Karen Neighbor Camps on My Land! So I Called the Cops on Her!

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, mister Redder here, welcome back to another episode
of our slash entitled People's Stories. Today we have a
very special episode for you, a compilation of some of
the best entitled people's stories we've read over the past year.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy a few hours of
the most entitled people you've ever heard of. And by
the way, Karen assured me that for every thumbs up

(00:22):
this video gets, she won't try to get anyone fired
for an entire week, So please smash that like button
and subscribe and turn on notifications for new stories from Reddit.
Every single day, my Karen neighbor feels entitled to camp
on my land. I own sixteen acres of woodland behind
my house, and it's very clearly my property, as there

(00:43):
are signs up stating that it is private property. I'm
generally good with people walking through it, taking their dog
for a walk or hiking, or even local kids playing there,
as it's a safe place and beautiful and so long
as they don't cause any damage or messed with the trees,
I see no reason to get upset over this. An
issue came up, however, tonight when I was on a

(01:03):
walk and I saw a fire through the trees. I
admit I panicked, thinking a dog walker had been out
and tossed a cigarette, or some local teens were setting
fires for fun. I rushed out to check on it
and tried to put out the fire and found one
of my neighbors camping with her boyfriend and friends. It
was a group of five people in their mid twenties
and they had a roaring campfire going. They got startled

(01:26):
by me rushing up to them and asked me what
the heck I was doing. I asked them the same
question back and told them they couldn't camp here and
they had not asked permission to do so. This led
to some laughter and protests, saying that they were doing
no harm and to lighten up. I told them to
put the fire out and get off my land. I
didn't want to risk a campfire there as it could

(01:48):
easily get out of hand, especially when the group manning
it were more than a little drunk. They ended up refusing,
stating they weren't going anywhere and were not doing anything wrong.
So I went home and called the PA to get
them off my property. They were made to leave and
break up their camp am I the jerk for this.
They probably thought it was okay, as I'm good with
letting people use my land in general. I maybe could

(02:11):
have handled it better, but I'd gotten a fright Seeing
the fire and how they responded it really just got
to me. Dog walking and camping are two very different things.
They should have asked for permission, and anyone who says
lighten up when confronted with trespassing deserves to have the
police called on them. Their entitlement and attitude is to blame,

(02:31):
not you, not the jerk. Not the jerk. They literally
started a fire on your property. This is how bushfires
start drunk people. Is it not illegal to start fires
on other people's land? OPI? It very likely is. I
don't know all these specifics of the law, but the
police were not amused when I told them what was
going on and were quick to come over. Well, who

(02:54):
do you think is the jerk, OPI? Or the neighbors?
Please let us know. Why is it so hot some
people to just not trespass on to others property? Am
I the jerk for calling my brother a sore slow loser?
My wife, Irene is very fit. She likes working out
and has a proper exercise regime, et cetera. She believes
that if she feels good, she looks good, and she

(03:16):
feels good working out, so who am I to stop her.
My brother Will spent the latter half of last year
going through a messy divorce and now needs a place
to stay. Though my brother and I aren't very close,
I figured he would only stay with us a couple
of weeks until he got back on his feet. Will
is a typical Jim rat. He's always on a very
strict diet, always working out and bragging about his gains.

(03:40):
I've worked out with him a few times and he's
a little obnoxious. He's always mad at you if you
don't work at his pace and is always trying to
correct your form. He's a pretty fit and muscular guy,
but I don't like to exercise with him. Will has
been pushing Irene to work out with him because, according
to him, she won't be able to keep up with him.
Irene and mostly just shrugs him off with a laugh

(04:02):
and tells him she would love to work out with him.
Irene works out in the mornings three times a week
and then does a run in the evening. But she's
been busy this past week and hasn't been able to
stick to her usual schedule. Will thinks that she's making
excuses because she doesn't want to be embarrassed by him again.
Irene just laughs him off. About two days ago, Irene

(04:23):
and Will went on an early morning run. I didn't
go with them, but the first thing I heard when
Will entered the house was the only reason I couldn't
keep up with you, Irene, is because you were sweating
too much. I found this extremely comical and kind of
just laughed him off. Irene rolled her eyes and went
to take a shower, so I thought that the conversation
would end. However, Will just keept bringing up my wife's sweat.

(04:46):
My wife went to work and he told her make
sure you don't sweat through your clothes or when she
called him in the middle of the day, he yelled,
tell the sweaty jerk, I said, Hi. Of course, the
jerk comment aggravated me, and I told him to knock
it off and stop acting like a kid. I thought
that was the end of it, but he just kept going.
By the end of the day, I was tired of

(05:06):
his comments, but Irene seemed rather unfazed by him. When
she served him food, he made a comment about her
sweating into the food. At this point, I was at
my wits end and I told him to stop acting
like a sore slow referring to his running pace loser,
and eat his food. Will of course got angry and
said the only reason he was going slower than usual

(05:27):
was because he was distracted by my wife's unhygienic sweat.
Irene looked a bit offended by this, and I told
Will that I would kick him out if he made
another comment like that. He's been super upset ever since.
I jokingly told this story to a mutual friend and
they agreed with Will. Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh. Update.
I didn't expect this amount of responses. Thank you all

(05:49):
for the advice. I've decided to kick him out. He
will be staying at a nearby hotel now. Not the jerk.
Your mutual friend is a jerk too. When you're a guest,
you act polite or get out. I can see why
he's getting divorced if he thinks insulting the host is okay. Op.
It rubbed me the wrong way when he insulted her
when she was serving him like Why would you insult

(06:11):
the person that made your food and is currently holding
your food. We now know why the divorce happened and
why it was messy. Wow. Not the jerk won't approve
my purchases, Okay, I can work with that. I was
a one man. I shop at a small manufacturer. I
had been there for years. I was actually the third
employee ever hired, and now the company was like one

(06:33):
hundred and twenty people. I was very frugal, but in
smart ways. I got a lot done for a little
money and always was looking out for the company. The
owner recognized and respected this. Anyhow, we had gotten big
enough where I didn't report to the owner anymore, and
I was assigned to report to an inexperienced accountant who
got her degree from some sketchy online school. She was

(06:55):
going to change the world. I used to be able
to just buy anything I wanted because the owner knew
whenever I asked for a company credit card that I
had already done my homework and it would be good
for the company. Well, now if anything was over five
hundred dollars, I had to go through this process with
her to justify it. It wouldn't bug me, except that
she had no real business savvy or common sense. It

(07:17):
was just painful to me to try and explain the
most obvious things to her, and she would fight it
just because of power tripping or something. Example, I was
trying to justify having at least one computer loaded up
and ready to go as a hot spare for when
someone's broke. She balked at having fifteen hundred dollars sitting
on a shelf unused. I tried to explain that about
once a month, someone's computer would break. All she could

(07:40):
see was the fifteen hundred dollars sitting unused most of
the time. She couldn't understand the real cost of a
broken computer that the person could no longer do their
job effectively. Parts not getting ordered, job's not getting expedited,
email's not getting returned, me having to drop everything to
react to this situation overnighting in parts. The true impact

(08:00):
cost to the company was several hundreds of dollars every month.
She couldn't see that having a spare would pay for
itself in half a year or so. After half an
hour of fighting over this, I had an epiphany. I
handed her requisition approval forms to her, told her she
was right and left any purchases under five hundred dollars
didn't need any approvals at all. Now, nothing I ever

(08:22):
bought was over five hundred dollars. I didn't buy a
spare computer. I bought three as parts and assembled them
into computers, servers, network storage. Why justify to a bean
counter who wouldn't understand anyway? Just buy more parts and
assemble yourself dual monitors for everybody bought one at a time.
Explain to her that toilets typically have less than twenty

(08:45):
percent usage, but when you need one. Fun fact, the
typical car only spends six percent of its life being
driven around. The other ninety four percent of the time,
it's just an expensive paper weight. And when her computer
finally breaks, tell her, sorry, we don't have a spare
computer ready to go, so you'll have to wait while
we fix this one. Should take about five to ten

(09:06):
days to get your computer working again. Shouldn't affect your productivity, right,
I'm sure your supervisor will understand. Call me unprofessional, Okay,
good luck finding another instructor. I realize today there are
not enough stories on here about teachers and malicious compliance.
So as a teacher of two decades, I decided it
was time to write out mine first and foremost. This

(09:28):
is a story about a toxic workplace. This could happen
in any business in the world. It just happened to
occur in a school many many moons ago. My school
was having a massive shift in priorities and focus. We
were a rural school, so new principle assigned to the building.
Pupils being redistricted mass retirements. Several people were being pushed
out and run off by the incoming principle. A good

(09:51):
number of people quit because of the toxic work environment,
but I was not in a position to do so
at the time. I had a unique schedule. I taught
mostly dual credit courses to juniors and seniors, but I
also taught one course of students with sen SPD issues.
The dual credit courses required a specific advanced degree, as
I was essentially teaching college credits in the high school.

(10:14):
This detail will become essential later. At my school, we
would be assigned support teachers to give additional help to
students with scn SPD services. That support was not allowed
to teach, but would typically share a classroom with the
content teacher. I was usually unconcerned with whom my assigned
support was, as I'm a laid back person who can
work with just about anyone, and I don't care about

(10:36):
sharing a classroom. But there was one male support teacher
who was not allowed in my room or near me
in the hall ever. For the sake of this story,
we'll refer to him as Jerk. If ever a man
knew how close he could get to harassment without crossing
the line, it was him. Heck, sometimes he did cross
the line. I made dozens of complaints, but nothing was

(10:58):
ever done, as I will wasn't the target of his comments.
The school year in question, Jerk was assigned to the
most experienced teacher in the building. She was sad to
retire at the end of the year. Coupled with her
no nonsense attitude, the powers that be thought she could
keep him in line. It took three weeks and she
threatened to quit if Jerk was not moved out of
her classroom. Fearful of losing another teacher at the start

(11:21):
of a chaotic year, Jerk was assigned to me as
my support teacher. I found out when he walked into
my room announced that we would be buddies now. And
made a crude joke about how he could domesticate me.
I immediately left the school sick and called my principal about
the matter. He informed me, in no uncertain terms that
I could not refuse to work with someone just because

(11:42):
that person made me uncomfortable. I reminded him of the
previous complaints I had made. He snapped at me a bit,
telling me he could not believe what an unprofessional child
I was being. I was told to come up with
a legitimate reason jerk shouldn't be in my class, or
shut my mouth and make it work. After hanging up
the phone, the malicious compliance began. You see, I did

(12:03):
have a legitimate reason because of a health issue I
have had for my entire life, and during extended periods
of stress and anxiety can really hurt me. I even
carry medicine with me to lower my heart rate just
in case. Step one was to call my doctor, who
brought me in the very next day after I explained
what was going on. She took my blood pressure, faxed

(12:23):
a medical letter to my school immediately, and signed me
out of work for six weeks, since I had six
weeks of leave earned at this point. Step two was
to literally stop doing anything. Usually when a teacher goes out,
lessons are pulled from other members of the school who
teach the same content. Unfortunately for them, I was the
only person in my building teaching dual credit. A few

(12:44):
phone calls by my principle to the surrounding schools taught
him what I already knew. I was the only person
teaching these courses. Out of eleven high schools. There were
no lessons to be found. I'm not sure what they
gave my students to do during that time, but it
surely wasn't the correct word. Step three was to let
two or three of the parents know what was going on.

(13:05):
I never directly told them, but a friend of a
cousin of a neighbor who might have heard about my
health issues and passed the information along. Here's the point
in the story where you think I'm about to tell
you I enjoyed my six weeks paid vacation and went
back to work. Right. Oh No, the malicious compliance continues.
A week before I'm scheduled to return to work, my
principal calls me up standard well wishes about my health

(13:27):
are extended, after which he says that he hopes the
weeks away from the building have cleared my mind and
helped me realize how hysterical I was acting. He continued
by telling me that, regardless of my feelings, I would
continue to have Jerk as a support teacher. I asked
him if he was ready to lose a teacher over this,
and he laughed and hung up. Knowing that this was
probably going to happen. I already had a doctor's appointment

(13:50):
set up for phase two because my health issue is
explicitly and clearly covered by the ADA. My doctor issued
me reasonable accommodation paperwork to give a Essentially, I was
to be allowed to teach in the least stressful environment possible,
as determined by myself and my supervisor, along with a
doctor's note restricting me to teaching duties that could be

(14:11):
performed at home because of the excessive stress currently in
the building. I checked with a lawyer to make sure
my contract was air tight. It was, and I delivered
the paperwork to the head of HR whose kid I taught.
I also contacted my college supervisor whose kid I taught,
to inform her that is of Monday, I would have
been absent for more than twenty percent of the seat

(14:32):
time for my courses, thus rendering those credits invalid. Over
the weeks, she had pieced together what was going on
despite the school refusing to communicate any information with her,
and she was furious. She may have told other parents
what was going on, which resulted in dozens of calls
to the school within a few days. By Monday, my
accommodations were approved. I was allowed to teach my classes

(14:55):
virtually from my home to save the embarrassment of canceling
dual credit courses. When I wrote out the year at
home before transferring districts at the end of the year.
I never spoke to or saw Jerk again. Am I
the jerk for refusing to add my ex husband's name
to the title of the bookshop I inherited from my
father context My ex husband, Kevin male thirty seven, and

(15:17):
I female, thirty five, got separated two years ago. We
share custody of our two kids, who are nine and five.
My father owned a small bookstore in our hometown that
I inherited recently. To be honest, the shop doesn't bring
in a lot of money and I already have a
stable income. Kevin found out and called for an urgent meeting.
He came over to my place and said he wanted

(15:39):
to talk about the bookshop. I said, what about it?
And he told me that now that the shop is
officially mine, then I should add his name on the
title and split whatever profits I get fifty to fifty.
I was in shock. I told him he had to
be joking, but he reminded me of when his dad
passed and left him inheritance money that he ended up
sharing with me. Therefore, I I owe him half of

(16:01):
my inheritance. Now. I didn't know what to say, but
I mentioned to him that yes, he did share his
inheritance with me, but that was while we were married,
but now it's a different dynamic and we no longer
share anything. He got upset and argued that I technically
owe him regardless of whether we are still together or not,
and urged me to consider because the money will be

(16:22):
going towards the kids anyway. We had a loud argument,
and I ended up saying that this will only happen
in his dreams and telling him to wake up. Then
told him to leave. He tried to lash back, but
I insisted that he leave. He had his mother call me,
saying that I lied, deceived, and stole from her son
in the past, and I owe him not just that,

(16:42):
but said that I should be read of my pettiness
and resentment towards Kevin and do the right thing for ones.
We fought on the phone, and yesterday I was shocked
when my nine year old son called me a thief
out of nowhere. This escalated the fight because Kevin got
the kids involved. I think that technically I do owe
hi him because I can't deny that he shared his
inheritance with me. But I think that now circumstances are different,

(17:06):
like when we used to share our salaries, but now
I don't expect him to do the same anymore. Obviously, still,
I might be the delusional one, so am I the
jerk at it? He has no background in law, but
says he knows his rights, which should be enough. He's
actually the type that spell law LA, not the jerk.

(17:27):
Unless you threatened him to get half of his father's inheritance,
doing fifty to fifty was his choice. You don't owe
him anything, but you need to be careful with his
behavior and what he says to your kids about this.
You might want to talk to a lawyer to get
proof of everything, the demands, the parental alienation, Yes, document everything,
the calls, the threats, the flying monkeys involving kids. OP,

(17:50):
you owe him nothing. He chose to share his inheritance.
That's it, period. Even if you were fully committed. Still
you don't need to share yours, given that you're safe.
Operated he's insane. He chose to share with her and
they were married at that time. That is not the
situation now, O. P. You don't owe him anything, and
to involve your son as reprehensible. Not the jerk? Am

(18:13):
I the jerk for not letting my nephew blow out
my son's candles? I'm twenty one Mail. My son turned
four last Sunday. As usual, we had a small party
at my mother's house, and we invited my brother, who's
thirty Mail, his kids who are eight, six and five,
and my sister who's twenty seven, her daughter who's four,
as well as some neighbors. Usually when it's one of

(18:34):
the kid's birthdays, all of them blow out the candles
because that's how Mom used to do it with us.
Yet ever since my kiddo turned two, he has refused
to do so. Last year, when his cousins had to
blow out theirs. He didn't participate, and when his birthday came,
he didn't want anyone to participate with them. But all
of the other kids ended up throwing themselves at the
cake and did it anyway. I kid you not. My

(18:56):
son cried for the rest of the evening and refused
to eat his cake. My sister talked to her daughter
about how that wasn't right, but my brother said that
my son was a little whimp and he had to
learn how to share. We stopped talking for a month
after that, until my mother forced us to make amends
a week ago. I told them that their kids weren't
allowed to blow out the candles with my son. My

(19:18):
brother didn't like it, of course, and my sister in
law said that she was going to explain it to
her kids and that it was okay. Fast forward to
the party. My girl friend comes with our kiddo's cake.
We gather around the table and we sing Happy birthday
to my boy. When he's about to blow out his candles,
I noticed that my nephew, who's six, is about to
do it too, and I cover his mouth with my hand.

(19:39):
My kid didn't notice blows them out and jumps straight
to his mamma's arms, all happy. My nephew starts to
cry and tells my brother that I didn't let him
do it and it's not fair. My sister in law
tries to explain to him something, but my brother comes
right at me for not letting his kid have fun.
I remind him that I told them my son was
going to do it alone, but he says that's not

(20:02):
how we do it, and I told him, well, that's
how I do it now. If you don't like it,
you can leave. My mom is telling him that I'm joking,
but my brother took his kids and leaves. My son
is obviously confused, but ends up playing with some other
kids and forgetting about it. My mom says that I'm
the jerk for doing this and that my son has
to understand that this is our way, and is forcing

(20:22):
me to apologize. My girlfriend and sisters say that I'm
right because it's my son's birthday after all, and I
don't know what to do eta people. I get it,
we shouldn't be blowing out candles. I'll do better next time.
That wasn't the question, though, not the jerk. Good job
covering for your son. Your brother and sister in law
are clearly in the wrong for not teaching their kids

(20:44):
basic manners. The brother is in the wrong for calling
Op's son names. Who calls a kid something like that?
Notice the ages too. The brother never had to share
his birthday candles when he was four because his only
sibling was an infant. I bet he loves this tradition
because he's the one who started it, blowing out his
younger sibling's candles when he was four, five, and six

(21:06):
and they were infants or toddlers that couldn't compete. Am
I the jerk for telling my brother to go ahead
and sue my husband for breaking his hearing aid during
a prank context, My brother, twenty three, is a college
student with a hearing disability. My parents got him a
four thousand dollars hearing aid to be able to hear properly.
So last week, while my husband, who's thirty two, and I,

(21:29):
who am twenty six, were visiting my parents, my husband
hit my brother's hearing aid as a prank and it
got damaged in the process. After looking for the hearing
aid for hours, my husband handed it back to my
brother while laughing in his face about how freaked out
he looked. He didn't know how delicate this type of
device is and ended up breaking it while hiding it.
My brother had a break down and started yelling at

(21:50):
my husband and threatening him with court if he doesn't
pay up for a new hearing aid. My husband didn't
think he was serious and laughed him off. I was mortified,
to say the least. I told my brother to do it,
sue my husband if he had to. My husband sighed,
eyed me and said, all right, princess. Two days ago,
my husband came home and was full on panicking, saying,

(22:11):
my brother is going through with his threat and is
suing I shrugged and remained calm and collected. He started
yelling at my reaction, then urged me to call my
brother and tell him to back down, but I said no,
he did this to himself and deserves no sympathy or
advocating for me. He was shocked. He yelled that it
was just a prank with no intentions of hurting anyone,

(22:32):
then shamed me for not taking his side. Moreover, he
said that my brother only felt confident in suing him
after I encouraged him by telling him to go ahead.
And sue. We had an argument, then I went upstairs
and stayed in my room. He must have called my
parents because he later complained about them deciding to stay
out of it and let my brother sue. He then

(22:53):
complained about how this is going to affect us both
since he doesn't have that kind of money to give
to my brother. This morning, he loo up at me, saying,
me and my family are a bunch of sad, pathetic
jerks who can't take a joke and are willing to
easily drag others to court and ruin their relationship with
them over a couple of grand Am I the jerk?
Not the jerk? That's not a prank. Imagine taking someone's

(23:16):
prosthetic leg or walking stick and hiding it. It's not funny.
A prank would have been hiding his car keys or
house keys, not something worth thousands that helps him here.
I can't believe he didn't offer to cover the cost anyway,
That's what the decent person would do. You are absolutely
not the jerk, and I hope that this situation doesn't
get too messy for you. You want more details in my

(23:38):
weekly status reports? Okay, here you go. Enjoy back in
the early two thousands, I worked as a software engineer
on a team of software engineers. What this meant was
that I spent a lot of time writing code, fixing bugs, defects, glitches,
et cetera. The company software releases goes in cycles, and
regularly goes into a cycle of fixing bugs for weeks

(23:59):
at a time. Time. My boss does a weekly status
report that he sends out to his boss and some
of the other middle management. He writes a team summary
and then includes all of our status reports that we
send him by copying and pasting. When we're in one
of those bug fixing cycles, my status report looked like
week of month, year worked on fixing bugs. Q. First

(24:21):
malicious compliance boss asked that I provide more details. Now
my status reports looked like week of month year worked
on fixing bugs. List of bug numbers one, two, three,
and four Q. Second malicious compliance boss had to sit
down meeting with me and talked about better details than
just bugs, even though that's all I and the rest

(24:42):
of the team have been doing. We had a small
argument on this where I told him that if I
provide more details, no one's ever going to read it anyway,
that didn't go over well with him. He basically told
me that if it's related to the actual work, put
it in the status report. My new status report looks
like week of month, year, Day one. Working on bug

(25:02):
one two three four no clue. Went to break room
for coffee, ended up talking to John about bug one
two three four for thirty minutes. Then talked to John
about the bug he was working on five, six, seven
eight for another thirty minutes. On the way back to
my desk, bumped into Jane, who asked me for help
about the bugs she was working. Spent twenty minutes in
the hallway talking to Jane. We were both clueless. Got

(25:26):
bug two three four five assigned to me, but I
am still working on one two three four. Both are
high priority. Everything is high priority. Continued working on one
two three four, went to lunch with Jack and Jill.
We ended up discussing the bugs we were working on
for over two hours. Got some ideas to pursue. Ideas
didn't pan out end of day. We'll resume tomorrow. Basically,

(25:48):
I did this for each day of the week and
then sent it to my boss. He promptly asked me
to summarize my week I said, worked on fixing bugs.
He never asked me about status reports ever again, grown
men who act like twelve year olds. This customer last night.
He wasn't even rude or anything. It was just the

(26:08):
way he was acting and was absolutely unbelievable. So I
get apps and drink orders from a three top, give
them another five to ten minutes, and then pop over
to ask if they want to put in entree orders.
Guests three and two were fine. She got the salmon
well done. He got the scallops. Guest one presumably guest
who's husband isn't sure what he wants yet. Guest two

(26:30):
proceeded to read off every meat on the menu and
asked me if we had any other red meat options
besides filaise. No, we don't. The only other options we
have besides fish would be the pork chop or a
lamb loin, both of which are very popular and very delicious.
The whole time I'm describing either of these dishes, Guest
one is shaking his head. No, I don't like pork. No,

(26:52):
I don't like lamb. You only have filays. I don't
like filets. Guests two. The wife proceeds to start reading
every option on the menu, and the whole time it's
going like this, Guess two rotisserie half chicken. Guest one, No,
I don't like chicken, lamb loin, No, I don't like lamb, pork, chop, scallops, salmon, No,

(27:14):
I don't like pork. I don't like fish. No seafood.
I don't like seafood, barbecue, chicken, salad, steak salad, No,
no salad. I don't like that. He eventually ordered the
meatball appetizer as his meal. The whole interaction probably took
ten minutes, and I got set with two more tables
during this, so I ended up upset by the end
of it. Because this man has an inability to eat

(27:36):
food like a normal human being. That's all. I wonder
what this dude eats on a daily basis. I also
wonder how his wife puts up with it. If I
went on a first date with a guy and he'd
pulled that crap, I would laugh, get up and leave.
How do you go out with someone who acts like
a picky kid. That's when you assert yourself when you
see the first table set and say, I'll give you

(27:58):
the time to make your decision. I'll then go greet
your next table, then return. If they try to stop,
you go to the next table. Anyway, you have to
control the situation as a professional. One person is not
more important than all the rest. OPI you are absolutely correct.
I should have removed myself from the situation and let
them deal with it while I greeted my other tables.

(28:20):
That was like watching a slow motion car wreck. Honestly,
the cheerleaders can break dress code because they're school uniforms.
Guess I'm wearing mine. Way back in twenty thirteen, I
was a sophomore in high school and there is a
tradition that on Fridays, the cheerleaders, football players without their pads.
Of course, band members and the other groups performing wore

(28:40):
their uniforms to class. This wasn't a written tradition, and
only the cheerleaders and dance team's uniforms broke dress code.
Nobody really batted an eye to it. I wasn't a
skirt person, but I liked dresses once in a while,
as one can tell by my user I grew up
in Texas and it's still significantly hot in August and September,
so one time, while wearing a casual sun dress. In September,

(29:02):
I was pulled out of class and reprimanded because the
end of my dress was four inches from the knee
when the dress code said no shorter than two. I
pointed out that cheerleaders and dance team uniforms every Friday
and how they reached mid thigh at the longest, but
was told that was okay because students can wear official
school uniforms and was sent home to change. Clearly, somehow

(29:24):
someone had forgotten I was on the golf team. Immediately
my mind was turning to the next Friday. The school
had recently upgraded the golf team uniforms the year prior,
and the girls team uniforms consisted of a short sleeved
collared polo shirt and a scort. If you don't know
what a scot is, it's essentially a skirt and short
shorts combined. It looks like a skirt, but they essentially

(29:45):
act like built in bike shorts, and these were short,
I'd argue shorter than the cheerleaders. So that next Friday,
about three days later, to my parents surprise, I was
ready to go that morning in my golf uniform, as
compared to taking a bag to keep the clothes and
to change into after school. But I just said Fridays
we can wear uniforms to class, and they accepted without

(30:07):
question and took me to school. Well. By second period,
I was sent to the office yet again, and the
first thing the assistant principal asked me was why I
would deliberately disobey her right after our last conversation and
threatened in school suspension. I'll never get anywhere in life
by not listening. YadA, YadA, YadA. When I finally had
a chance to get a word in, I said, but

(30:29):
this is my school golf uniform, and I pointed to
our school's logo that was sewn into my polo shirt.
You said, students can wear official school uniforms to class.
Where are the cheerleader uniforms? Okay? And mine isn't. This
isn't even a skirt, it's a scort. It has pans.
I still remember how upset she was. She stared me
down for what seemed like a millennia. Then she snapped

(30:50):
and told me to get out of her office and
go sit in the lobby area. That I knew what
she meant, and she would be calling my parents about
this blatant disrespect. So I waited and play on my
iPod and chatted with a nice secretary, trying to keep
myself distracted because in reality, I had really been trying
not to cry. I had massive anxiety when it came
to authority, but I still had my naive sense of injustice,

(31:13):
and I didn't want to just let this go. After
about twenty minutes, she popped her head out and in
a very monotone voice told me I could go back
to class and to let teachers know I had gotten
permission from the front office to wear my uniform. Then
she went back in and closed the door before I
could even think to respond. I spent the rest of
my day dealing with teachers questioning me about my outfit,

(31:33):
and one or two calling the front office to double
check my claim that I had in fact gotten permission
and went to practice after school as normal. Before being
car pulled back home. My dad met me at the
front door with a small smirk, and I asked him
what in the world happened? Because I knew he was
the go to contact for my school, so I knew
she called him. He explained that when she called and

(31:54):
tried to get him to come up to the school
and get me and talked about punishments for my insubordination.
He immediately began to argue with her and admitted he
raised his voice quite a bit, asking why I wasn't
allowed to wear my sport uniform that the school provided
to me as a dress requirement at my golf practice,
and mentioned taking this all the way up to the
school board and resolving this obvious favoritism. He then asked

(32:16):
me not to do that again, but that he was
proud of me and told me, I know I had
told you never to start a flight, but to always
fight back, I always thought physically, But you dang sure
took the advice. Karen demands my upgraded seats for free.
She really ends up regretting it. This happened a few
years ago before lockdown, when flying overseas from the US

(32:36):
to Europe. My girlfriend and I were taking a trip
to visit a few places in Europe for a vacation.
This was her first time overseas and the first time
she had ever flown on a long haul flight of
more than a three or four hours. In the lead
up to the trip, we decided to upgrade our seats
from economy to whatever the premium economy variant was for
the airline. Seeing as this was my girlfriend's first time

(33:00):
on a long flight, I figured it was worth the
upgrade for the extra room in perks. In total, we
paid around one hundred fifty dollars total for both of
us to upgrade. We boarded the flight and we got
settled in our seats, which were in the last row
of the Premium Economy section on the right side of
the plane. There was no noticeable division or indicators between sections,

(33:20):
other than a small plaque above our row said Premium
Economy or whatever. My girlfriend took the window seat and
I said in the aisle. Entitled Mom and her son,
who was around nine to ten years old, then bored
and are seated several rows behind us, but in the
middle row of the aircraft two four to two seating.
Her son has his nose buried in his switch, as

(33:41):
you'd expect a kid of his age to do. They
barely get to their seats when Entitled Mom comes up
to our row and stares at us with no greeting.
She's standing in the aisle as other passengers are trying
to get around her to get to their seats. Entitled mom,
can you swap seats with my son and I? He
likes having a window seat and we don't have one.

(34:01):
My girlfriend and I look back at where her son
is sitting, and then at each other. I try to
politely decline her request. Me unfortunately, no, ma'am. We paid
to upgrade to these seats, so we'd like to keep
our assigned seats for this flight. Entitled mom keeps staring
at us for a couple seconds. More people are awkwardly
trying to shuffle around her as she stands there. Entitled mom,

(34:24):
My son is not a great flyer. He does better
when he can sit next to the window. ME. Sorry,
but like I said, we paid more money to sit
here in premium economy. We're in the last row, so
perhaps there is someone else in the rows behind us
who would be willing to swap seats. At this point,
a flight attendant noticed that entitled mom is holding up
the boarding line and comes over to tell entitled mom

(34:46):
to take her seat. She goes back to her row,
and my girlfriend and I think that this is the
end of that exchange and go back to getting settled.
After boarding completes, entitled mom and her son immediately stand
up and walk to our row stand right in front
of us with all of their stuff in hand. The
kid still has his face buried in a switch entitled Mom,

(35:06):
can we swap seats now? Me, ma'am, I already said
that we aren't willing to swap seats. As I've said,
we paid more so that we can sit here, so
we'd like to keep these seats. Awkward infinite pause. Karen,
that's really just selfish of you. My son isn't the
best flyer and likes to have a window to look
out of. It's not that big of a deal for

(35:28):
you to take our seats so he can have a window.
At this point, I should mention this was an overnight flight,
so there isn't going to be anything to look at
except darkness for a majority of the flight. Me. I'm
not going to argue with you, ma'am. I don't think
it's selfish to want to sit in the seats I
paid for. I'm sorry you don't have a window seat
for your son, but that doesn't mean you're entitled to

(35:49):
our seats that we paid an upgrade fee for. And
titled Mom continues to stand there silently for a few seconds,
as if we'd give in eventually and move if she
didn't leave. I'm guessing you don't have kids if you're
acting like this. Me, ma'am, I don't know what to
say to you at this point. If it was that
big of a deal for your son to get a
window seat, then you should have done so in advance.

(36:10):
Did you try asking anyone else if they were willing
to swap seats? Well, no one else back there is
traveling together, so they aren't going to want to swap
I turn around and see an older couple in the
row behind us, a pair of coworkers in another row
that were watching a video on one of their phones
while laughing, and a middle aged woman sitting alone in
the aisle seat with the window vacant and title. Mom

(36:32):
then starts to open up the overhead bins to start
putting her stuff in there. Me, ma'am, we are not
swapping seats with you. I think you're just trying to
guilt us into giving up our seats so you can
sit in premium economy. If a window seat was really
that important, you would have moved on and asked other
people behind us once we told you we weren't willing
to move, you just want us to give you a

(36:53):
free upgrade and titled Mom becomes furious at this point
and continues to call us selfish and how what I
said wasn't true. She then starts to bend over and
grab my stuff like she's going to evict us from
the roll. Me, lady, please don't touch any of my
stuff and leave us alone. Thankfully, the flight attendant comes
up to ask what the problem is. Entitled Mom tries

(37:14):
to go on a rant that we were denying her
kid a window seat and were being selfish and rude
to her and her son. After she was done ranting,
I explained the actual situation to the flight attendant. Flight attendant, ma'am,
they aren't obligated to swap seats with you, They said, no,
you need to take your seats now. Please go back
to your row. Flight attendant escorted them back to their seats,

(37:35):
as entitled Mom huffed and puffed. She then spent the
rest of the flight glaring at us from the aisle seat.
When the plane finally landed, she rushed to the front
of the aircraft ahead of everyone and gave me a
solid bump as she passed by me. With her bag.
Definitely wasn't an accident. Her kid was fine for the
whole flight too. Anytime we saw him, he was either
asleep or was heads down playing his switch. I think

(37:58):
the only weighted deal with people like that is to
not argue they ask for something, Just say no, don't
give a reason. Logic won't work with idiots anyway. If
they start on about how their kid needs this or that,
I just say, this may come as a shock to you,
but I don't give a hoot about your kid. Am
I the jerk for telling my husband that I was
disappointed in the gift he had for my son's sixteenth birthday. Background.

(38:23):
I've been married to my husband Jack for three years.
I have a sixteen year old son from my previous marriage,
and Jack has an eighteen year old son from his
previous marriage as well. My step son and my son
aren't close and they only see each other while they visit.
But everyone is happy with these arrangements and there are
rarely any issues. My step son's eighteenth birthday was a

(38:43):
couple of months ago. I wasn't at the party since
his mom hosted, but Jack told me he bought him
a car because he's been needing it since he has
a disability and will be going to college. I saw
the pictures. The car look nice. Now. My son's sixteenth
birthday took place this past week. My son and I
were both excited for the gift Jack said he'd bring,
and I hinted to my son that it would most

(39:05):
likely be a car, just like the one his stepbrother
got recently. It turned out we were wrong, because at
the party, Jack's gift for my son was actually a
gaming console. My son got so upset that he went
to his room and shut the door mid party. Everyone
noticed something was wrong and left shortly. Jack looked confused
this entire time and asked what the deal was. I

(39:26):
asked if he really didn't know, and he just stared.
I told him that my son was expecting something like
a car as a gift. Jack asked why, and I
told him because my step son got one for his
eighteenth birthday recently. I bluntly told him that my son
was rightfully disappointed, and so was I in the gift
and really thought it was unfair, especially since my son
told his friends he was getting a car from his stepdad.

(39:49):
Jack argued about the difference and circumstances, saying his son
needs the car to drive to college, while my son
doesn't need it, and besides, he doesn't have a disability
like his stepbrother and can walk or commute. Also said
I shouldn't have assumed it would be a car, and
I messed up by hinting this to my son. I
couldn't help but notice the difference in treatment. I let

(40:10):
him know that no matter how he tries to explain
his reasons, my son will always feel like he's less
than his stepbrother in a way, and what happened now
will make it worse even between the stepbrother, not just
him and my son. Jack called me unbelievable and said
that I should feel ashamed and then rushed out. He's
expecting me to get involved and ease things between him
and my son, but I decided to give my son

(40:31):
time to process this. Am I the jerk for what
I said? You're the jerk. Why don't you and the
child's father buy a car for your son. Your husband
is not obligated to buy his step son a vehicle.
Your step son did not get a car at sixteen,
he got one at eighteen. To expect your son's stepfather
to buy a car for him when the kid is
two years younger would make you the jerk too. I

(40:53):
feel sorry for your husband. He married someone who only
wants him for his money. Your son expected a car
because if you you why in the world would you
hint at that and then put that expectation in his head.
Your husband is not responsible for buying your son a car.
You and his father are responsible for buying your son
a car. You're the jerk, and you set your husband
up to fail and potentially ruin their relationship, not to

(41:17):
mention that a game console is a really generous gift
and Jack showed no gratitude. Of course, you're the jerk.
Jack bought his son a car, and then you expected
him to buy your son a car without ever even
talking to him about it and just telling your son
that it would. Your son is your responsibility, and eighteen
is different than sixteen. College is different than high school.

(41:38):
He didn't even get his own son a car at sixteen. Well,
who do you think is the jerk? OPI or her husband?
Please let us know, Hope this guy got a pre nup. Yauza.
My ex wife is trying to break our daughter and
her boyfriend up so that she can start dating the
boyfriend's dad. Me forty five male, and my ex thirty
five female, have a daughter named Alana who's sixteen. Alana

(42:02):
has been dating Eric, who's eighteen, for about eight months now.
Things have been going well for them. My ex is
active in Ilana's school community and recently met Eric's dad,
who's forty four male, at a recent school function. From
what I understand, they hit it off and were moving
in the direction of seeing each other. That is, until
Eric's dad found out that my ex is the mother

(42:24):
of his son's girlfriend. He thought things would be weird
and awkward if they started dating, so he made it
clear to my ex that they were no longer a
possibility and why my ex did not take it well.
According to what Alana told me later, her mom came
home drunk one night and started mumbling at her about
how she was a burden who always ruined her happiness.
The next day, X either didn't remember or pretended not

(42:46):
to remember, and thanked Ilana for taking care of her
when she was drunk. But it didn't take long before
my ex started telling Alana how she didn't think Eric
was right for her. They've got a two year age
gap and will be separated for at least that long
when he went to college, and that it would be
better to break it off now. Alana was upset and
they got into a fight bad enough that she came

(43:07):
to spend the night at my place. I told her
that her mother was full of it, and as long
as the guy's not treating her wrong, it's none of
her mother's business who she dates. Things calmed down for
a bit before suddenly escalating. Instead of simply telling my
daughter it would be best to break up with Eric,
X started actively trying to sabotage the relationship. Examples include

(43:27):
telling Alana she saw Eric with another girl, talking up
and trying to introduce Alana to one of her friend's kids,
and even stealing Alana's phone so that she could use
it to text Eric that they were done. After resolving
the misunderstanding with Eric, Alana had an even bigger fight
with her mother before finally getting the reason why she
was doing this. She wanted to get together with Eric's dad,

(43:48):
but he wouldn't be with her because the kids were dating.
Alana lost it, called her mom a crazy jerk, and
came back over to live with me. When I got
the full story, I was livid. I called I asked
to ask her what she thought she was doing. She
said her love life wasn't any of my business. I
told her I don't care about her love life. I
care about our daughter. Then I asked her why if

(44:11):
Eric's dad wouldn't be with her because of the kid's relationship,
would she think he would be okay with her breaking
the kids up? She called me jealous and said he
wouldn't know if I didn't tell him. I called her
a crazy jerk, just like Alana did, and hung off.
Now not only am I getting texts from her calling
me horrible, but also her sister and her friends, who

(44:31):
I assume don't have the true story, calling me the same.
I try to ignore them, but it did get me
thinking about whether I went too far when I lost
my temper. I'm not a sixteen year old like Alana
who can't filter their thoughts from their mouth. Am I
the jerk at it? I don't really have enough time
to just go through this and respond to individual comments.
There are a lot more than I expected, so I

(44:53):
just thought i'd address something that I see keep popping
up here. Unlike some of you are assuming I did
not make my ex crazy or emotionally stunted or some nonsense.
Because we met at a bar that carted at the door,
I assumed she was older than twenty one, and because
neither of us were looking for something too serious, we
didn't get too personal. We just took up. I didn't

(45:13):
find out how old she really was until after she
was pregnant. We decided to try to seriously get together
for the baby and got married. It didn't work out,
and we divorced after about four years. Now, I'm fine
if you judge me based on that info that actually exists,
but please don't go making up some crazy stories about
how I'm some kind of a bad person without any
proper context. Not the jerk in this case, Alana needs

(45:37):
to tell Eric everything and ask that he passed along
to the dad to put an end to this lifetime movie.
Not the jerk, that's crazy behavior. But why did you
have a kid with a nineteen year old when you
were twenty nine? Sounds like you both are red flags. Well,
who do you think is the jerk? OPI or his
ex wife? Please let us know that Karen sounds bonkers.

(45:59):
Keep all the accidental tickets, sure thing. So I work
in a food to go department and a semi large
grocery shop. Up until a couple of years ago, it
was owned and run by a real jerk of a man,
let's call him Boris. He was picky, arrogant, rude, et cetera.
It was only in for a couple of hours a day,
but would then be monitoring the CCTV and calling in

(46:20):
every five minutes to tell someone to do something. And
even worse, a couple of the managers would brown knows
very hard. They had side with him, say we were
sneaky in our own department and probably were stealing anyway.
In my department, we would serve people their food and
they would put it into their cart and have to
pay for it along with all the rest of their groceries.
At the checkouts. We didn't handle money. We would just

(46:42):
use a computer that would tally up their items and
produce a bar code that we could stick on their food. Now,
the way the computer worked was anything we typed in,
even if we canceled it out, would still be transmitted
to the checkout system, so the shop could record what
and how much of each thing is selling. This meant though,
that items people never actually bought were still being transmitted

(47:03):
and recorded as sold, but no transaction or money ever followed.
For example, someone comes to food to Go, order several
different items and ially it all up, only for the
customer to change their mind and not want the food anymore.
Price put them off or any other customer is always
right bs, or sometimes customers just wanted to know how
much a certain combination of food would cost, so we

(47:25):
had type it all in regardless of if they go
through with it. This meant that Boris thought either the
customers were shoplifting food or we the staff or stealing
I don't understand that logic, but I digress. To tackle
this issue, we were told to start recording every single
time items were input to the system, but no food
was actually making its way to the check out. Every

(47:46):
time someone wanted to know the potential total, we'd print
a ticket. Every time we mistyped or pressed the wrong button,
or a customer changed their mind or they wanted to
add on more or remove something, we printed that ticket.
By the end of the day, there would be dozens,
if not hundreds, of tickets being recorded. Every day. We
brought a page covered front to back in stickers to

(48:06):
the office for the manager to go through their hearts
sink every time they had to painstakingly go through the
sales and cross reference with the codes of the tickets
to make sure there was no stolen goods. This was
an added job that was not quick on top of
an already huge to do list the managers had there.
Sometimes several days or a week's worth would collect before

(48:26):
they got to it. A few months in and this
new process was abandoned. I don't know how they got
around it. But another six months later and Boris sold
the shop. Am I the jerk turning away a woman
knocking at my door in the middle of the night
looking for help? I fully admit that I don't really
think I did anything wrong and this is ridiculous to me.
But my partner is angry and thinks I'm the jerk.

(48:48):
Maybe I am. Around one thirty am today, a woman
who neither me or my partner have ever seen before
came knocking at our door. I admit she was acting upset.
She said that she was looking for her boyfriend. It's
snowing and cold outside in the middle of the night.
My hackles pretty much instantly rose. I've heard stories of
people knocking on doors and faking distress looking for houses

(49:11):
to rob. My partner, on the other hand, is ready
and willing to let her in and try to help
help with what Her boyfriend is not here, he has
never been here. I tell her, not so nicely, that
he's not here, that I know what she's doing, and
that she needs to get off my property now. Now
we're up it's almost three am, and still arguing on
and off about me being a jerk to some poor

(49:33):
innocent woman who's just worried about her boyfriend. I don't
understand what we could have done. Whoever this dude is,
he certainly hasn't been in our place. If she's cold
and upset, maybe she should go home and file a
missing person's report on her own phone at her own house.
My partner argues that maybe she might have been homeless,
her boyfriend may have mental problems that are weighing on her,

(49:54):
so she can't do that, and all of that is
a true possibility. I spoke harshly because I don't believe
for at all, and that if anything else, even mildly suspicious,
happened after that door closed, I would be willing to
call the cops. I did not verbally threaten to call
the cops, nor did I actually do it. I think
my partner is naive. My partner thinks I'm heartless. The
truth probably lies somewhere in between. Am I the jerk? Atit?

(50:18):
They spoke at the door for at least three minutes
before I interjected. She asked multiple times to come inside,
and not once for someone to call the cops to
help her find her boyfriend. I'm personally reluctant to call
the cops in any situation because of possible escalation. My
partner outright did not want me to do so because
he was worried it might get the woman in trouble.
No cops for anybody, even if I regret that part now,

(50:42):
if only because it might have saved one of my
neighbors from the scheme. Edit too, I called the non
emergency line to report it this morning, and I have regrets.
Why the heck do the police need to know my
full name, including middle and date of birth to tell
them about some suspicious jerk? Oh? Well, not the jerk.
As much as I would want to help out, I

(51:02):
wouldn't do this either, that's sketchy, and it's frankly not
your problem. You don't even know the person very well,
which is also a red flag better safe than sorry.
At one thirty a m. That woman was looking for
her boyfriend, and she's looking for him by knocking on
strangers doors. Now correct me if I'm wrong, But when
it's searching for anyone involved, asking your friends and family members,

(51:23):
asking work colleagues, or college or school classmates. Reporting to
the police, what exactly will she or anyone else find
at a stranger's house, not the jerk? Well, who do
you think is the jerk op or their partner? Please
let us know the reason the cops ask for your
personal infos for their records. Those records, including your phone

(51:43):
call to them, are accessible to the public, so always
keep that in mind when you give them any information.
You can also tell them you'd like to remain anonymous.
Am I the jerk for telling my husband that he
needs to come straight home after work to help with
the kids. I'm thirty five female, and my husband, who's
thirty eight, he gets off of work at eight pm.
It takes about fifteen minutes to get home. Every single

(52:05):
night he gets home between eight thirty and nine o'clock.
I've noticed that he goes to the grocery store almost
every night, and a lot of times it's for things
like lotion or dog food that we really don't need
because we will already have dog food at home. He
also says that he likes to decompress in his car,
listening to music and playing a game on his phone
for like ten or fifteen minutes. We have three kids,

(52:26):
one of them is an infant, and I could really
use his help at home around this time. I'm trying
to get the baby to bed, trying to get the
older ones cleaned up, and finish their homework, and when
he comes home this close to nine, he barely gets
to see the kids, and he doesn't eat dinner with
any of us because we've already eaten. I've offered a compromise,
asking him if he could just do the decompression like
a couple of nights a week, or if he could

(52:47):
come straight home and decompress after the kids are asleep
like I have to. He told me that if he
comes straight home, that he's going to need thirty to
sixty minutes of decompression time, and then he's going to
go to bed, basically saying that he will not spend
any time with me. He's telling me that I can't
compromise because I want him to come straight home, and
that I'm telling him that he's a bad parent and
a bad husband because he's choosing to not spend this

(53:10):
time with his family. He also likes to take one
or two hours every single day off so that he
can drive around and listen to music and play a
video game on his phone. I understand wanting time to yourself,
but every single day, especially when it's making your wife's
life more stressful. Am I the jerk with my request?
He told me that his therapists said that individuals need

(53:30):
time to themselves, but I think that this amount of
time is selfish and it's making things more stressful for me.
Update He says if he decompresses after they go to bed,
that he needs to get back in the car and
go back out to drive around. I asked point blank
if he was cheating or drinking, and he accused me
of only wanting to be with him for financial stability.
I also worked until five months ago and said he

(53:52):
wants a divorce. Also found out he often closes ten
to twenty minutes early, but he never gets home any earlier.
The jerk. He can't tell you that you're unwilling to
compromise when you asked him to please don't do this
every single day. Yes, we all need me time, but
he seems to only care about him, not you or
his family. What does your therapist say about that, Op,

(54:16):
I haven't spoken to my therapist about it yet. That's Monday,
not the jerk. I would be on his side if
he was literally just taking fifteen minutes a day, was
fully engaged with the family while home and made sure
you got free time too. But coming home late, plus
driving around randomly up to two hours a day, that
is being a bad parent and a bad husband. Op.

(54:37):
It's one to two hours driving around on his own
on his days off, and then every day after work
getting home between eight thirty and eight forty five when
he gets off between seven fifty and eight o'clock. I've
even asked him if he can decompress after the kids
go to sleep like I do, because this is a
very stressful situation. Tell him that if he wants one
to two hours of decompression time each day, then you

(54:58):
also deserve the same amount of time, and so the
compromise is working out a schedule so you each get
the same amount of a loan time. Not the jerk
at all. He's taking one to two hours a day
to drive around and an extra thirty minutes are longer
to come home each night. You're doing a full time
job taking care of the kids. He's working a full
time job, which means that the time he is off
work needs to be split up so you each get

(55:20):
a break. Not the jerk. He obviously doesn't care for
spending time with his wife or kids. Are you sure
he's only playing games or listening to music in the car.
Either way, it's really crappy of him, and he's not
prioritizing his family at all. Just bringing home a paycheck
isn't enough to be considered a good father and husband.
Everyone sucks here. You both suck somewhat. You for completely

(55:42):
disregarding what he and his therapists both see as important
time for him to take, and him for not being
very willing to find some way to compromise towards your needs. Also,
if he gets off at eight pm, can he do
more of the childcare early in the day so you
could use that time for yourself. His work schedule kind
of sucks for the nighttime routine, but if that's what
the job is, then you kind of have to accept

(56:02):
that he won't be home for dinner time or whatever.
You're the jerk. You sound like a gym to be around.
Seems like you refuse to take some time off yourself
and expect him to sacrifice his time as well. Oh Pie,
I'm just asking him not to do it every single day.
And I do take time off, it's just very periodic
due to his work schedule and all of his time
to himself. So you're tripping over what four and a

(56:25):
half hours a week. You're being really petty and seeing
your responses, I can see why he doesn't want a break.
If I was him, I wouldn't want to be near
you either, ohpe, thirty minutes five times a week, plus
let's say about an hour and a half on each
day off, so that's about two and a half hours
plus three hours, so about five and a half hours total.

(56:46):
And it's not about the time away. It was me
really asking him if he could come straight home, because
the time that he takes away is the most stressful
part of the day. For me. I asked him if
he could please do it another time. So first it
was the amount of time, and now it's when he
takes the breathers. My guy could be there twenty four
to seven and you would still find something to complain about. Op.

(57:06):
It doesn't sound like you read the initial post. I
said in the initial post that I asked if he
could either take his decompression a couple nights a week,
or if he could come home and help and then
decompress afterwards. I did read it, and it came off
as controlling. Y'all need couple's therapy. You need to realize
how hard being a stay at home parent is. He
is intentionally decompressing during one of the most hectic times

(57:29):
of the day and is holding her hostage about it.
There is absolutely no reason he can't come home, help
with the kids, then sit on his own with a
beer for fifteen minutes, then still relax with his wife
and watch a show. There's nothing controlling about Op's request. Well,
who do you think is the jerk, OPI or her husband?
Please let us know. I might get down voted for this,
but I don't know. I kind of feel bad for

(57:51):
this guy. Am I the jerk for not wanting to
invite my daughter to my wedding. When I thirty six,
Mail was nineteen. I was hooking up with Sarah thirty six,
and we got pregnant with Chloe, who's now sixteen. Female.
Me and Sarah weren't any good spot, but we went
ahead with the pregnancy, but our problems got worse. We
fought constantly and weren't close with each other. I was

(58:12):
the only one working and felt like I was being used.
There was a lot of resentment, and I ended up
cheating when Chloe was two. It wasn't right at all.
I should have just left. I was twenty one and immature.
We got split custody, and ever since it's been brutal
with Sarah. She undermines me and won't consult me on decisions.
Doesn't stop her friends or family from crap talking me

(58:32):
to Chloe. When Chloe was eleven, she found out I
cheated on her mom and has been a nightmare since.
She would lock herself in her room and give me
the silent treatment. She would basically only speak to me
to ask when could she go back to her mom.
This started at age eleven and went on for four years,
Chloe kept saying horrible things to me. She banned me
from attending her life events. The final straw was when

(58:54):
I started dating again and she messaged a girl that
I posted a picture with, saying how I'm a cheater
and a jerk. After that, I was done. I texted
Sarah congratulating her on her win. Our daughter hates me
and doesn't respect me. How I'm just done with it.
I'm not taking Chloe any more because I'm tired of
being treated like crap. And if Chloe hates me, then
I don't think it's best she'd be around me any more.

(59:16):
I said I'd still pay till she's eighteen, but I'm
done being a punching bag. That was two and a
half years ago, and I haven't spoken to Chloe since.
I'll send her a birthday card, but that's about it. Well,
about two years ago, I met Kristin twenty nine female
and she's amazing. We are set to get married this summer.
When forming the guest list, she asked about my daughter.

(59:37):
She's aware of the situation. I told her that we
don't have a relationship, so I don't see the need
to invite her. Also, it's a special day for us,
and I don't know what my daughter is capable of
any more due to Sarah. I don't want her ruining
anything or causing a scene. I thought that the matter
was settled. I get a call from Sarah and it's
her screaming at me, saying Chloe was upset that she

(59:57):
found out through Facebook that I was engaged. I told
Sarah that the relationship between us is her fault and
that she shouldn't be surprised. Chloe got on the phone
and started yelling at me, saying I never support her anymore.
I said she banned me from her events, called me
a jerk every day for three years, so she shouldn't
be shocked that I don't want to be talked to
like that, and that I do support her. I pay

(01:00:19):
child support, I pay for her car, and I pay
the lion's share of her private schooling, so she should
watch what she says before implying that I don't support her.
The conversation started to deteriorate, so I simply said, Chloe,
I can't trust that you won't do something, and this
is a special day for me, So if you want
to reconnect, then maybe another time and place. My fiance

(01:00:39):
is supportive, but I kind of feel like a jerk.
Am I the jerk? Everyone sucks here? You're a jerk
for a lot of reasons. You already know this to
some degree, but I can't sympathize with anyone that completely
cuts their kid out of their life like that, regardless
of the reason. You made no mention of getting her
into therapy when she was younger to help her navigate this,
or trying to get more custs due to the parental

(01:01:01):
alienation that was occurring. What did you do to help
your kid who was and is living in a toxic
environment like that. Your ex is a jerk for obvious reasons.
I'm not going to go so far as to call
your daughter, who was only eleven at the time, a jerk,
but she sucks too for her behavior. However, she got
a crab deal here. Parents who hate each other can't
be civil and treat each other like crab. Parents who

(01:01:22):
put her in the middle, parents who don't support her
or help her. There's more to support than money, and
a parent who completely cut her off and abandon her.
I'm not saying inviting her is the right thing here,
but your issues started long before now. This is just
one more way you've shown your daughter that she's not
really all that important to you. You can argue this
all you want, but if she was truly important to you,

(01:01:43):
if you truly loved her, you would have been talking
about the therapy you got for her when she was
with you and the efforts you made to help her,
rather than abandoning her and cutting her off because it
was too hard. Your analysis is poor. You completely ignored
the main culprit, parental alienation therapy. He is not the
magical solution to everything. If Sarah turned her kid against

(01:02:04):
her dad and eleven years old by telling her that
her father cheated on her and therefore broke up the family,
it will have a huge impact on his relationship with
the kid. There's no good reason for Sarah to tell
her preteen daughter about her relationship woe was with her father.
It was done out of spite, not the jerk. The
mother is responsible for destroying the father daughter relationship. The
father and daughter are dealing with the long term fallout.

(01:02:27):
X shouldn't have told the daughter the truth. That doesn't
remove responsibility from op Op didn't do anything to fix
the situation. He went no contact on a kid. Instead,
he still paid child support till she was eighteen. The verbal, emotional,
and mental mistreatment is enough to go no contact. And yes,
kids can mistreat their parents too. I don't give out

(01:02:48):
parent of the Year awards for paying child support. Well,
who do you think is the jerk op or his ex?
Please let us know. I think they should all go
on the Jerry Springer show. Oh man, would that be
a good epping, especially when they bring out her new
boyfriend who's three foot one. Karen's sister stole my iPad.
She ends up really regretting it. I'm seventeen female and

(01:03:09):
my sister, who's fifteen, has the habit of taking things
from my bedroom and keeping them or losing them. My
father has talked to her, grounded her, made her pay
them back for it, but she just doesn't listen. My
mom always takes her side and makes excuses for her.
My dad had enough, so he bought me a small
safe against my mom's wishes, and I keep some jewelry,

(01:03:31):
makeup my diary and gifts for my boyfriend who's nineteen.
K Lob Caleb comes from an upper class family and
he's always buying me stuff. Most of it gets stolen
by my sister. But the most precious gift I have
from him is an iPad pro he gave me for
my seventeenth birthday on February fourteenth. I love to draw.
It's my hobby, my form of expression, and how I relax.

(01:03:54):
I used to do it on my laptop, but since
cal gave me the iPad, now I can do it
in my free time, during classes, in the train or
the garden. I have more options now. Col also made
a custom case that he painted with a lot of
things for me. When I'm out of home, I leave
it in my safe because it's one of the only
things I don't want to lose, and to be honest,

(01:04:14):
I don't want my sister putting her hands on it.
I spent two days at my brother's who's twenty one
apartment planning my little sister's birthday party. When I came back,
I went to take the iPad to sketch some ideas,
but I only found the case. I thought I had
left it somewhere else, but I was sure I didn't.
I also never took the case because it's my favorite thing.

(01:04:36):
I looked around my whole room my dad's office and
the garden, since I'm usually there all the time. I
also called cal and asked if I left it in
his house, but he said no. When my family came back,
I was awfully crying in the kitchen. My dad asked
what happened, and I told him I couldn't find my iPad.
My mom said, very lazily, your sister lost it on

(01:04:57):
the train yesterday. I asked, and she said, your sister
took up to school and lost it. Accidents happen, let
it go. I was livid. I said that my sister
opened my safe, don't know how, and stole my tablet.
My mom told me to shut up and to never
call my sister a thief again. My dad got involved

(01:05:18):
and after much fighting, he said that my sister had
to pay me back. My sister just said that she
didn't have money and attempted to go to her room.
So I told her that I'll take the money for
her party and just keep it for my iPad. She
came right at me and told me that I couldn't
do it. My mom sided with her and demanded the money,
but I said no, She owes me I get to

(01:05:39):
keep it and ran to my room. My father said
that I could do it and buy another one. My
brother transferred the money a few hours ago and it's
sitting in Cal's account because I don't have one yet.
My sister has been crying because she just lost her
sweet sixteen party and says a tablet is worth much
less than that. ETA. My brother is coming home around

(01:06:00):
twenty minutes to talk to my parents. I don't know why,
but it might be about my sister. Cal is also
on his way here to install the lock. ETA. My
brother took my parents and my sister out. I'm at
home with Cal right now. He already installed the lock
and we're looking to buy some saves. Update. My brother
just left. Apparently my sister has been stealing from him

(01:06:22):
too when she goes to his place. She admitted to
just keeping the things to herself and that sometimes she
can't help it she acts before she can think about it.
She admitted that she took my iPad, but claimed that
her intention wasn't hurting me. That's why she left the case.
She was planning on taking it to school, bragging about it,
and then returning it since it was way too expensive

(01:06:42):
and for once didn't want to take the risk. But
apparently she did lose it or someone took it from
her bag, because she swear she didn't sell it or anything.
I mean, after this, it's just pointless to keep lying.
She went to her room and came back with a
bunch of things, some mine, some my brothers, and some
that belonged to our cousins, her friends. She even had
one of Caleb's rings. We don't know how she did

(01:07:04):
all of this, and she refuses to give that information.
She also refuses to tell me how she broke into
my safe. My parents are outside talking alone, and my
dad let Caleb spend the night here with me. Not
the jerk. If she cared about her sweet sixteen so much,
she shouldn't be stealing op. Maybe she didn't think it
would be related to that. To be honest, this is

(01:07:26):
my first time snapping, so it's new to all of us.
She's coming to the age where people will be able
to have her arrested for stealing. She needs to learn
that she can't just take crap from you. If she
doesn't have the money to replace what she's taking, her
grubby little hands shouldn't be on it at all. Taking
her party money is the lightest punishment she could serve
for this crime. Even a used iPad is worth enough

(01:07:47):
to be a larceny charge if she steals from the
wrong person. Also change the combination on your safe and
put locks on your bedroom door and at camera in
your room. Op. I don't think I'll be allowed to
have a camera in my room. My dad said yes
to the lock though. Have you ever had someone steal
something from you? If so, what was it? Please let

(01:08:08):
us know. A dude named Trevin stole my holographic nine
tails when we were in elementary He's no longer alive.
Am I the jerk for being too close to my
ex husband? Six years ago I got divorced from my
now ex husband. There was no drama that led to this.
We simply realized we were no longer happy or in love,
so it would have been a clean break if not

(01:08:28):
for the fact we had a daughter who is now eleven.
Neither of us wanted to lose full custody of her
or miss important moments in her life. She's the most
important person in both our lives, and we debated on
trying to make it work just for her, but realized
that would only lead to all three of us becoming miserable,
so we entered an arrangement that many would view as unconventional.

(01:08:49):
When we sold our house, we used the money to
buy two semi attached houses that were joined and had
a door installed between them. The construction company tried to
warn us against this as it would have resale value,
but neither of us had any intention to sell, so
we had them go ahead with it. We also had
them take down the fence between both our back gardens
so our daughter would have an extra large back garden

(01:09:11):
to play in. Many of you may balk at the door,
but there is an agreement. It's strictly for our daughter's
use and neither of us can use it barring any emergencies,
say a fire, a medical emergency, or something being wrong
with our daughter. She also has two bedrooms, one in
each house, and every day she can pick where she
wants to have breakfast, dinner, and sleep. I won't lie.

(01:09:33):
It was awkward at first, but for her sake we
made it work and even regained a lot of the
friendship we had lost, though it was of course strictly platonic.
Now last year my ex husband married his girlfriend of
three years, a lovely woman who I'm actually friends with,
and I was even a guest at their wedding, with
my daughter being one of her bride'smaids. All in all,
it's an arrangement everyone is content with, except for my boyfriend,

(01:09:57):
who I started to date two years ago. He understood
the arrangement entering into the relationship, and while he said
it was a bit weird, he never protested and all
seemed well. Things are getting more serious and we've been
discussing moving in together and he has made it clear
that he wants me to move as he doesn't want
to live next door to my ex husband. I understood,

(01:10:17):
but told him that wouldn't be happening as my daughter
had to come first and our arrangement gave her a
stable upbringing. He got upset with me and asked me
how he was supposed to be a father to my
daughter when she already had a dad and he was
literally a wall away. I won't lie. This took me
by surprise, as I had no idea he wanted to
be a father to her. I told him gently but firmly,

(01:10:40):
that he wasn't her father, that she already had one,
and that even her father's wife didn't try to be
a mother. Instead, she is called by her name. I
told him, if he wants some kind of familial title,
he could be an uncle, but I wouldn't give him
permission to take her father's title when he is very
much involved in her life. He told me if I
loved him, i'd moved for him, and despite me trying

(01:11:01):
to tell him I do love him, he isn't listening.
Am I the jerk in this? Not the jerk? Sounds
like you very clearly explained how things work in your world.
Kudos for coming up with a unique parenting method that
puts your daughter firmly as the most cherished outcome of
your previous relationship. Your new boyfriend may not be compatible
with your uniquely blended family. Bit of a red flag

(01:11:24):
that he wants to appropriate the title of father. Good
on you for nipping that in the bud. Well done,
carry on without him if he can't get the brief op.
Even my ex husband's wife doesn't get called mum or
any variation of that. She is called by her name,
and when my daughter is feeling particularly affectionate a nickname.
So yeah, I wasn't going to let him be father,

(01:11:47):
not the jerk, since you were honest with him from
the beginning, and your boyfriends you don't love me arguments
seem to be his ego and insecurity speaking, not gonna lie,
but love the fact that you two put the love
for your kid and her having some stability before your
own egos and needs. Hope you have the strength and
mental sanity to keep doing that, even if that would

(01:12:07):
mean breaking up with your unreasonable boyfriend. Do him a
favor and break up with him. He isn't going to
be happy you and your ex did this thing, and
your ex is lucky he found someone who didn't have
a problem with it. You may not be so lucky,
but that is a chance that you are taking doing this.
It's hard to move on and most people are not
going to want to pursue a relationship with this kind

(01:12:28):
of arrangement. That works for you, and you're happy with it,
then that's good. There's no way to compromise here. You
aren't budging, So break up with this guy and let
him go. Actually, I would argue that hopefully any emotionally
mature adult would see the beauty in this arrangement. Imagine
getting involved with someone and you see firsthand how well
they resolve such an issue, and how they are able

(01:12:51):
to make an unusual decision that ends up being the
best for everyone involved. Oh, he sounds like a catch
to me. Not the jerk girl. Run. Any man who
isn't okay with you being close to your ex is
a control freak and insecure. I always stay close to
my exes and I've never regretted it. Trust me, I've

(01:13:11):
dated tons of guys, and the best relationships I've had
were with secure men who didn't care what I did
with my exes. Men need to realize we aren't their property.
To be honest, I have hooked up with some of
my exes on certain occasions just to spite a jealous
boyfriend I had at the time, then made sure he
found out to hurt him. Yauza. I know it sounds bad,

(01:13:34):
but all my girlfriends do the same thing. You don't
have to go as harsh as I do. But please
don't settle for a loser control freak like most of
these guys are nowadays. Well don't you sound pleasant? Well,
who do you think is the jerk OPI or her boyfriend?
Please let us know. Sometimes if you really love someone,
you have to let them go. Hey, Karen, have I

(01:13:59):
told you how much I love you lately? Don't even
think about it, Reddit boy, Just load the darn trailer.
I used to work as quality assurance slash control at
a flour mill. For you to sink your teeth into
your sandwich of delicious fresh bread, three things have to happen.
One flour has to be made. This happens at a
flour mill. Two flour has to get to the bakery.

(01:14:21):
This usually happens by trailer or truck. The trucking company,
usually a separate company or business from the flour mill,
has to put their trailer up to the scale and
get loaded. Then they drive it to the bakery. Three
bakery where they make that high carb goodness with crusts
that your kids hate. One day I get a call
from one of the bakeries we serve. We unloaded the

(01:14:42):
flour today and our camera's got a bunch of dough
balls going into the silo. Unacceptable. How can this happen?
Trucks have to be washed every three to four weeks.
If the trailer is not dried properly, then it retains
some water from the final rents it mixes with the flour,
creates dough and delivers a sub u bar product. It
causes a fermentation reaction for some reason. Since I'm quality

(01:15:05):
control at the mill, everyone looked at me to fix
this problem, which is really a problem with the trucking
company and the wash stations they use. But I rose
to the challenge. I called a meeting of the trucking company,
the mill, and the bakery. I told them what was
going on, explained that it was unacceptable, and came up
with a plan. Before loading, every freshly washed trailer has

(01:15:26):
to be inspected by me or someone else on quality control.
We will not load trailers that the mill quality control
does not release for loading. They all quickly agreed, great idea.
I get congratulated on fixing the problem. Until one Monday morning,
we were supposed to load a trailer at three am.
I was not supposed to be working then, but I

(01:15:47):
came in just to inspect and sign off on the trailer.
Delivery was at seven am. It's a three hour drive
to the bakery. Bob, the driver was running late. I
was getting mad, kept thinking of my bed and how
I should be sleeping. Bob shows up at three thirty
am with the trailer. Darn traffic. Let's load this quick.
Maybe I can still make it. Hold on, I have

(01:16:08):
to inspect it. No, you don't. I have to make
this delivery, Bob, I'm inspecting the trailer before we load it.
Insults ensue. He starts making colorful accusations of my mother
and my entire ancestral line. I ignore him. I climb
up on top of the trailer, soaking wet. I can
see water on the bottom. The entire trailer was damp.

(01:16:30):
I come down, Bob. We can't load this trailer. It's wet.
You need to dry it. Drying takes about twenty five
to forty minutes, depending on the weather. More insults. Finally,
he says, no, I'm not losing my job to bureaucrats
who have no idea what traffic is like, I'm not
drying this trailer. You're going to load the trailer and

(01:16:50):
I'm going to be on my way like I've been
doing for years. I was so tired and I had
a short fuse. Bob, are you going to dry the trailer? No? Oh?
Malicious compliance ensues. Okay, I went to the head miller
on site. I told him that the trucking company is
refusing to dry the trailer. I'm not wasting any more

(01:17:10):
time here. I've done my job. I inspected the trailer.
I'm going home and I'm going to sleep. I left.
Bob found out I had left, and he said to loaders, great,
now you can load me up. They informed him that
they couldn't load freshly washed trailers without quality signing off,
and now no one is here to sign off, so sorry,
you're going to miss the delivery. Bob called his boss.

(01:17:33):
He complained that we were refusing to load his trailer.
As boss called the head miller, who explained, per our agreement,
Quality couldn't sign off on a wet trailer, and since
Bob refused to dry the trailer, Quality's job was done.
They inspected the trailer. There wasn't going to be another
inspection since the trailer was not going to be dry,
so Quality left the trucking company. You need to call

(01:17:56):
the bakery and tell them they wanted the mill to
take the blame. Oh, don't worry, we will be sure
to call. And the head miller told the bakery what happened.
The bakery fired the trucking company. Bob got fired from
the trucking company. I got promoted. Just kidding, I didn't
get promoted somehow. My managers still blame me for it,

(01:18:16):
something about using creative solutions. But nothing ever happened to
me because of this incident. I don't care, no regrets.
Am I the jerk for having my stepdad walk me
down the aisle. I'm twenty seven female. My biological dad,
who's sixty two, left my mom, who's sixty when I
was ten months old. It was a whole convoluted ordeal,

(01:18:36):
but things boil down to one. My mom had postpartum
depression after having my brother, who's thirty one. Two. She
recovers but gets worried when pregnant with my sister, who's
twenty nine. Three. My dad cheats on my mom a
few times with a coworker while she's pregnant with my sister. Four.
After my sister's born, they separate for a few months
but come back together, though they continue to have trouble.

(01:19:00):
Five I'm conceived to save their marriage. Spoiler alert, I
did not. Six. Mom begins an emotional affair with my stepfather,
who's fifty eight seven. I'm born eight. Biological dad leaves
for good and files for divorce. Nine mom moves me
and my siblings in with my stepdad. Ten divorces finalized.

(01:19:21):
My biological dad was not a big part of my childhood.
It was always cold with me compared to my siblings,
and kept trying to prove that I wasn't his kid.
We've had d and a test done. I am. My
brother and sister have always had a good relationship with him.
On the flip side, I have a great relationship with
my stepdad. He's been more of a father to me
than my biological dad my entire life. My siblings are

(01:19:44):
much colder to my stepdad because they think of him
as being the person who split my parents off, which
he's not. The dissolution of the marriage is on my
mom and my biological dad, and they're much better off apart.
In the past few years, I've reconciled with my biological
dad and we do have a relationship. I'm currently planning
my wedding with my fiance, who's thirty three. My sister

(01:20:06):
is going to be my maid of honor and my
brother is one of the groomsmen. I was going over
plans with my sister and mentioned that my stepdad would
be walking me down the aisle. She was upset started
ranting about how I'm ungrateful and a bad daughter to
my biological dad. She left in a huff. A few
hours later, I got a call from my biological dad

(01:20:26):
saying he won't be coming to the wedding if he's
not walking me down the aisle. How having my stepdad
walked me down the aisle would humiliate him, and how
if I care about him, I will let him walk
me down the aisle. I told him that I'd rather
not have him be there than to not have my
stepdad walk me. He hung up on me and has
been cold since. This has split my family. My sister's

(01:20:47):
on my dad's side. My brother says he won't get involved.
My mom and stepdad have told me that they think
that I should let my dad walk me to keep
the peace, but my fiance and I agree that we'd
rather have me walk down the aisle alone than have
him do it. I'm getting a lot of messages from
my biological dad's side of my family calling me out
and telling me that I'm the jerk for depriving my

(01:21:08):
biological dad of this, So read it. Am I the jerk?
Not the jerk. It's your wedding, not your biological dads,
not stepdads, not your mothers or your sister's period. Your
wedding should be a joyous affair, and it sucks that
your family is flipping out rather than being supportive of you. Op.
Thank you. Unfortunately, things get really dramatic when my mom

(01:21:31):
and bio dad are involved in anything together. Holidays are fun,
the best part of being an adult with crappy parents.
Not your problem anymore. Your presence is a gift, not
a given. Well, who do you think OP should have
walker down the aisle? Her biological dad or her stepdad?
Please let us know. Make sure someone records video, specifically

(01:21:52):
of stepdad walking you down the aisle. I know biodad
is going to love to see that. Am I the
jerk for not taking my niece to France? I thirty
seven male, live in the US with my thirty six
female spouse. She's American and I'm French. We both didn't
want kids and didn't have any, and we enjoy our
life this way together. We have nieces and nephews we

(01:22:13):
see occasionally during the holidays or family gatherings. We just
came back from a family visit that ended up in
some arguments with our relatives, overtaking our niece, who's seventeen,
to a planned trip to France to hang out with
my family for four weeks during the summer break. By
any means, our niece is a good kid. We watched
a couple times at our home or theirs when her

(01:22:33):
parents needed to be out of town and couldn't take her.
She listens to us for the most part, but there
are things she just doesn't do and gives us some
attitude about when asked to, like taking her shoes off,
not eating on the couch, asking adults for food instead
of snacking, staying at the table until the end of
the meal, waiting for everyone to start eating, setting the table,
asking if she can watch TV instead of turning it

(01:22:55):
on at will. These may seem like minor trivial details,
but they are not where I come from. Arguing with
adults over this type of trivial thing is not even
a thing in my family, no fault of her own. Culturally,
kids are raised differently here and there, and I'm fine
with it. But this is also why I don't want
to bring her with us on the trip. My sister
has a big property with farm animals, a bed and breakfast,

(01:23:18):
and all the kids are used to doing chores and
don't argue because it's a communal thing we do together.
Her property is a classic French small castle gym and
there is always something to do. We plan to drive
to a couple wine places, visit friends, and we would
need to leave our niece and the care of my sister.
I already know the way my sister plans days for
her kids will be a problem to my niece, and

(01:23:39):
I don't want to burden her with that. She's making
her home a welcoming place for over eighteen family members
plus the guests and the bed and breakfast throughout the summer.
We just do what she tells us and help where
we can because she's the host. It's the way we've
done it since forever. So when my brother in law
asked if I could take our niece on our trip
to France, I said no. I ask my sister before

(01:24:01):
I answered, and I said that I wouldn't. I asked
that we talk in private and not in front of
the kids, to explain why to him. He started screaming,
so I answered why, mentioning that French families operate differently
and it wouldn't work for anyone. I know for a
fact that my sister doesn't want any of it. She
hosted an American exchange student once and didn't have a

(01:24:21):
good time at all, and it was around the property
work in chores. Now brother in law, sister in law,
mother in law, and father in law are upset and
trying to get my wife to make it happen for
the sake of our niece. Am I the jerk for
not wanting to take my niece to France? Not the jerk.
If they want her to go to France, they should
take her. You are not obligated to do this period.

(01:24:43):
It's not your kid, not the jerk, it's your vacation.
Them asking is fine, but when you said no, that
should have been it. You'd have to have her with
you for four weeks and have your sister babysitter as well.
It's unfair to be asked to do that. You decided
to not have kids for a reason. What an amazing
opportunity that would have been for a seventeen year old.

(01:25:03):
What a shame for her that she hasn't been taught
to be a better guest, but she hasn't, so that's
that if you're not comfortable inflicting her on your sister,
then there's no way you are obliged to. Your brother
in law is astoundingly oblivious and entitled to yell at
you and try to force this, which shows exactly where
your niece got her attitude and gives you no way
at all to be confident that your niece would even

(01:25:24):
try to be better or more respectful if she did
go at seventeen. If she can't handle being told no,
you can't go to France with your aunt, then that's
proving the point even further. Not the jerk, and don't
ruin your trip by caving to pressure. Am I the
jerk for saying my husband's family tradition made me feel
like a glorified surrogate and not wanting to participate. My

(01:25:45):
husband's family have a tradition that makes me feel like
a glorified surrogate. Essentially, when someone has a baby in
the family, the husband and the grandfather both give the
mother a substantial amount of money. The way my husband
explained it to me made it seem like it happened
immediately after giving birth when he told me. I made
a face, and he asked me why. I said that

(01:26:06):
this tradition made me feel like a glorified surrogate, and
it was like he and his family were buying the
baby from me. My husband got really offended and said
it was a nice thing his family did to the
new mother and that in a few months I should
just thank his dad and not say anything negative about
this tradition, as it was important to them and him.
I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to participate,

(01:26:27):
and now he's upset and thinks I'm reading too much
into it. Am I the jerk? Why are people saying
not the jerk? I'm sorry, but yes, you actually are
the jerk. You're reading too much into it. It makes
no sense to buy the baby from you, and I
have no idea why you thought of it that way.
Have you never heard of a baby shower, or just
in general, people with newborn babies getting gifts that would

(01:26:49):
help the family out even if they didn't need the
financial help. You could just set the money aside to
use it whenever you want to buy your kid something,
or even to use it for their education. This is
a nice tradition because it means the father's family is
invested in yours and wants you and the baby to
live a comfortable, happy life. I don't know why you
have such a negative feeling about that. They're just trying
to do well by you. You're the jerk. I know,

(01:27:12):
she's probably just one of those people that's able to
find a negative in everything. The whole thing sounds like
an amazing gesture and tradition. Here, new mom, you've worked
so hard at creating another human being, and we want
to gift you a large sum of money so that
you can treat yourself. What jerks his family are? You
would be the jerk for sure. How is that any
different from getting gifts when pregnant or a family member

(01:27:34):
setting up a trust for the baby. They're giving you
and your baby a gift, not buying the baby. Not
the jerk. This is honestly a major red flag. You
aren't a dog that is to be rewarded for what
you've done, so why are they treating you like one?
Men think they can get away with this kind of
crappy behavior because they feel above us. I would seriously
reconsider this relationship unless you want to be treated like

(01:27:56):
a dog for the rest of your life. Well, who
do you think is the jerk? Op or her husband
in the in laws? Please let us know. Tell you what,
if you don't want that money, I'd be glad to
take it. Maybe we can work something out. Am I
the jerk for wanting a room in the house I'm buying?
For context, the house my I'm twenty male family lives

(01:28:18):
in was owned by my grandmother fifty seven female, and
great grandmother who's eighty eight. My grandmother passed last year
and the house solely became my great grandmother's. She's willing
to sell the house to us for fifty thousand dollars
with a deadline. The original plan was for the house
to go into my mother's name, who's forty, but the
bank wouldn't approve her for a loan. My stepfather, who's

(01:28:39):
thirty six, tried as well, and he wasn't eligible either.
With the deadline approaching, we tried to see if I could.
I'm currently in the process of doing it, but I
have gotten further than both of them did. That leads
us to the issue. I'm currently living in the house
in the formal living room with a partition as my
only form of privacy. I've been contributing to paying bills

(01:29:00):
since before this, whereas my brother, eighteen mail, has not
when we both have jobs. We used to live in
the same room, but when I went away for college,
he got the room to himself and I won't fit
in there any more. I've been trying to get that
room for a little while now, especially since it's right
next to the front door and my brother has a
tendency of just randomly inviting friends. Over with the fact

(01:29:22):
that I am now taking a huge financial risk to
save us from losing the house we have lived in
for over ten years. I told my mother that I
want the room. I'm trying to get her on my side,
since I know my brother is going to fight tooth
and nail to keep the room. She isn't completely on
my side and has told me that she'll think about
it whenever I've asked her. I brought up my situation

(01:29:42):
with a few of my friends and coworkers, and they
all believe that I should get the room, some of
them saying that I would have the power to kick
them out if I wanted to. I don't want to
do that since the only reason why I'm doing this
is for them, but I do want to be able
to have my own privacy, so please tell me am
I the jerk update. I read a lot of messages
and some of them were saying to have a legal

(01:30:03):
agreement on the payment to ensure that my family would
help contribute. I spoke with my family and they have
agreed to sign rental agreements where each of them will
be paying rent equating to a quarter of the mortgage,
allowing everyone to pay an equal share. As for legal advice,
my legal counsel is my mother, since she has a
background and paralegal. As for the room, I spoke with

(01:30:23):
them about it and after much discussion and argument, we
have decided to create a room out of the garage,
and my brother actually jumped to moving in there, which
shocked us. So that takes care of the main point
of the post. I wanted to thank everyone for giving
me advice and the strength to stand up for myself.
My mom actually got scared that I was going to
not get the house when my brother flat out declined

(01:30:44):
giving me the room in the first place, and I
straight up said that I won't go for it. Then
It's going to take some time, but I will get
the room and I won't be taken advantage of with
the payments being able to fight it. Don't buy the house.
This will only end in disaster for you. The family
seem like nightmare tenants that will only cause headaches for
the ope, not the jerk. Don't buy the house, or

(01:31:07):
if you do, make sure you have a formal agreement
drawn up by a lawyer for your parents and brother
being your sibling. Not the jerk. I agree with the others.
Don't buy the house. Your family will never see you
as the homeowner. Save yourself a lifetime of grief. Well
what do you think? Should OP buy the house or not?
Please let us know. Sometimes we love our family so

(01:31:28):
much that we make decisions that will hurt us in
the long run. Absolutely not. I really hope he changes
his mind. Am I the jerk for not wanting to
sit at the kid's table? Last weekend, I twenty two female,
was at a family party at my aunt's house to
celebrate my cousin's her son birthday. It was a nice
time as always, and when it was time to eat,
I got my plate and started heading downstairs where everyone

(01:31:50):
was gathered. Since the kitchen is upstairs and the family
room is downstairs. Anyway, my aunt rushes over and asks
me where I'm going. I said, downstairs everyone else, and
she told me I had to sit at the table
so I wouldn't spill anything or make a mess. I
didn't like this because I'm twenty two years old and
I know how to not make a mess, and also
because the only people sitting at the table were my

(01:32:12):
three little cousins who are thirteen, ten, and six years old.
I told her again I didn't have to sit at
the table, but she stood in front of me and
blocked my way downstairs, so I just gave up and
sat with my little cousins. Someone told my aunt the
cooler was out of water, so she went back in
the kitchen to get more. Since she couldn't see me,
I decided to go downstairs anyway. About five minutes later,

(01:32:35):
she comes downstairs and sees me sitting on the couch
eating and demands for me to go back upstairs to
eat at the table. I tried to remain respectful, but
I said I was too old to eat at the
kid's table, and I didn't understand why I was expected
to eat with them. When my sister, who's twenty four
didn't have to. My aunt just huffed and went back
upstairs and eventually sat down with her own plate of food.

(01:32:56):
She seemed a little upset about it the rest of
the party and the car on the way home. My
dad said I should have just sat at the kid's
table and listened to my aunt because it was her house.
I didn't respond because I didn't want to drag the
issue out. But I thought it was ridiculous that they
were making this such a big deal. So am I
the jerk? Not the jerk? Sounds like she wanted a

(01:33:16):
free babysitter for her kids. That's exactly what she wanted,
a twenty two year old sitting with the kids while
her twenty four year old sister sits with the adults.
Aunt just wanted a free babysitter for the younger kids.
Karen tried to control my diet, so I kicked her out.
My friend Jen got laid off a couple of months ago.
She's currently staying with me to save money until she

(01:33:38):
finds a new job. Jen believes her being overweight has
caused her to have low confidence, which then caused her
to lose her job. Therefore, she decided to go on
a diet to lose weight. I'm in full support of
her decision, as I figured, regardless of her reasons, it
can't be wrong to lose weight and be healthy. Jen
downloaded an app that tells her what to eat and

(01:33:59):
what to not eat, and she is not supposed to
eat candy and other sweets. I like sweets, but to
support her, I've stopped having cakes, milkshakes, et cetera at home.
The only sweets I have at home are candies. She
said to me that candies were too enticing to her
and I should get rid of them. But I need candies.
They helped me concentrate while I'm working. I work from

(01:34:20):
home and candies have been part of my diet for years.
To accommodate her needs, I told her that I would
not eat candies in front of her, and I would
keep my candy in my bedroom, which she should not
have access to. She got upset, saying I was not
being a supportive friend. But I said I was being
supportive as I have made enough accommodations to make sure
that no foods forbidden by her diet were accessible or

(01:34:42):
visible to her. She was still pouting this morning when
I came back from my daily run, I found her
in my bedroom searching for stuff. I asked her what
she's doing. She said she needed to find my junk
foods and throw them away. This was completely unacceptable to me.
For one, I agreed when she moved in that she
should not enter my bedroom without my permission. I don't

(01:35:04):
have a big apartment and my bedroom is the only
place where I can have some privacy, and she breached
that agreement. And two, I do not believe she has
the right to throw away any of my belongings. At
this point, I told her if she couldn't respect my
space and my routine, which do not affect her, she
needed to leave. She threw a fit, accusing me of
abandoning her at her most difficult time. But I explained

(01:35:27):
that I wasn't kicking her out for no reason, and
that she's welcome to stay, but she would need to
respect my boundaries. Am I the jerk? Here update? Thank
you everyone for your comments. I really appreciate your insights.
After our argument this morning, Jen went somewhere to clear
her head. She just returned and we had a conversation.
She asked me if I really wanted to kick her out,

(01:35:48):
I said, not exactly. My intention was mainly to remind
her of my boundaries. But if those boundaries keep being breached,
I would really need her to leave. She said, she understood,
but she realized that her staying here for too long
would jeopardize our friendship and she would not want that.
She will find another solution to her living situation, not
the jerk In any way, You were nice enough to

(01:36:10):
host your friend while she tries to get back on
her feet. You are also kind enough to accommodate her
requests about junk food in common and shared spaces. The
violation of your privacy by going into your room in
and of itself would be enough to kick her out.
This is on her op. Thank you. She wasn't happy
when I told her that she couldn't enter my bedroom
without asking, because before she moved in, she was allowed

(01:36:33):
to do whatever she wanted when she visited me. But
it's different this time. She basically lives here. Now I
need to set some boundaries to protect my privacy. She
could not be more wrong and has completely violated your privacy.
What you eat is none of her business. You actually
shouldn't have even given up what you did cakes and milkshakes.
You were too nice and that might have been slightly

(01:36:55):
enabling to her kind of crazy. Part of her weight
loss journey is going to be learning how to live
live and a world full of food she chooses not
to eat. Also, I don't believe she was going through
your room trying to throw that stuff out. She was
going to eat it, not the jerk. Well who do
you think is the jerk? O BI or her friend?
Please let us know. Here's a solution. Give all your

(01:37:16):
caddies to me. Problem solved. My boyfriend and my brother
lied to me for eight years context and a very
short version. When I was seventeen, I was in a
relationship with my twin brother's best friend, Jake. It lasted
eight years till we were all finished with college and
my ex had gotten enough money off as extremely religious
parents to get a head start in life. If you

(01:37:38):
don't know where this is going, my brother and Jake
were together the whole time and used me as a
cover because my feelings didn't matter. My brother had been
out since his teens, which is why they came up
with the idea to use me so his parents wouldn't
get suspicious. My parents were angry with my brother, even
cut contact for a year, but they all made up
and have been pushing for us to speak sins. I

(01:38:02):
refuse to speak to my brother do to how they
dismissed me when everything came out. Jake literally said, you
wouldn't understand. I had no other choice. My brother was
worse like I get where Jake was coming from because
his parents are nuts, but I didn't deserve to be
treated like that. It's been five years since everything came out.
I'm currently pregnant with twins with my soon to be husband.

(01:38:24):
My brother and Jake moved back to our hometown last year.
They have both been trying, via my family and friends,
even coworkers, to get me to talk. My mother begged
me to sit down like an adult and don't let
the past ruin my son's chance at having a relationship
with her uncle. That my grudge I have against my
sibling is ruining our family and my mental health. A
few hours ago, I stopped by for lunch and to

(01:38:47):
show my parents scan photos. Guess who was there, the
happy couple. I was literally in shock for a few minutes.
Then when my brother tried to hug me, I pushed
him away. I got so worked up I physically couldn't
stop shaking. At this, my brother and Jake tried to apologize,
talked about what happened, and begged for a relationship. I

(01:39:07):
was in tears and begged them to leave me alone.
In the end, my brother handed me a letter and said,
I really wish things could be different. You're my sister,
my twin. I do love you, and it hurts me
that we don't have each other anymore. So basically I'd
lost it, ripped up the letter screaming that we weren't
family and I just want him to leave me alone.

(01:39:28):
I walked out after that and had to get a
taxi home because I was too upset to drive. Since then,
my parents and family members have told me I'm cruel
and bitter and that I need to stop living in
the past and get over it. Hey, guys, I won't
be replying any more because I'm very emotional and don't
feel well. Not due to anyone in this sub You're
all amazing, but someone gave my brother my number, and

(01:39:50):
with my family's non stop calls, I'm going to have
to turn my phone off for my own sake, and
before anyone asks my fiance said in the family group,
if anyone shows up at our home, I'd better hope
the cops get there before he answers the door. I'd
like to answer a few questions A lot of people
keep asking before I go after eight years, why didn't
you see any signs? Basically, my brother and ex were

(01:40:12):
always close, and I obviously never thought that they'd do
something like that to me, Like your brother is meant
to protect you from the bad guys. What kind of
relationship did you and Jake have? We lived together for
two years and we did everything a normal couple does,
so I hope that clears up a lot of curiosity.
Why are you more angry at your brother than Jake.

(01:40:32):
I will never forgive Jake, but I did and still do,
pity his situation with his parents. The reason I'm more
angry at my twin brother should be obvious. What do
you plan to do with your parents? As of now?
I will go no contact till my babies are born
and at least three months old, so I can be
in the right headspace. Are you in therapy? Yes, it

(01:40:52):
helped me love myself again and trust people. I'm in
a way better place than I was a few years ago.
Not the jerk. I feel sorry for Jake with his parents,
but what he and your brother did to you is horrible.
They betrayed your trust, both as a romantic partner and
as a sibling. If they had told you the truth
at age sixteen, you might have even offered to be
a cover. But instead they chose to lie to you

(01:41:15):
for eight years. No one, not your brother, not your parents,
No one gets to determine when you should be over it.
You are not obliged to accept any apology ever, and
tell your parents if they can't respect your feelings and
your decision, they will no longer be part of you
or your children's lives. O PI. I've actually been asked
this multiple times. The honest truth is if they had

(01:41:37):
told me the truth from the get go and asked
me to be his fake girlfriend, I probably would have
done it so my brother could have been happy. They
took that choice away from you. You do not owe
them forgiveness, not the jerk. They are monsters. They stole
eight years from your life because there were like no
other options. Now they're sorry, yeah right, Maybe they want

(01:41:59):
something from you, like being their surrogate in the future.
I would stay no contact with them and low contact
to no contact with your parents. You did not break
your family. They did. Now they're harassing you and putting
your well being in danger. Forget them all. Be strong.
My parents got my older brother a car for his
eighteenth birthday, but did not do the same for me

(01:42:20):
on mine. Okay, I know the title sounds like I'm spoiled,
but hear me out. My brother, who's twenty, got a
car for his eighteenth birthday. Not a new car or anything.
It was a twenty year old Lexus that was in
pretty good shape, and he rubbed it in my face
for the rest of the time. He was a senior
in high school. Compared with my brother, I get just
as good of grades as he does better in some cases.

(01:42:42):
Even I worked my hardest in the hope of fairness.
I even did some volunteering cleaning up garbage in my
local area. Then my eighteenth birthday came and went a
few weeks ago, and the only thing I wanted, the
only thing I was hoping for, was a car. I
wasn't expecting something like a new car or a body car,
just something reliable like my brother got. The party wasn't

(01:43:04):
anything like my brother's eighteenth. For his eighteenth, my mom
baked the cake herself. It was a delicious layered chocolate
pudding cake. I got a sheet cake from the supermarket
for his. They got a DJ for mine. It was
my dad's old boombox with a couple of mixed CDs.
We went through the whole party, and I figured my
parents might have just been waiting to spring a surprise

(01:43:25):
gift on me, but that didn't happen. I asked them
as things were wrapping up why there was no car
when my brother had got one, and they said that
they felt like he had worked harder for it. I
asked what he did that I didn't do, because I
did all of that and more. My grandma was nearby
and heard everything, and then she asked them why as well.

(01:43:45):
She ended up lecturing my parents that she was very,
very disappointed in them for showing favoritism. Then she proceeded
to announce to everyone still there that my parents thought
it was fine to get their firstborn son a car
and a DJ, but not their second. And then she
even pointed out how much harder my parents tried for
my brother's eighteenth birthday than they had tried for mine.

(01:44:06):
My uncle was the first to stand up and say something,
then everyone else who had not left yet. I ended
up just walking away and going to my room to
sit and think. I got a few i'm sorry calls
from relatives, and my grandparents convinced me to go out
with them for the evening, but when I got back,
my parents were upset and told me I'd shamed them
to the whole family. I just walked past them because

(01:44:28):
I didn't want to fight. The next few weeks went
by with a silent treatment between us, but then a
few days ago, my parents suddenly surprised me with a
white ninety eight Suparu legacy that runs great. They practically
threw me the keys and the title in an envelope
and said to have fun. I got the car, and
they're paying for insurance for the next six months, like

(01:44:48):
they did for my brother. I know a car isn't
really a right but a privilege, so I feel like
I've essentially blackmailed my parents into getting me one. Am
I the jerk for how all of this played out?
At it? I would like to clarify a few things.
My parents make pretty good money and also don't go
out of their way to live lavishly by choice. They've
always been moderate in everything they buy or do, though

(01:45:10):
if anything is stretching their finances, it's my brother's college tuition.
He got a partial scholarship and my parents are paying
the rest. I don't and never intend to ask for
the same treatment on that. I want to work and
pay for my own student loans. Now that I have
the car, I'm already looking into getting a part time job.
This also isn't a gender thing, as I'm mail like
my brother. The bill of sale for the car I

(01:45:32):
got says my parents paid sixteen hundred dollars for it.
My brother's car cost them about three thousand dollars if
I remember, but I don't see it as a money issue.
I actually really love the Superaru and told my parents,
so they did not share my enthusiasm. I also did
try to talk about a car with my parents a
few times last year, but they always dodged the conversations

(01:45:52):
about the topic. I figured if I talked about it
too much, I'd ruin it, and so I stopped. I
would have felt like a brat to keep talking about
getting an imaginary car, so I learned to just stay
silent and hope. I can't go stay with my grandparents
because they live in a one bedroom condo. There isn't
enough room for other people. After all their kids grew up,

(01:46:12):
my grandparents decided to downsize to make their eventual retirement easier. Also,
my grandparents know all the details already, and they tell
me that I didn't do anything wrong. And we're already
planning on confronting my parents quietly over the car issue,
but they took the chance to take care of the
matter when they heard me asking my parents about it.
As for my brother's eighteenth birthday party, it was held

(01:46:33):
in twenty twenty during basically the height of the lockdown. Honestly,
we shouldn't have had a big party like that at
the time, but my parents insisted. As for my brother himself,
he barely speaks to me. Even before he left for college.
He didn't show up for my eighteenth birthday party, and
I figured that's just because he's busy with college and
he's not even in the same state as us anymore. Honestly,

(01:46:54):
I haven't seen or heard from him since Christmas, and
even then, the most I got out of him was
a mild greeting I did thank my parents for the car,
enthusiastically thank them, but they've barely said a word to
me after giving me the Subaru. Even when I thanked
my parents, they brushed me off and just went inside.
It kind of gave off the vibe that they were
letting a brat play with a new toy, which was

(01:47:15):
pretty upsetting and one of the reasons I made this
post at it too. There was one more thing I
forgot to say. I was really hoping to get the
car because I literally couldn't get a part time job
without one. We don't live in the city and we're
ten miles from the nearest public bus stop. I've always
had to get rides to go anywhere. Now that I
have the Subaru, I intend to look for a part

(01:47:35):
time job after school as soon as I can. Can
we give it up for your grandma, She's a g
I would have been bummed out too if my siblings
received a car and I didn't. Cars are expensive. Did
your parents explain why you weren't initially getting a car
and why no effort was being put into your birthday?
Not the jerk, by the way, Not the jerk the
way they got called out by the whole family is hilarious.

(01:47:58):
They're mad they got caught. Good on you, o P.
Not the Yerke. Clearly favoritism here. When I was in
high school, my parents helped my older sister get her
license at sixteen and gave her a car to use,
and they did the same with my younger brother. This
sucked because I had middle kid syndrome hard and I
had better grades than them, played two sports a year,

(01:48:19):
worked fifteen to twenty hours a week, and was going
full time to a local community college through a program
we had, so basically graduating with my associates at eighteen,
and they didn't. I definitely could have used the car
to drive myself to everything, but instead relied mainly on
the school bus, public transportation, and my boyfriend. This was
over ten years ago, and I still get upset with

(01:48:40):
a favoritism your parents are mad at you, even though
they have just caused life long resentment. My girlfriend demanded
to wear a white dress to a wedding. This happened
during the weekend, me being in my early thirties and
my girlfriend in her late twenties. I was invited to
a wedding ceremony of a colleague and could bring some
one with me. I asked my girlfriend that I've been

(01:49:01):
dating for a year if she would like to join me,
and she was really happy because she apparently loves weddings.
Since we don't live together, I drove to pick her
up so we'd have some time to spare before the ceremony.
As she comes out, she looks really beautiful and has
obviously put in time to fix her hair and makeup.
She's also wearing an off white dress that was rather ornate.

(01:49:21):
As she got in, I told her that she looked stunning,
but I asked if she could change to a different
colored dress for the ceremony. I'm not one for etiquette
by far, but one of the few things I have
heard everywhere is that you should not wear a white
dress to a wedding unless you're the bride. She became
pretty upset and wanted to know what was wrong with
her dress. I said that it would be inappropriate to

(01:49:41):
wear a white or off white dress unless you're the bride,
and that's like wedding law or something. Trying to be
lighthearted about it. She rolled her eyes and said it
was an outdated tradition about women and that when her
friends got married, everyone wore white dresses and that it's
not a big thing anymore. I told her that I
don't know what the dress coat is for this ceremony,
but since it's not saying all white clothes, I still

(01:50:04):
thought she should change to another color, but white or
almost white, because my colleague was getting married and we
had no idea how she felt about it. My girlfriend
became really upset and told me that I was trying
to control what she was wearing and that I was
being horrible to her, which honestly made me feel upset
and hurt. I said something along the lines of, well,

(01:50:24):
you shouldn't go to a wedding with me if I
mistreating you, and then I told her to get the
heck out of my car. She began to cry and
wanted to apologize and give me a hug, but I
just told her to get out, which she did. At it.
To clarify, we never left the driveway by her home.
I did not drop her off in the middle of
nowhere or anything like that. I drove off and she

(01:50:45):
called and texted me a bunch. I answered, I don't
want to talk right now, and then turned my phone
off and attended the ceremony. The bride was the only
one that was wearing white, so I feel as if
my gut feeling was the right one. When I got home,
my phone had blown up by tis her and her
best friend, saying that I was being inconsiderate and controlling
and should apologize for my behavior. I vented to a

(01:51:07):
few friends, most of them agreeing with me, but some
of them had said that it was a jerk thing
of me to do to tell her that she could
not wear her dress because it had nothing to do
with me. I feel as if I was in the
right since it was my colleague's wedding and it was
better to be safe than sorry. But I'm also not
sure if I was being a jerk about the situation,
so read it. Am I the jerk update. I never

(01:51:29):
expected this thread to get many replies. I'm incredibly thankful
for all of you that have reached out and commented,
and I really appreciate that you've taken the time to
tell me. My girlfriend found out about the thread. Don't
know if she knew my handle or just found it,
and we talked over the phone. She apologized and I apologized,
and it was a pretty good talk. She asked if
she could come over, and I said no and that

(01:51:51):
it would be best for us to go our separate ways.
She got upset and asked why I wouldn't even try
to work it out. I basically just said goodbye, and
then she insulted me and hung up. I'm pretty sad
about it. She really made me feel happy. But as
many of you have commented, if this was our first disagreement,
how would future disagreements look. So anyways, I think things
worked out for the best for both of us. Again,

(01:52:12):
thank you all, and I will keep trying to respond
to all of you. But there are lots of messages,
but I read through them all. Not the jerk. Your
girlfriend should have known better unless you know the couple
and its a request you don't wear white. She also overreacted,
and you did the right thing by asking her to
not go and to get out of your car. She
overreacted because she one hundred percent knew the rule. Yeah,

(01:52:36):
the only way her attitude makes sense is if she's
an attention seeker for not saying something else, or if
she was testing ope somehow boundaries, or when inevitably someone
in the wedding party asked her to leave to see
how OP would react. I wonder if she's met and
dislikes the coworker. This seems like a pretty deliberate snob.
It doesn't matter if she's met her. To some people,

(01:52:58):
anyone of the same gender with an a realm of
existence of your partner as automatically competition that needs to
be overcome. I'm not sure if that's what was happening here,
but there's no need for the two to have met
for it to have been a snob am. I the
jerk if I pressed charges against my neighbor for breaking
and entering. This is crazy, but just happened this past weekend.

(01:53:18):
I mail forty five, was alone and taking a nap
for a couple hours upstairs and came down at about
four pm. I walked down and see a man walking
out of my front door. I recognized him as my neighbor.
We live in a townhouse complex and he lives right
across from us. I confronted him. He apologized profusely and
said he was drunk, yeah, at four pm and made

(01:53:40):
a mistake. I could smell it on his breath. Seemed believable,
but I decided to make a police report anyway, They
questioned him, but his story was believable, so that was
the end. I go back inside, frazzled, but thought it
was over. I checked my phone and see auto messages
about recent charges on my credit card from a convenience

(01:54:00):
store near my house for several beers while I was sleeping.
I called the police again and they were able to
get a copy of the store security footage. A couple
days later, surprise, surprise, it's him. The police arrest him
this morning and he confessed to taking my wallet from
my house, using my credit card, and returning it back
to my house. He didn't even take the cash in

(01:54:21):
the wallet. The whole thing is so bizarre. I would
laugh about it, but then I think what if my
wife and kids were home, what could have happened? Then
I just get angry all over again. And now I
just got a letter from his wife saying how he
is a drunk and getting help and begging me not
to press charges. Part of me feels for her and wonders,
am I the jerk? But the other part of me

(01:54:42):
thinks I should not only press charges, but also sue
them into oblivion, forcing them to move at the very least.
So am I the jerk if I pressed charges. Thanks
for all the great opinions. I'm getting the same questions,
it seems, so here's some edits rather than trying to
answer individually. Edit. The door was unlocked. We live in
a gated community, so I just dropped my guard. The

(01:55:03):
neighbors have money, so I have no idea why he
did that, maybe just to see if he could get
away with it. The guy is being held in jail
pending a court appearance this Friday, likely will be released
on bail, so no opportunity for him to apologize yet
if he does. I'm not angry about the money. I'm
angry about the invasion of privacy and the fact that
I won't have peace of mind in my own home

(01:55:24):
from now on. I'm angry because what could have happened
if my wife and kids were home. I'm angry for
how much worse it could have been. In general, I
will be meeting with my wife tonight, as she keeps
begging for a meeting. Not the jerk. There should always
be consequences when dreeking leads to out of control behavior,
Otherwise you're enabling a selfish, destructive person to become even

(01:55:45):
more selfish and destructive. This is such a good point.
I would also like to point out that if he
made it all the way into your house, found your wallet,
stole credit cards, bought alcohol with them, and returned them,
that this is likely not the first time he's done
something like this, but it seems like it may be
the first time that he's facing real consequences for it.
The wife sounds like she's been enabling his behavior, not

(01:56:07):
the jerk. Press charges, not the jerk. Also, let anyone
you're friends with around there know if there's a landlord,
they should know the guy's a criminal, not a drunk.
I know plenty of drunks that would never break into
your house once light alone twice, or steal your credit card.
What's next waking up to him standing over you and
your family? Also, what kind of locks and security do

(01:56:29):
you have? Sounds like an upgrade is due. Well, what
would you do in this situation? Would you press charges
or forgive your neighbor? Please let us know forgive thy neighbor.
This ain't bethlamb bruh. We're going to have to throw
them away. In the late nineties, I volunteered at a
small private school. They had little money for extras like
computers or computer teachers. I don't know much about computers,

(01:56:53):
but I knew how to plug them in, and I
knew how to put one together if you gave me
all the parts. So naturally I got asked to be
the director of the computer lab. It had two very
old computers, and naturally it was a volunteer job. I
had very little money and a lot of time. They
knew that I wanted a job. They told me that
after I build it up, they would put a salary

(01:57:15):
in the budget. I taught some classes, the difference between
the components, some file structure, some basic some DAWs, and
how rebooting your computer usually solves whatever problems you have,
the concept of drivers. The thing is, the director of
the school hated fundraising, so my salary never got added
to the budget, and the director often kept himself busy

(01:57:36):
doing other things, useless things. One sunny morning he finds
me and tells me to wish him luck. If today
goes right, we're going to have a huge computer lab.
He comes back from his meeting with a huge smile.
I did it. I convinced a bank to donate to us.
They're old computers, okay, great, Now I have to set
up and maintain fifty new for US computers. I can't wait.

(01:58:00):
The computers got delivered the next week, all terminals. These
were bank computers. I had no idea how to get
them running. They didn't even have hard drives or operating systems.
The keyboard and mouse ports were different. They were not
the standard PS two at the time. I think they
somehow connected to a server which did not get donated.
Their monitors only did text, no graphics. They were useless

(01:58:23):
to us. We needed something to run America Online and Karda,
maybe SimCity, you know, educational stuff. I had no idea
how to get these to work. I tried asking the director,
telling him that the fifty computers were useless. He got
super annoyed. I'm sure they can be helpful in some way.
They must be worth something. Figure it out, because if

(01:58:44):
you can't, we're going to have to throw them all away.
He thought he was threatening me. He did not think
I'd throw out fifty computers. After all, he worked hard
to get them. I did not hesitate at all. My
next class. I had screwdrivers for everyone. We disassembled everything.
If it had a screw we unscrewed it. The class
figured out what each piece was, and then the class

(01:59:06):
activity was to take the pieces to the dumpster. By
the end of the day, there was nothing left. The
next day, the director asked me where the computers were. Oh,
you were right, they were very useful. The students took
them apart, learned all about the different components, and then
threw them out, just like you said we should. His
face turned all sorts of colors and he stormed out.

(01:59:27):
What I didn't tell him is that I saved the
ram from the garbage. I mean, after all, it was
in the garbage, right, and I sold them on the
online classifieds remember Yahoo Classifieds for twenty dollars a piece.
There were two in each computer, so I got two
thousand dollars. I guess they were useful after all. Am
I the jerk for not celebrating my daughter's eighteenth birthday? Myself,

(01:59:51):
forty female, and my husband forty two male, have a
daughter who just turned eighteen and is an only child.
She has barely talked to us over the past few days,
and I wanted some perspective. Historically, we haven't always been
there for her birthday because myself and my husband work
long hours. We get her a cake, have a nice
dinner at home on the closest day off to her birthday,

(02:00:12):
but it's rare we spend the actual day with her.
For her eighteenth birthday, daughter wanted to do something with
her friends, and because me and my husband were working
that night, we agreed. She proposed the idea of an
escape room with eleven of her other friends and it
would be a competition six versus six and finished with
a meal after somewhere. We agreed and said we would
pay for her meal, she and her friends would pay

(02:00:34):
for the escape room themselves. However, a couple of her
friends she wanted to come with her aren't great with money.
They've borrowed money from my daughter before and have been
a bit late paying her back, so we were hesitant
in letting her book the escape room until we knew
everyone had given her the money. My daughter was scared
someone else would book the escape room. This was a
week before her birthday, and asked to book it. We

(02:00:56):
said no and put our foot down, but my daughter
went ahead and booked it with her friends anyway, s
went behind our backs. So we told her that what
she did was wrong and disrespectful and there wouldn't be
any cake or a dinner this year, and we stuck
to our word. On our day off, we didn't do anything,
and she just sulked in her room. It's now been
a few days after her birthday. We asked her if

(02:01:17):
she had fun, and she said everyone paid her and
the night was fun, and that was that. My husband
doesn't think we did anything wrong, but I think I
heard her crying in her room. She's still icy with us.
So am I the jerk for not doing anything for
her eighteenth birthday? Edit? We both work six days a
week on twelve hour shifts for our business. Without us,
it wouldn't run, so we can't book time off. Hence,

(02:01:40):
while we always spent the closest day off, we have
to our daughter's birthday with her. Edit to Our business
has a takeaway we've had since she was born. It
was either pursue university but have no means to live,
or find a new venture and have a means to live.
My husband is the head chef and I work out
front serving customers. We hold the business up, and we've
had to do so in order to have an income.

(02:02:01):
Edit three, I see we're clearly the jerk's in this now,
Thank you everyone, But messaging wishing bad things on my
husband and I is a bit much. Our daughter has
always been mature for her age and was quite understanding
of us working so much, and now I begin to
realize she might just be acting okay with it. I
will talk to her about it and possibly look at
getting her into therapy. Thank you all. So you've essentially

(02:02:24):
never made your daughter's birthday a priority, then when she
tried to do something nice for herself on an important milestone,
you did your best to ruin it. You're the jerk.
Your husband is a jerk, and collectively you should both
be ashamed. OPI, you're the jerk. Please don't be surprised
when she goes no contact and disappears from your life.
You may think that you had good intentions to neglect her,

(02:02:46):
but all she'll remember is that you weren't there for her. Yep.
All I remember is that my dad was never there
for me. When he passed last year, I realized how
unfair it was that I was still expected to be
there for him anyway. I called and he didn't hear
from me once, And I've now gone no contact. With
my remaining sisters got tipped over two hundred dollars for

(02:03:08):
dealing with a jerk. Was bartending on a Saturday night.
It was a typical busy Saturday, but nothing crazy. Had
a couple sit down at the last two open seats
and order something to drink while waiting for their table.
They told me their weight was going to be thirty
to forty minutes. Husband got a small beer, wife didn't
want anything, didn't want to look at the menu. About

(02:03:28):
twenty minutes later, I gave them the check for the beer,
just in case they get called to a table. I
tried handing it to them, but nobody reached out to
accept the check, so I just put it down. The
husband looks at the receipt very briefly, but otherwise does
not acknowledge that it's there, seemingly on purpose, but he
did look at it. The host came to the table
and said their table was ready, and the husband sent

(02:03:50):
his wife to the table while he sat at the bar.
As soon as I went out of his sight to
make a drink for a server, this guy runs away
to his table without paying his tab. About two minutes
utes later, I went to the couple's table. It was
close enough to easily get to and politely reminded him
about his bar tap. He said no, and he wants
me to transfer it to the server. At this point

(02:04:10):
I knew he wasn't gonna tip and it wasn't worth
fighting over one beer, so I just decided to say okay,
tried walking away, and he said I was being aggressive
and wanted to talk to a manager. I wanted to
get out of there as fast as possible, so I
was like, all right, I'll send one out. I put
the receipt on the table and he threw it at
me and called me a jerk. I get back to

(02:04:31):
the bar and the manager has a chat with me.
The guests see but don't know why. Manager is kind
of cool and we're both think first, react second types
of people. Even though we didn't want to, the best
thing to do was grudgingly comped the beer. Not worth
risking a job for a seven dollars check. Some of
the guests asked me what happened. Pretty much explained everything

(02:04:51):
that happened, and one of the guests said that's ridiculous
and gave me one hundred dollars. Another guest at the
other side of the bar was so upset, more so
than even I was, that we had to comp the
bier and gave me one hundred dollars too. A few
other guests over tipped as well, multiple twenties and whatnot.
So that's my story. Sometimes it's hard, but just keep

(02:05:12):
cool even during annoying situations, and more often than not,
level heads prevail. Karen Neighbors stole my mail. I got
it back from her. I recently ordered a mini Curig
coffee maker because I'm moving and would like one for
my apartment. I could not afford one when I first moved,
but I have more money now, so it was something
I really wanted to get. I came home from work

(02:05:33):
yesterday and expected to see my Cureig, but it looked
like it was not there. I looked at my security
camera and found that someone who I don't recognize took
my Creig from my front porch. I filed a report
with the Postal Service, but I haven't heard anything back yet.
I have a friend in my neighborhood and she was
hanging out with our neighbor and she noticed that my
Cureig was at my neighbor's apartment. She asked my neighbor

(02:05:56):
if she could deliver it to me, and my neighbor
said no because it was delivered to her sure, so
therefore it was fair game. This was a lie, and
I told my friend that it was not delivered to her. Rather,
it was stolen. I was upset and I went over
there to try to get it back, but she tried
to make me pay for it. I threatened to call
the police because that's really the only line of defense

(02:06:16):
I knew how to do, and she ended up giving
it back. Now, however, she's not speaking to me, and
my family thinks that I overreacted. I think it was
a bit extreme to threaten to call the police, but
male theft is very serious, and the cureig was something
that I was really looking forward to. I know I
shouldn't care if I look bad, but my family's reactions
make me think that I was and the wrong. Am

(02:06:37):
I the jerk at it? Thank you all for your
nice comments. I honestly wasn't sure if I was overreacting,
but I've realized that I was not. I will be
filing a police report tomorrow, and I'm going to let
people know that our neighbor is a thief. Hopefully it
makes a difference, and even if not, I'm sure that
doing this is the right thing. Also, I decided to
open my crerig and I love it. I'm very glad

(02:06:58):
I got it back. Not the jerk, but she's a
terrible thief to steal and not get rid of the
box with your name on it asap oh P, I
totally agree, that's probably the first thing you get rid
of if you're going to take something. The curate was
still in the box on her kitchen counter, not the jerk.
She stole from you. That's the only point that matters.

(02:07:18):
Why wouldn't you call the police, especially since you have
evidence that she took it. Don't know what your family's
thinking saying that you overreacted. She stole and refused to
give it back. Therefore you'd be completely fair to call
the police. Op. I just don't know if it's worth
my time because I'm moving. I think it might still
be a good idea, though only because she could do
it again. Well, what would you do in this situation?

(02:07:41):
Would you call the police on your neighbor or not?
Please let us know. Pro tip never forget to throw
away the box didn't go above and beyond, I'll delete
everything that I've done. The original owner of the business
I worked for was amazing. I'll call him Larry. He
cared about every employee and realized how much we helped
the company with our respective positions. He had even let

(02:08:02):
me go negative on my SIKE time once when I
was hospitalized for a week following a double pulmonary embolism,
with the agreement that I would work the time back,
and I did, just painting a picture of how wonderful
Larry was as our boss. Larry finally retired after forty
five years of running the business and sold it to
his son, who I'll call Eric. Most people know how

(02:08:23):
bad an idea that is, but Larry thought his son
could handle it. He couldn't at first, but that's another story.
Eric thought I wasn't doing enough during working hours off
his job dealing with inventory coming into the retail store.
But what he failed to realize was that since I
worked up there for six years and got familiar with
the work, I was really efficient at the job, so
much so that I had collected more responsibilities each year.

(02:08:47):
Larry was one of the main people pushing for me
to take on more each year, with immediate raises every
time something was added. Eric didn't have the same mentality.
Eric fired me for being inactive for too long during
the day another reason which isn't important here. Also another
story for another time. So I was really active for
my last three days with deleting everything I had created

(02:09:09):
for the company. It was all above and beyond work,
so since I didn't ever go above and beyond, they
didn't deserve to keep it. It was signs for products,
pictures gathered for advertising, vendor contact information, a program I
designed to keep organized and on time for invoices, and
a manual I had typed up on how to do
my job. They had an old version of my job instructions,

(02:09:30):
but by that time they were practically obsolete, especially with
all my extra duties collected over the years. In the
two years I've been gone, they've had at least eight
people hired for my position who quit within a couple months.
I keep getting updates every few months from one of
my friends at the office edit to address some questions
and concerns. I did these things off the clock on

(02:09:51):
my own computer, except for some advertising images that were
for past promotions and no longer valid. I never had
to sign anything saying my intellectual property became there. Neither
the job description nor a handbook had anything about intellectual
property either. I'm curious if Larry had any idea how
his son was running the company, how he was treating you,
or what his opinion was after you had been fired.

(02:10:13):
Op As far as I'm aware, dozens of employees emailed
Larry about concerns about Eric's leadership actually lack thereof. Within
six months of him taking over, Larry chewed him out,
but the effect only lasted a few months. It happened
at least three times in less than two years. Something
finally registered and Eric was more present, but still not
actually running the business. Am I the jerk for evicting

(02:10:37):
a family so I can move in? My life is
kind of an upheaval right now, so I really don't
know if I'm the jerk in this situation or not.
TA because my brother is on Reddit so background. Six
weeks ago, I, twenty seven female, found out that my husband,
who's thirty, has been cheating on me for the past
five years with a few different women. I immediately moved

(02:10:58):
myself and our kids, who are set, seven, five and
five to my parents' house where my brother, who's twenty two,
also lives. Being only a three bedroom, one bathroom house,
it's very cramped, but my parents insisted that I leave
my husband. I've only worked part time for extra cash
since the twins started preschool two years ago, and was
a stay at home mom for five years before that.

(02:11:19):
My husband owned our house and control our finances. I've
realized in all of this that I own almost nothing,
have almost no work experience, and only have a general
Studies associate degree. Had to cut college short because I
got pregnant. Suffice to say that I'm freaking out about
how I'm going to provide for my kids going forward
because I do plan on divorcing, which brings us to

(02:11:39):
this post. On top of everything, my grandma passed two
weeks ago. She was very private with our finances, and
while we knew she and my late grandpa made money
from renting houses, she told my mom a few years
ago that she had sold all her rental properties. Come
to find out that she kept two and in her
will left one to me and one to my brother
only grandkids. The one my brother inherited has been vacant

(02:12:02):
for a bit, but the one I received is a
four bedroom, one and a half bath with a family
of six that lived there, a single mom and five kids.
She's a friend of a friend, so I do know
that her husband passed in twenty twenty. From you know what,
as much as I obviously missed my grandma, the house
is an absolute godsend and I started crying when I
found out about it. I told to my brother and

(02:12:23):
his girlfriend, who's twenty, how me and the kids can
finally get our life back on track. A bit, his
girlfriend got really cold and asked if I was really
going to evict a family when I could just live
at my parents until I get on my feet, especially
since my brother is now going to move into his
inherited house and make more room. And my brother agreed
with her, saying it was selfish. My parents said it's

(02:12:44):
my house and I can do what I want, but
they see his point and that the family living there
could easily be in the same situation as me. It's
been such an emotional few weeks, so I don't know
if I'm being a selfish jerk or not. Edit. This
has only been up for a little bit, but thank
you so much for the advice and comments so far,
It's been such a whirlwind that I forgot that I
just need to stop and breed sometimes. Thanks anxiety, She's

(02:13:07):
on a month the month lease for a little under
market rent. I was so focused on the fact that
I now own something other than my fifteen year old
vehicle that I didn't even consider staying at my parents
for a bit after my brother moves out. I recently
started a more full time position, and my kids love
their grandparents, so this makes the most sense while I
tackle all the legal stuff that's coming my way. I'll

(02:13:27):
talk to my parents tonight about this route, which would
alleviate a ton of guilt I was already feeling about
the possibility of eviction. Thanks for snapping me out of
my own head for a bit. Not the jerk. Your
brother and sister in law are guilt tripping you. Also,
the house your cheating husband thinks he owns is half yours.
Make him sell or refinance and give you the money,

(02:13:48):
plus go for alimony and child support. Do all of
this while staying at your parents and collecting the rent
from the home your grandma left you. Now you have
cash an income, and then buy another rental home and
start building a mental empire good luck. Depending on state laws,
op's house may also be half his OP needs the
advice of a good lawyer. Pronto, honestly, stay with the

(02:14:11):
parents and charge the renter's market priced rent. You can
use that money to assist you further. Moving into a
house with zero income is going to see you lose
that house and happy to move back in with your
parents anyway, Well, what would you do in this situation?
Would you evict the family and move into the house
or not? Please let us know when you expect. A
five star hotel paying for a two star inn. One evening,

(02:14:34):
working at the inn next to a main road in
a popular tourist city of the coast of Bravo region
of Spain, Like every morning, I was typing in the
remaining customer data before submitting it to the authorities. We
were fully booked, but one room hasn't shown up yet.
Thirty minutes before we close our check in a brand
numerous cities pulls up into our small parking lot I

(02:14:55):
can see from the inside. Emerges an older lady in
her sixties. She enters the building without any baggage and
hence towards me. I need to clarify that. By that time,
I'm the only worker in the whole building, and this
conversation starts me. Welcome to the old lady. Where is
the porter? Me? Unfortunately, we don't have that service in

(02:15:15):
our inn. Old lady, what do you mean you don't
have that service? All the hotels I was at before
had it. Me. Well, we're a small roadside in We
can't offer you any luxuries, but we do have one
of the best kitchens in the city. Karen, Oh, I
don't care about that. Who is going to carry my
suitcase for me? Me? It will most probably have to

(02:15:37):
be you. Ma'am. Do you have a reservation? Trying to
speed up the process before the system locks? Karen, Ah,
what kind of hotel doesn't have a porter? Yes, I
do have a reservation? Me under which name? Old lady? Great,
I can see that you paid it through our partner website.
All all need is your passport or ID to finish

(02:15:58):
the check in process. She hands me her id. I
don't understand how you can have such a poor service. Me.
We do what we can with what we have. Ma'am.
I return her ID with the key to her room.
Here's your key, Room one, Oh, two, first floor, second
door on the right. Karen disgusted. What is this? Pointing
to the key I laid on the desk in front

(02:16:20):
of her. Me confused, the key to your room? Or lady,
where is the card? Me? What card? The card to
open my room? Oh? No, we don't have electronic locks.
You need to use this key to access your room.
What first you tell me that you don't have a porter,
and now that I need to use a key for
the room. What kind of hotel are you? Me? We're

(02:16:43):
the two star Roadside in you booked your stay at,
ma'am Karen as she grabs her key and goes to
her car for her suitcase. Unbelievable. I go back to
type in all the remaining data I can see. She
comes back with her small suitcase. Yes, she needed a
porter for a small suitcase be size one uses for
an onboard baggage on flights, and marches towards the stairs.

(02:17:05):
One hour later, as I'm in the middle of closing
the restaurant, the front desk of the inn was the
counter of the bar too, I can hear behind my back, ahem,
excuse me me, Yes, what can I help you with?
This time? Ma'am, I can't find the hair dryer me. Unfortunately,
I can't help you finding your hair dryer, ma'am. No,

(02:17:27):
I mean I can't find the hair dryer in the bathroom,
the one you provide for me to use. Me. We
don't provide individual hair dryers in our rooms. If you
didn't bring your own, ma'am, I'm sorry to inform you
that there is no hair dryer for you to use.
What how am I supposed to dry my hair? Every
hotel provides a hair dryer? How do you people stay

(02:17:47):
open if you don't know how to serve your customers? Me, ma'am,
if you're not happy with our service, you're more than
welcome to bring your complaint to our manager tomorrow morning
during your checkout. Huh. You can be sure I will.
As she turns around and storms back to her room,
I add, have a great night, ma'am. This lady paid
thirty euros for her room at a roadside inn and

(02:18:09):
expected of five star hotel experience. I found a baby, No,
I really did so. It all started when I decided
to do a property walk at two am. I was
working audit that terrible night. I am a good soul
I think, and I go outside to check on cars
to make sure nothing bad happened or anything like that.
I notice a white sedan that had its engine on. Okay,

(02:18:32):
no worries, maybe some guests that is coming right back.
I continue my little walk. I go to the hotel
next door dual property and chat with the auditor over there.
I head back to my hotel and notice the white
sedan is still running. I shine my flashlight in the vehicle.
I stand there, stone cold as a head twitches in
the back seat. Twitch again, twitch. Now my heart is racing.

(02:18:55):
Who the heck would have Annabella in the back seat? Wait? No,
not a curse doll. The thing is breathing. I yank
out my phone and I call nine one one immediately,
Nine one one, what's your emergency? Yeah, there's a baby
in a car, and I'm not sure where the parents are.
Is the car on? Yes? Did you try to break
into the vehicle? No? Not yet. Okay, just stand near

(02:19:19):
it and I'll send medics. What's your address? Sure, here's
the address. Great. Like I said, just stand near the vehicle,
and emergency units have already been dispatched and are currently
en route. Thank you, ma'am. I hang up. By this time,
my hands are sweaty. I need to go to the bathroom. No, no, Ryan,
you have to stand here and watch. I pace back

(02:19:40):
and forth in front of the sedan. As I hear
the sirens approaching. Thank goodness, they're close. A police car
races up to me, followed by an ambulance than a
fire truck. As the police officer breaks into the car,
more and more police show up. Okay, so now we
have seven cop cars, two ambulances, three fire trucks for
one baby. Sure, I don't make the room. After the

(02:20:01):
baby is safely retrieved from the vehicle, we try to
go on our security tapes, but thanks to our wonderful
management company, they barely work. Also for ADP. Fast forward
a few weeks, an officer that I recognize walks into
the lobby of the hotel. She catches me up to
speed on the case. So apparently they found the baby
daddy next door to our hotel with a lady. How lovely.

(02:20:24):
And to make things worse or better, the mom didn't
know the baby daddy took the baby forty minutes away
to a hotel. We love good families. End of story.
Good day, I hope that guy loses his parental rights.
Am I the jerk for getting mad when my soon
to be husband wants to change our honeymoon to family vacation.
My boyfriend, who's thirty three, and I, who am twenty two,

(02:20:46):
will get married in four months. We're planning our wedding ourselves,
and discussed everything, including our honeymoon at first. A few
months ago, he said he wants to change our honeymoon
to a family vacation so his parents and my mom
can get along I know each other more. I agreed,
so we're researching where to go and for how long.
But a few weeks after that, he said he didn't

(02:21:07):
want to bring his family because his relationship with them
is kind of rough. I agreed again and started researching
again honeymoon plans for just the two of us. Everything
went fine until a few days ago. I was shopping
with my soon to be mother in law, and on
the ride home, my boyfriend asked her if she wants
to join in our honeymoon. I was shocked and mad,
but I stay silent. After we dropped her off, I

(02:21:29):
asked him, what if my mom doesn't want to go
with us? My mom really said she didn't want to.
He said it's okay and we can just go with
his family. It really bothered me, but because we have
a plan to meet his friend afterwards, I just kept
it to myself not to ruin the mood. After I
went home, I texted him and said that I'm mad
about the sudden change. I rant a bit, as usual

(02:21:51):
every time I'm angry. Then he gets mad as well
because he thinks I'm making a big deal of something
that's not important. In the end, we both get mad
and give each other silent treatment. Until now. I'm not
mad because he changed the plan. I'm mad because he
didn't talk to me first before asking his mom. I
still think I have the right to get mad, but
also I feel guilty for making a fuss about something small.

(02:22:13):
So am I the jerk? Update? Hi everyone, I don't
expect this to blow up and I have so many comments.
Thank you for your concern and advice. I appreciate it
so much, and I'm sorry I can't read and reply
to everyone. For everyone who's asking, I met my boyfriend
when I was already twenty so no, I'm not being mistreated,
but thank you for your concern. For everyone who reminded

(02:22:34):
me what he's doing is a red flag. Yes, I
know it sounds so bad, but I think everyone on
relationships knows that there's lots of crap that if you
tell everyone just from your perspective, it will sound really bad.
It's just one of many things on our relationship. I
guess he's not perfect, and so am I. I also
know my relationship isn't perfect nor ideal, but we love
each other and we will keep working on from there.

(02:22:56):
Now I know I'm not the jerk for getting mad,
so I'll talk to him again with more confidence, and
I hope we can make up and do better once again.
Thank you for all the kind and not so kind advice,
wishing you all a really nice day. Not the jerk,
but do not marry this man. You're too young and
the age gap is too big. Worse than that, though,
he does not respect you and would happily put his

(02:23:18):
family's desires above yours, even in the content of a wedding,
which should be entirely about the two of you. If
he will do this, now, what else might he deprioritize
you in? Think about this carefully. Not the jerk, I
would be more mad about him constantly changing the plan
and not consulting you. It's just so annoying and, if
I'm being honest, a bit of a red flag. He's

(02:23:39):
forcing you into situations that you don't want to be in,
taking advantage of the fact that you can't make a
scene in public. Well, if you don't like it, you
can quit, okay. Sure. The state I live in had
just done away with their mask rule. About a month
or so prior. I was working in a small cafe,
having quit my full time job in January of twenty
twenty one in order to limit my exposure getting sick.

(02:24:01):
The owner of this cafe didn't actually care about it.
She was an empty nester, stay at home mom with
a rich husband who decided she wanted to put small
business owner and her Facebook bio, so us five barristas
were the ones actually running the cafe. I was naively
sucking up and the hopes that I could put general
manager as my job title on my resume so in

(02:24:21):
future job interviews they wouldn't awkwardly ask why I went
from a full time manager in charge of ordering supplies
to a part time barrista in a dinky tourist cafe.
I was putting in a lot of work for nine
dollars an hour. I was purchasing supplies and doing inventory
on my own dime and my own time, and then
submitting receipts for reimbursement. I was categorized as part time

(02:24:42):
but pulling full time hours and could regularly be found
on my days off talking with my coworkers and likely
making a few drinks when it was more convenient for
me to be doing the work. And the craziest part
is I wasn't unique in the work I was putting
into this place. None of us were working there for
the money, because the money was crap. This was a
blank slate of a cafe that we were given the

(02:25:02):
freedom to turn into whatever we wanted, and we were
all passionate about making it the space we wanted it
to be. My boss got to say she was a
small business owner and put an apron on to pose
for Instagram selfies once a month when she actually worked there,
and we got to develop a great atmosphere with cool
customers and a great staff. But back to Lockdown, that's
where this story really begins. Three of our five baristas

(02:25:25):
got sick all at the same time, and us being
home bodies, we would have only gotten it from the cafe.
The five of us who actually worked there jumped on
a text group chat that included my boss to discuss
what likely happened and what we wanted to do going forward.
All of us wore masks, but since our county's health
department hadn't made it mandatory yet, we hadn't been throwing
too much of a fuss when people came in without them.

(02:25:47):
We just rolled our eyes and made their drinks. And
the text group chat, the five of us agreed that
under these circumstances, we should impose the mask rule on
our own, regardless of the county stands, but the owner
was adamantly against it. She we had every reason under
the sun why she wouldn't allow us to impose our
own rule. She said, since the county didn't have one,
we shouldn't either. We toats shouldn't have gotten sick from

(02:26:09):
the cafe because one of the three who caught it
had only worked two days the week the others did,
et cetera. I was really frustrated by this because it
feels like it's easy for someone to make decisions about
other people's health when they don't actually spend any time
whatsoever in that environment. Plus her motivations were perfectly transparent.
She had an obsession with our reviews on Google and

(02:26:30):
in the state of Utah. If a business requires people
to wear them, the business suddenly gets quite a few
one star reviews. I would have preferred to talk to
her in person, but since my boss never spent any
time in the cafe, I instead sent her a text
outside of the group chat expressing my concerns. I felt
I was very professional and assertive, saying, Hi, Owner, I
would really like to encourage you to rethink your stance

(02:26:52):
on this within the store, at least for the potential
duration that any of us might be sick, both for
our safety and for the safety of our customers. And
she responded with the absolute most passive, aggressive text I
think I've ever seen. I'll go ahead and type out
a few spicy portions of the long text she sent
and reply Owner, if another person gets sick, I will
be closing the cafe without knowing for how long. If

(02:27:15):
you do not feel comfortable at the cafe or are
worried about your health, I understand if you do not
want to continue to work at the cafe, as of now,
it is still a choice for guests to wear them. Basically,
forget you. If you don't like it, you can quit.
I was annoyed. I didn't send anything in response. Instead,
I updated my resume on my phone and started to
apply to other jobs. I got a few interviews and

(02:27:38):
very quickly landed a job. This was at the height
of signs and windows saying please work for us, and
right before I was going to give my boss two
weeks notice for the sake of my coworkers, not for her,
the county imposed a new rule and she texted the
group Chad something like guests are required to wear them
now yeay, as if that was the only thing keeping
us from enforcing it. So that's when I officially quit it.

(02:28:00):
I think it really caught her off guard that I
called her bluff like that, And as soon as I
walked out the door for the last time as an employee,
she was scrambling to pull things back together since my
coworkers were not about to make things easy and pick
up the work I dropped for her. She was so
disgruntled by my quitting that she went so far as
to change all the locks on the store and change
all of the computer passwords, as if I was going

(02:28:21):
to sneak in in the middle of the night and
steal from her. She really showed her true colors. Two
of my former coworkers are currently looking for other jobs,
and it sounds like my former boss has really started
to lose it now that she has to do work
for the cafe. It's not fun to work there anymore.
And getting my boss up to speed on how to
work inside the cafe she owns as like teaching a
high schooler whose mom made them get a summer job.

(02:28:43):
Am I the jerk for not letting my friend's kids
have any of the treats in my house? I'll try
to make this short and sweet. I have four kids
who are ages four, six, eight, and ten. Each kid
has their own little snack box in the pantry. It's
basically a cardboard box with their name on it that
they've decorated how they live. Whenever we buy snacks of
any kind aside from healthy things like nuts or fruits

(02:29:04):
or veggies, et cetera, we'll put an equal amount in
each of the kid's snack box. Otherwise the box would
be emptied in a few days, and because they would
all come to eat some and one kid would end
up eating much more than another, or someone just wouldn't
get any. We figured this way they all could equal
amounts and can learn how to regulate on their own
how much they eat and how long it lasts, and

(02:29:25):
has led to some interesting trades between them, trading snacks
for snacks or chores for snacks, et cetera. Thankfully, we
haven't had much trouble with them stealing from each other,
so we have a few good friends who come over
a lot. Between them, they have three kids that come
over with them and play with our kids, ages three, eight,
and twelve. Last week, they came over and the three
year old wanted a snack cake that was in my

(02:29:47):
eight year old snack box. Every one of my other
kids have already eaten their cakes, and my eight year
old had two left. They each started with three. The
three year old asked for one, and my eight year
old said no, she didn't want to share because they
were her favorite and she was saving them for later.
Three year old through a tantrum, and friend's spouse was upset,
I wouldn't make my kids share. I said they were

(02:30:08):
her snacks and she didn't have to share if she
didn't want to. Friends. Spouse said that it wasn't fair
I had snack cakes where a toddler could see them
and tell her that she couldn't have one, and that
my snack box system is going to cause my kids
to have a bad relationship with food or cause hoarding
problems or something like that in the future, that they
need to learn to share. I said, they do know
how to share, I just don't make them share food,

(02:30:31):
and that the three year old can have anything else
in the house, just nothing from their snack boxes. She
said that all the good stuff was in the snack
boxes and if I was going to do this, I
should leave some out for when the other kids come
over so they can have some too. Am I the
jerk for not making my kids share her snacks even
if it really upset my friend's kid? Not the jerk.

(02:30:51):
I cannot fathom taking my kids to a friend's house
and arguing like this, let alone suggesting that their kids
are going to have a bad relationship with food or
call I was hoarding just because my kid didn't get
a little Debbie snack and throw a tantrum. Next time
they pull this, you need to teach your kids how
to share, point out that they need to teach their
kids the meaning of no. One hundred percent agree with this.

(02:31:13):
Not the jerk. These parents are being completely unreasonable. I
can't believe grown adults are behaving this way. Also, they
have absolutely no right to be telling you that your
parenting practices are going to lead to them having a
bad relationship with food, et cetera. I wish my mom
would have done something like that for me, because it
may have helped me not to have a bad relationship
with food. You're the jerk. Maybe it's a regional or

(02:31:35):
a cultural thing. As a Southern American, I cannot imagine
inviting someone to my home and making any food off limits.
That just boggles my mind that someone is this inhospitable right.
My mind is so boggled too. When I went to
friends' houses, they always fed and gave me snacks and
vice versa. This comment section is weird. I feel like

(02:31:55):
over the past few years, people have taken you don't
owe anyone anything too far, whether it's interpersonal relationships or
in stuff like this, It's just seeped way too deep
into people's decision making. In my opinion, like sure, you don't,
but you should also be ready for the consequences, such
as your friends thinking you're kind of a jerky friend.
We now conflate boundaries with selfishness and self centeredness. Hint,

(02:32:20):
you can be gracious and generous and have boundaries. Really, yes,
I think it's important we have terms like boundaries, gas lighting, mistreatment,
self care, et cetera. Because those concepts are useful, but
people can really run wild with them. Like the other
day when people were arguing it was fine for a
man to go no contact with his kid, in other words,

(02:32:40):
abandon her because she had been mistreating him between the
ages of eleven and fourteen AKA she had learned he
had cheated on her mom and was being upset about it. Well,
who do you think is the jerk? OPI or her friend?
Please let us know. Maybe we need some extra snacks
for when friends come over. Am I the jerk for
ordering delivery food when I only live a few blocks

(02:33:01):
away from the restaurant. There's a local burger joint that
my family and I love. It's about ten blocks away
from our house and they do both delivery and pick up.
I'm a full time student and stay at home mom.
To a toddler who's one and a half while my
husband works full time. I had a big exam and
a couple of lab practicals due today and was too
tired to cook dinner, so I decided to order a

(02:33:21):
couple burgers and fries from the local joint. It was
already dark out really cold, and I didn't feel like
trying to wrangle my kid into the snowsuit or the
stroller to walk over there as we don't have a car,
so I ordered delivery on their website for an additional fee.
This wasn't a delivery service like door to ash or
uber eats. The restaurant uses its own online platform and
hires its own drivers to deliver food. I paid online

(02:33:44):
and left a twenty percent tip. About thirty minutes later,
I get a notification the delivery driver was at my building,
so I went downstairs to pick up my food. When
I got to the door, the delivery person was very
rude and told me that next time I should get
off my butt and go pick up my own darn food,
and that she doesn't get paid enough to deliver food
less than a mile. I just grabbed my food and

(02:34:05):
didn't say a word to her and headed back to
the elevator. I heard a pound on the locked door
as I walked away and turned around to see she'd
hit the door with some snow and was giving me
a mean gesture. I went upstairs kind of frazzled and
ended up calling the restaurant to let them know what
happened and to please reimburse me from my tip. The
manager I talked to was horrified and apologized and ended

(02:34:27):
up returning my tip. He also offered a twenty percent
off coupon for a future visit. We love this burger shop,
so this poor experience isn't going to stop us from
eating their food. I just am not going to get
delivery from them again. Am I the jerk for ordering
delivery from a restaurant a few blocks away? Is this
some kind of unwritten rule of delivery that I didn't
know about? Not the jerk, Like, that's a super easy

(02:34:49):
and close delivery, and if anything, it being shorter makes
it more lucrative on a tip time ratio. I don't
think the delivery driver was a high IQ individual. Seriously,
that driver has no idea what Op's situation is. Either
she could be home alone and stuck with her three kids,
unable to just go pick up her food easily. Definitely
not the brightest person. Am I the jerk for not

(02:35:11):
wanting to pay for my step children's private school? I
thirty female, have two step kiddos, both girls, who are
nine and eleven, there from my husband's fifty one male
previous marriage. I've been in their lives for over five
years and we are a happy unit. Husband shares custody
fifty to fifty with his ex wife, who I'll call Candy.

(02:35:32):
When husband and Candy got a divorce, they agreed to
keep the girls in a private Catholic school they had
been attending since pre K. Last year, Candy moved to
a town thirty minutes away and insisted the girls go
to a school closer to her home. We live in
a major city, so traffic and construction add to this time,
depending on time of the day. Husband and I agreed,

(02:35:52):
but insisted we discuss public school options as both kids
are growing tired of Catholic school and have expressed repeated
interest in public school. Candy brought up the divorce decree
and demanded they go to the Catholic school close to
her new house, and offered to pay full tuition over
twelve thousand dollars. We tried to tell Candy that we
needed to agree on what's best for the girls, and

(02:36:14):
since her new area has highly rated public schools, we
will concede the location, but insist on a public school
or even staying at their old school for another year.
She enrolled them in the new Catholic school anyway. Today,
the school is asking parents for next year's tuition. Candy
has asked us to pay for half. I said, how
about none of us pay tuition and the girls go

(02:36:35):
to public school like we discussed last year, not maliciously
or in front of the kids. Husband wants to pay
up just to keep the peace. But I'm not interested
in paying tuition for a school I don't like and
the girls don't like. Am I the jerk stay at
home partner wants me to help with the baby, but
I work one hundred hours a week. I know the
title sounds bad, but I'm finding myself in a very

(02:36:57):
difficult situation, and I'm genuinely not sure if I'm in
the wrong here. I twenty seven male, am a surgical resident.
My partner, twenty seven female, was a teacher, but is
currently a stay at home mother to our newborn child.
We met in college and have been together for just
over seven years now. Last year, she took a pregnancy
test and found out that she was pregnant. We were

(02:37:18):
both happy, but also concerned about taking care of a child.
My main concern when we found out was that I
could not help out with the kid because I work
between eighty to one hundred hours a week. However, we
both love each other and did want a family, so
in the end we decided to keep it and then
she would take time off of work while I was
completing my residency and take care of the baby. I

(02:37:41):
would complete my residency, and then, after having somewhat more
humane hours, I would obviously split child, carrying duties equally
with her so that she can also return to work.
It's been three months since our kid was born now,
and things have been rough, to say the least. I'm
still working nearly one hundred hours a week and I'm
constantly at the break of exhaustion. If anything, my workload

(02:38:02):
has increased since then as I'm now learning how to
perform larger operations. My sleep is almost nonexistent and I'm
constantly under intense pressure due to my work environment. Things
have obviously been rough for her too. The pregnancy and
delivery were without complication, but it goes without saying that
it was still hugely taxing on her mentally and physically. Recently,

(02:38:24):
my partner has been asking me to take care of
our kid when I get home. Initially, I helped her
without hesitation, feeling like it was within my capacity and
wanting to support her. But in the past few weeks
she's been asking more and more of me, and a
few days ago, she demanded I'd take care of our
kid immediately as I walked into the door. I hadn't
even had time to take off my shoes yet, and

(02:38:45):
when I said, just give me a second, she told
me to hurry up. I later learned that she had
an incredibly rough day and was just a capacity, but
in the moment I was so caught off guard I
yelled back at her to back off. I was too
exhausted to deal with it then, so I locked myself
in the bathroom to take a long shower and calm down.

(02:39:05):
We later talked about what had happened and apologized to
each other, but during it she essentially told me that
she felt like I wasn't doing enough to take care
of the kid and that it was our responsibility. Equally,
I told her that I felt like I was already
doing more than we agreed on and that I can
literally not do any more than what I am currently doing.
After talking and arguing about this for about two hours,

(02:39:26):
we still couldn't come to an agreement and decided to
leave the topic for now. So am I the jerk
for not wanting to take on a larger parenting role
during residency. Friends I've talked to seem split on the matter.
Not the jerk. This is a case of two people
drowning and arguing over who has their head up out
of the water a few inches more than the other.
You have a newborn, you're working one hundred hours a week,

(02:39:49):
and a wife who is most likely so overwhelmed she
can't see straight. Both of you are sleep deprived and
not in your right mind. What you need is help.
I don't care who said they would do what before.
Where the baby came, It's here now, and it's not
what either of you expected. It's time to start from
scratch and use your limited energy to find solutions to
give you both reprieve this this ride here. No one

(02:40:12):
in this situation is the jerk. They're just both exhausted
doing very taxing and demanding jobs and tasks and need help.
I know Op said they can't afford help right now,
but they both need to figure out something before this
tears them apart. Call for reinforcements. Get a cleaning lady
or a person once a week to deal with the
household chores. Vacuuming, dusting, doing some laundry, ironing, scrubbing bathrooms

(02:40:36):
well worth the money. Call in grandma or family and
friends if possible, to watch the baby while wife can
just have a nap and maybe even have someone to
visit with. Or find a responsible teenager who has experience
with babies who can come over a few hours a
week and watch the baby or watch TV while wife
catches a nap. If childcare options are really good, try

(02:40:56):
to allow your wife to escape child free for a
few hours to the jam, yoga, dance or whatever that
may allow her a bit of child free physical activity
that can help reset her mental and physical health. Being
home with a baby is tough. Try to find a
few hours each week for you as a couple or family,
Even if it's just to meet for lunch if possible.
Arrange for groceries to be bought online and delivered. Walmart

(02:41:19):
Click and Collect can be picked up by an uber
or a taxi and delivered to the door. Some grocery
stores deliver. Find out what system works. Encourage your wife
to find other moms in the same position. Having a
support system with other parents or babies allows her to
actually visit someone who doesn't mind if baby tags along
and cries the whole time. Plus, as the kids get older,
it allows them to have other kids in their lives

(02:41:41):
and offer your wife the opportunity to put baby in
child care and go back to work. Not every person
is cut out to be at home with their kids
twenty four seven. Doesn't mean she's a bad parent, but
she re energizes by outside of home interaction, not the jerk.
You're both in a hard situation, but you can get
through it. Don't be afraid to call for reinforce. Also
check what the hospital you're doing a residency at. Do

(02:42:03):
they have a child care program that you could use
even part time, or can they recommend one. Just start
brainstorming ideas with your wife on how to make this work.
Write down good ideas and some absolutely silly ones too.
It actually will help, even if you are met with glares. Then,
after you have tons of ideas, serious and ridiculous, you
go through the ideas together and start crossing some off

(02:42:24):
to narrow down the list. Don't narrow it down too much.
You want plans A through E because sometimes plans change,
and try to agree to help your wife figure out
what she needs at this point to be happy and
how you both can make it work. Good luck, O P. Well,
what do you think is oh P the jerk or not?
Please let us know husband expects me to pay for

(02:42:45):
him and his family's meals. Title sounds bad, I know,
but I'll let you decide who's in the wrong. To begin,
my husband and I don't share finances. It's been like
this for the three years of our marriage, and so
far we've been doing well. Though He had sometimes tried
to get me to pay for him, but I do
it only when I want to do a nice thing
for him, say he invite him to a restaurant. This

(02:43:07):
past week he got a bonus at work. He was overjoyed.
He informed his entire family and planned for them to
go out and celebrate with us. He picked the restaurant, meals, drinks,
et cetera. I naturally thought he was going to pay
for all of that, since it's his happy celebration. But
it turns out I was wrong, because when it was
time to pay the bill, he told me to take

(02:43:27):
care of it. I said why, it's his celebration, not mine,
but he insisted I pay and he'll explain later. I
refused and demanded an explanation. He said that while yes,
he is the one who got the bonus, he assumed
i'd want to celebrate that and offer to cover the bill.
When I talked about how ridiculous it was of him
to assume I'd pay for not just his, but his

(02:43:49):
family's meals, he said that I should be happy for
him instead of being visibly bitter. He then said he's
yet to receive his bonus and begged that I take
care of the bill now and that he might consider
paying me back later. I refused and only paid for
what I consumed. Him and his family started talking about
how inappropriate I was acting. I took my purse and

(02:44:10):
went home afterwards because there was so much commotion when
they started arguing, who's going to cover the bill. His
mom spam called me for hours, and he went off
on me at home, saying I spoiled his celebration and
joy because I'm feeling bitter, especially considering I had enough
money to cover the bill right then and there. I said,
this wasn't my obligation and he was the one who

(02:44:30):
came up with a celebration idea. He argued that if
the roles were reversed and I got a bonus, he
had celebrated me in my achievements and paid for the
darned meal after taking me and my family out. I
casually said, well, that's just you, not me. He got
even more upset and said that he had had it
with my juvenile antics and that he won't ever forget

(02:44:51):
to see and I made at the restaurant in front
of his family. Been upset with me for days now. Update. Wow,
too many responses here, you guys, and I'm seeing the
variety of judgments. Just so you know. My husband just
got home and I'm going to show him these responses
right now. I'll update with his opinions soon. Things update.
We just got into an argument. I showed him what

(02:45:12):
I posted and he lost it on me. I accept
my judgment, but he won't. He said, and I quote,
these people have no idea, and said that I should
have mentioned that I make more money than him, not
that much, and I don't think it justifies it, and
that he had paid the bill for me in the
past when I forgot my wallet, but I did pay
him back. So he's pretty upset right now. He kept

(02:45:33):
laughing sarcastically when reading some of the comments. He just
walked out of the kitchen to take a phone call
and said he'll be back. I'm still here with the
dog waiting to see how this goes. I'll update if
there's any new infall not the jerk. It's common knowledge
that you do not invite people to dinner and then
expect them to pay for everyone else. You don't trap
your spouse in awkward situations like that either. He said

(02:45:56):
the celebration was for his bonus. He invited everyone out
to eat. Both of these, especially combined, implied that he's
going to pay. He purposely set you up, and then
he got his family in on it. He's using you
to the point where I would argue that this is
financial mistreatment, especially since he's done things like this before,
I would take a careful look at this relationship and

(02:46:17):
see if it's going to work. I would insist on
couples counseling if I were you counseling at the very least.
Maybe I'm weird, But when I got a bonus, I
paid for a celebratory dinner with friends, like the husband.
I invited people, but I paid because I was the
one with the extra money. After all, not everyone gets
a bonus, so it was a way to share my
good fortune. This dude seems somewhat like a jerk. Is

(02:46:40):
he trying to make her look bad in front of
his family or something? Not the jerk. You guys have
separate finances. He didn't ask you beforehand. This was wildly
tacky and presumptuous of him. The maybe i'll pay you
back rarely sealed it from me. What a tool op.
This is exactly how I felt. Then he might see
it as pettiness or jealousy, but I swear it's not

(02:47:01):
like that at all. Well, who do you think is
the jerk? Obi or her husband? Please let us know,
so hubby said, we have no idea. Huh, Well he's right,
I don't have any idea. How someone can be as
entitled as he is. Bill by the hour, then I
want the full hour. Years ago, I worked in the
head office of a national corporation. Although we were all

(02:47:23):
salaried employees, everyone had to keep a weekly timesheet. We
had to account for everything we worked on so our
department could build the appropriate team or group for our time.
This was a company wide requirement, so it wasn't just
a case of our leaders micromanaging. The least time you
could log in was a fifteen minute increment. Every minute
of every day couldn't be billed to other departments, so

(02:47:44):
we had a code that was built to our own
team's budget. This was used for general tasks not specifically
attached to any ongoing projects, like checking emails, status, meeting
your manager, training and development, and even filling in the timesheet.
Management emphasized that we should use our team code as
little as possible. I later learned that the less time
build to our team's code meant a bigger pool of

(02:48:06):
bonus money for our whole team at the end of
the year. One of the internal services that regularly build
our team's code was IT. Anytime we needed computer support,
they'd send an agent who would troubleshoot and fix the problem.
When the work was done, they'd get us to sign
a work order so they could bill our team no
big deal. About a year after I joined the company,

(02:48:26):
the IT department changed their billing protocols. While every other
group in our company would bill you in fifteen minute increments,
it decided that they'd bill in one hour increments. No
idea how they sold that to the vps, but no
one objected. So if it took only fifteen minutes to
solve my issue, they'd still build my team's code for
one hour. It didn't take long for my bosses to

(02:48:48):
notice that our team's code was being billed a lot
more than it had in the previous months, but no
one connected the dots and tied it to the new
IT builling practices Q malicious compliance. Here's how my next
encounter with the on site IT agent went. It all done.
Please sign the invoice me. This invoice is for one
hour's work. You were only here for fifteen minutes. It

(02:49:11):
new policy. Just sign it me. I'm sorry, I can't
do that. It I don't have time to argue. We're
really busy and I have to move on to the
next ticket asap. Tell you what, I won't bill you
for this visit, but next time you'll have to sign,
regardless of how quickly we can solve your problem. This
happened a few more times, and I continued to object
to any bill that didn't reflect the actual time spin

(02:49:33):
on my issues. They kept agreeing to give me a
free pass. This time, after about the fourth or fifth time,
the it agent finally stood his ground. It you have
to sign this invoice. Me. I'll gladly sign it in
forty five minutes. Once you've been here for a full hour,
feel free to pull up a chair and sit down.
He was clearly frustrated, but he decided to call my bluff.

(02:49:55):
He sat down. A minute later, he pulled out his
laptop and started working on something else. Me, what are
you doing it? Getting caught up on a few things
while I wait out the hour? Me, oh no, this
is my time. You're not allowed to work on anything
else for anyone else. It t What do you expect
me to do? Just sit here and do nothing? Me? Yes,

(02:50:17):
If you want me to sign that invoice, then you
will sit there and do nothing until the hour is up.
This guy was stubborn, so he did indeed sit there
for the rest of the hour. I signed the invoice
and he went on his way. I shared this story
with my colleagues and they all decided to do the
same thing the next time they needed it support. This
went on for about one week, then it changed their tune.

(02:50:38):
They no longer asked anyone on my team to sign
off on any invoices unless the job actually took one
hour longer. It turned out that they were generating so
many billable hours doing this to every team across the
company that dealing with our malicious compliance wasn't worth it.
They chose to service our team for free rather than
give up those forty five minutes they could build to

(02:50:59):
two or three other apartments at one hour each. That year,
our team saw nice bonuses when we had a massive
surplus of funds and the team's budget. I heard the
IT team made out like bandits on their bonuses, while
many other teams saw little to nothing. The next year,
the whole internal billing system was overhauled. We didn't have
to account for our time anymore, and it stopped issuing

(02:51:20):
anyone in voices. All billing was managed at a more
senior level. Crazy liar dad finds out where I live
and attempts to give my apartment to his random friends
without my knowledge. Context I'm twenty five female. My parents
are so crazy to the point where me and the
majority of my family had to cut them off for
me personally, my dad completely and my mom calls on occasion.

(02:51:44):
My mom also tries to overstep, such as inviting him
to family events he's specifically not invited to. The reason
is he tries to steer every conversation and attempts to
talk about himself. People usually don't care or want to
hear them. He argues with people, threatens them, and she
purposefully does this knowing that they'll cause an argument and
she gets joy out of it. So needless to say saying,

(02:52:07):
people don't want these issues in their lives. My dad
is delusional and narcissistic to the point where he thinks
he's famous and claims everyone runs up to him for
pictures and says he's famous, and someone he knows is
making a movie about him lies about it. Obviously because
no one has ever seen this and it's a running joke.
People laugh at him. He thinks it's with him and

(02:52:27):
not at him. He's lost all of his friends due
to his poor behavior, such as arguments, belittling, NonStop phone calls.
But onto the story of his lies and delusions. I
have an apartment and I didn't give him my address
because we aren't on speaking terms. And he threatened me
because I wouldn't give him my personal info so he
could take out loans in my name. Like that's an

(02:52:48):
obvious no. Also, I didn't grow up with him, so
I barely know him. He has apparently told people he
has an apartment that he lets his daughter me live in.
This is what I've been told. He likes to pretend
to be a big shot, so I guess he told
some people who needed a place to live they could
come stay at my apartment. He got my address from
a family member I assume my mom due to the

(02:53:09):
fact that no one I know speaks to him. One day,
I get a call from my apartment building manager saying
there are some people at the gate saying they're here
to move into my unit. I was just as confused
as she seemed, as well as the people he sent
to live at my place. He somehow thinks it's his place,
mind you, it's my place. I pay the bills, and
I didn't even know he knew my address. So I

(02:53:31):
go out and meet these said guests. As there was
much confusing. These three people, three random, sketchy older guys.
Side note, I would at most let a friend stay
a few nights if needed, not random strangers. I ask,
what's going on? My building manager stayed because she wanted
to know what was going on and wanted to help
sort it out. And she would also know who's moving

(02:53:52):
in and out because she's in charge of leasing and
the building isn't that big. We all know each other.
The three men proceed to tell me they're moving into
my place and they're here for the keys. You're his daughter, right,
He said you'd be out by the time we got here,
and keys would be at the front desk. We all looked,
and I said, do you see a front desk? I
asked to see what was the address? We thought maybe

(02:54:15):
wrong address. Nope, my address. So the guy said, your
dad said he kicked you out because he said you're freeloading,
and he had you leave the keys at the nonexistent
front desk. By this time, all five of us were confused,
but they had my address. I said, he didn't even
have my address, so I don't know how he got it.
By this time, they're all trying to call him to

(02:54:36):
sort it out. He's not answering at the moment, so
I explained to them, I don't know how you or
he got my address. I haven't spoken to him in
about a year, and I don't know how I'm freeloading
or what he's told you. But this is my place
and I don't know what's going on. Y'all need to
figure it out with him, but I have no place
for you. Sorry. They try to get me to call him.

(02:54:58):
I said no, and calling won't change anyth and this
isn't my problem, so I can't help you. By the way,
they didn't seem threatening. It was just random and weird
for everyone. I hear one guy on the phone talking
to my dad. I hear him tell him that I'm lying,
et cetera. Ask her to show you the lease. At
this point, one of the guys in my building manager
are all looking like this is odd, and he looks embarrassed.

(02:55:20):
My manager stepped in at this time. Luckily, she told
the men, you all must have the wrong place. She's
on the lease and she's the only one on the lease.
You will all have to leave and sort it out.
I can say, despite them looking sketchy initially, they were
as calm as could be in their odd situation, because,
in all honesty, the only fault they had was believing
my dad. They thought they were moving into an apartment

(02:55:42):
for free. If I was in that situation, I wouldn't
be happy either. After apologizing and before leaving, I heard
one of them saying I knew something was up. He's
always lying. I asked, what did he tell you. One
of the men said he had told him that he
had had a spot for him to move in, all
furnished and paid up to the rest of the year.
I kicked my daughter out because she's free loading, but

(02:56:04):
claimed that he couldn't get out of the lease. I
said something like, well, like your friend said, he's a liar.
I don't know how, why, and what made him do this.
I never gave him my address, he isn't on the lease.
I don't even talk to him, so I'm sorry, but
I hope it works out. I don't know what my
dad thought would happen, but like I said, he's delusional.

(02:56:24):
He probably assumed all he was saying was true, or
maybe he assumed there was a front desk and whoever
it was at the front desk would just magically let
three random people in and I'd have no say. It's
all so crazy that I can't even attempt to understand.
There is no use. Also, I told my manager thinks
and if anyone comes when I'm not home, please give
me a call or call nine one one if I

(02:56:46):
have a guest coming, I'll be home to greet them.
Happy guest and lessons on making assumptions. A while back
before lockdown, one day, I'm at the front desk and
two late twenty something guys walk in, looking like they're
sponsored by a serf company and just getting in from
a demo. Definitely not our typical thirtieth anniversary type guests.

(02:57:07):
I greet them and they ask if there's anything available.
We chat a bit and I show them a room
because I had time and I like their vibe. During
the tour, one of the guys tells me they're on
a road trip up the East Coast, no real agenda,
just a bucket list trip for two best friends, and
the other guy lets me know he just lost his dad. Basically,
they were working through some stuff while road tripping. We

(02:57:29):
get back to the desk. I get ready for the
so what can you do for us? Question that most
walk ins try. I give them the price and they
both pause and blink at me. We're not cheap, but
that's pretty obvious when you get on site. But at
this point most walk INDs tend to walk out. Guy
one looks at Guy Too, So this one you or me?

(02:57:49):
Guy Too? I got this one. You got dinner last night?
Guy one? Yeah, but you got the last. This goes
back and forth a minute, but I always hate these
conversations and offer to split it if needed. They both
pause and spile at me. Oh no, I've insulted them.
Guy two, Can you make us dinner? Reservations for eight?
And can I see a wine list? Me? Yes, sir?

(02:58:12):
Howse seven thirty pm? Guy one? Perfect? Do we get breakfast?
Me with the room? Yes, we include afternoon. Also, are
you AAA members? I can do a small discount if yes.
They both look up like I was speaking Greek. Guy
one t for real. Me, Uh yeah, it started a

(02:58:32):
few minutes ago, and it goes to Guy two, can
I get the key? Me? I still need a credit
card and id guy too, Oh yeah, one sec guy one,
oh snap, as he proceeds to drop an American Express
Black card on the desk victoriously. I give them the
sad five percent triple a discount anyway, because I had
already put it in the system. I proceed to check

(02:58:55):
them in and they leave. About thirty minutes later, they
come up for tea. They are clearly both on something,
eyes are saucers, both grinning ear to ear and moving
at the pace of someone who is in an alternate
time line. They say hi and proceed to tell me
how lovely the water is. Right now, it's New England
in November. It is not lovely. They sit for tea

(02:59:15):
and giggle like kids through the whole thing. Pinki's Up
was the tea motto that day. They even had other
guests going along with them. They go on about the
beauty everywhere and that people need to appreciate it more.
On the way out, they thank me again for the tea,
and I remind them it's included. Who knew this would
be the key amenity for these two. I'm just thankful

(02:59:35):
their substance of choice made them happy and not into jerks.
They are clearly getting the most out of the property
they can. Seven PM rolls around and dinner is humming along.
I get a call from their room and they asked
if we had a few bottles in inventory. I check
with F and B to confirm, and they ask to
have them ready for their seven thirty. We arrange it
chilled and decanted as needed, with one to be left

(02:59:58):
corked till requested. They come to dinner and proceed to
drop the most I've ever seen for a party of
two in our restaurant. Apparently these were just the starter
bottles and they did some damage to our liquor list too.
On the way out, they stopped by for a chat,
ask about check out, and say I need to talk
to their server before I leave, which seemed odd, so
I asked if everything went okay at dinner. They both

(03:00:20):
reply with an oddly cold yes, thank you. Okay, what happened?
At the end of the shift, I go talk to
their server. She proceeds to fill me in on the
details about them, their travels, et cetera. Apparently she got
the full live story and an invite to California along
with the twenty percent tip wine included. Okay, but why

(03:00:41):
did they say to come see you server, because they
left you this As she produces a gift bag from
the pair. It contained a beautiful thank you note, Brooks
Brothers tie with boats, and one of the bottles they
had pre ordered, which happens to be the most expensive
bottle I will ever enjoy. They departed before my shift
the next day. They ended up taking care of everyone

(03:01:01):
who helped them out and tried to personalize each gratuity
they left. Housekeeper who mentioned her new baby got a
tip equal to the room price and pack of diapers.
Valet got money and some new designer sunglasses. One of
them was actually sponsored because he forgot his. The wine
is gone, the tie is torn. But I will remember
these two forever and hope they are both still spreading

(03:01:23):
joy and appreciating the beauty around them. Still have that
thank you note. Am I the jerk for upstaging my
grandma at our wedding? I'm twenty eight. Female maternal grandma
is seventy one. This past weekend she got married to
her boyfriend of a couple of years. This is her
fifth wedding, which I mention not to judge, but because
it's relevant. Later on the last time she got married,

(03:01:45):
I was a junior in high school and wore a
Cranberry straplish dress that my grandma purchased for me, very
much in line with the cocktail dress code. I didn't
try to do this, but in hindsight, I wore makeup
that was way too much for a wedding. I just
wore what I would normally do, toned down smoky eye
eyeliner and a lip. One of the granddaughters of the
husband she was marrying then pulled me aside and told

(03:02:08):
me I did too much and that I should wipe
the makeup off before photos. I was extremely embarrassed. The
only other wedding I had ever been to was when
I was six, so at the time I had no
idea of the etiquette and was mortified that I had
broken it. I ended up wiping off the eye liner,
replacing the eyes shadow, and putting on a clear chapstick
for this wedding. My grandma reminded me that I should

(03:02:29):
do a very toned down look and not upstage her
at this wedding. These days, I don't wear nearly as
much makeup as I used to, so I went with
my daily make up routine B B cream and a
light concealer, a cream blush, some light mascara that was
dark brown instead of black, and a sheer, glossy pink lipstick.
I paired it with a navy blue dress that I
tried my best to match my grandma's request that the

(03:02:51):
dress code is between casual and cocktail. My grandma didn't
see anything about how I looked during the wedding, nor
did anyone else, so I assumed I did it's a
good job of making sure she was still in the spotlight. However,
today she got some of the photos back from her
friend who was taking them. She said that I was
the standout in all of the photos and it was
very tacky of me to try to get all the

(03:03:12):
attention on me when it was her wedding. I apologized
and said I'd tried to be as toned down as
possible while still looking presentable. She said the right move
would have been to wear no makeup at all and
wear a more conservative pantsuit. At the time that I
got this call, I was with my paternal grandmother. They
do not get along in the slightest. Paternal grandmother told

(03:03:32):
maternal grandmother that it was unreasonable to expect me to
dress frumpy to please her, and that she had three
sets of wedding photos for weddings before I was even born,
that she could look back on to be the star
of the show if she wanted. This led to maternal
grandma telling me she wished to take a break from
speaking to me for a while so I could reflect
on my selfish actions. I felt really bad. I didn't

(03:03:55):
mean to wreck a special day for her, and in hindsight,
maybe I should have approached my dress and make up
with her before the wedding. So I thought i'd get
some feedback here to see if I'm the jerk and
if what I did was selfish not the jerk for
either of her weddings. You do not owe her an apology.
You did nothing wrong. She's ridiculous. It's not dissimilar to
people who tear others down to feel better about themselves.

(03:04:17):
That's essentially what she wants to do to her friends,
direct them to be lesser so that she feels better
about herself. Not on not the jerk. A woman in
her twenties wearing no makeup and a burlap sack would
upstage a seventy year old. There is no way to
avoid it. She can get over herself. Am I the
jerk for telling someone with a service dog to please

(03:04:38):
not sit in the compartment I booked. Some relevant information
is that I'm eighteen, female, and I have an allergy
to dogs. I also live in an area in which
there are overnight train rides. I had to take one
so I could see my friends and celebrate my eighteenth
I booked a compartment for the train ride so I
would be comfortable. About an hour in, a young lady
like myself came in with a service dog and opened

(03:05:01):
the door to my compartment and came in. It wasn't
locked because I had forgotten. I asked her what she
was doing, and she replied with there is more than
enough space, and I need the extra space for my dog.
I was a little annoyed. To be honest, I replied,
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you
to please leave and not stay. It's because I have
a disability, isn't it. No, it isn't. It's because I'm

(03:05:24):
allergic to dogs. Are you deadly allergic? At that point
it sounded menacing. No, but I would rather not be sick.
When I arrived besides, you should have paid for a
compartment since you knew you would need one. She started
yelling that I was being a jerk. One of the
workers came past and asked what was going on. I
provided proof that I booked the compartment and told her

(03:05:45):
that I was allergic to dogs. The worker then asked
the woman to leave and apologized to me on the
train's behalf. I told her it wasn't her fault and
it was all good after Now, a lot of friends
think I should have just led her and moved myself
to a different part of the train since she needed
the extra room for her dog. Now I'm asking you
if I'm the jerk update, please be patient with me.

(03:06:05):
I've been trying to answer everyone, but I'm very backlogged
as there is only one me, some information that was
either missed out on the original post, and some theories
I did pay a lot extra. I think her service
dog was actually a pet or emotional support animal and
not properly trained. This was not her first time. She
has done this a minimum of one time before me,

(03:06:25):
as this incident was her second warning. None of my
friends have any allergies. To see where to go from here?
I was reading your comments, and I have a game plan.
First is that I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow,
thank goodness they have a spot, and will be talking
with my friends tomorrow too, mostly to see if they apologize,
but also to see if I can mend my relationship
with one of them who has been my best friend

(03:06:46):
for a really long time other than her. At this point,
I will have no problem cutting them off. I see
so many red flags I ignored before and now realize
how terrible and a little toxic some of these people are.
Thank you Reddit for helping me reflect on these incidents.
I'm also going to contact the train company and put
a formal complaint in not to get some form of compensation,

(03:07:07):
although I wouldn't say no, but to make sure that
this doesn't happen with someone who has an allergy much
worse than me and could be lethal, but the woman
just brushes her off. I will try to get back
to everyone. If I give a really general reply, it
means that I do appreciate the comment and it helped.
Also that you put that a lot better than I
could have done, not the jerk. You took reasonable accommodations

(03:07:28):
for yourself. She didn't. You aren't being a jerk, You're
being reasonable. An allergy doesn't have to be deadly to
be a problem. OP. Thank you. I was genuinely concerned
how I came off. Support our channel by joining as
a member today, and we'll give you a shout out
in our next video, or come watch this video next.
You won't believe what Karen does in that one.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Fudd Around And Find Out

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Karen Neighbor Camps on My Land! So I Called the Cops on Her!

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Fudd Around And Find Out

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

All Episodes

Karen Neighbor Camps on My Land! So I Called the Cops on Her!

Fudd Around And Find Out