June 8, 2021 • 35 mins
Today we have Heather Whelpley joining us. Heather is a speaker, coach, and author of the book An Overachiever’s Guide To Breaking The Rules: How To Let Go Of Perfect and Live Your Truth. Heather has learned to let go of the inner critic telling her that she always needed to do more and be more – and reconnect to her TRUE inner voice that knows she is worthy for who she is, not what she does. Seeing her own challenges in so many women led her to facilitate webinars and workshops on imposter syndrome, overcoming perfectionism, and creating your own rules for success with thousands of people across the United States as well as launch Beyond Perfect, her small group coaching program for women to let go of proving, pleasing and perfecting.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Hello, friends, Welcome to reada Finding Volunteerism, a podcast by hands
On Twin Cities. I'm Tracy Nielsen, the executive director of hands On Twin
Cities, and I'm your host.Today we have Heather Wealthily joining us.
(00:36):
Heather is a speaker, coach,and author of the book and Overachiever's Guide
to Breaking the Rules, How toLet Go of perfect and Live your Truth
and Overachiever Since birth, Heather haslearned to let go of the inner critic,
telling her that she always needed todo more and be more. Seeing
her own challenges in so many women, let her to facilitate webinars and workshops
(00:56):
on imposter Syndrome, overcoming perfectionism,and your own rules for success. Heather
is also the former board chair ofhands On Twin Cities and brought so much
energy, enthusiasm, and passion toour organization. But even though her term
is over, there's no getting awayfrom us. Listen in as Heather and
I talk about how to get startedas a volunteer and how our own inner
(01:18):
critic can sometimes show up even involunteerism. Hi, Heather, thank you
so much for being with us.Let's kick things off. Can you just
tell us a little bit about yourselfand your work. Absolutely, thank you
so much for having me, Tracy. I am excited to be here today.
Yeah. My official tagline is thatI am a speaker, coach,
(01:42):
and author that guides women to letgo of proving, pleasing, and perfecting.
I do that work because partly becauseI lived it myself. I am
a classic overachiever Sin's birth and reallyhave learned to let go of all of
those rules that we play in,all of those layers layering on top of
us telling us that we always needto be doing more and doing better and
go go, go, go go, and just keep pushing through. So
(02:04):
it's partly because I lived it myself, but also it's because these are the
things, the proving, the peoplepleasing, the perfectionism that I saw getting
in the way of mostly women experiencingas much joy in their lives as they
could, but also having the greatestimpact that they can in their work and
in their life as a whole,whether that's through volunteering or other aspects of
their life. And so I've beendoing this for a couple of years,
(02:27):
and prior to that, I workedin HR and leadership development roles in different
companies before starting my business. AndI also recently moved from Minnesota to Colorado,
and because I love to hike andI love the outdoors, and I'm
excited to be here exploring all thatthe state has to offer, and to
be here today having this conversation withyou. Excellent. Love the topic.
(02:49):
Definitely can relate to it as anotherfellow overatiever and somebody really concerned about trying
to get it right and perfectionism.Yes, I can relate and definitely have
already been reading Heather's book. Sothank you so much for joining us.
Heather. You know we're going totalk a little bit about the idea of
(03:12):
perfectionism and imposter syndrome within volunteerism,but maybe we can just start out since
we are hands on twin cities anda volunteer center. Can you tell us
a little bit about your own personalexperience with volunteerism throughout your life. Absolutely?
So. I think volunteering has beenin my life really since birth.
It's been a part of my familyas long as I can possibly remember.
So, my mom was a teacherin Saint Paul Public schools and she just
(03:36):
naturally was always looking for needs tofill. So even if we weren't officially
going and you know, signing upfor a four hour volunteer activity on a
Saturday afternoon, our house was frequentlyfilled with things that were for her students,
families, or just different needs,things that she was gathering from her
friends that she could pass along topeople who needed them. At Christmas time,
our entire house was filled with giftsand I would go along to deliver
(03:59):
deliver gifts to different families across theTwin Cities. And financial giving was always
a part of our family culture growingup as well, and so I just
grew up thinking that that was kindof expected and not in a bad way,
not in a weight of like,oh you have to do this,
but just a part of our familyculture. And as I grew up then
I just automatically always looked for waysto get involved in the community. So
(04:21):
whether that you know, in highschool and college that was your small volunteering
things, or maybe volunteering through mychurch. And as I got into my
twenties and thirties, it was morepurposeful volunteering of thinking about like what do
I really want to do, what'sthe impact that I want to have?
And so I volunteered. I wasa big sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters
for a couple of years and reallyenjoyed that experience of building that one on
(04:44):
one relationship with a young girl.I also volunteered a lot with three Reverse
Park District when I lived in Minnesotabecause my undergrad degree is actually in conservation
biology and I taught environmental education beforeI did the work that I'm doing right
now, so it was a reallyfun way to be able to use those
skills in a completely different capacity andbring a different passion of mind of bringing
(05:06):
the outdoors to kids into families thatI wasn't able to have in my day
to day work, but I stillso really important to me. And then
I got the opportunity to join theHands On Twin Cities board, which I'd
never been on a board before,and was able to be on that board
and really volunteer in a totally differentcapacity, which ended last year with me
(05:27):
being the board chair for hands OnTwin Cities right before I moved to Colorado.
So I see a lot of evolutionin my volunteerism throughout the years,
but I think it'll always be apart of my life because I think I
grew up that way, and it'sjust really important for me to give back
to the community and to use theskills that I have in a way that
is hopefully helpful to others. Absolutely, did you feel like your experiences in
(05:53):
childhood and youth like sort of formulatedor shaped the way that you approached it
in your twenties. I mean,you know, all of us sort of
go off to college or you know, have the experience of coming into our
own How do you how did youyou know you mentioned the tie to your
education, what were other ways thatwere sort of guiding you towards the organizations
(06:13):
that you wanted to engage in asan adult. That's a great question,
and I think for me, ona pretty selfish level, I was really
looking for what are the gaps thatof values and activities in my life that
I'm not getting from other parts ofmy life that I can get through volunteering.
So, like, I always lovedworking with kids, but I knew
I didn't want to do it formy career long term. But that's where
(06:36):
the Big Brothers Big Sisters came from. And in three Urs Park District,
I worked mostly with kids there aswell at different events and just got to
bring that really fun, playful outdoorseaside of me in a way that was
contributing where people needed volunteers in thosespaces. So it felt like a real
win win where you know, Ihad gaps in my life of like this
(06:56):
is an area that I want tobe filled up with myself, but there
were also needs out there in thecommunity for those gaps, So it felt
like a real win win. Sothat's really what I was looking for,
you know, as I was volunteering, was things that would be fun and
where I could contribute, because Ididn't want it to feel like it was
something I quote unquote had to do. I really wanted to look forward to
(07:17):
volunteering and look for you, ifI was spending four hours on the Saturday
afternoon, I wanted it to beenjoyable for me because then it would be
enjoyable for people around me as well. Absolutely, and thinking about your book
and Overachiever's Guide to Breaking the RulesHow to let go of perfect and live
your Truth, you just mentioned somethingthat I was curious. You know a
(07:39):
lot of us feel like I justhave to volunteer because it is the right
thing to do. You know,you talked a little bit about this already,
but how do we really shape ourown experiences and like get beyond that
idea of like I'm just doing thisbecause it's the right thing to do,
and all I can think of whenI volunteer is maybe going to a food
(07:59):
sell you know, Like, howdo we get beyond that and move towards
our own gratification. Yeah, it'ssuch a good question because I think to
a certain degree, it's okay ifthere's a little bit of I should be
doing this because we're all humans,we should be supporting each other and connecting
with each other. But that canlook a lot of different ways, right
(08:20):
and because you know, we bothgive and receive in that area of connection
and volunteering and support it throughout ourlives in different ways. But at the
same time, I never want anyoneto think and I don't personally believe that
volunteering is a check the box activity. And I think this can particularly come
up with I mean, you weretalking about going to a food shelf or
something like that, where it's like, yeah, okay, I better do
(08:41):
that, or because work is doingit, I better sign up. I
think it can also from an achieverperspective, really come up with board service
of like, wow, if thisis the thing I should do because it's
going to contribute to my career andyou know, put myself out there and
there's so much more to being ona board than having it look good on
your resume. And so I justthink there's you know, we can start
(09:01):
to really look at you know,what are your personal reasons for wanting to
volunteer, no matter what that volunteeringlooks like. What are the skills that
you have that you want to contributeand what do you have capacity for?
You know, I think there aretimes and places in each of our lives
where we can give more, andthere's times and places in our lives where
(09:22):
it's not the season where we cangive a lot because we just don't have
a lot to give in that moment. And I think that's okay too.
You know, I hear, asI'm working with a lot of women,
hear a lot of guilt over whatI should be doing more in every aspect
of their lives. I should justalways be doing more. I should be
giving more. I should be everythingto everyone. And if you're feeling that
(09:43):
way, your cup is going tobe drained. All of the time,
and so I think it's okay tosay in your life like this is maybe
not the season for me to beon a board, or this is not
the season for me to have aweekly volunteering commitment, and that's okay too.
So I think it's really taking thatstop of what do you enjoy,
what are your skills, what doyou have the capacity for, and then
(10:03):
of course like what does the communityneed as well? And is there an
overlap between all of those things?Absolutely, And I think you know,
many of us think that we haveto be signing up for a long term
opportunity, but there are sort ofthose operate, those chances to you know,
go for an hour or two todo something versus taking on that long
(10:24):
term two year board commitment. Um. Speaking of board commitments, so one
of one of the things I wantedto ask you about. So you know,
you had not served on a boardprior to coming to Hands on Twin
Cities, and I know that yourarea of expertise is around imposter syndrome.
Can you tell us, like,did you experience any sense of imposter syndrome?
(10:48):
And maybe we can start by definingfirst for those who don't know what
is imposter syndrome and start there affect. Yeah, we'll start there, because
I'm sure some people are probably scratchingtheir heads right now, and other people
are like, oh, yeah,I've definitely heard of that, and note
exactly what it is. But I'mguessing even if you've never heard of it
before, as soon as I describeit, you're going to say, oh,
yeah, I think I've experienced someof that in my life. So
(11:09):
to a certain degree, impastor isself explanatory. It is feeling like an
impostor, or like a fraud.It is experiencing that self doubt or insecurity
about your skills, qualifications and experiences. But here's the crux. It's even
though you are actually successful, qualified, ready to do the thing that you
want to do, and so it'sreally this internal mismatch of where you think
(11:33):
your skills, qualifications and experiences areversus where they actually are, which is
typically much higher. And it's somethingyou experience. So even though it's you
know, it has the word syndromeand it sounds like a psychological diagnosis,
it is not. For most people. It comes and goes. I do
have some people that have told me, you know how they're every single day
on my way to work, Ifeel like today is going to be the
(11:54):
day they realize I have no ideawhat I'm doing, and someone comes,
taps me on the shoulder and escortsme out the door. So there are
some people who really do experience impastorsyndrome day in and day out. For
a lot of people, though,it comes and goes around certain people or
in certain situations, like during careertransition or in a meeting, or when
you're taking out a leadership role,which we'll talk about in just a second,
(12:15):
where these situations come on and it'slike, Oh God, do I
really know enough to do this?Do I have enough of an level of
expertise to do this thing to gofor that job to be a leader?
Do I really belong here? HaveI just been fooling everyone to this point?
Have I pulled a wool over theireyes? And I just got lucky?
And it's only a matter of timebefore I'm completely found out. So
(12:35):
if you've experienced any of those kindof feelings at any point, that's really
what impastor syndrome is. A lotof it starts in our head with those
thoughts that I just experience, butthen unfortunately it does have real impact out
in the rural world as well,and so as it relates to board service
and particularly me being coming onto thehands on Twin Cities board. Tracy,
(12:56):
You're right. I'd never been ona board before, and I happily joined
the board several years ago. ThenI became the Leadership Development Committee chair,
which I felt good about that.Like my background was in HR and leadership
development, I didn't experience a wholelot of impastor syndrome around that kind of
mini leadership role. I guess youcould say committee leadership role. But then
when I was asked to take onthe board chair role, I experienced so
(13:22):
much i pastor syndrome. But Iactually said no. I wasn't a hard
note. It was more of aI will do that, but I need
another year because I am not ready. I need a year to study.
I need a year to observe what'sgoing on, to learn what this role
was, and then I will becomethe board chair. And so to a
degree that year was helpful. Idid learn. I was able to watch,
(13:46):
you know, in more detail,how meetings were run, what the
process was, how to engage people. But looking back now that I am
finished with the experience. I absolutelycould have done it the first time around,
and I was convinced in my headthat I was not right. He
did not have the skills, didnot have the qualifications, partly because I
had never been on a board beforeand partly because I think it was a
surprise to me, and so Ihadn't really been. It just hadn't been,
(14:09):
like I hadn't thought about that trajectoryfor myself and in the moment,
and so, yeah, I experiencedit so much that I said no.
And I have seen it in somany other people, and not just this
board, but other people, particularlyas it relates to board experience. And
I've heard the exact same story thatI just shared with multiple other people as
well, where either they said noor I'm not ready, or they said
(14:33):
yes but felt like they had absolutelyno idea what they were doing, and
they better prove themselves and they bettergo above and beyond to prove to everyone
that it is okay that I'm inthis role, like I actually know what
I'm doing, even though I don'tfeel like I know what I'm doing.
And so we know that this um, Yeah, it impacts a lot of
people, and you can also seeas I'm talking how this might impact your
career and other things as well.But since we're here talking about volunteerism,
(14:56):
it comes up huge and I've seenI've heard it from a lot of other
exactly directors as well, so Iknow it's not just my own personal experience
absolutely. So what are some ofthe things that sort of got you over
the hump? Like when you're havingthis experience and you're like, oh my
gosh, you know, we've beendoing a lot more work with pro bono,
so you know, this could playout in board service, it could
(15:18):
play out in pro bono work,I mean, and it could even play
out and just showing up as avolunteer in any way, how do you
sort of reel back that fear andtake the step to actually dive into these
roles that might challenge you. Yeah, So a couple of things immediately come
to mind. So one is thatyou don't need to know everything, And
(15:39):
in fact, I think that's actuallya detriment to think that you have to
know everything or to feel like you'recoming in and knowing everything or giving other
people the answers, because frequently,as volunteers We're going into an organization or
into a community where we don't knoweverything and we shouldn't know everything, and
it's not good to come in withthat that attitude of like I have to
(16:00):
know everything and I have to havethe answers. And so I think just
having some self compassion for yourself andrealizing that it's actually helpful to go in
with a learning attitude and say,yeah, I can build on the skills
that I have, but also Idon't have to know everything. I don't
have to know everything when I getstarted. I can learn from others,
I can learn as I go.And a couple of things can help you
(16:21):
with this. So one is whatI call looking for the real evidence.
So sometimes that is looking for theevidence of your actual skills, qualifications,
and experiences. And if this isreally hard for you to think of your
own skills, qualifications, and experiences. I find this especially in I think
in Minnesota, where we have thisattitude of humility, it could be very
hard to own your experiences and yourskills. You can ask for that feedback
(16:44):
from others as well, and reallygive yourself that permission to let it sink
in and say like, yeah,I am good at these things like maybe
I've never been a board chair before, but I have these other experiences and
these other skills that I can bringto the situation. So reminding your self
of your skills, your qualifications,and experiences because our brains so often we
(17:06):
are wired to be looking for wherewe have gaps, We are wired to
be looking for problems to solve,for the negative things out there. I
mean this truly that the season hasa name. It's called negativity bias.
And so when we are looking forthe positive, when we are looking for
that actual real evidence of our skills, qualifications, and experiences, then we're
just trying to balance out what thefact that our brain is swinging in the
(17:26):
other direction so naturally, and soit's actually helping us to have a more
realistic picture of what's going on.But the other part of this is reminding
yourself of other times in your careeror in your life where you also had
no idea what you were doing andyou figured it out anyway, because there's
(17:47):
going to be times when you don'tknow what you're doing. There were definitely
times as a board chair. Imean I remember leading my facilitating my first
meeting and not realizing like I didn'tfeel like I knew the right words to
say, like how do I reallytake a vote? Even though I had
notes written down in front of me. I was really nervous about some of
those little kind of more procedural things, But how do I do this?
(18:07):
And I didn't completely know what Iwas doing? And that was okay.
I figured it out along the way, And so those things can be really
helpful in just in helping you tomove forward with your own imposter syndrome,
and honestly, even just naming thefact that you are experiencing impostor syndrome can
be very helpful. The other thingthat I'll say to this is just in
general, when you're experiencing doubt asa whole or imposter syndrome, is having
(18:30):
something that you can do to releaseit. And so for me, like
dancing, writing, going for ahike, doing something that gets me both
centered and calm, but a physicalrelease of some of that energy, anxiety,
emotion that I am feeling to getout there to clear your head so
that you can have a more justa more clear headed approach to what you're
(18:52):
what you're doing, giving yourself tothe space to sort of process those exactly.
Yeah, absolutely, a question aboutsort of how we balance what's going
on inside with that, As yousaid, the community needs so you know,
obviously we want to enter our volunteeropportunities with confidence and things, but
(19:14):
also we might be entering community oran organization or an issue area where we
don't have that area of expertise.Sort Of what's your recommendation about sort of
striking the balance between overcoming fear andentering opportunities with confidence while still like having
sort of the humility to approach youknow, community and organizations in a way
(19:38):
that's really productive for both sides.Yeah, I mean, I think this
is something I've thought a lot about, and I don't know that I have
the quote unquote right answers here,but I think, particularly as a white
woman, it's something I think about, you know, as I'm volunteering with
different organizations or different communities, Like, I don't know, there's a lot
I don't know, There's just alot I don't know. But I can
(20:00):
still show up and ask questions andknow that I don't know and not make
that assumption that I would know what'sright for someone else or you know,
anything in that like I can bring, I can be confident in my own
skills and know that there's still alot I don't know, and that asking
questions, that humility, that thatfeeling of like I releasing yourself from that
(20:22):
pressure of having to have the answers. I think is just a helpful thing
to start out with, particularly ifyou are working with volunteering in a community
that's not the community that you arefamiliar with or that you grew up in,
or even which was an organization thatyou aren't familiar with or or you
know intimately familiar with at that pointwhen you start out, And so I
think it is you know, it'slooking for those community needs, but also
(20:47):
that that balance, like you canbe confident and know that you don't know
everything. I actually think that's asign of confidence is knowing what you are
good at and knowing what you're not. Like imposter syndrome or trying to overcome
in pastor syndrome, is not aboutthinking you're good and everything that's not.
It's more of leaning into an accurateassessment of what you are actually good at
(21:07):
and the skills and qualifications that youcan bring. The other thing that I
would say on that around. Lookingfor community needs is just looking for what's
out there. Like, there's alot of needs already out there. So
whether that's on the hands on TwinCities website or what you're hearing, the
needs that you're hearing from friends thatare on boards or who are in volunteering
with different organizations. You don't haveto create something of your own, Like,
(21:29):
there are a lot of needs alreadyout there that need to be filled
and you can step into them andlend your skills and your experiences to that.
Absolutely. So you mentioned earlier aboutthe idea that you have moved from
Minnesota to Colorado, and I'm curious, so you're kind of starting over right
now, although you know we haven'tlet you go far, but you know,
(21:52):
when you enter a new community,for those who maybe haven't been involved
yet or this is kind of theirfresh point, like, what are some
of the approaches that you're taking ina new community to thinking about how you're
going to engage and where to beginin your journey. Yeah. Well,
I'll first say, in case peopleare listening to this much later, we
(22:14):
are recording this when we are stillin the depths of COVID moving towards the
light at the end of the tunnelwith that, but I will say that
that's definitely gotten in the way ofbuilding community in general as I've moved here
several months ago. But I willalso say that I am it's not really
an answer to a question, I'mgoing to answer it in a different way,
and that I know in my lifeI have had a tendency to jump
(22:37):
in head first and get really involvedreally quickly, whether that is with you
volunteering or a spiritual community, oreven just friend commitments and things like that.
And I'm really purposely trying to dothat slowly as I move here and
to build build what I want mylife to be on purpose, and not
get into a commitment that ends upfeeling overwhelming or ends up being something that
(23:03):
you know, maybe I'm not asaligned to the organization with my values as
I wanted to be, just becauseit sounded interesting and I wanted something to
do, so I jumped in witha big commitment. So I'm really taking
it slowly and trying to build purposefully. I also know that, you know,
one of the reasons I moved toColorado is I love the outdoors,
and as I look back on myvolunteering experiences, particularly as an adult.
(23:26):
I really loved volunteering with through ReversePark District and getting to be at the
nature Center in North Minneapolis and workingwith different families and events and things like
that, and it was just itwas really fun. But also I really
believe in the power of getting kidsand adults outdoors and having more outdoor time.
And it's not something that I doin my day to day work at
(23:47):
all, and so I no longerterm that I would love to get connected
to a nature center here or youknow, hiking trips or we're taking you
know, middle school or high schoolkids out on you know, day hikes
or things like that. So Ihave no idea what that looks like.
I'm going to be completely honest,I can't even name an organization because I
don't know what that would be.I think as we move into summer and
(24:07):
as hopefully I get vaccinated and youknow, the things start to open back
up and opportunities become both safer andmore plentiful, that there will be a
space there for me to get involvedin that. But I think, yeah,
I think it's you know, forthose who are listening who might be
either you're new to a place,or you just haven't explored volunteering before,
(24:30):
or what you how you want toget involved, Like just start to talk
to people to see what organizations areout there in your local area, and
you know, see what aligns withyour values. I have no doubt wherever
you live that there are great websitesthat can connect you to volunteering opportunities and
just start to listen and see,like what are the needs, and it's
I think it's a really interesting wayto learn about the community that you live
(24:52):
into. I mean, the townthat I live in now is completely different
from living in Minneapolis Saint Paul.Like it's it's just it's a much smaller
town. The community is completely different. It's it's just a totally different arena.
And so I don't want to bringall of my assumptions from Minneapolis Saint
Paul and think that it's exactly thesame here, even though you know,
(25:12):
we're still in the United States andstill kind of, you know, somewhat
in the same region. It's adifferent area and I don't know what the
needs of the community are here,and so I have some learning to do.
I love that you're sort of givingyourself time and space and also being
you know, saying that you don'tneed to dive in head first. You
know, one of the things thatyou talk about in your book is about
(25:34):
redefining success. So as we talkedabout like, Okay, some of us
have this urge to volunteer because it'sthe right thing to do, and it
has to look this certain way.Can you talk about like what you know,
giving yourself the opportunity to define successfor yourself and volunteerism and sort of
how that can play out for people. It doesn't have to look the same
(25:55):
for everybody. Yeah, I completelyagree, and it's going to be different
levels of commitment showing up different atleast for some people that volunteering might just
be monetary contribution, and that's wonderful. A lot of organizations really need money,
and so you know that's lots oforganizations need money. There's nothing wrong
with that. And so there's lotsof different ways to give. And the
(26:17):
equation that I put in my bookwas that success equals desire or you know,
what you want, times being theperson that you are, times impact
and meaning. And so you know, I thought of that equation looking at
your life as a whole, becauseit's not just what do you want to
achieve and what's your five your planwhether you're looking at your your career or
your life as a whole, it'sreally looking at like what do you really
(26:38):
want? What are you? Whatdo you desire? And owning what you
actually want on a very personal level. And then the being side is who
are you? You know? Whatare you on the what is your core?
How would other people describe you?What? Who are you? And
that aligns to your values the contributionthat you want to make, and then
that impact and meaning is really whatdo you find fulfilling? Like what is
(27:02):
the what do you want your workto be for? And when I say
work, that could be anything inyour life. But what do you really
find purposeful? Where do you findmeaning? So not just happiness, but
kind of that deeper level of fulfillmentthat aligns to your values. How do
you want people to feel? Whatare their causes out there that you are
drawn to more than others. Ithink there's a lot of different ways to
look at that, but most ofus never stop and ask ourselves that question
(27:26):
of just what do I really findmeaningful and fulfilling? And when you know
what that is. From a volunteeringstandpoint, You're going to be a lot
more motivated to go. It's goingto feel more fun, it's going to
feel more purposeful and more fulfilling.When when you are there, you're going
to be more likely to raise yourhand and say, yeah, I'll step
in and do that thing or allneed that thing because you're really aligned to
(27:48):
the mission of the organization or tothe volunteer work that you are doing.
And so, you know, Ithink you can take that step back and
just ask yourself some of those reallysimple questions instead of just signing up for
the things that come in through youremail list, you know, particularly if
you want to do something that's alonger commitment, I think it's really good
to ask yourself that question and tonot worry about how other people define success.
(28:11):
I think that's a really I mean, that's a big part of my
book is connecting to your own personaldefinition. And I fully believe that when
we let go of these rules thatwe've been taught that might say this is
what you need to do in yourcareer, and this is what you need
to do for a board, andthis is what the person that you need
to be in the house that youneed to have, and when you check
all those boxes, then you area success. No. I believe that
(28:33):
when we really define success on ourown terms for our life as a whole,
that that's actually when things change becausewe are automatically going against the status
quo when we just stop and askourselves those questions, Because what the world
is telling you is success typically isthe status quo. And so when we
just take that time to look inwardfirst before acting externally, you are almost
(28:56):
automatically going to be aiding a greaterimpact and moving towards change, even if
you're not purposely like out there beinga revolutionary. It gives you that greater
opportunity to move the world in adirection that I believe it needs to move
absolutely. And those are the storiesthat I love the most, are the
(29:17):
ones from people who have truly foundthose volunteer opportunities that like align with you
know, what they want where theyare in life, and like the gratitude
and just the life changing experience ofthose opportunities. That's just you know,
what drives me to continue doing thiswork at Hands on Twin Cities because you're
like, oh my gosh, we'vefound the sweet spot for everybody, for
(29:40):
the organization, for the volunteer,and that's really a motivating, inspiring thing.
I completely agree. And actually it'sinteresting because I originally got connected through
hands on Twin Cities because I hadreached out to the organization because I was
really interested in this crossover between peopleand employee development and volunteering. So I
had reached out to several different organizationsbecause I was working for a company at
(30:02):
that time, and I wanted tosee, can we bring this into our
company, like can we do moreof this, like you know, over
this overlap between employee development and volunteering, because it felt like there was just
a huge opportunity here. And that'show I ended up getting connected to hands
on Twin Cities and then becoming aboard member was because of originally my own
passion and interest that then happened toALIGNE really well with hands on Twin Cities
(30:26):
and particularly where hands On Twin Citieshas gone since then with the high emphasis
on pro bono volunteer work and knowall the impact days that you're doing and
connecting individuals and organizations two skills basedopportunities that are out there, so it's
just been really fun to even seelike my original motivation and getting connected with
hands in Twin Cities, and howmuch more the organization has done in that
(30:48):
arena in the last several years,and it's just it's really exciting work.
Well, your leadership has definitely playeda part in it, and we're very
excited to see sort of those synergiesall come together. Heather, it's the
last question for you. So youknow this episode is kind of about finding
your why. How do you youknow, what advice do you have beyond
(31:10):
what you've already shared two people aboutfinding their why, taking the step,
getting over the hump, letting goof expectations, and taking the step to
volunteer. Well, so I firstwant to just pause and say, don't
put pressure on yourself, because Ithink there is so much pressure to find
your one why, your one passion, your mission in life as a whole,
(31:33):
and some people do find that.Some people have a mission or this
one cause or this one thing thatthey're going to be passionate about for their
entire lives. I know I personallysearched for that for probably twelve years and
kind of felt like there had tobe that one thing out there, and
if I didn't find it, thenthat was on me and I needed to
be constantly searching for that one thing. And then when I was probably in
(31:55):
my early thirties, I realized Iwas never going to find one thing because
that is just simply not my personality, Like I am not singular in anything
that I do. And so Ithink, instead of kind of flipping the
script and instead of saying, like, what's my big why, is just
saying like, what am I curiousabout? Where what aligns to what's important
(32:15):
to me? Where do I feeldrawn to? What makes me really happy
and joyful, and also what makesme really angry and upset. And some
of those questions can lead you towardsvolunteering with the right organizations, or lead
you towards a certain cause or arenathat doesn't necessarily have to be what you're
(32:35):
going to do in the volunteering spacefor the next twenty years. It might
be a place that you can contributefor six months or for a year,
or to go in and explore andthen say, okay, yeah, I've
contributed here, I've learned, andyou know, now it's time for me
to move on and do something else. A different place where I can contribute.
So I would say take the pressuredown and ask yourself some of those
(32:57):
questions is around curiosity, joy andvalues, and see where that leads you.
Because inevitably, whether we're talking aboutvolunteering or your career or a hobby
or business, once you take onestep, you're going to learn about a
lot of other things that are outthere, and that's going to open the
next door for you and show youwhere the next right step is to be.
(33:17):
So you don't have to have itall figured out at the beginning.
Just take one step at a time, explore where you're curious and see where
it leads, see what feels good, see where you can have high impact
and high contribution. Excellent advice.Well, we were so glad that your
direction led you towards Hands on TwinCities. We've grown so much as an
(33:39):
organization under your leadership. We justthank you so much, Heather for everything
that you do in the space ofhelping people overcome this imposter syndrome and feel
like they're letting go of perfection andyou know, taking these steps and applying
them within the volunteer space. Ithink it's a super helpful easily translatable way
(34:01):
to think about how do we approachvolunteerism. Absolutely, thank you so much
Tracy for having me. This hasbeen a wonderful conversation and I'm honored to
be your first podcast guest. Heatheris so energizing as we discuss there are
so many ways that you can getinvolved. Some questions that you want to
(34:22):
ask yourself are what kind of roleis most appealing to you, What kind
of time commitment do you want tomake, What kind of issue or caused
do you want to get involved in? Spend some time really thinking about your
answers to these questions. You mightbe surprised to see a pattern emerged based
on what you're reading, following,or seeking out. When you have these
(34:43):
answers in mind, head on overto hands on twin Cities dot org and
you can use the filters to searchout opportunities that align with what you're looking
for Easy Breezy. For more aboutHeather, check out the episode notes or
the details on the hands on TwinCities website. Definitely check out her book
and for Achiever's Guide to Breaking theRules, how to let go of perfect
and live your Truth. I tookso much from it, and I hope
(35:06):
you do too. Thank you somuch for listening. For more information about
Hands on Twin Cities and to followus on social media, head to our
website. Redefining Volunteerism is a productionof Matriarch Digital Media executive producer Twila Day
and producer and editor Beth Gibbs,and special thanks to Sarah Edwards, Grace
(35:30):
McAvoy and Ella Cochrane. From somegreat people, let's get out there and
be the change. Together we canbuild a more equitable and thriving community.
Hello, friends, Welcome to reada Finding Volunteerism, a podcast by hands
On Twin Cities. I'm Tracy Nielsen, the executive director of hands On Twin
Cities, and I'm your host.Today we have Heather Wealthily joining us.
(00:36):
Heather is a speaker, coach,and author of the book and Overachiever's Guide
to Breaking the Rules, How toLet Go of perfect and Live your Truth
and Overachiever Since birth, Heather haslearned to let go of the inner critic,
telling her that she always needed todo more and be more. Seeing
her own challenges in so many women, let her to facilitate webinars and workshops
(00:56):
on imposter Syndrome, overcoming perfectionism,and your own rules for success. Heather
is also the former board chair ofhands On Twin Cities and brought so much
energy, enthusiasm, and passion toour organization. But even though her term
is over, there's no getting awayfrom us. Listen in as Heather and
I talk about how to get startedas a volunteer and how our own inner
(01:18):
critic can sometimes show up even involunteerism. Hi, Heather, thank you
so much for being with us.Let's kick things off. Can you just
tell us a little bit about yourselfand your work. Absolutely, thank you
so much for having me, Tracy. I am excited to be here today.
Yeah. My official tagline is thatI am a speaker, coach,
(01:42):
and author that guides women to letgo of proving, pleasing, and perfecting.
I do that work because partly becauseI lived it myself. I am
a classic overachiever Sin's birth and reallyhave learned to let go of all of
those rules that we play in,all of those layers layering on top of
us telling us that we always needto be doing more and doing better and
go go, go, go go, and just keep pushing through. So
(02:04):
it's partly because I lived it myself, but also it's because these are the
things, the proving, the peoplepleasing, the perfectionism that I saw getting
in the way of mostly women experiencingas much joy in their lives as they
could, but also having the greatestimpact that they can in their work and
in their life as a whole,whether that's through volunteering or other aspects of
their life. And so I've beendoing this for a couple of years,
(02:27):
and prior to that, I workedin HR and leadership development roles in different
companies before starting my business. AndI also recently moved from Minnesota to Colorado,
and because I love to hike andI love the outdoors, and I'm
excited to be here exploring all thatthe state has to offer, and to
be here today having this conversation withyou. Excellent. Love the topic.
(02:49):
Definitely can relate to it as anotherfellow overatiever and somebody really concerned about trying
to get it right and perfectionism.Yes, I can relate and definitely have
already been reading Heather's book. Sothank you so much for joining us.
Heather. You know we're going totalk a little bit about the idea of
(03:12):
perfectionism and imposter syndrome within volunteerism,but maybe we can just start out since
we are hands on twin cities anda volunteer center. Can you tell us
a little bit about your own personalexperience with volunteerism throughout your life. Absolutely?
So. I think volunteering has beenin my life really since birth.
It's been a part of my familyas long as I can possibly remember.
So, my mom was a teacherin Saint Paul Public schools and she just
(03:36):
naturally was always looking for needs tofill. So even if we weren't officially
going and you know, signing upfor a four hour volunteer activity on a
Saturday afternoon, our house was frequentlyfilled with things that were for her students,
families, or just different needs,things that she was gathering from her
friends that she could pass along topeople who needed them. At Christmas time,
our entire house was filled with giftsand I would go along to deliver
(03:59):
deliver gifts to different families across theTwin Cities. And financial giving was always
a part of our family culture growingup as well, and so I just
grew up thinking that that was kindof expected and not in a bad way,
not in a weight of like,oh you have to do this,
but just a part of our familyculture. And as I grew up then
I just automatically always looked for waysto get involved in the community. So
(04:21):
whether that you know, in highschool and college that was your small volunteering
things, or maybe volunteering through mychurch. And as I got into my
twenties and thirties, it was morepurposeful volunteering of thinking about like what do
I really want to do, what'sthe impact that I want to have?
And so I volunteered. I wasa big sister through Big Brothers Big Sisters
for a couple of years and reallyenjoyed that experience of building that one on
(04:44):
one relationship with a young girl.I also volunteered a lot with three Reverse
Park District when I lived in Minnesotabecause my undergrad degree is actually in conservation
biology and I taught environmental education beforeI did the work that I'm doing right
now, so it was a reallyfun way to be able to use those
skills in a completely different capacity andbring a different passion of mind of bringing
(05:06):
the outdoors to kids into families thatI wasn't able to have in my day
to day work, but I stillso really important to me. And then
I got the opportunity to join theHands On Twin Cities board, which I'd
never been on a board before,and was able to be on that board
and really volunteer in a totally differentcapacity, which ended last year with me
(05:27):
being the board chair for hands OnTwin Cities right before I moved to Colorado.
So I see a lot of evolutionin my volunteerism throughout the years,
but I think it'll always be apart of my life because I think I
grew up that way, and it'sjust really important for me to give back
to the community and to use theskills that I have in a way that
is hopefully helpful to others. Absolutely, did you feel like your experiences in
(05:53):
childhood and youth like sort of formulatedor shaped the way that you approached it
in your twenties. I mean,you know, all of us sort of
go off to college or you know, have the experience of coming into our
own How do you how did youyou know you mentioned the tie to your
education, what were other ways thatwere sort of guiding you towards the organizations
(06:13):
that you wanted to engage in asan adult. That's a great question,
and I think for me, ona pretty selfish level, I was really
looking for what are the gaps thatof values and activities in my life that
I'm not getting from other parts ofmy life that I can get through volunteering.
So, like, I always lovedworking with kids, but I knew
I didn't want to do it formy career long term. But that's where
(06:36):
the Big Brothers Big Sisters came from. And in three Urs Park District,
I worked mostly with kids there aswell at different events and just got to
bring that really fun, playful outdoorseaside of me in a way that was
contributing where people needed volunteers in thosespaces. So it felt like a real
win win where you know, Ihad gaps in my life of like this
(06:56):
is an area that I want tobe filled up with myself, but there
were also needs out there in thecommunity for those gaps, So it felt
like a real win win. Sothat's really what I was looking for,
you know, as I was volunteering, was things that would be fun and
where I could contribute, because Ididn't want it to feel like it was
something I quote unquote had to do. I really wanted to look forward to
(07:17):
volunteering and look for you, ifI was spending four hours on the Saturday
afternoon, I wanted it to beenjoyable for me because then it would be
enjoyable for people around me as well. Absolutely, and thinking about your book
and Overachiever's Guide to Breaking the RulesHow to let go of perfect and live
your Truth, you just mentioned somethingthat I was curious. You know a
(07:39):
lot of us feel like I justhave to volunteer because it is the right
thing to do. You know,you talked a little bit about this already,
but how do we really shape ourown experiences and like get beyond that
idea of like I'm just doing thisbecause it's the right thing to do,
and all I can think of whenI volunteer is maybe going to a food
(07:59):
sell you know, Like, howdo we get beyond that and move towards
our own gratification. Yeah, it'ssuch a good question because I think to
a certain degree, it's okay ifthere's a little bit of I should be
doing this because we're all humans,we should be supporting each other and connecting
with each other. But that canlook a lot of different ways, right
(08:20):
and because you know, we bothgive and receive in that area of connection
and volunteering and support it throughout ourlives in different ways. But at the
same time, I never want anyoneto think and I don't personally believe that
volunteering is a check the box activity. And I think this can particularly come
up with I mean, you weretalking about going to a food shelf or
something like that, where it's like, yeah, okay, I better do
(08:41):
that, or because work is doingit, I better sign up. I
think it can also from an achieverperspective, really come up with board service
of like, wow, if thisis the thing I should do because it's
going to contribute to my career andyou know, put myself out there and
there's so much more to being ona board than having it look good on
your resume. And so I justthink there's you know, we can start
(09:01):
to really look at you know,what are your personal reasons for wanting to
volunteer, no matter what that volunteeringlooks like. What are the skills that
you have that you want to contributeand what do you have capacity for?
You know, I think there aretimes and places in each of our lives
where we can give more, andthere's times and places in our lives where
(09:22):
it's not the season where we cangive a lot because we just don't have
a lot to give in that moment. And I think that's okay too.
You know, I hear, asI'm working with a lot of women,
hear a lot of guilt over whatI should be doing more in every aspect
of their lives. I should justalways be doing more. I should be
giving more. I should be everythingto everyone. And if you're feeling that
(09:43):
way, your cup is going tobe drained. All of the time,
and so I think it's okay tosay in your life like this is maybe
not the season for me to beon a board, or this is not
the season for me to have aweekly volunteering commitment, and that's okay too.
So I think it's really taking thatstop of what do you enjoy,
what are your skills, what doyou have the capacity for, and then
(10:03):
of course like what does the communityneed as well? And is there an
overlap between all of those things?Absolutely, And I think you know,
many of us think that we haveto be signing up for a long term
opportunity, but there are sort ofthose operate, those chances to you know,
go for an hour or two todo something versus taking on that long
(10:24):
term two year board commitment. Um. Speaking of board commitments, so one
of one of the things I wantedto ask you about. So you know,
you had not served on a boardprior to coming to Hands on Twin
Cities, and I know that yourarea of expertise is around imposter syndrome.
Can you tell us, like,did you experience any sense of imposter syndrome?
(10:48):
And maybe we can start by definingfirst for those who don't know what
is imposter syndrome and start there affect. Yeah, we'll start there, because
I'm sure some people are probably scratchingtheir heads right now, and other people
are like, oh, yeah,I've definitely heard of that, and note
exactly what it is. But I'mguessing even if you've never heard of it
before, as soon as I describeit, you're going to say, oh,
yeah, I think I've experienced someof that in my life. So
(11:09):
to a certain degree, impastor isself explanatory. It is feeling like an
impostor, or like a fraud.It is experiencing that self doubt or insecurity
about your skills, qualifications and experiences. But here's the crux. It's even
though you are actually successful, qualified, ready to do the thing that you
want to do, and so it'sreally this internal mismatch of where you think
(11:33):
your skills, qualifications and experiences areversus where they actually are, which is
typically much higher. And it's somethingyou experience. So even though it's you
know, it has the word syndromeand it sounds like a psychological diagnosis,
it is not. For most people. It comes and goes. I do
have some people that have told me, you know how they're every single day
on my way to work, Ifeel like today is going to be the
(11:54):
day they realize I have no ideawhat I'm doing, and someone comes,
taps me on the shoulder and escortsme out the door. So there are
some people who really do experience impastorsyndrome day in and day out. For
a lot of people, though,it comes and goes around certain people or
in certain situations, like during careertransition or in a meeting, or when
you're taking out a leadership role,which we'll talk about in just a second,
(12:15):
where these situations come on and it'slike, Oh God, do I
really know enough to do this?Do I have enough of an level of
expertise to do this thing to gofor that job to be a leader?
Do I really belong here? HaveI just been fooling everyone to this point?
Have I pulled a wool over theireyes? And I just got lucky?
And it's only a matter of timebefore I'm completely found out. So
(12:35):
if you've experienced any of those kindof feelings at any point, that's really
what impastor syndrome is. A lotof it starts in our head with those
thoughts that I just experience, butthen unfortunately it does have real impact out
in the rural world as well,and so as it relates to board service
and particularly me being coming onto thehands on Twin Cities board. Tracy,
(12:56):
You're right. I'd never been ona board before, and I happily joined
the board several years ago. ThenI became the Leadership Development Committee chair,
which I felt good about that.Like my background was in HR and leadership
development, I didn't experience a wholelot of impastor syndrome around that kind of
mini leadership role. I guess youcould say committee leadership role. But then
when I was asked to take onthe board chair role, I experienced so
(13:22):
much i pastor syndrome. But Iactually said no. I wasn't a hard
note. It was more of aI will do that, but I need
another year because I am not ready. I need a year to study.
I need a year to observe what'sgoing on, to learn what this role
was, and then I will becomethe board chair. And so to a
degree that year was helpful. Idid learn. I was able to watch,
(13:46):
you know, in more detail,how meetings were run, what the
process was, how to engage people. But looking back now that I am
finished with the experience. I absolutelycould have done it the first time around,
and I was convinced in my headthat I was not right. He
did not have the skills, didnot have the qualifications, partly because I
had never been on a board beforeand partly because I think it was a
surprise to me, and so Ihadn't really been. It just hadn't been,
(14:09):
like I hadn't thought about that trajectoryfor myself and in the moment,
and so, yeah, I experiencedit so much that I said no.
And I have seen it in somany other people, and not just this
board, but other people, particularlyas it relates to board experience. And
I've heard the exact same story thatI just shared with multiple other people as
well, where either they said noor I'm not ready, or they said
(14:33):
yes but felt like they had absolutelyno idea what they were doing, and
they better prove themselves and they bettergo above and beyond to prove to everyone
that it is okay that I'm inthis role, like I actually know what
I'm doing, even though I don'tfeel like I know what I'm doing.
And so we know that this um, Yeah, it impacts a lot of
people, and you can also seeas I'm talking how this might impact your
career and other things as well.But since we're here talking about volunteerism,
(14:56):
it comes up huge and I've seenI've heard it from a lot of other
exactly directors as well, so Iknow it's not just my own personal experience
absolutely. So what are some ofthe things that sort of got you over
the hump? Like when you're havingthis experience and you're like, oh my
gosh, you know, we've beendoing a lot more work with pro bono,
so you know, this could playout in board service, it could
(15:18):
play out in pro bono work,I mean, and it could even play
out and just showing up as avolunteer in any way, how do you
sort of reel back that fear andtake the step to actually dive into these
roles that might challenge you. Yeah, So a couple of things immediately come
to mind. So one is thatyou don't need to know everything, And
(15:39):
in fact, I think that's actuallya detriment to think that you have to
know everything or to feel like you'recoming in and knowing everything or giving other
people the answers, because frequently,as volunteers We're going into an organization or
into a community where we don't knoweverything and we shouldn't know everything, and
it's not good to come in withthat that attitude of like I have to
(16:00):
know everything and I have to havethe answers. And so I think just
having some self compassion for yourself andrealizing that it's actually helpful to go in
with a learning attitude and say,yeah, I can build on the skills
that I have, but also Idon't have to know everything. I don't
have to know everything when I getstarted. I can learn from others,
I can learn as I go.And a couple of things can help you
(16:21):
with this. So one is whatI call looking for the real evidence.
So sometimes that is looking for theevidence of your actual skills, qualifications,
and experiences. And if this isreally hard for you to think of your
own skills, qualifications, and experiences. I find this especially in I think
in Minnesota, where we have thisattitude of humility, it could be very
hard to own your experiences and yourskills. You can ask for that feedback
(16:44):
from others as well, and reallygive yourself that permission to let it sink
in and say like, yeah,I am good at these things like maybe
I've never been a board chair before, but I have these other experiences and
these other skills that I can bringto the situation. So reminding your self
of your skills, your qualifications,and experiences because our brains so often we
(17:06):
are wired to be looking for wherewe have gaps, We are wired to
be looking for problems to solve,for the negative things out there. I
mean this truly that the season hasa name. It's called negativity bias.
And so when we are looking forthe positive, when we are looking for
that actual real evidence of our skills, qualifications, and experiences, then we're
just trying to balance out what thefact that our brain is swinging in the
(17:26):
other direction so naturally, and soit's actually helping us to have a more
realistic picture of what's going on.But the other part of this is reminding
yourself of other times in your careeror in your life where you also had
no idea what you were doing andyou figured it out anyway, because there's
(17:47):
going to be times when you don'tknow what you're doing. There were definitely
times as a board chair. Imean I remember leading my facilitating my first
meeting and not realizing like I didn'tfeel like I knew the right words to
say, like how do I reallytake a vote? Even though I had
notes written down in front of me. I was really nervous about some of
those little kind of more procedural things, But how do I do this?
(18:07):
And I didn't completely know what Iwas doing? And that was okay.
I figured it out along the way, And so those things can be really
helpful in just in helping you tomove forward with your own imposter syndrome,
and honestly, even just naming thefact that you are experiencing impostor syndrome can
be very helpful. The other thingthat I'll say to this is just in
general, when you're experiencing doubt asa whole or imposter syndrome, is having
(18:30):
something that you can do to releaseit. And so for me, like
dancing, writing, going for ahike, doing something that gets me both
centered and calm, but a physicalrelease of some of that energy, anxiety,
emotion that I am feeling to getout there to clear your head so
that you can have a more justa more clear headed approach to what you're
(18:52):
what you're doing, giving yourself tothe space to sort of process those exactly.
Yeah, absolutely, a question aboutsort of how we balance what's going
on inside with that, As yousaid, the community needs so you know,
obviously we want to enter our volunteeropportunities with confidence and things, but
(19:14):
also we might be entering community oran organization or an issue area where we
don't have that area of expertise.Sort Of what's your recommendation about sort of
striking the balance between overcoming fear andentering opportunities with confidence while still like having
sort of the humility to approach youknow, community and organizations in a way
(19:38):
that's really productive for both sides.Yeah, I mean, I think this
is something I've thought a lot about, and I don't know that I have
the quote unquote right answers here,but I think, particularly as a white
woman, it's something I think about, you know, as I'm volunteering with
different organizations or different communities, Like, I don't know, there's a lot
I don't know, There's just alot I don't know. But I can
(20:00):
still show up and ask questions andknow that I don't know and not make
that assumption that I would know what'sright for someone else or you know,
anything in that like I can bring, I can be confident in my own
skills and know that there's still alot I don't know, and that asking
questions, that humility, that thatfeeling of like I releasing yourself from that
(20:22):
pressure of having to have the answers. I think is just a helpful thing
to start out with, particularly ifyou are working with volunteering in a community
that's not the community that you arefamiliar with or that you grew up in,
or even which was an organization thatyou aren't familiar with or or you
know intimately familiar with at that pointwhen you start out, And so I
think it is you know, it'slooking for those community needs, but also
(20:47):
that that balance, like you canbe confident and know that you don't know
everything. I actually think that's asign of confidence is knowing what you are
good at and knowing what you're not. Like imposter syndrome or trying to overcome
in pastor syndrome, is not aboutthinking you're good and everything that's not.
It's more of leaning into an accurateassessment of what you are actually good at
(21:07):
and the skills and qualifications that youcan bring. The other thing that I
would say on that around. Lookingfor community needs is just looking for what's
out there. Like, there's alot of needs already out there. So
whether that's on the hands on TwinCities website or what you're hearing, the
needs that you're hearing from friends thatare on boards or who are in volunteering
with different organizations. You don't haveto create something of your own, Like,
(21:29):
there are a lot of needs alreadyout there that need to be filled
and you can step into them andlend your skills and your experiences to that.
Absolutely. So you mentioned earlier aboutthe idea that you have moved from
Minnesota to Colorado, and I'm curious, so you're kind of starting over right
now, although you know we haven'tlet you go far, but you know,
(21:52):
when you enter a new community,for those who maybe haven't been involved
yet or this is kind of theirfresh point, like, what are some
of the approaches that you're taking ina new community to thinking about how you're
going to engage and where to beginin your journey. Yeah. Well,
I'll first say, in case peopleare listening to this much later, we
(22:14):
are recording this when we are stillin the depths of COVID moving towards the
light at the end of the tunnelwith that, but I will say that
that's definitely gotten in the way ofbuilding community in general as I've moved here
several months ago. But I willalso say that I am it's not really
an answer to a question, I'mgoing to answer it in a different way,
and that I know in my lifeI have had a tendency to jump
(22:37):
in head first and get really involvedreally quickly, whether that is with you
volunteering or a spiritual community, oreven just friend commitments and things like that.
And I'm really purposely trying to dothat slowly as I move here and
to build build what I want mylife to be on purpose, and not
get into a commitment that ends upfeeling overwhelming or ends up being something that
(23:03):
you know, maybe I'm not asaligned to the organization with my values as
I wanted to be, just becauseit sounded interesting and I wanted something to
do, so I jumped in witha big commitment. So I'm really taking
it slowly and trying to build purposefully. I also know that, you know,
one of the reasons I moved toColorado is I love the outdoors,
and as I look back on myvolunteering experiences, particularly as an adult.
(23:26):
I really loved volunteering with through ReversePark District and getting to be at the
nature Center in North Minneapolis and workingwith different families and events and things like
that, and it was just itwas really fun. But also I really
believe in the power of getting kidsand adults outdoors and having more outdoor time.
And it's not something that I doin my day to day work at
(23:47):
all, and so I no longerterm that I would love to get connected
to a nature center here or youknow, hiking trips or we're taking you
know, middle school or high schoolkids out on you know, day hikes
or things like that. So Ihave no idea what that looks like.
I'm going to be completely honest,I can't even name an organization because I
don't know what that would be.I think as we move into summer and
(24:07):
as hopefully I get vaccinated and youknow, the things start to open back
up and opportunities become both safer andmore plentiful, that there will be a
space there for me to get involvedin that. But I think, yeah,
I think it's you know, forthose who are listening who might be
either you're new to a place,or you just haven't explored volunteering before,
(24:30):
or what you how you want toget involved, Like just start to talk
to people to see what organizations areout there in your local area, and
you know, see what aligns withyour values. I have no doubt wherever
you live that there are great websitesthat can connect you to volunteering opportunities and
just start to listen and see,like what are the needs, and it's
I think it's a really interesting wayto learn about the community that you live
(24:52):
into. I mean, the townthat I live in now is completely different
from living in Minneapolis Saint Paul.Like it's it's just it's a much smaller
town. The community is completely different. It's it's just a totally different arena.
And so I don't want to bringall of my assumptions from Minneapolis Saint
Paul and think that it's exactly thesame here, even though you know,
(25:12):
we're still in the United States andstill kind of, you know, somewhat
in the same region. It's adifferent area and I don't know what the
needs of the community are here,and so I have some learning to do.
I love that you're sort of givingyourself time and space and also being
you know, saying that you don'tneed to dive in head first. You
know, one of the things thatyou talk about in your book is about
(25:34):
redefining success. So as we talkedabout like, Okay, some of us
have this urge to volunteer because it'sthe right thing to do, and it
has to look this certain way.Can you talk about like what you know,
giving yourself the opportunity to define successfor yourself and volunteerism and sort of
how that can play out for people. It doesn't have to look the same
(25:55):
for everybody. Yeah, I completelyagree, and it's going to be different
levels of commitment showing up different atleast for some people that volunteering might just
be monetary contribution, and that's wonderful. A lot of organizations really need money,
and so you know that's lots oforganizations need money. There's nothing wrong
with that. And so there's lotsof different ways to give. And the
(26:17):
equation that I put in my bookwas that success equals desire or you know,
what you want, times being theperson that you are, times impact
and meaning. And so you know, I thought of that equation looking at
your life as a whole, becauseit's not just what do you want to
achieve and what's your five your planwhether you're looking at your your career or
your life as a whole, it'sreally looking at like what do you really
(26:38):
want? What are you? Whatdo you desire? And owning what you
actually want on a very personal level. And then the being side is who
are you? You know? Whatare you on the what is your core?
How would other people describe you?What? Who are you? And
that aligns to your values the contributionthat you want to make, and then
that impact and meaning is really whatdo you find fulfilling? Like what is
(27:02):
the what do you want your workto be for? And when I say
work, that could be anything inyour life. But what do you really
find purposeful? Where do you findmeaning? So not just happiness, but
kind of that deeper level of fulfillmentthat aligns to your values. How do
you want people to feel? Whatare their causes out there that you are
drawn to more than others. Ithink there's a lot of different ways to
look at that, but most ofus never stop and ask ourselves that question
(27:26):
of just what do I really findmeaningful and fulfilling? And when you know
what that is. From a volunteeringstandpoint, You're going to be a lot
more motivated to go. It's goingto feel more fun, it's going to
feel more purposeful and more fulfilling.When when you are there, you're going
to be more likely to raise yourhand and say, yeah, I'll step
in and do that thing or allneed that thing because you're really aligned to
(27:48):
the mission of the organization or tothe volunteer work that you are doing.
And so, you know, Ithink you can take that step back and
just ask yourself some of those reallysimple questions instead of just signing up for
the things that come in through youremail list, you know, particularly if
you want to do something that's alonger commitment, I think it's really good
to ask yourself that question and tonot worry about how other people define success.
(28:11):
I think that's a really I mean, that's a big part of my
book is connecting to your own personaldefinition. And I fully believe that when
we let go of these rules thatwe've been taught that might say this is
what you need to do in yourcareer, and this is what you need
to do for a board, andthis is what the person that you need
to be in the house that youneed to have, and when you check
all those boxes, then you area success. No. I believe that
(28:33):
when we really define success on ourown terms for our life as a whole,
that that's actually when things change becausewe are automatically going against the status
quo when we just stop and askourselves those questions, Because what the world
is telling you is success typically isthe status quo. And so when we
just take that time to look inwardfirst before acting externally, you are almost
(28:56):
automatically going to be aiding a greaterimpact and moving towards change, even if
you're not purposely like out there beinga revolutionary. It gives you that greater
opportunity to move the world in adirection that I believe it needs to move
absolutely. And those are the storiesthat I love the most, are the
(29:17):
ones from people who have truly foundthose volunteer opportunities that like align with you
know, what they want where theyare in life, and like the gratitude
and just the life changing experience ofthose opportunities. That's just you know,
what drives me to continue doing thiswork at Hands on Twin Cities because you're
like, oh my gosh, we'vefound the sweet spot for everybody, for
(29:40):
the organization, for the volunteer,and that's really a motivating, inspiring thing.
I completely agree. And actually it'sinteresting because I originally got connected through
hands on Twin Cities because I hadreached out to the organization because I was
really interested in this crossover between peopleand employee development and volunteering. So I
had reached out to several different organizationsbecause I was working for a company at
(30:02):
that time, and I wanted tosee, can we bring this into our
company, like can we do moreof this, like you know, over
this overlap between employee development and volunteering, because it felt like there was just
a huge opportunity here. And that'show I ended up getting connected to hands
on Twin Cities and then becoming aboard member was because of originally my own
passion and interest that then happened toALIGNE really well with hands on Twin Cities
(30:26):
and particularly where hands On Twin Citieshas gone since then with the high emphasis
on pro bono volunteer work and knowall the impact days that you're doing and
connecting individuals and organizations two skills basedopportunities that are out there, so it's
just been really fun to even seelike my original motivation and getting connected with
hands in Twin Cities, and howmuch more the organization has done in that
(30:48):
arena in the last several years,and it's just it's really exciting work.
Well, your leadership has definitely playeda part in it, and we're very
excited to see sort of those synergiesall come together. Heather, it's the
last question for you. So youknow this episode is kind of about finding
your why. How do you youknow, what advice do you have beyond
(31:10):
what you've already shared two people aboutfinding their why, taking the step,
getting over the hump, letting goof expectations, and taking the step to
volunteer. Well, so I firstwant to just pause and say, don't
put pressure on yourself, because Ithink there is so much pressure to find
your one why, your one passion, your mission in life as a whole,
(31:33):
and some people do find that.Some people have a mission or this
one cause or this one thing thatthey're going to be passionate about for their
entire lives. I know I personallysearched for that for probably twelve years and
kind of felt like there had tobe that one thing out there, and
if I didn't find it, thenthat was on me and I needed to
be constantly searching for that one thing. And then when I was probably in
(31:55):
my early thirties, I realized Iwas never going to find one thing because
that is just simply not my personality, Like I am not singular in anything
that I do. And so Ithink, instead of kind of flipping the
script and instead of saying, like, what's my big why, is just
saying like, what am I curiousabout? Where what aligns to what's important
(32:15):
to me? Where do I feeldrawn to? What makes me really happy
and joyful, and also what makesme really angry and upset. And some
of those questions can lead you towardsvolunteering with the right organizations, or lead
you towards a certain cause or arenathat doesn't necessarily have to be what you're
(32:35):
going to do in the volunteering spacefor the next twenty years. It might
be a place that you can contributefor six months or for a year,
or to go in and explore andthen say, okay, yeah, I've
contributed here, I've learned, andyou know, now it's time for me
to move on and do something else. A different place where I can contribute.
So I would say take the pressuredown and ask yourself some of those
(32:57):
questions is around curiosity, joy andvalues, and see where that leads you.
Because inevitably, whether we're talking aboutvolunteering or your career or a hobby
or business, once you take onestep, you're going to learn about a
lot of other things that are outthere, and that's going to open the
next door for you and show youwhere the next right step is to be.
(33:17):
So you don't have to have itall figured out at the beginning.
Just take one step at a time, explore where you're curious and see where
it leads, see what feels good, see where you can have high impact
and high contribution. Excellent advice.Well, we were so glad that your
direction led you towards Hands on TwinCities. We've grown so much as an
(33:39):
organization under your leadership. We justthank you so much, Heather for everything
that you do in the space ofhelping people overcome this imposter syndrome and feel
like they're letting go of perfection andyou know, taking these steps and applying
them within the volunteer space. Ithink it's a super helpful easily translatable way
(34:01):
to think about how do we approachvolunteerism. Absolutely, thank you so much
Tracy for having me. This hasbeen a wonderful conversation and I'm honored to
be your first podcast guest. Heatheris so energizing as we discuss there are
so many ways that you can getinvolved. Some questions that you want to
(34:22):
ask yourself are what kind of roleis most appealing to you, What kind
of time commitment do you want tomake, What kind of issue or caused
do you want to get involved in? Spend some time really thinking about your
answers to these questions. You mightbe surprised to see a pattern emerged based
on what you're reading, following,or seeking out. When you have these
(34:43):
answers in mind, head on overto hands on twin Cities dot org and
you can use the filters to searchout opportunities that align with what you're looking
for Easy Breezy. For more aboutHeather, check out the episode notes or
the details on the hands on TwinCities website. Definitely check out her book
and for Achiever's Guide to Breaking theRules, how to let go of perfect
and live your Truth. I tookso much from it, and I hope
(35:06):
you do too. Thank you somuch for listening. For more information about
Hands on Twin Cities and to followus on social media, head to our
website. Redefining Volunteerism is a productionof Matriarch Digital Media executive producer Twila Day
and producer and editor Beth Gibbs,and special thanks to Sarah Edwards, Grace
(35:30):
McAvoy and Ella Cochrane. From somegreat people, let's get out there and
be the change. Together we canbuild a more equitable and thriving community.
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