My Sister_s Kids Threw Food_ And Spilled Chocolate Milk On Me. So I Refused... - Reddit Family Tales

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
My sister's kids through food and spilled chocolate milk on me,
so I refuse to buy Christmas gifts for them. Then
she accused me of child abuse. My sister, Marissa is
thirty two and I am twenty eight. She has three children,
Tyler eleven, a male, Chloe nine, a female, and Harper six,

(00:20):
a female. Yes these are their true names, and yeah,
that should tell you something straight now. Marissa and her husband,
Colin have been married for about twelve years and they
both work respectable jobs, so they are not struggling financially. Now,
I need to provide a complete picture of what I've
been dealing with with these kids for literally years, since

(00:40):
this Christmas didn't happen in a vacuum. It began when
Tyler was probably around four. Marissa thought that traditional parenting
was too restricting and she wanted to create free, thinking,
empowered children. This meant that these kids had never heard
the word no in their lives. I mean it literally.
Marissa and Colin utilized gentle redirection instead of concrete boundaries.

(01:01):
The first time I realized how awful things were getting
was at Tyler's sixth birthday celebration at Chuck e Chees's.
This child observed another child playing a game he wanted
to play, so he simply approached the machine and pulled
the other child off it. When the other youngster began
crying and his parents arrived, Marissa responded by telling Tyler,
I see you really want to play that game, and
your feelings are valid, but maybe we can find a

(01:23):
way for everyone to have fun. No apologies to the
other family, there are no penalties for Tyler. The other
parents glanced at her with disgust. But things get worse
at family gatherings. These children treat everyone's homes as personal playgrounds.
Chloe decided she didn't like the ham our mother made
for Easter and dumped her entire dish on the floor,
demanding chicken nuggets. Instead of punishing her or forcing her

(01:45):
to clean up, Marissa asked her mother if she had
some chicken nuggets. When mom declined, Marissa sent Colin to
McDonald's to fetch some. I watched my sixty five year
old mother get on her hands and knees to clean
up the mess, as Chloe smirked. Harper, the six year
old has a habit of screaming, and I mean screaming.
When she does not get exactly what she wants precisely
when she wants it. We're talking full on, ear piercing

(02:06):
shrieks that would make a banshee jealous. During my cousin's
wedding last summer, she had a meltdown because she wanted
to handle the bride's flowers. Marissa's solution she stepped up
to the altar in the middle of the vows and
asked the bride if Harper might have the bouquet for
a minute. The bride was too surprised to say no,
so this six year old spent half the ceremony brandishing
a three hundred dollars bouquet. Now this is where things

(02:29):
get personal for me. I am childless by choice, and
I've always been the fun ant who spoils the kids
in our extended family. I adore kids, I simply don't
want my own, But with Marissa's children, every interaction is
like walking through a minefield. Two years ago, I took
all three of them to the zoo for Tyler's birthday.
I spent more than two hundred dollars on tickets, meals,

(02:51):
and souvenirs. Harper decided she wanted a stuffed elephant from
the gift shop for forty five dollars. When I told
her that I had already bought each of them a
souvene and that was enough, she threw herself on the
floor of the gift shop and began wailing as if
someone was murdering her. Tyler immediately weighed in, saying it
wasn't fair that Harper was upset, and Chloe burst into
tears because the screaming hurt her ears. Instead of leaving

(03:13):
her scolding Harper, I surrendered and bought the elephant to
silence her screams. But then Tyler wanted a sixty dollars
remote control car. Because Harper had received something extra, Chloe
requested a second stuffed animal to match Harper. By the
time we left the gift shop, I had spent an
additional one hundred and fifty dollars on top of everything else,
and I felt thoroughly duped and taken advantage of by
some youngsters. That was my wake up call, but it

(03:36):
took another year and a half before I really put
my foot down. The final straw came during my birthday
meal in October. I'd made reservations at a fancy restaurant.
Marissa insisted on bringing all three kids, which I was
fine with at first, but within ten minutes of sitting down,
things were chaotic. Harper was standing on her chair attempting
to reach the bread basket. At the next table over,

(03:56):
Tyler was loudly protesting that there was nothing on the
menu he liked and demanded to know why I hadn't
chosen a restaurant with chicken tenders. Chloe was using her
fork to toss butter packets throughout the restaurant. When I
urged Marissa to please keep the kids under control because
other diners were staring, she said I was being judgmental
and that youngsters should express themselves. They expressed themselves by

(04:17):
flinging dairy items at strangers. Apparently the breaking point came
when Harper knocked over her full glass of chocolate milk,
spilling it all over my white outfit and pocketbook. Instead
of apologizing or assisting with the cleanup, Marissa chuckled and stated, well,
that's what you get for wearing white around kids. It
was my fault for expecting basic table etiquette. I ended

(04:37):
up leaving my own birthday dinner early with a chocolate
milk stained outfit, and an utterly wrecked night. The server
appeared ashamed, and I left a generous tip because I
was embarrassed by their actions. That night, I decided I
was finished, completely done with indulging this bullshit. So when
Marissa texted me in early November to ask what I
was getting my babies for Christmas, I told her straight

(04:58):
out that I wasn't going to buy them anything this year.
She quickly called me to inquire what she had done wrong.
I said that I found every interaction with her children
difficult and that their actions during my birthday dinner had
deeply wounded my sentiments. Marissa responded by telling me that
I don't understand what it's like to be a parent
and that I have unrealistic expectations of children. She accused

(05:18):
me of being petty and nasty, punishing innocent children for
simply being children. But here's the thing. I've spent time
with many other children in our family and social group,
and none of them behave like way. My cousin's children
are seven and nine years old, and they can say
please and thank you, clean up after themselves, and eat
a meal without making a fuss. My best friend's eight
year old helps clear the table and has never tossed

(05:39):
food or knocked anything over on purpose. Marissa claims her
children are vibrant and self aware, but what I see
are three small individuals who have never been taught that
other people count or that their actions have consequences. I
understand Marisa's parenting style is her decision, and I'm not
attempting to influence how she raises her children. But I
also don't believe I should have to finance and reward

(06:00):
conduct that makes every family gathering miserable for everyone else.
My parents constantly telling me that I am the adult
and should be the bigger person, but I feel like
I've been the greater person for years. While seeing these
youngsters learn that they can treat others as they want
without consequence, isn't it time for someone to show them
that their actions influence how others wish to engage with them.

(06:20):
So reddit am I the one who refuses to buy
Christmas presents for children who have never shown any appreciation
and whose behavior frequently disrupts family events? Update one I
received a call from Marissa at three pm, and she
was screaming like I had to keep the phone away
from my ear because she was that loud. Apparently, her
friend Jessica follows this subreddit and recognized the story right away.

(06:44):
Jessica gave Marissa the link with the text, girl, is
this about you? Marissa read the entire post, including the
one hundred plus comments, and she is furious. She began
the call by accusing me of publicly embarrassing her and
her children on the Internet and discussing sensitive family business
with outsiders. She started ranting about how I made her
appear like a bad mother and that I had no

(07:05):
right to reveal sensitive information about her family. I tried
to explain that I didn't use anyone's real identities and
was truly seeking guidance, but she wouldn't have it. She
accused me of being harsh for writing about her children
in that manner, and she had no idea how much
I despised her entire family. Then she really went nuclear.
She told me that she has been shielding me from
what others think of my lifestyle choices, and that everyone

(07:27):
in the family thinks I am selfish for not having children,
and that I won't understand true love until I become
a mother. She claims Colin has always felt I was
frigid and judgmental, and they have been walking on eggshells
around me for years because they feel sorry for me.
That section hurt far more than I imagined. I've always
thought Marissa and I were close despite our differing views

(07:47):
on parenting. But wait, things get worse. After Marissa finished
shouting at me, she immediately contacted our parents and told
them what happened by her version. I mean, she told
them I posted horrific things about her chilchildren on Reddit,
called them names, and mocked them in public. Mom contacted
me around twenty minutes later. She was heartbroken and repeatedly
asked how I could do this to her family. She

(08:10):
said Marissa was frantic and the kids were asking why
me hates them. When I tried to clarify that I
never said I disliked the kids, only that their behavior
was troublesome, Mom stopped me off, saying that attacking children
online was a threshold she never thought I'd cross. Dad
called next, and he was angry. He accused me of
betraying the family and stating that what happens in our

(08:30):
family should stay inside it. He informed me that Marissa
is struggling and that instead of assisting her, I made
her a laughing stock on the internet. He stated he's
ashamed of how I handled the situation and that I
should apologize right away and delete the post. The truth is,
I'm not sure I want to apologize because I didn't
lie about anything. Everything I stated happened, but I'm beginning

(08:52):
to doubt if publishing about it was the best option.
Marissa gave me screenshots of some of the comments, which
called her a poor mother and described her children as
well horrors. She claimed that reading those comments made her
physically ill and that she couldn't look at her children
without worrying about what strangers on the internet were saying
about them. She told me that she has been trying
her best as a mother and that she chose gentle

(09:12):
parenting because she was raised with rigorous punishment, which caused
her worry and low self esteem. She stated that she
never wants her children to experience the dread and embarrassment
she did growing up, and that she would rather have confident,
assertive children than children who are scared to communicate their needs.
I honestly had no idea Marissa felt that way about
our childhood we had fairly normal parents who expected us

(09:34):
to follow the rules and suffer penalties if we didn't.
I never considered it upsetting, but she may have had
a different perspective. She's now claiming that if I'm going
to Christmas dinner, she won't bring the kids because she
doesn't want them to be around someone who sees them
as monsters. Mom begged me to apologize and remove the
posts so that Christmas is not ruined. My brother also called,
and he was rather sensible about the situation. He said

(09:57):
he knows why I was irritated and that Marissa's children
had behavioral difficulties, but that posting it on Reddit was
probably not the best idea. He believes I should apologize
for the post but maintain my boundaries about the Christmas gifts.
Colin has not contacted me personally, but Marissa claims he
is furious with me and believes I am a toxic
person who has been pretending to care about their family

(10:18):
while secretly condemning them. He's been telling Marissa for years
that I look down on them, and this post confirms
him correct. The worst part is that some of the
commenters discovered Marissa's social media profiles. She had to keep
everything private since people were commenting on her images of
the children. Nobody said anything directly unpleasant, but people were
making comments like so well behaved and such angels, clearly

(10:42):
mocking given my article. Marissa is convinced that this will
follow her children for the rest of their lives, and
that when they are older, somebody will discover this post
and hurt them. She claims, I've harmed her children by
writing about them in this way. I'm sorry things became
so bad. I honestly didn't think anyone we knew would
see it, and I did not want Marissa to be
bullied online. At the same time, I'm irritated because she's

(11:05):
acting as if I made everything up, when all I
did was accurately recount what happened. Some of you mentioned
in the comments that Marissa's parenting approach is not actually
gentle parenting, it's simply lenient parenting with a fancy name.
Some individuals believe Marissa's children will struggle in the real
world if they do not understand that their acts have repercussions.
All of that makes sense to me, but I'm wondering
whether I made a mistake by airing this publicly rather

(11:27):
than setting my limits privately and dealing with the resulting
family turmoil. However, talking to Marissa personally has never worked.
Every time I try to address the kid's conduct, she
becomes defensive and launches an assault on her parenting. She
invariably responds I don't understand because I don't have children,
and the debate ends with me backing down to keep
the peace. I assumed that gathering outside viewpoints would help

(11:50):
me determine whether I was being reasonable or if I
was expecting too much. But now it feels like I've
made things worse. Mom wants me to submit an update
stating that I was wrong and that Marissa is a
wonderful mother. Dad wants me to remove everything and pretend
nothing happened. Marissa demands a public apology from me and
an admission that I lied about her children. I'm scheduled
to travel to my parents' house tomorrow for our annual

(12:12):
pre Christmas cookie baking day, but Marissa has stated she
won't come if I'm there. Mom is over herself. Since
we've done this every year since Marissa and I were youngsters,
I do not know what to do. Update two Jesus Christ.
I don't know where to begin with what happened at
Christmas dinner yesterday. I am writing this from my residence. First,
let me catch you up on what has happened since

(12:34):
my last update in Christmas. I didn't apologize or remove
the post, which was probably not the best decision for
family harmony, but I couldn't bring myself to confess I
was lying when I wasn't. The cookie baking day was
canceled because Marissa refused to go if I was present.
Mom was devastated and kept phoning both of us, attempting
to mediate, but Marissa was certain that she would not

(12:54):
be in the same room with me until I made
things right. For over a week, it appeared that Christmas
dinner would also be canceled. Marissa informed my parents that
she was uncomfortable bringing the kids around me, and Dad
was unhappy with ME for ruining Christmas. But then Mom
had what she described as a fantastic solution. She offered
that Marissa and her family come for Christmas dinner, and

(13:15):
then I could come for dessert after they went. That way,
the kids could still spend Christmas with their grandparents, while
Marissa didn't have to deal with me. I was hurt
that I was being excluded from my own family's Christmas celebrations,
but I accepted because I didn't want to be the
reason the kids didn't get to visit their grandparents on Christmas.
Marissa obviously changed her mind at the last moment. She
concluded that having me visit at all, even after they

(13:37):
had left, was disrespectful to her family. She informed Mom
that my presence would ruin the entire day since she'd
be worried about how I'd criticize her children afterward. So
Mom took another executive choice. She contacted me on Christmas
morning and said Marissa was already on her way over
and maybe I could stop by for a few minutes
to say Merry Christmas and then go before things got awkward.

(13:58):
I should have said no. I should have stayed at
home and watched Netflix, like my intuition told me to.
But it's Christmas, you know, and I've missed my family.
I arrived at my parents' house about two PM, and
the tension was palpable from the moment I walked in.
Marissa was in the kitchen assisting Mom with dinner preparation,
and she literally turned her back on me when I
said hi. Colin was in the living room with the kids,

(14:21):
and he simply nodded at me without making eye contact.
Mom worked so hard to keep everything normal. She was
extremely happy and conversational, asking me about job in my apartment,
obviously trying to break the awkward quiet. Dad was cordial
but cold. He responded when I spoke to him, but
did not start a conversation. Initially, the youngsters appeared to

(14:42):
be quite typical. Harper ran up and hugged me as
if nothing had happened, which only made ME feel worse
about everything. Tyler and Chloe were distant, which was most
likely due to their parents educating them on how to
act around me rather than at me. I had brought
a bottle of wine for my parents and some nice
hot chocolate bombs for the kids. Not Christmas presence, but
a peace offering. When I gave the kids the hot chocolate,

(15:03):
Harper was ecstatic and wanted to make it straight Immediately.
Mom said it was all right, and I was beginning
to think things might work out. Everything went horribly wrong
at that point. Harper requested hot chocolate with milk instead
of water, so Mom heated milk on the stove. Harper
was hopping around the kitchen, growing increasingly excited, and she
kept attempting to touch the pot to help Mom and

(15:24):
I advised her several times to step back since the
stove was hot, but she didn't listen. Marissa was right there,
but she was giving me the silent treatment and obviously
decided not to parent either. Because she didn't say anything
to Harper about stove safety, you can probably guess what
came next. Harper went up to grab the pot handle,
and although I caught her arm before she touched it,
she lost her balance and collided with the stove. She

(15:46):
did not get burned, but she became afraid and began crying.
I quickly knelt to ensure she was okay, and she
appeared fine, just startled, but Marissa had fully lost her wits.
She rushed across the kitchen, took Harper away from me,
and began shrieking about how I had endangered her kid.
I tried to explain that I was actually attempting to
keep Harper from getting hurt, but Marissa screamed that I

(16:07):
grabbed Harper and was taking my rage out on an
innocent child. She continued screaming I was violent and that
she knew I was going to hurt her children. Eventually,
Colin sprang up and came in my face, telling me
I had crossed a line, and demanded that I go
right away. Dad tried to calm everyone down, but Marissa
was upset, screaming I was dangerous and she should call

(16:28):
the cops. The worst part was that Harper stopped weeping
and looked around, puzzled, wondering why everyone was yelling. Chloe
began crying as a result of the shouting. I kept
trying to explain what had happened, but no one listened
to me. Marissa had concluded that I had purposefully tried
to hurt Harper, and nothing I said would change her view.

(16:48):
Mom was crying and pleading with everyone to settle down.
She kept saying it was Christmas and we needed to
figure it out as a family, but Marissa had already
packed up the kid's belongings and instructed Colin to grab
the car. As they were leaving, Marissa turned around and
informed me that I was everything wrong with our family
and that she was tired of pretending I cared about
any one other than herself. She claimed that the redded

(17:09):
article demonstrated that I hated her children and was now
physically threatening them. Colin informed my parents that if I
attended any future family occasions, Marisa and the kids would
not come. He stated they had to choose between Marissa's
family and me, since he didn't want to expose his
children to someone who despised their presence. Dad shouted at
me after they had departed. He stated I had wrecked

(17:30):
our family and that Marissa's children are the light of
his life and he might not get to see them
again because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Mom was
sobbing and saying she couldn't understand how we had gotten
to this point. She kept asking why I couldn't just
apologize and get things back to normal. I tried to
clarify once more that I had done nothing wrong, both
with the stove incident and with the initial post, but

(17:51):
Dad stopped me off and told me that if I
couldn't understand how my behavior was harming the family, maybe
Colin was correct and I shouldn't attend family occasions any more.
So I left. I spent Christmas night alone in my apartment,
ordering dinner and wondering how rescuing a six year old
from a hot stove led to my exclusion from my
own family. The trouble is, I keep revisiting that moment

(18:11):
in my memory, and I know I didn't grab Harper
violently or endanger her. I stopped her from touching the
hot pot handle. In a normal home, that would have
resulted in a thank you, not charges of child abuse.
But Marissa was already primed to regard me as the
villain because to the redded article. She was hunting for
evidence that I am a bad person who despises her children,
and she interpreted my behavior accordingly. I understand that she

(18:34):
is protective of her children. I really do. However, the
fact that she quickly moved to you're trying to hurt
my daughter, rather than thank you for keeping her safe
demonstrates how damaged our relationship is. My brother called to
check on me this morning. He didn't attend dinner because
he was spending Christmas with his girlfriend's family, but Mom
told him what happened. He stated that, based on what

(18:55):
Mom told him, Marissa appears to have overreacted, but that
the family is now broken and he is unsure how
to heal it. He also added that Mom is upset
since she fears she will never see Marissa's children again,
and Dad is discussing future holidays without me to keep
the peace. The irony is that if I had just
let Harper grab that pot handle and get burned, Marissa
would most likely have blamed me for failing to stop her.

(19:17):
There was no way I could win in that situation.
I'm not sure what to do now. Update three. I'm finished.
I'm done with all of this, and I finally said
what I had been holding back for years. So this
is what occurred after Christmas. I spent about a week
feeling sorry for myself and wondered if I was the
true issue. I kept thinking about what Dad said about

(19:39):
destroying the family, and I considered reaching out to apologize,
just to make things right. Then my cousin Sophie called me.
Sophie is my mother's sister's kid, and she attended the
wedding last summer where Harper had the bouquet meltdown. She
had heard about the Christmas disaster and wanted to check
on me. During our chat, Sophie said something that made
my blood boil. Apparently, Marissa has been telling her extent

(20:00):
relatives that I attacked Harper at Christmas dinner and that
she is thinking about getting a restraining order against me
because I am unstable and dangerous around children. A restraining
order to prevent a child from touching a hot stove.
Sophie stated that the majority of the family does not
accept Marissa's story because they have all experienced the children's
behavior personally, but that Marissa is overly dramatic about the
situation and portraying herself as a protective mother shielding her

(20:23):
children from their violent aunt. That was it. I traveled
to Marissa's house yesterday afternoon while Colin was at work
and the kids were at school. I knew she'd be
home because she works part time and normally takes Tuesday
afternoons off. When she opened the door and saw me,
she tried to close it again, but I put my
foot in the doorway and told her we'd talk whether
she wanted to or not. She threatened to contact the cops,

(20:46):
but I told her to go ahead because I had
much to say to them about how she lied about
what happened at Christmas. She let me in, but she
remained by the door with her phone in hand, as
if she was prepared to call nine one one if
I made any abrupt movements. The entire situation was so
ludicrous that I nearly laughed. I sat down on the
couch and simply began talking. I told her I was

(21:06):
tired of being portrayed as the villain because I had
basic standards about how people should respect one another. I
told her I was weary of her turning every talk
about her children's conduct into an assault on her parenting,
and I was tired of walking on eggshells around her family.
Marissa tried to interrupt me with the standard you don't
have kids, so you don't understand, but I quickly shut

(21:26):
it down. I informed her that I didn't need to
be a parent to see when children are reared without
limits or respect for others. Then I let her have it.
I informed her that her gentle parenting is really lazy
parenting with a fancy name. I explained that she is
so frightened of her children feeling uncomfortable or disappointed that
she is educating them to believe the world revolves around them.

(21:46):
I stated that every other kid I know can sit
through a meal, play peacefully with others, and express basic
thanks when someone does anything good for them, but her
children behave like entitled little dictators because mom has never
trained them better. Magan crying, stating she was doing her
best and didn't want her children to suffer the same
childhood she did. She brought up the tough discipline issue again,

(22:08):
saying she used to be afraid of disappointing our parents.
I informed her that there is a significant difference between
rigorous discipline and basic boundaries. I explained that teaching children
to say please and thank you is not abuse, and
that expecting them not to throw food or ruin other
people's property is not traumatizing. Then I went for the throat.
I informed her that her children would be sad in
the real world since no one else would pander to

(22:30):
their every desire like she does. I explained that teachers
will not gently correct Tyler when he pushes other students.
Chloe's future employers are unlikely to send someone to McDonald's
if she doesn't enjoy the food offered at the office lunch,
and that Harper's screaming episodes will make it impossible for
her to establish friendships or relationships. Marissa was sobbing uncontrollably

(22:50):
at this time, claiming that I was being unkind and
that she loves her children and only wants them to
be happy. I told her that loving your children meant
preparing them for life, not protect them from the consequences
of their behavior. I told her that if she truly
loved kids, she teaches them how to operate in society,
rather than teaching them to believe that other people exist
solely to serve them. Marissa kept repeating that children make

(23:12):
errors and are still learning, but I pointed out that
they aren't learning anything since she never allows them to
face the natural consequences of their actions. I informed her
that when Harper cried for the elephant at the zoo
and I still bought it, I showed her that screaming works.
When Chloe threw her plate at Christmas dinner and Grandma
cleaned it up while Colin went to purchase chicken nuggets.
They taught her that other people will mend her mistakes

(23:34):
and satisfy her needs. I informed her I wasn't the problem.
The problem is that she is so focused on being
the cool parent who never says no, that she has
forgotten her mission is to create productive humans. Not to
be her children's closest friend. Marissa tried to turn it
around on me, claiming that I plainly despised children and
am envious of her family. She stated, I'm bitter because
I'm alone and dislike seeing other people happy. I smiled

(23:57):
and informed her that if she believes her family appears
happy to others, she is deluded. I mentioned that every
family gathering becomes a stress fest since everyone has to
walk on eggshells around her children, and that she spends
the majority of each event chasing after them, attempting to
do damage control while pretending their behavior is normal. I
informed her that Colin looks unhappy half of the time,
that our parents dread hosting holidays because they have to

(24:19):
child proof their entire house like their anticipating a storm,
and that other family members have begun to make excuses
not to attend gatherings when her children would be present.
That struck home. Marissa wondered if people actually talked about
her children in that way, and I honestly said, yes,
they do. I mentioned that Sophie's children question why they
can't behave like Tyler, Chloe and Harper, and Sophie must

(24:41):
explain that different families have different rules. I informed her
that cousin Daniel had stopped bringing children to his backyard
picnics after Harper wrecked his garden and Chloe finger painted
his fence with ketchup. Marissa remained quiet for a long
period after that. Then she asked me if I wanted
her to hit her children or yell at them, as
our father used to do. I informed her that I
wanted her to be a parent rather than a friend.

(25:03):
I wanted her to say no when her children asked
for ridiculous requests. I wanted her to make kids apologize
when they damaged or inconvenienced others, and to follow through
on the repercussions rather than simply threatening them. I told
her that she should stop making excuses for poor behavior
and stop acting as if anyone who expects basic decency
from her children is attacking her as a mother. I said,
I love those kids, but I'm not willing to pretend

(25:25):
that throwing tantrums, destroying stuff, and showing no gratitude is
appropriate conduct. Just to keep the calm in the house.
Before leaving, I apologized for publishing about our family troubles
on Reddit and explained why it felt like a betrayal.
But I also told her that I was not sorry
for anything I wrote, since it was all true, and
that hearing it from strangers might have helped her realize
what everyone else had been too nice to say directly.

(25:47):
Marissa stated that she needs time to think about everything
and that she will talk to Colin about seeking professional assistants.
I'm not sure if anything will truly change, but at
least I've finally expressed what I've been thinking for years.