Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is it wrong of me to decline giving my seventy
five thousand dollar fund for a restaurant to my sister's
aspirations of attending a prestigious university leading to my eviction.
I intended to establish my personal petit dining establishment. As
a twenty five year old had been saving for years.
My dream has always been to start my own restaurant
(00:20):
and work as a chef. I worked toward this objective
with every cent I made from both full time and
part time jobs. After graduation, I saved seventy five thousand
dollars after working hard and living frugally for seven years.
Although they were aware of my dream, my parents dismissed
it as a passing fad. In order to save money
(00:41):
on rent, I moved in with them, which accelerated my
goal achieving process. I should have moved out sooner looking back.
The golden child is my younger sister, who is nineteen
f She is my parents clear favorite and is excellent
at everything. They never failed to make comparison between us,
elevating her while ignoring me. My sister was accepted to
(01:05):
an Ivy League university last month to pursue a master's degree.
Although my parents were overjoyed. The living expenses and tuitions
significantly outstripped their expectations. They convened a family meeting one evening.
I assumed it was to talk about my sister's acceptance,
but instead they wanted me to donate all of the
money I made for my business to her schooling. I
(01:28):
was taken aback, as though anticipating this, My sister sat
there smugly. My parents were waiting for me to agree,
as they gave me an eager gaze. When I was hesitant,
my mother started stressing the value of education and the
fact that this was a once in a lifetime chance.
Family comes first, according to my dad, and I should
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encourage her to pursue her goals. It was unbelievable to me.
What about the years I'd spent working hard in my dreams.
I explained how much the money meant to me and
how close I was to reaching my goal. When I
informed them I couldn't, their attitude changed instantly. My mother
broke down in tears and accused me of being self centered.
(02:11):
When my dad raged that I was betraying the family
and that he had always been envious of my sister's success,
His face flushed Crimson with rage. My sister didn't state
that she didn't want my money or even defend me.
She obviously felt entitled to it. The dispute swiftly got
out of hand. I was guilt tripped by my parents,
(02:32):
who said that allowing me to live rent free was
a great favor because they had given up everything for us. Conveniently,
they disregarded the housework and upkeep I had performed while
I was residing there. I remained steadfast, declaring that although
I loved my sister and wanted her to succeed, I
couldn't let go of my own goals like other students.
(02:53):
I advised her to take out student loans or postpone
for a year in order to save money. Outrage erupted
and re response to this suggestion for even implying that
my sister should have to struggle or postpone her education,
my mother accused me of being callous. According to my father,
I should be the older brother and take care of
my sister because taking out loans was too risky. The
(03:16):
dispute continued for hours. It always got worse when I
believed it couldn't. Every error I had ever committed and
every flaw my parents saw in me was brought up.
They often made negative comparisons between me and my sister.
It felt like long suppressed animosity was being let go.
At last, my father threatened to throw me out of
(03:38):
the house if I didn't give my sister the money.
He offered me a day to choose between packing my
things and turning over my funds. I was taken aback.
It was unbelievable to me that they would progress thus far.
A larger part of me understood that if I gave
him now, I would be bitter against them for the
rest of my life, but a smaller part of me
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wanted to give and to maintain harmony and avoid losing
my family. Along with my money, I would also have
to give up my goals and my sense of self worth.
That night, I tossed and turned, considering my possibilities. I
had made up my mind. By dawn, I got to
work packing. My parents looked surprised when they saw me.
(04:21):
I suppose they genuinely thought I would comply with their requests.
My mom tried one more time to get me to
change my decision. While I was packing my car. She
warned me that I would always regret this, and that
I was making the biggest mistake of my life. My
dad's expression was a mask of despair and rage as
he stared from the window. At last, my sister spoke up,
(04:44):
but not to support me. She accused me of being
self centered and claimed that she was always aware of
my lack of concern for her. I did care for
her in spite of everything, but I couldn't burn myself
alive to keep her warm, so her comments hurt more
than my parents. I had a range of feelings as
I drove away from the house where I grew up,
(05:04):
including fear, sadness, and rage. But I also felt relieved.
I had the impression that a burden had been removed.
I had defended myself against my family's irrational expectations for
the first time in my life. The initial days were difficult.
While I searched for an apartment, I stayed with a friend,
(05:25):
My folks bombarded my phone with messages that alternated between
violent outbursts and guilt trips. For my own peace of mind,
I banned their phone numbers. When words spread around the
extended family, opinions diverged. Some family members backed me up
claiming my parents were being irrational. Others accused me of
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being ungrateful and self centered siding with my parents. It
was a complete disaster. I put myself into my restaurant
plans after finding a tiny place. It was thrilling and challenging,
especially without the network of support I believed I had.
I had complete power over my life and my choices
for the first time. Months passed. According to rumors, my
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sister had chosen to postpone entrance for a year in
order to work and accumulate savings. I was unhappy that
it had come to this, but I also felt somewhat justified.
A few times my parents tried to get back together,
but only if I continued to pay my sister the money.
I remained steadfast in my choice. Our relationship was still
(06:33):
tense and aloof Six months later, I'm almost done negotiating
a lease for a tiny restaurant location. It's a beginning,
but not much. I am reminded that I made the
proper decision with each step by take toward realizing my ambition. However,
doubts do arise as the day's thrill wains late at night,
(06:54):
I question whether I made the correct decision. Was I
being self centered? Really? Was it right of me to
give up something for my sister? Was my decision to
shut off communication with my family and overreaction. I am
aware of my parents poisonous and deceptive actions. My sister
was acting entitled, and I know it. Despite everything, I
(07:18):
still miss them, since they are my family. I can't
help but question whether there was a more effective approach
to deal with the circumstance read it. Did I make
a mistake by refusing to part with my savings? Was
it right of me to maintain my ground and follow
my aspirations even if it meant sacrificing my ties with
my family? Or should I have found a medium ground?
(07:40):
Edit one, This really took off overnight. I appreciate all
of your feedback and encouragement. I'll attempt to answer some
frequently asked questions and offer some background. My sister has
always been given preference by my parents, but it has
never been this obvious. In retrospect, I can see that
(08:00):
they consistently expected me to make minor sacrifices for her.
Our parents money plus a scholarship my sister received helped
to cover the cost of her undergraduate studies. They didn't
have enough saved because this master's program was unexpected. Some
inquired about my sister's employment opportunities. Although her field of
(08:20):
study has significant career potential, this is not a given.
It appears that my parents believe this degree will help
her in the future. Cultural expectations were brought up in
a few remarks, although not to this extent. It is
typical in our culture for elder siblings to assist younger ones.
My parents went too far, according to the majority of
(08:42):
my cousins. If you are wondering why I didn't move
out sooner, the answer is that I was attempting to
save money and living with parents till marriage is common
in our culture. I now see how much power this
gave my parents over me. Some said that in order
to maintain harmony, I ought to have made a low offer.
My parents made it clear that it was all or nothing.
(09:04):
They wanted the entire seventy five thousand dollars, but I
gave it some thought. For those who are interested in
the restaurant, it will be a small establishment that specializes
in fusion cuisine, which blends flavors from the area with
aspects of our cultural heritage. It's thrilling but frightening. Many
people want to know if I keep in touch with
(09:24):
my sister. I've made several attempts to contact her, but
she either ignores me or replies with brief, uninteresting texts.
I believe she accuses me of sabotaging her scheme. On
the remarks on my parents financial status, they are not
having financial difficulties. They live comfortably and work well. They
(09:46):
simply didn't want to take money out of their own
retirement or savings accounts. Family therapy was recommended by some.
I believe we all need space right now, but I'm
open to it in the future. My parents have yet
to admit that their desire was irrational. Again, I want
to thank everyone for their support and insights. Hearing your
(10:08):
viewpoints and sharing this tale has been healing. I'll keep
you informed on the restaurant's progress. Edit too, Since there
is still interest in this post, here is another update.
I've given the remarks that I should attempt to patch
things up with my sister Apart from my parents a
lot of thought. Yes, she is young and may yet
(10:28):
be influenced by them. I made the decision to get
in touch with her once more, this time sending a
longer email outlining my position. I was surprised when she answered.
She wrote a confused and angry email. She acknowledged that
she was conflicted about how our parents were handling it
and wanted the chance I was denying her. She did, however,
(10:51):
agree to meet next week to discuss the matter face
to face. Regarding the restaurant, everything are moving along nicely.
I complete the lease and got the improvements under way.
Although it requires a lot of work, my confidence in
my choice grows every day. A number of my friends
have volunteered, and I am so grateful for their support.
(11:13):
Since my last update, my parents have not gotten in touch.
According to a cousin, they are informing relatives that I
have left them. Even though it hurts, I'm making an
effort to concentrate on the good things in my life
at the moment. Some of you recommended that I write
my parents a thorough letter outlining my thoughts and feelings
(11:33):
after the restaurant opens. I believe i'll do that. I
need to put all of my attention into realizing this
dream right now again, I want to thank you all
for your help and guidance. It has been immensely beneficial
throughout this challenging period. Update, I wanted to discuss what
has transpired since my last post, which was nearly a
(11:55):
year ago. Everything has changed, and I'm still getting used
to it. The first piece of good news is that
my restaurant is now open. It has now been open
for around four months. It's tiny, like I always intended,
and has a welcoming ambience, with a cuisine that blends
regional flavors with traditional foods from our culture. Although the
(12:17):
initial weeks were quite hectic, things have begun to settle down.
Although we haven't made a lot of money yet, we
are breaking even and gaining a devoted clientele. I've even
been able to hire a dish washer, a part time server,
and two line cooks. Every minute feels worth while, even
though I've been working non stop, often fourteen hour days.
(12:39):
I'm living out my dream right now. My friends and
my few remaining family members support has been crucial now
for the unexpected turn of events. I heard the bell
over the door ring yesterday while I was getting ready
for the dinner service. After I announced that we weren't
yet open, I heard a voice I recognized say, I'm
not here. As a customer. My sister was the one.
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She appeared more worn out and less put together than
I had recalled. We simply stared at one another for
a while, unsure of what to say. The stillness was
finally broken by her. She said, I need a job
in a timid and low voice. I was wondering if
you had any openings. I was taken aback. The last
(13:25):
thing I anticipated was this. For the first time in months,
we had a conversation when I encouraged her to sit down.
As it happened, her life had not gone as planned.
Finding a job in her profession proved more difficult than
she had expected, especially without the master's degree she had
been banking on. She had postponed her enrollment to the
(13:46):
Ivy League institution, hoping to work for a year and
save money. She informed me that our parents were still
upset with me. They accused me of sabotaging her opportunity
to receive a prestigious degree. I paid for her education.
They had been pressuring her to acquire a well paying job,
but she was starting to feel the effects of the strain.
(14:07):
Unable to cope with their continual disappointment, she had left
their home a month ago. I could see how much
she had changed. As she spoke. The haughtiness had vanished,
and in its place came a humility I had never
witnessed in her. She expressed regret for not defending me
that day and acknowledge that she had been mistaken to
feel entitled to my money. To be honest, I was
(14:30):
a little depressed. We were sad about the time we
had lost. I was saddened by the way our family
had disintegrated. I promised to give the job some thought
and get back to her. I'm conflicted now. On the
one hand, her previous behavior still hurts me, and I'm
concerned that hiring her could cause new issues or reopen
(14:51):
old ones. However, she is requesting assistance, and she is
my sister. For the hectic weekend shifts, I could also
use an additional server. I have not yet made up
my mind. I can't help but think what my parents
would say if they found out she had turned to
me for support. I question whether this is an opportunity
(15:12):
to begin mending our relationship, or if it's a recipe
for catastrophe. So read it. I'm in need of your
counsel once more. Do I need to hire my sister
after everything that has transpired. Is it prudent to combine
family and business? Should I advise her to search elsewhere instead?
I never imagine myself in this situation deciding on my
(15:35):
sister's destiny. I suppose life has a way of taking
you by surprise. Any opinions or suggestions would be greatly valued.
Forward slash, forward slash. Last update. A few weeks have
passed since my last post, and I've come to a
decision I never would have imagined. I've made the decision
to assist in paying for my sisters schooling after giving
(15:57):
it some serious thought and having several lengthy discussions with her.
I understand that, considering all that has transpired thus far,
this may come as a surprise, But listen to me.
We began communicating more frequently after my sister arrived and
asked for a job forward slash, forward slash. I knew
it would be very difficult to combine family and business
(16:19):
at this time, so I didn't hire her at the restaurant. However,
I saw from our chats how much she had developed
and evolved over the previous twelve months. She acknowledged that
she had been entitled and self centered during the family argument,
and expressed regret for her actions. She informed me that
the previous year had served as a wake up call
for her. Her struggle to make ends meet while working
(16:42):
minimum wage jobs had changed her outlook on the importance
of hard effort and money. Her statement that she now
realized why my restaurant idea meant so much to me
was what truly got to me. She had never before
respected the amount of labor I had put into making
it a reality. I also discovered that our parents continued
to put pressure on her to pay for her education,
(17:03):
making her feel inadequate for not being able to do
it on her own. It brought back memories of the
years I spent feeling below their standards. I gave it
a lot of thinking before deciding. I assured her that
I would cover half of her next year's tuition. Although
it's not the entire sum my parents had previously requested,
it's still a sizeable donation that would enable her to
(17:25):
begin her master's program without being deeply indebted. What made
ME choose to do this I didn't do it because
I felt guilty or obligated to. It's because I witnessed
my sister's real transformation. I noticed someone who was making
an effort to improve herself after learning some difficult lessons.
In the end, I came to the realization that I
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did want to assist her if I could not at
the expense of my own goals, but in a way
that seemed right to me. I can now afford this
without putting my restaurant's operations at risk because it is
doing well enough. Being able to assist on my own
terms is a pleasant feeling. When I told my sister,
she became quite emotional. She sobbed and gave me a hug,
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saying she would work part time to pay for her
living expenses and that she would reimburse me eventually. I
advised her to take full advantage of this chance as
the greatest way to repay me. Our parents haven't been
informed yet. Although I have no idea how they will respond,
I am certain that my choice will remain the same
regardless of the outcome. My sister and I are the
(18:33):
only ones involved. I'm content with this decision. It feels right,
even if it's not what I expected. Life occasionally offers
you the opportunity to change how your narrative ends I
own this