Window Cleaners, What Is The Weirdest Thing You Have Seen While Cleaning Windows?

Window Cleaners, What Is The Weirdest Thing You Have Seen While Cleaning Windows?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Window cleaners, What is the weirdest thing you have seen
while cleaning windows? Story one. I am a consulting engineer
working in building science and structural restoration. A few years back,
I was on a project in Toronto inspecting the exterior
of a thirty eight story high rise. It was just
me and two contractors on a swing stage basically a

(00:23):
big window washing platform, slowly making our way down the
building to review glazing and sealant work. Now, when you're
working on tall buildings like this, people don't always expect
someone to be outside their windows, and every now and
then we see things we shouldn't. Were trained to look away,
keep it professional, and move on. On this particular day,

(00:48):
we came across a window where someone was clearly under
the impression they had total privacy. Let's just say she
was taking care of some personal grooming. Being professionals, we
immediately looked away, so far away, in fact, that we
didn't see the metal lip of the next level down
our swing stage bumped, it tilted awkwardly, then swung back

(01:10):
like a pendulum, and bam, all three of us slammed
right into this poor woman's window. It didn't break, but
the noise was loud enough to scare the life out
of her and us. I am talking full jump scare
energy on both sides of the glass. We awkwardly shuffled
down past the window as fast as the controls would allow,

(01:33):
trying not to make eye contact easily. One of the
top five most mortifying work moments of my career, and
probably number one for her. Before we continue, do us
a quick favor. Smash that like button and subscribe to
support our channel story two. The company I used to
work for specialized in residential window cleaning, so going into

(01:56):
people's houses was very common. I have quite a few stories,
but here are some of the more memorable ones. One
time I got a job for a full service cleaning
at a house. Usually we work in pairs. One guy
handles the interior while the other does the exterior. I
was the lead on this job, and the exterior is

(02:16):
usually more difficult, so I told my partner to go
ahead and get started on the inside while I got
started on the outside. Little did I know the house
belonged to a widowed, older gentleman, probably in his eighties,
who was getting the place ready to put on the market.
About halfway through the job, there was a problem with

(02:37):
a window on the outside that I needed to fix
from the inside. When I entered the house, I was
instantly blasted with the pure smell of ammonia and what
can only be described as the worst combination of animal
crap and piss. It must have been like that for years.
After nearly throwing up, I spotted, no exaggeration, a literal

(03:00):
small mountain of cat crap next to the front door.
The litter box was stacked beyond its capacity. It was
insane to see. I quickly looked around and saw dog
crap everywhere, pea stains all over. I was in shock.
The old man came out to greet me, smiling, saying, hey, there,

(03:21):
your partner got started upstairs like nothing was wrong. When
I found my partner upstairs, he had a towel wrapped
around his face and was just shaking his head. The
entire house was covered in cat piss and dog crap
in every room. It was disgusting. The worst part was
a group of young girls hired to pack up his
furniture and dishes. I could see them gagging every few seconds. Also,

(03:46):
the old man's brother was there to help him pack,
and he was sitting on the piss and crap stained
couch with his shoes off, like everything was fine. I
am pretty sure the girls left after about twenty minutes,
because they stepped outside and I didn't see them for
the rest of the job. Another time, I had this
older woman who used our company quite regularly, and she

(04:07):
loved me and always requested me. Maybe the fifth or
sixth time I came, one of her daughters was there
whom I had never met. When it was time for
me to do the windows in her room, the customer
yelled upstairs to ask if it was okay for the
window guy to come in and clean, and we both heard, yeah,
that's fine. When I got there and knocked, she was

(04:27):
standing there in just her inners. She was in her
late twenties. She smiled at me and said, Hi, I
will be leaving soon. I was a bit flabbergasted because
she was gorgeous. I can't remember exactly what I said.
I just muttered something and awkwardly started cleaning her window.
She got dressed and left within a few seconds, and

(04:49):
that was it. Another time, there were some very nice
high rise luxury apartments near the office that we used
to do quite often. Interior only this lady must have
forgotten about the appointment. When I knocked on the door,
she greeted me in a bathrobe, visibly drowsy and confused.

(05:09):
I explained I was there to clean her windows for
the appointment she scheduled. After some confusing discussion, she allowed
me to begin and shortly passed out in her bed
without me realizing. When I finished, I found her asleep
in her bedroom. I tried to politely wake her as
best I could without crossing any boundaries to get the payment,

(05:30):
but she was so out of it I ended up
just leaving. She called the office shortly afterward, asking if
we were still coming for the appointment. Edit one more story.
The way we cleaned the windows is with what's called
deonized water. It's basically a fancy term for pure filtered water.
You can rinse a window with this water and it

(05:52):
doesn't leave any residue spots when it dries, making the
job really easy. Anyway. A downfall of this tape technique
is that it uses quite a bit of water. At
this certain time, in this certain state, there was a
major drought. Our water filtration systems have run off water
that doesn't get pressurized it's just tap water that didn't

(06:13):
get a chance to go into the filter since everything
is pressurized. This customer had a number of solar panels
that she'd had cleaned by us last time and got
the same service this time. When I got up to
the solar panels, I noticed we were charging her for
about twenty panels, but there were fifty plus panels on
her roof. I went to talk to her about it,

(06:35):
and she adamantly claimed we did them all last time.
CI whatever. I wasn't in the mood to argue with
this lady. I just did the panels, even though it
should have been about one hundred dollars more. While doing
the panels, I spotted her and her son erratically trying
to scoop up the water runoff from the system into buckets.

(06:57):
I climbed down from the roof and asked if everything
was okay. She proceeded to break down in tears about
wasting water. I had to console her for about twenty minutes,
telling her we'd be done soon and that next time
she could request everything be done by hand to save water,
et cetera. An hour later, I finished the panels and

(07:17):
the service and went to get payment. Something happened I
can't exactly remember, but she made a remark about how
expensive everything was, and I kind of snapped on the
inside in retrospect, this was my bad, and I said
something along the lines of how she only got charged
twenty five cents per solar panel, so it was actually

(07:38):
a good deal. She then proceeded to have a total meltdown,
yelling and berating me about everything and anything. She went
way over the line and got very personal. Her son
stood there silent, and after a few minutes of her
going on like that, she demanded that her son, who
was much younger and smaller than me, removed me from

(08:00):
the house. I just looked at him, shook my head,
and made my way toward the door. The whole time
I was trying to stay cool and didn't say any
personal remarks back to her. I am standing outside the
door and she says something like how ridiculous this is.
I just look her in the eye and say, yes

(08:20):
it is. She slams the door in my face. Bipolar
to the max. I do admit I snapped for a
second and made a little remark about the solar panels.
I probably shouldn't have. She got five hundred dollars worth
of services for free that day, so I guess she won.
Story three. I only did the job for about eight

(08:42):
or nine months, but saw two unexpected things. The first time,
I got to the top of the ladder and saw
a guy I know as a priest enjoying some corn.
I scurried back down the ladder, hoping he would not
hear me, and then slowly went back up. He had
obviously heard me, because when I got back to the window,
he was standing up reading a bible. The other time,

(09:04):
I got to the top of the ladder and saw
a woman in her eighties sitting on her bed completely bare.
I was sure she saw me, so I gave her
a few minutes before going back to the window. When
I got there, she was sitting in exactly the same place,
still bare, smiling at me. I got a job in
an office soon after Story four. My dad has been

(09:27):
a roofer since he was fifteen. One day he took
me to work with him to double check a job
his guys had recently done. He put up the ladder,
secured it and said I could come up. I am
scared of heights, but it was only three stories, so
up I went. Dad was already up there. As I
climbed carefully, I passed a window. Sitting in front of

(09:51):
a vanity mirror was a young girl, maybe sixteen. She
was cutting her hair with scissors in a strange, aggressive way,
making angry faces in the mirror. I just stood there,
staring at the scene. Her hair was cut in choppy
bits above her chin. She put the scissors down, stared
into the mirror, and started laughing a deep, guttural laugh,

(10:13):
like a young girl imitating a manic man. It all
took less than a minute. My dad called me, and
I looked up at him, then back at the window.
She was staring right at me. I scurried up the
ladder and avoided the mom when she came out later.
I think I was more embarrassed than anything. Story five.

(10:34):
I was seventeen at the time, running a swing stage
on a large building. While calking there was an elderly
lady who lived on the fifth floor, who I'd have
short conversations with now and then. She was very nice
and bought us lunch once a month. Her husband had
died thirty years earlier, leaving her a pile of money.

(10:54):
This lady had been a beautiful woman in her day
with massive chesticles, but couldn't have children. Well, it was
eleven a m. And I was heading up to the
sixth floor when none other than this elderly lady came
running to the window. Her deflated chesticles just flapped completely bare,
with the biggest smile on her face, waving at me.

(11:15):
I kept going as if I didn't see it. The
next day I saw her and my heart kind of dropped,
thinking she knew I saw her. She came over to
us and said, I was waving at you in the
window yesterday, but you must not have seen me. Be
sure to look for me next time you go past.
It's common knowledge among the maintenance guys that she'll answer

(11:37):
the door all bare, quote unquote, forgetting she doesn't have
clothes on. Another time, while working on a fraternity building,
we saw a girl who'd left the building wearing nothing
but a shirt. A few times later, she was playing
ski poling with five guys on the pool table on
the third floor. She saw us at the window and waved. Later,

(11:59):
she left a note on our lift that said, I
know you've already seen how bored I was with a
weak team of boys, so maybe you men can work
together and help a girl in need. She was totally crazy.
Story six window cleaner. Here. I was up on a
ladder at an older single woman's house cleaning her bedroom window.

(12:21):
She was just getting out of the shower, fully bare,
bent over putting on her dress, and happened to turn
around to find me washing the window. She was in
her early fifties and extremely good looking for her age.
When she turned around and stood up, I saw her chesticles,
which was fake but very nice. She didn't freak out
but closed her blinds. When I finished the job, I

(12:44):
knocked on the door to give her the bill. All
she said was I hope you enjoyed what you saw,
with a little devious smile. I replied, yes, ma'am, thank
you very much, took the check and went on my way.
I do her house every six months now, and we
know each other on a first named basis. Story seven.

(13:05):
Not me, but my friend's stepdad. When he was twenty two,
before he got married, he used to clean windows in
New York apartments. One time he was driving up the
rope platform to the eighth floor and saw a dad,
probably in his thirties and his daughter. He thinks, so
at least she looked about eighteen to him, they were

(13:26):
doing things while listening to Esbaum at full volume. Luckily
they didn't notice him because it was kind of awkward
to just stare, so he skipped that room and came
back an hour later, finding the girl sleeping bear on
the floor covered in friction fixer. Sorry if this made
you uncomfortable or sick, that's just what happened. Story eight.

(13:50):
I didn't see anything strange per se, but I did
work on a few mansions and got to see the
inside of the one percent homes. It was pretty intense,
huge theaters and stuff. I think the home was worth
twenty million or something ridiculous. Other than that, my favorite
was when cats would come up to the inside window

(14:10):
while I was cleaning the outside. Really made my day,
considering window washing is so monotonous and soul crushing. Story nine.
There was this house I used to clean front and
back windows. They had an extension built on the side
of the house and didn't want us climbing on the
roof to get to the back in case we cracked

(14:31):
any tiles. The lady who lives there mostly in her
thirties asked if it would be possible to carry the
ladder through the house and into the back the next
time her windows were due to be cleaned. I agreed.
Two weeks later, I knocked after cleaning her front windows
and she answered, wearing nothing but a towel. She told
me she was just about to get in the shower.

(14:53):
I asked if she wanted me to leave until next time,
but she said no, come through, so I awkward. We
began maneuvering my ladder through and managed to make it
into the kitchen. As I was standing there, it became
painfully obvious that her kitchen layout was too small for
me to get the ladder through to the back door.
She started trying to help me, which, as you're probably expecting,

(15:16):
resulted in her towel dropping. She caught it just in
the nick of time before anything below the waist was revealed.
To her credit, those were some good reflexes. Story ten.
In college, I worked all summer on the university's window
cleaning crew. The buildings were all older, so we had
two people working the spray pole from the ground and

(15:38):
two people inside with towels ready to catch any water
that leaked in from the spray. Most of The dorms
were empty, so that was pretty uneventful, but a number
of the on campus apartments were still occupied. One studio
apartment was occupied by a hoarder. There were three feet
of garbage with a path eating to the bed. The

(16:01):
bed looked like someone had dumped a bucket of water
on it because of how much grease and oil covered
the sheets, and the smell was unreal. Another apartment made
us paranoid that the owner was going to come home
and off us all. I like guns, but this guy
was the sketchy kind of weapons enthusiast soldier of Fortune
magazines littered the table along with empty seven point six

(16:25):
two by thirty nine ammo boxes, and the walls were
decorated with various targets. In the middle of the kitchen
table was a big, novelty sized hunting knife stuck point
down into the table. We made our way upstairs and
found a ton of seedlings and empty containers for what
I am assuming was an outdoor grow operation. All the

(16:47):
windows were blacked out with plastic and aluminum. At that point,
my coworker and I looked at each other and said, welp,
time to get the hell out of here. We did
report the hoarder to the residence at me, but we
did not turn in the militant gardener. Story eleven. Not
a window cleaner, but my wife has a story of

(17:08):
being on the other side of the window. It was
a normal day. She got out of the shower and
decided that would be the perfect time to take a nap.
She lay on the bed, face down, luckily with her
head facing away from the window. She was in her undies.
A few minutes later, she realized the window was clearer.

(17:28):
She had a bit of a panic and didn't know
what to do, so she just pretended to be asleep,
laying there the entire time waiting for him to finish.
No jokes, please. He did his job and left. Now
my wife closes the curtains every time she takes a shower.
Story twelve. I saw this weird guy on the roof

(17:48):
of the building I was cleaning, and he asked me
for a lift because he had no other way to
get down. While we were riding down, he saw a
friend on the ground and started screaming, ollister, I am
not a window cleaner, like five bloody times, right next
to me. He then turned to me and said Oh,
that bloke thinks I am a bloody window cleaner. I

(18:11):
gave him a stern look, and he visibly felt bad,
telling me it's a noble profession. Is this as fast
as this thing goes? It was at least another painfully
awkward minute before we reached the ground. Story thirteen. I
was cleaning windows for this old couple in the apartment
building where I worked. He was telling us how great

(18:32):
it is when we come every spring. He loves when
all the windows are out at once. It opens up
the whole apartment, the airflow blob blah, And not that
we don't do a great job, but these windows are old,
and no matter how well we clean, there's nothing quite
like having nothing between you and the outside. Then he
went to stick his head out to look down and

(18:53):
squarely smacked his full face into the clean window. Story fourteen.
At eighteen, I was a film office apprentice. We supplied
locations to films, from large Netflix productions to small student shoots.
One day, I was tasked with making sure a large
shoot a film featuring famous wrestlers, which many of you

(19:15):
might know, was going smoothly and that the crew was
following their contract on site. The location they chose was
one of our best and old Art Deco building that
used to be a power station years ago. It's now
disused but looks absolutely fantastic. Costing around five thousand euros
per shoot day. We knew they were going to use

(19:36):
small firearms with quiet blank bullets because the resident bats
couldn't be disturbed due to nature conservation, since the building
was no longer registered as active. For old buildings like this,
owners often remove all the windows to let wildlife in,
which means they don't have to pay taxes because it's
no longer considered a functioning building. There were lots of

(20:00):
windows smashed from previous troublemakers throwing stones for fun and
stuff like that. Through one of the broken windows, I
saw the cast unclothed. I tried to look away, but
it scarred me for life. These were wrestlers I loved
as a child, and now I have that image stuck
in my mind every time I see them on TV.

(20:21):
As I walked a little further to some other windows,
there was a slight crack where I could look down
and see the really well made set shelves stacked high,
ready to be toppled over with mock explosives and barrels
prepped to be lit. This was a one time shot.
As I leaned down to take a closer look at
what was going to happen, I heard action. I assumed

(20:43):
it would be a quiet shoot. How wrong I was.
A loud crash and bang sent all the shelves toppling over,
with items dressed to perfection crashing to the ground. In
my utter amazement and shock, it felt like a Vietnam
flashback opening for the first time in my life, Is
this the moment I die? To the complete surprise of

(21:06):
everyone on set, the sound guys heard aloud, what the
hell was that during the sequence? At the same time,
the camera crew pointed out that a person's feet could
be seen at the top of the frame and it
was too obvious to keep in the cut. It turned
out to be me. I don't remember uttering those words

(21:26):
or having my feet in view, but on playback it
was very clear to hear. I've never been more read
and embarrassed in my entire life. I had a bag
that day and just covered my feet as best as
I could because the shoes were very noticeable. The whole
set was ruined and rendered a mess on the floor
for a Hollywood blockbuster to clean up all because of

(21:48):
five small words and my size eight feet. They never
found out who it was, but at least it earned
our film office some extra money for additional filming days.
I assumed they would have just adjusted the sound levels
to fix it and maybe use some special effects to
hide my feet, but maybe that was more hassle than
just redressing everything for another shoot. Still, it was the

(22:11):
worst day of my life. To this day, I make
sure everyone stays quiet on my own sets and ensure
no feat are in view where they aren't needed, just
in case karma strikes. Back story fifteen. I worked for
a window washing company in a small town and we
were hired to clean the local gym's windows and mirrors.

(22:32):
My coworker said she would do the outside if I
cleaned the private weights room. I agreed and started cleaning.
This room was just off the main area and was
a bit more private. Someone had converted a corner into
their own personal private zone. I spent about four hours
scraping off a sticky mess for mirrors that had engravings

(22:54):
of scantily clad women before deciding it was too much
and quitting. I still refused to go to that gym,
or look the gym owner in the eye. Story sixteen.
Not a window cleaner, but about thirty years ago. When
the Toronto SkyDome was built, it was placed adjacent to
a hotel. If a resident was in one of the

(23:14):
rooms facing the stadium, they could watch the game from
inside their hotel room. Some people thought the window glass
was one way that people in the stadium couldn't see
into the rooms. Not true. Spectators at the game ended
up seeing some other kinds of sports unexpectedly, until the
hotel got the message out to their customers not to

(23:36):
bang against the windows. Story seventeen. Not a window cleaner,
but I work on roofs. Climbing up a ladder lets
you see into a lot of rooms, whether you like
it or not. Also, a lot of people have skylights
in their bathrooms. The weirdest thing I saw was a
picture hanging in a customer's bathroom. The photo was the

(23:57):
customer a woman in sort of a lawn in the
bucket of a tractor doing some sort of intimate pose
on the ground in a cheering pose, hands up, smiling.
Was their child, maybe four or five years old, looking
up at her super weird if you ask me. Story eighteen.

(24:17):
Not a window cleaner, but I was at a boring
industry black tie event at a Posh hotel in London
a few years back. I woke up very hungover on
the twelfth floor, stumbled to the window and pulled open
the curtains. Two blokes were standing there staring at my fat,
unclothed self. They were on one of those tall building

(24:38):
platform things. It took me a moment to understand what
the freak was going on. I closed the curtains, moving
on with my life. Story nineteen. I am not a
window cleaner, but I worked for Pacsun a long time ago,
and my boss told me to go up a ladder
to change light bulbs above the changing rooms. They had
walls and doors, but no ceilings. I was at the

(25:01):
top of the ladder before I looked down, and all
I saw were four different women covering themselves and looking
at me like some kind of perv. I had a
toolbox and light bulbs in hand, so I was clearly working,
but in that moment I yelled, Hey, Angela, how about
we sort out that light bulb issue after we close?
And there are no women in the changing room. Who

(25:23):
now think I am an a hole? I did the
light bulbs that night, Story twenty Not in the business anymore,
but I cleaned residential and commercial. The weirdest thing I
ever saw was the wife of a famous actor who
had a bunch of unclothed portraits of herself around the
house doing yoga, drinking coffee, stuff like that. She was

(25:46):
sitting on the couch the whole time we were doing
the windows like it was nothing. If she didn't care,
then neither did we. Story twenty one. When I was
about sixteen, I was doing window cleaning and grass cutting
as a little side job for some extra money. I
went to a house where a few people had just
moved in. Thought i'd get to them before someone else did.

(26:10):
I knocked on the door, agreed on the price, and
got to work. All was fine until I got to
the last window one of the bedrooms. Two people, a
guy and a girl, were in the process of shooting
what I am assuming were powder. The girl was already
out of it and the guy was starting to nod off.

(26:30):
He was the same guy who answered the door to me.
He must have forgotten I was cleaning the windows, and
maybe I interrupted him well, he forgot to close his blinds,
but something was off. The girl was foaming at the mouth,
and I'd never seen someone nod so quickly. I hadn't
really seen anyone nod at all at that point. I

(26:52):
was only sixteen, but the girl was foaming at the mouth.
I phoned for an ambulance and later found out they
had both o d deliberately. Never saw them again until
about five years later, when I ran into the girl.
I asked if she remembered anything from that time. Turns
out she survived it, found the light and all that,

(27:14):
but her fella passed away that day, something I will
never forget. Scary sight to see at sixteen. She thanked
me for saving her life and said she'll always be grateful. Edit.
Just to clarify with everyone asking, no, I did not
get paid. The payment was agreed for after the work
was done, as I always arranged with anyone, never had

(27:37):
issues with it. Payment was the furthest thing from my
mind that day afterward. Story twenty two. Not a window cleaner,
but I've been spotted by one. I was sitting on
my day off in my birthday suit, having a solo
private session and smoking a joint and didn't hear the
back gate go. The window cleaner comes in as usual

(27:59):
and starts to clumb. I had the corner playing on
at high volume since I was home alone. I saw
his head poke up above the top of the net
curtains and his eyes widen at me. We locked eyes
for a second before I lunged for a cushion to
cover myself. That's the most embarrassed I've ever been in
my life. I make sure my partner pays him each

(28:20):
time he comes to the door now and I am
much more discreet in my private time story twenty three.
I used to be the janitor at a busy McDonald's
next to a university campus a while back. Early in
the morning, I usually cleaned the windows outside before the
drive through got too busy. I saw some fairly strange people,

(28:41):
but one that stuck out was a very unkempt and
definitely hungover man foraging for cigarette butts in the trash
and on the pavement. After he gathered a handful, he
sat on the curb nearby crushed the tiny bits of old,
stale tobacco out of the butts into a rolling paper,
which he then licked rolled and asked me if I
had a light. If I hadn't already quit smoking before then,

(29:04):
that encounter would have made me do it. Story twenty four.
This is more on the sad side. We cleaned senior
homes and in the dementia ward there was a woman
who kept asking me why they had turned the volume
down in the room because she couldn't hear me. She
went on for a while about that and how she
disapproved of it. Eventually she started calling me Brian and said, Brian,

(29:28):
it's been so long since I've seen you, you never
come visit. I've got to say that was both the
weirdest and most saddening thing I've ever seen. Story twenty five.
Former window cleaner of five years. Here The unusual things
I saw on the job usually happened downtown, mostly people
who were irate or under the influence. One person in

(29:52):
particular was walking down the block with no pants on.
They were overweight, so their tummy blocked their private area.
Other than that, nothing too weird during my time. Story
twenty six. Not a window cleaner, but I was the
person inside. I lived in a third floor apartment with

(30:12):
a roommate. I had a gentleman friend i'd recently started
seeing romantically come over late at night, and he ended
up spending the night for the first time. We woke
up that morning to some people on a ladder cleaning
the gutters or something. They awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact,
and I think we just ignored them, rolled over and

(30:32):
went back to sleep. But when they moved past my
window to my roommate's room, she curious if my gentleman
caller and I had hooked up. Asked the guy, Hey,
is there a guy in there? He shifted his eyes
side to side, gave a quick nod with a straight face,
then got back to cleaning and got the heck out
of there. The way she described it cracked me up.

(30:54):
Story twenty seven. Not a window washer, But once I
was visiting New York with friend. His uncle, a Broadway musician,
had an apartment in Astoria that we crashed at, and
as a thank you, we got him a bottle of lagavulin.
He poured us glasses and we sat across his single
long couch facing the window drinking. Pretty quickly, we noticed

(31:17):
a girl dancing around unclothed in the next apartment up
across the street, probably filming some kind of movie with
her boyfriend. This went on for a short time before
they noticed us, and immediately the apartment lights went dark
in Unison, we all raised our glasses of Scotch to
the darkened apartment. Story twenty eight. Not really weird, but

(31:39):
was definitely gross. I work with kids, and part of
my job is cleaning, including wiping the windows. I've cleaned
off so many boogers, lots of snot sometimes blood, and
a ton of sweat stains. Sometimes there's even an imprint
of someone's lips on the glass. For something weird. I
was once cleaning the out outside of a window when

(32:01):
a kid, probably about six or seven, came up to
the inside of the window and started watching me. After
about two minutes, he promptly pressed his mouth on the
glass and licked the window up and down, side to side,
basically everywhere. Then, for good measure, he wiped his hands
on it. I had just finished cleaning the inside window.

(32:23):
I was so mad. Story twenty nine. When I was nineteen,
I got a loosely supervised job cleaning for a local
beer distributor. On the first day, my buddy and I
started making our rounds vacuuming, cleaning windows, that kind of stuff.
As we made our way to the break room with
the kirby, we noticed on the other side of a

(32:43):
massive conference room table about eight kegs tapped and ready.
Needless to say, the place didn't get cleaned well enough
for us to do it. Two nights in a Row,
Story thirty I work on a small team of only women.
We usually have about three people in the office on weekends,
and were on the third floor. My colleague decided to

(33:05):
pump breast milk in her cubicle and told us not
to come over until she gave the oka. Not unusual.
Right as she started pumping, completely uncovered, a random window
cleaner descended from above, and she let out a shriek.
I don't think he even noticed right away, but then
we watched him quickly try to scurry away from the window.

(33:26):
He never came back to clean those windows. Story thirty one.
When I was sixteen to eighteen, I worked as a
window washer. We had contracts with a bunch of small
businesses coffee shops, slash bars. My favorite was the local
Twin Peaks think Hooters, but with hotter girls in skimpier
outfits and better food. We'd get there before it opened

(33:49):
to customers, and the girls would always give me a
burger and a beer before heading to the next spot.
My boss bet me I couldn't get a date with
the bartender, saying if I did, he would pay for dinner.
I dated her for four months before I left the state.
Story thirty two. Not a window cleaner, but once while
walking my dog outside my apartment complex, I saw a

(34:13):
lit up wall of doors on the ground level. A
very attractive girl was doing a dance for some guy
on the couch. She was right in front of the door.
She kept going for a while, then the guy got
up off the couch and shut the blinds, realizing anyone
walking in the parking lot could easily see them. Story
thirty three. Not a window cleaner, but a graffiti rider.

(34:37):
We were on the roof of an abandoned factory that
had a row of houses behind it. From there, you
could see into a third floor apartment kitchen. There was
a man completely bare standing at the stove cooking. Behind
him stood a woman in thigh high leather boots holding
a horsewhip. We watched for a minute or two, but
nothing happened, just cooking story thirty four. I saw my

(35:01):
manager three times. First he was walking away from his building,
must have been done with his shift. Second, when I
looked up, he was walking away again, this time holding
a cane. He isn't that old and doesn't usually use one,
so I don't know where it came from. Third, he
was walking back, this time carrying a bag. I didn't

(35:23):
know what was inside. The weird part was seeing him
walk away from his building twice, once with a cane
he doesn't use and I've never seen before. Story thirty five.
Not a window washer, but I work events at hotels.
Two stories come to mind. The first, I got off
work and looked back at the hotel, which was lit

(35:44):
up for Christmas, and saw a woman pressed up against
the glass getting some action. They were only on the
third or fourth floor. The second was during a recorded
event in one of our panoramic event rooms. In the
middle of the talk, I looked up from my mixing
board and saw a bear man standing in the hotel
window across from us, directly between the two speakers. I

(36:07):
stood up and asked the cameraman what their frame was,
and fortunately, from their perspective, the speakers had blocked that
particular window. Story thirty six. I was dog sitting for
a client in a luxury high rise apartment building and
wasn't told window cleaners came by once a week. I
got out of the shower and heard my phone ringing

(36:27):
in the living room, so I walked unclothed to get it.
When I picked up the phone and turned around, I
saw the window cleaner. I didn't know what to do,
so I smiled and waved. He gave me a thumbs up,
and I walked back to the bedroom and shut the door.
Story thirty seven. Not a window washer, but a few
weeks ago our windows were being washed. They said it

(36:49):
would be on a different day, so I wasn't really prepared.
I was holed up in my room working from home,
with my cats playing nearby. At first I noticed the
window washer using the hose to spray water in patterns
and play with my cats. My blinds were about three
quarters down, and I leaned forward and peeked out, laughing.

(37:10):
Before we made eye contact, I realized I was wearing
just a shirt in undies. I immediately freaked out and
hid under my blankets. He left the balcony immediately. Story
thirty eight. When I was a teenager. My mom hired
an old German guy who had retired from commercial cleaning
to do residential window washing. He was fun to talk

(37:31):
to and had some cool stories. He was a German
soldier during World War II. One afternoon we were chatting
and I commented that his job as a commercial cleaner
must have been interesting. I didn't really think that, but
I wanted to be polite. He said it was, except
now and then he'd see things he wasn't supposed to see,

(37:53):
like what I asked, too many unclothed people, too many.
He wouldn't say more, and it wasn't said in a
positive way. I still wonder about that now and again,
What the heck were people doing? Story thirty nine, Toronto
High Rise window cleaner. Here I see as much as

(38:13):
you'd expect, unclothed people and people doing the deed. The
encounter that tops all of these moments was when we
reached the top on our swing stage and saw the
penthouse resident watching corn on his huge theater screen. Then
he turned to us and realized what had happened. Another
weird one was when we saw a guy doing his

(38:34):
thing while petting his dog at the same time. Truly
real multitasking story forty So the company I work for
is partnered with an apartment complex where we clean all
the windows in two buildings each month. We got there
early in the morning to take all the screens out
of the windows, and apparently the manager had forgotten to

(38:56):
send out emails telling people we'd becoming that day. I
have a master key, so standard protocol is to unlock
the door, knock as I enter, then yell maintenance. One
apartment was particularly surprised at my entrance and quickly spun
around on his couch. He asked if I could just
come back later and do his windows another day. I

(39:20):
was confused, but realized why he was startled when I
noticed the horde of tissues, lotion and pillows on the
coffee table in front of him. I don't think I
ever actually went back to that apartment to do his windows. Furthermore,
I wouldn't know what to say to him if I did.
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(39:40):
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