23:11):
They assured her they were finished with her for now. Essentially,
they are so furious and disappointed that they have advised
her not to contact them for a long They even
proposed that she remained someplace indefinitely. I believe she was
meant to move back in with them after the wedding
while we planned out our living arrangements. They're also cutting
her off financially based on what he said. I don't

(23:31):
know the specifics of their relationship, but I know they
periodically aided her with money, such as paying her auto insurance.
He said she needed to realize that her actions have repercussions.
I just listened. It wasn't my place to react, but
internally I was thinking, Wow, that's some serious fallout. I
won't lie. There was a sad feeling of justice hearing
that my ex had essentially brought this on herself, and

(23:52):
now even her parents are fed up. It's unfortunate, but
I believe this was the fulfilling retribution that some of
you anticipated. He not only lost me, but she also
destroyed her connection with her mother and father for the
time being, as well as the significant investment they made
in a wedding that never took place, not to mention
the damage to her reputation among friends and family, who
will undoubtedly now know why the wedding was canceled. I

(24:15):
did not make any public announcements, but word travels. Apparently
her own relative is aware and has been chatting. As
for me, her father has explicitly stated that I am
welcome to contact or visit them at any time, and
that they consider me family even if I am not
their son in law. That was touching. I doubt we'll
hang out on a regular basis, but I enjoyed the sentiment.
He also half jokingly remarked, don't worry about the damn money.

(24:38):
It's not your problem. She can explain to us one
day why she wasted it. So I guess they're bearing
the bill and not holding me accountable. I still feel
horrible about it, but they don't appear to detest me.
At this point, the emotional affair has been completely disclosed
and everyone involved is aware of why the wedding failed.
Aside from the outburst at her parents' house, my ex
has been relatively quiet. She has not attempted to contact

(24:59):
me again since I believe she realizes there isn't much
more to say. Perhaps she is dealing with her parents
or who knows, turning to Derek for consolation. Now that
everyone knows the truth, I'm feeling a lot better. It
seems like a weight has been lifted off of me.
I don't need to disguise the cause or save her
feelings everything's on the table. It's bad that it ended

(25:20):
in such a dramatic manner, but better now than after
vows and legal bonds. Right,