Thanksgiving Turned Into A War When My SIL Broke Into Our Bedroom. My... - Reddit Family Tales

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thanksgiving turned into a war when my sister in law
broke into our bedroom. My husband kicked her out, and
it sparked a chain of events that sent us to court.
I am Elise, a twenty eight year old woman who
has been married to Martin, a thirty year old man,
for three years. We met at a mutual friend's cookout
six years ago and it felt like something out of
a romantic comedy. He spilled his drink on me, I

(00:22):
laughed it off and we ended up conversing for several hours.
We dated for three years before marrying, and those were
some of the finest times of my life. Martin is
all I could have dreamed for in a relationship. He
is kind and supportive, and we have a deep understanding
that I have never had with anyone before. We both
have full time jobs. Martin teaches high school history while
I work as a graphic designer for a local advertising business.

(00:45):
Our evenings together are valuable to us. We normally cook
supper together, trying out new dishes we find online before
settling down to watch our favorite shows. It's a simple routine,
but it's ours and I enjoy it. When we first married,
we were torn about where to reside. He had been
renting a tiny flat but needed something more permanent. Martin
offered that we move into his childhood house. His father, Henrik,

(01:07):
died of cancer six years ago and his mother, Margo,
fifty seven, a female, lived alone in the huge, two
story mansion. Initially, I was apprehensive moving in within laws
can be challenging, and I was concerned about privacy and boundaries.
But when Martin explained the scenario, everything began to make sense.
The house was large enough for us to have the
entire upstairs to ourselves while Margo lived downstairs. It looked

(01:30):
like a win wind situation. We'd have our own room,
Margo's company, and the ability to save for the future.
Margo is a lovely woman who prefers to remain to herself.
She is a retired librarian who spends her time reading
and gardening. When we first moved in, she made it
plain that she valued our privacy and would not interfere
in our life. She even joked about putting a bell
at the bottom of the stairs so we'd know when

(01:51):
she was coming up, but we assured her that was unnecessary.
For the first few months, everything was fantastic. We settled
into a comfortable rhythm. Martin and I would depart for
work early in the morning, frequently running into Margo in
the kitchen as she prepared her morning tea. We'd talk
briefly before leaving. In the evenings, we'd all eat dinner
together and tell stories about our days. It felt like

(02:12):
we were creating a true family dynamic. But then Martin's sister,
Sophia thirty four, a female, began making complications. Sophia and
Martin were very close growing up, despite their two year
age difference. Martin frequently told me about their childhood escapades
and how Sophia had always been protective of him. When
Martin first introduced us, I was excited to start a

(02:33):
connection with her, expecting for the sister I never had. However,
Sophia was cold and contemptuous of me from the start.
At first, I assumed she was just shy and needed
time to warm up to me, but as time passed,
it became evident that Sophia simply disliked me. She would
make sarcastic remarks about my attire or my profession, always
with a charming smile, making it difficult to confront her

(02:54):
without being overly sympathetic. Sophia is married to Julian, a
thirty four year old male, and they have two children,
an eight year old boy and a six year old daughter.
They reside around twenty five minutes away in a pleasant
suburban community. Despite having her own family, Sophia pays practically
daily trips to her mother. At first, I thought Sophia's
proximity to Margo was endearing, but I quickly understood that

(03:17):
Sophia's visits were more about keeping an eye on us
and trying to control what happened in the house. About
six months after we moved here, I arrived home early
from work since I wasn't feeling well. Sophia was searching
through our belongings when I arrived home, which shocked me.
When I asked what she was doing, she explained that
she was looking for an old family photo album. I
knew this wasn't true, since Martin and I had gone

(03:38):
through all of the old photos when we moved home
and properly organized them in the downstairs living room bookshelf.
This episode resulted in our first major confrontation. Sophia began
criticizing how we kept our space, claiming it was disorganized
and that I clearly did not know how to keep
a home. I was upset and angry, but I tried
to stay calm. I simply informed her that we both
work full time and try to keep things tidy whenever possible.

(04:02):
This appeared to set Sophia off. She began ranting about
how I was lazy and did not deserve to be
in her family home. She even went so far as
to imply that Martin would soon see I was worthless
and kick me out. Her statements astonished and hurt me.
I had always tried to be courteous and respectful to Sophia,
even when she was chilly towards me. Hearing her utter
these things was like a slap in the face. When

(04:23):
I told Martin about the incident that evening, he was furious.
He couldn't believe his sister would act like that. The
following day, he confronted Sophia when she arrived to see Margo.
Sophia attempted to deny everything, claiming I was exaggerating, but
Martin did not believe her. He made it obvious that
if she couldn't respect me, she wouldn't be welcome in
our house. This only appeared to drive Sophia more. Determined

(04:45):
to stir trouble, she began circulating allegations about me among
other family members. She informed their aunts and uncles that
I was attempting to build a gap between Martin and
his family, that I was transforming him and turning him
against them. It was aggravating and upsetting, especially since I
had to always strive to be nice and kind to
everyone in Martin's family. Things came to a climax over

(05:07):
Thanksgiving last year. We were hosting a dinner for both
of our families, which I had spent days planning. I
wanted everything to be perfect, believing that a nice family
gathering would help things go smoothly with Sophia. I had
even asked Margot for some of their family recipes to
incorporate into the lunch. Everything was going great on Thanksgiving
Day until Sophia arrived with three of her pals. We

(05:29):
hadn't invited them, and there was insufficient food for more visitors.
When I calmly conveyed this to Sophia, she raged, accusing
me of being selfish and unwelcoming. The argument that ensued
was heated. Sophia yelled that I was attempting to take
over the family and force her out. She even accused
me of influencing Margo into turning against her. I was
in tears and Martin was furious. He ended up asking

(05:52):
Sophia and her companions to leave, which made her even angrier.
Following that incident, Sophia began demanding that we sell the
house and split the revenues. She argued it was unfair
that we could live there rent free while she had
to pay for her own property. We emphasized that we
contributed to household expenses and helped care for Margo, but
Sophia refused to listen. She seems certain that I was

(06:13):
taking advantage of the circumstance. The situation has grown terrible.
Sophia continues to disseminate lies about me, and she is
attempting to turn Margo against us. She has even started
coming up at my employment, generating scenes that have embarrassed
me in front of my co workers. Last week, my
employer approached me and asked if everything was fine at home,
which was embarrassing. Martin and I have considered moving out,

(06:35):
but we don't want to leave Margo alone and we
adore this house. It's more than simply a house to us.
It has memories of Martin's father, and we formed our
own memories here throughout the years. The idea of leaving
because of Sophia's actions feels like letting her win. I
am at a loss on what to do. I have
tried everything to make peace with Sophia. I've invited her
for coffee to try to talk things out, sent her

(06:56):
meaningful Birthday and Christmas gifts, and even offered to babysit
her chill Ldren in an attempt to create a relationship,
but nothing seems to work. She appears to be determined
to dislike me no matter what I do. Martin is
really supportive, but I can tell how much this family
dispute is dragging on him. He's caught between his feelings
for me and his relationship with his sister. I don't
want to be the source of a schism between them,

(07:17):
but I also can't keep living under this relentless attack.
Margo has attempted to remain neutral throughout this, which has
exacerbated the situation. I realize she doesn't want to choose
between her children, but her silence sometimes comes across as
Tacit encouragement of Sophia's behavior. Martin has recommended family therapy,
but Sophia refuses, arguing that I not she need treatment.

(07:40):
I adore Martin more than anything else, and I want
to make this work. But I'm beginning to wonder if
it's really feasible with Sophia in the picture. Has anyone
encountered a similar problem within laws? How did you manage it?
I'm asking for advice on how to repair this problem
without jeopardizing my friendship with Martin's family. I'm scared that
if nothing changes soon, it may irreversibly harm my marriage,

(08:01):
which is the last thing I want. Update one. It's
been almost two months since my previous post, and a
lot has happened. First and foremost, I'd like to express
my gratitude for everyone's kind remarks and advice. It truly
helped me gain perspective on the situation and given me
the confidence to act. After much thought, Martin and I

(08:21):
decided to adopt a more proactive approach to dealing with Sophia.
We understood that attempting to pacify her or ignore the
problem was ineffective, and it was time to confront the
difficulties head on. We began by sitting down with Margo
and having an open discussion about all that had been
going on. To our surprise, Margot was more aware of
the issue than we expected. She revealed that Sophia had

(08:43):
been complaining about me to her for months, but she
didn't believe all Sophia claimed. Margo admitted that she felt
caught in the middle and was unsure how to address
the problem without offending either of her children. She also
disclosed information that provided additional light on Sophia's actions. Sophia
had apparently always struggled with change, and she had a
difficult time when Martin left for college. Margo felt Sophia's

(09:05):
problems with me originated from a fear of losing her
status in the family. This conversation with Margo was a
turning point. She suggested we hold a family gathering to
clarify the air. We were apprehensive at first, concerned that
it would descend into another shouting war, but we eventually
agreed that it might be the best approach to handle
everything openly. So last weekend, we invited Sophia and Julian

(09:27):
around for dinner and a conversation. The days before the meeting,
were stressful. I spent hours cleaning the house, wanting everything
to be spotless so Sophia would have nothing to criticize.
Martin was on edge, alternately wishing for the best and
bracing for the worst. Margo busied herself creating Sophia's favorite dessert,
hoping it would help things go smoothly. When Sophia and

(09:48):
Julian arrived, the air was thick with anxiety. We made
awkward small chat over dinner, each avoiding the elephant in
the room. Finally, after we finished eating, Martin cleared his
throat and suggested we go to the living room to discuss.
The conversation began tensely. Sophia quickly went on the attack,
accusing me of attempting to steal her family. I took

(10:08):
a deep breath, reminded myself of all the counsel I'd received,
and calmly described how her actions had been cruel and unjustified.
I presented concrete examples of her actions and how they
made me feel, keeping my tone neutral and non accusatory.
Martin backed me up informing Sophia that her behavior toward
me was inappropriate. He reminded her of all the times
I had attempted to establish a relationship with her, only

(10:30):
to be rejected or humiliated. It was difficult for him,
I could see, but he held steady in his support
for me. To our amazement, Julian spoke up. He had
always been silent during family gatherings, and I realized I
had scarcely known him despite being in laws for three years.
He revealed that Sophia's infatuation with her childhood house and
hatred toward me were causing problems in their own marriage.

(10:52):
He said that Sophia had been spending more time at
Margo's house than at their own, neglecting their children in
the process. Julian appeared fatigued as he spoke, and I
felt sorrow for him. Sophia appeared shocked by this discovery.
She burst into tears, revealing that she felt she was
losing her place in the family. She admits to being
envious of my relationship with Martin and intimidated by my

(11:14):
presence in her childhood home. Through her sobs, she described
how difficult it had been to observe changes in the house,
the new paint colors we had chosen, the rearranged furniture,
and the images of Martin and me on the walls.
Each alteration felt like it erased her early memories. While
I sympathized with her concerns, I made it obvious that
her behavior was unacceptable. We had a lengthy emotional talk

(11:37):
about boundaries, respect, and family relationships. Sophia spoke openly about
feeling left behind when Martin went to college and how
she always planned raising her children in their childhood home.
I expressed my own anxieties of never being welcomed by
her and how her actions had made me feel uncomfortable
in what was supposed to be my home. By the
end of the night, Sophia had apologized for her conduct

(11:59):
and we had agreed to try again. It wasn't a
miracle solution. Years of animosity don't go away overnight, but
it seemed like a step in the right direction. We
established certain ground rules. Sophia would call before coming and
maintain our privacy in our section of the house. We
would do regular family dinners to stay connected in a
positive manner. Sophia would stop spreading rumors and making unpleasant

(12:21):
comments about me to other family members. We would all
strive to communicate openly and honestly about our opinions and concerns.
Sophia agreed to consider seeing a therapist to work through
her thoughts regarding change and family relationships. It's just been
a week since our meeting, but I've already seen a difference.
Sophia has been more considerate during her visits, calling ahead
as planned. She even invited Martin and me over for supper,

(12:44):
which was a first. The evening was unpleasant, but it
was encouraging to see Sophia make an effort. Margo seemed
relieved that we are all attempting to get along. She's
been more relaxed and has even discussed taking a trip,
which she hasn't done since Henrik died. I believe she
feels less pressure to be the peacekeeper now that we are
all talking more effectively. Martin and I have had several

(13:04):
lengthy conversations after the family meeting. He's expressed regret for
not comprehending how serious Sophia's difficulties were and for not
standing up for me sooner. We're working through it together,
and if anything, this experience has brought us closer. I
am cautiously optimistic about this new development. I understand that
it will take time to rebuild trust and develop a
truly positive relationship with Sophia. There are still times when

(13:28):
I feel guarded around her, waiting for the other shoe
to drop, but I'm attempting to approach our conversations with
an open mind and heart. We have a family picnic
planned for next weekend in the park where Martin and
Sophia used to play as children. It was Sophia's idea,
and I'm taking it as a positive sign. I'm anxious,
yet hopeful. I'll keep you all updated as things go.

(13:49):
Thank you again for all of your help and suggestions.
It's been a difficult journey, but I'm hopeful that we're
on our way to being a true family. Update too.
It has been approximately three months since my previous post,
and I wish I had better news to report. Initially,
things appeared to be improving with Sophia. She respected our
boundaries and we even enjoyed a few enjoyable family dinners together.

(14:11):
The picnic I described in my previous update went surprisingly well.
Sophia recounted some amusing stories about her and Martin's childhood adventures,
and for the first time I felt like I was
seeing the sister Martin had always told me about. However,
approximately a month ago, everything changed for the worse. It
began when Martin and I revealed that we were expecting
our first child. We had been trying for a baby

(14:33):
for a time and were pleased when we received the
positive test results. We chose to announce the news during
a family meal, hoping that everyone would be delighted. For us,
Margot was overjoyed, instantly talking about crocheting booties and establishing
a nursery in the spare room downstairs. However, Sophia's reaction
was surprising. She congratulated us with a tight smile at first,

(14:55):
but her conduct became more strange with time. She began
arriving at the house unannounced, again frequently at odd hours.
One night, around eleven pm, she rang the doorbell, claiming
she had a bad dream and needed to check on Margo.
Another time, she arrived at six a m. On a Saturday.
She said she was in the neighborhood and wanted to
stop by for breakfast. When confronted, she said she was

(15:16):
simply checking on mom, despite the fact that Margo was
quite fine. Sophia began moving items in our part of
the home, which sparked an escalation. She claimed she was
baby proofing, but it felt more like she was trying
to take control of our place. She re arranged our furniture,
stating that certain layouts were safer for a newborn. She
even went through our kitchen cabinets and lectured us on

(15:36):
the hazards of specific cleaning chemicals. When I urged her
to stop, she called me ungrateful and hormonal. She claimed
she was only trying to help, and that I plainly
knew nothing about raising children. It seemed as if all
of our progress over the previous few months had evaporated overnight.
The final straw arrived last week. I arrived home from
work early due to morning sickness and discovered Sophia in

(15:58):
our bedroom, browsing through our closet. She claimed she was
looking for some old baby things she thought Margot had
kept there, but I knew that wasn't the case. We
had already done everything when we moved in. I begged
Sophia to go, attempting to remain calm despite my mounting displeasure,
but instead she grew hysterical. She began ranting about how
this was her family's home and I had no right

(16:19):
to kick her out. She went so far as to
declare that she not I should have a baby in
this house. She complained about how she grew up here,
how she had always envisaged raising her children in this house,
and how cruel it was that I was taking over
her family home. Martin returned home in the midst of
this confrontation. Enraged, he strongly urged Sophia to leave and
not return until she could respect our privacy and boundaries.

(16:41):
Sophia fled in tears, but not before warning us that
we would regret it. Sophia has been continually calling Margo,
attempting to turn her against us. She has been telling
Margo that we are pushing her out of the family
and do not want her to be included in the
baby's life. She's also been making vague, passive aggressive remarks
on social media about phony f families and home wreckers.
Margo is caught in the middle, once more, torn between

(17:04):
her love for all of her children, including her unborn child.
She has been attempting to mediate, but it is evident
that the stress is taking its toll on her. Martin
and I are at a lost We adore this place
and don't want to leave Margo, but we're seriously thinking
about moving out for the sake of our mental health
and our pregnant kid. We're concerned about the stress this
is giving the baby, and we don't want our child

(17:25):
to grow up in such an unhealthy atmosphere. We intend
to have another chat with Margo about the matter. We're
hoping she'll understand and consider asking Sophia for expert aid.
Sophia's behavior appears to have progressed beyond mere sibling rivalry
or dread of change. We are concerned that there may
be deeper concerns at play. If things don't improve, we
may have to make the painful decision to leave. The

(17:46):
concept tears our hearts. We adore this place and the
life we've created here, but our kid must come first.
I'll provide an update whenever more information becomes available. Thank
you for your ongoing support during this difficult time. Update three.
It's been six weeks since my last update, and much
has changed. I'm nineteen weeks pregnant, and we recently found
out we're having a girl. Despite the good news, Sophia's

(18:09):
situation has deteriorated. Last disagreement, Sophia's behavior became more irregular
Following our she began sending us long, rambling emails in
the middle of the night, both apologizing and accusing. She'd
beg pardon one moment, and then blame me for wrecking
her family the next. She would come up at our employment,
raising a commotion and embarrassing us in front of our

(18:31):
co workers. My employer had to ask her to leave twice,
and I was embarrassed. The breaking point happened two weeks ago.
Martin and I returned from a doctor's appointment where we
received our twenty week scan. We were delighted to show
Margo the ultrasound photographs, but when we stepped in, Sophia
began cooking supper as if nothing had happened. Margo sat

(18:51):
at the table, looking uneasy. When we asked what was
going on, Sophia explained that she had opted to return
home to help care for mom and the baby. We
were stunned Mark and immediately informed Sophia that this was
not occurring, but she refused to listen. She began shouting
about how this was her family home and she had
a greater right to be there than I did. In
the heat of the moment, she revealed that she had

(19:12):
been planned on moving in for weeks and had even
begun moving some of her belongings down the basement. Margo
finally spoke up, She revealed that Sophia had been pressuring
her to accept this arrangement, even threatening to cut off
contact if Margot did not cooperate. Margot was too terrified
of losing her kid to say no. Although she was
clearly upset by the circumstance, Martin was spurred to react

(19:34):
after seeing how distraught his mother was. He politely but
firmly informed Sophia that she needed to leave immediately or
he would contact the police. Sophia burst, yelling and flinging objects.
In her wrath, she accidentally knocked over Margot, causing her
to fall and hit her head on the kitchen counter.
The following few hours were a jumble of ambulances, cops,
and hospital waiting rooms. Fortunately, Margot was fine with only

(19:57):
a little concussion, but the tragedy served as a wake
up call for everyone. While in the hospital, we discovered
that Sophia had been dealing with some mental health concerns
and had lately stopped taking her medicine without contacting her doctor.
This explained some of her unpredictable conduct, but it did
not justify it. In the aftermath of this occurrence, we
took some major decisions. We filed a restraining order against Sophia.

(20:20):
It crushes our hearts to do this, but we must
prioritize both our own and our unborn child safety. Margo
has agreed to undergo treatment to cope with the issue
and establish healthier limits with Sophia. We're working with Sophia's husband,
Julian to make sure she gets the assistance she requires.
He's been really helpful and apologized for the entire affair.
For the time being, we have opted to stay at home.

(20:41):
Margo requires our assistance and we do not want to
uproot our lives because of Sophia's behavior. We're renovating the
basement into a modest apartment for Margo, providing her more
independence but keeping her nearby. It's been a difficult few months,
but we're optimistic that these improvements will result in a
more peaceful future. We're focusing on get ready for our
daughter's arrival and building a loving, secure home for her.

(21:05):
Thank you for your support throughout this difficult journey. Your
wisdom and warm words have given us strength. We're looking
forward to the next chapter in our lives, which hopefully
will be less dramatic and more joyful.